3 - The Girlfriends’ Guide to: Finding a Missing Person 20:55

Hi, it's Andrea Gunning, the host of Betrayal. I'm excited to announce that the Betrayal podcast is expanding. We are going to be releasing episodes weekly, every Thursday. Each week, you'll hear brand new stories, firsthand accounts of shocking deception, broken trust, and the trail of destruction left behind. Listen to Betrayal Weekly on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm Molly Conger, host of Weird Little Guys, a new podcast from Cool Zone Media on iHeartRadio. I've spent almost a decade researching right-wing extremism, digging into the lives of people you wouldn't be wrong to call monsters. But if Scooby-Doo taught us one thing, it's that there's a guy under that monster mask. The monsters in our political closets aren't some unfathomable evil. They're just some weird guy. So join me every Thursday for a look under the mask at the weird little guys trying to destroy America.

Listen to Weird Little Guys on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

For decades, the mafia had New York City in a stranglehold, with law enforcement seemingly powerless to intervene. It uses terror to extort people. But the murder of Carmichael Ante marked the beginning of the end. It sent the message that we can prosecute these people. Listen to Law & Order Criminal Justice System on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life in marriage. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said like in my head for like 16 years.

Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Kay hasn't heard from her sister in seven years. I have a proposal for you. Come up here and document my project. All you need to do is record everything like you always do. What was that? That was live audio of a woman's nightmare. Can Kay trust her sister, or is history repeating itself? There's nothing dangerous about what you're doing. They're just dreams.

Hey, I'm Anna Sinfield and I'm back with another episode of The Girlfriend's Guide where I use expert interviews, real-life experiences and research to show you how to fight crime and keep your girlfriend safe.

Today, we're focusing on the over 600,000 people who go missing every year in the United States, not to mention the troubling 170,000 here in the UK. No one is really taught what to do if someone you know goes missing, until now. From the teams at Novel and iHeart Podcast, you're listening to The Girlfriend's Guide, Episode 2, Finding a Missing Person. On a Facebook group called Missing Black Persons,

I saw a woman was looking for her sister who's been missing for 42 years. This is Raul Montero. He's a citizen sleuth from New York, and he attempts to track down missing people and identify deceased people all across North America. She was 16 years old, missing from Harlem, and just seeing the pictures of her sister...

Like you automatically know, like, all right, this is my new obsession. And it's not an obsession in a creepy way. It's an obsession in I have to do whatever I can because you're instantly compelled to help. So I reached out to the admin of Missing Black Persons and they're just phenomenal. And I also reached out to the sister.

This young woman, her name is Stacey Reddish, 16 years old when she went missing. I was just so compelled by her, by the story, by the infuriating lack of attention by NYPD in the '80s. When the family reported Stacey missing the very first night, they said, "Well, she's probably with her boyfriend. She'll come back."

They didn't like that answer. They went home. They put missing persons flyers out all over Harlem. They went looking for her everywhere. They went back to the police station the next day. They were refused. She said she'll come home eventually. You know, runaways always do. And this is the rubber stamping of, in a way, prejudices. She's a runaway. Whatever.

But just the refusal of the police departments to do anything to find Stacey, and she's 16 years old. That's a minor. Granted, it's Harlem in the 80s, which is in and of itself a terrible statement, but there just wasn't support. There wasn't care. There wasn't enough educated law enforcement officers to know what to do other than she'll come back. Well, she didn't. Earlier this summer...

42 years later, the family tried to go back and report her. They wanted to know what happened. You said 42 years ago she'll come back. She hasn't. So we want to know. And they told her at the precinct, well, we can't do anything here at the precinct. Go back to the place you last saw her and call 911, which is infuriating. Even me repeating that makes me want to bang my head because it's so...

What? So you call 911 and say, I'd like to report a missing person. They went missing 42 years ago. Yeah. So they went back to the original location. They made the attempt to do that. There happened to be a police officer at that location for something else, whatever, or he was just passing by. And he chuckled and said, this is 42 years ago. There's nothing they can do.

So what can be done to help a family like Stacey's? And what should you do if your loved one goes missing today? That's after the break.

