Gabbi Tuft: Transition and Transformation
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Is this thing on? Bonnie, who used to be a former sex worker, now hosts the podcast, Dunblanc. Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit, and I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of fucking money, and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child, and here we are. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dunblanc. Today, I am super excited to have my guest here because...

She absolutely fascinates me. And that's very rare because people don't fascinate me too much. But I am so curious about this woman, Miss Gabby Tuft. How are you, baby? I'm wonderful. It's so good to be here in Nashville. Oh, my God. I love it. Dude, did you get a chance to go down on Broadway? No, I was so excited. Just look out the window.

in that beautiful Airbnb and just kind of enjoy everything. There were like party buses going by and all the kids were just dancing and stuff. So I was just kind of being a fly on the wall. It's a lot down there. It is. I was down there before with WWE at the arena several times. Oh, okay, at Bridgestone. Yeah, at Bridgestone. Gotcha. So I've been there, but it was just nice to watch from like a different perspective. Yeah, that's crazy. And to come back in a different time in your life too. Oh, yeah, slightly different. Yeah.

One or two things have changed. Yeah, we're going to definitely dive into that. But like I was telling you before you came on the pod or before the pod started recording, I love what you represent online. I'm into people who are just true to themselves and tell their story and whether people like it or not. And I love that about you. I think that's what grabbed me.

grabbed me about you is I came across one of your videos one time and you were just pretty much like, yes, this is... I used to be a fucking alpha male WWE wrestler and now I'm a beautiful, gorgeous woman. But you do it with such grace. Thank you. And I think a lot of people don't do that and I just love that about you. Thanks. So I started following your journey and I was just like...

This woman is awesome. Thank you. Yeah. A lot of the people in the community, they tend to... I think we get a lot of people on the defense. Yeah. And...

I think it's the majority. Honestly, they're on the defense so much. TikTok in general is on the defense. God, it's crazy. People just so easily offended. Yeah. You know, everybody's kind of like a snowflake. And I took the other road. I think it's because I used to stand in my boots and underwear in front of like 10,000 people multiple times a week with, you know what it's like to stand in front of a crowd. Naked. Absolutely. I'm literally naked in boots and underwear. My job was to get booed at. Like,

I can definitely relate. My job was to have people hate me. So I'm like, okay, well, no problem. I can handle it. Yeah, no, for sure. That's a fucking awesome way of looking at it, though. Like my job was to have people hate me. I love that. That's what it was. And so now I'm like, well, why be offended at everything? You know, like there's no need. I'd rather just educate. I feel like our generation is so much tougher than the generation below us. Oh, yeah, absolutely. We're like so thick skinned because you and I are around the same age. So it's like we're so thick skinned. We're like, motherfucker, bring it.

You know, totally. I'm the same way. I'm like, whatever. I used to ride a bike without a helmet and drink from copper hoses. I'm still here. Dude, my parents put me on a bike without a helmet and sent me down a hill and fucking I plowed into the back of somebody's fucking boat. No, you did. That's how I learned how to ride a fucking bike. Oh, my God. We are not the same.

No, we are not. I remember the day I got my first bike. It was way too big for me. I had, I wanted this like rattlesnake looking bike. I think it was like a diamond back. My dad got it for me and he ran me down the street and just let go. And I mean, it's a cold, cold to sack. I'm like, well, what kind of harm could I get into? Of course I crashed and hit the curb and

scratches everywhere. But that's how we learned. Yeah. We got the fuck back up and we did it again. There were no knee pads, no elbow pads, no gloves. We didn't go cry in the fucking in our rooms and fucking get depressed and shit. You know, like that was, it was a different time, a different era. Brush off the blood packet with some dirt. Keep going. We used to drink our own blood. Like, do you remember that? Did you ever do that? Maybe?

You didn't ever did blood packs with your friends or like drink? I didn't do that. All right. Well, maybe I will. Listen, I was into witchy shit as a kid already, dude. So what was the blood? So you would prick your finger with your best friend and you guys would rub your fingers together and do the blood and then you would lick it. My mom warned me about that as, as it, no, as it came up. Yeah. My mom's like, this is how you get diseases. This is how you get AIDS. I'm like, what is it? Maybe that's what's wrong with me about it.

Listen, I've been into witchy shit since I was a kid and didn't even know it. I love that. I absolutely love that. So I did a lot of research on you last night. And one thing that I saw that was missing from Google was them kind of like humanizing you. They pretty much, you're a WWE star that is transitioning. And that's every headline says that. And I just feel like I want to get to know the woman behind the transition, behind who you used to be, like,

I don't even know like where you grew up or like anything like that. So can you kind of take me? I don't know if your listeners are ready for this shit. Oh, they're ready. They are ready. Everybody is so excited. You're coming on. I've had a lot of people hit me about it. Cause you've been talking about it. Yeah. I was, I was talking about it ahead of time. Like this is something to be excited about. It's funny. Let's do this. I love you. Uh, no, I,

I love you. I love everything you guys do. I love your story too. Thank you. So where do you want to start? You want to start with my childhood? Yeah. Like, so where did you grow up? Where are you from? I was born in San Francisco. Oh, nice. I was born at Kaiser in San Francisco. I fucking love Frisco. Right? They have the best food. Oh my God. The food's amazing. It's changed a little bit since I was a kid, but I mean, it's still a fun place. I was born in San Francisco.

born in San Francisco raised in the North Bay so I lived in Sonoma kind of Napa area okay most people don't know where Sonoma County is so I always say oh wait what stop girl okay oh my god so my we're all West Coast girls I love that so Priscilla my soon-to-be ex-wife who's still my best friend she grew up in Calistoga yeah I'm in Hollister

Okay, I know exactly where that is. Yeah, so I grew up in Roanoke Park in Sebastopol on the way to Lake Bodega Bay. That's where I grew up. And my dad was a car salesman. He sold cars for 30 years and he was really good at what he did. A phenomenal parent. My mom was a real estate secretary. She was a real estate assistant. And I had one brother five years younger than me.

But my parents were awesome. My dad had so many opportunities at finance manager and management at dealerships, and he always turned them down. And I never understood why. And I asked him, and he said, it's because I didn't want to work bell to bell and never see my family. And so he gave up huge amounts of money to spend time with his boys and his family at the time. So every Friday, my dad would pack up his truck in the summer.

and we leave the house at about 5 a.m. and we take my grandfather, my brother, and I, and sometimes my mom would go, but a lot of times it's just like boy stuff, and we go to the lake and we go fish and water ski all day long. We come home and take the fish, scuba,

skin them and have dinner or what do you call it clean them and have dinner with the fam and then we take these two week vacations and we go to a different lake with my mom and everybody and we just go hang out for two weeks I had a wonderful like really wonderful family life going on that's amazing I did not that's so it makes me jealous to hear stories like that I'm like that's so beautiful I was lucky I was really lucky you know kids grew up in households where people screamed and yells and there's a lot of abuse I didn't have any of that

You had no trauma. They pushed me to do the best I could. And they were kind of a little on the strict side, but nothing that's out of the ordinary. They were only strict because they cared. Right. Well, and because we, like I said, have grown up in a different time where, you know, parents got to punish their kids and didn't get in trouble for it, you know? Yeah.

I mean, I never, I don't think I was ever spanked. I should have been. I absolutely should have been spanked. I remember this one time I was living in Runner Park. We lived there till I was 10 years old. And I left my bike down the street. And my mom goes, your dad's coming home. He's going to park in the garage. Where's your bike? Oh, I left it down the street at someone's house. She goes, well, go get it. And so I'm running out the garage. I must have been eight or nine at the time.

I'm running down the driveway and I just go, oh, shit. And I hear this, Gabriel. And I'm like, oh. You know, you stop dead in your tracks. And it's just like, oh, God, what happened? And my mom goes, what did you say? And I said, I said, shoot. You're like, I said, shoot. I said, shoot. Nothing. And it went back and forth. And I just, I stuck to my story. I said, shoot. I said, shoot. I said, shoot. And finally, my mom's just going crazy.

pick a brush. I'm like, no, like the paddle on the brush. Your father's going to spank. I'm going to tell him. And I cried and I cried and I cried. I'll never do it again. And my dad's home and I'm crying and she goes, don't say anything. And she totally let me out of it. She didn't tell my dad. She looked at me and she's like, she just wanted to scare the shit out of you. And she did. Oh, she did. I never,

Never cussed in front of her again. But you learned your lesson and that's all. That's what she wanted. Yeah. No, I still kept cussing, just not in front of her. Right. So as a child, did you struggle with your sexuality or like have, you know, any of that? I did. Okay. It was interesting. And I didn't have any context.

For what it was. Again, you and I are very similar in the generation that we grew up in. No cell phones. Right. No internet. There was no way for me to understand what was happening. Frisco is kind of like a gay capital though, isn't it? Yeah, the Waldorf Tunnel, which is now I think it's the Robin Williams Tunnel with the rainbows on it. Right. You know, we got a fisherman's wharf when I was younger. My dad would take us out to dinner and we'd see the rainbow tunnel. We're like, oh, look, rainbows. Yeah. We had no idea what it meant.

what it meant right right gotcha okay I didn't know if like maybe there was an influence because of the city or you know no it was literally you know like I said my dad worked at the car dealership he didn't get home till you know 4 30 some days my mom was that real estate secretary and so I was the first one home from school my brother didn't get off till 3 15 3 30 something like that

And so I would spend that short amount of time. I would just kind of wander to my mom's closet and try on her clothes and I would just hang out like this feels right, but petrified I was going to get caught, you know? So it was years of this years and years and years of this. I always had more girlfriends than guy friends. I had girls toys, which, you know, my dad kind of was all, Hmm. You know? Yeah. I had, I had He-Man and Star Wars and things like that too, but yeah,

I loved, loved My Little Pony. I loved Barbies. I wanted a Cabbage Patch Kid. Yeah. So damn bad when they came out. Remember like the, the craze? Yeah. Oh yeah, I had all of them. And then the Garbage Pail Kids came out. Oh, I loved Garbage Pail Kids. Me too. I was not allowed to have them though.

Yeah, me either. Because they were so trashy, right? And look at me now. I'm like queen of trash over here. We should start like Garbage Pail Kids 2.0. Right. It would be us now in our 40s. It would probably sell though if we started something like that. I'm sure it would. That would be amazing. You see Bunny XO as a Garbage Pail Kid. Oh my God, all of us. All the TikTok creators as Garbage Pail Kids. That would be so fucking hilarious. Garbage Pail Mom.

Yeah. Damn it. Why do we got to get that title? Somebody, somebody take a note. We gotta, we gotta look this up later and make this happen. Yeah. Um, but yeah, I had this, this short amount of time to, to be, um,

you know, feel comfortable about who I was. Do you think, were you scared that your parents were going to like be mad at you? Petrified. Okay. Yeah. Did your brother know? No. Oh no. Nobody knew. Nobody knew until I was just about ready to transition. Wow. Yeah. It was that deep, deep, dark, dark secret. That's gotta be heavy. It was because as a guy, you,

I watched my friends get the crap kicked out of them if they acted feminine in any way, shape, or form. Not even gay, just if you acted feminine, if you held your hand in the wrong way. Those kinds of things, they were ostracized. We played games like Smear the Queer. Right, I remember that. Remember that? It was just...

you know not to act feminine and so it was breaking every rule of being a male at that age and so I I hid it deep deep dark secret wow that's really heavy to have to carry especially as a child it was throughout your life it was I was always scared I was gonna get caught and then I buried it there was just a point when I just okay I'm just gonna bury this do you believe in reincarnation

I do. Yeah, I do too. And that's why I feel like, you know, women such as yourself, I feel like you guys maybe can't, if I came back in another life, I would, as a male, I would totally transition because I love being a woman, you know? So I think maybe a lot of people that do transition are reincarnated souls, you know? I've thought a lot about that. Yeah. I feel like I've been a woman in a previous life. Yeah. For sure. You carry it well.

Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah, I know you actually, it's, I'm looking at you and like, I would never be able to tell that you've transitioned. Just don't let go of my hands. I love when you say that online. I think it's so funny. There are some things that you cannot change, especially transitioning late at life. And that's the thing I've, I've learned, you know, you start this transition going, I think I can do this. Okay. I know I can. And then it's surgery after surgery, after surgery, but,

Until you get to a point where you go, oh, there isn't a surgery to make me shorter. And there isn't a surgery to widen my hips, like my hip structure, aside from the BBL. And I can't shrink my hands. That ain't going to happen. So you better start loving who you are.

Yeah, absolutely. Take me through high school. How was high school for you? Was that pretty torturous or did you excel? Every kid hates high school to an extent. Right. Yeah. We have a 15 year old. So trust me, I get it. Yeah. How old? 15. Oh, so you know. Yeah. I mean, you knew going through it. Yeah. I was a nerd. I was a 4.0 GPA student. I was this skinny, scrawny little kid and I didn't have many friends. I had like four friends and we hung out on the quad.

If one or two of my friends were missing that day, we were screwed. You know, it sucked. And I got picked on for being a straight-A student. So I ended up wandering the halls a lot, acting like I had something to do so people wouldn't know that I didn't have any friends. Aww. Yeah, it sucked. I hate that. I hated high school. It really sucked. Yeah. Do you feel like, why do you feel like you were such an outcast?

We moved from one city to the next, from Ronit Park to Sebastopol when I was 10. And it was right at the end of fifth grade. And I had a decent amount of friends in elementary school. I was doing just fine. But when I got to this new school...

Suddenly it was different. I didn't know anybody. They all had their established friends. And for whatever reason, I struggled making friends. Everybody wore different clothing. It's kind of like a hippie town compared to where I was. And so my clothes didn't match. Everybody played soccer instead of baseball. I couldn't kick a soccer ball. My life depended on it. I'd try to kick it at the person and go right and smack another person in the face. So I was last to be picked for every game.

made fun of me and I just I don't think I ever recovered from it.

