Ep 111: Yamaneika Saunders & Paper Knife
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On that note, are we rolling? Oh, hey! We might be drunk, folks. Welcome. How the hell are you? We got Yamanika Saunders here, our old pal, fellow comedian. Yes. She just woke up from a Cosby. I did wake up from a nap. Oh, man. You came straight from the gym. I came straight from the gym. I did some extra steps today. I walked back on the subway back in poverty time. Ha ha ha.

back on the subway with the poor people Uber has really Uber's a rich man's game a consistent rich man you can't be on hiatus from nothing if you want to stay on Uber wherever you're going after this we got your Uber you really do? shit I ain't got nowhere to go I'm walking up to my psychiatrist and get some pills just take it to him and drive around the block a few times you guys are so cute I should have known y'all had the Uber hookup oh yeah we got the app

Yeah, we got the hookup. Yeah. Are you worried about the subway at all? Like, that seems like the slashings went up. Yeah. I mean, I haven't for two and a half years. I didn't go on the subway at all. Whenever the pandemic start to whatever, it kind of like died down a little bit. Then, you know, um,

I'm not I don't want to be I don't like being around people in general so you know what I mean you done already added murder to the shit too you done added murder to some shit I already don't want to do like oh I really not gonna be here now you know it's crazy the DMV it's even worse yeah it's like and it's a poor person's game too I hate to talk about poverty and poor but this is you know I don't want to die like that you know people want to die you know

- Stabbing's a bad way to die. - I mean, first of all, the thing about stabbing is this. How slow do you have to be moving to get stabbed? But then also, you gotta remember sometimes you can't break away. That's my thing. 'Cause like, if I got open air, it's gonna be hard for you to stab me if I'm awake. - Right. - You know what I'm saying? Like a foot gotta go out, an arm gotta go out. When you on the subway and everybody's sitting down and all this other nonsense,

The stabbing, it can't happen immediately because you ain't got nowhere to go. But the only thing that could possibly save you is that the person can't get enough velocity in their arm because they can't go back so far. And then it's a light stabbing. Hard to stab at rush hour. Yes. No room. You need the rotation, sure. You got to go slow. What about one of these? You next to somebody...

You know, you hit him with the old... That's not a knife, my friend. You know what? One of my friends said he used to be... I don't know if I should tell this story. I'm not going to say his name. He was in prison. Oh, boy. Yeah, and it wasn't... Cosby. Yeah, I wish. You never know. I wish I had got access to Bill Cosby back in his pill days because...

I would have sued him so hard. You know, I get it. You want him just to be vilified, but I also want some cash. Sure. You know what I mean? Like, you ain't like, you know, the statute of limitation is up, but hush money never expires. My friend, he was in prison.

And you know when somebody tell you something and it sound like a lie, but they tell it to you so well, you're like, oh, is it believable? And then now you got to go on a deep Google search to see if it's possible. Right. So he told me this guy kept messing with him, whatever. He's a thin guy. He said he got a piece of paper. He was collecting paper, keeping paper hard, letting it get crunchy. Is this a money thing?

What do you mean money? Paper. What do you mean paper hard? Newspaper. I forgot. Ain't y'all millennials? Y'all don't know about newspapers. Oh, okay. We used to keep the paper hard. What else? What else? What a paper. I didn't know what that meant. Sorry. I don't want to show my occasion. Did y'all think about newspaper when I instantly said paper or y'all didn't say? I thought paper was money. I got to make that paper.

I can't even mess with y'all. I mean, I get it, but who even touches paper now? Paper's obsolete. I got paper on me. You talking about cash? Yeah. You got cash on you? I got a ton of cash. I don't have no cash. They said they stopped printing paper. That's what I heard on the conspiracy theories. Ah. They said no more paper and then they gonna go to the Yang or some shit like that. But I don't know. You know, I get my news from BET. The basketball player? Now, uh,

Next thing you know, the man said he, my friend said he was crunching up the paper, making the paper hard. So the paper could be super hard. Paper got to be super hard, crunchy. You got to wait, I guess, months for the paper to get hard. I don't know how long it take for paper to get hard. Why would you wait months? Because he rolled the paper up. He said he finally got the paper hard. He rolled the paper up and made a shank out of it. So when the guy came, he said he backed with a piece of paper.

I see. And he said the guy was gushing blood. I said, gushing off of what? I said, was it obituaries? I don't even know. To me, it was so crazy that you could even get paper like that. Yeah, yeah. So I had to start Googling, but I never found anything that said it was actually factual. I don't know. Not even a prison lore. Toilet paper knife. I mean, they get crazy creative in prison. Toilet paper knife. Can we see that? Look at that.

Who made a toilet paper knife with the handles real? If you jizz on anything, it'll get hard. I mean, have you seen a crunchy sock? Do you think when the warden grabs him, he's like, look, this is terrible, but A plus for creativity. Right, you get a gold star.

Look at that. What are we drinking, by the way? What is this? Oh, yeah. What the hell am I drinking? That's like a basil and kind of cranberry with a little gin. I want to try that, actually. I want to try that. Can you make me one? Absolutely. I'm not drinking because I've stopped drinking. But I definitely, when you said all of that, I want that. That's good. Do you want to try it with gin or just without? I can make it without. Make it without the gin. Yeah, don't fall back.

- I wasn't no alcoholic, honey. My addiction ain't alcohol, it's food, okay? - What kind of food are we talking? What's your weak spot? - Oh my God. Well, first of all, my system, I'm this way because of a disability, okay?

That has not, I'm trying to get it up to Congress. Oh boy. When you got a slow metabolism, it's a disability. Okay, so that's my situation. A lot of people have that problem. I love macaroni and cheese. I love anything with a crust, anything that's cheesy. Yep. I like anything that's like...

You ever had like a fondue, right? But then you have like a cheesy fondue and then you got like a chocolate, white chocolate fondue. Oh, yeah. My lowest point, because I'm not eating like that anymore because my diet is- You've lost a lot of weight. I have lost a lot. Even though people go, they ought to see a side by side. Right. Because I'm still fat. Right.

Right? So, like, when fat people start losing weight, it's like, well, bitch, don't stop here. You know? So people try to withhold the congratulations until you get where you need to get. I got you. And then they start to go, oh, okay. You know, all right. So, what was I talking about? Fondue? Yeah. That was my ex-girlfriend. She was Asian. Fondue. Oh, no. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Yes. Let me tell you something. Mine was Jewish. Her name was Won't Do. Listen. Let me tell you something. And Baby Shark do-do-do-do. Clip it. Clip it. Somebody said that. Everything do. Rent do. Pay do. Baby Shark do-do-do-do. Y'all need to jump on Black Instagram and Twitter. It's more fun. Oh, Black Twitter is amazing. And what is it? Hood Clips? Oh, my God. Oh, all of that. Yeah, you can't. I.

I realized I had to start following a lot of white girls because it was too many pink organization Amazon box reveals for me. And they always got miniature shit. White girls love little teeny shit. Tell me about it. It's a problem. Yeah.

Oh, man. You know what? I'm just going to relax and enjoy this show because I like to laugh, too. That was crazy what y'all just did. That's wonderful. And by the way, the only reason we didn't bring a drink out for you, I feel bad now as host, is because I heard you don't drink. Yeah, I don't drink. I eat.

Right. And I can't, you know what I'm saying? I can't do that like that anymore because, you know, my system, my metabolism, I've had to cut out so much stuff that I love. I love cilantro. Number one thing I can't have. Why not? That's healthy. So I went and did, got blood work done, which everybody should do because you don't know. You start following the things that they say you're supposed to have and not supposed to have, but you need to follow the things that are happening for you.

your body in particular. Thank you so much, my love. That looks delicious. - Gut health. - Yeah, all of that. So when I went and got the blood work, it said I couldn't have cilantro. - There we go. - Wow, cheers, thank you. - To the paper knife. - Oh, that's good. You came up with this? - Yeah. - Yeah, he's a hunk.

You know, we have the paper plane. This is the paper knife. There you go. I like that. I love it. That's good. Well said. Um, Mark, I can't take this. This is what I'm talking about. This is some shit you'll never see on a black podcast. She's trying to talk about her journey to weight loss. Put poot out of his ass. And he know I'm the wrong one to do that shit.

I went and took a shower to come here from the gym. And you're going to raise your little stinking ass up and let the air in. And then put it in your damn eyeballs. That's crazy as hell. And this is exactly why people be getting murdered on the train because of shit like that. That's insane. You know what? We're all adults here. Insane.

Mark. If you have to go, feel free. I can't believe it. And you heard how it came out like it was surprise. It was surprise. It was like... It was... You know what it was? It was like a fart the way a guy would like peek behind a door. Right. Right. Because it saw me out here was like not while

- Not why this black lady's here, but we already being pushed out. - I treat everyone equally. - That's why I thank you, but also I'm offended. - Oh, it's out of love. - No, I appreciate, no, no, that's the-- - It's a comfort thing. - Of course. - It doesn't smell great either. - But I can't talk about food now with this shit lingering in the damn air. That's crazy. You need to go see, no, no, no, I have to tell it. Let me finish it because it's important to everybody.

I went and got blood work done. I still got a couple more. They took so much blood. The woman said to me at the lab, she said, do you want me to take all this in one sit down? So I was like, yeah, who cares? Of course. Why would I want to come back here and get more blood and this and that? Right. She came out with like 40 little vows. And I said, okay, well, she clearly the bitch not going to fill up all of these. Right. It's going to be a drop here, drop there, drop, drop, drop, drop.

By the 10th one, I was like, listen, what? So do people be passing out from this? Yeah. It's just like, yeah, all the time. Oh my God. All the time. That's why I

if you wanted to do a certain amount, I said, okay, well, I said, listen, what number do they pass out? Cause I just want to beat the person that passed out. And so we wound up doing a 20 in one day or so. I had to come back and do more. There's four more that I had to do. So it's, you know, it's, so it's,

Based upon my body. So my blood, I can't have almonds. What? So, you know, I have been making adjustments with almond milk because they said with healthy living, you want to do almond milk instead of regular milk. That was fucking me up because I can't have almonds. It like it shoots through my system big time. It causes me to withhold and blow and all kinds of shit in my system. I can't have peanuts. I can't have cashews. I can't have cilantro. I can't have greens.

