Our Fans Sent us Voicemails. The Results are Insane. 01:28:25

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What's going on, Ted? How was your weekend? Oh, it was good. I did a little drinking, but I'm not hungover today. I'm not. Oh, good.

You didn't say anything weird to Link Neal from Good Mythical? No, I didn't. I went to Halloween Horror Night. Oh, at Universal. Yeah, Universal. Did you see your bartender? No, he wasn't there. Nicholas wasn't there. I was a little disappointed. The place he usually runs into is not open. But, you know, I'm excited to be back here this week on Chuckle Sandwich and get some stuff here.

Hold on. I'm getting a call right now. You have your ringer on? I'm sorry. We're recording a podcast. No, I put that away.

You getting a call? Wait, no, I'm getting a call too. You getting a call? Who's fucking calling me? I don't know this number. Yeah, I don't know this number either. Somebody just starts at nine on this. I don't know this number. Do you know this number? Oh my God. I'm getting another call in a different ringtone. Dude, dude, both of my phones are ringing right now. What the fuck is going on? Hello? Jesus Christ. Hello? Hello? Oh, it's so loud in my ear. Oh! Okay, well, Shalanna, I've got like now...

Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich.

Scam calls, spam calls, telemarketers. Oh, I just love when my phone rings and I just don't know the number, you know? Yeah.

Yeah, that's all you got to say. I don't know. I kind of blacked out for a second there. Dude, the spam calls are coming in big recently. I don't know if you know this, but both of my phones have been buzzing, buzzing up a storm. Same area code, too. That's how you know that, you know, there's spam. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. No, there's, we were getting a lot of calls, but in reality, we've got a new section of, of chuckle mail chucklers where, and this was suggested by Tucker's wonderful wife, Emma. Uh,

in which we are going to be listening to voicemails that you guys sent in through the service Speakpipe. It's speakpipe.com slash chucklesandwich. If you don't hear your voicemail today, maybe you can send one in. We bought a special plan, so we've got like 50 gigabytes worth of space to get all these voicemails, so you better get it in before it fills up.

So you just go to the site and you hit a big red button and you just talk? Yeah, you just go to the site, you hit a big red button, and you just, you can do it on your phone, you can do it on your computer, anywhere that really just has a microphone. It's like, it'll take you like five seconds to do. It's way easier than going into a Google form and writing it, to be honest. That's easy as hell. You can just say whatever, too. Anything you want. And the worst thing you can think of on three. One, two, three. Incest. Climate change. Oh, okay.

incestual climate change. But yeah, no, we sent Tucker. This time, you know, we sent him in there. We sent him in there. We put him in his little space suit. And it's a really cute space suit too. And he dove in there. He got a scuba diving training because he knows he's got to go into the sludge, into the goo lagoon. What was it like going through those, Tucker? It was fantastic.

So much better than the Excel sheet of manual submissions. The quality per submission is way higher. So a huge improvement. Yeah, honestly, it's removed the aspect of anonymity that people could go in and they could just write penis and then leave. They have to actually locally say penis this time. And that's when people get a little bit shy is when it's like, oh, shit, I got to say penis with my voice. And we can track you.

We can. We know exactly who you are who sent in that voicemail. Oh, yeah. And I'm coming to you. And there are shots coming and he's got a he's got a new gun. And I'm closer than you think. Mm hmm. He is.

Maybe we should hit some of these voicemails. Yeah, so basically what we're going to do is Tucker's going to play these voicemails. It's going to be the question that we asked you guys online on Twitter was to send in your most controversial opinion. And we are going to be listening to the controversial opinions from our viewers. And we are going to be discussing these controversial opinions.

And Tucker's already giggling a little bit. He's getting ready. There's a good one for Slatt coming up. All right. So I say we just jump right into it. We just start listening to these voicemails that you guys have sent in. Okay, I don't know which one it is. So if it's the wrong one, we'll just move over to the right one. Okay. It's this one. Spam is the best meat out there. There's nothing better. You can't tell me ribeyes are better? Wagyu sucks.

Pretty much. What? Spam is the best thing out there. Can't change my mind. I don't care how salty it is. It's just better than anything else. You can put it with anything. On your pancakes, waffles, burgers, ramen and shit. What? Just goes with everything.

Did this- I'm sorry, pause. Fuck you, bitch! First of all, did this fucking idiot just say that Spam is the best meat ever because you can put it on your burger? He said it's better than Wagyu, is what he told. Well, I'll get to that in a second. But burger is a meat. Burger meat.

Burger meat. Spam. Oh, whatever. Whatever, dude. Fuck these people. Are you sure you're over it? This is a terrible one to start on. This is a terrible one to start on, man. You got me pissed off right from the fucking beginning. I mean, it is a controversial opinion. This does seem to have ignited a flame within your soul. It's just stupid. And you know it's wrong. You know he doesn't actually feel like that. Well.

I don't know. You know he doesn't. He had a lot of examples. He had a lot of examples to give us. He was like, you can put it on burger. You can put it in ramen. He said ramen. He said it's better than Wagyu.

Wagyu. It's not. No. I have, listen, I have an A5 olive Wagyu in my freezer right now. Okay? I'm going to be enjoying that tomorrow. Okay? It's coming into the fridge right when I hit stop. Okay? And I'm going to enjoy the whole thing. The whole thing. Who is this? What's this fucker's name? Brian. Brian. The whole thing's going in my fucking gullet. Raw, too. Raw. You got to just lightly...

Just a little pinch of salt. My God. Spam. What the fuck? All right. Enjoy being poor your whole life. I've never actually tried spam. Me either.

Have you had spam before, Tucker? No. No. Dude, they had a spam sushi wrap thing in the Family Mart when I was in Japan. And I almost had it, but then I opted for the spicy tuna one. There seems to be a bit of a focus on spam in Japan. Yeah. They like it. I don't know. It's not really like a...

American thing. It's kind of just there at the stores and you're just like, maybe, maybe I've never felt the urge. I definitely would. It seems like something that could work for, you know, an apocalypse scenario. I mean, you got cram, you got cram and fallout. There you go. So,

All right. Well, let's listen to the next one. Fuck you, Brian. Fuck you, Brian. Sorry, Brian. From both of us at Chuckle. From both of us. From the family at Chuckle, go fuck yourself. From our family to yours. Go fucking die, man. Okay. These are all vetted, but at this point, they're going to be random. Here we go. Hello, Ted and Schlatt. Hello. This is Jack.

I am of the opinion that boxed water is better than bottled water. He's a fucking robot? I like how the boxes look. I like how the boxes look. He likes how the boxes look. They fill with water so nicely. And strangely, they don't get soggy. What are your thoughts? My thoughts? Thank you, Jack. Um...

Wow. I don't know. That was, that was, I felt like I was speaking to the fucking robot. Why did he glitch there for a second too? And he repeated one of the things he said. He did glitch there. His eyes didn't move to the next line of the script. He was, he was going off. He was like, I got to read that again and make sure I got that out of the way. Wow. Can I, can I tell you something, Ted? You could. That last chuckle week, or maybe it was two chuckle weeks ago.

I was drinking out of that box water the whole time. Do you remember that? I remember you were in the box water bag. Well, it was at the hotel, and I just took it out of the fridge, and they charged me like $10 for it. So I was like, okay, let me get the most out of this. Right. And I was drinking it. I was drinking it. It wasn't bad. Strangely, yeah, it doesn't get soggy, which is strange. I'll tell you one thing that has been a remarkable aspect of...

and this relates slightly to the box water but more to the hotel fridge, is that as I've gotten older and started making more money, I think the most romantic thing that I can do for myself is to be able to confidently take something out of the fridge at a hotel and being like, I deserve this. And then eating it. Whether it's just a fucking Snickers, a refrigerated Snickers bar, or like...

Or they took a bag of M&M's and poured it into a smaller container and have round candies in a label. Those are called edibles, Schlepp. No, no, man. They wouldn't have that at a hotel, you freaking idiot. Maybe in Colorado they would. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe in Ouray, California.

