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This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock. You ever feel like an asshole, Ted?
Sometimes. There's a station wagon stopped in front of me on the highway. Terrible Austin traffic. Dodge Grand Caravan on the I-35, wood paneling and everything. Everyone was starting to go again. We go 30 miles per hour on the I-35 on a good day. They start going. They're like 20 seconds behind. They're still stopped. And so what do I do? I step on the gas. I floor it. I hit him. Kid died. Died like that.
Like that. Instant. Painless, honestly? Instant. Painless. Sounds like a gift to me. Well, you know, it's certainly less of a financial burden on them now. Yeah. So the dad lived. Oh, yeah. The dad who you were initially mad at lived, but the son died. Yeah, the son died. Yeah, the one that wasn't totally involved. Yeah. Oh, that's good. Am I the asshole? Well, that's not for us to decide, Schlant. Our job is to judge other people. So today...
We are going to be taking a look. We're gonna be doing some real cool content stuff today. We're gonna be real creative and today a couple of assholes are gonna figure out who's worse than us. Who's the worst asshole? And we're gonna figure that out and we're gonna figure it out quick. Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich.
Your head did get bigger. Fuck you. It's just taller. It's just taller, man. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. Maybe it's the haircut I got. I, dude, maybe. I had a bad haircut experience. Okay? So I'm in, I was in, and I know he's going to react to this. Audio listeners love you to death. Everyone get prepared. He's going to react to this. So I was in New Jersey recently.
He didn't react. I was in New Jersey recently. Oh, I wasn't listening. Sorry. Oh, cool. That's so nice of you. What did you say? I was in New Jersey recently. Oh. There you go. And it was for a family reunion with the Jersey Shore. And they had rented out a house and we were all spending time together. But I decided I needed to get a haircut. So I bike over to a local barbershop thinking, you know, barbershop close to New York. Maybe I'll get a good cut. Something like that. Yeah. Yeah.
So I show up, I do a walk-in, and the first person that I see is this woman, mid-20s or something like that, and she is absolutely going to town on one of those test, like, practice haircut things. It's like a mannequin head with a wig on it. What?
There's just a thing. Yeah, there is. It's like, it's like how hair hairdressers train, I guess. Um, and I should have known that that was what that was for. I thought it was just, I thought maybe she was just like practicing, but this thing, there was hair, fake hair all over the floor. And this thing looks like it was attacked by a, a lion. It was just buzz cut with little strings of hair hanging off of it. It looked like a, it looked like the worst version of Harley Quinn. Um,
And so they're like, walk in. I'm like, yeah, I'd like to get a haircut. And they're like, all right, you can sit down there. And then like two minutes go by and she like cleans up the stuff. And she's like, okay, sit down. And I find out very, very quickly that this is a very, very new hairdresser. Very, very new. Because everything that she's doing is like,
So slow. She's unsure. And then she starts asking questions to the other person who's working there. And that person has to come over and then fix everything that she's doing. And then she's asking me questions on like...
Like, she's asking me questions on how to, like, cut my hair in, like, ways that I've never been asked. They're like, do you want me to, like, do you want me to, like, buzz it in this way? I'm like, I think. I don't work. She was asking the directions of where to buzz it? You want me to go from front to back? I don't. And, you know, you got to start somewhere. But usually a hair, I don't know how long a haircut takes for you, but usually for me, it's like no more than 20 minutes, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. I was in this barbershop for an hour.
Oh, it took an hour for me to get my haircut done because she kept she would cut my hair. And then this other woman who was very clearly experienced would come over and fix everything that she did to my hair. And it was I come to find out it was her fifth day ever cutting hair. Shit.
I walked out of there. You sat willingly in that seat after you saw her fucking up one of the mannequins? Well, I thought maybe she was... They wouldn't even let her practice on humans? I thought maybe it was like a... You were like, oh, well, she's practicing on a fucking plastic figurine with hair? Well, I thought it was like maybe you were just like trying something new. Maybe this wasn't the normal thing. I should have seen that the absolute catastrophe... You saw it mangled. You saw the hair mangled on it, and you still willingly sat down. Yeah, yeah. That's your fault. No, I did.
That's your fault. If you're not getting your hair cut at a shady-ass hair salon that's run by five Russian dudes, they're all named Boris, what are you doing? You're in 10 minutes and you're out, and you give them an under-the-counter cash tip. They don't take card.
It was the equivalent of walking into a deli and seeing a human finger line in the corner and just not worrying about it or something like that. And what sucks too is that five minutes later, the other guy that was working there was like,
got done and this guy who walked in like three minutes after me got cycled in and this dude looked like he was the most barbershop guy you'd ever he had an apron on he had the he had like a low voice and a beard and the slick back hair he looked like he was into steampunk oh that's boris man yeah that was what i'm saying you just miss boris but
I think that it ended up giving me a pretty good haircut at the end of the day despite the stress because I would get a first draft haircut and then I would get a second draft haircut. You had a peer-reviewed haircut. Exactly. So I had a haircut done by two people that were collaborating to figure out how to cut my hair. That's cool. But yeah, that was the probably only notable weird experience that's happened to me lately. Yeah.
I don't think anyone in that scenario was an asshole. I think that they were all trying their best. Yeah, it's fair. Can you imagine going into or I guess leaving a barbershop and then the dude who's walking in like a customer, he just he's like looking at your head and do I actually want this?
Or the barber says like, sorry after that. Do you imagine? Well, I did actually get a couple of apologies. It was like, you know, I was trying to be understanding too. Because I mean, it's like, how, it kind of made me think it was like, how do you learn to be a hairdresser? Because it's such an important thing to so many people. Like their hair is such a big part of
of what you look like. And to figure that out, I mean, the only options you have is a weird fucking mannequin and then, I guess, trying it on someone who is from out of town. What are you doing there? You're gesturing. No, there's a bald spot. There's a bald spot, I'm realizing. I'm realizing I'm balding. What the fuck? Has this always been there? Maybe it's the universe saying that you're going to move on from the chops. Can you imagine? Yeah.
