#86 - Hasan Piker 01:30:32

Welcome, everybody, to Stavi's World. 904-800-STAV. Call in. We'll solve your problems. We have lured a Turk into our den. Ah.

And he's defenseless now. Bro, I feel like I'm in hostile territory. You are, bro. Bro, there's like flags everywhere. This is like if a vampire was around a garlic farm. Hassan's so weak. He has no powers here. Although you did try and you tried to take my Albanian producer off kilter by giving him a zin. This motherfucker's been hiccuping for 10 minutes. He's like, oh, sixer, I can handle it. That six milligram bullet got me, dude. Yeah, I got you.

I gotta do what I gotta do. It's like World War III in here. Yeah. Hello, everyone. We have an incredible show for you today. But first, I want to tell you about one thing I hate. That's guesswork. And one thing I love. Low prices on tickets to events.

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undermine my man. What do you mean? The picture that I had of him in my mind is dramatically different than what he actually looks like. Stop trying to make a Turk Albanian. This is what the establishment cares most. Stop trying to unite Turks and Albanians against me. I'll keep you both afoot. I don't give a fuck. All I'm saying is he's got gray hairline, he's handsome. I thought he was like

I thought he was going to be, like, very fat. Well, I mean, he's lost some weight, yes. But, yeah, he's like 6'5". 6'6". Yeah, he's taller than me. He's taller than me. Come on.

Eldest, I gave you 6'5" like a gentleman. Don't fucking steal the XUIT. I don't need the inch. 6'5". Okay, you're 6'5". How much do you weigh? I think I'm like 290... Let's say... Bro, that is a fucking hulking man right there. That's a unit right there, for sure. I didn't even know they made Albanians that size. Oh, are you kidding me? Who's gonna plow our fields? That's true.

That's what the Ottoman Empire did say. Who's going to put a fucking yoke around Eldest's neck? You are literally describing what my ancestors did. They were like, that's...

Don't fall for this Ottoman flattery. He's trying to turn you against us. I'm about to fucking Janissary his ass, dude. Yeah, this is an Albanian brag, but all my villager fucking relatives, they still talk about Ali Pasha nonstop every time I'm there. I'm like, God damn. Move on, motherfucker. This was a mistake, dude. I thought I had to sign on the ropes. He's going to take my help with him. You're going to be fucking cleaning out his pool, his fucking million dollar pool. 1453, baby.

I'm ready to go. That's looking like conquerable territory right there. Your bitch ass can't have it. Looks pretty nice. Sorry, I should make an official introduction. We have anti-Semite of the week, Hasan Piker on. That's right. Bro, I cannot believe...

I can't believe that you literally, like, you did the Netflix, like, comedy weekend or whatever the fuck, and then you had anti-Semite of the week? We got range here. You know, you're cooked after this. We got both, dude. Netflix is about to see that and be like, all right, next special is done, actually. No, don't worry. Don't worry. They don't know what the fuck you do.

No, they're not a 14-year-old kid with a raccoon tail up his ass. Netflix executives are fine if I'm doing it. They're like, what does he do? He plays video games? Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's what I do. I play video games and say anti-Semitic stuff. Like, Palestinians are human beings. Hey, come on, watch it. Relax, Hasan. Stop getting radical on my show. We're here to have a good time.

You shouldn't kill kids. Whoa, dude! What the fuck are you doing to me? Trying to take elders? Trying to get all my deals canceled? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll hold that. I'll keep that stuff to myself. Just keep the radical stuff to yourself like that. It's actually, yeah, no, I'm turning it around completely. I'm pro-Israel now.

I'm going to be running around defending it. That's good, man. Listen, that's a lot of growth. We're happy to see that from the former anti-Semite of the week. But also, you know, streamer of the year probably. You lost that to Mr. Beast, I think, right? No, no. Mr. Beast is always winning the content creator across the board. Content creator of the week. No, you always lose the Kyson at...

Yeah, he's great. Because, you know, when he does like a PS5 view away, there's a riot. Yeah. When I show up, it's like Free Paladin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one's that pumped. But yeah, he will absolutely, Kai Sanat will like,

Say he's hanging out and someone will... They'll burn a Best Buy to the ground trying to catch a glimpse of him. Yeah, it is pretty wild. It is wild because he did a Louis Vuitton Tyler the Creator collab recently. And he has those same fucking awards that I have. He has the Streamy's Awards and the fucking... All these awards that he's posted up with. And I'm just like...

We are in such different worlds. Like, he's literally hanging out with, like, Pharrell's hitting him up to be like, hey, let's do a photo shoot for Louis Vuitton. And I'm over here fucking hanging out with you. You're on Stompy's world, bro. Such different worlds that we exist in. All right, let's rank you, Mr. Beast, Kai Sinat. Who do you think has the biggest penis, first to last? Oh. You think Mr. Beast is secretly packing? Didn't he, like?

He did post a weird photo. Holding his junkie. Which was crazy. But he looked good. But his audience is like six. I feel like you shouldn't do that. Yeah, you hear this guy's getting nervous, Eldest. If Mr. Beast starts getting sexy, you're cooked too, dude. He has gotten sexy.

But he's like, he's too white, I feel like. He's got a little, there's a little bit to his, and you know, don't come after me, Mr. Beast Stance. Well, no, they're all six. They're all little kids, yeah, yeah. They're too busy playing Roblox or whatever. He's got an interesting face. He's got like kind of a rabbit face a little bit. I can't speak, I can't talk shit on my boy Jimmy that much. I like Jimmy. I'm a Jimmy fan. Shout out to Jimmy. He gave us some chocolates.

The new Mr. Beast bars are actually sick. Dude, I fucking hate that shit. He got me with a relapse, honestly. I was eating clean, and then I got a box of chocolates. I fucking fucked them up, dude. Dude, every time he blesses me with eight fucking coolers worth of chocolates. Yeah.

I'm walking around like that Drake video where he's like giving money to everybody. Oh, I had to give away a lot. Yeah, I would have eaten. I was inhaling Mr. Beast bars. Yeah, the peanut butter one's the best one. Peanut butter one's out of control. We were giving him free promos. This motherfucker's richer than God. What are we doing here? Yeah, put me in a fucking video. Let me live in a fucking grocery store for a trillion dollars or whatever the fuck. True, dude. I know. It's fucked up because like...

I know him. And we're managed, like, his management company is, like, I was one of the first people that they signed beyond, like, who they were originally working with. And now the company is, like, growing rapidly, obviously. So, like, we're pretty connected. Yeah.

And I'm not in any of the fucking videos. And he always hits up Ludwig for like sick ass fucking challenges. That's what your bitch ass gets for having opinions. You gotta just be a nice sexy guy with a nice haircut. Bro, you defend Hamas one time, okay? Yeah, listen. As soon as you fucking denounce Hamas, then you can fucking give away a private jet. I only raised 1.3 million dollars directly for Al-Qassam.

It's fine. Like, what? I'm trying to level the fucking playing field. You know what I mean? No, you're too controversial for those little ass kids, dude. Sorry. Sorry. That's what you get for being Turk raised. Well, to be fair, now with TikTok, they're all fucking... They're all fedayeen. That's true. They're ride or die. They're like the Islamic Republic of Iran who will rise one day.

Remember when there was like a weird like white girls like we're joining Al Qaeda ten years ago. We're gonna have that on steroids. Yeah Doing live reads of the Quran like bro. What are you doing? There's like white girls in North Carolina and shit like becoming that's why they had the band tick-tock. They were like, yeah They were split or spreading Islam

So you're asked, this is what I always found funny, is that you were born in New Jersey, but then they shipped you right to Turkey. Yeah. Because they didn't want you to get an American upbringing. Well, the thing is, like, it was the other way around. My parents were very sneaky with it. They were like, if we- Anchor baby. Yeah, if we get burned.

You know the immigrant mentality. If you give birth to him here, then he will be American. Which sucks to suck. Racist. That's just how it works still. It's a loophole. It's a great loophole. But then they were like, but we don't want him to be too American. I grew up...

I grew up in Turkey for 18 years, but of course... Did they make fun of your ass? Were you the American boy in Turkey, or were you just like... No. So you were just Turkish-Turkish. Yeah, I mean, I was Turkish-Turkish, but I was still, of course, very fascinated like everyone else is with American culture and shit. So I think it gave me a leg up. The fact that I never really had a thick accent. I had an American accent from the Joe, because I would just always watch American TV. I only consumed...

I read English books. In your house, did they speak, they spoke Turkish? It was Turkish, yeah. All Turkish. And still, like my dad, I don't know. Have you met my dad when you were eight? He's passed by. Yeah. He refuses to speak English. Yeah. And he got a fucking doctorate from the London School of Economics. So I know his ass knows how to read and write and defend his like dissertation in front of fucking, you know, deans and shit in English. Doesn't speak English.

A Turk went to the London School of Economics, so he figured out how to make the most money selling kebabs. Is that what it is? No, he's like a major neoliberal. He was a corporate man his whole life. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. Sucking on the corporate teat. He's not...

It's weird. He's not too fond of my political worldview, I would say. But also, still, there's a... And this is the same with not just my dad, but all Turks. There's this sense of pride, right? If you do anything. Yeah, they're like, but he's in America and he's dominating as a Turk. He's putting us on the map. But also...

