Reacting to Your Craziest Secrets 01:27:29

I re-listened back on last episode to see if you could hear me spitting off the cap of my drink and you couldn't. Aw, boo. It wasn't even that good. I was like, fuck. Yeah.

Anyways, hello guys. I'm Taylor. I'm Sam. And welcome to another episode of the One Thing About Us podcast, formerly F Word podcast. We were branded like last month. Keep up. If you didn't know, you need to follow our Instagram. Our Instagram is popping off. Sam is just meme creator extraordinaire. Dude, it's so much fun. I just crack up in my cell phone. I'm on my computer. I'm like giggling in Photoshop. I'm like, but can I say one thing? Yeah. Will you zip your fly up? Yeah.

I'm going to be staring that out that all episode. I just went pee. That makes sense. Just went pee and I came in here kind of fast. Yeah. Did you wash your hands? No. Neither do I. Come on. Anyways, yeah. We're not that nasty, okay guys? We're not that nasty. I'm going to wash my hands in my own house. Yeah. Yeah. Stick my hands like all up in there. Yeah. Now that I'm realizing it, guys, today's episode we are going to be talking about...

Big, deep secrets that you guys keep from everyone else. But you wanted to submit to us anonymously. Fuck, I can't say that word. Anonymously. Anonymously. Anonymously. I'm not even going to try it again. Anyways, I realize I don't have my laptop up here. So once we do that segment... I was just going to ask you where your laptop is. That's why I said it. Because I was like, fuck, during the segment, when we go in, I'll sprint downstairs and get it. But right now, we don't need it. Okay. So...

Well, we had separate weekends. Yes. So we have like a lot to talk about. Haven't really talked about much. I'm excited for this episode to be over so we can just like talk. It's like silent on podcast days. And thanks for your patience on getting this up. It's probably going to be up later on a Wednesday than normal. But...

Excited to be here. It's been a long weekend apart, so I feel like we just gotta get started. Yeah. You left on what? Friday? Friday. Yeah. Thursday, obviously. I was supposed to have kickball on Thursday. What about your one thing about you? Oh, fuck. Oh my god, I got so excited into the weekend because I want to talk about it. Alright, one thing about me, which I literally was just about to answer this to Taylor, which I'm happy I didn't because...

Like this is a part of my one thing about me. But one thing about me is that my girl math is credit cards. Like I know this is a girl and guy thing, but you know, because girl, girl math is trending. Like that is one thing I realized is like, I literally could not remember the last time I've used cash to purchase anything. It's always credit cards, credit cards, credit cards. I like five different credit cards. And this is just your sign. If you're listening to this right now,

Do a deeper dive into credit cards and learn more about it. I'm not fucking educated enough to sit here and teach you for an hour on how to use a credit card. You can listen to podcasts. You can go onto literally their websites. But just know that I just discovered, because I'm a dumbass and thought that

With your credit cards, so I have the Platinum and Gold Amex, you get like Uber Cash. So I thought like, oh, if I have my cards in my Apple Pay and I'm just using my Apple Pay for my Ubers, that it would work that way. No, you have to actually like input your card into the Uber app. And this entire time I've been missing out on $25 that can go into my Uber account and

And now that I set up my Uber account with my cards in it, not just through Apple Pay, I'm now getting $25 of Uber credit. I need to figure out my freaking credit card. No, yeah. Like I'll sit down and like talk to you about this separately. But I just want to put this out there for everyone listening. Like one thing about me is I'm a credit card girl and I'm going to literally travel somewhere hopefully next year for like completely free because I'm taking it to the next level.

I was kind of going through it, just whatever, aimlessly just purchasing things on random cards. But now I know what card needs to be used to purchase what, and I just spent the last...

three to four hours reconnecting every single account I have where I spend online money, whether it's like Amazon, my travel stuff, like my online accounts for like Princess Polly, just like random shit and like putting each card into each account so that way I do not fuck it up. Wow. Yeah. Cool. I know. That's really dope. Yeah, I know. We're going to get the fucking points going left and right. Money stresses me out like so bad for no like real reason.

Well, obviously reason money is stressful. Like money is stressful, but like, oh, like money, like she's like, not my thing. Hence why I almost failed accounting. Like, and like, I'm really good at math. I fucking love numbers, money numbers, all of my love for math and numbers goes into

Yeah, but this is... So out the window. Credit card is something where it doesn't really affect having to look at your bank account. It's more like the benefits that you're getting. So it's kind of fun. Because I'm the same way with you. I don't like looking at my bank account. We literally talked about this recently on the pod. We don't like looking at our bank accounts. But when you're doing your credit card, it's more of like... It's like a game. You get to see what benefits you get from purchasing what. For example, with the gold card I just got, I get $150 worth of credit to Shake Shack and...

cheesecake factory and to me in my brain i'm like that's free cheesecake like i can go yeah but you have to pay the annual fee yeah but like there's just enough benefits on those cards where that fee doesn't even matter right like i think the fee is like 250 dollars and i get all these crazy benefits it's like it yeah it outweighs it if you guys want real advice like not that you're not giving real advice if you want like deep deep real advice like

the the full rundown um and i'm putting this out there for me to like take my own fucking advice the points guy tpg go to him i think he has a podcast he was on the skinny confidential one time go to the points guy brian kelly like he has all the information on credit cards specifically around flying but literally just credit card points like the points guy has that shit figured out like if you want a resource to

get that shit figured out he has like i would love though to do like an episode that's like the dumbed down version for like girls like us like i know i'm not like gonna be explaining it in the actual we could probably have someone on yeah like that could do a good job down because i've listened to his podcast before and i'm not gonna lie like they're kind of confusing because he talks about so many different credit cards i'm like just tell me which one credit card i should have when he was on the skinny confidential i think it was him on the skinny confidential

i'm pretty sure what he was in one interview where they did it very very um simply and they had another finance guy that did it very simply but um that'd be cool to have someone on that could like still make sure we're saying like correct like yeah like give us like the right information yeah but like dumb downside yeah i know money money's hard adulting is hard yeah um my one thing about me i kind of have two uh one thing about me number one is that like

My like family is just like the most important thing to me in my life. And that's something I just like realized when I got older. I don't know. Like I just like really enjoy spending time with my family. I love being around my family. I feel like I need to go live with my family at some point again, like in my life. Like I just like,

realize that about myself that I just am so close to my family and it's so important to me like I'm so excited to go back home again like just being home with like all my siblings like my nieces and my nephews and like obviously my parents and stuff but it's just like my favorite thing in the whole entire world like it like really like recharges me I don't know and it's like the most downtime like I really like unplug like I didn't even have a phone charger because my dumb ass forgot that I plugged the whole cube into the plane and

And I didn't take my cube out of the thing. And then it's one of those new... Yeah, the new ones you keep plugging in the wall. I don't have extra little cubes of the new USB laying around. You know USB cubes? Yeah, I hear Apple did that. But I don't have extra cubes like that laying around. So I didn't even have my own phone charger. I had to use my boyfriend's or the family one on the couch every now and then. So I wasn't even fully charging my phone every day. I was just so...

fucking unplugged and just like recharging and i loved it the second one thing about me is that if you live and one thing about me is that i'm really fucking busy and i'm super overwhelmed so if you live in austin texas preferably like over 18 years old and want a very part-time job and would love to get experience helping out influencer girlies with things they have to do damn man instagram

work something out that'd be sick i need someone a few hours a week nothing crazy like nothing crazy at all would you want them in person yes because i would want to say i would want to meet up this is like what what it would entail i obviously work i have a full-time job now and it's like very very very time consuming and takes a lot of my energy and there's a lot of things that i need to do more on social media that i just can't fucking do it so i'm

I can't fucking do it without working till like midnight every night. Like, you know, and I don't want to work till midnight every night and I just can't like I will literally crumble.

A few hours a week, like meet up in person. I need just help with like linking things on my stories, like description box of YouTube videos, like updating the link in my bio, putting all of my collabs on my calendar and helping me take photos and videos when I have to do branded stuff. That's it. Because I need, I need help. I'm just a girl and I'm struggling. I was texting my manager about it and she was like, you're like down bad. And I want to put more effort into like this. Like I want to have more time to like,

Now there's like all those AI things that we can cut a podcast clips, but like, yeah, we need to get that putting more effort like into the podcast. Like I just need fucking help because I'm busy as fuck. Like our, my work is really, really busy right now. So if you live in Austin, Texas over 18, want like a little quick,

It's like not it would not be a full time job nearly at all. DM me on Instagram. Yeah. Hit her up. And then maybe every now and then like I can also hang out with you and like. Yeah. Like I would literally like be working my full time job and I'd want to come and like co-work. Yeah. I can like tell you things to do and we can just work. Yeah. Like you can like do little tasks.

