Ep 117: Ari Shaffir and Bar Search Pt 2
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Yo! Should we open with that? It is a pretty good... We were talking about Mark and his antics farting on our guests. With Nate Bargatze here. Let's show... And by the way, Nate's a great comic. Watch his new special on Amazon. We have to plug if we're going to show... Hello World. Great. If we're going to show Mark farting on him. Watch it today. By the way, directed by Homeless Pimp, which is very impressive. Mike Lavin. We should give his real name as well. Oh, yeah. Celebrity Theater. The more you talk about it, the more...

It's more conversational. It's more whatever it is. Right. Hold on.

Look at the eyes. The head shake. Not even a head. Nothing happy there. No, he looked like my dad when I said I was going to be a comic. Brutal. Man. I've known the guy 10 years, 15 years. I know, but he was in the middle of a story. I think it adds to the frustration when he's trying to have a poignant moment and you fart on him. I guess so.

Well, you had left. I felt like it was lacking a little. I had to kick it up a notch. If I was here, I think I would have saved it because I usually laugh. I mean, I'm laughing just at the playback. I need you there. I know. I would have loved it. I have a dream. Ah, jeez. That all farts are created equal.

I mean, pretty great. Dude, I was in Vegas all weekend. I went off. Oh, well, you got to go off. It's Vegas. Oh, I went hard. I mean, I don't know if you have that picture of me, Salacuse. It's on my Instagram. I was going to do that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We hit it hard. You playing, looked like Blackjack with a cigarette and an old sea captain. I can even show you. Oh, my God. Should I send you the video? I guess it doesn't matter. My room was... Dude, that guy ruled. He was 78. Wow.

And he was putting the drinks back and we hit it off. He was enjoying my antics. I was pissed drunk. It's funny when your face is all over the casino and you're still the worst behaved person there. There's just literally posters of me all over because I was playing the Mirage. And then I'm just loaded at the table, pissed drunk.

just, you know, zapping cigarettes. And after every blackjack hand I lose, I start calling the dealer a Nazi sympathizer. And this old guy's like losing it laughing. So, you know, all I need is a little laugh. So I'm taking it further. I'm like, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler. Hitler. That's great. Hitler again. And they're getting furious at me. I could see the security like, do we do something? But no, he was great. Wow. What is this? Oh, it's Casino. Casino.

Take it back. This is you at the table. Which hand do you jerk off with? Not both of them. Take it back. But this fucking beaut they put in there. Beaut. Motherfucker.

Wow. Yeah, I should say I was tipping though, which helps. I was going to Hitler, but I was tipping. That's all that matters. No one else was throwing her money. I posted that I did that and someone wrote like, well, yeah, you lost because that's karma. And I was like, well, I didn't lose. Although this is classic comic shit. I was so shit-faced. I was down a decent amount of money for a minute.

And then I noticed people stopped paying attention to me. Yeah. So I was like, hey, guys, I'm putting all my money on this hand. Oh, my God. He's putting his money on. I was like, man, I'm a whore. Yeah. But I won that hand. Thank God. That was like 300 on a hand. Whoa. Wow. Hey, all right. Yeah. So I won. I won the money back. I was doing like 25 a hand. But then I was like, oh, I got to go all in if I'm still going to be the center of attention. Yeah.

That's what it's worth. You always see the movies. They're at craps tables. The girl's blowing on the dice. You're high-fiving everybody. But it's never that. It's always four in the morning with the old white-haired guy. Oh, dude. He was awesome. And then at the end of the night, he was like, don't smoke. I've smoked my whole life. I was like a Planet Fitness, like super Mr. Universe type guy. And it cut 33% of my oxygen. I was like, this is like a movie. Whoa. He was like, I made every wrong mistake. I was like, Dad!

Dadda? Speaking of Dadda, we got **** in the house this week. We got Salacuse's

His son, he got divorced. Salacuse has got the baby. Kramer versus Kramer in the flesh. Love it. Yeah, I was joking with Salacuse. I go, hey, we'll see you today. And he goes, ah, you said tomorrow. And I was like, oh, he's like, I got to see you. I was like, well, bring him. I didn't think you would. Pick him up. Yeah, you called my bluff.

And this poor kid's out of school. We're good influences drinking in the afternoon. Yeah, there you go. We should introduce one of our guest bartenders here, Shane. Hey, Shane. Thanks for having me. It's a pleasure. What's shaking, fatty? Nothing much. I'm from Colorado. Just moved to New York about five months ago. Whoa. Where in Colorado? Oh, Colorado Springs. Hey, great town. Big Navy base, right? Naval bases? Fort Carson. So it's Army. Ah.

Uh-huh. Largest base territory-wise in the whole country. Am I nuts or is Black Klansman set in Fort Collins? It takes place in the Springs, yeah. Springs, sorry. Why did I say Fort Collins? We got to focus on the family. People hate abortions out there. Do they? Yeah. Well, we'll steer clear. I've paid for a few. Yeah. All right. Well, hey, good to have you there. How about a cocktail? Yeah, yeah. I'm Jones. Start with the old fashions.

Oh, I thought we'd do Manhattan's, but I could do an old-fashioned. Oh, I might have fucked that up. Well, whatever you guys prefer, I can make it. What are you thinking? Let's do a Manhattan. Let's do a Manhattan. Yeah. We got vermouth back here? We must. Yeah. All right, we got vermouth. All right, down the fly. Altering the plan. I like it. Shane, out of the gate, do you have any peeves? Anything bother you in general? Fucking everything a guest orders.

Oh, jeez. I hate when people come in like, what do you like? I'm like, fuck off. What do you like? Yeah, I get that. That bugs me. You know what happened to me last night? I'm in Mamoon's, you know, right next to the cellar because it's a Monday. The band's playing. It's two packs. I'm like, I'll eat next door. I'm in Mamoon's alone. This guy sees me. He comes in. He goes, Sam, what bar do I go to? Hey.

And I was like, excuse me? I don't fucking know you. I don't know what kind of bar you like. I feel like that's you from the past. What bar should I go to so I don't end up like this? Uh,

Yeah, I don't know. What'd you say? Off the wagon? I was like, I don't know what kind of bar you like. He's like, anything. I think I said Peculiar Pub. So I'm like, that's a cool village pub. You get 600 beer choices. That's not a bad choice. But he cornered me in a way that I was kind of like, all right, is this guy going to... He also had like the faux hawk and was kind of intense. I was like, is this guy going to swing on me? Yeah. Because that's the village now. Dude, I'm with Ryan Hamilton. We're walking around and dudes are just in our face to the point that it's like...

I got into it with a guy. I think I told you about that. I'm not a tough guy, but this guy goes, it was me and a friend who had a camera, like a nice camera like that. And he goes, where are you going with that camera, bitch? And I was like, I just had a bad day. And I was like, fuck off. And he goes, what'd you say? And he goes, I've been to jail. I was like, that's not a good thing. So now we're going back and forth. And I see Sean Patton walk up and I'm like, all right, I got some backup. So I just go in on the guy and we're like face to face. And then the cellar bouncers walk over and I'm like, woo.

Woo, baby, I am in the clear. Patton pulls out a knife. And I was like, I got to go on. Hey, there we go. We talked about this. A knife's not, you don't want to be the dude who stabs. True. But, you know, what if the guy's stabbing him?

You don't want to be in a knife fight. You just want to run away. That's my point. I think mace is the move because you can get him down and get away. Exactly. But I had my hand on the mace last night. The guy was ready. Really? He comes in the fucking sandwich shop and starts, me and Hamilton are in wolf nights. I had two dinners. And I was hungry. You John Panetta? Two dinners.

We're in there, and he's fucking with the woman in there. So we're kind of like, hey, stand down. I said stand down. That's pretty good. He was drunk, you know? I like it. But the guy's pissed drunk. I'm like, stand down. And he was just like, oh. And he's like, oh, fuck. So now I'm his attention. Yeah. And I was like, are you OK? I was trying to be heroic. And she's like, yeah, I'm fine. She's used to it. She works in the village. But I had my hand on the mace. And Hamilton was like, thank God you had the mace just in case. So was it on you now? No, it's in my jacket.

Whoa. Oh, I'm pumped. Thank you, sir. Let's see what we got here. That looks nice. We need a third for when our guest judge gets here. Guest judge? Oh, yeah. We have a guest judge this week. Simon's coming in. He saw our video last week where we trashed his Botox. There we go. Thank you, Shane. Cheers, cheers. My pleasure. You want one? You want a cocktail, kid? Let's start him slow. Give him a daiquiri. There you go. Maybe a...

That might be the best Manhattan we've had from any guest judge. I have to say, I don't normally like Manhattans up. I like a big round cube in them. But...

Yeah, this might be the best Manhattan we've had yet. It's good because it's subtle but flavorful at the same time. That is damn salad. Do you want to get in here? Yeah. Shane, first, what's your favorite Patrice O'Neill bit? Oh, Jesus Christ. I like the one where he says the only reason we have sex is to save shit up to jerk off to later. Wow. Man, well done, sir. This guy's good. Colorado. Who are your favorites? I'm not going to say.

I'm a huge Bill Burr fan. That's a good one. I like Patrice. Sure. I love his bits on that talk show, Opie and Anthony. Oh, yeah. Classic. Boy, this pro-lifer is all right. This is insane. Very good. What's your bar experience? So I ran a few cocktail bars back in the springs. I've

I've been in the industry my whole life, so serving tables, all that shit. And then when I turned 21, I was like, oh, this is the coolest job in the restaurant. So I went out to bartend, bought some cocktail books, and pretty much stopped myself. Ran a Japanese speakeasy, so a lot of Japanese whiskey experience. Then from there, we opened a cocktail bar called The Archives. Still there today, but I left it behind to come out to the big city. Hey. Well, how do you explain those guns? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, you're fucking big. Look at that guy. I've gotten a little chubby since I came out here. The food's too good, man. Yeah, it's pretty good. Ridiculous. This guy's got arms. I know. Look at that. He could throw out some guests if we need to.

Certainly have had to. All right. Oh, that was quick. Oh, God. Look at you. I brought my judge hat. All right. Well, he's number one. This is Shane at the bar. What's up, Ari? How are you? What's going on? Are you going to abandon us for Southeast Asia? Oh, that's what the beer Jew did for context. That's right.

Howdy, cowboy. How are you guys? I'm excited for you to try this Manhattan. This is one of the best Manhattans I've ever had. Really? I don't want to build it up too much. He's pretty good, this guy. This guy's got the skills. I know you guys drink on this podcast. And the buys. You guys got... We'll get you merch. Sweatshirts now? We'll get you merch. Oh, yeah. That's a nice salmon. Mauve. Mauve, okay. Mauve. Harold and Mauve. Harold and Mauve. Yeah!

Good movie. And look, somebody wrote... Making Manhattans? Somebody brought that in. What is that? Somebody gave us their own hot sauce. This is amazing. What is it, your own? I don't know. It was in that envelope there. And Salak, he's brought his son. Salak has a son? Yeah. The one you abandoned years ago? Yeah, he's back now. Cheers, boys. All right. Hey, hey.

These are the worst glasses to cheers in or just serve. I prefer Manhattan's in those glasses. Yeah, they're second only to the, what's the straight out ones? I don't think whiskey belongs in a martini glass. It's too manly a drink. A martini, I understand. I hear what you're saying. It should be in a cup type of thing.

Yes. Yeah, like on the old range. They wouldn't have had these on the range. Yes. John Wayne ain't drinking out of one of these. Absolutely not. He's going to shoot you in the gut. Yeah. He's busy dying of butt cancer. He's not going to drink. What do you think, Ari? I think it's good. It's got a smooth taste to it. I assume this is an Amarino cherry.

No. Damn, I knew that. What is it? So they're actually, they're called maraschinos, but it's a maraschka cherry from Italy. Sebastian Maraschino. You really made a fool out of me, this new bartender. Yeah. I really threw it right in my face. You made a fool out of yourself, Ari. I played myself. So what's shaking? How are you doing? Doing good. Doing the Beacon Theater. March 24th.

Joining the club. That's why you wanted to come on. I'm about to leave in six weeks. I got a long tour. I'm not going to be back to promote it. You did it. Tim Dillon did it. Nikki Glaser just did it. It's become a comedy club. I know. It's the Creek. Yeah, it's the new Creek. Oh, I should tell you, you don't get paid. Wait, what? I'm kidding. Oh, oh, oh. Creek, what? She's got no money. Is that a business? No. You do get paid. Those theaters, they say you get shit money unless you do two. Yeah, sometimes I'm just doing one.

Blown it out. Yeah. But you don't have to fly or... I don't have to fly. I'm going to take a bike up there. It's beautiful. Maybe, or walk. Oh, yeah. Walk to the park up there. Back then, I lived walking distance, so I walked to the beacon. That's so cool. Wow. That's nice. This is what Jerry probably does. You got that right. That's so cool. I heard one of the old guys, Bruce. Bruce? Lenny? Nope. Springsteen. Drives to his gigs in New Jersey. Just drives, gets out to himself, takes his guitar.

He's like, hey, I'm here. I bet he drives a ratty car, too. Yeah, some beater. This was in the movie Philadelphia. I just heard an amazing Bruce Springsteen story that was on a podcast about The Clash. And Joe Strummer, in 1975, saw Springsteen play the Hammerstein Ballroom in London. And he was with a little band called the 101ers. And he said, I have to start a new band. He saw the show. He said, I have to start a new band. I have to be on my own.

and also peter gabriel was in that audience too what he left genesis and said i have to start a new solo career because of that both saw that springsteen show and said i've started a whole new life wow i hope you don't see that then i'm out i want to see louis at the garden how was that great adrian killed adrian and palucci's one of the best underrated also that style it's like i've never done a place like that have you guys

Arena? Twice. Really? Who do you do the garden with? Schumer twice, and then I've done a bunch of other arenas. Oh, that actual arena. It just seems like the styles don't go with every style of comedy. Totally. Conversational is like, it seems like it'd be lost here. And Adrian, these dark just jokes. Wow, look at that. You call her the dark queen. She is a dark queen. She's got one of my favorite jokes of all time where she said, I'll say.

My boyfriend threatened to commit suicide. Now I thought, oh, great, I can't kill myself or people are going to think we were in love. That's a perfect joke. That's brilliant. You can't top that joke. Yeah. My ex was in 9-11. People say he's a hero, but would a hero steal back an engagement ring? Wow. That one's true. Yeah. I'm like, that's funny ironically. Oh, it's not ironic? Oh, cool. Did she do the MLK chunk? Because that's pretty dicey.

