Ep 182: Colin Quinn & Rachel Feinstein 01:27:13

You know what I'm doing right now? What? Moisturize. You're rubbing stuff on your legs? Because last time- You're getting a male viewership up.

WikiFeet, check her out. Show it to him, will ya? It has to do with your show here. Before we even start, Colin Quinn with an amazing new special on YouTube. Thanks, Colin. Watch it right after this. And Rachel Feinstein with an amazing new special on Netflix. Check them both out. Big guy. I watch it with the lady. She's a huge fan. Really? Oh, yeah. She's always been very nice to me. And she hates women. Is a beauty. Can I just say that last time I was on here,

There was a comment that somebody made about my knees. They wrote like, ouch, look at her knees or something. And so... Been around the firehouse. That's why I'm putting makeup on my knees right now. Because the last time I was on your podcast, it gave me... You can't let the commenters win. By the way... What are you doing? I'm here to say... Letting them win? If you...

write a negative comment. This is to all my haters out there. If you write a negative comment about me, well, I will immediately internalize it as fact and your voice will stay with me. You can't tell them that. I know. This is weak. This is chum in the water. This is a weak opening here. Oh my God, Rach. Chum in the water with our shirts. But,

But I'm sorry they said they go knees ouch. And then ever since then, I've been obsessed with it. Maybe they meant like ouch, like ooh. Like mamacita. They were kind of blue that day. They looked weird and gangerness. They are a little lumpy now that I think about it. Christ! I don't know what these knots are. Looks like rotten milk. What the hell? What the hell? Don Knotts. Oh my God. What do you got on there? You need some knee pads. Shit. All right, who hit you there? Nancy Kerrigan? Don Knotts?

His husband was Chris Brown. Jesus Christ. Did you meet Diddy recently? All right. This is going to be a fun one, I feel like. Oh, God. Yeah. What are you pouring there? Rachel won a Prosecco. Whoa, Nelly. Do one Netflix special. You got to have the good bubbly. Yeah. This is $5.99, this bottle. By the way, you should never raise anything good on me. Give me well. Is this a good bottle? Yeah.

What do you think this is? Flagrant 2? Somebody comes from money. Generational wealth. You got that right, sister. Oh, boy. All right. So, Quinn, I mean, you just shot it in D.C. at a psychotic. What were you thinking? What was that?

At that psychiatrist convention? Yeah, you did a corporate. No one shoots a corporate. You want those hidden. Something different. All right. Who cares at this point? It's killer, dude. Plus, I wanted to do it because what happened was I was doing a show. Cheers. And these four psychiatrists are in the audience. Oh, that's right. And then, so I was like, oh, my God, the whole thing relates. Everything relates to everything.

Oh, I see. Well, it relates. Everything relates if you wanted to. You don't want to shoot that in Albany. I don't want to be like Terrence Howard, but everything relates if you wanted to. That was a whack-a-doo. I'm too dumb to know if what he's saying is true or not. But that's what I mean. Me too. I run so dumb around Colin. I never want to ask him follow-up questions so he knows how stupid I really am. No, he means Terrence Howard, right? Yeah. Well, he's just saying shit. Terrence Howard's saying things, but it sounds so intelligent to me.

You're like, I can't believe this guy. Even if it's insane, it totally connects. You're like, oh. Does it? Yeah. Well, I mean, when he says the Pythagorean theorem, he goes, well, they're starting with the premise that the world is flat, so everything's in flat lines when it should have been curved. And I'm like...

That kind of makes sense. Oh, interesting. So even if it's not true, it does make sense. Yeah, but they always go too far if you keep listening. So it's a Pythagorean. That means the earth is flat. You're like, whoa, how did we get here? You had me for a second. I don't even know a Pythagorean. I don't even know any of it. I'm a dizzy bitch. Right.

I'm a dizzy bitch with nice knees. The bee's knees. The bee's knees. No, but you know how certain people you run dumb around and others you run smarter? I run dumb around Colin, you know, because he's just, you have actual history of

And, you know, I always kind of feel like I'm faking it. And then I get credit for being smart because I'm like sarcastic and Jewish. I actually have no information about anything. But I feel like most comedians really are smart, even if they're not. Book smart. Yeah, they're smart. There's just something smart about comedians. Can you lift my chin up and say that again? No.

What the hell are you pulling? Oh, someone said this. Someone's getting an organ taken out. I love that picture. That was like Elliot Gould. It is. Long kiss. Long goodbye. What's going on? But somebody said that this was Terrence Howard on Rogan. Oh, that's funny. We did it all with sound, right? We did it with sound. And then we had a blanket.

Just a POW in the tub. This is almost like... Oh, is that Robert Downey? Yeah, it's behind the scenes from Tropic Thunder. Oh, that's fun. Brow chakra. Brow chakra. This is what it's like in Cat Williams' green room. Problems on people's backs and shit. That's quite a rider. I need a white guy in a tub with shirtless.

Oh my stars. Before we leave, we need to end this pod with at least a couple Colin Quinn movie recs. Oh.

Oh. Colin is like, well, just put a pin in that for later. Okay. Okay. But this is tough because we got two bangers right here. Two specials out simultaneously. We're competing against each other. I know. Right. I mean. We're both trying to usurp Keith Robinson. Keith Robinson, if you don't know at home, he's the oldest living comedian. He's the very oldest one. Rich voice doesn't count as living. Ah.

Or comedian. When's his? Oh, June 11th. Yes. Keith, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a bad man. Yeah, he is. That's why God stressed him. Real dick to me, I'll tell you that. Keith Wayne Alistair Robinson. Wow. What is he, Muslim? His home attendant is feeding him sweet peas through a straw right this very moment. He can't afford a home attendant. What are you talking about?

That's a shitty deal on Netflix. What are we talking about? Well, either way, he's definitely grabbed her ass. That's how he gets his strength back. Right. Yeah, it's like...

Well, yeah. So, yeah, both specials. One was paid for. But, you know. Yeah, they didn't pay for mine. That was the joke. I know. But you're out there on the YouTube. But Quinn's going the young route, which is cool. I'm going rogue. Quinn's done a million specials on Netflix, everything. That's right. Yeah.

But how do you feel about this one? Like, do you like that it's a different type of- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like doing it different like that. Yeah. I felt, yeah, I feel like that's a good move for everybody. Oh, yeah. Do it in front of, instead of being a theme, the theme is the audience. Interesting. And no notes. I reversed, well, I wouldn't say there were no notes. I had a little-

What do you call it? Teleprompter. Oh. On the corner. Because a lot of that stuff I never said before. Not a lot of it, but- Really? At least 40%. You meant no network notes. No network notes, I meant. Oh, no, I meant- Yeah. Yeah, no network notes. No, no. Yeah. The head of YouTube's like, that's not going to fly, dude. The only one you deal with is homeless pimp.

He's the only one who can give you notes. Homeless Pimp is getting successful enough he might have to change his name from Homeless Pimp. What I think about Homeless Pimp is he's this sort of mild-mannered kind of lovely quiet guy. Some comics

probably gave him that name, but he's the editor and produces stuff. I always assumed Pimp was out there just combing for ass after the shows and that he's just like... Right, right. Who's to say he's not? Punish leftover, you know, DeStefano puss, but it turns out he's...

A lovely man. Great guy. And doesn't try to punish any leftovers at all. No. He's kind of just a smart, creative guy. It's funny what I assume about men. I'm like, you dirty little bitch. I know what you're up to. Sure. Turns out to be just a reasonable guy. Well, he does dress like a cult leader from the 70s for some reason. He's got flowers on his shirt and giant pants. There he is with weird Elton John. Look at that. Yeah. What is this outfit?

But he's a creative genius. Oh, my God, he is. I mean, I saw the Chaz thing that he's doing right there. It's amazing. Really? It's amazing. It's amazing that Chaz Palminteri is getting directed by a homeless pimp. Yeah. Fucking Chaz Palminteri. Yeah. What the hell? I know. This business is going over. It's pretty amazing.

All right. So you were saying. It was great. No, he's great. It's just the name. So yeah. Great. You special? What were you saying? No notes? YouTube? No notes. YouTube. Just put it up. Okay. And it's great. Yeah. Thanks. Loved it. Here's the thing about a Colin joke. I've probably said it before. Colin Jost? Colin Quinn jokes.

There's a lot of comics, you hear their jokes and you're like, fuck, I almost came up with that. I could have come up with that if my mind had run around that for a few more laps. That would have been my joke. With Colin's jokes, you could have run over it forever and ever and I wouldn't have come up with that angle. Totally. You have a thing where I'm like, I would never have. Yeah, my mind wasn't going to do that. Yes, you have a great way of stepping back and seeing everything for what it is because we're all in the middle of it and we don't see it. That's right. It's because I'm 90. Yeah.

Guys, don't worry. In 20 years, you'll be able to do it. You were doing that in the 60s. You were doing that in the 20s, Colin. You and Professor Irwin Corey were fucking dominating the scene back then. Can you imagine Colin when you were like 20, 21? You would have probably been able to bag just about any skirt. Eye on Quaaludes with a mustache. You could tell him anything and they'd believe it because he had a few facts to sprinkle in. There's that irony. Yeah.

Look at that. McGregor eating hard. I was 19. I was like McGregor. Yeah. I think I could have fought McGregor back then. Maybe. Yeah. Look how cute. Look at that. I was 19. My favorite Colin Quinn story, one of my favorites, is in your book where you talk about being column. Oh, the Irish poet laureate? Yeah. At the bars? That's a hunk right there. I would go to the bar and I would put on an Irish accent.

And I was by myself because no one was going to hang out with me because I was a real, I mean, I was a bad drunk. Yeah. And I would just show up at the bar and I'd just go, hey, I'm here, my name's Colm. And I'd start talking to all the people. And every time it was the funniest pattern. All over the fucking university place, there was a lot of bars back there. Oh, yeah. And then like 30, like the East Village was just starting to pop.