And it would be really great experience. Like if you want to get into marketing or influencer marketing or blah, blah, blah, like you would learn a lot of how that stuff works. So it could be really beneficial experience to put on a resume that you were like, I would like be a great reference. I would tell everyone that you were the greatest of all time. Yeah, there we go. I would too. You weren't even working for me. Yeah, I would hook you up big time. I was like, oh my God, she did everything. Like I would,

Don't worry. I would like really like if you were trying to get a real marketing job, like I would really, really hype you up. There we go.

All righty. On to our favorites of the week. My favorite of the week is I got a lymphatic drainage massage. Oh, my God. I was so jealous. Dude, it was so nice. I felt so snatched for the whole weekend. Oh, I was so jealous. I feel so unsnatched because my third one thing about me, I ate like shit on the weekend. Yes. So I need that. So there's this one girl on Instagram that I've been following literally since the OG days. Like if you went back to when I made my account in like 2020, like she was one of the first girls I followed. Kylie Miller. She like...

is now married to like this NHL player, like just like lives the life. And like, I love her. She's so like, so cool.

And she gets a lymphatic drainage massage every month. And she talks about all the benefits for it. I'm like, you know what? I'm going to hop on this train. So last week I went and got one on Friday. And literally, I'm not even kidding. I walked out of there feeling like, you know, the moment right after your period when you're like so snatched, so skinny, like morning skin. Oh, I felt so good. It felt great. Because something we do is like when we're a little bloated, like you kind of give yourself like a

Dude, I had to do that when I was constipated, bro. You can kind of give yourself a little lymphatic drainage massage and it's like so half-assed. Like, what do we know we're doing? And even those make me feel so much. So like, I can't imagine a professional. Dude, yeah. I told her, I was like, she's like, so why are you in here? I'm like, I was constipated for two weeks. And she's like, oh,

I was like, yeah, I just want to make sure everything's, like, out of there. She was like, so really focus on the stomach. I'm like, please do, like, get that shit out. Some people say that right after they leave lymphatic drainage massages, they, like, really have to pee and really have to go to the bathroom. I can't remember. Mine was, like, at 3 p.m., so, I mean, I probably, like...

If maybe it was earlier in the day, I don't know. But I mean, it was great. I love it. I'm going to do it once a month. And I have this membership at the spa. And I get one free 50 minutes. Well, not free because I'm paying for the membership. But it's so much more discounted than it would be if I was going to like

Just pay for one every single time. How much is a membership do you mind if I ask? $100. Oh. Yeah. And you get... Oh, sign me up. What the fuck? Yeah. Wait, that's like nothing. I know. And you get like other benefits with the membership. Like you can get like cheaper upgrades and like if you wanted to do two services in the month, then you can get like discounted. I don't even fucking know. But so I got the membership. So that way I'm going to do that along with adding on probably like a dermaplaning like

Face shave onto it. Yeah, I think I'm going to start adding when I go get facials. I'm not going to go for, like, a little bit just to give my pockets a break. But I think I'm going to add on. They do, like, the buccal massage where it's basically, like, lymphatic drainage on your draw. I tried that. I didn't like it. You didn't like it? I didn't think it did anything. I tried that once. I feel... So, like, I have, like, always, like...

This is just my little insecurity. Like, I don't need, like, your sympathy. Like, you don't have to DM me and tell me I don't have it. This is just my own little insecurity. Like, I'm, like, so puffy under here. Like, I, like, always have double chin. Dude, you should... You should try... I literally just did this on Saturday. Oh, your little laser thingy. Yeah, the laser, um...

Fuck, what is it called? Skin tightening. It's literally called skin tightening, but it's literally a laser that's hitting you and reproducing and speeding up the production of collagen, and it tightens up your skin. And it's just like laser hair removal where you have to go every six to eight weeks, and you'll start to notice the result after the third visit. So it's like you go the first time, you're not going to notice right away, but it's one of those things where it's a consistent laser hair removal process.

Same vibe. Yeah. You should try that out though. Like I feel like I just need to do cardio. No, it's not fat. It's not like loose skin. It's like fat. I feel. It would just, it like tightens kind of like a lymphatic drainage where it just like tightens you up. Yeah. And I would give it a try. I also want one of those. I got it from my mom. Like they have like the little like, um, electro. They're like the little thing you glide on your face and they like shock you kind of. Oh, I know what you're talking about. Yeah. I kind of want to get one of those. I feel like it's probably similar in function. Yeah. It's like something kind of semi zapping you.

I don't know. I don't know. I just want to like do shit to my face. But like I'm kind of I want to start doing more like cool body spa stuff. Yeah you should join the spa that I go to. Yeah that's really cheap. You can change every like every month you can do a different service or a different add on with like the service you do. I'm with it. Yeah.

So what's your favorite of the week? My favorite is just like a movie wreck that like everyone has seen. But if you haven't seen it recently, throw it on. Watch it before you go to bed. Friends with Benefits with Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake. Such a good movie. I watched it like two nights, just fell asleep to it when I was home. Incredible movie. Probably up there in one of my favorite movies. Like, I don't know why. I just freaking loved it. So if you're looking like Girls Night, you're trying to sit in and watch a rom-com, haven't seen that movie in a long time, or if you've never seen it, which I don't know how you have it. It's very old.

Freaking great movie. I literally was just obsessed. Like the nights that we didn't watch football to go to bed, I watched that movie. And I freaking loved it. I barely got that into it without falling asleep. Like I didn't even finish it in the two days because I fell asleep so fast. But it's just a great movie. And that's my rec. I'm going to give a TV show rec because might as well throw it in there. Who is Aaron Carter? It's on Netflix. It's like trending right now. But there's only seven episodes in the whole entire season. So good. I just finished it. Backstreet Boys? Yeah.

What? Who is Aaron Carter? No, it's like a crime thriller thing. I started with my boyfriend and then he never really got into it on that first episode, but then I finished it by myself. Oh, yeah. Cool. Very good.

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Oh, shit. Oh, I said we can call it this just in. Yeah, this just in. We all know right now it is trending the Roman Empire theory on TikTok. Did you ask your boyfriend? Yes, and he goes, is this not TikTok? And I was like, fuck.

like fuck because i really want he doesn't have tiktok did you wait too long to ask it was really like one of the see reels used to take a while to get the tiktok trend yeah and now they go to reels really quickly fuck like and he doesn't have tiktok so i was like oh my god he's for sure never seen this he'll have no idea what i'm talking about he's like is this from tiktok he said like like at least probably once a month okay my boyfriend said like every other day yeah

but was he kidding no like he was being dead ass that's crazy it's so bizarre like i've i've kid you not i've never thought about that never in my life never in my life and you know what i was thinking is like what is the girl version of this i've seen so many tiktoks about this and none of them make sense to me at least for me one other thing is really funny is getting sexually assaulted and murdered i do think about that every day

Yeah, that too. This girl was like getting sexually assaulted and murdered. And I was like, then I asked her, how many times do you think about getting sexually assaulted and murdered? She was like, never. I'm like, I think about it maybe five times a day. When I go to sleep, always. If I'm alone in the house, always. If I'm alone in a parking lot,

Every single time. Sleeping at night alone, locking your bedroom door, your house door, the alarm goes on. 100% all the time thinking about, oh, on my morning walk, always. So I'm like, that's a girl version. Another one, which I don't know if you really relate to, but another one I see going around is just like dance moms. My version of the Roman Empire is dance moms. You think about the dance moms more than once a week? I think about a dance mom's reference every...

multiple times a day. Dude, I just, the thing is like, I don't really think I have like random thoughts in my brain. Like the other day, my boyfriend was like staring at me. He actually does this quite a bit. He'll just stare at me and be like, what are you thinking about? And then I'm like,

Then I have to think to myself, I'm like, what do I say to him right now? Because I was, I wasn't, I got, there was nothing. I was like, I'll just zone out and just like stare at something, but not think about anything. And then he'll ask me, he's like, what are you thinking about? And I'm like, uh, there's nothing that I'm thinking about. And I realized it. Okay. You don't do that. Just blank. Yeah. Maybe you could just say you're meditating.

Yeah, facts. I don't know. The thing is, girls are so different, and I feel like boys are the same. There are only a few types of men that are different, and for the most part, men are literally all the same. I feel like girls have so many different interests depending on the girl. I just can't think of something that I've thought about every single day. I genuinely think I think about dance moms every single day. Mine... I don't think there's a day that goes by where I don't

Like think of it like a dance mom reference. Yeah. I don't have one. Also Glee if there's a song playing and it was on Glee. Those are mine. Yeah. I'll have to get back to you guys next episode and if I can figure out one of one for myself but I don't have one. Yeah. Um.