It's all the gas station boner pills I've been taking these days. Yeah, yeah, dude. Hey, at least I'm rock hard. Too much Mutual Mango XXL. That's the Arizona-flavored penis pill. But yeah, so we sent Tucker off on a little journey through the internet, and we're going to be determining today, based on our elite problem-solving skills, our elite minds, what
wonderful sense of empathy. I think between the two of us, we have probably, we're one of the most empathetic podcasts, I feel like. Would you agree? Combined, we have the empathy of one fully intelligent person.
well-adjusted human being yeah yeah yeah amongst the two of us we are one well-adjusted person we make up for each other's flaws um and yeah so tucker what was your what was your like what were you looking for when you when you dove into this what was your your criteria you were trying to fill out my criteria was couldn't be too long because some some of these posts are
pages and pages long um some people of updates too oh my gosh yeah some have like updates three four fucking updates it it couldn't be too much in one direction some are so obviously the asshole and some are so obviously not so i had to kind of that whole band is a is a bunch of assholes anyways too so it's good to stay away from them yeah i think that's really all i use
Can we just put a little caveat in front of this whole episode? I hate Redditors. Oh, yeah. I hate them. That makes me giddy. Yeah. No, Redditors are... It's weird because whenever I'm reading Reddit comments, they all exist with the same voice. There's some sort of general voice that is the Reddit comment, and every comment I read, it's the same person.
But yeah, no, they're kind of insufferable a little bit. A little. Sometimes I like to go and read through r slash conservative because they are fucking insane over there. Great subreddit. It's a great one, dude. That's a good one. Two X chromosomes. Yeah. Oh, we said two very different things there, Tucker. I was talking about a subreddit.
where people fill a room full of monitors and put porn on all of them and then jerk off for hours. - Oh no, my wife would let me go to that subreddit. - Just look it up. - Wait, is it like people showing off their setups? - Yeah, they're goon caves. They go in there and goon. Goon? - Goon. - Goon. - Yeah. - Yeah. - That's a shame that the word goon,
Oh, no. Yeah, it used to be like a henchman. Yeah, like a couple of goons. Hey, don't make me get my goons on you. You and your guys are hitting the town, and it's like, me and my goons here, we're looking to get a couple of these. Then you walk into a store in formation. Exactly, yeah. It's just now it's a person who jerks off all day to big tits. Big tits. Sometimes cocks, too. I've been on that subreddit. Absolute option. They're confused.
It's like every other monitor is a cock in their boobs. Yeah, no, it's good. That's called being bisexual. Bisexual gooning. Totally valid. No, it is. It is. It's just like inseparable. Like the cocks, like I've tried to goon just a pussy sometimes, but you just can't. None of the subreddits have just that. They don't have that.
Yeah. No, it's good. So I just have to look at the cocks sometimes. Sometimes you don't have a choice. Sometimes. You don't. You simply don't. I mean, if you go to any of these subreddits, I mean, good luck. Good luck. I mean, I've just gotten used to it. And I'll just jerk off to the cocks sometimes now. You're making it sound like there's a street that you have to walk through every day. There's less resistance. That's part of your commute. There's less resistance if you just embrace it. Yeah.
Yeah, like an electric current, you just go on the path of least resistance. The path of the least resistance, the most gooning. Let me tell you what feels electric. Hour and 45 minutes of just the stick method. Oh, I don't know. Once that sticks in there for that long and all the nutrients start seeping in. We should move on. Yeah, no, we should. We should. So...
Let's just get into it, baby. Let's start with our first potential asshole. We haven't determined it. We are the judges here. Tucker, you are the stenographer? I don't know what that means, but I'll read it to you. It's a double-judge scenario. It's a weird judicial situation. Okay, title. Am I the asshole for bringing my sister-in-law's wallet to the restaurant when she conveniently always forgets it?
No. Story. I feel like it's going to be a no. Story. It's going to be good. My female 28, sister-in-law Amy, female 26, always comes to visit from out of town. She stays with us instead of a hotel and always wants to go to expensive restaurants. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, Tucker. One second. Can I just stop you right there?
I just feel like you're not... I feel like I need a little bit more emotion here. It feels like you're not... I'm looking for a little bit... I want you to really feel the character that we're trying to describe here. And I feel like that's sort of what... That was like Biden reading off a teleprompter, man. There was nothing... You were just hanging on to life by a string. But I think you have the potential in you and I think you're our favorite little cherub. And I believe you. And this time I want you to...
I just want you to feel the pain, feel the strength, feel the... Feel the upvotes. Feel the upvotes. That's actually a really great point. You are a Redditor now. Become the Redditor, Tucker. And I know that's going to be tough, but... Okay. Okay.
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Go to your happy price, Priceline. Run it again. Here we go. Okay. My female 28 sister-in-law, Amy, female 26, always comes to visit from out of town. She stays with us instead of a hotel, and she always wants to go to expensive restaurants. She always conveniently forgets her wallet or comes up with some excuses as to why she can't pay her share.
She has implied that since I make much more money than her, I should be the one to pay. No, not my husband should pay, but me specifically, the in-law. I do make a fair amount of money, but not so much that I can treat someone every time they come into town. Nonetheless, in the past, I have just paid the bill and asked her to pay me back, and she never has.
Whoa. She had me make a reservation in an extremely expensive restaurant last night. And before we left, I made it clear that I wouldn't be paying her bill. This is where I might be the asshole. And I'll admit I got this move straight from TV. As we were leaving, her and my husband went to the car. I pretend I forgot something and I went back inside. I found her wallet sitting on top of her suitcase. I put it in my purse and we went to the restaurant.
When we were done eating, I asked for separate bills. She said, no, we need one bill because she forgot her wallet again. I reached into my purse and said, this wallet? She was extremely furious. She said that I should not have touched or grabbed their wallet. So am I the asshole for bringing her wallet to the restaurant? She revealed the wallet like a fucking Marvel character. Dude, yeah. Dude.
That's hilarious. I love that. And you're not the asshole at all. You're just funny. Yeah, that is... You're just funny. That's a baller move right there. I mean, the...
And you know that she meant to leave the wallet there when it's not like a, oh, cool. Or like a, oh, thank you for getting that or anything. It was anger that she felt was like, oh, shit, now I got to pay this and I'm mad at you for bringing it. Yeah, no, that's 100% without a doubt the asshole right there. Fuck that bitch.
