Ep 104: Al Franken & Coney Island IPA
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Just a heads up, this episode, it's a little weird. Weird ep, not our best, kooky guest. We didn't know what the hell was going on, but good luck with it. We tried. We tried. Hey, folks, we might be drunk. We're here. This is it. Oh, shoot. Maybe I jumped the gun here. I think they like all the fun.

Yeah, there you go. Okay. Because I want to talk into the mic. That would help. Let me explain my years in show business. We got Al Franken, everybody. Al Franken. Good to have you, big Al. Our first senator ever. Hey! Really? Well, we had Orrin Hatch on. We did Orrin Hatch that one time. Yeah, Orrin. Not funny. No. Not funny. If you need to know, Orrin Hatch, not funny. Not a lot of senators or politicians with comedy backgrounds.

He actually... What was funny about him, he writes songs. Or did. He's gone, Oren. Yeah. Too soon. But he wrote songs. And when I first got to the Senate, just to visit other senators to get to know them, and he played me a couple of the songs he wrote, and they weren't bad. And he didn't write the music. He wrote the lyrics. Pull it up. So I...

I said, I have a song that I need...

I need something in it. And it was a country-western duet. We stayed together for the kids. It was what we thought we had to do. Wow. Sounds like my dad. You were cold as a spice bag. Anyway, so... Because he had written this country thing, and then we ended up writing a verse together. It wasn't very good. Yeah. But still, it was bonding. Right, right. He was on the Judiciary Committee, which I was on, and the...

helped that much. What's scarier, doing new jokes or being on that Senate floor? That seems terrifying. It's so serious. It's the opposite of comedy. I'll tell you something. There was never a moment on the Senate floor where I was afraid that a joke wouldn't work. Because the bar is low, right? Right.

There's usually no one listening. Usually most people go to do a floor of speech. They're either alone or there's, are they anyone there? So no, it's working on a new piece. Yeah. Well,

Doing it in front of an audience, yeah, that's a little scary. Okay, okay, that rumor. Well, it's like politicians will get a laugh the way a musician in between songs gets a huge pop. Right. You listen to those old Sinatra albums, you're like, this guy's fucking killing. I know, it's nothing. It's nothing. Yeah. What do you mean, funny? Like laughs? He's getting laughs, yeah. Oh, yeah, because the bar is low. He'll be in Vegas like, you guys lost a bunch of money, huh? And they're like, ah!

we did. Well, that is funny. Then I'll say something racist about Sammy Davis. I'll tell you why, because they gamble there. Ah. So I had to explain the deal. You didn't understand it. Sorry. That's the problem. Dammit. Yeah.

This is your first episode with a wedding ring, by the way. Oh, yeah. I just got married. Oh, congratulations. Yeah. He's a lucky guy. But yeah, just this weekend. So we're back. Great. Good to be back. I got one too. Hey, all right. You've been married a long time. A long time. 47 years. Oh, my God. Oh.

That is long. He stayed together for the kids. That's right. Get this guy a beer right now. Callback already. 47 years. Use this as a drink. A callback. Look at the horse manure in the photo, which I love on the right. Yeah. Good times. Oh, my God. Beautiful garage. So this is where? This is in Wuhan. Oh. No, okay. No, this is in...

Come on, it's New Orleans. Yeah, okay. But yeah, good times. We had to do the traditional second line, which, you know, is appropriation, but the white people love it. It is appropriation. Yeah, that's... The night I got there, it was Wednesday night. I'm with a buddy, Stavros, who, you know, listeners know, bigger guy, hilarious comic, Ari Shaffir. We're...

We end up, we get so drunk, we end up at a gas station eating fried oysters, fried soft-shell crab, fried chicken. Wasted. We're in the lobby of the hotel just scarfing it down. And I just turn to Stav and I'm like, man, imagine eating this shit sober. And Stav goes, I haven't had one drink. He's just... That's Stav right there. There he is, the big guy in the purple. Looks like a mob boss. Doesn't need to get drunk for gas station. Fried seafood. Well, soft-shell crab, I mean...

At a gas station? It's dicey. That's a gamble. It was a gamble. In New Orleans. Yeah. Yeah, that helps. That does help. Ups the chances. First of all, if you're getting a soft-shell crab at a gas station, it's in New Orleans. That's a good point. It's not in Cincinnati. Rockwood County, not as good. Right, right.

what are you drinking by the way in minnesota you get a soft shell crab at a gas station here yeah that's a that's a gay move in minnesota okay did the old soft shell crab what do we got here coney island speaking there you could get a soft shell maybe i had my first fried soft shell crab at coney island i did come on i am not shitting it i was like

11 years old. Yeah. I live in Minnesota. My uncle and my cousin lived in Cedarhurst, Long Island. The five towns, very Jewish. Sure. And they took me to Coney Island to a Nathan's. Oh, yeah. And I had a fried soft-shell crab on a bun.

And I went, Jesus Christ, this is good. Oh, it's so good. That's why I wasn't I didn't even hear gas station. I just grabbed in New Orleans. Yeah. Are you from New York?

I was born in New York, lived in New Jersey until I was four, and then moved to a little town in southern Minnesota. Thank you. Oh, okay. So you know about Minnesota. I know about Minnesota. Yeah. The winners. But then you moved back to New York. You must have played Minnesota. Many times. I love it. Isn't that great? I love it. Have you done Acme Comedy Club in Minnesota? Acme is bad. I just did like six shows in a row there just because I was trying to get like...

You're working out. Do a lot of shows. Yeah, well, I like doing a lot of shows. You guys know. Of course. How do you get any good unless you do them all in a row, right? Here, here. Is this... Tell that to the TikTokers. Cheers, by the way. Thank you for joining us. There you go. Wow, when's the last time you drank with a senator? Mitch McConnell a couple weeks ago. We got lit up, dude. He's fun. He loves a Jager bomb. Uh-oh. Mmm.

