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This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock.
My neck is so unbelievably long right now. What happened to it? He became Giraffe Man. That's so dumb. That's so dumb. You unveiling your new superhero named Giraffe Man. Nuh-uh. Nuh-uh. I'd like to see you in a little speckled brown and yellow suit. Just a skin tight suit. You just slip into that. You will never see my bulge. You'll never. It wasn't about the bulge.
the bulb i know that's what you were thinking no i was immediately what you're thinking when when you think skin tight yes no yes that's what you think no of course i was thinking that you would become incredibly aerodynamic i'm already first of all how dare you i'm already extremely aerodynamic i'm like the new mercedes-benz eqs with a hundred percent aerodynamic ability you're an animal i glide through the wind okay i glide man really how fast can you run i don't even feel it
What's your MPH? Faster than I will ever need. When was the last time you ran as fast as you possibly could? Listen, I don't do it because it becomes a matter of public safety. It becomes a matter of public safety? Ted, imagine me sprinting full speed through Times Square. Panic would erupt. If you had to choose one reason in the next year that you think might make you run as fast as you've ever run before...
What would it be? When my single mother tenant doesn't pay rent on time and I have to evict her. Running full speed to that fucking house with the notice. Holding it straight out. Hey! Hey!
You have 30 days, I'd say to her as the tears fall down her face. And she says, help, I don't, why are you doing this to me? And I say, it's just business, baby. That's the housing market in Austin. You picked the wrong place to live? Go to Cody, Wyoming if you're looking for a cheap place to live because Austin ain't it, toots. Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich.
Everybody, welcome to Chuckle Sandwich. Ted is getting water, and so it's me and Tucker now. How you doing, man? I'm good, I'm good. Busy summer. Nice. Busy summer. We've done a whole lot of fucking nothing. Oh yeah, Chuckle's been dormant. Yeah, it has been. Hit that one little burst. Yeah, we had our burst, and then Margaritaville hit me. Hit me like a truck, and then we were just unable to...
I am the bread. I am the butt pieces of bread. And when something's going on and I am just, I shift my attention somewhere, Chuckle just, it's like, you know those little, you know whenever you get to the beach, if you've ever been to the beach?
You know what a beach is? Yeah. Okay. So, you know, when you go to the beach and when you're a kid, it's like the greatest thing that you could find is a collection of sand that is hard enough that it's almost like a rock. But if you crush it, it like crumbles. You know what I mean? Where sand gets a little firmer and you can crush it and then it crumbles and it's almost like really dry. Do you know what I'm talking about?
No, I would be looking at ass and titties at the beach, not at grains of sand, you fucking pussy. Okay, well, imagine one of those little bunch of sand. The point I was trying to make is that Chuckle falls apart. I know what you're talking about. Oh, okay. I know what you're talking about. The Chuckle falls apart like sand when I'm not running the show here. Well, no one eats mayo, but people eat bread. Yeah, people don't eat mayo. No one is squirming.
The closest thing we ever did to doing that was when we put mayonnaise in cereal. That's true. And it was fucking gross. It was really gross. No one likes mayonnaise alone. But let me tell you, I'll even admit to this. 2 a.m., you're fucking hungry. You just woke up. You had a terrible nightmare about you being drafted into the fucking military. Yeah. And you got to go overseas to fight some war you don't believe in. Yeah.
And you're like, I'm hungry. I'll go get some bread. You having like pre-drafty Vietnam dreams and it's only solved by some mayonnaise? I just feel like if it came down to a draft, I would much rather just be sitting here telling my subscribers to go join it.
And I think they'd make an exception for me. You're going to be taking sponsorships for the U.S. military? Oh, yeah. Of course I would. If it meant I didn't have to fucking go out there? Yeah, I mean... Hell yeah. After seeing those back in... When we saw those during Cutie's episode... Was it Cutie's episode where we saw those commercials for the Marines? Yeah.
That's pretty dang close to a mobile game ad, you know? Put me in one of those. Like, are you kidding me? I get to slay a fucking dragon and then I turn into a marine with my little fucking rifle? That's awesome.
How did we get here? It'll be Schlatt looking at the screen and be like, but before that, it's time to fulfill some financial obligations. This video is sponsored by the U.S. Marine Corps, baby. It's just like fire, flames, and stuff. Shoot real weapons. Shoot real people. It's time to act. It's time to act now. There's oil over there, and we want it. Get your local recruitment center.
Yeah, head over to your local recruiter and tell them that Jay Schlatt sent you. Yeah, use my referral code.
Use my referral code and you'll get $500 extra. Use your referral code and you'll get PFC. You get a camo on your gun. Use my referral code and you'll get an extra $200 on your enlistment bonus. That's awesome. That's so awesome. Yeah. How did we get here from Margaritaville? You know they do like real referral codes.
They do real referral codes? Yeah, when you're going in, if you can drag a buddy in with you under your name, you'll get an extra rank when you graduate boot camp or whatever. Oh, interesting. Wait, is that part... I remember when Tucker was first going into the Marines, there was like... I know, he was just selling it to Ted. Like, listen, Ted, this is a good deal. I can get you in. I bring you, you get another guy.
Tucker was going into Marines and back then in 2016 when he was getting ready, he was the most motivated little motherfucker ever. I actually got a comment on my new video where – because I have an EGA and Eagle Globe and Anchor sticker on the back of my truck because at one point Tucker just –
When we park at the high school, my truck is just sitting there all day. So at some point, Tucker got one of those little stickers and put it on the back of my truck, and it showed up one day. So somebody asked if I was a Marine because of that. They were like, didn't know you were a Marine, Ted. Semper Fi, brother. And I was like, I had to comment and be like, no, it's Tucker. You also have a Lance Corporal sticker on your window. Yeah, I do. Wow. Yeah. So actually, I think that was what it was. I saw another comment where it was like, Ted, were you a Marine?