She did, and it was great. Yeah, she compares MLK to Ted Bundy. I won't give it away, but it's killer. I think in an arena or a big room like that, dark material actually does better. I agree. Really? Because they're like, go for it? If it's a guy like Louie. What's his crowd? If he has an audience that can appreciate a dark joke, I agree. I think a dark joke can really crush. Oh, yeah, because they're like, geez. So you get like a double reaction. You get a laugh and a, ah!

Yeah. Would shock at telling that type of joke in such a historic arena. Talk about wanting more New Yorkers to die from COVID so we get more parking. Yeah. It was just like, wow. They're showing it on the pay-per-view. Renazizi just saw it. He said, yeah, I can see how Adrian said it. Oh, great. Wow. Fuck. Which is awesome. Yeah, good for her. It was fun, though. That chick from Brown Bunny was there. Chug.

Trey or Matt? Christina Ricci? No. Chloe Sevigny? Svenny. Oh, she's fun. Yeah. One of the two South Park guys. What? Yeah. The blonde or the brunette? The brunette. And I couldn't place him. Matt Stone. And I was like, where is that? Is he from like Saturday Basketball? You know when you know somebody? I was like, where do I know this guy?

Yeah. One half of the greatest comedy doers. Yep. We got fucking Conan O'Brien on the ones and twos. I got Conan Slowbrian. Yeah. You look so much like Conan. Have you gotten that? I have, yeah. I get Conan quite a bit because, you know, I throw the hair up. There you go. Irish, what are you going to do? This is good Manhattan. Can we do another? What's the next round? What's the other round we're doing? Oh, good call. Hit the lights.

So does that mean we need another? Yeah. Sure, sure. Have you ever done a Godfather, my house drink? I have. He knows it. My house. My house drink. We drank it on this pod. You didn't love it. You thought it was too sweet. The ultimate old man drink. Ultimate old man. I'll take that. Yeah, a little sweet.

You liked them. I did. Yeah. I was fucking bombed, dude. We went out for dinner afterwards. That's right. We met up with Sal. We were just like, ah, yeah, this is a nice dinner. Yeah, we thought it was a good idea to get martini drunk after showing up drunk. Yeah.

Yeah. Just ripped. Let's roll it. That was a night. That was a night. Dude, martinis get you hard. I had two before. Oh, yeah. Hard. Went to Keene's for a burger before Louie's. Two martinis, and you are fucked up. How was the burger at Keene's? Amazing. Keene's is legendary. Underrated steakhouse burgers. They're underrated. Yeah. You think you've got to get a steak. Right. But a $25 burger.

is also a good thing to get. That's true. It's too expensive, though. It is. And would you walk out of there with, what, $300 spent? No, because it's burgers for $50, maybe $120. Okay. But also, it's the experience. I mean, that is like a legendary New York place. Oh, yeah. You get a damn good cocktail. The vibe is beautiful. And then I went to see Louis at his retirement set at the Garden. How was the set? The set was really good. I heard it's good. He's like, I'm not retiring. I was like, dude, I don't know if I can be friends with you anymore if you're not going to be a comic. Yeah.

Is he doing the Tarantino shit? He said he's taking one full year off and then we'll see. I don't believe that. He'll pop in. Everyone comes back. Yep. Our egos are too big. You heard my card table story. Yeah. Exactly. What's your card table story? Oh, I just, people weren't paying attention to me for a second at the casino at the Mirage, so I just put all my money on a hand. Like, look, guys, look. Yeah. We need attention. We do. I would say the same goes for therapy. You know, you can tell your therapist is getting a little bored. You're like, I killed my dad. You know, you just throw something out there.

Just to get it going.

Make Ari the Godfather because it's not my favorite. I liked it, but it's just not my favorite. I want your hits. Anything's a better father than Matt Salicu. You're doing with Lagabula? People say do it with a blended scotch, but I'm like, that's for bars. Cheat somebody well. Anything's better than Matt Salicu. So Ari, if this was his swan song, Louis' swan song, was it, is he going out on top? It was great. In the round at the garden. Yeah. It was great. His closer was fucking so good. Let me do every bit from it.

He's not going to use it anymore. That's true. $25 on his website. It was fun. I was sitting next to Shane. He was not drinking. What a fucking loser. Wow. Really? What happened? He said he got tuned up the night before and he was going to the Eagles game the next day. That's very reasonable. I need a night off. Yeah, let an alcoholic recover. Dude, so we all have these backstage Delta Club passes for afterwards to say hi. Was it like an after party type thing? More of a come say hi in the green room.

It lasted for an hour. That's where I saw everybody. So we're waiting. Let's let everybody clear and then we'll go down there. And some ushers are like, guys, guys, can I take off? And Shane's like, he tries to play big man. He swears this doesn't happen like this, but it did. He goes, oh, no, actually, we're going to the Delta Lounge. We have passes. And the guy's like, I don't give a shit who you are. You got to get out of here. And Shane's like, oh, yes, sir. Yeah.

I think that's how we all pretty much are. I think we all see ourselves the first way. Yes. But we are... The second one. Whatever you need, I'll do. Can I sweep up? That's pretty... That sounds like a fun night. Hey, I got a joke. I don't know how to sell it. All right. You guys do that in this pod, right? Yeah, we do bits. Okay, so here's the setup. You guys are the fucking wordplay guys. So...

Look, two things. One is after a game of some kind, like the cleanup is tremendous, crazy. Yeah. All these cuffs and whatever. So I say release a couple of these fucking Asian women out there and just go nuts on the cleanup. That's great with the cans. Yeah. And then step two, take that to that garbage island in the ocean. Like how are we going to launch some of them out of a fucking helicopter with some life vests on and let them fucking. I thought you were going to say let them make the change money for it.

That was a dark twist at the end. But I mean, let him pick it up. Let him pick it up. I love it. Yeah. Okay. Something there. Something there for sure. Yeah. They would love that too because they don't have to go all over Manhattan. They can just go right to the garden. One stop shop. Yeah.

They pay admittance. It's a great godfather. They pay admission. Yes. You sell tickets to get the cans. Yeah, exactly. Who wants the right to work this? Like a barbershop chair. Right. I think you got something there. Those Asians want the can. They're so determined. Unbelievable.

You'd think, I mean, I sound like my dad here, but just put that effort into any other gig. Yeah. But then now you got hours, you got a punch clock. Yeah, you got a boss. Exactly. You're working your own times. You're working bottle duty. I think it's the same with the hookers. They don't want to be unionized. Is that still a thing, though? Oh, yeah. Which grocery stores have that? Almost all of them. Almost all of them? Have what, hookers? Yeah.

At grocery stores? All grocery stores. Which aisle? Pro-dose? Ho-dose. Somewhere between 06 and 09. Ho-dose. Nice. We got a lapper here. Hey, Conan. What are we doing for the next round? Can I critique this Godfather? Wait, is it out yet? Oh, shit. You got one. I only have enough to make one. But did you not have enough orange peels to make it right? Oh, you told me it was coming. Jewish Simon.

We need that American, what is it? Millionaire wife. What is it called? Who wants to be a millionaire? Oh, thank you. Wow, that does look pretty nice. That's a nice little guy. That's an orange peel. So what do we do for round two? So it sounded like you guys had drinks listed. Should we do paper planes? Let's do a plane. Where'd you come from? What's your background? Colorado. From Colorado, yeah. Can I say it in Spanish? Colorado. Oh.

I like it. I like it. Just moved here five months ago. New to the city, yeah. How do you know about this podcast? Was it just a personal thing? I'm just a big fan of this podcast. I like Are You Garbage? That's kind of how I found out about Mark and Sam. I just saw those guys today. I can't accept these guys.

Yeah, they're coming on soon. I just saw them earlier. You did their pod? No, they did my pod today. I wanted to feel special. What? If you did a bam bam, I wouldn't have felt this special. Yeah, exactly. No, they did mine. Can we do two? I'm like, no, I have a bigger thing going on. Yeah! I'm excited to have them on. That's going to be a good one. I think it's a St. Paddy's episode, too. Oh, you got that right. That's smart.

Hey, can I come back in here with Stavi at some point? What a fun time at that wedding. Holy shit. And he was sober. It was so fucking good. We can bring in catfish po'boys and fucking go for it. Yeah, soft shell crab from a gas station. Yeah, you know it. That was insane. I felt so...

Shitty the next day and Stav just kept going with the po-boys. Yeah, he's an animal, but he wasn't drinking like we were that's true I'm doing Athens Greece. Yeah, what European tour doing all weird cities so I can have some fun. Whoa Tickets in Greece your careers in ruins, but I Don't pay taxes there I go home with a lot more money I'm gonna all the whole fucking thing from stuff. Maybe I'll try to convince him to come I

Nah, he won't. Nah, he's got his own shit going on. He's killing it. He's just like five Wilbers. Yeah. Killing it. His new pod is funny as hell. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Very funny. Stobby solves your problems? No. Stobby's world. Stobby's world. That's it. Yeah.

Yeah, fat comedians are having a moment. Yeah, they take up more of the screen. It's good for the thumbnail. I think if you see a fat comedian. You've got to get Matt Peters on a podcast. How do you not click that? He's adorable. I know. Look at that. Wait, what's that reminiscent of? He looks like Dennis Franz. Bobby's World. Bobby's World? Pull up Dennis Franz. I'm telling you. He absolutely looks like Dennis Franz. I don't think the people at home know who Dennis Franz is. No, they don't.

I said that on this podcast. Look at that. Come on. Match that up. That's Dobby. That is one of my best calls. This guy is Dob's dad. All right. What have you guys been doing? What's new in the fucking world besides me doing the Beacon March 24th? Let me throw this out there. So I just did Miami improv.

Boo to the city. The city is fine. The people are fine. The staff is amazing. Staff's amazing. Great club. Great club. They treat you well. They treat you well. They gave me a gift after. They couldn't have been nicer. They helped me with merch. They drove me home every night. Oh, great. But the crowd.

They show up late. They show up late. They show up late. They're better than it. Yes. So Jay and I had this problem. I was like, I'm not doing it. But I was like, you know what? Let me go with Jay and Justin Silver. We rented a beach house. Stay there for a week. Nice. It was great. You live, baby. It was great. Mark and I fly out the next morning at 7 a.m. You got that right. It's fucking winter. Go to Miami.

Anyway. Yeah. I'm going to March. So these two girls, Jay's hitting on these two girls. And he was like, hey, so what are you doing? What's going on? And they're like, we liked you, but that other comic was an asshole. And Jay's like, friends with me. So he's like, no, no, no, he's nice. And they're like, he likes school shootings. And he's like, I guarantee you, they're so literal in Miami. He goes,

I guarantee you he does not like school shooting. He literally said he's happy when schools get shot. And then Jay just had this moment. That would be great if they pulled your transcript, though. He literally said that. Jay just realized where he was and who he's talking to. He goes, yeah, he's a dick. Anyway, what are you guys doing? What are you guys doing later? Yeah, yeah. Well, that's part of being friends with you or me. There's a lot of defending. Sell me out. Oh, yeah. Defend and then be like, all right, I'm not going to turn you. Right, right. Oh, yeah. I don't do that. When someone says Mark's a dick to me, I'm like, you're right. He's such a piece of shit.

What specifically did he do? I love that he literally said, that's a big one. He literally said he likes shoes. Well, I'm not literal. And then if you go, here's the playback, they go, ah, whatever. Like, no, whatever. Not whatever. Thank you. I have to say, I like that this is not in the martini or the up glass because people, they do that. I'm not a big martini. So you want to be the, yeah. The drink's already pink. Do I want to look like I'm drinking a Cosmo? Yeah, good point. This is a whiskey drink. Yeah.

It's a whiskey drink. Why do you put sometimes a lemon peel, sometimes an orange peel? It depends on how the oil will sort of accentuate the flavors. Gay! That's a very good paper plane. Ooh, that's nice. That's nice. Try that, Petty. Thank you. Mmm.

Tastes like oral herpes. I already have it, so I'm good. Is that got grapefruit in it? What is that? No, it's fresh lemon, some of the Bodega Cat straight rye, a little bit of fresh lemon, and Amaro Nonino Quintessentia. Oh, wow. That Amaro is nice in the stomach. You don't feel, you don't, I should say I have a chewy stomach. I arrived here with diarrhea as usual. Yeah.

It's a problem. It's a real problem. It's like every day as a Jew, my body's rebelling against my lifestyle. Well, you're living like a goy, but you got the body of a Jew. I talk about this in my special Jew. It's available now, but we're inbred and we're falling apart. We're actively dying all the time. I remember David Tell once said to me in a car, I was so hungover, and he goes, let me tell you something. Jews can't drink. Ah.

That's true. We can. But we want to. We want to hang. Yeah. But the Irish don't come. You don't hear Irish guys complain about their stomach. That's true. They do not at all. They don't. They're falling apart too. They're no picnic. All they eat is potatoes. They get carbs and soak it up. We don't do that. That's true. That's true. Borscht is not a great booze suck up. Latkes are. Not latkes. Katz's Deli. Katz's Deli is actually. We don't eat that shit enough. I'm rough. That's a special occasion food. Two questions for you guys.

One, can we have a night this summer? I'm off from June, pretty much June 1st when I'm done in Athens. I'm going to hang out for a bit until end of October. Can we have a night where we finish an entire Bodega Cat rye over rocks somewhere in the city? We could have a morning. Who cares? Yeah. We did one of these on Rogan. Did we not finish one of these? Did we finish a whole box? I believe we did, yeah. Dude, I would love to have someone do a montage of Mark Norman trying to push Bodega Cat and Rogan ignoring it. Oh!

I feel like people have done that. Yeah, yeah, there's enough of that out there. But you know what? The bodega cap bottle is still falling off the shelf. It's legal in a lot of cities right now. You got that right. And it's moving quickly. And I'll say right here, it's a damn good fucking whiskey. Hell yeah! It's a solid rye. Shane, how do you feel about it? I'm a big fan. I prefer rye. Hey! Good answer. Well done, Colorado. So here's my other question. Where's the other guy? Where's Bear Jewel?

Beer Jew. Beer Jew. Is he coming back? Or is he just lost in Asia? He's doing like a Louis thing. He's like, I'll come back if I have to. So, well, you're not back there. We're not saving a spot for you. No. He might be gone four months, five months. No, he's talking a year plus. First of all, I love that for him.

