Emma Chamberlain (Parts 1 and 2) (FBF) [VIDEO] 02:04:16

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. Are we ready? When is the last time you did an interview? Oh my God, not ever face-to-face. I don't think I've ever done an interview face-to-face. Okay, well let's start. Emma Chamberlain.

Hi, Alex Coopie. Welcome to Call Her Daddy. Coopie, oh my God, we're on like nickname terms. Emma, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Thank you so much. So my first question for you is you don't do interviews. Yeah. Why are you here? Okay, well, number one, Alex. Yes. I'm a big fan. Like I've been a big fan of you forever. I don't know how, like I wish I knew my discovery story of you.

honestly like don't don't drag me like I did let me tell you like I I found you and things were very sexual and I learned a lot wow yeah makes me so happy yeah so like that's how I found you I think I was really just like looking for advice on how to be crazy but then like in turn I fell in love with you oh my god so we're just this is a big love fest it's such a love story how we're in love with each other I know

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quickly to give people context that are listening of our story I was thinking about this the other day so Emma and I have um were like represented by the same agency and this was like right when I started the show like the single father era of taking the show on by myself and I was starting to have guests on and I remember my agent was like do you want to meet with Emma Chamberlain and I'm like absolutely sure we get on zoom and

And we zoomed for like an hour and a half and we wouldn't shut the fuck up. And we won't talk about what we were talking about because it was like everything. Our publicist just kept being like, this is off the record. This is off the record. This is off the record. Emma, don't tell her that. I'm like, I'm not going to go say anything. But so we just start talking. But it was a weird moment because I think my brand was still very sexual. Yeah. So we said we were going to potentially have like a collaboration. You were going to come on. It never ended up happening. It just wasn't the right time.

Then the next time we saw each other was New York fashion week. I think that's what really like, I was like, I don't even care what we talk about. Like I need to do this because we just clicked so well. And we just like talked about so much random shit and like,

We just clicked so well. Yeah, we were... It was kind of funny because we were... To give people, again, context, it was like a 10-person dinner party. And Emma and I are in the corner while I was eating bread. You weren't because you were about to go to the Met Gala. I'm, like, getting a facial done and getting my toes done while I'm at the table. And we just...

were talking by ourselves the entire time about like life and the industry and how it's affected us. And it was like, I think that was when we're like, maybe we are eventually now ready to sit down and just converse because both of our brands have evolved. Absolutely. And it's time. Well, I think it was one of those things where, you know,

I have been on the internet for so long that people know me as a teenager. Yes. And I'm 20. I'm about to be 21, which is still literally like a child. Like I still am like prepubescent. Like I know I'm 21, but whatever. Or almost 21. But I've been really trying to grow like in the public eye in a way because I can't –

stay a teenager in everybody's mind forever but I think I needed to do some of that work on my own before I came on here and was like let's talk about big girl stuff you're like so the gluck luck and I'm like Emma I tried the gluck luck a year ago and you guys won't believe what happened impeccable result no it's true I almost got married six times

That is helpful to hear you say, and we're going to get into that, like the evolution of you and then the evolution also of your brand, because those are two different things. And I think as creators, like in a great way, I think people have started to kind of peel back the layer and show people on the internet, like what it is like to have an online persona versus like what is actually who you are versus that persona. Absolutely. So.

Here we go. Just like I usually do in every Call Her Daddy episode, we're going all the way back. Okay. All the way back. Where did you grow up? So I grew up in San Bruno, California, which is actually where YouTube headquarters is, which is ironic, a little bit of foreshadowing. I grew up with my parents. I was an only child. And when I was five, we're like already getting into my drama. No. When I was five, my parents got divorced and my mom moved like 20 minutes away.

From my dad. And that was actually not a super bad experience because I was so young that I just didn't really know any better. I was definitely a really bored kid because I was an only child and like my parents were both like fully working parents. And so I had a lot of time by myself and I was very bored a lot of the time, which I think is good enough.

In retrospect, I think it was good because it made me a lot more curious, I would say, because I didn't have a lot of distractions. You know, it's the Silicon Valley. It's a big tech area and a lot of kids there are super smart. And there's this crazy pressure to go to a really good college, especially Stanford is like, you know, the big school there that everybody tries to go to.

And there's also a lot of wealthy families too. And like, so a lot of people assume that if you live there, you're wealthy, but that was not the case for me and my family at all. But a lot of people there are very wealthy. There's like a very big gap, I would say between, it's like very, very, very wealthy. And then like very like lower middle class and like definitely an in-between for sure, but not as much an in-between. It felt like there was a very stark difference between,

But I, you know, my dad's an artist. So like I felt more on the, you know, lower middle class side of it, which was tough. But yeah.

Did you feel like your family didn't fit in? For sure. We're living in a one bedroom apartment and all my friends at school are living in these massive mansions. It was tough socially, I would say. I didn't want to have people over. That's for sure. So your parents are in some of your content. Yeah. They seem very chill. How do you describe your parents? So we'll start with my dad. My dad is very...

open-minded and creative, but also very wise. Dad, this boy's the love of my life. And he's like, Emma, that's the worst dude I've ever met. You're like, really? I'm like, Dad, what the fuck? He's incredible, Dad. I'm like, but he's so hot, Dad. What are you talking about? No, but he's very open-minded and very sweet and very creative and not super controlling or super...

or anything like that. But he also is opinionated because he has a lot of knowledge and wisdom about things. So he's...

sweet and in creative in the way that makes him a pushover he'll tell me what he thinks but he also gives me the freedom to like make the mistakes and he's always done that so and he never judges me but a very very cool man the coolest person I know I mean he like paints paintings and surfs every day and like that's his job is painting paintings and selling them and like it's

Started making YouTube videos before I did. Like he's very cool, right? My mom is, how do I describe my mom? She's like one of the girls, you know what I mean? She's very lovable. I tell her everything, like everything. And I have no idea.

hesitation. Like she knows everything I've ever done in my whole life. Got it. So I'm very, very close with her, but we're, we're more like sisters. I would say like, you know, we used to butt heads a lot when I was growing up and, you know, cause she's,

picky. She's very like likes to keep the house clean and like set things folded a certain way and she's very particular about things like that. Very meticulous woman about everything that she does which is a very admirable quality but when you're growing up and you know you don't know how to fold a blanket properly like it can cause some problems. Absolutely. But no we at the end of the day we're very close and even when we do fight like literal sisters like she's always there. Yeah. I'm really lucky that you know my

My parents have always been very not like traditional parents. Like they're very sibling like. Okay. And I think it's because they didn't even consider themselves to be the type to be parents ever. And so they had me.

because they wanted to, but they were like, we don't fit the parent mold. So we're just going to do it in our own way. And it's been great. I know you said like you didn't know any different, but do you now looking back, like how did your parents divorce affect you? Well, you know, I think in one in one way and this is no one's fault, right? Like I'm grateful for their divorce. And I'll say that before I like go in and, you know,

It was number one, what was best for them and for their happiness. Number two, like I never saw them fight. I never saw them argue. They divorced before it could ever become traumatizing in that way for me. And that's really mature. And also they're still friends and they talk all the time. I mean, I'm really lucky in that way too. Like they get along great. Like they talk all the time and, and they're so supportive of one another and,

So it's not been a negative thing in that way. But I will say that, for one, not having a relationship to look up to when you're growing up does become a little bit jarring when you're older and you're like, okay, I'm in my first relationship. What is this supposed to look like? I don't know. I've never seen it. Did you wish you had had siblings? You know, no. Because again, like my relationship with my parents was so close because...

It wasn't there was nothing in the way of it. Right. Like each parent was not in the way of my relationship with the other parent. And also I didn't have a sibling in the way of my relationship with my parents. And listen, I think it could have been really fun to have a sibling. I don't know. I'll never know. Right. But I liked the friendship I was able to develop with my parents in the closeness. And I don't think I would have.

had that if I had a sibling. What do you remember about signing up for your first social media account? I had two older cousins. Well, I have two older cousins. They're three years older than me and they were like my idols, you know, growing up and they got Snapchat and they're like, Emma, babe, it's time to download Snapchat on the iPod touch. And I was like, you got it girls. Let's go. And so I downloaded Snapchat.

And, you know, we would just send each other silly stuff back and forth. Pretty soon after that, Instagram came out and I was like, all right, here we go. So I downloaded that, too. I think my cousins told me to download that, too. And my first post was a picture of a mini bag of Cheez-Its with like some crazy ass filter on top of it. And I think my caption was something like crunchy. Yeah.

like what the thinking back to like the first like couple like the first year of instagram we would have like borders on our photos and like disgusting filters i know yes you would take a picture of like your shoe or like an extension cord yeah and be like life's long and you're like what am i saying it was dumb shit so weird like i would i would do anything to be able to find my old instagram

I don't know if I would. No, I would. I'm like traumatized. I'm like, what the fuck was I posting? Because I was like a little older and I was like trying to be cool with the cute selfies. Yeah. And those were not cute selfies. Those were scary and spooky. What did your did your parents have any rules or guidelines when you like first started on Snapchat and Instagram? Or did they just kind of let you do whatever you wanted? Honestly, they didn't care. OK. Like really just never brought it up.

Like they didn't care. Because were you getting in trouble as a kid? Like were you a good kid or? I was a really good kid. I had, because of my anxiety as a kid, I think I had a really strong conscience, which is good. You know what I mean? I never did anything bad without my parents finding out about it 24 hours later. Got it. So they knew that I would tell them. Like if I did something wrong, my conscience would change.

forced me to report it back to them. Got it. I don't know what that stems from. I don't know why that is, but I was very transparent with them. And so when it came to things like social media, they were like,

She's not going to do shit. She's just not a bad kid. Like, she's just not going to do bad shit on there. And I didn't because I just didn't even know how to do bad stuff. I'm like, I, like, didn't know what bad stuff was. Right. I did have a kick. That just reminded me. I had a kick that I used for...

like just kids at school messaging kids at school I forgot and then I would get like dick pics and kick and then I got super scared like so was that the first time you saw a penis yeah terrifying oh I was so fucking great I was like I don't actually think I am sexually attracted to anything you're like I do I do not know what I like but I don't like that I don't like that and so like

Who knows what's next? Isn't that so sad that like when you if you get a dick pic and that's the first penis you see, like you're like not attracted to it. Like I was terrified. It makes you scared. I was scared of penises until probably like

I was 16. Okay. Like seriously, like I was like, I'm not scared of them, but I was like, that is such a four. Like it was so alien to me. Yeah. Cause I didn't have siblings. So it's not like I had a little brother where like, I like saw him growing up and like, I saw a boy like exist. I didn't have a lot of guy friends. Like, so to me, like a penis, I was like, I,

I can't I don't know what that is I get scared me everybody that listens to my show knows that I was obsessed with Hannah Montana growing up same okay because I was gonna ask you I'm like who were you idolizing and watching when you were growing up that you were obsessed with well I have to give a few from the years give it okay

My first YouTube obsession was Fred. Do you remember Fred? Oh, my iconic. Iconic. I completely forgot about that. Well, I like got on YouTube super young, too, because like, you know, my dad was into YouTube. He was writing singing covers on YouTube when it first came out.

