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Hey, folks, we might be drunk. Here we are. We're back. We're doing it. Beer Jew, what are you doing here? I'm on the other side of the bar for once. Yeah, you know, it's a little strange seeing my ugly mug in front of the camera this time and not just my ass while I'm delivering drinks. Love your ass, though. I've always wanted to put like an ad sign on there, like you're right here. Beer Jew butt billboard, you know? Not a bad idea. Charge 50 bucks. You put your law firm on his ass.
Yeah, it depends how much you pay. We'll do like a little tattoo over there too, like a little tramp stamp. I'll hike up the shirt. That would be, but we have to do a thong in that episode. Yeah. A thong happens on one cheek. Right. You know. That'd be a great reveal. You, you know, got a black shirt on, you come out, bold ass thong. Pantsless, there we go, yeah. You're like, what, what realty? What the hell is that? Crack realty. Yeah, there it is.
Well, we have a guest bartender today, which is exciting. So BeerJu's going away for a while, and if you've been following the Patreon, you know that we have been taking submissions from people, and we're joined by Paulina. Paulina! What's shaking? Not much. I'm giving it a shot to see if you guys like it. What are we looking at? Well, I was told to make a paper plane. Ooh. A Manhattan.
and I will be making a mezcal Negroni. That's your special? That is my special, yeah. That's my special. Welcome, Paulina. Thank you, thank you. Quick, Paulina, what's your favorite Atelbit? Oh, come on! Don't do it. My favorite what? David Atelbit. Um...
I don't know. All right. I'm sorry. That's normal. Talamanka is trying to throw a wrench in the fucking wheels here. Why don't you give her a second? Let her get comfortable. There's a little pad behind the strike one. Mark just farted a second ago. Can you let her get comfy? Let that fill the room. Yeah.
I took the air out that filled the room. Yeah, I'm going to try to be smelling a mezcal Negroni. We have a classy drink coming to us. I'm going to get a whiff of Mark's ass. Sorry. It's a turkey and avocado wrap. Yeah. No, I think that's the perfect spectrum to kind of see what the barter is about for this situation. I think Mark's on the perfect spectrum right now.
We're all on, technically, we're all on the spectrum. Because you have, like, our, like, I guess this is just our iconic drink now, right? The Paper Plane. And then, because that's going to keep making appearances. And then I think that, like, one good, like, classic drink, like, of Manhattan, like, shows, like, how well a bartender. That's my go-to. Right, exactly. And, like, it shows, like, how well you, like, know the classics and how you can balance them out with, like, the nice and greenest that we have. And then, like, I think, like, every bartender should be able to show, like, their kind of, like,
Not a signature cocktail, but show a little bit of creativity because of the guests that we have here. Sometimes they'll have special requests, and you have to kind of work with it and get a little funky. She's going to get funky. I love the idea of a mezcal Negroni. I've had them before, and I think the smokiness of the mezcal is very nice. I'm excited. Yeah, for sure. Negroni is...
It's a spin on a classic. Yeah. Yes. And the Mezcal Negronis have been really popping off recently in the last year that they've been getting really, really popular. Also, I think Mezcal in general is getting huge. Yeah. It just keeps escalating. Like Mark farts, then he belches. He just shits his pants around minute 30. I got a business here. Today's episode is sponsored by Depends. Yeah. Yeah.
Bino, hit us up. No, but like, you know how every celebrity has a tequila now? Oh, yeah. I am willing to bet that within the next six months to a year, the next one that every celebrity is going to be moving to is their own mezcal.
Well, the Dos Hombres already have one. Yes, exactly. The Brian Cranston, Aaron Paul guys, which I tried it at an airport lounge because I don't love myself. And pretty good. Yeah. I thought it was a pretty good mezcal. Well, when you're at Fort Wayne Airport, you got to put them back.
You think they have a lounge in Fort Wayne? Good point. Apparently, Aaron Paul took a lot of time. He really dove into that personally. And Bryan Cranston was talking about that. He goes, I know nothing about this, but Aaron Paul really got into it. He was the Heisenberg of this mezcal. He really got into it, went to visit Oaxaca and the
That's a good way to get away with being an alcoholic. Like, what are you, been on a bender for six months? I'm testing tequilas. I'm working them all out. I am the one who sips. Oh, nice. I mean, that's been my excuse for the last, what, almost a year and a half, two years? They're like, what are you doing, Dan? It's 11 a.m. I'm researching. There you go. I got an episode tomorrow. I love what she's doing. And
Manhattan is what I make when I'm on the road. I mean, I've been lucky enough to Bodega Cat in the green room. We sold a bunch of them at these theater dates. They were selling them to the crowd. It's fun. I'm doing my crowd work. They can't do, you know, in theaters, I'm used to having waiters running the drinks, the payables when I'm doing crowd work. They can't do that. So my tour manager, Brian, Salakius nearly knocked the camera over.
My tour manager, Brian, is running with Bodega Cat cocktails to give to people. This guy's a full-service manager. Love it. He's all right. But before the show, I'm making my own little Bodega Cat Manhattan. Sure. On the rocks. Do you serve it up usually? No, this is a Negroni. Oh, that's the Negroni. So this is a paper plane. Yes. Oh, we share. Oh, yeah. We're just going to sample them. I love it.
Great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Some nice February cherries behind there as well. What do you think about this idea? Thank you. Yes. Celebrities are making liquors. Monica Lewinsky could make the mayonnaise. Yeah. Oh, my God. I feel like. Or what about just like a speckled dress clothing line? Yeah. What do you call that? A stain. Stain free. Those pants you can pour wine on. She should have gotten on the Tide pen. Tide pen.
She really missed the boat on that one. Monica Winsky's jizz stick. Is this dated yet? 38-year-old joke. Whose joke was that? Bill Clinton found the only Jewish girl who couldn't get a stain out. The only Jewish girl that fucking sucks a dick. I don't know. Prove me wrong, ladies. Prove me wrong. I found that they're very giving women. I agree. There's no sexual guilt like with the Catholic whores.
Who won't we piss off this week, guys? Why don't we have more female viewers? We got Paulina. What was the Jewish app? Was it like Chosen? PayPal, you mean? No, no. JDate? JDate. Yeah, I would go on JDate my single days. Jswipe. That was it. I'd go on Jswipe and go willing to convert, and I cleaned up because I was like exotic. That's a good one. I was a goy, but they thought, oh, I can change him.
I did one time. I was on J-Swipe, and Rachel Feinstein takes my phone and starts just messaging people with horrible pickup lines because she thinks it's funny. It's my life. But she messages one woman. She goes, you, a naughty little girl that needs to be tamed. Me, a bad boy who doesn't play by the rules. And she writes back, me, a comedy producer. You, a comic who's doing my show next week. And I'm like, oh, God.
Oh, no. Jesus Christ. How was the show? Awkward. How was the sex? Terrible. Damn.
Wow, that's wild. But, you know, she's a comic. She gets it. And you can blame it on Rachel. Yeah, she wasn't a comic. She's a producer. Oh, okay, okay. I'm pumped to try this. Favorite plane? So who are we starting? Beard you. You have to start, I think, because you are the... You're the Simon. I mean, look at your shirt right now. I keep wearing the same shirt, and you can call me Simon. Well, yeah, I mean, the muscle shirt, right? I'll be Randy Jackson. And Mascot Nicole.