Yeah, and that carried right into junior high. He has a little sensitive soul. What's that? I said you're just a little sensitive soul. I am, yeah. You're a water sign, right? You're a Scorpio. I am a Scorpio, yeah. I am a Scorpio stellium. Oh, nice. I have nine planets in Scorpio. Wow. You are like the ultimate fucking Scorpio. I'm deep, yeah. And they're all in the house of self. Are you very sexual? Am I very sexual? Yes.

That's interesting because I used to be. Right. I used to be... As a male? As a male. Oh, yeah. When I was a guy, I was hypersexual. And for some, I had great sex. Like, hours and hours. Like, our quickie was like an hour. Yeah. But now, I just don't... I don't have a libido. Really? It's like dead. If you get my motor running, then yeah, I'm good. Why do you think that is? I think it's the hormones. It has a lot to do with it. But honestly...

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that there's more than just the physical involved now. Estrogen is a hell of a drug. Let me tell you. It's more emotional for me than anything. And now that I'm into guys...

Guys are gross. Thank you. I say that all the time on this podcast. People got to think I'm a man hater because I'm just like dudes are fucking gross all the time. They're hurtful too. And they're hurtful. Yeah. I've been through all that. But it's like if I'm going to get my head down there in that area, things are going to happen. Yeah. There's going to be smells. Fuck my mind first before you fuck my body. Yeah. I really got to like what's going on. No, I'm the same way. When I was younger, I was like,

and I wanted to get it on with somebody, I was like a dude. I was like, come on, let's fuck. We're going to fuck. And I'm leaving. I'm not going to talk to you afterwards. Like I wasn't one of those girls. I'm gone now. Oh my God. The thought of sleeping with somebody is like, I can't, it just could never cross my mind. Like, I'm just like, there's so much that I has to go into it, you know? Yeah. So I'm thankful that I'm married, you know? Oh God. And so I, I really desire to have a partner and I don't know if it's longterm or when it's going to happen. Um,

but I've done the hookup thing. Like I've been on Grindr many times and which is a shit show in itself. Oh my God. I feel like dating apps are a fucking nightmare. They're horrendous. I have a dating app story. Fucking tell this is,

This was a long time ago, you guys. This was back when Match.com was cool. Oh, I tried Match. Jesus. And I met one of my friends. He's amazing. I love him. I'm not going to say his name because in case he listens to this podcast. But he's still a friend to this day. But I had met this guy and he was super cute. Met him on fucking Match.com. I go to his house. I'm like, cool. I'm just going to fuck this dude and leave, you know, because I used to be a fucking little savage. I love that. And me and this dude are getting it on. And he's like...

He's like, I can't come unless I'm in my closet. No way. Yeah.

And I'm like, huh? And he's like, let's go into my closet. And I'm like, okay. So we go into his closet, shut the door, turn the light off. And he's like fucking me on his closet floor and finishes. And I was like, so are we going to have to do that every time we have sex? He's like, yeah, it's just something I've done since I was a kid. And I'm just like, no. And that was my experience with match.com. And I was like, you know what? I'm not going to meet any more dudes off fucking match.com. I'm done. I can't right now.

Yeah. So that's my, do you have any grinder stories? Oh, I've got horrendous grinder stories. Oh my God. Oh, give me the best one. The best one. Okay. Okay. There there's. Okay. I'll, I'll tell you.

The best one. There's two. Oh, let's hear them. Okay. So the first one was my very first hookup ever. Yeah. My wife and I are still together. She's still living at the house. Which we'll get into in a little bit. Yeah. We had freed ourselves to see other people. As long as we didn't bring back the house at that time, we're like, everything's good. And so I'm out with my friend, Jasleen, who is another trans woman. We're at this little wine bar and I'm just like, girl, I'm

I need to just fuck a guy and get it over with. And she goes, get on Grindr. What's Grindr? And she looks at me like, what do you mean? What's Grindr? I don't know. I've been married for 20 years. I haven't dated. I don't know what's going on. Give me your phone. And so she created an account for me. And I, this is before anything was happening where I was like very public about me dating other people. I'm like, nobody can know. She's got a fake profile. No problem. Five minutes later,

She's got a guy on the hook. And she's like, oh, I fucked him. He's awesome. He's got a big old dick. He's safe. He's six foot. Oh, this is perfect. I love her. Is that a good thing? He's got a big dick. She's like, yeah. I'm like, okay, I don't know. I've never been with the guy. I've kissed a guy once. Then that was post transition. This was your first. So, okay, let's, let's stop you right there. So,

all through high school, WWE, you had never been with a dude. No, and no desire to. No desire to. Oh, I thought, like the thought of being with a guy, I'm going to open this water here. The thought of being with a guy pre-transition, I wanted to throw up at the thought of it. Yeah, and I wrestled dudes in boots and underwear and

I'm just like, bro, you stink. I'll put on some deodorant. You know, something like that. But never like, you know, we do some weird shit in wrestling. Yeah. Where our heads are in weird places. But never once was it like, huh. Never attracted to men until after you decided to start transitioning. Never once. I cannot wait to dive into that. That's amazing. Oh, it's interesting. Yeah. Let me tell you. So we run home and I tell Priscilla, I go, look, Jaslyn got me this hookup. She goes, oh my God, tell me about it. Let me see him. So she's all excited. I love it.

I love that. And her and Jocelyn are looking at this guy like, damn, he's hot. And he's really big and built. And so I go shower and I come out with like all these outfits and they look at me and Jocelyn goes, girl, no, this is a hookup. Don't get dressed up for him. I'm like, what? Really? She goes, yeah, go put on some shorts and a tank top.

Oh, okay. So I put on these little tiny trash shorts and a tank top. We love trash. Yeah. The next two, the story is going to blow your mind. Speaking of trash. So I go drive out and I meet this guy. I've got minimal makeup on. It was back when I was still wearing wigs, pre-facial surgery. And I'm 220-something pounds of muscle still.

And I knock on this guy's door. It's his apartment. And he is handsome. Like, handsome. I'm like, ooh, stunning blue eyes, shaved head, bodybuilder. Just hot. I'm like, wow. And he gives me a hug. And he's like, hey. I'm like, hi. And he just starts walking to the bedroom. And I go, oh. Let's get to the point. Okay, this is what we do. Cool. I guess we just go there. And he sits down. He's kind of just making some chitchat.

And he starts undoing his shoes. And I'm like, okay. I start undoing my strappy heels that I'm wearing. And I'm like, okay. I guess that's what we do. And I go, look, look, look. My girlfriend said not to say this. But I got to be honest. I've never been with a guy before. And he looks at me and he goes, what? Yeah, I've never been with a guy before. And he goes, wow, okay. And he goes, well, I'm going to tell you something. You were honest with me. I'll be honest with you. He says, I've only been with one guy.

trans woman and I go oh my god it must have been jocelyn because you know she fucked him you know a couple months ago yeah he goes it was like two three years ago and I looked at him like what what oh you're lying to me

okay you're hot i don't care that was at that moment i go okay guys lie all the time he's totally lying to me he wants us to go down i don't give a and so we kind of are like getting things undone and i look i'm like hey i don't even know your name and he goes do you want to i looked at him i said nah and i just took my shirt off i took my pants off let's go so you get down to business and things are going go in my direction i'm like this is good

And in that, can I ask a personal question? Yeah. In that moment, do you decide to be a top or a bottom or how does that, or did he decide for you? So my desire is always to be a bottom. I wanted the female experience. I was so used to just being the alpha male and picking, you know, up my wife and throwing around whatever, which direction I wanted to. I wanted to have that other experience. And he actually crawled back on the bed at one point. He goes, so, uh, do you, uh, do you want to fuck me now? I'm like,

Oh, okay. I guess. And so I put the condom on and as I'm putting it on, I'm just noticing like the, the life leave my little she stick, you know? And I go, Oh, you're like, now you found what turns you on and what doesn't instantaneous. Like, but do you think it was cause you were nervous or you just weren't attracted to that? I think it's, I actually gave it a shot with like the wet noodle. Oh,

It just is not working. Have you ever tried to put a limp dick in something? It does not work. Especially a butthole? Girl.

That shit is so tight too. I couldn't imagine. Unless that guy had had a fist up his ass, it was not going in. And I can tell you right now, it was not going in. I don't think he'd done that before. So I just made up something real quick. I'm like, it's the hormones. He goes, oh, don't worry about it. We didn't get down to actually him fucking me because I was way too nervous I was going to paint all over him and do shit on the bed. I'm like, I can't, I can't. I've had poop balls fall out before. Oh, God.

It's the worst. My worst nightmare. Let me tell you, it is the worst. I look like little M&Ms. Just little cookie dough batters on the bed. Yeah.

Yes. Horrendous. Yeah. At one point, you know, I'm going down on him and I'm kind of doing my thing. And this is my first time doing this. Right. So you've never sucked a dick before? Never. Did you think you were doing a pretty good job? I mean, you had once. I asked him, I said, if I do something wrong, tell me. He said, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't even. I'm like, oh, okay. Yeah. And at one point he goes, so, yeah. Yeah.

My ex-girlfriend, she used to make me put her stockings on me. And I just was like, what? Not the dick coming out of the mouth. I just looked at him and I was all...

a tap his chest at that point and I'm gonna be careful. That's how I got started. He goes, Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's nothing like that. And in my head I'm thinking, yeah, in about a year you're going to be coming to me asking what dose of estrogen you should have. Yeah, absolutely.

So he finished up and brings me a wash rag. I'm like, oh, so that's what that feels like. Let me just towel off here. And he basically shoos me out the door. I'm like, wow. You're like, this is how it feels for girls. Literally, I'm like, this is what it feels like to be not, like just to be something that is a means to. An object. An object. Literally. Objectified. So that was item one. Item two. Okay.

It was another grinder hookup. This guy was chasing me for a couple months. But he was the bad boy. And he told me ahead of time, he goes, look, I'm not going to treat you like a princess.

I'm going to tell you what a fucking whore you are. What a terrible, you know, I'm going to slap you around. I'm like, okay. Oh God, that is my favorite. Well, at the time I'm like, I really want this experience, but I'm scared. I love you because she, she's so cute. She's like, I want this experience. I did. I literally, it's like being a teenager again. Yeah. You start hormones. It's just all new to you. You go through a second puberty. Yeah. And it's, I'm, I'm 42 as this is all happening. And I literally had a summer of being a teenager. Right. Yeah.

But, you know, as a born woman, as a natural born female, you have a lifetime to experience this. Right. Like that comes in a natural course of things. I had a compressed experience. It was very quick. I got it all out of my, excuse me, my system in like a year. Yeah. Yeah.

So I would have these experiences. I would process them and sit with them for a couple of days and go, okay, I want more of that. Or, okay, I know I understand that now. And next, please. I love that you're so analytical about it though, and can separate, you know, like I find that I needed to, it was out of necessity to try to find out where I was in life. And, you know, I, I like to think that I, I do better now, but here I am sitting in a crop top. So

listen I wear crop tops every day thank you you're good making you feel better about this so this one day I hit up this guy my mom was visiting from California and Priscilla was still living at the house yeah and I have my 11 year old daughter and I just randomly sent this guy a photo and I said hey what are you doing and he goes well obviously you tonight and I said yep it's your lucky day and so he gives me an address says meet me here at eight I go okay no

No problem. See you there. Are these men, do they portray straight to the world? Yeah. Okay. They sure do. Yeah, I don't, I can't be with gay guys. Okay. Because they're gay. Right. It's feminine. And I don't want that experience. You're attracted to the alpha. Yeah, I mean, I swing both ways, but if I'm going to be with a guy, I want to be with a guy. Right. I want to be with a masculine. A man's man. Yeah. I like it. I don't want to be with a twink. Right. Nothing against the twinks. Right. But I don't want to be with. It's just your preference. Yeah. It's just personal preference. Mm-hmm.

So I sneak out the door. My mom's like, don't worry, we got this. And I sneak out the door. I go. It's dark. And I have this F-150 truck at the time, this big XLT F-150 four-door. And I drive out to my little city of Leander to an industrial area. I know where Leander is. Oh, God. OK. So I live in Leander. OK, awesome. That's crazy. So we drive kind of past HEB up here. And we take a left on Baghdad. And it's just this crappy industrial area, like commercial industrial area.

And he goes, meet me at my office. I'm like, oh, sexy. Okay. And as I'm pulling in, I text him like, I'm lost. And it's getting weird. It just does not look like a good area. And he goes, hey, do you see the stranger things light kind of flickering in the way across the way there? I go, yeah. He says, head that way. I'm like, you got to be fucking kidding me.

kidding me. You're like, well, are you taking me to slaughter me somewhere? I'm literally going, this is how girls die. This is how they do stupid shit like this and they die. And I see his office. I see him standing out there. He goes, Hey, you see the creepy guy standing in the doorway? I go, yeah. He goes, that's me. Okay. This isn't going to end well. And I park and I've got a Glock 19. I got a license to conceal carry and it's in the center console.

