Ep 119: Neal Brennan Likes Soup
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God, this shirt is aggressively wrinkled. I know. You look like shit. What are you doing? I love this shirt, but when it's wrinkled, it is a train wreck. How is it wrinkled? You're wearing it in back-to-back Fs. Am I? Give me a coat or something there, Peters. This is embarrassing. Do I want a steamer? I wore that on the last one. Shit in my ass. All right. Sorry. It's all right. This is good content. The people love the wrinkled shirt content.

Good content. Really seems to... You know, I still have lovely... Oh, we got Stephanie. And I want to try her paper plane because we didn't try a paper plane last time. Yeah. Cheers. Stephanie, thank you so much for joining us. Hey, hey.

Oh, that's good. That's a really good paper plan. Wow. Where'd you learn that? At my job. One of the senior bartenders gave me some really great classic recipes, and this is hers, so shout out to Sarah. All right, Sarah. Where do you work? I work at ABCB. It's a vegan spot. I am not vegan, but actually, I shouldn't even say that. It's a vegetarian spot. Oh. Yes. Okay. They get upset when you assume it's vegan. Oh, we missed all that. Should we redo it?

I'm a pretty loud talker. We'll do subtitles. Is it tough when you got a little turkey sandwich on your cheek and they're like, hey, you bitch. It is devastating to bring McDonald's in there. That's aggressive though. I know, but occasionally you can't help but want a McChicken, you know? But if you bring it in, I always feel dastardly bringing something

It's like bringing your kid to a strip club. Yeah. They're like, bring him back in a few years. Right, right. Yeah. It's tough. Damn. Vegetarian spot. Where is it? It's Flatiron near 14th Street Union Square. Oh, nice. Oh, yeah. Flatiron. Very close to here. Underrated area. Great spot. That Nomad, they call it now. Yeah. North of Madison. But it sounds more badass than it is. Nomad, yeah. Yeah.

That's a hot spot. You got the, what is it? What's that park? Gramercy? Madison Square Park? Madison Square Park. Yeah, that's a great park. Madison Square Garden was. That's why it's called Madison Square Garden. Then it moved to 34th Street. There you go. Hopefully it stays there. Apparently baseball was invented in that park. Really? Fun fact. Admiral Doubleday. Huh? That's the guy who invented it. Who is it? Admiral Doubleday. Whoa. My favorite Star Wars character. Ha ha ha.

Give that a goog though. I might be off. Admiral Doubleday. Yeah. The hell was that? That's a whole person. Huh. Wow. Crazy that baseball had to be invented. They had to go, all right, we'll do bases. You'll spit. Then you'll pat my ass. Like, you know, they had to come up with all this shit. It says Madison Square Park baseball. Yeah. Well done, bud. You see? I got a couple. 1845. Wow. It hasn't changed a lick. Still slow.

Definitely, the players look different. Yeah. They all looked like fat tubs of shit back then. Now they all look like Thor. The long hair. Right. I mean, have you seen pictures now? They look like Noah Sindergaard.

Yeah, that's true. But then you got the Dominicans too. Oh man, with the chains. This is what a pussy I am. I'm like, I don't think I'd be able to swing a bat with a chain that big around my neck. They're just like running while it's bouncing on their chest. Yeah, I know what you mean. I watch UFC and they're in the corner after fucking fighting for three rounds and the guy's like wiping shit off. I'm like, he just got a cut. That's how big of a pussy I am. I'm like, easy on his face with the rag. That probably feels like, oh yeah, look at that fupa. Yeah.

Chris Christie's got a fat upper pussy area. Look at that. I saw him at Newark like a week ago, and he's just this big oompa loompa. Oh, that's hilarious. That's like Laurel and Hardy shit. Did he slap his arm and ride the waves back home from the airport? Jesus Christ. He was in a big yellow shirt, and everybody was shaking his hand. He looked like Big Bird. That is terrible form. Yeah. I saw Bill Clinton flying public when I went down to Key West. No way. Wait, Bill Clinton? Bill Clinton.

Bill Clinton. On a commercial airline. Commercial airline, yeah. Damn. He just had three pilots. Well, it makes sense. I mean, flying private is expensive. I know, but he's Clinton. He's an ex-prez. Yeah, but what do you think he just... He flew private for a while, but then he's on some fucking sheets. Ah, yeah, good point, good point. Epstein flight logs. Maybe Delta's not the worst option. He was in some sheets, too. But, wow, Clinton.

How'd he look? Was he at McDonald's? He looked thin, kind of grandfatherly. Ah, a little sunken. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. He lost some of that McDonald's weight for sure. Yeah. Remember that? He was a chubbier guy for a minute. Oh, yeah. A little hefty. He had a heart surgery, right? I believe so. Remember that Phil Hartman sketch of him at McDonald's eating everybody's food? That was a great sketch. So funny. It must be tough to be out of shape and a cheater.

Because that's a lot of pressure on your heart. Yeah, good point. A lot of anxiety. Tony Soprano, he was always dealing with shit. Also, Viagra is horrible for your heart. Is it? Oh, yeah. Good old Phil Hartman. Oh, look at Tim Meadows. Kevin Nealon. Yep. Arkansas. Man, who is funnier than Phil Hartman? Nobody's better than Phil Hartman. Ellen Kleghorn. That means African princess, doesn't it?

Just a fat joke, but it's so elaborate.

But it's like, by the way, that was the 90s. Every joke was like, whatever, fat so. You rewatch it, you're like, all right, you got to. Lay off me, I'm starving. That was also a 90s fat joke. But at least that was a little more cartoony than just, I feel like a lot of punchlines were just, you're fat. Oh, yeah, for sure. We do it on the show with Chris Christie.

Yeah. I said fat upper pussy area. I tried to keep it a little classic. Yeah. That was elevated fat humor, Salamanca. Fupa sounds like a Brazilian restaurant. That's hard to get into. You got into fupa? Holy shit. I'm going to try Stephanie's. This is an old-fashioned you made us? Let's share this. Oh. Oh, no. Let's share it. You don't need all this. Come on. I want one.

If you don't mind. Of course. Thanks. Now I got my own coming. It's a damn good old fashioned. I got my paper plane here. I'll wait. And then I know you gotta get out of here, Steph. We appreciate you coming here. Any peeves, Stephanie? Anything bothering you lately? The spy balloon? No, I'm just kidding. Did you see the picture? At least maybe it wasn't a real picture, but it was people throwing things up. Oh, really? I don't know if

I did not see that. That's fun. I assume that's how Greta Thunberg gets around. It seems like her mode of transportation. Just waving like this? Yeah. How dare you? Wow. Yeah, what do you got there? I know you got your kids in the car downstairs, but other than that. I have work tonight, actually. Oh, really? And is that a cool bar? It is a cool bar. It's a small bar.

Alright. What's your favorite drink to make there? Look who it is.

Neil, Neil, Neil, Neil, Neil. All right. You guys had to start. You do it live or something? It's live, dude. It's live streaming, like Louie's special. Yeah, which he got out before Rock, which I think was intentional. Yes. You know, comics has petty cunts. I think he was like, oh, Rock's doing one? I'll knock it out first. But we'll get into that later. I got soup for me. Oh, hey. Can you hold off on the soup? I don't know. What do you think? Bring the soup. Can I dip pita? Let me get...

Yeah. Four pieces of bread works. Are you gonna drink? Who's the Jew here? This is so confusing. I know. You are a Jew-y Irishman. Tell me about it. Hi, everybody. It's me, Neil Brennan. Neil Brennan, everybody. Yeah. Oh, is this chicken noodle, I assume? It's from a cart. They wouldn't give me an extra piece of pita.

Damn. The boss won't allow it. You got street soup? Yeah. Wow. I love it. So we'll see. We'll see what happens. Are you vegan? Yeah. I'm like at least vegetarian. Sorry. Hi. How are you? This is Stephanie. Hello, Stephanie. Did I hear a Theo Vaughn quote coming? We'll see. Oh, okay. Would you mind making one extra paper plane just so Neil can at least try it? Yeah. I generally don't like hard alcohol. You're going to like this. Trust me. I will? Yeah.

What are you guys doing not on my phone on Instagram? Shouldn't you guys be on my phone on Instagram doing crowd work right now? What are you doing here? I got a spy balloon going up today, actually. I love it. Should I yell out a suggestion to you guys while we wait, man? Well, we don't want to burn material. The earthquake. The earthquake in Turkey. Great comedian.

But you are grandfathered in, and Mulaney just made it by a labia hair with the not having to put clips out. I beg your pardon. You both sell more tickets than me. Oh, okay. I guess it's working. We are aggressive with clips. Yeah. You are, Ian. We're both very aggressive with clips. What's the plan?

I've got guys going, I never heard you before. Somebody share me this clip. No, no, no. I'm saying how many do you try to do? Oh, as many as possible. Yeah. If it's good, I'll throw it up. You have like every day? No, not every day. No, I go every three. That's my move. Really? Thank you. Yeah. You're active in my thing. All right. I'll take it. It feels like more than three. Are you annoyed when you see that much crowd work?

No, I think I've asked you both this individually. I worry that just people are yelling out the whole time. If I release crowd work shit, I just wouldn't want people...

yelling out shit when I'm trying to do other bits. I do sections I do that. Do you say, like, shut the fuck up, I'll get to you? Yeah. Okay. So a lot of times I'll do it, I'll say, let's do this at the end, or I'll say, all right, let's talk a little bit. Like, sometimes I like to just break up the material. Like, if you listen to, like, old Dangerfield, he'd do so many joke, joke, joke, and then he'd be like, he'd do crowd work, and I'd be like, I think he just is breaking up that rhythm. Yeah, so Rodney Dangerfield, he's a comedian that I'm sponsoring called Rodney Dangerfield. Hold on.

You might want to drink some soup. Go for it. It's pretty gross. Hopefully you can slurp. What's going on, fellas? How are you? Good. We just had Alison Brie on, so it's nice to have a comedian. She was great, but it's a different energy. Oh, she has like, she wants to talk about stuff. She doesn't have bits. Got two publicists here. I made a black joke. It got weird. It did get weird.