I don't agree with anything you're saying politically. I don't agree with what you're saying, but if there's got to be one gay streamer, by gum, it's got to be the Turk that's the number one gay streamer. That is the funniest thing. They always think, like, when I paint my nails, that's the gayest thing you can do for a Turkish man. They're always like, what? What are you doing? You're painting your nails. What are you doing, man? Go govern conquered land and have boy concubines. Yeah. Like a straight fucking guy. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

Like a real one. What is this gay shit? What is this gay shit with a finger paint? Did they ever make you guys dress up in traditional costumes? We would put on the Greek fustanella, which is like the little skirt and the fucking thing. Do you ever have those baggy-ass pants and the big hat? No. I never did that. What's Turkish Independence Day? Maybe for a school play or some shit. No parades, no nothing? Well, we always had like...

We had a bunch of different like national holidays and shit like 23rd of April and... Three days after Hitler's birthday. Yeah. That's why they timed it. I think it's like literally one day before Armenian Genocide Remembrance Day now that I think about it. That's awfully close. Just a stunt. Yeah. But...

Yeah, exactly. What is it? Is that what the close thing to Independence Day is? Wait, hold on. Let me see. Wow, he's fucking got a fake Turk. By the way, I was doing a little research. Your family immigrated to Turkey from where exactly, Hasan? Turkey.

Oh my god. What? Pull up Wikipedia, actually. Pull up Wikipedia. I was doing some in-depth research. My mother's side is all the way from Kilis, so they have Arabic descent and Turkish, Arabic, Kurdish, all that stuff. My father's side, on the other hand, is from Salonik and Crete. I don't know about Salonik. I saw something else on the fucking internet. In Crete? Wait, what did they say on the internet?

Go down, Elders. Just control F Greece for fuck's sake. Be a fucking producer. It is synonyming Greece. Drama. Interesting. Wait, what are they saying? His father's family emigrated to Turkey from drama Greece. Wait, that's not correct. Well, that's what the internet says. So we even got whatever part of him that's successful, that's the Greek part, folks. And the backstabbing, conniving other stuff, term.

Turk. Yeah. I don't know why it says drama because it's originally from, it is my grandfather that I'm named after, Hasan Kamil Pekar, is from Selanik and then my grandmother is from Crete. So we hit the mainland

and the islands. You know what I mean? We got it all. Wow. Coming by, getting some Greek pussy, and then absconding back to Turkey? Yep. That's right. Wow. That's fucked up. But just remember, folks, the parts of the sound that make sense, that's the Greek parts. The philosophical parts, that's fucked up. We should have never let Turks taste Greek pussy. Oh, the gay parts, too. That's why I'm painting my fingernails all the time. No.

Oh, no. Those are Turkish. All the gay ass, all the gay ass woke shit. No, no. That's the Turkish part. Were you like a little bitch in school? Like, what did you, did you have like a... Oh, I was a bitch. Yeah. I was a huge bitch. Cause like, I, dude, when I was growing up, like I...

In Turkey, I love anime, like, mangas, video games. Video games was the most normal thing because, like, everybody played Dota. We all played Counter-Strike. I didn't really play Counter-Strike, but I played MOBA Dota, which is, like, the original...

I hated that's the other thing I fucking hated soccer I'm calling it soccer football and so I played basketball which was fine a lot of turks love basketball yeah

And I just genuinely, luckily it wasn't like very clicky. Turkish high school is not like American high school with the cool kids and whatnot. It might have changed now. But like I would just sit there and draw every day. Every class I would just sit there like a fucking savant. Wow. And just draw. Drawing Vegeta over and over again. No, literally. That's all I did. I would draw like Warcraft characters and like anime characters and like Street Fighter characters. Wow.

And all the teachers probably were just like, this kid's fucked up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He doesn't do shit. That's all I would do. What is Turkish high school like? Is it like you got to wear a little uniform? Is it like boys and girls? Yeah, boys and girls, uniform. I went to public school first. Okay. And then I went to private high school because I couldn't get into the good schools. The good schools are the public ones. Yeah, yeah. Interesting. And you take a test.

in eighth grade and if you can't like get a good placement then you know you gotta go to you know you gotta use daddy's money to get into a good school of course so I went to Tedankara College which is a very good private school it's a massive compound um but it was it was just like a normal high school except like teachers can kind of beat on you a little bit

You know what I mean? You got hit? They hit your ass? Oh, dude. Especially in public school. Oh, my God, bro. When I think about it now, I'm like, that shit was fucked up. Yeah, dude. They would make you do this, and they would smack the shit out of you with a fucking steel... Your fingers? Yeah, with a fucking steel ruler. That's crazy for just talking. Yeah, steel ruler, smacked up. In high school, the most was like...

They make you do push-ups if you're late to class. Wow. My fat ass, like, I was so fat, I hated having to tuck in my shirts. Yeah. Because, like, I was so fat that, like, I had a fat ass and I was so, like, insecure about it that I would always have my shirt tucked out. Like, I would never tuck it in. To cover your cheek, your ample behind. Yeah.

And the teachers would literally always be like, you got to tuck that shit in. If I catch you again, you're doing pushups. That's crazy because you can't see your ass. You're so worried about how you're perceived. Yeah. Because I never thought about my ass as a fat child. Yeah, that was my big insecurity was my ass. Really?

And I thought if I keep that shit tucked out, like if I keep that shit not tucked in, I can hide my belly in my ass and then maybe I'll get a girlfriend, which it never worked out. Didn't work in Turkey, huh? No, it did not. I had to come over here and start spewing George Soros propaganda to get a girlfriend. That's how it worked for me. That's what they promised you? Yeah.

That's what George told me. George was like, listen, bro, you do this shit, you do this shit, and, you know, oh, God, you'll get some pussy. Yeah, that would have been enough for me. Yeah, so you were trying to get—it's interesting to think of a loser in Turkish school or kids—because in Greece, dude, kids are fucking left and right in Greece. What's it like in Turkey? No, when I was growing up, there was like one—

There was one couple in our entire class that had sex with one another and everybody knew. Whoa. Because they were like, that's crazy, that's sex. Yeah, yeah. But other than that, it's like, but prostitution is legal. Hell yeah. So the thing was that boys would just go to- Sure. How young are we starting?

Like, it's kind of fucked up thinking about it with American terms. Like, your Zoomer audience is going to be like, what the fuck? Yeah, my Zoomer audience. A little projection. I don't fucking know. Okay, yeah. My Zoomer audience that's going to be watching this is going to be really upset about. No, they're going to be jealous. They'll be like, oh, I wish I could have gotten pussy at 14. Yeah. Which is, I'm guessing, the age you're dancing around right now. Yeah, but I didn't actually end up doing it. Really? Yeah. You were a coward.

Literally, I was. I went to a massage parlor and I couldn't pull the trigger. I couldn't do it. I was like, nah, it needs to be special my first time. What a fucking dork. I got too scared. Too scared. I mean, where do you, your boys are going? Like who finds the massage parlor?

Like, is there a friend? Did you have a group of Turkish loser friends? Do you have Turkish super bad? I was, that's the funniest thing. That's why I said it was not clicky. Cause like my best friend was like the captain of the basketball team. So he was like, he was also subsequently the one guy who had sex in the entire class with his girlfriend and everybody knew. So it was like, and then there were girls that like,

people i guess like assumed were slutty yeah you know what i mean i'm thinking with like very old school of course of course i mean this is turkey in the fucking early 2000s yeah exactly it's not america 2023 or so i can't really like i can't really speak on like what it look what it looks like now i have no fucking clue i haven't been back turkey's is like 2017 but um

This man is so scared of getting clipped it's hilarious. Dude, it's because I stream like 10 hours a day and I have like fucking psychotic stalkers in there waiting. They're like, slip up Hassan.

Yeah, bro, they literally do that shit. They do that shit every fucking day of the week. I just want to hear about loser ass, no getting pussy, Hasan. I don't need to hear about the trends now in fucking Turkey. Yeah, no, it was just like there was girls that people knew that would have sex. Or suspected of having sex. Suspected sex havers.

Yeah, but beyond that, it was like not a thing. The list, yeah. I don't think, I mean, we kissed and stuff. Nice, dude. And that's it. What's the part, what's the high school Turkish part? And like, is it, how religious is it? Because Greek people in theory are Orthodox Christians, but bro, nobody gives a fuck. Yeah, the private school especially that I went to, not religious at all. Turks especially, like at that time, Erdogan had come into power already and he was like religious. He was like our Donald Trump. Yeah.

And he was like really religious and like he came on the momentum of like conservative Turks, like Muslim Turks in the countryside. So like every liberal Turk

Was, like, very anti- Like, super fucking anti-Islam. So it was like, you're a big city coastal elitist Turk, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Straight up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. So interesting. Because, yeah, everyone probably thinks... And obviously, you know, we like to talk about... We like to mock Turks here. Obviously, we have a very specific agenda on this program. I see what's going on. But it is interesting to think about, like...

Islamic countries, because I think people just think of it as a monolith of like, well, everyone's fucking praying five times a day and you can't get booze and all this shit. But Turkey, especially, I mean, because all I know about it is the proximity to Greek islands. And it's like people go there to vacation is what I know. So it's probably much more chill. It's super chill. It's not even remotely like...

Especially if you go to the big cities, it's not very, it's not religious at all. But even, even like areas that are religious, like they don't give a shit. Gotcha. It's not like, it's not like Saudi Arabia, which is what I suspect, like way more religious, but I don't fucking know. Maybe it's not. That's that. Those places seem fucking weird to me, dude, where it's like the police could probably just like abduct you. It's the King's cousin. Who's like the fucking chief of police. And it's like, if, if you're seen spitting too many times, they'll just fucking, I mean, you're white. So like, you're fine. Like I'm,

We're American, so we'd be fine for the most part. Who knows? They get up to some kooky stuff sometimes, those guys. That is true. And also, we are very... America is no longer as powerful as it once was when we were growing up. I feel like nowadays, if an American gets murked by Israel or Saudi Arabia, America's like...