So because the hot topic sometimes is very hard to think of things, I went on to CNN and I found this like really interesting. So I just wanted to talk about this for two seconds. There was an article that they said, do you record at concerts or stay in the moment? And it said that 78% of adults say they put their phones away. And I just want to talk.

Really? You think it's a lie? 80% of people don't record. Have you ever seen a video of a concert? No, I know. Okay. So I just want my input on this is I cannot stand the people that upload the entire concert onto social media. Yeah. Like you can record it all you want.

But just maybe post one song that you liked. Like keep the rest in your camera roll. I literally don't care about the concert you were at. And I don't want to hear you singing. No, neither do I. Or like the phone aggressively shaking too. Like she's jumping up and down like, oh my God, Drake. Yeah, I 100% agree. I've learned that I don't like filming at concerts that much unless it's like a song. Yeah, me too. That I want a little clip of because I don't have the phone storage for that and I'm not going to watch them.

I'm not going to watch them. I would rather record myself singing, record a special moment that I like, which is why I'm so happy. I'm going to Luke Combs twice in May. So one night, I'm literally not taking my phone out of my pocket. Yeah, whatever my favorite song is by that artist, maybe three songs max. But not the whole song. The chorus. A little. The chorus. And I'm hoping at Luke Combs because I'm going to be having the most fun in the stadium. I can bet.

bet my life on that i'll be having the most fun i hope someone around me is like oh my god that girl's having so much fun and like films me like do you ever see on tiktok people jayler swift that'll film like somebody else like a mother and daughter having a cute moment like they'll film it because like they notice it and it'll like get back to them and i'm like yep someone please kind of like the romper stomper right but a little bit more um look at this

Yeah, a little bit more heartfelt. Like, I hope someone sees me and is like, oh my god, like, this girl's gonna want this video of her having so much fun at this concert and videotape it. Yeah, I hope that for you. I really hope. But like, yeah, like, one night I'm not even gonna bring out my phone because I'm not gonna watch the videos. Yeah. I'm literally not gonna watch the videos. When I went to Carrie Underwood, I took a video of me and my mom, like, singing. I like that video. It's a video of us. I never watch the videos of the concert. No, neither would I. I feel like you just gotta post something to prove that you went. Yeah. Yeah.

But I can't get by the people on three-minute-long snap stories of a whole concert. Yeah, and your singing is not cute. Get it off. It's the worst when it's a boy. I was running through the sticks with my woes.

okay that's for girls yeah literally oh i got a new ick what is it this is so like on that because that's icky it just made me think of my new ick standing in the airport metal detector with like your feet spread and your arms up oh god isn't that a good one yeah i don't want to have to watch my boyfriend do that next week i i wasn't even my boyfriend that i saw i'd like there was like just an older man in front of me because he was behind me that did it and i was just like

I was like, wait. And then I was like embarrassed to do it. Like I was like, wait, don't like watch me in the metal detector. Oh goodness. No. New ick is men. Or honestly girls do. Like you're just icky like barefoot. Yeah. Ew. Well not barefoot, socks. Like in the airport metal detector. Yeah, I was going to say, who goes barefoot? In the airport metal detector getting a pat down, you know? Oh my God. You know what would be so scary is if like when I travel with my boyfriend next week, he wears flip flops or something. Yeah.

If he doesn't wear socks to the airport. Oh, my God. I'm, like, freaking out and thinking about it. Yeah. I'm going to have to wake up in the morning when we're about to leave for the airport. Like, what shoes are you wearing? Yeah.

Socks with sneakers? Good. Yeah, so I just want to throw that out there even though it's totally unrelated. I hope just if you guys are going on a trip with your boyfriend, sorry if I just ruined it. Yeah. This is so random and not really like on the hot gossip like type thing, but I wanted to talk about this because I've gone to casting call like DMs for Love is Blind here in Austin, Texas. Can you please fucking do it? No. Sam, I'll pay you. No. But...

I wanted to ask you, would you ever do that? Okay, hear me out. If you guys ever see me on one of these fuck ass shows. Love is Blind or Merit at First Sight. Both of them. Same category. Okay. If you ever see me on one of those shows, not Love Island or something cute, because then that's like, if you ever see me on one of these delusional ass shows, I'm doing it for the plot of my life, for the clout.

for the experience and no way in fucking hell do I think I want to marry this person and no way in fucking hell. Like, I could see myself being like, wait, like, oh, and love is blind, like, literally to fuck around, like, literally to fuck around. Like,

If I look like I hope I like pretend like I'm taking it seriously like you guys will watch and know like I am not being for real. Like I'm being so unserious. Like if I got married at first sight like we're kidding. Like it's it's it's a bit. I just like don't think I could ever do it. Even for the plot.

I feel like I could. And I feel like I'd feel mean. Yeah. But, like, you're telling me everyone. You're going to be fucking with people's emotions. You're telling me everyone else there isn't doing it for the social media followers? Oh, I know. Come on. I know. Especially, what was the guy that lives in Dallas that just did it recently? Oh, my God. What was his fucking name? I can't remember. But I'm 100% convinced he was doing it for, like, the clout. They're all doing it for the clout. So. And if you happen to find. Maybe, like, you could find. Like, maybe you're doing it. You don't have any pressure on it. And, like.

send you low-key like them yeah and then when the cameras are gone i'll be like are you doing this for the cloud too okay let's get our let's get our storyline straight yeah yeah i can let's plan this out like i wouldn't mind doing it for the cloud and like sorry if you have anything against that but like who cares yeah so they're casting in austin and i've gone two messages that one of them dm'd my like second instagram you're young though it's older people on there i feel that's what i was i mean i don't know

And they also follow a few, like, the casting. One of the casting directors that reached out to me also follows the rest of the girls in our friend group. So I'm like, oh, she did some digging. I'm like, I wonder if our girlfriends also got this DM. It's just so weird because normally they're, like, I feel like in their 30s. Like, they're older. Yeah. Who knows? It's just crazy. Like, yeah, I feel like I could do it for the clout. Yeah. But I'd have to really, like, think about it.

especially with how long of an experience it is yeah and also like oh my god and now i do have a real job so like let's talk about the farmers one real quick because it finally came out guys so literally like what maybe like eight months ago it was probably almost a year a year ago yeah past a year actually yeah so guys i was getting casted for this reality tv show at the time i was like in like the the peak of my like i just want a boyfriend like

depression and like this casting producer reached out to me about this casting show for finding love with a farmer but they told me it was just with signed on with a big network and i wasn't allowed to know what the show was called but as i got deeper into the production process or production casting process they were giving me more information and they ended up telling me that it's

A bunch of city girls that they wanted to find and... Oh, Phineas just came right in. That they wanted to find and match up with these farmer boys. And we were going to be going living on their farm for like a few weeks. And they actually ended up showing me the guys because I was in the last pick of...

And they're like, basically, you are able to go on the show if you want to see the guys. And then if you approve of the guys and you find them an interest, you can go on the show. They showed me the guys and they were not my type whatsoever. And they literally manipulated me into believing that it was like these big buff, like Jim Bro farmers because it's like.

they wanted me to go on the show and then I ended up seeing the guys. I'm like, yeah, no, these are not my type. Then me and Taylor scrolling on what was it? Netflix. We were scrolling on or Hulu or something. It was one of those big streaming networks and we ended up seeing the show and we watched the first episode of it and it was so, so cringe and I'm so happy I did not go on. It was very cringe. Yeah, it was very cringe. Like I just, I can't,

And I was thinking about it too because we were during this whole casting process, I was telling my friends about it. I was like, honestly, I would just do it just to do it, especially if it was in Texas because they were saying, oh, it's on a farm. If it's in Texas and I'm just gone for a few weeks, I'll do it. But they literally told me I was going to be gone for like eight weeks, no phone, no nothing. And I wasn't even going to be living in a house with a bunch of other people. I was going to be staying in a hotel room by myself, which I would go literally insane if I did that.

I could never. Yeah. Like, Oh my God. You want to know what's crazy? What? It's like, we were just talking about all those, like going to get spa, going to get massage. Like one of my frigging managers, would you be opening to going to a new, would you be open to going to a new med spa? Like an exchange, like for services, blah, blah. I'm like, I was just fucking talking. It's like they heard. I was just fucking. Is this live?

yeah someone in there hello that was like kind of weird i'm like oh my god how'd you know that i just said that that's so funny anyways that's crazy um should we talk about our weekend yes so my weekend's kind of short and simple and easy um i didn't like i did a lot but at the

landed at like nine and then we went to go eat at flanagan's which is like a kendall freaking staple when i tell you it was midnight and it was an hour wait it was insane dude this is your first time back right since eating red meat dairy and eggs and stuff yeah so this is your first time like did you try like a bunch of new restaurants uh same restaurants i've been to but just different stuff different stuff got you so we went to flanagan's guess how cheap three alcoholic beverages two appetizers two entrees guess how much it was

50 bucks? 50 bucks. Oh, I knew that. Dude, give me an award. Wasn't that crazy? Isn't that so cheap? Yeah. They do happy hour every day, 9 p.m. to 12 a.m. That's insane. Right? So we went there.