I'll tell you one thing that I did on the Margaritaville trip when Eddie and I were in Vegas. I had my own hotel room and one of the nights, because we were there for two nights, one of the nights, the first night we got there, I ordered room service for the first time ever.

where you get on the little phone thing and you call them and I ordered truffle fries and it showed up in like 15 minutes and it was excellent it was fucking excellent you don't call me a pig you're telling me that if you saw truffle fries that can come straight you can eat them in a fucking hotel bed you wouldn't do it you're a truffle pig I'm a bit of a little bit of a truffle pig I do I love truffles fucking delicious man it's so good it's so good yeah

Yeah, Tucker, your visceral reaction tells me you would do that in a heartbeat if you could. Yeah, dude, remember when I got out and you took me to BOA and you got me to basically truffle everything? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I treated Tucker out to a very nice dinner after he got out of the Marines. The truffle's ingrained in me now. Yeah. It's so earthy. It's so nice, man. It's so nice. People who like spam just could never understand it. No. They couldn't. They couldn't.

But back to this whole water question, okay? Can I share an opinion that may be perceived to some as out of touch? You may. I'll allow it. What are you doing not drinking out of glass bottles of water?

Glass is what you should consume your liquids in. Fuck bottles. Fuck cardboard. What is this? I don't know. You ever crack open a nice thing of Voss or Pellegrino or San Pellegrino and then you drink it and the glass is cold? Doesn't Voss have a plastic cap? But the bottle's glass. Yeah. Yeah. So why'd you even say that? Because you're still involving yourself in plastic. Yeah.

You're trying to... I'm not doing it for the fucking environment, Ted. I'm doing it because the experience just makes you feel above other people. Oh, okay. You think I care about the fucking environment? No, I want a glass bottle. To be honest, I was totally under the impression that you were thinking that it was an environmental thing. I don't even know. I may have misjudged you. I totally misjudged you, actually, in this moment. Yeah, no. Don't give a shit about that. Yeah, no. I can tell now. No. Yeah, no. I...

Well, coming from that perspective, I mean, I don't really understand. I don't think I totally agree. I'll tell you one thing, though. Voss is definitely my favorite water of all the water. Voss is great, man. And you tell me this. You tell me this, Ted. You open your fridge at night. You're thirsty. There's Voss in there. Would you rather it be in a... Well, say you get to that point in your life where you can order it a la carte. Are you calling me poor now?

Just imagine like you're like you're like let me pose an impossible scenario do your little poor mind of the point Hey man, hey man you open your fridge you want some boss are you reaching for the fucking? The mushy plastic bottle are you reaching for the frosted the glass I?

And are you going to feel the weight in your hands? My God, you feel the weight, the girth of the fucking bottle. Yeah. And you unscrew it and you put your, you tongue it a little bit. And then, oh, it's just phenomenal. I'm not doing, well, you're adding a lot of little flowery sort of dance moves into the scenario of drinking a water bottle that I wouldn't necessarily do. But I will say, I do like Voss.

And if it's offered to me, you know, if there's the option of, you know, if you're eating out and they're like, you want a bottle? And you say, what type of bottle? And they say, Voss. I'd say, oh, well, yes. But if they're telling me Evian water, nah, man, that should taste like pool water.

Yeah, I don't like Evian. It should taste like pool water. Is it Evian? I don't know. I just remember the fucking Super Bowl commercial with the roller skating babies from like 15 years ago. Really? Okay. I think I know what you're talking about. I didn't know it was an Evian commercial though. Yeah, it's Evian. Liv-ion. Yeah.

Go to your happy place for a happy price. Go to your happy price, Priceline.

Shlant, I've got, there's one that I vetted myself from these voicemails that I want you to hear, which is from this guy named Rick. It's on the first page, Tucker, of the ones, of the vetted ones. Okay. All right, here we go. Are we ready? What? No. Hey fellas, long time Chuckler, first time sandwich. Yeah, my most controversial opinion would have to be that the troops outside of the like grocery store and stuff are

Not the, like, homeless ones, but, like, the ones, like, with an organization with a little booth and a table that stand where, like, Santa stands in the wintertime ringing a bell. Yeah. Those guys don't deserve any money. Oh. And it's not, like, political. I don't, like, just hate troops or, like, the army or whatever. Okay. It's because you got to think, right? Like, all the brave ones that, like, mattered and that deserve our money are dead.

Fair. Yeah. Like they got shot in the head by some dude way overseas and they're gone. And these schmoes that are sitting around are probably. Schmoes. But like, you know, they're more likely to be a coward. You got to think, right? Like if you're not out there shaming your.

your whatever you call it comrades or your homies so to speak dude this sounds like someone Tucker went and worked with you're hiding you know

Shot one guy this whole time. I mean, they're more likely to live because they're not out there and you know blood and bones and blood and Those guys that deserve the money the guys that are out there. It's true. He's right saving there He's right, but he is right and all that. So yeah, I don't know. This is my opinion. I

This is my freaking opinion, man. Thanks, Rick. Wow. Thank you so much, Rick. That was fucking incredible. Yeah, Rick. No, I think for everyone here at Chuckle Sandwich, we're 100% on your side. If someone's not swimming through blood and bones and they don't deserve our cash...

I think this is something for Tucker to talk about being an ex-Marine. That was so funny. Rick's got to go talk to a recruiter, dude, because he'd go far. He sounds like a fucking Marine. He sounds like one of the guys you worked with. Yeah, dude, he does. He sounds like King or something like that.

These people that he's talking about, is he talking about like panhandlers who are collecting money for themselves? I don't know what he's talking about. I don't know. See, that's the beauty of it. Do you see soldiers outside collecting money frequently? When he said troops outside of a supermarket, I was thinking like the Girl Scouts. I was thinking the Girl Scouts trying to move some fucking Thin Mints like Vin Diesel pacifier style. I mean, that's a good point, really. I mean, if the...

I would be more inclined to give money to a Girl Scout if it looked like she'd been swimming through the blood and bones. It's true. I'm more inclined to give money to Girl Scouts that are missing a leg or an arm or have got like a big fucking skyline scar on their face. Huge gash. We should send them to war. Yeah. They can go in small spaces, do reconnaissance, all that shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Give them a fucking...

Give them a Barrett 50 Cal. Send them into the field. Give them some cybernetic implants. They got those right now, Tucker. They got some cybernetic implants here and there. Living flesh over metal endoskeleton.

Tucker, you know if they're working on anything classified, any living flesh over metal endoskeleton kind of shit? Oh, they've been working on that for years. Yeah, they have to have been working on that, dude. Totally. Yeah, you think so? There's Terminators out there. Yeah. You think Miller is a natural phenomenon? Is that another Marine buddy? Tucker's got this insane, remarkable...

he's like a creature. He's like a gorilla man. Like he's, he is like this fucking, he's an insane individual. Like he's coming to some of the columns before and the dude just starts talking and it's like, holy shit, you're going to get like, you're either going to become like a Senator or be arrested for like killing someone. Like there's two options you could end up in and neither would be fully surprising. Yeah.

Yeah, but Rick, thank you so much for sending that in. That was incredible. Nothing's going to top that. That was so funny. Yeah, I was like, I'd only listened the first 20 seconds. I was like, this guy's cadence tells me that he's got something cooking. And I was like, I can't listen anymore. So I saved it for the pod.

Good call. Yeah, thank you for that. And thank you, Rick. Thank you, Rick. That was honestly beautiful. You currently are winning the voicemail contest for Chuckle Sandwich listeners. Can I recommend one? Considering this was Mrs. Keene's idea, she wanted to leave a voicemail

So here we go. Okay, this is from the mouth of the lady herself. She runs the podcast, basically. Here we go. Hi, Ted and Schlatt. Hello. My controversial opinion is that acapella...