And so he found out about it and was like, Emma, this is great. And we didn't have cable. So he's like, here you go, little one. You know, you don't get cable, but you do get this, babe. Enjoy. It's a pretty good trade. No, it was great. I loved it. So I got super into YouTube, super young, loved Fred. Then as I grew a little bit older, it was Jonas Brothers for me in Hannah Montana. Which one was your favorite? It kind of teetered between Nick and Joe. Sorry, Kevin. Honestly, Kevin's.

Kevin's coming back. No, Kevin's... He's a fucking angel. He deserved...

He deserved more. He did. He did. Have you ever met them? I've met Joe. I went to the Hannah Montana concert where it was like half Hannah Montana, half the Miley show. And I remember the Jonas Brothers opened for them. And I remember my dad being like, I promise you in like a year, everyone's going to be obsessed with these guys. And I was like, no. And then I was obsessed in a year. I was like, I love them. And then when like Nick had the diabetes thing, we were all like devastated and everyone was obsessed.

Obsessed and it was like we were like we Will do anything to save him like it Was so dramatic no I know okay so you Jonas Brothers you liked Miley I loved Hannah Montana Miley all of that yeah

okay i have to bring this up because it's so fucking funny okay um but like when i was like 12 13 and vine came out i was a huge mag con girl okay that's okay no it hurts wait why explain to why does it hurt yeah well you know let's let's explain this for people who don't know what mag con is basically there was a group of really hot

well, okay. It's creepy to say that they're hot now that I'm 20. No, it's okay. But like at the time I thought they were the hottest guys I'd ever seen. They were on Vine doing absolutely nothing of substance. Right. Right. Which is fine. You know, like that's not their fault. Right. Um, it's exactly like TikTok. It's,

basically it was like a group of like really good looking kids that were on Vine that were famous and they would like go on tours and do meet and greets and like meet all their young girl fans and like you know do weird shit on stage that made no sense because they really if you think about it didn't necessarily have some sort of

Talent except for actually Shawn Mendes Was in Madcon and he is like now Shawn Mendes so like it worked out For some of them it was like Cameron Dallas and like Nash Greer you know what I mean I remember that yes I was Obsessed with them Like I and they had YouTube Channels and I would rewatch their videos like every Night before bed and I was like

One day, I'll meet a Madcon boy and I'll be able to just date one of them and they'll fall in love with me. I think that's how a lot of people felt, though. Oh, for sure. But I will say that

My crushes as a young person were all consuming. They were not cute little mini crushes. I was obsessed. Feening for that. I was feening. It was weird. In retrospect, I don't... It's so out of character. Right. People would not assume that of me, but I've always been somebody that was...

When I have a crush on someone, I'm not creepy. I don't like stalk anybody, but it is all consuming for me. I get that because then you go spiral down like you watch every YouTube video and you watch every single possible thing that you consume of them, like interviews and everything. And then you're invested in their life. Yeah. And they don't even know who you are. Nope. Well, now they probably do.

Let's talk high school. Yeah. You go to a private school. Yeah. I've seen the videos. You're wearing a plaid skirt, sort of plaid. It was, I don't even fucking want to think about it. Describe your high school. So I had an interesting experience with high school because basically I was a really academically driven student. Okay. And so I was obsessed with the idea of going to a super prestigious college and

And I was willing to do anything to get there. And so when it came time to choose what high school I was going to go to, the public schools in my area were not great. And I wanted to go to that. I wanted to go to a braggy, you know, super prestigious, like, you know, impressive school. And I was like, I can't get that if I go to these public schools. So I was like, mom and dad, I want to go to a private school. And yeah,

I went and I toured this all girls Catholic school that had a really great education. And I was like, you know, this could actually be good. I really liked the environment when I toured the school and I was able to get financial aid so that I could financially go there because I would not have been able to afford it otherwise.

And so there I went. I went to all girls Catholic school and I hated it after the first year. And I was like, I made a big fucking mistake and I haven't seen a boy in a long time. And now those dick pics on kick. Suddenly I'm trying to fuck back into my cake to see those dick pics. Guys, anything when you. So when you started high school, that's interesting to know. You did have college goals. Oh, yeah. Where did you want to go? I.

My dream school was Columbia, which was like not going to fucking happen. But like, you know, actually, I mean, I was a good student. Like, I don't know how I was a good student. Okay. Why? I like just knew how to do school for whatever reason. And so I got really good grades, like always above a 4.0 every year. I love it.

Listen, I don't fucking know how it's possible. Kate was flexed. I was like, really? And I don't think that school is a great measure of intelligence. I'll be the first one to say it. Because I'm a fucking idiot in a lot of areas. So like, whatever. But I was good at school. So I was like, I'm going to use this. And, you know, I wanted to go into the medical field. Like, I wanted to be an anesthesiologist. Wow. But like...

On what basis? One time I had anesthesia when I had a surgery and the anesthesiologist... See, I can't even fucking pronounce the word of that. It's okay. No, it sounds good. Whatever. It sounds good enough. I dropped out of high school, so it's fine that I don't know how to pronounce it. I didn't finish my education, so you can't expect too much from me.

me like I got a surgery once and was like oh this job seems chill and then I looked up how much they make a year and I was like oh this job's super chill this is a good this is a good chill like you have to go to school for like 11 years but like eventually you'll get that check why not when did you have your first kiss like if you're not with boys like when did you have your first kiss I had my first kiss freshman year on New Year's Eve that's kind of cute no oh it was not cute no actually you know in retrospect it's

It was fine. Like, it could have been a lot worse. Okay. But it was pretty bad. How did you meet the guy then if you were at an all-girls school? Basically, the all-girls school had a corresponding all-boys school. Yep. Classic. And so we would kind of party with the boys from the all-boys school. And they had friends that they knew from middle school that were at other, like, co-ed schools. And then we knew other girls that went to...

other co-ed school so it kind of all like congealed but I think that the thing that made it possible for the boys and girls to be together was the fact that both boy and girl schools were desperate for each other you know what I mean yeah so and and you know there was like a distinct like okay this is the corresponding boy school so it was like we didn't see each other every day but at football games we'd see each other and prom and things like that anyway

I actually ended up kissing a guy from like a school that was probably 30 minutes away that like came to a New Year's party that we were throwing. Right. The two schools. And it was extremely set up. Those are the worst. You know, it was like, oh, he's outside waiting now. OK, but you also have to paint a picture like I was a super late bloomer. I mean, I had like no boobs. Like I looked really young. Like it was like I looked super young. Yeah. Yeah.

I always have. I even now look kind of young. A lot of people think I look young now. So I felt super. Also, I never felt like mature enough for like,

this type of behavior you know what I mean because mentally I felt mature enough but physically I didn't I felt like I didn't fit the super feminine mold right where you like have like boobs and like you know you wear like a low top and like whatever I could not participate in that so I felt so uncomfortable when it was time to do anything with boys because I was like I want to and I

Like I mentally feel ready, but outwardly I don't feel like I look ready. Yeah. And I feel insecure of my appearance, even though I know that in my brain, like I'm ready and that I like love boys. And in fact, I'm like quite obsessed with boys. Like, but I didn't feel like I looked that way. What were you most insecure about appearance wise? I was insecure.

super insecure about my boobs. Okay. Because, which now I'm like, I love having small boobs. Like, it's the best thing ever. Like, I don't care. But, you know, when I was younger, I like, didn't have any boobs. Like, it wasn't just like, oh,

They're no they flat and you know guys in middle school used to give me a hard fucking time about that. So mean. Like calling me you know like a door like whatever like shit like that. And which is fine. Like whatever I'm friends with those kids now like I forgive. But you know it's good to it's good to be forgiving. But I also like didn't get my period until I was 16 and I felt like I wasn't a woman without it. You know I was like.

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You start making videos at one point in high school. Yes. And when I was growing up, I was familiar with having a camera in my face because my dad is in the TV industry. Yes. And so every single Christmas or birthday, there's cameras everywhere in my house. And so naturally, I knew I was the star. And I know that's cringe. No, it's not cringe, though. But back then, I was like, dad, cute.

cue the cam here I thought meant to be right here what do you remember about your early performances on a camera well I was always really obsessed with YouTube because as I mentioned earlier I didn't have cable and so I watched a lot of YouTube and when I was like in fifth grade I tried to make a YouTube video on my iPad I wish we could watch it so bad

I need to find that iPad because it has so much good shit on it. But my cousins and I were constantly making little videos during family vacations, during holidays, like whatever, constantly making little videos. Like there were these iMovie trailer videos.

templates that you could use so you could make like a movie trailer but iMovie provided the template so all you had to do is like film little things and then they would plug it in for you and so we would do those all the time so I was familiar and comfortable in that sense where you know my cousins and I were always obsessed there is a big difference between recording something and then pressing upload on that shit like you got to have balls to press upload for sure

What compelled you to press upload on your first YouTube video? Well, my first YouTube video ever, I was in fifth grade and I was like, I don't care. I didn't even want to like be famous. Like I never thought I could like get any like recognition from it. I never,

To this day, I've always looked at fame as an impossible thing. So I was like, I'm not going to become famous from this. But I was like, even just a few people commenting will make me feel good. Post. And then, of course, nothing happened. And then I deleted it a week later. That was my very first one. But then when I was 16 and I uploaded, I honestly...

just I was in such a shitty spot that I was like I have nothing to lose like I'm so depressed I'm so unhappy I like I want to do something that makes me feel good and YouTube has always made me feel good so I'm I'm just gonna post on there did anyone from your high school when they saw that make fun of you or like say anything mean behind my back yes but never to my face and I heard about people saying shit behind my back but it's like

Like, what were they saying? They were just like, does she really think anything's going to come of that? Which is, you know what? No, listen, fair enough. Like, if I would have seen someone from my high school posting on YouTube, I, number one, I would have said the same thing about them. I would have been like, really? Like, what's going to come on you guys? Like, it's not easy.

But on the other hand, I was even saying that to myself. It wasn't like I was posting YouTube videos being like, I'm going to make it big one day. I was posting videos like this is just a hobby for me. And even if I just get 100 subscribers, that's fun. Just a little community. And also I enjoy making the videos. I enjoy the process of it. So what happened after I pressed upload was more just like, well, at least it lives somewhere. When did you go viral? So about...