And I'd be stumbling around, but I put on this accent. And a lot of people are like, oh, this guy's Irish. Fell fast. I left on a shady circuit. This is during the whole hunger strike and shit. Right. But every time the bartender would just give me a scowl because they fucking knew. They knew? They knew the type, I guess. And they'd be fucking fuming. I'd be like this fucking. Did you ever run into a real Irishman in the middle? Oh. I guess not. Maybe if I did, I kept going. Did it get you laid? I wouldn't have broke. Of course.

I don't think it really got me laid. I believe it did. It got me in a couple of fights, but I used to get... No, what happened is I'd go after hours. One time, I was just thinking about this last night as I was walking on Prince Street. I met this girl after hours and...

There was a guy with us, too. I think I put this in the book. But anyway, these after hours used to be all the mafia places used to be on Sullivan Street, Late House Street. There's like five after hours places. Every time I pass now, I'm like, these places were after hours, like eight in the morning. I mean, this guy, he goes, yeah, I like that girl. You know, she liked me. He gave me the keys to get these big chunk of keys. He was visiting some apartment on Bleecker Street. I went over there with her, had sex with her, left and just left but...

forgot to bring him back the keys. I had to bring back the keys. I had them in my pocket when I woke up. And me and her went to this, like, bodega at, like, 8 in the morning. We're, like, making out in a bodega. Then I went to the same after hours the next night, and the guy literally gets out.

You had the keys the whole time. He couldn't go back to his apartment. Poor guy lost his job. I know. Yeah, and it was like rental. Right as Paul is coming, this guy's getting dismissed from work. And that was pre, he couldn't just text you. He had to just wait the 24 hours. Yeah, he just waited until he saw me and he couldn't believe I was back. And did he give you a nice punch in the face? Oh, we fucking, we tussled all over the floor. Really? I was so drunk in those days. I was like, I was in the right in my mind. Right, right. He was trying to fuck her, but I was with her, you know. How many,

Fist fights don't happen enough these days. I have to say. Because everyone knows MMA. That's true. You don't want to fight a dude. No, these guys are killers now. Yeah. Muay Thai, all this shit. Even dudes you wouldn't suspect. I have friends who you wouldn't think they could fuck shit up, but that's their whole thing. Fucking Pete Lee is like a black belt. Can you imagine getting your ass kicked like, oh, hey, pal. Yeah. That guy's beating the shit out of you. It's discouraging. You never know. There's something about...

about like jujitsu though and some of those that are just ridiculous just to beat you because you're also kind of furiously nestling with another man and getting beat at the same time it's just a lot of foolishness well did you ever hear Artie Lang's joke what did Artie Lang do god damn it's such a great joke tell us when it first when it first came out he goes um

MMA is like, do you guys have gay sex? And halfway through, one of them realizes he's not gay. That is perfect. Man, he had some pearls. I love Hardy Lane. I know. He's got my favorite Caitlyn Jenner joke.

Oh, yeah. You know that one? What is it again? I think I've said it on here 800 times, but he's like, Bruce Jenner walks down to the kitchen of that house at 3 in the morning, and Lamar Odom's down there. And Lamar Odom's like, man, these women are driving me crazy. I'm going to start doing crack. And Bruce goes, wait to hear what I'm going to do.

He's got another one. Sorry to go three in a row here, but I love his joke about how the NBA is all about education. He's like, these guys are leaving high school. They don't care about it. He's like, enough with it. If they're really about education, instead of a dunk contest, do a spelling bee. He goes, would you rather see LeBron dunk again or Stefan Marbury spell Wednesday? That's crazy. Great.

Artie's so funny. So funny. I miss him. I miss Artie. Me too. One of the only guys I've seen kill a tell. Like where a tell's like, ah. Yes. Artie. Yes. That was him. I remember I used to go to his place in Hoboken and we watched In My 600-lb Life and Artie just riffing on that show is like better than any director's content of anything. Yeah, I'd rather watch like Artie and his sister like have breakfast than anything else. Oh, the greatest. He's so funny. Can we get him on here? Is he doing stuff? I don't know.

I don't know. Who knows? You can try. It never hurts to try. That's true. So, Rachel, what's going on with your special? Yes. You're getting a lot of, like, uh...

Mean tweets? Feedback? Nothing yet. I mean, I'm sure it'll be ridiculous. There's a lot of knees in that special. I'm going to regret talking about this forever that I talked about. But I literally, I got some sort of procedure. I get like peels sometimes for my face because I have bad skin. And I asked them to do it on my knees because of the comment. Wow. You're giving them too much power. I'm a sick bitch. I haven't seen a knee like that since Kaepernick.

I'm going to write that tonight. I will say when I was editing the special, I was like, there's something about watching yourself that's particularly disgusting. Brutal. I was just screaming at the screen. Jason Katz, really funny. I mean, really great guy. Also a fun hang. And he edited the special. Most annoying man on the planet. Most what? Annoying man on the planet. He's a buddy of mine, but man, does he get under your skin. Yeah.

He directed one of my specials. Mine too. I love Jason. I love Jason. But anyway, so I was screaming at the screen like, you pig, just for the love of God, what have you ever needed to say, you vile, vile pig? And then I was like, oh, maybe I can call the special vile pig. I asked Dan Powell. I was like, hey, can I call the special vile pig? And he's like, no, not at all.

And then I was like, you ran it by me too. I was like, I don't think that's going to translate to something people are going to want to watch. Yeah, that's fair. And then I was like, could I call it America's favorite pig, which I still think is a fun loving name for a special America's favorite pig. Yeah. He was like, no, no, you can't. And then I remember Jason saying to me at one point, he was like, listen, I know you like call yourself pig a lot. And, uh,

And say that you need to be put down like a dog when you're watching yourself. And that's all good and fun games here. But he's like, when they do the final edit and the color people and the rest of the people come in, maybe don't scream pig as much at the screen. And I was like...

And I was like, that's fair. But it's, yeah. She came in to the cellar one night with like five suggestions to call a special. They were all horrific. Yeah. We were shocked. Esty, all of us were stunned. And we're not easy to shock. Yeah, yeah. And one of them was like, vile pig. What were the other ones? Esty was in the Israeli military and she's like, this is rough. Yeah. Colin said I should call it Hebrew school dropout. Ooh.

That's good. That's good. That's a great title. Not for right now, though. That wouldn't fly today. Yeah, Jordan Jensen came in the cell the other night, and she was like, I came up with this podcast title. It's about death, and I call it R.I.P. Jordan Jensen. And everyone thought I died. We're like, yeah, you can't. Yeah. You're dead. She did that. She posted it. Oh, did she? That's what it's called now. We all told her not to do it. Now she's doing it. All right. There you go. She does what she wants. Yeah.

What did you end up calling the special? Big Guy. Oh, that's right. Big Guy, yeah. Big Guy's good. And you get the title out in the first five minutes. Big Guy's good. Yeah.

Yeah, get out of the way. My husband calls me big guy and he has a song that he sings around our house where he goes, hey, she's my big guy. He follows me around and says that all the time. And he's kind of an emotional desert. So I told him that I called it that and he just loved it because it's like the same cocktail of things that would make him say that. He's just happy that it's called.

Right. He's like, hey, I got credit. Yeah. Yeah. Because I've devastated you. But yeah, he can't really compliment. So he calls me big guy. I've been watching you do stand up for years. And I noted, have you ever gotten pushback from a person in your life who you, because, you know, I've talked about people in my act and they're like, hey, don't talk about me in your act. So I have to take it out. Have you ever had that? Because you got the mom, the hubby.

My mom, the one time that she got really upset about a joke, I talk a lot about how my mom wants to be black and I kind of make fun about just how like aggressively liberal she is. Like anyone that's not white has a past to do anything in the world with my mom. And she like loves people so much more if they're not white. Sounds like Brooklyn. Yes. She'll underline anybody that's like if I'm in a conflict with anybody, like even the latest conflict, if they if anyone in their family isn't white, she's like, well, remember the childhood, you know, systematic racism.

They grew up in Dubai. She doesn't care about any of that. Like, she loves it when I say those things because to her, it, like, gives her street cred. Oh, that's great. So she loves it. That's great. What she didn't like was that I talk about her shawls that she wears, and I said she wears menopausal cape. Oh, yeah. She told me that she's like, I was having hot flashes when I saw that joke, and it just didn't hit home right. And she got very upset.

I guess she was like in the throes of menopause, which he heard me call her shawls menopausal capes. And that was the one thing where she was like, you know, take it out of here. That's like a liberal mentality.

mom thing because my mom is also like where she will she'll side with like anyone but me like I'll be like oh I had this awful thing happen on the airline she's like well you know they're having a hard time and I'm like you're my mom you're siding with United yeah this is fucking unacceptable yeah is she with Palestine laughing

But there is something about like, I don't know. Yeah. You're like any group that in them, like airlines and cab, but any group that they could see as marginalized in some way, they will side with over their own kid, which is such a weird liberal thing. That is. Yeah. It's, I feel like also it's, I don't know if it's part of why we're comics, but we get our final like statements to the world. It's like our little final arguments because I feel like my family, you had to make a whole testimonial to be believed. Right. About anything.

Good point. And your dad's a lawyer, right? And my dad's a lawyer, yeah. So I over-apologize. I like over-explain because my mom is kind of like a never-ending...

I mean, she's a good person, but she's always just like, well, Jesus, Rachel, I do my best. A little Gloria Soprano. Oh, yes. And I had a boyfriend in high school that cheated on me. And I was like, mom, he cheated on me. And I caught him. And she was like, well, remember that his mother wasn't. And she would write him a letter. Write him a letter. Write him a letter. And acknowledge some of his childhood. I'm like, he's inside of another woman right now. Right.

Yeah, and she was like, write him a letter, acknowledge systematic racism and the fact that his mother was in jail, which also is almost racist. Yeah, exactly, exactly. It's knocking on that door. It becomes racist again. Exactly. Do you get that from your parents at all or no? I mean, no, I mean...

Irish. Yeah. I mean, we didn't... First of all, no relationship talk whatsoever. You were on your own with... Right. They don't talk about sex and stuff like that. Same. Ever. Too sinful. Was that... I mean, even though they weren't like that, it just... But you don't talk about it in your act. It's funny. We all talk about sex in our act. You stay away from it. I stay away from sex because it's shameful. I mean, I used to talk about sex a lot, but I mean...