When you start doing happy hour here, what the fuck? I know. Went there, but like that's 9 to 12. That's like prime drinking hours. Yeah, we got to find like the happy hours here in Austin. Shit. So we went to Flanagan's, went home, and then Saturday went to Cuba's Skains. We went to the beach. I did. My boyfriend got the whole Miami experience on Saturday. Cuban breakfast, public sub, beach. And then we came back and hung out with my family. Saturday.

Sadly, I went home for my sister's baby shower, but she had some complications. She's all fine now, but she was told by the doctors that she had to rest and couldn't really host a party. So we'd cancel the party, and we kind of just did a makeshift baby shower in the house. We still decorated it and played the games we were going to play, even though it's just my family, just to kind of make her happy and do something and make it semi-special. So that was upsetting that she couldn't do that, but

So we kind of just did like a little baby shower Saturday and Sunday. Just hung out with my family all day Sunday. Literally the whole day just watched football and went in the pool and did all that. And then Monday I had to work. So I had to work a little bit in the morning and then we went to a nice dinner at Rusty Pelican.

um which is this really nice restaurant by the water we got some seafood oh and i forgot saturday we went out saturday we went out yeah what did you do out we went to the wharf which is this bar on the water but it's closing right now i think it's gonna reopen but it was like it's the last night so we went to the wharf saw so many people from my freaking high school really only one that i knew enough that i went to go say hello to yeah that i like what's the vibe of these places so this place that we went is imagine like

It's like outdoor picnic tables, food trucks. It's all outdoors. I'm picturing a rooftop. No, it's on the river. It's flat on the ground. There's an inside, but still outside, but just a covering. And there's a nightclub. Smoke coming down from the things. Wait, where in Miami is this? Brickell. Okay. It's like...

Yeah, it's like outdoor vibes, but it's not too fancy. It's not like a nightclub, nightclub, like Eleven or like anything like that. It's like by the water drinks, freaking expensive drinks, but whatever. And then we went to this place in the Grove, which is like also it was like on the water, like on a marina. Similar vibes, outdoor, like bar-y, club-y vibe. Yeah.

um and got drinks there this place it's called um i forgot it was called it was new i forget it's like new bar in the grove and there's another person from my high school there because i opened snap maps because like randomly you know like you randomly have people's location yeah so i was just like i wonder like because there's so many people i saw from high school and then i saw was like me and the same person in the same spot and i'm like oh my god there's way too many people like that i fucking know from my high school around here it was like i felt like so on edge being out i was like

who is here like that's funny it was just like so weird i was like i'm gonna see someone i know we're literally standing in line this guy gets out of the car i was like i went to high school with him and then i was like went to high school with her went to high school with her so i love that i kind of love that when i go home i saw this one girl that i only said hi to one of them yeah i saw this one girl that was a bitch to me in high school a bitch to me like she said i was so like why would anyone want to look like her she's so skinny like blah blah blah she was such a bitch yeah you saw her yeah yeah wow and i'm always just wondering like what are you guys doing

Literally. I know. I was curious. I know. So interesting. Very interesting. But that's kind of what I did. It was very chill. Very chill. Lots of hanging out with my family, hanging out with my nieces.

That's like really it was just a lot of family time. Yeah, it may not seem like I had like a low-key weekend But I feel like it did drinking wise. I was tamer this weekend and I'm proud of myself for it Because I told myself I don't want to go to the bars this month like I won save money to to fucking hot I sweat my dick off and I don't want to do it so Friday night I

Went to the comedy show with my boyfriend. We went to Comedy Mothership. Oh, how was it? Was it fun? Dude, it fucking sucked. Not because like... Okay, well, kind of the performers, but also not really. So the show was at 745. And before that, me and him were just at my place. And I made drinks. I made apple cider spritz. They were so good. I'm gonna have to make you one, Taylor. They looked very good. This weekend, I'm gonna make you one. And...

We went to the Comedy Mother Show, and when you get there, you lock up your phones. They put them in these little safe things that you're allowed to take the safe thing with you, but they lock your phone up, they turn it off, and you can't get access to it. So then you follow a little bouncer person. He takes you to your table. You sit down, and the tables are shared with other people. So there's only two of us, and then in front of us, there's two more chairs for people to sit down at. So we sat down in the back ones, and then...

Five minutes into the show, we thought we were like, oh, shit. No one's going to sit in front of us. This is perfect. But then these people came and sat down. And they were on some type of crazy drugs. One of them was the guy on ketamine or something. He was twitching and going crazy and looking at the lights. We were like, oh, my God. This man is not well. And it was so distracting because it's not like...

In the comedy show, like, the floor is on, like, a tilt and you can kind of, like, see above people. Yeah, yeah, you can. Like, I'm looking into the back of his head. And he is, like... He kept turning and, like, looking at my boyfriend and, like, saying things and, like, pushing his chair back and, like, pushing into, like, my boyfriend. And my boyfriend was getting pissed about it. But I was, like... It was just so distracting. And then the woman... My phone was literally leaning up against my purse. And...

You didn't lock it up? No, it was in the case. But, like, the case is, like, it's, like, a massive, like, just bag that they lock it up into. So, I was leaning up against my purse, and I'm watching the show. And I look down, and all of a sudden, my fucking phone's gone. And I'm like, what the fuck? Like, I'm already on edge with these people because they're, like, acting strange as fuck. So, I'm like, did she just steal my phone? So, I'm just, like, sitting there for a few minutes and observing the whole thing going on. And then I look over, and then she has three phones in her hand.

like three phone cases of three phones. And I look at my boyfriend and I go, I think she just stole my phone. And then all of a sudden I started to realize that no, she didn't steal my phone. She thought it was her phone. And she has three phones that she has now found within the crowd. And she's holding all three. And she's like, I don't know which one's mine, but I need to figure out which one's mine. And I'm like, bro, like, why would you steal my, like not steal my phone, but why would you grab my phone? It was literally leaning up against my purse.

Like, why would you think that was your phone? And she's like trying to like open up all the things like mid comedy show. So like now I can't even focus on like the comedians and I'm all like piss. I'm like, what the fuck? Like we paid for the show. Like I wanted to go. No, they were so distracted. They kicked other people out that were like screaming and yelling at the comedians. Like me, like, like not like mean things, but like vulgar shit to like one of the girls that was on stage.

and they kicked them out but then these people were just like so distracting and so at the end of the show i like well not end of the show middle of the show i there's like a little hole that you can stick your finger in and feel the cases so luckily i knew what my case felt like and i knew the one i grabbed was my phone so i just grabbed it back and i go this is my phone she goes can i please see it again i'm like no this is my phone like i know this is my phone i like know the phone case that

And, like, I'm just sketched out because the amount of times in Austin I've gotten my phone pit-pocketed from me. I'm like, how do I know you're not a pit-pocketer, huh? Like, you're going to steal my phone. Like, no, I'm keeping this with me. How do you get someone else's phone? Literally. I get, like, your friend that you're sitting with. Exactly. She's literally behind me. And she literally had to have turned around and grabbed my phone. She had to be so drunk. Drunk or drugs. I don't know what it was. Yeah, a mix of both. And so I get my phone back, whatever. But then on the other end, the comedians, I was a little upset because...

We went to one of those shows where every like 10 minutes a new comedian comes on. It's not just like one like solid name. And we did that two months ago. Keep in mind, this was two months ago. Three of them that were the same and they were using the same jokes.

from two months ago i'm like come on like you couldn't have found like other jokes two months later i was like like i heard this one already yeah most comedians if they go on like a tour like they're using that same set no they were all like local people though yeah if you know you're playing the same play i don't know well because do you know who's you're seeing when you sign it when you get the ticket or no no yeah see that's yeah that's weird right

So the last guy, he's on for like 20 minutes. He was on 20 minutes last time, like way longer than everyone else because I guess he's just like, quote for quote, like a legend there. I don't remember what his name is. But he literally went on and...

First joke opener, I was like, I already heard this. I already know this is going to be bad. And then a few more after that, every now and then, I'm like, oh my God, this sucks. I just know what I'm expecting. I don't know if that's a common occurrence with comedy shows or what, but I was disappointed. I think it's a pretty common occurrence, but that's where you wouldn't see the same person in the same way. It was just a ghost show. Yeah, that's the thing. If you know you're doing that where people don't know that they're seeing you twice...