About like two or three months after I started. That's crazy. It was, you know, it was crazy. But I also think that a big reason for that was I was uploading every fucking day. Like I was uploading every single day during the summer. And by the end of the summer, I had like something like 50 videos. And so I had such a.

collection already that it was easy it didn't take as long because I was grinding I mean every day I was like I need to make a video every day and then I ended up cutting it down and I was like three days a week and then I cut it down two days a week and then I cut it down one day a week but it was like in the beginning I started and I was like I just want to get as good at this as I can as quickly as fucking possible and then when that one video did really well I was like it was this video where I went to the dollar store and I bought a bunch of like random shit and did like a fake haul like I was kind of like

kidding around doing a haul and I was really proud of the video and it like after two weeks it had like half a million views or something or maybe it was like it had a hundred thousand views after like yeah and what when that was happening what were you doing like were you telling your parents what were you my parents my dad was like super interested he was like I think you could really do something with this actually and I was like okay I don't but thanks dad I was like dad

like that is like one in a trillion like why are we why are we let's not go there because I'm just gonna get disappointed you know but he's like I don't know I'm like I think if you really get good at this like something could come of it when all of a sudden like so many people are watching you're like I actually cannot comprehend this number of people I can't comprehend the fact that all of a sudden now I'm making money you know I can't comprehend any part of this so I'm just gonna

Go robot mode and, like, just...

Like, you know, you stop at a certain point, you stop processing it. It's it's a really weird thing to try to explain, too, because it's not like you're a singer where you're like filling a stadium for a concert. So you're like making these things and pressing upload and then going to bed. And yet it's crazy to see that number. But it still doesn't fully register that like, whoa, like half a million people just watch that video. Yeah, it feels it's like a different metric in your brain. Yeah. Like it's like you're looking at it in a different way.

You're not looking at it as real people, but you're also not looking at it as just a number. There's this like weird in-between way that your brain processes it. Yeah. But it's kind of... I think I knew subconsciously that if I...

looked into it too deeply and I thought about it too deeply that I'd psych myself out fuck myself over and ruin the whole thing so I was like I'm not gonna think I'm just gonna just tunnel vision keep going and like I did that up until probably the last three months when and it has been really uncomfortable when when you really like wake up and realize like oh shit this is the situation and

it's like I finally turned off my tunnel vision and it felt like everything was like that had been building for four years was now right in front of me and I never looked at it you know what I mean yes and we're gonna get into that because yes but first yes why did you drop out of high school so the summer of sophomore year I started my YouTube channel because I was

And I was like, my dad was like, you need a hobby? I said, okay. So I started my channel. And by the end of the summer, you know, I was making money. And I was like, and I've never made money, you know? And I was like, oh shit. Okay, this is actually pretty serious, you know? And I was loving it. And people at school were like respecting me because they weren't being an asshole anymore. Some people still were, but you know, people were like,

excited for me and I was excited and junior year I was like okay this is the year I take hard classes so I was taking like three AP classes and long story short it just was so I couldn't do school work and YouTube but I was like obviously school work is more important so I was like okay I'll just drop some of my classes and take easier classes but then YouTube kept building and I was like

I already took all the like, I'm just taking added shit to help me for college. And I started questioning, okay, am I even going to go to college anyway? Now that this YouTube thing is going the way that it is, I'm making an income now. I can support myself now. All of a sudden, by the end of the summer, I was like, I actually could support myself. I don't, it changed everything. And I was like, I don't think I need to be working this hard anymore.

Because I don't think I'm actually going to college anymore. I might try to ride this out. And then when this doesn't work out anymore, then I can go to college. Even if I'm like 30. Like who gives a fuck? You know? And so I...

Took one of those standardized tests and just left school. Like I kept basically dropping classes more and more until it got to a point where I was like, I just don't need to be here because I'm not I'm number one. I'm not learning anything that is necessary. It was all stuff that was only really necessary for college. I had already taken all of the classes that I needed to that were like normal high school level. I was just doing added shit. What's the point of that? I was like, this is stupid. So I

I was out of there. How did you tell your parents and how did they react? Honestly, it was kind of their idea. It was kind of like, it was not just my idea. I wasn't like, mom and dad, like, I want to leave school. They were like, you're so miserable in school. You know, well, actually, at first we were thinking about homeschooling me. Interesting. So actually, that was the first idea. They were like, you...

This structure is not working, right? And so we toyed around with the idea of homeschooling me. But then after doing more research, we were like, okay, actually, let's just cut it. Cut it. Because I know that I don't recommend people drop out of school. And I think that my situation was very unique because –

I was fortunate enough to get all of my like general high school education out of the way in the first two years. And that's a really like, again, like it would have been irresponsible to leave if that had not been completed. And I, and I always, I actually have never said that out loud. I don't think, but I, I know it's kind of fun to be reckless and be like, I dropped out of school, like fucked it. But it was,

It wasn't this super irrational, super irresponsible. I could have gone straight to college from that point that I was at. Got it. You know, so like I didn't need to...

It wasn't fucking me over. I completed my high school credits. I was done. You know what I'm saying? So how did your friends react when you told them? Were you close with a lot of people in high school? Did you have a lot of friends? The first year and a half of high school, yes. But towards the end, no. I only really had one friend. And she knew everything about... She knew about how school was affecting me negatively and how...

I just was depressed. So like, I couldn't be social, you know, and I couldn't deal with the ebbs and flows of friendship. I just didn't have that in my, in me. And so she understood that. And she was kind of kept up to date on like how things were evolving, but she, you know, she was like, she had other friends, like she was, so she was just like peace, you know, everybody was just kind of like peace. I really just disappeared one day. Honestly, if you could change one thing about that time in your life, what would it be? Um,

Nothing. I really, you know, I have a lot of moments in my life that I look back at and cringe at. And I have a lot of moments that I regret, like for sure. And not regret. That's actually completely the wrong word. I have a lot of moments that I'm like, damn, I would do that so differently now. But I refuse to ever even think about how I would change things because every bad experience has just...

made me me. Do you have you ever been had one of those moments like a little jealous of that like classic college experience you see on TikTok people are at the frat parties. Do you ever be like OK. Yes. What. So you do. Is it more about like the social aspect that you kind of wish you could partake in. I think the thing that I sometimes get a little bit upset about is like how quickly I had to grow up and it sounds so like

Again, like just so like, Emma, shut the fuck up. But I don't think I realized when I left school and immediately started working how there's no leeway for me anymore. You know what I mean? There was no room left.

for being a kid anymore. Like it was like, okay, no, you have to get your fucking act together because you're, you're saying, you know, that you can make a living on your own and that you're going to make this shit work and that you're going to make it last. And that,

you know, moving to LA is a good idea and that being friends with other, you know, YouTubers is a good idea. And, you know, having to do your own laundry and do your own dishes and cook for yourself and taxes. Like there's so many facets of it that you're like, oh shit, you know, I didn't realize that this came with this, you know, by quitting school and by just going straight into being technically self-employed,

I was also saying that I could handle all those other things. My parents were very helpful with the technical stuff, but emotionally, you know, there's no way to prepare. College is basically four years of you to be able to fake act like an adult. You don't really have much responsibility, but you are on your own. And for you, it was like,

oh wait no you actually do have responsibility because if you don't keep uploading like you don't have a job and you didn't apply to college so like where are we going at 16 years old you become famous on the internet how did people start treating you differently I would say at first not much changed it was really interesting because yes I had a following on the internet that

If you look at it, you know, like 100,000 subscribers, that's a fuck ton of subscribers, right? But in the grand scheme of the world, people didn't really, they're like, eh, we'll see you at a million. Like, you know, this is, whatever. My family was very skeptical, like my outer family. They were kind of like, what is going on?

You know? And so they didn't treat me any different, but they were definitely just, like, curious. A lot of people were really curious, but I didn't really have any friends. So I didn't have any friends reacting to, like, what was happening to me. When you say you didn't have any friends, did you feel lonely? Yes, but I really wanted... Once I started to, you know, turn YouTube into my job, I...

started to feel like I couldn't really relate to kids in my high school as well. And so I was like, you know, I would still hang out with those kids and we would have fun. And like that was fine. But there was a disconnect. And so I started looking to find people that were in this space that could be friends with me. And I ended up finding those friends. And that was really awesome. So like and we didn't live near each other, but I made quite a bit.

Yeah.

When do you remember like the first time you got recognized? So I go to Maine every summer with my family on vacation and I had like 6,000 subscribers when I went the summer of sophomore year, like 6,000 subscribers. Okay.

Which to me was like, oh my God, fuck all y'all. I'm popping off. I'm popping off. Y'all don't know me anymore. I'm different now. No, but so I'm on vacation in Maine and this girl comes up to me and like asks me for a photo. Now I had 6,000 subscribers. I thought that this was a real interaction. My grandma set that up. No. No.

You're like, oh my God, you guys, I just got asked for a picture. Your grandma. I'm already getting a big fucking head, grandma. Do not play with me like this. Holy shit. No, but it was sweet. It was sweet. That's actually so cute. It was hilarious. So eventually, though, you did start to gain attention. How did you handle initially getting noticed in public and like the attention?

At first, I've actually gone through phases with it. Like in the very beginning, I was stoked and I was like, so I was like, this is so awesome. Like it was, you know, my dream was coming true. Right. It was so fucking cool. And it was and then, you know, I've gone through ebbs and flows where it's made me a little anxious because if I'm not in a good spot, like I'll get anxious about not being in a good spot mentally. And I'm like, is this showing like I don't want I started getting anxiety about

giving these people like the best experience they could possibly have meeting me and then that kind of got into my head but I didn't have that thought in the very beginning so that came in into play later it feels like no one hates you and I'm gonna take notes right now because I'm a little bit more polarizing why do you think you're so lovable

I don't feel that I am. And I think that... Really? I mean, I've gone through the ringer. Really? In what way? Well, so there's been chunks of time throughout my experience on the internet where I've been widely disliked. Whether people thought I was annoying or people like...

Like it's interesting like there's just been periods of time when people have just not liked me and the general conversation around me has been negative. The thing that's really interesting about it is that I noticed this just from talking to other people in this space. A lot of people they're so hyper focused on themselves as they should be. We're human right. So like I perceive you and I'm like you're nobody fucking hates you right.

But see you, because I'm not seeing people giving you shit. Right. Whereas like, you're not seeing people give me shit. Everybody gets shit. And so everybody, their own perception of their own career and like general likeness is not right. Right. It's skewed in a, in a negative direction for everybody individually. I look at,

any other personality on the internet. And unless they're, like, genuinely... Yeah. Just a bad fucking person and everyone knows it, unless that's what's going on, generally, like, I...