They can have one. Yeah. They literally did do 9-11. Yeah, they did. They truly did. And then my favorite thing was when they threatened Canada with their own 9-11. Yeah, they were like, yo, you better fucking watch out. It was crazy. Like, Canada was saying some shit and some guy like...

Not even some guy. It was an official Saudi tourism account or something. The official Saudi tourism account did a Photoshop of a plane hitting the CN Tower. The CN Tower. Where it was like, keep talking shit. And we'll fucking do you like we did America. Who also will just give us money for whatever we want. How rich... Okay, you know slightly more than me. Although, you know, you are still dumb ultimately. Yeah, 100%.

But how much... Those motherfuckers must have so much money, Saudi Arabia. Oh, yeah. They're way beyond trillionaires. They're probably trillionaires at this point. Well, for the most part, it's also because it's concentrated in the hands of the few. It's literally in the hands of the family. Literally one family. Tapped in motherfuckers of the family. So that's why it's crazy. It's like...

It's different out there. Like, it's the same as, like, Russia. Like, when you think about Vladimir Putin or when you even think about, like, Erdogan, like, those dudes are so—like, they are rich at an entirely different level. Because they have an entire country's industry just in their bank account, essentially. Yeah, exactly. Like, the Rothschilds or whatever are fucking bullshit in comparison to those dudes, you know? No, that is true. And that's why I think they could so easily kill whoever the fuck they wanted. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

so easily well i mean putin does do that yeah yeah regularly and so does the the kingdom like they they murk like shia saudis like regularly just to just to kind of let everybody know what's up yeah just to keep the knife sharp and it's also funny because like now india's trying to do that too and it's like bro stay in your fucking land yeah yeah yeah you better calm down yeah it's like india you can't just throw like they got people they got the numbers but you can't have like

A thousand spies You just need one really good ass fucking assassin Yeah, the- What I'm talking about is like they- they murked like a Sikh dude Sikh dude in- in Canada Like, they were awesome Saudi shit too And it's like you can't be fucking murdering people- Shit's about to get crazy You can't be murdering people on Canadian soil Like you're Indian, what the fuck?

I don't know I saw RRR those guys were pretty fucking witchy yeah maybe that's what happened they saw RRR and they're like dude this is fucking sick they got riled up they got riled up we gotta start killing some people it got me riled up I was like yeah fuck yeah fuck the British totally it was cool to see a movie where the British were just the Nazis yeah and it's like that is what they are to Indians

Like, they just straight up are. And it's like, people are crying. Imagine if, like, Hitler's daughter died and Germany cried on TV. That's what India, that's what happens in India every time a fucking royal dies. But it's crazy because, like, Indians do still ride for it, too, like, in some ways. Oh, interesting. Because, like, it just happens. I mean, cricket. Yeah, you do get cucked, like, when you're. Yeah, yeah.

When you're dominated. They're so cucked. They're like, yeah, you're having biscuits and shit. Like calling, calling cookies biscuits. That's why I respect the Balkans more. Like, ain't nobody's fucking shedding a tear. If like some Turkish. No, no, no. If something bad happens to Turkey. We are so happy every time something bad happens to Turkey. Everyone is so, everyone hates Turks so much. It's because it's like, we're, we're too close as like, like if Turkey was some like far away island and then did England shit to everybody else, then everyone would be like,

Maybe they would be thinking a little different like maybe they would be like yeah, they did civilize us or some shit It's like too close. So they're like fuck you. We got dominated by like people that look exactly Yeah, one shade darker. I can't believe it. Yeah a circumcised darker version of me came through and took my sheeps fuck him and

I know, I love that we're still mad about shit that happened literally 700 years ago. Yeah. It's like, the Balkans are a fucking great, a great, like, just tribal ass. And, like, how Albanians think they're better than, like, Kosovo and shit like that. Like, it's, like, so, it is so fucking awesome. My favorite thing was there was, like, a...

like a study done and it was like showing that Serbs were like the least anti-black Balkan country or something. Because of Jokic probably. No. Because of basketball. No, I think it's because like they hate like they hate Muslims so much and like different variants of like Balkan people so much that they don't have enough mental time. Not enough racism to go around. They don't have enough bandwidth. They used all their racism points. Yeah.

They don't have enough bandwidth. They're too busy, like, fucking trying to merc their neighbors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To them, it's like the other members of Yugoslavia are so much worse than black people to them. I guess, like, everyone unites on hating the Croatians, though, so at least there's that. Oh, I didn't know that. I'm not as plugged in with... I don't know. What do you think? I don't know. I don't think there's any particular hate for Albanians. Albania is clearly the lowest...

power ranking you're going to do of any region that Albania is involved in, they are dead last. This is so much worse than fucking anti-Turk slander, by the way. You're approaching a subject matter that will get you fucking yelled at. Albania?

Well, just say, like, ranking the Balkan states. Oh, yeah. Oh, Greece number one with a bullet, baby. Come see me, you motherfuckers. I'm staying out of this. Turkey's negative one, by the way. I'm staying out of this. No, we're not staying out of it. He's the true enemy. Let's not forget. I'll let history speak for itself.

That's all I'm saying. Yeah, history. You fucking like sculpture, beautiful sculpture. Yeah. You know, shit like that. Philosophy. This would be way sicker than the fucking little gay ass statues that the Greeks made. How dare you? Dude, I'm bringing this back. I'm about to be a plus size sculptor. I love this. We're body positive. That's our two main agendas. Greek supremacy and body positivity here on the show. I'm on board with it. So, um...

So I'm still thinking about the Turkish massage parlor. Now, who's working in these Turkish massage parlors? Turkish locals? Who is Turkey sex trafficking? Mostly, I would say mostly like Eastern European women, like Russians. Classic, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was Greece too. Yeah, Russians, Eastern Europeans, like Ukrainians. And then like...

And then like Turkic countries. Turkic, like... Yeah, like Turkmenistan, Azerbaijan, that kind of shit. Interesting. Yeah. So like, that's the... That's who's giving massages to prep school boys? Just, yeah, everybody. Not just... Yeah.

That's usually what it is. And then you go to your little gay-ass private school with your little tie and your tucked-in shirt. Yeah, but even the public school, you're still wearing, like, you still have to wear a suit. You still have to wear a suit. Yeah. Really? Holy shit. It's terrible. That's interesting. I used to fucking hate it, dude. Of course. But it prepared you for your life. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I know how to tie a tie, so...

Yeah, good, good. I put that to great use all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm always finding myself wearing suits now. Yeah. And then you're like, you always wanted to come to America? When you graduated, you were like, I'm definitely going. Yeah. 100%. I was so, like, I was so tapped into, like, American culture, and I just always wanted to, I always wanted to experience it personally. And you had family here, right? Would you visit? Yeah, yeah. So my grandfather...

Weirdly enough, chose fucking New Jersey of all goddamn places. I'm like, New York is right there, bro. What the fuck did you do? Hell yeah, dude. Yeah, New Jersey of all places to come to. And my uncle stayed in America and grew up here. Mom's side or dad's side? My mom's side. My dad's side has no connection to America at all. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. But my mom's side had somewhat of a connection from my grandfather. And...

Yeah, my uncle... Who was he doing? Sex trafficking? Or what was he up to? No, he was... My grandpa was doing real estate shit. Ah, nice. And...

And then he lost all of his money. Hell yeah. In 2008. Wow. Oh, in the crisis, in the real estate? Yeah. Oh, fuck. He thought he was sneaky. Uh-oh. But he didn't even lose it in 2008 because of the housing bubble. I think that played a role in it, too, for sure. But he invested into a scam or something. Because he only did commercial real estate. Sure, sure. But-

But he lost all of his fucking, he lost all of his money. And my uncle, I'll

then went on to start the Young Turks. He went to law school. He went to Columbia Law, Wharton Business School undergrad, and then he dropped it all to be a public radio, like have a public radio show, and then he was an early adopter of YouTube. Right, right, right. And then he started the Young Turks. Yeah, we should also add Anti-Seminar of the Week and Media Nepo Baby, Hasan Piker. That's true, exactly.

Well, that's what the StopAtheismSemitism.org article, which we can look at if we want, is really funny. They literally are like progressive nephew of progressive commentator, Chunk Weigert, who was also...

like, progressive commentator who's also a Hamas supporter, and it's like, how did those two... How did you write those two things together? Just for fun. Yeah. Just to, like, do enough buzzwords that people get pissed off at. Yeah, it's just like... It felt like it was written by, like, an Indian bot farm or something. Of course, of course. The article was written by AI. And we should also follow up, because, you know, we talked about this on my last show, but I'd really like to get it on record here, too. When is it where you were rubbing your penis on basketballs to jack off? Oh, my God. I was like, fucking... I was like...

12. Okay? And it happened one time. And I've never, I should have never told you that. I've never lived it down. People always, people always make fun of me for that still. That's right, folks. Hassan jacked off with a basketball. I didn't, you know. But you rubbed your penis and it had the little dimples on it. I didn't finish, but that was like a formative, that was definitely a formative experience for me where I was like, what did you move on? Yeah. This feels good. What the fuck? Come on.

