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Hey, folks, here we are. We might be drunk. It's early. It's cold. It's New York City. We're having a couple of coffees. Yes. Great movie.
Oh, yeah. Dude, I'm fucking... I went after it this week, and I drank too much. Same. Yeah, I left Wednesday, got home last night at 11 p.m. Ugh, from where? Buffalo. It's a long story. Tell it. We got a lot to talk about. Love Buffalo. All right. Well... You go to Chef's? I didn't go to Chef's. I never heard of Chef's. Salamanca, pull it up. Look at that fucking pasta. I don't even know what I'm looking at here. That's a brick of cheese over pasta. That sauce is next level. I don't even know what I'm looking at here.
That chef's in Buffalo. I got love for Buffalo. I like Buffalo. Great town. Good Italian community. Good people. Good people. Hard-nosed, ice-cold, salt-of-the-earth. But look at this thing. This is what got Peters in his shape. This is out of control. I ate that before I went on stage. I was like, this ain't good. Oh, man. That's worse than Artie Lang doing heroin before going out. It just weighs you down more. That's what all the women look like on Tinder in Buffalo. Artie Lang. Artie Lang.
Jesus. That's true. Artie Lang now. We love you, Artie. We love you. All right. Funny guy. The best. He has one of my favorite jokes. He's talking about, what's the guy's name who was dating Khloe Kardashian? Odom? Yeah, he was. Yeah, years ago. Odom. Yeah, so he's in the kitchen at the house at like 3 in the morning making a sandwich, and he's like, oh, man.
This relationship with these women. There's too many of these women. I might start doing crack. And Bruce Jenner walks down and goes, wait to hear what I'm going to do. Great joke. I might have fucked it up. No, you killed it. That's a great. I love the one he did about, you know, all the NBA people are like, stay in school. And then like, he's like, yeah, yes. Go to college instead of getting millions of dollars in the NBA. He's like, that's why instead of, if they want to say stay in school instead of a dunk contest at All-Star Weekend, they should do a spelling bee. Nah.
Because what would you rather see, them dunk again or Stefan Marbury try to spell Wednesday? Oh, Wednesday. That's a great joke. So perfect. Everything about that is damn he's good. Spelling bee. Then you have the visual of these giant seven foot dudes at a spelling bee with the name tag. Gold. Hilarious. You got another one. It's like, I never use the N word unless it's the fourth quarter. Only he can get away with that shit. He's like, that age is like grandfathered in for those jokes. Right, right.
Yeah, he's a great, great dude, too. I miss him. Oh, yeah. I hope we see him around again soon. Oh, yeah. One of the funny. Great book, Too Fat to Fish. It's incredible.
So funny. Yeah, so funny. Also, him on Stern arguing with Dice Clay is one of the all-time great radio moments. Yeah, he used to say something about how he used to wait three hours in line to see Dice, and now he dodges his phone calls. Yes, exactly, exactly. Dice tried to get money out of him. It's a whole thing. Wow. But that's showbiz. It can just keep going, and then now you're fighting with your heroes. So tell me about Buffalo. All right, so...
Wednesday, got a gig in Toronto. Danforth Theatre, what an amazing place. Did that. Beautiful city, too. Great city. Great comedy town, Toronto. So we're at the theatre, and I'm just chatting with the comics, and they're like, so what do you got tomorrow? I'm like, I'm going to Buffalo. They're like, oh, that's a quick flight or quick drive. And I was like, yeah, let me look that up.
I'm connecting at 7 in the morning to D.C. and then going up back to Buffalo. And I text my manager, I'm like, what the hell is this? And I got the road guy on it, everybody's on it, like, yeah, what is that? That's crazy. He's like, there's nothing left. So Rob Mayhew of Royal Comedy Club, he's like, hey, this guy will drive you. Give him a couple hundred bucks. I said, I'll give you 200 bucks, you drive me. He's like, we'll go tomorrow at noon. We had a great day, but...
Jacob. It's like an adventure every week. I know. So I had to cancel my flights. I get in the car with this guy and we're about to cross the border. And he goes, you don't have any drugs, do you? And I go, well, I use edibles to sleep. And he goes, get rid of them. Get rid of it. We're going to get killed over there. They're going to rape us. They're going to kill us, scalp us. So I go, all right. So we pull over to the guy's house. That would be funny if they did rape you. Like, what the fuck is this shit? We got to rape you. We have to. We're sorry. Sorry.
So I'm like, fuck. So now we pull over to a guy's house like a block before the border. Just some random guy's house. I'm going through my bag. I got a million edibles in there, shrooms I'd just forgotten about. It must have been like thousands of dollars worth of merchandise. Oh, my God. We throw it in some guy's lawn. That must have been painful. Brutal. Brutal. I hate throwing shit away. And then this kid, Jacob, is like, what are you doing? He's like, I'm writing the address. When I come back over, I'm getting these. I was like, no. It's like Fargo. I know. Funny looking guy. So, uh.
We go over the border. They go, where you go? What do you got there? I go, passport. They go, all right, get through it. I'm like, ah. So we did the right thing, but they didn't check anyway. Damn. Brutal. That sucks, but the gigs were great. Gigs were great. Get to Buffalo. Sean over there is great. We had a Jordan Fisher opening. Oh, yeah, I like him. Kyle Turner hosting. We had a great time. Six shows sold out. Killer crowd. Sold merch. Then...
Whoa. Whoa.
Why don't you have a coat in Buffalo? Well, I was there for three days. I got like a bomber jacket. And so I had to get a coat. I had to get a giant parka. Did you get a nice coat? Well, I borrowed one from this guy. It was very nice. But now you're just shivering. And I'm like, damn, I thought we were going to be in a box. I thought we were going to be shaking hands with Gabe and the other guy, Josh Allen. And we were out in the snow.
And it was hell. I have a whole new respect for Buffalo people. Any town that goes out and supports in the snow like that. There are people with blankets out there and stuff, right? It's insane. They're hooting and hollering. They get drunk at 7 a.m. They're tailgating all day. They look like hobos. They do. Yeah. But that's a strong group of whites over there. That's a great football town. Oh, yeah. And they've got a great team. Did they win? I think they won. I bailed early. I was like, I've got to get out of here. I can't feel my hands. Yeah.
That's amazing. I was the diva. I was like, all right, I don't live here. I got to go. I never used to do that shit, but we were in Kansas City a couple weeks ago, and I did check if the Chiefs were playing because I got my home. So I'm like, I can see it live. I told Vito, I was like, we're going. Fuck your second baby, dude. We're seeing some foosball. Yeah, it's fun, but when it's cold, I don't know how people do it. Yeah, dude, it's tough. Tough. The women out there are just like, ah!
It was a graveyard, you know? It's crazy. It's a lot of scary people up there, but they're good eggs, and they love their team, and they live for it. You realize how good we have it. When you watch these people rooting for these teams, you're like, they need this. This is important to them. Buffalo's got an identity and culture. I feel like there's some other cities in that area where you're like, this ain't right. Oh.
Oh, yeah. Syracuse. That's a stinker. Rochester's got some moments. It's got moments, but I do remember nearly... Like, we were...
And Vitor and I were like, we'll take a walk. And then I'm like, dude, there's dealers on every corner. We will get robbed. Definitely. This is not. And I told him, yeah, you 100% would have been robbed if you took that walk. Oh, yeah. It's one of those block to block. You're like, this is beautiful. Look at these old homes. John Kodak lived there. Then you go two right turns. How did it end for him? Yeah. The guy they named Rob as their dude, I'm like, yeah, he commits suicide. Yeah.
In his heyday. Like, this is the guy? This is your guy? There's rumors he was gay. Really? Never married. No pictures, though. The irony. It's a Kodak moment when he was hanging. All right. Well...
Got sad there. What about you? Where were you? I was in the city this weekend. I had a rare weekend in the city, just at cellar spots. Great. Nice. Lots of fun. Killer on a weekend. Is it different for the weekend for you there? Because you're there during the week so often. But playing a weekend show, does that feel different to you? Yeah. You know, the village is an energy on the weekend. Oh, yeah.