Nobody is going to see it. Except for you. Yeah. Like it's almost like you... Everyone ebbs and flows with hate and love. Yeah. If you're putting content out there. Yeah. And also everyone's memory is so short on shit. People don't give a fuck. No. They act like they do because it's fun to like get together in a group and be like... Yeah. Let's handle this person. But then in a week, they're like, oh my God, like...

you're doing this and then they love you and it just ebbs and flows. But that is a good point to say, like to hear from you saying like you do get hate. Yeah. To summarize, like what do they hate you for? I mean, I would say that like when I was a lot younger, I edited in like a really like fast paced, like a kind of, you know, flashy way. And it was kind of like, and I thought it was like funny and annoying. And that's why I liked it. I was like, I think this is just like funny and entertaining. And like, it's not serious, like whatever. Yeah.

But some people just found that annoying and were like, why the fuck do people want to watch this? Which I totally get because that's not everybody was going to like the style editing and my personality. I was a loud kid. I was a, you know, outgoing kid and people just thought I was annoying. So that was like one thing. But then also I think a big part of it was just like when you become successful, people just are going to nitpick just about anything. Yeah. And so and I understood that. I was like, I get it. Like I'm.

You know, I'm a target and I understand that. And I think some of it might have been from jealousy and some of it just might have been from like people just simply not enjoying me. And like, that's fair, but it doesn't make it not hurt. You know, I can't blame people. I get the culture of the Internet.

But it still sucks. It does suck. Well, it's hard because then you get all these good comments and then you see one and you're like, it sticks with you. And then it's like, wait, all these people are actually telling you how great you are and they love the content. And then you see one and then you're like, my whole day sucks. It's always that way. Yeah. You think you can, and you might have a good moment where you're like, oh, this shit doesn't bother me. But it always comes back. Is there anything that made you almost quit? I will say there has been a lot of times where I've almost quit.

And how do you not? Like what brings you back to not quitting? Well, I'm in an interesting spot now where, you know, I'm 20 and I am in a spot where I'm ready to evolve things. And I don't really know what that means for myself right now. But I need to like find what mediums and what things make me excited because I

I was in this hamster wheel of, you know, creating content every single week for four years. And the thing that kept me coming back was the fact that that's the disease. It's like literally like a disease. Like when you start doing YouTube or you start a podcast or whatever you do, which I, you know, I've been doing both now for like two years or so. Like, you're like, if I miss a week, I'm done. People are going to fucking forget. People won't care. And you...

You guilt trip yourself into pushing through even the roughest moments. Because... I burped. Because there's this stigma that the second you take a break, you're out. But I'm done with that. I've taken a break for the past few months. I'm like, sorry, I'm done. Or a month or so. Not that long. But I was like, I'm burnt out. So I'm going to take a fucking break. When we talk about going through...

this hamster wheel process it's so hard to explain like a tangible feeling that it is and like I talk about it in therapy all the time like I started this podcast kind of like when you started YouTube and you didn't have anything in mind of like a start or end date it was like I'm just gonna start this and then all of a sudden you wake up and you're like I've been doing this for years yeah and like

who am I without my podcast? Who are you without YouTube? Who is Emma Chamberlain? And it's like, it, there's no light at the end of the tunnel. It's also not like the type of thing that you can ever stop thinking about. I've been thinking about YouTube for four years straight. There's not been a day or an hour that has gone by where something about it has not come into my head. And whether it's like, how do I want to evolve my, my videos? You know,

what am I going to film next? Like, what are people going to think of that video? Was that video shit? Like same thing with my podcast. Was this episode, did I rant too much? Did this episode, like, was this episode fucking annoying? Like, was I repeating myself too much? You know, it's like, there's no end date. There's no room for a real break. There is, but you don't want to let yourself believe that. Right. And,

There's no room for mistakes. There's no room for mistakes. There's no room. It just feels like, you know, your boss is humanity in a way. Like your boss is literally just like public opinion, it feels like. And that's fucking weird. And it's so out of your control because the court of public opinion evolves. It ebbs. It flows fast.

It's not like you're reporting to one person and like being like, here's my work for the week. You just have to be constantly trying to guess what the people want. And when you're living by that, it's like, what formula are you to follow? There's no formula to follow. It's like uncharted territory. And sometimes the people don't even know what they want. So if they give you an idea that might not actually work. Sometimes you have to predict what people want. And it's just this whole mind fuck. And listen,

I'm not complaining about it because in every job and every, you know, profession in life, like there are elements of it that are just a nightmare. And I think just with this, it's like everything could just go away so quickly. And I think the way that I found peace in it is I'm like, OK, if it does, then it does. And I'll just get pregnant and have a baby. This is Emma's pregnancy announcement right now. You guys, I'm pregnant.

Like, no, no. It's like, goodbye. No, it is. Publicist said no. I have never heard someone explain it like that, where your boss is the public. Every single creator said does exactly what you just said. You quickly say like, and I'm not ungrateful and I'm not saying I'm not like so happy with what I have. Yeah.

that's not it but in everyone's life you have your struggles and you have your adversity that comes totally when you have millions of people every single day having not only an opinion on you but sort of a holdover whether you have a career or not right it is a lot to fucking handle as a young adult well the thing is too about it is that as humans you know we're not supposed to

I mean, this is just an issue with social media in general. But you're just not supposed to be exposed to that many opinions, that many people's successes, that many people's vacations, that many people's hot takes. You know, you're just not supposed to experience that many people's lives, right? Yeah.

You're you know, we're programmed biologically to only have to compare ourselves and listen to like a handful of people. Right. I've watched a video about this. Like I'm not a fucking scientist, but like I did watch a video about. Yeah. I'm citing my sources. Long story short, like you're just not supposed to hear from that many people. It's not.

like something that we're evolved to be able to comprehend so it makes sense that you know for us for example like reading comments all the time from hundreds of different people sometimes thousands sometimes millions that's just not a normal experience and so when our brains react in weird ways it's like what else did we expect this is a weird situation and is not

Yeah. And I hate when people say like, then just don't do it. Yeah. I understand what you're saying, but I...

I do love it. I'm totally, it's my passion. So then you have to basically, I think what we're both saying is like, it is, there is no book that gives you, here's a guideline, right? This is, there is no one that can tell you like, this is exactly how you act. The minute you get this many followers, then this is going to happen. And then you talk to this therapist because they'll know how to like it. There's just no formula. Yeah. And so it's weird.

You eventually moved to LA. Yes. How did the change of scenery affect your videos and your life? Should I go pee before I do this one? Yeah. Okay, let me pee. Go in the... Sorry, sorry, daddy gang. I'm pissing now. No, I'm kidding. You don't want us to listen to you pee. Oh my God. Go down the... All the way down the hall. Anyways, Emma's back. How was your pee break? Hello, hello. Check, check. Pee break was poppin'. It was poppin'.

I hope there was toilet paper in there. I don't like we could literally talk for six hours. Oh, wait. This is just like the podcast house. This is the dad pad. No way. Yeah. It's kind of nice to like not be in your own house. I used to do it from my bed all the time because where do you podcast from my bed? Yeah. And like there's

pros to that but I started to feel like I could never turn it off so I just yes I've been having that struggle recently because that microphone is sitting on your bed or near it you just keep being like should I start should I start I start podcast I'm like I could record right now and it will be like almost midnight and I'm like oh I have a thought and I'm like no I need to like set boundaries absolutely okay okay so I asked you how did the change of scenery to LA affect your video in your life well I

I think a lot of people who were following me at the time when they found out I was moving to L.A. were like, there she goes. You know what I mean? Like, there goes the girl that we fell in love with. She's about to die. You know what I mean? Like, she's not going to be here anymore. And I think to a certain extent that was a valid concern. And I think, well, okay, here's the thing. It was such a huge...

Life shift in my foundation, in my reality changed so much that my sense of identity kind of went out the window and I was having to like rebuild my new, I mean, and this happens regardless of,

If you're moving to L.A. and doing YouTube or if you're just literally a teenager, you know, like there was a lot of shifting that was going on. It was like I was making new friends. I was starting to try to date guys like I was like living on my own in LA.

like trying to figure out what that entailed. And like, there was so many life changes all at once that like a whole new group of people, a whole new scenery. It was just like, whatever my sense of identity was fucked. And so when it came to like making videos, the shift from moving from home to moving to LA took such a psychological toll on me that I don't think I was willing to admit to myself at the time, but it was so exhausting to like,

you know, find your footing in a new place, especially LA that like I was very drained just from life itself. And so when it came time to like make YouTube videos, I was like, I am so fucking tired just from like existing here right now that I think my content at certain times throughout the first year and a half, two years of being in LA, like my content had moments of suffering because there were just moments when I was

My life itself was a mess and not even a mess in a bad way, just simply a mess where I didn't feel like I had a foundation. Can you explain in your opinion, like the good and the bad evil parts of LA when you're talking about your experience? I think the good is that there are so many people here that are in a similar industry. Mm-hmm.

To me and to you, it's so being here is nice because there's a lot of people around that can relate because it's a very unique situation and it's comfortable to be around people that are in the same industry as you. But, but, well, also another good thing about L.A. is that

You know, there's a lot more opportunities here and it's a lot easier. Like if you have to do a shoot for something or if you have to do an interview for something, you know, everybody's in the same area. So it's just a lot more convenient to get a lot more done because everything's here. It's either here or New York. And usually it's here. Actually, a lot of people from New York fly here to do stuff. And so living here is very easy to get the most done. And yeah,

I can't take that away from L.A. Also, L.A., you know, it's like the weather's nice and like, you know, you're close to the beach. Like there's great things about L.A., but I will say that there is a lot of toxic stuff about it. Number one being that you can't walk anywhere. That makes me really upset. Number two, that's like the stupidest thing to complain about, but it sucks. Number two.

Being around people that are in the same industry as you is also not always the best thing because there's a lot of competitiveness. There's a lot of trying to, you know, use you to get farther. And that's something I didn't anticipate. You know, it's great when you can find someone here who is in the same space as you that like just wants companionship. But that's actually more rare than you think. Yeah. So there's a lot of.

to get fucked over when you're being friends with people in your industry. And that's something that I really struggled with and experienced. When you say that, can you elaborate a little bit on like when was a, and you know, obviously you're not naming names, but when was a moment that you realized like, I think I'm getting used right now. Oh my God. It's like been so many times. I mean, like I,

And sometimes using is not always a bad thing. Like sometimes you can even find yourself being like, well, yeah, they're maybe using me, but I guess I'm kind of using them too, you know, like in certain types of collaborations, things like that. But I think that's kind of different because usually when it comes to like a collaboration of some sort, it's a mutual benefit. Sometimes it's not though. And in those moments you're like, okay, I'm not benefiting from this at all. This person's like profiting off of me in some way. And I don't feel number one,

Like it's having a positive impact on me. And number two, like I don't think that they actually care about me. And so that's when it gets a little messy is when it's not a mutual thing. And you can tell that they actually don't even care about you at all. And, you know, it's a part of it again, like it's a part of it. And so,

I, in retrospect, now that I'm far away from all people or all things that could ever put me in a spot where I would be used or would feel taken advantage of in some way, like now that I'm far away from those things and I can look back at those moments when I did feel that way and I was wrapped up in those things, I forgive because I understand that, you know, it's like we're all just trying to prove that we deserve something.

