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My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend.
My friend's still laughing me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com slash results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. Short kings, do not go outside. I've just seen a hawk. I'm not... Thing is, I refuse to be triggered because I'm not short.
That's actually facts. I refuse to be triggered because I'm not sure. And if I have an emotional reaction to that tweet, that means I am. That means I think I am. That's funny. Just seen a hawk. Just seen a hawk. Them men can carry stuff. Hawks, if they grab your shoulder like that, it's gone. It's a wrap. That would be the ickiest of all icks. If you're with your girl and get attacked by a bird of prey...
And he drapes you. Even if you hold your own. Yeah. As soon as he gets a lock of your shoulder and he drapes you. Like even if it's a slight skid on the floor, she's gone. Your girl's gone. The thing is, I could never be a passer by a scene that because I need to find the CCTV. I would have to find whichever cameras pointed to that. And I have to find it. Yeah. A hawk could never drapes me up by your shoulder. Yeah. Bro. Hawks don't fuck about. Nah.
So if he's by mistake, drapes is a five foot three king. Yeah, he's gone. He's gone. He's dropping him. He's gone. I can never. I can never visit you in hospital with broken legs and say, fam, what happened? What happened? A hawk picked me out of a crowd. And dropped me. Picked me up and dashed me. Oh, a hawk. I said, a hawk. I said, yeah. Oh, fam, the first thing I say is, why are you? What?
Why are you? It's so an easy target. You know why you. You know why you. Don't ask me stupid questions. My legs are broken, James. I don't have time for jokes. Fuck. Oh, there's jokes. How the fuck is the customer always right? Bro, I'm the one that trained to work here. That's jokes. Rags, bro. I trained to work here. Fam, I was watching videos.
- I was watching training videos. - I was doing CPO online on my days off. - Frax, I know where all the fire exits are. - Bro, I was doing test after test after test. - Yeah, fuck this and fuck the job. - And you wanna tell me Steve sitting on table 12 is right? - Yeah, customer's always right, fuck you. - I'm right. - Yeah, literally piss off. - That's hilarious. - I hacked my boyfriend's phone. The whole day I've been fainting and waking up. I'ma move on. Bolt drivers will be asking should I follow the map? No, follow your heart please.
I'ma move on. I wanna tell my homie he can't rap so bad for real, but he always has a gun on him. Wow. Always has a gun on him. Raw. I'ma move on. Why I rewind the show then pick my phone up and miss the same part again. I've done that many times and I'm furious with myself.
I'm furious with myself, James. That's when I know the ADHD is kicking in. Oh, that's Joe. It's kicking in. Next one. Bro, how the fuck ain't we run out of phone numbers? Thank you. My exact same face. How have we not run out of phone numbers? I wonder if the judge is laying in bed at night. Like I ain't, let me start again. Sorry. I wonder if judges lay in bed. Like I ain't even have to give him 40 years for real.
They must do. There must be times where they pass judgment and they come back and just tell their wife what happened. And she's like, are you sure? The wife. Yeah. Are you sure? And he's like, fuck, maybe I didn't have to give him that 20. Four years. He could have done 10. He really could have done 10. A little misdemeanor. Yeah. Oh, I took the piss in it. Yeah, fuck. Oh, well. It's done now, isn't it? It's fucking done now.
I'm glad he doesn't have hoes, but why does he not have hoes? Am I fighting for a spot nobody wants? This is the whole lead of the group argument all over again. That's jokes. That's fucking funny. Right. Every time I even stand up, my dog gets excited as fuck. He understands that I'm a nigga that can make anything happen at any given moment.
That's jokes. That is actually funny. I ain't never heard a baby say goo goo ga ga. Who the fuck made that shit up? Literally who did? Who made that up? Literally who did? This might be one of the funniest things I've ever read. Some girl went for a BBL and a tummy tuck and they stole her kidney.
Is that real? Went for a BBL and tummy tuck and they stole her kidney. Fam, this is why these men need to stop cutting corners. Bro, do a legit thing. Go to where... You need to go. Go to where you need to go. Go to fucking Uganda to get a BBL and a tummy tuck. Do you know what I mean? These men are always trying to cut corners. Always.
I saw one the other day that said she went to the Dominican Republic. To be fair, no, no, no. That's like the third spot. I know. I've heard for titties it's really good. I've heard for BBLs. I've heard for titties it's a spot. I heard BBL. So I think the ratings are literally America, then Turkey, then Dominican. Okay. Where's next?
Because we just keep cutting corners. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't like it. Kidneys keep getting drained. Yeah, yeah. And then your essential organs are gone. Black market type ting. Oh, wow. Seeing your friends while they're at work interacting with customers is so funny. Like that isn't the real you. Rags. Rags. I used to hate my friends coming to see me at work. I used to fucking hate it. Came back to get another sample in Costco and the woman said, you know you can buy it, right? Bare shame.
Oh, that's funny. I'm shy. LOL.
That's funny. Once you stutter in a heated argument, it's game over. And that's a fact. That is literally a fact. I can never stutter. Male, female. I've done it before. Have you? And it nearly went to blows. What, you started? I've started. Where I'm like, I did that. And they're like, what? No. No. Fucking square up. What? Fucking pussy. Shut up.
Get your fucking words out, you bitch. Oh, God. Shut your mouth. Yeah, yeah. Blood will be spilled. Yeah, 100%. Blood will have to be spilled. You can't stutter. Fuck. Yeah. Fuck. These two back-to-back are facts. Men cuddle like they're about to live inside you.
And a nut and nap literally is the best combination to ever exist. There's nothing better. There's nothing better. There's nothing better. Sometimes it gets too exciting though, because I'm more excited for the nap than I am for the nuts sometimes. So it makes me not even want to do the nut because I know I have to exert energy. It's like saying, for me, it's like, oh, you can have the best sleep of your life, but you have to do a hundred meter sprint first. And it's like, yeah, but I want the sleep. That means I definitely don't want to do the sprint. Yeah, yeah.
I just want to, can we just get to the nut part? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to do the work up. That makes sense. That's jokes. I don't care how many kids we have. I'm not buying a damn van. Somebody's not going. Right. I've always said, if I have too many youths, we've just got two cars. And that's just facts. We've facts. This can't possibly be the same 9pm I used to be getting ready to go out on a night out for.
I'm tired. Bro, we used to head out at midnight. Head out? We used to head out at midnight. My eyes are hazy at 11pm. I'm just not built for it anymore, bro. I'm just not built for it anymore. And at some point, I have to just come to terms with it. Facts. Facts. But yeah, that was Twitter Hall of Fame. Alright, that was very good. That was very, very good.
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