What the fuck, Emma? I think that people who sing acapella are really cringy. I think acapella groups are just like so cringe. I went to a college where there were like six or seven acapella groups and they'd all act like they were just like

So cool, and it just it gives me the neck honestly men who sing acapella big egg I Know that's targeted against me because Emma very much so knows that I did acapella in college But you know the more I listened to her speak about it and the more she talked about the ego that a lot of these Acapella groups have yeah, no, she's right. There's a lot of fucking acapella kids that are walking around like

Yeah, I am in the tenor tones. Yeah, fuck this. Let me add to this for a second. I'm sorry if anyone I went to school with that happens to live in a chuckle sandwich, I'm sorry. But I mean, there were some fucking ego little shits in that, especially the tenors. You know why?

why the tenors are the most egotistical voice. Well, you know why they're just fucking egotistical in general is because they grew up with all the fucking Disney channel movies where acapella teams run the world somehow. Okay. And it's just so far disconnected. It's so far disconnected from reality where you have groups in high school that just, yeah,

No, fuck you. You're not singing in the halls. If I see you doing that, I'm going to beat the shit out of you, as anyone should, okay? That's my rant. I'd love to see some sort of parody where it's like, you guys just don't know they're at lunch, and it's like, you guys just don't understand me. I've always been alone. And then someone just comes over and whops him, just right across the face, knocks some teeth out of the kid. It's like, what the fuck? Don't sing. Don't sing.

It's just, it's fucking crazy. These acapella teams in a Disney Channel movie fucking run the school as if the football team wouldn't. Yeah. Camp Rock. That was basically Ted in high school, though. No. No. Ted, Valentine's Day 2016, you went around the school with your little acapella group singing Valentine's Day songs to random kids. Okay. Riddle me this. That was called singing Valentine's, by the way. But riddle me this, Tucker.

Would you not, if you could go around and eat snacks all day, skip a day of school, and all you had to do was just go around to other classes and just sing some songs? Would you do it? No. Well, that's because you don't know how to sing, bitch. But if you've got the skills like mine, then you're going to take what you can to get a day off of school, and you can fucking put that in your pipe and smoke it, motherfucker.

Let's move on. Small price to pay for the entire fucking class to want to beat the shit out of you when they show up. Oh, great. We got to listen to the acapella team now. I was enjoying this lecture. We've got another. It's not unusual to be. Dude, come on.

I really think that. And that came into my head. For the longest, for the longest time. Dude, that Disney Channel movie thought just popped into my head as you were saying the whole entitlement thing with acapella teams. It just clicked. It just fucking clicked. In general, I'll tell you what the most entitled...

in acapella is though. Because you know, you've got your basses, your tenors, your mezzo sopranos, your fucking altos and your sopranos or whatever the fuck. And maybe your countertenors and those are going to be the fucking most, the worst ones. Countertenors are...

are their God's blessed children that can sing in sopranos. It was ridiculous. But the most egotistical voice part, and you can write home about this kids, alright? If you're out there and you're an acapella, this is just a fact.

is that the tenors are the most insufferable group and I'm sorry I've known tenors and they're very and I have friends with tenors. Some of them are great people. Some of them are great people I'm sure. I'm sure. But they're not sending their best. Most of the tenors are frankly not very nice. Not very nice people frankly.

The ego is a little bit out of control. So if you're in high school or college or whatever, you know some tenors, put them in their place. All right? They're probably doing some sort of bit that they think is working really well. No, it's not that funny. And shout out to the basses out there. You guys are chill. All right. Moving on. Okay. We've got another Emma. You want to send it on that? Sure. Jack Black steals from Walmart. That's all I...

He just has to. I feel like he's got the itch in his body. He's got to steal something. He's got the itch in his body. He takes a cute little hoodie. He's a man of the people. And the people steal from Walmart. Why does it feel like this voice was recorded in secret? This feels like this was information that had to be spoken in a closet hidden away at night.

Yeah, she was scared of saying that. And I actually have a strong opinion, counter opinion. Okay. First of all, you don't want to steal from Walmart. They know, okay? They're watching you. If there's any place you don't want to steal from, it's from the fucking Walton family. I thought we talked about this. Both. Both. Trillion dollar company. You're going to steal from them? You need to steal from the small mom and pop shops that can't afford all these surveillance on you.

You need a steal from a little man. You get a steal from Hubert's General Store where he's too old and slow to stop you from stealing half of his stock and running out the door. You need a steal from someone who you can just walk in and then he goes, oh, man. And then you just, and you bolt. And also, secondly, Emma Jean,

Scott, do you think Jack Black has walked into a fucking Walmart in the past five decades of his life? What the fuck do you think this is? No, he sends people back. He sends his team to Walmart. And he probably doesn't. He probably sends them to H-E-B or some rich people's supermarket. Air One. Is H-E-B a rich people's supermarket? No. I've never even heard of it.

It's just higher class. No, it's a Texas supermarket chain is what it is, Tucker. That's why you haven't heard of it. Fuck you. Just Air One, dude. Air One is some fucking bullshit for sure. Air One, they've got these smoothies. They've got these in. Maybe they might have the Jack Black smoothie there. They might have their Tenacious D smoothie. No, but honestly, I feel like of many celebrities, I feel like Jack Black would not.

I don't know if he would be the kind to be, and you know, you maybe should be nice to Jack Black too, because maybe we'll have him on the pod someday. - Maybe. - Who knows, who knows. - Jack Black seems cool. - He's probably the most gamer-coded celebrity out there. He just released a song where he says, "I don't play video games, don't," and it was animated by-- - I saw that. - Phony cartoons. - Yeah. - Yeah, so maybe show a little bit more respect.

I'm showing him the utmost respect. He's loaded. He's loaded. He doesn't need to walk into a Walmart. He's better than that. Throw in some caveats there in case he gets offended. You don't want to offend Jack Black. Do you think if Jack Black was stealing something from Walmart, he'd go skadoosh and he'd hide it somewhere? Like,

Yeah, he probably would. It would be like a little skadoosh right into his pocket. He's like a Walmart employee nearby. He's like looking and be like, what was that? Did you just say skadoosh to himself? He's a talented. You can't do anything about it though. He's Jack Black. It doesn't matter. You let him do it.

Yeah, but the people at Walmart, they keep track of it, right? They give you a little... Oh, yeah. It's like... You have a fucking rap sheet, dude. Oh, yeah. It's like a Bethesda game. You get a bounty or something, and eventually, if you walk into a store, they'll say, Stop! You have a Walmart social credit score. That's been over... Yep, you've stolen over $500. We've added it up in our little Excel spreadsheet just for you, and now we're going to charge you with a felony. Yeah. Pay your fines, and your stolen items are forfeit.

There you go. Yeah. Okay, Dawson, here we go. Hey. Hey, Slatt. Hey, Ted. Hey, Tucker. Tucker's a cool guy. I like Tucker. He's cool. He's a Marine Corps. That's pretty cool. Anyways, I know you want a controversial opinion, and I got one for you. Um...

I think potatoes are kind of gross. I think they're kind of fucking stupid. Like, why would I want to dig out this fucking rock from the dirt, clean it off, and peel it? You know? Like, you don't peel a fucking apple. You know? I mean, you do sometimes. It's just gross. It's nasty. They're all dirty and stuff. Yeah.

What is he doing with them? Is this his last wishes? He's got the suds. Is this his final meshes before he fucking dies? What's going on? I feel like apple was kind of a bad fruit to use as comparison because they sell specific peelers meant to peel apples. They sell apple peelers. I used to fucking eat apple peels when I was a kid. What does that mean? Yeah.

What does that mean? Did I stutter? You used to peel the apple and then eat the peels? Did I fucking stutter, asshole? Did I fucking stutter? No, you didn't stutter. You're just dumb. That's just a crazy, psychotic thing to say. You call me dumb, Tucker, for eating apple peels?

No, I agree. If you eat an apple, you eat the peel too. Yeah. Yeah. But what I would like to do sometimes as a little kid before, you know, the, the, the symptoms set in, um, societal norms was, well, you know, I'm allergic to apples, so I can't really eat them anymore. But,

But, you know, you peel the apple skins and then you also cut up the apple and you can kind of get this. You just separate it into two parts, you know. You can nibble on the little apple peel and eat the little apple slices that don't have the skins anymore.

Not everything needs to be this grand violation of your ethos. You fucking dick. Okay? Let me live my life. All right? Maybe there's days that I want to take out a little apple peeler and I want to skin that shit. Skin that shit. I want to eat its skin. I'm a religious Catholic.