Fuck that bitch. I don't know if that's ever if I've ever run into someone that's done that before to me like that doesn't seem like something that have you ever dealt with someone like that before either you guys were someone like always conveniently gets their wallet. I don't hang with poor people. Right. Yeah. No, of course. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah. Tucker, has that happened to you? Not at that level. No, but I I've run into some cheap guys.
Yeah. You're at the Carl's Jr. drive-thru and they're like, oh, dude. You know? Yeah, a couple of these. I could use a large Dr. Pepper fountain drink right now, but I just... Definitely seems like something that a Marine would do. Be like, oh, man, oh, man, I'm so sorry. I forgot my wallet. You think you can get me today, Keen? Yeah, that's happened. More than one occasion. Here's the thing. If I was broke, I wouldn't be...
pushing people to take me to a fancy restaurant. Yeah. Yeah, it's definitely a manipulative action on their part where they're... Especially if the person was like beforehand, made it very clear where it was like, I'm not covering your bill.
And then they were like still got angry and I was like, oh dude. Some of these scenarios where I hear them, I'm like, you know how like when you're in the shower or something and like you had a conversation that didn't go the way you want and you like think of like, oh, what I would have said. Oh, that would have been so good. Like whenever, when I hear these, I'm like, I'm like, ooh, yeah, no, I wish I was in that scenario. So I could have been like, listen,
But unfortunately, I wasn't. She did the right thing. That was a funny move. And she's a hero. Was there any update at the bottom that said what happened? I deleted the updates. Wow. Sorry. We can keep it a mystery. That's okay. I think we can keep it mysterious and we can keep it...
I think even Redditors would have said that this is not the... An NTA. An IATA slang, that would be an NTA. Yeah, no, that'd be an NTA for sure. Wait, A-I-T-A. A-I-T-A. No, NTA, they would say. NTA, yeah, on A-I-T-A. That's the subreddit, yeah. Not a YTA. Yeah, no, no. That's definitely not... That's definitely an...
A-Y-T-A. Yeah. N-T-A. On A-I-T-A. Yeah, no, I think you got it. Yeah. Fuck that bitch. Yeah, fuck it. Kill her. Stop being broke. Yeah. Or at least... Stop being broke or at the very least get one of those rods.
Get a rod. Get a rod. It's so easy. It's such a fun method to do at home instead of getting all your buddies and in-laws to pay for your shit. Stick. It's a stick. Go find a tree. She should have suggested it. It was like, guys, I love this idea of going out to this fancy dinner, but what if we all split up, go home, get a rod, and go to town? Go to the rod and enter our goon caves. Oh, the goon caves.
Dude, those are expensive. You guys don't have a goon cave? What are you doing? Dude, the richest people always have the best goon caves. You could tell when someone's rich on that subreddit because they got like 20 monitors and a fucking projector. Oh, yeah. HD. Oh, okay. HDR. 240 hertz. 240 hertz, boobs jiggling, not even interpolated. That shit was filmed on an Arri Alexa. No interpolation. That shit's in sport mode. That's some Gavin's slow-mo guy's shit.
Wait, what? Somebody shitting? No. No, that's just what. No, never mind. Never mind. No, never mind. Never mind. So, Tucker, what's the next one? What do you got for us? Okay. The title is, am I the asshole for refusing to buy my roommate new meals after my cats knocked them off the counter? Oh, interesting. Okay. Now, this is an interesting one. And I'm predicting this right now. This might be a bit.
More tougher scenario are you going are you going from easiest? Are you going from easiest determination to hardest or is no I just scrolled through my doc and I said I'm gonna read this one next
Okay, cool. Let's do it. All right. Here's the story. My 23 female roommate Rose, 24 female, meal preps for her entire week of lunches and dinners. She always waits till late Sunday night to do all the cooking. So often she'll leave the containers to cool on the counter overnight.
Because it's too hot to put it in the fridge right away before she goes to bed. Two months ago, I moved my two cats into the apartment. Now, in my household, I don't allow them on the counters. But if there's food left open, they'll try to get into it. I explained that she should be aware that the cats might try to eat her food or might knock it over if she leaves it out all night. But she brushed me off saying it was fine. I told her it was only a matter of time before it happened.
Well, it finally happened. I woke Monday morning to the kitchens in a mess because the cats had knocked over several containers on the floor. I cleaned up and put the rest of the food that was still locked up fine into the fridge. Overall, out of seven lunches and seven dinners, about half was ruined. When Rose got up, I explained what happened and apologized. She flipped out on me because she can't afford to buy more food for the week.
Rose demanded that I buy more food because it was my animals that caused this. But I also can't afford to buy more meals out of my own food budget. I told her I wouldn't be replacing anything because she was being irresponsible with her own food by leaving it out and I had already warned her that this might happen. She's still furious with me. Some of my friends have said that I'm obligated to replace her food since it was my cats that did the damage. Am I the asshole?
I don't think that they are. I feel like I usually run towards the angle of, and this has become more clear as I get older, I think, is that if you expressly say something to someone about a scenario, like you give them a boundary or you tell them about something
You make something known and then that person and and you know and you say what the result is So in this case it was like hey Maybe you shouldn't leave your food out all night because my cats might knock that over because I know this about my cats and Then they're like it's gonna be fine. That means that you don't have any more responsibility and she was already even nice and like cleaned up after the cats and stuff and like took care of the food and stuff so
I feel like that's just more of a, oh, that's unfortunate. I'm not going to, I'm going to make sure to put my food away in the future. Like this doesn't seem like, uh, that's surprising that her friends also were like, you need to replace the food. They probably didn't know about the whole aspect. I know the answer or I know the consensus too. I can give you at the end. Okay. What do you think?
She warned them, but then again, it's her cats. I mean, like, maybe just lock them up in the bedroom or close the door so that they can't get out or something like that. I mean, if you're a cat owner, you kind of realize how the cats fucking operate, and there are easy steps you can take to make sure they don't fuck with you or your food. Like, if you're cooking, you lock them in the pantry, and then you hear little scratches. Ch-ch-ch.
Yeah, I suppose. And they're for hours, hours. Just lock them in there. They're fine. They're fine. They'll eat the fucking shit in the pantry. They're screaming. As long as they're not eating my chicken. Dude, Jambo will not shut up. I got to lock them in the pantry for days. Yeah. Days. Days. Days. It takes me a while to cook.