Not great for the pot. He's pulling an Ari, basically. Gary Veeder does this all the time. He's always like, I might not be able to do this gig. I'm like, well, then you might get replaced with Anthony DeVito, who drinks. Good point. You don't want to be the sober guy who gets replaced with a drinker. Does Veeder try to get you to smoke weed? No. He stops. He's just kind of sober now. He works out. I mean, he hangs. He's got problems. Like, he's up at 10 a.m. gambling. Fatherhood has really done him bad. A little bit.

Fatherhood has really done him bad. I know, it's boring. Yeah, it's boring. He's turned into that dude. I didn't know he gambles. Oh, he's got some dark side. Dude, when we went to the March Madness weekend. Oh, you're right. He was at the sports book. He's betting on a fucking girls college. Girls on the street. Yeah, you're right. He's betting on the girls at IT. 4,300 on the mystic. Yeah.

Colgate's got a cover. He was sitting on a phone book, just Seattle storm all day. He bet on the Brittany Griner release date. Oh, you know what? We do toast sometimes in this. I got to do a toast because I was with Vita at the airport. We're like, you know, we just. To Grindog? To Grindog? No. To a toast to just people who give you the laugh in public. Oh.

So Vito and I are in line at Quiznos, and I say, hey, do you want to water your little bitch? And this black woman in front of us starts laughing hysterically. And I was like, a toast to that person. Toast to that lady. I like that shit. To you, but I like when you're inappropriate in public. And someone just joins in. And they like it. These guys are fun. Because we've all had the opposite, where they go, oh, how dare you? Or whatever. And you're like, fuck you. We're at the airport. We're living. There's no way to talk to your friend. Shut up. Yeah. Why?

Give you a raspberry. Don't make me show you my pimp hand. I do declare. Brogan had a bit about it. He's like, I'm going to hit you with a book, knock some sense into you. Yeah, old pimps have the best lines.

So you want to be a full-time guy here? Do you work? Yeah, I work at a little place in Gramercy. It's called Giorgio's. Giorgio's. Sounds classy. No, not really. It's kind of right by the Gramercy Tavern. Plug. Yeah. There you go. Go to Giorgio's. See old Shaney. Yeah, come see me.

What? I've been known to do a little fling every once in a while. Oh, whoa. Hey. Oh. Wow. Where was this? You should have been pulling that out hours ago. You should be sending this guy a new resume. This guy's impressing me. Yeah, I agree. Who else have you seen? We saw two last week. Two last week. We have two more this week after this. Can...

Let's throw this out there. One episode over the summer. Me and DeRosa guest bartend. Like we could die. Off mic. That might be when DeRosa dies. Yeah. It won't be long. His doctor told him he had to stop drinking. He goes, I want a second opinion. And his second doctor was like, I think you're ugly too. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Well, the good news is he opened a health shop. Oh, wait. He owns a bar. With fucked up sandwiches. He opened literally a sandwich shop bar. Yeah. Literally the most unhealthy shit. And he's like, it's the two places I go on the way home from the stand. And these sandwiches are no picnic. Oh, my God. It's fucking wild. It's like Doritos. No doctor's like, you know what you need? More corned beef and whiskey. Yeah. Get some bread in there, too. That's a country song. Ha!

Corn reeve and whiskey. DeRosa truly makes me laugh harder. He's one of the greatest guys. He's one of the funniest dudes. Joey Roses. I didn't want to say it. You will be missed, Joe. Yes, we love you. R.I.P. We need to play some Sarah McLachlan right here. So we're going to the Super Bowl, and Kreischer goes, we got Shane, we got Norman, we need one more guy. So we all threw out a bunch of names, and then we looked up, most everybody was on the road. And I said, I know who won't be on the road.

DeRosa. So he's coming. But he doesn't even like sports. That's for us. He said he talked some shit to Soder. He was like, just some light shit. You know, your 49ers didn't do well and they weren't sportsmen. And Soder fucking lost it on him. He was like, fuck you. Wow. You're a fucking pussy. You're a girl. You don't watch sports. Wow. And then DeRosa dug in a little more. And then he's like, dude, Soder's getting mad. I'm like, I know. And it's over something ridiculous. So you should double down. Yeah.

He has no right to be mad. He was like, go hard. You know, he should have made fun of some nerd shit that DeRosa likes. He should have been like, Star Wars was overrated. Horror is not a good genre. Yeah. That's the weird thing about DeRosa. Star Wars, yeah. DeRosa always liked Star Wars the worst ones.

Yeah. Really? He's like a whiskey drinking coke head guy, fun guy, bar owner. But I woke up at his house once after a bender and I was like, where am I? And it's just Nintendo video games, Star Trek poster, comic books. And I'm like, well, yeah, he has the house of someone who has not gotten laid in a while. Yes.

But he gets laid. You're like three minutes late on the soundbite challenge. Well, you were reminiscing about his- What's he even in relation to? Oh, yeah, Joe passing. Yeah. Oh, that'll be good. Joe will be good at the Super Bowl. He'll drink. No one played Marriott 64 like Joe. He'll be the only guy- I'm prepping his music. Sam, you ski? I can't ski, dude. Are you kidding me? I'm a city hick. I can't drive. You think I can ski? You can't drive? No. You can't ride a bike. What?

I'm worthless. I have no balance. You don't even read it. City bikes are a city thing. I've done it. I wipe out at least twice. Really? Yeah, I'm not good. Well, people are reckless in this city. He doesn't look like a Jew, but it comes out sometimes. People are reckless. Well, they really go full speed. They try to cut you off. They go full speed. Full speed. On a bicycle.

This is adorable. I'm not good. Are you a good skier? I'm pretty good. He's pretty good. Yeah, he's pretty good. I'm not as good as O'Neal. He's the best one of the comics I know, but I'm pretty fucking good. I got jumps down this time. And you got balls. Like, you will go hard. He broke his wrist last time trying to beat Bert. No, I was racing O'Neal. Oh, O'Neal. This is a great sales pitch, by the way. The good skier is breaking bones. Yeah, true. You're trying to talk me into this? Well, he's also 78. What?

Yeah, exactly, dude. They're already brittle. Let's make a dealer's choice drink. Just make one. What's your specialty? Because I don't want to waste so much alcohol, but just make one and we'll... I brought a couple of stuff to make a sip. Another place my Judaism came out. I don't want to waste anything. But yeah, make a dealer's choice and we'll take a sip. Because we got other bartenders. We got a... Tonight? Yeah, we have two more. Is this your first one? Yeah. Yeah, he's number one. Oh, God, no, no. All right, yeah. Fucking three per...

Well, you don't have to finish them all. True. We do have to kill them. I got shows tonight. Yes, I do. Yeah. Couples therapy. Just one? You have couples therapy after this? What? No, you don't. No, I got bonfire first. I'll sober up a little. You wear that hat to couples therapy? I think you're going to lose. The show's the boss. Let the fucking therapy show's the boss. You wear a Legion of Skanks sweatshirt? Ah.

Is Lewis your therapist? You gotta show this bitch what time it is. He just doesn't listen to me. Shut up, cunt. March 5th, I'll be in Salt Lake City with Mark Norman. Yeah!

And Ian Pydance and Ryan O'Neill, Renna Zese, Sean Patton. Fucking all-star show. Second show just added. Patton's coming. Yeah. That's one of my favorite clubs. Talk about sleep apnea. Watch out. Give him his own room. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you're doing. Sold out. Yeah. Six shows. Sold out Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Yeah, yeah.

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. That's the new jam. We did it. You're going to sell it regardless. Here's what happened. I did it to try to get into the NBA All-Star Weekend because they used to do a celebrity game. And there were people who were pretty low level in that game. So I was like, I can get in. You thought you had a chance? Adam Ray did it. I have a chance. Oh, Adam Ray did it? Yeah. You're bigger than him.

My friend's talking me down here. I have a chance. You're bigger than him. You do. And Hasan Minhaj did it like years ago when he was like... That's an ethnic pull. Don't bring that shit to our podcast. Don't bring your fucking horse shit here. They don't like Indians in basketball. Shut up. You know what that is. There's a ton of Indian players. But there were people that I feel like I could have... My agents were confident, but I don't think they're doing a celebrity game now.

What do you mean? I don't think that. I think they pulled that and they might. Kevin Hart ruined it. No, he's fucking good, dude. He is good. He's a good basketball player and he's got a good tequila. So if Kevin Hart wants to come on here and promote it. Wait, you got to get in.

The way they're not doing the All-Star, I'm pretty bummed about it. Who else is in? Sandler? Because now I'm spending like four. Sandler? No, he. Who plays? Who's the celebrity? He never plays in that game, though. Dude, Sarah Silverman played in our Comedians Basketball League. We took her as a, she was like, hey, she plays. So we took her as a sub once because people go on the road.

She's awful. Really? Yeah, it's like... You built that up. Like, she was good. Yeah, she was just, like, not good. And I realized, oh, everybody let her play because she's, like, they like her. She's fun. But she's a woman. Yeah. But there's dudes in the games who are...

Yeah, she knows how to act like she plays with her hands on her hip. Who else plays? She was in the Gary Shandling game. Yeah, who else can play? Nobody's bigger than you. Yeah, who's a comic or an actor? Rafi Bastos used to play professionally. Oh, wow. He's always trying to play with me, but my neck is finally good enough to play again. Okay, but he's not a celebrity in America. I'm talking celebrity here. I'm just talking about comics. Yeah, he's 6'6". Who's trying to get in? No one's trying to get in. So what happened was...

I didn't get in and now Hilton Garden Inn or whatever the hell I'm staying we should bleep where I'm staying but a shit hotel is like 400 something a night and I'm bringing Vita so I'm like this is hilarious yeah you're losing money now you know what the hotel did what is this

What is it? It's called The Witching Hour. The Witching Hour? Oh, Bieber's going to play. For sure, Bieber's going to play. Okay. He gets a spot. Yeah, okay. I'm not saying I'm fucking Bieber exciting. You're not starting. But I'll make it fun. I'll do some antics. Who's that? Bieber with the crossover. Who's that? Ahmed Baruch? Yeah.

This smells good. What is in the witching hour? So it's a tequila-based cocktail, and I brought one of my favorite liqueurs called Strega. It's kind of like a tomorrow. It's a digestif, even though it's so light. It's a saffron liqueur from Italy. So a little bit of fresh lemon. Points for bringing your own shit. Yeah. Here, here. He does that at the movies. What's your name? Shane. Shane.

That is fucking excellent. That is a great drink. Did you invent that? You invented it? Because Strega is a time for witch. It's from a city called Benevento. Kind of the home gathering place for witches back in the day. So based off of this. That's good. Very good there, Colorado. And it goes down smooth. It does smell like cello.

Very nice. Ooh, yeah. All right, so you are going to Utah. But you're not doing the All-Star game. No. But it's all right. Are they not doing the Celebrity Challenge? I don't know, but I'm a little bummed. Who is the lowest level celebrity that's played? This is a mean game to play. No, no, no. I'm saying you can get in. Well, it's like Nate saying he wants to play in the fucking Pro-Am. It's like, who else is there, Nate? I know. Yeah.

I know. But how many more years do I have of this, honestly? My body's falling apart. Good point. I'm rooting for you. And I've been training. I want you to play. I've been training. My jump shot's back. Every day on the road, I bought my entire tour basketball sneakers so they'd feel guilty if they wouldn't play with me every day. So we were hooping every day at the rec center, and we were playing full court with some kids who could hoop. And look. You bought Veeder?

I made Vitor play. How's he? You found a size five shoe? We got him the Giannis's. Everyone's wearing the Giannis sneakers. Oh, nice. I want it to be camaraderie. Yeah. You know? Oh, yeah, that's nice. It was fun. Hey, I'm sorry. I just got to break in here real quick. I heard that kid say, hey, dad, I thought that was a joke that Salacuse actually has bread children. Do you think we just brought in a random kid? I don't know who. I thought it was Peter's kid. No. He looks just like him. He's the next bar, though.

It's Baldwin. He's got that gross mustache. It looks like he's on an iPad. He's actually photographing us the entire time. Oh, yeah. He directed this episode. I think you can get in, but they don't do it? I don't know. We didn't go in. I feel like we're talking about this way too long. It's not that interesting. It's just not that interesting. But I mean, you know, we'll see. I think you got a shot. I think you should just go in there and say hello. So who's on the list? Let us figure out who the... Yeah.

Yeah. Who played the last NBA All-Star Celebrity Challenge? We also do have to get another bartender. Oh, yeah. Shane, by the way, very impressive. Killed it, man. Thanks for having me, guys. I like your apron. I like your style. Looks like Conan O'Brien. That'll play. Good flair on the apron. Couple of pins and buttons. Great arms. Hey. Do we cut or do we keep it going?

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Keep going. All right. I do have to take a pee break. My bladder's shit.

Remember those celebrity games you used to watch? The baseball, the pro baseball celebrity. Scott Rogowski played in the baseball. Those were so fun. It was like Pamela Anderson and Jimmy Kimmel or whoever it was back then. He said it was the best day of his life. Really? He played in the celebrity baseball game. He did that at a stadium. Pull up the Chris Christie. Right, right, right. This is embarrassing, Cam, if you don't make this list. Noah Carlock. I mean. Brittany. No, there were some heavy hitters in there. Machine Gun Kelly's a real star. I got Shane.

All right. Alex, two sets of Peloton instructor. What the fuck? What? I know, but look, some of those are Quavo's ahead. Wait, Harrison Varejo? He can't play in the All-Star in the Celebrity. No, it's fun to have some retired pros in there. It makes the game fun. That's true. They know what they're doing. Okay, the other team? Olympic high jump champion, Chris Ajax. I'm better than Tiffany Haddish. She's bigger, but I'm better. Alex Jones? What are we doing here? This is crazy. Alex Jones is a mean crossover. Ha ha.

He crossed over to the dark side. All right. All right. Dude, we got to get Morrell into this. Yeah. Let's go. Dominate. Dominate. Guys, start tweeting the NBA. Yeah. They've been doing it already. Oh, okay. There's no hope. Ask them if they're cowards. Sam or... Because they're afraid that...

Sam Rill is going to cross over one of their stars and embarrass them and ruin their market. All I want is one clip of crossing over like a former NBA. Get around somebody. Just one drop step. Give me one. Yeah. All they have to do is give you a bad potato salad the day before and you're like, I can't play. I got diarrhea. No, that'll be my Jordan flu game, dude. Diarrhea on the court. He felt it. I have IBS. Oh, fuck. Woo.