Okay, and I guarantee somewhere in that book it says you can't do that shit.

All right? But I'm not going to read it to figure out where. I just know in my heart of hearts that that shit is crazy. Those who believe in me cause these little ones, the ones that believe in me, to stumble. It would be better if they hung on their neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea, Ted. And you know what? I think by you saying, I used to eat little apple peels, little pile of apple peels, that's causing some of these fucking listeners to stumble. All right? So I'm going to prep the millstone.

You're going to prep the millstone? Do you even know what a millstone looks like? In a large lake. In a large lake. I know what a millstone is. Yes, I do. If you know what a millstone looks like, you realize how insane of a fucking line that is. How hard of a bar that is. Dude, it's like just a giant circular... It's like a giant stone with a hole in it. It probably weighs...

2,000 pounds at least. And they're saying that we got to get this shit over someone's neck and then just toss them in the ocean with that on. That is terrifying. That's hard as fuck. No, it's hard as fuck. It's also, you know, and who said that? Was that God that said that from the Bible? Was that like him? He was like, yeah, no, if anyone causes any stumbling...

Take the means of production and fucking drown him with it. It was Matthew, so I'm assuming Jesus said that or someone close to him. But as a religious Catholic, I just don't know. Oh, okay. Yeah. All right, well, let's load up another. Okay, but I got to do a mid-episode thing here. Oh, you got a mid-episode interruption? Oh, here we go. In my chest, I've got what I promised last week.

And he has a chest? Like a sea chest? Yeah, it's a chest of my valuables. Oh my god. I've got one too. So if you ever break into my house, you can steal it. So it's a receipt from, I think it's probably 2015. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, this is the Domino's receipt. Yeah, and it says, from Ted Nivison, and this is a note to the delivery driver. It says, please refer to the receiver of the pizza as, quote, the meme master. Ha ha ha ha.

So, still got it. And I don't think he ever did it. I remember specifically that he did not do it. He did not do it. Yeah. You got to make sure that you keep that in a cool place, Tucker, because that receipt can fade out because it's made out of paper. So you should either... You should maybe...

I suppose you could laminate it or something. I think a dark chest is probably inappropriate. Yeah, I think it's pretty good in there. Yeah, dude, that thing's got a little bit of magic in it, you know what I mean? Okay, let's roll here. Hello, this is Larry. Come on. Long-time listener, first-time caller. The whole boneless chicken wing thing, I'm not really one for gender stereotypes, but are boneless wings really that manly?

You know, he brings up an interesting point. I have to grapple with this now. Because there's some sort of level of masculine lust that can be generated from taking a, you know, taking one of those bones, doing a little crack, a little crack, loosening it up, putting your juicy lips over it and sliding that shit off, swallowing, tossing it in the bucket. Yeah.

and you move on you know it's kind of like the it's it's kind of like the the non sort of mouth cancer equivalent of like dipping you know yeah and some people might some people might say that you seem gen you can you agree with me yeah it's kind of like i'm grappling here i'm i'm struggling with this one because i i don't know there's a there's a school of thought that likes to consider boneless wings just chicken tenders

Which I think it has some merit. But also, I like chicken tenders. They're good. And the bone just complicates things. The bone does make things a little bit complicated. I'll agree with that. It does sort of. But I think that if you're able to navigate that,

navigate that bone. I mean, really, there's so much in terms of stereotypically being a man that involves navigating a bone. And like, you know, I feel like chicken bone, bone in chicken wings are no different. You know, it's true. If you can handle the bone, you can handle whatever life has to throw at you. And I think that, you know, maybe getting boneless chicken wings is maybe taking the easy way out. But I will tell you another thing.

Is it gets that shit gets your hands messy? And you know sometimes when you go to B-dubs you want to be able to just use a fork to be able to slop down some boneless chicken wings, you know? Half the experience is getting a little messy I would say. But also I want to raise you this. I want to give you a little material to put in your pipe. And smoke? Maybe smoke on a little bit. Maybe give a little puff in about four seconds when I'm done reciting my thought. Okay.

Yeah, boneless chicken wings may be less manly, but embracing something that may be seen as less manly is manly in itself. That is fair. That's a fair point. It's sort of a postmodern rejection of sort of these ideals that have been established through the bone-in triarchy. Exactly. The bone triarchy, one might say. Yeah, yeah.

I'm 90% sure that the reason why Tucker's stepfather has submitted this is because there has been some sort of ongoing argument between Tucker and his stepfather on the subject of the bone-in wing. So I do want to know where Tucker lands on the subject.

Yeah, we've got beef about it. I think you can see the twinkle of disappointment in his eye every time we're at a restaurant and he orders the bone-in and I order the boneless. Really? Yeah, you can see. Isn't that sort of part of his role as the stepfather, though, is to be slightly giving you twinkles of disappointment? Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. I'd say so. But I'd say it never twinkles more than it does with the wings or it does when I decline to play a board game. Those are the two. Those are the two that really do them in. Or you say, oh, no, I don't have time to watch that movie. And then you find them on the couch all asleep and the movie's playing. You know, that's rough. Yeah. It's rough. It's rough. It's tough. It's a tough life.

i had boneless swings last night well i had boneless wings no but now he does i had boneless swings last week and guess what i'll probably have him again next week because i won't stop it's respect to that you know what you need you know what you want i know what i need you know what and like i said man the the the embrace of that is manly in and of itself

So you know what? Fuck it. Fuck it. You're the manliest dude ever if you put on a short skirt and thigh highs and post yourself to the Femboy subreddit for me to look at. Took it too far. Let's move on. Maybe I should order boneless and boneless. You should. Do you guys want a short one or a long one? I want a good one. All right, let's try this. A good one. Okay. Hello, Chucklers, all Chucklers listening, and big man, and...

Ted and Tucker. Hi, Tucker. My controversial opinion would be lactose intolerance. You know, they're not real. Fair. Like, just you say you're lactose intolerant. I say no. Lactose intolerance? They're not real. What does that mean they're not real? Like,

Just man up. Grow some balls. Big theme of masculinity going on in this podcast today. If you're allergic to it and you break out in hives, that's a different story. But you shit when you drink milk. Everybody shits. Come on. It's completely normal. Anywho, goodbye chucklers. A lot of coughing going on too.

Okay, here's the idea. There might be COVID on the end of the receiver. I think I'm going to order lemon pepper and garlic parmesan half and half. Lemon pepper? What a waste. Are you kidding me? Is that the dry rub one? Yeah. I like the saucy ones. I'm not going to lie. I like the saucy ones. I'm not a big fan of dry rubs. Well, garlic parmesan is going to have some sauce to it. Well, here, I have a little thing that relates to this that can lead into the lactose.

Blue cheese or ranch? Oh, well, you see, most of the time when I'm doing wings, it's a blue cheese scenario for me. Thank fucking God. This is a blue cheese household. It's a blue cheese household over here, too. I mean, ranch is good, but you're getting ranch. I feel like ranch makes more sense when it's not even a boneless wing. It's just specifically identified as a chicken finger. Like, I can't feel it. You know what? I'll say blue cheese is the masculine option.

Damn right. Emma would agree with you big time. So let me guess. Is Larry a ranch guy? Fuck no, dude. He's blue cheese hardcore. Okay. Yeah. No, no, that's good. I'm glad to hear that.

And lactose intolerance, you know, just shit. I agree. I agree. Just shit. If you like it, just shit. Don't, doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. I get it. My tummy hurts a little bit every, every now and then when I eat too much ice cream or drink some milk, it's not going to fucking stop me. There you go. Take some fucking, what's it, what's the, what's the probiotic brand? A lot, a light, a lot, a lot of probiotic brands.

Whichever one. Whichever one. If you want, you tell me to stop hurting. Eat some probiotic or take a lactate pill or whatever. Oh.

fucking... Pepto. Alka-Seltzer. Pepto. Fucking anything. Tums, dude. Don't let it get in the way. If you're breaking out in hives, then you're allergic, and then that's also a feminine thing. I do look down on people with food allergies. Yeah, that's terrible. See, here's the thing. I'm in the spot right now, by the way, where I'm choosing between if I want boneless or classic, and I was telling myself I was going to get classic this whole time, but now I'm like...