And I just go, I don't know where to hide this thing. I'm just going to leave it in the truck like a freaking idiot. Oh, no. So I shut the door and I walk up to him and I say, I've got a Glock 19, but I left it in the center console. So don't kill me. And he goes, if I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead by now. Right. And I just thought, all right, fuck it. Let's go. At least he's telling the truth. So we walk in. It's this giant like industrial office building. I'm like, what the hell do you do? He goes, oh, you know that Delta six string?

of weed and I go yeah I guess we're the largest distributor of it in the nation you know oh so he's got money cool he walks him back to his office and I want you to remember this carpeted floors are like that that burlap carpet the really rough stuff yeah so put that in the back of your mind for now we walk into his office and we just start the small talk and he goes lights on or off I'm like I don't care and he goes lights on then cool and there's floor to ceiling windows just line the entire wall

He starts talking to me. He goes, how are your knees? And I go, oh, I was running five to 10 miles a day at the time. Like, did I talk to him about my running? Like, what's he going? They're fine. Why? He goes, well, you should get on them. Oh, okay. So I just kick off my slides and,

down I go and out pops this fucking hog. I'm like, Jesus Christ. I'm like, what is this? I feel like everybody on grinder is hung. What the fuck is happening? I do not know. And this, he was just a white guy too. I'm currently kind of not seeing, but I've got a guy I see who's,

African-American. Yeah. Jesus Christ. That thing. Listen, I believe you. Jeffrey star fucking pulled out his fucking roster when he was here and showing me dicks. He was sucking. I was like, good Lord. I've never seen fucking honkers. Oh, it's scary, honey. I'm like, what do you do with all that? There is no cervix to hit with me, but there is a colon. I'm like, please don't puncture it. Yeah, no, for sure. Like where does it go? Where does it all go? I don't know. But, uh, then, so what I, what happened is like, I came up for air and,

And I get this right on the face, like a slap to the face. Not too hard, not too soft. And I was all... I'm like this. Oh! Oh! Oh! You know? If any of you that can't see, I'm holding the microphone right now with two hands. You have to get on Patreon to see this. This is hilarious. The facial expression. I was all...

I kind of like that. Wow. And I learned really quick. Every time I would take my mouth away, I get a slap. So she's like, I get it. Yeah. So I just get a little pop every time. And I felt safe. He wasn't beating me up. No, I love it. And then at one point I come up for air and he fish hooks my mouth. He takes his finger. I'm getting on grinder. Fuck that. And then I hear this. Oh,

I'm like, oh my God. I just blew snot out my nose. I was laughing too hard. He spit in my fucking mouth. Dude, I love this man. It was so hot. But at that moment, I just, I'm like this. I'm like, I'm trash. I'm trash. Isn't that the best feeling though? And I kind of like it. Yeah. It's like, use me and abuse me, baby. I don't even care. That's what it was. And he, you know, after that, he just, he puts me on the ground, bends me over and like, you know, he goes to town and I'm going,

Wow, my knees really hurt right now. Oh, fuck on the burlap carpet. I try to come up and say something. Every time I come up, he just shoves my head back down on the carpet. So I'm just like smash face like this. I had these big ass hoops on that I was so proud of. I got them on Shein for like $4, but they were massive. They were triangles by the time we were done, you know? Oh my God. You got the full experience, baby. I did. And I still, to this day, this is two and a half years ago. I got rug burn on this knee. Damn. I got a scar that never went away. Damn. Did you ever see dude again?

You kept hitting me up. And I'm like, that was the processing. I was going, yeah, I had that experience. I liked it. I can see why women go back. And I understand. And you know, I had a real interesting understanding at that moment. Right. Because I thought I was an object before. I was definitely an object then. But what I realized is that, again, this is pre-facial surgery. Yeah. I was still very muscular and very masculine looking.

And I realized that I just wanted to be affirmed. I just wanted the affirmation from a guy to tell me... No, he didn't even tell me I was beautiful. He told me I was a fucking whore and a piece of shit and a bitch and all these things. And I'm like, but he's using my body to get what he wants. Right. And it makes me feel good that I can do that for him. Mm-hmm.

So I had this. You just want to be loved. I did at the time. Yeah. And I still do. Yeah. But I had an understanding for women that go through that. I love it. Biological women that go through that. My husband thinks I'm so weird because I'm like, call me a fucking whore. Slap me. Like, do whatever you want to me. And he's just my husband is the sweetest little fucking belly donut. He seems like it. And he's just he's so passive and like he's not, you know, aggressive at all. So he's got this fucking big bodacious blonde who's like just fucking.

Fuck me. He's just like, never knows what to do with me. He's like, like gently choke you. exactly. It's the cutest thing. It's the cutest thing ever. He's going to kill me for talking about that. But yeah, no, it's the cutest thing ever. I'm like, if you're going to choke me, just fucking do it. Like other guys, like punch me in the fucking face. I love it.

Give me a black eye, please. That's happened. When you were talking about how you got slapped by the dick, I had an ex who had his dick pierced and he had this fucking huge Prince Albert and he fucking came up and slapped me right in my fucking face and the piercing hit my eye. No. And I had a black eye. No. What?

I had a black eye for like three weeks, dude. And I loved it. Everybody would be like, what's wrong with you? I'd be like, I got dick slapped. It was just, it was my excuse to fucking talk about one of my sexual experiences. And I loved it. I love that you're so open about it too. Cause a lot of people are so introverted. No, I'm taboo. We don't talk about it. It's a part of life. And sex is what makes the world go around. We all got here because of sex.

Oh, yeah. You know, so I think as long as you're having fun and it's not like hurting anybody, I think you're good. You know, being an adult has its high points. Like you can eat ice cream for dinner anytime or if you want to stay up all night, you can. But it's not always fun. You also have to do your taxes and figure out what's for dinner every freaking night.

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and stuff like that. So all through high school, it was lonely. You, you know, didn't have friends and stuff like that. What happens once you graduate high school? Cause you had said that you were not attracted to men. So you had girlfriends. I did. Yeah. I, I started lifting weights summer sophomore year. I got tired of being picked on. And I asked my dad, I said, he had this old rusty weight set in the garage. And I just looked at him. I said, show me. It's like, Oh,

okay, cool. Let's do this. Show me everything. And I just, I hit the weights. Nobody ever picked on me again. I blew up in size over the summer. I didn't do any steroids. Did you do it naturally? Yeah. I didn't do steroids until I was in my like mid twenties. It was before I got hired. Oh God. I just choked on my own spit. Took me back to the grinder experience. I love those flashbacks. Oh God. I was like, oh yeah. Okay.

Freudian slip. But yeah, I didn't do steroids, so I was in my mid-20s. You got accepted into, like, you started wrestling around 2007, right? Or was it before then? It was 2008 was my first. February 1st, 2008 was my first day at WWE in training. Okay, gotcha. What started that journey? Because you started working out, and your dad helped you, and then all that stuff. Yeah, and I...

I realized that people didn't want to pick on me anymore. You're a good looking dude. I was a really good looking guy. Yeah, I was telling them. I was like, I would definitely have banged him. Oh, God. Gabe was a daddy. And he loved sex. Trust me. He loved hot blondes, too. It would have been crazy. Do you feel like you're two different people now? I do. Yeah. I didn't think that in the beginning. But there's parts of me that are left. Like the soul is still the same. Of course. I always say that. The soul is still the same.

But there's very little of Gabe left, you know, very little. The kind-hearted person I was, the big heart, the desire to consistently help people and contribute, that's there. But I look at photos and I'm like, I can't believe I was that person. Like, who is that? Yeah, it doesn't even – I kind of blow a fuse when I think about it. Yeah. Yeah.

We were talking about how you had started lifting weights and you had realized that people, you started to say that people, because you were... Yes. So it gave me a platform. Right. And I started personal training. I've got a degree in civil engineering. I went through college. I was way more outgoing once people stopped picking on me. Civil engineering is huge. Yeah. I mean, you're a smart motherfucker. I don't want to sound arrogant, but I am. Yeah. No, toot your horn, baby. You deserve that.

I majored in hydrology, minored in structure, so I could technically design a bridge or a skyscraper if I needed to. Wow. But I transferred all my knowledge over the last 15, 18 years to fitness and nutrition. So now I'm a licensed sports nutritionist, CPT. I've got four extra certifications in the National Association of Sports Nutrition. And in the last 15 years, I've coached... Or 13 years. I've coached 1,500 people to success in health and fitness. So I learned early on that when...

When people change their lives with fitness and you watch somebody go through this amazing transformation, they become more confident in every aspect of their life. It spills over to their family. They become better mothers, fathers, parents, brothers, sisters, better friends. They get more confident at work. I watch their careers take off. And so it wasn't just...

Changing a physique. I was helping somebody change their entire life. You change your mind. When you change your body, you change your mind. You completely change your mind, which is actually what I do more of now. And we can talk about that later. Yeah. But it put me in a position where I was doing a lot of training. I was surfing. I had started growing dreadlocks because it was part of the surf community. I just didn't give a shit about anything. I was working in the corporate world. Still a civil engineer.

And we had a friend who owned a gym. We did personal training and he owned a gym. We got to be friends because we were kind of competitors but kind of not. So it's good to know people in your network. Yeah. You always had these big ass dudes around. Just like six foot seven dudes around that were just jacked. Yeah. And little did I know. I didn't watch wrestling. I stopped watching when I was like 10. Yeah. I stopped watching when it was fucking Prince. What is it? Queen Elizabeth and fucking Randall.

Randy Savage. Oh God. That was like the last time I was into fucking WWE. That was the last time I watched. It was the Hogan era. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And Rick Bassman was a scout for WWE. And these guys are just giant wrestling stars around me. I had no idea. They were just my buddies. It was like Bear and Tom and just all these other guys. I'm Sean. Okay. So one day he goes, Hey,

I know you don't watch wrestling, but there's some scouts here. Why don't you come up and let them have a look? I go, okay. So I went up to this gym, and I don't know what I was getting into. They're

40, 50 guys in their boots and underwear up there and full gimmick. And I walk in like a good time. I know. Right now. What grinder date is this? Let's just leave the lights on. Yeah. You can film too. That's cool. But they just thought I was marketable and then go, let's, um, let's see what we can do here. So they sent me to training. I did good. And the next thing I know I got a contract in my hand. So it seems like anything you set your mind to, you fucking crush. Yeah.

I think that has a lot to do with being younger from our era where follow through was the most important thing a parent could teach a child. And it still is. Yes. That's what we're trying to instill in our child right now. It's critical. And I'm doing the same with mine. With her, she's just now getting into the homework era. She's 11. And...

My mom knew I could be a straight A student and she made me. If I didn't get an A on a test, she's like, why not? Yeah. And she goes, we're going to study. And so she would study with me. My dad would study with me. I love that. It taught me the value of follow through. And so if I set my mind to something, I absolutely get it done no matter what the cost. I have this thing. If you look at your goals and you look at the reasons behind those goals, if you're not absolutely fucking ecstatic to cross the finish line, there's one of two things that needs to happen. First, pick different goals.

Yeah. I don't know when I decided to do this, but I just don't pick different goals. And I think it's because it's what the heart really wants. You want that. The soul wants it. You want that. So why fucking pick a different goal? The second option is get better reasons. So I just find better fucking reasons. I get more emotion behind it and I go do it. Yeah. I love that. That's fucking great advice to follow.

So take me on this wrestling journey. Okay. What do you want to know? So you go try out in this room with everybody. You get a contract and...

What is that like? And you're still, again, not attracted to dudes, not thinking about transitioning. You and your wife were childhood sweethearts. When did you meet Priscilla? I met her when she was 16 years old. Okay. I had just turned 18. We had mutual friends. We didn't even know. She's a cutie pie, by the way. She's a goddess. Yeah. She is hot. Yeah. And she's just as sweet. You know, the inside and the outside match. That's awesome. She's a beautiful soul.

But the moment we locked eyes, we just, it was like lightning in the air. It was like, you know, it was like love at first sight. And we talked about reincarnation before. Her and I have lived many lifetimes together. It's as if we find, really same? Yeah. You find each other every time it feels like. Every time. And so we just, we knew. Yeah.

Did you guys date at 16? No. I just turned 18. I was obviously too old to date her. We stayed friends. Her dad was a pastor of a little Christian church. On her 18th birthday...

or shortly after she turned 18 my my parents are gonna go see a movie remember the mummy with brandon or brendan yes that had just hit theater back when brendan frazier was super hot oh my god he was he used to be a babe dude right yeah i didn't think so at the time i mean i knew he was a good looking dude yeah damn you probably get all the girls yeah like as a guy you know what another good looking guy looks like yeah brad pitt i'm like fuck i hate you you're so hot yeah like come on yeah it's ridiculous it's a funny sidebar story you know when i

Now, middle of my transition, my mom comes and stays with me sometimes. My dad comes every now and then. He's got a bum knee, so it's hard for him to travel. Family is great. But she came, and we were watching Fast 9 in my loft upstairs. And I looked at her, and this was kind of like as her and I were developing the new relationship. And Vin Diesel was on. I said, you know, Mom, I remember when I used to want to be Vin Diesel. She goes, oh, yeah, you were...

you're big. And I said, now I just want to lick them. She's just like, oh my God, I'm not ready for this. Mom's like, stop it right now. It was so funny. So yeah, WWE was amazing. Oh no, we were talking about Priscilla. Sorry. And then we can go back into WWE. I go pick her up at her parents' house, but I called ahead of time.

And I say, hey, Mr. Ingram, this is Gabe. I'm in front of your daughters. I was wondering if I could take her to a movie tonight. My parents and I and my brother are going to go see a movie. And it's at whatever time. And he goes, okay, well, we'll see. Why don't you be at my house at this time?

Okay. So I shaved. Like I had a beard at the time. I had like a Backstreet Boy beard and goatee. I had earrings. So I shaved, baby face, took out all my earrings, wore some preppy sweater, showed up with a dozen roses and knock on the door.

And he opens the door. He goes, oh, thanks. Those are for me. And he takes the flowers and walks away. I'm like, oh, shit. And he sits me down. Kind of like your studio here. There's a chair there. There's a couch here. And so I sit. He goes, well, actually, he says, sit here. I go, okay. And he sits across the way.

Girl, he didn't say anything. He was trying to intimidate you. He didn't say shit for what seemed like an eternity. And he's just staring at me to where I'm getting fidgety. I'm like, is he going to murder me? I have no idea where Priscilla is. And he just looks at me and he says one sentence. He leans forward and he goes, so...

what exactly are your intentions with my daughter? And even as a guy, I about pissed myself in that moment. You're like, well, I haven't thought that far. I really didn't. And I don't remember what I said, but I said all the right things.