I feel like you should maybe do more crowd work. Especially if you're only on for 10 minutes. Yeah, you could also do more crowd work because crowd work is different every time. I don't know, but I see how that sounds like it wasn't fun at all. Yeah. I mean, obviously the people sitting in front of me did not make it any better. Yeah, that sounded like not fun. Yeah. So then after we left and we had two drinks. Keep in mind, last time I said we went, the drinks are strong as fuck. So we were buzzing a little bit, but not as drunk.

drunk as before because the last time before we were at bars beforehand before we went so we're feeling ourselves and we're like pissed off we're like that sucks so we're like should we meet our friends out and we're on dirty six which you have to walk kind of a while to get to ubers and we're walking to ubers and i ordered the uber to go meet our friends at the bars and i just like look at my boyfriend i'm like should we just go home like it's 9 45 at night i'm like we should probably just go home like i know i'm gonna regret this in the morning like

I said I wasn't going out and I made the great decision of just going home. And we went home and basically just watched a movie or something and just went to bed. So that was fine. But then Saturday was the day of like that day party, whenever...

Guy friends. His parents live on Lake Austin. He lives downtown, but he's, like, from here. A good amount of our friends now, compared to, like, last year, like, live here, which is, like, the perks of, like, having, like, parents and stuff, like, that we get to see and, like, just whatever. So...

we went to his parents' house for his birthday party. We fettied over there, which I want to give a shout out to Fetty. It's the like ride share, like van app. So you can like ride with 15 plus people in like a van rather than an Uber. We changed our code to it's

literally one thing pod is no longer F word because F word just doesn't exist anymore. So, um, I was emailing with Betty yesterday. We changed the code to one thing pod number one or one. Yeah. I was going to say number one is just the one, not the word one. And that will get you one free ride the first time. And then from there on out, if the code stays in your account, you have 25% off all the other rides. And that's,

They're now in a few cities. I didn't realize that. I thought they were only in Austin, like Chicago and Arizona or something, but now they're in a few other cities, which is pretty cool. Um, but yeah, we went to that house party. It was a lot of fun. We showed up right when, okay,

Okay, so no, he said starts at two. We showed up at three. We were the first ones there. And I'm like, fuck, we literally showed up at three, like on purpose, hoping we wouldn't be the first ones there. It took so long for people to show up there. And I'm going to say this right now. Our friend group is the one friend group that like we show up when we're supposed to be there. Yeah, they do. Like our friend group shows up. Yeah. Whereas so many other people show up like three, four hours late. And I had already been there for so long. Like I literally was there for six plus hours. I was like, you know what? It's time to go home.

So I ordered an Uber, got the fuck out of there. It cost like $60 to Uber home because we were like 45 minutes from home and got home. And I took Mac on a walk and walked over to Sweet Greens and called it a night. Felt great. And I wasn't even that drunk, too. Like, you know, like when you kind of like are peak drunk and then like you kind of stop.

And then like you sober up quite quickly. That's what happened to me. And yeah, I just got sweet greens and went to bed. And then my boyfriend went out with everyone else. And I was like, have fun. I am not going out. I was like, I am going to stay home. I was like taking off my makeup. And like he was like really drunk. And I was not at that level. And so I was like, I'm going to start taking my makeup off. So I started taking my makeup off.

off and he's like come on come out i'm like nope makeup's already coming off like once you see the makeup coming off there is no going back i am not going out yeah i did the same thing with the sobering up at the first bar we went to i was like oh my god i'm really drunk but i was really thirsty so then i was like oh i need a water and i drank the water and i kid you not one sip of that water and i sobered up and then we got in an uber and i was

just like when i got out of the uber i was like oh my god i'm sober but like literally i was like oh my god no way i'm like really drunk i took a sip of water and i was like oh yeah i'm better like i was like i'm sober took the uber to the next place and i was like i'm starting from square one also so random but on friday night dude uber cost what have we ever rode from our house to downtown and it was any more than more than like 30 really

She was like 12, 15, I feel like. Sometimes it's like 20, 30. Really? Anyway, so it was that night. And I'm like, I've never seen that at like $30 before. Yeah, I'd be calling $30 Ubers all the time. Dude, I logged on to Lyft. Like Lyft rides, 16 bucks. I was like, oh my God, I'm going to start doing this more often. Yeah, I don't even have Lyft. Last time I used it was New Year's.

And on New Year's, I got almost charged $95 to go home. But then I downloaded Lyft and it was $60. Get Lyft people. Just look at the offers. See what each has to offer. You could potentially save a lot of money. Right, true. Yeah.

so and then how was your sunday football my sunday football was okay because i was with my whole entire family like football was on in the pool and i was watching my two-year-old niece like learn how to swim and jump in the pool and like i wasn't paying attention to the football yeah but my brother and my uncle and my dad and my boyfriend were all very much into the football game and we were the girls were just girlying like my sister was opening her baby shower presents like i said my niece was like

we're helping her learn how to swim like there was other shit going on yeah and i and there was a dolphins game at night which uh dolphins beat the patriots yeah i'm like uh but i do i can find interest in watching a tea like okay we're gonna one game we're gonna put the dolphin yes my brain power is one game we care about the dolphins we're gonna put the dolphins game on i'm

Sure. Yeah. I'm for that. Do I need to sit there and pay attention the whole day? Absolutely not. So I was okay with the dolphin game. I can fuck with the dolphin game. Yeah. So I went to the cosmic place, the new place. I saw. So good. We're going back. I don't care if we're going this weekend or whatever. I saw. It looked really cute. Dude.

It's a mad zoo in there because it's freshly opened. There's another location. No, that location is sick. Yeah, I was saying if the products itself are good, like the food and the drinks. It was just the atmosphere. The atmosphere is sick. So we went there. It took me 45 minutes to get my coffee.

And so you have to go in two separate lines. Taco line, coffee line. And so my boyfriend was in the taco line. I was in the coffee line. 45 fucking minutes. Got my coffee, whatever, tacos. I loved the vibe. It's kind of like picnic tables everywhere. Yeah, I've seen it on reels. Dude, it's so cool. I want to get our whole friend group to go because it's on 4th Street. And they have the coolest drink menu. So if you went for drinks on...

on fourth street and then walked up to latchkey or something that would be east fourth yes and it's so close to like latchkey and all those places i'm like two blocks away we should do that for uh like bringing one time just to like change it up in october i'm not this oh yeah no but i did that and we did not leave until like one and my boyfriend's like itching he's like oh my god like football started 30 minutes ago i'm like calm the fuck down

So I kind of shortened the amount of time we were watching football, which was great. And I brought my laptop this time and I got Ziki Kitchen for food. And I think that's my new thing is Ziki Kitchen on Sundays. It's so good. I still have to try it. It's so fucking good. I think, like I said on other podcasts, my new thing is

I really enjoy using my boyfriend's apartment gym. Yeah. I thoroughly enjoy using it. I take his keys and I go and I go into the gym and no one else is in there. And I just play my phone full volume. Yeah. Do my thing. And it's very peaceful. No one bothers me. I need to take advantage of the fact that I'll like have my Sundays to myself, which I'm at the end of the day. I know we complained, but I'm actually quite happy to have my Sundays to myself. I'm not very upset that, um,

Oh, your memory card is also has no storage. Technical difficulties, man. Running a podcast, running a podcast is hard. We got two cameras. We got two microphones. We got a laptop. We got information on our phones. We're bringing in a second laptop. This stuff is no joke. People setting this up in our little office. Like, really? It's really difficult.

Which is why y'all, like, if the episode, not every episode is on YouTube and there's no ever guarantee on that. Yeah, no, never. We film these episodes mostly for the clips. Sorry, not necessarily for you guys to watch it on YouTube. Like, watching it on YouTube is a plus, but this video content is more so we can clip and we've already had really funny things we can do.

But it's way more for us to be able to clip. And just y'all, these hour and a half long episodes, like if we wanted to guarantee every episode be on YouTube, we'd have to cap each episode at like 50 minutes. Yeah. To make sure they all get on YouTube.

because long videos are hard for our cameras and only like one percent of y'all is watching on youtube yeah but when when we can get them up we do and we do try um but we film mostly for clips so sorry if you prefer youtube but then if you all listen on spotify or apple that helps our um like download like you know that helps our download thing yeah

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Visit wonderfulpistachios.com to learn more. So, we are now moving our way into our deep secrets, okay? It's all anonymous. There you go. Fuck yeah. And I am truly taken back by some of y'all's fucking responses. And I'm going to start strong with the very first one that I got quite a bit. I noticed right away in here.

Cousins. Cousins and I would make out when we were in elementary school. Two of them would go down on each other. Dot, dot, dot. We're all girls and we're all straight. LOL. Go down. Why the... What the fuck? Cousins! Yeah, that's weird, bro. Some of y'all are fucking crazy. That's crazy. I feel like that was shit like you do, like you make your dolls like...