It's great. Yeah. Moved down there, so I'm like walking home now. So that's nice. Oh, that's right. Yeah. What an apartment, by the way. Have you been? No, come on. I almost blew you. Did you? It is a panty dropper. Dude, I didn't know it was that close. Oh, that's why I had to leave. I was like, all right. I faked a phone call. I was already on one. I was capper nicking. Speaking of my new place, I got a rec for you. Peters, can you pull this up? Yeah. Or Salamanca, whoever has it.
Got one of them Toto toilets. Toto toilet. Cleans the butthole, dries the butthole. Oh, a bidet. A bidet, yeah. Yeah, the toilet seat's stewed. Really? Do you have the video? I can send you the video. Oh, it's a video. Is it of Sam? It's of me taking a shit. Oh, great. I want you to see it. Airdrop coming in.
Wow. Now, did you install this? Of course not. Are you kidding me? No, it's like pipes and stuff involved. I'm useless. All right. I paid a guy to do it, but yeah, let's see. Look at this bad boy. Whoa. Bad boy, see it in action. You're sitting on a computer here. Dude. Look at this thing. It's got lights and buttons. Look at that.
There we go. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, buddy. I like to get an out motion. Oh, hell yeah. That's dangerous. I can hit the sack. Oh, no, it doesn't. It's in the right place. All right. Yeah, I mean, that's a strong stream, too. Really? The other day I came. I'll tell you, it's a strong stream. Really seems to care.
All right, all right. I got to get one of these. Get one, dude. You got one? Nah. It's also, I mean, like, even if it weren't eco-friendly, I'd be into this, but it is. So you're like, eh, it's kind of cool. I don't have to buy toilet paper anymore. Yeah, your ass is green. Oh, my ass is green, baby. Mine's pink. I'm wiping too much. I'm bleeding down there. I get the red paper. Now, anytime I'm going to have to take a shit in, like, a hotel, I'm going to be like, ah, what is this? I know.
It sucks. It feels very primitive. And also, you know, the white being in the winter is something gross about, you know. Yeah. This is the old butthole. Yeah. I want people to come over and take a shit. Take it for a test. But if you're not, I would love to come by. I can shit and blow you. Same time. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Getting squirted on both ends. I was friends with this girl for 15 years and I just went to her apartment and she and I went to take a leak and she had one of those.
And I was like, I've learned more about you in these two seconds than I've learned in our 15 years. Why? Someone in this house eats ass. And I didn't know that. Do you think that someone definitely eats ass if they have that toilet seat? I think it's a big part of it. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. You're cleaning house, you know, for the meal. That's not why I got it, but I mean. That's a bonus. You're about to join the club. Although, I'd hate to see that ass crack. Just cut by the eyebrows alone. My butthole looks like Uncle Fester's face. But the crack is like Questlove. It's got a pick in it. It's got a pick in there? Yeah. We made the same. I'm an idiot.
But, yeah. Oh, and I saw the Charlemagne video. Tell us about that. It was a killer clip. Pull it up. Dr. Umar? Yes. Yeah. It was three. It was you and two guys. And Kazim from MSG. Yeah. I wish there was just two people on a panel just because, like, you get, like, not that much time on the show. Charlemagne's a great host. I mean, he's such a...
No, it's not a story. He's a great host, but you get... Oh, that's Brandi Chastain. We had her on the other pod that, you know, scored the game-winning goal for Team USA in the 90s. Oh, wow. She rules, yeah. That's cool. Against China. No, don't play this. Are we going to get taken down for that? There it is, right there, the third one. This here? Yeah, oh, yeah. You don't have to play the whole clip. You don't have to play it. It's just cool. No, but... No, don't play it. Don't play it. But...
Yeah, it was mad fun, dude. Comedy Central, it's crazy. That was Trevor Noah's last night. So we came on after him and he was going on and on. I was like, oh boy, Comedy Central. I mean, they lost Trevor Noah. Now they're going to have a guest host, I guess. Yeah, yeah. They're going to have Franken. That'll be interesting. Huh? Huh? What's that now?
But yeah. Well, that's so... It's kind of... There's a live audience there and that's old. That's kind of old school. It's funny. People... I love that. I do too. We're so used to that. That's like our comfort zone. We kind of have to be on. Oh, yeah. I love so much freaking...
methylphenidate. What the hell does that mean? It's like concentrated Ritalin. Whoa! Is that what you sick? You were just popping. What? What, were you just hungover? No, I just fucking... I get nervous when they keep changing the topics day of and I want to have some jokes in my head locked and loaded just in case whichever way they go. Uh-huh. But, uh...
I took to me. Oh, I was sick last week, too. Fuck. There's everyone's getting sick here, man. Yeah. Something's going around. But let me just say it was cool because I was watching you tweet jokes about Griner when she got released. And then I saw the show and it was a lot of the same stuff. And that's so cool to see the process.
Yeah, well, that's what we all do. I know, but it's fun. It's funny. It should be the other way around. You should be doing the jokes on stage and then tweeting them. That's true. Because we have more followers on the social media than the hundred people you're performing for or whatever at the cellar. Yeah. But we don't give a shit about the tweets, so it's like that's the workout for the stage. It's an open mic, basically. What were you this weekend? I guess we're back. Is this our New Year's app?
Oh, jeez. Jeez. We gonna... Ready for this New Year's I put together? What do you got? So the lady, she did the whole wedding. She killed it. It was amazing. Yeah, you guys were there. So she's like, you suck. I hate you. I'm done. Mic drop. You gotta do the honeymoon. And I said, ah, shit. All right. All right. Fair is fair. So...
We're going to Africa, as I mentioned. But the dates got all fucked up because I'm booking it. So there's like an open gap for three days before we go. And I said, fuck it. We're going to Amsterdam. So I just booked two tickets to Amsterdam. So you're going from Amsterdam to Africa? Yes. How is that routing? Not great. We got to go through D.C. then up to Buffalo. Some weird guys driving you. Yeah, we got a guy on a boat.
Some open miker. You don't have to throw away the edibles for Amsterdam, though. Ah, good point. Good point. But she's like, ah, so I let you decide where we go, and it's just right to whores. That's just fun. That's pretty good. That'll be fun. Yeah. It mixes it up. You couldn't be more different. Africa, Amsterdam, that'll be. Exactly. Exactly. Is she excited for that? Oh, yeah. We've always wanted to go the canals, the weed cakes, the bikes, the people. Tallest people in the world, Dutch. Really? Yeah. Not a lot of NBA players, though.
Well, they're white. They tend to be. I'm sure there's a Dutch NBA, huh? Was Rick Smits Dutch? Maybe he was Dutch. Or the Flying Dutchman. They call him the Flying Dutchman. Yeah, there we go. There you go. Going Dutch. You think they hate that? I wonder. Going Dutch. That must be from them. Yeah, so I think I figured this out. I didn't look this up at all. But going Dutch, I think, means split. Yeah. Like Dutch doors. Split. We're going Dutch. We're splitting the bill.
There's another one, too. Give it a go. That's pretty good. Dutch uncle. I think that means, what does that mean? It gives you money? There's Dutch oven. Dutch oven, which is? When you fart under a blanket with a kid. With a kid? It could be anyone. It could be anyone, I guess. Why is a kid involved? Well, I did it when I was a kid to other kids. I'm not R. Kelly-ing here, but it's kind of a harmless crime. It's just a scent. Yeah, that's always like when you've been in a relationship too long, and you're just like, I don't give a shit, and you do it, and they're like, what the fuck?
