Women Share Stories Of The Wildest Lies Men Have Told Them! | ShxtsnGigs Podcast | Patreon Clips 18:49

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What's the wildest lie a man has ever told you? James and I will go back to that. All right, go. All right. Set his preference to men on Tinder and said he was looking for a roommate. That's actually jokes. I didn't see that one. All right. What did I get? Fam, he didn't text me for two weeks because he didn't see my last text.

Can you imagine? He didn't text for two weeks. Two weeks. And she said, fam, where are you? Where are you? Oh, my bad. My bad. I didn't even see that you text me. Two weeks. Bro. He's moved on. Yeah, he's over you. He's been over you. Two fucking weeks. All right. He told me he was going on vacation for a couple of weeks. He was actually getting married and going on his honeymoon. Someone replied to that. Sounds like a vacation to me. Rags.

People love to lie. Guys love a lie. Love it. They love a lie because it's just not worth the truth. It's not worth the stress of the truth. Yeah, the truth comes with so much baggage. It's unnecessary. Let's live this la-di-da fairy tale lie that we're living in. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who cares about the truth? I literally feel like the stem of this whole thread is the fact that guys just want peace and quiet. They want to do what they want and they want peace and quiet. Men want peace of mind. That's the first, that's top list priority. That's all men want, peace of mind. 100%. So guys don't like lying. They just think about the possible repercussions of telling the truth and they're like, not worth it. I have to lie. Yeah, it's literally not worth it. I'm just going to lie.

Right, what have I got? Yeah. Fam, he told me he was 33 with three kids. He was actually 23 with no kids. Like, why? What? Wow, what? That's so backwards. Bro, that's next. That's backwards. That's next. It's probably one of those ones where he's obviously younger. He's 23. He wanted to impress an older woman saying, oh, I'm a dad. I can take care of three kids. I'm a provider. I'm a provider and I'm a man. I'm mature and I'm a fucking provider. I know you want that, so come over. Yeah.

But 23 with no kids? 23 with no kids. He wanted to smash a 40-year-old. That's what he wanted. He wanted a MILF. The way that she replied, like, why? Why? This is facts. Why? 33 with three kids. Why? Fucking hell. Hilarious. This one is quotes, yeah. What if I told you someone else was pregnant? Her reply. Are you serious? His reply. Nah, haha, it's a joke. Just seeing how mad you would get. Death threats from the BM commence two months later. What?

Death threats from baby moms commence two months later. He said, no, haha, it's a joke. See how mad you get. He said, haha. No, that's a joke. Death threats from BM two months later. That's so funny. Bro. Haha, it's just a joke. It's just a light joke. I didn't get anyone pregnant. It's a joke. It's a joke. It's a joke. Kidding. You got mad though, right? That means you love me. That means you love me, you skit. Fam, this one sweetened me.

Said he didn't know this girl. But her profile pic was her on an iPad. On the iPad, it was him on FaceTime. Say that all again. Say that all again. He said he didn't know this girl. Yeah. But her profile pic was her on her iPad. Yeah. On the iPad was him on FaceTime.

That was convoluted. Bro! I'm with it now. That's mad. I'm with it now. That's jokes. That's mad. That's jokes. The profile pic is just her on her iPad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then this little circle is him. Nah, bro. That's embarrassing. I could never get confronted with that.

I could never get you. I would drop everything. All right, you got me. You got me. You got me. I would drop everything. You caught me. Say what you need to say. Let me bounce. You caught me. Say what you need to say. Let me just bounce. Get off your chest and let me fuck off. Let me just go. Fuck. Leave me alone. Oh, do you know her? Nah. Is that not you on her FaceTime? I will be so pissed off that that's her profile pic. Oh, bro. I'll be DMing her abuse. Like, why? Get me off your profile pic now. Abuse.

Fuck. There's jokes. Right. Found a coochie pick in his phone. He told me it belonged to his sister and she said she only sent it to him. Sorry. Found a coochie pick of his sister. He told me it belonged to his sister and she only sent it because she was a virgin who was about to have sex for the first time and she wanted his opinion on whether they looked good or not. Said they were really close like that. That's disgusting. To even use that as a lie is disgusting. That's fucking... I'm willing...