Here's the thing. If it happened with a roommate of mine, I would be like, okay, I'll cover, I guess, this time. But now you know I'm right and you know it happens. Right. So, like, this is not my problem anymore if this happens. Like, put this shit in the fridge. Yeah, this seems like... Containers too hot? They're too hot to put them in the fridge? Yeah. That's a weird thing, too. I'm a bit confused by this, too, because it feels like if...
It seems like there's two things that could be adjusted here. One, if it's one day of the week, if they're meal prepping for the whole week, then it's one day that you just need to make sure, okay, I'm going to get both my cats in my room so that when I sleep that night, and that's just something they can take care of. But then also, if it's just fucking containers of food,
Like, why aren't they too hot to put in the fridge? It's going to get cooler. It's going to cool down in the fridge. Too hot to put in the fridge, Ted. It's too hot. I know, but like, are these... The food's too hot. Are you telling me that like this person is cooking this food and then it's, they need to go to bed immediately while it's scalding?
Like it's so hot that it's unreasonable to go into the fridge. Yeah, they finish cooking and they're like, ah, ah. Because I imagine this in my head that they put it in Tupperware and then they're thinking it's too hot to put. Is that what it is? Is it too hot to put it in the fridge because it's Tupperware or something? Because like I'll put something that's hot in the, if I'm not going to eat it in Tupperware and put it in the fridge and it'll just like steam up inside the Tupperware. But like it's not a problem. Like it's going to get like.
Yeah, so it's – I mean she told her. She told her what the thing was going to happen. It happened. But she doesn't like – like that's just kind of like an unfortunate thing. This is just what it's like living with roommates and like compromise and stuff. It's like there's no – it doesn't feel like there's anyone who's like explicitly at fault. But also – I don't know. If this was my situation, I'd buy whatever supplies were needed to redo the meals. It's meal – meal prep is –
supposed to be a cheap, affordable way to make lunch for yourself every week. It can't be more than a couple dollars. And if you can't afford a couple dollars, why do you have two cats? That's another question in my head. That's financially irresponsible to have animals in a situation where you can't afford to buy a couple packs of ramen. And in many ways, the solution is right in front of us.
So it could be leaning more towards YTA on this AITA post. Pucker, you want to reveal the... Well, hold on. There could be another option here. You take those. If those cats is too expensive, well, you can't afford. Well, you got two cats that are the culprits in front of you. Cook them up. Cook them up. Cook them up. Cook them up. You cover three, four days of the week with some cat. You kill two birds with one stone. Your roommate's got food and it won't happen again.
Two cats with one mallet. Yeah. So what was the answer? Did they end up cooking the cats, Tucker? So this was a YTA. The general consensus was that they were the asshole and that the cats are the owner's responsibility. You're a human and you can lock them up for the night and at the end of the day you are responsible for their actions. That was the general consensus of the post. I agree with it.
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I deal with this with Jambo and the new guy all the time. I mean, they're fucking cretins. You have to set boundaries with the cats to make sure they don't do shit. Yeah. There's a little bit of gray area, though, I feel like, though. You know, it's one of those things where, you know, if you...
if you know that an animal is going to do something and then you give them access to do the thing that you know that they do, like, there's, like, I feel like that's where the gray area kind of exists. Like, you know, if you've, like, even if a dog is, like, really, really well trained, like, a dog, most dogs will still, like,
go after some food if it's within reach of them, you know? They're going to do that. Unless you, like, spend a lot of money and a lot of time and effort to, like, train the dog to, like, behave, like, so perfectly even when you're not around, you know? So I feel like there's a... I don't know. It feels like there's some gray area. And also, they...
I'm still confused on why they need to leave this shit out on the counter all night. That's weird. That's weird. It's a little bit gray, but the solution is black and white. Cook the cats up. Yeah. Yeah. Three easy pros come from this and zero cons. Yeah. I think that the answer for us probably isn't whether they're the asshole or that they're not the asshole. The answer is cook those fucking cats. Cook the cats. Yummy meal for the rest of your coworkers. Meal prep. Yum, yum, yum.
No more problems with the cats. No more problems. And you save yourself some money so you can afford a couple days of meal prep because that's irresponsible to have two cats and be completely destitute. And in many ways, if you're a talented fisher, you could save the skin, make a taxidermy, and then you've got the cat all the time without any of the problems. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And that cat's not going to do anything you don't want it to. The cat just sits there all day. You just look at it. You position it looking outside the window all day. Mm-hmm.
You could put a little button in it with a little voice box thing and make it meow. Meow.
You know exactly the amount it's like a fucked up microphone though, and it was recorded as they were cooking the cat It's like so like you you can only listen to it screaming. Yeah, it's like a Hallmark card microphone Is that a is it a hot take to say that like we should be for a couple no No, that part's pretty cut and dry to me. That's what I was thinking - yes To say that if you can't afford like a couple days of meal prep, why do you have two cats?
I imagine that was at least one comment in the, you know, that seems like a Redditor thing to point out. Yeah.
Can I give you guys a mid-episode little cool thing I found? Sure. Sure. So I just bought a copy of Soul Calibur 2 for the GameCube, and I was reading the manual while we were getting ready. So the game's made by Namco. At the back of the manual, they give you a phone number and the prices by the minute for full walkthroughs and tips.
Whoa. Isn't that cool? They have a helpline? A helpline that's $0.99 a minute for tips and $1.25 a minute for live counseling. Wow. Built in. I know some e-sex phone numbers that are cheaper than that. Maybe it's a front. No, dude. I think people took it soul caliber pretty seriously back then. You think the Namco employees on the other end will like, you know, for a couple bucks extra, they'll be all like sexy?
It'll be like he'll call the Namco number and it'll be like that woman recording that answered for Charlie in that one video recorder. It was like, hey, handsome. Hey, handsome. Oh, Soul Calibur is so hard and long. I need so much help beating it. And then she's like, well, I've got a special rod for you, handsome. Go outside and find a stick.
