Whitney Goodman | All About Therapy, What To Expect, Why You May Need It, Toxic Positivity 01:16:17

What's up guys, it's Sam and Taylor. And we want you to put your shoes on, pop open that energy drink, and go. What's up you guys, welcome back to another episode. I am Sam. And I am Taylor. Thank you for tuning in on another Friday. I wanted to let you guys know, real quick before we start, to give this podcast a little five-star review. Write something nice on Apple Podcast. Even if you're listening on Spotify, if you're on an iPhone, Apple Podcast probably comes with your phone. You probably have it.

just takes like two seconds give it a little rate write something nice write something funny um that would just help us out a lot so if you guys could do that it'd be much appreciated yes of course that definitely helps us out a lot on our end because obviously podcasting is a little bit different than instagram tiktok you name it so yeah it's like your version of like liking it exactly like the episode

Go do it. Second thing, merch. Yes, merch. The hats have been going crazy, okay? Going crazy. Going crazy. The white baseball caps actually might sell out completely. Very soon. Yeah, like in the near future. So I would get one because we did restock the pink after the first merch shop. So there's a possibility that maybe they can come back, but there's no...

There's no guarantee. Yeah. There's no promises. And if you watch YouTube, I'm currently wearing the Future Milf trucker hat. She's adorable. Forever will be my, like, favorite. I've been wearing the white cap. I have it here on the floor. I fucking love this guy. Like, you can literally wear it, like, just anywhere. It's so perfect. But, yeah, no guarantees that they're ever coming back. So...

Get it while you can. If you want to get it, get it now. And they're pretty affordable too. Yeah, $30 a hat. And we package them with love ourselves. Macro's licking my toes. They are packaged by yours truly. It is just us sitting here, sticking labels on it, bringing it to the post office. So yeah, your hat came directly from us in our house. Yeah, and one last thing.

of all the little catch-up thingies in terms of work is Fitness App. We finally have the admin panel, so that is super exciting. We are now in the process of uploading all the workout programs into the app. And once that is uploaded,

Once we start to figure out how long of a process this is going to take us, we'll then give you guys a launch date and we'll be so excited to hype up that launch date. Yeah, this is like the last itty-bitty part of the process. And then it's done. Yeah. And then it'll be out, ready for you guys to download on the App Store and Google Play on Androids. So...

Get hyped. Get hyped. Super excited about that one. There'll be more and more updates on the pod as we get closer. Yes. So should we tell them about the episode before we actually get into the episode? We should. This episode's all about therapy because I know a lot of y'all listening are crazy and need therapy. Yeah. As we all are. And if you're someone like me that has never gone to therapy, maybe you're not.

May have some dumb questions about therapy. Don't worry. I got you covered I asked all the simple dumb questions about therapy to kind of get it covered because Someone that never really grew up around that or knew really many people that went to therapy It was quite nice for me to kind of ask like those dumber questions But just like the simple questions like what to expect how it works all of that stuff. Um, give it a listen I'm sure it can help a lot of you if you're on the fence about whether or not you want to go to therapy Definitely listen to it through it's really like

Short, sweet, to the point. But since it's short, sweet, and to the point, that means we can ramble your ears off now before the interview gets started. Of course. And as you guys know, we got those lists on our phone. The lists belong, okay? The lists... I have...

A few things to say in my life revolving boys, okay? And I just want to rip it. Like, I want to, like, talk about it now because it's been, like... Rip the bandaid. I've just been itching for, like, girl talk. Yeah. And it's, like, this is my girl talk. But so, as you guys know, I said in the last episode, I'm single now. It's all good. But that's just what it is. And after being single for, like, two weeks...

Just, like, men, like, just have the audacity. Yeah, men really think they just, like, can do whatever they want. Like, put it in your fucking pants. Like, they don't have that much, but they have the fucking audacity. Like, it's wild. Like, I just got out here, bro. Yeah, like, you're on the streets. You're telling me there's already, like, toxicity? Yeah, no, it's bad, Taylor. It's been... This is why I've been single for, like, almost five years now. It's been...

Literally like... It's so bad. Two weeks. And how is there already like toxicity? Are we kidding? Yeah, no. It's truly... Welcome to the world, Taylor. It's something else. Welcome to the world. You might honestly regret it. I'm kidding. It's really just comical the way men just think that they can...

Just act how they do. I think this one, they either have no brain cells at all. Like, literally, there's no brain cells up there. And then the other one would just be that they're thinking with their dick. So, like, I guess both of those kind of go hand in hand. I'd say, yeah, both. They also just think that they're, like, way hotter and more of a catch than they are. I know. Like, ego through the roof. Ego is bad. They're also dumb. They don't think that, like...

Like guys think that they're so much smarter than girls. Yeah. They can like pull shit. No, you can't. Oh, yeah. No. And like, what do you think? Like, do you think I'm an idiot? Why did I sound British there? Yeah, I don't know.

But, like, Taylor, you gotta get a little bit more juicy than that. I'll get more juicy. I don't care getting more juicy. Taylor's still, like, in, like, that stage of, like, I don't really know if I want to put my whole fucking world out there, but you know what? I've been doing it since, like, the beginning. So I don't mind talking about my little boy drama. I mean, I can put, like... No, you're stuttering. How are you gonna be, like...

talking to me and flirting with me and then asked my good friend on a date. Disclaimer, not me. It's not me. Different friend. But like, what? I know. Like, as if like, you know, like,

you have like a group chat. Like, what are you on? And let's also keep in mind, like obviously Taylor, like obviously you don't want like anything serious, like at all. You just want some fun, like fun time. And it's like, I couldn't ask like any other girls in Austin on dates. Like why make it so complicated? The city is yours. You got a hinge, bro. Go on a hinge. Go on every day in the city. Like, I hope you honestly like,

like i hope you're looking for yeah but like my friend my good friend literally like what there's so many so many fish in the sea that's just like it's either he's lazy he's like so lazy and doesn't want to like search for other things and just like finds the next like closest thing i don't know but it's just yeah because it's like it doesn't it doesn't need to be a thing at all but like not my friend like

That's so bizarre. That's so bizarre. Second thing. I have one more boy thing to add. Of course. Add it. Men love... I feel like guys like to be like, oh, girls are so catfish with the makeup and the filters. What about your hat? Take that fucking hat off. I can't stand it. Literally take your fucking hat off because...

shave your face and take your hat off and then talk to me. Yeah. No, talk to me about a fucking filter or take her swimming on the first date. Like take your hat off.

Take you on a roller coaster on the first date. So you have to like... It's actually crazy how different a man looks when he's wearing a hat. Yeah. I was on Hinge. And I'm like, Sam, is this guy cute? And I'm like, because in the first picture, he's cute. But like in the last pictures, like he's not as cute. He's like... She's like in the first picture, he has a beard and a hat. And the second one, he's no beard, no hat. And it's like...