Wow. I can't have any. I had to stop Italian food, which is really hard for me because I can't have basil. I can't have oregano. This has basil in it, doesn't it? Does it? This has just the flavor of basil. There's no actual beans in it. What is that green thing? Yeah, you don't eat it, though. Oh, no. The way you just did. I just want to say now, if I start bloating up.

It's because of the basil. But it's a lot of things that you have to think about when your system. I've just been throwing food in my body because I want it and I was hungry and I'm eating it. To be fair to myself, I don't eat all the time. I just eat shit that I just want. Don't think about it. We need to all think about the things that we put in our mouths, what we eat. Ladies, don't think too hard, though. No.

I mean, you know, semen is good for some women in their diet. Is it? There you go. I'm sure somebody has a semen benefit. Yeah. It ain't me. I don't think doctors are giving you that information with your blood work. You should have more semen. Well, a lot of women, I'm sure, come in with a lot of semen already. Yeah.

And they probably continue to do that because that's actually reducing a lot of the bacteria and candia in your system. Yes. Not good for the eyes, though. No. We've all been there. Or the belly of yours is hairy. Yes. You ever shoot it up on your belly? You're like, ah, now I got to take a shower. It's fun to make the hot tub, though.

Little belly button. I'm never going into a hot tub. I cannot believe you would jerk off on a hot tub. No, no. I'm saying the belly button's like a little hot tub with the jizz. Oh, boy. No, I don't know. What? I wouldn't do it in a hot tub. I can't get hard. And who pulled up 14 Things to Know About Swallowing Semen? Oh, shit.

And why was it bookmarked on your computer, Matt? What are the 14 things we need to know about swallowing semen? Please. First of all, is it actually safe to ingest? Of course, we've all done it. For the most part, yes. Sure. It's not the same as food. Is it as protein rich as everyone says? You can put them in your shakes. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Wow, zinc is in semen? There you go. This shit could fight COVID. See, but this is the thing about the semen. Look at this. It's got sugar in it. So that's a problem. Sodium, also a problem. Chloride, problematic. Too much calcium, problematic. Damn. Okay? It's lactic acid? Come on now. It's literally a health nut. What the hell is that? Damn.

Are you just saying that because it's your real or what's going on? You know that for sure. Because I said 2023, I'm going to stop just trusting white men when they tell me definitions of words. Because sometimes it don't even make no sense. Yeah, sure. We all believe a white man. Right. Wow. I didn't know. But what about squirt? Women squirt? Is that urine? Yeah.

It is urine? It is urine. I'm going to tell you how I know because I take... Oh, wait. No, please. Don't finish. No, let me not go there. No, come on. Let it out, sister. So one time a guy, I was with a guy. I did not know because let me tell you something. Take the skill. It's a guy, a specific guy.

They can get a woman to do that. Yep. And then when it happened, I was like, oh, my God, I think I peed on the bed or some shit. So I was like, what is that? But then, you know, like an idiot. Isn't everybody's first reaction is to be like, put their finger inside them and go like that? Sure. Right? Yes. And I was like, oh, that tastes like pee. I was like, oh, I peed. But it is some pee. It's some pee, but it's not all pee. It's not all pee. It's a little bit of pee. I kind of like it because it.

Oh, you got women out here squirting like that? Yeah, a couple times. Well, me and my cousin are very close. But a couple times. It always be the niggas that be farting out their ass and get a woman to squirt. That's crazy. I'm very comfortable with my body. You guys think the good with the bad?

Yeah, here, here. But yeah, a couple squirts. One time a girl squirted my face and it got in my mouth. Oh, it did? It was pretty hot because it was like a return. Like I know how it felt now. Wow. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Wow. No.

I remember many years ago, I was in a comedy condo. Quit bragging. And a woman just squirted everywhere. And I was kind of like, whoever has to clean this up. I hope I didn't have to stay here all week. I just feel terrible. That's what is the worst. Was that when you opened for Roseanne? Hey, she was already on Ambien. What happened to good old Roseanne? She had that one tweet and disappeared. I didn't know the bitch was black.

yeah so roseanne shout out to her but you know what mental illness is real yeah you know and we all just teetering i know

- I know I am. - Are you? - Teetering on mental illness. You just be like, "Uh, uh, uh, uh, one slip and you gonna be back right over there." - Those are the best comics when they're right on the edge of psycho. - Yeah. - Yeah. - She owns a nut farm, which is kind of appropriate. But yeah, she owns a nut farm in Hawaii. - Interesting. - Who, Roseanne? - Yeah.

And she got hit by a car when she was young, and she totally changed her personality. What is this, A&E, a biography? Why do you know all this shit about her? I know everything about comedians. I love comedians.

Yeah. I know your bio. You're from Maryland? Oh, shit. Let's slow it down. All right. Because already you're hitting the right things, and I don't know how much I need out there in the streets. You sure you like that ginger beer, too? That's pretty good, right? I love this. And, you know, they said, well, it's diet, but I don't taste the difference. Brood in Australia. Let me tell you something. Any place that got kangaroos, do not fuck around. That's true. How many places have kangaroos besides Australia? Whatever else is in Australia. Koala? That's all I can...

Are there kangaroos over here? I don't think so. Not in zoos. In zoos? In Oregon, they have kangaroos. What? Really? I did not know that. Is it called a wild kicker? No, he's fucking around. Yeah. Wild kicker? No, he's joking. So when they come to America, they call them wild kickers?

That's not a bad name. We're so lazy as a people. Yeah. Wild kickers. Does America have a secret kangaroo? If they don't, they will. This is QAnon's next thing. They're like, the Jews hide the kangaroos. It rhymes. It makes sense. Yeah, yeah. Even the kangaroos are like, what the fuck am I doing in Detroit? Look at him.

Whoa, he's in Detroit? Kangaroo's in Detroit. That's hilarious. That's the next Pixar. That is a Pixar movie. Eddie Murphy does the kangaroo. What the hell am I doing here? He's rapping. Mom's spaghetti. You ever seen the kangaroo video where he fights the guy?

They went viral? That's a classic. Oh, I want to see it. Where, like, the farmer punches a kangaroo because it's strangling his dog? Yes, that's the one. And the kangaroo just looks at him like, fuck. This guy has got balls of steel for doing this. And the kangaroo kicks his ass? Well, I don't want to ruin it. Oh, look. He fucks with his dog. He's choking his dog. So he runs over. Wait a minute. Make it bigger. Make it bigger. Please. Wait a minute. How did the dog? Dog's all bloody. Oh, shit. Dog's fucked up. Whoa, he squared up to him? Yo, he's.

This is exactly. And that's it? No, no, no, no, no. Look how fucked up the dog is. Oh, chop. I know. Oh, boy. And watch the kangaroo. That kangaroo's like, I'm from Detroit. Right. No, he. Oh. What, bitch? Oh, he said, oh, you. He turned his back to him, too. He was not scared. Oh, yeah, but he looked like he about to come back. Oh, man. That was my buck.

I've been trying to execute that move, but you know what it is? You know where he fucked up? You supposed to punch and then retract immediately. That's true. If the kangaroo was going to come back, he would.

get punched. Yeah, but... You're supposed to punch like this and come back, bro. And he could've hit him with a left, too. And that kangaroo just sat there and took it, or is this the part in white man's history where y'all end it, because that's the last punch he got in, and then after that is the kangaroo grilling this nigga to the ground. Because I'm after this. Why it stop right there? The kangaroo didn't have no response.

That's a good point. That's a lie. That must be so confusing to punch a kangaroo. You train as a human. You're like, you know, maybe getting a schoolyard fight. You know how to punch a human. You see a kangaroo. I'm like, pardon me, but maybe you kick it. You throw like a little fucking. Sam, it stood up. I know. Your initial reaction to a person doing a whatever entity. If a car stood up to me like that, I'd punch that car.

that car in the face. It's just because it's the adrenaline of why are you at my level? Come on, bro. Yeah, it boxed. It squared up. I mean, they don't have box kangaroos. Have you seen the pictures of the jack kangaroos? Oh, they're hot. They're insane. Oh, wow. They were fucking frightening. Oh, that's cute. Oh, look at those eyebrows on him. That's adorable. Little eyelashes. That's a joey, they call that. Yeah. Damn, yeah, they're ripped.

Oh, they fight each other. See, they practice. But they can stand on their tails and kick forward. What? Oh, shit. That's what I mean. Right in the pouch. Damn, we need some more kangaroo video games. That's a fun animal to control. And he was on his tail. Imagine you could just get your tail. I haven't been able to do a complete burpee without a problem. Oh, my God. Look at that shit. And they're fighting over.

That's how they get down. Yeah, and the little one looking, because he like in a couple years, I'm going to have to whip this nigga ass for the woman. Oh, yeah. This is Jerry Springer. Look at that. Do he have one leg?

the other leg. He's walking like a 78-year-old Jew I saw on 6th Avenue. Hunched over. Oh my God. You know what I want to see? Can you type in little black kids with raccoon? Oh, shit. I can't wait for y'all to see this. Yamanika's bringing some good Google searches this time. I know. Oh, yeah. This is all y'all need from me. Bring it on. Please. You got to do audio, too. You got to do... All right. You know what? Go to the hood clip because...

even though it's shorter. The short one? Yeah, but... Turn it up? Yeah. Okay. You got a kid in the neighborhood with a raccoon under...

Her arm? You got to start from the beginning with this. They got to hear it. Look how she's holding a raccoon like it's a newborn baby. I'm telling you. These kids. Fuck Steve Irwin. This little black girl right here. I mean, may he rest in peace. Okay, I forgot he was not here. A raccoon. Look at the raccoon. He's scared of the little girl over there. Wow.

Oh, wow. Y'all better be careful because if the mama raccoon sees that, is she going to attack y'all? They know where the mama raccoon lives. Oh, God.