I'm willing to question, I'm willing to have my girl question if I am in love with my sister, I want to bang my sister, rather than admit that I'm just getting porn pics from yats.

I'm willing to let her question if I'm about incest or not. I'm willing to put her head in the blender. Blender. That's what you're saying. I'm willing to put your psyche in the blender rather than you think I'm a cheat. That's insanity. That is insanity. Fucking hell. Whose pum is this? It's my sister's. My sister's. She's a virgin. She wanted to get clapped for the first time. So she sent to me and said, does it look nice? Yuck. We're just close like that. Yuck. Yuck.

Big man. What a lie. Fam, this one. I saw a hickey on his neck and he said, he turned to me and said, babe, you know my chain's fake. You know my chain is fake. I died on that one. I get reactions. You know I do. Why would I get hickey? Hickey? You know my chain's fake. I'm trying to fit in. I need the bling.

Oh, fucking hell, bro. If I make myself look unfuckable, she'll believe me. Facts. A man once told me he had one kid when I asked him. I then found out he had two kids. When I said, I thought you only had one, he said, well, they're twins, so I count them as one. And that logic dead ass made sense to him. That's funny. The logic made sense to him. To be fair, I can see myself making that lie up.

Because two kids just seems... A lot. And I don't want to have to justify it by the fact that they're twins every time. Okay. So if I just tell you I've got a kid...

you might think, okay, cool. Like, yeah, he's got a kid. Cool. I tell you, I've got two. That seems like baggage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sounds like baggage. Oh, how old are they? Yeah, yeah. Twins. Fam, I don't want to have to tell you they're twins for you to feel okay about this again. I just want you to feel okay the whole time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I've got a kid. Yeah. Yeah, he's seven. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All good. She's like, all right, say less. Are you a good dad? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We go all the time. Yeah. You find out, Fam, you've got two kids. Why is that?

Well, they're twins. You know how it is. You know how it is. You know if I told you I had two kids. We wouldn't be here. We wouldn't be here because it's a case of are they by the same mum? Are they not? If they are by the same mum, you think it's family, family. Then I have to tell you, no, no, no, no. It's not like they're twins. I don't want to have to belittle my life. So it's one kid. I got one. Yeah, there may as well be one. That's jokes. Fam, this one's short and sweet. I don't even care about the visa.

I don't even care about the visa. It's me and you, babe. I don't even care. What visa? I don't even care about the visa. That's on TLC time. What's that show called? 90 Day Fiancé. 90 Day Fiancé. Oh, fam. Every single time it's 90 Day Fiancé. If the girl is from Brazil, she's using you. If the guy is from Nigeria, he's using you. Oh, fuck.

And the guy is dread as well because the Brazilian gal always get a normal-ish guy. Okay. Are the Brazilian gal banging or not? Most of the time, they're pretty banging. They're not Brazil banging, but they're banging. They're nice, yeah. The Nigerian guys take anything. They take anything with a passport. Anything that can get them over the border is what they take. They're fucking disgraceful. They take anything that can get them across the border. It's so embarrassing. It's so embarrassing.

Fuck. All for a better life. They don't care. The amount of, oh God, the amount of, they have no standards. No shame. And they're willing to do anything to get to America. It's wild to me. It's always America as well. It's always America. They're willing to do anything. Any and everything, bro. Oh, it's disgraceful. All right, back to it. Ladies, what's the wildest lie you've ever told a man or a man has ever told you? Sorry.

He comes home one day with scratches all over his back and his chest. And when I asked him what's going on, he told me our house is haunted and the poltergeist told him to do that. That's funny. That's actually funny. This house is haunted and the poltergeist told me to scratch myself. That's funny.

Oh, bro. These men just don't want this level of stress. Oh, they don't. They don't care. They don't need it. Bro, he told me his cousin tried to kill himself so he can't send me my money back. What? Send me my money back? Bro, you owe me 50 quid. I know, but my cousin just tried to kill himself. I can't. That's non-sequential. Give me my 50. Those two don't add up. Run me the pinky. I know I owe you, but fam, he's in dire straits. He just tried to kill himself. Don't ask me about money.