And you're like, that was for me. I'm trying to end this thing. Every once in a while, it's for me. Yeah. That's the difference between men and women right there. It is amazing how early on in the relationship, you just won't fart. And then cut to like two months, you're shitting with the door open. It really is amazing. Completely. The comfort is that where you're just like, I don't care. Yeah. I'll be shitting and I'm like, can you hand me my phone? And she's like, here you go. You must fart on a first date. Oh, yeah. Well, first date, I don't know. That depends on the girl. I got to feel it out. Yeah.
sometimes girls love it sometimes like michelle wolf if you fart around her she is on the floor she's like she's a comic she's a comic but some girls are like all right i gotta go this is crazy yeah oh i got another fucking wreck for you new york city winter sichuan chinese oh get a little braised fish with chili sauce went with my brother the other day and uh
Oh my god, did you fucking find a Szechuan spot? I love Szechuan. Three of us have done it a decent amount together. Now is this Christmas Day? Oh, I'll be doing a Christmas Day for sure, watching all-day basketball, you better believe it. I got a pee for you that goes off this too, it was with my brother the other night. You ever run into someone?
And they and you say, oh, this is the bottom of the cellar with me. And I go, oh, there's my brother. And they go, I didn't know you had a brother. You've never mentioned. Oh, yeah. And it's like, who is this for? Right. You're not making either of us feel good here. Right. Yeah. I mean, he's uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable. Yeah. Never, ever mentioned. It's almost like he doesn't matter to you. And he doesn't exist.
It's also calling out your relationship with your friend. Like, we're not close enough that I would tell you I have a brother. It's called out like everything. Nothing good comes of it. But people do that shit a lot. Isn't that weird? They really do, yeah. I've had people do that with girlfriends. They're like, you have a girlfriend? You've never mentioned her. I'm like, Jesus Christ. This is my other girlfriend. Yeah. She's like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, second date. We're making moves.
All right, but yeah, people do that. That's a real peeve. Good peeve. Peeve. Could be a bit there. I got some wicked peeve. But let me just say, as a rec, since we talked about men and women, Neil Brennan's special, he's got one of my favorite jokes I've ever heard about, he's talking about men and women. He wants to come on here. He's coming on soon. Oh, he is? Yeah, we tried to get him last week, but you were gone and then I was sick, so it was kind of just like a no-go. Well, he's got a great bit about how, he's talking about men and women and how women...
Don't do sound effects. He's like, I've never heard a woman do a sound effects. You know, guys come in with a story. They're like, you've never seen a woman do that. I was like, that is such a great observation. I love a good observation. Brilliant. Brilliant. So true. It's weird when it's like it feels so good when you notice something, too, that you're just like, oh, no one's noticed this. I know. I love that. I mean, that's like half. Sometimes the observation is like the hard part is then having a bit.
Because you're like, well, fuck, this observation's so good. How do I follow this up? Exactly. You almost can't even follow how good the observation is with a joke. And it's harder to catch an observation when it's something you never see.
You know, you see, oh, this happens a lot. But if it's like you never see a woman make sex, you're like, oh, yeah, it's all it's harder to notice the ones that don't happen that aren't there. Yeah. Which is even more impressive. Yeah. No. Then you go the act. That's a good one, though. That's a great. Yeah. Where are you guys at with act outs? I was with a comic and he was like, I've got three act outs. I'm trying to get it down to two. And I was like, why? It works.
Yeah, if it works. I mean, you don't want to be doing backflips as your punchlines, I guess, but if it works. I'm a big fan of humping stools. Oh, okay.
No, I think it depends on your act, obviously, right? Like, for someone like me, I'm not a big act-out guy, but then when you do one, it sometimes hits harder because you don't normally do it. Right. You know, like, sometimes you heard an old Nick DiPaolo album or something, and he'll do a sound effect out of nowhere, and you're like, oh, I didn't know he could do that. Yeah. So it gets an even bigger laugh. Totally, totally. Style change.
Yeah, but if that's the whole act, it's not my personal preference, but there are people who are great at it, so it can be really good. But three in an hour is not too much for her. No. I think it all depends on your act. No, of course not. I mean, how many act-outs does Pryor do? And they're great. Yeah, they're great. So if you're great at it, then you're great at it. Yeah. I got a couple of peeves here. First, do you ever get this one? This is kind of similar to yours.
Where do they go? So I'm in Buffalo and they go, oh, you live in New York City. Oh, yeah, yeah. Do you know Bob Johnson? I don't know Bob Johnson. All right. What about Rick Simpson? I'm like, no, I don't know. And they keep asking me if I know people who live in a certain town. They're like, you were just in San Francisco. Are they comics?
I don't think so. They're just like, oh, you know this guy? Because he also lives in New York. Or I'm going to San Francisco. Oh, oh, you're going there? Yeah, you've been there before? You know Chet Sanders? I'm like, I don't know. I don't know anybody. And now you feel like an asshole because you keep turning the guy down. You're like, no, no, I don't know. I'd love to know a Chet.
Yeah. We need a Chet in the rotation. Chets are tough. Chets are hard to find. Well, that's the bully in Weird Science. Chet. Chet. It was like the scary white guy. Oh, Chet Hanks. Chet Hanks. He's funny. What about...
Yeah, that's a weird one. I don't like, and also it's like, do you know what the population in New York is? I know, exactly. Because the thing is, you go to some of these small towns and they do know everybody. Like I had a, you know, we were in Springfield, Missouri and my friend Liam Nelson is opening and he has all these girls coming to see him. Tall kid, he's like seven feet tall. And all these girls come out to see him, the show he's hosting.
And the guy goes, he said, let me see a picture of her. He goes, I might have fucked her. That's how small the town is. Oh, my God. And he's like, I haven't. We're like, all right. That makes sense. Small town. Small town. I think people just don't know what to say. So like, oh, New York, I know a guy. Maybe you know him. We can connect on that. But now I just feel bad because I keep saying, no, I don't know him. No, I don't know him. Like, assume I know no one. Tell the story. It is weird. I mean, New York is...
Why would you know just a random person? If it's in your field, I get it, because comics, we know most comics. Right, sure. But, yeah, that's a definite annoying peeve. Brutally annoying. And I think he was also trying to show me that he knew a lot of people. He's like, oh, I'm friends with this guy. You know him? What about this guy? He works for him. You know that guy? It's like, I don't know anybody.
Before we go, have you ever seen this Chet Hanks clip? Oh, it's great. He was on Z-Way and she tried to get him to apologize for his Jamaican accent. He does a fantastic Jamaican accent. Oh, does he? I mean, like, spot on. Anyway, she tried to get him to apologize for it. Can you make it louder? Hold on. Can you make that louder, Peter? I can't really hear it. I'm sorry. All right.
Uh-oh. This is bombing worse than a Franklin clip. Franken-shit. Huh? All right. That was a big huh. All right. Never mind. Yeah. It's a great clip. I've seen it. It's really funny. Yeah. He's an interesting guy. Oh, yeah. Is his mom Rita Wilson? I don't think so. Oh. Are there other Hankses? I thought it was a nuclear family. I feel like she would set this straight. Nope. It's his mom. Oh, it is his mom. Yeah. Wow.
But Colin Hanks, that's not his mom, right? He looks just like Tom. And a hell of an actor, Colin. He's really good. He's good. Orange County was underrated. Oh, yeah. Great cast, too. You got like John Lithgow, Catherine O'Hara, Jack Black, obviously. But I'm like, damn, this is like kind of a stacked comedy cast. That's true. Was that Farrelly? I don't think it was Farrelly. But they had a fucking run. Orange County? Yeah, they had a run. Underrated.
Then they came around and did Green Book. Green Book? Is that right? Yeah. Yeah. He has another one out with Woody Harrelson. He's coaching a team of mentally challenged kids, and I'm like, all right, this is a tightrope walk. Yeah. Jay Kasdan. I wonder if that's- Oh, he's done a lot of shit. Kasdan's son. He is. Really? Yeah, Lawrence Kasdan. All right. Screenwriting extraordinaire. Hey, there we go. Didn't he write Body Heat? Mike White? Whoa! From White Lotus. He's in it. He's the teacher in it. Yeah. I've never seen it.
Oh, yeah. He's also in School of Rock. That's another great one. Another great one. Dude, that's like Jack Black's greatness, where you're like, how many people can have done that role well? Exactly. He fucking killed it. That was like right after High Fidelity, I feel like it was a breakout, but then School of Rock, it was like, oh, you're a fucking star, dude. Yeah. Man, he killed it. He really popped, and then I feel like he's kind of fizzled.
No, he's fucking, he was in the Jumanji movies. He's in Tropic Thunder. Oh, yeah, he was great in that. Do you see the clip of him in the new Weird Al movie? Oh, did you see that? I just watched a few clips my friend was showing me. The clips are so fucking funny. I'm a huge Weird Al fan. Dude, pull up, just go to like two minutes in. Are we allowed to play this, Peters, or no? All right, go to Another One Rides the Bus because Jack Black's in this scene.
Is it? No, no, no. Go to Weird Al Movie. Weird Al Movie. Another one rides the bus. It's fucking incredibly funny how they do this. So apparently the movie is very tongue-in-cheek. Like, they're doing all the tropes, all the cliches. They're mocking the biopic. Exactly. Every clip I've seen is, I've got to watch the whole movie. It looks hilarious. Oh, I grew up loving this guy. Me too, dude. Eat it. Yeah, this is the scene, I think. But can we get better quality? Uh-oh.
Why is the audio working? Yeah, fuck it. Why are we even trying this? Oh, shit. Is this going to work with our guest later? Our guest is not going to. Oh, that's headphones. Oh, maybe we have to put headphones on. Nothing. Nothing. All right. Well, I got one more peeve while you queefs are doing the tech. How about this?
And this is where I become a cunt. But you ever walk into a restaurant and right before you open the door, a group walks in right in front of you and it throws your whole Chipotle day off because they got to go in the line and they go, what do you have here? And you're like, oh.
I was just almost in front of you, and now my whole day's... And you knew what you wanted. Yes! The slow order sliding in. Oh, the slide in. It's the same thing when you're trying to get on the... Oh, here it is. Yeah, you got it now. He challenged them to write a song off the cuff and says you can't do it, and that's the guy from Queen, the bass player. Oh, wow. So he's saying you can't come up with a song for another one of Bites of Dust. Writing the buzz to the place with a pretty back. I couldn't find a seat, so I had to stand with the birds in the back.
Yeah. Conan. Yeah.
I mean, Harry Potter's playing it like Jack Black. Yeah. That's true. It's really a fun idea to mock biopics because he's mocking. It's like it's meta. Yeah, it's the parody guy's doing a parody. Yeah. It is kind of clever. That's a weird al. And, I mean, damn, Jack Black is never not amazing. He's a talent. Yeah. He's so funny. Yeah. We were at the roast, remember? Mm-hmm.
We went to this roast. That's right. Schumer brought us. That's right. That was fun. That was fun. That was kind of old school. It was midtown, a lot of old roaster guys there. That was awesome.
Yeah, to go off your peeve, though, I mean, the guy who slides in front and doesn't know what the fuck. This is a city where you better know what the fuck you want. Yes. And you better know how to do shit. When you're trying to get on the subway and the guy slides in and then they just, it's always a dude who doesn't know how to work a MetroCard. I know. He's like, oh, what? And you're like, I had it. Yes. I fucking had it. Exactly. It's kind of like when you go to the grocery and some guy's got 900 carts and you're like, dude, I got one pair. Yeah.
Let me get through with the pear. And he's like, all right, you go with the pear. They should be allowed to do that with restaurants. Like, hey, I know what I want. I'm in, I'm out. I'm a pro. You've never been to, what is it, Just a Salad or whatever the hell this place is called. Sweetgreen. It's just lack of awareness. Like, you ever see the guy on the...
I saw this the other day. It was raining. It wasn't like super hard, but it was hard enough to be annoying. Three people in a row. They all have umbrellas. They're blocking the whole street. And I just watched a person trying to get around them the whole time. And it was like a chaplain thing. This woman's just like, uh, uh, uh.
Just like so annoying. She's like, right. And they didn't even notice her. It was hilarious. Oh, that's good stuff. These umbrella people are, they're menaces. I get somebody walking by, I go straight up. I go, you guys got it. And then the people that they try to like weave through people with the umbrella. I'm like, that's a sharp thing. Oh yeah. Take out a fucking eye with that thing. I know. I know. Now everybody else, everybody else ends up bobbing and weaving for your umbrella.
All right. Last one. Love these people. How about this guy? The guy who can't answer a question with a yes or no. You go, what are you from? You're from Denver? He goes, well, you know, it's a long story. I actually was my parents. They met in Saigon, you know, in 88. And I'm like, get to it. All I need to know is Denver. Yes or no. You got me. You had me. It's a long story. Oh.
That's a peeve. It's a long story. What do you think this is? Your fucking coming out party? Just fucking tell the story. And I don't even really give a shit about where you're from. I was just trying to make a small talk, but you made it big talk. It's a long story. What is this, a 10-part Netflix series? Don't make it a murderer, this shit. Just tell me the fucking story. Give me the trailer of the story. Yes, trailer.
More trailers, less full-part series. Right. It's like your bit with the YouTube where I want to tap the guys forward. Like, let me just get to the meat of this here. I don't need the full parents meeting. And it was everything. I'm like, how much time are you doing? He's like, well, you know, I have like 40. I'm like, just say 20, 30, 10. I don't need to know how much time you have total. Who are these people you're opening for you? You know, there's another one. It's like, I always want to do, but I never did this, but like about how the...
You ever tell, like, someone's telling a story and you're just like, oh my god. And it's like an Uber. It's like you're calling an Uber. Oh, yeah. And then you're like, how long is this going to be? And then it's like when you look down, you think it's going to be like four minutes, but you look down and you're like, now it's nine minutes? Right. Matt Ruby has a joke about that. Really? Yeah, yeah. This was like years ago I wrote this premise. I never did shit with it, but I was like, oh, this is like...
I don't know. He said, the only way I can explain to you how time lapses when you're doing mushrooms is like you're looking at your Uber app and your Uber says it'll be there in four minutes and you wait three minutes to look about it and it says six minutes. You're like, how is this possible? Right. Time travel. Yeah.
See, Uber's a cum guzzler because if you're not ready when the Uber's there, they cancel, they charge you, but they can just keep going up in time. I'm like, you said six minutes at 1111. Oh, and they cancel on you all the time. And then they cancel on you. How about I get $5 if you cancel? Exactly. Yes. Where's your penalty?
No penalty. No penalty. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Is that the right expression here? I've heard that, I think. I got another wreck. All right. We're in wreck peeve mode because it's been a while since it's just been us. Yes, we're loaded up. I was watching TV the other day. Almost Famous comes on. Oh, I love it. That's a great movie. Great movie. That's really, dude. And-
Philip Seymour Hoffman, that movie, holy shit, he's funny. Yeah. So good. Golden God, Lock the Gates, Penny Lane, Marin, yeah. So good. That movie, you feel it. That's a real Cameron Crowe. She's wonderful in it. Kills it. Kate Hudson is so good. Oh, yeah. It's a great movie. That's her peak, I think. I think that's where she peaked. Yeah.
Well, she was in a lot of bad movies after that. Don't be her peak then. Yeah, yeah, no, I agree. But when you do a shitload of big commercial blockbusters, this was like her artistic peak. How to lose a career in 10 days. Oh my God. But yeah. I think she's doing all right. She's doing all right. I'm joking. But I've got a thing for her and her mom. Isn't that fun when you want to fuck both? You still want to fuck Goldie Hawn? Oh, yeah. Really? She's got to be up. How old is she? She's got to be 90. 90.
Would you bang a 90-year-old Goldie Hawn? I would definitely take old Goldie. Oh, yeah. I've done worse. You take a Goldie shower? Oh, I was going with Oldie Hawn, but yeah, that's good. She looks like Bruce Valanche, but yeah, I'm not opposed. She's got the big mouth. I love a big old mouth. She got implants over the years. A mouth implant? No, no. I'm going to give her a mouth implant. She got bosom breast implants, these things.
Is she still with Kurt? I think so. Wow. That gives you hope, huh? He's a hunk. That's a cool Hollywood marriage. Great couple. Hopefully he doesn't listen to this podcast or he's going to go hateful eight on your ass. Hateful 80. Do we get an age? Oh, I'm sorry. No. But yeah, she looks... I would still do her. Obviously, I'd do Kate.
77. She's up there. Hey, underrated, good chick flick. Everyone's talking about there's a chick flick that's actually a good chick flick. Oh, yeah. First Wives Club. Really? Solid. Peters, Salamanca, anyone? What do you think? Goldie. Diane Keaton. Diane Keaton. And Bette Midler. Midler, hey, that's a good trio. No Bette Midler? 1996. I think it was pretty funny. Yeah, I've actually never seen it. It looks like a Nora Ephron.
All right. All right. We got a lot of range on this podcast. I got another. Oh, no, don't play the whole trailer. What happened? How did we get the audio going, though, now? Did I mention the Fatty Arbuckle thing last week with Ari or no? Oh, I love Fatty Arbuckle. Did I mention this?
book called frame up about roscoe fatty arbuckle yeah the trial about how he was like fucked over and his career was ended and he didn't do this is the most cinematic book i've ever read i'm like how really in a movie the stories are insane it's like literally you know the worst childhood horrible horrible dad and uh there's a story about him going to uh
He goes, takes a long, long train ride to go live with his dad after his mom dies. And he's, if you don't know who he is, he was a big silent movie star. The biggest silent movie star. Huge comedy actor. Most highest paid before he was framed for killing a woman. Maybe the first. He was the fat guy. He was, yeah, he invented the pie throw. Wow. Isn't that crazy? Oh.
And it's hilarious the way they write about it. Like, Fatty could throw pies all sorts of ways. Behind the back. Like, he could do all kinds of throws. But he's a kid. It's like the most tragic childhood. Oh, yeah. He takes a train ride to see his dad. And his dad, I guess, owned this hotel.
And he went there to go see his dad after his mom died. And when he gets there, the dad had fled town because he heard his son was coming. What? So he sold the hotel. So he goes in there and they're like, oh, poor kid. So they feed him and they're like laughing at how much he eats. And then they have a talent show one night and he goes on and sings. And they're like, holy shit. What? And he's got an opera voice. He's incredible. Wow. And of course, it's like classic showbiz. Once he starts blowing up, the dad is like, Sonny boy. Oh.
It's so dark. But yeah, crazy. And by the way, a woman that he did all these movies with, her name, Mabel Normand. Whoa. I wonder if there's any relation. But crazy. I mean, all the stories, like the studio head was fucking her. And then, you know, it was on and off again. He never fully commit to her. And she walks in on him with another woman and hits her head.
And had to have like surgery and she was never the same. She hit the other woman. No, it hit her in the head. Oh. Something landed on her. She hit her head somehow. Uh-huh. Wasn't completely clear, but she's never the same. So what's the frame up? Is it the bottle incident? The rape thing? Yeah. How is he framed? I don't know. I haven't finished it yet. I'm like 150 pages in, but it's great. Where's that movie, by the way? They should make a movie with like- It was supposed to be Chris Farley. Oh.
That would be something But it was like a Hollywood party Is what I think And let me finish the book And I'll tell you Crazy that dad Just started this And it's great The links the dad went to Hide from the sun Selling a hotel And all that shit Terrible person Insane It's a kid You could just say He's full of shit He's deranged Shout out Dana Gould For telling me to pick this one up It's a good one Hell yeah He's obsessed with this story Great comedian Dana Gould Follow her He's been posting great clips On Instagram You sent me one the other day It's killer So good
So good. Love the Gould. One of the best comics working. Gotta get him on here. Oh, that'd be great. Oh, yeah, and The Simpsons. That guy's got such a resume. Great resume. By the way, I've been watching Family Guy. It's amazing what they get away with. Yeah? They are dark. Which one? Which clip? Oh, well, there's so many, but I just saw the one where it's like the Olympics, and it's a row of runners, and they shoot the gun, and all the white guys take off, and they're like, hey, look at us. We're doing great. And then the black guy's like...
I guess we should start now. And then they take off and the white guys are like, they're going to get our wallets. But it's wild. And there's three other jokes I'm forgetting, but good stuff. Yeah. It's funny, but black dudes love that show. Oh, yeah. I remember we'd watch it. I went to Sixers basketball camp in Philly when I was like 17. I went for like a week and we all just like in this bunk with one TV and we would just watch Family Guy every night before bed and it would fucking...
Oh, isn't that the best? You've never seen people laugh at this shit. It was like back in the day when you go to a movie theater. There aren't many comedy movies you go to a theater and get the laugh. I love it. You know what movie I just saw that's killer? The Banshees of Innesheeran. Oh, I'm dying with Colin Farrell. Yeah. I'm dying to see it. Dude, he's phenomenal.
And Brendan Gleeson. It's that playwright, Martin McDonagh, who made all those plays. You know, Pillow Man, Cripple of Anishinaan, The Beauty Queen of Linnane. I'm sorry if I'm butchering the names. Yeah, it's dark as fuck. Oh, yeah? Is it funny like the other one? Yeah, it's funny. Oh, great. It's weird and funny and uncomfortable as hell. I was out with my mom, and she was laughing really hard. Oh, shit.
And I was like, I was part of it. I was like, this is funny to you. Wait, let's get this clip real quick because this is a classic. Oh, what is this? Excuse me, ma'am. No porn at the bar. Oh, it's OK. I'm transgender. Oh, I had no idea. Do whatever you want all the time. What do you say? It's OK. Do whatever you want all the time.
That's pretty fucking great. That's comedy for you, folks. Damn, they really get up for Fox. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They're grandfathered in. They are. It's like South Park family guy. They're kind of just like, sorry, this is what we do. Well, once you throw married with children out there 20 years ago, people were like, all right, we're out. You guys just run the asylum. We can't even touch this shit. So good.
It does seem like there's a sad thing now. And look, you can look at it either way. But a lot of people are going back to Seinfeld, going back to The Office. The Office is like the number one show, and it's 25 years old or whatever the hell it is, maybe 20, 10. But it feels like we've got to go back a little bit to see some comedy sometimes. And that's a bummer.
I guess stand-up is really moving. I don't like all these articles that are like, wasn't it the viral thing with Mindy Kaling? All these characters would be canceled. I'm like, they're characters. I know, and you wrote them. And you're rich off it. It's just weird to me when we're like, these characters would be canceled. It's like, yeah, we're laughing at the characters. Right, exactly. I don't get why this is...
Yeah, I don't know. That's a great point. It's so strange to me. It's strange. It's like All in the Family, number one show in the world, hilarious show. We're laughing because the guy's a fat idiot. Like, he's a racist bigot, and we're laughing at him. Yeah. That's part of the fun.
Yeah. I mean, it's weird how we have to... And you just see how much the goalposts come in. It's more in the last 10 years, probably, than in any 10-year period comedically. For sure. It's social media, I assume. Because now everybody can be like, no, no. And then corporations are like, all right, we don't want to get in trouble. Yeah. They're more scared than ever, but whatever. I mean, we're having fun. That's why it's great to be a comic. You really can do whatever you want.
Yeah. For the next whatever two years this podcast shit lasts. And then we'll be out on the street. By the way, 100,000 subs on YouTube. Oh, hell yeah. That's what Fatty Arbuckle ate. 100,000 subs. All right. Buffalo. I mean, Buffalo. I almost said Buffalo Trace. Bodega Cat Whiskey. Yeah.