I gotta pee. I'll be right back. All right, go pee. If I had to fart, I would do it right now, but I don't have one. Damn it. Norm, have you talked about the Vic yet? No. Okay. I've been Zooming all day. I had six Zoom meetings today with directors and all these people who want to do it, and it's a fucking nightmare. It's a nightmare. Let me just go in, bang it out, and get off my ass. Yeah, you know what you're doing. Yeah. It's like, ugh.

I know. These meetings suck. Well, so how do you want to do the sound? I don't know. I don't know anything about sound. You guys do the sound. You do that for me. I want to do it well. You're asking a guy who doesn't even know the terms. Exactly. They're like, we're going to shoot with a camera 6J red flare. I'm like, I don't know anything about cameras. I've learned how to tell these people like, hey, I don't know these terms at all. Here's a couple of things I like. Can you make it look like that? Yes. And?

And I did a thing where I said, don't give me any gifts because like the agency and all them, they give you gifts, which is nice. But you have to pretend and go, oh, that's really great. I don't want to do that during the album. I'm filming a special. Give it to me after. How about this? How about this? Oh, girl bartender? I know. We're breaking barriers here. Hey. What's the name? Steffi. With an F or a PH? Double F. Double. Oh. Double F. Double F.

Freaky Friday? Alright. I had nothing there. Both of you digging. Thank you, Steffi. Where do you bartend? It's called Macau in Tribeca. Macau. Like the gambling island? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it's like I guess the guys who open it and we have

Is it themed on that? Yes. Oh, cool. It's actually themed after an opium zen. Whoa. That's what the bar is? Yeah. Cool. That sounds like a cool bar. Macau is the biggest gambling place in America, or in the world. All right. Right near Hong Kong, right? Where are you from? I grew up here. I'm from Harlem. Hey. All right. You're not black. What the hell's going on? It's all different now. There we go.

Oh, yeah. That's where Yeshiva is. That's right. Yeah. Well, you know. I went there for a year. Cheap real estate. I played there once and bombed horribly. You played Yeshiva University? Yeah. I died.

Too dirty? Too dirty, and I high-fived a woman, and they pulled the fire alarm. It's like you died and went to true heaven. What did I miss? I'm sorry. I hate being that guy, by the way. He did a gig at Yeshiva University. What? I did a gig at Yeshiva years ago and bombed my tits off. Damn. But they just weren't happy. Every woman was dressed, like, full neck down, you know. Every guy was in the curls and the yarmulke, and I made a couple of cracks about it. I think they thought I was Jewish. And once it came out that I wasn't, they were like,

All right, let's get rid of this guy. You have appropriated our culture a bit. A little bit. I was legit. Do you know when you were upset about like a roast joke or something where you know you shouldn't be, but you are? Sure. And like looking back, like I shouldn't have been. Sure. When you, it bothered me when you won at the Creaky Awards Best Jew. That wasn't my call. I know, but I was like ups. I was in the back going, it was new to New York. And I was like, I might actually win this.

And I was like, he's not even Jewish. I know I shouldn't be upset about a fake award show. Fucking Milli Vanilli over here. He's taking our fucking, he's taking our religion. Yep. And look, neither of us, you at least grew up very religious. I was, you know. Cultural though. We're both very culturally Jewish. There's no question. True.

The hat says it all. That is hilarious that you won that. I forgot that. That was a joke, but still, I get why it bugged you a little. Really? I was like, what? All the things we've called you, I've called you the K word, and you're fine with that, but this fake award show. I'm not proud of it, but I'm mad. All right.

We'll take it up with Rebecca. Oh, I hit her. A lot of domestic violence talk this week. We might get demonetized again. Steffi, you're next. Steffi, what do you got for us? So what are we starting with? Wait, do we do the same drinks with her? Yeah. We do a paper plane in Manhattan and then a dealer's choice. And then a dealer's choice. Okay. How old are you as a bartender? I like to keep my old ones. Honestly, like a year and change. I like it. Come on up with it. This podcast has been going on barely two years.

Yeah, so around the same around the same. All right, love it So what do I do first? Let's start with a Manhattan, please So Steffi excluding the characters in the room who's your favorite stand-up comic? Okay, I just watched Louis CK special Number one it's insane. I don't understand how the man's brain works. You don't mind the balding?

No, I don't actually. It also makes me sound like she... I am not biased against bald men, actually. And it also sounds like she's forgiving, which is good. Yes, yes. Great quality in a woman. She's not jerking us around. Yeah, Louie is great. All right, Steph. All right. So what do you got, Manhattan? So, Manhattan. Manhattan.

Manhattan. Yeah, that's very New York. I would use the Bodega Cat Whiskey. I think that's better whiskey than the Makers. No, this is Grand Marnet. Oh, okay. In Manhattan? Yeah. Whoa. Letter Cook? Letter Work? I've never heard of this before. Don't bar splain. Yeah, let me know what you think. I am bar splaining right now. Goddamn. Backseat bartender. Lights. Is that the bar splain theme song?

Salah Q's, when he gets an on-time sound cue in his cause for celebration, it's very rare. That four minutes late DeRosa play was shocking. I was like, what is this about? Oh, right, yeah, earlier today. We weren't talking about it in passing.

I keep drinking this old paper plane. It's so good. So it's going to be tough to top their stuff. Also, when it gets a little watery, it's less tangy. I do like a little water in the plane. Sometimes it helps. Well, I don't like a sweet drink, but I do... The paper plane is... It's funny. I was texting Tom Papa, who's like a cocktail snob. And he's always just talking... It was Papa John. A lot of N-words. But...

Tom Papa is like trashing the paper plane. When we get him back on here, we have to have him have one. Oh, yeah. That sounds disgusting. What? He's like a martini. You tried it and didn't like it? No, he's saying he hadn't even tried it. Yeah. Oh. He just texted me black.

Wow, that's appropriating. No, he spells with a K. Okay, okay. Not a C? He spells like a fucking... No, but I want him to try one. He's like a martini guy, and he hated the martinis on here. Oh, really? They were greasy. They were a little greasy. What's your standard drink that you have on every podcast episode?

Boulevardier. What's with that? We like that and Paper Plane. It's on a lot. Every episode? Boulevardier is on a lot. Every is an exaggeration. It's on a lot. Okay. Is that true, Matt? Have we gotten Boulevardier heavy? I think we've had it two or three times. For a trick I've never heard of? No, more than two or three times. Ah.

I don't know. Some nerd out there, go through the records. Go through the... First off, I like a cocktail that... A whiskey-based cocktail that isn't played out. It's not played out, for sure. It's kind of an underrated whiskey cocktail.

Yeah. Look, I love old fashions. I love Manhattans, but everyone drinks those. So it's fun to have a different one in the mix. I agree. An Old Pal is another one we never did. Old Pal is a classic that we brought back. I believe it's just dry vermouth. Look it up. It's dry vermouth, whiskey, and... Yeah.

Vermouth is a good mix. There it is. What's the... What's the... Ingredients. One ounce whiskey, one ounce Campari, one ounce dry Vermouth. And the garnish is a lemon twist. That's a weird mix right there. Yeah, but simple. Simple. I mean, yeah. So it's... Whiskey and Vermouth and that's it? Or is there something else? Campari. Campari. Ah, Campari. Campari.

It's like a Negroni. No, but it's dry vermouth. Negroni's sweet. Ah, okay. Those Burt morning drinks with something with Campari. Was it Campari Spritz at your back? Aperol Spritz? No, but it was Campari Spritz. That's right. That was good. He made them nice in the morning. Burt did? Yeah. Damn, Burt is clutch with the alcoholism. He's clutch. He's clutch. We're all hungover and tired and it's like coffee. I got a better thing for you guys.

Because we did these things. Poison here. Yeah. We planned all these weird events in the morning and we were hungover the night before. You get two hours of sleep. So you needed a kick. Yeah, waking up. Bird is sending me. We were both on tour buses and we were sending each other videos of our tour buses because his is like a double deck. Don't get into a fight with Bird about tour buses. But then also he's like, this is my room where I sleep. I'm like, I'm in a bunk with everyone else, dude. Man of the people.

I'm doing the bunk. I sleep better in the bunk. Yeah, the bunk is better. The bunk is good. What? Than a bed?

Yeah, because you're in the back and it's like bouncy and shit. It's like you're by the engine. Oh, right, because that's where it bounces to the back seat. Yeah. But then you get a bunk. It's like a – I was going to say a coffin. It's kind of nice. Little known fact about Bert's tour bus. I saw it in Madison. He was parked and I was like knocked on the door. Thank you. It was like 11 a.m., whatever, nothing. And then I tried the door. It was open. Walked in. Saw somebody. He's like –

And then I walked to the back, woke Bird up.

So a little tip is, if you see Bert's tour bus, it is unlocked. Go say hi. That's true. Go say hi. I can vouch. Let's wait for Ari to get a sip of this one. Yeah. Do you have a third one? I do have a third one, but I don't have any glasses. One thing I'll say about Bert is we did the fully loaded, and he went to bed last. We'd all stay up watching movies and getting drunk and high and all this shit. He would stay up last.

you know show us his dick whatever then he'd be up early shirtless doing a slip and slide he's like the michael jordan of drinking he's making when you hear stories of mantle mickey mantle of drinking but when you hear michael jordan stories are like he'd play 18 holes of golf yeah he'd go to practice lost fifty thousand dollars on one hand yeah and he was still first there 40 yeah he is that guy

And, you know, everybody goes, once he stops, he's going to die. But he stops. No, he stops and he's fine. I know. Yeah, I've stopped doubting him. I've doubted him too many times. Yeah. Are you going in? Are you doing it? Oh, shit, I'm going to wait. Don't wait for me. All right, here we go. There we go. Thank you very much. Thank you for the bedazzled glass. This is interesting. So it's in the glass I like, but without a cube. I'm curious to see how this plays out. And they've all been up so far. It's a good smell. It reminds me of something. Ooh, that smells good. What does it remind me of?

That is a unique taste. Grand Marnay orange liqueur. I guess it's that. So this is kind of your own spin on a Manhattan. Yeah. That's different. It's different. I'm not big on sweet vermouth, so whenever I make drinks with it, I try to find ways to make it nicer. Interesting. And she's from Manhattan. I think it's a great cocktail. I don't think it's a Manhattan. Oh, shit. Heidi Klum in the house. I would not say it's a Manhattan.

That's a totally different. I think it's very good, though. I think it's called a Harlem. Yeah.

Yeah. Which is like Manhattan. Technically Manhattan. Exactly. Technically, but different. This is on 103rd Street right here. Yeah. Up on 103rd Street. Yeah, it is good, but I would agree it's not a Manhattan. But I really genuinely like it. Yeah, it's really good. I like it too. I would name that something else. This is how we make our cocktails at my bar, or Manhattan's at my bar. Like that's our standard. Where's your bar? In Tribeca. It's called Macau. Macau. So it's like a Chinese theme? Yeah. So maybe that's why?

Yeah, actually, maybe. Because you do everything wrong? Oh. Yeah! Yeah! Sorry! All right. Wow, all right. That was... It's going to be hard not to drink all this shit. I know, I know. I got shit to do tonight. Same. That's hard to shoot this show in the afternoon. Mm-hmm. It really is. I have people hitting us up like, can I come on next week? I'm only in town. And I'm like...

It's how much diarrhea can I handle in one week? Yeah. Because it's not like we don't drink off the podcast. Right, right. That's not the only time you drink. No. Yeah. Jay wants to get a bowling league going for comedians. But I'm like, where would you do it? It'd have to be a Monday or Tuesday. Yeah, we're busy. It doesn't have to be 5 p.m. before spots or like 11 p.m. after spots and then continue. And the problem is this is going to sound elitist. Yeah. But.

As a newcomer, you can do all that shit. But now we're on the road. We're doing eight pods. That's why Monday, Tuesday. We're scheduled. Yeah. But that shit never works. I feel like we always try to do it and it never works. But they used to have comedian softball leagues. I know. But who was playing in that? Was Colin Quinn in those? Yeah. David Letterman was in a basketball league in LA. Really? Wow. Yeah. But you had more time. You'd have to post clips. You'd have to edit, caption, podcast, all that shit. We got a lot of shit. Spoken from a guy who's never done any of those things.

A lot of podcasts right now. Yeah, Ari, you're on every fucking podcast. What are you talking about? I don't caption shit. But you have a guy doing it. Yeah, right. There you go. Yeah, we don't have to do it. We're busy bowling. I don't even like bowling. Bowling's hard. It's hard. I'm so bad at it that I can't enjoy it. Let's just be drunk and do it. Let's just be drunk, go bowling, steal some shoes. But it's all gutter. Yeah, sure. All right. That's where our minds are anyway.

Yeah, nicely done. That's actually a good name for a bowling alley, your mines. Your mines. Anything better? Hey, stay in your lane. I'm not a big, but I can enjoy, I'm bad at ping pong and I enjoy ping pong. I love ping pong. But I'm not good at it. I'm bad at pool. I enjoy pool. I don't really like bowling.

You know what it is? Bowling's a big to-do. The shoes, the waiting for the ball. And it's like, oh, here's your turn. Everybody has to go, oh, good. If you miss a pool shot, even pros miss. No big deal. That's not a big deal. And you're not walking around. It's all right there. Bowling, you're moving. You're holding a heavy ball. You're throwing it. It's loud. There's other people there. Maybe you are Jewish.

Okay. I've been accepted. Finally. We'll try to do this instead of this. Uh, but you know, uh, yeah, I love watching bowling. Like I love watching a great, well, no, not like really what, but like watching a guy who's great at it. It is kind of beautiful though.

The way they put the spin on it? Tommy DeLuz. Yeah. You know him? I've heard of him. He was a fucking, he was a fan. He was ranked like fifth in the world in bowling one year. He won 32 grand that year. He's on next week. That is cool to be that good at something. I went to see him once. I'm in a meme. Oh, that guy's, who do you think you are? I love this. Look at the spin. The way they put the spin. Listen to this, listen. I just think of Ernie McCracken. Every time.

It's so funny that these guys get laid. Of course they do. Who do you think you are? I am. The motion for error is this. Would you bang this guy? Absolutely not. Really? Can you find the meme I'm in? Bowling meme. Bowling meme. Yeah. I was watching Tommy DeLutz at a fucking bowling event and somebody put up a sign behind me. Nothing to do with me. They just played.