After your entire world is flipped upside down,

From unbelievable romantic betrayals... The love that was so real for me was always just a game for him. To betrayals in your own family... When I think about my dad, oh, well, he is a sociopath. Financial betrayal...

This is not even the part where he steals millions of dollars. And life or death deceptions. She's practicing how she's going to cry when the police calls her after they kill me. Listen to Betrayal Weekly on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Molly Conger, host of Weird Little Guys, a new podcast from Cool Zone Media on iHeartRadio.

I've spent almost a decade researching right-wing extremism, digging into the lives of people you wouldn't be wrong to call monsters. But if Scooby-Doo taught us one thing, it's that there's a guy under that monster mask. I've collected the stories of hundreds of aspiring little Hitlers of the suburbs, from the Nazi cop who tried to join ISIS, to the National Guardsman plotting to assassinate the Supreme Court, to the Satanist soldier who tried to get his own unit blown up in Turkey. The monsters in our political closets aren't some unfathomable evil,

They're just some weird guy. And you can laugh. Honestly, I think you have to. Seeing these guys for what they are doesn't mean they're not a threat. It's a survival strategy. So join me every Thursday for a look under the mask at the weird little guys trying to destroy America. Listen to Weird Little Guys on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

For decades, the mafia had New York City in a stranglehold, with law enforcement seemingly powerless to intervene. It uses terror to extort people. But the murder of Carmichael Ante marked the beginning of the end, sparking a chain of events that would ultimately dismantle the most powerful crime organization in American history. It sent the message to them that we can prosecute these people.

Discover how a group of young prosecutors took on the mafia and with the help of law enforcement brought down its most powerful figures. These bosses on the commission had no idea what was coming their way from the federal government. From Wolf Entertainment and iHeart Podcast, this is Law & Order Criminal Justice System.

Listen to Law & Order Criminal Justice System on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life and marriage. I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is in

I think he was like, oh, yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went. Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred, Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast Misspelling. When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa, I said the words. Yeah.

that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Misspelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between. This life right here, just finding myself, just relaxation, just not feeling stressed, just not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things.

that feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you. So you got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly.

Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you've come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

As an investigator, missing person cases is a big puzzle. This is Captain Urbanski. He spent years working as a detective in the New Jersey Missing Persons Unit. When local police departments and agencies reached a dead end on their missing persons cases, Urbanski was the guy they'd call.

I think missing person cases are harder than any type of homicide because why I say that is a homicide you have evidence. It could be a bullet, a knife, interviews, witnesses. Now think about a missing person that goes boom, goes vanishes. What do you have?

What could you bring into it to find your answers? Now, I go to a missing persons house and say, hey, Susan Brown woke up and she's gone. That's it. Just think about that. Gone. No evidence, no nothing. You have no witnesses. You have no DNA. You have nothing like that. Things have changed a bit since Urbanski first started out back in 1995. But the basic advice for the first 24 hours are the same.

If you believe a missing person is in danger, report them missing right away. This opens up resources to the family and the sooner you get help, the better. You do not have to wait 24 hours to report them missing anymore. That's old news and if anybody tells you that that's the case, it's rubbish. Next, while the memory is fresh, make a note of everything you know. Call all friends, co-workers, neighbours, family, anyone who may also know something about their whereabouts or mental state.

Look for any notes or other clues and ring around local hospitals. It's not unusual for the police or authorities to still tell you that you need to wait 24 hours to see if the person turns up, especially if they don't deem them vulnerable. But you know your loved one best. If the police won't help you, post on social media, attempt to drum up interest from the press, that's people like me, hand out flyers and keep pestering the authorities to set up a profile on their national databases for missing people.

In the US, that's called NamUs. The good news is, according to research, 87% of missing UK adults are found within the first two days, and only 1% are missing for longer than a month. But what about that final percentage? Well, then you might need to start looking at specialist websites. You have websites like Charlie Projects, like the Doe Network.

So essentially, while it's important to keep all avenues open, after a while you have to consider the fact that your missing person has died.