I feel like it's just not talked about enough. The hat catfishing that goes down. That's how I feel about the gym today. Hat catfishing is so bad. Guys, there's this cute guy at the gym. And, like, I'll get into the full story, like, in a second. But we ended up talking and he was wearing a hat. I'm like, I literally looked at Taylor. I'm like, do you think he's cute? Like, what if he takes off the hat and he's not cute? It really is a thing. And, like, it's cute. I don't know if I could say this. What? I was going to say it's giving Brad...

brad man like we love you and all but it's just because brad's older like brad's an old man it's just there's guys that always wear hats so look at it and think about it we're talking about bradley martin if no one knows what we're talking about poor brad brad's never gonna let us stay at his house again fuck no it's just don't let me get back to him take note of what guys are always wearing hats yeah

And then maybe pull a little social experiment. I'm trying to think of when do guys have to take out their hats. The national anthem at a baseball game. Take their hat off. Bring them to things that they aren't going to need to take their hat off. And then do a little... Like roller coasters or something. Go to Disneyland and go on roller coasters. Does the hat stay on? No, you've got to take that off. Hat and sunglasses need to come off when you're on roller coasters. I'm not saying on a roller coaster.

saying does it stay on is it glued on no does the man glue on his hat i'm gonna piss my pants and just sit proper on like during sex oh that's like socks during sex if your man does not take your socks off during sex or your hat like that's fucked but isn't it kind of awkward to like reach down and like take your socks off he's butt-ass naked but he has socks on what do you mean

No, you can't tell me that's like, that gives me the biggest egg.

Like, if I'm in bed with you and we're both butt-ass naked, but you have your socks on, like, no. Rip those things off. Let the dogs out. Let the fucking dogs out. Speaking of dogs, Mac is in the office right now eating my shoes. Anyways, I want to go into detail on my hinge experience because it's, like, something crazy. It's fresh. It's raw. Like, it's been happening the last few days. It happened, like, three hours ago. Yeah, three hours ago. Anyways, last week I was at the gym alone. Taylor and I did different rest days, and there was this cute guy at the gym, and...

Him and I would not stop staring at each other. I was like, why is he staring at me so much? Like he's so cute. Like what's going on? Keep in mind. He had throughout this whole story. Keep in mind. He has a hat. So Mac, um, whatever. The next day comes and he's there at the gym and Taylor's there with me. So I'm like, Taylor, I'm like, like, this is the guy that I saw at the gym the other day. Like the, the like eye contact was like so sexual. Like I could just fucking feel it. Like I knew he was staring at me and I was staring at him. And that day, um,

He wouldn't make a single, like, no eye contact whatsoever. I was like, okay, this is weird. Like, was I just, like, super in my head? And he, like, glared once. And then, like, there was nothing after that. So then... He went home and was like, this weird-ass girl was staring at me the whole day. Yeah, the whole day. So then, whatever. Three days go by. And after seeing him at the gym...

I go on my Instagram and I look at my DMs and he Instagram DM to me and he was like he said three things he goes first of all number one I didn't want to be that guy and make it awkward and say that we matched on hinge but he did it in like all those weird like upper lowercase fonts like it was like we matched yeah we match on so I was like okay so is he just saying that as like his pickup line for me or did we actually match on hinge because I didn't recognize him at all and

And then number two, he goes, I also have a serious crush on your dog. He's so cute. And then number three was... A crush on a dog is a really fucking weird way to word that. I know, I know. And then number three was, we should grab a lift this week or something along those lines. Like, I have no friends here. I just moved here. And...

I'm like, oh my goodness, this is so exciting. Like he DM'd me. I have no idea who this guy is. But then he's following me. So I'm like, okay, so I have to follow him back to see what he looks like because by his profile picture, I can't tell actually who he is. So I followed him on Instagram and my jaw dropped to the ground because I...

was matched with him on hinge and i actually to make it even worse i unmatched with this man on hinge because he was annoying me so badly in the hinge dms that i was like oh i can't do this like i can't you're annoying me so bad like i don't know what like we were just like he was just sending massive paragraphs back and forth with me and i'm like

either ask me for my number or like something or move on like i'm not having days on end conversations with you and hinge like yeah i just don't want to do it like make a move so i and i unmatched with him because i was like it's clearly never gonna happen and then he like turns out like a week later after on that matching with him he's my gym crush at the gym and so today at the gym he came up to me talked to me and i talked with him for like a few minutes and that was kind of it but he like wants to work out with me this week

And yeah, wait, they you have to catch them up on your date. Oh, yeah, guys. I went on a date last Friday, a hinge date. It was nice. But I was wearing heels and I was taller than him. So there's just not gonna be a date too. And I know that seems super shallow. But like, the heart wants what it wants. Yeah, like the heart wants what it wants. Like everyone has their preferences with guys. And like, height's a big thing for me just because I work out a lot. And like, I'm very like,

I'm athletic. I'm strong. And dating a guy that's shorter than me or even the same height as me, I will not feel as feminine or girly. I need a man that's going to be either taller than me or bigger, more muscular than me just so I feel girly. I don't know how to explain it. I feel that. But it has nothing to do with...

Him as a person, like, he's not a shitty person. It's just, like, me personally. Like, I want to feel girly and I want to feel, like, not, like, at the same level as my man. I don't know. Yeah, and I feel like things can be, like, good enough to, like, overpower the height difference. But if then they're not, then it's, like, it's just not for you. Yeah, but also it's very hard when you're trying to meet someone from Hinge when, like, that's already, like, the first issue. Like, how am I supposed to, like, overcome those, like, next barriers and, like, getting to know someone? Yeah.

Right, then it would probably just be like being in more like group settings. Exactly. But I just don't think that's going to happen. You see them out unplanned. Yeah. Which is like... That's just not going to happen. It's hinge. Right, but like you could see someone, you could see them out. Yeah, I really doubt it though. Austin is a small town. I feel like you see fucking everybody. Yeah. Yeah, so that was that. Um...

So, yeah, we'll keep updates on, like, the gym boy that I unmatched with on Hinge. He wears a hat, so I need him to take off the hat to see if he's, like, actually, like, really cute. But we'll see. Macro, stop eating the hat. Thank you. Thank you. Um...

Do you have anything else? Oh, yeah. I got a lot of things. Okay. We do football Tuesdays now, which is so much fun. It is so much fun. We go to our guy friends' flag football games on Tuesdays. And let me tell you, if you live in Austin, Texas or any other city, and you're single like me, and you are looking for a man, you got to go to the flag football games or the baseball games or anything. Cheer on your friends. Scout the teams. And...

It can happen. Like, there's a lot of good-looking guys, like, on these flag football teams. Shout out the white team last night. Yeah, number 22. If anyone knows who the white team number 22 was, let me know. I didn't act soon enough on it. So hopefully we see him in playoffs or something. Yeah. Because then I would go up to him. Hopefully our friends make it to playoffs. I know. It's so embarrassing. If our team doesn't make it to playoffs, I'm going to be pissed. I'm going to be embarrassed.

Yeah, me too. I'd be big time embarrassed. But that's a good time. And we also do football, like NFL football. Yeah. Every day. It's literally a Thursday, Saturday, Sunday. NFL football is not. Well, okay. College football is on Saturday. So like football is just 24-7. Football. My mom even knows I'm in my football era. Football era. She texted me. She was like, yeah, because you're in your football era. I'm like, yes, mom. I am in my football era. Yes. Thank you for keeping up. I love it. Because I am in my football era. Do I care? No.

About football? No. But the social event of watching a game is a good time. No, like, honestly, all the guys are in it for, like, the money because they're, like, betting and shit. But I'm just in it for the Pats. Like, go Pats all the way. Pats all the way. I'll be going to the Pats games every single Sunday watching the Pats if they lose. That's sad. But will I cry over it? Probably not. It's fine. Go Tom Brady. I'll root for Tom Brady, too. But the Pats, all the way.

Okay. It's just funny because people get like so pressed like on social media when I'm like, go pass. And then someone will swipe me back. No, go to see him. I'm like, bro, it's like honestly not that deep. Like I'm just here for a good time and vibes. Yeah, I'm just there to like people watch. Yeah. Scout the scene. 100%. So that's...