Because when you're a kid, you're just like... It makes sense, actually, using a ball, because it rolls with you, you know? And you're a kid, and you have, like, no awareness, but everyone around you probably, like, all the adults are like, what the fuck's wrong with this kid? What the fuck? They see you in the driveway fucking your basketball. Yeah. It's like you think you're being sneaky when you get in the pool. Oh, yeah, yeah. And you put your penis near the jet, and you're just like, ugh. Classic. You're, like, standing over there, and it's like...

I was just, you know. What was it? Are we dealing with, because Grease had so much nudity in like just print articles and TV that you could find stuff to jack off to easy, but Turkey wasn't like that? No. That's why you're fucking basketballs. But we had RTL, German TV, and they would show some titties every now and then. And I was like, that's...

I was like, hell yeah. Yeah, dude, we're from a different generation. You could still jack off from TV. Yeah. These kids know nothing about that. With family TV, my parents are out. In your mind, you're doing math equations to figure out exactly when they'll try to figure out exactly when they're going to come back. So you have a masturbation window. A window. You need your window. And on TV, Cinemox was the channel, but it was a scramble channel.

And I remember, not my proudest faps, sitting in front of the TV, literally this close, and just trying to work my little penis and trying to work out titties in between the scramble. That's a classic. Yeah, waiting and obviously terrified that my parents could be coming through the door any moment. Was the door in the same... It's just like the living room. Yeah, the living room. Yeah, you're just like...

Yeah. Mine was the, our computer room was a door before the living room. Yeah, that too. And so there was like foot on the door. My mom's usually downstairs in the kitchen cooking and I have a small window to use dial up. I come back home and check the Kazaa porn I started downloading when I left for the day. Yeah. Because it would take all day. And then you see what you caught. You see what fish, what fish the day's catch was. And you never know.

You never know. It's never what it's labeled. You don't get what it's labeled. You're like blonde, fat-tinted blonde, sucks fat cock. Nice. One of the formulas for me is Nicky Benz. Oh, sure. There's some Nicky Benz ones in there. When I got a Nicky Benz one, I was like, yes. Then there was the Pirates of the Caribbean parody porn. Didn't we just talk about this? That was another one.

That was another one that I dropped sweet loads to. I'm with you on Nikki Bench. She was kind of the original, like, very skinny with incredibly fake tits. Yeah. Fake tits. Yeah, but as a kid, I did not. I was like, that's amazing. Awesome. Like, they can look like that? It is what a child...

Like, it's what a child thinks, like, is the ultimate female sexuality is, like, skinny, blonde lady with the fakest tits you've ever seen in your life. Yeah. Yeah. Great stuff. Now when I see, like, the scars, I'm like, ugh. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that I'm an older, more refined gentleman. Sure, sure, sure. And I see those under boob scars, I'm like, oh, dude, it's too much. Not me. I still say, let's see how far can we take the technology. Okay. Titty, fake titties have gotten so much better. Oh, my God. It's insane. They put it through an incision through your armpit sometimes. And also, I think doctors have gotten better with not just...

hamming you up with double D's instantly instead of working within the confines of how much fat you have in that area. They'll build it up. Instead of just pumping you with silicone. I heard, and I don't know where, but that doctors will just make the tits bigger because they just want to and you really can't do shit about it. Wait, really? They say enough women want...

They make them a little bigger than you agreed on because most women, when they see them, are according to, I have literally no idea where I heard this. I can't even say I heard it on, like, the TikTok because I don't know. It could have just been a guy. You just straight up are making this up. You just had a dream. Before you read an article like that, you're assuming that's what it is. This is...

This is the Joe Rogan experience right now. Absolutely, bro. I'm trying to get like, Joe, are you kidding me? Next time we'll be doing this from my bunker in Baltimore. I'll have a whole fucking thing. But yeah, that it's like they just sometimes make tits bigger against a woman's wishes. Dude, the craziest thing is they... And I say, let's hear them out. There's a thing that doctors used to do called...

I think they also, it's a very sinister name for it. They call it the gentleman's stitch. Oh, yes, of course. You know what I'm talking about? Where you make the pussy tighter after the baby comes out. Yeah, they would like add in an extra stitch. The husband's stitch. Yeah, the husband's stitch, yeah. Which is fucking insane. I heard that was fake again. I don't know where. And God forbid you do any Googling, Elders. Just please sit there hiccuping off of Zan Zin.

Don't look up the tits thing. Don't look up the husband's tits. Hold that up, Jamie. What the fuck are we doing? See, dude? See, you really think you could use Albanians to restart the empire? It's not going to work. He doesn't know how to work a computer, bro. Leave him alone.

It's a different setup from what I'm used to. I've never seen one before. Okay. It's considered medically unnecessary, unethical, and objectifying. The procedure is not an accepted medical practice. Known as the daddy stitch? That's insane. The daddy stitch is even worse. It's even more disgusting. Unethical and objectifying. That's a little editorializing right there. Yeah, let's get out. Let's just keep it straight. Please report the facts. Yeah.

I'm gonna hit that with a context note or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Content note, whatever the fuck it's called. Community note. Community note. It's not necessarily objectifying. Maybe somebody wants their pussy smaller after childbirth. That also feels like that's just not medically how it works. It's not like you stitch the pussy hole smaller and the pussy smaller. I've never seen one. I have no idea. You're hoping to have sex someday. Yeah.

Waiting for that moment. So you reject the massage because you wanted to be special. Yeah. Was it when you fucked or by that point had you just become a feral Turkish animal when you got to America and you were like, time to get any pussy I can? Well, basically my first time was not special at all. I like literally my first time was in a courtyard in South Beach. Yeah, I remember you told me this actually. In a fucking like pool complex. Yeah.

In an apartment complex, like, pool area. Yeah. And at that point, I was just like, all right, you know, this is... Gotta get this off. I'm ready for it. And I would always fire one off before I went out at that time. That's right. I remember this story, but please say it again. I would fire one out before I went out because, like, I didn't want to... You didn't want to... You know, I didn't want to be blue balling myself and, like, being in fucking pain when... Yeah. Because, like, there's a 45-minute drive back home after, you know, the nightclub. Or not in your jeans at a South Beach nightclub. Yeah, you don't want that either. Exactly.

So, yeah, I just, I remember trying to do every position I can. Yeah. Oh, really? Tried to speed run every position? Yeah, because I was like- Then you saw Nicky Benzin. Yeah, because I just didn't know when the next time I was ever going to get laid was going to be. And you wanted to try them all out? Yeah, so I was just, I was white knuckling through. I didn't even come. The first time I ever had sex, I did not come. Wow, that's crazy. I went for like-

I don't know exactly how long it took, but it was. Yeah, seven minutes. No, no, no. It was long. It was like either 20 or 40, but I just. Wow. I never ended up coming that night, but it was the happiest moment of my life. Of course, of course. It was the peak. One of the most Turkish things possible is to like,

go to Miami immediately and just go to nightclubs to try and just, you know, get pussy outside. Wearing ugly-ass Express shirts. Wearing a fucking neon fuchsia Express shirt. Fucking some dumb bitch. I didn't have the Imperial Armani swag that like all of us.

all of my fucking Saudi and like Jordanian prince adjacent friends had so I would wear the express shirts and Miami was too the University of Miami was too academically rigorous for you and you ended up at Rutgers University this is who you're getting your news from folks this fucking guy couldn't do Miami he had to get his degree from Rutgers where if you get rejected of every school in Jersey that's where you go that's true

For me, it was like, UM is, the worst part about it is that I got accepted into like a lot of good schools, like Boston College. I think Boston University as well. George Washington University offered me, George Washington University offered me like 25 grand scholarship, academic scholarship for each semester.

That school was so expensive. I wouldn't have done shit. Exactly. That's how they get you. But it didn't matter. Like, I was like, no, I want to go and party. I want to party in Miami. My parents were like, my parents were in, like, they hated that I made that decision. Of course they did. They fucking despised that I made that decision. I'm shocked they let you do it. Yeah. That's kind of crazy. Well, I got two nines both semesters and...

And they were like, you're done. Like, you think you're coming to America to, like, fuck around? Yeah. Are you insane? Yeah. You need to get a degree. They were right. I mean, I graduated with a record of honors. Yeah. Which meant you could read. Yeah. Which meant...

They did an eye exam, but without making it further away. They're like, just say all the fucking letters. They asked me what my favorite crayon flavor was, and I was like, it's red. Red's the right one, dude. You're like, strawberry? He means red. He means red. Put red down. They say a food that's the same color as the color. We give them credit. Yeah.

Oh, okay. So I got it. It wasn't, you didn't fully flunk out. They were just like, we're not paying for you to just fucking get a C plus and have the time of your life. For them, two nine was like completely unacceptable. They're like, what the fuck? Like two nine out of 4.0. That's, there's no way. What were you, were you studying political shit? No. Miami, I was just like, Miami actually took like a two dimensional design class as well. So like for me, I thought like there's still an avenue for,

to like possibly do art related stuff because I went to Parsons for a summer course oh you tried to take your like anime drawings to the next level yeah yeah yeah exactly and well my dad was like oh yeah my dad was he's very Turkish so he literally was like son

Cut the gate. You ain't doing this bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no drawing. We're not accepting drawing. No, he was like, you got three options. Yeah. We call it the golden bracelet professions. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you got three options. Engineer, doctor, maybe lawyer if you're a little too gay. Yeah, yeah. Lawyer's the most artistic it gets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. Lawyer is the third one, which is funny because I rode that all the way through. I told them, I kind of like duped them into thinking that I was like,

genuinely interested in law. Right. After poli sci, which, you know, that's what I do with my parents too. Cause that was like the closest thing you're talking. They were like, Oh, you're good. You like being in front of people. You can give a, uh, uh, you know, you can give a closing statement. And so I just told them I was going to be a lawyer until I just didn't finish college and started doing fucking standup. I,

after I graduated, I was like, you know what? I want to go to a tier one law school. Where are they at? Los Angeles. But I just wanted to go to LA because I fucking hated New Jersey for obvious reasons. And I always wanted to go to LA partially because like, please HBO television series entourage. Yeah.