My cousin tried to kill himself. Don't ask me about money right now. It's consequential, brother. I want my pee. That's hilarious. He took me to his sister's house one day. Like when we... Sorry. He took me to his sister's house one day when we started hanging out, right? Y'all, I hate when people write y'all for no reason. It doesn't need to be there. He took me to his sister's house one day when we first started hanging out. Literally like five months later, we're in the car. He says he got to stop at his baby mom's house if that's cool. Why the fuck do we pull up to the same place? What?

Five months later. He thinks he's just fucking stupid or he just forgot his own life. He definitely forgot his own life. He definitely forgot his own life. 100%. Because he's probably used that life for so many other people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he couldn't keep track. He couldn't keep track. Wow.

Women don't forget that shit. Yeah, of course not. If I'm starting a new quote unquote relationship or a ting or a fling and I say, oh, let me just bop to my friend's house real quick and the friend is a girl, she's definitely going to remember that place forever. 100%. You go back five months later, baby mum, oh yeah, you're a liar.

You're a liar. You know this is the same place that you told me this is your sister's yard. I'm going to be... Fam, I would face forward, switch off the engine and just leave the car. I would do what I need to do in the yard and come back. You can be in the car when I'm back or not. Your business. Your business. You've clocked me already. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll just switch off the engine. Boop.

Exit and just leave to the yard. I'm done. Yeah, I'm done. You can scream all you want. Scream all you want with your seatbelt on. Scream all you want. I don't owe you anything. I don't think you clocked me. Leave or stay. It's your choice now. And if you're here when I get back, I don't want to discuss it again. Again. You know who she is now. Shut up. There's nothing to explain anymore. She's my baby mum. I lied and now I'm not lying.

What more do you want from me? Yes, I'm sorry I lied. On a Tyrese thing, what more do you want from me? Sorry I lied, but I didn't owe you shit when I told you that lie. I didn't owe you shit when I told you that lie. I just met you when I told you that lie. I couldn't be asked for the questions. Now you know who she is. Here we are. It's a shark. Do you sign my bio or shark? Do you sign my bio or shark? Right, what we got? He got sentenced to 15 years in jail, but he told me he'd be out in three.

What kind of a man? Why is that? Wait for man. I'll be out in three. Please wait for me. I know it says 15 on the sentencing, but I'll be out in three. How? On good behavior. How? And I'm telling them what they want to know. Just wait for me. Please tell me you'll wait. I'll be out in three, you know. Fucking hell.

that he was a twin, even showed me graduation pics and asked me to guess who's who. Found out he was lying when his mom didn't know what the fuck I was talking about when I asked him how his twin was doing. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Imagine. Jesus Christ. Imagine. Who do you think this is? Me or Fred? I don't know, babe. Fred? No, it's me. Got ya. Got ya. And then you asked, she asked my mum. How's Fred? How's Fred doing? Your son. Your other son. You've got twins now? Brother! Brother!

What are you on about? What are you actually talking about? Don't come in my kitchen asking me silly questions. Fred? Fred? I haven't got a son called Fred. Who told you this lie? Fuhad did. No, he didn't. That's impossible. Yeah, he's been making me do up guessing games for weeks. Fuhad didn't. Not my son. My mum would be like, not my son. Imagine if she'd met Fred and everything. I'm just going toilet. Fred walks straight back in. Oh, hi, you must be Susan.

I'm Phil's brother Fred different goms like what's his name in American Dads the alien what's his name oh not Steve what the fuck this is jarring me now oh

roger roger roger yeah so everyone that everyone that watches american dad knows that roger changes costumes all the time so he does that it was panto one place and panto another and he's in a double costume so that's exactly what it'd be like bro imagine fred that would be insane bro bro um he took condoms out of the condom jar to see if i was keeping count

Bro. Thing is, it is double-sided. It is. Of course it is. Because she obviously was keeping count. Of course it is. Of course it's double-sided. Why is there three condoms missing? Why do you know there's three condoms missing? I'll be like, what are you talking about? There isn't. What are you talking about? There isn't.

Yes, there is. There were 37 and now there's 34. What are you talking about? Fam, don't ask me again. I count them every day. There was 37 fucking condoms in there and now there's 34. Where did those three go? Oh, so you're crazy is what you're saying.