That's been our weekend vibes. Haven't been going crazy on the drinking because we have San Diego next week, so I want to lay low again this week and then go to San Diego ready to fucking go. I told my friends. We've been getting so close with them. I have been like...

saying whatever, doing whatever, acting however I want, like, in front of our friends. And, like, it takes a lot for me to do that. And now I'm doing that. And I told them, I was like, get ready for the... Get ready. Get ready for the storm of Sam in San Diego. Well, San Diego's gonna be so fun. I kind of do want to go out this weekend, but... I don't. I do. Just once. No. I like being out and about. We'll see where it takes us. But, like, honestly, I'm kind of sick of the scene. Like, we go to the same places every single time. I just want to be out and about. Like...

We haven't gone to Rainy Street in forever. I know, and now that it's cooler, I could be tempted. Yeah. We haven't gone there in a very long time. For instance, guys, if you don't know about Austin, Texas, Rainy Street, all the bars are purely outside. So over the summer, it's dreadful to go there. Yeah, it's super dreadful. Because you can get away with going to 6th Street, and some of the bars are inside and outside, so you get a little bit of AC. So that's fine. Yeah. Let's talk about birth control real quick. Because...

um i'm stressing okay i'm getting all the symptoms of like approaching a period but this time around i didn't get my period there was no blood no period whatever and the symptoms are gone so it's like i my immune system has shit the bed right before my period and along with taylor like we're both kind of in the same boat right before my period i'm like it's like

Like, straight up illness. Yeah. I'm on the couch. No, the first one was really bad. This time, though, wasn't as bad. And I think you said yours was the opposite. Mine was the opposite. Yeah. So my first time, I threw up. Second time, which was literally last week, I just had, like, the sniffles so bad. I couldn't breathe. I was so congested. And then it kind of went away.

And I never got my period. I'm really weak around that period. Oh my god, the natural energy is so low. Really, really, really bad. I got a lot of recommendations from you guys though. I really appreciate it. I went on my story and I gave you guys an update. A lot of people were saying to supplement some iron around that time. Just a bunch of hormonal supplements that you guys were sending me. So I'm going to start to look into it and see when I should be supplementing these things next.

And see if they will help me in any way. Yeah, I'm like asleep at all hours the week of my period and like

the week before. Yeah. So, we'll see. And Taylor got ovulation... I got ovulation test strips. And it also came with pregnancy test strips. But they were really cheap. It was like $10 on Amazon and it came with 50 ovulation tests and 20 pregnancy tests. Almost all of them came in a pack of both. That's why I got both because that's just kind of how they came. To maybe just help with like the tracking my cycle stuff. Um...

You can just check if you're ovulating. You use it like a pregnancy test. And, like, I have no, like, no desire to be, like, hooking up with anyone anytime soon. I haven't had sex in, like, maybe, like, three months. I've been off birth control for two months. So, obviously, throughout being off birth control, I have not had sex once. And I just don't really have any plans to. I really just want to regulate my body. And then maybe, you know, not hook up with anyone. Try to...

Just lay low. Check back after San Diego. Fuck, I'm going to jinx myself so bad. No, honestly though, like if there's a very sexy man in San Diego, like... And you know what's the funny thing? We're staying in a house with our guy friends. So it's what, like...

five guys and us three girls and we were saying like these boys are gonna be nasty they're gonna be taking home girls every single night i'm like no fuck that we're gonna do that no i said if they bring home a girl then i'm like getting my venmo back for the airbnb like don't be gross no i'm don't be gross but it's like they can do it so can we period exactly i hate the double standards especially with like your body count i hate that stuff

Wow, you're really just getting into the deep stuff. Oh, I know. I really am. Anyways, I want to talk about one last thing for like no reason at all other than just kind of random about it because Taylor and I were ranting about it. But the whole Mikaela makeup gal guru. I wanted to talk about this too. No way. And we're talking about it right now, right here. I wanted to talk about this too. I'm so glad you brought it up because I've been dying to talk about it. Talk about it.

well anyways i want to say her response back to all this bullshit was fucking immaculate phenomenal i have quite like this topic honestly gets me like goring it gets me really fucking pissed off because we are talking about like i don't care how much you don't like what she said she didn't it wasn't anything like you know we're not talking like

slurs and like stuff like that. Okay. Someone just said something you didn't really like. And it's someone that just does makeup on the internet. Like, does it like the world will continue to like keep turning? Who the fuck cares? And like, I will also never understand the people who, if you don't like a person on the internet, like,

Do you realize that you just made her the most viral person? Yeah, everyone was talking about it on podcasts, TikTok, Instagram. Like, everyone was talking about it. So it's like, okay, counterproductive. Two, the clip of her... I'm not saying that what she said wasn't, like... Was it tone-deaf? 100%. But there was more context to the video. Like, she literally started it by saying, like, I'm really angry, like, I'm tired, I'm pissed, whatever.

she was responding to a hate comment and she literally said like, I'm going to sound like, you know, tired and pissed because I am. And it's like,

People are allowed to like misspeak and like have things come off not how they may be intended right at the beginning. Like if everyone... People will take one little thing and fucking run with it. And like the thing is like I'm not going to be out here saying like an influencing job is harder than other jobs in terms of amount of physical work. But I think people don't realize how someone like Mikayla...

is running a very crazy business. Michaela is huge in a very quick amount of time. Yeah. That is not a easy, non-stressful thing to do. That is very difficult. Yeah. Obviously, the 519, that's a very tone-deaf comment. Secondly, the comment on Jaclyn Hill's stuff.

A lot of people made this point and I couldn't agree more. If you happen to blow up on TikTok and you were commenting about Michaela, just how a lot of people comment about Jacqueline because Jacqueline was like a very quote unquote canceled person at the time. Like a lot of people were doing exactly what you're doing to Michaela. If you left hate comments on Michaela stuff during this whole time and then you blew up and got viral, then what?

Yeah, you're that same fucking person. You're the same person. And now, like, I've never left a troll comment on anyone's page. Neither have I. I don't like the comments on Jacqueline's, but the thing is, like, how are you going to cancel someone else with more troll comments? Like, what? Yeah, make it make sense. Like, honestly. Make it make sense. And another thing, too, coming from Mikaela's end, like, she did, like...

For me, personally, when I saw that she had left hate, I was like, oh, come on. Like, that's, like, what's going on here? Like, why was she doing that? And when she explained herself, like, she comes from a very bad place of jealousy. Like, jealousy overtook her life. She was constantly comparing herself to other people. And the way that she took out that jealousy was through, like, knocking that person down that she was jealous of. And that's just how every fucking hater is. That's how every troll is. Like, if I get a hate comment, I'm like, you're jealous. Like, you want to be me. Right. And...

Basically, like kind of going off of like what she was saying is that like you learn, you grow, like you go through these phases in your life.

And you adapt and you make those mistakes knowing that you're going to be better like the next year, month from now. So it's like no one's ever perfect ever in their entire life. So if someone messed up or made a mistake or did something bad, it's like they're not that person for the rest of their life. And you need to understand that because reflect on yourself. Have you done something fucked up or shitty in your life? And maybe you regret it.