That is sour. That's really good. That's why you guys got it, too. Yeah, I like it. I like a bitter... But this has lime in it. Lime lager. Okay. A limer. Yeah, so Minnesota, do you have a lot of love for that state? Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah, that's where I grew up. But yeah, I love Minnesota. When you're a senator, you go all around the state and you meet everybody of all political persuasions. You also...

Like, meet people in disasters, like if there's a flood or a tornado, and you see people at their... Very often at their best. Right. Because... And you see people step up for their neighbors. Sure. It's really moving, actually. It's like 9-11. People came together. I remember that. I was here that day, and I remember you line up. Everyone lined up to donate blood, and everyone's like, yeah, we're good on blood. Wow. We're good. Everyone did it. It was just New Yorkers, you know? That is nice. Well, that was...

More tragedy than we've ever actually had. I was in Minnesota that day. My family was here in New York. During SNL, all those years I was in New York, it wasn't SNL then, but my family was because that's where I raised my kids. And so, yeah, I ended up driving back. I was visiting my mom.

And then drove back because the planes weren't flying. So I just drove back all night and day. And I got home. God damn, that was a shitty fucking. That's one way to put it. That was so fucking awful. So then you moved back to New York in 1975 for a little program called Saturday Night Live. Was that the year you started writing on it?

Yes, I was one of the original SNL writers. I didn't know you were original. Oh, yeah. Oh, gee. Me and Tom Davis. Tom and I went to high school together in Minneapolis, or a suburb of Minneapolis. And, yeah, we were two of the original writers. We were the only writers Lorne hired whom he hadn't met.

But we submitted some material. What did you, did they see you at a comedy show, I assume? No. An agent, a William Morris agent, saw us at the comedy store. And.

He's in L.A. This is in L.A. And we had moved there after I graduated college. We moved out there. We were just two years. And this William Morris agent said, your material is really good. Would you like to write for a comedy variety show on TV? And we said, yeah, but there are none that we could write for. There was a Tonight Show, which was really good, but we couldn't. It was Mighty Carson, our players, and

the monologue and we weren't that wasn't us there's carol burnett which was a great show i love carol but we were not right for and then there was sunny and share which was kind of shitty yeah yeah and so he said we said he said write for write a package for a show that you'd like to see

And so we wrote a news show parody. We wrote a sketch, which was a parody of Sonny and Cher. We wrote a commercial parody. And we wrote a conceptual film. It was 14 pages long. So this is for anyone listening, watching.

When you submit comedy material, don't write too much. You guys must have had to have some... Packets? Nephew of some friend or submit stuff to you that's 50 pages long. And you know after...

A page. Yeah. Right? Of course. So don't do that. Do something short and make sure. Keep them wanting more. But you kind of laid out the blueprint for the whole show. The commercial parody, the news, a sketch. Did they ask for that or was that just what you decided? No, that's what we did. Wow. And then the World War III thing was not like an update. It was a newscast the night of the day of World War III.

So it was like tragedy, death, catastrophe. Highlight tonight's news after this message. Do they still do commercial parodies? Because now every commercial I see, I'm like, that's sexually strong. They're in like too many real commercials to do commercial parodies now. I never thought about that. They do both. They do both. Yeah. But the ones that are real...

Cha-ching, cha-ching. Look at those shoulders. Yeah, I think that's a great jawline. But first, we'd like to introduce some very important people in the audience.

Oh, I know this one. Hey.

Sitting next to her is our son, Al Jr. Al Jr. is nine years old and he's already in the second grade. Sitting next to Al Jr., ladies and gentlemen, Suzanne, the girl Tom lives with.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Why are you shirtless? Because we're out to do... The reason we're shirtless is the premise is we've gone out to do a sumo wrestler piece. Ah, got it. We always would come out in some costume and it would never be what we were doing. Right, the skinniest man on the planet is the sumo. So then it's... Yeah, this is where gay lovers or in the parlance of then homosexual lovers and that...

And then the boy stands up and goes, I hate you, Daddy. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you, Daddy. I hate you. Oh, that's great. This is 1976 or something like that. Yeah. That would play today.

I think so. But the dad would hate you for hiding it. He'd be like, you should be proud of being gay. The first bit we ever did on the show was called Pow Wow with the Press. And it was what if the Indians had won. And I was the host of Pow Wow with the Press. And Tom was the guy from the Bureau of White Man Affairs. Ha ha ha.

And it was basically, the premise was what if the Indians had won? And we talked about the nicknames for the major league lacrosse teams. Oh, that's killer. Screaming Rabbi on the Cleveland Kikes. That kind of thing. I love it. Yeah. And that was 1977. So that is...

How many years? Almost, what, 45 years or 44 years before they changed the name of the Redskins. Right. They called it. Yeah, we called it. Guardians and... Commanders? And Commanders now. Yeah, and the Indians. Commanders is a horrible name. Both are not great. The Guardians at least has some significance to Cleveland. Does it? Yeah, because they're the Guardians. Yeah, look it up. It's like some sort of protectors of Cleveland. Yeah.

It has some sort of historical... I forgot what it was. But then commanders is like, just be the generals. Also, there's usually one commander, right?

Right. Oh, yeah. Good point. Because usually you have one person in command. It's like the CEO. This is from my government experience. But yeah, you can't have more than one commander. It's like a leader. You're on this original SNL cast, which is so many legends. I wasn't on the cast. No, no, no. But you're part of the cast. You're a writer. You were in the cast. What year did you join the cast? Late 80s? Tom and I were never in the cast. I was never in the cast. We were always a featured player. That's the ones. And they don't say and featuring. And featured.

Remember they do the cast? Yeah. So I was never... I was probably a featured player in more seasons than anybody, but... 14 years, right? I did 15 seasons on the show. 15 seasons! That's insane. One of the advantages to me, because I was one of the people that originally is... And so who pointed this out? Maybe it was Norm MacDonald, that I never had to...

go to the show having not been there. I mean, in other words, it's really nerve wracking for people to come to Saturday Night Live and start and join it. Right. And I never had to do that. Basically, you were there day one. Did you still feel the pressure, though?

