707. Q&AF: Comparison: The Thief Of Joy, Giving Grace & Passion Vs Aggression 27:24

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We've been... I think we got more storms coming in? I don't know, man. It's been raining its ass off. Yeah. Storming, too. Like, not just, like, steady rain. Like, it's like when we get the rain, it's just in a huge, like, storm. I can't remember the last day we've had, like, a steady day of rain. It was just, like, just nice rain. Yeah, like... Like, rain's cool. Yeah, it's not been that. It's been, like, just straight-up storms. Yeah. And I can't even remember the last day we had a rainy day. Yeah. So... Yeah. Yeah. Well...

Let's get into it. Yeah, let's make some people better. Guys, Andy, question number one. Andy, I've been told my whole life that comparison is the thief of joy. But you teach that we're all in a competition in life, whether we realize it or not. Does that statement, comparison is the thief of joy, have any weight at all? Is there any truth to it or has it just been interpreted wrong?

No, I think there's a little bit of truth to it. I think that when you're doing well and you're doing everything you can do and you're kicking ass and you're doing the best that you can do and you're on day one or day 20 or day 30 of your journey and you're comparing yourself and you've been doing everything that you can do and you're comparing yourself to someone who's been doing it for 10, 20, 30 years. Yeah. That's going to take away your joy. Okay. Um, now if you're

You compare yourself to, let's say, somebody who's been doing it the same amount of time and they're beating your ass. And then you just look in the mirror and say, well, it's OK. I shouldn't compare myself. You're going to fucking lose. So there has there's nuance to every saying. And, you know, everybody on the Internet likes to hear these sayings and then attach a permanent meaning to them. And that's just not the way it works, dude. There's nuance. There's exceptions. And it's a lot like luck, right? Like, I don't ever talk about luck.

And the reason I don't talk about luck is because the minute I talk about luck, all the fucking weak minded pussies say, see, I'm not lucky. And they use it as an excuse the rest of their life. What they don't understand is that, yes, there are breaks that you get, but those breaks come whenever you're prepared. OK, so when you work hard and you execute and you're doing that day in and day out, day in and day out, day in and day out for a long period of time, that's

absolutely there's going to be things that go your way. And people are going to say, oh, look at that look. And then they use that as an excuse and say, well, that guy's made it because he got that lucky break. Not,

Even considering the 20 years or 10 years or five years that he put in to get to that point. All right. So this is the same kind of saying all these fucking gurus on the internet like to say comparison is the thief of joy. Just be happy where you're at. Well, if that's the case, bro, be happy with your little fucking McDonald's cheeseburger, fucking happy meal and your shitty life living in your fucking basement and never compare yourself to anyone and think you're okay. If you want to do that and you can live in ignorance and you could be happy doing that, but

By all means, do it. But that's not what we're about here. We're about fucking winning. We're about being the best. We're about executing at a high level. And to execute at a high level, it is a very useful thing to look at people who are on the same path as you and compare yourself. That is reality. If that guy's running a 4-5-40 and I'm a wide receiver and I'm running a 4-6, guess what?

I got to get fucking faster. Okay. This is the reality of competition. So there is truth to it. You don't want to compare yourself to someone who's outside the realm or outside the brackets of reasonable comparison, right? Like if I am to compare myself, um,

You know, with Jeff Bezos, I'm going to constantly feel like I'm a piece of shit. Right. Because Bezos has been as successful as he has been. But if I compare myself to people in my industry who've chosen the path that I've chosen, I can look at it objectively and say, OK, well, you're doing pretty fucking good. OK, now.

Eventually, when you get to the top of that game, you have to start comparing yourself to the outside people who are outside the realm of whatever it is you do because you want to break free of the mold that's been created in the space that you're in. So like for now, like now, like when I compare myself, I don't compare myself to people in my space anymore. I compare myself to people.

Fucking Phil Knight. And yeah, that's frustrating for me. But frustrating drives ambition, which drives big action, which drives big results. So when I look at things and I get frustrated, I don't act like a little bitch and say, oh, fucking I'm so discouraged. I say, fuck. All right. Well, that guy's bad ass.