But I get it. She's a real star. But she was a great guest. She was fun and nice. She was really good. Well, that's the problem is when you start dealing with better guests, you have to worry about a team and shit. Yes, exactly. And it's a bit like- Mark classed it up. He only farted silently, which I thought was a nice touch. Huge growth for you. It wasn't easy. Yeah, that happens. I haven't- I've only had-

seven people on mine so far on my new podcast blocks now streaming. Um, you guys, these guys are both coming up today and tomorrow. Uh, but yeah, like I'm Natasha Leone's doing it. Like just once you're into like, it's like, okay. And you just kind of have to play that. Yeah. Um, suck to be an actor. I mean, Oh, as a job. Yeah. Well just, I mean, I get acting is fun, but you can't really emote. They, well,

I would be fucking petrified all the time if I was an actor. Of course. That's what I'm saying. Because you can't. You're just waiting for someone. Like, what should I say? Everyone you meet, you're like, do you have anything I can say? Right. And we can write a new joke. They have to audition. They have to get a gig. Well, she's writing and making her own movies now. On a bigger level, yeah. Where she can make her own stuff. But I know what you mean. If you're an actor who's not quite that big and you do the slightest thing.

thing wrong they're like well we'll just get the person who didn't say exactly that shit about asian people or whatever yeah yeah that's terrifying yeah well there's that the easily replaceable thing but there's also like you can't generate your own material right right louis louis is back matt lauer is not there you go you know that's a t-shirt they should have sold that as merch um

Yeah, you're absolutely right. And you can't... Yeah, you have to write your way out of everything. Right, right. And you need a publicist, and it's scary, but I think that's why comedy's so popular. Because I think people are like, I gotta go out and hear some shit, because I can't say it. Right, no one's allowed to say anything, so... And then you...

You guys have... You got a little canceled a long time ago, right? A long time ago. And then... That was nothing. But it was like nothing. Have you gotten a... You got dinged once, right? Yeah, you get the Twitter shit every now and then, you know. But we're all here. Right. That's the thing is if you can like survive it. Yeah. If you... I mean, I still think the best way to do it is just ignore it, which is kind of what I feel like you did. Yeah, that's... But then sometimes you can't. Like a Gillis thing. Is this soup? Ha ha ha.

Everything I drink is soup. This is a good cocktail, I think. Is it sugary? A little bit. It's a little tart, a little sugary. Very good, though. She's a pro.

That was not a fake noise. That was not a fake I didn't like that drink noise. That was literally I can't believe people drink alcohol. Really? I need it. Because I don't like the feeling, so it's not like that's worth it. Right, right. See, that's a gift. I wish I didn't like alcohol. I always say that, save it for my podcast, I always say drinking alcohol is like giving oral sex.

No one's there for the taste.

Oh, that's good. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But like a whore, you learn to love it over time. But also, you don't have to woo a cocktail. That's true, too. Yes. The cocktail, you're just like, I'll have a cocktail. But you do have to show ID to meet the... You know what I mean? There is a level of like, I'm doing a lot of shit to have to drink this bad. Right. Not even bad, just not the greatest flavor. Yeah, but weirdly, you only have to be 21 to drink. You can fuck it.

Eleven? Whatever number was coming up. Yeah, well, Leonardo DiCaprio is different than other people, but you know. He's grandfathered into dating. Literally. He's got the 19 now. That's young. 19? Yeah, that's the new one. 19's too young. He's a really model. He can get away with it. He can get away with it, but it's too young. Yeah. No, it is to the point where even his friends are going to be like, dude, what are you doing? She can't come out to the bar.

Literally, can't get in. He has to go out to the parking lot every couple minutes. Like, I gotta go feed the meter. That's her name. DiCaprio even parked at a meter. Her high school was derailed by COVID. Legit. Yeah, good point. Someone on Twitter just said that about DiCaprio. His girlfriend's high school was derailed by COVID. That's wild. Yeah.

That's fucking hilarious. That's really, that's a good tweet. 19 is too young. What are you talking? She hadn't seen half his movies. Yeah. His high school was derailed by the portable phone. Like literally he was in high school in 1980.

Yeah, the Challenger. That's so insane. Yeah, that's funnier. Yeah, by the Spatial Challenger. Yeah, so I don't know what we were talking about. Oh, we were talking about legal age of sex. Yes, yes. You're married now. I know. Tell us about that. It's wild. It's all the same, but the government is involved, as Stan Hope would say. Yeah. But, you know, she wanted to do it. I'm trying to be nice. Those were his vows. Yeah. Yeah.

So what are we doing here? That was your vows? Like, yeah, all right. Yeah, that's... Yeah. By the way, the wedding is so... It was beautiful. She killed it. She planned the whole thing and it was really pretty. You were there. Yeah. But it was... It's so uncomfortable. There's so much attention, the vows and the chap.

What do you call it? Literally performance shows every night from much bigger audiences. It's brutal. It's brutal. It was brutal because you had to be a person. Yes, exactly. And being a person is so much more exhausting than doing stand-up. It really is. It's also fucking embarrassing. It's embarrassing. I had eight lines. That's when people go, I could never be a comedian. We should all go, I could never be a person. Yeah.

It is more tiring. That's how it feels now. It's the point where my brother said a long time ago, he said, you know you've been doing stand-up long enough when you're comfortable on stage and uncomfortable at the grocery store. Oh, boy. I don't think any of us are there, but I talked to Ronnie Chang about the amount of birthday parties we're able to miss. Isn't it great? I mean...

That should be part of the offer when they offer us gigs. You get 80% of the door and you get to miss that brunch. Yes. That brunch that your girlfriend really wants you to go to. Because every gig or every social thing is that you got to put a governor on. I'm putting a governor on my true self the whole time. And then when you do stand up, you go, all right, Jews. Yeah.

You know, or whatever it is. You're dying to yell out Jews. That's it. You've got Jew Tourette's. I got Jewish Tourette's. You're right. Yeah. But it's everything. It's Holocaust. Well, that's Jew too. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. But, you know. Black, trans, whatever all the stuff you're not supposed to. I'm like Roger Rabbit behind the wall in two bits. You know, I just want to yell queef at this funeral. Oh.

It is fun to be at the place where I get to say, like, hey, fatties. Yeah, it's fun. I get an Instagram ding. They're like, we're trying to keep this a pleasant place. And I'm like, I'm joking. Oh, my God. The community guidelines. Now it's HR. Now we have to deal with HR. HR is bomb. That's what community guidelines are. On Twitter? Twitter's the last place. Oh, because thank God St. Elon figured it out. Yeah.

Well, they can't have porn stars are just posting videos of them taking three dicks. They can't censor jokes. That would be pretty fucked up. We're getting we're getting dicks are better than jokes, I think now. Well, I'll tell that to Lou. Well, well, you had. Yeah, but also you had that. Do you have the joke about the locker room or the locker, the thing in the picture in your locker?

I don't know. Like something, someone's trans and they're like, oh, it's a hero. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's a great joke. I forgot about that joke. Jeez. Thanks. Well, you have so many great jokes. And it must be hard to remember. Yeah.

Mark, how does that one go? Can you remind us? I don't remember. Mark, it goes a little something. No, but it is amazing on Instagram that they could just literally... You're basically seeing tits, but then you do a joke where you just say the word Nazi, even if you're making fun of Nazis, and they're like, nope. Because it's a computer doing it now. Yeah, it's a robot that can't detect sarcasm. Exactly, or irony. Yeah. Yeah, but Seinfeld once had a great line. Somebody goes, how do you remember all the acts? And he goes...

How does a cab driver remember where to go? You wrote it. You know it. You do it every day. Yeah, a ways now, though. Yeah, that's true. Well, I was going to say, that's like an old, who is this Seinfeld you speak of? I'm a young person. No, yeah, they used to have to know. But he's, I fuck up jokes sometimes. You ever fuck up? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like when you think about changing a word, but you don't. You're like, I should rewrite that line.

And then you were like on stage and you're like, wait, did I rewrite it? Oh, yeah. As you're going over the about to say it and you're like, nah, nah. Yeah, I've definitely done that. And then you flub the line because you're thinking about how to change it. Yes, that happened to me the other night. I get that. And I was in Vancouver with Gary Veeder over the weekend. And you do that thing where you're mid-set and you're like, this joke's not going to work in Canada. Oh.

Oh, yeah. It's building to a reference. And you're like, oh, no. I had a punchline that was liberty, liberty, liberty. And they were just like, oh. They don't have that? No. Oh, shit. But then you get to riff off that. But you don't realize it's one of the things. I'm like, shit, I have to. You forget. It's right there. It worked in fucking Seattle. Mm-hmm.

Just two hours north. Yeah, they don't have Venmo in Canada. I saw Mulaney have a whole Venmo bit and then he was like, you don't have Venmo. Like, oh my God, I just realized, do you not have Venmo? And they were like, no. And he was like, oh, fuck. Oh, that sucks. That's happened to me most recently when I was doing a black room and...

I had... Fathers. What I now realize... I didn't hear what you said. Fathers. We don't have those. I had what I realize is like a white closer. And I was like, oh, fuck. Like, I'm halfway in. What is it? Dave Matthews? What's the closer? It was just... It was actually about Louis, which they don't care about. You know what I mean? Like, they just have no...

right yeah that was another great louis line he goes you find out who your friends are yeah no they're frank yeah yes but like on a in la on you can't still be listening to r kelly and turn on louis right yeah exactly okay uh so forgetfulness canada now what else is happening with you guys you're married you're what are you doing i'm single he's living it up yeah you're single

Yeah. I feel like I am a, like you guys had a baby and a slightly older than you baby where I have your vocal inflections and like a bit of your fucking, uh, uh, fucking ADD and fucking anxiety. Yeah. And a bit of like, I might have fucking, I might be on the spectrum. Right.

There's a lot of joke autism in here. Yeah, this might be early Mount Rushmore. Gotta get Thunberg on there.

A joke autism. Yeah, for sure. But do you like being single or is that not your thing? It's got pros and cons. I don't... You know what? The past week, I've realized I like being alone. That includes men and women. Like, I like...

Same. A friend of mine has an object. Dorothy Parker said it also, but my friend said it. I think she didn't know what Dorothy Parker said. In terms of being with a person, she said, I don't always want to be perceived. Ooh.

Like, I just don't want to be like, I just don't want two eyeballs looking at me. Right. Like you got four right here. I hate it. Yeah. No, I'm saying like, I just don't want a person. Sure. I'm getting to the point where podcasts are the only way I can deal with people.

Because you're like, at least they can plug dates at the end. Yeah. Well, no, and it's like we get to talk like the best of our thoughts. Right. Like, here's a thought I had that might be worth discussing. And it's a fixed amount of time. And then we monetize it. Am I right? Yeah. No, but I just don't always want a person around. And I...

I'm just getting... I'm just accepting it more. Yeah. Because my show, the block show, now streaming on Netflix, is like... It's a lot of it's like I don't like that part of myself, but a bit of it's like...