To have dropped out of college. Or to have dropped out of high school. Or to have moved to LA. Like we're all just trying to make it happen. Right. And so if somebody thought that they could benefit from me in some way. Yeah that's not nice of them. But also I understand where their head was at. And I'm able to forgive now. When you say you're able to forgive. So you've been burned by people. And like again.

So not saying so surface, but not going to into actual detail. Like when you say burns, like, can you give an example? Like, was it someone asking you to be in a video? Was it someone asking to come in your videos? Was it someone a brand deal? Like, what are you referring to? There was like a few instances where, you know, people would want me to appear in their videos, for example. And yeah,

you know, I would be like, I can't today because like I need to be working and I need to like, I have to be doing, and they'd be like, and you know, maybe because they were more successful than me in some ways or whatever, when they would be like, you have to, I would be like, okay. You know? And so I was young and very yes man when I first moved to LA. So if somebody in these like YouTubers who are maybe more established, they, I think that they knew that they could kind of

Push me around a little bit. Not only on camera but off as well just by, you know, like they just knew that I was really also still kind of a fan of everyone. I think they could sense that as well. So a lot of people I think knew that they could take advantage of me and that it would be fine. And listen, again,

It's fine. Like I get it, but I'm also like, but it still sucked. And it, it made me a lot less productive and it made me depressed because I felt like just an object in some ways, which again, I don't think that was their intent, but I felt like I was just like a fucking drone, a corporate drone. You know what I mean? Like a YouTube corporate drone. Um, and I honestly would say that the ways that I was burned the most though, were like more personal ways. Like the ways that just like,

people who were like kind of bullies to me like behind the scenes like you would never like not necessarily a on camera but like most of the shit that was like bad was like behind the scenes where it's just like shitty friends yeah blank you know what i mean and and i feel like when you're also saying that would it also but it would always somehow tie back to content

Well, I mean, I think that our friendship was based in content. You know, a lot of the times it was like, what was our friendship without content? Yeah. Like if we weren't friends, like if we weren't making content together, would we be friends? It's hard to say. That's what I think a lot of people aren't able to, obviously, aren't privy to that information on the internet. You see these people, they're hanging out. Oh my God, they're new friends. Most people,

Of the relationships That I have seen in LA Are transactional A thousand percent I don't know a lot of people That like genuinely When we're all home Like for like

Like those people are not conversing. Yeah. Being like, Hey girl, like, how are you doing? Like, it's not like that. It's all based on we're back in LA. You want to shoot a tick tock and it, and, and you're promoting. I remember doing it in the beginning of my show when I had a cohost, it was like, we were promoting being like best friends. We had met like three months before. Of course. And it was like, but you sell this like fun, like,

And it doesn't look great. I guess people think that if you're sitting, standing with someone that doesn't have followers, that's actually your friend from your hometown. Right. No one's interested in that. But if you're standing next to, if I'm standing next to Tana Mongeau, that is logistically going to get more downloads and views than if my friend Jackie from home is going to be next to me. Like, who the fuck is that bitch? Yeah. So there is like an incentive to create these dynamics, but it's really dark. Well, it's interesting because actually some of the friendships were,

like quite close friendships where we were talking a lot. Some of them not, but like some of them genuinely were close like that. But the question still remains, would we be friends if we weren't making content together when we were together? Right. And it's like, that's kind of where it gets foggy. Right. Cause it's like, we were really close, but like,

If we weren't making content together, like, would we be hanging out? Would we even care to check in on one another? You know what I mean? Where was the intent? When did those type of dynamics – when did you wake up and they stop? It happened, like, one by one, I would say. Like, I would have kind of realization about – just – and it wasn't, like, anything –

Some of them there was like moments where it was like a blow up where I was just like, fuck you. You know, like this is just like not like you are using me. I can tell. Fuck you. But then other moments it was like it was more just like a drift away where I was like, you know what? How is our friendship off camera? And if the friendship was like not good, then I was like, you know what? I'm just going to back away. And I've always been somebody where I'm like, I don't feel much sadness if a friendship's not like good.

I will be the first one to fucking cut it off. Because what's the point? Even if we're profiting off of our friendship, even if we're not, even if it's a private friendship, both, I will walk away with no remorse if I feel like it's right. And so I kept that principle for all friendships throughout my teen years. Have you ever stayed in a friendship longer than

For fear of the public perception and the fallout. Yes. Like I've definitely like, I've definitely struggled to cut off public friendships a lot more. Public friendships have always been harder to kind of back away from, even if it was like what needed to happen for all parties, you know, like it's definitely harder because you're like, God, like, you know, even if this ended civilly or even if it fucking didn't, we, you know, I don't want someone else to,

The other party to get in trouble by the court of public opinion for our friendship ending, because even let's say they did the worst shit. Let's say they were such an asshole to me. They're going to pay enough with their own conscience. Yeah. You know, I don't think it's necessary to have the world knowing about that, too. What do you get anxiety about?

Like, what are the main things that give you anxiety? I would say the main thing that gives me anxiety is the pub is something happening where my character is, uh,

portrayed incorrectly and it being believed right and me not feeling like I'm able to say this is not me because I know like I don't care what anybody says I'm not a fucking bad person so and I know that and I know that because I have too much of a conscience like I the guilt I feel about everything right

I can't do bad shit like I because I just my guilt and conscience is so strong that like I almost wish I had less of that because I actually feel guilty about things I don't need to feel guilty about. And it sucks, you know, like but I know that I'm not a bad person, but I do sometimes fear that.

will get in the... Somebody will even spread a rumor about me that's not real. And that will become known as fact. And I know how things work on the internet where it's like people aren't digging into every single story that they see. So if like a bad story that comes out about me comes out, people see it. They're just going to take it as fact. And let's say a week later it's proven, oh, that's not true. Like Emma didn't hit an old person in the street. Like...

People are still going to remember the article that they saw where they said that I did. And that's what freaks me out is that, you know,

I don't always feel like I'm able to defend myself. And I also don't always want to. Yeah. And I also can't go in and diffuse every rumor about myself. I would be fucking, that's all I would ever do. You know what I mean? If I went and address every fucking rumor or every fake blah, blah, blah, blah, blah about me, you know, I wouldn't, that would be actually my full-time job. So like, I can't do it. And so it's just like this process of trying to figure out like, you know,

Like I just feel so out of control of the public perception of me because somebody could go and lie about me tomorrow. And you know what? The other thing is I don't like, let's say I did do something fucked up. Let's say I did push an old lady in the street. Let's say I was having a really bad day. Who knows? There's not a lot of room for having a bad day. There's not a lot of room for making a one-off mistake. And even if that's not something that reflects my character, how am I, I can apologize and say, this is not me all I want.

But everybody does that. And how do people even know that I'm being honest? You know, so it's like, it kind of feels like a witch hunt in a way. And I think that in some areas, like, yeah, criticism is necessary. Absolutely. But I think that sometimes, like, people love it. And so they want to feed the drama. And I don't want to be the butt of that. And listen, it's happened. You survive. But it just fucking sucks. And it sucks even more when it's not...

or it's not a representation of you as a person. And people make blanket statements like, oh, we heard Emma did this one time. Emma is now evil all around. You know, there was like a rumor that I was a bully in high school. And I remember I was like, okay. And I saw like a girl from my high school made a TikTok that was fully not true. It was fully not true about like me saying some mean shit during class. Like made up this whole like fake story. I'm like, girl, I,

We went to all-girls school. We were, like, nerdy. Like, nobody was bullying each other in high school. Is there a chance that I excluded somebody in high school? Is there a chance that I maybe made a snarky remark to someone in high school? Fuck yes, there is. There's a great chance that I probably did that sometimes. I woke up too early. I was in a bad fucking mood. Sure. But...

I never did anything evil. I know that for a fact. And do you know what? If I did, I'm sorry. I don't know. I don't remember. Do you fucking remember what you did in high school? No. Nobody fucking remembers. And we're also kids. It's like kids playing in a fucking knife drawer. We're

learning how to be good people and you're gonna fuck up in that process but it's the fact that you know my identity is in the hands of like everyone who's ever met me and everybody who's ever seen me do anything and I don't have control over that and the psychological damage is quite it is crazy but also I signed up for

So here we are. You know what I mean? Most people listening to this podcast right now are the ones that you're referring to as your boss, my boss. They're listening to this and they're going to make a decision. Yeah. Do we like Emma Chamberlain? Right. Does the daddy gang like Emma Chamberlain? And, and I'm sure it's okay if you guys don't know. And I'm sure vice versa, there's going to be people that are like, why there's people that don't like me. And they'll be like, why did Emma go on Alex's show? And it's like, people are,

are unforgiving and ruthless on the internet and not only that they are excited when there's drama like there are there have been episodes where people are like i'm gonna cancel you for having that person on your show yeah but does it say more about me for having them on why are those episodes the most downloaded though of course so that's actually you guys are listening oh

You are the ones ingesting it. You're clicking on it. I don't know. It's a scary industry a little bit to be in right now. I agree. And I think the other thing is that there's a difference between somebody doing something genuinely bad, right? And something genuinely bad and having an intent that's like, I actually...

Like want to hurt people You know Because that happens Yeah On the internet You know you see people Fuck up And do things that Genuinely directly harm people And they actually had the intent Of harming people right I never ever

on my whole time on the internet have ever posted something with the, with a negative intent, right? Now, listen, if I do something that is perceived in a way where it's like, Emma, that's not right. And here's why that's fine. I'm willing to like learn. I'm always open-minded, you know? And I think criticism, constructive criticism is,

There's nothing wrong with it. This could have been perceived in a way that was offensive and hurtful. I totally get that. Then it's like, okay, we'll go from there. And thank you for letting me know. Let's move on. Like I didn't have that intent, but I totally understand where you're coming from.