So this is just like a, this is like a, you go in a woods and get like a stick. Yeah, stick from a tree. This isn't even like, that's horrifying. Sometimes it's more fun when there's inconsistencies. Yeah. Yeah. You don't even whittle it. Oh yeah. When the little branches, when there's those little stumps on the end, that make it real tough pulling out. Yeah, it's organic. It's all part of the fun. Yeah. Yeah. No, I get it. All right. What do you got for us, Tucker?
Okay, the title is am I the asshole for asking my wife to wake me up at night when our newborn wakes up? Okay, here's the story my wife 35 female and I 35 male just had our third child one month ago four weeks For the first week or two my wife had to wake him up every couple hours to feed him But now we just let him sleep until he wakes up to eat. I
here's what here's where that became a problem i am a really heavy sleeper there is nothing i see i can i just say by the way you're doing a great job tucker and i'm really happy with what the energy that's putting into this now because i really feel like this is like you know i'm trying to get you back to where you were when you said i am the king koopa you know platinum cock mario you know
Maybe not that extreme. You don't need to be speaking like that, but man, I'm just loving this and I feel like I'm seeing it in front of my eyes. I'm seeing the apple red. So, yeah, continue. Continue. There is nothing that can wake me up short of being attacked by a bear or shaken or something. It's been that way since way before my wife and I had kids. Babies crying or screaming, do not wake me up. They didn't even when we had our first eight months. So...
I don't know what that means. Oh, our first eight-year-old male. So usually I've woken up when my wife turns on the lights for changing and stuff like that. Apparently, I sleep through a lot when my wife is getting up a lot. So she is saying that she does an unfair amount of work at night because of it.
I feel bad because I recognize that if I'm asleep, I'm not contributing to the night stuff. So I asked my wife to wake me up when the baby wakes up. And she told me that made it so much worse and that it was like weaponized incompetence. She just doesn't want to wake me up for some reason. I am not weaponizing my heavy sleep against her. I just want her to wake me up so I can help. But like I said, she said that makes it worse. And now she's mad. Am I the asshole?
Why does it make it worse? I don't think so. I understand her perspective of like having to deal with, I mean, it's a circumstantial unfortunate thing, but I imagine that a solution on his side would be rather than maybe, you know, if he, if he can't wake up for this thing and she doesn't want to wake him up for this thing, then maybe it's like, okay,
Let's figure out something that maybe you don't want to do in the waking hours that the husband could take care of. Maybe I feel like that would be a possible solution. But I don't there's no weapon that weaponized incompetence is implying that there's an active an active, you know, it's when this is like a thing when a guy chooses to do something like chooses not to figure out how to do something or.
Or do his fair share of work in a relationship so that the woman in the relationship has to just be like, fuck this, and takes care of it. It's something that's like, I don't know. What? What's going on? What is the problem here? The wife doesn't want to wake the husband up? Why not? I'm explaining...
It sounds like it because it makes it worse is what it sounds like. How does it make it worse? I'm not sure. Did I tune out for something there? Hey, honey, wake me up when the kid is screaming? No? What? No? Yeah. Tap on my shoulder. It seems like something that... I'll say this. I tuned out for half of it. It doesn't seem like she's... Really? What are you missing right now?
I just, I came back to weaponizing and confidence.
I was thinking about something else. I feel like the beginning of before that is pretty important too. I probably missed it. There's a child, a baby child that they have. Yeah. And it wakes up crying in sleep. Yeah, I know. This guy is a really heavy sleeper and, you know, but she is not. And so she wakes up whenever this baby is doing stuff. So she goes and takes care of the baby during the night. She's frustrated that like he doesn't also wake up and take care of it sometimes because he's always sleeping through the sound of the baby crying.
crying yeah so he said wake me up that yeah and i'll and i'll handle it and she says no you know she doesn't want she says no well she could because apparently makes it worse how does that make it work i've got no fucking clue man what the fuck that doesn't make any sense what are your guys's takes like what's your final verdict i i think it is it is not the asshole pending
pending like he figures out some way to make it up to her in another regard because she's clearly taking care of this baby crying while sleeping which is like a really known and big part of parenting I feel like is that you get woken up in the middle of night to the crying baby and that's like you know it's a temporary problem too because it's like the kid gets older so I feel like he needs to be either
Doing something you can't really control how heavy your sleeping is so he's got to do something at least to like make up for this She's obviously taking more of the burden here So he needs to figure out some way to like level that out so she feels like she's not doing more How about he wait how about he has her wake him up and he deals with it while she's going back to sleep or put a fucking baby monitor right next to your ear get a little fucking aux cable and
wire up some headphones at night so you'll hear the whole fucking thing screaming. Yeah, or that slap alarm that Simone made. Oh yeah, slap alarm. Yeah. Slap alarm. Get that. Get that. So what's the verdict, Tucker, from the Redditors? Overwhelming response of a YTA. They think he's the asshole. Why?
Because interesting top comment is look up a vibrating like bracelet alarm. I'm sorry. That's what deaf people use, like figure it out. And a lot of people said, yeah, you're just creating more work for your wife. It's taking you four kids or whatever to figure this out. Oh, we had four. He's had four kids. Yeah. OK, I didn't know about the four kids thing. You would have thought that if this this is their third, this is their third. So three kids.
But it's overwhelming. You're the asshole. Huh. How is it creating more problems for the wife? Because she has to win. I'm all for putting a fucking thing in your ear or some way to wake yourself up.
Well, she's dealing with, she's, she is taking on the majority of the burden of, of, of dealing with, with a crying child at night, you know, like, which is like, you know, who wants to fucking get out of the bed to deal with that shit when you're sleeping, you know? So it's like something that she's, and then I'm sure that creates resentment because the husband is just like sleeping there and he doesn't wake up.
So I get that. I get why she would be frustrated. Yeah, but he's saying like, wake me up. Let me help deal with it. There's better ways to wake up, but I don't know. That doesn't make sense. God, wives sound like such a rigmarole, dude. So Tucker, as the only married man in this podcast Discord call right now, what's your take? What do you think?