This means their body could have been found already, but nobody knows who they are. If you're in the States, you should be able to find a relevant listing on the National Unidentified Body Database, NamUs, which we've mentioned before, or some of the other websites Habansky mentioned.

But keep your options wide. If they have sadly died, you won't know where or when their body was discovered. They may have gone missing in Arkansas in 2017, but their body could have been discovered in Tennessee in 2022.

But then you can run into difficulties. Like if it's been years and your loved one didn't die soon after going missing, there's every chance they're going to look different in recent pictures to how you remember them. You got to keep all these things in mind when you're reviewing and looking at pictures even from back then. So, but your features, your face, your cheeks, your facial features, that don't change. I mean, you can gain weight, you can lose weight, you can

grow your hair a little longer, but you can kind of get the sense that it has some type of relativity. Once you start looking into your case as a potential doe case, there's also a few important things you can do to help others make the connection. Like having relatives submit their DNA to the NamUs database. That way, genealogists or detectives can also make possible matches. That really helped out the missing persons world. They unidentified a missing persons world.

See, in New Jersey, they have what they call Patricia's Law. And I'll explain to you real quick what Patricia's Law is. Patricia Viola went missing up in Bergen County. And what happened was he went to report his wife missing and they wouldn't take a missing person report. This was back when the police would say you had to wait 24 hours.

Now it became law. So if you came in, you make a moisture purge report, you got to take that report. And you have to do DNA within 30 days. And that's where NamUs comes in because NamUs needs family reference samples. So if there's unidentified or if you have a missing persons, you get mom and dad's side and you put those family reference samples into NamUs. Obansky's most important advice is to not lose hope that eventually you will get answers.

If my daughter went missing, I got two daughters, and if they went missing or something, I would never give up on it. After the break, we'll hear what Raul Montero did when he stumbled across Stacey Reddish's 42-year-old missing persons case.

After your entire world is flipped upside down,

From unbelievable romantic betrayals. The love that was so real for me was always just a game for him. To betrayals in your own family. When I think about my dad, oh, well, he is a sociopath. Financial betrayal. This is not even the part where he steals millions of dollars. And life or death deceptions. She's practicing how she's going to cry when the police calls her after they kill me.

Listen to Betrayal Weekly on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Molly Conger, host of Weird Little Guys, a new podcast from Cool Zone Media on iHeartRadio. I've spent almost a decade researching right-wing extremism, digging into the lives of people you wouldn't be wrong to call monsters. But if Scooby-Doo taught us one thing, it's that there's a guy under that monster mask.

I've collected the stories of hundreds of aspiring little Hitlers of the suburbs. From the Nazi cop who tried to join ISIS, to the National Guardsman plotting to assassinate the Supreme Court, to the Satanist soldier who tried to get his own unit blown up in Turkey. The monsters in our political closets aren't some unfathomable evil. They're just some weird guy. And you can laugh. Honestly, I think you have to. Seeing these guys for what they are doesn't mean they're not a threat. It's a survival strategy.

So join me every Thursday for a look under the mask at the weird little guys trying to destroy America. Listen to Weird Little Guys on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

For decades, the mafia had New York City in a stranglehold, with law enforcement seemingly powerless to intervene. It uses terror to extort people. But the murder of Carmichael Ante marked the beginning of the end, sparking a chain of events that would ultimately dismantle the most powerful crime organization in American history. It sent the message to them that we can prosecute these people.

Discover how a group of young prosecutors took on the mafia and with the help of law enforcement brought down its most powerful figures. These bosses on the commission had no idea what was coming their way from the federal government. From Wolf Entertainment and iHeart Podcasts, this is Law & Order Criminal Justice System. Listen to Law & Order Criminal Justice System on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling, as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life and marriage. I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is.

I think he was like, oh, yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went. Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred, Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast Misspelling. When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words. Yeah.

that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Misspelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between. This life right here, just finding myself, just relaxation, just not feeling stressed, just not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things.

that feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you. So you got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly.

Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you've come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

So let's catch up. Raul Montero recently stumbled across a post on Facebook from the family of Stacey Reddish, who went missing 42 years ago. The police didn't appear to care about the case back in the 80s. And when Stacey's family tried to report her as missing again decades later, they claimed that the police refused to take any action. When I read that in the Facebook group, I went into like war mode, basically.