And he goes, OK. And Priscilla comes out like, Daddy, leave leave him alone. And we're fine. We're good. Yeah. It's like out of a movie. Yeah. It was literally out of a movie, which got even better because we go to the movies and I was petrified about my mom talking to Priscilla. She hated all the girls I had dated before. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I mean, I had dated some.

Real floozies. Yeah. That just were not up to par with my mom. I mean, she had walked in on me and a girl previously. Oh, poor mama scarred. That ended terribly for that poor woman. Um, not my mom, but, but,

But for Jill, it ended horribly. Damn it, Jill. Poor Jill. I don't remember her last name. It's okay. Oh, yeah. And so we get to the theater and Priscilla sits right next to my fucking mom. And I'm like, well, this is over before it starts. I couldn't get those two to shut up through the whole fucking movie. They were just like two hens. So from that moment, I knew everything was perfect. You just knew it was perfect. But you guys still didn't date or anything like that. You guys just continued to be friends. Oh, girl, we didn't.

She had made a promise to God to not be with a man or kiss a man until her wedding day. Oh. So I honored that. That's amazing. We dated for five years and we didn't kiss or do anything. So you guys from the start developed a best friendship. We did.

Our relationship was based on more than just sex. Trust me. It wasn't easy. Yeah. I think I still have calluses on my hands from jerking off so much. I got back into my early twenties. Right. There was a lot of solo time. Um,

But yeah, we developed something that people don't have was a deep emotional friendship. Yeah. Which explains the connection now too. It does. It really, really does. That's amazing. All right. So take me on this WWE journey. You get this. Vince McMahon has always kind of rubbed me the wrong way. He rubs everybody the wrong way. He seems like he's just not a good, like he doesn't have a soul. I don't think he does. Yeah. He's very vacant behind the eyes. Yeah.

You know, it's interesting being a business owner. You know, now I've actually scaled a couple of companies and I have 14 people that work underneath me now.

And I've hired and fired a lot of people. I don't have a lot of tolerance for, you know, stupid people. Right. And people that say they're going to do something or not. Oh, I hate that. And when I think about Vince and the empire he runs and created, you don't get that to where he is by being... Empathic. Right. You get that way by being a fucking shark and not tolerating bullshit. Right. I don't agree with a lot of the things he does.

But at the same time, he is just a cold hearted businessman. Yeah. I didn't get it at the time. And he's a different generation too. Much different generation. Yeah. Much different. I get it now though. Like, and honestly, if I could go back and see him again, I would probably shake his hand and say, I learned a shit ton from him.

all the shit you put us through and the way that you did business. I learned a lot from it. I didn't know it until 10 years later, but I learned from it. Thank you. I'd say thank you. Oh, that's amazing. But WWE was interesting. Yeah, it was very interesting. I got to, I spent February to June in training and I didn't run the indie scene like everybody else. They go to these little indie shit promotions. They spend their life wanting to be wrestlers. I was the guy everybody hated because I got picked and

And they were starting to do this. They were looking for talent outside of the wrestling pool. So I didn't know shit. I was a quick learner. I learned everything very quick. And in less than six months, I was on TV and did my debut. Yeah, and they started me off as a good guy. Didn't go too well. I was a big jack surfer dude. And the bad guys were really small.

And I got most of the psychology of a wrestling match is to get the shit kicked out of you as a good guy. Right. To build sympathy. Right. And the crowd just wasn't buying it. So they turned me into a bad guy. And that's when the shift happened. Yeah. I was really good at being bad. Yeah. I love that. I still kind of am.

Did you really enjoy wrestling? Was that like, were you happy? Was your soul filled doing that? Or was it just kind of something that you were just using to pass the time? It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Point blank. Physically, emotionally. All of the above. It was such a mind fuck because we were in this era where the trainers made us job scared. Well, actually, I take that back.

Nobody can make you feel any certain way. I believe we're the masters of our own emotions. Yeah. We don't come out of the womb feeling jealousy or rage or malice. That's learned behavior. And so...

I was job scared based on everything that they told us. I allowed myself to be job scared. And so did everybody in my crop. It was, you shut up, you're humble, you don't do anything, you do what they say, you just wait, you be quiet, you put your hands in your lap, that sort of thing. Don't ruffle feathers. Right. And that is what was the mind fuck because you want to go break out and be a star. But how the fuck are you supposed to be yourself when you're not supposed to say anything? When you're scared shitless. Right. Yeah. So that was...

That was kind of the bulk of what I dealt with. It was always waiting for somebody to just kind of, okay, is this okay? Do I do this? Do I not do this? And it was a big mindfuck. I loved, loved being in front of the crowd. I loved it. It's you and another guy or you and two or three other guys if you're in a tag team, and it's not like a football game.

The whole fucking crowd's watching you. You know, with Jay. And WWE fans are fucking insane. It's crazy. It's a cult. Oh my God, it's such a cult. Yeah. But to be able to control the energy, there is an undeniable energy in an auditorium and arena. You know that very well. And if you can lift your hand and the crowd goes nuts over here and you're controlling 10,000 people. Yeah. That's a fucking drug. Yeah. To say the least. Yeah.

I loved it. I love to be hated because that was my job. Yeah. I love being in the spotlight. I loved every moment of that. The politics fucking sucked. The travel fucking sucked. What is a travel schedule like for a wrestler? Oh, God. So we do what we did, what you would call house shows. And basically, I would leave San Francisco on a red eye Thursday night. I get to whatever East Coast, Midwest place we were going Thursday morning.

And then me and Chris Masters is usually who it was. We'd grab a hotel room together and split the cost because the wrestlers paid for their own hotel, their own gym, their own rental car. WWE covered the flight. That was it. Wow. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And everybody's like, oh, you're rich. You're like, no. All your money goes to travel. They paid me $100,000. Wow. A year? $100,000 a year is all they paid me. Wow.

I spent over a third of it on travel. Wow. And then Uncle Sam took a third. So you don't make what everybody thinks you make. Right. But so Friday we do a house show. It's non-televised.

And then we'd drive 300 miles, two, 300 miles to the next town, sleep, do another house show, drive another two, 300 miles, sleep, do the next show until we got to Monday Night Raw, which was live to TV. Then we'd drive closer to 300 miles so people can't buy tickets to the same show and they can pack that arena. Wow. We'd tape Smackdown on Tuesday. It would air Friday. We would leave wherever we were on the East Coast Wednesday. I would walk in the door back home in the Bay Area about 3.30 in the afternoon.

And then I would see my wife and my daughter who was less than a year old for half a day. And then I take off and do it again. Wow. That's why I quit. Damn. Yeah. You think you got that from your dad?

I do. Because your dad, you know, he turned down the financing. I think it instilled in me the value of family. Yeah. And I'm so glad I did. I walked out after SummerSlam. I just walked in. What year? How long were you in there? It was 2012. 2008 to 2012 was my TV run. Mm-hmm.

And after SummerSlam, I just, I called for Saul. I'm like, I can't do this anymore. I can't be away. Mia was crying every time I left. She couldn't quite say daddy. She would say, daddy. And she'd stand up and say, daddy, don't go, daddy. Oh, daddy. Oh, God. And it broke my heart. I'm like, I can't be a FaceTime parent. No. So I walked into Raw the next day. We were, and it was finally our time. We were getting that push, as we call it, where you get the machine behind you. And Vince loved our gimmick. We were...

My tag partner Hawkins and I, they came up with this gimmick for strippers. It was when Magic Mike had just come out. Yeah. And Kevin Nash was in Magic Mike. So Triple H had a hard on for the show. But Vince loved it. And we finally had Vince behind us. We were doing great. And I literally walked in. I'm like, Hawkins, I'm quitting today. He's like, what?

And so I talked to everybody and Triple H was really cool. He goes, I get it. I'm a dad. Door's always open for you. No problem. Just head home. You're good. I'm like, okay. That's amazing. Yeah. I drove home from Fresno that day, which is crazy. That was my debut arena.

And randomly, the arena where I quit was Fresno, California. Wow. So I drove a couple hours home that day, and that was the end of it. What year did you and Priscilla get married? 2002. Okay. What was the wedding night like after you had waited five years? When I think of summer smells, I think of sunscreen, salty beach air, barbecue on the grill, and...

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For more than one reason. It was painful for her and very quick for me. Okay. It's been five years. You're like the buildup was. But in all honesty, we've never told this story and it might as well. She'll probably shoot me for telling it, but. Tell Priscilla to come on next time you come on. That would be amazing. Oh my God. She is. You'd love her. Yeah. You would love her. She seems like a doll baby. She, God, she's amazing. But again, it's,

Big, strong guy. Virgin female. Tiny. She's tiny, too. She's literally a virgin on her wedding night. And so we went really slow. But it was so painful for her. We couldn't really get things done. Yeah. And so...

And she cried about it. And she was feeling like she was a failure. And I reassured her, like, sweetheart, we have our whole lives to work on this. We just got married. Don't. No big deal. Yeah. I'm fine. And so that's kind of how wedding night went. And then slowly, we kind of, we broke her in. Yeah.

Yeah. Now she's a professional. Yeah. Oh, God, girl, we went on this cruise on a carnival cruise and my grandfather paid for it. It was fantastic. Five day cruise. You get those little cabins. And we were we were doing the honeymoon thing. Oh, really, really, really, really, really noisy. And I love that about day two. We kind of hear some chuckles in the in the hallway. And we're like, oh, people walking by. Cool. Let's keep going.

And we're sitting on the bed one day, and we just kept hearing these chuckles. And we'd go outside, and parents would shoo their kids away from us. We're like, what the hell's going on? And we sit on the bed one day, and I go, hey, P, I want to try something. She goes, what? Because we just finished a nice loud round. And I said, I'm going to walk outside. Just say something in a normal voice. And I shut the door. I'm in the hallway, the cruise ship hallway. And she goes, can you hear me? I'm like, aw.

Fuck. Everybody was hearing you guys' sessions. I'm like, you can probably hear us on three decks below at this point. Oh, my God. It was, I'm like, oh, God.

Oh, God. I was mortified. She was mortified. It was like heads down the rest of the crew. Just sunglasses and fucking hoodies over your heads. It was terrible. Aw, you guys are adorable, though. That's so sweet. So what happens after you quit wrestling? Like, what's going on? Like, what's going through your mind? How are you feeling? Were you happy about that decision? Did it take a minute to adjust? It was the best decision I ever made. Yay. The day I quit, the next day, my daughter took her first steps.

- Aww, it was confirmation from the universe. - Absolutely. - Yeah. - But I went into business with my wife's brother. He'd done digital marketing forever, so I started working for myself again.

And I hated it. Girl, I hated it. I just needed to make money. Right. You know, I had a couple of grand in the bank. I knew... W.A. pays you for... I think it was like 90 days. I had three months to get my shit together. Right. I did. But I hated it. I wasn't making money. I was designing websites. I was really good at what I did. Yeah. It was hard. I had to learn from scratch. I didn't know anything about web. I had to... Again, I had to go learn something brand new. I was borrowing money from my parents. But I had a side project. I still love fitness and nutrition. My brother...

He died in 2012. He committed suicide the day after Christmas. And he was a wonderful kid. He was addicted to methamphetamines. He was in finance, third marriage. I didn't know anything about meth. And something happened later in his life. He died when he was 30.

And it had been going on, I don't know how long, several years. But it got worse and worse and worse. And at one time he called me and he was paranoid again. This was becoming more and more frequent. He was in a hotel. He'd left the house. And he was telling me the CIA was after him and all this shit. And I'm like, bro, you're high. I don't want to talk to you right now. Call me when you get sober. And I hung up on him.

But he'd also gotten us in some legal trouble. I had been doing his website and stuff, and I had bought his domain for him because he's my brother. And some guy sued him. And then he sued me because I ran his domain.

And I'm like, oh my God, you gotta be kidding me. I'm in a lawsuit because of some stupid shit you did. I don't have any money, bro. And I was really mad at him. Like, you're wrecking my life. I'm like, what are you doing? Like, get your shit together. Yeah. And so. Normal brother conversation for what was going on. Literally. And I didn't talk to him. We didn't talk for a couple months. And he FaceTimed me the day after Christmas. And I knew something was wrong. But I was still mad at him. And so I kind of waved from across the way. I'm like, hey. And I just tell something was wrong in his voice.

And the next day he was supposed to pack up his truck, drive home. He was in SoCal. My dad was going to put him in rehab. He stopped at a shooting range on the way and he shot himself in the head. So I missed that opportunity to help him when he called me and I never forgave myself for that.

And so I promised myself. That's heavy for you to have to carry that too. Girl, decade. I carried that. I carried that. But that's why I decided to help people. So I wrote a little silly e-book about fitness. That's the only way I knew how to help people. And I put it on the internet. And I spent the last $40 in my pocket to boost a Facebook ad.