Beautiful. I guess that makes me Paula. Let's do it. No, you're going to be Heidi Klum. You've got to blow a seal. Can you pull up Simon Cowell now? Have you seen his face these days? It's pretty wild. What do you got? Paper plane? Mark, you try it now. All right. Let's just do one at a time. Paper plane. How often do you make these, Paulina? Is it paper plane in your rotation? Yeah. Yeah, pretty often. I don't know.
Very nice. Very well balanced. Very nice. She did the orange peel. It's a little smoother, not as acidic. I prefer the orange peel. Yeah, it's nice. Good call.
Where do you bartend? In the winter, I don't. I bartend in Montauk in the summertime. Oh, cool. For like a few years that I've been doing that. That sounds lovely. And the city of the last bar was Continental. Oh, man. Oh, my God. I've been there. The five shots for $10? Did I kill you sometimes? That was a real college spot. Oh.
Oh, yeah. You must have seen some shit over there. Dude. I spent half a year. You're like a UFC fighter who trains in a bar fight. In Russia. Yeah. I'm COVID patient zero. That's
That's basically like working in the bar version of a Waffle House. Right, right. It's like, okay, on your resume, can you throw hands? You got to fight Dennis right now just to make sure. Mulaney had that old bit about, like, I think we'll die if we go to Nickel Shot Night. I always assumed that was about the Continental because they had that crazy deal. It's pretty much, yeah. It's like it's all, like, sugar shots and stuff. Right. Is that guy from, like, the Raiden Mortal Kombat hat still out there?
Oh, yeah. Continental shut down a couple of years ago. He's still around in the village. He opened an ice cream shop. Pull it up. Look up ice cream shop. He's known to be the Raiden hat guy. Raiden hat guy Continental. What hat guy? Raiden hat. Remember Raiden from Mortal Kombat? What is with the hat? Why do you wear that? Well, he's been, I don't know. He wore it every day for...
Years I worked there for six years trigger is what he goes for trigger. Yeah, trigger and I don't know covering his face Yeah, did you use the the carpano antico for the Manhattan? Very nice
All right, now, as just like a Barnard thing, I'm just curious, how much would you use the three-quarter ounce? You like ice. I use two ribbon. Yeah, that's nice. 0.5. 0.5. Cool. Is that him? No, no. Very nice. Is that the Undertaker? What the hell happened to him? Man, take it. He's just there. Yeah, totally. He's W3's Undertaker. You have, like, very nice, like, pics there as well. Oh, thank you. In the back, like, in the back over there. I can't find our guy. I will say, I prefer Manhattan on the rocks, but this is very good. Very good.
Paulina, P-Dawg. Yes. I mean, two for two, I would say. Two for two, and this is the big one. Yeah. This is the Mezcal Negroni. Oh, baby. This is it. The big reveal. You got time to Paulina? You got time to clean her? Huh? We'll count it. I've been sitting on that for a week. Look at this guy. There he is. Yeah, that guy's carried me out of there a few times. Yeah.
Oh my God. What? Ooh, that is lovely. That's nice. It's smoky. I love the smoky. He throws people out right before he does it. He goes, finish him. Finish it. Then leave. Yeah.
Yeah. Dude, the smell alone is... Trigger. It's nice, yeah. What's up with the ice cream place he owns now? I've already closed that window. Oh, God. Forget it. It's very good. This has got bite. Which mezcal did you use for that? I used your guys. Yeah, yeah. This is a really good drink. I would try to sell a vodka. It's not overly smoky. It's just there. It's really good. Yes. Just enough smoke. This is a father going to pick up his child later. And mezcal doesn't give you a hangover. At school. Apparently.
I'll tell you what doesn't give me a hangover. Maybe you don't mix it well. Yeah, exactly.
You like that? Very nice. We also have like a torch. There's a bunch of little toys to play with. So you can like flame out oranges and stuff if you're comfortable with that. I've been drinking natural. There's a butane torch right here. We're on the tour bus and I've been drinking a lot of natural wine with the boys. And we are getting lit up. You turned me on to that. I'm now doing that. There's no hangover. What is it? Why? No sulfates, I guess? What does that even mean? Why did they even put it in the other one?
I don't know, but it's pretty damn good. We were getting lit up. So we're on the tour bus. We're getting wasted. And, uh, you know, Vita is the only one who doesn't drink, but it's me, James, Brian, the tour manager. We're getting drunk and, uh, watching something about Mary. Great tour bus movie. Watch. I fucked up the next night. I was like, we're not getting to see the Oscar picks. Let's watch something artsy. We watched the movie tar on the tour bus. Which one is that? Cape land shit. Not a tour bus movie. Oh,
Is it about a piano? It's a slow burn. No, she's a maestro. Yes, yes. It's a slow burn, and the whole time Gary's going, fuck you. Ah! Like, fuck you, this movie sucks. And James is, you know, in the shot, so James is like, it's a slow burn, you know. But Gary is like, I'm watching him. We had to, like, you know, ease him off it with, like, you know, like someone's on painkillers coming off. We had to ease him off it with fucking It's Always Sunny episodes afterwards. Right. He was in a bad mood, dude. Ha ha ha!
At least sober. You guys have the drunk haze of like, ah, we can get through this. You know how when you get drunk on a plane, it's different? Yes. Is it similar on a bus? Well, I'll tell you, I was shocked at how well we did with it because we're on this tour bus and we're getting lit up, but we slept like babies on that bus. Like rocking you to sleep? Yeah. Well, I rocked little baby Gary. No, we...
We were animals on there. I was getting messages from Liz. She goes, how dare you just abuse Gary like this? Because we'd have James doing like, you know, tricep extensions on the top bunks. You know, he's just always working out. Yeah. While he's doing it, he's like farting in Gary's bunk. We're just animals.
Four dudes on a bus. What do you expect? Yeah. About those bunks, like for you, you're tall. Do you fit? How long are those bunks? Do you fit well? If I was like 6'5 instead of 6'3, I wouldn't fit. So I'd be fucked. You'd be fucked. You'd have to put me in a fucking trailer behind it. Yeah, there you go. Is that always how you have it? You have to open your window and put your feet out. Look up hug sleep. I bought this compression blanket, and it like wraps you in a fucking thing.
You sleep like fucking a mummy. You're like this. Oh, that sounds like hell. I don't like that. But it makes me sleep on my back, but then in the middle of the night, I have to get up and I have to use the bathroom. It looks like I'm in drag. I'm walking to the bathroom like, hello, boy. You've got George Santos over here. Wow. See, I don't like the constriction. But it feels good when you're sleeping. I like a weighted blanket, but not something that will wrap me up. What are you guys, molested? It's the same effect. What's going on here?
Get a regular blanket. I don't think that's what they sell. I have. I hate it. Is that how they're selling weighted blankets? Were you molested? This is the blanket for you.
Call in. You were molested. Yeah, what am I, a toddler or a molested victim? In all fairness, that does look like Gary. It does. It does. We'll have a picture of little Gary Vee side by side. You throw some glasses on that kid. It's over. Put a joke book next to him. There he is. Same guy. Yeah, you know, my therapist actually has a side gig at Beth Bad at the Mian. She's like, were you molested? Here's a coupon. There you go. The whole molested discount. What about...
but the bus is nice it does it that gurgled of a bus really is uh good for sleeping little gary i always loved falling asleep on like the passenger trains like the long time well that wasn't russia in ukraine like i used to have to go like three days and we'd have like a compartment right and that was like the best way to sleep because you feel like the tracks just like yeah that's kind of how it feels you kind of you are getting rocked to sleep a little it's funny i was asking that i got it i got really lucky our bus driver actually
was the same bus driver we had years ago when I was opening for Aziz.