Dude, like, some of you also got deep-ass secrets out here. That's truly not okay. That's, like, one of the most, like, unwell things I've ever heard in my life. And the next one after that is, I've hooked up with my cousins before. Laugh my ass off. And I need to know, like, does hook up to you mean making out, or does that mean sex? I'm gonna go with that it means sex. Me too. If not, it means, like, very intensely making out. Yeah. Which is, like...

And I'm like, are we talking like first cousin or second cousin? The way a cousin, not that I could see this being justified in any sense, but I hope this is a cousin that like, let's say like maybe they're even like, again, I'm really not like this is truly unwell, but I'm trying to like get in your brain. Um,

Is this maybe a cousin that lives so far away and you've only met once in your life and you don't even know him as your cousin? He's kind of this random other adult person. Yeah, and you end up finding out after that he's your cousin or something? Yeah, but you have never met him. You just kind of meet him and he's just kind of a random person. I don't know. Not someone you grew up with since you were kids. I just can't look at anyone in my family and be like, I want to fuck you. I want to fuck you. Me neither. Oh my God. Dude, there's enough fish in the sea? Go for somebody else.

Yeah. Like, I can get it, like, if you're attracted to them in the sense of, like, because you look alike. I don't... Actually, not even. I can't even. It was funny, actually. I don't know why I'm trying to justify this. Well, because I'm trying to, like, help homegirl out, you know? Yeah. But I really can't. I don't want to make her feel bad. Yeah, but, I mean, like, she probably should, like, feel bad. Like, one time, there was this kid at my high school, and, like, girls would talk about him being so cute. And I was like, I was like, I mean, I don't think he's ugly, but, like, nothing in me was like, this person is...

Like someone I would date. Like I was like, I don't get it. And then I put it together. He looked exactly like my cousin. Like I put it together. I was like, that's why I don't think he's like hot. Like I was like, he's not ugly. But like, I just like don't get what you're saying. Yeah. This is like someone you think is hot. He looks exactly like my cousin. Damn. So I was like, yeah, I don't. I'm not getting that vibe. That's like.

Yeah, you guys need, you guys should, like, go to therapy about that. I just need to, like, I need a little bit more of an explanation. Context. Context, like, did you not know he was your cousin until after? Because that's an honest mistake. I know. Like, that's a truly honest mistake. Or is it maybe, like, your step-cousin? Like, he's not really your cousin by blood? Oh, if he's not your cousin by blood, then that's fine. Yeah. You know, like, if your uncle married a woman and she had a kid, that person has zero relation to you. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm going to... You know what? I'm going to... To help me sleep better at night, I'm going to say it was a step cousin. Yeah, me too. This one's actually fucking hilarious. In third grade on the playground, I heard the word penis and was very confused as to why my peers were saying ew. When I got home, I googled it and found multiple forms of pornography. I was confused but curious child and did more research. One day shortly after coming home from school with my brother, my dad asked if we knew what the word was and it was...

and what it meant he showed us printouts on the computer's search history i knew in the moment i was in trouble i later blamed it on my brother he had write down on a piece of paper multiple times that he wouldn't search the word ever again even though and i'm the one that did it sorry bro laugh my ass off that's so funny even though i feel like your parents though would know like if you were little like you weren't doing it to be bad like yeah you're just like fucking curious during like you're just wondering like they probably wouldn't actually be like

so mad at you. I know. You know what I mean? If that happened to my kid, like, I would literally crack up. Did your parents ever make you write multiple times on a piece of paper, like, for something? Oh, my God. My parents made me do that a few times. Like, I would have to write something, like, that I'm, like, sorry about or something that I did wrong and I would write it, like, a few times on a piece of paper. No, I never did that. Yeah. I've seen, like, people do that. I've never done that. That's so funny. I feel like that's, like, normal, though. Like, that sucks you blamed on your brother. You should tell your parents, like, bring that up next family dinner. That's really funny. Oh, boy. This one's bad.

I'm sexually attracted to my boyfriend's brother. I would never act on it, but I feel so guilty. I mean, they share genes, so I guess it makes sense. I feel like that's common. Okay, I thought she was going to go somewhere else in the second sentence with that. But yeah, I guess. I feel like it's common, especially if they have an older brother who's younger. I think that's weird. Unless they're younger by like...

A little bit. A little bit. Like if you're one grade apart. Yeah. One year apart. If it's any younger. No, no, no. If you're attracted to your boyfriend's like 15 year old brother, like I might need to call the cops. But if you're attracted to like his brother who's like a year younger, that's normal. But I just feel like, you know, someone's older brother, maybe they like have a better job. Maybe they're bigger. Maybe they're hotter. Because here's the thing. You only meet their family once you're already dating.

So you're already dating and then you realize that you didn't even get to see all your options. You know what I mean? Like you don't get to meet his brother until after you're dating and then you're already locked in when it's like if you met the brother and him like in the real world, like maybe you would have went for the brother. That's so true. Like they were having a bro night out at the bars. Yeah. Like, but you only get to see the brother as you're the girlfriend. That's how you met him. Yeah. Damn. But too bad for you is that that could never happen. So you're going to have to just get rid of that idea.

He doesn't even know his pee? Yeah. I would tell my boyfriend it was pee.

You would? Yeah, I guess. Well, yeah, I guess. I would tell my boyfriend to just pee. I mean, like, I don't think that... I think you just should have told your boyfriend. But also, I wouldn't pee myself. Me neither, but like...

Like drastic times come for drastic measures, but I'm sorry. I'm not peeing on myself. I'm ripping my pants down. I would have left the bar and went into a bush. I literally find anything and I'll turn it into a bathroom. I would have left the bar and went into a bush, but I'm not, I'm trying not to try to judge these people, even though it ends up with me judging. No, they're putting themselves out there being like, first of all,

We don't know who you are. But also, second of all, you know we're going to be talking some type of whack on your end. I just think you should have told your boyfriend. Your boyfriend probably could have helped you. I know. I would have told... The way that everyone thought it was a spilled drink, really good for you. But your boyfriend just should have known. Did she spill the rest of her drink on her to make it look a little bit less of a pee stain? Yeah, I feel like I would have too. I would have just...

Like, yeah, I know. Smell like vodka. I know. Sometimes I've been out like disinfects. Yeah. Sometimes I've been out and gone like sweat, like butt sweat, like on like pants or a dress. But I would never think to myself like, oh, let me just like pour a drink on me to make it not look. I guess. I don't know. I'm just trying to compare it to something. Yeah. Maybe she should start wearing an adult diaper. Yeah. Yeah. If she can't hold it.

I shit myself in doggy position. Never done it since. How in the fuck did you shit yourself? Like, it was so nice that you were so relieved. I cannot shit in that position. No, neither can I. Like, I don't think my body would let that happen.

That's insane. That's crazy. I hope it was with your boyfriend and not like a one night stand. Imagine it was a night. That would be a story for the one night stand though. Like to go back until he was in the grave. Dude, he would be like this one time I was like after the bars, you know, with this one girl, like she shit herself doggy. It's like, you know, like some girls like squirt, like some girls like poop. Yeah.

That's crazy. Oh my God. That's like actually like foul. That's disgusting. Oh my God. That's like actually gross. It's like not even really funny. Dude, some of you are so ballsy. Tinder date, dot, dot, dot. We started kissing. It was so bad. I gagged in front of him. I felt so bad. And I said, I just didn't feel good. Never even talked to him again. Yeah. I've had some bad kisses before. Sometimes you do feel like that.

Yeah. When you can't get in the right motion. Like when you're when you can't find a rhythm with each other. Yeah. And it's just like off. Oh, 1000%. Oh, makes me want to do that. That's so funny that you gagged in front of him though. Yeah. Oh no. Unfiltered. I love that for you. That's like really funny. That's like really sad. Yeah.

Oh, here's a good one for you, Taylor. I went out in Miami to a club called Twisted, which is a gay bar. And my guy friends pretended to be a boyfriend...

Wait, what? My guy friend pretended to be my boyfriend because him and I are dating people and we just didn't want to be hit on. But we were low-key. It was a spark. Oops, but I would never do that again. Okay, that's not bad, bro. I thought I was going to be juicy. Yeah, that's not bad. I thought your guy friend was going to do something in the gay bar. Yeah, me too. I thought there was going to be crazy shit going on in the gay bar. Dude, one time we went to a drag bar in Miami. That shit was a lot of fun. That shit was a lot of fun. Um...

Yeah, it was really not bad. Yeah. Like, if there was just a spark, like, did you do anything? Then you're fine. Yeah.