Man, it's so much easier to fucking dip it in the sauce and then just take it as a bite. Yeah, with a fork. It's also chicken breast, not wing meat. Yeah. Did you guys have a peanut table in grade school? Yes.

Yeah, that was some shit, wasn't it? That was like segregation, dude. No, we had a peanut free table. What are you talking about? We had like a group of people who would die, and we put them to the side. It wasn't if you want to eat peanuts, you do it here. No, no, no. The way ours worked was there was like a row of tables in the middle of the cafeteria, and you weren't allowed to eat peanuts at that table, but anyone could sit there. But it was like a peanut...

disinfected zone. So it was safe for the peanut kids. Why was it like in the middle?

Just the way it worked out, man. Yeah, I mean, but like... They could be attacked from all angles. Just the way it worked out, man. They need to be far away in the corner. It just seems like a bad scenario for like, what if people are like rebelling against like the peanut kids, you know, the peanut, anti-peanut kids. It's like all of a sudden it's like now you've got a central point in which all the kids can turn and just start tossing peanuts at them.

It did make it seem like it was life or death, which it might have been for some kids. But as a little kid, you don't know. You're just like, well, what the hell is going on over there? You're telling me if I bring this PB&J over there, they're going to fucking die. Like, that's a lot of power. And if you are the type and if you're listening to this, I feel no remorse saying this. If you're the type that's going to die, if you touch a fucking peanut, maybe it's time.

Maybe. Maybe it's time that we... Certainly not masculine of you. Got him, dude. All right, let's hit another one here. Ted, order your fucking wings. I know. It takes me two seconds to get what I want off Gordash. I was choosing what I needed and like, I'm sorry, can you not survive without me for five seconds? Are you that obsessed with me, you fucking slut? Are you obsessed with me? I just want you to be here, man. I like you. I am here. I am here. I'm saying, yeah. True. See, I'm saying shit. Yeah.

Did you wind up going with boneless? Honestly, to be completely honest, if it shows up before here, I actually ordered both so I couldn't get in trouble with anyone. Damn. You doubled up. Yeah, I doubled up and I actually ordered... So I made two orders. So I've got... And I ordered four different types of sauces. I ordered Cajun, the regular kind, then Parmesan and lemon pepper. Wow. Barley, Parmesan, and lemon pepper. Shit. They're going to mess that up. You think they're going to fuck that up? It's literally just wing stop. So like...

I've never had Wingstop. Really? I've never even seen one. I've actually never had Wingstop either, but it said Wingstop, and I was trying to get wings, so I was like, this must be the place. This must be the stop. Oh, that's my stop. Because if you order from Buffalo Wild Wings, it's going to take an hour and a half to get there. Yeah. All right, let's hit another one, huh? All right, here we go. All right. Yellow, the sandwich men.

I have to give you the most controversial opinion in my small town here. That frozen blueberries are better than regular blueberries. Okay.

Can't even fucking talk. What the fuck? I want to settle this debate. Okay. Thank you very much. Sounds like somewhere where you can't grow blueberries, but if you've ever been someone like me who's traveled up to Maine in the land of blueberries where the wild blueberries roam and gone to a building that is a giant half blueberry where you can get fresh wild blueberry ice cream and get fucking... What the hell? Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, no, you're out of your fucking mind, Laura from California, I think. Gross. Gross. Yeah. I don't know, frozen? I mean, I don't like fruit. I don't consume fruit, but I still think that's just way off. Way off. Big time. Big time rush, big time problem that you've got going on there. Yeah.

- Yeah, no, I don't trust this person. I don't trust a lick of what they're saying. Although, this conversation has actually given me a crazy idea that's been passing through my mind right now, and this might be because I just took my ADHD meds and it's been flowing through my veins and it's not fully in my, I'm not in full power yet, but you remember that ice cream maker, Gillette? - Yeah. - What if I took a bunch of frozen blueberries

put them with some like ice cream, like just a normal vanilla ice cream, and then fried that shit up like in the blender to mix it together to make it like homogenous, and then put it in the ice cream maker and then put more like unblended blueberries in there. And then I would have this really good vanilla blueberry ice cream and like return it to ice cream. I don't know. Does that not sound like a fantastic idea? No, I don't like, I don't eat fruit. You don't like blueberries in general?

No, I don't like fruit. Yeah, I don't like fruit either. Really? Yeah. Here's what I'd do if you want an idea for the ice cream maker. Next time you're on a plane, Ted, wink, wink, and you get those Biscoff cookies, throw those in there. They sell them outside of airplanes.

That's immoral. But it's not the same. It's not immoral? What are you talking about? That's like fucking out of wedlock. No, no, no. As a religious Catholic, that's just something I never do. They're just like ginger snaps. I've bought them at the store before. No, no, no.

That's the equivalent of buying Chick-fil-A sauce at the grocery store. You're just not supposed to do it because it kills the magic. It kills the magic. I'm sorry. And you're not a magical person. You have hardly any aura to you at all. There's no magic. You can say plenty, Tucker. You can say and you can go off and you can go on your little tangents like a little kid and you can do your little shit. All right. And

And, you know, I give you the grace of being able to do that because we've got a lot of history together. But don't come on my podcast with my with my with my good friend, my good friend Schlatt here and start trying to tell me that I don't have a magical aura. Are you fucking kidding me, asshole? No, I listen. I have no leg in this race.

You better take back what you just said to me, Tucker. Don't put your hands back like that. Don't try that. Don't body double schlat like that to find a semblance of safety. You're in trouble right now. You're in trouble right now, Tucker.

Oh, he's not doing that. I'm not going to do that one. He's got too much self-respect. No, Tucker, I've got a magical aura. Please. I've got a magical aura. That really rocked you to your core. It rocked me to my core that you're trying to tell me I don't have a magical aura. Dude, if there's anyone who's got a fucking magical aura, it's the acapella kid, all right? I've got a chest. I'll take it. I'll take it, honestly. Okay, you've got a chest. Sure. Who knows what's in that chest?

I'm the only one in your dream. It's funny you're saying that, Shlab, but did you know that somebody made an AI cover of me, you, and Charlie singing Mr. Sandman? Are you serious? Yeah. Can we do some voicemails rapid fire style, perhaps? Sure. Here we go. Here's Abby.

My controversial opinion is that I don't think we should have access to AI. I think we need to stop with AI because they will take us over and we do not need to mess with that anymore. Well, it doesn't have a thought. It doesn't have actual thoughts. It's just a robot that just makes guesses. Don't care, Abby. Don't fucking care, Abby. Have you listened to that cover? It was incredible. Have you seen that cover? Really?

i i i wouldn't even mind if the world ended if i got to listen to myself singing mr salmon all day yeah yeah no that would that would be you know i think that maybe we should we should uh we'll do a little return thing but it'll it'll we won't do any episodes it'll just be a bunch of rehearsals and then all of a sudden we'll post on chuck one day and it'll be us all in in barbershop quartet outfits yeah and we'll just be singing mr sandman and it'll be great and we'll get and we'll put it on spotify and we'll get

millions of views and we'll make so much money off of it. Alright, here's Fuse Knight. Hi, so my unpopular opinion is that I think drinking soy sauce is good. I won't be answering any further questions. Yeah, you don't need to. You got a serious problem, Fuse Knight.

This is probably why you didn't even put your real first and last name, you goddamn coward drinking soy sauce. You're going to die from sodium poisoning is what's going to happen. Your body is going to calcify into a crystalline version of sodium and you're going to become a statue one day. You're going to wake up in your bed and you're not going to be able to use your legs and the doctor is going to be able to tell you that sodium poisoning, is that a real thing? Tucker's looking it up right now. Salt poisoning?