And it worked. Wow. It worked. And it went, I went from making a couple grand a year with this company I called Body Spartan, which was just, it was me pouring my heart and soul into motivation, not asking for a thing. And then I published this silly little ebook and,

And we made seven figures higher. Wow. It was insane. Do you have a horseshoe up your ass? I say that to my husband. A what? A horseshoe up your ass. The lucky horseshoe. Literally. I say that to my husband too. It's like no matter what he does, he always comes out on top. Well, I was kind of thinking I might actually like that right now.

else yeah in this stage of my life right that'd be fun yeah i would like to have that experience not fucking carpet guy no god no no but we can we can welcome i call i call my guy david i don't want to give his real name away yeah on social media i'm like gabby after dark lives yeah david i could bring david over he'd do that to me i love that

So, okay, so you make seven figures, you're fucking kicking ass at life. When are you starting to think about transitioning? Has this crossed your mind yet? Are you still just...

alpha male in it up total alpha male it was on a ton of steroids during that kind of 2012 to 2020 time okay got to be about 280 pounds like six to eight percent body fat year-round you saw photos i dreadlocks yeah my ass no you guys gotta go go look go look up gabby pre-transition she was i mean she's banging now but gabe was hot too oh he was so hot

Yeah. I hate to say it. It sounds so Buffalo Bill, but like I would have dated me. Yeah. I'd fuck me. I've been avoiding saying it this whole time, but I'm like, I would totally fuck me. I would fuck me. I'm waiting for all the, you know, the haters to be like, oh God, she's such an autogynephile. Who fucking cares about these people? I'm just like, yeah, I would totally fuck my wife.

totally no I I told them that I was like he he was hot dude yeah so but yeah I was uh no thought of transitioning about 36 years old though in the bedroom I had this resurfacing I I would walk into Priscilla's closet when she was not around like putting away laundry and I remember very specifically one day I was like putting away her panties and I just like huh kind of look at him like

shit. I kind of like halfway put them on. I'm all, nope, those are going to rip. Big ass dude. Yeah. I put them away real quick, but I had this desire to start doing,

getting back into female clothing and having that experience again. And it took me back to my childhood. Do you think it's because you suppressed it so much as a child and that I just started resurfacing? I'm so sorry. I'm coughing. No, no, it's me too. Excuse me. I told you I've got that esophagus thing going on. So I cough a lot right now, but I think that was the beginning of it. And I remember the, the very pivotal night I, I,

to just get into female clothes so bad but here I am this giant alpha male I was slowly drinking more and more and my drink of choice was Johnny Walker Black oh and I get those big ass handles at Costco you know I would go through you know half a handle in a week like no problem but I was I was four or five very full scotches down that night laying face down on the bed and Priscilla comes up and you know it's sexy time she's like what do you want to do and

And I'm just facedown on the bed, just drunk. And I'm like, put your panties on me. She's just like, what?

She had no inclination. You had never, did you ever tell her about your childhood at all? Oh God, no. It was the deepest, darkest secret I ever had. Like I said, and early in our marriage, she had tried to kind of like slip a finger in the no, no zone. And I was like, Oh fuck. No, no. As much as I want to be like, yeah, go for it. Yeah. Inside of me. I was like, Oh yeah, good for that. But at the, the male in me is like, don't you dare not. Yeah. That's not going up there. I'm gay. If you do that. No, not, not admitting that. Not, I'm not feminine. I don't want things inserted into me. Right. Yeah.

I said it again and I'm just laying there with my head in a pillow. I'm like, put your panties on me. Bitch. I'd fuck me. Yeah. And I just remember her just like, I'm down for anything. Let's go. And so there she did. And it was this bedroom thing. Yeah. And the,

The way I, I've got a much more level head now. Right. I don't drink. Right. I stopped drinking almost two years ago. Good. Post heart surgery. And my heart does not like it when I drink. So it was a reason to stop. Absolutely. So I stopped drinking, but, and hormones have leveled out quite a bit. I'm much more balanced than in the beginning.

I can't. That's got it. We'll get into that. But that's got to be brutal. Going from steroids of testosterone to estrogen, dude. Holy shit. That's a ride. Oh, that's that's like a 5G ride at Six Flags that never stops. I couldn't imagine. It's crazy. But so you guys did the panties. We did the panties.

And then we did the, uh, you know, the, let's put a, let's put a finger in the butt kind of thing. And then let's, and Priscilla didn't, well, cause she's a virgin. So she's probably not picking up on any of that. Okay. And it was just, I trust my husband. Like our sex was good. I said it earlier. We would go for, you know, we would spend till the sun rose. I mean, we did crazy things. Like we would, we would bang on the front yard sometimes. I love that. Um,

But when I look back on it, I felt safe in the bedroom and I really had to analyze what was going on. And I think the way I really thought about it, it was it was a safe zone because everybody's got a kink. Right. And if I was ever if I was ever exposed for any reason, I'm like, it's just a bedroom thing. Fuck it. You know, the guys do weird shit in the bedroom all the time. And it's secret. Like, no big deal. Yeah.

But then it became when she wasn't around, like I had a pair of panties that I obviously ruined when she put on me. Those are mine. And she put them in my drawer.

She let you have them. She was like, you can have them. I mean, they were stretched and ripped ten ways from Sunday. She's like, well, I'm putting these back on. These will be for playtime. I'm like, okay, cool. Well, playtime, you know, it evolved to when she wasn't around. What does it feel like when you would put on women's clothes? It was very, well, and I have to caution. Be careful when I say this because there are so many people that go, it's a sexual fetish. And as a guy, there's like, there's a lot of testosterone floating around, especially for a guy with, you know,

a ton of testosterone and steroids in his system, but it was highly arousing. But also, it was very comforting.

It felt right. And I didn't want to get out of them. Right. And so even there were just times when I wasn't aroused and I just put them on. I'm like, OK, I can just kind of wear these things around the house. Like a special blanket, you know, like, you know what? You know what I'm talking about? You know, like some some guys carry around a blanket that they had when they were kids or a teddy bear, you know, like panda bear. Yeah. It was like my panda bear. Yeah. There you go. It was just comfort. Did you ever watch South Park?

Parts of it, yeah. There was an episode where they did like a sexual harassment panda. And as I said that, I'm like, this is just way too coincidental. But yeah, I would just kind of, you know, secretly wear them as much as I could. And it felt right. It wasn't like a dirty sexual fetish. It was just like, this feels right kind of thing.

because I couldn't wear anything else. I walked around in boxers half the time. I wore boxer briefs. But I walk around in boxers and guys walk around without a shirt on all the time. It's not like I wear a bra around the house and get away with it. But when COVID hit, it became once in a blue moon to everybody's locked down and we got nothing to do.

lets everybody get drunk every single night. And that's kind of what we did. Mia would go to bed and she'd go to bed at like 7.30. She was pretty young. And we'd get drunk. And it became a once a month thing and a once every other week thing and a once a week and a once a night to suddenly we're not having sex. What was happening? I just wanted to get dressed up and be me. And we started having these incredible conversations. There was a lot of emotion in it. Yeah.

Sorry, my throat is talking to us. And we cried. She cried. I cried. This whole other side of me came out. Yeah, and these conversations, what were they about? Just how you were feeling? It was deep emotion about our love for each other, about the universe. I was embracing femininity in those moments. And unfortunately...

Again, I have to be careful about how I say this. Right. Because your journey is your journey. Right. And people are going to take this. They're going to twist it 10 waves from Sunday because they always do. But all I had was lingerie at the time.

Because when you look around on the internet as a guy for women's clothing, all that comes up are cross-dresser sites. And a lot of these people never want to transition. They just get off by being in women's clothing. It's true. There's a lot of people that do that. There's a lot of cross-dressers that... And there's nothing wrong with that. No, absolutely not. And I didn't know what the fuck was going on. That's all I could find. Well, I'll just buy lingerie because I'm 270, 50 pounds varying depending on the day at that time.

And this is all I could find to fit. It was like a, you know, a six X in my size on these cross dresser sites. But it helped me to slide into femininity. And they were just very deep conversations. And I would, I would get to be me. And it's this other side of Gabe that nobody had seen. But I, I truly believe it was the side of me that I suppressed as a 10 year old kid coming back up and being able to connect with Priscilla about what

marriage and things that I was I was wrong on that I had just slammed the hammer down on as a guy like no I'm right yeah where I didn't do that we got to talk about her emotions a lot and I got really good at listening I got really good at listening that's amazing that you were able to hear her it it was different it was different most guys don't listen they listen to respond they do did I just smear my lip all over my face put on your lipstick you're

We like it. It was just, it was this beautiful experience and it suddenly sex exited the relationship. And we had sex occasionally, but it was about getting dressed in the feminine as quickly as possible because I only had a couple hours. And then once that time was up, I had to go wipe off all the makeup. I had to get all the clothes and hide them, get rid of all the residual eyeliner because I had to be gay the next day. And my kid couldn't find out.

The motivational videos I was doing for all the alpha males, the millions of guys that followed me on social media. But like we were internationally known for body Spartan. I worked out with Mike O'Hearn's a good friend of our family. CT Fletcher. I still talk to him. Yeah. Like we have, we had workout videos with amazing, amazing icons. Do you also think Priscilla was backing off because she, you did, you know, reveal your deepest, darkest secrets and maybe she realized like, Hey,

This is my best friend. I want him to live his most... Her to live her most authentic life.

Sorry. It's a mouthful. No, it's fine. Don't, it's hard when, when we talk about me being gay. Right, right. It's, I don't know. I'm not, like I said, I'm not a special sniff. Like I'm always, it's confusing even for me. Do I call myself a guy back then or not? Or I don't know. Yeah. But I think then was the trend when it was starting to transition was she was realizing that you were Gabby as opposed to Gabe. So she's letting you live your. She was. And there was a time when she came to me too. I just, uh, insider.com.

asked me to write an article about this and it just got published two days ago so I wrote an article because people have asked me oh you read it yeah and so then you'll be aware of what I'm going to say she came to me one day and she said look honey I don't know how to tell you this but in the daytime or the next day whenever you're not Gabby and we're getting intimate I still have these visions of you dressed as a woman and I'm having a hard time being attracted sexually

And that was the moment where I just went, okay, this is a fetish. I can't do this. It's ruining my marriage. You know, whatever. Don't worry about it, girl. She's like, no, no, no. I don't want you to, you don't have to stop, but I got to talk to you about it. I'm like, no, no, it's over. I'm like, boom, hammer down, done. That was the male mentality. You know, it's just like, I was very extreme in everything I did.

because that's just who I was. And so I buried it. I remember that night I took a big old, I'd been off steroids for a while and I just loaded up a syringe with like test and trend and I just jabbed it into my shoulder and

Do we think this is why we had heart problems? Well, what's interesting is my heart problem was genetic. Oh, wow. And Stanford theorized it was an aortic aneurysm in the ascending aorta. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. My mom had the surgery a year before I did. However, I think I might have accelerated the need

to have it before I was 60 because of my consistently high blood pressure. Right. God, you're lucky you survived that. Oh, I'm very lucky. Most people have no, I had symptoms. I was one of the 1% of the population that had an aortic aneurysm that had symptoms. What was your symptoms? It was a deep ache, like right on the left here, just underneath my breastplate. I'm like,

is that it was just consistent and that's the aneurysm growing it's like a water balloon yeah my mom had one in her brain oh she did and she lived oh my god she's dead now but she lived she made it past that do I laugh the way he said that yeah I mean it is what it is but I mean the bitch fucking made it through the aneurysm dude

Not the, she's gone to a better place. She's fucking dead. I'm sorry, bunny. I just was like, what do I say? Oh my God. You're good. You're good. God rest her soul. Yes. Yes. But I, yeah, I think that my high blood pressure, my extremely high blood pressure contributed to me needing the surgery sooner than most people do. Goodness gracious. But I stuck that, that syringe in my shoulder. And I remember feeling like as I pushed that syringe down,

I just felt like Gabby, her light extinguishing. And I felt like I killed, I killed Gabby. And so I went to the gym. I put on another 15 pounds. I was back up at almost 280. But I kept all those female clothes in my closet.

I had a wig and everything in there. I had a bunch of really terrible Amazon wigs that were like 15 bucks. Like my coming out video is that $15 Amazon wig. I'm like, I thought I was so cute in it. That's the cutest thing ever though. It was, Oh God, it was speaking of trash. Oh, stop it. You had to learn. You have to learn how to be a girl. I did. And that's, you know, it's such an interesting, um,

thing that you just said, because it is a learning process. It is, you know, I'm still learning how to be a woman. Shit. This is why I love you. This is absolutely why I love you. It's a never ending fucking life lesson. Let me tell you, it, it seems like it's going to be that way for me too. You've, you've got it down pretty good though. Uh,

I have a lot to learn. Just hit me up. Anytime you have any questions, I got you. Okay. Well, cool. I like this. I got a mentor. Yeah. But I walked into my closet and I would kind of, you know, turn my head from my clothes like this. No, no. And then every day I would walk in there. It got harder and harder. And one day I walked in and I think I was reaching for a shirt and I accidentally touched one of the wigs and I was running my fingers through it. I had this epiphany. It was this pivotal moment where I realized, okay,

I didn't kill Gabby. And Gabe and Gabby were not two separate personas. They weren't two separate people. They were one person, one persona. It was just me. But it was the me I'd buried since childhood. And I couldn't bury it anymore. And that was the moment I became suicidal. Because my wife, in my opinion, Priscilla didn't want me to stop being me. I had just taken it the wrong way. And so in my head, I'm like, my wife doesn't want me to do this anymore.

I'm 270 pounds right now. I'm balding. Well, you had shame. You had shame too. I had a ton of shame. A ton of shame. Yeah. And I went, started to get very suicidal. I just wanted to be as low to the ground as possible. I couldn't understand it. I just wanted to lay on the ground and just like let the energy leave me. It was a month of this. Yeah.

I went, I had visions of me putting my gun to my head and pulling the trigger. I could, I literally could feel the cold steel on my head. I, and it scared me. It was very scary, but it was also at that moment, it was a very inviting release to the pain I was dealing with the emotional pain.

So, yeah. It's brutal. Nobody gets that unless you've been down that low, you know? It's hard, girl. It's very hard. It's very, very hard. It's scary. But yeah, but Priscilla, we had a blowout argument one night. Our marriage was over before I started transitioning. Well, she was probably heartbroken. You know, the man that she fell in love with, you know, it's kind of like you're losing your, I don't want to say soulmate because you guys are going to be

you know, partners in life no matter what. But on her end too, it was probably very like she wants to let you be you. But at the same time, she's losing her love of her life. She was. And, um,

I don't think it was the reason our marriage ended. It was a good catalyst. We were rocky before. And it was going to end before. We had hoped that moving to Texas would be a fresh start for us. But there was just no saving it. Gotcha. But this was a good... It was a good way to release each other in friendship. But we had had this drag him out, knock him out argument the night before. She left, stayed at a friend's house, and she came back. And I was...