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I mean, this is good whiskey. Hell yeah. Get some quick. Get on the Patreon. And I'm a little excited and nervous about our guest. This guy's a big get. We've never done a Zoom, but he's in L.A., and we figured we just had a special come out. It'd be cool to have him on. So he's our... Mark?
the Italian himself, Sebastian Maniscalco. So we'll be back in a minute with Sebastian. Oh yeah. Welcome to Hoodie Hour with Mark and Sam. Wait, do we cut? Hey folks, this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. When you're on top of the world, you can do great things. But if life gets you bogged down and you can't
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And let us know, Peters, and we'll start going. Hey, hey, folks. Here we are with our first Zoom guest. We're honored to have you. We're big fans. Sebastian Maniscalco, everybody. What's up? What's up? So do you normally do this on the – was there an option to come sit on the couch with you guys? Yeah, we're in New York. We'd love to have you. Oh, you're in New York. You're in New York. Okay, that's fine. If you're in New York, come by and have a drink with us. We got a full bar, you know.
Oh, yeah. We're alcoholics. Do you drink, Sebastian? Yeah, yeah. What's your drink? I'm a wine guy, but if I'm not doing wine, I'll have a tequila on the rocks. But that's kind of where I live, in those two neighborhoods. Yeah. Well, you're so busy, you can't be hungover anymore.
i could be angry but you have a full day i feel like every you must especially now with like a special out you're doing there's a there's a full on i see everywhere i'm like i turn my tv i'm like cbs sunday morning sebastian everywhere so is that exhausting right now well you know what i i'm not really busy right now i mean i kind of did all that press leading up to the release of the special but now i'm just
Showing out, hanging out at the house. I got two small kids, five and three. So yeah, right now, it's not a busy time for me. It was, but I'm taking some time off touring. I think I'm going to take about a year and a half off and just kind of relax, live my life a little bit because I've been kind of burning.
with touring for the last, you know, the only time I took off was really COVID. So now it's time to take off again. Yeah. I mean, please take off. Cause we have the same manager and I just, they keep comparing me to you. Like, well, Sebastian did about 38 shows on Saturday and I'm like, come on. I can't move the tickets. It's a little different. Yeah.
Yeah. No, it's not a pressure to sell tickets. You know, when you're out there, you always want to, like, you know, fill the room, make sure people are buying tickets. So, yeah, it's a little nerve-wracking. Yeah, I mean, I saw you at the Garden, I don't know when this, eight months ago, and then you did the Barclays, and then you did Prudential in Jersey. I was like, this guy's an animal. I didn't know there was that many guineas in this tri-state area. I'm telling you, man, I'm pulling them out of the basement. Yeah.
I come to town, the whole Italian community apparently comes out, which is nice. I mean, it's been, you know, I did a couple of jokes early on in my special that I didn't really know would land because I thought they were too specific to the Italian community. And I'm really glad I did because it brought a lot of those people out to the shows. So, you know,
Yeah, I got the Italians on lockdown. Oh, yeah, and the Jewish wife. That doesn't hurt. Hey, you know, you bring the Jews over, too, and you got a nice little arena. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Or temple. Your rise was kind of old school and kind of quiet. I remember, like...
When you first started selling out at clubs, I would hear about it and I'd be like, oh, I don't know this guy yet. And they'd be like, oh, he sold out this many shows. I was like, oh, wow. Was the first thing that really popped you up, was it the Vince Vaughn comedy thing? So when I did that, that came out in 2008. And that kind of launched me into just headlining clubs for...
I think it was like $1,000 a week or $1,500 a week, whatever the pay was. And I got to quit my job waiting tables. And that's kind of what put me into just working as a comedian.
And then, you know, every year, you know, you guys know you do a club and then the next year you go back to the club and more people come. And, you know, it just kind of happens over a course of, for me, it was about 10 to 12 years, just kind of hitting the club scene and, and, and really working at it. And then, uh,
Yeah, so you're right. There was no big TV film or anything that kind of launched my career. Stand-up was just kind of just doing stand-up comedy. That's impressive. It's very old school. It's a few people like that. I mean, it's like you. There's Gaffigan. Regan. Regan Burr is like that, I feel like. But it's hard not to blow up these days without something else. Yeah. Especially now with these podcasts, a lot of people...
do a podcast, it becomes extremely popular. And if they're stand-up comedians, they then, they tour off the shoulders of their podcast and the podcast listeners come out to see them do stand-up. So I think that when I came up, I started in 1998, there was really no other outlets for comedians. I mean, social media wasn't as big as it was now. So
The way I just went about it was if I'm going to be a comedian, I'm going to have to get up on stage every night and kind of work at this. And then that's that's kind of the way. But but now it's a whole different game. I mean, you got you got people calling themselves comedians. When I hear the word comedian, I don't know how you guys look at this. I just I just think of stand up. Right. Yeah.
I don't think of like you're funny because you're doing something on your Instagram page. I just, I look at it as strictly stand up, but comedian, I think over the last five to seven years have become very broad and there's a lot of different opportunities for people who are funny.
that are excelling through these channels and platforms that maybe weren't readily available 20, 25 years ago. Totally. Like, you know, Will Ferrell, obviously a hilarious guy, tried stand-up and was like, this is too hard. And I love that. I secretly, selfishly, I'm like, hell yeah, bitch. You can't do this shit. We're in the trenches. It's hell. We're getting heckled. The drunks, check spot, chicken wings. Come on.
Does any party you miss that now that you're doing arenas and stuff? Does any party you're like, man, it was kind of fun fending off drunks, late show in Tampa. Does any party you miss that? No, I love the comedy club experience. I think that's the way comedy should be enjoyed in a comedy club, 200 people, 250 people, whatever it is.
You know, you lose a lot of that intimacy once you start doing a theater or arena. You don't have that kind of connection you might have with a small group of people. So, yeah, I mean, I live out in Los Angeles, love going to the comedy store while I'm here and working stuff out. Those nights are...
Actually, the most enjoyable nights for me is the kind of comedy club working out the material opposed to, you know, showcasing it in front of a large audience. I still like the comedy club days. Yeah, I mean, I used to see you at Gotham and Mazzilli, the owner of Gotham, would always tap me and go like, this guy's the biggest guy no one's ever heard of. Huge. And you would sell out like six shows. Yeah, Gotham was one of those clubs that was,
I don't know, it was really good to me. And then I didn't even, I was a little apprehensive to move on to a theater crowd because I'm like, I don't even, you know, I'm selling out a comedy club, but I don't know if I could sell out a theater, you know? And I wanted to stay in the comedy clubs as long as I possibly could, but it got to be a little bit tiring, you know, doing two shows a night. Right.
for six, seven nights. It was just a little too taxing. Not like I'm breaking concrete, but, you know, just, you know, when you're talking up there for, you know, two shows a night, your voice, you know, gets shot. So...
But yeah, the comedy club is no better experience. And you're also performing. I mean, you're like really putting on a show. I mean, I told my agent I was sick as hell in Phoenix a few weeks ago, and I did the show. This is how I perform. I talk like this. This is it. It's monotone. It's no performance. I said, like, if I were Sebastian, this weekend would have been fucking crazy. If I had to actually perform and do real, you know. Because your new special is, one thing I really like about it is like,
You're like an old school guy. You're in Vegas. It's old Vegas, the vibe. You get people in the crowd to dress up. There's something really old time, like almost out of place in time about it, you know? Yeah, I've always been an older soul, you know, growing up, even in my early 20s. I was, you know, I just felt like I was older than my years. And for this new special, I decided, oh, you know what? Entertainment to me has kind of
I don't know, it used to be like a something about it when I was growing up and I was watching whether it be a performer, singer, comedian, whatever. It just seemed like even before even I should say not growing up before the 50s, the 60s seemed like it was just
entertainment was like man where where is Hollywood it didn't even feel like it was a real place and there was like a mystique about it and I think over the years that mystique has kind of been lost and I was like oh you know it'd be cool to kind of pay homage to that time by doing a special and wearing a tuxedo I was a little I don't normally perform in a tuxedo and it was a little um
I wasn't as physical as I normally am just because of it was a little restricting performing in a in a plus I I I was uh I had gained some weight and in performing in the tuxedo was tight so uh
Yeah, it was a little bit more of a different vibe than I normally would do. But, you know, as performers, and you guys well know, it's like sometimes you get a little bored doing kind of the same thing day in and day out. You want to mix it up. You want to try new things. And, yeah.