I'm so glad that, you know, you let me know. Yeah. I'm so happy to do better next time and to be more aware of how this could be perceived wrong. But it's when people are like, oh no, you're done. You're done. Because even though you had no idea what you were doing, and even though it was a complete, complete 200% accident, you're still done because you made a mistake. That is such fucking uncharted territory. It's like,

fucking like put on deodorant in a video and I feel like at this point somebody's gonna be like you're offending people that don't want to wear deodorant like no literally you know what I mean it's like I understand that like

If somebody does something wrong, holding them accountable is fair and in some actually places very good. I've learned so much from being on the internet and from people being like, hey, when you talk about this like this, that's not cool. And I've been like, damn, I would have never known that otherwise. Thank you. Like truly, like I'm grateful for that. But it's when it's like people twisting shit just for funsies and not giving me room to be like,

It just discourages me and it just makes me, yeah, it makes me want to disappear. Yeah. You know? How has your brand evolved? When I first started on the internet in general, I was just kind of copying what all the girlies were doing. You know, I was like, okay, I'll talk about makeup and clothes and things like that. And then that wasn't really lighting my soul on fire. So then I was like, I'm going to start vlogging. And I just started vlogging. And then I vlogged for years. I mean, I was like...

you know, just like filming random shit, like whatever I thought was like funny or interesting or random at the time I was just filming it. And so, um, and some like more concept based videos to like stuff where I was like going to children's place and trying to pick out a cute outfit, you know, like shit like that. Yeah. Um, and just like having fun with whatever I kind of had no, I was like my baseline theme on my channel is me. So like whatever happens, um,

I'm just like the main theme of it, which I mean, what kind of like self-centered idiot 16 year old do you have to be to think that that's going to exist? I know. Right. I'm like, damn, it's about me. I'm like, it's about me. Okay. That's it. My what's your channel about, babe? It's about me. Tune in. I promise you'll love it. No, but really that was it. And then I think within the past like year or so, I've been trying to kind of make my content a little bit more fun.

mature because I'm more mature, you know? So like on my podcast, I've been talking about more serious topics and on my YouTube, you know, the last few videos I made were very like more just like chill and toned down and just relaxed and like not super based on like a gimmicky kind of concept, like just kind of just me existing and doing whatever and like editing the videos myself in a way that I felt was like

and more mature to watch, I would say. Because I just don't think that like I want to be making, you know, I have to evolve the things that I'm putting out or else I'll seem ingenuine. They have to evolve with me or else it's like not going to work. Right.

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You mentioned kind of having an identity crisis. You have an entire life to live. How do you see this public persona that you created basically as a child evolving into adulthood? This is something I've been thinking about a lot because I think that the last four years or whatever of me being on the internet, you know, I... When it came to...

I was just in autopilot. I was just like pumping shit out and it was coming from my heart still, but it was like, I was just kind of like on go, go, go, go, go mode. So I wasn't thinking about anything too deeply. And I also wasn't thinking about, I definitely wasn't thinking about my own personal identity when no one's around and I'm by myself and I look in the mirror, who is that? I was so focused on,

working 24 7 for the past four years that I was teetering between having no thoughts and being burnt out and just feeling like I was like dying because I just could not look at a final cut pro one more fucking time right but then also moments of just like absolutely just busting shit out and like it was just like back and forth teetering that left no time for me to ever have a free moment

To be like, okay, wait, who am I outside of all this? So for the past four years, you know, I've just been in this hamster wheel of working and working and working and working and working and, you know, kind of exploiting myself at times to just...

do as much as I possibly could especially because I started to get so many opportunities that I was excited about I was like well I don't want to say no you know what I mean like I like I want to do everything but you can't do that but I didn't know that at the time so I was spreading myself so thin and giving myself no time to sit back and be like okay wait who the fuck are you who the fuck are you and within the past I would say honestly especially two or three months I've

I've been having a lot of like psychological struggles because I'm like, I'm now having to figure out like refine my identity after like shoving it away for the past four years and

And ignoring it and just putting that on the back burner, it's like now I'm left being like, I don't even know what fulfills me, what excites me, what, you know, makes me feel like I have purpose outside of my work. I don't know what it is because I've not let myself go there. I didn't have the time to go there. And so that's kind of what I'm figuring out now. And, you know, I've gotten to a place where it got so dark for me, you know, even recently that I was like, well, I don't fucking care anymore.

If everything goes away, I'm like, I don't care because I'm so, I'm so disconnected from myself that like, I need to refine that. And if, when I'm ready to come back to the internet fully, and if, when I'm ready to like, you know, get back into the swing of things, like I, if, if people don't want to watch anymore, people don't care anymore. I need to do what I gotta do. Yeah. It's impossible to develop your identity and,

And be online at the same time. Because developing your identity means silence. You need silence. You need alone time. You need to be...

intimate with people you know you need all of these types of things that do not align with being a fucking youtuber or even being a podcaster at times you know I think podcast is like when it comes to personal identity it's easier especially too because like they can't always see you there's something nice about I don't know but with YouTube specifically it's like trying to develop your personality and simultaneously continue to be consistent on the internet it's like you cannot do both because you have to have

A fully formed something to show. Did you ever watch Harry Potter? You know I did. Okay.

Did you watch The Reunion? No. Emma, you need to watch it. I don't know if anyone listening is a Harry Potter fan, but some people may consider me like Slytherin. I'm more of like a Gryffindor Hufflepuff. You're giving me Gryffindor through and through, and I don't say that about many people. People are like Slytherin, bitch. I'm like, no, I'm Hufflepuff. Like, no, I'm not Gryffindor. You're not Hufflepuff. You're Gryffindor. Anyways, it is fascinating because Emma Watson, Daniel Radcliffe, and –

I think it was Ron who was like, I love how I'm calling the sea. I'm even calling them by those names. Of course. Of course. Literally said they were like, when we stopped the movies, I genuinely felt uncomfortable when people called me my real name. I didn't feel like I could even identify with that name. Totally. Child stars or child performers or now internet kids that come up on the internet.

They are losing some of their identity in the characters that they're portraying. How did the growth of Emma Chamberlain stop when Emma Chamberlain, the internet character, was born? You know, I wouldn't say that my growth completely stopped because it's like I was still growing. I, for the last four years, made my entire purpose in life

To like... At a certain point, I was like, my entire purpose is to now succeed at this and take it as far as I can and enjoy it while I'm doing it. Right? And so I put away and threw away all other purposes that I had even brewing in me. I was like, I don't give a fuck about anything else. I'm throwing all of my eggs in this basket. You know what I mean? I want to make...

This is my only purpose. And then now I'm at a place where I've arrived at what I wanted to happen. And now I'm left with this feeling where I'm like, this is fucking amazing. And I'm so happy that I'm here. But I don't have any more purpose.

in this area, right? I don't have any more thing. I don't want to get more followers. I don't want to get more views. I don't care about that shit anymore. You know, like at a certain point I was like, I would love to grow this as big as I can, like whatever. Now I'm like, I don't really think it needs to go any bigger. Like I'm good. You know what I mean? I'm fine with it how it is now. So I'm having to like figure out now what things will give me purpose outside of,

this and it's a fucking hard pill to swallow I didn't I you know I'm like I'm 20 and I'm like where I have to now I have to find a whole new purpose but also everybody is looking at me and is like look at it like you know but you but you have this to look at and I'm like I need something bigger and deeper for myself that might not have anything to do with the internet you know what I mean

I just don't know what that is yet. And so that's been something that I've been struggling with is like, you know, I haven't had time to like, you know, do hobbies or whatever. But the other thing is, is that

I'm now in a routine where like I don't really have a lot of inspiration to do things that don't involve my work, which is a weird thing that like because my work in my hobbies became one. Right. Right. So like I don't have like the desire to do other little hobbies that like my brain convinces me are pointless to do.

You know what I'm saying? Well, and also your job has flowed in not only to like your purpose and your hobby, but it's also flowed into like your actual lifestyle and living. Every part of my life. You can't go...

You're not even 21. But if once you're 21, you can't go to a bar and not get recognized. And what you do in that bar is a direct reflection on your job, which is your purpose. And so every single aspect of your life is wrapped up basically in your job. Yeah. Which...

for some people it's very normal and for some people it's like oh I work a 95 and when fucking Friday hits I am a different beast on the weekend you don't have a weekend yeah it's it's honestly like everything in my life is melded into one where it's like my job my social life or lack thereof most of the time because I'm too anxious but like you know every element of my life is all connected

You know, I don't have a separation of things. And because of that, it all feels like everything could fall apart if I just pushed the wrong domino and it could just all fucking fall down. Like, you know, it's, it's, everything feels very fragile, which is why I'm now like, okay, I can't have all my eggs in this basket. I want to continue doing this. This is, you know, my passion and something that I, I enjoy doing this stuff. Right. But I have to find a life outside of it. And I,

And solidify that life and, like, make that life something where I'm not so worried about what people think of me on the internet. I'm not so worried about, you know, if this all went away tomorrow because I do have this life outside of it that's so rich that it doesn't matter. Walk me through social anxiety now with this platform. It is...

I mean, of course, like I do love meeting people. I mean, I really do. And I'm I am generally a social person, I would say. Like I'm I don't really get social anxiety about talking to people. Like if somebody comes up, I mean, there's been moments when it's been like kind of overwhelming or something just because it was like, you know, I was late to something or blah, blah, blah. I always, you know.

The actual interaction itself is always pleasant. You know, the only thing that I'm paranoid about is people who don't maybe like me and see me in public and they are like want to film me or are like watching me and like making fun of me behind my back. Like it's the fact that I could be anywhere and somebody might recognize me and I might not actually know that they know me. If somebody comes up to me and like says, oh my God, like what's up? You know, like that's sweet. I don't actually mind that. It's the fact that I don't know

When I'm just another human being drifting through the street or when somebody is watching me because they've seen me before. That is what makes me anxious. And that's what makes it hard, you know, because I'm constantly feeling like I'm being surveillanced, whether I know it or not. What are you doing, though, like tangibles in order to try to find and redefine that identity that you're looking for? I think a big step in it was...

Deciding like that I'm gonna probably step back from YouTube. Okay. You know, just because I will say that and I mean, I don't know. I'm not making anything definite, right? I'm just like this is just where I'm at now. I take it day by day. That's what I have to do or else I lose my mind. But I do like for me doing a weekly podcast is something that I can do because I mean, it's very much me sitting in bed and like just talking and

But I also think that by stepping back from YouTube, I have a lot more free time so that I can figure out, okay, maybe I want to like, you know, who knows what I want to do. But like I might want to do something else that's creative that I can create for, you know, the world to hopefully enjoy if they decide to enjoy it. Like,

It gives me room to explore, number one, like what I could do next in my career. But also it gives me more time to like develop friendships properly because I also, you know, don't like to have people in my videos or on my podcast or anything because it just gives me too much anxiety and I like it just to be me. And so, you know, it caused me to push a lot of people away because I couldn't combine work and play, you know. I had to keep those very separate. And so because of that, it was like...

I didn't hang out with people very often. So I'm taking this time to just like have as much free time as possible and just let myself get really bored and like see what I do to entertain myself. I also hear when you're saying you're going to give yourself that freedom to find things you like, but then don't grab the camera and film it for content. Like, no, it's yours. Let it be yours. Let a hobby be yours. And don't be like, oh, this would make a good vlog.

