Wrap It Before You Tap it 52:40

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Listen up, patriots, gay-triots, and nay-triots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20-minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances.

We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever. You get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe, and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind, pumps. Pumps, what does an eagle say? Caw-caw. A little bit more enthusiasm. Caw-caw. That's it. That's, that's. Caw-caw. That's the patriotism that this country needs right there. So are we supposed to start?

Ready? One, two, three. Welcome to I've Had It Podcast, a place for open-minded people to share their petty grievances. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. And right before we started filming, Pumps called Kylie Kathy. So from this day forward, we will be calling our...

Millennial lesbian producer, Kathy. Pumps. Okay. First of all, how long have you known me? A long time. Have I ever gotten anybody's name right ever as far as you know?

No, you haven't, because as our listener knows, we had the governor of Kentucky on the show named Andy Bershear. And the lead up to it around the office, you kept saying, what time do you think Randy is going to arrive? Hey, Kathy, what time do you think Randy's going to arrive at the studio? I feel like you know who I'm talking about. Do you think Randy's tall? These are the hard hitting questions. America's greatest legal mind ever.

Meemaw meat curtain. Oh, a listener sent me a little tip, a little sales pitch for your new law firm. Okay. Are you hurting? Call Meemaw meat curtain. Tell you what, our listeners sharp as a tack. They're just smart. Sharp as a tack. Meemaw, what have you had it with? Why don't you share with Kathy and me what you've had it with? Okay, so.

I fucking had it with in 2024. Among the many things I've had it with. I'm adding roundabouts while driving. You know those little circles? Of course I know roundabout. Okay. It's great in like London. That's a great roundabout.

So last night I'm driving home. This guy behind me, it says yield and everybody knows that nobody knows whose fucking turn it is in a roundabout. Like nobody knows. A four-way stop's bad enough, but a roundabout is just fucking chaos. So I yield and I start slowing down. This guy comes up behind me. He's old too. Comes up behind me, starts honking at me. Go, go. And I was like,

Look, fucking prick. I'm just trying to do what it says. And then I just, as I was driving past it, I just thought, that's the best you've got? A roundabout? Here's the deal. Here's the deal with roundabouts in the United States of America.

We're too incompetent to do the roundabout. I love you more than anything on the planet. But here's the deal with a roundabout. You got a nose in. You can't stay back and be shy. You got a nose in. You just go straight into the roundabout. I get passive at a roundabout. See, that's why you're not a great candidate for a roundabout.

Roundabouts are not for passive people. You got to nose in. You can't stay ass back. You got to nose in that roundabout. No, I'm a breaker. I'm a break rider on a roundabout. I just get nervous. Yeah. See, I like a roundabout. There's a way that I can come to the office and

where there's a little roundabout down here. And I just enjoy it. And I nose right in. And if somebody's lollygagging and not nosing in, I'm on the horn. Oh, you are? Oh, yeah. You're like that guy last night. Exactly. He was madder than a hornet. Uh-huh. Yeah. Which, you know, of course, I kind of loved that. Yeah. It's fun to rile people up. It is. I was just like, God, you're getting mad. But I just, I really did. I just thought...

Doing a roundabout here on our brand new little street. The situation for our international listeners is we don't have that many roundabouts in America, especially in a place like Oklahoma.

They're so commonplace in Europe. Right. But we don't know how to do them. I don't. So when they roll them out here, you've got, it's just chaos at the roundabout. It is. We're not, our education system struggles world. So we struggle at these roundabouts. I mean, it is, it's trench warfare at the roundabouts in the United States of America. Some people might even say, and I might even heard you say, the education system is so bad. So people will stay dumb.