Because it's just not done that way. It's just wrong to do that. You have to take a police report. So when I finally got in contact with her sister and she shared all that with me, like I was enraged and I...

I got information about Stacey. I said, tell me what you can about Stacey because there's a path forward to getting her a missing persons report. And once she has that missing persons report, then she could be on NamUs and then she can have much more exposure, but then more resources open up. And because she's a minor, she can get on the National Center for Missing and Endangered Children where the resources become exponential. But we couldn't do any of that without a police report.

Meanwhile, as I got information about Stacey, her life, her physical characteristics, the map was tugging at me. The map is an online resource Raoul has created. We've put a link in the description. He's populated it with every missing persons case and every unidentified body in New York.

He includes things like key characteristics, locations, photos, that sort of thing. It means you can see really obvious links between cases in things like time, location, appearance, because it's blindingly obvious when two markers on a map, one for missing and one for an unidentified body, seemingly sit on top of each other. So when Raoul hears about Stacey, his mind starts racing. I know who she is. Has to be.

absolutely has to be this unidentified Jane Doe. Why are you so convinced? So a couple of things. So person goes missing, let's just say January 1st, 2023. And then let's say June 1st, 2023, an unidentified body is found. The PMI, which is post-mortal interval, which will tell you basically how long they believe that body's been out there or deceased.

And so January 1, June 1, PMI is a six-month interval. Then you get to physical characteristics, the height, the estimated weight. Six months, there's probably no discernible characteristics like eyes or anything like that, but it's possible.

So then there's eye color, hair. Hair will last for much longer. Even after death, hair will still grow a little bit, but it's more scientifically measurable. So if it's 10 inches when they're found, it could have been eight inches when this person died. So it's little clues like that.

So that's what Raul started doing with Stacey's case. He begins comparing the characteristics of the Jane Doe on his map with details he'd learnt from Stacey's family. But the smoking gun for Raul was a necklace that this Jane Doe was wearing. The pendant was a single letter, the same initial as Stacey's boyfriend.

Everything just seems to add up. That, to me, is a bigger lean towards confirmation. So things like that, I get very assured. And then there's, for me, it's like a hunch. Like, you feel it. Like, you know it. But as much as Rural has a track record in solving cases, he needs to work in tandem with law enforcement to actually close them. So he passes his findings onto the cold case unit handling Stacey's case. And then he just has to wait.

But as I'm recording this in July of 2024, Stacey's case is still unsolved. If the cold case detectives buy Rowell's theory, they should be able to take DNA samples from Stacey's relatives and compare them to the Doe's. And we know Stacey's relatives are keen. But none of that's happened. And you have to wonder why. Maybe it's because they've found some other reason why the cases can't be linked. Like either Stacey or the Doe were actually part of an active investigation.

Or, and this feels more likely to me, maybe the police just aren't prioritizing Stacey's case. Stacey's family say at the time of her disappearance, the police refused to take the missing persons report. They suggested she was just a runaway. According to research by attorney Jada Moss, black children are more likely to be labeled as runaways than their missing white counterparts.

If children are categorized as runaways rather than potential victims of abduction, they do not qualify for the AMBER Alert System, which is America's missing broadcast emergency response. It sends out things like text messages, broadcasts on TV and radio, and uses highway signs to alert the public about a missing child who may have been abducted.

The system has helped over 1,200 children be found since its launch in 1996. But so-called runaway children don't benefit from this service if they've never been categorized as possible abductees. When you get far enough down the rabbit hole of missing persons, you do see depressing patterns. Black women, indigenous women, sex workers, drug addicts, the elderly and marginalized.

it's no wonder Raul gets obsessed. It can feel like he's the only person in the world outside of family and friends who wants to help, which means Raul has to take the wins where he can. It's closure for me in some part, you know, because I know that this Jane Doe is resolved. She'll still stay a Jane Doe right now because the process, the investigative process, the genetic comparison process is...

long and drawn out. But in my case,

I can move beyond this Jane Doe and this missing person. What I do now is I stay very close to the family because getting them to share intimate parts of their loved one's life or to relive things that they haven't even remembered in 30, 40 years can be very emotional for them. And I think that's part of my intuition is that I take on a lot of

these people's emotions and it's not the same. I haven't lost somebody in those methods.