I just, I don't know. It never, you know, I'll tell you the biggest problem with talking about sex in my act. It never works. I don't know what it is. Really? Probably because you're uncomfortable with it. You're not, yeah. They can feel it. It must be that. Or it was almost too like, like I'm trying not to do like, the problem is I think you have to be cute with sex. And I feel like my sexual material is not cute. What do you mean by cute?

Like, you have to be light about it. And I feel like there was some energy I'm putting forth where people are like...

What's going on here? You don't want to go anal fisting. No, but I mean... You say anal fisting, but Attell will do anal stuff that is so silly. Yeah, true. You've got to say something when you take the anal beads out. The winning lot of Powerball numbers are... Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all the same color in the end. I'll tell you a sex joke right now because I don't do them anymore. I don't mind burning them.

One of them was, I used to say, if you ever, I said I was going down on this girl once, and then she tapped my...

She tapped my head. Like she tapped you out? Yeah, like she tapped my head like a cop with a nightstick waking up a drunk on the subway. That's fun. And it was something like that. And it was just across like, ah, you know, but just for some reason, it's always been weird. I feel like I over explained it or something. Because you feel like he is watching you.

The Lord. Christ. Christ is disgusted. He thinks you're a dirty little bitch. What you're saying. I think it's because your jokes are clean. I think your act is pretty clean. There's edge to it, but that's like a clean sex joke. I think is what it is. Yeah. Even that joke. Yeah. It's not. There's no. Yeah. You're.

There's no liquid involved in it or anything. Right, right. Fluids. There's definitely a reason I don't do a lot of sex stuff. I have a few things and they work. I mean, sex stuff is great because it does work. It kills. I mean, it kills. Yeah. And like even now, I have one thing in my whole act that's just biggest dick joke and it kills like nothing else. And I'm just like, and then one of these people comes up to me afterwards and goes, hey man, it was great.

Sorry, the dick joke got you big as well. I hate that. I love it. Like somebody just being like an audience member being like, hey, man, I get it. Right. You know? I'm savvy. Yeah, they always have to have the worst compliment. The worst compliment. They gift you with a new insecurity. Yes. Dude, are you a biggest fan? My wife hates you.

Number one with a bullet. She can't stand you. I have to listen to you in the basement with headphones. Blah, blah, blah. And I always say, I don't agree with you, but I think you're really funny. Who cares if you agree with me? I'm not there to be agreed with. I don't agree with you. It's amazing.

I'm not running for Senate. People say it all the time. Yeah. That's so funny that people would say I don't agree. By the way, you're not saying anything like that. I mean, I guess there's opinion in there, but it's not like anything that's like that divisive. That's what's weird. But nowadays, everything's fucking divisive. You're right. That's true. It's all political. Everything you say is political. If you don't say anything, people go, we hear your silence. Right. It's violence. You had that great joke about-

The thing about the Civil War is you have to see each other right after. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a great observation. They're like right there. Right, right. Yeah. And a lot of people will tell you what your joke's about. And I'm like. Yes. Tell me whatever you want, but you don't know what my joke's about, you dumbass. Right, right. Somebody wrote something about, I had this joke about my mom being really liberal and how she would have preferred if I married a genderless Kenyan composter than an Irish Catholic. Yeah.

And somebody was like, at the heart of it, it's a joke about, it's an anti-Kenyan joke. And I'm like, that's not what my point of my joke is. I've never heard a dumber idea in my life. It's just a bad premise. Yeah, it's a joke. I'm like, at the heart of it, it's anti-Kenyan. I've never heard a dumber sentence. Like, that makes me need a nap to even understand what he thinks I was trying to say. It's such specific racism that, like, even a racist would be like, I don't have the time to break it down to this. Right, right.

I had a joke about like how I was – most of my sexual jokes are just about how I'm bad in bed or underwhelming in some way. But no matter what I do about sex, I feel like people always call you dirty, especially if you're like a girl. So I'll do like an hour of stuff about my mom and my grandmother's voice and I'll do one sex joke. Yeah. Remember this emcee in Vegas got back on stage after I got off and he goes –

Ooh, she was a dirty bird. He needs a spanking for that. He suggested I needed a spanking for being so naughty. Can you imagine him doing that with like Norton or something? Right, right. Oh, that's a dirty bird. He was like, she's a dirty little birdie. Needs a spanking. Yeah, people always do that. You'll have like three jokes about feet. People are like, all right, enough with the feet stuff. Well, that's all you heard. I did 20 minutes on anal fisting.

And that didn't fly. The feet thing they caught. You know who else doesn't talk about sex is Bill Burr. Never talks about sex. Oh. Another Irish Catholic. Exactly. That's really interesting. I mean, not now, but yeah. But I feel like I do talk about sex, but I just don't talk about it a lot. Yeah.

I feel like I definitely do. I think we see you as a little professorial. Some of Burr's earlier stuff is their sex. He had a bit back in the day about like, fuck, I'm butchering it, but it was about like how he- Do the accent. Dude, you know what the problem is? Brutal. No, he did a little bit. I also feel like a lot of the guys that really clean up puss-wise don't need to talk about sex that much. I'm sorry, but Colin and his day-

Good numbers. I'm sure Bill also. You showed a picture of Elliot Gould. That was amazing. He just showed that picture. Elliot Gould was a hunk. Look at it. He's the first Jewish sex symbol. That was the years of the Jewish sex symbols. George Siegel. James Caan. Elliot Gould. California split. Both of them together. Yeah, no, there was a lot of that. And it was like, there was a guy named- Lauren Bacall also. Really? Who? Lauren Bacall.

I didn't know that. Yeah, she was Jewish. And she... I think she changed her name, but I read her autobiography. Betty. And it's amazing. Betty. Yes, you're right. Her name was Betty. And she... I think it was called Me, Myself, and All By Myself, or Me, Myself. I don't know. She's a hot lady. And she...

She's hilarious. Her autobiography is Sarah. Every chapter of that book, you've got to do the audio book because every chapter just ends with like, and then Kirk Douglas called on me and I thought, I can't resist. It just ended with her fucking a different dude every chapter. How about Kirk Douglas was a rapist? Was he? Evil. Where are you getting that? He raped Natalie Wood. I'm getting it right from the horse's mouth. Apparently a bad dude. I remember watching a Turner Classic movie thing and they say it was Robert Mitchum's son. He was like,

they did Out of the Past together and he was saying Robert Mitchum hated Kirk Douglas and Robert Mitchum seems so fucking cool I love Robert Mitchum oh my god but yeah that's like one of my favorite movies of all time Out of the Past is a great movie great movie Natalie Portman from Israel wait what's her name too? in that movie oh uh Jane Greer who was it? no the other one Pam

Not Pam Grier. Hey, Pam Grier says you want to talk about sex. The first person I ever jerked off to. Whoa. Foxy Brown. Look what we got out of Colin. Feels like a humble brag. Playboy magazine.

Oh, yeah. 1971 to 72, and the first time I was your girl, Pam Grier Newt. Wow, there you go. Wow. Oh, she was a foxy brown. Yeah, she was really. Marvelous. Holy. She was so cool. I don't blame you. You got good taste there. Yeah, it was good taste. Woo, that tiny Irish dong was really stroking in the wind. That old red rocket. Yeah.

She really was hot. God. Rum Rocket? Red Rocket. Oh, Red Rocket. Jeez, what is this, National Geographic? Slow down. How much work are you giving him to censor? This is YouTube, motherfucker. This isn't Legion of Skanks. He was like all of a sudden staring at Bush. Yeah. I know, you're going to give him a wet dream over here. It happened so fast. Like, he got to her bush so fast. Go!

Riskly. And like none of these pictures are the one I remember. It was from the movie. Let's try to locate the one he first jacked off to. Yeah, let's see if he gets hard. That's still going to be graphic. I hope so. In Playboy? In Playboy. Like 1971. The cover?

That's pretty progressive. Who did you first hump a pillow to, Mark? Dirty dancing. The scene when the two were dancing together in their underwear. Oh, yeah. That was... Who knows dancing in their underwear? Oh, geez. Don't make me relive it there, Quinny. Uh,

Let's see. It was Jennifer Grey and the blonde whore, whatever her name was. They were dancing in their underwear together? Yeah, they crawled towards each other. The one that hooked her up with an abortion? Yes. I love how the whore movie was the one who knew a clinic. Here it is. Oh, this is it. Oh, yes. She's in her little- No, they're not in underwear. Unorthodox nose. I do. I love a honker. Yeah. Give me a Sarah Jessica P all day, I'll suck on that beak.

I saw a clip of... What made you so aroused by a large snout? I think... I don't know. I just like... He's doing a black chick. You like what's not around. I saw a clip of Rick Olson back in the day doing crowd work and he goes, you're either Jewish or an eagle with that beak. This isn't it. This other one's in a number two, I remember.

They're dancing with each other. It was a girl on girl, but we can do this. Oh, you like the girl on girl? Yeah. Sam, would you like to weigh in? Yeah, I'll weigh in. I think early for me was definitely Wild Things, Denise Richards. You can't deny that. She was hot as fuck. Who can't deny that? I remember I did a guy's radio show once, and he goes, who were your childhood crushes? I was like, oh, Denise Richards. He's like, who else? I was like, oh, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and he was smiling. And then he went to break. He goes, fuck them both.

It was Tom Papa. Breaking bread and getting head. That was his. That was his old show. I really filled that pita pocket. Rachel, let's try to guess Rachel. Denise Richards is a Jewish boy's dream. Denise Richards. Not a speck of Jew on her inside. I need a little Jew. Just rinsed off. Oh, goy. Yeah, none of my mom in that one. Oh, God.

Gamble looks a little hostage-y. Sure, she's hot. Yeah, she could be in the Hamas tunnel. Now, what about... Now, Norman wants just two snouts queering off like that. Yes. Just two pronounced beaks. Pecking at birds. Norman, who's got the big nose that he would like? Please. Chelsea Peretti. Oh, yeah. I think she's hot. Oh, Adrienne Brody. Wait, Rachel, who was your first fantasy, to put it politely?

I remember my mom walking in on me French kissing a Michael J. Fox poster when I was like 10 and I told her I was cleaning it I used to French the poster and wear it down so it was kind of like wet and slimy in the middle I would just lay it on my bed and just kind of that one and then I guess he's a little twinkie don't you think now I like much thicker I want a thick dense she was only 10 sure

Yeah. That was one of your jokes in the special. You like a guy who does his own research. That was great. Great joke. Definitely my type. Yeah. I like a guy who like whose opinions would infuriate me. Like I had a fight with my husband once about how he said communication wasn't important in a relationship. Who's the dumber person?

person, me or him, because I had that fight with him. Like, I spent all night being like, no, it helps to talk about things. Right. You know what's crazy, though? He did communicate that. You're right. Good point. Good point. Yeah. That communication was not important. You know what's, by the way, speaking of that whole, this whole dynamic, guess what the sad part was? When I saw Sam going to Dublin next in the flight. Why? Because we were all in Dublin together. That was great. Oh!

That was right. He abandoned us. That's Sam getting arrogant. He did? Yeah, because we were in Dublin all together. Yeah, that's Sam. That's you've changed. And Pete went too. I went last year. I did at Vicar Street. The highlight, it was us four, Chrissy D, and Nate. And the highlight to me was when we were in that museum and Chris let out the biggest fart ever. And we all just started laughing. And people were staring at us like, oh, these dumb American pieces of shit. And then Chris goes, um,

sorry I've got a daughter drawing room and they were talking about like the importance or what sort of meetings to take in place there between the English and the Irish and then Chris yeah rips the loudest loudest longest fart and he's just like come on I'm a father I was an Irish car boss

Up the rock. That was so fun. That trip to Ireland was like some of the most fun I've ever had. So fun. That was fun. I remember when you and Chris came to my room to say they wanted to borrow hair gel. Yeah, sure. That's what they were doing.

Gang bang. I remember when you guys ironically came to my room with hard-ons. They were sticking out all crazy like... Chris blocked the door. And we all regret one thing. We all should have been nicer to Nate Bogazzi. Yeah. Who knew he would pop? Who knew he'd blow up after that? I was like, who's this dickhead playing golf up in fucking Belfast? I still feel really guilty because remember when we were at a festival? I think it was Bonnaroo with Nate. And I didn't know that Nate didn't drink. And I was like...

Have a beer with me. And he's like, nah, I'm good. I'm like, have a beer with me. Are you a pussy? I just kept pushing it. And finally, he was like, yeah, what the hell? And then I found I had no idea. Like, he hadn't drank for like four years. Yeah, then he, now I don't think he drinks anymore. Oh, he almost lost his marriage over that. I know. I do feel very. I'm just kidding.

I did that to a comic and we did that Adam Devine house party show. And I didn't know the guy had a drinking problem, but we're in new Orleans. We're shooting this thing for comedy central. It must've been like over 10 years, maybe 12 years ago. And, uh, I was like, dude, we gotta, we gotta get fucked up. It's new Orleans. And he was like, he was like, ah, you know, I should. And I was like, all right, well I am. It's fucking new Orleans. And then he's like, he was like, fuck it. He just pounds a beer.

He's such an asshole to everybody. And I was like, this guy's like a really bad drunk. I remember Ann and Joanne from Comedy Central. He's like, he's like, oh, why didn't you give me this? Just being a dickhead. This is uncomfortable. And then he starts shitting on me. And I was like, this guy's a fucking dickhead. And then find out later he's an alcoholic. He fell off. He'd been sober for like four months. And now he's screaming. Don't blame yourself. Blame the fact you're doing Adam Devine's. I could give anybody a drunken episode.

I love the guys on TV right now on a TV gig. He's like, you didn't give me this. You didn't give me two hours. You didn't give me a sitcom. I know. That's such a comic break. I know. Yes, exactly. All the influence coming out. Fuck you. We were at a very uncomfortable dinner. We were just all sitting there and he was just like scolding them for not giving them shit. Oh.

it was brutal i was like this is not i've definitely always had the opposite mentality i'm always like i'm sorry i was here i hope i didn't pick up uh yeah did i did i'm i'm always thinking that i'm in someone's way physically yeah my instinct is always to be like hey like hey whenever people text me even like today that they watch the special i'm like why would they watch it that's what you think yeah i'm always like that's so not you don't have to do that that's

Come on. You heard that on the road. You're like, why you showed up? I'm always shocked when there's an audience. Yeah. Always. Like you've gotten a car, bought a ticket, got a beer, sat down. This is someone's date night. My filth. It is fascinating. Exactly. I do feel like I bring couples closer together. Like a guy watches my show and he like he thinks to himself, I don't rub my wife's knee enough. Look at this pig. You know, like I feel like I bring people. Why did you bring the knee though?

I know. I just bring up. With the knee. Well, I just meant. I just mean that I feel like some couples watch me and then the guy feels more attracted to his wife in comparison. No, shut up. Oh, come on. I don't mean for these things to sound as sad as they do, but. Well, we don't believe them. You're hot. Thanks. Yeah. Whatever. I want to get drunk. Life's crazy.

life's crazy don't you feel don't you when you really think about comedy as cynical as we all are it is amazing people do love laughing they have a great fucking it's the only thing where you guarantee like you're saying i'm gonna you're getting your money's worth there's no denying it even music

You don't really know what's going on. Not to mention the Knicks. Don't do it to me. Wait, what is he smiling at? Yeah, what do you mean with music? With music, you don't know what's going on. I'm saying with music, you're watching music, but you're not necessarily satisfied. You can't really complain because you don't really know what it is. With comedy, either you're laughing or you're not. True. I'm saying it's the only tangible thing.

I agree. I've definitely pretended to have fun at a music show before. Yes. I've stood there and tried to have my head do things. Me too. Never? Never had fun at a music show? No, no. I'm saying there have been times we've forced ourselves to enjoy it. Oh, yeah, yeah. Watching live music before. But with laughing, it's so instinctual. Involuntary. It's involuntary. I've definitely been at many music shows or like

like trying to do the right thing with my head and feel an archaic level of loneliness at the same time. Sing it, sister. I prefer dancing when I'm alone. I feel the same way at a museum. Like I feel like I should have a certain expression when I'm staring at a painting. That's right. I just want to be home sitting on my bed. Yeah, I know I'm standing there looking at a painting. By the way, worst museum of all time? The one in Dublin.

Oh, the Park Museum, yeah. We had such a good time there. British shit! Wait, what made it awful? I was too dumb to know that it was a back museum. I was like, what the fuck is this? I couldn't even believe it. I like a museum where you could taste something, where they have snacks and stuff like that. What? What kind of museum has snacks? Well, they have a luncheonette upstairs sometimes. Yeah, I love the food in Dublin. Sometimes they let you have a little snack or go inside a house. I like to be able to rifle through people's things. What? You know what I mean?

Come on. I hear you. You're like an interactive museum. Yes, thank you. I hear you. Like the Holocaust. Yeah, like the Holocaust. You can play with the shoes. Press one if you want to see more skinny people. Camera at 10 pounds. But what were we... Oh, the music thing. Oh, yeah. I saw the Stones about a month ago.

At Jazz Fest. And the whole time, you're just analyzing. You're like, wow, look how old he is. Whoa, Keith's still ripping. But it is hard to get into it because you're on your feet. I thought you said it was amazing. It was amazing because it was- I was going to say, I think it's a bad example of Ashaw the Stone. Yeah, you're right. We're thinking more in terms of- But I think as a comic, you're enjoying it, but then you take yourself out of it. You don't want to get too vulnerable. You don't want to slide in to that music world.

I'm happier when I'm dancing in my room or something like that. Same, same. And I play a lot of music at home to get in the right mood, but I don't feel in control or comfortable when I'm an audience member. I feel the same way. That's why we do stand-up. We want control. We control it. It's not really that. What the hell is the Stones of Jazz Fest? What are you, New Orleans? Yeah.

And the Stones were there? Yeah. Were they part of a fucking whole festival? That's so lame. What do you mean? They're the Stones. Well, they canceled a gig because of COVID, so they were like, we'll do Jazz Fest. And the whole city turned up. It was insane. People on the roof, helicopters, crazy. I was going to say that they're part of like, you know, with a bunch of other bands like fucking Savage Garden next up to the Stones. They got usurped pretty bad. But I'll tell you this. You're like, what?

I feel like live music is kind of like a, like, well, my friend said this about a threesome once. He said, I have to make a decision if he had two threesomes in his life, Dave Jesko. Wow, he had threesomes? Yeah, he has two and two. He counted as two of the people. By the way, Sam's reaction was perfect. When you said Dave Jesko, he didn't say a word. He goes like this. He goes... Just like...

He said he made a decision First of all Dave sex dad sex talk was never in the ass and hide your wallet Which to this day is one of the funniest things I've ever heard. He said his dad just came in He's like this is all I have to say about sex never in the ass and hide your wallet. That's really funny, but

But Dave said he had a threesome. Who said that? His dad. Dave Juskow's father. Wow. The man that created this deep idiot we see right here. No, I love Dave. But he said that he had a threesome and he made this, he's like, I had to make a decision. I was either going to be inside of this threesome enjoying it or watching it like a movie. And I feel like

and to tell people about later. And he's like, I was going to do one or the other, you know? And I feel like that's kind of how I feel with live music. Yes. This will be a story I tell people about later that's cool, but it's something I watched from afar or I'll be inside of it. And if I'm inside of my body, I'm looking like a complete idiot flailing around like that. Yeah. It's hard to let go as a comic, I think. I feel like you could have just said that last part instead of telling us Jessica had a threesome. Ah!

That's fair. I think that's the point we need to explore. I think you guys Google Dave Juskow and see how right Sam just was. I love Juskow. Call him? Call him. Let's get to the bottom of this because I don't believe it. Of what? By the way, it started with an audition at his apartment. No. He had some girl sit in his lap to see if she could make an audition. That's the oldest book in the book. Audition for what? His show at the Cellar?

Let's call him. I'm not- I got him. Yeah. He's not a busy man. I have a great JustGal story. Wait, let's see. You call it- Oh, we're calling him. Oh, boy. I don't think y'all can hear this, but- Can you? I can translate, yeah. Hello. Hey, Dave JustGal. Hello.

How are you? It's Matt Salek who's talking. Is he on speaker? Can you hear that? No. I'll bring it over to you so you can hear it and put it in speaker. All right, there you go, Kyle. Take the helm. Turn up the volume. It's up. All right. He'll answer to Colin. Hi, Dave. Dave, we're talking about your threesome that you had. It's Rachel and Sam. Rachel's talking about the threesome. And Norman. We might be drunk, but you want the threesome.

And everyone's saying, you said you could either enjoy it or you went outside your body and you're going to watch it. Like, which was it? Throwing a lot at him here. Oh, I see. Well, you know, I think it was a little bit of both. Oh, you told me you watched it.

But you also told me, didn't it start as an audition in your apartment? It started as an audition. We're trying to accuse you of Harvey Weinstein. Absolutely not. It was absolutely not, but it was okay back then. Oh, man. Delete that. Delete that. No, keep it. After it happened, the girl called me up. She goes, so did I get the part? And I'm like, are you for real? That's a legitimate question. You're like, what part? What part? What are you talking about? Are you for real? What did you say that was so weird?

Well, as I'm saying, why wouldn't she ask? That doesn't sound strange to me. Yeah, what is that? A deal breaker? She'd be a fucking deal maker. At least Harvey gave... Is any of this going to come through, Matt? Okay, good. We're the police. You've been cooked.

Someone told me to call Jessica when I first started stand-up and said he had a room that he would put me in. Oh, boy. And he was really a mover and shaker and showed me things. You're lucky you didn't end up in that tree sometime. Yeah.

Did I get the room? You and Morgan Murphy on his lap. That's how her knees got fucked up. Dear God. I called him and he answered the phone. He goes, I was like, hi, it's Rachel Feinstein. He goes, you got to change that name. Come on, you'll never make it to this business. He's like, not with that name. You're going down fast. Hey, she got it. Hey, Dave.

I know. I can't believe it comes out today, right? It's already out. It's exciting. Thank you. I love you, David. All right. Great talking to you, Dave. Bye, Dave. Thanks. Give your balls a little hammock this summer for the ultimate in hot weather comfort. You've got to try sheath. I bet I'm wearing it, too. Let me check. Whoa, the purple. Oh, I don't get purple. Yeah, I'm wearing it, too. Sheath. Look at that. Sheath underwear comes with two pouches to keep your dick and balls separate.

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I got a great JustGow story. JustGow and I were opening for Dave Attell Carolines years ago. And I had a good set up top. And then Dave bombed so fucking hard. He's doing like, he's like, this is my impression of Michael Caine on acting. There's like bridge and tunnel people. They're like, what the fuck is this guy doing? He's bombing so hard. So then he gets off. I bring Russ McNeve up. And then Russ's opening line was, how funny would it be if you just heard a gunshot in the back room? And it's like,

annihilated oh that's what you know you bombed they're laughing at you dying dave will do 20 minutes on michael cain discussing the difference between theater and film and it's honestly comics love to watch it because it's so insane he has jokes about like pilots like he has a long-winded joke about the odd couple pilot and it's some of the funniest shit i've ever seen it's inside though do that right his impressions are like max von sidow and hannah and her sisters and like

Yeah, this might not work at Dangerfields, dude. Like, I'm dying laughing. I don't like the Target demo, but... I saw this 23-year-old Puerto Rican couple, and the guy goes, nah, nah, son, nah. You mean it's Klaus Kinski? Oh, jeez. How long have you known Jessica, Colin?

I mean, I don't even, like everybody else, I don't know when I met him. I don't know how I know him. He just appears somewhere. He just appears, yeah. And then you run into people like, you know, you could be anywhere and suddenly it's like, oh, you know Dave Jeske? You're like, oh my God, I can't believe he knows people in North Carolina and Paris. I used to have lunch with him sometimes and I showed up at his work once and he worked at a law firm and he handcuffed himself to the secretary at the front desk. Right. What? What?

I walked in and he was handcuffed to the secretary. She's laughing. She's crying laughing. And then the boss is like, what the hell are you doing, Jessica? And he goes, I swallowed the key.

Like he's always doing some gag from like an 80s movie, but he's like so effeminate that nobody really feels like they don't feel threatened by him at the same time. Like he has a picture of himself in his own place like next to Gay Street with him like doing like the math expression. That never got old. That's a classic. The old Gay Street gag. Woo!

He's got crazy stories. Didn't he get someone fired, like an HR person fired because she choked him out? She choked him. An HR woman choked him at the company Christmas party. Because he was driving her so crazy. He kept doing those gags to her. She lost it at a Christmas party and choked him to the point that a blood vessel burst in his eye and they fired her.

Man. And she was in HR? Yes, she was in HR. So basically, Jessica was working for me. By the way, it's not called HR anymore. Have you heard this? Human resources is offensive because it has the word man in it. What? So they changed it to something like for the culture or something. Yeah, yeah. Is that right? For the gram. It's human. What's that? I mean, it's not man. Human. It's not man. You have such a funny line in your special, Colin, about human resources. Oh.

Oh, that routine, yeah. Oh, my God. Perfect. Mansplaining in progress. That's a classic. I know. It was a shame to bury that bit. Like, last week, I was on the road, and I was like... Nobody saw the YouTube. It's dead. You can do it. No, I can't. Yeah, he was...

He basically, he pissed off the HR woman so much that he said it's her first day. She looked at him and she goes, I've seen your file. You're not going to get away with this much longer. Whoa. And he goes, I've been through three of you. Good luck, my friend. Let the games begin. Oh, my God. He's the greatest. Let the games begin. If only he could translate this to the stage. Let the games begin. Apparently, some woman in his office had a spot in her arm and he was like, you should get that checked out. It's probably AIDS. Oh, my God.

Dude, Esty used to love him at the cellar. And then he started doing shows there and it all changed. There was a story about Jessica where the guy beat the shit out of him because he was fucking the guy's wife and the guy came home and I don't think Jessica would even know he was married. He didn't know

know that the girl was married and Jessica walked in and and and Jessica as he tells the story it's so funny because he's a can you imagine this like you walk in and your your girlfriend's cheating on you with me he's just like just this elderly balding grayish man just hunched over just this flaccid man and he said that he had just freshly got a nose job and the guy tried to attack him and he used her body as a human shield to protect him from the nose job by the way I talked to

the girl who was used as the human shield and she was like it was so hilarious because it was just gal you know like she thought it was funny wow because the guy beat him up when he came back he came back for a jets he had like a jets he left his backpack in the room and he said he ran away and he was and then he came back in the room and knocked on the door realizing his knapsack was still in the room it was a new york jets knapsack and the guy just beat the shit out of him after that the guy opens the door and he goes do you have a little backpack

What the fuck do you want? Oh my God. What does it look like? Like he's about to kill him. And Jessica's like, well, it has this little jets, like teddy bear thingy. He said jets, teddy bear thingy. And the guy had to know that this was the man that had just been inside of the woman. He loved jets, teddy bear thingy. Good time. He's a legend. He is. He's a legend. I mean, it's ridiculous. He's just, his stories are incredible. He,

can't do he can't not do this gag when a woman takes her jacket off and like if she has like a large chest I'm like hobo hobo and I saw him do his own mother his mom took her jacket off and we were at the cellar one night she was there to see his show and she's like David this is ridiculous he's like hobo hobo

But he's just so silly. I don't think any woman's ever really felt threatened by him. Right. I met his sister once and his sister is just like him. It's so funny. Yeah, we were hanging out and she just brought up a note. She's like, I got a nose job too. And I was like, oh, I don't know. I was like, how was that? She's like, I had to stop doing coke for a while. I was like, this family's fucking nuts. Where are they from?

he's a silly man great photo he also has such a gambling addiction that yeah he bets on the tonys he's a degenerate gambler he's got a real problem that's wild he's kicked me out of his apartment many times because i've been over there and then if he his team loses a bit get out of here you're a cunt yes and it's so ridiculous i can't be mad because him calling me a cunt is so non-threatening right i have to laugh he's like get out you

Well, even normal, all the real gamblers, if you walk in the room, you have to stay there. Yeah. Room's in the middle of getting ready to go on SNL, do weekend update. He's like, don't move. And you have a whole bunch of hairdressers, makeup people, me, whoever else is there. You have to move. Because, like, Oklahoma is about to, you know, score against South Carolina. Yeah. Don't move. And he's going on like eight minutes, you know. He's like...

Say so. Oh, God, it was great. Did you see Norm gambling a ton? Yeah, when we did a couple of casinos. I was talking about this recently, by the way. Norm, he's what a real troll is. He literally... He literally...

was DMing me because we just do these casino gigs. There's a bunch of them. Hey, this is a month before he died. Hey, let's book some more of these casino shows. What do you think? I go, oh, yeah. I didn't know he was dying. Yeah. I go, yeah, great. He goes, great. Call your agent. Let's do some in the fall. It'll be great or whatever. He was saying, I go, yeah, great. And he just starts talking to me and like DM back and forth about doing gigs. Yeah. He knew he was going to be dead in a month. Wow. Do you think that he thought that was...

like funny or do you want to connect to comic? Like, I feel like he's, I don't know. He's such a comic till the end. Like, do you think there's something about it that he thought, like, why do you think he did that?

I think he just thought it was funny, yeah. Wow, that's cool. I think he was just doing like a... To plan a casino gig. I think it was sort of like a bond, but it was also just to be like, hey, let's do some gigs just to bust balls. Then when he died, I'd be like, ah, fucking normal. But maybe he wanted to live like a normal, there's some normalcy to it. Like, I'm not going to die, I'll book gigs and then I'll live longer. But he was such a, like he would never break anything.