I'm going to have to get a lot better. And that's the attitude of a winner. Winners will compare themselves and look at it and be honest with themselves and say, I got to get better here, here, here, here, here. Losers will look at people and compare themselves and be like, oh, fuck, I'm just a loser. And dude, that's a self-fulfilling prophecy because if you think like that, you're always going to be a loser.

Yeah, I think most people struggle with the objective, being able to look at shit objectively. Like, this is just what it is right now, this current situation. Like, that's hard for people to process. I think it's hard for people to consider the amount of work, the amount of dedication, the amount of struggle, the amount of pain, the amount of frustration that has occurred to...

Get people where they are when they haven't even gone down the path at all, right? Like you look at people, when you're on day one and you're standing at the bottom of the mountain and you're looking up at Mount Everest and there's some motherfuckers three quarters of the way up there. There's even a guy up there on the top and you've never climbed a mountain before. Yeah, you're going to be like, fuck, right? But the way you're going to climb the mountain is the same way they climbed the mountain. One step at a time, okay? And if you can't do one step at a time, then...

You're going to have to improve your skill set about moving up the mountain. So I don't buy into this feel-good idealist nonsense about trying to be happy all the time and trying to be in zen mode and trying to feel peace all the time. Bro, if you're happy all the time and you have peace all the time and you have no frustration, no anxiety, you're not going to have any driver ambition either. You're not going to have any reason to change. You're going to be sitting on your couch getting the same shit you're getting now. And if that's what you want...

Cool, but don't pretend like you want more. Don't bitch about why you don't have more. Just accept your life and say, this is what I want. I'm happy here. And you'll be happy. Stop consuming my content. Stop consuming content that wants you to get better, that pushes you to be better, that calls you out on your bullshit. Because all that's going to do is piss you off and make you unhappy. Unsubscribe. Go away. Go look at the fucking butterfly pages and shut the fuck up.

that's what needs to happen okay like just accept where you are now if you're a driven person i would absolutely be comparing myself to other people that's just reality and i don't believe in this that all these dudes preach you know everybody's in this hurry to feel good you shouldn't feel good all the time bro

You should feel good when you're doing the things you know you should be doing. If you don't fucking feel good, it's because you're not doing the shit you should be doing. You shouldn't just accept it and say, oh, well, it is what it is. You know, that's his life. That's what we deal with in today's society. We deal with a bunch of pussified opinions about peace and harmony and touching the grass and fucking dude. It's just it's victim culture to the max. And it's like, motherfuckers, you wonder why you can't get anywhere. It's because you're soft as fuck.

You're trying to get something that you can't even get. You think you can feel peaceful all the time and still achieve things? You think you can feel no frustration all the time and still improve your situation? You can't.

So let's stop with this bullshit. If you're an ambitious person, you want to change the trajectory of your fucking family tree, you're going to have frustrating times. You're going to have angering times. You're going to have doubtful times. You're going to have big tests in life. You're going to have disruption. You're not going to have peace very often. These are the realities of...

of pursuing a bigger purpose and a bigger mission in your life. And if you want to be what you are now and continue to degrade over the course of your life from here to the end of it, just go fucking do something else. Stop pretending like you want it because you don't. You know, one last piece I want to hit on, man, because you mentioned it.

I feel like also, too, man, it's hard for people to kind of comprehend that climb because they're not really able to. They didn't see them actually climb. They just see the. No, they think this dude got dropped off by a helicopter. Right. See that guy three quarters. He only got there because he fucking. He had to just take a helicopter. He jumped. Yeah, right. He jumped from the bottom to top because he's lucky to have this skill set.

You know what I'm saying? He got lucky. His parents owned a helicopter. That's what it was. You know? And now he didn't climb the 30,000 steps. Yeah, he's LeBron James' kid. He can jump 400 yards. He bounded up the mountain like Bambi. Like, fuck, dude.