There you are. There it is. Wait a minute. Whoa. Look at the sign. What a great sign. Holy shit. There's me with hair and glasses. Wow. But look at that sign in the back. Defense. I got to say, you look way better now. It's bowling. Yeah, you do. You really do. This is like incel, Ari. Yeah, a little more rabid. This is crazy. Definitely. Wasn't getting laid much for sure. You can see the Yeshiva University. You've aged very well. Yeah, thanks. You're a handsome guy.

Yeah. Well, the hat helps. Do you have any pet peeves? In what sense? Just in life. Oh, my God. Like slow walkers. Classic. There's a big one here. What else? People who like sing or hum loudly when doing anything. Good one. That's not bad.

You know what's tough is the loud yawner. Oh, my God. We get it. We're all bored. You're on my show. I get it. Can we do a round of paper planes? Yeah, are we ready? Yeah. I mean, yeah, we can't finish all these. You know what? Maybe just do one. Maybe just do one. Oh, that's not bad. That's a good call. Good call. Yeah, yeah, that's not a bad call. Short drinks. We can give the rest of them to T.

Give it to the homeless. Dude, you ever have like a nice drink and you leave a club and you're like, hey, do you want some scotch? Yes. And they're like, yes. Of course. Are you kidding me? I drank everything off the bar when I was coming up. That's a great charity. You had drinks for hobos? Yeah. Mark Norman literally owned his own apartment and he was still eating chicken wings off plates going towards the kitchen. There's something about it when it's not yours. It's more fun. It's like a guy's wife. Yeah, it's true. It's forbidden. You're a food cook.

Yes. Yes. Food cuck. Yeah. Somebody get that domain name. No, I know what you mean, though. It's something exciting like... We could do something with this. Booze for hobos. Oh, yeah. Yeah. This is a charity. Dude. Dude. That's a We Might Be Drunk exclusive. It's great to book big name acts on a show like this because no one ever asked. We're just like, it's a charity gig. And they're like, oh, cool. And they're like, what's this for? Oh.

We get the homeless intoxicated. Dude, you get a bartender, Steffi, anybody. Yeah. We go down there with a little makeshift like traveling bar and we make an actual drink for all the fucking heroin addicts at Tompkins or for the Washington Square Park fucking drug addicts. I love it.

Dude, it's dicey now, though. They would love it. They legalized drugs in Portland. Why not? We make free booze. That would be so cool. They're going to get it anyway. What do you think of this one? What's better? The Boulevardier or the paper plane? You got hobos going, well, this one's full body and all that shit. That would be hilarious. Dude, 100%. Sideways, but everyone's homeless? Yes. All right, let's try it.

some hobos that turned down my food I go hey I got some Indian food you want this take out like oh what am I a piece of shit we do have to donate a shitload of money if we do this to the homeless charities you can't just do this shit give them the booze no you gotta do if we get lit up you can't just be getting people drunk without doing the other shit all right all right we'll get the sandwiches there you go that's a sponsor Joey Rose's Joey Rose Memorial Sandwiches

All right, this is big. Joe's drunk eating all the sandwiches next to them. I love that sound. Oh, yeah. That sound is the opposite of a peeve because you know something good is coming. That sound is a good sound unless you're an open mic comic and you're like, shut up. Can you wait? Tell me between comics. That and the blender. Yeah.

Ah, there it is. Now can you see the on Fifth Avenue getting it for the hobo? Now there is something about that. You're right. When you're on stage and you hear it and you're like, oh yeah, we are a vehicle to move alcohol and nothing else. That's it. Then you hear the blender. Boo!

You're like, all right. I know what everyone's drinking. It always hits you right when you feel like an artist for a second. Yes. You're like, I'm getting pretty good at this. And you're like, I'm a fucking piece of shit. I got to ask, Steph, do you hate ice? What's going on here? Paper planes and Manhattan. Well, Manhattan's typically you ask. And that was my mistake. I didn't ask you guys if you wanted it on the rocks or up. No, that makes sense. But paper planes are usually up. It should be in a coop. You're right. You should be in one of these. Yeah.

She did say when she served it, she goes, technically it should be one of these, but these degenerates don't have enough glasses for me. You got that right. Send in glasses. You call us a studio? That's what she said. We need more glasses. Restoration hardware. Hit us up. Should we try it? Yeah, you start. It smells great. Paper planes are just...

I feel like we really are responsible for the rise in popularity. In homeless drinking. We did what Pulp Fiction did for John Travolta. Oh, that's good. That's a better paper plane than the other one. Wow. All right. Man, that's good. Is that better than the other? Possibly, yeah. It's tangy, though. Watch out, your stomach. Ooh, that smells fucking... Very nice. Was the ice washed ahead of time? Is it lemon heavy? It's just the lemon twist that makes it so lemon heavy.

Oh, really? How did you make that? That is mind-boggling. Maybe the best paper plane we've ever seen on this podcast. I'm saying it's good. Trump says it. Beer Jew's going to kill himself with a ladyboy in Thailand or wherever he is. Guess what? I hate ice too now. I guess so. So does the border. That's great. That's really good. So do the immigrants. Kick it back. Thank you. That was, that's maybe, I think it's the best paper plane. Very nice. Can we go dealer's choice now? Yes.

So, uh... What's your favorite? Sidecars? You guys fuck with sidecars? No, no, no. Forget what we fuck with. I love a sidecar. That's what I like make. Beer June once... I believe it's the Godfrey episode we did sidecars. Is that correct? Mmm.

Yeah, keep that away from me. So why is Sidecar your specialty? I mean, not my specialty. It's just kind of what I've been enjoying drinking lately. I couldn't come up with a specialty. I don't really have one. I'll just make whatever people want, but I've been really liking these. Can I tell you about a drink we invented at the Conway store? We got sidetracked with the last guy.

So they had a bottle. You know how they had like the liquor whatever delivery guys would be like, hey, we have one free bottle of this just because you guys might want it, you know? Yeah. So they had a bottle of cherry vodka. Yeah. Ew.

anyway so we saw it there we're like let's make a drink cherry vodka with sprite and grenadine so it's pretty much a shirley temple but with like vodka yeah what is shirley temple having it vodka right well a dirty shirley uh shirley temple is just grenadine and oh right right oh shit i gave him a dirty shirley so it's a dirty shirley but since we call it with that we decided to call it since it's like grown-up shirley temple uh

Temple of Doom I like that yeah and we it was good I tried to make him do it at the stand he goes I will not do that taste even better with an Asian kid all-star game come on round was worst Indiana Jones movie but still good easily the worst is that this one but the Kali Ma but as a kid I loved that shit oh yeah that was huge man Harrison Ford fucking ruled

Harrison Ford ruled and he didn't even make it until he was like 35. Is that true? He was like a carpenter. Star Wars, he was older. No, but he was in movies though. He was in like The Conversation and shit, young. And he was in American Graffiti. But he was a hot carpenter in LA, just like banging all these housewives. He was a fucking hot dude. Yeah. Just like Jesus. If Google bitch was here, we could pull up some photos of him.

Where the fuck did he go? He's talking to Child Protective Services outside. Yeah, telling his wife. No, he's in school. He's in tutoring right now. We had him take one sip. Is that whiskey on your breath? Fun fact, Harrison Ford was just reading the scripts. He was a script reader, and they hired him because he was so charming and fun. He's like a hot guy. Oh, yeah. That's the dream is a script reader. They're like, they're going to see my talent.

Yes! It only happened one time ever. Pull up Harrison Ford as a carpenter hot young beefcake. Hot young Harrison Ford. Yeah. I think there's one of him shirtless floating around somewhere. Okay.

My mom had a thing for him. And he hooked up with Carrie Fisher, too. Oh, really? Did he ever? I mean, it's crazy. They really fucked. Mm-hmm. That was how Hollywood worked back then. Oh, yeah. If you were, like, leading... There he is. He's a carpenter. Wow. He's like a hippie. Ripped. Yeah, but you realize how much better people's bodies are now. Well... He's looking pretty good. That's a better body than both of us. Maybe not Mark. Yeah, but you know, for leading men...

Oh, right. You got to be caught. The fact that we're even in the conversation right now is disgusting. Yeah, you had to go on roids now. Everyone's on roids. And also he's drinking. He's not even like. No, he does look good there. And this is before they knew anything. He was eating white bread and candy bars. Yeah, exactly. Eats their steak. It's good for you. Yeah, drinking beers all day. Yeah, not like us. We're really healthy.

I heard all he does is smoke weed on every shoot. He's like, I'm going to be fucking ripped. And then he made that decision like 20 years ago. Yeah. There's a clip. I wonder if you could find it. It's like him and Josh Hartnett in an award show. And I think he's like fucking wrecked. Really? Harrison Ford. He's either high as shit or drunk as shit. Something's off.

But yeah, I wonder if it exists. There's also a clip of him at Comic-Con. He went one year for the paycheck and they're like, Han Solo. He's like, you guys got to grow up. It's a fucking character. You make me sick. Oh, this is it? Is this it? Oh, Stifler. Hold on. Man. Oh, here it is. I think he's wrecked. Let's get this going.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did any of them make the Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs? Oh. Lucas. What are you doing? Don't worry about it. You never understood what I'm doing. Just keep reading. Ah.

He's doing all his famous lines. He's hammered. Is this a gag or is he legitimately a hammer now? I think it's a gag and he's drunk. Yeah. He's pissing on Mark. He's like, I'm doing the MTV Awards. I don't give a shit. Yeah.

He's being fun. No, this is planned. Well, anyway, five deserving women. Good for Harden if we're playing along. Yeah. This is your part there. I think that happened.

Get off my plane. Oh, good for him. He doesn't want to be there. Get off my plane is one of the all-time dumbest, greatest lines in movie history. Where's that from? Air Force One. With the Russians. The Russian terrorists. And he's literally the... Back when being patriotic was cool. Yeah. Right? When you root for the president. And literally the president is the action star. Can you picture Biden or Trump as a dude beating up terrorists? No.

Literally, dude, this last scene, this is it. This is iconic. I think that's Gary Oldman. No, hold it for here. It's perfect. Everybody in the theater was going, oh, shit! No, let it play. Let it play for a sec. Get off my- The music! Yeah. Oh, yeah. What a country.

He's hanging. What's he hanging from? He broke his neck first and threw him out in a parachute. Oh, first he broke his neck. Yeah. George Bush Sr. was a real hero.

Senior. Senior. Junior was a hero to me. I ruled. In hindsight, history will be kind to that guy. Whenever you start painting, shit's gone horribly wrong in your life. Yeah, that's true. Hitler, Jim Carrey. Yeah.

No, I think Hitler, he was pre-painting. Oh, yeah, pre-painting. It boded not well. But Jim Carrey's a good example. Yeah, he started painting. Steffi's got a new drink. There's W. Or no, this is the original. George Bush being rescued in World War II. I'm loving Steffi's drinks right now.

God, the presentation. See, that's a woman's touch. Yeah. Very nice. You left a nail in here. It's a rusty nail. It's been a while since I've had a woman's touch.

Stephanie. Steffi. Steffi. Steffi. I fucked up. Take it again, drunkie. Okay, take it again. Start over. And go. She forgave Louie. She can forgive me. Phenomenal. Get off my plane. Get off my paper plane. Nice. This is a paper plane? No, this is a sidecar. Excellent.

If sidecars always taste like that, I drink them more often. Ooh, that's interesting. I like it. Different flavor. I want to try a Manhattan one more time. Is it salt or sugar? Sugar. Ooh, interesting. I'm going to take one more run under Manhattan as well because I think the Manhattan was very interesting. What's a proper way to lick up a salt or sugar rim? Do you go like that? I usually do like I'll take a sip and then take a lick. Chaser. Yeah. Same with like a margarita? Yeah. That's my way though. I don't know the official way.

Thoughts? I think if you come back, we don't call this a Manhattan. We call it a Midtown West because that's where we are. Oh. All right. Realtor talk. There's something off with this. Oh, Steffi. What do you think? You don't like the side chick? Something's wrong. It tastes like barf. It's like papaya. There's something reminiscent of barf. Could it be the glass? I told you it was going to be mean. I told you.

Ari, he likes to speak like a Somalian. Legitimately, the other drink was one of my favorite drinks I've ever had in my life. There's something in here that I don't like. It's not that it's wrong. It's not agreeing with me. You might just not like sidecars. What are the ingredients? Maybe that's it. Let me try it. Sidecar, it's lemon juice, orange liqueur, or Grand Marnier, and cognac. Maybe it's one of those. Let me smell the Grand Marnier. Yeah, you don't like it in the behind either. I think it's a good drink. I think it's good too, but it is just pack a punch. It's got an interesting kick. Well, it's a sidecar.

Might be that. It reminds me of something from childhood. Some level of like, I failed a class and I smelled that at the same time. And you were molested. Yeah, it might be related to the molestation. Yeah, dude. I keep trying to bury that, but it keeps popping its head up. You were diddling a sidecar.

Maybe. It'd be great if I were just paused like, no! No! This is worth it. Very nice. Oh, God. Get her diddled. He perked up. Gotta be honest. That other drink was one of the best drinks I've ever had. The paper? The paper plane. Get off my paper plane. Yeah.

Sidecar. You're just learning things you don't like now. Yeah, yeah, exactly. No, it's fine. That's part of it. It wasn't like it's rotten. It's just like, it's not my taste. I think he killed it. I think Steffi killed it for sure. Very nice. All right. Well, do you like where New York's headed? Do you feel like it's different now? It's definitely different. I'm ready to leave. Oh, where are you moving? Where are you going? I am not sure yet. I don't know.

I have a lot of friends in Colorado who are trying to get me out there. But I don't like the cold. I like the Arizona sunsets, but I feel like there's not much to do. It's 50 in January right now. This is incredible. Denver sunsets are pretty epic. But you don't like the cold. But New York's not even that cold right now. I know, but Colorado would be way colder. Oh yeah, so fuck Colorado. So I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out. And I'm too broke to even make any decisions now anyway, so...

How old are you? 27. You got all the time in the world. Good call. Great town. I do love San Diego. San Diego is underrated. A lot of military guys. Beefcakes. Guys with huge chests like us. It's crazy. Sam, is it a burden to be this swole?

Well, I think you killed it, Stephanie. Great job. Thank you, guys. I appreciate it. Really good. And we have one more bartender, right? Who that? And who is that? Who that's hitting the medium saints? Cameron is the third. Male or female? I'm going to guess female, but it could be male. Cameron is from...

Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Ferris Bueller. But also Cameron Diaz. Also Cameron Diaz. Cameron Esposito. Is Cameron Esposito serving us now? I think it's Cameron Crowe. Oh, yeah. Wow. That does go both ways. So do I. Yeah. Am I right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah.

All right, Steffi. Well, it was great meeting you guys. Great meeting you. Great eyebrows. Thank you. Legitimately, it's not just that I preferred the paper plane. That was one of the best drinks I've ever had. Oh, thank you so much. Killed it. I don't want to besmirch the name of Beerju, but it is the best paper plane we've had. It's pretty damn good. Yeah, he's out. Thank you. Appreciate it. He'll die out there anyway. All right. Godspeed and praise Allah. Yeah. All right. One more. One more. So what are you guys going to do? Have a regular?

I guess so. I don't know. Yeah. I'm impressed with both of them. Well, the beer juice has gone for months, so we need somebody to fill that time. Yeah, you need somebody. Yeah. He might never come back. DeRosa's a bartender. The more I think about it, it really worries me. Yeah. DeRosa's just pouring shot after shot. I mean...

By the way, your bachelor party, like the actual one that you guys were at, we did like a bachelor party episode and DeRosa just keeps pouring shots. It's crazy. It was no different than the real bachelor party. Literally he showed up with a bunch of shots. That's true. But I was sick for like eight days after that. I think I came in with a cold, but I tried to fight through it because it was the bachelor party episode. And every time he did a shot, I was like, I'm going to be, I was in Phoenix after every set, I collapsed on the couch.

violently ill and the whole time Gary Veeder is just going we were supposed to go to Pizzeria Bianco we'll just be out the same show we'll be out in public and he goes you better take me out to a five star restaurant tonight bitch Gary's like Sharon Stone in Casino where's my mink coat well

What DeRosa does as a bartender, a lot of bartenders have great ideas, new interesting takes on drinks or just do the old drinks quite well. DeRosa does none of those but adds peer pressure on a level that no bartender can do. That is so true. It's sickening. Amazing peer pressure. His peer pressure is sickening. Come on. He's always like, come on. Just do this shot. I think I'm good. Come on. And then 20 minutes later, he's throwing up in a bush. Okay.

And I'm like, oh yeah, why was I listening to you? You're right. That's how he gets laid, too. Hey. Hey, Cameron. Hello. All right. Okay. Cameron is a man. Yes. I try. You brought your own mixer? No, this was given to me. Okay. I travel light. Yeah, no. DeRosa puking in a bush is... Is the best. Is how the night ends, usually. Yep.

He will be missed. Cameron. Yes, sir. Yes. You're the third guy. You know the drill. You got to make a paper plane, a Manhattan, and then your own specialty. And just make one of the paper planes and one of the Manhattans, and we'll each take a sip. Because we're a little lit up. We're a little lit up. A little lit up right now. That makes sense on the last. But also...

Yes. And also just make one of your signature two. What's the point? Yeah, so it's those two and then what's your fave to make or you guys are going to love this, whatever you want to make it. Yeah, and you're great in every Taylor Sheridan show. Ha!

He looks like somebody. You do. You do have ripped vibes, for sure. He's hot. You look like you could remake our house. I can. I actually built houses for a living. Whoa! Really? Yeah, in the Hamptons. And then I bartend on the side. Hell yeah. What a hump. Bartending got me through college, but now I just build houses.

Wow. You were a fucking manly man, dude. Yeah. Same task Jesus took. Yeah. Bartender than spring. And the flannel, too. Yeah. Not a Jew right here. Maybe a little Russian. All right. No, we're actually rooting for them. I'm Ukraine. What's your 23andMe ethnic background type situation? It's 97% Ashkenazic Jew and 3% Ashkenazic Jew.

I'm very high Ashkenazi as well. That's our people. We kind of have the same. What's the difference? We're legitimately probably related no more than three generations back. Easily. We probably have something going on. It's kind of nice. Next time I come in, 23andMe contest. Similar build, both tall, comic, something's up. A little hairier than should be. Yes.

Yeah. Matt with those eyes? I have a hint of, like, Iranian. I have a hint of it. I think that's the eyebrows, probably. Yeah, I can see it. But... Is that Sephardic? What does Sephardic mean? Sephardic is, like, a Jewish Arab Jew. Oh, yeah. African, like, Jewish. That's the Iranian. Yeah. Yuck. Yeah. Got it. Oh, my God. That's the 20... What is it? Uncut gems Jew.

The Diamonds Jews? Yes, the Ethiopians. I don't know. I think they were. Ethiopians, yeah, that's different. They're cushy, but like, yeah. Ashkenazi Jews. Sandler is an Ashkenazi Jew. Yeah. Got it. I feel like Ashkenazi Jews, mostly like Eastern European type. His real name is Sandler. Yeah.

Huh? Sandlowitz. No. Adam Sandlowitz. Is that a bit? No. Oh, wow. Is it really? Adam Sandlowitz. Not even Sandler. Sandlowitz. Well, you know, Jon Stewart is Lebowitz. Lebowitz. Trump used to get him on that. Yeah, yeah, of course. Shut up, Lebowitz. Adam Sandlowitz. Oh, it's adorable, man. It's good rules.

I mean, really, thank God for iPads. It's funny. When we were kids, it was Game Boys. They were like this big. Now it's like this. I had a comic book. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say, I had books. Yeah. I was too, but it's like, you know. It's a big screen. Are we doing Manhattan first? This is my first specialty cocktail. Oh. All right. Mix it up. I figured you had the other ones on my phone. Mix it up a little bit. I like it. I like it. All right.

Can we know what it is? This is a Ward 8. Ward 8? Ward 8? Yes, sir. What is that? This is your bodega cat rye whiskey. Fresh orange, flesh lemon, a little bit of maraschino cherry, a dash of bitters, and then I'm going to garnish it with a couple of... Whoa. I've never heard of this drink. A Ward 8? I've never heard of it. See where I come from. It was invented in Massachusetts. Oh. The 1898 election. The governor that won actually needed a Ward 8 to win, and after he won, the bars made this drink.

Oh, I love a history. Yeah, Joe List drank this until seven years ago. Well, we have wards in New Orleans, but we call it the Eighth Ward or the Seventh Ward, not Ward Eight. With his wife, it's called the Last Word. All right. Let's see what this is made of. Whoa, it's so pink. Yeah. Just like my ex. All right.

We're at the point where we start bombing. Thank you, Ward 8. Start us off, man. For the viewing public. It looks beautiful. It does look beautiful. Is there a tip to how thin to slice these orange slices? I like to do an eighth to three-sixteenths of an inch. Dude, I'm in the exact same way. Anything more and it feels like you're eating oranges and it's not a garnish.

Interesting. It just becomes a fruit salad. But sometimes it is fun to like when you're drunk to be like, I'm going to eat this orange. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. And I'll eat the whole thing. I'll eat the rind and everything. Yeah. What do you think? Their nose? Smells good. I mean, you can smell a pizza shop on 6th Avenue. But...

Thoughts? Don't make him laugh. He's going to backwash. We have to do the three. I'm third here. I was like, this guy's half gay. This was an orgy. I'm the last dick in. Come on. Pet cleanup. Solid. Oh, orange drop. Eighth ward. Eighth ward. So what's the verdict, fellas? Solid shot.

Solid. Very good. Dry. Not too sweet, which I like. Not too sweet. Yeah, if you use fresh orange juice, I think it helps out a little bit. Love the smell. I like this better. Than what? Than a fresh orange juice. Orange juice has so much sugar in it, I think. Wow, this is interesting. I didn't just wait to order it. It's a bit dry. Tell me. Two ounces of rye whiskey, then a half ounce of fresh orange, fresh lime, a tablespoon of maraschino cherry juice.

Two dashes of bitters and then you shake it up over rocks. You would think the maraschino cherry juice would have made it super sweet. Just a little bit. Just a dash. Two bitters of ginger.

Very nice. Wow, this is a really good drink. Great drink. Holy shit. I love when it's- Eighth Ward. Eighth Ward. You have an Eighth Ward. Ward 8. Ward 8. You have an Eighth Ward. The last round, the sidecar was a classic that Ari did not like. This and the first guest bartender, Shane, that was an original. Yeah, the witching hour. And this is one we've never tried, so it's new to us. I love the new ones. Never been heard of this. So in the original category, we have to decide how much weight to put on that, but this is a fucking- That's a banger. That's a banger. That's a banger.

Yeah. Okay, it's a good drink. Witching hour is good too. Witching hour is phenomenal. Also, I would order that at a bar. Would you? Yeah, I don't like pink. I would order that. 100% I would order that. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe at Mass.

What kind of bar are you going to? Do you know how to make a Godfather? No. It's so weird. That's your favorite drink. It's kind of hilarious. But it's also like you go into a bar, like you make a Godfather. Most bars have never heard of it. Yeah. It's much better than a Godfather 3. But then when someone has, like that first bartender, you're like, interesting.

Damn. That is solid. That's a good drink, but what is your favorite Mitch Hedberg joke? Oh, Jesus. My favorite Hedberg joke. The one I say the most is I used to be an alcoholic. I still am. Or I used to do drugs. I still do. But I used to too. That's a great joke. That's a brilliant joke. You know what my favorite Hedberg joke is? You can't please all the people all the time, and last night all those people were at my show. I saw him do that live. Really? At the comedy store. Whoa. Favorite Hedberg joke.

Some guys passing out flyers, they're pretty much saying, here, you throw those out for me. That's a great joke. Classic. Great joke. Mark?

Hold on, I'm on the spot here. The Dufresne is a great one. Escalators are the only things that when they break, they still work. They just become stairs. How about the one about the reservations at the restaurant? What happened to the Dufresne? Yeah, that was a great one. Someone's drunk right now, but no one seems to give a fuck. I got mine. I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it. Wow, that's a good one. Come on. That's like a Groucho Marx. Yeah.

That's a banger. Stephen Wright, I think, is the ultimate one-liner. I think it's all... He almost originated it. Yeah. Well, Henny Youngman, maybe. No, he didn't originate it, but he had his own style, for sure. There's no dry like that. Yeah. So I had a friend, Andrew...

I forget. He was in the Hong Kong comedy scene. And those guys would go around Southeast Asia or Asia in general. And he went to Seoul with a couple of comics. They flew him out there. And they had never seen a one-liner comic before. And then they saw him do that, just like Stephen Wright style.

And they go, dude, you just changed the game. Whoa. They just never seen it. You changed the game. And he had the thing down where he looked weird and he would go on stage and go, feeling kind of hyper. So he knew his voice. He knew his voice, yeah. He knew the shit, which made it even better. Oh, dude, I love, I went to a diner, said eat breakfast anytime, so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. Come on. That's a fucking incredible dude. Who was that? Stephen Wright. Stephen Wright? Wow. I got to get into him. Oh, dude, I Have a Pony? Listen to that album. Great album. Is he still alive?

Yeah, he tours. Get him in here. He's not great on pots. Wait, I started the last one. All right, we'll start this one. We'll move on. What is that one? This is the old-fashioned Manhattan. Oh, you're just the two? Old-fashioned's fine. All right, my bad. Same family. I mean, if they were cousins, they couldn't really fuck, but...

Coming to Louisiana. Wait a minute. You guys, you made those quick. Man, you're on the move. I like it. That's not a bad detail for a bar center. The smell of this shit is excellent. Nailed it. The smell matters. It's a good old fashioned. Here, here. Oh, that's good. That's good. What is that one? That's good. It's a good old fashioned.

I think I might just like Paper Planes. Paper Planes are good drinks. That's a damn good Paper Plane. Better than the last one? A little more kick than the last one. But this one has ice. That one didn't. Fuck, that's excellent. It tastes weirdly different. Yeah, it does. Did you go heavy on any ingredient here? No, just equal parts. Equal parts. Equal parts. Excellent.

Man, we got some good bartenders. That's dry. Is it old-fashioned? Yeah. That is dry. Yeah, I don't like my old-fashioned sweet. I like just like a- I don't like them sweet either. To make them stop burning so much, but not enough that you're like, oh, this is- Ooh, that goes down easy. I want him to hurt me like a woman. I want him to deceive me. You should know your drinking habits. And play games. Yeah. I do declare this is one of the finest old-fashions. This guy makes a man's drink. You make a man's cock. Tails. Nice.

Now, I got a decent buzz from all this. Yeah, me too. Oh, yeah. Good buzz. That's nice. I think I might just like Paper Planes. It's truly- Because both of those, that's different than Steffi's. Yeah. But both really quite good. Very good. Kid, you want to try it? F*** him here. He's taking a sip. Aww.

We got some Coke, too. All right. Does he want Coke? Is it surprising that Mark, Ari, and I are not fathers? I got some kids in heaven. Yeah. Mine were taken away. Would you know my name?

That'd be a funny scene in a movie, like the courtroom, the mom and the dad trying to keep the kid. Well, he brought him to a drinking podcast. All right, that's it. Mark and I come in drunk. I'm like, we're ready to testify. Salicues for Salicues. I love to testify drunk. That's one of the all-time. He's in a Hawaiian shirt for some reason in the courtroom.

I run the place. I'm Google bitch. I don't know if you know that. It's a technical term. He's in a Hawaiian shirt. He carries a knife. He's got a knife on him. Oh, my God. You were in a Hawaiian shirt and you rock a knife. That is hilarious that you're like, you are a good father. These, I think, are stiffer. I'm a protector. You're a protector. You're a protector. These are stiffer than Steffi's.

yeah but i was stiffer with steffy so flip it that was fucking solid wordplay steffy's not gonna like it that's a samarill level wordplay interesting that steffy is from new york and is like i'm done with new york yeah where are you from uh new york i was born in the hamptons for a couple years and now i'm back out there for now back out here how do you like the city i love the city what's

What's your favorite part? That story, yeah. Whoa. I will say, Steffi, I loved her. She lost a couple points by saying she was leaving New York. Well, yeah. I was like, how are you going to be a full time? Well, not that everyone has to stay here, but it just makes my heart sink a little bit. The whole New York is dead vibe, it hurts me a little bit. It's not New York is dead, but if you were born here, this is a bad comment because you were born here. So is he. At some point, you got to get out.