Are we going to drag you out for that? Are we going to accuse you for being that person for the rest of your life? I would sure hope not. I would never want anyone to feel like they have to like relive something in their past for the rest of their life and they should be able to learn and grow from it. So this is just like a kind of a learning experience seeing someone so big like Michaela go through this and realize that like everyone goes through shit like this. Like, I'm sorry. I'm just so passionate about it because obviously I've been canceled on the internet and

I've been dragged for things I've said on the podcast or things that I've supposedly done in my past in like high school. So like, it's just crazy to me that people really still out here doing this type of stuff with like content creators and dragging them out. Yeah. It's honestly so unbelievably, unbelievably pathetic because I think it really, really blurs the line between what's actually an issue and what's so God damn stupid. Because then it's like,

People... You're putting people that get cancelled for, like, sexual assault in the same boat as people who said their job is hard. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You're, like, cancelling them equally. Like, you...

The world is saying like both of these people should like not have careers and like drag them like drag them. Like the same amount as like someone like committing a crime and someone just like you don't agree with what they said. Yeah. And you think they both should just end their careers. What the fuck? Yeah. Like there's no line between it. I'm on the morning toast. Jackie made this comment. I think it truly ended cancel culture entirely. Yeah.

She said, you can disagree with something and not be offended by it. Like, because people just want to be, like, offended. Like, you can disagree that influencing... Mikaela says influencing is hard. You can disagree. But why are you offended as if she told you your job isn't hard? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, taking, like, offense. It's like, you don't got to be, like, on guard. She didn't say your job isn't hard. Yeah. She just said, like, her job is hard. And everyone complains about their job. Everyone. Everyone.

like let's be real no one wants to work everybody wants to work this girl made such a funny video she was like my job could be sitting on the couch watching tv all day she's like that could be my job but i'd complain about it yeah because then suddenly like you're bored because you can't get up you have to sit you know i'm saying yeah you can complain about literally anything so like who cares also i can ramble with this for the last thing i'm gonna say

I think it's just because it's a new age of things. And back in the day, like, let's say new, like, actresses, actors, the people that were the height of all of this, before influencers were a thing, people probably didn't, like, take them seriously. And then the same shit, like, oh, your life is so easy. And it's, like, now people have more sympathy for people that are, like, established, actual, real, like, celebrities and people, but, like, not for influencers. And it's, like, hate to break it to you, but, like, someone like Mikaela, like, is a celebrity. Yeah.

Like, kind. Like, she is. Like, Addison Rae, Charli D'Amelio, celebrities. And that's just, like, the truth. Yeah, I know. Cancel culture is... It's fucking weird. It's gone worse and worse over the last year. It's so out of pocket. Ever since, like, social media has really grown, like, people will literally take any small thing, and it's... I've said this a million times, like, on TikTok. Like, it's all just negative stuff. Like, why can't, like...

That's that's you know, it is the hard part about TikTok is that it's not like your platform. Like on Instagram, you can be following me and my platform and I what I'm bringing to the table on TikTok is what I'm bringing. But if like, you know, TikTok, you're not following anyone. So you're just constantly scrolling and seeing what you're kind of interacting with, if that makes sense. So it's just it's tough out here. It's tough on the streets because it's like I didn't see anything about Michaela on Instagram. Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. I didn't see a single thing about it. And if you're, like, engaging in and you're really into the videos, like, honestly, I was a silent, like, engager. Like, I was just, like, watching. I was like, oh, shit. I just felt bad for, like, my thing with influencers sometimes is when there's someone around you that puts a lot of people at risk. And, like, I get it. Like, but I'm saying more for, like, big, big, big time people who have, like...

watching their stuff. Like, for example, the thing that happened with Sydney Sweeney. She, like, posted something. And it's like, listen, I'm not gonna, like, cancel you right now, but, like, that was stupid. Like... Who's that? The girl from Euphoria. I don't know. She mostly posted a picture with, like, her family and they were wearing, like, Trump hats and, like, shirts, which, like, obviously caused issue. Like, the picture caused issue. But, like, regardless, that's not the point. My point is, who allowed you to post that? Don't you have, like...

a PR team don't you have people that handle this who allowed you to post that so I think that's like what goes through my head half the time I'm just like who allowed you to post that unless unless it's posted on purpose yeah I was gonna say it could be a PR move unless it's posted on purpose but like

Like, if we're talking, like, Kardashian level. Like, Kim Kardashian is in a bunch of shit for, like, these giveaways and these, like, sponsored things she was doing. Who let you do that? Like, what? Like, what are you doing? Like, I just don't get it. Like, don't you have a whole team of people doing that for you? I don't get it. But, I mean, like I said, it might be on purpose. Yeah. But I just, like, literally, how are people getting away with saying these things? Like...

Like, does your, like, don't you have a group chat of, like, 50 people, like, managing you? Aren't they, like? No, take it down. Yeah. And another thing, too, to keep in mind, also, with, like, the whole, like, influencers get paid so much, like, type of shit, like...

There there's a really big difference and like it really like irritated me seeing like oh like She gets paid like 50k for one tick-tock How can she complain like not every content creator out there is like that like she's at a different level We still are like busting our asses to like you have to what you have like right brand deals Don't like I wish I was making that much money for a fucking brand deal. I'm not getting emails

all day long about money I'm outreaching to brands like it's like it's a it's a grind and a half like in terms of like it's not just coming to me like I don't just sit back relax and get emails saying that they're gonna pay me $30,000 that's not that's not how it is some people that is how it is for a lot of people it's not

I think a lot of people, there's also a big misconception with like Amazon storefronts. People are like, they're making all this money on Amazon. No, we're not. Amazon doesn't pay you a good commission. Like it's just like a lot of like, they assume that because you're making like,

livable money as like a single 20 something year old that you're like yeah rich no i know and it's like no i'm just making livable money i don't have kids yeah no kids we were literally taylor and i have been talking about this and like this is something that i can picture myself doing and we were saying we're like what if we just like rented this town home for the rest of our life no kids no worries just pets traveled whenever we wanted to and all we had to do was pay our rent and

just live for the rest of our life like that's all we had to do like who said no mortgages because we were like oh and car payments and stuff but what are you gonna do for the rest of your life like what are you gonna do when you grow up like what who says who why can't i just do this yeah like why can't i just stay here with my best friend why do things have to change why can't i just get like another cat why can't i get another dog i'm like complaining about like oh i can't get another dog because i'm a frenchies frenchies are so small we could have like 10 max oh my god even like

really notice mac needs another frenchie buddy um so yeah we just like why why do you have to like grow up and like change things like i don't get it you don't i don't either let's just keep renting this place no let's get a bigger a little bit of a bigger place next time

and just that's gonna be our our home we just need a backyard like all we need is a backyard and i'm good to go literally but we've been talking for i know we have a long time sorry rant that's just like life you know like we just have to fill you guys in on what's going inside of our little brains yeah and i hope you guys enjoy it i hope you guys enjoyed it so much and now we have whitney goodman on to talk about therapy because seeing as everything we just talked about we probably need therapy

But anyways, enjoy the episode. This is my therapy. Literally. Enjoy the episode. Bye, guys. Bye. Okay, guys, and now we're here with Whitney Goodman. If you want to give a little intro to yourself, introduce yourself, what you do, who you are. Yeah, hi. I am Whitney. I'm a licensed psychotherapist in the state of Florida, and I work with adults who are struggling with their relationships with themselves, with family, et cetera. We're in Florida. I'm from Florida.

Oh, nice. I just moved to the St. Pete, Tampa area, but I was in Miami before that. Okay. Yeah. I'm from Miami. Nice. I lived in Miami for like 10 years. So. Oh, cool. Where are you originally from? I'm from Clearwater originally. So I moved back home. My husband is born and raised in Miami. Gotcha. Yep. All right. Well, I'm kind of curious. Obviously, we know what you do, but like what kind of got you into it? Like what inspired you?