Yeah. I mean, but does that, does that give you any like, like mental clarity though, looking at it like that? Like just knowing that people won't really see the input. They just see the output. I don't care what people see. Why the fuck you care what people see? Why you care? It has nothing to do with them. Most of the people, you know, right now, you're not going to know in five years. What difference does it fucking make? Who cares what they fucking think? You,

You should be worried about taking that step and that next step and that next step. And eventually you'll get halfway up the mountain and there'll be a whole bunch of other people that are also halfway up the mountain. And those people become your friends and all the fuckers that fucking didn't get it. They'll still be at the bottom of the mountain eating fucking hot pockets. That's real shit, man. I love it. I love it guys. Uh, any question number two? Uh, Andy, my question is how do you, how do you personally decide who's

who and when to give grace to? Is it based on the individual person in your life or the act that was committed? I understand people relay their own individual struggles through responses, but I do believe that you should always trust the snake to do what a snake does. And that's bite. Appreciate all that you do. What's your thoughts on this?

Man, you know, that's a nuanced question. There's all different circumstances and conditions that go to play when you want to give someone grace. You know, when you're humble enough to admit that you...

Have made a lot of the same mistakes and a lot of mistakes in your life. You know, I think as you get older, you start to have more grace for people because you've made all these mistakes. When I was younger in my 20s, I was very judgmental. When I was in my 30s, I was a little less judgmental. And now I'm less judgmental even then. Yeah.

It's because it's it's hypocritical if you have a strong character to judge people for things that you have done yourself or Mistakes that you've made or even kind of similar. So I think you know that plays into it I also think what plays into it is the intent did the person intend to do this or was it was it just a misunderstanding? and I also think the the amount of times the person has done it have they done this five different times because if they've done it five different times it's not something that

that they feel bad about or that's a mistake. It's just what they're doing. That's a decision. Yeah, that's right. And dude, you know, like that's probably best to like separate yourself from someone like that if they're doing something that violates your code of ethics. You know what I mean? So I think there's a lot of things, but I think more importantly, dude, people struggle with forgiving themselves. I think that's where people really struggle. I don't think it's like giving grace with other people. I think it's with giving grace with yourself. And I had a good conversation with one of my friends about this.

a few weeks ago but you know the way you look at forgiving yourself is if your friend came to you and said hey man i did this and this and this and i feel really bad about it and i don't want to do this again how would you handle it most of us if it was a good friend would say well fuck dude dj that's pretty fucking stupid you shouldn't have done that shit bro but hey don't do it again man it's all right you know we'll figure it out yeah

And if you can talk to yourself like that, you know, it's easier to forgive yourself. We tend, especially high achievers, tend to judge themselves much harder than they do everybody else because they hold themselves to a higher standard. So it's very hard for people who are driven, ambitious, who have high standards to forgive themselves when they make mistakes.

Because, quite honestly, they think they're better than everybody else. All right? And that's what it comes down to. Well, that's some evidence-based stuff, too, though, right? Like, I mean, the scoreboards. Yeah, right. No, it's not. I can understand that. Look, bro. Look, dude. Like, that's a whole other fucking bullshit topic. Oh, you're no better than anybody else.

I don't know, man. Like, I'm better at a lot of things. Yeah. I might not be more valuable as a human being, as a human life. I can agree with that. Yeah. You don't rescue turtles on the weekends. Yeah, but I can tell you this. I'm better than you in pretty much every fucking area. You know what I'm saying? Not you, but I'm just saying. Yeah, in these situations, you know, this whole thing of, like, these losers coming around. What do you think? You're better than me? I'm like.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, yes, of course. But you're saying that's because you hold yourself accountable to that standard, right? Okay. Yeah, but like, dude, you know, I think, you know, grace comes down to a couple things, you know? I think, you know, you got to understand that you've made mistakes. You got to understand, you know, what the intent was. You got to understand, you know, how frequently is the behavior. You know, there's all kinds of things that play into that, man. And I think...

You know, it just depends on the situation. It just does. It sounds like what you're saying is that, you know, this idea of grace is really just a matter of perspective.