Are you Lance Corporal? And it's like a specific rank on my truck. So it's like... Wow. That's...
Am I, is this stolen valor what I'm doing with that having that on my truck? No. No? Maybe a little. I mean, like, dude, let's be real. If I had a fucking 10th Prestige 70 sticker on my car, despite never having gotten there. Yeah, skull? Yeah, I never got to skull. I got in a hacked lobby and I got there. That's not legit. Yeah, I also got mine through a hacked lobby. That's how I got my intervention fall camo.
Oh, geez. I always felt bad about it. What I was going to say, though, is that back then, before when we were graduating, I was going off to college and Tucker was going to the Marines. But there was a period of time where Tucker was trying to seduce everyone in our friend group where it was like he was talking to Moses about it. I almost got him, too. Dude, Moses almost went and... No, you don't even understand how close Moses was to being a Marine. He...
went to what was he spent a summer training to be an officer for the Marines like he was in on base it was in Quantico Virginia he went to the first half of the training program like he was in boot camp we think it was we think he that was probably the furthest Moses has ever gone to impress Tucker
I think. Definitely. That's personally how we believe. Tucker got me thinking though. He got me thinking a little bit because Tucker was like, oh, we could do the buddy program. Ted kind of thought about it. It was something that crossed my mind but then it was also like,
This isn't what I want. I don't want to. Why? I just I just am going to miss Tucker. And I'm like considering becoming a Marine. It's like for the for the pathway that I was following for for my scenario, nothing against the Marines or whatever. But that would have fucking ruined my life if I went if I if I went that route because Tucker was fucking miserable for four years. But yeah.
That'd be funny, though, if you did a, you would, you, I think of anything that, you know, that Schlatt's been canceled for, I don't think that you would have survived the, I don't think you would have survived the Marine Corps sponsorship video. Hey, if it came down to it, that would be my service to this country. If the sponsorship flow was looking a little low, you would. Oh, yeah.
Oh, geez. Well, welcome everyone to another illustrious episode of Chuckle Sandwich. We're here. We're back. We're back. We're back and we're going to try to post these more often. We're going to try to be better about that because I'm back. A weekly podcast? A weekly podcast that posts every... It's honestly... I feel like you guys are getting better at dealing with it though. I remember back in the day because...
I think it's a pretty well-known thing that I look at the Discord or I look at the subreddit at least once a week. So, you know, back when it was like one week had gone by and it was like a two-week break, it'd be like you guys were frothing at the mouth, screaming, twisting and turning in that subreddit being like...
But now it's more like I saw a reply recently to a post and it was like, long time chucklers know that whenever there's a chuckle week, things get a little bit weird after. And like the posting schedule just starts fucking up. Becomes too easy for us. It happens. It happens. I have been just kind of toiling at my house. I became a carpenter. I don't know if you noticed. I built the wall. Yeah. Half of my screen is now just a solid wooden wall. Yeah. Yeah.
We're working on updating our backgrounds for Chuckle Sandwich so that we'll actually, for Discord stuff, we'll actually have Chuckle-specific stuff. I'm actually working on setting up my own. But that background behind Schlatt, if you're, you know, audio listeners love you to death. Sorry, you can't see this. But if you're a video watcher, the background behind Schlatt will start to...
We'll start to update and look cooler and so will mine. So we're getting a new little thing going on here. I carpenter'd this shit. I don't know if you did.
What do you mean? Never mind. You know, I think you did actually. You know why? Thank you. Because that's a holy thing to do because Jesus was a carpenter. Jesus was a carpenter. He was a carpenter. Jesus was also hung and I'm following in his footsteps there too. Yeah. Do you got a citation of like where the Bible specifically said that Jesus was hung? Just because I'm curious. That's like my own. I just feel it in my bones. Oh, it's a faith thing.
Yeah. No, that's fair. A lot of religion is just faith, Ted. Yeah, no, everyone sort of interprets their religion in their own way, you know? I mean, there's always sort of a subjective aspect to it. Yours is...
seems to be specifically around talking about hanging a millstone around someone's neck and drowning them in the depths of the sea. You've said it so many times that I am starting to learn it. You've memorized it. You can probably do it right now. If any of these little ones shall stumble...
If you cause any of these little ones who believe in me to stumble. If you cause any of these little ones who believe in me to stumble, let them. It would be better. It would be better to hung a large millstone over their neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea. Perfect. Honestly. You're Catholic. I know, but like I am. I was raised Catholic. Good. I was confirmed Catholic.
Go to your happy place for a happy price. Go to your happy price, Priceline.
Why were you silent during that? You've never acted like... I'm sorry, you don't really act like one. Well, okay. I didn't learn everything about Catholicism. It wasn't something that I was obsessed with where I'm quoting it in my adult life. You didn't pay attention in the weekly religion classes you had to take as a Catholic before you got confirmed? Oh, those sucked. Those were miserable. Every Wednesday, I'd have to go in and do that shit again.
Every Wednesday. Every Wednesday. And you know, I wasn't originally going to do it. And for those of you who don't know, like for who aren't Catholic and who weren't raised Catholic, there's a thing that you do where it's like, I guess you become like a real Catholic or it's like, it's like kind of like the final boss of like if you're not interested in being like religion stuff, but you kind of have to do it.