So they'll go MAGA. I, yeah, it sounds like something I'd say. Yeah. All right. Let me tell you what I've had it with. Let me check my notes here. Oh yes. Okay. I've had it with people that assume the role of hall monitor in public settings. Okay. I'm going to give you an example. Okay. Uh, Josh and I were at the airport and, um,

Was going to the gate because I heard them making an announcement like we're gonna get ready to start boarding soon You know passengers on this flight blah blah blah, so I start walking up to the gate You know, sometimes you just got to get your eyes on the sit layout and the situation right? We were calling. Yeah, I was doing a little reconnaissance trip So as I'm walking up to get my eyes on everything this guy goes hey, hey, hey

And I look at him and he's dressed in plain clothes. He's not wearing a uniform that would indicate that he is a employee of the airport or the airline. And I said, yes. And he goes, they're not boarding yet. And I go, I know. I'm just getting my eyes on it.

So then I go back, gather the people that are traveling with me, and they have the lines where you can line up for boarding. Right. Come on, we're going to go get in line right now. We're going to be first in line. You do like to be first in line at boarding. And they were like, we don't want to stand in line. I'm like, oh, no, we're going to because I have somebody who's trying to boss me around in the lobby of the airport. So you know what he does just to flex on me, this hall monitor guy? What? Yeah.

So they say, okay, now we're boarding veterans. And then they go, and now we're boarding families with small children. He has a 10-year-old. He skirts the system with the 10-year-old.

passes me while I'm waiting with the normal borders and gives me this smirk, smug, go fuck yourself with his 10-year-old and walked right on the plane. And here's the deal. It was infuriating, but I also kind of envied the troll. I did. I was going to say, it's kind of like, you hate it, but you kind of like it. I kind of thought, you know, he showed me. He did. But here's the deal. I like that he showed you. I like the troll.

A 10-year-old is not small children. Here's the shit that I've had it with on that. Number one, you're not the boss of the borders. Right. People that work at airplane gates or work on airplanes, these are not wallflowers. These people are aggressive. These people are go-getters. These people deal with the worst of humanity day in, day out, full-time job. They don't lollygag. They don't pussy fit. They have no problem regulating people.

So why this dipshit felt like he needed to boss me around was infuriating. And then he drug his 10-year-old into his scheme. And I had had it. But I also was kind of like, we were kind of having this war. Like, I was like, well, I'm going to go get in line if he's going to tell me what to do. And he's kind of like, fuck you. I'm going to pre-board with my kids. Yeah.

I'm going to pre-board with my adult child. Maybe that's what we'll start doing. Family's pre-boarding and we can bring all five of our kids, youngest one being 18, oldest 24, and we're going to pre-board family traveling for children. Oh, no, he's small. He's just young. He's just tall for his age. Kathy? Yes? Have you seen these public call monitors? I have.

That seems like something you might do. A hundred percent she would do it. You know? Maybe it's you spot it, you got it. I think it might be. Here's the deal. I mean, y'all are probably right. What you wouldn't do is out loud say it to the stranger. You'd think it, you'd whisper it to us, but you would not go up to a stranger and be like, hey, hey. I would look at this dip trying to pre-board. Yeah. Yeah. I'll tell you what though. I just, I kind of do love him. He just kind of looked at you like,

Suck my dick, bitch. He did. He took his adult child and they pre-boarded. And he literally made direct eye contact and gave me this smug smirk. Yeah. And what are you going to do? You're just like...

I wanted to be like, you started it. I was just doing a little gate time recon. Everybody likes to go get their eyes on the gate. Where are the lines? Where's the gate? Who's working? Who's going to be the, you know, boarding pass scanner? I like to get my eyes on it. I like to know what I'm going to be up against. Right. You know, I'll tell you what, that I really, when you said it, I was just like, you are so right. I mean, people that work for airlines, man, it's fucking complainers.

Every. It's trench warfare. Every day. Yeah. You can't walk into work and be like, hey, good morning. How are you? Can I check in for your flight? Why do I have to pay for my bag? I need to board first. I think just to mentally prepare to work on an airplane and to work at an airport. Like, let's say that right now we all showed up here and it was an airport. I think that if I were the boss of the airport, I would say, OK, guys, listen, here's our team meeting.

As we arrive, instead of being like, hey, good morning. How are you today? Let's just walk in and be like, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. And who's next? Yeah.