Yes. Like you, there's gotta be a line for yourself of like, no, cause then you're working like do it for yourself. I can already feel like the tension. You're like, fuck, I know. And I've done it too, where I'm like, oh, that was such a fun moment. And then I have to exploit it on my podcast. And I'm like, it's hard. I, and I think I have to be strict with myself and be like, Emma, like, you know, you can do your podcast, but you can't be posting videos and be trying to figure out

who you are and what you enjoy to do when the camera's off if the camera's still fucking on every week you just can't figure it out so you know I don't know like what's like yeah I'm constantly like changing my like I'm like oh now I'm doing this oh wait now I'm doing this like I'm all over the place right dude you're 20 as you should be right so it's like I but I just don't think I also don't know if I feel like that there might be something else out there that might

Excite me career wise. It might light me. Light my soul on fire. You know like there's something out there that I might be missing. Yeah. And so I want to have a little bit of time to explore that. And see like what I want to do next. That's going to be exciting to me. I think that's amazing. So yeah. In terms of growing up basically on the Internet. You have. You have.

Presented a very like PC brand and no sex no like we don't even know like has Emma Chamberlain ever had sex has she ever kissed a boy has she ever get like we don't know right how has people's fascination with your sexuality affected your sexuality yeah and

It's really interesting because I always... I struggled with my sexual identity growing up as well because, as I mentioned earlier, like, I was just a late bloomer and I just also wasn't, like, an ultra-feminine girl and I've never been, like, a super stereotypically feminine woman. But yet, like, I...

a straight woman like that's what I am but like no one ever like I've always gotten like shit for that you know and people have growing up too you know like people being like that's not true and I'm like you guys like why and I mean listen like I don't ever want to complain like sexuality is such a

and like intimate and emotion filled subject that like I don't want to complain about people like, you know, questioning my sexuality because I know it can be so much worse and so much more complex. So I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. But at the time I was like, you know, people like I remember my ex-boyfriend was like,

we were dating and like one of his friends like was like, dude, like she doesn't actually like you. Like she, I don't think she actually likes you. Like she's, I think she likes girls. Like I don't think she likes you. And then he came to me and told me that. And I was like, why the fuck would you say that? Like, just why the fuck would you say that? Like, why are you assuming that? Like, cause that's not true. And if it was true, so fucking be it. But like, why is this? Like, why are people speculating? Like I'm like, I'm dating it. Like,

Why do you think he thought that? So he actually told my ex-boyfriend why he thought this. And it was because I didn't wear makeup and I wore sweatpants a lot. So all of a sudden now I'm like not allowed to like boys. I was like, shut the... Right. Holy fuck. I mean, seriously, like just stupid. And I mean, I've always thought like...

I mean, I get it. We're humans. Like we're curious about other humans. And so I don't think it's like, I don't think there's anything wrong with, within the privacy of your own mind to look at somebody else and be like, Hmm, I wonder this, this or that about their sexuality. If you do that within the safety of your own mind, totally. Sure. But don't go to my boyfriend and be like, dude,

Like, I think you're barking up the wrong tree here. Like, that's so fucking rude. Did that affect your relationship then with your boyfriend in terms of psychologically for you? Was it always... I was like, well...

All of a sudden now I feel like I need to start being like not myself. Like this is me. Right. You know what I mean? This is just who I am. Like trying to prove now you're straight. Like, no, I do like guys. I do like you. And I'm like, why the fuck should I have to prove that anyway? Nobody should ever have to prove shit about. Never. It's like it's so incredibly nobody's business, which is I think why like I've always kind of been afraid of getting into it is just because I'm like,

sexuality is also something that has ebbs and flows too. Like some moments you're like, oh my God, I'm on like a roll. I'm just like hooking up with everybody. And like, I just, whatever. And sometimes you're like, I literally can't remember the last time I felt like any kind of excitement about anything sexually. Like there's so many moments. Things are constantly evolving there. But I also think that I'm just not somebody where, actually let me rephrase. Because I was,

a very late developer as a young person. And because I didn't get any attention from guys really for my appearance, um, I definitely like became used to getting attention from what I was talking about and like what I was and how I was behaving. And like, that was, um,

what I started to lean into more because I was like well people don't I don't have boobies so like nobody's looking at me for my boobies so you know I have to figure out some other way to get attention and so that kind of became muscle memory where I was like well now I just feel like nobody's ever looking at me and is like looking at me in a sexual way so in order to like get attention I just have to like utilize my personality and then hope that like through that

somebody will be able to be attracted to me in a more sexual way like if they maybe like like me personality wise so that's kind of what I became used to but it always made me feel shitty because I was like I just don't think guys are looking at me and are like looking at me in a sexual way ever and that fucked with me because I was like but

But why? Like, you know what I mean? I was like, this sucks. And even now that I'm older and like I like my boob has grown like maybe like this much, like like a tiny little little tiny bit. But now that I'm older, you know, it's like even though like that's not really as much of an issue anymore, it's still there's a little trauma there, you know, where in the back of my head, I'm like, number one, I remember people always not believing that I was like that I was somebody who

dating men, which, like, fucked with me. But then also, like, have memories of, like, just guys not being attracted to me physically. And then on top of that, like...

I'm also just not a super outwardly sexual person. Like I never present myself in a very outwardly sexual way. I'm just not comfortable doing that. And I don't have, there's nothing wrong with doing that. I just, it's never felt right to me. And I've always felt like, well, because I'm not an outwardly sexual person, like does that make me less attractive to in some ways? You know what I mean? So,

But, like, that's just... It's so interesting, though, because the perception of me is so interesting for me to, like, watch. Like, people are like... I've seen comments that are just like, there's just no way, like, Emma's ever had sex. And I get it. But I get it. But then that fucks with me because I'm like, I get why they think that. So...

It like creeps me out. You know what I mean? I will admit I'm a tomboy and I have been my whole life. And so my brand is weird because I was so over sexualizing myself. Totally. That I felt imposter syndrome sometimes where I'm like, that's not actually the full truth. Like I don't, I'm not incredible in bed every night. That's the truth. Some days I'm really tired. And like, and so for me, it was like weird to acknowledge that. But for you, do you ever find yourself like pushing yourself to,

Try to be more feminine so that you feel something like, does that make sense? A thousand percent. I, I mean, my like experiences in throughout my life, actually, I haven't had like a lot of one off experiences. Like I've mainly just been in relationships, which I think was good and bad. You know what I mean? Well, I think, okay. Yeah.

I would say when it came to like any experience I've ever had in my life where it's been like a sort of one time thing, which hasn't actually happened a lot. But every time that it has, I feel like I've been able to kind of play a game where maybe I'm being a little bit more feminine because it's like,

It's just fun. It's just fun. It's like I can just like be whatever the fuck I want right now. And it's like a fake confidence you give yourself. Yes. By acting it out, you're like, I can be this way. I am. You can't do that in a relationship. No. Because the fucking, the colors come out far too quick. So like I've never really been able to like play that game in a relationship. I definitely have done that in the few times that

I've like, again, like, so it's happened, but never in relationships. But I found that in past relationships, I didn't feel as respected by guys that have dated in the past just because I feel like they kind of, well, especially like one relationship in particular, but it was just like, I just felt like, you know, he was very critical of the fact that I like maybe wasn't a super feminine girl. And like, sometimes he was like, oh, it's actually super cool and chill. And then sometimes he was like, he was like,

Like if I like put on jeans and come over, he would be like, oh, my God, like you finally like put effort in. Like, that's crazy. Like it was like and you're like and I'm like, dude, shut the fuck up. Like I'm like or, you know, if I'd be wearing makeup or whatever, it would be like a big deal. And like it would be like, oh, my God, you're wearing makeup.

Like, whoa. You know what I mean? Or like, you should wear heels tonight. And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? Like, I'm like, no. Like, I felt like I wasn't enough. Yeah. And like, the areas that I was feminine weren't enough. So I felt like, you know, there was an effort to like make me more feminine to fit what they wanted. Which is like, again, it's like, we were fucking kids. All my relationships happen, you know, at such young ages that it's like, of course, there's going to be shit like that. Yeah. But I would say,

I'm fully comfortable now in like what areas I'm more feminine and what areas I'm more masculine because I simply just getting into a relationship where my masculine and feminine traits are appreciated but also like you know dating somebody who like just doesn't care about that shit and is just like enjoys people for like being a person like that it's like in less about like

And also it's like kind of similar to me in the sense where like maybe not the super traditional, super masculine thing,

Super feminine. Like that's not playing any roles in our relationship. Yeah. You know? So, and that's what it is. It's like anyone listening, like sometimes it just takes finding the right partner that you don't need to change yourself. No. You just need to find someone that like aligns with making you feel like you can be 100% authentically yourself around them. And when you do that, it's a, it's a beautiful place to be in. It really is. So this is call her daddy.

Yes, I have had sex, Alex. Can you tell me when you lost your virginity or no? Yeah. Okay. I was. I've never talked about this on the internet. This is so fun. This is Call Her Daddy and I'll get roasted by own ass. Well, I also like in my personal life, I talk about sex all the time. That's why it's so fucking weird for me that I never talk about it. Like I'm not like I talk about it all the time. So it's like not. And you're not saying in your show. You just mean in real life. Yeah. Like in real life, I'm like.

I talk about it all the time. So it's weird that I don't- Dude, when we had Zoomed that time, you were talking about it with me. Yeah. I'm not saying like even just sex. She's not like, Emma's not like a nympho. I have so much sex, you guys. Right, right. But like, I was surprised, I remember on that Zoom, how naturally you discussed-

Just like oh yeah like I loved that like I've listened to your show and I like and I was like oh shit I had no fucking idea your brand is very specific and it's not that you're avoiding it it's just it's not talked about. Well that's the thing it's like if something's not talked about then how are you supposed to like know how someone where someone stands on a topic and it's interesting because yeah I just like it's so bizarre to like talk about it but it's also kind of fun. Okay.

Because I feel like I'm old enough now Like I'm finally old enough where I get to talk about it It was like the Disney Channel effect It was like when Miley Cyrus was like I have to go to such extreme and go like dance on a pole Because like everyone sees me as a baby And I need them to not see me as that Meanwhile she was like probably like fucking smoking weed on set Yes You know what I'm saying There's so many things that like The perceptions can pigeonhole you And then it does affect your identity And so I can feel you being like hey guys I'm 20 Yeah

I can say I've had sex before. Yeah. That's okay. Even though your publicist may be like, don't say that. I don't think... But also, like, I... Yeah. Okay, so... Oh, yeah. Oh. I was 17. Great age. It was actually a really not bad experience. Like, it was with a guy that I was, like, seeing at the time that I was...

Pretty comfortable with and I mean he was definitely like you know he had sex lots of times and I obviously hadn't but he was like great he like really like I don't know it was just like it was one of the most jarring experiences for me though in my entire life because it was one of those things where.