It's called being confirmed. You have to take a bunch of these classes and then there's like a ceremony thing. It's like this whole thing. It's like you've got the baptism first communion and then you're getting confirmed. But I wasn't originally going to be doing that. But then I remember the way that my mom convinced me to do it because at that point it was like my parents have always been pretty chill. Tucker knows this. My parents are very chill. Wicked chill. Lisa's chill. Yeah.
And so like I wasn't really interested in it and they were like, if you don't want to do this, you don't. But then my mom was like, but if you want someday to get married in a Catholic church, you have to be confirmed. And I was like, okay, fine. I'll fucking get confirmed. I'm fine. Jesus Christ. So, oh, in his name. So that's why I did it. Can you get denied? I don't.
Can you imagine if I got up there and the guy was like, I don't like your vibe. If I don't like your vibe right now. That is not how it works. The priest is just like...
No. Yeah, it's just all that learning and all those classes up until the whole vibe check thing. I don't even remember a single thing from those classes, too. I don't really remember what we... A lot of it was like group work, I remember. Yeah, it was brutal and boring and not fun at all. And I kind of zoned out during most of it to the point where every time my dad would come pick me up after...
He'd say, what'd you learn about? And I just said, Jesus. And that was it. That's the, oh man. I believe that. Because it really was, I mean, that's the whole faith. Yeah, that really is. Yeah, I remember when I was a kid and we would go to church on Sundays and stuff. I always wanted to bring my Game Boy in. I think I successfully brought my Game Boy a couple of times, you know?
That's a tough sell sometimes. My Game Boy, my blue, my dark blue Game Boy Advance SP playing Super Mario Bros. Dude, I had a dark blue Game Boy SP too. Yeah. Dude, the Game Boy SP was, the Advance SP was probably one of the best handhelds that I ever had. I never really had the, Tucker's about to pull one out right now. I bet it's the silver one he's got. Is it the silver one, Tucker? Yeah.
That's a girly one. He better not play with a silver one. I feel like most kids had the silver one, but the blue one looked way better. The blue one was so cool. Let us know in the comments. It was so manly. It was. It was because blue is for boys and pink is for girls. And that's how it's always been and that's how it always should be. And you can take that to the bank. Tucker's taking his sweet old time getting this Game Boy out. I don't know where it is. That's kind of alarming. Wow.
But yeah, I had the silver one like a man. Like a man? Blue was for boys and pink was for girls, but men had silver. Well, there was glitter in the paint. There was glitter in the silver one. Yeah. Well, it was actually called, I think it was called Pearl Platinum. Oh, okay. See, if we're talking about Game Boy stuff, if we're talking about Game Boy slash Nintendo stuff, Tucker is absolutely someone who has entered this conversation as a...
As a person who knows. He was doing this thing for a while when we were younger where he was on this quest to move up all of his Pokemon throughout the Game Boy games. So, like, he would, like, I guess he could transfer them up. Yeah, I failed that quest. Oh, I gave up. I just...
Pokemon kind of lost me and I was like, I don't think this is worth it anymore. Dude, that's pause. No, this weighs on me. I know, it does. It sounds like it weighs on you significantly. No, I think about that process probably once a week and how I failed. Yeah, it's okay. I think we still value you. Yeah, I've come to terms with it.
It doesn't sound like you have. I think you need to get a therapist and talk about this. Honestly, I probably should talk to somebody about my Nintendo issues. Yeah. Because Emma's taking the brunt of it. You've been putting it all on your wife. I'll say one more thing about Game Boy SP that I thought was really cool. If there was one thing that I thought was really cool when I had a Game Boy SP as a kid, my dad did something really cool. And it didn't last very long, but he tried. Where it was like, you know how you can...
I don't know if you knew this, but you know how you could connect two Game Boys together? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's how I played Mario Kart. My dad bought a Game Boy Advance SP and then the little connector thing
just so that him and I could play that little Mario two-player game thing that was like the platform setup thing where it was like, I don't even know, I don't really fully remember what it was, but I remember we played it for like a day, and then my dad was like, yeah, okay. And then he went and returned the Game Boy SP, and I remember thinking as a kid, I was like, I was like,
Just the concept of the Game Boy, me having that was the most ultimate sort of like this was gold. So the fact that my dad could go to the store and then bring one back and then play a little bit and be like, and then go and return it was insane to me. That was like, how could you return that? I could have kept that. That would have been I had two Game Boys. That would have been twice as good, man. Yeah. I do that all the time. It might be...
That's the best I could do for you. Tucker has busted out a bright yellow Pikachu Game Boy Advance SP. It's a good one. Wow. Look at that. Do you do this too, Ted? Say you need a really expensive item one time, you'll buy it on Amazon, and then you'll just send it back when you're done with it?
No, I haven't. I'm really bad at sending packages. It's probably one of the things that I struggle the most with. What if it's like a $5,000 piece of bread? I can't actually remember the last time that I sent a package in the sense that I would more likely donate clothing if I ordered it online than go through the whole process of sending it back. Wow. So your laziness is what...
Keeps you from committing fraud. Well, it's more that I have an intention to send it back or something, or if it's the wrong size or something like that. But then I...
little ADHD old me forgets so much and puts it off so much that the window in which you can return it closes, so then I end up donating the clothing. Yeah, I did that recently. I got a CD of King Cruel's Man Alive, one of my favorite albums of all time. The CD came cracked. What? Yeah, it was broken. And I did the return through Amazon, and they're like, okay, please send it back.