Yeah, I think so. You know what I'm saying? Because it's weird because I'm thinking about this in my own self and how I look at grace, right? And for me, I'm at a stage where it's like, I don't give a fuck what the intention was. What was the effect? What was the outcome? Yeah, but you're also in your 20s. That's how I was. That's what I'm saying. Motherfucker, when I was in my 20s, I was a savage motherfucker. Someone stepped on my toes, bro. I cracked their fucking skull. Yeah. So like-

Not not literally. Well, sometimes. But you know what I'm saying? But like, bro, that's a different mentality because you don't have the perspective of a lifetime of fuck ups. You know what I mean? So I just think there's a lot of nuance there. I also think there's a case to be made for karma. Like when you when someone does something, you know, that's going to cause a reaction back to them.

And you stand in the way of it and absorb that reaction, you're keeping them from learning a lesson that will be valuable to them for the rest of their life. So I think there's something to be said there, too. Like you're trying to give them grace when in reality they need to learn their lesson. They need that. Yeah. You know, that's real. You know, like we see this a lot with finances, right? Like like every family's got that fucking weirdo cousin or or irresponsible member of the family who always needs money.

Right. And because you love them, you give them, you know, two, three, five hundred bucks, a thousand bucks whenever, you know, whenever you can.

But the problem with that is, is that they never learn how to be responsible with their money. And what they actually learn is no different than when you feed a stray cat. They know where to go when they're in a hard situation. And so sometimes you have to say, hey, fuck you, man. Get your fucking ass to work. And that's the best lesson that you could give them. You know what I mean? Love you, but fuck you. Well, that's real love, dude. Like real love is saying, hey, you need to get shit together, bro. I'm not helping you.

You know what I'm saying? But I just think there's so much nuance. There's not a clear-cut answer to that. Yeah, that's just what I think. Yeah. Yeah. I like that, man. I like that. Well, guys, let's get to question number three. Andy. Andy. Hey, Andy. Hey. Andy, I know you're a passionate man. Hey. Don't do that. Hi. Were people were dying at my store yesterday? No, they weren't. Oh, no, they were. They were when we got in the truck.

Oh, yeah, right. You mean when I made you wet? Come on. They were laughing at that one? Listen, I got one of my buddies. He's a hardcore biker. I got three unopened messages, and I know they're from that. I didn't even open it, Jerry. I can't even recover out of this. Guys, let's get to question number three. Andy, I know you're a passionate man, and I've been told by my colleagues, family members, and girlfriends that I'm too aggressive.

Even though in many of the situations, I don't feel or think that I'm being aggressive. I like to think that I'm a passionate man. I like things done right, but perhaps I really am an asshole. Do you have any practical tips for coming off as more professional or considerate? How can you set standards or provide feedback without coming off as an asshole? Is that part of that necessary to do? Like, how do we do this? You need to understand that holding a standard and setting the pace and

And having people held accountable is perceived as asshole no matter how you do it. Okay? And you could be the kindest person in the world and they're going to be like, what a dick. Okay? So, like, bro, it's not your delivery that's the problem. It's the fucking people that's the problem. And it's the culture that's the problem. We live in a culture where people do not like to be held accountable. They do not like to live to a standard. And when you point out that they don't live to a standard, they call it abuse. Right?

or harassment, or some sort of crazy shit. We live in the softest fucking society that's ever existed in the human history. These people get food whenever they want it. They don't have to hunt and kill anything. They don't have to fight for anything. They don't even fucking get dirty, dude. They got a hot shower. They got unlimited water. They got fucking...

5,000 channels of entertainment. Like, bro, we live in a total weak, pussified society that any time you try to hold someone accountable, they have a problem with it, okay? So it's not your delivery, dude. And by the way, if your delivery is overly aggressive...

Fucking people will probably learn not to do that shit. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't buy into that, bro. Like, people should hear the message, not the delivery. That's how professionals behave. That's how people work. That's how shit gets done. That's how winning teams play. You guys got to understand, dude, winning is not for everybody.

Winning is only for people who can understand what it actually takes. Most people aren't going to understand that. So when you try to hold them to a standard, no matter if you whisper it in their fucking ear, they're not going to fucking hear it right. Okay. So I was told all those same things. You're too aggressive. The way you talk. I don't like the way you talk to me. I don't do this. Look where the fuck we are. You like that? Do you like that? Do you like that?