This fucking guy. Yeah. It was so formative. It was so formative for me. You're so Turkish, it's hilarious, dude. It was so formative for me as a Turkish teenager watching those boys. Oh, my God. Just shred through town. That makes so much sense, dude. Yeah.

I always wanted to live in LA for that reason. I didn't even want to be like, I had no, I didn't want to do show business. Yeah. That was not even a thing that I ever even considered. Yeah. I just was like, I want to be in the town. Yeah. Totally. I want to be in LA. I want that energy. Yeah. I want to be friends with Johnny drama. Yeah. Glitz and glamour.

Tinseltown, baby. That's so fucking funny. Yeah, so I... I love, by the way, before we tell that, I love the fact that your dad thought drawing was too gay, so now you got back at him by, he lives in your house and has to watch you wear a choker. I'll show you gay dad. It's just funny because, like...

Oh my God. There's actually a really funny story there. One time I, I, I collab with these like TikToker dudes. They're, they're great. Um, they're, they're very emo. Right. And like emo is like kind of a meta amongst the zoomers now. Like they love emo shit. So I was like, I'm going to emo fly myself. You know, I remember those pictures. Yeah. And, and I like, I got the, the eyeliner and I did all this stuff and I got the fake tattoos and stuff.

And, you know, we did the photo shoot, whatever. But the next day, the eyeliner is not coming off. I'm using makeup wipes. It's not fucking coming off. I don't know why. Yeah. And then in the tattoos are not coming off. I'm like scrubbing it off. They're not coming off.

So the next day, I'm FaceTiming my family. Awesome. We talk every morning. My brother's on the call. My mom is on the call. My dad's on the call. And they're looking at me. They're like, what the fuck is going on right now? So I decide I'm going to joke and say that I got permanent tattoos on my neck. The ugliest tattoos you've ever seen on my neck is permanent tattoos and permanent eyeliner.

And my mom, you know, God bless her soul. She's trying to be supportive to the best of her ability. She's like, oh, that's wonderful and nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You really did that. You really did that. And my dad just straight up goes, you have to tell me right now. Are you gay? He's like, you have to tell me right now. Are you gay, son? Like, he's known you. Yeah, it's like, that's how it would come out. Yeah. That you got a tattoo and eyeliner. Yeah, and I was like, damn.

That's awesome. I saw him like very close to having a heart attack. So I was like, no, this is fake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so fucking funny. Damn, every day. That's cute, man. You FaceTime your family every day? Yeah. Wow. Wholesome. And they live with me too when I'm not FaceTiming them. So...

That's interesting. I'm very close. Why the FaceTime if you live together? No, no. Just to check in? Oh, you mean that's... I'm saying like when they're not, when they're not around. You just check in every morning. Yeah. That's not... Everyone's like, have a good day. Yeah, we just like talk about what's going on and what we need to do and stuff like that. That's cute and wholesome, man. Yeah. That's real nice. Are you trying to be... I didn't think about like family man and son. Do you want to have kids someday? Yeah. Oh, cute. Yeah, I do. Damn, put some dumb jewelry on a baby. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm going to have him rocking the Latino earrings. Yeah, pierce your daughter's ear out of the womb. That's fucking hilarious. Well, I mean, we have a lot to talk about, but I do feel like we need to get to some questions. We're 48 in and it's 130. We're flying over here. I love it. I got to pee real quick before we do that. Yeah, of course. It's summertime, folks, and summertime, that's the time for going to checking out live music, going to a ball game.

You know, I remember attending my first opening day as a young Orioles fan, having so many ice creams in a little helmet and peanuts and hot dogs that I, as a fat little 12-year-old, got so sick I had to stay home from school the next day because that's how much I was going in on the concession stand. I remember attending...

HF Festival as a teenager, thinking I might have sex with a woman in a port-a-potty. And really what happened was I had diarrhea in one of those port-a-potties. But I did get to see Billy Idol perform. Just a magical time for having good events. Sneaking in VOD. Don't do any of that.

You know, now I'm a grown man. I don't need to sneak beer anywhere. I have it whenever I want. Okay? And I'm still... But listen, I'm still having fun times at these events. And right now, what I lament is that at that... When I was a young man with more limited funds, I didn't have access to the Game Time app because simply it didn't exist, folks. Now, of course, I'm a man of means. And I could...

probably buy any fucking ticket I wanted, but I'm still a man of the people, and I want you to know about the GameTime app. And even if you got money, you can't beat convenience, because I'm looking at GameTime right now, and you know, I'm in my beautiful New York studio now, but I'm going back to Baltimore. I'm about to catch the Amtrak, and I still want to enjoy ballgames. I still want to enjoy concerts. Oh, what do they got coming up? Of course, my beloved O's. We got the WWE coming to the CFG Bank Arena.

Okay, I might have to go see Monday Night Raw with the fellas. We got Premier League Lacrosse, Barcelona, FC Barcelona is coming to play. That's another fond memory I have of watching Barcelona play when I was in high school and also watching, fuck, Man City play with my brothers at Raven Stadium. So many fun opportunities here. The Hot Wheels Monster Trucks live, right?

Oh, and right now, look what I see. All the events, all the deals, $27. Are you kidding me? Oh, let me browse through the game time deals. They got it all organized there for the best deals, the best prices. They got a flash deal. I could save 15% right now. Look, don't be a fucking idiot, okay?

Go to the kind of app where you get to see the seat views. You really see what you're buying off game time. You get the panorama of your shit. You don't have to worry about some pole fucking your shit up. Okay, all in pricing. No having to understand what the, no surprise fees at checkout. I don't like surprise fees. I want to know up front. I toggle that shit on. Okay, last minute deals. They got all that shit. Take the guesswork out of buying concerts.

concert tickets with GameTime, okay? Download the GameTime app, create an account, use code STYBIE for $20 off your first purchase. Can you do that? Terms apply, but come on, again. Create an account and redeem code STAVVY for $20 off. You're breaking my heart if you don't fucking do this. Download GameTime app today. Last minute tickets, lowest prices guaranteed. Yeah, folks, so we'll see what kind of advice this Turk dumbass has for you.

I'm stealing Bobby's nickname. Thanks, bro. And his Red Bull. All right. That's what they do. Turks come and they take, folks. That's right, dude. They come and they take all the natural resources. Do they have guests? I would like to be on a good podcast for once. Yeah, they'll have guests. We'll put your name in the hat, dude. Yeah, I'll come on, dude. Yeah, that would be good. You'll be good. They're awesome.

They'd love to have you too. I listen to them sometimes. Sometimes when I'm like, "What is happening outside of my immediate realm of interest?" And sometimes I'll check in on what the fuck they're talking about. And the last time I watched their episode, it was just them doing the worst Asian accent possible.

Talking about fucking Lululemon. I know. It's really a great show. Yeah. They figured something out. Eldest, let's go. Let's get some of this. Let's get some advice from one of Twitch's greatest geniuses here. Oh, hell yeah. What do we got, Eldest? Hey, Stobby baby. What's up? Oh, yeah. Let's put the camera. My bad. Yeah, sorry.

Stabby baby, what's up? Elvis, looking ugly as ever. Apparently I'm a pooper here, but I got a question for you guys. I've been working for my buddy's moving company here and there while I'm finishing up college. And I make really good money. He pays us about $50 an hour. God damn, that's awesome. It's more than Elvis gets paid. I've been doing all these jobs for him, and he just can't seem to pay me. Ah, okay. He owes me about $1,100 a month.

Damn. And he's my friend, you know. Like, I love him to death. But I feel like if this was just another employer. Bro, that's 22 hours of work. I'd be up for that. So my question for you guys is, you know, I've been asking him. I've been texting him. I just don't want to lose a friendship. It's $1,100. But, you know, as a college student, $1,100 is a lot. That's a lot of money, yeah.

What do you guys think? What should I say? How should I go about getting this $1,100? Break his fucking kneecaps. What's the question? Yeah, Hassan's like, no boss is a good person, not even your friend. Don't listen to anything he has to say, Elders. This fucking guy's a rat. Don't listen to what he has to say about unions. We're a family here at Stobby Baby Enterprises. Do what I do when Stob hasn't paid me before. Keep sending Zelle requests and hoping that he sees it eventually.

One day while he's jerking off on his phone, he's going to accidentally hit yes. Oh, fuck. I guarantee you that's happened to me before where I've forgotten and then I'm literally beating off. There have been times where he paid me for like two months at once before and I was like, God, wish he just paid me as we go. I was going to be like, what am I paying this cocksucker for? I don't handle this anymore. We have someone who does it so I don't forget. All right, we get it, Eldis.

For this guy, though, that's fucking... I mean, for you talking about not wanting to lose a friend, that's like...

You know, that's crazy. This guy is trying to steal a thousand dollars from you. And again, when you're fucking when you're out of college, I mean, dude, I'd never I'd never had I'd never held more than like two hundred dollars at once. Dude, 50 bucks an hour is really good. It's great. The problem is, is he actually making that if he ever gets the money? You know, like, is that just a promise so that everyone will go and then he's like, I can only pay you.