I was convinced that was the day I was going to die. I knew it. I knew if she didn't come home and she was going to leave, she was going to take me, which was good at that moment. And by the end of the night, I'd be gone. Well, I haven't thought about that in a long time. Sorry. No, you're okay. It's very heavy. It's very deep, but it's real. It's part of your story. It was interesting. I relived that moment for a second and those emotions, and that was hard.

But she asked me if I wanted to talk. She came back. I said, sure. And she sat me down on the porch in our little kind of love seat on the porch. She said, I want to say what I want to say first. And she said all the things about our argument. And I looked at her and I said, you're right. I was wrong.

which was this massive red flag for her. She's like, wait, Gabe's wrong and something. What's going on? You know, like a Scorpio being wrong. Never me with all those planets. What the fuck's going on? You know, and at that moment she knew something was up. And so she came and sat alongside of me and she said, do you have something you need to tell me? And it girl, it took me like, must take me five minutes to cough the words up. I just, I couldn't get them past like my larynx. I tried and they just would not come up.

But she said, this is a safe place. You can tell me anything. I love you. And then I said, if I can't live my life as a woman, I don't want to be alive. And she looks at me and she keeps her hand on me and she says, honey, I know. I love you. And we'll figure this out. She knew. Oh, my God. She knew before I did. She knew months before. And so much so that she had called her mom over the summer and said, you may want to come out, bring the family home.

I don't know how long Gabe's going to be Gabe. Oh my goodness. He's going through kind of a thing. So her family had flown out and seen me right before I started transitioning.

So from that conversation is when you decided to start transitioning. That was the moment I was free. It was as if that heavy weight member I was telling you about that. Yeah. I was just released in my, I was free. It's like a thousand chains on my heart were broken. Yeah. And I instantly just let's go. And I've never looked back. And that was 2020. That was September, 2020, uh, October,

October 13th, actually. Wow. What's today, the 17th? Today's the, yep, I think so. We are four days past my three-year anniversary of starting hormones. Ah, I love that. Everything's meant to be. It is. I didn't even realize that. Yeah, that's amazing. That's so amazing. How did your family take to you transitioning? And then let's get into this transitioning journey because I have so many questions.

I got answers. And I'm sure people listening to this podcast that are dealing with the same thing that you are wondering about your journey as well. So I think it's, you're helping people. I hope so. Yeah. That's why I'm so open about it because for years, you know, decades, people hide this stuff and they usually end up committing suicide. So if we can,

prevent one person from doing that, then we've done our job for the day. Absolutely. But my, my parents, I was petrified to tell them, petrified to tell them. And I don't know why. I think maybe because I respected them so much. My dad's a man's man, you know, love me. We always hug, you know, even as guys, the bro hug, you know, very affectionate family, but I was petrified and I had to go through this whole process in my head of, of losing everything.

Because I thought maybe what if they disown me? What if they never want to talk to me again? And I lived that moment out in my head. And I went through that and I asked myself, can I be okay with this if my parents never talk to me again? And I decided, yeah, if that's the worst case scenario and I'm me, I'm okay. So Priscilla had a suggestion. She said, why don't you write them a letter? That way you don't have to see their faces, see the reaction. You don't have to feel the moments of interruption and you can just say what you need to say.

I'm like, "Oh my god, that's a great idea." So I wrote them a hand-wrote them a 12-page letter and it started off with, "Mom, Dad, I'm not sick, I'm not dying, I'm not on drugs, I'm not crazy, everything's fine, but I have something I need to tell you and I need you to read this letter from start to finish before you even pick up the phone or you contact me." And I just spilled everything from my childhood to that moment. And at the end I said, "Please don't call, please don't text,

Don't contact me until you've had time to process this. And if it's an hour, amazing. If it's 10 years, that's okay too. But when you do, just send me a text. Let me know you've processed. It can be an I don't understand. I have questions. It can be an I hate you. It can be whatever. And it could just be I need more information. But text me first.

and she said put tracking on it so you know and you don't wonder if they ever got it right it happened on a tuesday smart girl she's so intelligent yeah she's one of the most intelligent women i know yeah happened on a tuesday and i was out front i had just told my neighbors who were our good friends about my transition and one of my daughter's best friends moms had kind of saw us on the front porch we were having a couple glasses of scotch i'm like you want to come drink she's like yeah let's do it and i

And I told her she was everybody was very happy and supportive. So I was feeling on cloud nine. And then my phone lights up. And you always think it's going to be your mom that texts and things like this. It was my dad. And it just said, I love you forever. Oh, right. The man's man.

I love you forever. That makes me get choked up. And then my mom with the, you know, the essay followed 30 seconds later about we love you. How do we not know? I'm so sorry. How do we support you? Are you safe? You know, can we come see you? When can we talk? Oh my goodness. Just full support from day one. I love that. Yeah, from day one. That's so amazing. I was, I'm very lucky in that aspect. Yeah. It was just, it was wonderful. And,

like I said, I see my folks all the time. I'm actually, uh, I'm flying to Disneyland on my birthday, which is November 1st and I'm flying my mom down to meet me there. So we're doing a mommy daughter Disney trip. My kiddo didn't want to go, believe it or not. She's afraid to fly. So I said, can I go with Gigi? She goes, yeah, go. I'll stay here. No problem. Like, okay. Your daughter reminds me of our daughter. They have like the same quirky personality.

And just, yeah, enjoy the moments because when they turn 15, it's fucking their assholes. Oh, God. I know, right? Because she's already gone on 20. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, wait, just wait. She was so I tell Mimi all the time. I'm like, she was so sweet when she was 11. What the fuck happened? As soon as she turned 13, I'm like, who are you? You're a demon. What is going on? No, she's a great kid, but golly. I hear that's the magic number 13. That's when I can expect the horns to start growing. Pray for me. Pray for me and my husband. Um, so, okay. So you get this text from your mom. Everybody's supportive. Yeah.

When do you start doing hormones and when, like, how did you even know how to transition? Did you have to research it? I knew nothing. Okay. I knew nothing about the community. I knew nothing about transitioning. I just dove into research. What do I do? I knew that there are people that do this. What do I do? You could write like a book on this. Someday I'm going to. Yeah. It just doesn't feel like it's quite the right time yet. Right. I'm still early. Mm-hmm.

I've got a lot of life left in me and there'll be a time, but it's not quite yet. It's not quite yet. So scientist, bachelor of science in civil engineering and all these other accolades I have, I just started diving into research. Yeah. And I understood the risks and I got on hormones as quickly as possible. So I found this clinic called the Kind Clinic in Austin and it was so interesting, Bunny. No therapy needed. No nothing. Nothing.

They're just like, come on in. I'm like, okay. It took me a month to get an appointment with them, but I did. And I came in, told them I was, I wanted to transition. I said, okay, are you sure? I said, yeah. Okay, here you go. Gave me a prescription. I'm like, huh, that was easy. Right? I would think that it would be a lot like you would have had a lot of red tape. You'd think. Right. That's crazy. Yeah.

I was very relieved I didn't need red tape. Right, right, right. Because I had been dealing with this my whole life. I knew it was, I was 42 at the time. Well, I was 41 at the time. I was a couple weeks shy of my 42nd birthday.

I knew what I wanted. Yeah. I knew I wasn't crazy. I knew what I needed to do. I'm very confident in that. And I'm sure most people will look at me and if they listen to what I say, aside from my quirky, you know, entertaining side on social media, they get to know me. They're like, you're pretty fucking normal, Gabby. Yeah. Uh,

But it was shocking that I didn't need any therapy before. Right. It was really interesting. But a long story short, I got, I got the. What did they put you on? Estrogen and spironolactin. It was oral estrogen pills. It was 2.5 milligrams, basic starting dose and spironolactin, which is an androgen blocker. So it shut down my natural testosterone production. Gotcha. And within a month I could start to see some feminization starting. I'd, I'd shaved my beard off. I wasn't,

doing the beard thing anymore because it interferes with makeup. Right. And then there's this whole presentation thing that happened and I told my daughter, I said, look, daddy's kind of going through a... She had this cool little app. It was called Gotcha Life that all the kids play. And you make these little characters and stuff and there was a button for a gender bend and you could turn a guy into a girl. So if they wanted to make a guy character look like a girl, whatever...

They could. And I said, well, daddy's kind of going through a gender bend. And then she goes, oh, okay. And I said, so you might see me wearing hair and makeup and stuff like that around the house and girls clothing. And she's like, okay. And I told her, I said, look, I'm not going to do this outside though. So nobody will know. She says, why? And I said, because I'm kind of afraid people will make fun of me. And she gives me this big hug and she goes, daddy, I'll never make fun of you. And so I start crying. She starts crying. I'm with big hugs. And so she knew that was happening.

So there's no beard. I saw feminization starting about the 30-day mark. It's something in the eyes. I don't know how to explain it, but it's something around the eyes. Softens your eyes probably. I think that was really what started to happen. Mm-hmm.

And it was slow. It wasn't happening at the rate I wanted it to. So I'm like, can I make this happen overnight? Can I just skip all this shit? You're like, I need a magic wand. Literally, give me a fairy godmother. How are you mentally feeling? At that time? Yes. Oh, girl. Estrogen in the system? Yeah. Roller coaster. Oh, I couldn't imagine. A leaf would blow by. I'm like, it's so beautiful. And at the same time, Priscilla would say something. And I'm like, you hate me.

Oh, no. It was crazy. I'm like, I cry at everything. What the fuck's going on? You're like, she's like, yeah, welcome to the neighborhood. But she was so supportive. She's like, it's okay. Yeah. These are emotions that will come out and it's okay now. Yeah. And so I just let it happen. Yeah.

Which was amazing. It was beautiful. Just all the stress that I had felt. Guys keep things bottled up. I think that's one of the reasons guys have such high blood pressure and they die young. Yeah. Because of all the stress they feel. Absolutely. They don't cry. They're taught by society not to cry. It's not a bad thing that we got some masculine men out there. I like that. But it's also not fair. Men's mental health needs to be talked about more. I think so. I really believe so. And maybe there's a way to do it where...

It's around other men and they feel comfortable doing it. But it's definitely a thing that we need to we need to address. Yeah. Because it just leads to an early grave. Absolutely. But yeah, it was interesting. So February, so October, November, summer, January. So four months later, I went in. I'm like, I want injections. OK.

They toss me a needle and a syringe. And they're like, you know how to do this? I'm like, yeah, I got this. They go, it goes in your leg. I'm like, nope, not going in my leg. I don't like pinning in my leg. Every time I pin in my leg, I hit a nerve or my teeth go numb. So we're going to put this shit in my booty. Shit. Yeah, girl, I was a human pin cushion for years doing steroids. And I would pin, for anybody that doesn't know, pinning is injecting. It's like the industry term.

I would pin every other day. It was like shoulder, shoulder, butt, butt, leg, leg. And every time I did my leg, I hit a nerve or I hit an artery. Not an artery, but a vein. Shit, bones. So I'm like, this estrogen is going in my booty. I just started pinning the butt and literally, girl, overnight.

overnight feminization. I was like, whoa. Not to the point where you don't change bone structure. Right. But I could see the softening of the skin happening. When I say overnight, I mean, it wasn't literally. Right, right, right. It was much faster.

Accelerated rate. Softening of the skin. Emotions were, of course, even stronger now. And then, of course, I said, oh, I want to get on progesterone too. Because that softens skin a lot too. And that is the devil's drug. Holy shit. You poor women. Yeah. Progesterone sucks. Girl, at that spike when you start that menstrual cycle. Yep. Holy fuck.

Fuck, because I wanted my dose upped more and more. I'm like, I want to be more like a woman. And I want to soften the skin. And I want to accelerate the transition. I don't want 100 milligrams. I want 200 milligrams a day.

I was a raging fucking bitch. I was going to say, it's like, fuck you grass. Like, it's like, I swear to God, like I know how I feel right before my period and I'm ready to kill everything, dude. Girl. I like, trust me. This is the reason my, my wife was just like, I can't be around you. I get it now. Yeah, I get it. I was, she's like, love you, but I'm going to love you from afar. Literally. She's like, you are constantly on a period that you don't get. Oh yeah. Yeah.

For not having a uterus, you are sure a hormonal premenstrual bitch 24-7. Yeah, so I feel for you. But it accelerated the transition quite a bit. Yeah. And what I learned is no matter how much you soften the skin or the fat deposits start shifting, you can't change bone structure. Right. And for all the trans women listening or people that know trans women, it will not change your face.

You will not have a narrow jaw. You cannot... I had a girl in my filtered DMs today that I've starred. I need to respond to tonight. Somebody's starting their transition. If I take birth control...

And my hormones, will it narrow my shoulders and widen my hips? No, absolutely not. Unless you start this in your teenage years, you do not get an oxytocin release. It is not going to widen your hips and your shoulders. That's your bone structure from being a guy for 40 years of your life. You can't change that. And no matter how many hormones you inject, you can't change the size of your hands. I'm very aware. We talked about that earlier. Which I've been checking your hands out. They're not that manly.

Thanks. Every time you lift them up, I'm like, they're not that manly. I have short nails. Oh, I went through a phase with nails. I thought that early in the transition, you want to, you have this need to integrate. Yeah. You want to go live your life and be you. Right. And this is where the media picks up on everything. And they see girls early in the transition. We got some, we had some weirdos in our community for sure. Yeah. Everybody does. We got weirdos in our community too. So yeah.