That's how we're going to greet each other. People might behave better. That's how we're going to greet each other because we've got to get the right mindset because we are dealing with incompetent, entitled public that most of them act like they've never been in airport before. We have literally got to keep these people regulated. And I think you just pleasantries have to just go by the wayside. Right. No pleasantries. I agree. All right, Kathy. What?

What's going on on the World Wide Web? I've got two reviews for you. Okay. This one is five stars, titled Hogtie Them With Their Pearls. Okay. And she writes, Let them titty babies clutch their pearls, taking on teeny weenies and turning them into innies. Jen with her godlike wisdom and long knockers, a.k.a. sagging dragons, a.k.a. pumps, are princess of the world. Okay.

That's so nice. That's so nice. What about taking the teeny weeny and making it an innie? I like that. Oh, of course you would because you're a closet dominatrix as we've expanded on on Patreon. And I just think that's just too – all I said was if my ex-husband had a ball gag, I would probably like it because he would shut the fuck up.

I wasn't saying I want to be a dominatrix, but anyway. But just because, okay, I have to let the regular listener know what's going on on Patreon. You also admitted that the idea of criticizing and humiliating MAGA men, like sexually demeaning them, was appealing to you and sounded like a fun sport. I just... Did you or did you not? I do. I do think it'd be a fun sport. Right. Right.

All right. Last review. It's titled Whores and it's four stars. And Austin. Wait, hang on. W-H-O-R-E-S? Whores. Yeah. Okay. Yes. Okay. It's an okay podcast. Reminds me of the Golden Girls, but I like that the scrawny one likes hairless cats. I don't know that we've ever received a more honest review than that. It's an okay podcast. I mean, it's okay. That's all right. It's nothing to, I mean, it's nothing to get riled up about.

You know, don't get too excited. In a pinch, if you have completely finished and graduated from streaming TV and you're completely desperate to not be alone, we'll do in a pinch. Right. If you're driving cross country. Right. From California. And you finished all of iTunes. You've gone through the whole playlist. What about I've had it? It's all right.

That's all right. Okay. But I mean, four stars, I think of a four star as like a B. And I just, I'm going to say again, I like that somebody called me a whore. Okay. So we got an email from Nick G and he answered the call for the meat curtain meemaw attorney at law jingle.

So, listener, this was a couple weeks ago when we rolled out the name and branding of America's Greatest Legal Minds on the fly, mind you. That wasn't even planned. No prep. Zero prep for that episode. Didn't have to park it. We didn't scramble a jet. They were all completely on off in idle positions. For America's Greatest Legal Minds,

law firm, personal injury, meet Kurt and Meemaw. And I asked Nick, our podcast musician, songwriter, rapper, to make a jingle. And he immediately delivered, did he not, Kylie? Day up? Within 30 minutes of the episode dropping. God, you know, he's really talented, truly. That's the kind of intensity that I like right there. I think self-starter for an OK podcast, that's a pretty good...

That's a pretty good turnaround rate from Nick G. Imagine if we were an excellent podcast. Right. Imagine if we were five stars. Yeah. Yeah. All right, Seth, let's play Meet Kurt and Meemaw's jingle. Hi. Hi. You're trying to reach Meet Kurt and Meemaw? Sure. She's on a quick vape break, but she'll be right back. You sound hot. What do you look like?

Nice. Can I have your number? Wait a second. Here comes the jingle real quick, all right? Hold on one sec. Yeah. One, two, one, two.

Hey, you in an accident? No need to fret, you a patriot. For the claim process, you ain't gotta be uncertain. Just de-stress and think meat curtains. Even if you at fault, no need to worry. The meat curtain camel so can really flip a jury. One triple eight meat curtain meme-mog. Processed faster than you can say cacao. Yes, you know I might be ready for ya. Meme-mog's ready for ya, baby. Woo!

When you're done talking to her, I am going to want to get your number, okay? All right. All right. Thank you. Bye. Here she comes. Be nice to her. Just another brilliant hit. We got to get that on Spotify. We got to drop an album. That's so good. That's so good. I mean, like, I'm probably going to smoke, smokey up my eyes, get the eyeliner going again. All right. So listen up.

patriots, gay-triots, and they-triots. Me, Curtin, what does an eagle say? Come on. You're going to take our podcast ranking from okay to poor. I'm laughing so hard I'm sweating. That was really funny. All right, listen. We have really a spectacular guest in store for you today.