Why are there so many questions about, does anyone else masturbate in the shower? Or does anyone else masturbate doing this? X, Y, Z. Like there's so many questions about masturbating. But like... I'm doing a vibrator giveaway on my Instagram. Do you, girl. Like masturbate in the shower if you need to. And if it feels good. That's very common. Yeah. It's not that bad. That's very common for people. I know. Listen to...

girls gotta eat podcast they talk about a lot of that stuff do you guys really why i thought they're gonna be like well some of them are pretty fucked but some of them are just a little bit too long i love watching lesbian porn sometimes about watching lesbian porn when i used to release some stress will do it especially some girl i'm not gonna name her oh she's always gets me where i need to be that's normal need to be life is too stressed to live in such tense don't get me wrong i love fuck make love with my man but sometimes he just is

He takes too long and we can all just get to the point. Sincerely, a girl in her 20s. That's normal. Like most girls watch mostly girl porn. Yeah. It's like really normal. And I also like wouldn't consider like do you think the boyfriend would be pissed and be like that's cheating on me? No. Yeah, exactly. I know.

No. Girl, you're fine. That's, like, just so normal. Like, most girls, like, do, like, that's, like, incredibly normal. I know. Because the thing is, like, why girls like that is, like, when it's just girls, it's, like, very focused on the girl. And if it's a guy, it's, like, focused on the guy. Like, it's not, it doesn't look like it feels any good to the girl. Yeah. The girl's just, like, a prop. I had a favorite sneaky link. But we hadn't seen each other for a while. So one night I hooked up with a random guy and it never, it never happened.

And it was never great. Then my favorite hit me up later that night, and we hooked up a couple hours later. Two for one special, baby. Hey, if it's not a reoccurring thing you do and you did it once, you live and you learn. If you repeatedly hook up with two people on the same night, I'd say stop that because you're risking illness. A lot of things. You're risking illness. You're risking a lot of things. But if you did it once, it's life. Yeah, I mean, I've never personally done that. Me neither. And...

I don't think that would ever be something I would want to do, but like, good for you, girl. You have a story now. Don't do it again. You have a fucking story. Don't do it again. Wait 24 hours. Yeah. At least. You have a crazy story to tell. Like, you know when you play like, um, Never Have I Ever? That right there. That always comes up. Yeah. It's always a question. People always do it. And I'm like, Never Have I Ever. Um...

Ew. I piss on my floor when I'm lazy, too lazy to go to the bathroom. No. What's wrong with you? Okay, I'm going to say something a little bit like hot take. Yeah? I know we've heard things about fucking cousins. That's the worst thing that you've read. Why are you that lazy? I know we've heard literal incest. That's the worst one that we've read. Oh my God. Oh my God. This one gets worse. I like the smell of my period blood and especially the discharge.

some things you all need to keep to yourself when we said dirty secrets i did not mean about your own bodily fluids i'm sorry peeing on the floor is worse like what the fuck yeah but like why are you like i can just picture like do you lean over and are you like it's like a little fetish of yours oh you get high off of it you're like oh my god

Yeah, it's like, it's weird though because it's not something I find like particularly gross because it's like mine. You know, I'm not like, ew, like my blood. But I'm not shoving my face into it. But I'm not like, this is something I enjoy. Yeah. And I'm also not too lazy to just go pee in my bathroom. No, no, no, no. Peeing on the floor, like I'm not even kidding, that's still the worst one. How do you piss on the ground? Dude, like I don't think I could be friends with anyone that does that. How do you piss on the ground? I had boyfriends that'd pee in like a water bottle. Dude, we need to get you a diaper, Miss Girl. I think you should just... You should be friends with the other girl. No.

You should... You know what you should do? You should just... Anytime you know you're about to have a lazy day, just put your diaper on. No, be on the floor. You're good. Get puppy pee pads. Yeah. So you can pee on them. I had sex with my best friend's older brother after she fell asleep. We were having sex. We were having a sleepover at her house in high school. He was engaged. He popped my cherry. Dude, okay. First of all... How old were you? Yeah, what the fuck? Oh, I don't like that. I don't like that either. I feel like something...

He was engaged and you were in high school? He was engaged and you were a virgin? Something's wrong. And you were in high school? Something... That sounds illegal.

I don't know if it's... Okay, maybe. You're telling me someone engaged in someone in high school that was a virgin were in... You need to tell... Actually, no, just kidding. Don't tell your best friend that. If you're going to tell us... That's nutty, bro. If we're going to tell us these kind of stories, give me a clarification of ages. Yeah, I know. Was everyone consent to be adult? I need more context. Because that doesn't sound like it, and that's gross, and that's concerning.

I slept with my ex. This one's long. Just give me a very quick warning. I slept with my ex best friend's ex boyfriend because he and I wanted to piss her off story. My best friend and my roommate in college was on and off with a guy for over a year. I became friends with him because he was always at the same parties as me.

But my roommate would never go to the parties. So just sounds like your friend just like never went out, whatever. I was her boyfriend. He and I got super close, but never ever thought about anything else. She was older than me and graduated a year early. Fast forward to the next year. He was on our team at our school and I'd go with I'd go with my other friends to their boyfriend's games.

She would track my location, get mad at me when I was at the games or any of the parties that he was at. It kept accusing me of sleeping with one of us sleeping together. So we both cut her off. A few weeks later, she had a new boyfriend, her ex situation. And I decided to see if we could do anything between us there. There wasn't. But hey, at least we got good sex out of it. That's fine. Yeah, I think that's fine. That's that's harmless. But there was definitely harm.

Where? Like, not anything crazy, but, like, I feel like they're painting, like, the friend to be, like, crazy psycho. But, like, you probably, like, low-key sounds like you were kind of flirting with her boyfriend. Yeah, like flirting. Like, you were kind of flirting with her boyfriend. Yeah, I can see that. So, like, I feel like maybe, like, in this situation, we're, like, painting that girl out to be, like, like, she'd get mad at me for going to parties with her boyfriend, like,

maybe i can i can definitely see maybe which is fine because it's like you're young like don't stress about it but i could see where she would be like not cool with it but no harm in the sense like no real harm it's young people harm like everyone will get over it she got a new boyfriend you're fine yeah and you didn't as long as you didn't sleep with him while they were together then you're fine

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Another long one. I dated a guy throughout high school and college for four years. Things got boring and complicated. I knew it was going to be coming to an end. At the end, he was just graduating college and I was still in college and an hour away from him. One day I said I was done and broke up with him over text. Oops, probs not the best way. I'd been seeing him, um,

I had been seeing people during the time we had broken up, and randomly I got a text saying, I'm here. Can we talk? This man randomly drove an hour to my university. Side note, he never put in the effort when we were together, and all of a sudden he's a prince charming. Anyways, I had hickeys all over my neck and chest when he showed up. I had to cover them up as fast as I could, and I get to this man's truck, and he starts crying, begging me to take him back. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

I just kept saying no and he got defensive and kept asking, is there someone else? Well, hey buddy, I can now tell you two years later there was somebody else. And in fact, there were several people during that two week period. Pop off queen. Two weeks. She said, move on. It's okay. Here's the thing about this with like breakups is I feel like girls are so much more mentally out of relationship now.

like checked out before guys. So like if you break up with a girl or a girl's breaking up with a guy, they could have been mentally checked out of that relationship for like two months. So it's not like, oh, you break up and you're like still kind of getting over it. Like for the most part, I feel like girls are getting out of that relationship way before the breakup. So when a girl does decide to like start talking to other people after the relationship, like

It's always deemed so bad. Like, prime example, Brianna Chicken Fry. Like, she goes from relationship to relationship to relationship. She's a prime example of, like, and I'm not throwing shade at her. I'm just saying, like, this is facts that girls move on while they're still in the relationship, like, mentally. Yeah, I heard what you were saying. Yeah, so, like, I don't think you're bad for, like, moving on two weeks out. Like, obviously, for the guy, it's shitty. Well, I don't think either because you're just, like, fucking people. Yeah. Yeah.

I know. Like, who cares? But it just needs to be a known fact that a girl, like, is mentally checked out after the breakup. Like, and the guy, like, I feel like this is just, like, a typical story that I always see. Yeah, you're fine. No worries. Also, there was nothing. I don't know what I heard. They're both sleeping on the couch. Yeah.

I am in love with my coworker. He's married. I'm engaged to a woman. I thought I was fully lesbian until I met him. I love my fiance, but my coworker and I just get along so well. We have the same interests, hobbies, music shows, et cetera. I never thought I was going to be in this situation. We discussed it once. We acknowledged that they were on the same vibe and obvious chemistry, but decided we weren't going to do anything about it.