And I keep that awareness, but I take some of that with me and that becomes part of me, which is in a way the closure because I have their sorrow and their confusion and their angst over everything. And I have this unidentified that nobody's looking for. And I say that grandly because I'm sure that there are, but in my case, I believe that I'm the only one for some of them.

And I'm very focused on bringing that together. And in my mind, I have a certain sense of closure. That's the end of The Girlfriend's Guide to Finding a Missing Person. I hope that it was useful. But even more, I hope you never need to use this information. This series isn't meant to over-inflate the risk of horrible things happening in your lives. The reality is, it's incredibly rare that anyone goes missing at all, let alone for more than a couple of days. So I hope this hasn't made you panic or worry.

But I do believe in DIY resources and the fact that we never know when we're going to need them or maybe somebody we love is. I guess what I'm saying is I believe we're better off kicking doors down together. But you knew that already because that's kind of the girlfriend's mantra. If you do end up with an ongoing case, there are support groups that you can find online and in your area.

Not only will they be able to really understand what you're going through, but they'll have tips and contacts of their own that are specific to where the case happened. Those sort of tips are gold dust. Finally, remember it can often be hardest on the people left behind. So put your own mask on first. It will help you in the long run. Until next time, hold your girlfriends tight. The Girlfriend's Guide is produced by Novel for iHeart Podcast. For more from Novel, visit novel.audio.

This episode is produced and hosted by me, Anna Sinfield. Our assistant producer is Madeline Parr. And we've had some fantastic additional production by Lee Meyer, Leona Hamid, and Zayana Youssef. Max O'Brien is our executive producer. Production management from Cherie Houston and Charlotte Wolfe. Sound design, mixing, and scoring by Daniel Kempson and Nicholas Alexander.

Music supervision by me, Anna Sinfield and Nicholas Alexander. Original music composed and performed by Louisa Gerstein and produced by Louisa Gerstein. And you guessed it, Nicholas Alexander.

The series artwork was designed by Christina Limcoul. Story development by me, Anna Sinfield. Willard Foxton is creative director. And our executive producers at iHeart are Katrina Norvell and Nikki Etor. Special thanks to Ali Kanter, Carrie Lieberman and Will Pearson at iHeart Podcast. As well as Carly Frankel and the whole team at WME.

Hi, it's Andrea Gunning, the host of Betrayal. I'm excited to announce that the Betrayal podcast is expanding. We are going to be releasing episodes weekly, every Thursday. Each week, you'll hear brand new stories, firsthand accounts of shocking deception, broken trust, and the trail of destruction left behind. Listen to Betrayal Weekly on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm Molly Conger, host of Weird Little Guys, a new podcast from Cool Zone Media on iHeartRadio. I've spent almost a decade researching right-wing extremism, digging into the lives of people you wouldn't be wrong to call monsters. But if Scooby-Doo taught us one thing, it's that there's a guy under that monster mask. The monsters in our political closets aren't some unfathomable evil. They're just some weird guy. So join me every Thursday for a look under the mask at the weird little guys trying to destroy America.

Listen to Weird Little Guys on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

For decades, the mafia had New York City in a stranglehold, with law enforcement seemingly powerless to intervene. It uses terror to extort people. But the murder of Carmichael Ante marked the beginning of the end. It sent the message that we can prosecute these people. Listen to Law & Order Criminal Justice System on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. ♪

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life in marriage. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said like in my head for like 16 years.

wild listen to misspelling on the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts k hasn't heard from her sister in seven years i have a proposal for you come up here and document my project all you need to do is record everything like you always do what was that that was live audio of a woman's nightmare can k trust her sister or is history repeating itself there's nothing dangerous about what you're doing they're just dreams

Dream Sequence is a new horror thriller from Blumhouse Television, iHeartRadio, and Realm. Listen to Dream Sequence on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.