Yeah, so I've always liked talking to people, learning about them. When I was graduating with my bachelor's, I had a degree in sociology and gender studies. Could do nothing with that. So I started looking online and I really liked what it sounded like being a therapist would be like. So I went straight into grad school from undergrad. It's the only job I've ever had. And I feel very fortunate that I like it and feel like I'm in the right spot for it.

um so i want to go in like kind of all in on therapy because i know it's a topic that now is talked about more but before it wasn't it was like if you were in therapy like it's because you're crazy um kind of sort of thing so i want to kind of give everyone the rundown kind of like why therapy why it's something that most people should have in their life not just if you're crazy or you think you're spiraling like why therapy

So I agree. I think even just over the last like four years, the conversation has changed so much. And now I hope and I think people are seeing therapy as something that's just a place where you can check in with yourself, see how things are going, have somebody that's able to have a conversation with you without looking at their phone or talking about themselves for an hour and really get like that unbiased perspective. Yeah.

I think anybody can benefit from therapy, but the best time to go is definitely when you notice that your life isn't going in a direction that you want it to go or you feel like some of the symptoms that you're having are starting to get worse and impact you. What symptoms would you say those are?

So definitely not sleeping, having racing thoughts, feeling irritable, having trouble getting out of bed in the morning. Those are typical ones. Noticing that your relationships are struggling, I think, are some of the most common ones for people. Mm-hmm. So...

um now that we went over the signs I think finding a therapist and the way to go about therapy is hard for people I know even right now I used to be in therapy and now I want to start again and the thought of finding a therapist um how to connect with one if it should be in person online like going about that whole process of finding the right one for you what does that really look like

It's so complicated and I wish it was an easier process. I think first you have to decide like, am I going to use my insurance or not? Unfortunately, a lot of therapists don't take insurance because the system is so messed up. If you are going to use your insurance, you can just go through your insurance company and ask them for a list and

of people that take your insurance, I think that's the best place to start. If you're flexible and maybe can pay out of pocket, then just starting by Googling, going on Instagram, social media, learning who's in your state. Most therapists to work with you, they have to be licensed in the state where you live.

So if I'm in Florida, I can only work with people that are living in the state of Florida. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable with the therapist and like you can have a relationship with them, be honest with them. Everything like their training and all that I think comes second to that. Okay. Yeah. I definitely feel like that was a struggle I had, like finding the right one because I don't know. I feel like it makes me like

not want to like try again because I don't know how well I vibe with my last one but I know I need to go through the people say it's like dating like you have to like date different therapists and like find the right one yeah I personally have never done therapy but kind of like the thought like the whole concept it kind of sounds like

oh if i don't find the right therapist then someone will come up with the excuse of oh therapy's just not meant for me or it's not right for me and i feel like i know i can't really speak on experience but i feel like that's not like the right mentality to have with it like definitely keep like pushing and finding the right fit for it because i've definitely listened to a few podcasts or even talked with you and i've been like thinking of like it's like you said the dating aspect to find the right one now my question for you is i don't know if this is like an appropriate question but

Has there been like quite a bit of times where you've noticed or had like, it's not clients, is it? That's what it's called? Yeah, clients. Yeah, I would call them clients. Where you meet with them once a few times and they kind of realize that maybe the fit is not there. Like, is it something that's noticeable right away for a client? Or is that something that it takes a little bit of time to figure out maybe the connection is not there?

So I do a phone call first, like a free, usually a 10 minute phone call just to figure out, can I help this person with what they're struggling with? And I'm pretty upfront as I think a lot of therapists are, should be is in saying like, Hey, this isn't a good fit. Like you want to work on an eating disorder and I don't have training in that. Or it sounds like you're looking for someone with a little bit more of this approach. And,

And the therapist should be able to tell you that before you've even gone in to a first session. I think what you're talking about is also just like personality fit and not really feeling like you're gelling. I think sometimes that can take like definitely three to four sessions because it's uncomfortable. You're talking to a stranger and like sharing about your life. But if you start to feel like,

I don't feel like I can trust this person. Like I want to tell them about my life. That's a sign to maybe be like, Hey, I don't think this is the best fit. And I've told clients that before. And I think sometimes they've been like, yeah, it doesn't feel great. I want somebody that's older. I want to work with a male and then we can make referrals and transfer them out.

Good. Yeah, I like that. I like that that it's like more of an open conversation where rather than the client maybe feeling a little bit like uncomfortable or like feeling like they're hurting your feelings. Yes, exactly. Because I can definitely even in like other aspects of the world of like personal training and other stuff like that. It's like

Sometimes it can be a tough conversation being like, okay, we're just not the best fit for each other. And I know therapy can be a touchy subject. So that's good to see that it's like an open conversation. Yeah, like one of the reasons I'm talking about getting back into therapy, I didn't want to go back to the therapist I had previously. She was...

super sweet great but she was like an older lady and my job right now is social media so pressures around my job and my career and explaining that just I don't think right now would like connect like if I was stressed over like a brand deal like she doesn't get that so like little things like that where it's like okay I don't think that would work again because how would she have any insight to relate to social media as my job yeah that's a good point

Yeah. And I think the biggest thing is like, are they open to like learning about it and trying to understand it? Because you're never going to find a therapist that's been through exactly what you have. But there are some clinicians that are going to be like, you know what, I just don't get this. And maybe also give you platitudes of like, it's not that big of a deal. Like, why are you so stressed about social media? Because they don't know what it feels like to be in that position. Right. Yeah.

Um, so you said you talk a lot, um, like in your practice or maybe just, I should say like the main focus of your practice is like family relationships. Is it also like romantic relationships, like everything of that sort? Yeah. Most of the people I work with are like age 25 to 35 and struggling with relationships, either with their parents, dating, romantic partners, or just family dynamics.

Okay, I kind of want to touch on the family dynamic stuff because I think that's really important and something not talked about. Like, is there, like, how many instances or, like, would you say it's extremely popular that stuff from childhood is what's manifesting in people as adults that they just, like, don't realize that that's what it is?

I think it's really common that that can happen. But I find, especially with social media now, that we blame childhood like 100% of the time. And there's things that you could have picked up in, you know, your teenage years, early adulthood that are also impacting you now. It's not just childhood. Okay. I agree. I do see that a lot as like,

I see people talking about that all the time it's very common now to talk about like the inner child stuff yeah very very common theme on social media so that's what I wanted to ask but things that are affected with what are the common family dynamics you see then if it's not the childhood stuff

So I'm working a lot with like young adults who are, you know, getting older. Maybe there's having difficult transitions with their parents in terms of like what their relationship looks like, especially with COVID people moving home after they were away. Parents getting divorced when their kids are adults, parents who use their kids as like their therapist. I work with a lot of dynamics like that.

Interesting. Are they just one person in the family or the whole family sitting down for family therapy? Usually I'm just working with one person as the client, but then sometimes they will bring a family member into the sessions or multiple family members if they're open to coming to therapy. Okay. Very interesting. Now, if you have someone listening right now that has something –

family related and they want to get their family in and maybe their family is not super supportive of therapy. How, what is some advice or question, something that you would give them to kind of get their family member open to coming into a session?