So he remembered me, and he goes, I'm so proud of you that you're now, it's your show. It's your bus now. And he's a really nice guy, Jeff. And it's funny. He's eating pickles during the drive. And I was like, why do you eat pickles? He goes, because it keeps me up. Whoa. The acidic. What is this, Popeye? That's spinach shit. I mean, it's not like Gatorade. It's like electrolytes. Is it really? But it's pickles. It's all sodium. I don't like the idea of a driver being kept up by pickles. Like, this is a thing keeping him awake. I didn't like that he was deep-throating them.
But I thought other than that, it was all right. But no, he was eating pickles and he was a really cool guy. And I mean, we lucked out for sure. I mean, we thought how funny it would be if we just opened the door to see him driving and he's just like, you're in Columbus. We're like, no. He blows his head off.
But we, no, he was great. You know, he drove really well, but I'd say, which are the bad roads? He'd say, Texas roads are easy, but Missouri sucks. And I was like, fuck, I felt it while I was sleeping. Oh, interesting. Yeah, they're harder to drive. Very disorienting, too, when you hit bumps. You're like, where am I? Who am I? What state am I in? You're all over the place. But you wake up in a new city, there's something pretty cool about it. That's the best. You just kind of, of course, the one day we fly home, our flight gets canceled. Ah!
You know, but we, you know, we wake up every day. It was like, we're in Tulsa today. We did the they did the pizza Guinness World Records thing. So there's 25 of the best pizza makers in the country. Professor Pizza, this guy, Tommy, who runs the place. Fuck. It's called the DeMarco slice in Tulsa. It's top five slices of my life. No, it's on fucking real. Tulsa pizza is incredible. He's a New York guy. Really? Tulsa and or maybe Jersey. But he's like he's an East Coast guy.
Also Oklahoma. Yeah. Okay, wow. Dude, next level. Kane's Ballroom, which is where the Sex Pistols punched the hole in the wall. There's so much legendary shit there.
Alright, Tulsa. Oh, dude, that pizza is one of the best slices of my life. If you're in Tulsa... Tulsa's the new Connecticut? Yeah, kind of. This is like a Mad Lib. The Jew in Tulsa with the pizza. It's like a game of Clue. What's the name of the pizza place again? There's a place called DeMarco's of Brooklyn. No, but it's in Tulsa, dude. I think this is in Tulsa. It says...
Oh, Andolini's Pizzeria? That's it, yeah. I wonder if that's mob ties or something. Like, how did they get from Brooklyn to Tulsa? I bet that's mob related. Yeah, there's a huge outfit of the Gambino family in Oklahoma. I'm trying to promote this guy's business, Mark. I bet he's a criminal. No, I'm not saying he is, but I'm saying that's how he got there.
A couple generations before it was probably something. Something's fishy and it's not the answer. No, we... Yeah. No, we... Really great pizza. We're on the bus. We see... We're in St. Louis. We end up seeing Chris Rock, you know. Amazing. He ends up hanging with us in the hotel. It could have been cooler. And then... Because we're in the same hotel lobby in St. Louis. We end up seeing his show. His new material is phenomenal. I can't wait. It's crazy to see a guy that good in an arena. Sometimes arena comics don't have hard jokes. It's a lot of swagger. Yes. Rock, it's like all...
Oh, yeah. He's had enough time to flesh it out. How was it? Oh.
I can't wait. And if you haven't listened to the Colin Quinn episode of this, listen to it. But Colin Quinn's new show, Small Talk of the Lucio Lortel, star-studded. Oh, yeah? Seinfeld was there. Whoa! Gaffigan. Was that opening night then? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. Why'd you go? I had a gig in Jersey, a one-nighter. I forgot about it. But I got tickets re-up for next week. But I missed the big to-do. I think the people that care make it a point to do that. Wow. I mean, I had tickets. I just forgot about the guys. Like, I'll see you tonight. I was like, no.
I forgot all about it. We sold it out, so I had to go. I got to go do a show in Newark. It's more important. But List is like, we're all going to Quinn. Where are you? I'm like, ah. I saw List. I'm in Morris Plains. Yeah. How was that? So you had a whole group. Yeah, I brought Marlon Craft. The rapper came with me. He's my plus one, pure New York guy. If you don't know Marlon Craft's music, he's phenomenal. So look up his music. Yeah.
He really blew up in the last couple years. I took that picture. And his music's in me and Salacuse's doc, Julius Randall. Oh, right. Yeah, so many great songs. Cocky, humble, great rapper. Anybody talk to Seinfeld? You see Dr. Jerry? I don't know him. You know him. But did you go, hey, there's Jerry? We didn't say anything. All right. How far away was he? He was far. Okay. Far enough. Entourage? I think it was just him and his wife. Wow.
Man of the people. Man of the people. Hamilton's opening at the Beacon all week. Yeah, I saw that. Pretty cool. Ryan Hamilton, great comic. Great comic. Oh, there you go. Like real throwback beats. Like very jazzy. I like that. Soulful. Soulful. Well, his dad's a jazz musician. You can almost like feel that in his rap. It's like very old school. Like plays the vibes? Is that what his dad does? Plays the vibes? I don't know. I think so. That's a nice apartment. This is what I couldn't do about rap. This is why I'm a comedian. This shit, I can't do.
Anything like this. I just can't do those movements and live with myself after. I'm like, what am I doing? I'm not knocking it. I just can't do it. It's rappers and dudes in wheelchairs.
That's it. I'm offended. Wait, no, no, no. But you remember that Always Sunny episode where it's like D is dating a resorted person? Yes. I think they removed a lot of those episodes. No, that one's still up. It's still up? That's a great app. Because at the end, he freestyles and he goes, do you really think I'm mentally disabled? And he has a beautiful, amazing face.
freestyle track that he just disses her on in front of everybody. Yeah. But just because, like, he does this thing, they're like, obviously. Oh, that's hilarious. It's funny. It's like that. You can't even say retarded anymore, but that was the title of the episode. That was. Really? I think it was She's Dating a Retarded Guy. The office had a whole retarded episode. I think they might have just, like, put in, like, mentally retarded, not just...
It's so funny how that changes it. It's the same exact thing, but you put an extra word. Now you're a nice guy. It's all so silly. It's all so arbitrary. Yeah, I agree. I'm just saying. Guys who just agree with each other. Colored person, person of color. What are we doing here? It's all silly. Whose joke was that? It's better to put the...
The cursing? Oh, it was Bill Burr, I think. Yeah, it was Bill Burr. Yes, yes. It's better to put the... The cursing before or after. Oh, yeah, yeah. This Asian motherfucker versus this fucking Asian. Yeah. That's a great point. That's a great bit. Damn, Burr. But all the shit we're saying now will be offensive at some point. So you just gotta go nuts. Queef is gonna be the new N-word. I'm calling it. The Q-word. Mark calls his agent, you're gonna kill me.
kill me cut the merch take off the hard cue yeah oh sorry all right paulina i think these were absolutely delicious i can't put this down this humez cal delicious and i think the orange twists on the paper plane is a really good touch uh who do you want to sleep with the least don't answer that all right
That's going to be something you can't say in 10 years. What? Ask a question on an interview. Who's going to get the first lawsuit? Yes. All right. So where can the people find you? Are you on social media and all that stuff? Yeah. What about your address? Melusina Canibal is my... Where are you from originally? Mexico City. No, Naples, Florida.