600 of the 1,100 I claimed, and now you're actually making, you know... 25 an hour is still pretty good. Pretty good. For, you know, college. But moving jobs are also very strenuous, and it's bullshit. So, yeah, I mean, like you said, if it was another employer, you'd be up his ass. So I think, I mean...

You just gotta stay on him. And you obviously can't take any more work until he pays you. I like the incessant Zell request. Incessant Zell request is not a bad idea. Just keep fucking blowing up his shit. Yeah. And if that doesn't work out, you just reach out, figure out if they have, like, a significant other or something, and start just, like, DMing them photos of, like, different girls that he's, like, texting or whatever. Yeah. Just start doing... That's true. Become a... Yeah. Sort of look at it as now you're undercover. Yeah.

Yeah, you're doing terror. You make up your mind where you're not going to get the money, start a dossier on him of all the friend shit. Yeah, look, he's pushing your hand. Start blackmailing him. Convince him to cheat.

videotape it, hire a prostitute. It's going to cut into your $1,100. But you're employing a sex worker. You know, there's a work, go get a, you know, a working girl who's working solo. Someone you can trust, hire her to suck him off and maybe just jack him off. So it's cheaper.

And then you can videotape it. Yeah, you're like, your boyfriend's gay. Yeah. I didn't want you to find out this way, but. Ah, listen, nothing wrong with a nice hand job every once in a while. Yeah. So yeah, I start a dossier and blackmail him. And then, you know, but dude, this guy's just got to fucking pay you. You shouldn't feel any, you shouldn't feel any like guilt or, I kind of hear it in his voice where he's like, I don't want to lose a friend. It's like, dude.

That's crazy. That's a lot of money. And also, how long has it been? Does he have an explanation? If this is actually your friend, you just gotta be like, hey man, what's going on with the money? Do we have a timetable? Are we giving good advice? We're doing both. We give good advice and then we're like, pay a prostitute to suck his cock in a videotape. Okay, good. Because you're actually giving good advice. The formula of the show is an initial roast, real advice, and then something really stupid.

you know so and I think we've kind of mixed it up on this one but yeah you just gotta like you gotta get your money and if it's too you know be realistic this guy maybe is a dumbass who maybe did pay you too much or he's not liquid right now don't tell him that though yeah definitely not he agreed but

But it might take him a little while. If he's your friend and you trust him and he's like, hey, look, man, I fucked up. I was moving somebody's grand piano and I broke it and all your money is to buy a replacement. Can I pay you in installments over a little bit? Whatever, work with him. He is your friend, so if you trust that you got your money back, you can give him some latitude. But eventually it's just got to be like... Break the kneecaps. Break the kneecaps. You always got that. Yeah, yeah. Are you bigger than him? You're a strong...

You're a strong moving boy, you know? Yeah. Or on the next moving job, show up and just fucking shit everywhere. Yeah, just break shit. Just break shit. Open up an urn and jack off into it. Put your jizz in someone's grandma's ashes. Say appropriate slurs within the context of whoever the client is. Yeah.

Figure out what their ethnic background is. Well, he's a mover, so I'm guessing he's already doing that. Sexually harass the client. Yeah, yeah. You got a lot of good options. In fact, take a job. Here's, okay. With your little uniform, t-shirt, whatever, take a job as the company and do a horrible job. And just wreck his fucking, you know, his Yelp reviews. So there you go, dude. Good luck.

Godspeed. What else do we have, Big Eldo? Hey, Stov, guests, or guests and Eldos, in that order. I've got kind of a complicated question, but I'll try and keep it short. So basically one of my best friends is getting announced to his

I think like eight, he's getting married this fall. And I want to go to the wedding, but I kind of cut his younger brother out of my life because kind of during COVID or right before, his younger brother just got kind of obsessed with antagonizing me just out of nowhere. Like at another friend's bachelor party, he would just like start talking about how he was going to like bang my fiance and just like he's a crypto bro, hardcore, all this talk about Trump, you know, mega, whatever.

All that, like non-stop. It's really fucking, you know, I was just tired of it. And I was like, it just felt really annoying. And I was getting too old for that shit. You know, it's like I cut him out. Group chat kind of, you know, split a little bit, but it was worth it. So I was just kind of sick of it. And now, you know, his brother's getting married and

I'm not super close. You know, he's one of my best friends, but, you know, I don't live in the same state as him anymore, but I'd really like to go to his wedding because he's kind of like a, you know, fun guy to be around. But, oh, man, I'm just having a hard time, like, thinking about...

Going to a wedding with his younger brother because he's like, he carries a gun everywhere. He's got a little, you know, tiny, not 9mm, but just like this little pocket gun he's always got. Oh, it's had in his breast pocket. He's got a gun nut. Breast pocket? It's really volatile. It's kind of like... And my friends, they all tolerate him. That's a wild move. They're still, you know, like, oh, he's kind of, you know, loose cannon, but he's funny. And Ian's just like, he just makes me nervous, man. And I'm just thinking, like...

It's even crazy. He's at a party with his friend who was a state wrestling champion. He got really drunk and decided to wrestle this wrestler guy. The wrestler guy kicked his ass and he got so drunk, he's like, I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you. They had to hawk tie him and throw him out on the porch. He got his way out of the restraints.

They hog tied him? Yeah, this guy is... I mean, this guy is hilarious. Yeah.

Is it worth it going to this wedding? Also, my friend's having the wedding three days for the general election. Oh, my God.

God damn. Oh, that's horrible. Who cares about that? The vibe's going to be all weird, dude. On edge already. Because all the MAGA bros are going to be super trumped up. Yeah. All the libs are going to be pretending Joe's the man. It's going to be just like, you don't want that, a pre-Trump election, like the plus minus two weeks before and after the election are going to be weird. You don't want any celebration during that. True. It's just going to turn up.

It's like, you know, charging your crystals overnight. Especially if he's a fucking, like, crypto bro in finance and a Trump guy who's like, oh, I love Trump. Yeah. I mean, this guy is fucking hilarious. I mean, you're... Yeah, he's awesome. The guy he's describing is awesome. Like, I would love to be that guy's friend. I would love to pop into that guy. I would love, like...

But the thing is, I don't even want to be around him. I want to observe him for 48 hours. From a safe distance. From a safe distance. So I get you cutting this guy out of your life, one of the best things you've ever done. And now you have to kind of think, like, I don't know, is it worth... Basically, it's like, can you handle this guy forever?

For one day. How toxic is this guy to you? Can you handle him for one day for the wedding? How much does your friend mean to you? I think you suck it up and go to the wedding. Yeah. Just don't bring your girlfriend around. Yeah, he's going to fuck her. He's going to put you in the full Nelson. Also, how does he have so much riz? I know. Fucking his friend's best girl is crazy. That's crazy.

After he flipped his car. Yeah, why is everybody still holding on to this fucking guy in the group? I don't know. I mean, the breast pocket gun is an insane move. That's awesome. It is kind of cool to be like, you fucking pussy. Like a gentleman. Yeah, it's like a little gun.

I do feel like at a wedding, there's going to be so many people. You could easily stay out of the way. And this guy's a loose cannon. He'll just embarrass himself and kind of ruin the vibes of his own accord. So I wouldn't avoid the wedding because of him. However, there is also the doomsday scenario that he latches. A guy like this knows when someone's cut him out of his life. And it's...

He will target you. He'll target you. He's a bully. Clearly he's been bullying him in the past. He's going to see him and be like...

Oh, you fucking pussy. Where you been? He's going to be like that. He's going to almost have forgotten it. That's the thing. You think you've affected him. He doesn't give a fuck really probably. But when he sees you, it's going to be like, my old, the old guy I would fuck with. Like that's all, that's going to be awesome for him. That's going to be sick seeing you. So you have to be prepared for that. Are you prepared to like,

You know, tell him to fuck off or be like, all right, be you. You're polite once and then you have to be kind of firm and then he might fucking threaten to kill you. Are you prepared for that? Do you have other friends that are that will have your back to you? You know what I mean? Where it's like they'll step in and diffuse it a little bit because I assume people want you at this wedding. Here's what I think. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, hit us with it. You gain entry into his domicile. And you take out all the bullets from his gun. You ensure that he has no ammunition. Yeah. And you go and you get blanks.

And you swap out his ammunition with blanks. They look like real bullets anyway. Yeah. Okay? It's a bit of a reverse Alec Baldwin situation. Sure. Okay? Then you antagonize him. I mean, he's a target-rich environment. You're like, how's your crypto doing, bitch? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did you do? You suck dick all the way over here? Yeah. Give handjobs so that you can fucking come to this wedding? Of course. How's your crypto portfolio doing? All your doge is gone, bro. Yeah. All my ape's gone. Yeah.

Yeah, how was the NFD playing out for you? At the loser party, everybody here hates you. Just fucking, just really rip into him, okay? He pulls out the pea shooter.

You just fucking know that it's got blanks in it. And you're like, come on. Come on, pussy. Do it. He fucking, he fires it. And then everybody beats his ass. And you guys kill him. Yeah, yeah. You guys kill him. Should he have squibs? Should our friend pretend he's fucking. Oh, that could be sick too. Try and get him to shoot you and then have squibs. And be like, oh. And then, but look like you're back from the dead. And you're like, I'm going to fucking kill you. You just pretend you're the devil. Rasputin.

Like you get shot. You're like fucking Curtis 50 Cent Jackson. You got shot nine times and you're still like the anger that you feel towards this fucking crypto bro. Yeah. Is keeping you a lot. Yeah. You beat his ass. You guys all beat his ass. You use like the fucking butter knives to stab him in the eye socket or whatever. Yeah. And then he's out of your life. That's true. You could also just kill him at the wedding. Yeah.