But maybe I'm talking to a guy who has no intention of leaving. I'm going to go out like the old man in Shawshank. I leave for a fucking day. I go to Pennsylvania. I'm going to hang myself. It is a great city. I can go for a couple of days, but too long? I'm on the road every week anyway, so I kind of get my break from New York. The reports of New York's demise are greatly exaggerated. I agree. It's an amazing city. Like, whoa, it's not over late. It's like, oh, so only every place is open until 10? Yeah.

Go to Kansas City. What the fuck are you talking about? I know.

Nothing's open. Everything closes at 6 p.m. Oh, right, right. And also, it's really just like Mondays that New York is open. Exactly. Weekends, it's open. I was with Ryan Hamilton last night, and he was like, let's go to this restaurant. Let's go to this restaurant. And it was a Monday, so he was like, ah, these are all closed. I said, yeah, but if it was Tuesday or Wednesday, we'd be fine. It's a little bit farther back than it was, but it's still New York. It'll be back. It'll be back. It's not what it was. We went to, what's that? Fohop? Yeah. Fohop. Fohop. Fohop. Fohop.

Closed. It was closed at like 1030. Warp's always open. That was 24 hours back in the day. The fucking French diner. The awnings say 24 hours. And I got there like 945. 945. Veselka's midnight now. And that was an all nighter. And that was like a classic all nighter. That was a classic all nighter. You got to get back. If you're known as an all nighter, you got to get back. Start with 2 a.m. and then you'll get there.

Started to. Because then you'll be the only spot that is open that late, and people, they'll be like, oh, shit. They came back. But nobody wants to work. Nah, summer will work. The night shift has got to be pretty rough. Yeah. That diner night shift. That's tough. You'll work there, Ari? There's certain things. So we were talking to Liz about the cellar. Ari as a waiter at the night shift. About the cellar brunch. In short shorts. And she goes, we're not doing the brunch anymore because the cooks don't want to go. Me and Mike Cannon were like, we'll do it. Let's make omelets.

Yeah, but you're going to tank the business. Why? One guy's going to go, is this jizz in my omelet? You get what you get. That's what we decided. That's a good business model. You order one Aryan cannon meal, and that's what you get. You get mushrooms. Whatever we make, sure. You get psilocybin omelet. Let's say three meals there will be dosed. Also, just do bagels and lox. Just make it easy. Make it easy? There you go. Let's have fun.

All right. Okay, have fun, but have an option where it's not fun. No fun. I want a no fun option. I'd like to order one no fun, please. Are they really not doing the brunch at the cellar? Yeah, but me and Ken will do it. See, nobody wants to work.

No, we went to work. They were pissed I didn't show up when Esty was like, you're coming, right? And I was like, I got a thing. I had a thing at the time. It was like two, you know. Hungover. I was puking. I saw Chappelle there once and I was like. At the brunch? At the brunch. He showed up. You know, free bagels are free bagels. Or was he still on from the night before? Maybe. Doing nine hours. I saw their show, Chappelle and Rock.

How was it? I mean, great. I mean, I didn't catch all of Chappelle because I was exhausted. We had been on the road like five nights and we were in St. Louis and Rock was in our... Did I tell this story last week? Yeah. Okay, sorry. But it's a cool story. Tell me after. Yeah, but all that... I mean, long story short, we got to watch a great fucking show. I mean, Rock's new album. See my buddy, Ingram?

Yeah, he was great. He was... He had to stretch. He was the best one at the comedy store for about a five-year period. Like, literally, if you ask any employee who watches every night, who's the best one? They're like, Rick Ingram. Why doesn't he put something out?

He's about to tape a special. All right, Rick. Has he ever put out a special? He was a crowd work guy for a long time and nobody was like, oh, we don't want to do that. And so, you know, the industry is like, can you figure it out in the street? Right, right. But being, doing it the way he, I mean, he was doing crowd work in an arena in a way that was so unique and to figure that out in a big venue, like, I like to do crowd work in big venues just to mix up an hour just so I'm not doing joke, joke, joke. But that's what he, like, he gets all his bits through crowd work. Yeah, Rock saw him and he was like, ooh. Yeah.

And then he saw him again. He was like, and then he went up to him. This is a story anyway. He goes, Hey dude, cause Rick and I got past the comics with the same day. Wow. That's cool. But then like, he couldn't get anything in the business. Yeah.

And he's hideous. This is a store. We're a failure place. Yeah. Yeah. And he's hideous. And it was like eventually – We're trying to lift someone up here. What the hell are you doing? He's still a comic. We can't blow him too much. After the second or third time he saw me, he goes, do you always kill this well? And Rick's like, yeah. I don't know. Yeah.

yes anyway see you chris rock yeah funny answer yeah i do well i'm a bitch nobody cares about me i don't want to talk to you luke yeah and then eventually he was like i want you to go on the road for me it's like all right wow that's a nice you gotta wear a suit he goes oh that's gotta wear a suit why do you gotta be in a suit because i don't have a suit and he goes we're gonna get you a suit was he in a suit when you saw yeah oh they got him and you know what was great about what he did was uh

Chappelle was late because his jet was not taking off or whatever. So it's just hilarious that he cuts it that fucking close. Yeah, right. But Ingram is stretching with crowd work. And I was like, this is pretty cool to watch. Because I was with Vitor and James Webb. Because they're not there for that.

They're not there for Rick Ingram. No. And he went up after Rock doing this shit, this stretch. And he's doing well with that. Wow. So I was like, this is pretty damn impressive. And we kind of were looking at each other. And I said to James, you know, who does The Road With Me a lot, directed my last special. It's directed Mark's special, James Webb. That's great.

And a Kansas City fan. I said, this is fucking hard what he's doing right here. He's doing, he is stretching in between Rock and Chappelle with crowd work in an arena. And no one's heard of him. No one's heard of him. And he's killing. He's killing. What does he do? Does he go, hey, look at this guy? And they put it on the jumbo. Yeah, on the jumbo. It's higher level than that. No, but it was like, but of course it starts surface. That's how you have to start. You start surface and then you kind of ask questions and play off that. But yeah, putting the guy on the screen. That's huge. It's huge.

It's fun. Because if you're doing it at a club, everyone can go, oh, who's that? And they can look and they can see him. If we're at the comic store, 160 seater, you can look over like, I kind of see that guy. And in an arena, you can't. So putting him on screen equals it out. Right. Yeah, Ingram kills, dude. Well, good for him. It's good that he gets some shine, finally. They're killing it at the store for years.

Yeah, you've got to respect people who pay their dues and kill in the clubs. It's beautiful when you're just ready for that. And then Rock's like, who the fuck is this? It's like, some guy's been crushing. I love that. Apparently, too, he's so bitter. He's been so bitter for a long time, in a good way. He's like, fuck that guy, fuck that guy. We're like, yeah, we don't say that out loud, but we all agree. And so he would tell...

I don't know, Rock, whoever's like, hey, that joke's not good. People have been doing that. Oh, he keeps it honest. He goes, who the fuck are you? He goes, I would do whatever. And then after he gets off, he goes, I told you, dude, that joke's not good. Because he's not trying to kiss up, like, everything was great. Here's maybe one tagline. He's like, that's bad, that's bad. And then Chris Rock, I heard, was like, oh, finally I got a guy who's honest with me. Oh.

Interesting. Thank you. Weird question. Are you and Rock cool yet? I mean, I've never been friends with him, but I don't know. Well, you made up. Yeah, it's fine. Oh, geez. All right. Jesus Christ.

I don't know. Whatever. Well, his new hour's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Love to have you on, Chris. Without Ari. He's not a fan of mine. We have a special, for the Chris Rock app, we have a special guest judge for this app. Ari comes in in a cowboy hat. You gotta love a guy who sees someone killing and uses them. Absolutely. That's great. Rock is a fucking legend. Legend. One of the best ever. He's one of the few, er,

Rock, Chappelle. There's some guys who are like, oh, I'm just always going to be a stand-up. And other guys are like, oh, I'm an actor now. I'll still try it once in a while. People ask me about anybody and it's like, oh, no, that's a real stand-up. Yeah. When I was talking to him at one point, I was like, man, it's just hard. All these fucking podcasts and all this radio and all this press and all these other stuff to keep writing jokes. And I'm like, I'm going to do it. I do it. But it's like, man, it takes a lot out of you. And he kind of looked at me and goes...

What else is there? And when Rock says that shit to you... What else is there besides what? Stand-up. But the other thing is what you were saying. No, but I'm saying it's hard to write stand-up... Oh, when you have this other stuff. ...when you have so much other shit because you're just creatively zapped. Like, this shit does take it out of you. All the other stuff does take it out of you. And Rock is saying, what else is there? That's the main thing. And that's Jerry's... You know, that's how Jerry looks at it. That's how, like, the great... That's the main thing. The rest is bonus. The legends look at it. Yeah. You know, where...

It all comes back to this. Even if they didn't have the success they had elsewhere, they would be stand-ups. They would be obsessed with jokes. Yeah. And they would be waking up every day and writing. And it's a reminder that like-

You know, even if it's not like the hip thing content wise to always be writing new stand up, it is the most important fucking thing. Yeah, we're stand ups at the end of the day. We do pods. We do other things, interviews, videos, clips, but it's all about stand up. The problem is if you're doing a movie, it's like these are someone else's words. I don't care. I'll just try to do it as funny as possible. If you're doing a podcast, it's like I'm wasting my funny time.

A little. My own funny time. But it's a catch 78 because you want to get them to come see your stand-up. So it's a good way to get them out. But there is a little balance and at a certain point you've got to. But it's also like that's what a lot of people do wrong where it's like, I've got these clips. I've got podcasts. All right, but dude, you're forgetting stand-up. Yeah, your act is suffering. I see a lot of guys like that. Your act is suffering. Don't forget stand-up. Of course. Go up five nights a week, three times a night. Stand-up is so hard.

And they go, this is easy, though. I can talk or I can make a video and clip it out or edit it. I can just talk about a current event. Yeah, yeah. Okay, great as a bonus. Exactly. But you need an act. This is just promo shit. You need an act, but an act is hard. And the problem is a lot of these guys get paid a lot for their podcast. So they're like, well, that's my focus now. It's like, oh, yeah, you're fucked. You're fucked. You're fucked. You became a podcast guy.

Which is fine. It's a great living and it's cool and you can still be funny. But you're no longer one of us. At the end of the day, it's not first. Or like you're not doing a service. Like you're still one of us, but like you're not giving enough time to this.

Exactly. Thank you. That's something I can't do in my act. I like that we're talking about the purity of stand-up. Hold on, let me fart. There I just shit myself. He just took a note. I like that. That's where my career's gone. Hold on, he farted. Hold on. I would call that a squeaker. Who are your all-time favorite stand-ups? Back in the day, OGs, who do you like? Please say I don't care for stand-up comedy. He likes body. Yeah, I love stand-up. But the first comedian I ever got into was Brian Regan. Yeah!

Greatest. Then Nick Swardson was like my top. Oh, I love Swardy. Nick is a fucking great comic. Jew was amazing. Jew! I mean, hands down, amazing, dude. My grandmother wouldn't watch it with me, but I tried to put it on with her. Because you died in the Holocaust? No, but... I'm not a fan. Old Nazi. Of Jews? Wait, wait, wait. She wouldn't even start him? Christ, Church, and Segura? Good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fat, no fat.

You guys are great. All right, all right. We were going for present company excluded here. Yeah, present company excluded. Can I tell you a Regan story? All the time is Regan. I quote a ton on. Yeah, he's one of the funniest guys. Regan story? Me and DeVito. I'm ramping up my special. Danny? Danny DeVito. All right. Opening for me in Kansas City. You get a call from, I think, Zimmerman?

Joe? Yeah. Yeah. And was like, hey, Brian Wig wants to come. It was George. Brian Wig wants to come to your show tonight. He's got an early show. He wants to come to your late show, which has been a dream for so fucking long. Yeah. I've heard these stories and I'm like, how come I never get this? And he's like, I'd love to show up. Says hi before. He goes, I'll just sit in the back and watch. That's what he, I've always heard that story. He sits and watches the whole thing.

He goes, do you want to have some drinks after? And I'm like, okay. Now, I was sober at the time because I'm like, I'm trying to focus on the special. I'm not drinking. DeVito at the same time was also sober. I'm not drinking right now. You've all been sober. We're like, I'm taking for the month. You not. You have. I'm taking a month off. Okay. You've not done that? A month? Whatever. A week off. Whatever. Pregnant? Anyway, we were both sober. But fucking Brian Regan, legend Regan, wants to drink. And DeVito was like, what do you want to do? He goes,

I think we should drink. I'm like, yeah. No shit. It wasn't sober October though, was it? It was not. Thank God. And we had just a few drinks and it was so fucking cool to hang out with this fucking dude. He's the coolest. Who we both are like, your standup is on such another level and never gets the respect of

He does get the respect. Some, but not national. He doesn't get labeled in the Mount Rushmore's a lot. Yeah, he should, though. He should. One of the greats. He's supposed to be on this twice, but he had, I think, a health thing. We got him, right? Get him tequila. Oh, shit. He's still on the fence. He came to my show with the Irvine Improv once. How cool is it? It was pretty surreal. And he's an incredible guy. Great guy. Beyond being a great, great stand-up. Because he'd bob down when he gets that. Yeah. And how many people stole that?

by the way. Yep. Not stole it, but do it. Do it. He's a really classy dude on top of being one of the greats. I mean, it's like Brian Regan, man. I've told the story a million times. I'm bombing at the Charlotte Comedy Zone. There's 28 people there. It's a big room. And one guy in the back is going, ah!

I was like, well, at least I'm working with that guy. Whatever. It's him. No! Yeah, and he was like, I need a sea pack or whatever the fuck across the street. And he walked over. He's like, oh, no, it's Dennis. It's Dennis Regan. Also very funny, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's also very good. His brother, Dennis Regan. Talking about a shadow. But yeah, then we ended up drinking all night. And he is offstage. He is not clean, which was also fun. Oh, God. Like most comics. No, he's a really cool dude. Good egg.

Another thing happened. His agent hit me up and said, hey, can you open for Regan? His opener dropped out. And I said, sure. He goes, just send me a video. And I was like, oh, my God. So I sent him a Conan because I wanted to send a clean clip. And it was a good clip. But he goes, whoa, what are you, crazy? We can't use it. It's like gay jokes and sex jokes. But it was clean. But you can't even have the subject matter. Well, Conan's clean for us. Yeah, exactly. It ain't clean for that crowd. So he fired me.