You're going to know exactly who she is. Her name is Samantha Bee, and she's the host of the podcast Choice Words. Pumps, do you know who Samantha Bee is? Of course I know who Samantha Bee is. I used to love Full Frontal. I mean, she's hilarious. She's hilarious. She's smart. I mean, she's just everything you want to watch on TV. Strong female presence. I really like her.

I was going to tell you, though, I did see their podcast was with Lemonada. Yeah. Remember when I first saw that? I was like, does anybody know anything about this pod company, Lemonada? I do remember you saying that. Lemonada. Just in the vein. And I do remember the other day you were going to order an acai bowl and you left the office and you said, hey, hey, Jenny, do you want one of those acacia bowls? I'm like, what?

What is an acacia bowl? Yeah, I ordered one last night. Kathy, do you know what an acacia bowl is? No, she said that to me too. I haven't heard you say it right since we corrected you either. No, I did say it right. Acai, acai, acai bowl, acai, right? What does an eagle say? Yeah, see, I can do that. All right, listen. Listen, we have a very important guest. We do. We digress. Let's welcome to I've Had It, Samantha Bee.

Pumps, our ability to suck and then wake up the next day and suck more than the previous day is undefeated. It's unparalleled. We are the champions. If you would like to see how bad we suck, please join us in Seattle in September or New York City in November for, you know, just some world-class shit talking. That's right. Live. Live and in person. That's right.

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All right. As promised, our guest today is Samantha Bee. Samantha, how are you? I'm so great. And can I, I was, I didn't know whether to say it in the recording or not, but I want to say,

I'm a goddamn huge fan. I love your podcast so much. Instant. Like I was very, I'm excited to be here. I'm so excited. That's wild because we're huge fans. Yes. I've just had it with so many things. So I like share your feelings. Yeah. It's a very therapeutic bonding experience to shit talk. Yeah.

Yes. With friends. I mean, it is just a unifying thing that Pomsonite's given our friendship so much longevity. So I invite you to be our throuple. Yes. All right. Samantha B., what have you had it with? Oh, I had it with so many things. But I actually, like, as I was getting ready for this, I was like, I know that I –

reflected that I've really had it with with young people fashions like I've totally had it but I was going deeper and I was like actually what I've had it with is as a middle-aged woman feeling like a cultural punching bag. Thank you so much. I think that my resistance to like the way that people want everybody to dress has more to do with the fact that

I just feel like they want to see us in things that make us look so dumb. And they want to see us in particular, like in just like humongous pants and a little top. And I hate it all so much. Thank you. What about the pants with the sagging crotch?

Have you seen these pants? They're kind of like, I would say they hit like mid-calf. I went to a clothing store recently and they're like, try these on. These will look great on you. And I put them on and the crotch was like down to the knees. They were like little pirate pants. And I'm like, is she fucking with me right now? You could break out into MC Hammer at any moment. I agree with you. They're kind of fucking with us. I think they're setting us up for ridicule.

Such ridicule. Like I tried to, cause I, then I heard, so I was like, okay, my daughters kept looking at me. They kept looking at my socks and they were like,

what's going on with your socks and i was like i don't understand what you mean like i've been wearing these uh this is these are socks they were like they're so short they look so they look so stupid like why would you go out with they're just like little short there's like little athletic socks like for athletic stuff

And so I'm hearing whispers that we should all be wearing like long socks with our loafers, like long sweat socks with our loafers. And so I tried to pull some, I tried to do some longer socks the other day. And my husband was like, are you just wearing those because your children told you to? I was like, of course I am. I'm going to wear these socks. And he was like, you look honestly beautiful.

He was like, I'm sorry. You're not pulling it off at all. I'm like, well, what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? I'll tell you what. There's nothing more humbling than putting an outfit on and your daughter has a comment.