So I feel like it was a troll because only because he would never break. Like when he would troll somebody else and they'd be talking to you and go, you believe that guy? Come on, Norm, you know, what are you talking about? Yeah. That's crazy. Like he would never break to us. Yeah. Right. He would. That was what was fascinating. Why I love to watch old interviews or clips with him is that as long as it's funny, he doesn't need you to know what he's doing. That's right. And it's so brave. It's so cool. Cause I would,

want to tell the person at the end and he didn't care. He didn't care. He was so fucking funny with that. That was one of the funniest things because he just didn't break. He didn't care. I don't know if anyone else would have had the balls to do that. No. No. I remember meeting him once and I explained to him, I used to do this dumb thing where I would take a picture and hold up my wedding ring with the most disgusting guy in the bar. I thought it was so funny. Just a guy that's passing out drug and I'd be like, got him! There's something so foul about a woman holding up her rock. I get it.

This is such a true pig's move. And I remember he's such a comic because I remember me trying to explain this to him. First of all, I was being annoying. Like, I didn't know him that well. I hadn't done stand-up that long. And I was like, I do this thing, but right away he got it. He's like, I know what you mean. Yeah. And he's immediately just like worthless, like scowling. And he's like, I'll pretend like I'm drooling. Like, he got the bit so fast. And I was like, ah.

He's like, I like it. I like it. He was such a comic and nothing else. I couldn't even see him being friends with normal people. He was kind of fascinating like that. No way. Was he? Did he have – was he mostly with comedians? Yeah, but even then, like when we all did anything together, you'd all be like hanging out, laughing, have breakfast. Big like when we were in Dublin, we're laughing. We're like, oh, we're in a hotel. Nobody's shooting today. Hey, what's up?

Let's go upstairs to our room and meet in 20 minutes. We'll go out somewhere. Ray, no, I'm an hour, two hours. Just no response. Then we see him later. He comes down. Where were you? Well, you know where we were. We've been texting you for hours, banging on your room. You guys didn't even get in touch with me. You went out. We told you we were going out in 20 minutes. Like you were just there and never break.

They'd be like, oh, I was doing this. He's probably online gambling, but whatever. There's so many great clips of him throwing Spade under the bus. Oh, Dennis Miller. Dennis Miller was so fucking funny. And Spade's like, yeah, I do pretty well with the ladies. And Dennis Miller's like, never got a hooker, huh? And he's like, no, I don't need a hooker. And Norm's like, you got one last day. What are you talking about? Spade's like, what? What are you talking about, Norm? It's great.

You ever hear the, I've listened to everything he's ever done, but he has that podcast with Chris Hardwick and they're talking about one person shows. Like he's like, everybody's talking about gets cancer. They do a whole one man show by getting cancer. Anybody get cancer. That's not an accomplishment. That's not a skill. Knowing you had cancer the whole time changes everything. It is so norm to tell no one that. Yes. Yes, it is. It really is.

But he used to speak in a spade when we did – we all sat at the hotel in Boston, this nice hotel. And one day we were just sitting in Spade's room because he had a big room, you know. Yeah. And we're all sitting there and then he – suddenly the door rings and it's like –

worth of like steaks and stuff like that. And then Spade's like, I don't think I ordered this. No, because I ordered it. I figured you said you were hungry before. And he was like, yeah. And he would do it all the time. And then Spade was just like so funny along like, yeah, I don't know if I wanted to pay for everybody's eat. Laughter

These people I don't even know. Yeah, I figured, you're hungry. Everybody's probably hungry. You guys are hungry? You just be sitting there and you eat the steak, just cut it like a cartoon technique. This is good steak. With his oversized t-shirt. And it would play off each other. Watching them was one of the funniest things. Like, watch that TV show. Doesn't Florentine always do the gag that whenever you're at a steakhouse, he just gets the guy with the pepper thing to just keep going until the meal is ready? Yep.

Until the whole thing is covered in pepper. That's great. It's such a good gag. You're literally ruining your dinner for a laugh. Just a little bit more. Just a little more. And wait until the guy stops. Yeah, I like a lot of pepper, so just a little more. Just keep doing it. That's fun. The one with Spade. The one with Spade.

We got the worst Googler on the planet here. Come on, here we go. What's this? This is just a classic Norm fucking with Spade. It's the yellow shirt. Yeah, that's the one. Oh, this is a great one. I've seen this. What happened to Dennis Miller? They have that Viagra thing out. Yeah. And the other day, you know, Bob Dole came right out and said... He was one of the first. Yeah. And, you know, you don't want to hear about Bob Dole's cock, you know? Yeah.

I mean, President Clinton's cock, Bob Dole's cock, what the hell? But mostly, an old man like that, an old man, you don't want him to have a super hard cock. You know what I mean? Why? Why? Because an old man, you want him to be a guy with a pipe going, a newspaper, the dog at his feet there? Well, that, in some corners, is considered pipe.

But now they're going to have to create some goddamn pill that makes women aroused at the sight of a fucking 70-year-old dude with a super hard cock. You know what I'm saying?

-Skip ahead maybe. -Doc, this guy has fevered nightmares all night. Dreams, I mean. Like, sweaty, fevered dreams. From the cock talk that's been all over his head. -Why bury me twice? He's killing me. -No, he's a good man. -That was the same.

All right. Well, it's buried in there. It's on there. It's amazing. I know what you're talking about. He just keeps shitting on us. Yeah. Every line's like his dick's not. The type of stuff you do with your friends, but it's just a similar joke. Well, it's like you used to do to put Andy Richter on Conan. You ever see all those? Oh, yeah. It was like, you know, these Swedish Andy Richter jokes. He won't even look at Andy. He's talking to Conan. Yes, yes. This is a given. Yeah, he's like, he spent $4,800 on whores and nickels or whatever. I can't remember the joke, but it's...

He was the king, and he lived with his mom until the end in a one-bedroom apartment. Wait, what? Yeah. I didn't know that. Oh, you've never seen that documentary about Norm where he's sitting on a shitty couch in L.A. in like a shitty studio condo apartment, and his mom brings him a sandwich, and he's just sports gambling on a card table on a laptop. His mom came to a few of those gigs. Really? She was the...

She seemed very nice. Was she funny? She was funny, and you could tell she was like Norm's mom. She had a little martini, and she's probably 80 or something, but she looked great, like elegant and just witty. Oh.

Oh, she was great. Love it. I feel like now, at the time, I was like, it's kind of weird she's coming. She probably knew he was dying. Yeah, of course. That's why she was coming. I remember you told me... Did he have kids, Norm? Sorry. One son. Yeah, one son, Dylan. I remember you told me a long time ago when he starred in Montreal that Leonard Cohen used to go to Norm's shows and Norm didn't give a shit. No, just... Even more, he was... Leonard Cohen came to my...

because I was playing a Leonard Cohen album or something like that and he goes, Leonard Cohen, you know, that guy used to live in Montreal. I go, yeah. When I started comedy, I wasn't even that good. He'd come to all my shows, sit in the back and watch my shows all the time. I go, that's amazing, you know? He goes, why? I hated his music. He gave me one of his records. It sucked. It was terrible. He's like, oh, he's imitating. Like, you can tell he heard of him. Ah,

It's amazing that you have this musical genius at your shows and you're annoyed. Yeah, he hated him. Probably because he liked him. What kind of music did Norm listen to? Well, he listened to country music, but one time I tried to turn him into country, like

Like Outlaw Country, like, you know, those... Merle Haggard. Steve Merle. Oh, yeah. John Prine. And then, yeah, John Prine. And then he's like, I hate this. He put on like Corvo's Travis Tritt. Somebody from the 90s was like, you know, just like high hair country. He was like, I like this. It's more... But he loved Hank Williams, of course. Yeah. No one was like the Hank Williams of comedy. Right, right. He had one guy on his show, some country singer, he was obsessed with. Johnny... Oh, shit. Paycheck? Paycheck.

Johnny Paycheck? No. Oh. That was a singer, country singer. Oh, really? Take this job and shove it. That was him? Yeah. That was a big tune. Office space. Billy Joe Schaefer, that's it. Oh, Billy Joe Schaefer, yeah. He's kind of an outlaw country guy. Totally, totally.

Oh, look, Adam Egott's got the cowboy... Adam Egott's literally texted me yesterday because I didn't know that Norm loved noir so much. Adam and I always send each other movies and shit. But he apparently was... We're obsessed with Orson Welles clips. He was apparently obsessed with this shit too. Oh, that's great. Well, that goddamn...

Adam Egan, when we did the, we did a memorial for Norm and everybody gets up and tells Norm stories when in LA and Adam Egan, last year, geez, and Adam Egan got up and killed. Really? He was the best. He was funnier than everybody. He's a funny guy. And he was just talking about, you know, he started by going, Norm MacDonald, I loved him so much. You know, he's not a comedian. He goes, even though if you Google me, it says, first thing that comes up is Adam Egan, Holocaust Denied. Wait,

Norm started that. Norm would just do this whole show. Oh, right, right, right. And he'd be like, I mean, you know, you have like some like Mel Brooks or somebody who doesn't even understand what's going on. He goes, at least I believe the Holocaust existed. That is fucking amazing. And then he'd be like, what? He doesn't believe it. He goes, eh, anyway. And change the subject. And you see like Carl Reiner just fuming mad. It's the most insane rumor to get. And Adam would just be like, well, actually, I don't believe it. Carl Reiner. They went to Norm's.

funeral who did no no oh i'm saying on the show it's explained oh okay okay because he was just calling that and just continue the conversation right right i guess i'd be like what he really zinged him hard on the on that show somebody to get that rumor started about somebody is hilarious it was so funny especially these older guys who were like this guy's a holocaust they were like and i'm gonna be trying to say i'm so horrible yeah it's so horrible i

That's great. It's so funny. The best troll. Just say it and then quickly talk about something else to the guests. It'll be like, you can see the angry eyes. Goddamn. Norm, the king. Classic. Well, we still got Fluffy.