The agent. And then a week later, he called me himself and was like, hey, man, I'm sorry about that. None of that was my idea. I didn't mean to get your hopes up. That was a bad way to handle it. And I was like, oh, my God. He just made amends. Good God. He knows what it's like to be a comic. Yeah. He sent me a message during COVID. I guess he was – he's like an OG where he was like – And he said, you're spreading this. Yeah.

Off the road. Well, he said it was like, I think he listened to one of my albums on Raw Dog or some shit. Whoa. I was like, man. I was laughing. I was like, oh, during COVID, when you're down here, you're like, it's Brian fucking Regan. Of course. Wow. Can you imagine being the other way? We're writing somebody. I heard somebody on Raw Dog. I'm like, hey, man, I'm a big fan. That was really funny. He's like, okay, random dude. Yeah. No, no, I'm a comic. Right, right. Aw. Aw.

I know. And he has stories of legendary bombs, which is so... He did it on my show. He did a story about a bombing at an NHL game. Wow. And Zamboni goes out and they made him go do a thing for Bud Light or something. And just eating it. Crazy to think a guy that funny still had his... He is like a cartoon character funny. Oh, yeah. Like the way he manipulates his face and the way he... Yeah, look at that. Like, look at this. Exactly. This is like...

He's like cartoon level funny. Man, the one man on the moon. Is that the special? Yeah. Holy shit. It's one of the best specials. All improv. No, at the improv. But he did the mullet for Theo. Suck it. The mullet. The mullet. Theo. That's early baby.

Man, like, are they going to look back on our outfits like that? Yes. I mean, that outfit, Brian Regan, I love you. I cannot defend this outfit. Well, wearing a cowboy hat and a knit hat indoors. Yeah, but this is a podcast, not a special here. Yeah. I'm wearing it for a gag. You guys okayed the knit hat. Jesus. Ah, it's a toque. It's good. A toque.

Damn, that guy rules. Yeah. You know, he bought that cream suit like, man, this will never go out. You guys got to have this guy on your podcast. Well, that's how we're going to look at bomber jackets. Yes. Seinfeld called that. Bomber jackets are going to be like, what were they thinking? And they're called bomber. It's all bad. Who gives a shit? You got to try to be as timeless as possible. But the shit comes back. That's the thing. That's true. It does come back.

You know what era they're in right now? Because it's like they went with the 70s, 80s, 90s. They all come back really fast. Future. They're doing Jetsons now. You see people. That's a fashion. Jetsons? They're doing Futuristic. Oh, really? Futuristic was in between the 80s and 90s. They did Futuristic for a little bit. That's now back. We got Elroy here. Elroy. We got what? The kid's name.

Deep cut. Wow. I forgot about Elroy. How's the bus? You like it? I love it. That's cool. I'm going to do one in the winter. I'm going to do one next winter. I love the bus. I mean, the tour bus, it's me, Gary Veeder, James, who films and our tour manager, Brian. And it's like a great hang. It's, it's,

we were literally pounding natural wine and whiskey on the bus watching something about Mary. Yeah. Like, I'm like, this is good living. And then I just pass out in that little bunk. I'm like, this is,

This is good living. I love a living in a travel. Have you ever been in your own tour bus? Yes. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm like, where's Sam been? It's like, oh, he's asleep. We literally go to sleep laughing every night. That's the best thing about being with people that get you. We're cracking up all night. And then it's just- And you wake up in Tucson. We wake up in the next city. And the only bad thing is bring your fucking allergy meds. Oh, yeah. Because-

Wow. That was legendary. Holy moly. I don't care how elitist you are. A fart is always funny. That was gold. That was the witching hour. And that was a good sound on your fart. Great sound. We talk about farts in this pod like it's R&B. How did you get that sound? Like Barry Gordy. Kid, that's going to be a hit. Kids are going to love it.

No, but it's the best, dude. I love it. I'm going to do it. You're going to do it? I've done the bus opening, but I don't know if I want to do the bus. But I talked to James Webb and Vita. We can't wait to get back on the bus. We had so much fun. I make sure everyone's having fun at all. It would be cool to do it that way with your girl maybe or just a bunch of comics. The way we do the ski trip or the Burt stuff, it's like...

Let's have some fun with comics. Let's be out gone with comics. We got to do a steak night or something. Yeah, for sure. We got to do a steak night. Maybe that's the bodega cat night. Who knows? This summer, dude, is going to be the summer of us. Let's bring back summer of spritz.

Summer Spritz. Fuck Michelle Wolfe. She ain't going to be here. It's us. Let's get her back. Summer Spritz. Michelle Wolfe. Michelle, you're invited. What are you doing? Wolfeing? Summer Spritz 2. No, she's living her best life in Spain right now. Let her enjoy herself. Oh, yeah. Take two weeks off and come do Summer Spritz with Norman, Muriel, and Shafir. She knows she's bored. You want a Bud Light? I think she's happy. She messaged me the other day. She seems very happy. All right.

Is she doing stand-up? Yeah. Oh, okay, okay. But she's doing stand-up where she's like, there's a lot of stage time here. And I'm like, is there? Yeah, exactly. There's the part where I was like, I know you're happy, but are there really good expat shows? Is the Madrid scene really good? Right.

But no, we miss her. We're just saying that because we miss her. I loved drinking with Michelle back in the day. All-time boozer. On Tuesday, she would go hard. Aperol Spritzes, too. She turned us on to those. It was Michelle Wolf and Liz at the Comedy Cellar. We'd be pounding those. And then that made me and Ari pound those. It would get to the point where I'd get drunk and then I'd be like, I would get a Spritz and I'd be like, go up to the bar and be like,

Have I done something wrong that you would ignore an orange slice in this? If we have a problem, let's talk about this. And Michelle's funny, but after six or seven, she goes into like Pennsylvania hairdresser like, you're going to die alone. You get Red State and a drunk and you get deep Michelle drunk. You get Hershey, Michelle Hershey squirts. Yeah, she goes in.

Hershey no kisses. Oh, yeah. I'll tell you, she's tough, that Winslow Wolf. Big drinker, really seems to care. Well, she got to do four sets, drinking the whole time, and by the end of the night, uh-oh, this kid just found a new dad. This is what love is. The paternity test just came in, Salicus. You are not the father. I'll tell you. I can't believe your wife okayed this.

I've been drinking too much the other day that doctor found an olive in my urine sample. I'll tell you, I'm a drinker.

Is that a real joke? That's a real joke. Oh, okay. I was like, damn, that's good, dude. I'll tell you when you're drunk. You should write for him. When you're peeing your pants. I'll put that joke up. I've been drinking. I'm sorry. That's just a real drunk? Yeah, when you're pissed or shit. I would tell him to do that. He'd go, what are you drinking? Oh, Jaeger, you're going to shit yourself. He had a way to get a zing for everybody. For every drink possible. Oh, my God. A brilliant way to end a show. I know. What a closer. Oh, man. I tell her I had that bit about, you know, you're drunk when you shit your pants.

And your pants aren't down or something. Just because you are drunk doesn't mean you're wearing a kilt. It was something like that. Oh, yeah. It was such a weird, great line. What's your favorite animal? Dog? I like a horse because you can fuck it then get a ride home. Classic. Yeah.

Yeah. It's classic. That's a great joke. Everywhere I turn, I get a drink. Have you had him on here? Yeah, once for about 45 minutes. And he zinged the shit out of it. He showed up and was cranky. It was hilarious. He's just looking around. He just stood up and started looking around. We go, what's going on? He goes, I'm just looking for some punchlines. Oh, my God. Yeah, because we weren't getting anything out of him. It's like, all right, come in and join in my set. Like, what the heck? And then you say something like, oh, really? Here's the subtext. Oh, you're not funny at all. Yeah. Yeah.

Do I set you up? Do I not? You don't know what to do. And what porn do you like, Dave? You're like, all right, I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I know. I know. You're yelling at me. But that's the beauty of it, man. Those old school comics are such curmudgeons. And that's part of what's so funny about it. Curmudgeons. Chris Rock called me a curmudgeon.

You're a curmudgeon. I like that. I saw a Quinn show last night. Quinn show is great. Which one is he doing now? Small Talk. It's at the Lucille Lortel Theater. Colin Quinn. Phenomenal. You see it yet? Yeah, I saw it twice. I heard he's Irish.

And from Brooklyn. Oh. Yeah. But Killer Show, funny stuff. I mean, there was a couple things where you're like, ooh, it's like poignant where you're like, oh, shit, I never thought of it that way. I've quoted so many times. I think for us at Blue State where he's like, in the old days, you used to get to talk with somebody about something and it wasn't the end of things. You'd be like, whoa, oh, yeah, gun control. I bet you're in favor of gun control. As a matter of fact, I am. Ah!

let's get a drink and that was the end of it well that's the beauty of his social commentary it's not polarizing it really is yes I'm observing this from both of you he had an abortion joke and I was like how's he gonna get out of this one and it killed it was such a neutral line but it was so funny with his gun stuff he finds a way to really like an old school entertainer bring everyone yes and that's that's the skill of the old school my

favorite John I want to give too much away call but I think my favorite joke in the whole special was he's like the president used to be like ask not what we can do for you but what you can do for your country and he's like now the president to come out and go we see you we love you we notice you could you imagine being in China and they go hey the government noticed you oh fuck no he's uh rules he's the best I asked him about why I was like like venues for my special for Jew on YouTube right now and

Five and a half mil. Pails in comparison to out to lunch. And I got this. I got this. I was like, hey, what's your event? The one he played. I was like, have you ever done a special? He immediately calls me. Whoa. Hey, yeah, what are you planning? Why? Okay, I'm not sure this will be the place for you. Maybe try something else. I love that. Brooklyn, how about this? Yeah. Cares about stand-up. When I got to New York, it was new here. Norman and Liz wouldn't talk to me. Hmm.

True. And I was just new here, and I was at the cellar, not even the back table, but nearby. And he walked in, and Colin Quinn from SNL and whatever else, tough crowd, walked in, stopped, and he goes, oh, hey, you're Ari Shaffir, right? I heard you're new here. You're a good comic. Welcome. Welcome to the scene. I hope you feel good here. Let me know if you need anything. Wow. I was like, that was so welcoming. Jeez, he told me. He thought you were a Jaime motherfucker. Damn it.

He did a similar thing to me when I was new at the cellar. Really? Yeah. He just sat down at the table. I was there. I was brand new there. I was a kid. And he was like, he sat down next to me. He goes, hey, Sam.

No, like didn't even introduce. Just like, hey, Sam. And I was like, and I've spoken to other comics and you do pay that forward. I do. Yes. Oh, good. Ronnie Chang said that. He was like, I was in Ronnie Chang. Oh, really? He said that about you. He's like, I was in town as my first week here. Sam made me feel really comfortable out of nowhere.

There you go. I have so many stories of people like, hey, are you working the cover with the comic store? I came in as a new comic. I was like, oh, boy, this could go one of two ways. You raped me. And it really does. Sometimes you were such a cunt. Other times you were so welcoming. So every time people bring it up, I'm like, I don't know how this is going to go. It's going to go either way. I've only seen you be nice to young comics. Comics, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not basketball players who die. No. But comics. Oh. I killed him. Yeah.

These are incredible cocktails. All great drinks. I mean, this is a fucking blood. This is like all of me. I'm going to have a breakthrough today in therapy. Very good, sir. You killed it. You really killed it. Yeah. We should wrap this up. We've been here for hours.

Clancy? Cameron. I was born in 1843, my name. You look like him. Clancy. Got a nickname. Wasn't that a Simpsons character? Was there a Clancy? Police Chief Clancy. Clancy Wiggums. Was it Clancy? He was my favorite character. Do we have Hank Azaria coming on? No way.

It's so cool that you guys are this big now. I was talking to the AYG guys today where it's like people just reach out to you now to be like, oh, let's get you on. It took a while, but we got there. Good podcast. It really seems to care. We got there. All right. Well, Ari, go see Ari at the Beacon March...

24th. Surprise guests. We're having a great time. It's my fucking hometown show. I'm going to fucking blow it out. Most of the floor seats are gone. Get up fucking in the top. But look at that. We always got Seattle, Vancouver, San Jose, Salt Lake City. And then the whole European tour. Zurich, Glasgow, London, Manchester, Amsterdam, Stockholm, Berlin, Vienna. I know what your opener is going to be. I can't pronounce the rest of them. Just go to his website. Athens.

What is that? Going to visit the town my dad got driven away from by the Nazis. For real. Content. They'll give you money. Good, you win. Atlantic City, Huntington, New York, Royal Oak, Michigan added there, Minneapolis we added, Madison, Milwaukee, New Haven, Boston. Wait, where are you March 5th?

I don't know. Milwaukee. Okay. Why? What's going on? Ski weekend. Oh, I'm sorry, buddy. Miami, we're adding there. Orlando, we're adding. Some Ponte Vedre. Some fucking horse shit town in Florida near Jacksonville. We're adding there. Atlanta, Charleston, some fucking Norfolk. Charlottesville. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

Norfolk, Virginia, D.C., we added. Wilkes-Barre, I said Wilkes-Barre last week. You guys fucking gave me shit. I apologize. I made a mistake. Get over it. Port Chester, New York, samorell.com. Come out to Wilkes-Barre. Yeah, hey, who cares about my date? Just come on March 17th and 18th to Chicago at the Vic.

Tickets on the website. We added a Friday show, so let's get that one sold out. And then I'm all over the road. That's special, man. Laugh it up. New special, Mark Norman. It's going to be awesome. Netflix special, rocking. Okay.

Proud of you. Excited. We're cooking. And we'll find a guy for the ski trip. Maybe Jeremy Renner. Jeremy Renner. You can fucking shoot some people. He's got a great plow you should borrow. Yes. Anyway, we got... Mr. Plow. Jay Leno will drive you there. And... He's doing Burning Man. I really want Leno on here. Oh, I gotta get Leno. I got his number. I feel like I could... Before he kills himself. Yeah, I could text...

Yeah, text him. Love Leno. New York. Watch Ari Shafir Jew on YouTube. It's crushing it. Half a buff, five and a half. The hilarious Ari Shafir. Happy to have you. Thank you so much, Cameron. You were great. Great job, Cameron. Great bartender. Is this done? That's those three or you got more?

Is there more? One more. Not today, but you can interview more for a full time. We might even get one or two more in the meantime. Beard you're down. Beard you're out. Guys, I love you. Love you. All right. Thank you. Comedy.