Do you like getting a fuck? Do you like living in a fucking million dollar house? Two million dollar house? Do you like that? Do you like getting paid what the fuck you get paid? Do you like that? You like the car you drive? Oh, I like you like all those things, right? Well, then fuck how I deliver the message. That's what I think. It's real shit, man. It also makes me think too, bro. Like, I mean, if people would be real honest with themselves and like look back, like,

The people that I have the most respect for in my life. Were the hardest on you. They have always been the hardest people. My best coaches, bro, he takes zero shit. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, because he knows that you guys will fucking, they give you an inch, you'll take 10 miles. Like when you've been around the block a fucking hundred times, you know that. Yeah.

So you have to be stern. You have to be hard. Now, does that mean you got to walk in the room and be like, fuck all you lazy motherfuckers? No, you don't have to do that. But you do have to be firm in your ability to hold a line. And when people don't fucking toe the line, you got to tell them. And they're not going to like that. Nobody likes being told, hey, man, that's bullshit. Nobody likes that.

You know, I used to have to yell and scream to get that point across, but I don't anymore. I just say it and people fucking get it. You see what I'm saying? I think there's something to also, bro, like the reason that I have so much respect for those people in my life that were the hardest on me is because at the same time, I also understand that they actually gave a fuck. No, bro. It's the intent. Right. It's the intent. That is the key to making your delivery work no matter what it is.

Do you intend to make that person better or are you yelling at them because you want to fucking get something for yourself? Do you want them to win or are you trying to get you to win? Are you fucking yelling at them because they didn't fucking run hard enough so that you could get your fucking bonus or are you yelling at them because you know they're fucking better and they should be doing way better for themselves? The intent matters and people know the intent and when you deliver a message, no matter if it's on stage, one-on-one, no matter what, if your intent is correct...

And that person knows, like, hey, motherfucker, I care about you. If they know that, you can say anything you want. However you want. Whatever you want. And if you're a little too hard, you come back an hour later, you say, hey, I was heated. I didn't mean to deliver it that way, but I meant what the fuck I said. We got to do better. And you know what they'll say every time? No, bro, I got it. You see what I'm saying? So having that intent be correct is the biggest piece to this working. But I can tell you this, even when your intent's right,

You're going to run into a lot of people that are straight up pussies, bro. They're just straight up pussies. Those people are not going to fit on your team. They're not worth trying to save. You don't want them in your organization. They're going to spread cancer. And that's what it is. And also...

I say this, you have to be smart with your communication and be understanding of where you are in the fucking hierarchy with how you communicate. You walk into your boss's office, you start doing that shit, you ain't gonna have a job. You're fired. Okay? The 48 laws of power. Go read law number one.

You never want to outshine your superior, okay? And that's what that's about. You don't want to come in talking that shit. You got to have respect. You got to deliver it respectfully because I get a feel... Did that guy say how old he was? No. I get a feeling that that guy...

Is not at the top of the food chain and people are saying you're being an asshole and if that's the case You're probably gonna get fired over and over and over again. So it depends on where you are in the hierarchy however, if I have someone who's in the mid level or the lower level and they're just they're just Respectful but also hold a standard that's extremely valuable Extremely valuable. I have a guy who works here in the company who and I'm not gonna say his name We hired him

And on his second or third day here, he was just a new guy. And he saw somebody that was his superior. This is like seven years ago. He saw someone who was his superior do something fucked up.

Okay. That was not, not what we're supposed to do. And this guy's so literal. He went and got the write-up pad and wrote up his superior, brought it into the office. Okay. But he did so in a nice way and we all loved it. We're like, this guy's awesome. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? So there's a difference there. Yes. His intent was right. Hey man, we're not holding the line. This is what you told me to do. So that's what he did.

And I loved it. I thought it was great. Fucking wrote up his. Yeah. It was awesome. That's great, man. It's a true story. You want those people. Yeah. You want those people. Yeah, bro. People that just care. Yeah. I love it, man. All right. We're at 27. Yeah. We're going to wrap it up because I got some shit I got to do. Okay. We'll do it. Andy. Yeah. Nice and short to the point today. And we'll see you tomorrow. This is CTI. Bye.

sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze a bowl stole counted millions in the cold bad booted swole got her on bankroll can't fold that's a no headshot case closed