What? No. Yeah. No. It's a pain. No. I'm not doing, I'm not sending back a cracked CD. Like this benefits neither of us. No. Well, you'd get a refund. It would benefit you. No, well, they gave me the refund anyways. Oh, really? Oh, okay. They said, we're refunding you. Please send it back. And I was like, okay, well, you already refunded me. This is not, it's not worth sending back. I'm sorry. Yeah, checkmate. Checkmate Amazon. I'm just not going to do it. Yeah, you fucked yourself. Yeah.
You played yourself. Yeah. You were on the road for like a month. Talk about that. Yeah, I was on the road. I was on the road. Yeah, I went to... I just finished it. It's actually... For context, folks, we're recording this on July 25th. So there's a new episode that's going out tomorrow and that will have been posted. So it'll be... This is probably going to be coming out around the 1st or the 2nd of August. Welcome to August, everyone. But...
About four days ago, I posted my, I went to every Margaritaville in the United States with good old Eddie Burback. Friend of the podcast. Friend of the podcast, Eddie Burback. Yeah, he's one of the people we've had on the most. He's come on twice to the podcast. Yeah.
Other than SwaggerSource, he's gone three times. But yeah, I don't know. What do you want to... I don't know. I don't know how to talk about myself. What do we... You got in a car and you drove around. Yeah, we got in a car. And you went to the restaurant. And then you... I mean, you liked it or you didn't like it. How was it? It was honestly... I mean, hmm. I would say, you know, obviously there was a storyline there. And when you make a video, it's like you're doing a little bit of a shtick.
That trip took us to way more beautiful locations than the Rainforest Cafe did. On the Rainforest Cafe trip, we had to go out of our way to see cool stuff. I remember when we were planning that trip,
it was like oh we're gonna go to see white sands national park or like oh we're gonna and then and then the trip on the way back on the rainforest we ended up going through colorado and that was just a nice drive anyways because you have to go through the canyons and stuff in order to on on the i-70 i think um but on this trip it was like we're going all the way down key west like we were all around florida we went to panama city beach which was i didn't mention this in the video but
There were so many fucking college kids on golf carts in Panama City Beach just rolling around. It was like, because we did the trip in like May into June. You went to Panama? Yeah.
Yeah, no, we actually, yeah, we missed a, we entered in the Google directions wrong and we just kind of went all the way through Mexico and just like down all the way into South America. We were in Panama. It was crazy. Where's Panama City? Panama City is about very close to Destin, Florida. I'll tell you that much because that's where the other Margaritaville is. No, it's like if Florida is like that big, that big hung cock, then it's like, it's right up, it's right at the top of the shaft, right where it connects to the ball sack. Right.
So, and it's like right near where Mississippi, it's very close to Mississippi. Right at the Dick Backboard. Yeah, like the Dick Backboard. That's a great way to put it. The beaches, we saw dolphins. We saw, but I learned. I learned, unfortunately. And I learned this from, who did I learn this from? I think I might have learned this from Connor. I think Connor told me this. Connor Eats Pants.
Because I think he may have, he used to like vacation there with his family or something. But apparently the dolphins that we saw, they don't, and Tuck, you'd find this interesting with environmental science stuff. But they don't usually get that close. The reason why they're that close is because of the fucking shit that happened in the Gulf. So they avoid certain areas of the water. So they come closer to the beach because of like the pollution. The BP spill from like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
That's what I heard apparently. I thought they apologized for that. That doesn't... Yeah, no, well, yeah, yeah, they did. Yeah, which is why it's confusing that the dolphins didn't hear about it. Yeah, no, I don't know what the deal is. I mean, maybe the dolphin would just like they knew the importance of the task that we were taking on and they decided to send us a sign.
But it was really cool to see a dolphin. Just like, you know, it was sunset and we were looking out over the distance and then we'd just see like a little dolphin that's just like dipping in and out over the water. Yeah, dude.
Here's my theory. Margaritaville is for fucking old people. Oh, yeah. They have a retirement community. Yeah. And so they're all going to just be in the really nice, bougie, old, rich people spots. And the vibes there are just immaculate. God's waiting room. And Rainforest Cafe is for a bunch of little fucking shitty kids. Now, hold on.
Okay, you want to get into this? You think the Rainforest Cafe is for functioning adults who don't like a little gimmick, like a little kiddie gimmick? They're both themed restaurants. One is for alcoholics. One is for people who haven't let go of their childhood, okay?
And I know which one I'm at. But both of these things are vices at the end of the day. Alcoholism and nostalgic childhood loving and rain. But at the same time, Rainforest Cafe, I mean, they've got a whole theme of save the rainforest. Now, I don't know how powerful that theme is when they're making an entire faux rainforest out of plastic.
And they keep the animals there. Yeah. They can't leave. They have scores of tropical fish trapped in tanks that cost so much. They have to hire someone, which is why half the rainforest cafes don't even have fish in them. It's just these giant bubbling tanks of empty water. But, you know, they're very different restaurants. But I think it...
margaritaville in terms of like a vacation type thing was very cool i would say because it was like you get to have a margarita every now and then i'll tell you one thing though the margarita is there i had a margarita pretty recently when i got back and i didn't realize how like fucked
my brain got of what a good margarita is. Because Margaritaville does not make good margaritas. Even the main... I mean, Tucker had one. Not very good. You both came to a... You had a Pepsi or something. I had a Diet Coke, yeah. I drove. Dude, that was so rude. The way you... Tucker was like...