Woody Allen once said comedy is either easy or it's impossible. And if it's easy, there was nothing more fun. Right. Tuesday night, you know, Wednesday morning, rolling on the floor, laughing and stuff. And it was horrible if you couldn't think of anything. Yeah. Yeah. Did you know Woody at all? I've met him a couple of times, just very, very briefly. So I don't know. How about I have a question. Was Chevy Chase's big a dick, as everyone says?

It depends how big a dick they say you are. Chevy, I think, will be the first to admit that he can be at times a little...

critical of people and mean or something like that. So, yeah, he had that, but, you know, he was funny boy. And he was first hired as a writer. He was not a cast member. Didn't he only do... How long was he on the cast? A year and a half. Wow. He became the star because of Update. And I remember when he left, he got married. He was going out to Hollywood and make movies, and he did. But, you know, there were some people going like, no, no, don't let him go. He's the show. And then, of course...

We had Belushi and Aykroyd and Garrett and Jane Lorraine and Gilda, and then Bill Murray came in. Crazy. I was there, I guess. I didn't see it. I didn't see it at all. Where do you feel the tension, though?

Not really, but maybe I was oblivious. Yeah. I don't know. There's a lot of stuff bubbling up about Bill Murray now being inappropriate or a dick. Did you see that, or was that just par for the course? Billy could be a little bit of a bully boy, but he's a sweetheart when you're with him. But I think when he works, he gets...

It can be difficult. All right. It is weird on Twitter now they're just trying to cancel people for being dicks. I know. Where you're just kind of like, all right. Like, it started with, like... Ellen. First off, you got, I think, completely fucked. Oh. I really think you did. I mean... I did. You got... You really got screwed over. Yeah. And that was, of course, a...

That was on a USO tour. Yeah. I was joking around. She had a bulletproof vest on. Of course. Yeah. If you look at the picture, it kind of proves that I wasn't doing that. Yeah. Anyway. Well, especially in the time of Roy Moore, and then the Democrats just turn on you. No, that's exactly what happened. It was timed perfectly. Right. Anyway, I...

You know, I should have had due process. Yeah. I should have had my colleagues. I had 36 Democratic colleagues. A man that I was... Democrats started this thing of eating their own. Were they really... Well, I was the thing of eating... You were the thing. Yeah, yeah. That sucks. You got to be the poster boy for that. But it's mostly timing. Well, it was timing by the person...

Let's move on. Sorry, sorry. But when you see this stuff on Twitter with, like, you know, Bill Murray and stuff and people, I mean, are you on Twitter? Do you check it at all? I don't check that. Yeah. But, yeah, I know. I mean, I know Billy. And, you know, I feel awful. And I don't know what it was. And I don't know if he was joking around. I think he...

From what I understood, he bent her over to do the kiss on VE Day. Right, right. Oh, yeah. So I don't know. All right. So you were there when Eddie Murphy first comes on? I was not. Oh, you were gone that year? Again, I did the first five years, left when Lauren left, or came back when Lauren came back. How many years was Lauren gone? Five years. Oh, wow.

So I was a born-again writer. Born-again. Yeah, I left May 80 and came back fall of 85, I guess. What do you think? Albert Brooks? Smartest guy on the planet? Brilliant. Comedic mind? Yeah, he... Him and Downey, I'd say. Downey, yeah. Downey's number one. Yeah. Well, I don't know Albert. I wrote so much with Downey. Downey and I wrote a lot of the political stuff on the show.

We had this Downey's motto that we would reward people for knowing stuff.

but not punish them for not knowing stuff. Oh, that's good. That's a very... Lofty. It's a little lofty. But we did that. Well, there's nothing worse than when someone is trying to show how smart they are in a condescending way, and you're just leaving people out. I mean, the job is to entertain, is to connect, right? Yeah, and that's what we said. And what it meant was that people were kind of political junkies, would get something out of it going like, oh. But people who weren't got...

everything we were doing. Right. You know, and that thing that someone got was beside the point in the sketch. I was very proud of that material, and we did Downey's as brilliant as they come. Now, Albert did films the first year. Wow. And I remember The Impossible Truth. And I remember one joke, which was Israel and Georgia trade places. Yeah.

And the Israeli prime minister goes, oh, no, no, the Georgia governor goes, I'll look forward to heat without humidity. That was what he said at the press conference. Right. If you can dig that up, it'll be worth doing. Oh, my God. Okay.

Good comedy talent.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Ha ha ha!

His agent Sid would come in with some surprising news. Danny would spit the coffee all over Sid in the front. See how he did it? Now that was pretty good, but I'd like to try it just one more time. I just walked into the room. I'll start to drink. Ha ha ha!

It's a great premise. Guess what? I just heard from the bank, and not only don't you have any money, but your sister is dead. That's great. Wow, great take. Great angle. Do you miss that? Do you miss being in a writer's room and just being silly as hell? There's nothing more fun. I mean, there's nothing more fun than...

Just, you know, especially when it's your fucking job. Yeah. And you got a show to put on and you or someone else comes up with something. You go like, oh, good. The show is going to be funny. Who's the coolest host that came on? Oh, shit. I know the worst. Who's the worst? You know, Steven Seagal. Right. Terrible. But it's on brand.

It is on brand. I don't know if he knows that. But it's certainly on brand. Right, right. He lapped everybody else. I mean, he was so bad. There were very few bad hosts. A few more laps, we'll get back to that goal weight he was at a while ago. Oh, yeah. The what? Goal weight. He's gotten big. He's large now.

That was a fat joke. Okay. See, that wouldn't have hit in the writer's room. Yeah. What about Who's the Best? Shit. Well, Steve Martin...

When he first came on, it was like, I remember it was like, do we want this guy to host? And then we saw like one of his Carson heads and went, yeah. And then he was a monster, just monster. But there are amazing number of really great hosts in different ways. But yeah, a lot of great hosts. Yeah, Steve Martin, I mean, he would kill. He did the wild and crazy guy thing.