Well, trying to wake Emma up is like, you got to slap her across the face. So I think, I think, uh, I think I'm in the position that it'll probably be the, the wife, the waker upper, but I don't know. Maybe she'll get that baby mom sense thing. You know, she'll have like that sixth sense. I can just feel the baby crying. Yeah. But we don't have kids. So being in this scenario though, like,
In this scenario, though, so I guess you then probably have a pretty good deal of the perspective of the wife in this scenario. So what do you think, NTA or YTA? I don't think he's an asshole.
yeah i think his heart's in the right place here he just needs to be a little more prudent in finding a way to deal with it that won't piss his wife off i think like it sounds like his only solution is just like well wake me up and then it doesn't seem to be like much more proactive sort of solution making beyond that so it sounds it sounds like he's just kind of being like i can see that like the the weaponized incompetence comes from him just being like well just wake me up and then she's like well
So I feel like he needs to like... There's obviously not something being fulfilled there, so he needs to kind of go above and beyond. How fucking hard is it to wake this dude up where it's like it makes it worse? It doesn't even... To be honest, I've been imagining this dude as like the man version of a Snorlax up until now. That's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah. So I'd say it's gray area, YTA, but maybe also...
I feel like it's just try a little harder. You're not necessarily an asshole. You're not an asshole, but like, come on, man. Yeah, he's on the right track. Yeah, but he also had to go to the internet to figure out.
Maybe he's got a like he did have to. It's you know, I feel like the only people who show up to am I the asshole are people who have dealt with something for a while. You know, like in the case of the the in-law that likes to get their shit paid for. It's like that seems like it's been a theme. And then you've got the this has clearly been a theme in the process.
previous child and in this child and it's like reaching ahead right now and he's like I don't know what the fuck's going on I gotta figure out I gotta ask the internet so yeah that's my take though and you know we've got listeners let us know what you think in the comments below I'm sorry I'm sorry for saying that
It's cringy. Don't never say that again, please. No, you're right. I don't know what came over me. That was like you editing your comment and saying, thanks for the gold, kind stranger. Yeah, the kind stranger. They're getting rid of that, too. Do you know that? They're getting rid of awards. I don't know who took over Reddit recently, but it sounds like they're just like, how can we piss people off the most? That's basically every social media CEO for the last few years.
Yeah, yeah. It's like, how do we make money in a way that takes away from the quality of life of our platform? I thought it was really smart when the Redditors were like, hey, let's shut down the communities for only three days. So the CEO was like,
All right, we'll be good in three days. And then only some of them kept going. Like, why would you say when it was going to end, now all your leverage is gone? Oh, you're back in three days? All right, see ya. It's not quite, it was sort of like a half strike. It was like a little strike trial. That sums up right there. They needed their karma. They couldn't live without it. They needed their up-dudes and their ridicules and their preludes. Yeah.
Um, I think that we have enough time for one more. Is that true? At least. I think so. Yeah. Just about. Okay. How about I give you three titles and you guys pick the one you want. Oh, okay. This is fun. Okay. All right. So we have three more that to pick from. Here's the first title. Am I the asshole for telling my sister-in-law that she didn't actually run a marathon? Title two. Am I the asshole for asking my son to come home to help with the kids while his wife was being induced? Yeah.
And title three, am I the asshole for not giving my girlfriend my dinner after I had already bought her dinner? Induced? Like into labor. Like she's giving birth. Wait, read that title again knowing that context of what induced means. Am I the asshole for asking my son to come home to help with his kids while his wife was being induced? So they're like forcing her into labor. Yes.
That's a yes. That's just a yes. What if the kids are being really annoying, Ted? I don't know, but that feels like such a classic grandpa thing to be doing is you take care of the kids while my wife is in labor and I need to go take care of my wife while...
Okay, I feel like I want to do that. You want to do that one? Well, I feel like it's going to be quick so we can go to another one. I just want to hear what this guy's fucking deal is. The writer's actually 71 female. So here we go.
She's on Reddit? Yeah, that's what I thought. Jeez. She did the in parentheses 71F. Was she browsing advice animals? At that point, how do you still need advice on such a simple thing?
You'd be surprised how many old people are on the internet now. You got people on, you got at least the geriatrics, you got them on Facebook at least. They're creeping their way onto Reddit, although Reddit is kind of confusing for even when you first discover it. Dude, my grandpa's on Wall Street Bets big time. Oh my god, wow. You've got a young grandpa though. He's like in his 70s still, isn't he? His 80th was this summer. There you go. I don't know. Moving on, here's the story.
I, 71 female, have a son, 39 male, whose wife, 36 female, gave birth to their fourth child nine months ago. All of her births have taken a long time, and she's been induced the last two times, including this one. My husband, 72 male, and I were babysitting the three older kids, five, four, and two. She was induced at eight in the morning, and by one in the afternoon, there was not much progress, if any at all.
Since the kids are a handful, I told my son he needed to come home to help for a few hours since it looked like it would take a really long time. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Sorry it took long. Jesus Christ. Since they live a half hour away from the hospital, he could go back if anything happened. So it's not like he wouldn't be present when the child was born, which I of course understand is a big moment for him and his wife.
My son took great offense to my request and told me to suck it up, bribe the kids with treats or whatever worked, and that there was no way he would leave his wife's side unless there was an emergency with one of the kids, like they were being admitted to the hospital.
You don't even have to keep going, bro. Okay, I'm falling apart here.
This is this is a speed running. You are speed running, getting put in a home, the door locked on you and the key being thrown into the fucking dumpster. Yeah, this is that. That was only like half. The second half is her complaining that the kid, their children never ask them to babysit anymore and that they feel distant.
Have fun at Shady Shoals Retirement Center for the past five years of your life. She is actively asking while the husband and his wife are going through a birth scenario that they come back
And take care of the kids. Like mid-birth scenario. And then later on complains that they never asked them to babysit anymore. And that they're feeling distant. By calling it a birth scenario, you're implying that there's like multiple types of births that could be going down. Well, it's just a birth scenario. I mean, come on. This is a funny one, Tucker. I like this one. That...
It's just so viciously towards – it's got to be unanimous across the board that this person is you're the asshole. It's probably everyone's in the comments like, what the fuck are you doing? What are you talking about? They're in the mid-birth and you said yes to this and there's – I don't even know what the dad would be able to do that the grandparents aren't. It's like what do you – like need some time to go make a Mai Tai while you're like –
Babysitting these kids? You had two! It's two people babysitting two! And it was only like four or five hours? Oh my god. Yeah, and 70's also not that old. I mean, like, 70 year olds, if they're 72, they've got movement. It's once you hit the 80's that you start to slow down big time. Like, it's not like, like they have, you know, people in their 70's play tennis and shit. They do old, they move.