Yeah, I just kind of like evolving as a comedian here. Yeah, I just got married. So I also know what it's like to perform in a tuxedo. But let me just say this. We got a connection here. And I got to ask you about this because I only share this with a few people.
Jerry is a fan, Seinfeld. I think he likes me. I'm too scared to text him. What's your move? I want to build a bond with him, but I can't. I don't want to bother him. I wrestled with this. So you're not alone. Thank you. I don't think Jerry Seinfeld is much of a texter. Not that you will not get a text back, but I feel like...
Talk about old school. This guy's like a, I want to talk to you type of guy. So yeah, I, in the beginning of our relationship with, I didn't know what was appropriate. Right. Like, like, can I go, Hey, did you see the game? It's like a, it's like a hot chick. You're just like, just don't fuck this up. Don't fuck this up. But yeah,
Yeah, exactly. It's a good analogy. When he came to your show, I remember being at Gotham too, and Chris Mazzilli was like, "Seinfeld came to see Sebastian the other night." -Wow. -I was like, "Whoa." That's huge. Were there people that come to your show, does it ever throw you off when it's someone like that? Or are you ever a little extra nervous? Well, when he came, I was actually excited because I've been a big fan of Seinfeld since I was a kid.
So when he was in the room, I wanted to, you know, make sure that I brought my, not that I don't bring my a game, but like when he was there, I'm like, Oh, Jerry Seinfeld is here. I'm going to smack him in the mouth with this material. So for him, it was a little bit more like excitement. Sometimes when somebody is in the crowd, I can't say that I worry about it. I don't, I don't really worry about it. No. All right. But do you still chat with him?
He was in his movie. What do you play in the movie? I play a security guard at the Pop-Tart. It's about Pop-Tarts. I'm a security guard at the Pop-Tart factory. And when I went in, again, I'm a little nervous doing movie roles just because that's not what I do day in and day out.
Now I go to the set, I sit down and he's directing and he's also starring in it. So the scene had himself, myself, Jim Gaffigan was in the scene and I start doing the lines and he would say, "Cut, you flubbed the line." And now in my head, I'm like, "Oh shit, I'm screwing this up." And I go, "What did I say?" He goes,
You said guy and the word is man. I just, I just would, I said it like I would probably normally say it, but here's the thing about Seinfeld. He wants it word perfect. How it's written is how you say it. And I was screwing up the lines because I was just doing it the way I would normally say it. And I start getting in my head and I start sweating. Now I'm sweating, nervous,
And I'm starting to smell like B.O. Now, I don't smell. I don't have B.O. I've never had it. I don't wear deodorant. I just don't emit odor when I sweat. So at lunch, I went in and I talked to the wardrobe and I go, I don't know if you've ever heard this before, but I think the jacket that I got on has B.O.
and he goes no it's an older jacket because it's a a period piece so it's like it takes place in the 60s so i'm wearing like this tweed jacket and sure enough he's like we've heard about this let me blast the jacket with this commercial grade spray i'll leave it out in the sun and maybe that will do it so i put it back on again it didn't do anything it still smelled so i had to tell seinfeld and the rest of the actors listen
If you start smelling B-L on me, it ain't me. It's the jacket. So, yeah, so that's the last time I spoke to Seinfeld. There hasn't been really any communication. But if I were you, I would maybe start picking up the phone and giving him a shout. What's going on? How's it going? Because he loves to talk comedy. Right.
Okay. It just feels bold to just, Hey, ring, ring. Hey, Jer. To our generation, it is bold. Yeah. Maybe someone calls me. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah. I want to text. Right. But if Jerry Seinfeld called you, would you go, what the fuck are you doing? No, I would punch my wife and kick her down the stairs and answer the phone. No, I say you go with the call, man, because the texting, you're not going to get much. Okay. Yeah.
This is big, but that's going to take... I'm going to have to prepare for three hours, meditate, take a walk, have a list of topics...
Well, if there's a reason to call, I would say you don't just call and ask what's going on. I would call and ask him with like a specific question or because you know what? This guy's been through it all on the standup side and the TV side. So having him as a friend and kind of a mentor is really a real add value in your life. Just because if you ever had a question about anything in regards to stand up,
What a guy to have in your pocket to talk about it. Totally. No, I'm honored just the fact that he knows my name is insane. One last question or whatever. I don't know how much time we have, but love the special. I felt like you've done how many now? That was my sixth special. Wow. This one felt like you were the most...
You opened up like you let the crowd into who you were more than because you're so observational. But this one, I felt like you kind of like, all right, I'm being me. Screw it. Yeah, I think that's just growing up and being, you know, evolving as a comedian and being extremely comfortable on stage to like share things that maybe you weren't able to share 10 years ago. You know, maybe shed some light on some some things.
of what's going on in the world and poke fun at it or yeah, so I appreciate you saying that it was, you know, still growing as a comedian still learning and still trying to challenge myself so you hope you hope people enjoy it, you know, as a comedian when you put out these specials you hope it does better or people like it. Right.
more than they did the others. But, you know, and I'm not a big review guy. I don't look at a lot of things that what people say or whatnot. But I skimmed some of the comments on this special and I noticed like some of the core fans were like, oh, we like when you are a little bit more physical or animated. This one we didn't really care for that much. But I think in the course of a career, and I actually heard this from Judd Apatow last night,
that it takes 10 years for something to find its legs. You know, if you judge it right now, or anything, like a movie, but maybe when you watch the same movie 10 years from now, it has a different effect on people. So I don't think it's, you know...
I don't know. You just put it out there and however it lives, it lives. Yeah. And you got to do you. I mean, Bill Burr saw the he said that about George Carlin. He's like, this guy would reinvent every special. And he's like, I don't care if you're coming with me. This is kind of who I am.
Yeah, I think, and also you're getting, you don't have to look at reviews when you are focused testing this material by touring throughout the country. You're getting a read. I mean, you do it long enough. We have a thing on this show where Mark and I complain a lot, a lot of pet peeves. A lot of your stand-up is pet peeves. Yeah. You have a lot of complaints about the world. One that sticks out to me, which I can't believe it's never made it on here, is you used to do a bit about dudes in flip-flops. Yeah.
Are there any pet peeves recently about humans that just bother you? You know what bothers me? And I don't know if you're picking this up as we're talking here. Ring lights. I'm not into people. I got one on right now, but I don't like it when I'm watching something and I could see the ring light in the person's eyeball. Oh, yeah. Bothers me. I can see that.
another thing that bothers me is facetiming in public with no earphones crazy that's a great piece should be killed in the street psychos who is that i don't know i just i i don't know i think there's got to be like a technology edit uh etiquette class implemented into the public school system
teaching kids how to, you know, behave with technology and what's appropriate moving forward. Yeah, I was on a flight the other day. The guy's doing the music just on his phone, no headphone. It wasn't even like listening quietly, just full blast. You're like, there's other people around. What do you think this is? Oh, it's even more awful. I've had the guy do the FaceTime next to me without headphones. And I was like, I can't move.
I can't move away from you. I'm stuck listening to your shitty, boring conversation. Yes, on a plane. Yeah, I mean, at least if they're doing the street, which it's still awful, at least you can get away. True. The hostage situation, public FaceTime, inexcusable. Yeah. Awful. I agree. I got to ask you, too. I mean, you got a movie coming out. De Niro's playing your dad. I'm sure you've been asked this to death. But I mean, first off, insane. Insane. And second off, like, any good De Niro stories? No.