It was something I just, like, never believed was possible for myself because, you know, growing up I had these experiences of people, like, you know, doubting my sexuality. You know, I even had moments where, like, I was kind of like, I don't even know if I like anyone. Like, I went through phases where I was like, I feel nothing towards anyone. And, like, I don't even know if, like, I'm ever going to like somebody enough to, you know, let them in like that. And I also was like, I don't feel like anybody wants to do this with me. You know, like, I've never been...

Nobody's ever looked at me in a sexual way before, at least to my face. So like, I don't think that this is possible. Yeah. And so when it was happening, I was like, oh, it was so it was I was like, this is just like feels like everything's like shifting in my life, you know, because I was like, damn, this is like a new chapter. And I felt I had weirdly like imposter syndrome before.

with it. Right. Cause I was like, I don't feel like I'm like, are you sure that you want to do this? I'm like, nobody ever wanted to do this. So I don't know why you want to do this. And also I had a huge crush on this guy at the time. So like, you know, he's even more crazy for me. Um, and in retrospect, I can look back and be like, no, like I, I, like I was being hard on myself and I didn't need to be like that. But, um,

I mean, it hurt really bad. That's all. Dude, I don't, no one should ever be like, my first time was incredible. Like, no. It was so awful. We didn't even have sex. Right. It's not sex. It's like a movement and then you're like, all right, we did it because it's like one, no one has to, you're not going to have an orgasm. Yeah. It's not going to fit. You're not experienced. You don't know what you're supposed to be doing. You don't know what you're supposed to be feeling. It's almost like, let me just get through this. Not in like a creepy way. It's more just like, no one's going to be relaxed and chill. It doesn't get fun until you're like,

Older. Older. Yes. And even like then like there's always more to learn. Always. And really I think the weird thing is is like the as I've learned through my show is like it's really start with yourself and a lot of people don't feel comfortable starting sexually with themselves until you get a little bit older. Right. Because there's like a lot of weird shame and especially if you haven't felt this like

Feminine sexual energy you're so in your head that to even like be by yourself and masturbating You're already thinking outside of your body. Yes about totally. I'm not sexual. This is weird What am I and you get in your head? Well, you also are like It's so true. I mean i've had moments like On a personal level but also like with other people like when i'm you know like

Where I've just been, I've gotten into my head and been like almost embarrassed. Where I'm like, bitch, you are not, stop. Like stop being like. Like stop faking it. Like you're on top and you're like, this doesn't feel genuine. I'm like, I literally, I'm like, this is not, it feels like out of character. Yes. And it doesn't feel like it aligns with me. And like.

And you want to do it. That's why I hate going on top. Because I'm like, I don't want to have to fucking think about me. No, but I think it's okay to say in terms of like, sexually, it's hard, especially growing up where...

I mean, I will admit like my show, as much as it probably gave women confidence, it also probably drew a big hole in people's sex lives being like, wait, I don't do that. And like, I've never, and then it's, you get insecure. Totally. And again, porn and everything makes you feel like you've got to be this like sexual deviant. And so when you're like, again, like a position, like on top eyes are on you and you're like,

Okay. So I know I'm supposed to start like moaning and then like, I should like throw my head back and like, but naturally right now, like I feel a little out of body imposter syndrome of like, I don't feel that yet. And it's, so it's weird. But also like, if you're like, for me personally, I'm not like, I don't fucking like want it. It doesn't excite me to like do crazy shit necessarily. I just don't.

But it's like people are very judgmental about if you're like, I'm not like I listen. It's not like I'm not a sexual person. There's definitely that side of me. But I also like not a super sexual person. And like there are times when I'm like, I don't it doesn't need to be this like whole crazy thing. Like it's just it just is what it is. And like, I don't feel like I don't want to fucking perform. I don't want it. It just sucks.

And I think that the expectation to perform might actually end up being detrimental too at times because you're like, it's all about like figuring out what the vibe is. And like, if you're just like, well, the vibe doesn't feel like making really loud sounds right now, but I'm just going to do it anyway. Cause I saw it in porn yesterday. And then you get into that pattern. And then it's like, but then it's like kind of like,

But then it takes away from the intimacy of it. You should just disappear and like not think. Yes. And like let it happen. Yeah. And that's it. You just have to get out of your own way. I will also say like I think what you're saying is the majority and the norm. But people publicly don't admit that.

I know. And so it's like, let's just say it. I will admit that I like will enjoy. But like, OK, I know you're going to hate what I'm going to say. Wait, but should I say it anyways? What?

And then I'll cut it out. On Call Her Daddy, I will admit that I enjoy vanilla sex. I think that's okay. Like, you're not trying to, like... Like, boring sex. Like, you're not trying to, like, swing from the... I think that's totally fine. Like, what's wrong with, like, fucking... Like, what? Like, a good missionary and then, like, one other positionary. Missionaries and then go to bed. What is wrong with it? Nothing. I don't need...

need to fucking like literally do a helicopter background fucking right fuck flip all over I don't want to do that I also like feel like that like I mean listen okay yeah there's moments when you can be crazy there's moments when you can be fun I get it that's like once in a blue moon in reality it doesn't need to be like that and I think it's also like I'm thinking about like the sex I was having at 20 like I'm excited for you because it's like into at

20 I was faking things and I was performing and I knew like I it was it was all a game to me because I was like if I do this and he'll be obsessed with me and then blah blah blah and it was all right it kind of all corresponded to like a bigger goal of mine not just like the immediate bedroom but I do think as you get older and again as you get to know yourself sexually you begin to like actually find your

things that you know you like and then it's not even about vanilla sex it's like what works for you you can start to implement in the bedroom totally not like you're faking it but you have to actually find those things by yourself okay let's move on um case like i'm gonna what gives you the ick i'm gonna do some rapid fire and then we're done i know this is going so long we need to go i know really go for six okay no no i know and yes i like what you said because i think girls need to

I like that. I agree. Dude, I think that also like is really, yeah, it's like real and it's not like jarring. I thought you were going to say something crazier. Then I was like, oh, that's a good answer. Emma loves anal. I'm kidding. That's the promo of it. Okay, I'm going to go rapid fire and then we're done. Okay, I'm ready. What gives you the ick?

With guys or in general? Oh, both. Okay. With guys, I get the ick when just like any kind of like cockiness and bragging and like trying to like signal that they're like successful to me. This is not rapid fire with me. Nothing will ever be rapid fire with me. I'm so sorry. It's okay. It's okay.

Being cocky and honestly when people like just have bad taste in like clothing and fashion. I feel insecure around Emma right now. Stop. With my outfit. I'm like. I'm not saying like there's like a certain like but they're like braggy about it. So like. Got it. Being cocky about like having bad taste. That's really icky to me. It makes me have the ick every time. Is that you? That's not you.

You, you're always hot. You always look good. Like you don't, you're not allowed to play this game. So anyone wondering who we're talking to, it's our mutual publicist on the right side who's been crying this entire interview. And who's also so gorgeous. So gorgeous. And dresses like the hottest. She's a full sweat outfit on with heels. She's like nobody's cooler than her. But it's not what you would think. Yeah, they're like flared sweatpants. No, she genuinely is slaying and nobody can tell me different. Anyways, okay. Have you ever been cheated on?

You know, Emma, you're like, it can never be short. It can never be short. Not technically, but like I've been in situations where it was maybe not right for people to be going out and they did. Fair. You know, have you ever cheated on someone? No. What is the longest relationship you've ever been in? A year and like 10 months. Is that the one you're in right now?

I will not say. Okay, fine. Better question after that. Do you own a vibrator? Yes. I have one downstairs. It's in a box. I got one when I was like 17. That's amazing. Who told you to get it? You just got it yourself? It was somebody I was talking to at the time. Okay. What is the most hurtful thing someone has done to you in a relationship? I would say like...

Just like not be supportive of like things that I was doing, like simple things like work stuff, what I decided to order on a menu, like just like being in a relationship where somebody was constantly disapproving of every little thing I was doing and like being genuinely mean about it. Good answer. How is the relationship you're in now different from previous experiences with partners? It's I mean, so many everything about it. I mean, obviously being like best friends with

your significant other is the best fucking thing ever and i don't think that that's ever been true prior also like just the most like not like incredible i i can't even it's just like it's almost like when you're in a good relationship it's like you found somebody that's like

A missing piece. Yeah. And like they just have all the things that you wish you had and you learn from them and they learn from you and they treat you with respect and there's a mutual respect and it's like all these things and it's like also your best friend and then it all comes together and you're like I don't have any complaints and I don't know how that's possible. You know? Could you share what do you argue about in this relationship? Not a lot. We don't argue.

Can I ask you how you guys met? Through the internet. Why do you think fans have become so invested with gaining access and insight into your dating life? I think that like even for me, like as a consumer of the internet, like things are interesting when there's mystery around them. And because I don't ever confirm or deny anything, that's why I think it's so interesting. It's almost like if I were to share it,

it would become possibly less interesting. But the problem is, is that I want to protect the people that I'm dating or the people that I'm like, even just lightly talking to, or the people that I'm hooking up with, like whoever it is at whatever given moment, like even at whatever stage it's at, I want to give them complete privacy. And I don't,

want my life to like affect them. Are you frustrated when you do see, like if like, God forbid, like a paparazzi thing comes out of you, like how does that make you feel? I mean, for me personally, I'm like, I don't care. Like, I mean, I, it's more like I'm concerned about how it affects them. And I don't ever want to like lose an opportunity to like have a good connection with somebody because my life style creates them,

stress right um and that's something I've like worried about in like relationships that I've been in that have been positive I'm like I just like I'm scared that this is going to get out because I don't want them to feel violated and like they didn't sign up for this like you know what I mean and so that's why I keep it private but also if things come out or things are speculated about most of the time people that I've been with or people that I haven't been with where it's been speculation and they're like this is silly right but I just decided to talk about none of it

Cause I'm like, if it's true or it's not, it doesn't fucking matter. Cause if I chime in about stuff when it's not true, then that means everything. I don't chime in about smart. I just leave it all to the imagination. And honestly, it's kind of fun to see. It's kind of fun to see like what people assume. So yeah. Okay. Wrapping up in 30, 40 years. What do you hope people say about Emma Chamberlain? I would hope that people would say that in one way or another,

Like something that I said, something that I shared made them feel inspired or made them feel comforted in some way. Like that's my main goal is I want people to feel comfortable and heard by listening to me, but also kind of like safe in a way, too.

Emma Chamberlain thank you for coming on call her daddy we did it we finally did it dude it's been a long time coming I'm sweating dude I am dehydrated my legs are cramping we're a mess you look great I'm literally well I mean that was this has just opened up a whole new chapter for me hours and 42 minutes is gonna be another two-part series I can't wait we needed this though I could have kept going I do feel yeah it was like therapeutic yeah we need great work

Thank you, Alex. Thank you for having me.