I think the best thing you can do is model that behavior of like you going to therapy, talking about how it's positively impacting you. Having that own change happen in their life. I get so many phone calls from people being like, how can I get my husband to go to therapy? How can I get my daughter to go? But they're not willing to go themselves. Yeah. And you're not going to convince someone to do something that you won't even do. Yeah. For yourself. That's, that's definitely a good point. I mean, I've,

I like very openly talk about my mental health and my struggles with it and stuff. And like, for example, like right now, like a few people in my life are like, maybe we should start going to therapy again. But it is interesting because none of them go. And obviously their mental health struggles aren't as like aren't like mine. So they maybe don't have a quote unquote reason, even though you don't need like a full reason to go. But it is interesting because it's hard to just be like, oh, we'll just go when it's like,

If you don't go and you don't know what it's like and you don't know how to help me find a good one, that's definitely, I think, an important take because I didn't really realize that, that that might be why it feels harder because they're not going either, so why should I? Yeah. Kind of thing. It almost makes you feel also kind of like outcasted, like you need help.

A thousand percent. It creates this weird power dynamic there of like, you have a problem, you need to fix it. And like, I'm perfect and I don't need to do anything. When most of the time when we're talking about, especially family dynamics, people are all playing a role in some way, whether that means like they're not setting boundaries, they're not speaking up for themselves. Like there's something going on to allow that behavior to continue happening. What like you said, setting boundaries, what could that look like for people? Yeah.

So I think first identifying where in your life do you feel resentful? Do you feel like you're frustrated with people? And then thinking about what can I do to protect myself in this situation? I think we often think about boundaries as being how am I going to change your behavior, but instead saying, what am I going to do? So one that comes up a lot is like, I don't want my parents to talk bad about each other to me.

And when that happens, you might say, I know you're going through a hard time, mom, but I can't listen to you talk about dad that way. And really setting a boundary in that moment of what you're willing to listen to. Yeah. I think a lot of people are probably scared to speak up about that stuff or say that stuff. But –

Like, I know that's definitely, like, how I am as a person. Like, saying that stuff, like, I kind of have to wait to, like, a, like, breaking point to, like, say that kind of stuff. But I think that's why this episode is just convincing me to go to therapy.

it's just me coming to terms with the fact that I should start going to therapy again this episode was an intervention yeah I mean I've always like wanted to try going I think it's just me getting my first step like into actually doing it so I guess because I know there's probably so many other girls listening right now that have never gone to therapy and are kind of thinking about it what is it some advice you would give to someone that is like not like afraid to do it but kind of just like

Yeah. Hesitant to put the first step into going and looking. I feel like one of the biggest fears is people not really knowing what it's going to be like or having like false beliefs about what therapy is actually like. And so just to kind of demystify that some, like, I think just taking the first step of like, could I start looking at some people and

And maybe sending them an email, you know, like, can you tell me a little bit more about what you do if picking up the phone seems scary? I have people ask me all the time, like, what is a session with you like? And most therapists will be willing to explain exactly what it's going to be like sitting with them. Doing something virtually can also feel a lot more comfortable for people who maybe don't want to go into an office, right?

And even just committing to like, can I do an introductory call with a couple of people, see how I feel, and then I'll take the next step. Yeah. I like what you just said about kind of giving an example of what the first session would be like. So I'd love to hear what you would tell your potential client.

Yeah. So the first session with me is definitely just getting to know each other. Like I'll go through paperwork, ask some questions, try to identify what is it that you want to work on? A question I always ask is if therapy was successful, what would change in your life? What would get better? What would look different? And so it's,

the first session is not that scary. I don't think just because it's more just about like, can you talk to me about what's been going on for you? And I'm more leading the session. Yeah, of course. And I think another concern or something, at least I will always say is like, Oh, I don't have the time. So my question for you is how often, how long are the sessions? And like, what is the, like the typical average for someone to see a therapist? Yeah.

So most therapists do sessions for like 50 minutes once a week. The group that I work with are people who are not really dealing with like serious mental illness. So they're people more like fitting therapy into their life. And I would say I see most people either once a week or every other week.

And then I have clients who will come in after we've worked on something maybe once a month or once every other month just to check in and kind of like keep that relationship going. If you're working with someone who's private pay, you can be as flexible as you want.

I do 20-minute, like, check-in sessions, too, on the phone when people are, like, having a bad day and need a check-in or just to, like, vent about something. Yeah. Yeah, I did once a week. And then as things were kind of, like, resolving themselves, it was, like, every other week and then as needed. Right, exactly. And I agree. I was really nervous about how things were going to go because I had no idea, like –

What they were going to ask, what they were going to say. It was virtually. So that did honestly help because I felt more comfortable talking in like my own, like probably my computer up in my own bed and like talking. It's more like comfortable. But I was very nervous for what it was going to be like. And then.

I'm getting referred to a psychiatrist by her to get like antidepressants and like anxiety medication. I was also terrified. I was like, I'm going to call these people. They're going to make me go to an office and like do crazy tests on me. None of that happened. Yeah.

None of that happened at all. Like I was just terrified of what was going to go down. Like just like it just sounds so scary. That's literally what I thought. She was like, maybe go see a psychiatrist. I was like, oh my God, I'm going to have to like go to a hospital, get like all these tests done, like all these scans. Like what are they going to tell me? I literally just got on another phone call with someone else. Like it was so seamless and so easy. And I was like, wow, I was terrified. I thought I was going to have to do something crazy. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think that's definitely like that was the biggest thing for me is not knowing what to expect. But I would agree like my first session was the same thing. Just like normal basic questions, like literally like what you would talk about on like a first date, like like the normal stuff. Yeah. Yeah. So you are also the author of a book.

Yes, I am. So I want to talk about that for a little bit. So the book is Toxic Positivity. What does that like mean to you? What inspired that to you?

Yeah, so toxic positivity is really just like our obsession with being positive and happy all the time, no matter what the circumstances. And in my work as a therapist and just like being a human being, I noticed how much pressure people were putting on each other to be happy or positive all the time. And I saw how detrimental that was to our mental health.

In what ways, like specifically? Do you have like examples maybe? Yeah. So the first thing is that it really causes us to isolate. So something I saw was that people would be talking about something they're going through and someone would say, don't worry about it. You have so much to be grateful for. Like everything will happen for a reason when it's supposed to. And in that moment, if you're going through something difficult, I know for me, I would immediately shut down and be like, okay, I'm never talking to this person about this.

again, because they don't get it. They don't want to hear from me. So it makes us isolate. And also it stops us from connecting with each other over the stuff that's difficult and that we need to share about. I think in my experience with that and like those kind of comments, it almost makes me feel like, like I'm kind of like, like stupid in a way. Like, oh, like you would find this like no big deal, but I find it as a big deal. And like, am I just like,

kind of stupid for me. Like, am I like crazy? Cause like you're saying it's no big deal, but it's a very big deal to me. And like, if it seems like if I were you, I could handle it in a second and I can't. Yep. Exactly. Exactly. And a lot of people will say like, but some people just are dramatic or they make a big deal. And the thing I like to always point out is that

We love to say that about other people. But if anyone tells you that you're being dramatic or you're making a big deal out of something, it feels terrible. So like who gets to decide, you know, when something is a big deal or isn't. Yeah, that's a good point. One thing that I've definitely noticed like over the years, especially moving out and like surrounding myself with new people in my life is like how different everyone like the way everyone else grew up and like

their different types of like sensitivities or like triggers and all of that just because like growing up I'm just surrounded by like my two brothers and then you start to like throughout the years meet new people different types of like sensitivities new relationships and it's just it is crazy to see how different like everyone's not like triggers because that's the wrong word but like

sensitivities are. Um, so it is definitely important to like consider that too and notice, um, everyone's different. I don't even know the words I'm looking for. Yeah. Well, I think it's also just, I was actually making tech talks about this. Um,

A few days ago, I was kind of made a joke about like when you tell someone that like you have depression and they're just like, oh, we'll be happy. Like, yeah, I don't like think happy thoughts like it just like kind of like a joking little take talk about that. And a lot of people in the comments didn't get it. And we're just telling me like, but it does work like think happy. And I was like, what?