I mean, I'm either too old, too young, too tight, too loose. Yeah. It's just, I could come out dressed like the Queen of England and my daughter would have a snarky comment about it. The other day, she's cleaning out my closet. With all respect to your daughter, Queen Elizabeth wasn't that great of a fashionista. Well, I'm just saying, I couldn't think of anybody. If I could come out like Cindy Crawford. Maybe Princess Diana. Princess Diana. There you go. But they just, there's nothing, like I'll come out and she's like,

Are you going to wear your hair like that? Don't you think that makes you look old? I'm just like, no, I don't. Obviously, I don't because I came out and then now you're telling me I look old. I actually don't. I can't take it anymore. I can't take it one more minute. No.

like side parts, middle parts. Like I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to like break a record. I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to be on the front of a, I'm like not trying to do anything except look like a normal woman who like is deserving of some attention. Like, you know what I mean? Just like the tiniest bit, like for, I'm just deserving that someone will, if I walk into a store, they will come over to me.

and not just like summarily reject me, but everything I do. Yeah, my daughters are like, are you is that that's too that's like work where

You look like you're about to go into court. And I think it's very unfair. It's the judging nature of it. And maybe there – I'm just going to lean into a little bit of psychological analysis here. Yeah. Maybe we deserve it, and maybe there's some accuracy to the criticism from the youth. Yeah.

Because I'm sure we were assholes when we were their age. 100%. I know I was. 100%. 100%. So I guess that it's fair. But it's just, I wish that everything wasn't so, like, when I put it on or when I tried to go outside. I wish that everyone didn't think it was, like, yucky. Do you know what I mean? Like, I wish that everybody was just, like, a little more, like, you look good. Instead of, like, instead of, like,

Ew. Like the reaction is like, ew. That's when I looked, I was looking back at old pictures the other day and when we all wore, you know, like tight jeans, like whatever, those skinny jeans and stuff. And honestly, my whole family looks at those photos of me and I'm always wearing skinny jeans and they're like, oh my God. They're like, oh God, that's disgusting. That's disgusting.

Why did you wear those? And I'm like, I didn't make them up. Right. All right. Samantha, what's going on in our correspondence prior to this and your laundry list of grievances that you sent us? Okay. Yeah. It came to my attention that you've got some issues with mesh shoes. And I need to know what's going on with mesh shoes.

a lot of my have a lot of the things that i've had it with are fashion related today it's like they're like everywhere do you know what i'm talking about they're like little webbed shoes like little netting shoes like little like like a sieve that you wrap around your foot and put a like a mary jane strap on what are you doing is this a joke like are it's kind of

flows off of the last thing that I'm like, this is a joke, right? Like it's like a, these are, these look awful. What about the shoes that have the little inserts for the toes? Oh,

Have you seen these? They're like mesh shoes with like toe shoes on your feet. It's awful. Stop it. With a little Mary Jane strap I've seen. Yes. You know, I don't know. I don't know what the need is to separate and define the toes in a shoe. I thought the agreement was when you went shoe with the exception of the flip flop, the toes stayed together, that they weren't being separated. It's a mitten for the foot. Yeah.

When you start doing things that your body is not used to, such as separating your big toe from the rest of your, like giving each, giving each toe its own little cocoon, you're going to end up hurting yourself. And I don't know how.

I don't even know why, but you are because you're not used to that. Yeah, it's weird. Yeah. And it looks ridiculous. It's like, are we, it is neat. You look like a Neanderthal. Yeah. You just look like a natural history museum person. Like, you do.

We hadn't figured it out yet that you could cover the whole thing. And then we figured it out and now we're trying to like undo all that work. Exactly. We had agreed that the toes stay together. The piggies stay together. They don't need to be separated. And then somebody thinks, you know what happened? We talk about this a lot. You've got...

Some millennials at a round table and they start using language like this. Let's pull this out of the parking lot. Let's scramble the jets. Let's workshop this. And that's what happened. They came up with this mesh shoe with separated toe cocoons. And that's what happens when millennials scramble jets. Yeah.