We have since become really good friends, and over the past four years, it's obvious that the chemistry is still there. Even every time we're together, I know I'm in the wrong and honestly disgusting with myself. I've been with my current partner for almost 12 years. I have no intentions of leaving her and have no intentions of...

leave his wife. It just seems like we were mutually agreed to suffer in silence. Eventually, we will both get different jobs and never speak again, but I think that this relationship is something that is going to be following me around for the rest of my life. I've often thought if we met single, we would have been the end game, and how different our lives would be if I met him single. One.

One, it's just like because you've been dating for a long someone for a long time. So it's like you want what you can't have. And I feel like those coworker things happen to people where it's just like you can't date your coworker. And it just like seems exciting. Yeah. You can't date them. You also don't really know him. Like you're not hanging out really outside of the office. Doesn't seem like maybe you are like you're not. So you just see like it's all like literally fantasy. It's not real.

It is a fantasy. Like you're literally making this up. Like it's not real. Like it's not anything real. Like you did not date him. Like it's totally fake and you've just been dating someone for a long time so you're thinking about it. And like I do think once you're dating someone for a long time like you do start to think like that and it's not necessarily bad. Yeah. Like just having like having like a

I don't want to be like you start having crushes on people. But like, I think it's naive to think that you don't. When you've been dating someone for such a long time, just addressing. 12 fucking years of crazy. Just addressing the fact that like this is a person that I think is attractive and like is cool. Like I don't think that's wrong, but it's like literally just a fantasy you made up. Yeah. That's all. You won't think about him for the rest of your life. No. But that's kind of cool that you realize that you might not fully be lesbian. I mean. Discovering new things about yourself. Yeah.

But I feel like that's the more thing to run with and go deep inside yourself. Like, if that, like, maybe, like, do you want to be married to a woman? Sounds like you're questioning. Yeah, I mean. Maybe go to therapy. It's just tough because you have 12 years of history there. I can, like, understand if it was, like, maybe, like, even, like, like, they've known each other for four years. Like, if it was a relationship of, like, four years. Yeah, look, if I'm with someone for 12 years.

that's it yeah that's it we're getting married i know like i would promise you are engaged congratulations i hope your wedding goes well yeah i'm just i want you to like like history yes important is law but it's not like what should keep you in your relationship just because there's history if you like genuinely yeah like if you're happy in your relationship but i think i think you like one of you should get a new job like or maybe if you can get a new job right now like don't be torn to the idea of getting a new job maybe like apply yeah

because you don't need that stress. I agree. Or get the ick. Go to the airport security with them. I'm going to say we do one more. Yeah.

After I broke up with my high school boyfriend, dating for two and a half years, I started hooking up with his best friend. Anyways, I was at my best friend's house one day and my ex-boyfriend randomly showed up. Because his grandma died, very sad, I know, but I had to hide in a closet for over an hour so that my ex wouldn't know I was there. I would park my car at a subway up the street just in case this happened. The ex ended up finding out about us when he and his best friend

And I was hooking up and we went to Mexico. Considered that trip ruined. Damn. That's crazy. Yeah. I mean, I'm trying to think like you didn't really say like what the like distance between the ex and like the best friend time frame was. Like if it was like back to back, like real quick, like you went from like your ex-boyfriend to his best friend like right away. Then it's like.

that's bad but i mean if there's a big gap between it then i feel like again that's probably also something that happens very often because if their best friends are probably similar yeah you like best friends and you also see them all the time and they have to be similar yeah yeah it's like you're just yeah i agree it's whatever poor mexico shit all right i got stories everything is just a story to tell everything for the plot yeah like and i feel like every single story that we just talked about besides the peeing one you don't need to keep those to yourself

Like if you're playing never ever ever majority of those stories like bring it up but the peeing one keep that to your fucking self. You know what's funny like this girl probably was just like he he he that's funny and we're like never say that again. Nobody. And she's probably like she's probably like he he like it's so funny. Literally never tell it never tell anyone and I need you to stop. Yeah like literally please do not bring that up. I need you to stop. I need you to stop right now.

And if you're peeing on the floor, if you peed on the floor any time in this, like, hour and a half long episode, clean that up and never do it again. Put that fucking diaper on. Yeah, get a diaper. I'm, like, being serious. Get a diaper. No, literally, get a diaper. There's nothing wrong with it. Or just, like, spend your whole day scrolling on your phone on the toilet. Just sit on the toilet. Yeah, or...

Or just pee like a normal person. Yeah. Just like go to the bathroom. How many times do you have to pee that you can't get up to go pee? Same with a girl at the bar that peed herself. Like literally run outside that bar, pee in the back alley. Like I've peed in the back alley before. Bush, behind a car. Like I've peed everywhere besides my own pants at a bar. Like I've done it behind a car, porta potty. I've done it on a boat in the sink. That was because the toilet was clogged. Yep.

I'm not really a pee in the elements person, but I mean, I would do that before I pee my pants. Yeah. And stop fucking your cousins. Yeah. Don't fuck your cousins. Really great takeaways from this episode. I know. I hope we educated. Really great takeaways are wear socks to the airport if you're with your girlfriend and try to look cool in the metal detector. Yeah. Don't fuck your cousins. Don't post your concert videos on your story. And don't be on the floor.

And I feel like those are valuable lessons that every single person has to know. Yeah. I like don't like I was trying to think of like if I have any deep dark secrets that I can share with you guys but I feel like I just don't. I don't. Like my life is not that interesting and everything that I feel like would be a deep dark secret I would literally make a TikTok video about. Yeah no I literally would say it on the podcast like I've already discussed my poop schedule like I don't really have any secrets like I just kind of

tell the internet everything. I don't do shit. I don't piss on the floor. You know what I mean? I don't do shit like that. Yeah. You have a deep dark secret. I do? Yeah, you told me at Buford's. It wasn't at Buford's. It was at group therapy. Oh. Wait, you told me that there? Yeah, I told you and live at group therapy. Oh. Yeah, you do have a deep dark secret. I do have a deep dark secret. Okay.

Can I have one thing to myself? I know, I know, I know. I'm not going to say you should say it, but it's funny what I thought you said. No, it is very funny. We're thinking about the same thing. Yeah, what I thought you said to me. What I can do on command. No, not that! No, at Buford's! Oh, I thought you were talking about the secret. Okay, you had two deep dark secrets. No, okay. I have one deep dark secret, and Sam... I was telling her a deep dark secret, which...

I was telling her a deep dark secret and she misheard me and was like, so I told her something. Can I just say, yeah, you can say it. I don't care. So I tell her something and she goes, you know what? Like, it's okay. Like some people figure that out later in life and like whatever you want to do. And I go, what? Like, I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Like, she was so just like, you know, like it's okay. Like,

you can be who you are and i was like i'm really confused dude she looked so confused and i was like i was like wait like i'm trying to be like a helpful friend like and i was like what the fuck did you think i said she goes that you have lesbian dreams and i was like but i really appreciate the fact that you were um so supportive of me like she was just like honestly like didn't really face her night like just kind of like you know what like that's really okay like it

like you know what like do you and i was like excuse pardon like yeah dude i thought like that's what like she was doing like it was very funny like i was really that's just like peak of like my auditory processing not comprehending things in loud environments yeah and you just can't tell me important things in in loud environments because i'm gonna take it the wrong way when i tell you just like the sincere like it's really okay like

do whatever you want like some people figure that out later in life like if that's who you are like i was like you're like what because like what she did tell me it's not supposed to be sincere yeah i was okay what the fuck did you think i said yeah so that was just nice to know that um you support me yeah and whatever i wish to be like

It was really quite funny. You had to be there. Yeah, it was really funny. Really quite funny. Anyways, I have so much to do when we hang up this podcast episode. I'm going over to my boyfriend's cooking media dinner. I have to film like a try on haul, which if you were my assistant, you could have a readout. Yeah. So, well, I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. Got some laughs out of it. Some good takeaways from maybe the beginning of the episode. Not necessarily the end, but yeah.

I think that we already, well, some of the, some of you really need to hear the end. No, some of you that sent these in, like you really need to get your life together. Yeah. But on the other hand, everything else was kind of harmless. You can share that to the world who cares. Um, but yeah, thanks for listening. Love y'all. Make sure to follow the pod Instagram. It's funny over there. Five stars on Apple and on Spotify. It helps us a lot. And yeah, see you in the next one. This is below decks. Captain Lee. Listen to my new podcast, so,

Salty with Captain Lee. Um, don't you mean our podcast? Uh, yeah, I guess I do. Anyhow, listen to Salty with Captain Lee, co-hosted by my assistant, Sam. And we will be talking about the latest pop culture news and all the gossip every week.

So does this mean we have to talk by ourselves, about ourselves, or can at least have some guests on? I don't know. I find myself pretty interesting. But yeah, we can have some guests on. Some of our reality TV friends and some stars. Works for me. Listen to Salty now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.