If that actually worked, I think there would be a lot less depressed. You probably wouldn't have a job. Yeah, I know. Yeah. You'd probably be unemployed. I've been told that works for literally like a hundred years and it has yet to work. So... Yeah. And...

I'd like there's also like the TikTok comments where so many people are praised on the internet for like always being so positive and like well but that's such a good comment people get all the time yeah like oh you're so positive how like what does that even mean yeah and also with social media though it's like people are only showing one aspect of their life like there are definitely like those like

types of people content creators out there that just so such positive stuff because when you go to their page it's like you want to see all that positive stuff and that's why they comment oh you're so positive all the time but i just don't think any of that is necessarily very realistic yeah no not at all i agree a hundred percent um so what like was there a certain moment that inspired that to you to like write a whole book about it

Yeah, I got on Instagram as a therapist in like 2018 and started posting stuff. And I made this chart that was like,

toxic positivity on one side where I listed some of those phrases and then things you could say instead on the other side. And it got so much traction that I kept writing about it over the years. And eventually I was like, okay, I need to do more with this than just talk about it on Instagram. And it turned into a book like two and a half years later. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. I was looking at your Instagram and I saw those. I'm actually trying to like

see if I can pull some up to um like if there's like examples of them because I saw some on your Instagram I should have screenshotted them yeah I feel like they might be far down I don't know if I've posted about it yeah okay well they're on like a highlight and I think it's there's one that stood out to me this is one I saw it stay out to me of like um the ones about like racism like um

I think they were just good examples, like people just kind of dismissing it. Like on one side, it's just like, let's all love each other. Like, I don't see color. Love everyone. Like, focus on the positive. Look how many people are coming to support you. And then all the other side of like, you actually have to do things to fix something. And it's kind of like the people that are just like sending love.

Exactly. Exactly. Like praying for you and it's like, okay, but this is an actual problem that needs to be fixed. Yeah. Like that's not going to work. Or like just like little things like this one says like things you can stay instead of don't worry, you'll be fine. Like, can you walk me through what's happening to you? What are your opinions? I hear you. Like, how can I be helpful? It's like, it's almost like to me, it's like actually giving an actionable response, right?

rather than just the words that sound nice. Toxic positivity is ultimately like giving someone a really simple solution for a complicated problem that you have not bothered to learn anything about. So the opposite is just trying to understand and ask questions and like get to know what someone is experiencing. Yeah, 100%. So...

I kind of want to like do one last little like backtrack because we talked about like the family dynamics in like your field of therapy, but like, I want to talk a little bit about romantic relationships to like close it off. Cause I think that'll be a good like, like point to hit. Um, what in like a relationship might like is a kind of like top thing that you see people coming to you for like relationship problem wise, or is it like all over the place? Yeah.

It's definitely a wide variety, but I would think some of the most common things lately are like people feeling kind of left behind if their friends are moving forward in certain relationship milestones, like getting engaged, married, whatever it is. And then also people just realizing like they've been tolerating things in their relationship that they don't want to anymore. You know, whatever that behavior is.

What, like if someone's like, oh, I think I'm behind, what do you, like in my opinion, I feel like no one, like it shouldn't matter. What does that look like when you see them and you like help them through that? I mean, I want to first know like why do you feel behind? Like what's telling you that you were supposed to be at this certain stage by this point in life? Because I think everyone has a really different answer for that. Yeah.

And then trying to figure out like, okay, what's important to you? What's your path? And how can you celebrate the people around you even though you aren't there right now? And kind of look at like, what do you have while also grieving? Like, oh, this isn't where I thought I was going to be right now. And sometimes that sucks. And I think a common misconception is that like any sort of like couples therapy or relationship-focused therapy are for relationships that are like –

Like not working or like going through a breakup or something. But I've heard more recently than ever that like couples start therapy, like they get engaged and like start couples therapy or like they get married and immediately just start couples therapy, even though there's no problem.

I think it's becoming a lot more normal to do that. The average couple, I think previously would wait like seven years with a problem before seeking therapy for it. And that's obviously not effective. So I feel like the sooner people can get in and proactively get those skills, the better. Are there some like red flags you see in like relationships, like big ones?

To me, the definition of a red flag is really just like you feeling like I don't want to tolerate this behavior. It's not what I want for my life. And I'm having to like,

lower my values, my standards to have it because everybody has different standards of what they think is okay in a relationship. But if you find yourself feeling like uncomfortable with a behavior or like, I don't like that, you're having to like shut your mind off to deal with it. That to me is what is a red flag.

Yeah. Okay. I do have one question. So you just mentioned kind of like saying that before it's too late in the concept of getting in on the sooner side. What are some things that you notice when it takes someone a little bit too long or like a couple family thing when maybe it's too late or they're too far past the issues when they go to therapy? Mm hmm.

Once people start showing a lot of contempt and criticism in their relationship, like where they really are attacking who the other person is at their core, that's often a place that's really hard to get back from. So people can fight about things. They can have disagreements.

but still be like, I respect you. I love you. I care about you. Like at your core, it's easier to fix things when you're in that place. Yeah. That's a good point. Another one to kind of in the same concept is like for the individual that's kind of bottling things up and it's been maybe years or so of just bottling things up and they waited too long to come in. What is something that you noticed with someone that has been bottling something up in their life?

I mean, people who bottle things up usually end up snapping and it's a thousand times worse than if they would have just said the things that were bothering them along the way. And so usually that person is feeling like unheard, dismissed, very angry and resentful. And a lot of what you would be working on in therapy is learning how to find your voice and share things when they come up.

instead of waiting I think people somehow think that that's like the better more respectful people pleasing thing to do but it ends up being so much worse yeah because I know a lot of the times too when people bottle things up or me even specifically like I'll bottle things up because I don't want to trauma dump on somebody um I don't want to like cry to them or whatnot and like

Yeah.

Yeah. I think in my experience with that, like having like if it's like a friendship thing, like open conversations like you can ask like, hey, like, are you OK for me to talk about this with you right now? Because there's sometimes you're like, let's say me and one of my friends, like I know she's going through something. I'm going through something like just being straight up with like, hey, do you have like time for me to talk about this like right now? And if not, fine. Talk about it later or like find something else or like go to therapy.

Right. Right. Just being open and like, Hey, like, do you, do you have the like mental capacity to hear this right now? Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a great strategy. And sometimes it's not like what you're saying or doing when you're sharing your feelings. It's just the other person isn't in a space where,

where they can hear it. And so I would never want anyone to think like, oh, I can't share because this person had a bad reaction to me when maybe it was just about them, not really about what you were saying or doing. Yeah, 100%. I would definitely agree. And I definitely feel that like it definitely is hard, especially when you know other people are going through something or you don't want to

stress people out or whatnot but that's I think why therapy is so cool and that the person realistically like doesn't have any part in your life at all yeah exactly it's actually funny so obviously like I said before I've never been in therapy but one thing maybe some people listening right now don't even know this but this is new to me is that therapists are not

Correct me if I'm wrong, too. Supposed to be working with someone that already has a relationship with another person in that person's life. Right. Correct. Obviously, yes, that's a thing. So would you kind of explain why that's so important?