- Oh, okay, an intoxication resulting from the excessive intake of sodium. Usually it's sodium chloride in the solid form. Body weight, medicine, friggin' encountered in children and infants. Okay, so Wikipedia is saying that this is something frequently that happens to children and infants. Fuse Knight, are you telling us that you're a baby child? That you're a little baby who can't handle his sodium? 'Cause you're gonna die of sodium poisoning. Sorry, buddy, that's just the way it is. And you also don't have a magic aura, unlike me.

Alright, here's Lifter. I think that Gatorade should be thicker. Like, I want it to be as thick as fucking pudding. I want it to be as thick and viscous as pudding. It needs to be thicker. I have been fucking advocating for thick Gatorade for the

for the past year now and i want no and i need that's not gatorade like i don't think you understand how much i need this in my life you can pause this he's gonna keep going he's just gonna keep going you know we're gonna keep going and say this we get it you've seen the you've seen the video where gatorade should be thicker it was made by some guy who's making a bit all right

He doesn't know what it's like, though. It's very clear this person has never put some fucking thick powder in anything and taken a swig of it. It's horrendous. It's disgusting. That bit only worked on Chuckle Week because it was actually abhorrent. Yeah, no, it only worked on Chuckle Week because people didn't know what they were getting into when they accepted the offer of drinking thick water. Although, I will say, I downed a shit ton of thick water that one time. Remember when I chugged that?

That wasn't good. I deleted it. I deleted it. You deleted it. Yeah. And I think that you were like impressed and maybe a little bit attracted to me doing that. No comment. I think that I think that me chugging that thick water may have given you a Empire State level boner. No comment, man. No comment. It was just very masculine. All right. Yeah.

Sort of magical aura that may have given you an Empire State level boner. I was feeling that aura. Of like an Empire State level boner. Okay, I'll stop. Alright, here's Harry. God, Tucker didn't seem to say anything about Harry. This is Harry from New Jersey. And I just like to say New Jersey is better than New York. And there's no arguing. No, no, no. I go to school in New York and there's rats everywhere.

There's rats. There is rats. Vermin. Literal vermin walking around. And then they're big, too. They're big vermin. You wish you had them in New Jersey. You wish you had those fucking rats. In New Jersey, we have trees. You know what a tree is? Flat, you know? Do I know what a tree is? I'm sure Ted knows what a tree is. I do. I know what a tree is.

He's right. Barely. I'm sure Tucker does. Are you siding with him now, Ted? Well, I don't know. I mean, he's right. I do know what a tree is. In New Jersey, we have trees. They have trees in New Jersey. It's true. I've been to New Jersey. They have trees there.

oh it's don't roll your eyes you need to address this terrible thing what's with the vermin walking around they're walking around apparently vermin there's vermin walking around bro probably oh my god you know what this is he lives in new jersey and he commutes to school in new york you know what that means it means he's got rich family he's living it up probably in a retirement community where you can only buy a house of your 55 plus

And he's never been to a New Jersey city like Trenton or Camden or any other city. He just lives in the fucking sticks. The middle of nowhere. And he commutes in and that's the only city he knows. And he's completely turning a blind eye to all the big cities of New Jersey. Which are all objective shitholes. Damn. I guarantee you, you'll see some rats there, buddy. Go to Trenton.

Fucking pussy living with silver spoon in his mouth growing up. Cocksucker. Cats in the cradle, baby. All right, here's Vance. Hello, Jay Slap and Ted Venison. Honestly? Wait, pause. That actually kind of slapped, literally. Jay Slap and Ted Venison? I've never heard Ted Venison before. Honestly, that seems like the manlier version of me that goes and hunts. I love that. Yeah.

I love that version of me. I want to be Ted. I think that that'll be my workout journey, Tucker, is I'm going to become Ted Venison. It'll be like that fucking guy that eats liver. I'll be the liver king. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, dude, I hope every voicemail has a different name for us now. That was great. Yeah. Ted Venison. Oh, man, that'll be my choker version of myself. I'll be that'll be like how Charlie's choker. I'll be Ted fucking Venice. Go. And I hope I hope we'll get more usernames. Yeah.

Or I guess just vanity names, I guess, for ourselves. Yeah, maybe that'll be my second channel. Wait, wait. We didn't even hear. Ted Venison, man. We should probably listen to his opinion, though. Oh, yeah, I know. But let's just also say, if you give us a name in your voicemail, we own all the rights to it. Sending us voicemail waives all rights to anything you said. Right. Unless, you know, of course.

I make some sort of creative awesome name for Jay Schlatt, and then he just uses it to make a whole other second channel. I'm not owed anything from that, am I? Well, you didn't hit the record button on OBS that night, did you?

There is evidence of me calling you schlag dating back to 2019, you dick. Let's play Vance. All right, here's Vance again. Hello, J Slap and Ted Venison. That's me. It is my belief that once you are old enough to start collecting Social Security, you should have to take a road test once every two years.

Not controversial at all. That's not controversial in the slightest, actually. Everybody's with you. The only accidents I've ever been close to being in were at the...

At the helm of old drivers. Yeah, at the helm of old drivers. I mean, dude, someone tried to fucking make a U-turn from the right lane, and I had to veer out of the way into oncoming traffic. They should also, if they're old enough to collect Social Security, they should also only have a certain type of license, and it's got to be a Z-class license where the only vehicle they're allowed to drive is a fucking hearse.

so that they can be just tossed right in it and driven to the funeral home when they die. For ease of access. You guys want to do one more? Let's keep running through them, dude. We can do fucking rapid fire. All right. Cheers for Australia. All right. I need you to stick with me on this one, Chuckles. I would never use any phone that isn't an Apple phone.

But I just want to say that Android devices can sometimes have more creative and interesting features. That's all I'm saying. I just, I enjoy how they look a little bit more. All right. Will. But I won't use one again. All right, Jess from Australia. Not very controversial. I guess we'll be responding to you in an Australian accent. So this is about iPhone versus Android, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Will. Yeah. Yeah. I think iPhone's pretty good. I've got no- You fucking right. I've got no specific opinion on the function of a Samsung phone. Who fucking cares? Jessica from Australia. Who fucking cares? How you going? Welcome to the Chuckle Sandwich Podcast. Doesn't matter.

Yeah, no, I don't know. I mean, it was fucking... This is like iPhone versus Android. I mean... I got made fun of in middle school for having an Android phone. Really? Yeah. Do you deserve it? I walked into school with an LG G3. And my buddy was like, what the fuck is that? And I'm like, oh, this is my LG G3. And he's like, you're fucking weird, dude. And I had an iPhone next time. I had a flip phone until...

Like, freshman year in high school. Wait, it must have been summer. It must have been eighth grade or something. Well, you're a couple years younger than me, so things were progressing right around our middle school to high school zone pretty quickly. No, whenever the LG G3 was out, yeah, I don't remember. I feel like my first smartphone was a Galaxy S4. Dude, I remember when, like, man, iPhones were expensive. Yeah.

lg they still are i'd say this was a bad era for uh android yeah yeah it wasn't good i had an iphone and then i switched to android you had an iphone yeah when i ever know you when you had an iphone when we first dated i had an iphone when we first dated yeah iphone 4 iphone 4 i think it was freshman year high school i had iphone 4. and then i got a i got a i got a galaxy s3 i had a three a five a seven

And I think this one's a 9. No, this one's a 20. I don't even know. I think I went from my flip phone to a 5. An iPhone 5. It was a big change. But there was a period of time where I had a flip phone, but I also had an iPod. So like an iPod Touch. So it was like Instagram and shit like that. It was like you used that shit only on Wi-Fi because you couldn't text or call anyone. Or unless you got it jailbroken.

controversial take, that was a better life. You had your flip phone for calling. You could shoot some texts if you wanted to go through the work of doing it. And you had to wait until you had Wi-Fi to do any of the bullshit. That's, you know? Yeah, I suppose I could see that being...

I don't know. I feel like with what I do for work now, it's kind of like important to have that accessibility now. It's just such a big part of our lives. But I guess, you know, there was a period of like in the 2010s, you know, from pretty much 2013 until like 2018, 2019, that you could get away with that, I think. Now you can't get away with it. They're going to be on your doorstep and they're going to be mad at you.