Tucker, what did you get when we went to the Syracuse one? Oh, I had like three margaritas. And then I had, I think I had the burger. What's their burger? It's got a funny name. Oh, the cheeseburger in paradise? That'd be the one.
Yeah. I thought the food was better than expected. Yeah. You did show up at – Rolling up to the Syracuse location, expectations were at an all-time low. Yeah. You went to the worst – one of the worst locations that we went to. It was – I would say that that might have been the worst one because we – It sure looked like it.
well because we got a weird server when we went to that one yeah we did yeah i forget i think his name was well i don't want to say his name i don't want to screw his job over but i mean the the guy was you know who you are yeah you know who you are he's watching right now he like what did he say to emma sacker's wife emma he like the guy came up and he was like oh you know what it was we ordered drinks
Didn't ask for an ID for anyone except for Emma. Oh, yeah. I feel like you either do everybody or nobody. He singled her out. He singled her out and he was like, just need to see your ID. And then it was like he came back later and he was like, oh, maybe that was kind of weird. And then he was like, oh, it's because you look youthful. He was trying to go that angle. But Emma's not like a 40-year-old woman. So it's like that's not like a – it's like – Yeah, our waiter peaked in high school.
And I don't think he goes on YouTube, so it's okay. What did you think of your Bargaritaville experience? I was much more impressed with the San Antonio Riverwalk than I was the actual restaurant. Oh, you've never been to the San Antonio Riverwalk? No, I never. Why would I go to San Antonio? I don't know. I...
I couldn't tell you. The fucking Alamo? Are you going to go see that piece of shit? I have found very few reasons to find myself in Texas. There's two times that I went to Texas that were for you, and then the other two times I went to Texas were for videos where I was driving through Texas. It was quite literally a through way. I mean, if that was... That's my only understanding of what San Antonio is, though, and it seems like a pretty nice city. Does Austin have a Riverwalk? It doesn't have a Riverwalk, does it? No.
No. What's that about, man? I don't know. I don't even, I don't fuck with the outside. Dude, it's 105 degrees every day. You think I step foot outside once this month? No. Dude, Shalad's such an asshole. Delivery and DoorDash and Uber Eats and everything, man. Fuck if I'm going outside. People see me. Shalad, I love you. Fuck off, man. You're wasting my time.
I'm so jaded these days, man. I can tell. Hey, speaking of the fans, 4 million. Oh, true. Hey, yeah, 4 million. Right before we filmed this.
Yeah, I was watching the live count. I just hit four mil. Now you have to be grateful after you just spent all that time shitting on people. You got to be grateful now. I love my fans. And the more that number goes up, the harder it is to live as a normal person outside, which I really love. And I really hope that continues. Yeah, it's nice. Tucker, how would you deal with that? How would you deal with that scenario? Oh, I don't know, man. I don't think I'd ever let myself get into that scenario.
I have no fan base.
No viewers, no followers. I'm anonymous. There's a lot of Tucker haters in the world. A lot of Tucker haters. That's good for me. Let's imagine a Tucker lover world, though, where there's 170 million Tucker lovers out there. Tucker's the biggest individual YouTuber on the planet. This guy right here. Yeah, you're crossing your arms and smiling. I get it. And imagine that scenario where it's like you show up at Wegmans and it's like you can't
Like you show up anywhere, any place you like to go and 20, 30 people are going to recognize you. Maybe I joined the Marine Corps again so I could like stay on base and no one could get to me. Oh, there you go. What was the worst MRE? Probably like veggie omelet or something. Veggie omelet? That sounds equally as miserable. I mean, you just don't. I would just never eat the veggie omelet portion. It's still got like snacks and shit in it. Oh, gross.
So what else is there to talk about today? I mean, we've been chatting for a while. Holy crap. Well, look, I mean, there are still, I just want to put this out there. There are still loads of times in my life where I need to. This is important to highlight. Where I need to move swiftly and stealthily through public areas.
For reasons I don't feel comfortable listing, but sometimes if you see me and I look like I'm doing something or going somewhere in a hurry, don't come up to me because I'm probably in the middle of something. Yeah. Like a dead drop? What are you talking about?
Okay. Yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I just wanted to mention one thing. I just wanted to mention one thing. And we can keep this short, but Twitter's called X now, by the way.
It's been a week probably since this came out. What? It's genius. Genius. Yeah. No, it is cool. Hey, listen. If I bought a fucking one-letter domain, I'd want that to be what my company was too. That's so cool. X.com. I was reading that this dude has been obsessed with this X shit for years, for like a decade. He spent a million fucking dollars on the domain. How much?
A million. He spent a million dollars in the domain for the letter X? Yeah, for one of 27 domains in the world that have one letter. If I had A.com, of course I'd try and make my business called A. Not that anyone would give a shit or that it would be a smart move. Yeah, his brain's probably at where he's like, what's got the most brand recognition?
The fucking alphabet? Duh. What's more, people use X to spell so many things, like xylophone. Yeah. Hey, his daughter that's got that weird name with the X in it, apparently her nickname, they call her Y, the letter Y. Oh, come on. What? So maybe there's something deeper going on, you know, X and Y.
Z's coming out. Yeah, Z's going to come out and it's going to blow us away. What was funny to me was that when Threads was having its...
30 seconds of fame, literally 30 seconds. Dude, yeah. I was like really excited about Threads and then I was like... Oh, come on. I was feeling... It was probably the best transfer that any new alternative ever had. Because, you know, over the years, there have been so many new social medias that's come up where it's like, oh...
fucking... I can't even remember them anymore. I mean, there was a couple... Oh, like that TikTok one that was supposed to be made by the Vine... Bite. Yeah, and it was a pain in the ass because most of the time, it's like the only worry I have is like, shit, I gotta get my fucking username before someone takes my username and starts posting fucking goatsy on this new app. But with...