So, well, De Niro wanted to talk to my father because it's autobiographical, the movie. It's basically, it's a love letter to my father. And De Niro wanted to talk to my dad about, you know, how he holds his cigar, how he wears his hat. What does he do when he's cutting hair? Because my dad's a beautician. So he said, I want him on set.
for the movie. Now, my dad is still cutting hair. He's 76 and he's still cutting hair. So he goes to the set and De Niro wanted him close by. Now, my dad is like, I gotta go back home and work. You know what I mean? And pay for it.
So my dad and De Niro kind of became, I don't want to say friends, but, you know, they had like a, you know, he spent three days with him in Oklahoma. He spent some time with him in Alabama while we're shooting. And I'm sitting there looking at this and I couldn't believe my dad is teaching Robert De Niro how to do a dye job on the set of...
I co-wrote. So, yeah, it just again, when I got into comedy in 1998, I could have never imagined that, you know, De Niro would be playing my father in a movie, which, again, was anxiety. I had so much anxiety during that whole process because, you know, I'm working with arguably one of the greatest actors of all time.
And I just want to do my best. So, yeah, I lost a lot of hair. That's insane. And then I'd be so worried about my dad's a big dork. So I'd be worried about what he would say to De Niro, you know, Cape Fear. That was scary. Shut up, dad. What are you doing to me?
Yeah, I mean, that's insane. And you had a great part in The Irishman, too. Oh, yeah. Some comic representation, Sebastian, Norton. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Was that a thrilling thing to be a part of? Yeah, I mean, again, ironically enough...
the first scene the first day i'm shooting that movie it's in the copacabana what they did was they took gotham comedy club they rented it out and they changed it into the copacabana so that's that scene is actually at gotham so we're talking about when norton's playing don rickles that scene yeah wow
So that's at Gotham Comedy Club. And it's the first comedy club that I ever performed in in New York City. So it was kind of like a full circle moment where, man, I started doing stand-up here, whatever, 15 years ago. Now I'm doing a scene in the same club with De Niro and Pesci. And yeah, I mean, crazy, man. Come on. I was like, I had posters of these guys on my wall.
growing up and now i'm in a scene with them it was it was it was really a great experience it was that it was an acting lesson too i mean they they really really kind of helped me through the whole process oh amazing all right let me ask you we'll wrap it up but you're doing great multiple specials selling tons of tickets millionaire is the wife ever happy
The wife is, yeah, the wife, I got to know, the wife is always happy. My wife walks around with a smile all day long. It's me that's the problem. I just got to learn to relax and enjoy the experience a little bit more. I don't know if you guys feel this way.
sometimes you got to smell the roses. You can't always be worried about like what's next or what are we doing next? Sometimes you have to enjoy what you're actually doing because before you know it, it's over and you look back and you go, man, I wish I would enjoy that moment a little bit more. So I'm trying to be more in the present because I'm a big thinker. I'm always thinking down the road. So that's the, uh, that's the, the, the, the goal moving forward is to be a little bit more, uh,
Just enjoy it. Is it possible to do that as a comedian, though? Because I've heard people say that. And Mark and I are similar to you. It's very hard for us to take small victories. It's very hard for us to feel joy. I think part of it is just like the curse of living in your head. I mean, that's where we come with material. So it's like you're going to overanalyze shit.
Yeah, you know, it's like a blessing and a curse, you know, it's what you need as a tool to be a comedian is the constant thinking, but then that also could like bite you in the ass if you are constantly in your head. So it's trying to find, I guess, that balance where, you know, you could enjoy life a little bit more and not constantly...
hyper focus on things. Yeah. Well, and you're also a great example of someone who moved to LA and stayed funny. Sorry, I had to get an LA knock in there. Oh, God.
Oh, God. Well, I appreciate you guys having me on the show and for reaching out. So, yeah, next time I'm in New York, maybe we'll call Seinfeld and go out for a cup of coffee or something. And come in studio. We'll get you some good wine, natty wine, whatever wine you like. We'll get tequila. We got a bartender here. So whatever you want if you're ever in the city. Hell, yeah. Check out the special. Is it me? Netflix, Vegas, tuxedo. It's a hot one.
Thanks, guys. I appreciate it. Have a happy holiday. You too, man. Enjoy your time off.
Got it. Bye-bye. Comedy. Hey, folks, we did it. That's it. Hot app. We got Sebastian. We got Road Talk, Peeves. I got another peeve. Oh, please. Can I hit another peeve while we're here? Hit me. People who say, have I ever done this? We drink on this, so I can never tell what I've done. But people who say, yo, I might fuck around and do this.
Like, I might fuck around and watch this movie later. Just tell me you're going to watch the movie. Yeah, it's never that crazy of a thing. Yo, I might fuck around. It's never good either. I might fuck around and volunteer at a soup kitchen later. That's true. It's never, like, productive. That's true, yeah. I might fuck around and eat a full pizza. Yeah, all right. That's easy.
It bugs me. Yeah, no, I get that. I might fuck around and read a book. Just go do it. Why do you have to tell me? Yeah. No, I'm with you on that one. I might fuck around. Get out of here. I also hate when people go, when you're like, hey, do you ever go to the bank today? He's like, look, I'm not trying to go to the bank. I'm not trying. You didn't go to the bank. What do you mean? I didn't.
You got to try to go to the bank. Just go to the bank. You don't have to try. Yeah, you want this egg roll? Hey, I'm not trying to get diabetes. Well, no one's trying to get diabetes. Just do it. Or don't do it.
By the way, Happy New Year to everybody. Thanks for listening to We Might Be Drunk. We're thankful for Salamanca, for Peters, for Gotham Studios. Beer Jew. Beer Jew, Jamie, everyone who's a part of this, and for you. And for you. Oh, Jamie had a kid, by the way. The kid is out. Yes. Oh, it's cute. Cute little guy. Cute.
So congrats to her. Was she pregnant last time she was here? Yeah, she covers it well. She was throwing them back. Wow. Yeah, she was. That was weird. She was trying to kill the thing, you know? Yeah, yeah. Didn't take. No, apparently not. Anyway. The kid's hands.
BodegaCatWhiskey.com. Tour. We're on tour. I got OKC as my last club before it's all theaters. So it's, you know, Austin. We added a second there. Please come out. Yeah, Austin. Paramount? Yeah. That's a great theater. New Orleans. Austin. Dallas. Tulsa. I can't read. St. Louis. Dallas. St. Louis. Vegas. Vancouver. Vancouver, yeah. Portland. Portland.
Seattle, Salt Lake City, Huntington, New York. We just added that one. Long Island, maybe. Atlantic City. It's a great theater. I opened for Jim Jefferies there once. Royal Oak, Michigan, Minneapolis, Madison, Milwaukee, so many more. New Haven, Boston, out of the third. So please come out to that one. Miami, Orlando. You'll go to samro.com. Coming everywhere. samro.com slash shows. Hell yeah.
All right. You heard it here first, folks. I'm going to do a special next year, early next year. So I got a bunch of hot rooms coming up. I got to prepare and polish this son of an onion. So I'll be at Zaney's in Nashville doing a ton of shows, Blue Note in Hawaii. Then I'm going back to the clubs, Miami Improv, Spokane. Is this to build back up? Build back up, yeah. Build back better. Yeah.
And what's that? Comedy at the Carlson. I'm going to the rooms, baby. I'm going to Jacksonville. I'm doing all the shit boxes. So you heard it here first, folks. I'm coming to your dog shit town. Buy tickets to one of the shit boxes. Yeah, you know you need a laugh in that horrific city you live in. And I'm coming to it. I'll tell you that right now. Rochester, you name it. MarkNormanComedy.com. Get a bottle. Happy new, happy holidays.
Get a hug going. Be grateful. Bring in the new cheer. Let's cool it with the anti-Semitism. Thank you to Sebastian. Yes. And keep listening. Subscribe. We're over 100,000 subscribers on YouTube, and you're listening on the audio, too, so we appreciate you guys. Hell yeah. Next, Ben. He was close. Woman's talking. When dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New. This woman doesn't. True.