They took a blood test. Holy shit. Wait. Look at. That's another one. Okay. Oh, my God. That little girl, she did her own show on Animal Planet. Yes. Why doesn't she have a raccoon? You ever tried to touch a raccoon? Oh, my God. Are you kidding? Have I ever tried to touch a raccoon? They're vicious. They are. They got little claws. She might have picked a second one.

They about to have two raccoons. Look how she grabbed a raccoon. - Oh my God. - Come on, bro. - This woman's a pro. - Bro. - And the-- - Jesus Christ. - What? This has gotta be the South. - No, them niggas is in New Jersey. I think they like Ilias and shit like that. - What? - I thought they was too. I thought they was also in the South. Look how the one raccoon-- - I'm blown away by this.

- That girl is so in control. - Right, he like, "Help me!" The raccoon, no, them kids-- - Wow. - Isn't that crazy? - They need a cell phone. I never say this about a kid, but give that kid a fuckin' iPad. Jesus. - Ow! - Oh my God. - Them kids to be discovered because first of all, they so damn adorable, but it's like, have you ever seen, show raccoons at they nature.

I don't think y'all understand how raccoons get down. Because raccoons is cute and shit, right? Yeah. You see a raccoon. One tried to jump me in Central Park. What? I'm telling you. They have like little fingers. Oh, yeah. They got a. You think a cat. Look. And they racist too because instantly they hate the white girl. Yeah. Because you see they didn't do that to the little black girl. Oh, fuck. Oh, he ripping her apart. Oh, shit. Oh, no. And she got on them LA gears. You know they hate LA gears. Oh, shit.

A mom will save any daughter. Yeah, she's like, get in the house, bitch. I'm trying to get doing something here. Get in the house, you idiot. Look at the raccoon. He's still fighting. Oh, yeah. Kick it. Punt it like a football. It's like a piece of toilet paper stuck to your foot. Jeez, the cleanness on this lady. Wow, that's a great mom. He's a rabbit raccoon. Damn, my mom would have felt this. Oh, shit. That's all she could do.

- Oh man. - It came back? Oh no that was the beginning again. - That's the same, it's a replay. - I was like man that's a feisty animal. - Every time I see you bitch it's on site. - See, it's a shame that America's Funniest Videos is gone 'cause that would've cleaned up.

But you know what? They would have never put that on there because they don't want to see no violence. That was what was wrong with you. I know, but that would have been fun if you do like four light ones in a row and then out of nowhere it's just a raccoon eating a child's face with the sound effects. Can you type in... Let me just go through my Instagram history. Oh, here we go. Let's say this is the Yamanika show and merged in here. You might be drunk or it might be and you might be Yamanika. You might be a redneck. Can you type in

Woman wins lottery $43 million and they give the bitch a steak dinner because they told her some nonsense. That's a long Google. Right. Well, you're supposed to put give the bitch. There you go. Tape it in. Steak dinner. I got to go to my save. I was just reading this. Woman. This bitch. Yes. Is that her?

I don't know. That's Bobby Lee. A lot of things came up here. Okay, here we go. New York resident wins nearly $43 million at a slot machine and takes home nothing as casino claims it was a malfunction, offers steak dinner instead. Is this it?

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What? That's fucked up. Okay, let's pause that right there. Now, I want everybody take on it before I give my take.

Wait a minute. What you going to do? What y'all doing? This is illegal. They can't say a malfunction machine. Oh, no, listen. Listen, listen. Stop thinking like a white man, okay? Because they be doing all kinds of shit to black people. You know, that's how we got here in the first place.

first place they say oh y'all want to cruise somewhere we say yeah we got here no fucking cruise no destination no uh hottie toddies no pina coladas no nothing but 43 million is way better than a cruise that was slavery but i first of all y'all said that's unfair right yes illegal yes you use a

terms that they're not going to allow her to use because they're going to try to play this black woman. She can't go the legal route. She got to go murder somebody over there. You know what I'm saying? Like now, look how she's crying. I wouldn't even be crying. For $43 million, fuck your steak dinner. I'm not even leaving this place. I live here now. This is most of my home. And so I recoup $43 million. That's your sitcom, by the way. You're just living in the sitcom and you're always mad at them? Yeah.

It's like the terminal, but at a casino. That's good. Oh, it writes itself. Every day. We'll call it Don't Slot Shame. All right.

That's so embarrassing. You know what's so embarrassing? I remember I was a little kid. I've told this before. And I was at Disneyland. Which one is in Florida? Disney World. World. Disney World. Right. The world's in Florida. The land's in California. Yes. Anaheim. I was at Disney World. My grandmother kept saying, you know how they had the Electric Street Parade? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right? So after you go see Minnie and them and Daffy and them, you go out there and have a little parade.

My grandma said, get involved in the parade. I said, I can't. They told all the kids you can't get involved. I said, I can't get involved. She said, no, get up there. And she wound up pushing me up there with Snow White and then security. The witch is coming. I can't.

Because I made up on one of the little trolleys, too. I was quick with the heave-ho. It's the eighth dwarf sassy. First of all, Mark, the next time I see you on the streets without cameras, you and I are fighting immediately. If you say the eighth dwarf sassy on site, I'm going to warm your ribs up right off camera. Don't raccoon me.

Yo, I hate you so much. On site. It's about to be on site. They took me off the trolley and I got embarrassed in front of everybody. And I told my grandma, my grandma said, you should have went up there. I said, I did go up there. I said, I told you. And then we got some type of thing where I had to like go fill out some paperwork and

What? To make sure I wasn't trying to do something to Snow White or something like that. It was an assassination attempt. I was just a kid. I know, right? I might have been a little bit bigger than that. How old were you? I probably was like 10. Oh, okay. You know what I mean? Still young, though. Yeah, you know. I got breasts at like nine and a half, so I look like a, you know, I probably look like a bitch trying to steal some shit. But, yeah, that was embarrassing. That's about equivocal to this woman. First of all, her name's Bookman. What?

Bitch, you better book a hotel room in there. Damn, so how did it end? I mean, she got to sue. You got to sue these people. No, because it's...

Always some shit. Like, I think they just be putting shit in the black woman's account because it was another black woman that woke up to like $40 million in her bank account. And it was like, oops, we put it in the wrong account. You got to give it back. Oh, no, bitch. Finders keepers. Losers do what? Figure it out. This is it right here.

I guess so. What? How is it very clear? Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Did they just put this black woman's face on a white woman's face?

What in the fuck is going on here? I will say this. There are not a lot of black heist casino movies. That's true. Things do seem to... Ocean's Eleven, everything just fits perfectly. This is a black woman. And then, you know, they go, this would be a bad movie. We're like, unfortunately, we have to take it back. Yeah. That's it. Nah, they would kick it in script. Are these visuals going to be shown?

Okay, because I need everybody to get involved in how lazy this was. It took more time to crop her face to this portion. They could have found something else. We didn't need this. She's on a white body there. And when they keep saying Bookman version, like she got some different version of reality. Did she lose $43 million or not? When she swindled out of $43 fucking million? Because that seemed like that's everybody version. Yeah. How do they justify this?

Joe List. There we go. Where the hell is that? Queens? Pause it, pause it, pause it.

When your lawyer look like this, like this heavy ass receding hairline, but he's still got a little bit of dust in the middle, you're going to win your case or you're going to epically lose it. It's no, it ain't no like we coming back. It's like he can already fail hard or you bitch, you about to own a casino and it's about to be called Bookman's. Okay. Come down to Bookman's. All the machines work.

You can't claim a machine is broken because you want it to be broken. Does that mean it wasn't inspected? Does it mean it's not inspected?

Get him. Does that mean that people that played there before Bookman had zero chance of winning? Ripka requested answers to these questions and the exact nature and name of the malfunction, but he was denied at every turn. The Resorts World... Wow. Resorts World. ...Ripka and Inch. IGT, the company that makes the soccer games, was also named as a defendant in the case. Mm-hmm. ...Ripka refused to comment. Ripka and his clients' whole argument hinted that the casino was half-bought and not maintained.

Good point. Pause it. Now, let's say I go in there and I push a button and it comes up zero. Can I go, hey, the machine's broken? It only is broken in their favor. It's never broken in our favor. Right.

Right. Think about how often you go to the gym and a machine's out of order or something, or you go to an arcade out of order. Yeah. This must happen. You don't hear about it, but it must happen. True. But not in the tune of 43 million. I'm with you there. Yeah. That's the problem. And they would give me my... I wouldn't give a damn if it was broken. I don't care if your grandmother installed it and she forgot to put a hearing aid in to balance off all the bobbles in there.

I want my 43 million, when it said $43 million, that's what it said. It's a casino, nigga. This ain't no fairytale land. This ain't candy land. Nigga, come on down. Breast deal? Yeah. This is a casino? No! They put the no in casino. Okay, right. But you better call it a casino, yes. Because I better get my 43 million.

$43 million. Oh, I mean, I'm going to tear everybody to shreds. She lost the case so badly. She's now a waitress at the casino. Serving steak. They don't have the money. That's what it's about. Because if they was doing, what's 43? I would have told shit to them too. Oh, what's $43 million of y'all? Y'all must be losing then. You mean you ain't got $43 million laying around here?

Yeah. I mean, the casinos, they do have that kind of money. Oh, they got money. They legally have to be able to keep cash on deck to pay out any possible winnings that night. Hard paper. Actually, promotions 11. There you go. Or 12 or something. And I want to see the security cam footage of her...

Getting told no. That's what I want to see. I want to see the back and forth between. Yes. And I hope there's no words that we got to interpret it. I want earrings coming off. I want a shoe in hand. All of that. A thing of Vaseline showing up. Yeah. Ding, ding. Every time, every clip of him, his hair get less and less. Is that him when he was young? That's him. No, stop. Wait.

Wait, wait. Has this case been going on since this nigga look like this? We got Robert Shivel. No. Yes. That's my point. Oh, stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Printing cash ticket. Bitch, did you get a ticket that said $42,949,672.76? Because, bitch, if you got a ticket that said that, kaboom! Yes, no tiki, no laundry. Oh, you better. First of all, she too calm in that picture. If I just want $42 million, the whole, ah!

Let me tell you something, child. I'd be kissing this. My lipstick would have been all over the screen. Tongue, everything. I'm telling you, she's too calm. She'd just be winning $42 million a day all the time. Look at me again winning $42 million. Girl, it ain't a thing. Yeah, ticket's a ticket. If you have that ticket in your hand, that's it. At the arcades now for the kids, they do away with the tickets. It's all in that card. I don't like the card. I don't like that card either. That card, because it starts taking money off of you.

- Uh-huh, yeah, I want that roll. - This lady said she type in 50, no wait, we gotta hear the end of this. - Yeah, I need to know how it ended 'cause I'm worried she got fucked. - He seemingly knew that his client would never win that. - Oh! - He told interviewers he was glad she'd get the max payouts that her machine could give. - Here, here. - $500. - No! - Stop, stop, stop. - He's already failing. - Let me tell you something. - 43 million to 6,500? - Big drop. - Let me tell you something.

Any woman whose teeth curve like that at the bottom is not

trying to get $6,500 of nothing. You hear me? I can guarantee you the words get ready to come out of her mouth is, I want my $42 million. This clown told me he could get it for me. He said he was out here suing this one and suing that one. And now I don't even have enough to get my hair braided at the end. I know. How much does this lawyer cost? Oh, you know he's in it for the money. She got to pay him.

- Yeah, exactly. - What about, yeah, what did she get here? I wanna see. - Oh no, pause it, pause it, pause it. - She caved, she caved. - You know she didn't say that. - No. - That's why they did a voiceover. You know she did not say,

Yeah. Beep, beep, beep. Now, that woman was in the camera going, does anybody know another lawyer? I'm tired of coming in to his office looking at these raggedy degrees that couldn't get me my $42 million. I don't understand what work... They just be playing black people all the time. It...

Mark said it's illegal. Yes. And they would have immediately gave you $42 million. They're going to go back and forth with this black woman about $42 million because she don't have a team of people behind her that's going to get this $42 million. But she needs to do her own Ocean's Eleven. Oh, yeah. Get that money back. And I hope this hurt the casino because I'm not going in there now knowing they got faulty machines and they're going to take my money. Mark, they just put in an offer for us to co-headline. I'll be there. And it's...

6,500. 6,500 each. Everybody's there. Let me tell you something. All the people from January 6th said, oh, we're going to that casino that's been robbing black people. Yeah, they're going to go there. It's the January 6th casino now. It's in New York City, but it's got to be in Deep Queens, I assume. Oh.

Is it the one that's in Queens? I assume, because it says New York City. I've been to that one. It's a New York resident. She's a New York resident, but is it in New York? I swear on the sign, it said, give me a goog on the address there, Maddie. I know where we should film the next episode. Oh, yeah, at the slots. I want to be there, and I want to win $42 million so y'all can get witness of me going crazy. It's in New York City, wow. Give me a Queens. What is that?

Oh, they definitely ain't got no money. Jamaica. I knew it. Nah. She better call some of them Rastafarians out there and get to work. A bunch of people with machetes walking. Yeah, all of that. Slicing off dealers' hands. Yeah, everybody. Call anybody. I would get everybody together. What kind of grid line is this? Oh, wow. You got the street view. Is that the street where the casino is? No wonder they don't have that kind of money.

money residential neighborhood like that yeah apparently after 6500 they went down to one bacon egg and cheese they could pay her from the nearby there it is they didn't even want to give her to 6500 wow I like that we have this Google view doesn't it feels like we could pull off a heist when you have all this shit definitely ain't got no money over there ain't nobody them strip them roads look like they barely ran yeah that's not a casino you go to in

In a good place. Wait a minute. Does that say Applebee's on the ground? Go to your right. I thought it said Applebee's too. Oh, Aqueduct. Oh, it's right by the racetrack. So that's out by the airport. Well, somebody would give me my money. It's either them or the horses. Somebody, every time I wouldn't get my money, every day a horse would turn right into glue. You ever done the horse bets?

I've done it. How do you bet on horses? They race. I know you bet on horses on the race, but how can you tell which one of them ain't stupid? You can. What? Fast.

How can you tell which driver ain't stupid? I don't know. It's fun. You can tell which one. Well, with NASCAR, the dumber they are, the better that you drive because their brains don't tell them that they got to stop with these turns and stuff. But the race cars or the racetrack or the car, fuck. One of the horses ran off. I was in Kentucky at Keeneland and

And one of the horses just ran off before. So they had to disqualify it. So anyone who bet on it, you got your money back. How did the horse run off? It was going nuts. He was on it. Or he wasn't on it yet and the horse ran off. They had to get him. Did they get it? Yeah, they got it. Oh, okay. And what happened to him? Because you know they be murdering these horses when they get broke. Oh, yeah. They make glue out of them. Not a good life. No.

But that horse even goes for top dollar. That's true. The studs. But the way you got to get it is, you know. I heard it has less lactic acid. Yeah. You don't swallow that one. You just shoot it on your chest. Oh, boy. I shoot it on my calf. I want to know what happened.

I'm intrigued. Yeah, I guess she didn't get it. Ah, poor lady. Aha. Okay, it's a honky. Yay!

Equal opportunity scamming here. Oh! Even more. That sweater vest is a problem. What is going on with this place? It would have also been breaking the law.

It's a sham. What? Uh-oh. That guy was at the Capitol. He looked...

What the fuck No, fuck that

I mean, that's why slot machines are bullshit because they're programmed not to let the person play. I know, you gotta go cards. Like, you play cards, you can see what the dealer's hand is or whatever, but with a computer, like, it can just tell you to fuck off every time. That's why I don't play them. I play them all the time. I got the one, I don't want to sound racist because it's not racist, but the little Chinese man with the hat. Oh, yeah. You know what you want with the Chinese man, but they got it. Oh, Fundo. Yeah. No, not Fundo. Is it called Fundo C?

or something like that. Oh, I don't know. I was doing a callback. I just want to tell the Chinese community I'm not being racist, but I'm surprised the slot machine is still going because he got the little... Yeah, he's in this shit. It's like, and he got a panda neck. It's almost like nobody got on top of this with the cancel culture. Right. He don't need to look like that. I mean, we done already changed Aunt Jemima into some different shit, gave her a perm, and let her become a lawyer. What happened to Aunt Jemima? What is it now? They pulled her off the show. Aunt Uncle Ben, too. Dr. Jemima.

It's called, what's the name of the place? It's called whatever the company's called. Something Bookman, I think, now. She bought the syrup game. Pearl Milling Company. Yeah, that's what it's called now. What about Uncle Ben? He's out. Uncle Ben is out. First of all, ain't nobody eating rice no more. Oh my God, this is what I tried to get one time. I

I won so much money on this shit. And then the thing about this is it gets you. You win in the first. It knows when you're new because I think it reads your retinas. Whoa. And so when you sit down within the first hour, if you sit for an hour, you're going to win at least a thousand. Okay. But then you get that monkey on your back. Yep. Right? Yep. Yep. And then you go chasing it and then you're going to wind up being in the hole. I see. You don't win three K's in a row either. I mean, for sure. But sometimes it comes up a lot when I'm sitting there.

sitting there. There it is. Holy shit. Well, I don't play slots now. I'm done with slots. I'm going right to the blackjack. Yeah, I usually play blackjacks in my game, usually. I get embarrassed because I always have to...

I'm not good at math. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm not a fast math person to do math in my head. So I'm always like counting and stuff. And I, and I think that that's embarrassing. Right. To be like a grown person going, I don't know, six, that ain't not that, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many can I? But I like that they give you information. You can ask them, you know, like,

Should I hit? Should I not? They'll say, they'll give you a little, hey, you should hit, you shouldn't, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I like that, that they being more generous. That's true. Helpful. But then they kind of know they got a mark.

Yeah, I mean... But they also win... They win when... Like, because tipping culture, right? You tip them out a chip when you win, right? Yeah. So the more you win, as long as they don't go overboard, they get some cash from you, too. So... Yeah, I don't think they're invested. I don't think they feel good when you're drunk at the table. Like, you're fucking cheating. You're fucking cheating, dude. Right, right, right, right, right. I think they're happier when you're happier, probably. Yeah. Yeah, true. Yeah.

It's always the worst when you're sitting at that table with some guy who's like a diehard and you can't make jokes. And he just sneers at you the whole time. Old guy, sunglasses on. Yes. You're like, calm down, dude. Exactly. It ain't the poker table. You don't need to fucking psych anybody out. Right, right. We're in Reno. Take it easy. Reno. I get it.

I'm not a big casino guy. I don't love them. They make me sad. They're dirty. They seem dirty and nasty. The old lady on the respirator who's smoking, the guy with the limp, the camo hats. It's a bummer. You spend too many days there and you don't see sunlight. And it's like, where are you going to go? That's the problem. When you're doing one of those gigs and you're there. I mean, remember early on? I remember doing those Reno gigs. It'd be like Tuesday through Sunday. Oh, yeah. Am I here for a fucking week? Yeah. He spent a pack a day standing there.

It's not like you can, and people are like, my mom would be like, take a walk. I'm like, in downtown Reno? Right, right. Where are you going to go? It's true. Where do you go? They were ahead of the curve with the meth stuff. They were doing that shit years ago. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Give them credit where credit's due. Yeah, no, they were a progressive town. Drugs, you know, when people are on drugs and, you know, having all kinds of problems and stuff, the first thing they do is they try to go somewhere and play the lotto to get out of their problems or go to a casino. But it's like, listen, you know, you're already being cursed.

I don't know why you thought your luck was going to be at the consent. You don't have no luck. You need to go somewhere. You need to go to maybe DeVry and start from scratch. And they sit there for hours and just throw their whole savings away. It's so sad. I had one of my relatives. I can't say which one. Even saying this is too much, but one of my relatives had a bingo addiction and almost lost everything to bingo. Damn. That is a funny one to have a...

my that's the 80s that's the 80s addiction my nephew lost everything to duck duck goose it was terrible it was uh awful but cheesy yeah but bingo was big back in the day oh yeah in the 80s the people was losing and they got addicted to bingo and it was sad and we had you know it was a lot of but you know i feel bad for people when they have addictions it's sort of out of their control yep um

because if you have an addictive personality, once you get into something that like gives you that sensation of just being alive and all this other stuff, you keep trying to chase this thing, it becomes a real problem. So I really think we need to focus more on trying to rehabilitate people with addictions instead of like people have shopping addictions. You know, some things people have addictions to,

people make fun of them for and it's like, but the underlying of it all is that there's an addiction there that is problematic. - Trying to fill a hole. - I agree. People do have a shopping addiction and to all those people I say bodegacatwhiskey.com. - Yeah. We're not addicted to anything. - Feed that addiction. Two for the price of one, shopping and alcohol. Let's do it. - Oh yeah. Here, here. Yeah, booze is our vice. Could be worse. - Shopping addiction is a tough one 'cause it's like you,

booze at least a bar has got to be open you know what i mean the internet hurts that i guess you could have alcohol at home but at the internet it's like you could be on the fucking train you're like amazon you know what i mean it's also that the computer now is clocking you right and throwing shit at you right oh of course i needed some um opet tights i'm a thick woman

So I got to go to a thick woman's store to look for OPEC tights. OPEC tights. I went to tour it, look for some OPEC tights. Now every time I go to my computer, tights is everywhere. Oh, yeah. You see what I'm saying? Because I didn't make the purchase. Now they're like, we got to hustle this bitch down till she go make these tights. Right. And then if I go buy the tights, they're going to offer me something else. Or let me tell you how Alexa is getting in your business. Uh-oh.

I was, this was like a month ago. I got a, I forget what she said. I have something to tell you or some shit like that. Or do you want to hear some shit about your account or some shit? Something she said. And I said, yes. She said, hey, you got to go get them makeup sponges. You should be running out of makeup sponges. Whoa. And she went to makeup sponges. I said, oh my God. So now Alexa's clocking your needs.

It's too much. You know what's crazy? I did 23andMe, and it gives you your ethnic background, but it also knows shit about you that's incredible. It's like with your makeup, you would prefer savory over sweet, and I was like, wow, that's true about me. Is that right? One of them was like,

And it was like, you have a little bit of body hair at the tip of your back. And I was like, you fucking nailed it. That's all in 23andMe? Yeah. I'm not doing it. I got one called Paw Base for my cats because I want to see what their makeup is. I get it. I'm going to do this called Paw Base. And I've been toying with it because I don't know...

once they can get my information from my cat's information. But yeah, that's the little kit. Oh, that's cute. And you can get, you know, so you're supposed to take it in. And so it gives you a whole run. This country's great.

Yeah, that's why the terrorists hate us. There are people starving the world. We're like, I want to know my catch story. Well, you know, because I also want to know as they get older what could be that, you know, keep them out of certain, you know, whatever things and this and that. So, yeah, you know. Look at how cute he is yawning with his little glasses and sweater on. That's terrifying. This is the cute, you know, what kind of a great photographer you got to be to get this moment? That's true. Or just a sad cat lady. Ha ha.

I did the 23andMe and it just said half gay. I was going to say, with the whole... Oh, I can tell you. Can you tell your kinks or whatever? Oh, sure, yeah. Mine said, likes when you tickle your balls two or three times, but four times is too many. I was like, wow, that's pretty good. Stop. I want to say something here also. Yeah, yeah.

Somebody was saying, we said cat lady, right? Said cat lady. And I have a cat. I'm a cat lover. Oh, let me see your cat. Oh, baby. Because you know I got my two. I'll show you mine. So now, cat. Somebody said. I'm really the odd man out on every one of these podcasts. Now that Mark's married too. It's like married, pet. Oh, it's a Maine Coon. What? Yeah, it's huge. Was he actually?

No, that's just a picture on our roof. That's a cute pic. It's a beautiful cat. He go outside like that. Was he on a leash? Oh, a leash. He hates outside. He's a big wuss. Yeah, they don't want to be outside. My trainer just got a cat. Shout out to Naima. I love her. She trying to teach this nigga to go to the bathroom or the toilet. Come on. Like, you know, let the cat be...

But anyway, it's no sadder person on earth than a bitch that owns a pig that lives in New York City. My friend said he went out on a date with a woman that had a pig. I said, don't ever try to embarrass me for having two cats and saying I'm lonely and desperate. And there's a bitch out here with a pig in an apartment. Pigs should never even be in an apartment. Pigs need to be outside. At least if it doesn't go well, you can eat it. She wouldn't...

You can't eat your cat, I'm just saying, if things don't go well. You can't eat your cat, but your cats will eat you if something happens. That's true. A long time ago on this podcast, we took a long time shitting on people who own ferrets, and I don't think we've ever gotten more hate. Really? People were like, fuck you, I own a ferret. I didn't know that. I thought we were just having fun here. A lot of people own ferrets and these lab rats. They love a lab

rats really it's a lot of rats in the street in new york right now and i've never been like you know what i want that dude inside yeah type in grandma grandma prank with rats i want you to see these fools what they did to their grandmother with the rat oh yeah let me just say this you should take over for daniel tosh on comedy center we've got so many of these locked and loaded yum.0 locked and loaded

Yep, here we go. Look how he shook the bread. Oh, my God. I would be the same way. I don't flavor. Yo, he shook the bread. My thing was French fries. Wow. I could kill everybody in there. Well, we found your mima. Oh, my God.

Can you behave? This is insane. That's terrifying. This poor woman. Horrible shit is funny. Of course, the fear. Every time you see genuine fear, it's comedy gold. That is horrible. These kids should be... It's in her hair.

that's gonna really make y'all giggle if y'all think this shit i mean this is gold you're killing it i mean just the whole act of shaking it like it's a bag of chips and just that's what i'm saying and you just shake that shit on your grandmother this kid's really look at her she's doing it one more time she's holding the containers oh this poor lady the reaction is so good that's so good there's no way that your family should be doing nothing like that she's

a massive stroke. She might have. Yeah, you're right. She could have had a stroke. She threw him back in. These animals aren't having a great time either. Ah, good point. Good point. Yeah. Oh, man. This is so fucking funny. So funny. And she's trying to get out with the seatbelt.

Oh, man. First this lady gets fucked in the slots and now here. This is the epitome of like, I would be so mad if someone did this to me. But you see it happening to someone else and it is fucking great. Yeah. Um...

Yeah, I got to come back for it. You know what? The next time I come back, I'm going to come back locked and loaded. We're just going to do a whole. Because I got a bunch of these. We could be giggling and laughing. I'll get an edible going. Actually, I got a little bit of something here. Oh, baby. You want some? Yeah. They help me sleep. One of them I don't now. You got to read the packaging. You guys really have balls. I don't have the balls to do this. No, this came from somebody else. So this is an alternative one. But get you one of the little. You sure? I don't want to take your stuff. No, yeah.

- Oh, thanks. - But look, you might only be able to do the head. - The head? Oh, like that's like a-- - No, this is a lie, I'm gonna get super high with this. - Here, I'll just take a, it's a gummy, gummy bear. - Yeah. - Oh, thanks. - Is that too much? That's pretty-- - How many milligrams? - Well, I don't take the whole one, so like, you see this? One of the legs is this.

The middle body is that much, and then the head is like 25. That's a lot. I usually take 10, so this is going to knock me on my ass. You're going to have a good time with that, plus the flavor. Oh, boy. I'm excited. I like how you can't eat cilantro, but you'll eat weed. I definitely will. Yeah. And that's why my house, I had the munchies so bad the other day. I was so high. I had the munchies. And my whole, my refrigerator, everything is clean because I'm

I'm not doing resolutions anymore. But I decided, I said, I want to start getting into a whole food, plant-based, this and that. So I'm slowly getting all the meat out of my freezer. So I had some chicken. I made this beautiful...

like a stripped chicken, right? So I had a chicken breast. I seasoned it up nice, everything. I baked it, the whole thing, blah, blah, blah. Then I had some collard greens. I had some kale. I had spinach. Put that in there, a little bit of onions. Shredded up that chicken. Put that and made a nice little stew with some chicken broth in it. So I've been eating that. So now as I move forward, I'm going to try to get rid of the chicken of it, but then I can keep that sort of like kind of stew thing going. So it's just been really great.

you know, with the seasons and all that. So trying to do that is something that you have to think about. Yeah. As comics, sometimes we don't have discipline. No, we just want to go on stage. We just want to make you laugh. And then everything else outside of that world is dysfunctional as fuck. And as I'm getting older, I'm like,

While I've been dysfunctional my entire life, comedians are very smart. We have the ability to be very manipulative also. Maybe not in a bad way, but in a way of definitely trying to get those laughs out. We know your vibe. We can feel you, the whole thing. And I just said, as I'm getting older, I just want to not... I have friends...

I have friends who wake up in the morning and they're like, oh, I have a list, a checklist. Right, right. Oh, I did this. This is, this is, this. I thought, I said, oh my God, I don't know how long my cats are going to live now that they, one of them got to take pills all the time. I'm like, I barely remember to take vitamins. So then I put like little notifications. Like I'm a notification bitch now. Like, oh, he's pills at this time, pills at that time. You have to train to be that. That's how I lost my cat actually. You didn't take the pills? Painkiller addiction. He overdosed.

real no I was kidding you know I believe everything don't start Sam so but to dedicate yourself to be someone like that he was on Percocet yeah it was a cat pill joke you know I'm gonna stop for a good joke now I appreciate it thank you so y'all think everything we're saying is sincere

I do feel like a better... I don't like that, though. You say comics are manipulative, but I watched that. The person dumped the mice on his grandma. I'm like, I've never done that. No, no, no, no. You do feel like a decent person. I don't mean it in a negative way. Like, you know, like some people are manipulative, like conniving and cunning and stuff. I mean, when we get on stage, I've...

Obviously, and that's why having so many years of practice, not that somebody can't be good right away, but taking being good and then also adding years of practice to it. You know how to get into an audience. You know, OK, there's a little spot here. Let me do this. I know what you need over here. I know what you need there is, you know, is we focus on those things. So a lot of times on the outside of your life.

everything else could just be being held together. Right? I made it through school. I was smart. It was easy. I bullshitted my way through everything. I was able to be on his list and all this other shit. Just because I'm smart, I retain information right away. But it doesn't mean I was really like

A collegiate student. You know what I mean? Like an intellectual. I just bullshit in my way through that. I think there's a lot of things that we sort of, as comics sometimes, we just bullshit. We can make it through this. I can go to a party and be charming enough. I may not actually be an extrovert, but I can go there and be charming. I can be the blah, blah, blah, blah. So now I want to be the person that really has a thing that I do outside of comedy. All right. I have my list. Oh, I'm going to go to a farmer's market. Oh, I'm worried about my health.

Bed time. Like none of these things have I ever had in my life to be a function. And the people who are my friends I grew up with all have these functional lives and a little bit of me wants like a little bit of function. But I agree. And we're getting older and we need to have shit like that. And we need a little stability because we're all wild horses running around. But you don't want to lose your edge either. That's true. I mean, that's true. I don't think you ever could.

I don't know. I'm maybe losing a little bit of my edge. You know what you need to do? You got to get more pet mice. Yes. That would be good for you. Hold on. Yeah. This whole place would collapse. If you had pulled out a fucking rat, I'm telling you, I would disappear. No, but you find a different...

You know what somebody said? Now, I'm supposed to be on... I'm sure this is breaking news because not everybody knows this. I'm supposed to be on antidepressants. You're supposed to be. So... Yes. I'm supposed to be on antidepressants. So I'm going to wait to get the antidepressants because I really don't need... You know, she said I don't... You know, like I need them. But I'm like... You know what I mean? Let me just see. So... Because I don't like to pop pills. No. You know what I mean? I can do... So anyway...

I was reading all these things about the antidepressants that I'm going to be on and videos and people like, oh, this changed my world, my life, blah, blah, blah, blah. And one of the things I kept saying was like, well, I don't know if I want to be on antidepressants because I don't want to lose. There's a little bit of a creep in me, you know, like that creep creature that's there that's like, we say anything, we have fun.

And sometimes that does that kind of edge can get people in trouble, right? Because you step for anything, you say anything. And then after you go, oh, I didn't mean it like that. I should have said that or whatever, but I was just having fun. You know, you want to find a way to quiet that just a little bit or at least have that person, that little creep inside you think a little bit. Yeah. And then maybe if we let him think or her think or they think a little bit,

Maybe the thought would be a little more developed. Oh, you understand because a lot of people go. Oh, no, I have no filter That's why it's so this and that But it's like maybe if you put a little bit of cap on that thing inside you and they had time to really go Deeper into what it was thinking about maybe it would come up with something even more brilliant So I want us find those spaces and I want to do that now because

are getting older now and they really killing it as they getting older. Yeah. I'm following a lot of pages of women and men in their 60s and 70s. They're not even slowing down. 70s going to school, taking up a new hobby, doing it. Like at 70, like,

Back in the day, when you was 13, they was already like, well, where are you going to get your plot? Because you and your wife got to die by the time you're 21. Nobody was living past 21. Everybody was getting out of here. So it's just those little things that I want people to think about. As you get older...

How do you want to see yourself? What do you want to see? What do you want people to see about you? What do you want people to think about you, love about you? And you start doing those things. I want people to be like, you know what, Yam, she's very organized. And you know what, she always has some little thing, this, this, this, this.

That's what I want. That's a great point. We just had Tom Segura on a little while ago. He told us he gets up at eight with a trainer, trains for an hour, then he plays piano. Then he plays with his kids. He wrote a book. He does stand up. He does his podcast. Wow. And he eats healthy, doesn't drink. And I was like, holy shit, because we romanticize these cocaine, wild, you know, sex shit comedy, doing the road, getting crazy. But there is a price to it.

And you're right, we're getting older. But there's something fun. What if Richard Pryor said, you know what, I'm gonna go vegetarian and not drink. Maybe we wouldn't have some of that fun. We don't get the free-based story. He's dead, yeah. I mean, yeah, but he, you know, I think in my, like I still do my weed.

my moments. Yeah. I think we just want to have little moments. We don't want that to be... No, I'm with you. You know, I play Mahjong. I take long hot baths. I listen to Joan Baez. And that's about it for me. No, no. Of course not. I drink and I'm a fucking loser. What do you want from me? You know what's so funny? And I'll say this, right? So I've been processing a lot of stuff. Everything that I went... I was like, okay, I don't want to deal with that. Just go. Whatever. I'm not going to process it.

So I was processing something really heavy. You saw it the night that I was processing it. I know, we talked about it, yeah. And thank you for just being a lovely person. I mean, I can't thank you enough. I feel sad when I see you sad. Well, and because people are not used to seeing me sad. Yeah. And I would always... I had a bag of mice I was about to pour on you and then I saw you look sad and I was like, another day, I guess. I mean, this is... Save it.

But I never let people see me say, and I always just be, you know, choo-choo-chooing through that shit. No, we usually were laughing together, but I saw there was a heaviness. I could tell you were upset. It was a process that I realized I had been taking on something. Somebody was saying something to me. This isn't all about relationship, but a little bit of part of it was about relationship. And somebody said something to me early in the day that made me really sad, and then I tried to, like, push other shit around it and put... When, um...

My mother was talking to me. She says, oh, you know, what are you going to... Oh, is your whole life going to be comedy, right? You know, she want grandkids. She want this, this, and that. I said, well, you know, listen. Yeah, my whole life since I was 16 has been nothing but comedy. Then when I think about it, I go...

for the amount of flack I get from certain people about why I don't have this relationship with this, I've never had a functioning, a real functioning relationship because I've never had a relationship that didn't be the convenience of being around comedy, right? Yeah. So I'm gonna fuck some comic, I'm gonna deal with them full cut, you know what I mean? I've never put myself out there to be like, oh, there's a whole world of men that have nothing to do with comedy, nothing to do with this world. You saying you regret what we had? I,

I mean, not until that fart. And then I think, you know, I got to rethink things. All right. By the way, when you pursue comics, this is what you get. Yes. Remember that. You know when it's easy. It's just there. But also, are you bored? Do you go out with non-comics and you're just kind of bored? Is that part of it too? Definitely. My problem is, my first use

if a guy, I have no, I started doing stand-up when I was 16. Wow. That's all, I missed my prom. Like, I went to the first part of my prom and I had a spot. I had to go somewhere. Like, I almost missed my graduation. Like, I wasn't fucking around. I was very dedicated once I got into stand-up that I was doing stand-up. So, I didn't enjoy anything. Like, I don't really remember my 20s because after that

point everything was about that so when I look and I see friends of mine who are like some of them are married to people they've known you know scholars sweethearts and this isn't that I don't know I'm not if a guy tried to

Other than try to fuck me, like if a guy tried to really be like, hey, you know, I'd be like, what? Beat it. I got shit to do. And for women, there is a thing where you go, I don't have the luxury to have a family and kids and shit right now because that shit's going to slow me down. That's why, like, a lot of times female comics are like, we are jealous of the male comics because you guys are going to have a wife and she's going to be, like, making bread and shit, zucchini fries.

and shit at home waiting for you to come wifting in from the road and darling and look at the kids that I'm here tending to it's like if I had if I got married and I had kids I gotta fucking worry about these kids yeah people like where the mama at and all this other shit and then I you know I can't be

you know, I love to beg. I love to cook. I love to do all those things. I can't do that all the time in a relationship with a guy. I can't be the woman that's like, oh, here's your slippers. Even if I like to do those things, even if I like to take care of a man, I don't have the time to do that shit. I mean, I took off December. All of December, I said, I'm not going anywhere. I worked really, really hard. The next thing

four different things and I had to fly out four different times in December. It was like crazy. So it's like, I don't know why

And I can't be telling people. And I can't. So it's all those things that sort of come to a head. Right. Who are you going to be? What you're going to be? You know, I'm I'm sharing my own personal journey of what I'm going through. But I hope that whoever's listening or whoever sees this finds a correlation with where they are and what they that everybody has to go through these sort of things. We kind of look up and you go.

What have I done? What am I going to do? And what do I think needs to be changed in order to make sure that I have happiness in

You know, because life gets short, but life also can be long as shit if life ain't short. Oh, yeah. It's hard to have it all. I mean, it's hard to have the career. And I get it. Female comics, you know, you do have to make it or entertainers or just women in that. Yeah. You know, you do have to make a choice. And the clock is ticking. It's really it's unfair. It's a bummer.

It's only unfair when... You could adopt a pet rat. Yeah. That would be pretty cool. I could adopt children anyway. The thing about it is, talking about fertility with women is a dicey thing because there's some women that's out here, you know, Janet Jackson went and had a baby at 50. What? You know, should you, should you not? I think the only problem is, fertility is a very personal thing. So I'm not, it ain't like I can't have no baby. Like, my shit ain't shut up. You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? I can, you know, have a pop out a baby. The window is obviously closing. Do I have time in the next two or three years to go ahead and pop this kid out? Probably not unless I make some type of sacrifice. But at

the same time I think women need gentleness from men not to be saying certain shit to women as they get older if we all could agree not to be shitting on each other right and and men going well you're not viable you're not this because you can't have a baby some women don't want children some women can't have children no matter what age they're at true putting a

the sort of like you got to be a wife mother combo on a woman to make a woman feel like she's a woman is the same as telling a man he has to be masculine or he has to be a father or a provider of this and that. It's like when we start to get into these little dicey areas, that's where people start to have their big issues on adjusting. And I was in the swing of that.

for a long time as you get older you not adjusting to getting older well and I've had people make me feel bad about getting older and now I'm at the point through healing and looking and what I want and all this where I'm just like hey you know what I'm such a fucking yamanika

It don't matter how fucking old I am. It doesn't matter any under this stuff. As long as I'm being a good person and not impeding on other people's shit and doing the best I can, doesn't mean I'm not going to fail or have faults. But as long as I'm out here doing me, that's all I can do.

And that's all the validation I need. And I want to make sure that I'm that for other people and not tearing down other people in the ways that could be destructive to them. Yeah, just being nice to other people is such a big part of it. I mean, yeah, you're viable. You don't have to have kids. If everyone had kids, it would be fucking annoying. Try getting on a flight to Orlando. There's too many fucking kids. Oh, facts. I just said that. I said that when I was flying JetBlue.

and they don't have a Sky Lounge. They gotta work on that, but then they just bought Spirit, so I don't think it's getting any better. - Yeah, right. - All I saw was families. It's like, where the fuck you going as a family? Why do you have to travel if you a family?

the niggas you know is in your house stay there who are you going to go meet up with another family even more of a family somewhere and especially for i never traveled i never went to disneyland my parents never took me anywhere so i see these kids in business class and i'm like what the fuck is this oh my god there was a baby in first class and i was like fuck this kid i know that's two grand although i did eat his meal but i hope so he took his bottle

But no, it's, yeah, I heard Spirit doesn't even have a lounge. They have a detention center they throw you in? Spirit ain't got shit. And all I know is families that travel as families is the gayest thing out.

And everybody in the LGBTQ plus community can come for my crown on that. Stop traveling as a fucking family. I know. Be a man. Leave your kid behind. Come on. Yes. Go get some cigarettes. I just did South America to here. 16 hour flight. I must have been in the nursery plus or whatever the fuck I was in. Whatever section. It was just cradles and strollers and kids. They were doing crafts and cuttings.

cutting shit up and making hand turkeys. It was brutal. It was brutal.

I was on Jimboree air. Mark's actually coughing a new strain of COVID on us as we speak. Oh, I wish. I gotta tell y'all this. So first of all, I always do this joke about this little baby, this first class baby that was in first class because I said I suck too much dick to be in first class and this baby ain't sucked enough dick to be here. That's number one. All babies need to be downstairs with the pets in the cage.

Because kids and animals love their time together. Yes, Bill's character. So let me paint the picture. They won't remember the trip anyway. Let me paint this picture for you. They don't need a leg room. I said the same thing to Gary Veeder. Get back there. No, put him in the overhead compartment. Get rid of him. Let him fly to the wing. Give him a Benadryl. So I get on. I already see a problem when I go to sit down. This is back in my coach days.

So I'm sitting there and I see a bitch. She got the baby. The baby already doing that stiff board shit, right? Where the baby, you know, he went and went and, you know, bipping and bopping to the side. I said, oh no. I said, I hope this bitch is not behind me. So now, and you know, she can't even get the little motherfucker out of his jacket because he's up here doing all this shit. So I said, oh my God, I go to sit down.

We're not even on takeoff. Like, people still... I mean, kicking... You remember when the kids... Now, I know I'm a little bit older than y'all, but we still around the same time when the parents would take the shoes and they would dip the shoes and shit and put them on the... The bronzer. Yeah, they would bronze them. But remember...

Them big shoes you would wear as a kid that had them hard bottoms. But now they put them on the kids that got cerebral palsy. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Like them cerebral palsy shoes with the damn... I don't know these. With the braces. You don't know the braces. Oh, yeah. They were like black and white shoes, but now they only put them on the... We're Google search, man. Put 80 cerebral palsy kid shoes. I remember these. They were clunky. Yeah, they was thick and they had a bottom. Yeah. Yeah, put in hard bottom... Wait a minute. No...

Put in 80s. Now put in 80s baby shoes because we're hard bottoms. Because I'm telling you, those, and let me tell you something, this little nigga almost kicked my back out. Them's the shits right there. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, them Forrest Gumps. Yes. Them's one. Yeah. The Air Force. Get the one with the sole. Look how thick the sole.

soul is yes look at that thing now all of that shit it looked it looked like wood it's pure steel it's got more soul than marvin gay oh my god the kid almost can't make it past tsa with these shoes on because they're lethal weapons okay now this kid had these shoes on he was kicking a hole i didn't even know that i had a hole in my back i had to go to the chiropractor after the flight

- She kept kicking and kicking. So I turned around and I did the one little like, you know, the courtesy smile look. - Yes, yes. - And she didn't say nothing or whatever. So finally the kid was tap, tap, tap dancing. And we was in the sky and I turned around and said, "Hey!" I said, "Come on now, like what's going on with him?" And the family next to me, they had a little kid. And it was so sad because I had gotten with this mother so hard

that the little kid that was sitting next to me he was a angel cute little thing and he wound up falling asleep and he bit you know he fell over on me and the mother was like like oh yeah no he's fine i said no he's okay i said this one is kids tap dancing on my back and the mother whatever so then after the flight was over i waited because i was like no i want to talk to her so when people come i said and i turned i said listen i said you have to do something

about this kid. I said, because my whole flight was ruined. Nobody's going to get, I said, I don't deserve this. And I understand your mother says, well, I'm traveling alone and his father, blah, blah, blah. I said, listen,

If you can't take care of the baby on the flight, then maybe you should see if maybe the pilot could take the baby during the flight or maybe the flight attendants could get him. The pilot's juggling the baby. He's got horrible turbulence. Let him fly up front with the pilot. Put him in a windshield. Do something. But I want you to know that he has been an incomplete inconvenience to my back structure. Yes. And I might have to go see a chiropractor. I said he was kicking a lump in the back. And I said, and you were doing nothing about it.

And then she goes, what do you want me to do? And then a woman, other woman comes in. Cause you don't know. You must not have any kids. You must not know what it means to be a mother. I go, here we go with this shit again. Oh, cause I,

motherfucker slide through my fucking birth canal I don't know what it means to be a considerate bitch I wish I was on this flight so badly no I got with them fuck you bitch are you kidding no because these hundred mothers against drunk driving or whoever the fuck they are I'm telling you stay on the drunk driving shit don't come over here to the flight shit

Because I don't need, don't, not mom shame me, non-mom shame me. I'm with you. And you got a baby tap dancing like he's motherfucking Lou Rawls on the back of my fucking back the whole time, bitch. Yeah, I mean, what if I brought a crackhead on a plane and he was just freaking everybody out and drooling on people? I would be yelled at. But what's the difference with a kid?

It's your responsibility. It's not my problem. It's your kid. You should... Yeah. It's the same with a dog. You bring a dog on the plane, you gotta keep control of the dog. I'm not bringing Vitor to open anymore. I'm gonna bring a crackhead to open. There you go. Just so if someone's a baby, I'm like, my guy's more annoying. Yeah.

You know what happened to me recently? I was flying back New Year's Day from Spokane, Washington, and three show New Year's night. I'm fucking tired. I can't do this anymore. Three on New Year's. One of the crowds stunk, too. Two were good. One stunk. I'm shocked he had that odds. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, the flight's delayed. Vitor's a psycho. He wants to get back to his kids.

I have nothing to live for. I take the later flight out. But Gary's out at the 6 a.m. flight. I take the noon. It gets delayed. Now I'm like, I might be fucked in my connection. With the change, I'm already landing at like 11. I'm like, they say you might not make your connection. I'm in the air. They say, yeah, you're not going to make the connection. We booked you a hotel in Atlanta. This is January 1st. This is not how I want to start my new year. And I go, hell motherfucking no. I'm making this connection. Yeah.

We land in Atlanta. I'm losing my shit. I was having a pleasant conversation with the guy next to me until this happened. I was just like, someone do something. I'm losing it. I'm texting my dad. I'm like, Dad, I can't get through on the customer service app. Can you just call? My dad's the best. He calls for me, says, don't take him off this flight. They moved me off the flight. What? Yeah, because they're like, you're not going to make this connection. I'm like, I can make it. I can fucking make it. You've never seen me sprint in my life.

I'm fucking weaving. I'm like, I was like proud of my cardio. I'm not in good shape. It was Atlanta. It was the biggest airport in the planet. I was dying. I was dude. I had to go from like B to T was brutal. I'm sprinting T. I get there by a fucking eyelash.

I'm sweating. I'm drenched in sweat. I had to run so fast, I didn't even take my beanie off. So I'm in a beanie, drenched in sweat. I sit down. This is the most dirtbag shit I've ever done. I sit down, drenched in sweat. I go...

Whiskey soda. Yeah. You earned it. You earned it. It is a dirty move to do it right. No, that's not a dirty move. That's a reward. Whiskey soda, yeah. I love that. I know, but when you're drenched in sweat, it does feel gross, but I'm like, I need it. You need it. And it put me in a better mood immediately. Yes. And the second I got the drink, I texted my dad. I was like, I love you. You're the best.

Wow. Shout out to your dad. How awesome. Parents love doing shit like that. Little knick-knack shit. They love that. Damn, my dad would go, who's this? Well, that's my other dad. That's the bio dad. But the kid thing, they should have a thing called family air. Let all the families fly. You guys bring all your kids, bring all your toddlers, all your unwanted children that you had on accident. We're going to get hate for this. Well, well.

There was a New York Times article about this recently and it was basically saying no kids in first class. Kids should not be allowed there. And it got so much fucking smoke. You pull it up. Really? Who cares? I read the comments and they were like, fuck this shit. But people are going to complain because their parents, fuck them. Listen, I grew

I grew up in the 80s in a different time. Listen, my mother, you had rules and regulations. It's like, listen, we're going to go. You're going to get in the car. You're not going to wild out. Sit down. Be quiet. Don't open your mouth. Now people got parents doing whatever they want. Yeah.

I agree. I think if you're a parent, just fucking parent. If your kid's being outrageous, give the look around, just be like, sorry. That's all I need. Or do something. That's all I need is a sorry. I'm with you with the crackhead thing. You're not wrong. Thank you. Yeah. I think the parents don't like to be told to be, that's where they get an attitude about the parenting. Cause they're like, well, you don't know. Cause so-and-so and so-and-so and Skippy got

And we're doing something different with him. In my childhood, we didn't do this and do that. I'm like, listen, if you know your child has some type of issues or problems or something you can't get a handle on and you ain't got access to super nanny, keep your ass at home.

- I do like the birth canal line the best though that you said on the flight. - I say that a lot 'cause I have a lot of, most of the women I know are mothers and they think they've elevated above me. Like I'm not a common sense person that I couldn't, listen bitch,

All it take is dick to come inside your vagina and you to ovulate and get the shit popping and percolating for you to become a mother. You didn't get any type of damn degrees for that shit. Anyone can do it. Anybody. Any fucking moron can be a dad.

can fucking be a parent yes okay but what i'm telling you is stop getting an attitude when i'm telling you that your child is getting on my fucking nerves because i don't think they understand how how much people are taking in consideration that we don't want to say you know some people are just assholes they hate kids but for me i'm not just trying to wild out on you i'm going

to give you that grace. Yeah. I like kids. I don't want to like make the kid feel some kind of fucking asshole way. But after a while, bitch, your kid has stomped a mud hole in my back and you act like you don't know that it's there. Right.

Exactly. Just give me a little courtesy. And I get it. If a kid's crying, what are you going to do? That's it. The kid's got to cry. But just give it a little, sorry, sorry. Mud hole in my back sounds like a great blues album. I got a mud hole in my back, baby. Because a toddler stomped it out.

Yeah, it's a tough one. You want to take your kid on vacation. That's a hell of a peeve. Can you roll back down and say, first class doesn't promise relaxation? Oh, come on. That's bullshit. Come on. Kill the kids. Kill them all. Abortion. I haven't seen no kids. Oh, you know what? That's a lie. My Delta 1...

going to LA. It was kids. What I'm thinking of, I think the kids were sitting with the

Delta One's too nice for kids. They have it. Delta One's fucking nice, dude. It's super nice. It's crazy. It's like four seasons. It's super nice. But they did have it for the kids. Each kid sat with a parent. And then they knew the other kids that were sitting three back. It was crazy. And one of them was... I said, oh God, they're going to get started. Because one of them was like, I want to sit with Hanneke. And they was like, wait till everything. And they're like, no. And one was screaming. But then I love the fathers that...

that are really fathers, that you go... My happiest moment was when I saw this white man fan his little girl's legs in the grocery store. It was so crazy. What? He fanned them little legs. This is why my grandmother say, fan the legs. We go like that on the legs. Oh, okay. So she tore something down and he said, don't do it. And she took a magazine. This little girl was bold. And she...

that magazine. And all he said, he said, okay, we have to pay for this now. She goes, no, she didn't want him to pay for it. And he said, what did I say? And he popped them little legs. I said, who the hell is this black woman living inside this white man's body? I had never seen a white man pop his kid before. They tried a Freaky Friday with that, didn't they? Did they? Did they? It was like Tracy Morgan, maybe. Oh, I'm surprised that flew. But he fanned a little

Wow. Not in a big, not like a punch that, but he popped them little legs and she got a little shit together. Like this? Like I said, like that. Oh, okay. Scandal. And then she just went on. Not scandal. But I come from a generation where-

You had to, you know, they was using belts and shit. Oh, yeah, same, same. Yeah, and switches. And kids were seen and not heard. Like, we sat at the kids' table when we got out. There was a section for us. Right. Everybody had their place. Yeah. And you got quiet, and you didn't open your mouth. You wouldn't dare. You wouldn't dare say something like, dude, so-and-so. If I told my grandmother, no, all my lips and everything would be sitting on the floor. Ha, ha, ha.

You don't say no. Oh, yeah. My dad, when he came home, it was over. He just pulled in the driveway. It was like, battle stations. But there's got to be a little bit of a common sense. Your dad seems so nice. That's crazy. He's nice now. He's on antidepressants. He lost his edge. Oh, really? True story. Yeah, can't get it up. Damn. He used to hit real hard when he beat you, right? Oh, yeah. That's what he beat me with. Now, and see, what they don't understand is nobody's condoning...

abusing children. There's got to be a good, happy medium. I think some of the shit in the 80s was rough. Oh, yeah. Kind of crazy. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I'm not here. The thing that breaks my heart is when I see and I see this a lot up, you know, in Harlem. No disrespect, you know, because a lot of times when it's an area with its children and the mothers are raising the kids by themselves. They go on to stuff. They're young and all this other shit. They don't have to have a lot of patience yet. But it just it bothers my spirit to hear a mother go, come on, motherfucker.

or some shit like that. Right, right. Get your ass, you know, because it's like, oh, wow, like the kid, you know, I cuss my cats out all the time, but they don't pay me no attention. They don't speak human. But... You can say the N-word to a cat. Oh, all the time, but my cats love me and the whole thing. But...

you know, but it's just, I understand like breaking down, nobody's here to say break down a child's spirit. We have to be very careful how we talk to children. Yes. You want to reinforce certain things in the children, but you also, you cannot be scared to tell the child that there are boundaries. Some parents just want their kids to live boundary free. Right. I don't,

impede on his growth. No, you have to teach him or her or them that they are in an environment where other people are also moving around in space and time. We live in a society. Yeah, we live in a fucking society. And it's going to catch up later when they're at a job and they're going, why isn't everything going my way? Blah, blah, blah. It's just be kind to your neighbor too. It's just basic shit. We're in a shared space right now.

I don't give a fuck what you do at home. Hopefully you don't hit your kids, but when you're in a shared space, be respectful to other people. Yes, common courtesy.

You heard it here first, folks. Yom, are you going to be anywhere on the road? Anything coming up? I'm taping something, but I don't know what I'm supposed to say. Say it. Say it. Just in case. Oh, look at that. Oh, they got better pictures of me now. Oh, you're on Life and Beth? You're great on it, by the way. Oh, yeah. Life and Beth on Hulu? Well, we start taping, you know. I heard. I heard. Yeah. I don't know if it's in the streets, but yeah, we start taping. Down south. You was in it.

Yeah, I got cut out. But yeah. I was in it. He was in it. How did you get cut out? I saw you in it. I'm a horrible actor. No, no. I did see you in it. I don't think so. You must have been in it. Unless I was looking at some early shit. Maybe they left me in. I looked. I didn't see me in. Well, this is awkward. I got tagged in it a lot. I was a carny. Oh, that's fun. Oh, yeah. We're doing season two of that.

Uh-oh. Yeah, look, you got a hell of an Adam's apple. It's a problem. You do. I want to bite it. It's like such an Adam's apple. The gays are all over my DMs. Oh, yeah. They love it. I love the Adam apple. Yeah, they want to suck on it. They want to rub that finger up and down it, right? It's crazy. I could do a cameo of me just swallowing, going up and down, and I'd get some big bucks. They want to picture their load going down that gullet. Yeah, lactic acid. I had to get mine shaved down. Yeah. Oh, what? What?

I didn't want to let that go. You're fucking... You got a seagull right there. I could never transition. But yeah, we got that going on. And then, you know, I got my live with Yamanika. I do every Wednesday on YouTube. It's on hiatus right now, but we'll keep that going up. And anytime you type my name in, if Miss Pat don't come up, I'm the other one. Yeah, you know, we're just having a good time. I taped something...

I can't talk about it. I taped something really spectacular. I can't wait to see it. It's supposed to come out in a couple months. Oh, boy. And it's top secret. Hopefully, I didn't get cut out of that shit, but they're going to have to do a lot of work to cut me out of it because I was everywhere. All right. But I'm really excited about it. So if you guys are listening around a certain area...

Yeah. Let me know. And then they put my fucking age there in front of everyone. Oh, cut that out. Nah, it's nothing. I can't. I signed up for classmates.com when it first came out, so all my information is out there. We didn't know it was going to come following us 20 years later. Yeah, right. Well, check out Yam and the new raccoon video coming out. That's going to be big.

And she's all over the road. You can see her at the Comedy Cellar all the time. Any road dates you want to plug? I will be at the Kennedy Center. Yes, it'll be me, Dan Perlman, and Carrie Coddick. February the 16th. I'm also doing Sketch Fest.

I think that's the six or something in San Francisco. I never put my dates up. So going to that is the wrong move. But thank you for this time. You know what I really appreciate,

I never have wanted to, there's maybe a few podcasts I really wanted to sit down with you guys. Thank you for having me here. Well, we wanted you for a long time. I think we tried you for a long time. I know, I was texting you guys and been busy, but I'm just, I'm so glad this feels perfect now. So, and I thank everybody for listening. So thank you for having me. Thank you for coming on. I will be, I guess this is the next week, right? So I'll be in, uh,

I'll be in Vegas, Vancouver, Seattle, Portland. Keep adding shows there. Salt Lake, we're adding shows. Atlantic City added a show. Royal Oak added a show. Minneapolis added a show. Keep going down. A lot of fun stuff. Madison, Milwaukee. Milwaukee, we're moving slowly. New Haven, Boston, we keep adding shows. Miami, Orlando, Ponte Verde Beach, New Jacksonville, Atlanta, Charleston, Durham, Charlottesville, Norfolk, D.C.,

added a show Wilkes Barre not adding a show Portchester New York samorell.com slash shows more add-ons coming I love you guys I'm gonna try to go off book here Hawaii Miami Spokane Appleton

But yeah, doing some stuff with Bert in Phoenix. Special coming? Oh yeah, we got a taping cooking. Just a taping. Special will be way down the line. Got to edit. Rochester, Laugh It Up, you name it. MarkNormanComedy.com. Do you know where you're taping the special? I do. Where? Can you say it?

I guess I can. Why not? Where'd you tape yours? Chicago. All right. Are you really? Yes. What venue? Different venue. What venue? I'm giving too much away. Okay, I'm sorry. I was trying to get people excited. It's at the Vic. All right. Okay, great room. All right. All right, and get Bodega Cat, get a t-shirt, get some sweaters, get a hat, and yeah, we'll see you all in hell. Love you guys. No, no. Praise Allah. Heaven. Heaven. Bye. Hey, we'll see you in heaven.

This woman does not remember.