I honestly feel like they're like, what can we do to make everyone like they're like, I bet no one will buy this. And they're like, I'll take that bet. I'm gonna bet you $1,000 people will buy this if we tell them to with enough lead time. They're gonna be so into this. It's like Crocs. Like when those first came out, I was like, who the fuck would buy that? And now you can't go anywhere where you don't see them.

I even had a pair of myself, not the croc crocs, but the flip-flop croc. Oh, God, you did. They were wretched. They're like red. Okay, Samantha, can we talk, can we get really petty right now? Yes. You know, Michelle Obama always said, when they go low, we go high. And I always kind of felt like, I like that. I like that she's a better person than I am. But I kind of want right now, when they go low, I want to go lower.

I really want to fuck with these people. I want to just bully some MAGA all over Twitter. And I feel like we're finally doing it right now. And the first thing that I want to talk about that's really petty, but it's super important to me.

the fact that they trot out Kid Rock and Ted Nugent and Jon Voight at the RNC and Kamala has had Megan Thee Stallion and Quavo and I just fucking love that my petty cold black heart and

just wants to tap the vein. Who's next? Which A-lister is next with Kamala? And I live for this shit, Samantha. I live for this shit too. And also did you, like yesterday, they were like, we don't even care. We don't even need celebrities and stars at our event. And I'm like, well, that's nice for Kid Rock because he thought he was a really big deal until you shat on him. What's, like, what is Dana White thinking today? He's like, I'm a star. Like, he's,

taking you've penetrated Hulk Hogan is so hurt um I I live for this shit so hard I am so with you I'm like in an in a wonderful world when they go low we go high it works but we do not live in that world we do not it just doesn't work well and we lose

We lose and they go so low. They go so low. They go lower than you could imagine anyone ever going. Yeah.

It's not like I'm even trying to, you can't even compete with that as low as we're, it's not as low as they would go. They'll go anywhere. Right. I mean, they're, I mean, apparently the rumor is I've seen it. I'm sure you've seen it. Their vice presidential candidate has sex with sofas. And I mean, I just, I don't like to spread rumors. I'm just repeat rumors. But you know, I mean, they, they've got a lot of optics issues right now that I think it's important that,

that petty people like us keep in the forefront of voters' minds, that you have people that prefer to have sex with sofas. I think that's just an important component that the electorate needs to be made aware of at all times. So it's vital. That is my favorite. That is one of my favorite rumors. Yeah.

Because true, not true, it doesn't matter at all. The fact that they have to deflect the idea that he put a rubber glove in between the cushions of his couch, the fact that they have to have a meeting, get together, get a PR team, scramble the jets. Everybody like, and he has to tell a whole, he has to sit there and go, "Hey, I'm

I didn't put a surgical glove in between two cushions and fuck it with lube. And there's like professional people going like taking, they're like, did not pork a couch. And that is so satisfying. It just, none of it.

It is the truth. It just doesn't matter. It's just so delightful. It is top tier satisfaction for me. I actually like, I'm like JD Vance, go live your life. Like I don't actually care. Fuck a couch. I don't care about your life. Like I don't want to change the rules.

for your life. Like, I don't want to make the laws that you have to live under. I just want to like, have my own life and live under laws that kind of like govern everybody sensibly. But he actually wants so many restrictions and limitations and like,

probably that someone like me is a complete heretic. And I kind of go, well then fuck you, man. I guess you fucked a couch. Exactly. I didn't,

I didn't do that. Yeah. Well, and he's on the record saying that he thinks that the federal government should monitor women if they travel out of state to seek reproductive care. And I'll remind the listener and tell you, we live in Oklahoma City where there is a total abortion ban. So we already live in a Christian nationalist state. And so the way these people operate is like this. This is how fucked up these people are.

If there were somebody on the Democratic side that was rumored to have fucked a couch, Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley would be passing legislation via Mitch McConnell and they would say we are outlawing furniture fucking. That's what they would do because they are so insane and so crazy and it makes us crazy living here.

But there are tons of women and men and members of the LGBTQ plus community that live in these red states that are normal, decent fucking people that don't give a shit. If J.D. Vance just fucking pulls a train on couches at Ashley Furniture Store, we don't give a shit. Pull your train, J.D. Go one sofa after another, after another. Lube them all up. Stop.