Yeah, he did. Yeah, that was too wild. It was him and Danny as two, like, Czech brothers who were picking up women. And, yeah, I mean, I wrote some stuff for that, like Theodoric of York, a medieval barber. That's fun. See, the show was so wacky and silly then. Now I feel like it's gotten kind of, I don't want to say heavy-handed, but it's a little more, it's almost more serious and tackling things.

bigger issues but back then like the comedy spit take and the the medieval barber you had the caveman lawyer caveman lawyer that's jack handy oh really frozen caveman lawyer one of my fill heart yeah unbelievable were you close with phil hartman uh i wasn't real close to phil i was a friend of phil's but i mean i wasn't um but yeah but what a fucking weird shit thing that was what a cunt of a wife yeah

Sorry. Well, I mean, I think we should be allowed. She killed him. We should be allowed to call. Yeah, come on. She also committed suicide. I mean, it's tragic and they had kids and it was... No, he was... Shame on you. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry, madam. My God. You're going to cut that out, right?

I feel like I'm justified there. It's certainly a bad thing to do. Yes. Kill a person. But recall, this is like mental health, probably a severe mental health issue. We can say that about school shooters, too. We do. And they're cunts, too. How about that? Hard.

Hard to argue. All right. Thank you. We got him back. I won. We landed on our feet. No, I remember seeing that in the news as a kid. And I think that was like the first celebrity death that fucked me up when I was in school. Oh, really? Well, I was such a big fan of his. I loved him. I was actually out in L.A. interviewing some writers or something for a sitcom I was doing with...

And that was just the fucking where is it at. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. Okay. All right. We're back. We're doing comedy. We're talking about comedy. So, I mean, it's such a weird pivot. Do you always know you're going to be in politics? I mean, I know you're a political news junkie. You did the radio show as well. That was The Bridge? Yeah. The Bridge was, the real bridge was Paul Wellson's.

And Paul was senator from Minnesota, for all you comedy fans out there. Yeah, right. And he, in 2002, he was running for re-election, and he was in a deadlock. You know, the polls were deadlocked, and he had to vote on the Iraq war. He was going to vote against the war. As a friend of his, he told me, and he told other people, this is going to end my career.

To vote against the war because people Minnesota were for the war majority and he voted against it next poll had him up by seven Because people Minnesota actually respect the politician who votes what they believe in they don't agree with you He died in a plane crash

About a week later, about less than two weeks before the election, Norm Coleman won the Republican. He got seated. Three months after he was seated, he did an interview with Roll Call, a Capitol Hill newspaper, and said, to be blunt, I'm a 99% improvement over Paul Wellstone. And I read that, and I went, who the fuck's going to run against this guy? Wow. And that's when I decided to explore it.

I didn't know if I was going to be the guy, but then I went around, you know, campaigning the 06 cycle for a lot of Democrats running, and I felt like I could do this, and I clobbered him by 312 votes. Ooh, nice. Was your family supportive of this? Yeah, absolutely. I wouldn't have done it without. And my wife won it for me, basically. She did this ad. It was such a moving ad about,

She is in recovery. And she did it about... And I had written a couple movies about... The Stuart Smalley... Sure. Stuart saves his family. ...is about codependency. And, hey. Good to go. I watched it. And When a Man Loves a Woman, I had written that, too, with Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia. Andy Garcia. Yeah. And so I... So anyway, she did this ad that blew people away. And the next debate...

Whoa.

No, I was so fucking happy because I'm going to go. I'm going to win. He's winning this for me. Yeah. You brought up Stuart Smalley, and I always think of the sketch you did with Michael Jordan as like an iconic SNL sketch. If you could pull that up. It was. How would you describe Stuart Smalley? He's kind of like a self-help guy.

He had a self-help show, Daily Affirmations. Yes. He was a, you know, not a licensed therapist, but a member of several 12-step programs. Again, this is ahead of its time, too. Huh? This is ahead of its time, too, before everybody got super into this. Michael J., I'll protect your anonymity.

Michael is a basketball player for a professional basketball team. Well, that's very good, Michael. You should be very proud of that. Well, thank you, Stuart. Well, good for you. Good for you. Michael, I know there must be a lot of pressure for you to play very well. And I can imagine that a night before a game, you must lie awake thinking...

Michael

oh then you just skipped over the punchline

We don't know. It's okay. It's okay. You want to go to the end? This is the new generation. I do Denial Ain't Just a River in Egypt. You're not alone. Believe me, I know what it's like. Laying there awake. Give a shot of him fucking up. Tomorrow I'm going to be exposed for what I am. I'm a big imposter. I just want to curl up and lay in bed all day and eat pig nipples.

You want to go to the end? Yeah. Why don't you go toward the end there? Well, Michael. Okay. There we go. Hello, Michael. I don't have to be a great basketball player. I don't have to be a great basketball player. I don't have to dribble the ball fast or...

This is gold. I don't have to dribble the ball fast or throw the ball in the basket. Because all I have to do is be the best Michael I can be. All I have to do is be the best Michael I can be. Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.

That's killer. Just played in millions of homes. Everybody's laughing. Smart enough. And doggone it, people like me. There you go. So satisfying. Literally the best athlete of, I mean, the best basketball player ever. Totally. Yeah, I mean, this was amazing. I mean, to have Michael Jordan there. And this was the year, the first time they allowed pros to play in the Olympics. Oh. And...

He's 92. Yeah, and he's like the most confident guy in the world. And I remember going to a dressing room and just going like, okay, so how do you feel? Are you going to get the gold in the Olympics? He went,

Yeah, I mean, he just... I mean, they... And, of course, they just wiped... Of course. And it was magic. It was like crazy. Magic bird, MJ. Wow. And... But, no, he... And then this is... You know, it's a live show, right? So when it peaks on air...