They play pickleball, dude. Yeah, pickleball. Yeah, pickleball. That is an old person sport right there. What was the consensus on this? This is a serious you're the asshole. People are upset. People are probably like, I need to figure out who you are. I need to figure out who you are so I can make you pay for this. What's the top comments say?
Top. If it's not that long. Top comment is you are the asshole in a major, major way. You know, birthing. Do you want me to read the whole thing? It's like a little period. Okay. You know, birthing takes a long time in general, but you know that your son's wife takes longer than usual. You agreed to babysit during birth, knowing these things, asking your son to leave his laboring wife for anything short of an emergency with one of his children is a gross manipulative thing to do. Who,
Who knows why you're on such a power trip over your son and his marriage, but it's very obvious to anyone looking at your actions. Good for your son and his wife hiring a sitter instead of playing into your delusions because now they hire a babysitter. And the grandmother in the end of it is like, I don't know why they hire a sitter for money when we'll do it for free.
Yeah, yeah. It's free with stipulations that it could just be taken away at any moment. Oh, my God. That's so ridiculous. That's ridiculous. And they are such the asshole. She's going to be in a home soon. She's going to be in a home. Oh, my God. The second she even has a fucking sore throat, you're just going away and I'm never seeing you again. Yeah. And you know what? Your pension's funding the entire thing.
Fuck you. Fuck you. That's always the back and forth there. It's going to be a war between putting them in the home and then waving the will. That's what it's going to end up being. Yeah, no, that's total asshole. Oh my God, that's crazy. Dude, holy crap.
I'm just sitting in the – I'm sitting in it. I wish I was there. You're sitting in it. I wish I was there to be like – yeah, you know? I love hearing stories like this. It's like when there's one – it's so satisfying to hear when there's just one side that is just so, so totally in the wrong and just hearing about it, you're like, oh, my God. I think we actually might have time for one more. We do. Well, which – do you guys remember the titles? We got the marathon one. And we've got the dinner one. I think I want to hear the food one. I think I want to hear the dinner one. Okay. Okay.
All right. Title again is, am I the asshole for not giving my girlfriend, 25 female, my dinner after I'd already bought her dinner? Okay, here we go. My girlfriend, 25 female, and I, 29 male, live in New York City. And there's a popular app where you buy leftover restaurant food.
Oh, really? That sounds cool. Yeah, I know. Listen to this. Restaurants advertise surprise bags at a reduced price in order to reduce food waste. The customer doesn't know what they're getting until they pick the food up, but the cost is at least three times lower than normal menu price. So for an example, if an entree is usually $24, the restaurant is allowed to charge eight at most for it. Oh. These are hit or miss. Sometimes you get exactly what you want at a greatly reduced price, but sometimes you get something that you otherwise wouldn't have picked from the menu.
I ordered a surprise bag from a barbecue place that I was picking up on the way home yesterday. I texted my girlfriend asking if she wanted one, but she said no. She wasn't in the mood for barbecue. However, there was an Indian restaurant right next door that also had surprise bags available on the app. So she ordered one of them. The barbecue was 12 and the Indian food was 10.
When I get home, I unpack the meals to see what we got. I was psyched about my bag. Since I paid $12, I knew the value had to be at least $36. But honestly, the platter looked a lot more expensive. This was a hit. Keep in mind that we live in the West Village, which is the most expensive neighborhood in the most expensive city in the US. So $36 for one meal is pretty typical. There were burnt ends, ribs, pulled pork, baked beans, potato salad, bread, onions, and pickles.
And pickles. My girlfriend, however, was less lucky. Her surprise bag only had six different types of soup, half of them being variations of cauliflower soup. Oh, no. She was disappointed to say the least. She asked if we should share my barbecue, and I said, no, I'm hungry. I offered to buy you something, and already you said no. So I'm going to devour it.
Okay, first of all, can I just say something right now? This is absolutely something that I could see Tucker being involved in. This is like a scenario I could see Tucker doing. I'm not that mean, dude. I can see this happening. I can see this happening. No, you know what it is? I can see this happening between you and Moses is what I could see. Oh, my God. No, I'm hungry.
Dude, that's hilarious. I'm hungry. I offered to buy you some and you already said no. So I'm going to devour it. Okay. He's the asshole. I mean, it's hilarious, but he's the asshole. I got one more paragraph. Let me. Yeah. Okay. She got mad and called me the asshole. I told her if she didn't want to. She broke the fourth wall. She said, why TA on this one? She said, why TA? Big time.
I told her if she didn't want soup, she should have ordered something specifically instead of using the surprise bag app. I then told her to just order something off a food delivery app. She said she didn't want to spend the money. Another bit of context is I make a lot more money than her and I pay all of our rent. I know she's running a bit of a lean financial picture right now.
I then tell her that if she doesn't want to pay for delivery, I'll walk to the bodega on her street and can buy her something there. Another bit of context is that we live on the fourth floor walk up with no elevator and she broke her leg in a car accident a month ago. So it can be tough for her to get around. She says the grill's probably off there and all she wants is a hot meal. I tell her she has the soup.
Am I the asshole? Oh, man, dude. He's really like kind of going out of his way to make it seem like he's the asshole too. Even if he wasn't. He's like, she broke her leg and she can't fucking move and she doesn't want seven cups of soup. Oh, shit.
Maybe I gotta start using Reddit, dude. That's fucking great. If it was like she got some chicken tikka masala that was too hot or something for her, okay, I'm getting it. She got like eight soups. That sucks. Okay, here's my answer. Dude should have just been like, I can get you... If I was in that scenario, I would have been like giving her some of the food, especially if it sounds like the dude got a fucking feast. Sounds like he got a feast.
And she got like soups. Ted, I'm sorry. He was hungry and he wanted to devour and he deserved it. Listen, it's like opening CSGO cases, man. A lot of time you get shit from the fucking free food app or whatever, the leftover food app. Sometimes you get a red or a gold and a knife and you want that all to yourself. And you know what? He's in the right. NTA. NTA. I'm glad he devoured it.