Just get the lube out, just start squirting it, and then just go for it. Like, wipe up after yourself. Right. Like, don't plague the people at Ashley Furniture with your... Wrap it before you tap it, JD. Emissions, yeah. But, like...

Exactly. Like we don't, we're not trying to rule over his life and like change things. So I feel that we should have at it as much as possible. And that gives me joy. It actually feeds my soul on such a petty level. Yeah. Just my favorite.

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Hey, small businesses. Sentara Health Plans has a team dedicated to answering your questions, leaving time for other business thoughts like... How did an action figure get stuck in the air vents? Or... What is the ideal human-to-goat ratio for my yoga class?

Okay, Samantha B., we want to play a game with you. It's called Had It or Hit It. Okay, I'm ready. Oh, my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. Had it.

I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Had it or hit it, childless cat ladies. Oh my God, hit it. I love childless cat ladies. I have two cats. I...

Love them. I love childless cat ladies. Hit it for sure. Hit it. Hit it hard. Agree. I don't like cats. I don't want a cat. But because of the childless cat lady, I'm kind of thinking if anybody needs somebody to foster a cat, I might be your gal. Like I've done a total 180 on it.

I love, I feel like all the cats in shelters right now are like, wait, I hear someone calling my name. What's that? Does somebody want to take me home? Okay, I'm going. Okay, you'll have to educate us on this, but had it or hid it, and I might mispronounce this, auteurs. Oh, had it. What is it? I've just had it with like,

very self-important art pieces and movies that where the timeline is backwards and you have to piece together the puzzle, the three hour story that you go to the movies and you're like, oh, I think it's like, it's going to be fun. It's like a

it's like a fun like creative action movie and then you're being forced like no it's a christopher nolan i i need the movies now to be either one hour and 30 minutes or one hour and 45 minutes and absolutely no longer because you've told all the story you need to tell now you're just like wanking and you can't do backwards timelines or do anything overly artistic anymore it is

So overdone. I agree with that. I like the time limit. I agree with that. Also, this is something that I think all people in the movie business need to consider. You need to consider the bladder. Right. Absolutely. We want people to still visit movie theaters and not stream from home. And we want to keep that alive. Consider the bladder. When you're grandstanding with your script and you're grandstanding with your crew and you're grandstanding in the editing room, you're

start cutting the fat and think, can the person pee before the movie, sit through this entire thing and then go pee after? Because when you have to pee in the middle of the movie, when I see a three hour movie time,

Now I say, I'm going to wait for it to come out on stream and I'm not going to go to the movie theater anymore. And I need things to motivate me to get out of my house because I really like being at home, especially right now on Twitter, reading about the pettiest of political news as priorly discussed. Yes, I need, if you can't tell a movie story in an hour and 45 minutes, you can't tell

then you're just not a good enough storyteller and you need to have me i can do it others can do it too you need an editor and you need someone who's saying no to you those things are so critical you need a no person in your life you need a good friend who's like no stop it and i can be that person i don't have to be i just need that everybody needs someone who's like that was up you did a bad job

Everybody needs that person. Yeah. I was going to say she's my that person. Okay. Last one. Had it or hit it. Kamala Harris. Oh, hit it. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. So excited. I did just a whole zoom last night. Like one of those like big zooms and everybody's just like vibrating with excitement. Oh,

So I'm into her. I've always thought she would make a really great president. Like even when she announced when she was running for president years ago, I really like her. I like her personally. I've met her a whole bunch of times.

And I was like, she's really funny. I like her laugh. She's awesome. She's strong. She's smart. She's strong. She's powerful. Has she been the president before? No, of course not. Will she learn the job? Of course. I think she would be great. And I swear, if there was something that I could do, if I would do literally anything,

to make it happen. Yeah. That she could be the president because I have to let go. I cannot believe that we are even having the conversations that we're having to have about the other. Agree. Guy. No, it's, we talk about the whole, the other side. It's just, it's breathtaking incompetence and it's just really, you know, it's, it's an alternate universe. It is a complete opposite.

just for grins and giggles, just so I know what's going on on the other side, at least once every couple of days, I type in foxnews.com on my phone to see what their headlines are. So I can realize what these people are being fed because they just don't see anything outside of that. And the headlines are so sexist and so racist. It's like Kamala's nasty past catches up with her. And I'm like,

Oh, my God. Nasty pass. You want to talk about a nasty pass? Let's look at Cheeto fucker for a little bit and then we'll move on to sofa fucker. Let's look at their nasty pass. I mean, it just pisses me off. I know. It is just like willful, just like willful blindness and people still talking about the fact that he's like a successful businessman. Oh, I know. No one has ever bankrupted more businesses. Yeah.

He's very dumb. He's very dumb. Very dumb. Yeah. The businessman thing. I just, it goes all through me. I'm like this fucker inherited half a billion dollars and he has gone broke so many times. And for somebody that doesn't need your money, I've never seen a grift.

I've never seen tennis shoes, Bibles, coins, gold bars, maga. I mean, it's just like you are the biggest fucking grifter. Like Joel Osteen is the competition for him. Yeah, it's really incredible. I'm like, even if you took like if you if you if you cut away everything, like if you

if you live like if you were in a coma for the last 10 years and you don't know what happened and you woke up and people just told you one sliver of a thing like if you woke up from your coma and people were like there's a man who's running for president and he never pays his contractors i'd be like that person should never be president right there's like it's just like a droplet it's just like a droplet and

I mean, that's such a, it's a small thing. That's a huge thing. Yeah. That's a practice. And we can start listing those right now, Sam and not finish. I mean, it could be an entire podcast series, four seasons, five seasons. It could be the nightmare three hour episodes that move,

movie style that you despise. And we could just go and go and go with no bathroom breaks, with reckless disregard for the bladder, because it's unbelievable how morally bankrupt this man is. And it's so depressing. How many millions of Americans go, that's my guy. Yeah. Love him. That's my guy. Love him. And what a looker. Smart.

Smart, gorgeous. This is why I feel like I'm breathless with excitement for Kamala Harris because, you know, that's part of it. I'm excited for her on her own merits, though. Right. Oh, same. We interviewed her. She's as sharp as a tack. Oh, great. When you meet her in person, she has a very commanding presence.

So we're so excited and we're so happy that we had you on our pod. And I'm just shocked that you knew who we were. I know. Before you came on. More than knowing who you are. Like, I embrace what you're doing. I love your show. I think you're great. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for being here. This has been a real treat. It has been a treat. What a treat. What a treat. I'm wearing my astronaut diaper. I made it all the way through. All the way through.

Bye, Samantha Bee. Thank you. Have a great day. Okay. I really love Samantha Bee and it kind of freaked me out that she was like, I'm a huge fan of yours. I was so stunned because we both, when she got on, we were both like...

Like stupid people. Yeah. Well, I mean, we were total morons. Well, right. But I mean, more so than even normal. Yeah. Yeah. We were especially moronic. We weren't okay. We were below average. Below average. She's great. She's so funny. The dry delivery is just, it's a, it's an avenue straight to my heart. Yeah. Yeah.

She's great. Yeah. All right. Listen up, listener. We are going to be in Seattle in September, the New York Comedy Festival in November. And check us out on our YouTube page for hot takes on politics all the time on IHIP News on our main YouTube channel, Pumps Tell Them. Okay. Chris is in my head now. Chris Pride Flag is in my head. We'll see you on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We'll see you on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It just doesn't roll off like it used to. It just doesn't. You nailed it. I know. I know what you do.

We'll see you on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Caw-caw. That'll do it. That'll do it. Do it. Okay, I'm going to do it so serious. We'll see you on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Caw-caw! I'll tell you what I've had it with. Hey, small businesses. Sentara Health Plans has a team dedicated to answering your questions, leaving time for other business thoughts like... How did an action figure get stuck in the air vents? Or... What is the ideal human-to-goat ratio for my yoga class?

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