Thank God. This wall of death is getting rough, man. I know. I'm like, what the fuck? Lost a lot of people. Hey, there's something left out. I'm sure we don't have Panetta up there, do we? No. That's not Tim Dillon, is it? Oh, yeah, right. He's coming soon. Seen that guy eat? Yeah, yeah. You know how about the old classics when I was coming up?

Dennis Wolfer, Ronnie Shakes. Yeah. I love Ronnie Shakes. Ronnie Shakes Letterman's dude. Killer. Killer. Ronnie Shakes. Philosophical. I told you that joke, right? Where he goes, I tried to kill myself once by drowning myself in the ocean. I don't know how serious I was. I brought a towel. Killer. Great. Poetic. He died running, right? Yeah. Heart attack. Heart attack. Jogging.

That's a cool way to die, though. Is it? At 38? I mean, you're jogging at least. It's not a cool way to die. I don't know. You're doing something that's at least manly. Manly? My mom jogs. I don't know. You're still running. Are you just a table story? Just go.

was clipping his toenails. I'm sorry, but it's a good story. You gotta marry this guy. Jessica was clipping his toenails on a glass table. All right. A glass table like Dave Thomas? Clipping his toenails.

And then a piece of glass went up his ass and his doorman saved his life. What? Oh, my God. He almost bled out. All right. All right. Almost bled out clipping his toenails. Like, there's no way to make that story. A piece of glass went up his ass? In his Upper East Side apartment that his mom probably pays his rent and he's clipping his toenails. That's pretty great. He's the greatest. It's terrific.

I'm sorry. That's great. There you go. That sealed it. He's the king. Thank you. He is. Wait. Oh, yeah. How about you wearing the competition's liquor here? You're wearing Segura and Bert's tequila. We got our own one.

That's good. That shows it's like the Miracle on 34th Street where they gave Gimbels and Macy's. Oh, yeah. All right. So it's good for the culture. Yeah, this is Gimbels. We're Macy's, baby. Gimbels is going to go. It's like that's how confident you are. Like, hey, listen, it's not for everybody. Exactly. By the time this comes out, Bodega Cat should be at the Comedy Cell. Woo! I have to say, Bodega Cat is a pretty great name. Whoa! Whoa!

Holy shit. From you. Wow. The cynic that's Colin Quaid. Man, old curmudgeon face. Turned it around. If I said that, they'd be like, you dumb bitch. What are you doing? Pretty much this whole podcast. Anything. Oh, come on. What do you know, you hole? You're just a pointless hole. I forgot you were here.

Hit the bricks on the knees. I was like, well, I think that's super, but come on, you're a hole. All right, knees, take it easy. Rachel's a lightweight. You're hammered, aren't you? I think so. Look at my jumpsuits.

That was more energy than I've ever seen from you in my life. You fucking hole. That was great. That was a low-end answer. That would be a good name for a special pointless hole. You had another psychotic name. The pig name wasn't even the worst title for the special pointless hole.

What was the other one? It was like Fire Whore or something. Oh, no. That was Marina's. Marina said I should call it Fire Starting Godless Horror or something. Oh, no. That's a little long. I can't remember. Fire Starting. Oh, Badge Banger. That was... Badge Banger's not that bad. It's not good. But that's better for a cop wife. Yeah. I mean, well, no, cop...

girls that are group cop groupies they call holster sniffers which is the dumbest collection of words ever put together holster because they put their gun I guess because they I don't know I dated an FBI agent once and he would always throw his gun like on the counter when he was done with work and I just thought it was like how speaking of dumb holes how dumb of a hole am I that I thought it was just hot that he would hurl his gun just anywhere anywhere at all

at all. You should date anyone outside New York. I know. They do that. Go to Tennessee. A lot of gunning. My dad couldn't operate a fuse box. This was very exciting to me. My dad's name is Howie Feinstein. Of course I was turned on by some fucking FBI agent that would hold his gun in the sink at the end of the day. I get it. We were shooting guns in Springfield, Missouri. I'm a New York Jew. We didn't shoot guns. But shooting them, my girlfriend's from fucking Texas. She was like awesome with a gun. It was kind of hot. I could not. That's awesome.

I'm sorry, it is. Fucking little Veeder just fucking... Oh, I got a peeve about Veeder, by the way. I got a pet peeve. Gary does it last night. Calls me. He's like, I'm bringing a bunch of... I'm bringing 40 cookies for you to the... I'm like, 40? I'm trying... I just worked out. He's like, my wife made a bunch of cookies and they're all for you. I'm like, you're trying to fucking... You're trying to get rid of the cookies.

You're not trying to help me. You're trying to get rid of the cookies because you don't want to get fat and you're trying to fucking fatten me up. You're right. Or the cookies stink and he can't tell his wife. Apparently they were good. They were gone by the time I got to the cellar. People went through 40 cookies. I told him, I don't want your fucking cookies. I saw him hunched over at the Fat Black. I saw him there. There's chocolate walnut. I just walked by. I don't know if he did that well. I just walked by and glanced over. Yeah.

Oh, damn. I want a cookie. He was shuffling cookies. I know, but I feel the same way. I don't like sweets. It's Girl Scout cookie season. You shouldn't be selling them right now. Oh, my God. Remember when the seller used to sell the Girl Scout cookies? Oh, she pushy. I would fucking go through a ton of those. Those are the best. No, I don't care for it. This is a workplace. She's up here like, you want any gift wrap? How many can I put you down for? I'm like, I'm about to go on, you coos. Enough with the magazines and the catalogs. You coos. Talk s***.

Cut that. Hey, if you have a hostile mind, kids, you have to do it. Definitely cut that. Cut that. Keep the coos in, though. I'm trying to get that in my...

And we're back. Hey. Me guy, Colin Special. What's it called? I'm telling you for the last time. Yeah, well, you guys have peeves. We got to go. Yeah. How about some bits? You guys working on any new bits? I got a peeve for you. Oh. I did two on the last show. I should have saved them. But how about this? This is a New York thing. How about the guy who's clearly walking through the intersection at the wrong time, but he does this so he thinks he's justified?

Just because your hand is out to the car doesn't mean the light's not green. You're in the wrong. I had that yesterday. The guy did this to my car and he's like, I'm walking here. I'm like, yeah, but you're an asshole. Yeah.

I did that five minutes ago on my way here. The bike people are the ones pissing me off. Oh, I don't care for a second. Because now it's like you used to have a fucking window on a red light to walk through when no one's there. Now you're getting, how about the ones going the wrong fucking way? It happened to my friend. I almost clipped my friend the other day. Such a New York moment. This old broad in the village goes, you're going the wrong way, asshole. It was such a satisfying thing. I was like, all right, the city's still there. He could have clipped her too, but you know. Yeah, she'll get hers.

He turns back around. Tell you what's driving me so joy. Speaking of, we're not talking about him at all, but Keith Robinson, whose special is coming out soon, he does this thing where he'll walk in the street and just hear two women talking. Nothing makes me laugh harder than this. Some lady was like...

I've always preferred strawberries. It's just a better fruit. And he's like, shh, if you don't mind, just keep it down. That's great. On the corner of McDougal and Bleecker. That's great. These ladies were furious. They're like, what do you mean keep it down? Shh, if you don't mind, just keep it down just a little bit. Hilarious. Well, the cane and all that helps that too. Yeah, yeah. You can't be that mad at him. You know what he did one night at the cellar? We were just sitting around the table. I forgot who it was, but...

You know how we do the joke whenever someone walks in and it looks like someone we know, we just go, oh, look, it's Mike Vecchione's here, you know, whatever, but it's not Mike Vecchione. He did it to someone. We all laugh. It turned out to be Carlos Mencia. We're like, holy shit. They'll find

He just walked in all of us laughing at him because we thought it was just a dude who looked like Vecchione from far away. Hilarious. Come and find the worst version of you. At your worst point in life, who you could become if you followed all your most gangrenous impulses. And yeah, Keith found some old lady poking trash in a corner. She had control issues around a pile of cans. And he's like, Rachel, Rachel, come over here. And I could see it. I could really see it. She had frizzy hair. I'm like, she's like me. She had kind of like an

old blazer on. I'm like, God damn it. He got me right. Yeah, I saw him on stage at the VU. He wobbles up there and the guy in the front row had a cane and he goes, motherfucker, you trying to out cane me? He picked up the guy's cane. It was great. When you're crippled, you can really get away with some stuff.

Oh, my God. Good for you, Kate. Hang it in there. Do a peeve. Yeah, please. We're doing peeves. Okay. I don't care for when people DM me that they want to pick my brain about something. Oh.

Oh, the worst. No, you cannot pick my brain. I hate to pick the brain. Anyone who says they want to get coffee and pick the brain. You know what? There's nothing in it for you. I want a shortcut. Yes. I don't want to do the work you did. And waste your time. I don't want to be on the road for the years you were on the road. I don't feel like it. But also, the picking the brain is not going to do anything. It doesn't work.

There is no shortcut. There isn't one. There's no shortcut. Right. But then you tell them that and they get angry. Like, oh yeah, like I set up the business. There's no shortcut. Yeah. People will be in the green room and they'll be like, so when did you realize? I'm like, no.

There's no, there's no, that's the first one. People shouldn't be in your green room. Yeah, you're right. I have to, I've started to finally do this. I used to give everybody in the world a guest spot. I would just try to, I just wanted everybody in the club to like, like me. I was just like passing out money. Like the, everybody was strippers. Meanwhile, I'm making like 1500 this weekend and I'm just like giving out. I was just like, and now I'm like, Oh, I can actually be quiet.

And guess what? Fucking the people come to see you. They don't come to see 10 people before you. Yes, yes. And then they always go, it's five minutes. And I'm like, no, no, it's two hours of you in my green room. It's not just five minutes on stage. I've got to hang out with your ass. I've had people come up to me a hundred years ago and that's when I stopped doing it. And they go, hey, man, we came to see you. You only did like 45. I'm like, oh, yeah, but because all these other people, we didn't come to see them. Yeah.

Yeah. There you go. You threw the bar back up and it's like, eh, well. Yeah. Right. So when did- You're not doing the audience a favor. When did Dave Jesko ask to pick your brain? No, Dave Jesko is the kind of guy that if somebody asked him that, he'd be like right over there like, let's meet. Eh.