Yeah. So I would never work with anybody who like, I'm also working with their brother or their friend if we're trying to just work on like your issues, because then I'm seeing things from all these different perspectives and it can really cloud my judgment. I feel like when I'm working with a client, I want to be working within like your worldview, what you see, what you know to be true for you so

So that I can tailor the treatment just to that. That's also why I would never be friends with a client on social media or anything like that, because I don't want to see anything outside of what's coming into the room. Because even if you try to like,

Like, let's say like us were roommates if you were our therapist and like you have a session with her and then it's my session. And even though like you can tell yourself like this is new, you can't unhear things. No, and you might feel uncomfortable. Yeah. You know, like you might feel like, oh, I don't want to talk about her.

Because then my therapist is going to know like what we're saying about each other. Like it could be just really uncomfortable, I think. Like you can't speak as freely. Yeah, 100%. I know like when I was in therapy, if I knew that somehow what I said, I mean, not that you're saying anything bad. It's just like you're saying it in therapy for a reason and not like out in the world. It would definitely be uncomfortable if I knew like people in my close life had the same thing.

therapist yeah well another question sorry because i'm obviously you're never experienced any of this before a lot of people probably haven't no that's why yeah that's why my questions are good right yeah so that's why your question so another question i have is like what are the kind of red flags i know you said you know red flags but what are red flags that you would say to look in with the therapist when it comes to kind of the boundary set outside of the therapy session

You're asking about like what boundary issues like should you bring up to a therapist? No, no, no. So for the client, if I had a therapist, if they were kind of going past boundaries of their like professional job. Oh, yeah. Because I know you said you don't follow them on Instagram or anything like phone numbers. I don't know. Just give me some red flags that you maybe notice that are not super professional. Okay.

Totally. So a therapist that's trying to be your friend outside of the session as a red flag. I think if they're trying to practice outside of their scope. So if they're giving you medical advice or, you know, talking to you about things that are not within the realm of therapy.

that's a problem. If they're instructing you to make like big dramatic life changes in your life, I don't know if you guys have seen that show the shrink next door, where the therapist like basically it commits the guy to give away all his money and like to change his will and his life insurance policy. Like it's a true story that your therapist should not be getting involved

in that kind of stuff at all. Also just them talking about themselves the whole session. Obviously, if they're like hitting on you or any of that, that's unethical. You should report them. Yeah. Yeah. I found for me what you said about the decisions, like the way...

For people that might be still concerned, like wondering like what to expect from therapy when it comes to that, because maybe they're like, but I do have a decision to make and I do want a therapist that's going to help me make it. The way that that worked for me wasn't like wasn't necessarily my therapist giving recommending me a decision. It was just asking me questions. So I got to the answer by myself.

Exactly. That's the right way to do it. Yeah, that's kind of how it goes down rather than being like, oh, that's your problem? I think you should do this. That's not really how therapy goes if someone's confused in that aspect. Because I know someone might be listening like, but wait, but I need an answer. So like, then what? Yeah, like, that's how it goes. It's like, let's answer all these questions. And eventually you just got the answer yourself because you're being like, honest. Right. Yeah, that's a good point. Because I was kind of going to ask that as well as like,

When someone's coming to you with like maybe issues, but they don't necessarily know what's going on or why they're acting that way. Is it usually them figuring out what the main issue is? Or are you also kind of giving your like input of like, hey, like this might be the cause root as to why you act up about X, Y, Z?

So my style is definitely to ask questions, like to help you kind of reach a conclusion while also maybe providing data of like, okay, I know that a lot of people that live through this end up experiencing X, you know, or we know that if you're not sleeping, it could cause this symptom. Like, what do you think about that?

So allowing them to get to their own conclusion while also kind of normalizing what does happen to people. Of course, yeah. And I think it's also important to know what therapy is well for like to get real results out of it. For me, it wasn't just the therapy. Like I basically had like homework, like make sure –

like I'm doing this, like do this tomorrow, this week, keep track of every time you do X, Y, Z. Like it's so much. I think people think just like sitting down for an hour is like the fix. But I mean, for me, it was stuff outside of that. Like I had my hour session, but it was like tomorrow, do this, do this, keep track of every time you do this, like really keeping like tabs on what I was doing day to day. So that way it could actually make progress and not just talk about like

the same issue every week sort of thing, like actually like getting better and getting through something. That's super important. Yeah. I was gonna say, is that normal? I was like, maybe that's not normal, but that's what I had to do. Yeah. No, that's very normal. And I think it's like you can compare it to going to the gym or doing anything. If you only did it for one hour a week, then you're probably not going to see the results that you want to see if you don't do some extra outside of that. Yeah. Cause I...

That's definitely like just to add to someone that's like, what's it like? Yeah, I had like homework. Like therapy homework. I feel like I'm good on questions. Do you have any more questions? No, I don't have any more questions. I feel like maybe some of mine were stupid, but I guess... Like you said though, people are going to ask these types of questions. No, I think... Well, because you want kind of those like...

Like you want the questions of someone that's never done it before. Exactly, yeah. Because it's like I have done it, so I don't really know what to ask because I already did it. And it was years ago, so I don't remember how I felt before. Yeah. I do know I was scared, though. I was definitely scared. Yeah, well, I will definitely be taking the initiative to...

Reach out. Yes, I will. My family will be very happy to hear it because it definitely does... I will say it firsthand. It definitely does affect relationships, especially for me with my boyfriend and stuff. When you are constantly...

Like kind of like trauma dumping on someone who isn't like trained to deal with that. It definitely takes a toll on relationships. So I think if that's an issue in someone's relationship, I think going to therapy before like just blaming the relationship is

Is like huge. Yeah. I think one thing I noticed when I was... So I haven't been in a relationship in like four years. But when I was in my relationship, for me at the time mentally, I should not have been in the relationship. I was just not mentally there. So I was constantly relying off of like his...

you're okay status back to me and then when we broke up and I didn't have that support system anymore it was just game over so having that support system outside of the relationship I feel like would have helped me so much when I did go through that breakup because I didn't have anyone to kind of talk to anymore about those issues that I was like comfortable to talk with and I think people especially in relationships they're

This is like such a tangent. Like I know for me, like when I was in a really like I was in a really toxic relationship in high school, like horrible, like and I couldn't talk to anyone about it because they were just kind of like so kind of over it in the sense where like, oh, like you're stupid, like you're still with him. Like don't come to us about it. So I think when people are in situations like that, it's almost embarrassing to be like, oh, like this happened again. And if I tell my friends, they're going to be.

like just annoyed about it or like I told you so that's also why it's important yeah for sure well do you have any last words or kind of advice for anyone that wants to get started with it I mean I think if anyone's thinking about therapy like social media is such a great place to start now to get a feel for what certain therapists are like around you a lot of them are like writing and sharing on social media and also just

making that first phone call. Yeah. Agreed. Put it on everyone's to-do list for the week. Yeah, on everyone's to-do list. Exactly. Do you want to give a last plug to yourself where everyone can find you, your book, all of that? Sure. So you can find me on TikTok, Instagram, at sitwithwit. And my book is Toxic Positivity. It's sold anywhere books are sold. Amazing. Thank you so much for coming on. Yeah, thank you. Of course. Thanks for having me. Bye, guys. Bye, guys.

Very, very sorry.