I don't mind it. Of course. Like, there are advantages. And I also think it's easy to be a single guy than a single woman. Yeah, for sure. Because we don't have to worry about, like, safety. Yes. Like, physical safety. Totally. We're two of the toughest guys out there, Neil. I mean, no, but you're big. You look like. You're tall. You're tall. So, like, you would have an easy. Like, he and I will, to quote Brian Callen, we'll keep you busy. Yeah.

In a fight? We've got scrap. You'd be, we'd all open with sarcasm, obviously. Yes, yes. Oh, yeah. I grew up in a predominantly black neighborhood and went to public school. So without zingers, I would be still in the locker. And they called them zingers, right? Yeah.

Mark, let's hear some of those new zingers. They called them snaps back then. I love snaps. That was fun. Your mama jokes? Yeah, come on. I had a book of them. Those are classics. I had to have the book on me in case I needed them. But yeah, you're right. It's...

We're not tough. I don't... But I also believe that, whatever, we are all monsters and we could figure it out. If, like, we were attacked physically. But... Sure. I think it's easier to be a single guy than a single girl. And I also think it's... We're in a fortunate position. Like... As a guy. Yeah.

We're all fortunate people, like, career-wise. Oh, for sure. We're very lucky. And so, like, you know, it's not, it's not, I don't know. It is DiCaprio. I'm DiCaprio's age. You guys are younger than me. So, like, it is getting a little creepy. Right. A little. Somebody the other day was like, you can't date a 31-year-old. Like, that's too young. No. And to me, I'm like, 31's very old. Yeah.

31's developed. I had a friend say to me that 31 is the youngest I could go. That's what I'm... They were saying like... No, they were saying that's... No, it was a guy. Wow. That was the point was you can't go younger than... I wonder if it was the same friend who said it to us. It's funny. I'm trying to remember who it even was. Yeah, maybe, but... Nobody gets Beckinsale, gets her and drove her dating... Well, she's a hero. Yeah, exactly. That's a nice privilege on the lady's side. I think he...

I think he meant it in a way where it's like they grew up with a different type of internet and phones and they can't focus in the same way. But I think we're all kind of married to our phones. I think it's kind of got us all. And it's also kind of insulting like, hey, these 31 year old ladies, they don't know any better. It's like, well, that's the hard part is like giving a woman her agency.

And then, but also being like, you're not ready. Yeah, exactly. You might as well call him sweetie. Like, look, sweetie. Right. I know what I'm like. You can't handle it. Exactly. Which one is it? I got, it's both. It's whichever one favors them at the time. You know, the Ted Alexander joke, this is a great single joke is a,

being single with the struggle between loneliness and euphoria. That's very funny. You know, where it's like, you know, loneliness right before you go to bed at night, euphoria the whole fucking rest of the time. Yeah. That's a great joke. It's a legit Billy Joel line. Oh, really? Yeah. I have some bad news. That was actually, guys, that wasn't Ted Alexandro. That was Weird Al Yankovic. He's wearing the outfit.

Yeah, Patrice had the great line of men don't want to be alone, but we want to be by ourselves. Or we watch it around. Yeah, it's such a profound point. Yeah, and I don't even know if I want that sometimes. What is it? Why is that, do you think? It's that thing of judgment.

I just don't want to be the ver- I had the thought this week, I don't- I may not want to be the version of me that you like the best. Aha! Yes! I just want to be the version that I like the best, who is on his phone. If I make changes, it's because I want to make them. It's not because- Fahim has a great joke.

Fahim Anwar. Great comic. Yep. Excellent. I always said he was a great opener. He used to open for me and I was like, Fahim's great because he's got great jokes and no confidence. True comic. So it's basically white women just expect that you're going to grow and change for them. Right. Whereas like Puerto Rican women will be like, he just yells. Yeah.

That's great. Like, that's just what they... So this idea that I'm supposed to change for her, I believe personally in relationships, no notes. Oh, I like that. I don't give them. Don't get married. No, I know. That's why I don't think I could take it. You want an FX show, but what's out there is network. Yeah, that's absolutely right. By the way, I don't give them. I don't give notes. So like...

It's all like as is. Yeah. I'm like a chef that's like no substitutions. But they always come like right when you get comfortable. That's what's annoying. They always come like two to three months and you can't give notes out of the gate. So it's right when you're kind of like in a place where you're like, oh, this is like kind of a cool person. And then they hit you and you're like, fuck. Yeah. What's that old quote? I thought we were going straight to serious. What's that old quote? Women...

Oh, shit. Pull this up. Women get married. To change men. Expecting a man to change and men. Yeah. It should autofill by now. Come on, Google. I married you because I liked you. You're marrying me hoping I'll be different later. It's kind of a weird. Women marry men hoping they'll change. Men marry women hoping they will not.

Yes. So each is inevitable. And that's Einstein, for Christ's sake. We're doing great comedy quotes. Nick Griffin's Einstein bit. You know that one? No. About how Einstein's divorced. They should tell you that. Oh. It shouldn't be, do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife? It should be, do you think you're smarter than Einstein? That's brilliant. Nick Griffin underrated. Nick Griffin. Some of the most philosophical relationship bits out there is Nick Griffin. Absolutely. It's insane. That joke about the dating pool when you're young, when you're in your 20s, it's...

It's like Adult Swim and then in your 40s it's like a public pool. I'm fucking it up, but that's the basics of it. He's got so many of my favorite jokes. I know. But you know what it is? It's makeup. You know a woman's like, I gotta go out. I don't want to go out. I gotta put makeup on. That's how you feel on your phone. You're like, oh, I don't want you to see me without the makeup.

Yeah. You know, charm is men's makeup almost. Absolutely. But I was thinking you were going to go the other way, which is you don't want to go to a party because you don't want to put on makeup. Yes. You don't want to have to be – you don't want to not say Jew. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You've got to listen to small talk and all that, but it's – you've got to – oh, get out. You don't say. You've got to be on a little bit. That's our makeup. That's your concealer. Yes. Oh, you don't say is like a bit of under eye. Yeah.

Yeah. And then you say like, that's stupid. That's your makeup cracking a little, you know? But is it also that you're in your head and you don't want to be disturbed? That's part of it. Yeah. That's alone time. Yeah. Yeah. That's a buddy of mine used to call it, his name is Robert. He would call it Bobby time. Bobby time. Like I need some Bobby time. Totally. But also it is embarrassing to your point, like how we spend our days.

Oh yeah. It's embarrassing when someone's like, what'd you do today? Or when someone goes, you must be so busy. And then you flash back to what you've been doing. You're like, oh, I'm very busy. Meanwhile, it's been like fucking looking at your toenails for an hour. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Scrolling YouTube. Yeah. Uh,

But being just being can feel busy sometimes. That's true. That can drain you. Our job is to just be in your head and you train yourself to be in your head and think of jokes and then being with another person and kind of breaking that rhythm after you make a living at this. It can be exhausting.

Yeah, I mean, Roy Wood said that. He said, when do you write? He goes, I'm always writing. I'm in the shower, I'm writing. I'm at the store, I'm writing. Because you're just like, oh, what's up with Cocoa Pebbles? Cereals in a bag now? Or loofahs are weird? You're always thinking about comedy. No, it is that thing where people are like, you always on? You're like...

I'm always something. Yeah, yeah. I'm always computing. I'm not trying to go for bits unless I have... I mean, I find with interacting with people, like, I try to do as little as I have to. Yes. And then people, like, when they're engaged, then it's like, okay, now I'll do something. Yes. You're conserving energy. Otherwise, I'd rather slip through it. Yeah. Yeah.

We had Nate on, and he was kind of low energy, and I was like, come on, Nate. And he was like, I'm doing Fallon later. I'm like, oh, I get it. Okay. Oh, he didn't want to blow his... He was great, and I love Nate. I've known him for years, but I felt like he was more low energy than normal, and I was like, oh, he's doing Fallon. He's got to save it up. It's like no sex before the fight. Yes, no sex before the fight. Perfect.

Perfect analogy. No podcast before Fallon. You know the old saying. He also did not like Mark farting on him. That's true. Do you fart? Is that like a thing you do? I mean, if I got a fart. Is that a segment? It is a segment. We'll be right back. Ah!

When does that happen? Do I get warned? Well, he went to the bathroom and I've known Nate. I've known Nate for 20 years. Still no excuse. Do we have the clip of Nate's response to it? It was ugly. Because we played it a couple times. I'll interrupt you.

He's a comic. I figure, hey, I'm not farting on Chomsky. I'm with him. A friend of mine farted around me, and I was like, oh, fuck. I got mad, and I said, I forgot how old you are, because he's in his 20s. We've been on a tour bus lately. There's a lot of farting going on. That's fun.

You can't be that. You gotta just embrace it. I would have rules about what compartment you can fart in. That's actually not a bad... If you gotta go by the bunks, go hang out by the bunks, you monster. But not in the common areas. I was on a bus with Bert

Joey Diaz, Big J, Shane Gillis, and me. First of all, it was a fart-off, and it was like a sleep apnea convention. Oh, that's so funny. It was wild. Just five bunks full of the fattest drunken... It's like being literally in a fucking bear cave. Yeah, exactly. That's... Let's see, this is...

Oh really? Here we go. Look at that face! That is the face of death. The more you can keep this, the more you'll be able to talk about it, the more, you know, it's more conversational, it's more whatever it is. Alright.

The head shake. He actually meant it. Oh, he was pissed. Fuck, that's funny. He just looks sad. Yeah. Yeah, sad. And I'm like, my dad's not coming back. I gotta say, Nate's gotten cuter when he... He's really cute. And he lost weight. And the gray works for him. No drinking. Yeah. That's what did it. And he's really like...

having a really great second act. Yes, yes, exactly. To life. Well, and the money, too. It doesn't hurt. The money probably isn't killing him. Yeah. Although it's like Eminem if he had a CBS sitcom or something. I could see it. Like a country Eminem. The...

He's getting to the point where he probably has more money than he knows what to do with, though. Oh, yeah. Arenas. Like, is he doing arenas? He's doing the Bridgestone coming up. That's what's match for him. He's doing arenas in, like, weird cities, too. Like, places that don't have a lot of comedy. In cities I couldn't sell out a club. Exactly. He's doing arenas. He's doing arenas. Yeah. They're like, that Neil guy, he knows black people. Yeah, that's exactly. We should stay away. There you go.

Look at that. That's what I knew, Nate. They could see me in the corner laughing at his joke about tobacco. Hey, that guy loved farting. Yeah, exactly. That fat fuck. That guy, that fat fuck loved farting. And wings. Yep. And like, I don't know what...

His favorite show is My Name is Earl. But the best part is that Nate is in the middle of what he thinks is an important thought. Yeah. And Mark just goes, hold on. Just the disrespect. Gotta bring some levity here.

Everybody's the star of their own operation. Exactly. You were having a fart. You were doing a fart sitcom. We talked about your special on this podcast before. Killer. We both really liked it a lot. Thank you very much. Really, really, really funny. You both texted. You know what's interesting is, and you guys will, maybe not this special, but the special after that. Although, people stop watching your specials. Yeah, of course. People, not like viewers, people stop complimenting you. Oh.

So it's nice when you get comics. I mean, comic stuff. They just go like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You got one. It just becomes like a thing. Whereas because it feels like homework to watch special. Yes. And no, it feels like I know we mean like opposition research. But at the same time, I like that. No, no. But I mean, but I also mean like I like comedy. Yeah. So it is there is part of me that it is homework. But like.

I only watch comedy and documentaries, so I don't mind. I'm happy when like, oh, a good comedian is going to do comedy. Like, great. Give me... Yeah, because there's so many specials and so many bad ones. But I don't want too many jokes in my head. Thankfully, it was only 40 minutes. Ha ha ha.

43. By the way, I'm sick of putting out long specials. I'm kind of just like, why? Why are we giving them that much? I'm with you. I don't think it helps. I see comics putting out like an hour 20, and I'm like, all the data's saying that people are gone by the 20th minute. Exactly. Bill Burr did an hour and a half. I'm like, Bill, save that last story. Do it on the road. He can rant it out. Yeah, I mean, his last one was killer, too. But, I mean...

But I also am very late to specials. Like, it'll take me like a year to watch a new special a lot of the time. But Mark was like, you got to watch Neil's new one. You got to watch Neil's new one. So I was like, okay. So I was like, I made a point to watch it. And I was like, man, it's just really great observational jokes, man. Like, I love the...

When I hear a premise that's been done to death and there's a new spin, that's why I love the dog rescue joke. You found an angle that's like, those are my favorite. I don't want to call any premise hack, but when it feels like a premise, I'm like, oh, here we go. Well, it's like no one was allowed to do airplane jokes for 15 years until Louis did his. Like you're like a Greek god flying through the air. Like give it a sec. That thing. Yes. Literally, you were a hack if you did airline jokes before that. So true.

And then he did it. And Sebastian had a decent airline joke. List is a great airline joke, too. Oh, yeah, that's right. Joe List. I mean, there's people who have great airline bits. But it's like, you know, yeah, I hear you. Premises. But then it's also like you can make the argument like marriage jokes are hack. But then it's like, all right, well, then watch like Tom Popper or Ray Romano. People have great marriage jokes, you know? Yeah, people go like, why do you make fun of men and women? And I'm like, because Patrice called me and told me I was good at it. Yeah.

literally Rock and Patrice told me I was good at it. Do you mind? Right, right. Do you mind some guy if I keep doing it? People think it's, people from the outside can notice like,

airline jokes are hacky or gender jokes are hacker relationship or whatever and it's like and race jokes are tacky oh you still doing that white people black people shit yeah i'm pretty good at it yeah they both still exist you have one of my favorite ones of those too the joke about uh you know white people what we've done felonies why are you calling us a misdemeanors which how does that one go again you know oh white people you stole uh

You stole jazz. Yeah. That's actually not my joke, I don't think. No, it is. It's your bit. I remember this bit. Oh, that is a good... No, that's... Because I'm thinking of... That's great. I feel like a young Mark Norman where people are telling me bits I've done. You had the one about riding in the back of the squad car. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a great one. But you know the one I'm talking about where you say you stole jazz? You're like, yeah, we've done felonies. Why are you calling us on misdemeanors? That's a great joke. Yeah, that's a Neil Brennan. That's a good joke. That's great. Good for me. Yeah. That was like a good race...

Race jokes are tough. Yeah, they are harder to pull off because you can't work on them as easily. You can't workshop them because you do all white rooms. Now... You got that right. Yeah, so... So...

Thank you for watching. They're called rallies. But yeah. But no, I love Pete's Girl. That Pete's Girl joke. You know what joke is good when I'm writing and I'm like, how did that Pete's Girl joke go? Because I want to see the formula. Yeah. Gaffigan has a lot of jokes where I'm like, that formula is so good, I didn't know you could do jokes like that.

You know, like Dave Attell's, I used to do drugs, but that was way over there. That's such a great joke. I'm like, I didn't know you could do jokes like that. If you said, what's the best joke ever written? Attell's joke, I'm afraid to travel. Maybe because when I was a kid, my father beat me with a globe. Yes. It's like, and I didn't even say it right. Amazing. Like fucking flawless joke. So there are certain guys that,

Where when you're writing, you're like, oh, he already got here. Yeah, for sure. Ah, fuck. I feel bad for black comics having to write against Chappelle and Rock and Patrice because it's like...

They're all on the same crime scene. Right. And those guys keep finding the murder weapons, and other guys are like, ah, fuck. That's a great point. Yeah, they got the collar. Yeah, like, ah, I had a hair follicle. No, I have the gun. Yeah, no one touches Rock on angles. He always has the angle where you're like, ooh.

How did we all miss that one? It's right there. He had the angle when the whole Bill Clinton, Monica thing happened. And I've never seen a special, by the way. I saw it live. He was like, Hillary is running for president. Why would you want to work in the place you got cheated on? Yeah. My girl cheated on me at Bennigan's. I ain't applying to Bennigan's or whatever the hell the joke was. And I'm like, that was right there. Nobody caught that. He got it. He told me not to open with that dog joke.

Really? Yeah. He's like, you can't open with a dog drink. I'm like, it's a new one, though. Yeah, right. But why did he say that? Because it's a dog. Because he was subscribing to the thing of once you've done. It's hacky. So you can't. Interesting. I know what he means by. I open with it, by the way. But I know what he means by.

If you ever watch a special and someone goes down one of these lanes, you're like, oh, boy. Yeah, yeah. And I think there's a bit of that in the audience also, where there's a little bit of like, what are we? Like, you can't certain topical shit. You guys are smart that you hire someone in the crowd to yell out a topic. Plants are getting expensive. Where? I mean, what are they? 150 a show now? It's fucking. Hey, folks. Black Tux, baby.

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I've been drinking. WMD, what is this? Weapons of Mass Destruction, I'll tell you. Come on. Cut that. Keep it. Keep it in. I had nothing to do with any of this. I'm just minding my own business. You're like Mike Myers right now. Bush does not care about black people. You can't.

What the fuck was I talking about? Rock, the dog joke. Oh, yeah. Once you hear it, you kind of roll your eyes. Sure. So he wanted you to earn... Oh, no. You can't talk about... You can't talk about Rock and Will Smith. You had a day. Yeah, of course. Before the audience was like, what? Yes. Like, ugh. What are you talking about? I know. Even if you're kind of like Chris can't. I know. I know.

It's hacky for him, and he was there. Right, right. It was his face. Like, I'm sure he will, but I'm saying... Oh, my God. People are still making references to it, and you're like, all right. And then that's his life. Like, I can't imagine every day people just being like, so here's what I thought about it. And he's probably like, fuck off.

Yeah, I'm sure it's unbearable. The problem is audiences are getting so savvy now with Reddit and all these cunts on the blogs and whatever. They just know about comedy. So they'll be like, oh, that's hacky. And I'm like, you guys didn't know about hacky? Yeah. They even know about tags. They'll be like, oh, that's a good tag. I'm like, you're like a guy in a cubicle. Are you just saying tag? But it's also good that they're this savvy. It's good. Because I'll take out a notebook on stage sometimes and they start applauding. Oh, really? They like that I'm working shit out sometimes. Maybe they think you're throwing your act.

out get this they'll listen to podcasts about it about it I couldn't imagine fucking believe it where they get drunk

Two in a day, baby. Taking the toll on my life. But it is all the same. That's why it's all the level of popularity. And to your earlier point of there is no other category. No one talks. No one's communicating ideas besides comedians,

like politicians a little bit. Yeah. And even that's censored and caged in. And I'm not saying like we're the modern day philosophers. It's just a... But you see like why people go to 10 comedy shows a year. Yeah. It's like, yeah, if you...

Seinfeld had a great joke about everyone at the comedy show is the funny person in their group. Where it's like, you guys all think you're funny. You're like the funny one. So they're all the funny. And then they get to go and watch someone who's like, all right, he's funnier than me. But like most of these comedians are not better than me. A couple of them. But it is scary. Like, you know.

black friends or like you're like hanging out with them you're like oh man this is all better than my act and then I'll see guys on Twitter I'll write a joke on Twitter I'm like kind of proud of and somebody will go you should have said this and I'm like

Yeah. He's right. And this is some guy in Ohio, you know, with two kids. Yeah. But how much you. It's rare. But it happened in some of those tweets. That's true. Let's be honest. Some of these tweets are fine. And some of these are two for deals with the plants. You go, you'll get 150. You'll yell out a premise and you'll do a tweet the next day. I was proud of that. Hey, R. Kelly's like in COVID-19. Too old for him. Tweet. Yeah.

Good for you. We're just like two friends watching and everybody's like, whatever you gotta do, pal. Whatever you gotta do to get off guard. That's where the business is now is where I'm like, oh, I haven't tweeted in two days. Let me throw something up just so people don't forget I'm alive. Yeah. How often do you... Well, you guys are never not on the road, right? But like you're... You don't go like, I released a special, now I'll stop.

It's tough. What else do we do? Well, no, no, no. Just stay in the city and write. We've talked about this before. I don't really write well at home. The cellar's a tough place to write for me because you're literally following some new guy who's got a killer 15 and he's just ripping. I go up there and I'm going to open mic it. I can do new shit, but I write better on the road.

Or if I do an hour in one of those side rooms at the cellar. And you got that hotel room that's just quiet and empty. Yeah, you kind of can do nothing but work and jack off and you're like, I'm not jacking off, I'm working. That's like no jacking off for those first couple weeks. Maybe like a late night one. Now you're writing bits about jacking off. Tell me more about this. Ha ha ha ha.

Okay, so there I was. The best Western. This is interesting. Now, what is your note? But I am curious. What do you mean you won't jack off? No, I just will try to like work. I'm like next three hours, like just work. Just fucking work. You ever take like 50 minutes of you jack off and you take 50 minutes and you're like, why did I just fucking spend that much time? Totally. Because you were using your mind and not watching porn. No.

No. No? No. I'm like, yeah. Really? Yeah. 50 minutes? Yeah. You learn from us. But, and you're like, what did I just do? I think that's, we're doing foreplay with ourselves. Oh. Yeah.

But also, keeping a boner for 50 minutes at our age. At our age. That's pretty good. You do have to pick at a certain point. You meet those people who still play video games, and I'm like, you can't jack off and play video games. That's a good point. When do you get shit done? Yeah. Well, do you guys play video games? No, I don't touch them. I have the console, and I never use it. I just don't play it. Good. That's a funny thing that I never thought of that may be...

why we are in the higher percentile of jokes written. Because I don't...

15 years ago, I was like, I can't do this. Yeah. I literally can't. You just feel... I can't live another life. Yes. I can't be a character and go like, I got a new shirt. My character just... I got a new pack. Right. They got the funny socks. Yeah. And like, I can't... I cannot... It's the same feeling after you jack off where you're like...

What was that for? Why did I do that? You know what I mean? At least, do you not have orgasms? I do, but do you not have regret? Not after a jerk. Not after a good one night stand. Have you a little 50 minute, 55 to an hour? Are you guys watching of age porn? Is that why? Yeah.

you got any links uh cut it uh for his sake uh yeah i don't i don't regret jerking i mean i the only thing i regret is the time i'd wait spent yeah no i'm with you on that but it also feels like a silly to do it if you jack off for 50 straight minutes you're not like fuck i could have been you don't have that writing guilt where you're like well it's just weird but i want to enjoy look

How much time do you have? Sam, I want to enjoy it. I need to know more. Are you wearing this hat while you're jerking off? Three minutes. I don't want to fucking just do three minutes. Yeah. That feels like weird. Yeah. A quickie with yourself is weird.

What a quickie with yourself? No exactly right, so we got to find a middle ground. That's like coming out and doing your closer. Exactly. Yeah, you gotta open up. Eight minutes. Gotta pull the notes out. Twelve. But it is sad when you get too into a jerk like you got a one leg up on the bathroom counter and you're in the mirror and you're sweating and the water's been running for a while and you're like, oh you jizzed on the sink. You've been married too long. This is a year ago.

The maid screaming housekeeping. Fuck you. That helps me. Somebody, I won't say who it was, but at Montreal one year,

This is slightly related. He had sex with the maid. What? At the hotel. And he's like, afterward, I wanted to cry. It was such a miracle. Oh, my God. Yes. It's like never happened. Was this the Silvio Berlusconi new faces? No, I don't. Who it is is crazy. Wow. Really? He's not like, oh, yeah, that guy.

It's like not categorically that different from Ralphie Mac. Whoa! So... Vanette. Vanette. Louis Anderson. Vanette, you son of a bitch. Yeah, so pretty great. It's very fun. That's fun. Big J. Wow, Lavelle Crawford. I didn't know you had it in you. Son of a big gun.

Anyhow, so you guys, so how do you write jokes? I'm kidding. What's your process? So you guys never, and do you feel like the people at the beginning of the tour get a shittier show than the people at the end of the tour? I don't know. There's a difference because at the beginning of the tour, you're all amped up. By the end of the tour, I'm grizzled. I'm hungover. I'm gay. All the jokes work. Yeah, the jokes work. But I'm about to do a special, and I'm terrified of this new beginning, like the whole starting over thing. Like, you just started over. So did you.

I was lucky that I had... I wrote the show kind of before COVID. So then I would like put jokes in during. So when I was done, I had like...

40 oh wow 30 to 40 i've never been to that that's why i was able to go on tour neil brennan.com uh i was able to go on tour like immediately like while i was having a like a hit of yeah press i was like oh put tickets on sale wow that's really nice what about you because are you going out there with new shit i'd say like 45 of it's pretty good and then the rest of it is you know

I'll throw an old bit, a topical bit. I'll figure stuff out. Do people know that it's an old bit? Can you tell in the laugh, like, ah, there's a bit of they know this? Maybe some of them do, but at the same time, like, you know...

I do it at the very end. So it's kind of like, they're like, whatever. It's like, you know, I don't think they care. They also, at this point with like the whiskey and the podcast and like the sort of, they just want to spend time with you guys. I know. They want to, they just want to be around you, which is dangerous because I've seen a lot of comics go from comic and then podcast is their main, main thing after a while. And you want to stay, I think comic first. Yeah. Uh,

But I don't know how to avoid it because Burr has had a podcast his whole run. But he's always comedy. That's what I'm saying. Like, it never – I don't know what he does on the – Well, he rants on the podcast alone, though, which is like – it is kind of like Marin's opening, too. It's kind of figuring out a bit you can kind of see, you know? Yeah. So I'm always curious, like, you can tell when someone podcasts a lot because they get –

huge responses for something you don't understand. Exactly, exactly. They do inside jokes and stuff. Yeah, and they're like, yeah, you guys know my pet mouse. Yeah. Yeah, right. We have to take a vow today to never fall into that trap, guys. So, yeah. And how's marriage?

Oh, yeah. It's the same. It's the same. But now if you fuck... We fucked in the living room last night, and it was like, oh, wow. This is new again. How did you end up... Well, I don't want to get too much. I'm an open family. Do you never... How often were you fucking two years ago, and how often are you fucking now? Well, I'd say two years ago, it was probably like, I don't know, twice a week, three times a week, and then now it's probably... The road...

tough and good because when you come back you immediately bang because I'm all like I can't walk straight up so pent up you're doing the guy from the New York Times that Trump was doing the impression of I'm doing late Muhammad Ali but yeah so then you get that immediate bang which is good but then you kind of have your married thing where you're like well we banged

Right. We're good for a couple of nights. That was like today, right? Yeah. That was three days ago. Exactly. Exactly. Is it, is there like a time or do you make a move or do you say, do you want to fuck? What's the, we try to do. We, I heard a good piece of advice. Keep dating after you're married.

Other people. No. Keep dating your wife. So, like, I took her out. We went to a jazz club. We got a couple drinks. And then I was making an athletic green in the kitchen while drunk, and she made a move. Promo code. Banging. Yeah, exactly.

And then, yeah, we went at it. Reminds me of this date I went on the other day. I just went on stamps.com. Man, it got her in the mood. It was crazy. That stamp won't fall off the letter. I'll tell you that. It'll be sticky. Have you guys had purple carrot? Now, cooking a meal with a new gal is one of my favorite things to do. That's what I call my erection, too. Purple carrot.

After that, you might need a blue apron. And I think it helps. I heard Gary Goldman say, like, during the pandemic, we were all kind of getting a little stir crazy and whatnot. He goes, shave, guys. If you shave, it, like, keeps you sane. And I think with a lady, if you're married, she was, like, wearing high heels and these thigh-high things and all that cleavage. So she got all dolled up. And I think that made her more into it as well. So that was a part of it.

cleavage in the thing was that the other night or that was just during COVID so like she was looking great and she felt great because women have a thing where they're like I can't have sex if I don't feel sexy it's so isn't it the craziest I've never felt sexy in my life it's so weird where they're like I don't feel sexy and you're like fucking get in line exactly that's not the point of this the point of this is not to feel sexy I'd be a virgin or at least not to feel safe for a second laughing

Yeah, like... Because I related to that, too. I was like, oh, me neither. You'll leave at some point. Hey, Sam, what did you laugh at in that joke? Hey, Sam, can I speak to you for a second over here? Yeah, you don't... Yeah, that thing of they have to... I'm also... It's a thing I've noticed about women. Again, this is so, like, broad and hacky, like, women's outfits. But they think outfits...

are like an opening move they think it's an activity interesting they think it's like if we go like we took a helicopter to the party right we dropped in on a helicopter on the lawn that's how they go like well i was wearing those heels right or like i was wearing my red uh caftan yeah yeah no you're so right it's a weird thing where it's like a big it's like

the first the opening chess move totally and she'll be like we have this event coming up i have no clothes i'm like all you do is buy clothes and you have no clothes now yeah you have two closets full of horses you got three closets full of nothing to wear yeah i'm gonna come out of one but uh but yeah it's like all these clothes and she's like i need a i need an outfit it's like having needing a new car or something well that that's right they it's maybe it's like new bits

Maybe it's like new bits. Where they want, when we say we have, like, if we have to speak at an event, that's the same amount of pressure as them. Like, oh, I got to give a toast. They're like, I have to give, my outfit is a toast. Right, right. Like, they have, it's like, yeah, there's something, like, weirdly, like, what do you think is happening? But someone else made your toast. Yeah.

Yeah, but they wear it. To say nothing, yes. Yeah, but she'll watch all these 90 Day or The Bachelor and Housewives, all these retarded shows. And I'm like, why do you watch this? She's like, I love the outfits.

She's looking at their outfits like we look at bits. Like, oh, that's a great bit. Did people tell you about your, did they like your outfit on the Netflix? Mine? Yeah. Yeah, you had a cool outfit. But people say, like women especially, go like, I really liked your shirt. Yeah. I like my shirt. Look at this thing. Jesus. But yeah, people are like, what are you going to wear? I'm like, I don't know. No idea.

Yeah, I don't see the big deal about shirts. Gay Dracula. Wrinkled. What's the big deal with shirts? Did you wake up in a dumpster today? What the hell happened? I get it because fashion's important to me. Also, gay Dracula. It was a free shirt from somebody's band. They sent me.

I like a raglan or whatever you call these, but it's just wrinkled. Yeah. It'll iron out. You're wearing the same shirt next week as his fart nugget. That's another band. I do feel like the three of us have the same. Maybe it's a call it autism.

call it really liking comedy. Yeah. Like whenever I hear someone go, someone sent me a clip of like these guys talk about you guys. I remember you guys going like, Oh, that fucking guy's did. It's got a great life. Yeah. Like talking about me having a bunch of comedy activities.

doing different comedy shit. Oh, that's hilarious. But it's, I agree with you. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Like, I agree with you about like, yeah, this is fun. It's the best. And it's like exciting. I'm excited that I'm in comedy. Same. That's why you don't need to play video games. You don't need a second life because you like your life. Yes. Right. Yeah.

Right. It's not going to be better than going to the club and getting a huge fucking laugh. Yeah. And getting a new bit to work. And that's what I'm talking about, the regret and the shame from the masturbating. I know I need to do it to clear shit out, but I still feel shame because I'm like, nothing makes me feel as good as a new joke will make me feel. Right. You know? But can you...

Squeeze a joke out like that? Pardon them. Don't fart. Wait a minute. Mark, don't. I know. Look, I know you wanna. I know your asshole is doing a Roger Rabbit right now. That's the compromise. Do you see? It can work.

No, it's hard to write new jokes, but I think the challenge then is like, well, can I at least get like a good topical one? Something that's like, I get extra points because I clearly wrote it that day. Yeah. Headline thing. Yeah. It's like, even if it's not great, it's just keeping your shit tight. The machine is going to stay strong if I keep working at it. Right. It's also boring if you don't have a new joke. I'm like, there are nights where if I go to the store, I live in LA, um,

We have a seller in LA called The Store. And if I don't have a new joke, I'm like, what am I doing this for? I feel that way too. Like, what am I, I know it works. So what am I doing? Calibrating it. Like, again, there's something to be said for like just getting on stage and doing it. But if you don't have at least a new line or something, it's like, what the fuck am I? I know. Yeah.

- Yeah, you feel bad about yourself. And you say like, you know, Mark and I will have people yell shit out and stuff, but it is boredom 'cause we are on the road every week and it's like how many times can I do these jokes?

I need to challenge myself. I need to come up with something new. It's boredom from that new 45 that I'm just like, what else is... I need something else. See, guys, I love my accent. Every single word. How'd those 80s guys do it? Like, Leno's like, I'm not doing a special. I'm not giving it away. Yeah. And I'm like, aren't you sick of it? Don't you want to do a new thing about whatever? But he's got a... The weird thing about Leno is... I'd love to get him on here and ask him about that. I would love to have Leno on. He...

I think he would do it. I think he would too. He's playing Burning Man.

All right. He's got a new injury is the problem. I know. You're right. I got updated. That guy's staying topical with injuries. He'll tickle your ribs. All right. They're broken. He's a, I was going to say, you've heard of blue collar comedy. Welcome to broken collar. Yeah. Guys, come on. I got to stay tight, guys. I love it. He can take it on the chin. All right.

He watches every special. Oh, he's a psycho. He loves Michelle Wolf. It's hilarious. It's really funny that he... It's just odd where he knows...

He knows him. Yeah. He knows you, too. If he knows him, he knows you. Wow. That's wild. Why would he know him and not you? Yeah, I don't know. I'm just low self-esteem. Yeah. But yeah. I mean, I'm a fan. He'd watch my Comedy Central specials. Really? He watches Amazon specials. Wow. That's how deep into comedy this guy is. He's not touching Peacock, though. No, Peacock's a line too far. Nobody's that injured. Turn it off.

Jay, we're all out of specials on Netflix. How about Paramount Plus? Uh-oh. Yeah, exactly. Peeke, put that new Cosby on. I went to Cosby, one of his, I went to his Comedy Central special that I think they shelved. Oh, I remember that. Damn. That guy had excellent jokes. Well, he's a great comic. I mean, he's a fucking amazing comic. Yeah. But, yeah. If an NFL player hits their wife, the touchdown still counts. Yeah.

Clip it. Harvey Weinstein. Great movies. Yeah, great movies. Yes, Woody Allen. We go on and on. There you go. Picasso. Now you're going too far. I'm drinking here. Please cut that. Actually, please cut it because it's just, I don't, I'm literally just going through people. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, Leno knows every...

comedian Morgan. I'm going to be like that. I'm going to be an old man in a rocking chair watching some twink do 20 minutes in a wheelchair. Well, yeah. You guys don't want to... There's so many questions about this new special. That's how you see the future of comedy. Well, I'm just saying, you've got to have a hook. He's going to be like, I'm on a roll. It sounds like he's got a couple. Yeah.

Mark calls me, you got to see Roller Twink. This guy is one of the best. Have you seen Roller Twink? Roller Twink's going to be there tonight. I'll be right down. Hello.

Hello, StubHub. Mark Norman is here to see you. Kid, you've got the goods. Hold on a second. You know, you got jokes, but you got no legs. That joke's got legs, though. I don't want to die doing comedy, but like,

Just do it as long as... Yeah, yeah. How about you go Don Rickles, you know, all the way to the end. So do you feel like... Joan Rivers? Well, I guess there's like... We don't have Rickles up there, by the way. Right, but Rickles... Joan was doing good rooms. Rickles was doing good rooms. Would you want to... Like, at a certain point, if you felt like you were stuck...

at a certain level that was too hard. Yeah, that would be tough. Like, would you keep doing it? Yeah, you want to be Rickles. You don't want to be Mort Sahl, basically, at the end. Yeah. Oh, what was he doing? I think he was just doing Tough Room. I don't think he was selling tickets. He wasn't really even doing Tough Room. He was doing a place in, like...

in Marin County. Like a theater once a week kind of thing. But people swear he was Lenny Bruce. Like he was that level of funny. He was contextually. Yeah. No one had done that before. And a better writer I'd say than Lenny Bruce. I agree. There's a documentary about Mort's Hall that's like Oh really? Yeah. But what is it? How did he just lose it? How did he lose all the momentum? Well he was never huge wasn't he? I met him there was documentary Wow.

I think you gotta be something or the loyal opposition. Mort's all it's S.A.H. All. That's what I got. Just put that's what I got. Boss. Loyal opposition. Oh interesting. Yes. An American master's loyal position. But I remember having it and me and Chappelle watched it and then. Whoa.

We were like, we should put him in a sketch. Yeah. And he passed. What? He didn't like the sketch or whatever. I think he didn't like sketch. But apparently he's one of those guys who doesn't think anyone's funny. Right. He just got so like, fuck everyone. I'm I think he was just a big narcissist. It's my understanding of it. Wow.

Wow. Woody Allen's hero. Yeah. Um, there's a funny Woody Allen story where if you can watch it, Bob Whitey directed it, who did a ton of stuff. Yeah. Um,

And he just, Bob Whitey did a Vonnegut documentary. Oh, wow. But there's a funny Woody Allen, Mort's Hall story. I ended up meeting him, went to his show. He was just kind of cordial, but not especially respectful. Just kind of like, what do I, I'll do, like they tell me you're something, but I'm not going to. And Woody Allen's story is,

Mort Sahl went to a Woody Allen premiere. This is how long ago this was. They used to open Woody Allen's movies. And there was a premiere party. And Mort Sahl went to the premiere party. And the security guard wouldn't let him in. And he's like, tell Woody the guy who changed his life is here. And Woody Allen came out and goes, Mort, change it back. Ha ha.

Wow. That's a great line. Funny dudes. But yeah, you don't want to, you either want to just quit. Johnny Carson. You either want to be Johnny Carson. Right. Where you like, I'm not participating. But the idea of like. Don't you think you'd be so bored? Well, I guess it's bored or humiliated. Or bored or like perpetually bruised ego.

Yeah. Why? And you want to end on a high note, too. You don't want to be that fizzle out guy. Yeah, but look, I don't think Rickles or Joan were... They were doing good, though. Yeah. I'm saying to Mort Sahls, would you rather be... Do you get out on a decline? Right. Or do you just stop doing it? And Rodney would do dates kind of, I think. Oh, really? But they were not regular. And then he'd go on Lano and do five minutes, and it was like...

Yeah. But yeah, it seems like how to end it. I saw Carlin in 01 and it was rough. We could tell by the way you said oh. It was at a casino though in Biloxi, Mississippi. Oh my God. So it wasn't his fault, but he got heckled for an hour and he was just snapping on people and he was trying to do like the I'm uptown, but I'm downloaded. I'm backdoor, but I'm in front...

mode or whatever and they were just like do the dirty words you know and he was like shut up you fucking cunt I'll put my dick right in your ass and all that and it was like whoa but again it was at a casino but I was a huge Carlin fan and seeing that was like a wake up call like oh comedy is rough yeah this is maybe the best ever

Yeah, this is one of the best of all time. And it was like he was cursing people out. No one was listening. People were throwing beer cans and shit. I saw Pryor. And speaking, I'm like, that's crazy. And then I'm like, I saw Pryor in a wheelchair. What? Dave opened for him in like 93. He was wheelchair twink. That's exactly right.

And but black you know what I mean? It's a different it's kind of different than wheelchair change hello stub hub The and Dave open form and it was like he prior kind of couldn't he didn't have it like he didn't like he couldn't really remember his jokes you hate to say and he

It was just kind of a bummer. Yeah. And people, it became like a revival meeting where people kind of yelling out like, we love you, Rich, and all that stuff. But it was like a hard. Damn. It was just like, man, life is wild. I know. It's so long. They say that about Bob Dylan. My friend saw Bob Dylan. He's like, it was rough. Like, you can't understand him. It's mumbly. But you couldn't. I saw Bob Dylan 20 years ago. You don't even know what song it is until the third verse. Wow. You're like, oh, is this fucking blowing in the wind? Yeah.

Well, as long as you still get booked, you can still work. But in sports, you don't see like... Bill Russell wasn't playing five years ago. True. And that's kind of what it's like. And that's almost better because you have to get out. But do you go to the places where people want to see you? I know. It's tough. Do you go to down markets and pretend...

That it's still you almost need the Vegas because the Vegas will prop you up. They'll help you sell ticket though They'll be glitz and glamour. There's a little dignity to it almost carrot top. It's what you're killing it I but having said that that's he has a pretty good life. Yeah, also care that's fucking funny. I'm funny Yeah, I don't know why he became the punchline forever. It became like an easy one for people the props obviously there

I'd tell you how it became a punchline, but I'm going to need a prop. Yeah, it became a punchline for people outside of comedy to know that that's a hacky reference or something. It's like, where are you at, the chuckle hut? And you're like, shut up. Exactly. And somebody made a great point on Twitter. They said, shouldn't it be Carrot Bottom? Because the top of a carrot is green.

Go on. Then what'd they say? I'm just saying. It's a good point. It is a good point. This Twitter sounds pretty great. All right. That was one of those guys that had a brilliant tag on me. I mean, that's when you're like, what are you doing, dude? Well, props to him. I don't know. Comedians should not be on YouTube. How do you... I said this to Taylor. She did my podcast. You came up. I, like, jokingly, whatever. But...

I don't know. Like, I change sort of life philosophies pretty regularly. Do you know what I mean? So, like, he just was like, oh, let me try steroids. Yeah, yeah. Let me see if that... It's like changing your sound if you're a band. Trying the gym and steroids is another... He went acoustic. It's another level. Yeah, that's wild. Right, there he's going with, like, he's wearing makeup. How did my ex play into that? You just wanted to bring her up? She's on roids. No, no, because I put on Instagram yesterday about, like...

Just questioning your own behavior. Like, how should I approach? Like, I'm sure you deal with this. What I was saying earlier about relationships and you're like, ah, like me and Bobby were talking about, like, is David Spade a dream or like, should I not do what Spade has done in terms of relationships? Just never get married, be single forever.

I don't know. Interesting. And like, I don't fucking know. I change my mind all the time. I don't think there's like a prototype. I mean, it's what's right for you. And I think if you're growing, you don't know what the dream is. In five years, you might have a different dream. That's what I'm saying. That's like, Carrot Top was like, steroids, fuck it. I mean, look at Chappelle. Chappelle was like the skinny guy. Go back to that picture of Spade.

Chappelle's he got he's having a good time. Look how many who are the famous when he's been linked to? Yeah, okay doing great. So yeah, like yeah, like Dave at a certain point like so no I Bates fucking hilarious. I'm saying like as a lifestyle how I don't know how to be any I don't know what to be. I don't know. So like with Karen. I'm like, yeah, I'm not gonna fucking go to Vegas. Do you go on dates?

Yeah. So you're trying. I mean, you're trying to meet people. Yeah. But there are times when I'll be on an app going like, why am I? It's like.

at collectible sneakers where I'm like, I don't need these fucking sneakers. I don't need new turkey low dunks. I don't need the Yeezy 750s. It's a fun idea. Yeah, it's fun to look. It's past the time. What are they charging? There's a little uncomfortable. But like...

You know, but then I go like, am I tricking them? I don't think I'm tricking them. But, you know, like how to live is like a hard... Like you got it all figured out. Yeah. Well, I'd say, I mean, how many... Bill Burr had a great bit about marriage being dumb. Then it cut to him being married. And he's got like...

an hour and a half of overpopulation and has two kids exactly and was like encouraging me to have kids which is like I was like what do you what I know I mean people you know they change I agree and it's what's good right now for Neil might not be good for him in five years so yeah you know

That's why it's important not to endorse anything on your t-shirt. That's true. Yeah, gay Dracula, that may not be the coolest thing on earth five years from now. I can touch a kid, who knows? Well, you see those people who have a Cosby tattoo and you're like, oof. That's a rough choice. I had a girl tell me that... I told this story on Rogan one time, but I had a...

My girlfriend, this is in the mid-2000s, mentioned something like, Dr. Cosby. And I was like, what? What's that tone about? Oh, boy. And she's like, beautiful mixed girl. And I was like, what's that? And she's like, oh, well, no, I met him on the street one time. And I was like, he was fattening you up for the slaughter. Oh, of course. And she was like, no. No. No.

That's funny when they don't believe you. And then when the story broke, I text her like, what do you think of your boy now? And she wrote back like, I think his wife knew about it. And I was supposed to meet him in Philadelphia one time and I got the flu, thankfully. Yeah. And yeah, so people changed my mind. I don't mind when a comic changes, but it bugs me when a comic changes to go with the flow. Yeah.

You know, I like when a, like, Chappelle just was like, I'm going to be buff now, or Carrot Top. But when, like, David Letterman, who I love, I feel like he was a little snarky and fun, and now he's kind of like, I don't want to get in trouble, and I'm going to play ball. I think he's just, he's older, and he's kind of mellowed out. Well, you watch those old videos of him being like, yeah, I fucked an intern, what can you do? And then now he's got, like, a guest on, and he's like, that speech was amazing.

Yeah, that was... And he got killed, but I don't think it would fly now. I don't think he said, what can you do? I think he looked pretty troubled by that speech. If you rewatch it, that was like cinematic. I mean, it was killing. That was like pretty crazy. It was crazy. And he owned up to it and he got ahead of it and it was awesome. But I feel like I still like him. I'm not shitting on him. I'm just saying now, I think he watched some of his guests and he's like...

I respect you. I love you. Well, I think guys like him, I think he did a podcast recently. He did a podcast recently, but we'll see. He did. No. And he was. I listened to that one. Yeah. And he was apologizing the whole time to me for. So he's a Kevin. If you're a if you're.

imagine if you're that age right and all the rules are changing that's what i'm saying yes you must it's like you got to adapt you kind of have to adapt and by the way you have like a staff that are kind of relying like he likes being like i don't know if you took away from the interview but like he likes being in show business yes he likes winning he likes like working yeah he had one of my favorite quotes where he said uh

I couldn't not be famous because I'm so sensitive. I couldn't handle not being treated nicely. And I think about that all the time. He said stuff like that in the interview. He really likes his lifestyle. So if he has to be a little more apologetic, what's the alternative?

The alternative, like, a good bad alternative would be Roseanne. Right. Right. Who's coming back? Yeah, on Fox News. Not even the main Fox. Her new special streaming on Fox. Oh, I didn't know that. Fox Streaming or something. Oh, wow. I didn't know that. Yeah. Laura Ingraham's doing the warm-up for us. I mean, it's going to be wild. Ardrit Taylor Greene is the closer. So, yeah.

She's going to come out with a t-shirt gun. Or is it a real gun? So that's one of those things where I don't fucking know how to be. I wouldn't know what I would do in that situation. Yeah, yeah. It's tough to navigate when you have bite to your act and you're getting older, I think. That's really what it is. Yeah, bite is hard to hold up. Well, you just seem cranky. You just seem like an old man. Right. And if you're...

like us. Yeah. Um, uh, you, it feels like he's in the same cat. He's living the same world as I am. And like, cool. Stick it to the whoever. Right. Right. Whereas if you just are like, I don't get these, but if you're the same age as these, whatever your group is. Yeah. Uh, gypsies. Right. I think we're all thinking gypsies. Um, you, uh,

Yeah, like it's I don't I don't know what I would do if I were him. It's it's a tough landscape. It's a lot of a lot of landmines like Colin Quinn has that great joke in his. I don't know. Should I say a new joke of a special? I feel like he has a he he talked about not saying or somebody talked about not saying someone's jokes on podcast. All right. All right. I won't say it. We've said about 40 this episode. We've said other comedians former. Yeah. Yeah. His isn't out yet. You know, I was going to make a point about Letterman.

Yeah, but I do think he's a genuinely curious person. Yes. And that is part of it. Even when he was snarky, there was a curiosity. I'm going to use that when I get in trouble. There's a curiosity. I'm curious. I'm canceled curious. What happened to curiosity, huh? But look at a guy like Bill Murray. He's a guy who's polarizing right now. Yeah, good point. I love Bill Murray. He's just such a big part of my childhood. He got in trouble on that set. Yeah.

Times change. Right, and that's exactly to the like, hey, man, go out guns blazing, stick to it. And it's like, no. No, no. I'm not saying he should go out guns blazing, but I just, I don't want him to change for someone else. I want you to change for you, maybe. Well, yeah, but I don't think...

That's how society works. I guess you're right. I guess you're right. I mean, if it's the thing, Bill Murray got away with it for a long time because he was like so funny. Right. And I think his movies are too dramatic. I agree. That's part of the problem. I think you're right. That's probably part of the problem. Like,

Dave Chappelle can say wild shit and it's like, ah, it's funny. It's fun. Whereas Bill, it's like too many fucking, too many broken flowers. Yeah. Too many Wes Anderson movies. Too many movies where he wears hats like this. Too much Oscar bait. It fucks you up. You can't be funny. You can't bite a woman or whatever he did. Yeah. Pull a ponytail, I think. Is that what he did? That's what I heard. That's funny. Black woman. They had the hair thing. It's a difference there.

not getting involved. I read an article. Firm, stiff, impenetrable firewall. Nothing to do with it. I read a Roseanne tweet. That's all I know. Sam, put yours up as well. Learn from me, Sam. Hold on a second. Let me just get the tension. And, uh,

what are your life goals? What's your life goal? I don't know, man. I like my life right now, so I'd like it to just keep going this way and I'll figure out... This seems like a better version of your life 10 years ago. Hell yeah. Meaning the same...

basic funk, like same basic day to day, but with better money and more fame. We're working a lot, like, which is great. And you've started saying we, which speaking of yourself, which is pretty. No, I mean, we,

Think about how often we're on the road and stuff. We're going hard. I love it. I've always liked this style, but yeah, I think at some point I'd like to meet a woman, but like, you know, right now it's, it's, it's tough. I'm home two days a week and I'm, I'm nervous to waste one of those two nights home on a maybe bad date. You should put this, put this in your dating profile. Look, I got two nights.

Make them count. Dazzle me. But you're a catch now. Or you weren't a catch 10 years ago, obviously. No offense, but in a woman's mind. You got some fame, some money, some notoriety, some credits. You got that gay Dracula shirt. Look who's talking. I'm married, baby. Gay Dracula himself. I could be wearing flippers right now. Do you find that comedians get a bad rap

Dating wise. Meaning like when I think it's like a comedian. When I heard you were a comedian, I was like, maybe now for sure. It's probably not easy. Yeah. I mean, just the fact that we're never around. They're like, we must be a cheater. I don't think that's it. I think it's more neurotic and mess. I mean, messes dark. Yeah. They think we're dark. Yeah, we are cynical, depressed stuff. But if that's your thing.

Yeah. Gloomy, unpleasant, but still a performer. If you're into it. Yeah, but also fucking funny. Yeah. That's the thing. No one is fucking funny. I'll tell my lady, you want to go to the SNL after party? She's like, we can do that. I'm like, yeah, I'm a comedian. And so that's pretty cool. Yeah. So there is that. There is some perks. You can go to the Chappelle Radio City. Hey, maybe they'll throw me on. Who knows? That's fun. Yeah. So there's plenty of benefits and like-

When you have...

You have, yeah, you just, it's like, go, the trip, you got miles. Yeah, miles. Although you're on a bus now. You've really fucked yourself on miles. Ladies don't love a bus. Yeah, I want to do the bus every time, but the bus is fucking fun. No, I know it is. Do you sleep well on the bus? I kind of do. I've only been on Chappelle's bus a long time ago and it was the best sleep I've ever had. Oh, that's great. You're in that little bunk. The low rumble. Cocoon. I love it, dude. If you just don't think about like Metallica guy dying, just don't think Metallica. Died on the bus? Yeah.

You had to let them know. You ruined the bus. And just to go all the way.

Wicked Witch of the West legs under the bus. I believe. That's how they found him, I believe. Oh my god. Have you seen the Metallica documentary? I have. Some Kind of Monster? Have you seen it? Yeah, it's been a while. It came out like 18 years. It's fucking amazing. Really? It's excellent. Give me some all-time doc recs. That one...

7-5 is great. That was wild. That was a great one. Fog of War. That's a classic. That's Errol Morris. He's phenomenal. Thin Blue Line. Thin Blue Line. Got a conviction overturned. There's a guy named Adam Curtis who makes BBC documentaries that are insane. Oh, really? They're on YouTube, right? Yeah, they're all on YouTube. And he made one called...