You're really happy. And that peaked on air. Yeah. And a lot of people think, oh, athletes are not funny. They're not funny. But who can take direction and be in the pocket more than an athlete? My wife, Franny, had the first idea for an athlete as host, and it was Fran Tarkenton. Fran Tarkenton. I'm a big Vikings fan. Oh, oh. Quarterback for the Vikes. Got it. Who had lost, by this point, several. He'd just lost the Super Bowl again. Ah.

And for the bikes. And Franny had this idea, and we did it. And I remember Belushi, who played linebacker in high school, made me go over to his house and read the entire Dick Butkus autobiography to me. Jesus. And so I could write an authentic locker room sketch or something. And...

And then we've had amazing – we had Bill Russell. We had Peyton Manning when I wasn't there. He's great. I thought he was the best – He's very funny. – frigging athlete host. Yeah. He gets how to be funny. Yeah, he really gets it. And Michael, I mean, part of the funny – I mean, the fact that he is trying not to break is so funny. Yes. Literally, how satisfying is that? You're like, Michael Jordan's trying to hold it together overnight. I think he broke in –

in dress yeah and i just said don't break hey folks we might be drunk is brought to you by bespoke's posts box of awesome is easy to remember because every time you open one you just think awesome bespoke post partners with small business and emerging brands to bring you the most unique goods every month from cozy essentials to cocktail kits box of awesome has everything you need for winter

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See? He's in the pocket. He's in the pocket. Was he fun to deal with as a host? Yeah. But it was also like, again, the most secure, confident person in the world you're dealing with. Unlike some of the shitty hosts.

And there are very few. Who else is shitty? Oh, shoot. The British actor. Hugh Grant. No, no. I'm sure he's great. He's a good actor. There are very few. Oh, gosh. Who was the guy? Damaged. Jeremy Irons. Jeremy Irons. Jeremy Irons.

He's a real cut to the host. Odenkirk has a very good story. I thought you were going to say Odenkirk's a terrible host. No, no, Odenkirk is the best guy, but he was a writer on the show. He didn't get his shine on SNL. Bob Odenkirk. Oh, yeah. No, he was a writer.

yeah but he wrote the van down by the river farley he wrote that yeah yeah yeah yeah farley and he had done it at second city wow i didn't know that yeah no that's epic epic epic but he got he got a shine after on like the ben stiller show and mr show he they never did you guys know that you're like this dude can no act you didn't know he could perform like that i knew he uh not really i had um

He worked in a group with Smigel in Chicago at one point. I think he substituted him. Tom Davis and I did a movie in Chicago, and they had an improv group that was really

that one of our cast members was in so Odenkirk filled in for that guy and I went to see them and I was the one I figured out that Smigel was the guy who wrote most of the stuff in that yeah and could Bob just substitute in he hadn't written the stuff and that's how Smigel got to SNL oh okay he's a my he's an asset

Might as well. My discerning eye. Yes, good eye. Because he's an asset. I mean, he killed it. Unbelievable. I just watched the Dana Carvey documentary on Hulu. It's hilarious. About his show? So they really went, they fell on the sword because they would not do the Bill Clinton breastfeeding. Oh, the nipples. They opened with that and it just killed them. And also they were following. Home Improvement? Home Improvement.

It's the most broad show. Broad and at times very sappy. Right. Leading up to... And that had Colbert. It had... Carell, Louis C.K. Yeah, Louis. I mean... Smigel. How does that show not... I mean, Dana Carvey, was he one of the funniest dudes to be around? He is the funniest. Yeah. I mean, he is... He's a star. Endlessly hilarious. And a lovely guy. And just...

My God. I mean, and his voice work is amazing. His impressions are amazing. The thing about Dana is I wrote a lot of the political stuff. He did George H.W. Bush. And we could we just use that as a crutch. We could open the show with a right opening with and Downey and I used to write them. And sometimes Dana would kick in. Dana knows his politics. But Dana.

So we would write something where there was a logic to it. There was one. OK, I'll give you one. It's it was drugs were in the news. So H.W. is going like from the White House, from his desk and going. This vial of crack was found across the street at Lafayette Park. You got that one. OK. He's giving the park right now across the street from the White House.

This hypodermic needle was found on the White House lawn. This bag of cocaine was found three feet from this desk here in the Oval Office. Okay. So Dana could get laughs doing just that. Right. Just get endless laughs doing that shit. So we would have to, before you run it, we would have to say to him,

In dress. He would get so many laughs in dress that you would lose the through line. Oh, wow. And we'd go up to him. Downey and I would go up to him and go like, okay, that's what's happening. And he did it almost every week. Yeah. So he would... He knew exactly how much to dial it back. And he's just...

an amazing performance he could have been a great dramatic actor if he ever wanted to do that I don't think he wants to do that yeah I don't think he would want to but I remember my brother showing me the movie Opportunity Knocks when we were kids oh yeah thinking it was like the funniest thing I'd ever seen we had it on VHS he must have watched it like 15 times yeah and he's just doing the Bush character in one of the scenes uh oh he was just pushing that accent wherever because he just knew it was going to hit and it hit totally it fucking hit play the clip

Spending, relief, sending it down there. Not too much, not too quickly. Wouldn't be prudent at this. Wouldn't be prudent. And the drug problem, bigger than ever. This is cocaine crack. Tell you something, this crack bought right here in the White House. Three feet from this desk.

He has no... I'm not sure if the bag of cream is in there. I don't remember this exactly, obviously. It feels like it's coming up.

maybe maybe there's no i think that was the crack i saw i see have you ever seen him bomb like he has no inhibition he's just going like you know when you're killing on stage you're still all right here's my next joke there comes a line you know you're still in the moment working he doesn't he feels like he's having fun and still killing well that's part of his charm he was having fun and also you

You like that character. Yes. H.W. loses to Clinton in 92, invites Dana to the White House. Wow. Not Trumpian. Yeah, good point, good point. He wanted to be made fun of. He's a mensch. He understood it. And, of course, the way they made fun of Trump was not affectionate at all. But I went down when Dana hosted.