It's like they're everywhere. Yeah. Um, but there's always a kid that shits in the pool. That's what I say. So it's what I say. We're in the shower. Yeah. Oh man. Not the stomp waffle. The waffle stomp. I call it cheese grating. You call it the waffle stomp. That's epic. But it's like you, you want to integrate. And I remember thinking like if I had nails, I would,

You got to work your way up, baby. I had like, girl, I had this. I had those long ass things. And I kept thinking, you know, if I'm out in public and I put my hands down at the cash register, they'll know I'm a woman. It'll help them understand I'm a woman. I'm like,

What fucking delusional bubble was I living in, you know? I call it my bubble of disillusionment. Delulu. We love it. Delulu. I just was in this bubble where if I got dressed up in female clothing in my transition early on and I had my nails and my makeup and it was COVID so I had my mask on, they wouldn't see my wide, you know, Popeye jaw. And I looked and I saw my eyes in the mirror.

And I'd focus on this. My eyes look feminine. That's good. And I'm wearing girl clothing and I got nails and I got heels on. Omitting the fact that I was six, seven in heels. I'm like, that's girly. Okay, cool. And I remember this day, Priscilla would go everywhere with me in the beginning as my crutch. And I needed to kind of go explore on my own. And I was feeling good. I'd gone a couple places on my own. And I walked into our mall. It was the Lakeline Mall. And I was on my own. I told her I was going to go just go walk around and try to find a coat.

I think I went to like JCPenney and there was this kiosk with the perfume and the cologne. And I walk in, hair, makeup, mask, a little cami top. And I didn't have any breast forms at the time. I had no breasts. I had these little itty bitty breast buds. And I get to this, I pass this kiosk and there's this guy there handing out perfume and cologne. And I just hear this, sir, sir, sir. And I'm just oblivious to it. And he's like literally running me down.

And I kind of look over because it's getting louder. And he's like, sir, do you want some cologne? And I looked at him like, and for those that are on the video, I got this deer in the headlights look. And I'm like, what? And I'm looking around. I go, oh, fuck my life. He's talking to me. And remember that bubble of disillusionment I was talking about? It popped at that moment.

And I panicked, like full sweat. And I looked at him like, no, no, thank you. And I reached for my phone and I start walking, but I'm like shaking at that moment. I'm like, he knows.

He knows. And then I look around and I look at people and I see people looking at me. I'm like, oh, fuck. Everybody knows. I'm like, Jesus Christ. And there was this moment of revelation. Like the bubble was popped. I wasn't, it's not that I was trying to fool anybody. I was just trying to blend in, you know, and be me. But I'm like, you're trying to be accepted. That's literally what it was. I just wanted to be accepted and just to feel some sense of normalcy as who I was hoping to be. And I realized that,

It's a fucking sham. And I started walking. I didn't even know which direction I was walking. I was walking away from the exit door, unfortunately, and I didn't know what to do. And I picked up my phone and I called Priscilla and it went to voicemail. She must have had it on. Do not disturb us with Mia. And I just kept talking to nobody and talking and talking and hoping that somebody would think I'm on the phone. So I don't know what the fuck to do. And I turned around. I walked out as fast as I could walk to the truck and I cried for like 40 minutes in the truck. I didn't present female for almost a week.

I didn't leave the house. I didn't do anything. I cried every day because there was the thousand mile journey being shown to me. And there I was again, this giant, I was probably 220, 230 at the time, trying desperately trying to lose muscle mass. And I've been called out and I'm like, there's no way I'll never finish this journey. I'll never, it's not possible. And this is about a year into your journey. When was this? Let's see.

Not quite a year. I didn't have my breast implants yet. It was probably March. March. I think it was after I came out. Oh, no. It was before I came out. So, girl, it was November, December. It was probably December or January. It was before I came out to the world on extra TV. So I was in the shower one day. It was probably a week later.

And I still had a mirror in there because I had to shave my face back then. I wasn't done with electrolysis and laser. And I was in the shower and I was crying. And I looked in that silly little $10 mirror. It was suction cup to the glass. And I had my hand on my heart because my heart was hurting. Not physically, but emotionally. And I looked in my eyes and I just, for some reason, I just said, I love me. And there was a big pause and I looked into my own soul. The eyes are the window to the soul.

And I said it again. I said, I love me. And then I said it again and again and again and again until I believed it. And it was that moment. I didn't care what I looked like. I didn't give a shit what the world thought at that moment. I'm okay. I love me for me. I'm a great human. I'm a wonderful parent. I love me. I'm okay with this. And I've never looked back since then. That's amazing. I love that.

Just that moment of being able to have those affirmations to yourself. Oh, Mimi's over here crying. Mimi is over here bawling her eyes out. Just to be able to have that. I don't even know the word. Just to be able to look at yourself, have those affirmations and confirmations to yourself and just say, you know what? I'm going to embrace me in every form, shape, no matter who sees me as this or not. This is me, motherfuckers. Yeah.

Going from being probably one of the most handsome guys I'd ever seen to some fucking ugly duckling in between. I had been told I was good looking since I was five years old. And to know that I wasn't anymore, that was hard. But to be okay with it at that moment, honey, I'm still something in between. But I was really something in between back then. I was not a good looking guy anymore. You're just a flower that's blooming. I'm still in the process. I'm very much in the process still.

It's like having a magic wand for your wallet. Pray.

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So that was a very pivotal moment for me. It was the life-changing moment right there. It's a beautiful moment. Thanks. And thank you for sharing that with us. Yeah. I really, really like... I'm sure people at home are going to just love that because people need to hear that, you know? That's important. Did the estrogen make your boobs grow a little bit? It did. I actually... I had gynecomastia from a kid. Okay. It was interesting. I hated it growing up. As a guy, it's like... That's why I always wore dark shirts because you could see...

Like my swollen nipples my whole life. I hated it as a guy. Right. I think back on it now. Now you can use it to your advantage. Well, yeah. But I look at my child and I'm like, oh, that's interesting. Why did I get gynecomastia naturally before steroids? Right. I was growing breasts at 13 years old for some unknown reason. But that being said.

The estrogen did. And even though I have breast implants, it's actually interesting. I got to go back and have them redone for a third time because my breasts have grown so much. I've got the internal mesh bra after my second revision. And now I've got like a ledge. So,

So I'm like, yeah, it sucks, but I'm, it's whatever. I'm over it. They're mine. And I had my implants taken out. I was like, you did. I had mine taken out in 2019 because, um, they were giving me, I don't want to say I had BII. Um, I had a lot of the symptoms of breast implant illness, but I mean, I just had went through a phase where my anxiety was so bad. My body just didn't feel right. I had scar tissue that was, um,

um, coming up underneath my left breast so much that my left breast was like this big and my, they were so lopsided. Yeah. My implant folded in half. So I started growing scar tissue around it and they didn't know that until they took them out. But it just, it was so painful. And I just was like, you know what? And I started looking really matronly because I just, you know, I had such big tits. I was like almost an E and they just,

sagged and just didn't look good. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to go back to the itty bitty titty committee and if I could, you know, like as you get older, you want to look more natural. That's how I felt because I felt like it made me look matronly. So that's the only, for my situation. So that's what I wanted to do. I can understand that. Yeah, I totally can. Yeah. And I, you know, on my third go around, I don't want the high round, high round profile or like bolt on. They look great though. They're very separate. I get that a lot.

They're very separated, but it's because when my surgeon took his scalpel and cut me from here to here to save my life from my heart surgery, it severed all my pec muscles. And most women that have open heart surgery have the same problem. My mom is so self-conscious. She's like, my boobs just go to the side and I hate it. So me, I'm very open about everything and I get a lot of shit on social media for it. But, you know, I...

I'm grateful to be alive and so but yeah the next go-round I want something much more natural yeah not so porn starish I love it we all go through that phase though everybody I mean we grew up in the Pamela Anderson fucking Carmen Electra Jennifer McCarthy fucking era and those bitches were bad dude Anna Nicole Smith all of them dude oh yeah I had the biggest crushes on all

of them yeah same they're so hot they're still yeah just beautiful women yeah absolutely carmen doesn't fucking age no i'm timeless yeah no i'm pissed off like bitch what are you doing can we get some of whatever yeah what is it adrenochrome what's going on i got enough money now what's up bitch no i'm just kidding how does that go i'm totally kidding

I love the fact that you even mentioned that. That's so funny. Yeah. Well, everybody accuses me and my husband of being in the Illuminati anyways. So might as well just feel the fire. I've gotten that. I had a sty in this eye. So I had some makeup done by somebody and I think the brush had something on it. Oh, that's the worst. I still have like, I have a little one here that I just bury with concealer. I've been fighting it for four months, but I had to have this eyelid flipped over and then to cut it out. I had a bruised eye. Damn. Social media is like, Oh my God, she's in the Illuminati. Oh,

Are you fucking kidding me? You're like, I had a fucking sty in my eye, you fucking idiot. I had a procedure done and I don't have a sty anymore. And now my eye's black and blue. Like, oh, you're in the black eye club. People fucking think anything, dude. Speaking of procedures, what have you had done to feminize a little bit more? Okay. So when do you start deciding to get those? You got your boobs done. Yep. That was May 2021. So I came out to the world. I had to get in front of the narrative.

Because if somebody, I mean, my tattoos, they're not common. Right. I've got a big phoenix and dragon on my arm. Right. You know, everybody knew Gabe's tattoos. Right. Somebody called me out. I was screwed. I never be able to tell my story from my perspective. So I got in front of it, came out to the world on X for TV, February 2021. And then it just snowballed from there in a good way. Right. So it was my decision at that point. I wanted to get my breasts done.

Because I had these little itty bitties and I'm like, well, breasts are female. I need this. Yeah. And again, I have to be careful how I say this, but I'm letting you go through the thought process that I had at the time. Of your journey. Yes. Which you're allowed to do. I think it's a common journey too, because.

I do coach some trans women. 99% of my fitness and nutrition clients are biological females. But I coach some trans women from time to time. And what I hear the most early in the transition is like, I want to get my breasts. I want to get my breasts. And that's, I think, the male perspective, the male part of us. It's like that's one of the most feminine aspects of a woman are the breasts. And so I think as a transitioning woman, we liken that to femininity. But looking back, I would have done facial surgery first. If I could do it again,

I would have done facial surgery first. Yeah. Because it solved, it helped the dysphoria in the beginning. What does facial surgery consist of? Oh, girl. It can range. Mine, I did everything all at once. Right. And from what I heard, and I'm glad I did it, you only do it once, you're not going to go back for a thousand surgeries. A lot of girls will get their nizzed in, and then they'll do these other things slowly.

Knock me out. Do me once. Yeah. And it was major surgery. So I had two breast augmentations because my breast dropped so much the first time. So I was running. I lost so much muscle mass. There was no way to anticipate it. So December, I went back and had them done again. I'd had a hair transplant December 2020. So I wouldn't be bald anymore. I got to do one more because all the surgeries, the anesthesia, my hair has fallen out again. But facial surgery, literally. Yeah.

They cut me from back here. It was Dr. Peter Raphael in Plano, Texas. He's amazing, by the way. He cut me like imagine. Remember the movie Face Off with John Travolta and Nick Cage? Just think of that moment when they peel the face down. So behind the ear to behind the ear, they cut you right across your forehead in the hairline. And then he did a type three brow shave on me because my brow bump as a guy, it was huge. Girls don't have a brow bump. Some girls have a little one.

But guys, when testosterone hits the system, you get a brow bump.

And he had to cut mine off. So he cut my entire brow off, put it on a bench, shaved it down flat. Wow. Stuck a bag on me and I don't know, plates or something. Is it crazy how fucking plastic surgery is so barbaric? It is. It's very barbaric, but it's so precise. Oh, I love it. I love it. It's a skill. This is what I'll talk about. Remind me to talk about the skill and insurance and things like that. Yeah. Because I paid for all my surgeries out of pocket and there is a reason.

Then cheek implants went in. They gave me the higher cheekbones because guys don't have naturally high cheekbones. Nose revision. I had a rhinoplasty.

And then he cut a portion out of my chin. He took the bone out from underneath my teeth and hair. And then he squished my chin together to give me the V line. Wow. Trachea shave to get rid of the Adam's apple, which now I've had all this at once. Yeah, that was all at once. And then a hairline advancement. So he pulled me, scalped me to say the least. Yeah. And like he takes a laser and he pulls the scalp back.

And then he cuts off a section of a forehead at the front. And then he pulls that hair forward to, to get rid of the receding hairline. The guy's receding hairline. Yeah. Uh, and then he stitches you back up and like, send you home to heal. Yeah. Happy healing. Well, girl, I was on Dilaudid for the next several days. It's that bad. I have no recollection of the first week. I mean, I have flashes. I can't tell you the one thing I have, you go with a night nurse, um,

They send you to a recovery facility and you can't see, you can see family the moment you come out, but then they take you to recovery facility. You're there with the nurse on your IVs and stuff. Yeah. I woke up in the middle of the night and my eyes are swollen shut. I woke up in the middle of the night, eyes swollen shut, no idea where I'm at. I thought I missed my surgery. Oh. And a friend of mine, Bella, was with me and my mom was there, not at the night nurse, but that's who was going with me to go into surgery. Yeah. And I'm scrambling around for my phone. I'm like, Bella.

I missed my alarm didn't go off and I stood up and I bolt for the door. Oh, I had the catheter in still. Oh, no. Girl, that thing yanked me like a choke chain. Oh, shit. My she stick. I thought I'm like, I want gender reassignment surgery, but this is not the way. Fuck. God, catheters are no joke either, dude. girl, it tugged. I'm like, oh,

Oh my God, what is that? So yeah, my night nurse was like, Gabby, what the fuck are you doing? Oh my God. And then I don't remember anything after that. I'm sure I went back to bed, but that's the glimpse of what I had going on. Damn it. But I had that done.