Yeah, that's true. He'd mentor them for 10 hours. He'd be like, you're buying lunch? All right, I'll do it. I've done the pick your brain. It's a huge waste of time on your part. They get nothing out of it. It's like what you told List. Remember that? He said, hey, can I ask you something? And you go, how is this going to help me in any way? And he hung up. I don't remember that. Oh, yeah. I like it. Yeah.

Also, like when people don't tell you like so when we have to do press as comics, when we have to do like I've had to do stuff for my special, like they don't listen. Like I said, we run a little dumb. I need all the information. So they told me that Netflix ran in all these countries. I got I got it wrong. I need a piece of paper. Like I need somebody to tell me exactly what I'm supposed to say. So I've been going around to all these different like press outlets saying my special is about to be so dumb and I'm going to regret saying this. But

But I'm like, oh, my special is going to be it's on Netflix. So it's going to be in 400 countries. And my brother called me and he's like, there's not 400 countries. Wild moron. There's 195. And I was like, it sounded right to me. I'm like, tell me exactly what's true. Like, I need to know because I was just spewing utter horseshit. My brother's like, yeah, there's not 400 countries. It's going to be in Zimbabwe, too. Electric boogaloo. Well, you got a peeve?

Did we get one from you there? Well, I just got a local one, which is when I get on the subway, I'd say seven times out of ten, I sit in an empty seat and the smell from whoever was fucking homeless guy was there for three hours beforehand is still emanating. Yeah, that's why that seat was open. It gets on your clothes. Yeah, totally. Yeah, Colin was just calling me last night. He said they should all be lined up and shot.

We had Harlan Williams. He's such a sweet little boy from Canada. He's like, I saw a guy doing crack on this block. I saw a guy doing heroin over there. We're like, yeah, welcome to the city. I do remember first visiting New York when I was a little kid with my family and just feeling like Sandra from Grease or something. I was like, oh my goodness. I know. Spray painting.

painting everywhere it's so naughty like just being so excited by everything that was happening and some guy was like I'm the president my dad was like yes you

And I thought it was the most fascinating interaction I've ever seen. Oh, Howie. So me and Sam don't look at New York like that. And even Sam, really, Manhattan people, they don't even consider Brooklyn really New York. Yeah, we do. It's everything but Staten. Sort of. Everything but Staten. Manhattan, everything but Staten. What about the Bronx? Really, New York is, yeah. The Bronx. And Staten is still New York. It's just, you know. I know. You have to take a ship there. It's annoying. It's the five boroughs. It is the five boroughs. Yeah, it is. But it's...

I feel like Manhattan, they were still a little bit like, okay, you guys are a step down. Elitist. Elitist.

But I told my brother and sister in Brooklyn. Their accent is more New York than any other borough. Who is that now? New York in a way. That's true. Yeah. Staten Island. I said the five boroughs. The five boroughs you're in. Yeah. Right. So even the fact that he can put us in, let you know their status. Oh, good point. Well, what do you consider? Don't you consider the five boroughs? Of course. Yes, but I grew up here enough to know that Manhattan is just like, we're one step ahead. Don't act like, you know what I mean? Where do you live right now?

Manhattan? Well, there you go. Oh. It was always my dream. Where did you grow up, Sam? Same. In Manhattan. Originally Chelsea, then Upper East. Chelsea and Upper East. Okay. Oh, boy. Folks are healthy. I'll tell you, New Orleans, the only thing I like about New Orleans is Confederacy of Dancers, the greatest book ever written.

That's the only thing you like? Yeah. How about the food? I think that was your rec last time. The architecture. I think that was your rec last time. The food bugs me in New Orleans. It's like, it's so great. It's not that great. It's pretty solid. What about the architecture? French Quarter, the balconies, beautiful. Yeah.

Give us a New York restaurant that's like a big, like a Colin Quinn stamp of approval. Great restaurant? That goes a long way. You're like the New Yorker. Joe's Pizza. I knew he was going to say that. Come on. Give us another one. That's where you can sit down, Colin. Oh, I like that place. You know what I like? I like the old, like the kind of old fashioned, you know, John's on 12th Street and First Avenue? Yeah, yeah. Or you know the other one, Monty's on McDougal Street. I know Monty's. Italian. That's like the oldest. That's where my home is.

He posed to me at Monty's. Whoa! I love that place. Did he get down on one knee or did you? I can't. But he closed it perfectly. Yeah, the Monty's, I did a corporate gig there and it went well. That's how great the food is. It is really good. Yeah, classic. And then actually it was such a New York moment because he did

He came in in this big puffy coat and he was like, I think he thought it was going to be pretty empty. And then he gets down on one knee and this woman goes, he's proposing. It's a proposal. Just the loudest fucking party bitch. Everyone stopped and they were like, just asking me questions throughout. They're like, one lady was like, I got a lemon juice.

chicken recipe that saved my marriage if you want it also what was happening in your marriage that you need yeah chicken yeah by the way i think little italy went up to like way up in the village back in the day and then it no the other two little oh they watch mean street speaking of great movies that's your is that your favorite village against the i'm putting that ahead of goodfellas wait hold on go ahead go ahead oh but there was the village

Italians and then it was a little Italy. Oh, that was different. There were two separate groups. Civil War. Was there like a rivalry, Colin? I don't know. I mean, it felt like there was. You do know. Like I said, those after hours clubs were village Italians. As long as I knew there was a mob in the village back then, I was going to these after hours clubs, like, Jesus, who are these guys? But if they were in the clubs, there must have been somebody in it. Well, they were probably like, who are you? You're like, top of the morning to you, Lassie. Yeah.

Hiya, boys. Oh, yeah. I walked in like I did. I walked in like I did. I'm supposed to remind him for a movie recs. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Give us a movie. You have great. So past movie recs from Colin Quinn for me, you gave me The Long Good Friday and Mona Lisa, both Bob Hoskins. Great. Both incredible. Both from you. And I gave you one and it was so fucking scary because you call me 25 minutes in and were so angry at me because you hated it. Mikey and Nikki? Yeah, but then you ended up liking it.

That's a really good movie. I really liked it. That's a great movie. It's just a slow movie. What about King of Masks? Did I mention that one? Don't know it. Great movie. Really? In China. What's it about? Mikey and Nikki's great, by the way. That's uncritical. What about Color of Paradise?

King of Masks, you should see. All right. Great one. King of Masks. And write these down so I don't forget these. These all came from that lady, this lady that used to run my video store. She was an old Iranian lady who was dying. And every week she'd go, and every movie she mentioned to me, I was like, it's the best movie I've ever seen. Whoa. Wow. She was crazy. She had the best taste ever. Oh, I got a fucking movie rec for you that I just kind of stumbled upon on Criterion. It's called Paris, Texas. Amazing. Oh, I remember that movie. Great fucking movie. I remember the box. I think I'm sure.

It's awesome. I just watched a face in the crowd. Unbelievable. Oh, great movie. Unbelievable. Great movie. Probably everybody already knows about this movie, but I just watched it again recently, and it's so funny. Small Time Crooks. It got pretty bad reviews, but it's fucking brilliant. Some movies like that that people quickly dismiss. There's nobody funnier to me than Tracy Allman. Oh, she's great. She's funny. She's great. Is that Woody Allen? I like movies about people pretending to have money that don't. It makes me laugh every time. Just people playing this.

And they're so good at it. They're both so funny and delightful. Yeah, it's a good premise, too. Like the idea that they're over the bakery. I remember Woody Allen's like, I think it was him and John Levis talking about their time in prison. And Woody Allen's like, they used to call me the brain, you know, because I was smart, right? And he's like, no, that was sarcastic. Yeah.

He's like, no, it was real. He goes, no, it wasn't real. We know Colin's got another one right after this. Yeah, I'm going to go to that... What do you call it? Oh, look at this. Um...

What about I got to go over to. Are you garbage? Me too. A lot of people are expecting me. Are you going over there? No. You should pop in. I'm supposed to do that podcast. Colin Quinn's new special on YouTube is amazing. It's awesome. All of his shit's great. Watch it. See Colin on the road. Oh, you're at the Den coming up. That's a fun one. Oh, Chicago. No, I did the Den. Oh, okay. That was last weekend. What do you got? There we go. Whoa.

Sounds like it's all new material, too. It is all new. Wow. You're a fucking beast. A new hour. Acme Comedy in Minneapolis. Took a lot. Classic. You got Comedy Mothership in Austin, Texas coming up in July. That's a fun, fun club, bad green room. Got that. And yeah, check out Colin's new special. We got Rachel Feinstein's new hilarious special on Netflix. Yeah, big guy. Yeah.

Big guy. I gave it two thumbs up on Netflix. Thank you, man. How do we get her dates there? We got it here. There we go. There we go. Tour dates. Oh. You're never going to make it with that name. What?

I think most of mine are in Punch-Up Live, too. There you go. Yeah, follow all of us on Punch-Up.Live slash our names. So Punch-Up.Live slash Rachel Feinstein. We also put extra material there that we're not allowed to put on. It gets flagged. Because Instagram's getting dumb. All right, well, I'm at a College Street Music Hall, Miller Theater in Philly, Hamptons, yada, yada, Schubert Theater, Beantown, Philly.

Philly, Pittsburgh, Seattle, Spokane. Go to the website. When is this out? BodegaCat.com, whatever. Get the bodega. Go see Sammy Davis.

I'll be in Brea, California, Atlantic City with Chris DiStefano. That's going to be a fun one. I think I'm actually going to do that show. I don't think you're on that one, but you're on a bunch of other ones with us. I'm on some dates with Sammy and Chris. It's going to be great. Rochester, New York, Miami, Baltimore. Then I'm doing Europe. London, Belfast, Dublin, Paris, Amsterdam, Copenhagen, Oslo, Stockholm, New York.

Punchup.live slash Sam Rowland. Just follow us all on there. Follow us all. I'm going to be adding new dates to the Pointless Hole Tour. Pointless Hole. Opa! I'm a mother. Oh, that's sticky.