All right, we're doing another one. Good evening, Tab and Shart. Tab and Shart? Wait, now pause. We got to pause. We got to pause so he starts yelling. Tab and Shart. They're just...

Okay, we can play that. That wasn't that impressive. I just kind of had to process that for a second. Shart is so low effort. Good evening, Ted and Shart. I'm of the full belief that people who say they have synesthesia, like the thing where you can see something and you think, ooh, that's got to be red or blue or something. I fully think those people are lying. I don't think it's real. I think they're making it up for attention and I think they should all be put in jail for

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I could, it would definitely be cool if I could see colors. You can't see colors. It'd definitely be cool if I could see sound as colors. I'd love that. But you know, here's the question of the day. Is there, isn't there like some sort of psychological way you can, you can determine if someone actually does have it. So like, what's the deal there? I don't know.

I don't know. I barely know what synesthesia is, so I don't. I'll tell you one thing. My food's here. I have to get it. I have to get it. Okay. Maybe play one for me, Tucker. Play one for Schlank, and I'll be back. All right. Here's Matthew. Hey, Tad. Hey, Schlank. So I don't know. I just wanted to put it out here that I think that Pop-Tarts are meant to eat raw.

I don't want to put them shits in the toaster or anything like that because I think it's disgusting. And if you do, I fucking hate you. But of course in Minecraft, all love, no hate, all love, but I do fucking hate you. But yeah, no. Bye.

That's, I mean, dude, let's be real here. There's two classes of breakfast pastries. Pop-Tarts is on the lower end and Toaster Strudel is on the higher end. And Toaster Strudel definitely belongs in the toaster, but Pop-Tarts, I agree. Just eat them raw. And you get extra points with me if you eat all the fucking border off of it first, because then the rest of the Pop-Tart is fucking phenomenal. It's like eating all the brown pieces of Lucky Charms first, and then the rest is just all marshmallows. God.

That's a great way to eat food. Do you eat your meals? Like say you got a balanced dinner plate. Do you eat your meals so that your last few bites are really good? Oh, no, I can't. I have to separate things. That's what I do. It's it's like I can't go back and forth between chicken and fucking potatoes. I'll start with the potatoes and I'll eat all of them. Yeah. But do you leave the best thing for the last? Oh, yeah. Like, yeah. Like the juiciest cut of steak or something like that. Yeah. I'm saving the best for last, of course.

because then i just i'm just like oh and then i could just sink in and just relax you know yeah you know that that is the middle of a pop-tart right there yeah i don't think i've ever toasted a pop-tart well you can i mean i don't think that makes them disgusting i just think it doesn't improve them that much i mean great i used to eat a lot of pop-tarts ted do you remember going to nico's house and pop-tarts were like a commodity like a currency

Yeah, almost. Like we ate them a lot. I did eat a lot of Pop-Tarts when I was a kid as well. I guess you had to be a regular there to get that experience. But I'll tell you one thing. At school, they had two types of Pop-Tarts. I think there was two types of currency of Pop-Tarts. You either get the strawberry or you get the cinnamon one. Strawberry was not that good. It was always the cinnamon one that you would get. That was how you survived the day if you didn't want to do lunch, normal lunch.

I can fill you in. Yeah. This person says that it's a Pop-Tarts toasted versus just raw and he's pro raw and Schlatt's pro raw. I'm pro raw. I've never toasted a Pop-Tart. I understand the raw. Raw is sort of a survival thing, especially in high school where you get them in the vending machine. Yeah, the two wrappers, yeah. Yeah, well, one comes in one wrapper.

You get one Pop-Tart. Oh, yeah. That's a high school move. That's what we call a government Pop-Tart. Because those are also in the MREs. Those are in the MREs. Individual Pop-Tarts? Yeah. No way. We get two. You wouldn't get two. It would be in sort of like a blue packaging. And it wouldn't be in the normal foil packaging that you would get in the box. It would be single Pop-Tart. And it would be like $2. $2.

No fucking way. Well, maybe nowadays it's $2, but it would be like a dollar back then. Maybe 50 cents. Who knows? Fuck. Inflation's been crazy. It is. Yeah. Pop-Tarts. That's a good MRE snack right there. Yeah. I imagine it would be. Okay. But I'd say raw is like, that's the regular way to eat a Pop-Tart. But I mean, it is luxurious to have a hot Pop-Tart sometimes with some milk, maybe even. Here comes Desi.

Hello, Chuckle Sandwich. I'll keep this short with my controversial opinion. I feel like pasta is gross when it has tomato sauce. I do not like tomato sauce on my pasta. I'd rather eat it dry if it had tomato sauce. You know what I'm saying? I feel like Alfredo sauce is the best sauce for pasta. And I'll continue eating it

With the Alfredo sauce. Till I die. I sort of understand where this is coming from. To a certain degree. I think that regular pasta sauce. Maybe...

is a problem, but there's different types of pasta sauce now. The range of pasta sauce has increased where you've got various three cheese pasta sauces, you've got vodka sauce. Vodka sauce is fantastic on a pasta. But I would say that where I'm leaning the most these days, because I've got my basil plants on my balcony where I grow my own basil plants, I make my own pesto now.

So I like to get a nice buttery pasta and then dump like at least 10 ounces of pesto in there and just get a really pesto buttery pasta. That fucks any day of the week. That was sexy. Thank you. I just, I just,

based it in what you were saying bro that was great yeah you like that there's an aura going on a little magic state of mind yeah there the magic has come out a little bit that was that was a little magical man i'm not even gonna lie thank you i i it was a solid opinion yeah wow wow i've never found this much of camaraderie between us where we're all just kind of on the same page about something wow

So you're in with the vodka kind of scenario too as an option? Yeah. I'm not huge on Italian food, to be honest. I think it is because of the tomato sauce. I'm just not big on it. The pizza, there's too much sauce on pizza ruins it for me. I think that marinara sauce, this is a controversial opinion right here. I think that marinara sauce will always ruin a mozzarella stick. Yeah! Yeah!

Dude, I've been thinking that for years. And that's why you're my fucking best friend, man. Yeah, no, I never, I always get marinara sauce with my mozzarella sticks. And I'm like, no, because it dampers the fucking flavor of the mozzarella stick. And it just ruins it. You eat it raw?

I mean, I'd eat it with like a garlic sauce or something. Like if you've got a garlic dipping sauce or something. Or like a ranch. A ranch would work well with a mozzarella stick. Don't agree with that. It sometimes works. I'll tell you one thing, though. Because you've had fat cells before, Slad, right? I've ordered it. Yeah. Tucker's had it as well. You can get mozzarella sticks from fat cells and they've got this garlic aioli. You dip a mozzarella stick in a garlic aioli.

Fucks you right up. Yeah. The amount of times I've heard aioli come out of your fucking mouth is too many times. Aioli. Ted lives. Aioli is just special mayo for rich people. It's just a Los Angeles thing. You had so much. There's been aioli at fucking the sandwich place near West Concord.

Yeah, I know. It's just mayo with cilantro in it or something. Well, what else would you just call it? Fancy mayo with cilantro or something? Yeah, I would just call it fancy mayo. But you live to say aioli. I don't. That's the masculine term for it. It's what it says on the menu. That's the masculine term. It's what it says on the menu. It draws you influencers in. You can't help but order it. Can I say one thing? I can't help but turn their fries into Parmesan fries.

Oh, those are probably good. Those are probably really good. Yeah, I bet they are. Can I say something that piggybacks off of Desi's point here? Mm-hmm.

I can't think of a dish that sounds less appetizing than fucking spaghetti and meatballs, dude. Yeah, it's so overdone. Just the picture, just picturing the spaghetti with red sauce on it. God, I would eat fucking anything else. Yeah. It's sort of run its course in terms of like the zeitgeist of the world. Totally run its course.

Tucker, you seem like you have your reservations. Serious reservations. I think you guys had disappointing parents or something. Because my mom will make... Don't say that. You know my parents. And they listen to the pod. Oh, no. Yeah, right. No, my dad. My dad. Don't text them. Don't text them. Don't say anything. I'm not going to text them. Ted Sr., if you're listening, text me. Here I go.