You're counting condoms. You're counting condoms now. Oh, so you're crazy now. Why are you counting condoms? Sharon, why are you counting condoms? Why are you taking condoms? This is why I'm counting condoms. Why are you taking them? Because you weren't using them on me. Who said I took them? You obviously took them. This is your room. Who else took them? Your mom. How am I meant to know that you didn't take them and try and plan shit on me?

You didn't take them and try and make me seem like I'm the mad one. You're actually gaslighting me. How am I gaslighting you? You're gaslighting me because I'm confronting you about something that you did. How do you know I did it? You're blaming me. Obviously, I did it too. Obviously, I didn't do either. What motive do I have to take condoms out of the condom jar and then blame you for taking them?

Because you're sitting there counting condoms in the first place. That's the reason why. I'm counting condoms because clearly my boyfriend's a fucking cheat. When did this start? When did you start counting condoms? How do you know I'm a cheat? I was bored one day because you think you would rather spend more time on fucking wall zone than you would with your girlfriend. So when I'm stuck in your stupid little room with nothing to do because your broke ass can't even get a 32 inch on the wall. Your broke ass can't even get a TV in here. So when I'm bored, I count shit.

and you decided to count my condoms. - There's a jar full of condoms and I thought maybe I can, I wonder if I can guess how many condoms are in there. You know that little school game? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like how many Smarties are in the jar? - Yeah, I was counting condoms. So I thought, let me guess. I guessed 56, I was way off. There was 37. Now there's 34. Explain. And don't you dare try and gaslight me again. - I'm not explaining shit. Get out of my yard. I'm not explaining shit because you have no right to be counting my stuff. - Swear. Get out of your yard. Get out of your yard. Get me out.

Get me out. Get out of my yard. Because I haven't done anything. It doesn't matter. This is my spot. Get out of my yard. I'm not going to tell you again. Get out of my yard. You're actually a piece of shit. That's fine by me. You're actually a fucking... That's fine by me. You know what? I actually will get out of my yard. That's fine by me. I will get out of your yard. That's fine by me. Because your nasty dick is in every hole in this fucking town and you think I'm a fucking idiot. And when I confront you about it, you're not even man enough. That's a joke to you. You're not even man enough. Whatever floats your boat, Sharon. Get out of my yard. You're not even...

Whatever floats your boat, Sharon. You're not even fucking man enough, you little pussy boy. You're just talking. Little pussy boy. You're just talking, Sharon. Take all the condoms you want. You got nothing to use them on anyway. You little fucking pussy. They don't even fit you. You're just talking. With your little micro penis. You're just talking, Sharon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just talking, mate. That's all you are. That's all you are. Talk. That's all you are. Fucking talk. Count condoms at next man's yard. You're just chatting shit. You fucking dickhead. And what? I use them. What? I use all three. Shit! I use all three. And what? Yeah.

And you just go for it. And you just go crazy. Get out. Get out. You're crazy. Get out. Your butt is anyway. Get out. Your butt is anyway. Get out. Your mum's butt is, bruv. I'm leaving. That's how people get pushed downstairs. 100%. That's how people get pushed downstairs. But anyway, let me continue. I can't come to his house because he used to sell drugs and the FBI could bust down his door at any minute and raid the house and I could be an accomplice.

It's dangerous out here. It's dangerous in my yard. My bando's dangerous. It's dangerous out here. You can't come over because there's ops around and there's 5-0 around. Fam, I've been raided in my day. Fam. I've been raided. And if you're here, anybody forget laying. I don't want you to go down like that. I've got a mole who's top level.

And he can only give me about six or seven minutes notice at any given time. That's it. And if you're trapped in this world, babes, you're going to go down for a long minute. You're never getting out. For a long minute. And I can't do that to you. That will fuck up my conscience knowing that I did that to you. You know? So, babe, unfortunately, this yard you can't come to. We can do up as many tellies as you want. Oh, we can do up tellies. We can do up tellies and airbies as many times as you want. But this yard, this bando...

Too dangerous. I love you too much for that, baby. I love you way too much for that. I would never do that to you. I can't do that to you, darling. Welcome, friends, to the Playful Scratch from the California Lottery. We've got a special guest today, the Scratcher's Scratch Master himself, Juan. Juan, you've mastered 713 playful ways to scratch. Impressive. How'd you do it? Well, I began with a coin, then tried a guitar pick. I even used a cactus once. I can scratch with anything. Even this mic right here.

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