I went down to Houston and taped something with HW. And it was funny because he is an ex-president, so I was instructed only one take. He'll only do one take. And the first take wasn't 80% or something. And I was going, oh, okay. And he did 12 takes. But if you're the assistant...

the staffer for a former president of the United States, you say to a comedy fucking, you know, one take. Of course. And then he just was...

He wanted to nail it. And he did. And he did the cold opening with or the monologue. You made a good point about the Trump thing, though, because the impression is really not done with love at all. You know, when Alec Baldwin was doing it, it wasn't necessarily an accurate impression compared to what some of these wasn't very good. Actually, the what's his name? He's so good. The guy, Shane Gillis.

No, no, no. He has three names. Johnson, Johnson. Oh, is he on the cast? Yeah, he's not on the cast. Oh, okay. Come on, I should know his name. He does an amazing Trump. Oh, James Austin Johnson. Yeah, James Austin Johnson. He does a good one. What he discovered is just what he does, which is just free associate. That's one of Trump's strengths. You know, I always thought that Trump...

part of the reason he won in 16 was that he's a stand-up in an odd way sure he i've never seen the man laugh that's true but he could go out there in front of a crowd and riff for an hour 15. oh jeb bush melted and the dude who like stuck to a script you know right well yeah every everybody he there was he he sucked up every bit of oxygen yeah and so cnn would just cut

to him doing and he was my theory is that you know build the wall and Mexico's gonna pay for it was just that just became his hot pockets I think he just he just kind of went

He said it once and they just went nuts. And they just kept saying it was his hot pockets. That wasn't like some theory. I think they were going to say, you know, do the Mexican border, do the border, do the border. And he comes up with that. And then, boom, we have to close down the government later. Yeah. Let me see this guy. I've never seen this. Right. You know, specifically.

Oh, that's good.

Joe Biden has gone beyond burger and it has not gone so well. And you know what? Neither has reboot of Fresh Prince. It's very different and I'm laughing and I'm laughing and I'm laughing, but I don't know why. He's good, but I do think Shane Gillis does the best one I've ever seen. But a lot of it's the writing. Well, some people do some amazing ones, but that's...

He's discovered this random stuff that he does. Right. Better than anyone I've seen. Well, I think what's good about Shane's is that he's not really...

He's not really picking a side. He's just being funny. I don't think that was much of a side there. No, no, absolutely. I haven't seen enough of that guy, but this is Trump speed dating. I think this is gold. That's what we're going to call her. Tana hit the clown. She looks like she should be in a sewer bothering children.

Oh, the little things. You are utterly disgusting. I'm disgusting. I saw you walk in. I said, who's this? Is this a pig? I didn't know you were running pigs. You're a dictator. He's kind of taking sides there. A little bit. A little bit. Somebody needs to tell her that her pussy stinks. Again, things you can't do on SNL. What's great about Shane is that he...

Trump wins in this sketch in his mind, but he doesn't win. Right. That's kind of the beauty of it. Like, in his mind, he's winning. Right. It's like the ego trumps all... And that's kind of why I love this. I mean, the writing is so funny, too. That's a very good observation by both him and you. Right. Well, you know, it's...

I mean, of course, you're right. You can get away with more on YouTube than you can on SNL. But when you make fun of someone, and it's like when you roast someone. Like the Chevy Chase roast is a good example. It's a weird roast because you can tell they all fucking hated him. It's awkward. It wasn't hating him. It was... Maybe there was some there, but mainly it was...

Mainly it was easy to make fun of at that point in his career. But his friends hated him and they didn't show up is my point. There's that. So the guys roasting him. They just didn't show up. Well, they didn't show up. But if you love the guy, you're showing up to their roast, right? I think it was Marty and Steve who had done three amigos with him, just didn't show up. But it might have been maybe if they loved, loved, loved Chevy, they would have been able to show up. My point is short. My point is the first roast where you're like,

Oh, these are just all casted roasters. These aren't his friends. It was like Mark Maron, young Greg Giraldo. Jim Norton. It was just all roasters who were like, they don't even know the guy. Todd Berry. Todd killed that one. He killed that roast. He did a great joke, which is making fun of Chevy Chase isn't as easy as shooting fish in a barrel. It's as easy as being in a room with a barrel. Wow. That's a good one.

That's a great joke. Colbert at that roast. Isn't that a great joke? That's a great joke. Do you remember what Colbert said at that roast, though? No. Dude, I wonder if there's footage of it anywhere. It's one of the best roast sets I've ever seen. It was... Did you see the uncensored roast? Is that what you've... I mean, because there's... It must be up there. There's one aired...

And there's one which is, I do have a copy of the whole roast. That's it. But you're not getting it. Pull that up, Matt. Pull that up. Usually have a bartender.

But there is something about, you know, when you, yeah, Colbert, the Chevy Chase roast. But there's something about when you don't like the person and you're making fun of them. That's the thing about politics. You have to, you ever try to write a joke when you just have a breakup and it's too raw? It's too real. It's too real and you're like, oh, that's kind of a mean, it's either too mean about her or too self-deprecating about yourself. You haven't found that balance. And I think it works similarly with an impression or a roast.

You need to take yourself emotionally a little bit out of it and just be funny. Yes. Yeah. If you can feel the tension and the venom, it's not as funny. Really? Is that a good rule? Sorry. Usually involved in a good natured ribbing.

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

Oh, he smirked. He won't give him the laugh.

Jesus. Fuck. Fuck.

A lamprey? Wow. That would be good. And then bells are going. But it was beautifully written. And if Chevy were a little smarter at that moment or less

under attack and secure he would have laughed very hard there you go you can't you can't have a roast i mean it's funny that trump had a roast on comedy central oh yeah another guy you don't think of is i wonder what role jeff ross had well you know jeff ross has a big role the roast master roast master and

But I'm not sure. I don't think Jeff was part of that one. It might have been before his time. Yeah, yeah. 2002, by the way. Oh, yeah. 20 years ago. Jesus Christ. Wow, so much has changed. He was in Home Alone, for Christ's sake, Trump. Home Alone 2. Sorry. Second one. And WrestleMania.

Probably won't be in Home Alone 12. They've made a bunch more. Yeah. Have you watched Home Alone recently? I think I was a kid. It's not a good movie. Oh, it is a good movie. The first one's solid. The second one is terrible. Well, I'm talking about the first one. The first one's good. The first one's fine. You can't... Yeah. Come on. The first one's really, really good. Are you a big movie guy? Not as big as a lot of people who are in show business. I mean, I... Yeah, but I think that was a really...

That's a solid movie. Can you give us a movie rec? We like recs on this podcast. Election. Oh, it's one of my all-time favorites. Thomas Paine. Yeah. Alexander Paine. Damn it. Home Alone 2. Shit. Election's phenomenal. I think it's Paine.

Yeah, no, that's right. Yeah, yeah. I think there's a team. One's a director, one's a writer or something like that. Look it up. One of my favorite comedies of all time. It's brilliant. Brilliant. It's a good dark comedy. You know, my son at the time was nine years old.

And he saw it. And my son's reaction was, I remember that was 2000. I remember this because I took my son and his friend out to L.A. for the Democratic Convention that Gore was nominated. So that's how I remember it. And we went to some party where I think the guys who wrote it, maybe it was Bain, I don't know, were there. And he just went up to them and said, the...

The cars that you picked out were perfect. And the production design... My son, who's nine years old, because he's a car nut... Oh, really? Just loved the car that...

Well, the teacher. Broderick? Matthew Broderick. And he just... My son loved everything about the production design. Wow. At nine years old, and he's not... Interesting. He doesn't care about production design normally at all. He cares about cars, though. No, he's a great filmmaker. It stands out extra in a comedy, because usually you don't always notice. Like, a comedy director... Sometimes directors try to do too much in a comedy, and you're like, well, that's not good, but it worked perfectly. Anyway, so you asked...

Good movie. Just keep it at one. That's a great one. Good choice. Dr. Strange Love, of course. Of course. Great one. Classic. Yeah, I got so many questions. I don't want to bug you, Al. No. First of all, I know you... That's why you're here. Okay. I know you did Blow with Belushi. We got to get into that. Yes. But... How was that? He would have too much. You don't say. It was funny when I hated Bob Woodward's book on him, Wired, because it was all about his drug use and...

Tom Davis said it was like as if someone named your college yearbook puked. And all he did was puke. No one learned math or fell in love. One-sided. And I remember Woodward interviewed me and he asked me about cocaine. And I said the only time I ever did cocaine was with Bernstein.

because i just didn't like the whole tone of this guy yeah yeah sure i thought the book was a travesty and it was like lauren said it was written by a guy who didn't understand anything about popular culture and blue she's place in it and he said this lawrence said it was like he he had written a sentence that said the beatles a popular musical group in the 60s you know and

Yeah, I was very offended by that book. Because he's just a brilliant performer. Sure. None of that is captured. It was just all... They were from the same town in Chicago. I can't remember the name of the town, but it was almost like him saying, I'm the best guy from this town. I had that feel. Yuck.

It's a mean thing to say. He's a cunt of an author. There you go. That's the third one I got in. He didn't stop you on that one. He's back in. I wouldn't call him that. No, no, no. It's a callback, Al. Come on. I didn't like that. The book was cunty.

There we go. There we go. All right. That's a good adjective. No, it was a special time, that cast. I do think about, you know, sometimes it's comics. Look, this podcast started because Mark and I used to get drunk all the time together. You know, we were young road comics and then slowly. Used to. Yeah.

We built a show around it. True. When we were young comics, you can get hammered every night. And then you start going on the road and we'd see each other, I don't know, maybe two days a week, maybe one day a week. And we'd try to make that one night count. We'd say, hey, let's hang. And then before we'd know it, it's 5 a.m. And we'd keep saying, one more drink, one more drink, 6, 7 a.m.,

Turned it into a podcast. Oh, look at us. Geez, look at us. Your wedding, buddy. Look at us. I am so banged up right there. I'm hurting, too. I look like I'm in blackface. Mickey Mantle regretted drinking as much as he did. He did. Oh, is that right? Well, everybody says that after. During. It was a blast. It was interesting. He said Pete Rose took care of himself. I mean, all these guys that had these careers. 536 home runs with a drinking problem, though, is pretty damn cool. That's a functioning alcoholic. You know, don't do this, because it's not that great, but.

Some of the interviews he did on Letterman toward the end of his career about just getting so fucking wasted and being at somebody's farm and wasted. Should have never fucked that cow. Driven to the ballpark and just falling asleep in the dugout and being, you know, like, you're going to get up and then hitting a home run over the center field at Yankee Stadium. Wow.

See, to me, that's a tale of an incredible functioning alcoholic. Yes, that's a win. Yes and no. I mean, but his career was shorter than it needed to be. No, I mean, for sure. We don't need to talk about real drinking on this, but this is becoming a buzzkill right here. Oh, yeah. I mean, by the way, don't let the show suggest to you that it's okay.

if you have a drinking problem. You put the Al and Alan on. You cut to Mark and I in 20 years in this podcast. I made every mistake a man can make. That's my one regret, was drinking too much. I think probably you should save that little clip of me.

to your audience the most important thing ever said you got it don't drink i really hope al gets wasted here now oh that'd be nice he's like don't get a little tipsy very easily really oh okay let's do shots bodega cat shots i and i don't like hardly i don't i just you're a beer guy i drink beers occasionally i'll drink a glass of wine occasionally but i don't i don't drink i don't

I don't get drunk. You seem healthy. You look good. Yeah, you look good. Full head of hair. Yes. Well, dude, I'm not drinking. I'm pretty good. I had back surgery five weeks ago. Hey, so did he. Did you? No, I had like an ablation. I had it in my neck. I had a real... Yeah. Yeah, but I'm good. It was great. I've been carrying SNL for 10 years. Hmm? Never mind. All right. Sorry. This episode's had more...