Threads was great because it was just transferred over from your Instagram, which was awesome. But now it's like, oh, fuck. It doesn't have a following feed. Oh, fuck. It's just like this fucking for you page. And like, oh, there's no DMs. And oh, shit. There's...
there's no trending it's just a list it's just like a feed with like nothing to it threads had the best chance out of any social media killer app would probably ever have and they squandered it because they they released it with i mean no features and the feed was was
Probably, and I'm being completely honest, the For You feed on threads is the worst social media product I have ever used in my entire fucking life. Yeah? Yeah.
And they didn't, and they just, all you had to, what is it, 10 lines of code to put in the fucking following feed? Yeah. Look who I'm following. Put those there. I could almost guarantee you that they were trying to get ahead of it, and they were like, they were, because. Of course, yeah, of course. They wanted to take an opportunity of the, you know, the last. Well, no, what I mean is that, like, it's been become woefully apparent that most social media companies hate the following feed.
Especially Mark Zuckerberg. Mark Zuckerberg on Instagram hates the following feed. They want to recommend you whatever is going to make them the most money. And so they're like, oh, we're making this new app. We might as well not even include the following feed because it's not what we want. And that's not what people want. And it's like, come on. Even TikTok's got a following feed. I at least see people I follow in my Twitter for you page. Where are they on threats? Yeah.
Where is anybody? You open the app and then there's like three or four tweets, threads from people you follow.
And then you're like, okay. - Redditor's a funny name for a user. - Right? You keep scrolling and then it's eventually like fucking these like social media interns running accounts for once popular Instagram pages who are just engagement forming. And then you're like, okay, I don't want that. So you refresh the feed and then it's literally no one. - Yeah. It's just like, fuck Jerry and then like some other people.
It's laughably, laughably bad. Yeah. And I think that like what's weird too is like going on there on threads, I found myself being like, this is like what the new for you page on Twitter looks like too. Kind of. And the, you know, the new for you page on Twitter, how, how it's like very much so like Ed Krasenstein and, uh, and then, um,
and culture critic, and then internet hall of fame is what I see. - Yeah, look, there are a couple of big accounts that'll always pop up. Hurt Copain, always on my fucking feed. - Yeah, or Q-Rub. - I don't know why, yeah. But the For You page on Twitter is way more usable.
Way more usable. And I've never... And then Elon. I'm a minority here. I have never gotten gore or violence or any footage of people dying on my feed before. When it first started, I saw a video of a guy murdering a husband and wife on a security camera footage. And it was horrifying. Yeah. Yeah.
But now they don't, I don't see that anymore. But now Elon, Elon's decided to fucking take that, take this shit to the bank now and just like fucking like turn it to X, dude. It's like confusing, man. I saw a really good tweet where I saw a really good tweet and it wouldn't be an X. It wouldn't be an X. I saw a good tweet where it was like,
social media companies would kill to have the brand recognition of something called a tweet or a retweet or something like that and Elon's just like hmm I'm gonna change it to an I think that I'm gonna change it to an X now and it's like dude you're the only one who likes this shit you're the only one it's literally just a dude he's like a kid he's like a kid he's a kid he's a kid I just it's just so silly all he had to do
was not change anything and it would have been fine. - And he would have started making money. He would have started making money too. If he had kept with the whole revenue sharing thing, that seemed like it was gonna be good. I mean, there's sort of an interesting aspect there where it was like, oh, it kind of makes money off of just divisiveness, which is an interesting aspect to paying people money on Twitter.
I don't know. Fuck them. Either way, there's one more thing we're doing today, Chucklers. And I think we actually don't have as much time as I thought we would for this section. But today, we're checking out some more Chuckle Mail. Chuckle Mail. We need to make a song. We need to make a Chuckle Mail song. It's Chuckle Mail time. It's Chuckle Mail time. Is that? That's the song. That's the song. That's it. That's it.
It's chuckle mail time. It's chuckle mail time. You know what I should do? I'm going to get that one portion of you saying that, and I'm going to send that to a producer, and they're going to turn that into the song. It's going to be like Shladden Reverb being like, it's chuckle mail time. All right, Tucker, hit us. All right, try to give— I don't know. Try to do four or five minutes of pop here.
This next one is pretty related. It's from Kinetal from Illinois, and they want to know, what is the best AI song cover you've heard of yourselves on YouTube? Oh, Jay Shlatt, My Way. Jay Shlatt, My Way. And now... The Frank Sinatras are so good. The end is near. It's funny you brought that one up, Ted, because you'll enjoy something I'm working on soon.
Oh, yeah? Yeah. Let's just leave it at that. Are you going to do a concert where you actually try to sing the songs? What I don't understand is that... Well, let's not spoil anything, okay? What I don't understand is that there was this new wave of the covers, and it was originally like, hey, Kanye West, isn't it covering plain white tees or some shit? And then it turned into...
Immediately switch from like famous very famous people covering famous songs to like cartoon characters. Yeah, SpongeBob dude It was SpongeBob mr. Krabs and fucking me wait. Do you realize that like yeah? The second wave of AI covers that got popular it was it was mr. Krabs SpongeBob Squidward Plankton and fucking me
I think that people, I don't know, you have a very, very specific voice. I don't know how people were able to train such a good AI off of that. I mean, like, is there, because a lot of our voice examples are, there's like music playing over them. Maybe they, they honestly might've used a lot of the podcast in order to get your voice. They definitely did. Yeah. Because there's hours of your voice, like recorded on this podcast. Um, yeah.