- Oh, wow. - Nice. - That's a good pull. - Nice. - I like that. - So that's where the mezcal Negroni comes from, right? - Correct. - Mezcal, yeah, there we go. - Are your parents in Mexico City? - Yeah, yeah. - Nice. - I've been in New York for 10 years, so pretty newish. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, I wanted to do mezcal. - Awesome. - See if you guys liked it. - Fantastic. - Is it true that they aren't allowing New Yorkers to live there for over a month?
Yeah. Wow. Isn't that wild? We came in so hot here in COVID, and we took over the place. No way. Are you for real? No. Oh, okay.
Oh, yeah, it's a news story. Pull it up. Really? Yeah, they were like, you can't stay that long. They kept moving there to Mexico City. It's such a cool city. It is. It's awesome. And they were like, you're ruining a culture because it's all these New Yorkers now. Yeah, Trump wants to build a wall. They're going to keep us out. When I went there a few years ago, I lived in Brooklyn. I lived in Bushwick. And we touched down, and we touched down in Roma Norte. And we looked around. We're like, did we just take a round-trip flight
'Cause like everybody in Bushwick speaks Spanish anyway. - Right. - And Roman Orso just looked exactly like Bushwick. We're like, this is great, we're back home. This is fantastic. Except with better food and better mezcal. - Right. - I mean, 2020 is when it got crazy 'cause it's a lot of people.
Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, it's gentrified. The one thing that got me was the altitude. I didn't realize about the altitude. Oh, really? Yeah. We went out, like, my girl and I went out drinking, and we had, like, a cool bartender give us, like, a flight of mezcal. We're both bartenders. We drink a lot. We have a ridiculous tolerance, right? But we had, like, a small flight, like, maybe five, like, little...
like the saucers, and then we get up and we're just bombed. And we get a parent, we're like, did we get drugged or whatever, blah, blah, blah. We find our way back to the Airbnb and I start looking it up, I'm like, oh, it's just like the altitude. Like you metabolize alcohol slower. - Yeah. - You know, frat boas are gonna use that in a second. They're gonna roof you, they're like, it's the altitude. - It's the altitude. - Trust me. - We're in Denver, it's not just what I slipped into your drink, yeah. - So from Mexico City,
You've been here. What is Liar's Saloon? It's Bar That Shut Down as well. That's two for you that you closed. It's like four. Four? Oh, my gosh. There's a pattern. You're going to leave here. It's just going to burn down? It's a pattern.
The hell accused? Like, knock on that wood. But yeah, I was at Liar's Saloon in Montauk. Oh, right. But I live in the city. I just go in the summertime, spend a few months and work out there. What do you think? Worse city than Mexico City or better? New York.
It's just New York is my love. I mean, I love Mexico City, but it's... But you're not in love with it. New York City. It's an X. Yeah. There you go. Hear, hear. All right. Well, Paulina, great job. Great drink. Thank you, guys. Good frame. We loved it. Nice to meet you, Paulina. Nice to meet you, guys. Yeah. What do you got work tonight?
I think you're unemployed. Possibly homeless. Sounds like a hard-working person. I'm going to go back to my car. All right. Well, geez. Thanks for coming in. You killed it. Great stuff. Thank you so much, Paulina.
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Rockin we got our second bartender. I mean is this beer Jew 2.0? So so if I'm the beer Jew and I'm not Jewish at all he's the wine goy no no he's a Jew. You're more of a wine goy. Well that's what yeah that's what I'm saying that's what I should have been. This dude would have killed Nazis. Yeah. I would have done my best. Yeah.
Oh yeah, with your hands. I can see you holding an axe. I like a bartender who looks like if shit
If push comes to shove, he's going to throw someone a fucking headlock. Hell yeah. I like that. He looks like he eats Jews. It's crazy you are one. I can see you just devouring. Now, what's going on here? He brought a gift in. This is really greasing the wheels a little bit. I love it. I appreciate it. We take bribery. And I'm going to crack it right now. A lot of cigars. Yeah. We'll keep this in studio in case someone has a baby.
You're the first one online here. Wow. Are you going to have a baby? You ate condoms. Are you going to have a baby? Eventually, yeah. Really? Yeah, I think so. I've got three out there now. Yeah. Sorry. You don't pay for the support, right? No, no. They're on the street. Good.
For a cup of coffee? The price of a cup of coffee. All right. I love when people always do that. Like, why are you giving us an example of something that I can't live without? Right. For the price of a cup of coffee, I need the coffee. Oh, good point. Save for the price of, like, a small fries. Right, right. I need the coffee every day. That's a great point. Making some good points. You're right. Oh, yeah. You got the Knicks game tonight, is that right? Yeah.
Nick's Cavs. What are we playing? Oh, yeah. Cavs. Cleveland's good. All right. LeBron's on there, right? Lakers. Yeah, that's good. He left the Cavs. Ooh, baby. Maybe give me the big boy. Give me that silver. Oh, this is great. It's like Christmas. Look at that. Are you a big cigar guy, Mark? Not big, but I like one a month. Listen to that. Hold on. Let me get that. Hear that at home, folks? That's the sound of a nice Cuban getting toasty.
Look at that. I love that type of lighter. There's something about that type of lighter that just looks badass. Yeah, and that flame. The huge butane, yeah. Love fire. I feel like I won the craps table here. So where do you bartend? It's called 1776 in Morristown, New Jersey. Isn't there one of those, though, in the village? There could be. It's a David Burke restaurant.
So I know he is. That's like a high end place. It's a pretty cool place. It was a steakhouse or something. It's not a steakhouse. I mean, David Burke is known for his beef, his steaks and things like that. But it's not like necessarily a steakhouse. It's like it's like an American kind of place. All right. My friend used to work at one of those and he would hook it up. Oh, really? He would hook us up. With drinks? Yeah. Nice. And just so the Internet doesn't say I'm sexist. What's your favorite Bill Burr skit or bit? My favorite?
My favorite Bill Burr? Bit. Bit. You're bombing with this section here, this favorite bit. I know you're testing them, which I appreciate, but I don't know if people have a favorite bit. I do. So my favorite Bill Burr is from his new special, Red Rocks. It's the one where he's talking about, it's his abortion piece. Oh, great bit. And he's like, listen, just call it what it is. I support it.
But it's murder. And he has a great analogy about the cake in the oven. So good. I saw him work that out for the first time at the Patrice benefit. No. Wow. That was pretty cool to see that Joe crush for that crowd. And then, you know, it's in the special. Yeah. That was a great special. Amazing. How fun is that Patrice thing? The new Patrice one's March 4th. Yeah. It's always in March. It's coming up. Yeah. It's coming up soon. Yeah. It's announced it. Always a fun lineup. Rich Voss hosts it every year. It's always great.
Yeah, classic show. Yeah, I was going to call you a sexist, but you really pulled it together. No, that's impressive. Yeah, that was good. So is this the paper plane? Paper plane, yeah. Oh, baby, in the Big Martine.
I like, but that's how I like it because that way you're not fucking, you're not Michael J. Foxing all over yourself. That's why I like the coupe glasses, the curved ones that we have because it kind of like lets you slosh around. Those, yeah, yeah. But the martini glasses looks cool. They do look weird. Yeah, that's a little dainty if we're being honest. I look like a lord. I don't like it. Yeah, yeah. Very nice. Oh, yeah? Paper plane number two. Second tower. Okay.
Very nice. Very nice. That was a little lighter, too. That was a little lighter.