You can have a bigger gun than his. Yes. Bring an AR-15 to the wedding. Wear a long coat. Okay?

Yep, dress like Keanu in the Matrix. Yeah, and then say, yeah. And then beg him to do something about it and then shoot him immediately. Yeah. He thinks you're a pussy. He will not see it coming. He won't see it. Dude, if you kill him, he will not see it coming. Should the wedding be his chance to escalate? Like, I'm not going to start shit, but I'm going to bring some brass knuckles or just keep an eye on where the good chairs are to hit this guy over the head. Right, right, right. Be ready. I think...

I think you should kill him. Just saying. Doesn't seem like people will miss him. So those are your options. His best friend certainly won't miss him, it seems. This guy's a fucking wild card, though. The problem with escalating is like truly, because part of me is like you have to be ready for this guy to bully you and fight back, but it's also like you just want to get out of the wedding. You just want to be able to like fucking have a fucking, you know,

force field around it. No, you will have one kind of shitty interaction. You keep it fucking... You keep it, like, cordial. And if he's a dick, then you're like, alright, man, this is why I don't talk to you. Please leave me alone the rest of the night. And if he's gonna be a real dickhead about it, then you get other people to be like...

This guy's got... He's got to be away from me. Or even just leave, and it's his fucking dickhead brother's fault for being a dick. Yeah, but you don't want to fucking fly out there and then leave the wedding. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean... You can also just do the thing that I do always when I don't go to weddings. Friends, I just buy something from the guest list or whatever the list they have. Well, is he flying out or is it in the same city, did he say? It's in... They live apart. I don't know how far they are. Yeah, you're right. I don't know.

I say just fucking go lay low know he's gonna be a dick for a second but Elders you're probably ultimately right it's a huge thing there's a lot of pockets of people to be around do not bring your girlfriend around this man who somehow has ridiculous riz don't do it if you bring your girlfriend you do then have to bring a gun yeah

Because he is going to fuck your girlfriend. He's going to fuck her and you have to kill him for honor. Dude, getting hogtied when you're in a drunken rage and you wrangle out of it somehow. That's crazy. And you drive away drunk and angry is so scary. And you cuck your best friend a day later. Yeah. What? This guy's kind of swagged out. Now I know why he's keeping him around. I want to understand that 48 hours so bad. Hit us with another one, LDC.

Stop. So here's the situation, bro. So I've, I was in a couples counseling with my wife twice. And then I was an individual counseling a third time. I'm divorced now. None of that shit worked out, but all of those counselors were women, bro. And I'm a dude in the mix in an East coast city. And like, yeah,

I'm about to get a little bit of monthly payments reduced, about to have a child turn 18, already paid off one college program. The other one is going to be paid off in December.

And so I'm wondering how to best spend money on myself, bro. - I love this. - And I'm wondering, like, do I go back to therapy again and this time get a dude to try to talk to me about what makes me happy? But for real, I'm 48 years old, so I don't know who the fuck I need to talk to. Or do I just spend money on myself, bro?

Because all I've ever done is grind to take care of others. And I'm not looking to like buy a fucking stupid car. What I really want to do is enjoy life, man. Okay. Go to Granada, Spain. Go to frigging, you know.

Many places. And I've done plenty of traveling, but Granada, Spain just came off the top of my head. That's where I want to go. I want to go do things.

Like, I've been to Amsterdam plenty of times. I want to go to Barcelona and get that frozen hash. You feel me? Sounds good, bro. Tell me, like, is it worth to go to counseling one more time and this time with a male counselor? That's awesome. Try to get some insight on the life that's already over. Try to get somebody who's not a fucking dumb bitch. Or do I just go enjoy myself? Talk to me. All right. Peace, Elvis. Peace, honored guest.

This guy's awesome. Dude, he's at the edge of his rope. He's gotten his teeth kicked in by women over and over again. He literally thinks his counselors conspired with his wife to get his money. I mean, charitably speaking, he probably thinks this broad doesn't fucking understand my lived experience. He also does have...

to like, he just had, he's gone to therapy and it didn't work in a very like clear way. He went to couples counseling and the two therapists he had did fail in some ways. Now, maybe you, that's one way of looking at it. The other way to look at it is that your relationship was doomed and you gave it a shot and you did the best you could. Um, I don't think if it was a man, you'd still be married. You know what I mean? Like, let's just start there. Uh, but at the same time, he's 48, uh,

He's not changing his fucking ways. And I will tell you from personal experience, I do like having male therapists better because I end up wanting to fuck my therapist. I had a hot therapist in Baltimore. Honestly, dude, I had a hot therapist in Baltimore. She was like this fucking cute lady, big titties. And I think she was like kind of charmed by me because, you know, I was like,

in my 20s and all I'm talking about is girls and like, you know, and I'm being funny. I kind of was because it's like, I'm comfortable, you know, once you get to know someone, you can be funny. And all my problems were like, it was the first time I'd ever gotten pussy in my life and I was feeling myself. And I was like, just talking about, you know, dating problems to her basically. And it did help me. But at the same time, there was a different energy when I switched to a male therapist only because I didn't have the money and he worked on a sliding scale when I moved to New York.

And I wanted to stay with a similar therapist because it was helping me, but I realized now it was helping me, but I was also getting distracted in some ways. And for some people, certain things just work, right? Yeah.

I don't think it should be either or though, right? You could go to therapy and you could go to fucking Granada, Spain, my brother. Like, you know, it just, and like. I will say this guy, he's like, it's like, yeah, therapy didn't work, but he went to three therapy sessions and said it didn't work. Well, did he say three therapy sessions or he's had three different counselors? I think he said he went to like therapy three times. Maybe he meant like. No, he went to three different counselors total, one individual twice. Yeah.

Yeah. He's been in therapy a couple of times. But I think if you go to it, because, you know, we're big therapy guys here. But I also think it's not, it's anyone who thinks it's going to solve all your problems magically is out of your fucking mind. You need to go there with a specific problem to talk out. And then it's also part of your whole life. If you're doing, if you're living a depressing life, guess what? You're going to be fucking depressed. Right? So it's like, do some shit that makes you feel better.

Go fucking vacation. Buy something dumb, dude. You know what I mean? Go to fucking, you know, go to Atlantic City. Yeah, but go to a Turkish massage parlor. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, life is all one thing. I do think therapy will help.

But also that you hear that, that do I try and fix a life that's already over? What he said at the very end about his, like he's being 48. Your life ain't over dickhead. Yeah. What the fuck? Also, your kids are pretty young. So you, you want to be a, you know, I know, I know you feel their mom is a dumb bitch. I can tell from your voice, but you want to be in their life. You want to be happier and a better father and hopefully grandfather, right? Like these are the reasons to fix yourself a little bit and be realistic and

At 48, you're not going to be the best guy of all time, but you can be a little better than you are now. Yeah. You work on yourself a little bit. Yeah. Set some goals. And you get a little money back, fucking hit the gym, become a... Like, it is... Here's one nice thing. One unfair advantage men have...

You could become hot in your 50s. True. As a man. You literally could. This is the Joe Rogan experience, man. 100%. Get on TRT, bro. We got divorced dads. We got divorced dads in the building. Get on TRT. For real. Get jacked. Go to your doctor. I'm not kidding. Get on TRT. Get fucking yacked out of your mind. And also go to therapy and go on vacation. Yeah, and then go to fucking Granada, Spain. Oh, with those old man fucking pecs? Yeah. You'll be fucking...

fighting tanned bitches off you, bro. Yeah. You'll be feeding these whores paella with your calloused hands because you've been deadlifting so much. Yeah. They love that. They love it, dude. They love sucking on a calloused forefinger. Yeah. I don't know about that part, but... I do think he can give himself a little grace because he's like 48. Clearly he has so much contempt and feels like his family or dumb bitch wife or whatever is like holding him back from a happy life. Of course. And it's like...

Hey, man, you're kind of in the clear now. Yeah, go on fucking vacation. The odds are he thinks he's going to, like, go on vacation and just, like, fuck every hot bitch he sees. Not going to happen. The same way therapies aren't going to change your life. There's a funny sketch, actually, an SNL sketch, a later SNL sketch with Adam Sandler, where he's selling, like, packages to Italy. And he's like, now remember...

You're still the person you are here in Italy. You're not going to magically change. It's a very good sketch, actually. But yeah, be...

That's all part of making you feel better. Yeah. All that is part of making you feel better. It's not going to automatically fix anything for you. But yeah, give yourself a little grace. You've done a lot, bro. It's going through a divorce and stuff. You clearly cared enough to try and get through it. And I think I wouldn't automatically be a misogynist and I wouldn't automatically be anti-therapy.

But I would just start doing stuff for yourself. Well, he's not even anti-therapy. He's just anti-female therapist. Yeah, yeah. It seems. Try it. But honestly, try it. Try it with a guy if you think that's it. Because that's the other thing.

You're not fixing that. That's in his fucking head. And he's 48. And it's like, let's just focus on. He worked through all of the worst aspects of it. So, you know, your new life starts tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. I love it.

We believe in you, buddy. And give us updates. Let us hear what's going on, dude. That's how you know when shit was so serious we didn't even give him bad answers. We told him to get on. I guess you're right because we told him to get on testosterone, but we meant it. We didn't even fuck with him. Yeah, no, I was being dead. Yeah, so bad. For real, dude. Go do it.