I went back and I had my nose. I still need to have redone a third time. Unfortunately, I went back a second time. I think it's so perfect. Even your side profile is beautiful. Thank you. I maybe I'm just dysphoric about it. I think it's the

It's the hanging call, Yumela. I want that. And that's what I had told Peter in the first place, my surgeon. I think it looks great. Thank you. It gives you character too. I hear that a lot and I think I'll just keep it then. Yeah. But I had my nose broken in Turkey when I was in WWE.

And it collapsed all the cartilage on the side. So I can't breathe out of the side. And when I got, I had a face and a neck lift in December last year. I can't wait to get a face and a neck lift. That's next on my list. I got it. I got to send you to a guy. It's not my surgeon did a great job, but I discovered the vertical facelift afterwards. I have a Dr. Narim does them. And that's who I want to go to. What's his name? Dr. Narim. That might be the same guy I was looking at. Yeah. He's amazing. The vertical facelift is the way to go. I had the old school facelift. Yeah. Well,

Which I had lost so much weight. I'm 100. It was your face looks tight, though. It's because of the facelift. OK. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, I had six or seven rolls here of just I was horrendous girl of all this loose skin from losing all my weight. So I did that December and I got another nose revision. But unfortunately, I

We pulled the splints out a week later. It was too early. And by the time I drove home that day, three hours later, it had collapsed again. Oh, no. So I have to go back in. I haven't been able to breathe out of this side since 2011. Wow. But I had my voice done in May of this year. How do they do the voice? There's two methods. Dr. Toby Mayer did my voice. And the reason I went with him is because you can talk the same day. Wow. Yeah.

he has a proprietary method that he doesn't tell anybody what he does I know what it is because I insisted I know right and I I signed a deal thing I wouldn't talk and

But he goes and he made the, you can still see the incision here because it's not quite a year and it's still kind of red. So my first trachea shave was here. When I did my face and neck lift, I did another trachea shave because it wasn't quite gone all the way. And then Dr. Toby Mayer did another one when he did my voice and now there's nothing left. Like there's no cartilage there at all. But he does something that lets you talk the next day. The Korean method is where they go in through your mouth instead of having to cut you open right here, they go in through your mouth

And they cut and re-splice your vocal cords. Wow. So you can still kind of hear a little bit of bass in my voice, like the timbre in my voice. If I don't try, I kind of get down like this area, like the morning voice. I mean, I can do that too. Yeah.

I got this sultry voice that gets kind of deep. But I mean, Dr. Toby Mayer told me he's going and he's like, there is a 50-50 chance because you've had trachea shaves down here before. You've got a lot of scar tissue. I'm going to do what I usually do and there's a 50-50 chance. So I got a bump in the pitch. It's not perfect, but...

I'll probably go back and get the Korean method done, but then I can't talk for a month. Oh my goodness. You can't talk for a month. And that's why I'm like, I'm, I'm building a business. I'm coaching hundreds and hundreds of women with fitness and nutrition. And I need to be able to talk. I need to be able to talk now. This is my business. This is their lives. I'm not going to let these women down. So I did his method. I could talk the next day and,

It worked out good. So those are the surgeries so far. I've had five. I had two breast dogs, face, voice, neck and facelift. When are you thinking about doing gender reassignment? Is that something you do want to do? It is. Yeah.

I heard that's a pretty brutal process. Yeah. It's a big surgery. Yeah. And they want you off work for six weeks because of all the dilation and there's just recovery that needs to happen. Yeah. And from what I've heard, it takes, you need that long. Yeah. And I'm not in a place where I can take six weeks off. But I do know the doctor. I want to use the surgeon. It's Dr. Bluebon at NYU. Bluebon at NYU.

Yeah. And so I love that. Yeah. It's amazing. She, uh, she did a couple of friends of mine and she uses robotics in her surgery to minimize scarring. Wow. And she used this method. It's the perineal pull through. So you get some lubrication, but not like, not like a normal natural born female, but she's amazing. Yeah. And what's, what's interesting is as soon as I had opted to go with her, I was relaxed on contacting her cause she wasn't super well known or anything. Mm.

an influencer on TikTok used her and posted about it. And I'm like, oh shit, she used her. I better go get on her list. And it's a two year wait list for my fucking consult. Just to have a consult with her. So my consult isn't until 2025. Good Lord. Yeah. So in the meantime, I'm, I'm planning on one more hair transplant to kind of fill in up here. It's really gotten thin up here from all my surgeries. And then I have to, for me to feel comfortable on my skin,

I need to get a fat transfer. I don't want a Kim Kardashian ass, but I need the proportions to be more natural. Right. I've got a narrow pelvis. That's everybody born a male is going to have that. Yeah, for sure. I've got wide shoulders and I wear a shapewear. So like I've got hip pads on. It makes me feel better. And what's interesting, the way I get treated, when I wear a little tiny hip pad on each, like the little shapewear. Yeah. I get treated so much different.

It's crazy, right? It's stupid. Like how different I get treated. People are much more inviting. Much more inviting. That's so sad. If I can just mimic the shapewear I have on right now, I'd be happy. But in order to do that,

I still have some muscle mass to lose. So I'm very, I'm as lean as I can be, but I, I'm trying to get down to like the one eighties. Right. And then I, you know, the process I got to pack on like 40 pounds. Yeah. So get it sucked out of you. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's a process where I'm still losing muscle in this, in this game right now. It's not a game. It's a journey. It's definitely been a journey for you. And I think, and I hope what anybody can take, one of the things that somebody can take away from this beautiful podcast,

podcast that we've done is be kind to people because you never know where they are in their journey. Yeah. Like that's so important, you know, just smiling at somebody and saying you're beautiful could have like really changed your trajectory in that day that you had in the mall and said that dude running up to you saying, sir, sir, sir. If he would have said, ma'am, can you imagine how you would have felt? Oh, completely. Yeah. Not that I expected.

anyone to ever do that because they're going to see what they're going to see. Yeah. And it's a confusing world as it is. Yeah. You know, we don't know what pronouns to use half the time, but with people and it's, it's hard, but just like you said, a smile girl that changed lives. Yeah. You know, somebody, I would smile at somebody and when then they'd smile back, not being fearful of me because I didn't know what the hell I was or what I was doing.

It changed everything. Yeah. I love that. It's a good world out there when we want it to be. Yeah, for sure. Let's talk about what you do and where people can sign up to get work by you and stuff like that. Absolutely. Yeah. So I do online fitness and nutrition coaching. I've got an entire team of coaches underneath me. It's my business. I'm the owner. I have coached 1500 people to success in the last 13 years. Go ahead.

Nope. Sorry. That was my ADD. I was thinking, but go ahead. The crazy part, like I said earlier is 99% of my clients are biological females. Yeah. It's incredible. I was going to say, you actually said something the other day you were on a live and I was kind of eavesdropping in just to kind of get a feel for you. And, um,

right now I have been working with a, an online coach for the past two and a half years, T Miller fit, shout out, love you. She has done wonders for my body. But you said something the other day that I found that was profound. And you were like, you don't need tons and you don't need a pen. I think it was last night. You said you don't need, um, a gram of protein per pound that that's, and that was like music to my ears because my body has a hard time. You do like 130 grams a

day. Yes. And I'm like, I'm over it. Like I don't, and I don't, the high carb thing, I don't like doing it either. Like I feel so much better when I'm fasting and like doing a keto type thing, you know? Like, and so when you said that, I was like,

maybe I need to talk to Gabby. It's so interesting. Yeah. So high protein diets in every case lead to CKD, which is chronic kidney disease. Yes, that's what you said. Yeah. And so there's this myth floating around that you need a gram of protein per pound of body weight. Yeah. And so, you know, I got a girl that's your height and I got someone that weighs 200 pounds. That's a lot of protein to shove down your throat. Dude, it's so much. The amount of food I have to eat every fucking day. What an asinine thought. When we look at...

why would we do that? And so it's not your fault. It's this bro science that's floating around. It's influencers who are certified personal trainers or not certified personal trainers spreading things they heard. And this is where the scientist in me comes out because I put my nose in published medical data for close to an hour every day. I do a ton of research because my clients expect certainty. This is the reason I've coached so many clients to success because

And what we find is it's more about your lean body mass. So you've got a percentage of body fat on you and you've got a percentage of muscle mass. It's more about the lean body mass.

the lean muscle mass that's on you with that you need to support with protein. Protein is critical for so many functions in the body. Yeah. Carbohydrates are not right. Even though you're going to hear people say, well, glucose is important. I mean, it, it plays a role. Yeah. Your body burns, uh, your body burns energy in three stages. If first it goes for sugars, which is glucose, then it goes to glycogen, which is your story in your liver. And then it goes to

And it goes to ketones after that. And so once the glucose and the glycogen is out of your system, you go to ketones, which are exponentially more efficient at energy, which is why you feel better when you do keto. Isn't that like autophagy? Isn't that what they call it? Yeah. And actually, I say this a lot.

The correct pronunciation is autophagy. Autophagy. Okay, I didn't know. Everybody says autophagy. And it's not like, it's not your fault, but it's because people say autophagy, it's actually autophagy. And that's a phenomenon. It's incredible. When you get to, it can start in the 16 hour mark. More than likely, it'll take a day or two to see true autophagy.

Now you got me saying it. Too autophagy. But what happens, we get these things called folded proteins. Right. And think of it as a corrupt computer code in your cells, in the mitochondria. And those folded proteins basically explode and autophagy.

And it makes room for brand new proteins to come fill in that corrupt where that corrupt code was. It's like a defragmentation process on a hard drive. Yeah. And there's, oh, look, we can just put that fresh protein there, that fresh protein there. And the body starts to heal itself from incredible things like autoimmune diseases, funguses, bacteria.

floating around in your system. Absolutely. So I do, I live in a 16, eight window. And recently I've actually been experimenting with OMAD one meal a day, which I love the warrior diet literally. And when you look at the data over the last 10 years, that is what's been proven to work. It's OMAD and 16, eight. I love 16, eight. That's what I try to do. Girl. It's amazing. And if you're doing keto in the process, um,

You don't have hunger cravings the way that you would if you're eating carbohydrates. It releases ghrelin, a hunger hormone, into your system. Every time you have carbs and sugars, as soon as your stomach empties, you're hungry. And so when you're in keto, you don't get that. It's a very small amount of ghrelin released into the system. So my clients, less than 50% of my clients do keto. I always leave it up to you to decide what you want to do because if it doesn't align with you,

or you're not mentally aligned with it, there is this incredible phenomenon called the placebo effect. The nocebo effect is the opposite. So you don't want to do something, you've got a disposition towards it, it's not going to work well for you. The brain will release hormones and chemicals to basically slow your process down. But yeah, again, less than half my clients do keto, and I've got this team I built underneath me.

A lot of master's degree degrees on my team, PhDs on my team. I have the director of public health from a specific state on my team. So we've built this. And the difference in what I do is I always say anyone can hand you fitness and nutrition. You've bought into it before, I'm sure. Everybody listening has probably bought a fitness and nutrition program at some point. Paid for a personal trainer or nutritionist.

But what works for them doesn't necessarily work for you. Right. Exactly. It's not a one size fits all. No, it's, and there's no cookie cutter in what I do. Everything is a hundred percent custom for you. Custom nutrition, custom workouts, your meals. I give you three to four meals per or three to four recipes per meal that are all custom for you. And my mom's, my girls, they work out at home a lot of the time. Some of them work out at the gym. It's whatever you want to do. But the big difference is I look at behavioral patterns. I've been studying behavioral patterns for over a decade.

And when I hand you something that's got good science in it, and a lot of people will do that. Like I said, you've bought these programs before. Why do we start and get to the goal and then rebound? Right. Or why do we start and then life gets in the way? I hear this a lot. Life gets chaotic. Right.

It's behavioral patterns. It's not that the science is bad. It's that we have these loops that we get into and we can't see them half the time. Yeah. Because our heads are in the weed with life. You know, we're head down trying to grind. We don't realize that there are these cyclical, these strong neural pathways. And so when I do, I have a course I created called BPM. It's Behavioral Pattern Modification.

Every one of my clients goes through it. They work with me and I basically create these new positive narrow pathways to replace these old behavioral patterns with new positive behavioral patterns. And that's why they're so damn successful. Yeah. No, that shit works. I have a, um, a therapist named Glenn who does that and that's how he, yeah, Glenn's amazing. If you ever want to talk to him, you can, he does a FaceTimes and stuff like that, but he reprograms your brain within the neural pathways. Oh, I love that. Yeah, no, he's amazing.

Oh, I'd love to talk to him. Oh, Glenn. I'm a sponge when it comes to that stuff. Oh, tell me more. Tell me more. Dude, he's written a few books like he's amazing. Oh, he'll be coming on the podcast soon. Oh, I'm definitely listening to that one. Yeah, sure. No, he's great. No, I just love I love your approach. I love what you what you're doing for people. And I just love that you just want to help people. And I think your story is so beautiful. Thank you so much. And if there's anybody out there that needs help, my website's CoachGabby.com or you just follow me on TikTok at Gabby Tuft.

Is it? It's G-A-B-B-I. Oh, yeah. We should talk about that. Yeah. It's not the typical spelling. It's G-A-B-B-I. Yeah. Love that. Well...

Gabby, thank you for coming on this podcast. I am like so honored for you to have came on here and shared your story with us. And just, I mean, I loved you before, but I love you even more now. I think the feeling's mutual. Thank you, Bunny. This has been so much fun. Dude, getting to sit in your energy is just awesome. And you're even more awesome in person than online. But if you guys are not following Gabby, follow you where? On your Instagram, TikTok. It's all Gabby Tuft. All the handles are the same. Yeah.

Yeah, you guys go follow her. You will not be disappointed, I promise. Thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye.