Ep 190: Ian Lara & Boulevardier 01:40:31

Yo. Yo-ho. We're here, folks. We got a bartender mobile on demand. What do you got for us today, Fatty? I mean, we were talking day drink feels like a Boulevardia. I like a Manhattan at night. What do you think? Sounds good to me. Ocampari makes it feel like more of a day drink. Yes. It's a little lighter. We got the nice giant cube balls there. Cube ball doesn't make sense. It's an ice orb sphere. I don't fucking know. Anal bead. Who knows?

They all come out the same color. Great. David Talbot. Yeah. His best one about the anal beads. Let's say, you know, he's a great comic. He's got a, a genre of anal beads. Joe, the whole section. My favorite thing to yell when I take them out is the winning Powerball numbers are. Fucking to tell. That's great. The King. The King. Say, well, I won't see another special from him for 15 years.

If we're lucky. But yeah. All right, what do you got? One part Campari, one part Vermouth? Bodega Cat, and yeah, one part Bodega Cat. It's like a Negroni, but with whiskey instead of the gin, you know? Aha. Okay. Wait, a Negroni's gin? Are you serious? Oh. You know how many Negronis we've drank together? I didn't know it was gin. What do you think we're drinking? Oh, I feel like I hooked up with a man. Long time. I'm a dude. That's gin? I thought it was whiskey.

I can't tell if you're fucking with me. Negroni? Yes. Negroni, please. You didn't know that? I had no idea. Damn. I can't believe you didn't know that shit. Man. What do they call a fake Negroni? Like a mocktail. Nefoney. Really? Oh, yeah. Damn. I might have made that up. That's not a thing. Phony Negroni. That's what it is. That sounds like what you call a wigger. Ha ha ha.

From the peanut gallery, we had Wigroni over there. What? Wigroni. We had that from Peter's over there. Oh, okay. But now I see you're a phony Negroni. Phony, phony, grony. All right. All right. Eddie Money. What's new, man? I mean, we hung out yesterday. Oh, yeah. That was fun. What was yesterday? We did Are You Garbage. Oh, that's right. Yeah, always a fun. That...

You gotta go to that studio, Peters. You're gonna shit blood. It's just, they got a waiting room with couches. I think we got a good studio. We got a great studio, but they own a floor, basically. Yeah, well, they're paying way more than we are, but... That's true, but we get sandwiches.

I just ate a sandwich. It was damn fucking good. Now you're talking. All right. Yeah, that's too hot out there. The heat in this town is killing me. It's brutal. And my AC is like, the guy came by and he's like, it's working. I'm like, no, it's cold, but it's just there's no pressure. He's like, oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm like, well, you need the fucking pressure. You need the pressure. I got the fans going. It's brutal. Oh, yeah. I know. I'm in my own home sweating my tits off. I'm taking two showers today. It's a nightmare. I feel like Sidney Poitier in the heat of the night. I'm like, what is this, Mississippi? This is brutal. Ha ha.

We're doing too many black references out of the gate. This is offensive. What's the other one? Guess who's coming to dinner? Yeah, that's like the woke pandering one. It was like the Hollywood pat themselves on the back one. Right. And then he had the night's way cooler. Okay. Same year. Wow. Both were nominated for Best Picture. Well, he won the Oscar in Coming to Dinner, I think. It did.

He did? He might have. Yeah, he won for one. Yeah, it makes sense. Yeah. Also, Bonnie and Clyde, The Graduate, and I think Dr. Doolittle that year, because there's a great book on it called Pictures at a Revolution. Wow, what a year. Crazy year. Dr. Doolittle was supposed to be a piece of trash. Well, guess who's coming to the pod today? Richard. Our buddy Ian Lahr is here. Hey, there we go. Come on.

We're making drinks here. Vegan and Negronis. Great to see you. Hey. Hey. What's up, guys? Happy to be back. Good to have you back. How you got here? You in five?

Ian, no finance. We had another guest, but apparently he bailed. We wanted to do a two-person show, but it's going to be even better. You just took my shine. Yes, it's all you. This is great, Sam. I've been seeing this all over. Congrats. You see? People are talking about it. He's worried because it's not on the homepage. Oh, no, I think this is better.

Really? Yeah, I mean, like it's all over the things. Cheers, by the way. Hey, hey. A little Boulevardier. There we go. Cheers, man. Let's drink to Sam's special. Hey, you've changed. I was literally- On video, not on the homepage. We'll get it there. Give it a search. All right.

I was getting a haircut, and I was planning to go home and watch it, and then you hit me up. I was like, oh, yeah, I'll come through. Hey! Yeah, I'm a fan. I still watch the things. He watches comedy. Yeah, Joe List always makes fun of me because I watch comedy. I'm the same way. I'll check in. Yeah, you too. See the new Afghan, see the new Benghazi. I watch a little, but I'm scared I'm going to...

It's going to come into my head, one of the premises. It does happen. Yeah, that does happen. I know. It worries me. But the flip side of that is, what if you're doing a bit, and he's got it from two years ago, and you work your tail on it, and then you don't realize he had it the whole time. That's going to happen regardless. Yeah. Because Jimmy Carr said that happened with you. He did a bit that you did. That's right. And he called me and said, how do you feel about it? And I go, you can put it out, but mine's already out, so you're going to get shit. And he was like, I'll deal with it.

And he put it out? He put it out. Yeah. I mean, I've seen, there's stuff where I've seen like Rock and Louie have like a similar thing. And I'm like, they're close friends that watch the circus hours. Louie's N-word versus black people. Yeah, yeah. I was like, ballsy out of your mouth. He did say the N-word quite a bit. Yeah, he used to. There was a time, I remember when I started comedy where every white comic needed an N-word bit because of Louie. That was like the time. Not me. I was like, I don't know about that. A couple. A couple.

But I think the difference, like you said, I think sometimes with the urban comics, like they won't watch comedy at all. Yeah. And then like they'll literally be doing bits and I'm like, oh, that's on this. Yes. Sometimes. Yes. But they're not stealing. But like, I didn't see it. I'm like, yeah, you know, but it's out there. And they tend to not give a shit. You're like, I think Jeff Ross has that bit. And they're like,

I have that bit too. Then they'll go, he stole it from me. I'm like, he did it in 91. They're like, ah, fuck him. Yeah, I remember one time when I was starting off, I told a comic that a famous comic had his joke in this special, and he was like an open mic, and he was like, yeah, he stole it from me.

I'm like, what? He's like, yeah, I did it at like Caroline's. I did that too. He must have saw me. It was like a huge comic. Yeah, he stole it from me. He's peeking behind the curtain. Yeah. People are like, oh, that Bill Maher's monologue. He did a bit I used to do. And you're like, he didn't see you. But the monologue's different because they have a whole writing statue. That's true. So they could have seen you do it. Yeah. True. Yeah, the monologue is different. SNL gets shit for that where they're just like –

Because, you know, the way we're worried, I mean, they have that pressure cooker where it's like, fuck, I got five days to write this. So maybe they'll panic and they're like, oh, fuck, this is it. Because I remember I thought of a bit once, and it turned out to be an SNL sketch. It was the other way around. I remember that bit. And I was like, it felt like a very me bit. Great bit. The angle was like...

Halloween. Halloween, yeah. Like, that's the best day for a registered sex offender to knock on your door and be like, I'm new to the neighborhood. I'm a registered sex offender. Because you could pretend it's like a costume. Yes. And they did. And they did that as a sketch. And I was like, oh, fuck. So I immediately dropped it. But it happens both ways. Yeah. Sure. You ever had a bit where you were like, but I really came up with this. Yes. Yes, of course. Like, I know they have something similar, but I came up with this. Like, I really wrote this. I'd never seen them do it. That's why it's so hard to drop it. Because you're like, no way.

This is coming out of my head. Here, yeah. That sucks. I feel like a lot of comics are like...

I'll just write a new bit. I'm like, yeah, but it's not easy. It's not easy. That's like saying I'll just have another kid. You're like, yeah, but I'm losing a kid. I heard Louis say that once. Just write another bit. I heard Louis say that on ONA once where he was talking about how Dennis Leary just took his I'm an asshole. Yes. Like, I'm an asshole. That song was like a Louis bit. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, he took it from me, but I was like, whatever. Yeah, he said that. I'll just, I'll write a new bit. And I was like, man, Louis was on fire at that point. I know. That attitude to just be like, yeah, I'll write a new fucking. Well, writing a new bit doesn't just,

mean writing. You gotta come up with a premise out of the air. So it's not that easy. And a bit is like, you know, there's a thing of like I wrote it, I enjoyed doing it, I'm not tired of it yet. Once I'm tired of it, yeah, I'll write a new one. But if you're not tired of it yet, you're like, you ever be in an act and you're like I just want to do this bit. And then you have to drop that one. I always wonder, because I'm not gonna name any names, but I'll go to the cellar and I'll see four comics in a row do Trump. And I'm like...

Oh man, that would suck. Because I don't really do impressions. But imagine the guy before you did an impression you're about to do and the guy before him did one.

Yeah, it's probably gonna get worse too, right? Yeah. She's got a not book four impressionist back to back. That's on her too. I guess you're right. But Trump is so popular on stage. You look at the line and be like, Aerie Spears followed by fucking, you know. Yeah, Daryl Hammond. You're on a subway and like a homeless guy walks through asking everybody for money and then he closes the door and then the door opens on the other side and another guy comes through. Yes!

Same thing. I used to have a bit about that, about how like the last one, like the first one came in and was doing like a song and dance. And this guy just asked for money. I'm like, oh, you got to step up your game. Yeah. Yeah. That guy fucking brought it. Do a Trump impression or something. Yeah. Yeah. But the thing is that the seller, like, cause it is the seller, like a lot of them are like pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. They're great. Like,

It's not like one is so much better than the other. They're all like, oh, yeah, this is pretty good. Yeah. And it's still better than the crowd work guys who go up after each other and they ask the same questions. Oh, I'm so embarrassed when comics do that. They're watching them like, did he talk to this table? Look, I talked to all of them. They're like, fuck. Yeah. I was going to ask them if that was his daughter or his wife. Oh, fuck.

I feel like before you go up, someone's like, oh, there's a girl with big boobs up there. You want to talk about her? I don't care. It happens to me. They met after the show. I'm always like, I don't care. They're like, oh, yeah, the couple in the front, they just met. I haven't asked. He's from Australia. I don't give a shit. By the way, we're just talking about Will right now. I love that.

How do you feel like this is what Will does? Well, if you have an act, Will, you can really do some jokes. There was a time I was like, I've been at the cellar where I'm like, it would be kind of nice if they just banned crowd work. I don't like to do it in the city. Sometimes it happens naturally in the city. Sure. Follow the cellar. But I don't like the guy after me having to follow it.

Because when I'm on the road, I'm headlining. It's my show. I'm doing an hour 10 or so. So I'm like, I'll just fucking have some fun. On the road, of course. But yeah, in 15 minutes, I'm like, oh, I'm here to work on shit. Yeah, of course. I was at the Cellar once with Jimmy, with Fallon. He just wanted to watch comedy. He just was like, I want to get back into it. I want to watch comedy. And we were all sitting in the back at the VU. And we watched the first three comics. And they all did crowds.

It was like the host. And he was like, what is this? And Michael was like, this is like kind of comedy now. Yes. That'd be so funny if that just influences monologue the next night. Yeah. He's like, look at this bitch in the front row. He's like, oh, I kind of wanted to see bits and stuff. But yeah. I get it. Yeah. He's old school. I mean, he's like.

I mean, he came out of an arrow. I mean, crowd work when I started at least was like almost like unique to New York. I guess there was some LA guys, but like host on the road would never do crowd work. They would do the 10 minutes, right? They do the 10 minutes of material trying to build an act. Yeah. I,

I guess, you know, the hosts were veterans in New York and the hosts on the road were newer. It was weirder back then. I remember being on the road and you'd be in the green room and you heard the host go into the crowd. You're like, what? What's going on? And you would put your ear to the door like, is everything all right? Yeah. Because it was like a strange moment to do crowd work. Now it's go to. Yeah. I feel like people have a weird freedom to it where I'm like, this isn't even good. Like, how are you this free? Like, because crowd work, there is a thing of like, you don't know where it's going to end. Right. There's no punchline. So I'm like.

How are you this open to finding something and find nothing consistently? Yes. And then they'll keep asking, waiting for some crazy thing. Like, what do you do? Oh, you don't work at a circus? All right. Accounting. Okay. What do you do? Oh, you're with your wife? God damn it. They're just waiting for some crazy answer. I'm like, this is not what it is. Yeah. Yeah. It's tough, man. And you want to build the act there. I mean-

Yeah, I'm at a loss for words. They say the bubble is bursting, but who the fuck knows? Yeah, that's what I hear. I made it a point to put not any crowd work in this special. There's one moment I couldn't delete just because a woman booed me. That was a great moment. I had to keep that in because I thought it was such a perfect fucking moment, but...

I went to the crowd just to fuck around. I did four shows. I'll get some extras. Behind the scenes shit for Punch Up or something like that. You should be following us all on punchup.live, by the way. Are you on there? No. Get on there. Is it a new thing? Because I said I wanted to be first on the next new thing. It is. Yeah. It's punchup.live slash Mark Normand or punchup.live slash Sam Morrell. Get on it. Our name slash sign up if you want to make it easy. But dude, you would build a mailing list. You put exclusive content on there.

You know, Instagram, certain stuff is like too offensive. They'll bury it. Yeah, yeah. You can put whatever you want on here. It's like nice that it's like a kind of a free speech thing that's not run by wackos. Okay. So and it's just good to build up a base and you just can blast them whenever you not too much, you know, I'm going to spam them. But like when you got a special out or you come into their city, it's can do the geolocated thing. So that's pretty cool. It's worth it.

And the mailing list is yours. He doesn't keep it. If you want to take it with you when you leave, you take it with you. Oh, really? Oh, that's great. That's great. Mailing list is good. It's back. It's back, baby. I think it was the thing before. Yeah. It helps you know where the people are, who your friends are exactly, where they live, what they're watching, what they're not watching. Yeah. You get all the analytics. I just felt like I...

Anyone can do if you're a funny comic you should be able to be good at crowd work I think if you're a funny person agree so the I think the hour if you can just put out joke joke joke like that's I think the thing now Well, how many oh, sorry no no how many crowd work moments are you know? You remember the Chris Rock black wheel verse n words you remember the Louis CK Bank joke or whatever how many people are quoting? When you ask that guy where you got a shirt?

Yeah. I mean, you look at somebody like, like right now when I watch this crowd, I'm like, this is like pretty good. Like it's well produced. Like it's, I'm like, I don't really see. You got the TED talk. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, it's like a perfect interaction. Both hands. They got a wild story. It's just called. I'm like, you don't generally see it like that. No, no. Never like that. Yeah. He's kicked it up a notch.

Yeah, he's... But yeah, like you said, it's usually the bits. I've never had a crowd work clip go viral. All of my clips I haven't went viral was bits. Really? Yeah. I've had crowd work go viral. Yeah. I've had a couple crazy moments. So it's like... Yeah. I just always had people there. So every once in a while, the moment's so crazy. And if you have the right comebacks and lines... Right. Yeah. Yeah. It's good. It's good.

It's got to be a crazy moment, though. It's got to be crazy. Speaking of audience attacks. We got three New Yorkers here. Yeah, we got to play this clip. Speaking of crazy punchlines, I was randomly punched. I was one of those people who just gets punched on the street. Yeah, yeah. Some guy just, on my block, turned the corner. Yeah, okay. You don't have to say it. Let's cut that out. Let's bleep it. Okay.

He turned the corner and as soon as I – he turned the corner. I'm walking right into him, towards him. He took like a plastic bag like a – I don't know, from a convenience store. Did like a whip around movement and threw it right in my face.

And what's really heavy in it? Was it? Damn. Yeah. I would say a can of soup at least. Oh, wow. Because I had a cut. I don't know if it's gone, but I went like this because it came right to my face. I put up the defensive posture. And as soon as I pulled my hand, you were able to block it. Yeah. Yeah. I was as close as I am to Ian or even closer. Wow. And as soon as I come down from my defensive stance.

Overhand right, right to my cheek. What's the guy? Is he a big dude or what? He was fit. I'd say he's about Mark's size, maybe a little taller. But fit like you. Is he a Hasidic Jew? Asian? Well, I showed... I have actually the video here if you want to see it. We got the video! Yeah!

How'd you got the video? I went to my building. It's in my block. Oh. And I was like, hey, I was just attacked. I want to put up a picture on the building so that we know who to look out for. They were like, can't help you. You guys are like, yeah, right. You want to play it on WeMight. So the building said, can't help you without a warrant.

Come on. Yeah. So you got a warrant. No. So I went to the next building. Uh-huh. And I appealed to their superintendent. And he was like, I live in this neighborhood with my kids. You can have whatever you want. Just find the guy. Hand you a gun. Yeah. Let's see this. That's scary, dude. But you got him back. Oh, yeah. So...

There he is. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's him. I was hoping he wasn't this. Hey, it could have been any race. Yeah, it could have been any race. I would have preferred if he wasn't this race. I showed it to my neighbor, and he was like, that's the bag right to the face. There he is. Wow, this guy's angry. Is that a real battle? And here's the reverse angle. So I'm in this little area where you can't see me. Okay. So you're going to see the bag fly here. The bag flies.

deflecting off my face or my arms and then there goes the bag oh my god and then he delivered a punch right there and i take out a little pepper spray you to walk him down and give him a little shot and then he's coming back that wasn't enough i got him again really good there nice that's crazy was he hurting there well all he did was he turned to me and he was like i was expecting tears and yes like the movie like the movies he was like all he did he's like you got me

He just pointed at me and said, you got me. This is like Ronnie Chang ends a special on a bit like this that this happens to him. Really? Yeah, like some guy just, I think it was a girl. That's what Simonage was going to do to him. Oh, yeah.

It's like he just attacks him and then just walks off in this way. And I was like, that doesn't sound believable, but it happens. Yeah, it happens. Wow. That's crazy. He thought you were Asian. And you went after him. Look at you. I know. He's walking him down. Did you get him again? No, I got him that two times. Was he in pain from the pepper spray? You got me. That's all he said.

I thought this shit's supposed to hurt. I know, right? I know. I gave that to my wife. Well, the cops came after. The cops came after. I gave it to your wife. Either way, she sprayed me with it. And I told the cops, I was like, I was expecting tears. He was like, usually this affects people. He was going on adrenaline. It's probably affecting a block away. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't pepper spray illegal? Is that legal to have? Well, I'm glad you said that. So I told the cops, I was like, well, I pepper sprayed him. They're like, do you want to go find him? I was like, yeah, I want to find him. And they're like,

And they're like, no, no, no. Do you want to do a drive along and we'll help you find him? I thought they meant like, do you want to get him? And so I was like, yeah. But what does that mean? Just find him? Just be like, that's the guy and that's it? And then they would arrest him. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. So then the cop pulled me aside and he was like, I have to tell you that he could press charges on you. Really? Yeah, because you hit him with pepper spray. That's assault. Oh, where's the white privilege? What he did?

That's also a sauce. So we both pressed charges on each other, probably both dropped them. And I was like, I don't want my fate in the hands of a crazy man. Also, hitting a guy in the face is just a misdemeanor, right? If it's not a weapon, it's not. I guess so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so it's not like they're going to keep you. No, he'd get out in an hour. This your first time attacked? You're a New Yorker, right? I mean, since high school. I've been mugged in high school, but not as an adult. Who the fuck's going to attack this guy in a Hawaiian shirt? What kind of monster do you have to be? Don't I look like an undercover cop? My shirt's a Serpico, for Christ's sake. That face, he's asking for it. No.

Look at that mug. It's a punchable mug.

What a prick. I know. What drugs do you think he was on? I think he was just crazy. I think he was just crazy because I got to see the video of him walking on another block with their cameras and he's talking to himself, throwing his hands up in the air, doing this sort of thing. Oh, okay. And I didn't see it because I had fucking headphones on. That's like the drugs you see now in the street, though. That's not like when I was growing up. The drugs now that people are like angry to themselves, like, oh, fuck. Yeah. That's got to be drugs. I see so many people like that walking through the street these days. Yeah. That was actually going to be one of my peeves. Like when you...

When you text me, I was literally experiencing a peeve. When you text me, I was like, I got it immediately because I was on the train. This is the second time it happened to me. I've been on the train and a person sits next to me and starts literally shooting hell. Whoa. Like middle of the day. Like I've only seen it twice my whole life and it's both happened like on the train. Wow. I've seen it at the studio. I mean. Wow.

Wow. I've seen it too, right? I've seen it all over, yeah. But the train is so intimate. Yeah, like next to me, like as close as you are. Wow, that's crazy. As close as you are. And, you know, addiction, whatever, but it's crazy. I'm like, you know, don't do that. Can't we go back to jerking it? Yeah. That's less awkward.

Come on, the other needle. Come on. Don't do that. I don't want to be controversial, but don't do heroin next to me on the train. Yeah. That is fucking crazy. Insane. Insane. But if you're going to do heroin, I would do it in the air-conditioned train. That is true. And I'm also one of these New Yorkers. You always hear people talk about New York, and they're like, it's so dangerous. And I'm like, I'm out every night. Nothing happens or whatever. But then you see that, and you're like, well, this is a problem. It's gross. Yeah. It's almost like these heroin addicts aren't thinking about other people. Yeah.

That's true. But we have nostalgia for old New York, right? You grew up here? Yeah. We were like, oh, we love the 80s and 90s and the stuff we saw in the 70s and the movies. But it's like, do you really want it? Now it's back. You know what I was thinking, though? And this might sound ignorant. Oh, I can't wait. But all these movies we love took place in New York. It was grimy. Taxi Driver, fucking Mean Streets, all those like, you know, taking a Pelham 123, like all those classic movies. French Connection.

It's a good one. Great one. All those movies took place and you're like, maybe we're going to get some good art out of this, you know? Oh yeah. Comedy's the best it's been ever. Look at this special. Yeah. Comedy's popping. Yeah. It's interesting to me. That damn Amazon homepage. Good luck. Cause I feel like people talk, like if you, you let some people talk, especially when they get political, it's always like, it's things are so bad right now. And I'm like,

They're not that bad. Like, it was worse. It was a lot worse. But I get, you know... It feels worse because of social media. Because of social media, right? Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Because people are more like... I think you used to keep your politics to yourself. Yeah. And now, like, people... Like, there's, like, the he slash him people. And then there's, like, MAGA 2024. You know, like, it's like...

It's like they leave with that. Yes. And you go to some of these small towns. I remember playing Appleton, Wisconsin, and they were good crowds. I feel like they were shocked at the shit I was saying because they were like, oh, we just keep this to ourselves. You know, they're like wholesome. Yeah. It's like a wholesome. Yeah. Yeah. I like those. At a place in time. Yeah. Yeah. I won't say the city I was in, but I was on the road and I had.

the waitress, the green room waitress, the sweetest, like the sweetest, most kindest person the whole weekend. And on the last day of the weekend, like the manager comes in and he's like, for some reason he just drops like, oh, you haven't heard her political views yet. And then like she walks in like when he's saying that and just starts spewing like QAnon. Really? The craziest stuff. And I'm like, oh, wow, I would have never guessed. She's like the sweetest, kindest person. And then she's like, you know, the

president is an alien. It is funny because you never know who it's going to be. I know. And it's usually sweet. My buddy's mom is queuing on and she comes in with cookies. She's got the apron on. She's the nicest lady on the planet. They bring in brownies. They're like, here you go. In the juice called Christ. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure there was nice Nazis. You know, there's one guy brought

One guy brought in donuts. He was nice to the other Nazis. He holds the door. He's a gentleman. He asks about the other person. Make sure to ask polite questions. He's like, look, we got to annihilate the Jews. But it doesn't mean we can't be civil. Yes, polite.

I worked with a comic once with his... He's actually getting a divorce. He was telling me because his wife had gone QAnon. And he was like a right-wing guy, but he was like, she was too much. Yeah, she went too far. Yeah, she was too far, and it just couldn't work anymore. He's like, she'd come home, and she's like, on YouTube, like, you got to watch this. It's crazy. You go back around. It's like a globe. At a certain point, you meet... The far right and the far left just meet. They just meet. It's a horseshoe. They just meet, yeah. They just both go like crazy.

Yeah, they're both extremists, and they end up, they're like, oh, you hate Joe Biden? So do I. And now we're in on that. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. It's pretty crazy. It's funny, though, when you step back and you're like, how did we get here? The QAnon people, as psycho as they are, they're fucking entertaining. Oh, they're great. I could just go. Flat earthers? That's fucking fascinating. You really think the Earth is flat? Tell me everything. Not only do they think the Earth is flat, they think you're a complete asshole for not thinking it's flat. Right.

It's one thing to have your opinion about one thing, but to think that the rest of the world is just complete idiots. I know. They call us roundies or something. There's like a slur for us. Would you see that clip? Those clips of Terrence Howard? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And he spoke with such confidence. I was like, man, this guy must be fucking honest. And then you listen to what he's saying. I'm like, either I'm fucking retarded. Yeah.

Or this guy's retarded and just really confident. Yeah, he's charming. When the first episode came out, a couple of my boys kind of sent it to me, and they were kind of sending to me like, yeah, I knew it. Because I guess it's cool to think that you're not the dumb one, that everyone else is dumb, and you've been right all along. And that kind of confirms it. All this other stuff's been wrong. I'm right. And I'm like, I don't know much about this. I really don't know what he's talking about, but I'm not going to side on it.

actors thing when there's like scientists who dedicate their entire life to them. And I'm an asshole for like believing scientists. Like even though if they may be lying, I still, I'm going to side with them. Yeah, over Terrence Howard. Yeah, with disrespect. Fine actor. Very good. Great actor. And he's a great guy. Like in the interview, he's like a

Charming guy. Yeah, he's a cool dude. He's like a nice dude. I know. They're charmers, man. Yeah. Did you watch the follow-up episode? No, no. That was pretty good. They did two? I heard the guy, I heard he got destroyed pretty good. He got destroyed pretty good. Because they brought a real doctor on him. Yeah, a scientist. He was good. He was so nice, though. He was like really nice about it and polite. It wasn't like a thing where they were like yelling back and forth. It's like the end of Billy Madison where the guy's like, we're all dumber for having listened to that. Yeah, yeah.

But it caught on. The Terrence Howard, they had to have him back on immediately because it was a huge thing. That's the rise of podcasts. It is. Someone's just charming. They can go for three hours and you're like, okay, now I want to hear what he says next. Now all of a sudden you're like, fuck, now I'm one of them. Yeah. Well, Cat Williams on Shay Shay.

He was entertaining. It changed the game. It was so captivating. He was awesome, though. He got 70 million views. He was like, I read 4,000 books by the time I was seven. I'm like, that's not possible. But I'm still hanging on his every word. Of course. Of course. He's got 13 kids. I Googled he had 10. I was like, what up?

Why you had the three? Now, do you think, like, you guys have a popular podcast. Do you think if you bring somebody on, is it your job to be like, hey, this doesn't sound true? No, let them go. Let them talk. Yeah. Let them tear us out. I mean, yeah, I don't think we have, like, the most provocative guests either. Yeah, yeah. If we know you, we're like, you know. If we had anyone that said shit where we're like, ugh.

I don't think so. Alex Jones is coming at four. I think the New Yorker in me, though, because New York is so like, well, that's bullshit. Like, I just can't not say it. Well, I'm like, well, yeah, I don't believe that. Al Franken said he was a comedian. We're like, just don't say it. But, you know, love Terrence Howard. That guy who knocked you out. That guy's a Terrence Howard fan, I guarantee you. This guy's speaking the gospel.

Yeah, man, it's crazy. You can't even walk down the street without getting hit with a can of soup and punched in the face. That sucks that it's on your block, too. Yeah, my block. That's like in your hood. Like, you gotta get your hood back. Yeah. You gotta see him again. Yeah, and beat his ass. You should become like a Clint Eastwood, Gran Torino type. Yeah. Just like muttering slurs. Hold it, you befriend a young Filipino. So I got a question. Am I justified to either punch him in the face on sight? No, that's a hate crime. If you do anything to him at all. Oh!

I'm going to protest. I'll take to the streets. I'll tell you what's even more racist, if you pepper spray the wrong black guy. Don't do it. Oh, yeah. You got to go gay. Because. Wow. Because then you're making a hate crime. You have no gay cop show up. Officers, thank God. But how's it going to look?

Like, people don't know the backstory. Right. Just a guy in a Hawaiian shirt beating a black guy. Look at this. When I'm walking this guy down. No one's going to believe Matt's gay. He's not fit enough. Look at the family crossover. I'm the crazy one. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm like, you want more, bitch? You want more? Yeah. Family's like, what's this crazy white guy doing? What does your wife say when you come home? She said, let's go get him. Whoa. Really? Yeah. You hand your son a gun? She handed me the baseball bat. She was like, let's go get him. Baseball bat? Are you confident enough with a baseball bat? I know you played, but are you confident enough? I have a technique. I've been working on it. Well, she's just happy she's not the one getting hit that night. Oh, my God.

I know what goes on in that home. Look at that walk. I mean, you're going full gorilla there. Yeah, I'm a gorilla, yeah. You bring out a baseball bat. Like, if you swing and miss, you're in a problem. That's what I mean. I wouldn't trust myself with a baseball bat. Well, my technique is one of two things. Knees, go for the knees because you're going to hit one of the two because you can't back away both knees. Or straight judo chop right over the top like bong. You don't want to kill him.

You have a murderer. I did what I did. How funny would that be if Salakish went down for murder? Yeah, you'd be a murderer. You went to your house, got a bath. Jesus. That's not even self-defense. What is it? Another Joan Rivers died. That might have been. Was that Hicks? That was Joan. That was Joan? Yeah. That was like a ghost in the room. Well, we didn't want too many women up there. It worked out. If you're tired of having your dick stuck to your balls...

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Did you see the clip where she talked about her husband dying and committing suicide and she takes her daughter out? Yes. Have you seen this? Pull this shit up. It's fucking beautiful. This is why I love comedy, man. She's a fucking legend. Is it funny? Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. It's not at first. It was a suicide, but she makes it funny. That's why she's such a fucking legend. Yeah, no. She was great. I can do the short version of it. She basically builds up how brutal it is.

you know to lose your husband to suicide and and she's out with her daughter they're at this fancy restaurant they both can't say a word and she basically they look at she looks at the menu and she goes oh my god the prices he'd be glad he killed himself and she gets the first laugh out of the kid ah fuck that's a beautiful thing that she had that she had that ability that's great she's she's just so cool i don't know if you saw the doc on her i love the doc oh no we no no no it was this might be it but skip to the end because it's

I mean, I just told the joke. I mean, Seinfeld said the same thing. Everybody hates Seinfeld right now. He's having a tough month. Is he? Oh, yeah. He's getting dragged online like crazy. But do they hate him? I think in some ways he's probably more fans than ever. Yeah, maybe, but he's getting a lot of shit. He's getting a lot of shit. And he's getting the genocide Jerry shit at the shows. Whatever. Whatever.

But he did that speech and like 10 people walked out at a college and the news grabbed that. All these people walk out on Jerry, whatever. But the speech was actually really poignant, but no one talked about the speech because they just talked about the walkout. But he had a whole thing about like,

this generation is very kind. You guys are all about compassion and all that, but you're not great laughers. So you got to learn to laugh at dark shit or you're going to have a long, fucked up, sad life. Yeah. And it's like what you said. It's a great message. And it's also like that, what she said is like healing. Like she, maybe it's because that generation went through more.

Yeah. I mean, because I think it's like if you don't make it when you go through something that traumatic, like a husband committing suicide and you don't make a joke out of it, you're fucking finished. Yeah. Yeah, man. Comedy is like, I mean, I don't want to you don't want to get too deep in it. But like a couple of years ago when I lost my mom, I lost my mom to cancer. And I remember like on her last days we were in the hospital room and it was like.

still some of the funniest things that happened. Really? It was obviously the saddest thing, but like comedy still ensues. Like you still find a humor. Like at one point, one of my family members hired like a witch doctor to come in. Oh.

that was supposed to heal her and he came in and like Crocs and like Campbell like Campbell and we were like who the fuck is that the guy you would text Ellicott yeah they were like oh that's the guy and he like looks at it and he's like she's gonna be okay and she like died like a couple hours ago that was like god that was she if she were alive she would think that was hilarious yes you do a bit about that no I haven't done a

bit about it but it was so like it like till this day like you hold back we were holding back tears just laughing at how funny and ridiculous this was and he got paid like five thousand dollars what who found this guy like a family member paid him like five thousand dollars what are you dominican yeah because you know that he was i guess in a way he's like this is my last dying thing to try to help yeah yeah

it's funny that's a gig to that guy his agent was like i got you a dead lady in queens yeah yeah literally like we walked into the room and he was like in the court like we were talking and we didn't notice that there was like a guy in like a rain jacket cargo shorts and crocs like in the corner and he's like praying and then we were like we we figured it was like a guy cleaning the hospital room and then we look we were like who the fuck is that and then my sister's like oh that's it's

It's like, that's the witch doctor that's here to heal. And then he comes over and he's like, he looks at her and he's like, she's at like 60% now. That's what he said. Like she's at like 60%. Like she's an iPhone. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, he's like, she's like 60%. And we, like, obviously, but we couldn't, we want to die laughing. We also don't want to disrespect the guy. Right, right. And then he, like, does, like, three things. And he's like, she's going to be okay. It's like, just do, like, three pricks. And left, and it made, like, five grand. Yeah. Now, who paid for that? Uncle of mine.

Oh my God. I'm sure he gets his money up front because this guy doesn't exactly perform miracles. Then he called us later on that night and was like, this is kind of crazy, but he called us later on that night and was like, the guy just called me and said he's in the cemetery praying, so he should be okay.

ah wow did you hear anything when she passed away did he say anything yeah he said you called me too late ah did he do crowd work on it he said he said you had to it was too late she was already at like 60 you gotta call me like earlier i'm not even making this up i know it sounds great do some voodoo shit and sprinkles it was so not like it because like i'm figuring like if you if you pay me five thousand dollars i'm gonna do those things yes i might come with like a bottle you know i'll i'll i'll

poor bodega cat in a corner. I'll burn a candle. He didn't do any of that. What? He was just like... No showmanship. No showmanship. He was just like... And then just walked out.

That is hilarious. I'm so sorry about your mom. Yeah, no, of course. You guys were really close. Yeah, yeah, we were super, super close. Yeah, no, but that was... I mean, if she were alive... The funny thing about that is, like, if she were there, she would be like, what the fuck are you doing to him? Like, get the fuck out of here. Like, she would just call it out. So it was so funny that she wasn't there to be able to be like, get the fuck out of here. Right, right. She was under. She was like... Oh, yeah, it was her last days. Like, she died from cancer. She wasn't even speaking. She wasn't, you know... Cancer's like...

terrible it's brutal like when you like the last days but um but yeah it was so funny because it was her road to like call people out on their bullshit but i sell that to say it it made me like love comedy even more because i was like comedy just sleeps through us like through the cracks of the door you can't keep it out like it's impossible you need it i'm sure like times of war i'm sure those foxholes are hilarious right the shit they're saying yeah it's the only way to cope right that's what they say when they stop joking like they're fucked

Yeah. Are there any comedies that you remember or funny things you remember watching that you were like, oh, fuck, this numbed the pain a little? After? Yeah. After, not so much. After, for me, it was stand-up. And I don't want to get too deep in the stand-up thing, but it kind of showed me that...

A lot of times we try to downplay like the stuff we do, like, oh, we're just telling dick jokes, whatever. We're just doing whatever. We're clowns, whatever. But in that moment, like I remember spending the whole day at the hospital with my mom and then like going to the cellar and doing spots. And it was like the only thing that would drag me out of that depression. And then also I realized that there was people in the audience that was going through the same thing and we were providing a service for them.

Yeah. So stand up wise, it made me respect it more. And it also made me not. It also made me more confident in the sense like, you know how sometimes like you're on stage and it might be like Chappelle or Louie in the back and you're like, fuck, like I want to do good or whatever. It made me be more confident of like, I don't give a fuck who's in the back.

This is me. I do this. This is what I do. I've been doing this. I put in the work. This is what I do. I'm on stage. It's my time. That's great. It gave me that confidence. That's good. It is weird about stand-up. You ever get the guy in the street like, thank you for what you do, man. You got me through some tough times. And you're like, oh, I'm just telling jokes. That's great. I'm not a fireman. But it does help. It does help. A ton. I'm sure you've done the cancer benefits. Yes. I've done those things where literally- I've bombed them.

yeah bombing one going what is this the cancer benefit yes oh yeah fuck i've done one for like literally like a dying like 15 year old girl and then wow did like on her last days and the parents coming up and being like this is like thank you so much like wow it's the darkest time of our lives we haven't laughed like this i'm up there i'm like you think you're dying this is real yeah like me we do serve a purpose i know like it don't sound like it because we just you know write it in these bits but

Yeah. No, I know what you mean, though. Those people fucking dealing with real shit. Yeah. And I've had those people come up to you where they're like, I could never do what you're doing. What do you do? They're like, Navy SEAL? Yeah. I think you could probably figure this out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They say in times of tragedy, the two things that go up are entertainment and booze. Oh, really? So we got both. Yeah. We're selling both, baby. Yeah. Well, that makes sense, right? Yeah. That makes sense.

Sometimes, like, you ever hear, like, a comic doing a bit that's, like, so positive to them? Like, it's not deprecating at all. And you're like, there's no fun in this. Like, it's just how successful and how much pussy you get. Yeah. Or the comics are just like, this guy sucks, that sucks, that sucks. It's never they suck. Everything else in the world is horrible but them. I dated another crazy woman. You're like, sounds like there's a pattern here. Yeah. Maybe you're not a catch either. Right. Yeah, that's...

That one's about me, by the way. I look at it. I find sometimes like one of the funniest things, like when the...

like not the darkest but like the most awkward shit happened to me i'm like well this is gonna be a bit so it's okay like i had one time i had a girl try to like and she was upset whatever but she was trying to make fun of my like of me like sexually and like she thought it would hurt my feelings and i was like this is honestly hilarious and i'm probably gonna tell this on stage the fact that you told me this and she kind of was like annoyed i was like i don't care like

erectile dysfunction is hilarious yeah in a bit like I know getting hard it's not funny yeah that's true dude I have a it's literally the joke I use in the trailer of my of my special is a joke of my dick not working yeah and cold and it's literally a joke I'm like I pulled out and I was like I gotta write this down

Yeah. Yeah. I had to literally ruin it. Like, how can this get any worse for her? Yeah. How does my dick not work? I'm like, I thought of something funny. That is great. You know? That's gold. Comics shouldn't use blue chew. We need the material. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, no one wants to hear about how you fucked all night. No. They want to hear about how it went south. Yeah. You're right. Anytime something goes badly, it is potential for comedy. Yeah. Because you bond through that shit. Yeah. I think comedians, if you do it that way, if you do it, which, you know, if you build material that way, you kind of live life in a weird way where, like, bad shit happens and you're like, this is nice. Yeah. I'm going to do this thing. This is good.

I know. Or you just think, how do I turn this into a bit? How do I set it up? Yeah, we're looking at it. Like getting punched in the face. I was like, I can't wait to get this videotaped. There you go. Yeah.

yeah like a like a tim dylan will have a airbnb fiasco and he has like he got like a year of material out of that yeah you know so we can we have a gift if we can horrible shit happens your mom dies you're like all right i can talk about this yeah i find that like when i when something happens to me i don't know if you guys find this the hardest part about the bit is like what's my angle in and then i can have the whole and i can hash out the whole bit exactly i feel the same way you have to check the anger sometimes yeah yeah

One of the first bits in the new special, it's like me missing a connect flight. I missed a gig. I was, it was literally the day my last special came out. I was in such a bad fucking mood. I was losing it at the gate. I felt the camera phone going up. I'm like, fuck, I'm about to be that. I'm about to go viral. Yeah. My special. Yeah. The day a special is coming out.

Which is great. Well, I had to like check myself. Like, all right, settle. I had a few drinks in the next flight. And I was like, this is kind of funny. I'm taking me three flights to get to a gig I don't get to perform in. Yeah, yeah. You know? And I started like writing. I was like, this might be a bit. And then I did it there. And it started working. I'm like, all right.

You're on the right track. There you go. Little dumb stuff going wrong in your life. I have in my new hour I'm doing, I have this story about one time I went on a date with this girl and we got back to her place and her roommate's cat had passed away and she wanted me to remove the dead cat for her. Oh my God.

yeah and it's a nice day and it's a true story it's like the it's like hits the hardest in my whole act it's a true story but it happened like four years ago and i just didn't know the angle into it so i didn't know how to get into it and one day it just came to me like out of like some other material i'm like oh i can take it from there to here and then it was just like a five minute bit like that's the best yeah that's the best when you're doing that what do you do do you stash it away in like a word doc or something like how do you do you keep an inventory or something

I just have the stories. I find since I started a podcast, just talking it out, you bring something up and I'll just be like, oh, I have that story. And then sometimes you hear a clip and people tell you, oh, you got to do this on stage. So you'll really start like... A friend? Yeah, they'll be like, you got to do this on stage. But once somebody says you got to do this, I panic. You panic, yeah. The pressure's on. Yeah. That's good. DeVito has that great joke where he's like,

My mom's an ex-mafia wife. She's dating a blind black guy. And we live with our grandma who's a hairstylist. And I've never felt more pressure to write a joke. And he got a joke out of trying to write a joke. Yeah. I always think about that joke too. But like I was saying...

It's just finding the entryway in it. Because I'm like, on its own, this story is a funny story. But how can I convey how I felt at the time to be funny? And then one day it just came to me. I'm like, because the angle I used to get into it, I'm like, women, it's funny to see what women consider masculine now.

Like now, I'm like, I think you ladies just label stuff masculine because y'all don't want to do it. So you want us to do it. And then you just make us do dumb shit that nobody should. And then I go into the cat story and everyone's like, yes, that is a perfect example of the premise you just said. And isn't it funny? That sounds so natural, but you had to come up with it. No, it took me four years. Yeah, exactly.

Four years for that one line that gave me like this five minute chunk of story. That was shitty sometimes. Exactly. Some of my best shit took forever. I remember there was a story about Leonard Cohen and Bob Dylan having dinner, drinks, whatever, and they're talking about like, Leonard Cohen's like, oh, I love this song you wrote. It's one of my favorite songs you ever wrote. And he goes, I wrote it in like,

15 minutes. He's like, oh, geez. And he goes, I love that song, Hallelujah. And Leonard Cohen goes, took me five years. Yeah, look at that. You know, it's like sometimes shit takes a while. I know. And as comics, we're hard on ourselves. I'll go up at the cellar and I'll watch the comics before. I'm like, that's killer. That's better than anything I have. That's great. And I think they all just came up with it. It probably took them years. Yeah.

You know, you watch the good. They make it look easy. Conversational, yeah. The cellars are the weird thing because I've been at the cellar now for like five years. And I remember like being like the new guy at the cellar where you just think you're like the shit because you're just like doing your first hot 15 and just murdering. Yeah. And then once you transition into like a guy who's been there for a certain time, then the new guys come in and they're murdering. And then you're like, oh, but you're doing your hot 15, right? You got to do this like.

15 times. You have to turn it over and continue to do it. But I like that thing of you kind of got to do it, though. That's why it's like the major leagues. Exactly. You got the new guys coming in with their heat, so you got to bring the heat. You got to stay on your toes. You got to work on new, but also match their kill. It's a whole dynamic there. A lot of people are like baseball in a lot of ways. Yeah, yeah. Seinfeld's got the great analogy about the –

you know the the lineup of nine and you sub in like oh this one's not pulling its weight anymore you get right right that's it feels so much like baseball right it is and i think that you know you a lot of people like oh they don't like doing their new stuff at the cellar like you know they feel the pressure and i feel like i don't know a better room to do the new stuff like sold out sold out hot crowd they're listening and they don't know you a lot of the time right like

Just crushing for your crowd is one thing, but I want to make sure this works universally. Well, I think a lot of comics, when they consider working out new, they don't have a bit. They'll just have an idea. So they'll go on stage and just say the idea a thousand times. Eventually, they'll find it. But I'm more, I like to have it written. I like to have a bit. Yes. It might not work, but this is a bit. It has the thing. I can get out of it. Yeah. Some people are just like, hmm.

I don't have the balls to do that. I don't have the balls. This guy came out, he paid money, he's unpaid, and I'm like, anything here? Anne Frank, man. Yeah, yeah. I see it. I'm like, man, that's courage. That's crazy. I know. Well, Mike Birbiglia said a thing, and now when I write, I think about it, it fucked me up. He goes, when you're writing, think, where would I laugh?

Right. And you're like, because when you're writing, you're like, oh, this is funny. This is good. This will work. I'll try it up there. And then you're like, where would I actually laugh? And then it makes you go nowhere. Nowhere. This sucks. But I assume, oh, I'm a funny guy. I'm a comedian. I'll make it work. Right. But that's how all your shit should be. If you write a screenplay, you're like, I want to make something that I would want to see. Yes. Yeah. Make it for you and then hope, if it's that personal, I think it will be a good thing.

hopefully universal if you keep owning it. Yeah, Jim Jeffrey said that. He was like, they're like, well, how do you come up with materials? Like, I just write shit I'd want to hear. Yeah. I was like, oh, wow, that's interesting. But there's a slippery slope because some people just want to hear themselves wax poetically. That's true. Like, no funniness, just pontificate about what's right and wrong about the world. That's a good point. Well, look, you got to be good. You got to live with it. You can't just be, like, self-indulgent. It's got to be, like, for...

I guess maybe like a combination, but it's like what I would want to see is in like, if it weren't about me and so, you know what I mean? Like, not for me, but for me, if I was an audience member, you know, you, you get indulgent and it's like, we've all seen those comics and you're like, wait, where do you think this,

This is crazy. It's crazy. I mean, there's an inherent self-indulgence to this art form that you need, right? You need to think that you not getting an erection is funny and not something that no one gives a fuck about. You need to think that. But there's a thing of like, but I want to make it palatable. I don't want to just say it like...

There's a lot of comics you see who, you know, they just, they have no problem just telling you about their day. I know. And they think everything's an achievement. They're like, so I'm bi. You're like, bi? That's not even, that's like straight. Yeah, yeah. That's nothing now. By the way, you're like, so I get to fuck everybody. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, the fact that your mom died and you didn't make that your whole career is commendable. I've never done a bit about it. Well, some people, I feel like they're... That was funny right there what you said. Yeah, maybe. The witch doctor. But some people's grandma died and they're like...

This is my end. And I'm like, why is this your end? You should be mourning your grandma. They're at the funeral. They're workshopping stuff. They're like, the casket. The casket like this. They got a long thing on Facebook. They just want the likes. I'm like, so you're trading your grandma's death for the likes. You're a sick fuck. I remember at the funeral when, this is when I was like, I got to pull out my notepad. At the funeral, one of my family members went up to make a speech and just went on like an anti-vax rant. Ha ha ha ha.

Of like why no one, like he knew no one should get the vaccine. And this is like a perfect example. The boosters would kill me. Let's be honest. He was like, he's never going to get it. And this is why. How dare you use a fucking funeral for a platform. And everyone was just looking at themselves like. Well, you had Terrence out at your funeral. What do you expect? Come on.

I love what Rich Voss said, I think it was at Patrice's funeral after his speech. He goes, I'll be selling CDs in the corner here. Yeah, yeah. That happened before. I saw Big J did a speech at Dave, my manager who passed Dave Kimmel. I saw that. He crushed. He murdered. Murdered. Really? Murdered. Like, I have not seen. Even harder than Dave was murdered. Yeah.

- He actually got killed, that was one of the most tragic things. - That was one of the most tragic things, it was one of the saddest funerals, he was like 42, 43, there was nothing that could make you feel like this is part of life. My mom passed from cancer in her 60s, there's a part of it where you can be like this is a transition of life, right? You get older, you get sick, you pass away. Dave's funeral-- - 50s is so young though. - It is, but Dave's funeral was not like that, right? It was like, this is a tragic thing that happened.

And it was just a sad, sad funeral. And Big J went up and just murdered, like start to finish. Like we were like clean. We were like, you got to set this, send a set to Fallon. This is the cleanest, like just hilarious 20 minutes of just murdering. Like we left the funeral, like, like feeling like good. I did crowd work at that one.

Big J, no mention of Asian pussy? No Asian pussy. Wow, good for you, Jay. DeRosa crushed that one, too. Really? Yeah, he was great. Well, the hard thing is, you think DeRosa's annoying with shots in regular life. Try going to a funeral with Joe DeRosa. He's trying to get around him. He's like, shot! All right, fuck him. Guess tomorrow's washed. No, that was good. I fucking love DeRosa.

I know we shit on cop, but it's a real thing. It's like a real thing that we do here. You gotta use it. Yeah. You gotta cope. I mean, and then it's just so cool. We have such funny friends who can just go up and riff and kill. We know some of the funniest people on the planet. Yeah. That's, that's pretty wild. Like, cause you know, that being funny at a funeral, that's,

like no he didn't put out a notepad exactly kind of just going do you want that at your funeral just no i i'm like norm had the joke where he's like there'll be time to for celebration but right now we're sad he had that great bit nah yeah i would why i don't care what do we what do we uh

You know, you tell some stories and then you be funny. I got a whole witch doctor bit I want to do here. Yeah, no, I'd tell all the stories. Only tell my stories at my funeral if my wife is dead, too. Don't tell the other ones. What was the murder-suicide? Of course we can't. Yeah, I'm poisoning her as she's going down. Just so you guys can tell some real stories. Can I give you a rec, by the way? Please. I watched it on YouTube.

You might know this one. I watched the movie. I'd never seen it. I fucking I bought it just on a whim. Someone told me it was great and I was it wasn't streaming. I was like, fuck it. It's in Barnes and Noble. All that jazz. Oh, yeah. Right now. Yeah, it's great. Right now. I'm halfway through. I haven't gotten to the ending. What do you think? So I'm loving it. It's a dark ass musical, but it's fucking amazing. You got to go to Barnes and Noble to get this.

I mean, you guys have that illegal streamer you guys use. That's where I'm watching it. It's somewhere you can find it. I'm sure there's... I think it's on Tubi or something. It's on Tubi, yeah. Tubi's free, right? Yeah. It's fucking awesome. It's Roy Scheider from Jaws and... It's really great. That guy Bob Fosse who did Cabaret and Pippin and all these music. Poonhound, drug addict. Poonhound, yeah. Alcohol. Mark's like, he's a gay guy. I'm like, no, he's fucking all the dancers. It's like a crazy story. But...

It's a fucking good movie, dude. I was just telling Mark at lunch, I was like, oh, Bob Fosse came up with all these moves for the movie The Little Prince. I think it was the early 70s or late 60s. It was a Spaces pickup line. Michael Jackson just straight ripped all these moves. Can I show it to you? Sure. This is pretty crazy knowing where Michael Jackson got his moves. The music that later.

That's Fosse right there. Yeah. Wow. Oh, is it? Yeah. Oh, this is the guy? This is the guy. That Mike got his moves from? Supposedly. And so they put a Michael Jackson song over it just so you can really get the feel. He ripped off more than the moves. He ripped off the age. Is this confirmed that this came first before Mike? Oh, this is early 70s. Okay.

Damn. Oh, you can see it. Yeah, you can see it for sure. Damn. Wow. Black people stealing the first up. A moonwalk in here, too. But are moves like bits? No, but, you know, you got to get that style from somewhere. Oh, man, this is crazy. I had no idea. You just figure MJ is such a legend that you think, oh, he must have thought of all this. But I always kind of figured it was a choreographer behind the moves. I didn't think he was making them up. Choreographer. I thought he made them. I thought MJ did it. Oh, man.

Damn! This is crazy. Yeah, he's very, yeah, he's... No shit. Well, it's a good movie, man. Check it out. This is the movie? No, no, it's not the movie, but he's fucking... He directed it. He's not in it. It's about him. It's about, like, a heart attack he had where he, like, contemplated life, and he's like... Oh, yeah. Yeah.

That's crazy. My voice, Scheider plays him. He's fucking, I mean, such a good actor, always good. But like, yeah, the cast is sick. The music's sick. It's awesome. It's great. It's fun. Yeah. I'm not done with it yet. But that was like Tony Woods and Chappelle right there.

that's a deep cut that's a deep cut yeah what you got you guys got any wrecks i got a peeve you got a peeve the heroin thing oh the heroin thing i got a wreck though but please please uh i just started watching this yesterday it's a new show on apple tv uh it got jake uh i don't know if you guys presumed innocent presumed innocent have you guys good i'm into it i'm like three episodes in i i'm into it apple's got some good shit apple i think

I think all the shows on Apple are... They don't market them well, though. They don't. No. They don't. It's hard to find. Yeah, but they're really good. Hard to find, like Sam Morrell on the home screen, Amazon Prime Video. They do like... They win Emmys and stuff, though. Yeah, yeah. But they'd be hard to find. Presumed Innocent Sick? It's good. I like it. It's captivating. It's good. I watched a Tyler Perry movie, man. I can't help but... You watch it, and I immediately know what's happening. Yeah. Immediately. Yeah.

It's not great. Yeah, it's moving up. You moved up, Sam. Oh, there you go. I think people are watching. You're one swipe away rather than two. Ooh, baby. All right. Let's hustle. Right after Patton Oswalt. He's still beating you. Damn. Game show. I think this is great. I think being on multiple platforms is great. I think so, too. Spread the love. Yeah, spread it out. The Gaffigan effect. Spread it out.

All right, that's a good wreck. So I'm watching Presuming He's Innocent 2, and I realized something. What's that? I'm only three episodes. I'm not going to spoil anything. I think there's only four episodes out anyway. Six. Oh, okay, I'm only on four. So what I realized is everyone on the show thinks he's guilty. The only one presuming he's innocent is us.

For some reason, we're presuming he's innocent. Oh, interesting. Oh, that's interesting. All right. That's interesting. All right. Yeah, I love a who did it murder show. Those are really interesting. That was a really good one of those. You ever see R.I.P. Donald Sutherland, but The Undoing? That was sick. No, I never saw The Undoing. On HBO? On HBO, yeah. That was good. Hugh Grant and Nicole Kidman? That was good. It was really good. That was good. And it's, yeah, I won't say nothing, but it's good.

I don't know the undoing. Oh, it's fucking solid. It's good. Mark, I thought you watched it. I think you did watch it. I thought we talked about it. You had to watch this. This was like a thing during COVID. I'll go back. You remember this show? I don't find her attractive. What's wrong with me? Nicole Kidman? Am I gay? Why am I not into her? Because you're gay. She's skinny as hell. She's got no curves. She looks like a c**t.

She looks like she wouldn't be fun to hang out with. Is that what you look for in women? Yeah, what a fun lady. Pull up Nicole Kidman in To Die For. You're out of your mind. No, the undoing is good. All right, I'll check out the undoing. Is it supernatural? No. Okay, good. I can't do that. No. She's hot, dude. She's hot there. She's all right, yeah. Come on, look at that. She's pretty. She's just not my cup. All right. Too skinny, too vanilla.

I like a little weirdness in a face. Well, there's your weirdness right there. Holy shit. You're on board, buddy? She was great in Ghostbusters 2 in the painting. What was that guy? Vigo? Zool. Thank you, Matt. Zool, thank you. All right. Good recs. Good rec. Presumed innocent. I'll check it out. I watched one and it was heavy.

Maybe too heavy. You just watched one up? Yeah. Yeah. It gets more. Oh, geez. Apple's got some shit, though. But Apple's got some shit. He turned me on to Manhunt. I love that. I love Manhunt. That's the prison one? No, John Wilkes Booth. Oh, yeah.

Oh, no. Yeah, I heard about that one. I got to watch that one. Slow Horse is my favorite one on there, though. That's like the one I love. Which one is the one where he goes to prison and he has to get the... Oh, yeah, yeah. That was good, too. Blackbird? Blackbird. It was good. It wasn't great. Blackbird was good. There's Hijack, I think. Have you seen that one? That one's not great, but it's entertaining. It's about a hijacked airplane. I don't know if it's called Hijack, but Idris Elba's the lead. I like him. Yeah.

All right. Man, when he was on Luther, that show was fucking cool. Oh, yeah. They went hard on that show. They might have, like, blew their wad a little early because they went so fucking hard. Yeah. But he's the man. Did you know him when he was the security at Carolinas? No, but Artie Lang told me he used to sell him Coke. He did? Oh, my God. Idris did to him or he did to Idris? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, apparently it was cool as fuck. I also keep calling him Ildis. Yeah. I was like, I'm not going to correct him. It's kind of funny.

Yeah, but he said he was the man. I've been watching. He was giving him drugs. He probably liked them, but. I've been watching this series on Hulu. It's called like the dark side of the 2000s. Yeah. And one of the episodes is actually a two episode part. It's about like the shock jock era. On the radio? Yeah. It's about Howard Stern and Opie and Anthony. And like the wars that they had. Oh, I'll watch the hell out of that. It's pretty interesting. There's two episodes on it. It's really good though. They talk about like. What's this on?

Hulu? This is on Vice TV. Yeah, I got it on Hulu. Okay. Crazy the way those two went. Yeah. Like, Opie and Anthony is, you know, Kumi had his thing. Yeah, that's true. Opie's doing whatever the fuck. And then Howard Stern went, like, super progressive. It's crazy. Yeah, they talk about all that. Some of the stuff Stern was doing. Oh, yeah.

You kind of forget. You're like, wow. The blackface. This would not fly at all. Mateo loves Howard Stern. He was telling me I had to listen to the Richard Simmons Howard Stern interview. Oh, those are funny. Those are hilarious. I grew up on Stern. I'm a huge fan. Yeah. Well, they talk about how they bring on Norton because-

According to the documentary, Opie and Anthony were beefing and they brought on Norton. He'll be like the middle guy on the show. Oh, a little buffer. Yeah. Interesting. Well, Norton was such a sniper back then. Oh my, still. Yeah, still a sniper. Yeah, he's great. I love Norton. His new shit is fucking amazing. Trans stuff before anybody. Yeah, yeah. Norton's great. He's the Jackie Robinson. Bangled pussy. Except he's asking someone to spit on him. Ha ha ha.

Oh, there's Stern. Look at that. This is why you go super woke, because you're like, all right, I got to cover my ass here. Robin, just take it. It was a different time. It was a different time. I got another fucking wreck, by the way. Reading a Lou Gehrig book, it's fucking incredible. Oh, yeah. It's called...

Fuck. Look up the most popular. It's fucking great. He's not the racist. That's Ty Cobb. Yeah, Ty Cobb was racist. He's the ice bucket challenge. Yes. ALS. That's what I meant. So funny. This guy fucking died at 36. Everyone's like, I'll pour some cold water for it. I did it. I did it. You would do it. You would do the challenge. Is it Luckiest Man? Yeah, it's great. I love it. Oh, I consider him the luckiest man in the world today. Yeah, it's brutal, man. But he was... I mean, he...

He was a fucking crusher. He crushed the ball and he, I mean, three of his siblings died. He was the only one that survived. You just had a kid back then. You were like, we'll see. Yeah. Crazy. But yeah, I love it. It's excellent. And it's like those old Yankees books are fucking awesome. I just love those old baseball books. Oh, yeah. It's something like 170 RBIs when you're hitting after Babe Ruth. Yeah. Really? So that's when Babe Ruth cleared the bases 60 times.

by hitting a home run still came through with 170 rubies a party animal too the babes are so funny he was just always getting loaded yeah and he was like funny and he was like an everyman and he would up but everyone like loved him even more yeah and he uh i mean that's what they would do they would just go out they were like it was like an immigrants game back then like really an immigrant's game so they were like oh this is for like you know this is like look down on it but it became so popular because it was blue a blue collar sport

And Babe Ruth, like, they'd go get fucked up after every game. Oh, yeah. And try to just chase women. Yeah, he ate, like, three steaks a day, a gallon of whiskey, cigars, and pussy. And back then, like, there was, like, no such thing as condoms or anything. So every girl is just raw. Yep. And I don't think they were pulling out, probably. Probably not. It'd be rude. Yeah, it'd be disrespectful, kind of. So it makes you think, like, what are we doing now? We need to pee.

Well, back then, yeah, you got an abortion. It was less diseases, you think? I think there was less diseases, and I think there was no internet, so you could just be like, hey, whore, get away from me. I don't know, dude. Babe Ruth died at like 50. It was the greatest death. But he lived fast. He lived hard. Yeah. Dude, he also had mistresses. It was this whole thing like, I want to have a perfect year. I want to not get injured. Maybe I'll drink a little less.

Oh, hopefully my wife doesn't catch my mistresses this year. That was like his scouting report for the year. Fucking amazing. Yeah. It was a better time. Every time you hear stories like that, like you hear like Chamberlain, like, oh, yeah. You're like, well, this doesn't even sound like realistic. Like, no Bluetooth, no nothing.

No. But you know what? 100 points in a game didn't sound realistic back then either. Chamberlain was fucking, he was that type of guy. You know what the problem is? It doesn't sound fun, your fucking that many. No, it doesn't sound fun. No. At a certain point you come and now you're just hanging out with strangers every year. Yes, yes. Yeah, it's like Cat Williams with the 7,000 books. It's too much. It's too much. You can't keep that up. Yeah, yeah. And he was like, it wasn't like fairy tales. No, no.

astrophysicist. You'd think we'd bump into a woman who fucked Will Chamberlain by now. Like, I'm sure I've met a woman at a grocery store who fucked Will Chamberlain. Like an old lady? Just numbers-wise, statistically. Well, it's not going to come up. Hey, can you pass the milk, by the way? If I had that story... If I fucked him, yeah. I'd be like, can I get the bread, by the way? I fucked Will Chamberlain. Yeah, that's a big one.

Oh, I'm sure he was huge. What was your peeve, Mark? Oh, sorry. I got two. How about the one that the first one's annoying and weird. You're not going to agree with it. I don't like when the waitress or a waiter comes up and we got a bunch of stuff going on. I'm eating and she comes up and she wants to give you a plate, but she has to hand it to you. Just put it on the table.

Right there. I can't do the handing off. Just put it on the table. Right. All right. I knew everybody would hate that one. I don't hate it. It's not one that really bothers me. Okay. But we're usually on exactly the same level, so I knew this next one was going to be a fucking... All right. How about this one? The guy where you tell them a story and they focus on the wrong point of the story.

You know, you go, so I was on 45th Street. I got punched in the face. 45th and I think 6th in Hell's Kitchen. They go, that's not Hell's Kitchen. Like, I got punched in the face. I was punched in the face. Let's focus on that. I knew the second would be a winner. All right.

He's back. I'm back. That's fucking hilarious. Let's focus on the wrong thing. I think I'm that guy. You are that guy. I think I'm that guy. Native New Yorker. This story doesn't make sense. Yeah, yeah. But the face punching is the meat of it. Yeah. But we're all focused on what neighborhood I was in. That's what you're like, no, that's Brian Park. Yeah, yeah. I got punched in the mouth. Well, my thing is people will be like, the premise will be like, hell's kitchen is so dangerous. Ah.

I was in Hell's Kitchen. I got punched in the face. And I'm like, that's not Hell's Kitchen. Yes, yes. I get it. Can we get back to the face punching? Yeah, I see that's annoying. That's all I'm asking. Yeah, you're right. I can't believe this guy punched you in the face still. I honestly can't. I mean, yeah, I guess the city's going down the toilet. Yeah, the city. That's like a normal story.

You can believe that? Well, I remember like Joe List used to tell all these stories about like the kooks like after him. And I thought he was like lying and exaggerating. I chilled with him one time and the amount of like guys that were – we were in Vegas walking down. Yes. And it was literally like walking dead, like following Joe. And I'm dying laughing. And Joe's like, you see? People think I'm lying. It's like when mosquitoes just go after one guy. Joe with crackheads. Yeah.

He's got the glasses, the forehead, the face. They flock to him like moths to a flame. They really do. Yeah, he's not kidding.

Poor guy. He's moving out of the city, right? He says. He's been saying that. He says. But we were in New Orleans once. We were out at a brunch, and Andy Haynes was like, shut the fuck up with your kook shit. What are you, crazy? And we look out the window. There's a guy getting stabbed. Like, right on Burma Street. And he's like, you see? And Andy's like, shut up. He's like, what do I got to do to prove my point? Guy's bleeding. Out.

Out of his stomach. I love that scene in Harold and Kumar where they're like, hey, man, they look out the window. Those guys kind of look like us. And they just look at them and two strangers start beating the shit out of them. Such a great scene. That's an underrated comedy. That's an underrated. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a classic. Yeah. I like that one. The Go to White Castle? Yes. Yeah. They made two of them. Even Guantanamo Bay is okay. It's not bad. I never caught that one. The Cock Meat Sandwich? Yeah.

I didn't see it. That one's pretty funny. That's not the best sales pitch. I mean, it's a dumb comment, but it's funny. What happened to those guys? One of the guys started working for Obama. One of them went gay? Yeah, it was in the fucking white. One's gay. I think the same one. Yeah. And worked for Obama. Cal Penn? Cal was gay, yeah. He's gay? Mm-hmm. Wow. And the Henry Cho? Yeah, he's a good actor. I want to say. He was in some really good indie movie called Columbus. He's good. Hmm.

Henry Cho. And he was in Star Trek. Oh, was he? Yeah. Was he Spock? Or no, Hulu. Sulu? That's him? No, wrong guy. Yeah, I'm like, he's old. Wrong guy. That's a comedian. He's like doing stand-up. Oh, yeah, that's a comedian. It's John Cho, not Henry. Maybe John. Henry Cho, he's like a southern Asian guy. Really? Yeah. There he is, Johnny Cho.

Oh, handsome Johnny. Yeah, he's good. He was in a thriller, too. He's been in some good shit. Yeah, he's good. Asians are hot, like fuckable now. Yeah, no. Asians are in. Like when I was a kid, nobody dated an Asian. No white woman. Asians are in. And the rodents. The rodent men. Have you heard this? No. Easy. Oh, rodent white men? Yeah, like rodent white men. Oh.

Oh, yeah. What does rodent white men mean? Yeah, it's like rodent men summer. The guy from the bear. There we go. This is like hot now. Rodent men summer. When you look like an ant or like a mouse, it's hot. Yeah, all right. Yeah. By the way, Mark. I'm looking forward to cockroach winter. Mark has a fun fact about the guy in the middle.

Do I? You told me. Five, seven? The guy from the bear? No, it's Gene Wilder's grandson. That's right. Oh, that is? You can see it on the face. No, he's not. That's a Mark Dolby. That feels like something made up. Give it a go. All right. Is that real? I don't know his name.

Jeremy Allen White. He's like 5'7". Yeah. That's what I like about Hollywood. It's like a lot of short guys win and they really put you like. Yes. Because when they win, like everyone wins. Yes. Below them. Like Kevin Hart being like super popular and getting a ton of women helps me. Exactly. Him with Tom Cruise. Yeah. Dustin Hoffman. Yeah. You know, they're all tiny. Yeah. Tiny. It's like fat chicks. Yeah. One begets more. Yeah. Like when the Kardashians started dating like black guys, that was real big for them.

Oh, yeah, that's true. Interesting. Yeah, it normalized it, and every girl wanted a black guy. Yeah, I mean, what's her face? Yeah, that's interesting. It's not true. Ah, fuck. It looks like it's true. It looks like his son. I know. The hair, the eyes, the nose. Grandpa, yeah. Nothing? No, not true. Damn. All right. Took a shot.

Yeah. But yeah, black guys. What's her fake? Kylie was dating Tyga. That was nice, too. He's short, too. Is he? Yeah. Oh, wow. He's like 5'5". Damn, black and short? That's double strike. No, it's great. It really normalized. You're walking through a red carpet and your girl's like five inches taller than you. Yeah. And the regular girls are like, oh, we can do it if Kylie's doing it. Right. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. I mean, big asses were not in. I think they kind of changed the game on that.

I think they're kind of out. I think they're out now. I think they're out too. Yeah, it's back to like super skinny. That's like back. Big asses are always welcome. I mean, in the 90s, it was like. In the 90s, it was boobs, right? If you said you got a fat ass to a girl, she was like, fuck you. Yeah.

I still feel like they're not thrilled. Fat ass is a compliment now. No, it is now. Watch like a rap video from like the early 2000s. The women, you're like, these are girls that work at like Starbucks. It's not like what it is now. Yeah. It's just like girls with pretty faces. Pull them up. Yeah, those old hip hop by the pool videos. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of normal looking ladies. Just normal looking attainable girls.

These girls are very attractive. Yeah, but they're normal. They're not like, they don't have crazy bodies. Right. Now, who's this? Chingy? Don't you feel like, you look around now, people are like crazy fit now. Good. Yeah. Let's get it back going. You ever see that doc? You know what's a really good doc? You ever see that one, Bigger, Stronger, Faster? No. About the people on steroids? It's really good, but it just like shows you how like over time like

the body the male body type just changed like gi joe type bodies in the 80s was like one thing and then like pro wrestling changed now look at pro wrestlers you're like this dude's gonna fucking die yeah oh my god they're too big yeah yeah he says the 50s the guys in the like bodybuilders they're just solid there's no definition they're smooth now they're like chiseled 12-pack tits yeah big guns too much yeah i find that like

what women want changed too. Like now dad bods are like hot. Yeah. Women just want you to be like fat and ugly. Who saw that coming? Women are weird because they're like, I like that you're fat because I feel hotter. Because yeah, that's so weird, right? I don't have that. Yeah. I'm not like, oh good, you're in a wheelchair. I feel... Yeah. I had a girl tell me, she was like a tiny petite girl was like that she dated a guy that was like 400 pounds.

She couldn't have been more than 120 pounds. Yeah. And she thought that was hot. Oh. Well, I mean, we're lucky as men. No, that's great. I didn't mentally challenge women because I want to feel smart. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's not bad.

We've had a few in this episode where I'm like, oh, these could come back to bite us. Which ones? I don't know. Dating a retarded woman. That's open-minded. It is open-minded. It's inclusive. And I hope you guys remember that in the comments. She gives a big head. Okay. Well, we took it too far. You went downs on him. Has anything you ever said here came back to mind? No. I don't think so. It's all bullshit. There's too much.

There's too much stuff out there. They could easily do it, but it'd be a lot of work to find the right one. Damn, which one do we do? If you blow up on something, then they play. You got to blow up on something. And I think people have caught on that sometimes it makes the person more powerful. Yes. So they're less, they're like, well, if we pull this out, he might just become more famous. Yeah. So you should kind of just chill out. When Shane got SNL, finally got the hosting gig, TMZ put out a thing. Like, here's him saying, f***.

All this shit. And every, I read every comment because I'm a psycho. Yeah. Every comment was like, like it more now. Yeah. I'm watching this week. Tune in. Yes. Can't wait to watch. Yeah. Subscribe. We just say I like a person more. It's just like, just shut the fuck up. Like, just don't, like, just don't do that. It's your motives are so fucking obvious. I know.

It's just don't post that. Exactly. It's just like you want engagement. And I guess they don't... It's funny because they micromanage whatever type of engagement we can get. But for them, they're just allowed to be the biggest fucking cockroaches. Totally. And every comment's bad. But for us, it's like, no, we try to be somewhat careful what we put in a stand-up special. Yeah. You know. That thing... When that happened with Shane, it was funny because...

It's so weird to see like online trolls when it comes to real life. Because Shane was the kind of person that like if you were trolling him and he saw you in real life, he would be like, what was that about? Yes. And then people would be like.

I don't know, man. I'll just do it. Yeah, yeah. At least own it. Yeah, he'd be like, why'd you say that? And I'll just be like, I don't know. Right, right. Because they got to put that out in the world. Hey, I'm better. I saw him do it. I saw him do it a couple times. I saw him do it too. I saw him do it one time at the cellar where I was like, all right, he a real dude. Because I won't say who, but I got off stage and Shane was waiting thing. And I'm like, oh, Shane, you up next? And he was like, nah.

somebody was on stage and he was like we was going back and forth on the internet could just we'll believe it who was it you'll believe it yeah we'll believe it oh wow oh yeah he was like he was on stage he was like we've been going back and forth with the thing on thing and i want to and i'm working a club now so i want to he didn't want beef but he's like i want to be like hey i know we've been beefing but i work the club now you know and i'm like yeah i was like that's cool yeah i was like yo

he's a psychopath. Like, I'm like, do you want me to, do you want me to stay with you? Like, I'll stay with you. And Shane was like, nah, I'm cool. And I was like, I'm gonna just stay. Yeah, I'm gonna just stay because if anything, I'm gonna just be like, yo, you know, I'm cool with both of y'all. Let's just like, you know, it's not here. But he got off stage. They saw each other and it was like love. Like, like,

Way to do it. Oh, no, no. He was just talking shit online. He's like, welcome to the club. Like, you good? You funny as hell? Oh, good. Yeah, no, he actually once texted me something like right after that happened. He was like, I heard you were talking shit. And I was like, I don't think so, but you're welcome to tell me where or whatever. And he mentioned it. I said, oh, I'll give it a listen. I don't think I did.

But I don't remember, but it doesn't sound like something I would say. You do so many fucking pods. And he goes, sorry, you didn't. Oh, wow. You think he heard that from somebody else? I think people start shit. That's so fucked. I tag him in it. I'm like, I didn't say shit. I'm not...

You're not that guy. Hannibal did that to me once. I was terrified. I said something about him on a pod. I opened for him somewhere, and a bunch of people were, hey, Mark Norman's shitting on you on Twitter. And he was like, really? And he texted me. He's like, are you shitting on me? I was like, no, I don't think so. He listened to it, and he texted back, just listened, all good. And I was like, Jesus. Yeah. But it's scary. It's so crazy. You don't really even have to want to fight or get physical. If you just ask a person, they'll be like, oh, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do it.

Well, enough with the public shit. Like, I've had interactions with comics where they've beat me up or fucked with me. I remember you called me after one of them. And I would much rather that. Beat me up, you know, choke me out, whatever, than make it some kind of public online thing. Public is so weird. It's weird. It's so weird. It's like high school. It's transparent. Yeah.

It's transparent that you're using this for something. Yeah. That's what bugs me. I think, like, don't bring me into some fucking shit that you're trying to use. Exactly. Yeah. And comic on comic is also weird because it's like, even if you want to go public, all right, I said something that's offensive. It's like, you've said stuff that's offensive. You just didn't say it publicly. Like, I know you have. You're a comic, right? Of course. We've been around comic. You say offensive jokes that if it got out, it'd be a problem for you. Right. And then you want to start sending them. Here's another offensive thing a comic said. Do you want to?

Make that a thing? Yeah. Blow that up too. At least be consistent. Yeah. There's people that get off. Sorry, what was that? No, the people that get like it's like they get off on posting like this person sucks in tech. Yeah. And look, I've done it. I've done it with some people. Not comics, but people have done it because I fucking hate. But you see comics do it and you're just like.

You guys know each other, don't you? It's just weird. Yeah, it's weird. I'm like, you're on the same lineup. It's so weird. And then it's weird. Oh, you just pick up on the one that's snowballing? That's the one you go with? I can give you eight more examples, but they're like, well, we're going with this one for some reason. Like a hashtag. When you had the thing with that guy, was it...

Was it weird to see him at the clubs or no? Oh, yeah. Oh, super weird. Because I've had that too where it's like a guy. I had a guy shit talking me and he hid whenever I'd be at the cell. He hid, yeah. Like he ran?

He just knew I'd be, and I didn't give a shit. I was kind of like, what's up, man? I'd see him and he'd be like, hey. And he'd be like awkward about it, but I was like, I don't give a shit. Well, that's the bigger man. Good for you. But he was shit talking, man. I was like, all right. I'm that kind of person. I think that's like the New York too. I would be like, why'd you say that? Like, what?

I just knew he was unhinged. I knew he was like a crazy guy. So I was kind of like, this is what he does. Some people are like that where you're like, this person is just unhinged. I'm not even. Yeah. Some people. It's not like anything I could say would have gotten through to him. Like, hey, you shouldn't have done it. It wouldn't have registered. Yeah. Yeah. I'll just be nice to him and make him more uncomfortable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because it did. It made him more. Yeah. Good. Let him scream. You know, be squeamish. But there's one guy. I'm not going to say his name, but he's shit on everybody in America. Say his name. We'll bleep it out. Yeah.

Oh, you're not going to say his name. He didn't like that. That's who my story was about. Oh, really? All right, well, bleep it. I'll tell you a story about him, too. He shit on me on a pod, and somebody said to me, and I listened, and I couldn't have cared less. I was just like, ah, you know. That's how I felt. Yeah, and I see them. I thought it was kind of funny. And it was not weird at all. I was like, I don't care. Because it's him. You know, he's like an ant. Like, ah, you're nobody. Get out of here. Well, we cut that part out, because now he's going to come for us. Is he still doing the thing? I don't know.

Who the fuck knows? I went on his podcast one time. I didn't know what it was. I thought it was just like you kind of shoot the shit. And immediately as I sat down, he just started going off like personal attacks on like so many comics. And I was just like defending like literally people I didn't even know. I'm like, well, no, he's like a good person. I'm like, this is terrible. You hear that, Marin? WTF. Listen to our episodes. No, I'm just kidding. It's not Marin.

The New York guy. We got to get Marin on here. Sure. We tried once. He never comes to New York. He came for a minute and he did Don Lemon. Oh, wow. And I am going to come on and he's like, I'm leaving. He did Don Lemon? Yeah. Wow. It was on this week. On his podcast? Who was on? Stavros. Oh, on Marin. Yeah. Oh, I want to hear that actually. Sorry.

Yeah, it should be fun. Yeah. But Don Lemon, I think, does he have a pod? I think he's kind of done. I think he has a pod or something. I think he was at like, he was at some kind, I think he was probably at Matt Rife's show. Oh. He's at your show, dude. Oh, yeah, he came to my show, yeah. So he's a fan of yours. I guess so. Yeah, I saw him on the street. He lives in my neighborhood and I saw him on the street and he said he was, he had a few in him and he said, what's up? And he said he likes the pod. Did he hit on you? No, he's with his husband. Is the husband hot? Yeah.

He was a good looking guy. I mean, he's a good looking guy. Yeah, he's a handsome dude. Yeah. Don Lamont. All right. How about that? Yeah. That's him? Oh, wow. It's a tall couple honky. Everybody loves the whites. What can you do? P. Diddy's The Girl He Beat Up is now married to a honky. Oh, Kathy? Yeah.

He's like a billionaire too. Oh, is he? I think so. Damn. I don't have to be wrong. Kind of nice to date a girl who's been beat up because you're like, hey, don't act up. You know what could happen. Exactly. Go to the Hyatt. I had kids, roommates in college and they adopted a dog that was previously beaten by the owner and it was horrible, but you never had to tell that dog anything twice. There you go. Exactly. Especially if you put a towel on. Don't make me put a towel on. They're jokes. They're jokes, guys. Someone's going to be upset.

Don't hit your partner. Don't hit your partner, unless you're gay. Is that it? It's a fair fight? There you go. It's a... Fair fight. A what? What was that? That was an old bit of yours. No, I think it's a Dan Bolger bit. I think it was a you bit. No, mine was... I had an old bit about two homeless people sleeping together on the street.

and it was like oh man this guy has a girlfriend and i don't i was like uh i hope he doesn't hit her because that's not domestic violence if you don't have a home that's a street fight oh you're right old that was an old sam bit you're right very old maybe when did you come up with a theme for this like i'm gonna go suit and go you've changed i like i like nate bargazzi pushed me to do a suit he was like you're like a new york kid it'll be cool to rock a suit and he's like it's a more mature special like you you're gonna drop some money on the set like

make it big and i was like okay and uh so he definitely pushed me to do it and then uh yeah it just felt like a suit special like that we kind of went like a noir type back alley it felt like an old detective movie or something so all right let's fucking let's make it look cool and uh

- It felt cool. I rocked this suit in Vegas before so I was like, "I'm gonna make sure this doesn't feel weird." But it felt right with the material too. - Yeah, well I opened for Louis 2017 where he wore a suit. - Yeah. - Which was weird because he was the black t-shirt guy. - Great special. - Great special but never again. He never did a suit again. - Oh. - Yeah.

He's back. Maybe he will. Yeah, he's back doing sets. Yeah, he's back. I saw him at No Jokes. Yeah, I thought, you know, obviously, you know, the jokes are going to be good. They're going to be the jokes, but a good theme is also nice. Yeah, I mean, that's the last thing you think of, right? You got to make sure the hours. It is. It is. But like at the end, you're like, all right, let me stop being a baby. Like I've done the minimalist type specials before. I've done the like, you know, let me save every penny type special. But.

You know, they gave me money that they wanted me to spend on it looking good. It looks great. So that was a... And you did it in the Wilbur? Yeah, we did four shows at the Wilbur. Yeah, that's amazing. It was like...

They were all great crowds, honestly. Thursday, we probably got it, but the two Friday were just way better. They were just on another level. I opened for a stave at the Wilbur for a couple nights, and I was like, oh, this place is amazing. Oh, one of the best. One of the best rooms in comedy. And you just did the other one in Baltimore. I did the Schubert. I did two at the Schubert, and I was like, ah, I hate to leave the Wilbur, but it was great. It was great. Boston's just a fucking great comedy town. It is. It's just hard to beat for comedy. It's like-

It's like a combination of smart and blue collar. Yes.

They're kind of witty. They're ball busters. There's something about Boston. I don't know. Because I don't laugh at Boston a bunch, and they're great. It's great. But the acoustics are tough. It's a great club. It's a fun weekend, but it's high ceilings and shit. You don't want to shoot something. In a high stage, yeah. No, you obviously want to shoot. But yeah, I love that. I've been to that club a million times. I love that club. They're funny in Boston, so you kind of have to step it up. I noticed I do crowd work or Q&A, and their questions were funny. And it kind of makes you like, oh, shit.

I gotta be funnier than you. I'm the professional. Right. But they're funny. I did Ireland. Same shit. Similar Ireland and Boston. Yeah, where they're funny as hell. Dublin. Dublin. So, such a funny crowd. They're great crowds, but

The crowd work is hilarious. I got Dublin and Belfast in September. I'm pumped, man. Are you doing Vicar Street? I don't know. You'll have to tell me at the end. Come on, just pick up. Great room. I heard it's great. That's like the cool shit when you go overseas. Oh, yeah. Folks bring you overseas. That's super cool.

Have you done it yet or no? Nah, I did. I've done a couple. I went to, I just did Abu Dhabi. I did the Abu Dhabi Comedy Festival. That was fun. That was cool as hell. I was there with Tony Woods and Will Silvins and Andrew Schultz. He headlined. He did the arena and Chappelle did the arena. That was a lot of fun. And I've done London and I've done. London's great. I went to Kenya. I did the. Wow.

Was that great? Yeah, that was really cool. Yeah. That was a lot of fun. That's great. When you go international and the joke, everyone's like, oh, after you do one, you're like, oh, yeah, the joke's just... People get it. Yeah, people get it. What about you did Israel? I did Israel, too. Wow. Yeah, we bleeped that out. Nah. Nah.

That was great. That was great. I did seven cities there. It was... Whoa! It was great. Especially when you're something different, you just make fun of the thing, whatever it is. Right. The OutKast is making fun of the thing. It's just like...

It was amazing. Yeah, I did Berlin. All Holocaust. They ate it up. Yeah, they love it. I mean, it's an elephant in the room. You got to do it. I mean, Israel, I'm sure. Palestine, Netanyahu. Yeah, well, they told you not to talk about that. But it was like a lot of New York Jewish transplants. So it was great. I mean, they just got everything. They just got all the things you're talking about. Are you guys working on any bits? Uh-oh. I don't have good shit. We did it. Mark and I have been doing it like...

off the pod lately uh-huh so we like i feel like it's like not natural i can check if i have anything yeah share with us i got nothing i got nothing you might have set us up i have nothing but but it may be something like it's nothing theoretically all right that's what we're doing here yeah um well i i want it again it's just like a story i have where i don't know how i don't know the angle into it but i want to uh i have a bit that i'm working on where i'm talking about like

I'm about to be in my mid-30s, and I'm at the point where I want all of my friends to be married. I don't want them to be single because I'm single, and my single friends still expect me to be their wingman. As you get older, becoming a wingman is harder because your lies get bigger. When you're young, you just lie like, yeah, he's a good cook. When you're older, you got to be like, yeah, he's a good father. He takes care of his kids.

Yeah, yeah. So that's basically the angle. And then I want to tell a story about times where I've seen... You ever seen a wingman, half to wingman, but he get into a fight with the girl he's supposed to take a wingman versus a cock blocker when they get into it in a thing? Right. I have a story where that happened, where they almost ended up fighting. Oh, wow. Where a boy of mine was supposed to be a wingman. For you. Yeah, and they almost got into a fist fight.

I wouldn't like the girl. And I'm like, this is so the opposite. But I just don't know the angle. Yeah, if the pause would be like, all right, he's not a good father. Or something like that, yeah. Maybe there's something, too. He's such a bad wingman that you look great.

Like he's fighting with this girl and she's like, fuck this guy. I'll talk to you. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Well, maybe that's good. Yeah. He's so like violent. Yeah. Yeah. Like I would never hit a woman. She's like, all right, I'll take you then. I had a friend. I had a friend's dad who passed away. It was like that growing up. I remember we were in a bar and he would like take us to bars when we were underage. He was like the fun dad. Oh, yeah. Shocker he's not with us anymore. But he was hilarious. He was like, he would get us drunk. We went to a bar once. Yeah.

And he just walks up to this hot... We were kids. We were probably 20. Walked up to this hot fucking woman in the bar and he goes, Lady, what I would give to fuck you up the ass. Jesus Christ. What is he doing? And we were like, what the hell? And I'm like, miss, I'm so sorry. And she goes, well, finally, a gentleman. I was like, I guess we're using that word loosely now. But I ended up getting blown by her. Really? Yeah, we were talking and he's giving me a thumbs up behind him. He knew what he was doing. I think that's the bit.

Something like that. Like the shitty wingman. Yeah, because I had a similar story where the guy, where like a friend of mine was like, he said something along the lines like, I'd love to have unprotected sex with you. Like I wouldn't use a condom with you. Like first line.

And she was like, what the fuck? Wow. And then you're just sitting there like, I'd use a condom with you. There we go. That's it. Finally. And I take you to dinner first. Oh, my God. Who is this guy? Yeah. All right. That's not bad. We got something. I got nothing, dude. There's so many bad people. Like, when I was on Tinder and all that, there's so many bad, like, shitty, boring guys. And if you were, like, somewhat funny or anything, you'd get laid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah. You got something there. Just the...

He's so bad, you're good. Yeah. You know what I found? I remember you told me this like a while ago when I was like still open for you. You said that like, I think you said you had a conversation with Burr that he was like, he told you something along the lines like, when you go to stories, like the people kind of just fuck with you a little more. Mm.

And I've, like, found that, like, with this new hour that I'm doing, I've kind of went more to, like, telling, like, I'm not going to tell long journal stories, like, a quick punchy story. But, like, there are a lot of stories, and it just feels like the connection is tighter. Something about a story really brings people into you. Yeah. They remember the story. The bit I get, like, referenced the most is, like, the white knight. Really? It's like, yeah. Yeah. That's what people love. People love stories.

In a weird way when you put yourself in the audience shoes because sometimes I'll do that like I just did the cleave I did the Cleveland funny bone and Costa was at hilarity So after I went to watch costa just to be like let me just be an audience member and see like an hour I love hilarity. Yeah, and the hilarity is fucking amazing great club, but you you kind of you kind of see where you're like Oh, yeah, like

Even though you came to laugh, like a good story that has laughs and is really interesting, that's like great. I know. It's like better in a way. It's better and it brings you in. You're on the edge of your seat. There's a big ending. It's like a movie. Yes. Like a movie that's funny and like has all the things. In the moment. Yeah. People relate it to their lives. Yeah. Oh, I've had a similar thing and yeah, they feel more connected. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

Nah, I don't have any story. I got nothing good. Yeah, all my shit's either long or just fucking, it's either there or nothing. I have nothing in between. We had a sesh the other night, though. We haven't done it in a while. Pretty good sesh. I got a lot out of that. Same, same. All right, I got one. Tell me if I've done this before. The pizza bit?

So I was hanging out with my buddy and I was like, you want to get dinner? And he's like, yeah, sure. And I go, you want to get pizza? And he goes, I had pizza last night. I'm like, yeah, but you love pizza. And he's like, I know, but I don't eat it every night. And I said, well, don't get married.

because that's what marriage is you know and i'm like when you get married you eat pizza every night but you got to make it interesting you're like tonight i'll eat it from behind maybe i'll pay a guy to eat my pizza and i'll watch then you got a couple you got a couple of that's good and then have you done it i've tried it but it's it's shaky yeah and i'm like and look

I get it from her angle too. She's got to fuck this thin crust. She probably wants a deep dish every now and then. That's good. So we'll try it. Does that hit? That's good. That's new. That's funny. Okay, I'll try it. It felt too A to B. Like it felt a little too like comparison, analogy. Something about a delivery boy. It might be funny to work in a delivery boy. Oh, yeah. You know, we're like. Watching people make pizza like Food Network porn.

Thin crust deep dish, that's a big lie. It's also tough because I'm in New York and there's just so much great pizza. I know. Tell me about it. That's a good line. Yeah, that's true. All right, all right. I'll try it tonight. Yeah. We'll see what happens. That's good. I think you got something with the bad wingman. The bad wingman? Good. All right, I'll work on it. Is this something? I don't know if I told you this. I don't remember, but like,

I have a thing about like how as an adult, like when you're young, every drug you take, you're trying to extend the night and then you get older and every drug is like whatever will make it tomorrow. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like I don't want it to be full of my whole thing is full of drugs that the

Get me till tomorrow. Exactly. I have like little like powders. Yeah. This will knock me out. Ambien. Like I don't do anything that one like extending the night is like a sign of hope. It isn't the bit I'm just talking about. It's like a sign of hope. That's why like when you're an adult in like your 30s or 40s doing coke. I'm like what the fuck are you doing? Yeah. Yeah. You know I don't need more ideas. I'm not going to follow through on. Right. Yeah. Coke versus melatonin is very real. Yeah. Or coke versus Ambien. This is how little I party at this point. I mean I drink but this is how little I party.

there's a line I did in a bit I still drink but now it's like a scotch during a Hitler doc I'm not like going out you know but like you know I like I'll take melatonin I'll be like don't take that shit I'll give you bad dreams like that's how little I fucking party that's literally I stopped taking it because of the nightmares that's why exactly nightmares yeah not just vivid dreams like scary dreams yeah yeah like same yeah

Yeah. Huh? It can be weird. Like I knew I was a dreaming, but it was weird. It's weird. Especially if you're sleeping next to somebody. Yeah. It's weird. I didn't know. I started doing the edibles. Really? Yeah. Whoa. But there's something to that. I think like there is standing the night and like, uh, it needs more, but there's something about like, uh, young people you like you make. I think the other thing is like one of the reasons I don't do Coke is like, I don't want to be more aware of my decisions. Like young people, it's like 2am you're doing blow and shit.

4 a.m it's like i don't want to be i don't want to hide in awareness for whatever bad shit i'm about to do sure you know yeah yeah i don't know i'll play with it adderall adderall that's true adderall's adult cocaine yeah because you do it during the day right right there's something all right i'll play with it yeah i got spots tonight i'll get i'll see you guys at the cellar tonight yeah yeah i'll be there yeah yeah i'm doing i think yeah i think there's i think that's i think that could be big

Something there. Where are you going to be coming up? You got any road gigs? Didn't you have an HBO thing? Well, I had it two years ago. Ah, I thought you had a new one. No. Joke World was talking about you. Who's Joke World? You know, on YouTube. Oh, really? The comedy guy. When are you going to record a new one, you think? Probably this fall. Oh, all right. Your comedy fest, probably. Nice. Do you have any idea where you're going to shoot it? Probably Gramercy. That's cool. Let's talk about it.

Okay. Let's talk about it. Yeah. Ramercy's cool, but I feel like a lot of people shot Ramercy. I wanted Sony Hall, but everyone just four or five special shot there this year. Oh, yeah. Rachel, Keith, everyone, right? Brad Williams. Jessica. Brad Williams, Michelle Buteau. Damn. Don't do it there. Although you can make anything. You can make anything yours. True. You can make anything yours. Oh, nice. I love Zany's. Yeah, I'm doing Zany's. When did this come out?

oh it's over there you go chicago the 21st yeah sorry we're in chicago is he all right i'm a zany it happened yesterday yeah no it's next weekend i know but when this comes out yesterday okay so i'm at the uh i'm in milwaukee august 8th through the 10th at the milwaukee improv oh no i'm in uh at levity live august 30th to the 1st and uh i'm in new orleans on the

Hey, now we're talking. Doing some pop-up, yeah. But all my things are on IanLarryLob.com. Oh, yeah, I'm doing side splitters. I'm looking forward to that. That's a great one. Great room. The DC Improv, my favorite club in the whole country. Another great room. Never been there. Never worked there. What? Punchline Sacramento. Yeah, I got a lot of good clubs coming up. That's a great room. A lot of good clubs. That's a great club. Tempe Improv, yeah. Boy, good. Right on College Campus. Good bookings. Yeah. I just went to CAA, so. Hey.

Hey, tell Justin I said hello. All right. Is he your agent, Justin? No, it's Matt Schultz. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's the B guy. Still CAA. You're doing fine. Mark Rockford.

Rockford, Illinois, wherever that is. Rochester, Minnesota, wherever that is. As David Tell would say, I'm doing the connecting flights tour. Doing a one-nighter in Hampton, Richmond, Virginia. Greensboro, North Carolina, Anaheim, Thousand Oaks.

Redding, PA, Red Bank, New Jersey, Colorado Springs, Fort Collins, Colorado, St. Louis, Missouri, Atlanta, Georgia, Orlando, Florida, and Fort Lauderdale. Come on out, say hello, and queef it up. Get a bottle of Bodega Cat.

And check us out on Punch-Up. What do you got, Fanny? I'm in Hammond, Indiana with Chrissy D and Nemesh. We're doing a little three-person one-nighter at a casino. I'm in the Miami Improv August 1st through 3rd. I am at the... I'm going to do another casino with those two in Prior Lake, Minnesota, August 10th. And then I've got Magoobies right outside Baltimore August 15th through 17th. Yeah, and then I got...

the Stress Factory in Jersey the following weekend. And then I'm doing a nice little Euro tour. We got London. We got... Oh, I got Ontario before that, too. London, but we got...

Belfast, Dublin, Paris, Amsterdam. Added a second show in Amsterdam, baby. That first one sold out. Copenhagen, Oslo, and Stockholm. Tickets still available. Get on that shit. Punchup.live slash samorelle for tickets or just samorelle.com for tickets. Follow us on punchup.live slash our names. Getbodaygetwhiskey.com. Please watch the new special on Amazon. Yes, you've changed. Hope you like it.

And speaking of Punch-Up, Mark and I have a doc called Page to Stage on there that you can get. It's a 15-minute doc about Mark trying to write one joke. Oh, yeah. Not my best. Got nothing on that pizza bit that I just did. Well, yeah. Follow Ian Laurie. He's hilarious. Follow everything he does. And... Whatever.

Oh, you hate to see that. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. This is one of those podcasts that I do and I go on the road and people were like, oh, I heard you on. All right. Good, good. Hell yeah. Love it, man. Well, thanks for listening, guys. Thank you. Comedy. Sunday's the day for Max Bender's juice clothes. And Norman's talking shit up in the post. Down in the same way. Up on the roof like it was feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New. This woman doesn't look.

Remember. Be true.