Oh, that's probably where they got it from, actually, because there's no music behind us speaking, is there? Shit. Yeah, there's been recently some popping up of me. There was one someone did where it was Owl City Fireflies. Oh. You know, you would not believe your eyes.
10 million fireflies oh tucker's looking it up right now i want to listen to it he's excited they're not as good though because there's like points in the song where it's like i start getting voice cracks and stuff and it's like i like that it's it's it's like i'm having a seizure but they're fucking awesome dude i would say the jay schlatt my way one
Do you think if you really tried, you could sing that? If you really put your gumption into it? Well, I might try. Let's put it that way. That'll be awesome. I might try. I think that you could. It sounds like based... What's weird about the AI stuff is that it sounds like you could.
It sounds like you could hit those notes, which is really confusing. And I think that for some songs with the AI stuff, it's like you can tell if you couldn't, like the way that the AI reacts. It kind of has a fix on your register. So I think that's interesting. Tucker, are you listening to the... I'm listening to my way. It's like really good. It's really good. It is really good. I wonder if I could do it better.
It's strange how good it is. But Tucker, you got another chuckle mail for us? Yeah. This is an anonymous user and they want to know what's the worst thing you've ever spent money on. Oh, interesting. The worst thing that I've ever spent money on. The worst thing I've ever spent money on. I mean, the worst behaving thing I've ever spent money on is my truck.
I could pour a million dollars into that truck and it's still going to behave the same way. And that it's, you know, it's falling apart. And it always will be. Because I can't even really properly change the air filter in it because the fucking air filter clip thing is broken. I'm going to fix that. Can I say one word to maybe inspire you, Ted? Yeah. Equinox. Like a Chevy Equinox? Like the crossover? Oh, no. No.
Oh, the gym. You tell them to go to the gym. Yeah. Yeah. I did have the Equinox and I didn't go, I didn't go very often to the Equinox. That is fair. That is fair. I mean, it's tough. I mean, you can't even take a buddy with you. They'll fall through the basketball, football size hole on the passenger side of the car, on the car.
I spent $100,000 on a statue of a monkey with fat nuts, Tucker. Yeah. And it's been in the box for a while. Yeah. Oh, I'll tell you. I bought that brick. You did buy the brick. You did buy the brick. That's true. That's funny. That was a foolish move. That was a foolish move. That was foolish gamers. Yeah, that was a foolish move. Yeah, it was foolish gamers and long flowing hair.
Yeah, no, the monkey was definitely, between the two of us, I would say the monkey was probably the most... Probably the stupidest one. Oh, there was an insane amount of money. I don't have that much money I could just throw towards something like that. That's crazy. Was it a business expense? I don't know. We're still working out that tax year. I haven't paid. Oh. Yeah, 2021.
I, all those videos got age-restricted too. You seem troubled. You seem troubled by this. All of them got age-restricted and no one watched them and it was just disappointing. But the monkey's still there. I touch him every now and then. Well, it's because they got age-restricted. I mean, the series itself was really funny. I run my hand around the, like a fushigi, like a fushigi.
He should release another one of those. He should release one that has a Fushigi attachment where you can take the balls off and then start going like this and doing the shit that they do in the Fushigi commercial. That'd be great. That one was the good one, though. That move there. That was the good one. Yeah. There's your answer, Anonymous. Do you want to give an advice one? Sure. Charlie from Illinois says,
wants to know, how do you deal with the falling out of a friendship? Make a better friend? There's something out there. I guess it depends on what the... I don't know if I've had too many friendship falling out kind of stuff. Yeah, I mean, it depends on how the scenario happened, but growing up, I didn't really have anything like that. I mean, I would, to be honest, I feel like Tucker would be more...
suited to to answer this question in a general sense than than me but like i feel like it's just
I don't know. You just got to know your worth. And if someone isn't treating you right, then you got to just kind of be like, because I feel like so often when you're a kid and when you're growing up, you like social stuff and being in high school and junior high and elementary school and stuff like that is just like having friends and interacting with friends is such a big part of your life. And those type of people are so involved in your life so often, especially because you'll see them at school and stuff that like,
You kind of want to, at least from the way that I would think about it, you kind of want to be liked by everyone and to be put in a situation where someone isn't behaving correctly towards you and they, you know, you kind of want to hold on longer than you probably should. And at a certain point you realize, well, I mean, if this person isn't making me feel happy and isn't serving like my life in a positive way, then why am I giving any of my energy towards them?
So if you want an answer on how to deal with a falling out of a friendship, it's like, well, like, you know, while you might be mourning the friendship itself, you got to kind of think about, well, okay, well, what are the reasons why it got to that point? You know, and like, that'll probably bring you back to the, oh, okay, no, this is important for me. This is, this is a good thing that this isn't going on. So I think that's my official answer. How's that sound? Was that good?
That's good. That sounds good to me, man. Hell yeah. Okay. Boom. Check mark off on that. I'd say we probably have time for one more. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't think that you would actually answer it. I didn't think he was going to answer either. No, I mean, that's fine. That's fine. No, no, no. I'd love to hear your answer. No, it was going to be very succinct. Oh, okay. Friendships are a two-way street.
So you both have to be putting in stuff to be getting anything out. And also, there's a little... What the? Oh, my God. There's a log in my eye. Wedged in my eye. And yet... A log? Ted, you have a speck in yours. Yeah, I do. In my pupil? Are you talking about the little speck in my eye? Oh, yeah. The speck. And while I'm pointing out the speck, I fail to acknowledge the log.