That was nice. That was like refreshing. That's a 10 out of 10 right there. That's a damn good paper plane. I should put this cigar out on Paulina. After that. I'm joking. Walt Salacus asked her favorite atel bit. Favorite atel bit, whore. Someone's going to chop up that part. They're sexist. I love you, Paulina. Paulina was great. Very good. This is a damn good. Very good. Get over here, Salamancro. That is an amazing paper plane. Don't knock over the camera this time.
Thank you guys. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Very good. Real Jew is killing it. Yeah. Real Jew. Real Jew. I like that. Real Jew. The only thing I would say is that I think you already know, but a cocktail is never complete without a garnish. Oh. I do know that, but I don't know
There should be a knife there somewhere. No, somebody took it away. Never mind. Oh, there we go. Wow, that was... Beer Jew's being kind of cunty right now. You're supposed to be the Simon here, right? Listen, he's right. He's wearing the black V-neck. I'm just playing the bar, yeah. I like having a picture of Simon Cowell just in the corner there. He's the real Jew. You're the beer Nazi now. You're the drink Nazi. He's become the beer Nazi. Yes. There you go. You either die quick or live long enough to become the villain. Grey goose stepping. Come on.
All right. So this is the Manhattan now? Oh, baby. I do love a Manhattan. Manhattan. The most...
Damaged in movies. History. What do you mean damaged? Like the most ruined movie. Most ruined city in movies. Oh, destroyed. Physically destroyed. Blown up. Fire. Pandemic. Murderers. Aliens. We do a pretty good job ourselves on that. I'm guessing LA comes next. I guess LA would be next. Manhattan's number one.
You know, it's Ghostbusters. It's, what's that, Will Smith movie, Legend? Escape from New York. Escape from New York. The movie Manhattan, he destroys a high school girl. Oh! That's it. A lot of runes. There you go. I'll tell you. Good City really seems to care. Day After Tomorrow. There's another one. I love that movie, by the way. You're the one.
I don't like disaster movies. Disaster, that's the word I was looking for. Some of All Fears, that was a real fucking turd. You ever see that one? Ben Affleck and Morgan Freeman, they nuke the Super Bowl. What? In Baltimore, yeah. Whoa, they do it? No, I don't know who nukes. Neo-Nazis do it to start a war. Neo-Nazis. To start a war, fascists, to start a war between America and Russia. They're like, we got to get rid of the Browns.
If only the real Jew was there to save the day. The team. None of us got there because the Browns would never make the Super Bowl. Look at Cleveland. How about they get Deshaun Watson, who's got all this bad breath, and he stinks. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, no one can give him a massage now that he's on the sidelines. He cramps up. He needs help. All right.
I'm excited to try this Manhattan. This is living. We got drinks coming. Doggies. This is a regular app. Oh, yeah. This is fun. Sorry, Peters. You've been overruled. Peters thought this might be a Patreon. I'm having a good time. No, this is too fun. It's an action app. There's stuff happening. I really like it on this side of the bar. It's a lot more fun. Don't get used to it.
This was his last show. That plane's not coming back from Bali. Yeah, he goes in the next room. We're making you a regular. No! Beard you got made. Yeah, exactly. It's like the good folks built where he gets... Cut the salad, go to the diner, just fucking... And the payphone. They got him. You motherfucker. You motherfucker.
That's good stuff. You have cherries somewhere? I don't want to. Right behind you. There should be cherries. Good question. Cherries right behind those bottles. You got two in a park for that garnish thing. Yeah. There you go. There we go. The garnish won't happen again. I'll say this, and don't clip this against me, but sometimes being a Nazi can have good results. Hey.
Kanye. Alex Jones. Alex Jones. You got to whip him into shape. You ever see old videos of Alex Jones? He's kind of like a handsome young guy. He was ripped. Yeah, he looked like Bill Hicks a little bit. Yeah, he was a hunk. All right, guys, here's the Manhattan. Oh, uh-oh. No ice. These are big glasses. Yep. Thank you, sir. Are you messing with me this time? Let me see. Pop that cherry. Well, you're the Manhattan connoisseur.
Look at that. That was Alex Jones. Look how hot. That's a good drink. I will say, and this is no fault against you, no points against you, but I do prefer Manhattan's on the rocks. I always liked them. I should have asked. Well, I mean, like, yeah, I know you do, but I would say that's a perfect preference. But everyone makes them this way. If you don't give them your preferences. Yeah, you got to say on the rocks for sure. But don't you agree they're kind of better on the rocks? Honestly, I do not. I really like them up because, like, once you –
It's mostly about the sweet vermouth. Once you have ice in there in the water, it kind of separates the sweet vermouth, and then you have this weirdly layered drink rather than a fully integrated, fully mixed drink. And then you get all the flavors at the same time with the rocks. Wait, okay, unless you have a big cube.
Unless you have a nice big cube. I don't want a little cube. Yeah, if you have a nice, like, large rock, then yes, absolutely. I want a hard rock. Cafe. Dwayne Johnson. I want it throbbing. Yeah, no, I love it. No, I like a big rock in there for sure. I like the rocks. The rocks do ice too. Very nice. What's up? Yeah, yeah, he's hot. Looks like Tim Dillon on Roids. Son of a bitch. You fucking goddamn fucker. Listen, you don't fucking cross the line.
Get that through your goddamn fucking head. Never forget the garnish. I will not forget the garnish. No, that's what I listen to before I go on stage, just to pump myself up. That voice, when you start talking like that, conspiracy theories, it's not good for your mental health. No, it's coming. It takes a toll. Yeah, and when you start hating the Jews is when you're like, all right, you just went nuts. You know, it's always coming. Well, especially if you're on TV, yeah.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. True. I don't know what that means. I don't know where this is going. Well, they control the media. Was that what that was? Yeah, yeah. I got it. This was his last show. This was his last show. He's done. I'm trying to help you there, B2. I'm just pulling out a little stop since it is his last show. Real Jew is holding it pretty tight over there. I've been keeping this in this whole time, and the whole time I'm the real Nazi. Oh, no.
How tall are you there, sir? 6'3". Okay. And he's like a strong 6'3", dude. This guy's a fucking O-line. Well, no, I'm wearing Timbs. Did you play football? I played baseball. What position? Third base. Damn, you were guarding that line? Third base. Yeah, fucking Wade Boggs over here, dude. Favorite third baseman? David Wright.
Oh, Mets fan? Dude, he's got all the answers today. Respect. Third right. I'm a Yankees fan, but I love David Wright. Favorite Dave Wright bit. The time he broke his back and left the Mets forever. Wow. No, that was a horrible story. Dark. Wow. I love it. That's a dark story. But that's a Mets fan's sense of humor. You got that right. You have to laugh. You got to be dark. Maybe you guys get Otani next year. You never know. That'd be sweet. Baseball fan. I like it.
I think the Mets this offseason did it. You're glad they didn't get Correa? No, no. I wanted Correa. I was kind of disappointed when that fell through. But, I mean, with Brett Beatty and Escobar, we have a solid third base already. So we'll be fine, you know?
Yeah. This is what you need in a bartender. You need to be able to talk sports. That's true. You need to be able to talk everything. Yeah. Good point. Therapist, sports, make a mean cocktail. I don't know what he's making right now, but I'm excited to try it. A gimlet. Oh, good choice. There you go. Oh, my God. I got a rec for you guys. By the way, speaking of gimlet, because it just made me think of her, Lauren Bacall, her book,
Oh, it did light. I'm literally talking about Hollywood royalty. You can't keep a fucking fart in. It's dumb bag. It tried to light it. It didn't catch. No, but literally. Okay, so listen to the audio book, though, because her voice is hilarious. She's literally like, and then Kirk Douglas came over to have his way with me, and I was in a cloud. She keeps saying I was in a cloud. Oh.
It's so old-timey. Fucking her romance with Humphrey Bogart. Incredible stories. Why did people talk like that back then? I don't know, but I love it. I like it too. It's the same reason that people talk with vocal fry now. It's just like a fad. You're right. Who's the other one I'm thinking of that Cate Blanchett played in The Aviator? You know who I'm talking about? Oh, Katharine Hepburn. She also had that voice. I love that. She did, yeah. Yeah.
Sounds like the mom on The Critic. Yes! That's a deep cut. Look at Kevin.
Fun guy. Wide tie. She was just like a classy, cool Hollywood starlet. She smoked. She was fun. And witty. She's very witty. Very witty. Witty and funny and cool. And classy at the same time. And the stories are incredible. It's like about Howard Hawks and have not meeting Bogart. It's a good it's a good audio book. Like when it's a really good performer, you want you want to hear the audio. Right. So true.
Dana Carvey in his heyday. Remember his old stand-up was so good. Oh, this is going to be a great Gimlet. This is a Gimlet. Dana Carvey had the bit where he said, uh, Katharine Hepburn sounds like a car not starting on a cold day. George Clooney of his day. That's a great movie, Philadelphia Story.
Oh, it's Jimmy Stewart and Cary Grant. It's a funny, it's a great rom-com. Super smooth. Very good. What's in that again? What's a gimlet? So it's vodka. In this case, I use Tito's and lime juice and simple syrup.
Damn, nice and easy. Honestly, I'm so dumb. I didn't even know there was simple syrup in it. I thought it was just lime juice. Okay, so this is the thing with gimlets. Old school gimlets, especially for- That is phenomenal. Phenomenal. I'm going to order that. Yeah, so the gimlet for a long time used to be a drink for older widows. Yeah. By the way, when you- You have to lose a husband to get one of these? Yes, and you have to have a large pearl necklace made with that husband's life insurance. Yes. There you go. There you go.
The real Jew. Real Jew. Real Jew. Real Jew. This one's going to get demonetized so quickly. Sounds like Auschwitz. He's a real Jew. Get him. No, but he used to be like a really sour drink. What the fuck? It's bad. It's bad. The Louis C.K. bit. Goodbye, Jews. Goodbye. That's one of the classics. Well, I will say. Classic.
We used to order, like, I remember going to bars with girls and we were like, you know, we're all kids and, you know, shithole bars, but the girls would order gimlets to sound old. Ah, smart. So they wouldn't get carded. No one cards someone ordering a gimlet. Yeah, hell yeah. Exactly, that's what I'm saying. So it used to be like a totally, like, at least up until like the early 2000s, I would say. Very good. It's like, it used to be like a very sour drink because they wouldn't add any sugar at all because as you get older, your taste buds kind of die out. So you need more like zest, more spice, more whatever just to feel it.
So for example, when I make like cause when I'm working a service bar, if, uh, if I get like a ticket for a Cosmo, I asked the server, like how old is the person ordering this Cosmo? Cause with the Cosmo, you can balance it like very easily. So if they're older, I always make it like super sour. And if they're younger, I make it much sweeter. Because like, no, but seriously, and it works. That's exactly how they like it. So the females love that. How old are you, bro? I gotta make you a drink. Well,
What are you, 82? No bag. Well, that's why I asked the server, not them. I'm like, hey, miss.
Right. I kind of card you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you sound like... Do you remember Bogart? No. But they used to be really sour. Now we can actually make them to be pretty palatable for everybody. So I think that's a very well-balanced cocktail. Well, I agree with this. Help me out here. So I love tequila, and sometimes I get a lot of tequila sodas, but sometimes you want to mix it up. And I like a margarita, but they're too spicy.
Too sweet. Get a Paloma. That might even be too sweet. But I want to order a skinny margarita, but I sound like such a queef ordering a skinny margarita. So what the hell should I order? I'm telling you, get a Paloma. All right, I'll get a Paloma. A skinny margarita. I know, I like them. It is not a cool. Yeah, you can't think of bogo being, give me a skinny margarita, see? Give me a mug, you make it skinny. Yeah, exactly. Give me a mug, see? I'm watching my figure, see? All right, I'll get a Paloma.
A Paloma's really nice because the grapefruit's sour anyway. Just say not too sweet, you know, it's fine. All right. And it's super easy. They can make it at any dive bar. Most people have grapefruit juice. What's in a Paloma? Grapefruit juice, lime, tequila, and a little soda on top. Ah, that's a good drink. The original Paloma's made with grapefruit soda that they have in Mexico, but...
Here we just do soda water and grapefruit juice, a little lime. All right. That sounds nice. It's really nice. I love it. It's one of my favorite drinks out because I only drink tequila when I go out. Grapefruit juice is underrated. I agree completely. Good, good, versatile juice. I mean, you know. Remember when I was growing up, every adult ate a grapefruit.
For breakfast. Remember that? With a spoon? Yeah. Cottage cheese, remember that? Yes! There was a lot of cottage cheese. I think there was like a health craze for 10 minutes. My grandparents thought shit was healthy that was not healthy. They were out there eating snack wells. I'm like, this shit is fucking garbage. You're just eating shitty cookies. And they have like 10 of them because they think they're healthy. Exactly. It's all sugar. What is this? Why are you pulling this up? Grapefruit in the face. Oh, yeah. Very good. Oh, man. It is. Everybody eats grapefruit then. Yeah.
I'm sorry. Way to bring the room down. Holy shit. No, geez. Did you bring the room down with a spousal abuse? Jesus Christ. Wow. He's like, this will be funny. A woman getting beaten. Cagney was like a five foot two song and dance man. It's so funny that he's like a, he's a Jew too, I think, right? Really? Is that right? Cagney. Unless he changed his name. Look it up. He might've changed. Maybe Edward G. Robinson was Jewish. I'm thinking Edward G. Robinson was a Jew. So was Jackie. His name was Cagney Stern? No, Cagney wasn't Jewish. I don't think.
Oh, maybe he converted. Rod Carew. He converted. Yeah, he... Irish American. Okay, I think Edward G. Robinson was a Jew, though. Okay. Do you want to see him speak Yiddish in 1931? Yeah. Yeah, what the hell? He just puts another grapefruit in someone's face. He speaks broken German. Cagney was great. You ever see White Heat or Little Caesar? Those are fucking bangers. That sounds funny. Is he a New Yorker?
It must be. I'm going to go yes. I think everybody was back then. Grammar seat. I'm going to go yes.
Yeah, he was Cagney's great. I remember seeing White Heat on the big screen at the film forum, and that's a pretty epic one. Top of the world, ma. Great movie. Great movie. I'll tell you, I watched Harold and Maude on the flight back from Hawaii. Classic. Classic. That was Hawaii. Oh, it was great. The shows were weird. But I was out there with Andrew Youngblood. We would just sit and watch the sunset, drinking highballs all day. And we got ATVs. We went on a swam. It was great. What?
It was a great time. Magical place. It really is. The shows were weird, but magical place. Yeah. I'm sure you're not there for the comedy. Yeah. You don't need comedy there. Like people came out cause they wanted to say, to say hi and support, but like, they're not savvy, you know, like it was a lot of heckling, a lot of woo, a lot of like, what? We don't care about that. Why are you doing jokes about Uber? Let's, let's hang out. Let's drink. You know, it was, it was weird, but fun hang otherwise.
We're in South Africa and Hawaii within two weeks of it. Horrible routing. I'm all fucked up. 11-hour flight there, 11-hour flight back. Horrible. I did Tacoma mid-December in Washington. I did Spokane on New Year's. I'm like, I'm just in the same fucking faraway state and weird cities. Yeah, back to back. But you need those days home to recharge. You really do. You do, and it's good. And also, it's like staying out there. You're just like...
That takes more of a toll than the flight. That's true. We're so fucked up and flying all the time that we're just kind of used to being jet lagged. So I think we're like kind of used to it, but you know. It's funny how our recharging is like, I'm back in the city. I'll go drink midday on a podcast. I literally landed and went straight to Colin Quinn show.
And then. With the bags? No, I live walking distance. Oh, that's right. So I dropped them off and I went straight there. Took half a dump. Didn't even take a full dump. But I needed the bidet cleaning in my butthole. He just clipped it. I'm so used to the bidet now. I can't have an airport wiping. I need some water in my hole. Oh.
I went over there. You spoiled asshole. I haven't spoiled. My asshole has become quite a dandy little fucker. I went over there, and Marlon and I, we tie one on at a whiskey bar nearby. We have our drinks. I hope you shit at the bar and got the rest out. I waited until I got home. All right. I want the fucking bidet. Oh, good point. You get a bidet at the bar, we'll talk. We should have Marlon craft on. He has his own whiskey. Mom's whiskey. I told him, and he said he wants to come on. Elliot. There you go. Come on.
All right. I want to try your bidet. You're welcome to come over. It's a heated seat, too. Oh! Kind of intimate to share a bidet? I'm more than happy to share it with anyone who wants to come over. Christmas Day, I had Jared Freed, my friend Chase, and my friend Dory over watching Hoops, eating Chinese food, pounding coffee, before we switched to whiskey. Freed took two dumps. He went back for seconds on the dump before he went back for seconds on the Chinese, I'll tell you. Wow.
Everyone took two dumps. It's a poo-poo platter over there. Well, everyone got their Chinese and we switched to whiskey pretty soon. I started making people paper planes. There you go. Nice. It's a good thing you had a bidet. You'd be out of toilet paper. You save money on toilet paper and it's eco-friendly. Eco-friendly.
Those wet wipes are the worst. That's what ruins the environment. I got Greta coming over to take a dump. Everyone's happy. How dare you? All right. Well, thank you, man. This was amazing. Giflet is next level. This is excellent. You're great. The hair, the facial, you got some mitts on you. You can really choke out a lady. You got a great head of hair. Thank you. Really one of the best heads of hair I've ever seen. Oh, yeah. This is like Jason Priestley in the 90s good. Yes. So-
I saw the Patreon where you guys were like reviewing us and you guys just kept saying, look, this dude's huge. And I was like, shit, do I need to get like a muscle suit? I was like, I feel like I'm going to be the only person to ever catfish someone with an unedited video of myself. You're good.
No, no, no. I could tell he was a dude. What's with all the Alex Jones shit you're looking up, Salamanca? I'm going to send him off with you, goddamn son of a bitch. I blew it. I blew it. I'm sorry. Oh, no. But yeah, thank you for coming in. You killed it. You look great. If I was gay, I'd blow you. All right. I'll take it. All right. Thanks for the stogies. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for the opportunity.
Okay, we rolling, Peter? Okay, so what I liked about the last guy was he took his... He asked, where can I take these glasses?
And he was done. Yes. And I remember hearing a story about the CEO when he interviews you, he brings you into his office. He says, let's go get a cup of coffee in the kitchen. And you go because you're trying to get a job. And then he brings you down and interviews you. At the end of the interview, you shake hands or whatever. And if you don't take your cup back to the kitchen and put it in the sink to like do a little washout, he doesn't hire you no matter what your qualifications are. He's like, it's just a personality test.
Oh, like a decent person would do that. Yes, if you leave the cup there or whatever, you don't get hired no matter how good you are. I mean, it's important to be considerate, you know, and especially like,
It shows how much, like, I would say, like, accountability there is, you know, how much responsibility there is, and that you're not pawning off, like, work on other people just because, like, oh, that's not my – that's the thing I hate worse. Like, I've trained, like, I counted the other day. I've trained about, like, upwards of, like, 55 bartenders in New York, and they all have really good jobs now. And, like, that's the one thing that, like, I will never let slide if somebody says, like, oh, that's not my job. Ooh.
Like being a bartender in a restaurant, like if you're working in a nice restaurant, there's all sorts of staff, right? There's runners, bussers, waiters, porters, everybody, right? And the bartender is kind of like up there, right? So there are like a lot of bartenders who will be like, oh, no, I just make the drinks. I don't even go out from behind the bar. I'll never go into the kitchen. I'll never like touch a dish. He points to his penis and he goes, that's not my job. He's like, well, you're fired. That's messed up.
No, but it's like – but that's the one thing that I hate hearing the most is like that's not my job. Like, you know, when you're working with people, especially in the hospitality industry where everyone's like so tight-knit, like works together to make – in most places you pool tips anyway, you know. And then for someone to say like, oh, that's not my – or that's beneath me. Well, you're top of the totem pole there and you're doing –
Exactly. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, exactly. And like, but that's important for everybody, you know, like top of the total pool doesn't mean shit when like the whole total pool is like horizontally making the same tips and everything. So like just that whole, like, yes, there's a lot more ego and like whatever, like confidence in a bar. And like, we're, we're supposed to be like the face of the bar or whatever. And we're supposed to be talking to customers and look nice or whatever and have that like kind of like ego trip and confidence just to,
you know, make sure that everyone feels like we're in control and nobody's like running amok. But the fact that... Yeah. Oh, oh, geez. You're wasting good air with this shit. This story's 20 minutes long. What are you doing, Beer Juice? I'm just saying, like, it should be... We got it. I think Beer Juice fucking wasted. We got it 10 minutes ago. You say the same thing over and over. Fuck you. Fuck you.
That's not my job. I hate when somebody says that. There you go. Good peep. I got it all summed up in one sentence. All right, there you go. I was like, all right, I can't wait until we're back on here. I didn't know that was this pod. You were talking to me that whole time? Personally. How do you feel about both those bartenders? Were there people that you would hire at your place, you think? Yeah, I mean, they're both great as far as bartenders. Scott was very personal. He's very quick. Yes, agreed.
You know, he just has to get comfortable with, like, the stuff we have here, and that's it. Like, Paulina was very, like, on point with what she gave as, like, her personal cocktail, you know? Like, she both knew you guys liked Negronis and stuff, and then put her own, like, cultural spin on it with the mezcal, which was fantastic. Very nice. You know, with the gimlet he came out, like, the gimlet's kind of, like, not something that a lot of people serve off the bat now, but he made a fantastic one. Great gim. Yeah. Yeah.
I love a Gimlet. A Gimlet is an underrated cocktail. Yeah. I've seen people order it. I've never really ordered it. Yeah. Well, the divorcee lady thing maybe gave it a little femininity. We were at a bar, and I think it was Spokane. Vitor and I had a bar, and Vitor doesn't drink, so I'm drinking at a bar. And...
The bartender walks over to us and I have a drink and I was like, and this pussy's not going to have anything. The bartender goes, you fucking pussy. And Peter's like, oh. Good to be the headliner. Can't catch a break. Yeah. Does he must crack every now and then and have a cocktail? If his wife is watching, yes, he does. Oh. He's a bad boy. No, he doesn't. He never fucking does it. When I taped a special, uh,
Chicago we did four nights and I said you need a drink with me I need your emotional support this trip and he said okay, so he got drunk with me for that trip and the best part is I
September 1st is when my Netflix special came out and I was flying to Vermont from Texas. I have a bit about this now, about how I missed the show that night because the connection got fucked. So I was really stressed. But then I was also like, it's just a show. We're making it up on Sunday. I land in Vermont. I said, we're going to a good restaurant. We got to like have a good night. Show got canceled.
you gotta get fucked up with me and he goes you got it we got fucking ripped and the next day he goes this is what hangovers feel like and I was like yeah dude it sucks but he hadn't like I'm used to it so I'm kind of like yeah that's annoying yeah but he it's been a while for him so he was like are you fuck he was just mad the whole
the whole day. Yeah, and he's got a rhythm. He works out every day. He eats well. He goes, he writes and the hangover. He eats very well with me. I take good care of the little fucker. Yeah. What does he drink when he drinks for the first time in a long time? We were doing cocktails. We did some wine, but he, it's, yeah, he really, he really is like, has the attitude of a hot chick. Yeah. He's like, you better take, he'll say, you better take me somewhere nice.
Well, it's easier when you're eating off the kid's menu. Yeah. I got a filet. He got a dinosaur chicken nugget. Dinosaur chicken. Can we get some crayons before the food comes? He was drawing the tablecloth. No, he always says, he goes, you better take me to this fucking restaurant. He'll point out five-star restaurants and times, like, you better fucking take me there. Damn.
He knows his worth. Yeah, I was like, well, you better fucking suck me long time, motherfucker. And he does. He can stand and do it.
It's so funny that Veeder, I know we've talked about Veeder for 30 minutes on this app, but he sold coke in college. I mean, the guy's got a rep. He's got an edge to him. You wouldn't know it. He's this little guy with glasses, but man, he's got history. Checkered past. That's his show, by the way. Yes. Veeder is like a drug mule. And he's so good with business. I bet he had like eight freshmen under him doing baggies and shit, weighing it out. He's got the lady with no shirt on. He hits her ass. Yeah.
Pretty good. Where are you going to go coming up? Oh, I'm all over the place. Dayton, Toledo. I'm really running it through the mud here. Let's see. Spokane, Appleton, Wisconsin.
See Rochester, Poughkeepsie. I mean, I'm doing all the fun cities. Big recording on March 18th. March 18th. I think it's sold out. We added a show, so we might just keep adding shows until we get as many as we can. Can you say the venue? The Vic Theater in Chicago. Sold out two already. We might add one, and hopefully we add another. Four is a nice number for a special. That's amazing.
So we'll see. Chicago, come on out. Got some good food wrecks in Chicago. Please. Look up Shaw's. That's a fucking spot, dude. All right. Also, I mean, what's the great burger spot in Chicago? Oh, something. AU something. No. Au jus? I love the au jus. The au jus will not replace us. That's a good prime rib spot. Yeah, better than Auschwitz. That's a whole other one.
February 14th, Salt Lake City. This is for Sam. Bad hotel. Atlanta, New York. Atlantic City. Royal Oak. Minneapolis. We're adding shows to all these places. Madison, Wisconsin. Milwaukee, New Haven. Boston. Adding a bunch of those. Miami, Orlando. Ponte Verde Beach, adding there. Atlanta, the Tabernacle. Charleston, Durham. Charlottesville.
Norfolk, D.C. We're on the tour bus for this motherfucking stretch. Yeah. Wilkes-Barre, PA. Ending that one in Portchester. More dates being announced soon. But yeah, a lot of cool shit. The tour bus is just the truth. It seems like a lot of fun. And I've seen the videos and it makes you want to be on it. Oh, dude. I mean...
Fucking with morning radio, morning press, you know, dead Vita there pretending to be dead. We got we're hooping every day. We're being healthy. I mean, we get lit up at night for sure. James Webb documenting all this. James has got some cool shit. He's got some good footage of us hooping, some footage of us just, you know, pounding booze and bars, eating their good pizza in Tulsa, you know.
being animals on the tour bus cool you know backstage stuff and these theaters are beautiful it's pretty crazy they have stories like you know Houdini I know went through the ceiling there and I'm like cool I'm gonna do a dead baby joke right here different vibes
Are you showering in there? I do. Yeah. Because we're on the tour bus. So, yeah, we shower at the venue every night. What's the pooping on the bus situation? You can't poop on the bus. No pooping on the bus. Although the driver told me, he goes, it's a girl here years ago. And they were just pooping trash bags. What? What?
How? You have to get rid of them. I don't know. You just put a trash bag where the bowl goes. Yeah. And you just poop shit in the trash bag as you're sitting on the toilet. I don't want seafood on that bus. We ain't doing shit. I was like, no fish on the bus. Is that your rule or the bus driver's rule? No, you can't poop on there. Whose rule though? I think it's the... You just can't on those. It's going to stink. And if you see those toilets on the bus, the hole where the piss goes down is about the size of a quarter. Yeah. So if you drop a log in there, it's sitting...
It's sitting. It'll stew. It's a stew. It's a bad stew. Yeah. A terrible stew. Kreischer shit on the bus because he was the headliner, so we all allowed him to shit on the bus. What are we going to say? And it didn't go down.
And we just had to live with it. Oh, my God. So we're all peeing on his rock-hard, tapped blue ribbon can shit that was just sitting in the bowl for three weeks. Bird's poop has got to be the most unhealthy poop. Even... I bet it's orange and just being like, ah. It's got a Hawaiian shirt on. Joey Diaz was like, I'm getting a hotel. That was it. Really? This guy's been in... He was like in Nam. He's like, I can't handle this. This is too much.
It was in New York in the 70s Yeah exactly He's like I'm not dealing with this tour bus No Now the bus And these theaters are just Are legendary Like you're literally Yeah Performing You're looking at the other people on the wall People who signed the wall And it's like Crazy It's wild They're like Elvis fucked in this Broom clause And you're like Yeah get in here Vader Yeah
You better earn that free meal, boy. Yeah. You got anything there, BeardJer? Sorry, I didn't mean to call you out. I didn't know we were recording. I feel bad. No, it's all good. It's all good. No, I mean, the only thing I got is I'm going to be traveling for a little bit. So if anyone's out there who's listening, who's in Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, Vietnam, Cambodia, Taiwan, and South Korea, Japan. South Korea would be the best, actually, because I have no contacts there. How do they contact you?
Actually, I got an Instagram. North Korea? What do you think? Sugarloaf2192. If the opportunity comes up, I want to meet Dennis Rodman. Is he still there? I don't know. I think he's back here. I think he left, but he's been hanging out there for a while. But no, a bunch of people already contacted me through Instagram, and they're like, hey, I'm in Taiwan. I'd love to show, come out. And I love that because I'm traveling basically alone and meeting people along the way. So I'd love to...
meet somebody, either transplants or locals, whoever, and find some stuff. Sweet. Hit me up. All right, hit them up.
We'll see you all in hell. Thanks for coming in. BodegaCatWhiskey.com. Get your Bodega Cat. That's how we're making all these drinks. Yeah. And boys, it's some fine whiskey. Yes. Good for your family. Good for your children. Give your kids some Bodega Cat Whiskey, and if they can't handle it, call them a pussy and beat them. Yes. Bodega Cat Whiskey. Not just for adults anymore.
Yeah. And get a glass. And thanks to the bartenders who came in. And we'll see the next bartenders next time. Get a glass and tap that ass. Yeah. A new beginning. Yeah. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.