It's 1.57. You think we have time for one more? We have time for more. They're coming. They're not. Oh, you got other people? Yeah. Who else are you interviewing? We got my buddy Langston Kerman. He's a really funny comic. He's a writer on The Mulaney Show. And a comic I met named Mandel, who's just fucking... He was hilarious. He did warm-up on The Mulaney Show. I did that shit Friday. I did it Friday, so...

You know, man, the way we book this show is I text my friends, and then if I bump into someone, I'm like, do you also want to do the podcast? That's good. Don't worry, man. You're going on the free one.

Yo, Stav, Eldis, you beautiful motherfucker, esteemed guest. First things first, let's go Ravens. Let's go O's, baby. That's right. Second thing, I just need a little bit of advice. So I'm very close with my dad. My mom passed away, I want to say, you know, 12 years ago. And

My dad has a kind of like a baby mama situation. The thing about my dad is he likes really trashy bitches, which is fine. But, you know, he came clean to me a few years ago that, you know, I'm going to have a half brother and he's, you know, going to be turning three years old.

And basically, I'm trying to decide what kind of relationship I'm going to have with this side of the family. I mean, I met them a couple times. They seemed pretty put-off-ish.

standoffish i'm just trying to figure out you know how to navigate that situation um i have no ill will uh towards anyone really but again kind of my dad picks kind of picks women that are a little bit down on their luck kind of like the deer with the wounded legs so he's kind of like supporting the whole family uh get all the details but i i rather

would not right now, but all I really want to know is do you think I should try to have a relationship with this other side of the family? And if so, you know, how should I go about doing it? Love, love the podcast. Let's fucking go O's. And yeah, man, thanks so much for the help. Not surprised this guy's from Baltimore. This guy's from the Baltimore, Maryland region that his dad is getting into trashy pussy later in life.

Also, buddy, I mean, RIP to your mom, but what does that say about her? Yeah. This is your dad's type. That's what I was thinking the entire time. I was like, damn, dude. Yeah. So he said his mom passed away when he was younger or recently? Did he say 12 years ago or when he was 12? I think 12 years ago. 12 years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting.

And I don't know, you guys were like laughing kind of over it, but he's basically saying like how close should he try to be with his dad's family. Yeah, no, no, I got it, motherfucker. All right, just saying. All of a sudden, all of a sudden you give a fuck about us laughing over calls. Wow. That's funny having a three, getting a fucking half brother when you're a 30-year-old man or however old this guy is.

That's hilarious to be getting a little baby. I would honestly be kind of pumped to have a half brother right now because that would mean I wouldn't really need to have kids. Like I would just raise... I'm basically... You could have half a child if you wanted to. Now, people that are...

well adjusted probably want their own kids but me I'm thinking that's the perfect level of like commitment where it's like ultimately not my fucking kid but I'd love to be there for him yeah you give it back you give back to the pound aka the fucking trailer park his mom came from yeah um you can if you fuck up then you know who cares it's not your child it's your brother laughing

Trashy stepmother's problem. I know. That's so funny. Wounded deer. I know. That's also like, I would love to really...

How far above these people is this guy actually? This guy sounds like, oh, you live in like... Now, because it's Maryland, we're going to get specific, but it's like, oh, you live in White Marsh, Maryland. You're so much better than somebody who lives in Glen Burn. You live in like the slightly less white trash suburb. You don't live in Columbia, I'll tell you that much. You don't live in the suburb for Asian and Indians. So...

Yeah, dude. I mean, I would love to know how much, what the perception is. Is there any like weird shit going on? There's no downside to it. Like, I feel like there's no downside to just being more actively involved in the life of your dad's trashy baby mama. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe she'll throw some pussy your way too. Yeah, I mean, we've all seen pornography. This is right out of the fucking script. Yeah.

But they wait. Can you scroll down a little bit? Like, I want to see, like, what their response was. He said they were standoffish. He just said the family. I guess he's talking about her extended family.

Yeah, I think it's the same. Yeah, I guess they're fam. Like, dude, you don't got to be the fucking, you don't got to be friends with every cousin, but this lady is your brother's mom. And so, you know, you should fucking be cool with her, I guess. But I think you're going to want, does he already have a half brother or is he about to be born? I think he said he was three or something. Like, do you want to be, here's what I can say about myself. I would want to be in this kid's life.

Yeah. I think it would be cool to be a fucking older brother where you have actual life experience, where you can actually... I'm an older brother, but we were kids the whole time together. It would be kind of cool to have someone that you're much older than, that you can be an extra mentor, make sure he... Because your dad's old as fuck. He's probably going to check out before the kid fucking gets married, maybe. Actually, I don't know. He might be white trash and just... Survive it. Yeah. But...

Those dudes don't go away until like 90 plus. They do. They could live a while, especially- Living off menthol cigarettes. Yeah. The fountain of youth is insane pussy and he seems to be looking for it. Yeah. So I think personally I would want to be in this kid's life. That doesn't mean I would be at every fucking- I wouldn't be at her side of the family's holidays.

But I would probably go to Christmas and I would see him. I would at least stop into Christmas to give the kid a toy. I mean, yeah. Also, you're an adult. You have every opportunity not to do that either. It's just up to you. It's totally up to you. Depending on the vibes. Yeah. Vibe it out. Suss it out. It comes down to like how much do you care about your dad? It doesn't sound like they have like an amazing father-son relationship or something. No, no. He said he's very close with his dad. Oh, okay. But see, that's the thing. And to put my little fucking psychologist shit on here, it's like...

Are you a little resentful that he's already got this whole family? Like, to you, does that hurt you on some level because you feel like your mom's been forgotten? Because all of these are regular feelings, but I just think you need to be honest with yourself about what...

where this really comes from. It also has been 12 years at this point. So it's like good that your dad is like moving on and living a healthy life and finding other wounded deer style women to have sex with. If you're feeling that, I think Hassan is right on the money where it's like, it's been a while, brother. Don't let that stop you from like, because the thing is, if you're very close to your dad, like,

You gotta be close to his fucking family, bro. And grow up. You're a fucking adult. Like, he's still your dad. He'll always be your dad. Are you having that, like... Are you having the feelings that little kids do when their dads get remarried? Where it's like, are you still gonna love me? It's like, you're a fucking man. Yeah, you're 30 years old, brother. Don't be a bitch. Go fucking eat some, uh... You know, go eat some... Some pussy. I was gonna say, what's a trashy food? Potato skins? Yeah.

What do they serve at fucking white trash Thanksgivings? Fried ravioli. Go eat some fried ravioli. It's not the best, but I didn't have anything. Yeah, casserole. That's good. We'll work. Check back in 10 minutes, folks. We'll finally crack this joke. Something to take us out on there, Big LD? Yeah. And you don't have anything to plug. Everybody fucking 1,000, you know, 300,000, 30,000 people watch you.

Say Nancy Pelosi's a fucking dumb bitch on stream. Talk about her boobs, too. Yeah, she does have some fat tits. She definitely got them.

Hemmed up. No, you can tell because it's like everything else is like 80 years old. And then her boobs are like 45. Which respect. Yeah. No, you got it. Huge respect. Paul, is that her husband? Paul Pelosi. Paul Pelosi in there. Yeah, he has all that. PP sucking D double Ds. He has all that at home and he's still fucking going out and trying to fuck that guy. Oh, yeah. That's right. That's right. Paul Pelosi.

Paul Pelosi's boyfriend came in with a hammer. He's fucked up. He's out here drunk driving his Porsche and trying to fuck 4chan losers. Hit us with something, Mel. There's something good to take us out on. Stavi, big fan. Thanks, bro. But I have to say that I'm pretty disappointed that I've yet to hear you comment on the upcoming summer 2024 Euros where...

Your beloved Greek national team will not be participating and Eldis's Albania national team will be. Yes. Okay, congratulations. Albania plays in one fucking international tournament in their whole existence. We won the Euro in 2004. And we'd love to hear your thoughts.

Fuck you. Those are my thoughts. Turn this off. Turn this off right now. Don't finish this call. That's a direct order, Eldis. Stand down, Sula. Turn this phone call off. Fuck you, too. Fuck Turkey. Fuck Albania. That's what I have to say. No, you're not European. Nice try. You fucking Muslim dogs.

We will never be a part of it. You'll never get in. We'll never be a part of the EU. That's my final thoughts on the show. Fuck Turkey. Fuck Albania. Fuck this caller. Suck my dick. Greece will come back.

Will do We won the Euros in 2004 That's a major European fucking tournament For the 20 fucking years And I'll be And if we never win again Which we will I'll be happy You know who's never won that shit? A lot of fucking countries But Greece did That was one of the most beautiful moments of my life Fourth of July 2004 Last time me and my father truly connected

All right. Well, look, you can see Hasan on twitch.com slash Hasan the pussy. What is it? Hasan Abi. Twitch.tv slash Hasan Abi. I'm live every day talking about Nancy Pelosi. You can see Hasan making money for Jeff Bezos on twitch.tv every day. That's my go.

I love him. Buddy, thanks for coming. It was awesome, dude. I appreciate it. I'm coming back. Sorry, this trip, I fucking got bogged down, but next time I'm coming. Big fancy guy, bro. I'm a big fancy guy. Ever since he's just like, he doesn't even fucking hit me up sometimes when he's in LA. I'm like, what the fuck? I was here for a day. Thank you very much. That's insane. I was here for one day. What do you want me to fucking come see you right after LAX? Yeah. Um, all right. Thanks for doing it, dude. And, uh, I'll, uh,

yeah thank go watch Hasan and we'll talk to you guys next time bye bye peace that was like Turkish music don't start this