Wedged in my eye. How is this? Wait, are you making a point here towards the friendship thing or I'm confused? Yeah. Okay. That was the same question and all confusing. Okay. Final chuckle mail question. Tugger. Let's do this one. It's from Jane who lives in Poland and they want to know your most. Whoa. Sorry. They want to know your most embarrassing moment of 2023 so far.
I set up a new bidet and the pressure on the minimum setting was so much higher than the pressure on my previous bidet that I violently stood up from the pressure as it impacted my rectum for the first time and it just kept spraying on me. Just kept spraying all over my back and my legs and shit as I jumped up, which...
Yeah, I mean, it's funny thinking back, but in the moment, it was bad. That's awful. That would be a nightmare for me. I'm trying to think of like...
to like anticipating this the burst of water that comes in i'll i'll like sit a little bit to the side so it when you turn on it hits the cheek first not any of the sense of areas and then i'll kind of ease it back in yeah towards where it needs to hit yeah but that time i just raw dogged it i don't know why and it raw dogged it i raw dogged it and it hurt and i stood up and it kept spraying all over my back there's like a cum shot on my back wow um
Nice. Yeah, no. It took a lot to admit that. Oh, and I'm so proud of you for doing so. I can't really think of what the most embarrassing... I mean, I would say one of the more embarrassing things is when doing the Margaritaville trip. Eddie and I...
Especially at the points in the video where I had like critical changing moments like in Mall of America I had to film myself like going like this like oh oh in the video for the sake of the video and
um and to see employees from the restaurant walking by you and then looking at you as you've got this fucking iphone camera pointed at yourself making that face and then like it is an exhausting mentally to do that uh and i would say that that's probably one of the more embarrassing things that i've had to i've had to deal with um
Yeah. You're used to that, though, with the Milkman stuff. I mean, you put yourself into a lot of those. Dude, the Milkman stuff is exhausting, though. That's why I don't really do it anymore, because I would have to hype myself up in order to do it. Imagine walking around in a Milkman, skin-tight Milkman costume. No. I wouldn't want to do that. Handing out milk to people. The most recent one was probably the least...
enjoyable one that I did was because it was like just it was so hot it was dusty it was like I kind of just wanted to enjoy Coachella to be honest and it was yeah there was also a lot of assholes who were at Coachella a lot of LA types that were like holier than thou or more like cooler than thou like so they just wouldn't go along with the bit and they were just like what and it was like okay
yeah what are you gonna say tucker i feel like i'd like doing the milkman thing with you you want to dress up as a milkman too maybe a chocolate milkman yeah like a sidekick like yeah you could be my little cherub yeah cherub cherub something about i don't know what it is i can't say the word sidekick i have to say tucker's my little cherub it's just really funny to think of you as like a little
Greek mythology baby with wings and a diaper flying around with like like in those paintings. It's funny You got to admit it's funny. You seem a little bit troubled by it, but it is it is it is funny It's funny. Come on Tucker think of yourself as a little baby in a diaper with wings flying around gracefully You have a pitchfork golden pitchfork. I see myself if you're gonna equate me to like that kind of thing I feel like like toad from Mario Kart is more appropriate. You don't have any hat. I
That's not his hat. That's just part of his head. No. It's like a turtle can't come out of his shell. He can't take the mushroom off. That's propaganda. Of course he can. No, he fucking can't. It's a religious conviction of his. No. You're so out of your element, dude. You don't even know. What do you mean? Dude, don't do this. Have you seen the diagrams? Okay. Toadette's hair grows out of it in the same style. They have little holes on the hat.
No, dude. I know it's tough for you to wrap your fucking ape brain around. Great ape. But I mean, I'm telling you, it's a hat. He told me. Wow. Okay, well...
It's a religious conviction. Like a yarmulke, you're saying? It's like a yarmulke for toads? You're saying that the toad hat is a fucking yarmulke? No, I'm not... Yes, you are. You're equating it to that. I never said it was a yarmulke. You said it was a religious conviction. Yeah, but there... I mean...
Is Judaism in the Mario Galaxy? We're talking about an equivalency. Is Catholicism? Is anything canon? I think it's a religious conviction, but I don't think they need to get into it. Well, there's definitely Italians. They don't, but we need to get into it. There's definitely Italians. There's definitely Brooklyn. That means there's definitely Catholics. Yeah.
There's definitely Catholics if there's Italians. Because if there's Italians, that must mean that there's... The Pope. That must mean that there's Rome. Therefore, there must be Italian food. Therefore, there must be the Pope. But if there's Catholics, there must be Jewish people as well. Because Catholicism happened because of that whole Jesus thing. And if there is Judaism, that must mean that there is...
Every religion pretty much. Well, at least all Abrahamic religions. So they are yarmulkes. They've got Islam. So the toad race is just the Jews, is what you're saying. No, no. I don't know. Well, don't say that. We're not saying that they're equivalent here. You can't just say that. I would say that maybe they've got...
Tucker's got like pictures up on his wall. He's drawing. He's doing the red lines connecting all of them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Conspiracy theory, Tucker.
Well, we should get into this more offline because it might get heated. Yeah. Well, with that being said, thanks so much for listening to this episode of Chuckle Sandwich. We'll see you next week for real this time. I swear we're going to post an episode next week and you guys are going to listen. You're going to love it. Hi, everybody. Ted, I'm out of town for a month starting tomorrow. What? See you next time, guys.