I think if my mom makes spaghetti meatballs with a homemade red sauce, it fucking smacks. It's so good. And Emma's red sauce, my wife, is incredible. It's homemade. There's real tomatoes in it. It's good. When you get good red sauce. I guess I've never had a homemade red sauce before.

A homemade red sauce is game changer. You can't compare it to a jar you'd get at Wegmans, okay? It doesn't compare. It's so good, the pasta is almost second to the sauce. And I think that's how it's supposed to be. Not even close. What are you? I'm American. I'm American. He got you good there, dude. He got you so fucking good there, dude. I'm American.

I'm a freaking born-blooded American. I'm mostly Norwegian and Irish with some Polish, I think, and some Canadian, if that counts. Yeah, you and every other white person in America. Yeah, not a very Massachusetts blend, I guess. I don't know. Can we hit, like, three more voicemails? Just one succession. Just, like, top of the mind. We just rattle off. YOLO Swaggleton, here we go. Okay.

So I got a quick opinion for you guys. I really think that the Burger King chicken sandwich is the superior chicken sandwich out of all fast food chains. I think that Chick-fil-A is very overhyped, but it's almost the exact same thing, and it does not warrant a whole restaurant. Do you say Chick-fil-A? Yeah. You guys can lay into it. I think that is the only thing that Burger King does right.

Their other chicken stuff is awful. You know they're proud of it when they had that fucking chicken commercial that was everywhere. It was everywhere. I couldn't get away from it. We are recording this before we released yesterday's episode.

That's true. That's true. We reference it. Yeah, we reference it. Yeah, so we talk about this sort of stuff. So maybe his opinion might change and he might go off and try a different chicken sandwich. I might have to try. I mean, I might have to go to Burger King for the first time in a very long time. They were like the last to do it, weren't they? Yeah. Yeah, they were last on the boat. Yeah. Damn. Every single fucking fast food's got one, though. Oh, yeah. Next one, though. Okay, here we go. 10. First of all, can we get an A, man?

amen yeah amen that sounded protestant to me second of all the question the one that we that we tell ourselves that we love the bacon one yeah oh um it's a little lame kind of getting out of style all right we'll just move on is that one judging our question is it insurrectionist here's the german yeah

That's the most German listener I think we have. I also want to ask Schlatt... Sorry for making fun of your voice, man, but that's awesome.

I love the Wii, but the problem is I got the same fucking comments and hate after running that series into the ground that I did for the TikTok reactions. Okay? You just don't remember it. I'd upload a video of me playing Barbie on the Wii, and all the comments were like, great, Schlatt.

Great. Another funny bad Wii game. Look at you. So, look, at some point I might do it. It seems like a fun thing to do on stream, but like an actual well put together video on it, probably not. They don't know how good they have it. And next thing you know, people are going to be begging for those reaction videos back after what you got cooking up. Please, please.

You're going to start asking for submissions of just people begging on their knees. And you can make a big compilation of just people being, please, Schlatt. And my reaction is just, I don't know. I don't know. I'm not sure. That might not have been good enough. You're like, hmm, we'll better that. I'm not a big console gamer. I'd actually somewhat agree with you. The Wii is up there.

I mean, what do you think the Xbox one is better? No. Well, let's move on. We is pretty good. I just got a new TV and it's got a LG TV because, you know, my other TV fucking broke. I got an OLED. I got an OLED because my other one was a backlit backlight one. But I was using the controller and all of a sudden I discovered that it has a cursor that you can control. And I last time I had ever used a controller that sort of felt similar to a Wii controller. And it was it was the Wii controller.

The fucking tracking on these things have gotten so much better and it's just a fucking TV. It's so good. It's like I'm like move my hand like tiny bit like like this a little bit and it's in its tracking it like the Wii was like it would you'd lose it you'd lose it would run away from you and you'd have to be like no no no and you'd have to like try to. Well it's different. It's different. The way the Wii worked was I.R.

And it would, you could use, yeah, you could just have two individual light sources that were apart from each other and that's how it would track. So you had to point it at the, at the front. Dude, the LG, specifically the LG ones, they're good.

with the cursor. - Yeah. - Like you can have it fucking anywhere and it would still, it's still like, it even locks onto the buttons that you want to be pressing on. Like it's impressively good. - I had a Samsung TV before and I really like how smooth and ergonomic the Samsung TV controller is. - Sure. - And so when I pulled out the new controller, it looked like, it looked like a fucking Verizon remote. - Yeah, it's a brick. - So I was like, oh fuck, I gotta fucking do this shit again. But then once the cursor came up and I started being able to move, I was like, nevermind.

I'm totally good. This is so fucking sick. It's good, man. It makes it easier to fucking type stuff on the screen and stuff. It's good. Yeah, so if you guys got a fucking couple K lying around, go buy a fucking nice TV. A nice OLED. That's all I got to say for now. I'm sorry. I'll keep my permission. Okay. One final one. Sure. Nicole or Daniel, you pick. We've had enough men. Yeah, let's get some Nicole. Hey, girl boss.

No, go to the man. I want to hear a man. Okay, well, hold on. Let's save that. Let's hear from a man. Thank you. We'll listen to what Nicole has to say. Maybe it gets better. You're the girl boss, isn't it? Fine, fine, fine. Hey, girl boss. Sort of nervous about saying it, too. Anyway...

what's up my name is nicole um it's currently five in the morning i haven't slept yet um i think if i remember you were like oh what's what are some bad you want a bad controversial take or something like that i don't remember um it's like she's asking us but we're not how'd she get to the um which honestly probably most of my takes are bad this is the

only thing I can think of after being awake for almost 24 hours um I think that fruit flavored cereal is actually dog shit um

Maybe that's just me. Well, I know it's just me. I hate it. Like, Captain Crunch, fuck you, first of all. That's not good. It's like peanut butter. What the fuck? What, like berries? Oops All Berries? Is that what you're talking about? Oops All Berries? Like Fruity Pebbles? Fuck off, dude. I hate that shit. Okay, Fruity Pebbles is one of the good ones. I also...

I mean fruit flavored desserts have been growing on me a little bit but fruit flavored cereal actually die in a hole I hate it so much I can't believe that we've been convinced to listen to this person ramble about such terrible things you definitely care Ted maybe flat fuck off anyway fuck you man what is this bullshit what is this bullshit fucking hell Nicole fuck you dude fuck you

How dare you come on our podcast? One of the best cereals I've ever had in my life got discontinued the same year it came out. It was called Tiny Toast. They had a strawberry flavor of Tiny Toast. It was phenomenal. Oh, that sounds familiar. And I'll never be able to eat it again because they fucking shit canned it. That's a great way to say that somebody just discontinued something shit canned it. Yeah. Also, Fruity Pebbles are phenomenal. Yeah, Fruity Pebbles are fucking good. And like, Nicole, you're out of your mind. You're out of your mind if you're saying that Fruity Pebbles aren't good.

Bye. Yeah, that's pretty much all we can do today. But I thought that went pretty freaking well. That was fun. That was very fun. We only got through like 10 of them, though. I mean, let's be real. How many did we fucking get? 20. 20? We did 20? I just saved the 20th file. Wow. Oh, okay. We did 20. 20.

That's better than Chuckle Males. Yeah, that's true. Because then we've got to listen to Tucker, like, read it all, and, you know, he's still working on his acting. You know, he's still working on his intonation. You know, he'll improve when we do more, if we want to do more Reddit stuff. But thank you guys for sending in your Chuckle Males. Okay, it was good to hear your voices.

It was good to hear your opinions. That was fun. We should do it again. Thanks so much for listening to these awful fucking opinions from our fans. And if you were one of them who managed to get in it, fuck you. Fuck you. Do we want to change it up for next time, Ted? Do we want to ask like, okay, now send in something a little different. Send in for next time for the next Chuckle Mail voicemail episode. Please send us in the most embarrassing moment that has ever happened to you.

And we will judge you on your most embarrassing moments. Thanks so much for listening in. Schlatt, sign us off, baby. See ya.