Yeah, do we know if he went and devoured it? This is a scenario that happened. It's not like the food's just in there. He probably ate it. Sounds like it happened.
He was gubbing. Yeah, it sounds like he ate that food. What was it, goosing? He was jubbing. Yeah, he was jubbing. He was jubbing. He was jubbing big time, and he was goosing for a jubbing, and he was goosing for a jubbing so he could get the energy so he could go into his goon cave and start putting the rod in, man. Oh, he got to put the rod in, babe. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I got to eat all this. I got to go to my goon cave. Babe, I need all the strength in my body. You know how putting that rod in takes the energy away from me. I need it. It's America. He takes the rod that's in her leg.
Never mind. Never mind.
No, man. Yeah, no, that's funny. NTA. NTA. Yeah, I mean... NTA. You can't be mad. Come on. You can't be mad. Wait, this is a good response. It just sounds like some serious belligerency on his part. It's like he's not even giving her a scrap. Like, it's comedically dickish of him to be like that. I mean, like, obviously... So you have to respect it. It's unfortunate that she got seven different types of soup that were half and more cauliflower, but it's like...
I mean, you know, you give her some of your food and you're like, okay, maybe I get you some from the bodega. But she doesn't get all. She doesn't get all of his food, obviously. She gets none. I think in that scenario, she'd get a third, you know? Yeah, you get one pork rib, a bite of mac, and you're done.
Can I assume that you like pork ribs the least? Love barbecue. It's all so good. It's all so good. Yeah. It's all so good. That'd be me doing a service. Dude, it's got me thinking now. Next time I come to Austin, we've got to go to Terry Black's. Oh, my God. You've got that hat. The only barbecue place I know is Style Switch, which Tucker and I have been to. Yeah, that was good. In my memory, that was pretty good. We'll go to Terry's. There's probably better ones out there. We'll go to Terry's. What were you going to say about Terry's?
No, it's fine. It's fine. No, I want to hear the verdict on this. Yeah, well, the verdicts are wildly you're the asshole. So this comment is pretty good. Come on. You tell me you didn't see that comment. You're laughing at how ridiculous this guy is. I think he deserved the food. So here's a comment. So you had plenty of good food. You could have shared it, had a good time and gone to bed happy and in love. But instead, you're sitting here asking strangers on Reddit if you're the asshole.
Tucker, can we find a not the asshole comment and see what they said to justify it? It sounds like this... I'm seeing the visual in my head right now, and it sounds like this dude could have had such a huge win moment. He could have gotten so many brownie points in this relationship and been like, yeah, of course you can have some of mine. That sucks that you had the soup thing. But instead, this dude is probably fucking hunched over in the corner of this apartment. Just...
face covered in barbecue sauce and she gets close and she's hissing at her and he's like I'll tell you what happened to he he stood and ate it at the counter because it was too he was definitely too heated to go sit down because she was sitting down and she was pissed so he kind of stood off I mean that's what I would have done
I'm sorry, I don't think this guy's the asshole. I don't think he is. No, I think he's totally justifying this. It sets a bad precedent that the girl is going to start taking all his food. All his food. And he deserves it. He paid for it. End of story. A lot of people say you're technically not wrong, but you are an asshole. Yeah, yeah. Like, yeah. I mean, it's one of those things where it's like,
It's like, come on, man. What are you doing? Why are you in this relationship? You're not the asshole, but I wouldn't date somebody like you.
There you go. That's yeah. Basically, it's like you have the you bought it and then it's yeah. No, it's like it sounds like it sounds like he hates this person. If they were like like what it sounds like the like he he's used this mystery bag thing is like a gamble that is like written in written in blood like it's a blood contract. This person says the only thing that matters bad. The only thing that matters in the story is what is this app?
Yeah, for real. One person says it might be an app called Too Good To Go, which is what they use in California for a similar thing. Ted, there you go. Get a little fucking mystery box. Honestly, that sounds kind of fun. What a great guy. I want to hang out with this dude. Yeah.
Yeah, you call this, you find this dude's information, and you're just like, dude, you got to come over. Yeah, I'm Terry Blackson. You can check out my goon. I'd love to goon with him. He'd be my goonette. He'd be goonette. Wow. Yeah, goonette. Yeah, every gooner needs his goonette, Ted. I feel like two gooners together would just be a couple of goons, would it not? Yeah, but the goonettes, it's like a girl gooner. Yeah. Yeah.
You're going to turn him into your little girl gooner? That sounds a little interesting. Tucker, what are you laughing at? I'm just reading the comments. There's some funny comments. Somebody's like, we need some background. Do you like your girlfriend? Yeah, that's a very important foundational aspect that you need to clarify. Somebody's like, I mean, yeah, you're right, I guess, but why are you punishing your currently immobile girlfriend like this? Yeah.
Oh, dude, yeah. Dude, the fact of the matter that he came back and she is immobile and then she's like, oh, well, can I have some of yours? And he's like, no. It's like insane. He was already eating it. You know he's already eating it. He's like, no. Not his problem. He's like halfway through those fucking burnt eggs and he's like, what are you talking about?
I chose this. You rolled the dice wrong. Sorry, sweetheart. And she's sitting there like, I got seven soups. Even if the soups are good, who wants seven different soups? Nobody. What it sounds like is it sounds like you have a meal in a side. That's a perfect scenario to just split up the food that he got and then maybe try some of the soups. And half of it was cauliflower soup. So if you don't like that, it's half of it. You're such a fucking white knight.
Let the dude enjoy his barbecue. He earned it. Yeah, there's the other side of Reddit right there. We gotta go, man. That's the other side of Reddit. Get me the fuck out of here. Fucking pussies. Well, thank you so much for listening to this episode of Choco Sandwich. Let us know what you think our takes were and if we were accurate in our assessments here. And if you want us to do more stuff like this where we take a look at some suggestions like this, all that, hope you're doing well. Hope you're staying safe and hope you're...
Hope you're not being the asshole. Or maybe in a freeing way, hope you're being the biggest asshole you can be. Sometimes that's what you need. Sometimes that's how you got to live life. It's more free. I mean, this is America after all.