He made one called Hyper-Normalization. He made one called... It's like really... They're like philosophical. You'll like them. Really? Because they're like... He made one about how Al-Qaeda and the religious right are basically the same thing. Whoa, that's like a bit. And they were on like an inevitable collision course. Whoa. And show the power of nightmares. Power of nightmares. Yeah, I mean just like the titles are fucking insane. This one here? Yeah. Holy shit.

What a great premise. Is that John Edwards? Yeah. Holy shit, it's been a while. There's Rick Crumb.

That's a- no one will get that. That was for you too. It's like they're- they're these weird- there's one called Century of the Self where he says, uh...

where he basically explains how marketing started public relations PR and marketing like Freud's nephew came to the states and was like you wanted to and like started working with advertising wow started got women women didn't smoke

and then Freud's nephew there was a like women's suffrage at March and Freud's nephew had them all light a cigarette up at the same time and he called them freedom torches. Wow. Shit like that like a million of those things. That's amazing. I'll watch that one first. Yeah like that's probably the easiest it's four parts but like it's we do a lot of wrecks on this part so this is a great wreck. Center of the South

There's the house I live in. You guys see that one? No. House I live in is like a fucking masterpiece. You ever seen Super Mench? Yeah. That reminds me of that. That's about the guy Shep Gordon. Shep Gordon, yeah. And he was an agent. Isn't that Mike Myers made that? Yeah. Well, Mike is friends with Mike. Probably. He produced it or something. But he made a bus break down in the middle of...

Piccadilly Square or whatever the hell in London and it had an Alice Cooper ad on it but it broke down so they were trying to get it everybody saw the ad and he sold out so he had all these cool ways of like helping his clients get bigger and he's like this is about the war on drugs basically oh wow someone calls it like a why we fight is good

It's great. The guy, he did, um, I can see why dates aren't going well, by the way. Like you want to put on a, literally a girl said to me one time, good luck finding someone to watch your old man documentary. Oh,

And by the way, this was 15 years back. Ha ha ha!

Things have not gotten worse. You're going to age into finding an old woman. No, what's funny is the culture has met me. Now everyone wants documentaries. I used to see shit in the theaters. I saw Brothers Keeper in the theaters. Wow. Fucking Attell. I think I saw half of them with Attell. Really? Yeah. I know I would bet money I saw Brothers Keeper. You two are the only ones in the theater. I swear to God. Yeah, we went to the one on Houston. Angelica? No, the one. Sunshine.

Now left you guys are going the wrong direction. Oh, I'm film for it. Yeah, that's a great one. Yeah It's got a giant pillar in the middle of its what a theater. Yeah Do you guys want to make TV shows or anything? That's a good question point. I think you do I think at some point Well, I am saving the good shit for the for the when you guys come on and

Because I don't want Mark to fart on me. And I just got to keep him busy. This is defense turning into offense right here. A TV show, I don't know. I mean, if it could be like a Tosh.0, something like that I would do. Well, you could still be you, but I can't act. I don't want to write an arc and have a bunch of dumb characters and a wacky neighbor. You don't want a doorbell? Nah. Yeah.

No doorbell. Yeah. Maybe a ring camera. That could be a fun show. Sure, that's a good device. I still love that. I still love the old type of like great shows. Yeah, part of me does want to do that. You got to have a new spin though, like Atlanta or something, you know? I don't, I mean, it's so hard. It's a lot of work. That's the thing is I don't, whenever I think about it, I'm like, I don't want to do that to myself. You disappear for like four years. But also like your, it's like being on the road.

But like way worse. Yeah. It's just like so much harder. Yeah. Than you can even imagine. Trailers and script supervisor and video village. But it's also just casting and locations. Yeah. Uh,

You just have so many decisions to make. I know. And you gotta write it. So, like, and you gotta, like, make it, improve it, make it better. Yep, then you gotta go press tour for it. Yeah, it's just never-ending, and you only get a billion dollars. If it's good enough. If it hits. If it's Seinfeld, you get a billion dollars. Right, right, right. Apparently, The Last of Us was the most expensive shoot of all time or some shit like that. So, it's like, it ain't cheap. No. I mean, that's a giant production, but...

It's a lot. And look what it did to Mulaney. I think it fucked him up. Doing a TV show? Yeah. That's fun. I haven't heard that theory. Go ahead. I think it fucked. I mean, his special was called Comeback Kid. He's like, I'm coming back. That was tough. I mean, it was like three episodes. Great cast, though. Who was it? Marty Short? Yeah, Elliot Gould. Oh, yeah. Classic. Yeah, great cast. At one point, he wanted Paul Mooney to be in it. Wow.

I swear to God. He's like, you think Mooney would do it? I love that he uses earthquake on the road. To me, that's so fun. Yeah, fantastic. Yeah, so that's great that that's why he did drugs. That's what made him do drugs. It's a sitcom. So, all right. So maybe like a... But by the way, like a Tosh.0 now, you could do every day like this. Like even like the idea, it should be like...

However much all of us caught. Right. Yeah, exactly. If you're going to do a show, make it. Blow it out. Right. But yeah, just to write a script, all that just seems like too much work. Yeah. All right, great. Would you do it? No, I mean, I... You've already done it. Yeah, I... In the heyday, though. Yeah. But just the difficulty was like, I don't... I also don't like...

dealing with the, the, uh, like the, not the network, but just, it's just like the kind of people I don't, I, the thing I like about the road is you can deal with like a very small amount of people. Yes, exactly. And it's like a fair thing. Like I show up, sell tickets, I'm going to talk, then I leave. Yeah. I mean, instead of like,

Okay, can we grab dinner? Yes, yes, exactly. So many steps to everything. Like, I don't want to name drop, but I've been chatting with Seinfeld, and I think the only reason he's sinking as low as to calling me is because he's in L.A. and he's shooting this movie and he's dying. Yeah. He watched the episode of Colin Quinn. That's how bored he is. That's so funny. I know. It was a good ep, though. It was a good ep, and Quinn's the man, but I'm just saying, like, he's, like, shaking. He's like, I gotta get back out there.

I miss comedy. Well, he likes comedy, yeah. He loves comedy. Yeah. So that's what these shows do to you. They take you away a little bit. Well, he actually, I was going to say this earlier, he said one time it took him four years to learn how to be a person after the show ended.

Whoa. Like he just to like talk to his wife's friends. Right. Like PTA meetings. Because he was in show mode for so long? He was just like, I'm in charge of everything. Oh, I see. I make every decision. I think. He's like, it's just to be like with people. Right. To go from...

It's what we were saying earlier. It's like it's easier to be a comic at this point. Yeah. Than it is to be a person. Completely agree. And it's easy to slip into that. You know when you're at Thanksgiving, you're like, this sucks. Oh, I got to just fake it. What am I doing? I got to do this. I don't want to be here, but you got to do it. Yeah. But you want to go back on the road. Yeah, but it's so sad that we refer to being a person as faking it. Of course. That's so sad. That's how it is. Yeah. It's tough. How do you guys end this thing?

I feel like we plug your special blocks on Netflix. Fantastic. What about my road dates? Great special. Yeah. And Neil, where are you going to be, man? Hold on. I have it here. NeilBrennan.com. Pull that up. Bam. Oh, Madison. Is there a better club in America? Madison, I think, sold out. Salt Lake sold out. Nashville saw this coming. Still not sold out. You're slumming it, huh? You're doing some real rooms. Well, I'm doing real rooms, then I'm doing fake rooms. San Diego, I think, is standing. They're all pretty close to sold out, if not.

If not all the way there. We're in Baltimore. Atlanta, New Orleans. Oh, the joy. Where am I doing in Baltimore? I don't know. The Lyric? That's the only place I know. Which one are you guys doing? Well, we were Magoobies, guys, but the Lyric is like the step up. Right. It's like the 1,000-seater. I don't think it's 1,000. But yeah, so go on neilbrenner.com. If you've got a good airport, I'm coming. Yeah, suck it.

Atlanta? No, Atlanta's got, well, if you have a big airport. And then, of course, the Blocks podcast, you forget. Oh, yeah. You got that right. We've had Letterman. Love Letterman. I love his new act. We had, who else we had? Sebastian. We had Nikki Glaser. We had Ronnie Chang this week. Good list. Gotta get a black. Fucking, well, I can do a black this week. What are you doing?

Roy's coming on. Charlemagne's coming on. Now we're talking. You got Roy? We've been trying to get Roy for months. That son of a bitch. It's fun. I'm sure he, why he asked him. He lives by here. He'll do it. All right. All right. I saw him the other day. I was too scared to ask him. Really? Yeah.

I don't want to buy it. He's a dad. And Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee is the champ right now. Best pod guy. Killer. Perfect podcast guest. Has no boundaries. Yes. Yes. Literally has no boundaries. Used to close by stripping. Right. Yeah. Used to.

We did Something's Burning together and Bert's like flipping a burger. So what's going on guys? He goes, would you... I was blown by a boy when I was 12. We're like, we just started. And you just open with that. That was his opening. So that was fun. So that was great. So you could stream that as well. It's on YouTube. On YouTube. It's called Something's Burning. But great numbers. Yeah, Bert did my podcast too. Oh, nice. Anyhow...

This was We Might Be Drunk. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Huntington, AC. I don't know when this comes out. Royal Oak, Minneapolis, fucking Madison, Milwaukee. Yeah. Boston added another one. I should put up sold outs on mine because it looks cooler. I have a thing where I'm like afraid of my web guy.

That's like a curve. Miami, Orlando, Ponte Vedra, Charleston, Atlanta, DC, all these ships. Samorelle.com slash shows. You got off easy. I appreciate you doing it during my plugs too. Thanks. He's the guest. I'm trying to sell tickets. He's like, hold on, let me get that. That is no joke either. Fucking poor Chester, a bunch of stuff. All right, I'm all over the place. Wilkes-Barre. Why does the picture on your website look like God am I allowed to do this?

I know. I'm scared of my web guy. Yeah, come on out. MarkNormanComedy.com. You know where to find me. Come to Chicago, goddammit. And BodegaCatWhiskey.com. Yes. We love you. Drink our whiskey. It's great. And more merch is coming. The merch is killer. Oh, the shirts are great and the sweaters. Yeah, looking good. Thank you, gang.

See you all in hell. Thank you, Stephanie. Stephanie, I thought you had to leave. No, I'm good. Okay. All right, sorry. Thank you. Go see Stephanie at her bar, the Vegetarian Depot. Yes. No. ABCV. ABCV. All right, comedy. The day for next, Fender's close. And Norman's talking shit up in post. In the same way. Up on the roof, I'm feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New York.

This woman doesn't remember her. And I'll be true.