This episode's had more huhs than we've ever had. You were in Trading Places, I remember. Whoa. Is that right? Yeah, I do remember that. Wow, that was very Chris Farley of me. Remember that? That was pretty cool. I mean, that was a pretty great scene, though. You were at the end of the movie, the gorilla. That was pretty cool. Oh, yeah, it is. Look at that. There's a scene...

Denholm Elliot

No, no. Dan Holm and Elliot was a different character. He was the butler. Yeah, he was a butler. Damn, he was funny. What about, were they cool to work with, Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy? Oh, yeah. But we barely, I mean, we just had a couple scenes and one was with them. And so mainly we were just in a...

trailer waiting for our scene of course you know and i was stone baggage handler one and tom was stone baggage handler two we smoke a joint in it and later they figured out that eddie should smoke a joint so they did they took that scene out so we were just really just stupid baggage handler one stupid baggage handler two right we were playing very stoned and

I love it. Yeah. Yeah, well. You know, I mean. 83, wow. I get people come, you know, say to me, usually around Christmas or something, and say how much they love. It's such a Christmas movie. It is, isn't it? Yeah. It's such, like, what are your all-time Christmas movies? For me, that's in there. I love Bad Santa. That movie. Oh, I do, too. That's great. It's like a warm blanket, that movie. It's so, have you seen that one? No, I got to see it. Billy Bob. That's a great movie.

Yeah, I mean, there's all the classics. You got Vacation, obviously. Vacation. So good. No, no, Die Hard. Die Hard. Really? What? Oh, I don't remember that. Shane Black? No. You know what's a really good Christmas movie? It's A Wonderful Life.

That's a great movie. It is a great movie. What a hack. Come on, Al. No, but it is a great movie. It is. It's a great movie. The fact about that movie, apparently Jimmy Stewart was furious that it bombed and he blamed the lead actress. Oh, Donna Reed? Yeah. Oh, that it bombed? Yeah, because it didn't do well in theaters. That's right. Oh, my Lord. She was a cunt of a lead. He must have...

He lived long enough to see it was a fucking classic. Yeah, you got that right. Yeah, no, it's a great movie. It plays at the IFC every year, and I went with my girlfriend, wife, and we took edibles, and we were laughing so much in the first eight minutes of the movie that a guy turned around and goes, shut the fuck up. I used to watch it with my dad. He's dead now. We're like, ah, and we ran out.

Good times. I went there with my ex, and we did heroin. And it was great. Great movie. You were quiet the whole time. My wife and I did, no. All right. Now, I never got to my second question, because we got into the cocaine with Belushi. Political guy, obviously. You've seen it all. You've been through it. Have you ever seen it as bad as it is today with politics and the tribal and the fighting and the whole thing?

It has gotten worse and worse. And Trump was kind of a tipping point. Sure. Because this is a very sick situation.

Right. And, you know, with all the disinformation out there, there are a lot of people bought into them. So I'm probably watching this podcast. That guy? No, I'm just kidding. And, you know, we're taping this not long after, just a few days after the midterms. And my wife said...

The night after, she said it was the American people saying, stop it. And it really was saying, stop it to this denial of that, the election about the election. And, you know, our democracy. Some of those people won. Some of those people that that are someone but none like who are in a position like the secretaries of state candidates for elections.

And there were upsets, for sure. But, like, the Secretary of State in most states runs the elections in the state. And there were a number of...

rabid deniers who ran for Secretary of State like Michigan and and Well, the governor the guy ran for governor in Pennsylvania, you know bust people to the cat on January 6 he lost Hanley and the the governor appoints the Secretary of State in Pennsylvania, so that was at stake and

And, you know, so deniers got what funniest to me was that these deniers who their whole political identity was that the 20 election was stolen.

A number of them conceded, which was like, I know I've just staked my entire political identity on saying that the 20 election was stolen. And despite there being no evidence and 62 cases decided again. Wow. And despite this and despite this, I that's what I ran on. And.

Good for them. I lost last night. I concede. And I'm going like... I don't think it works like that. Whoa. Yeah. But not all. Not all. Yeah. And what do you think about a state like Pennsylvania where, you know, pretty close race, but, you know, Fetterman wins. And do you think... How much of that do you think is like Dr. Oz being an out-of-town, like New Jersey guy? How much of it do you think is like... There were a lot... He had a lot of baggage in that respect. He also...

I don't know. He didn't come off very well. He came off as a little too slick. I don't think either of them did. Well, Fetterman, this was unprecedented. That debate was unprecedented because you're watching a guy who has not recovered yet from a stroke and took a lot of courage to do it, but in a way he couldn't not do it. So you're watching something completely just how you process that.

Oz made this mistake by saying abortion should be between a woman, her doctor, and her local politician. Whoa. And remember he said that, and that just gave them an ad. Right. And of course, you know...

they were able to cut together ads for Fetterman too, from where he was going, you know, uh, very coherent. And, uh, he opened by saying good night, which was fun. I mean, uh, and in a way that's kind of when, when he won and, and, um, uh, you know, took, gave his victory speech. It was kind of moving. Yeah. For a guy to share, you know, and, um,

So, no, that's nothing like that has ever happened before. Yeah, but can we come back to normal at all? Or is this just how it's going to be now? These two camps who just hate each other and don't listen and no discussion? I think it's going to be very interesting to watch the Republican Party now because there's going to be a lot of recriminations. And I think it'll be a shit show because so many of them, and again, this is sounding pretty partisan and political, but you could divide the office holders into

and the apparatchiks of the republican party and do chicken shits who wouldn't say biden won the election because they didn't want to get on the wrong side of trump and then the kind of the crazies and they're going to be fighting and uh they barely i don't it hasn't been quite determined yet but it looks like they're going to have a very narrow margin in the house so there's going to be a lot of

And what's funny now is as we speak, I'm not sure when you're airing this, but Herschel Walker is the remaining candidate. This might be coming out after the runoff. Yeah, I'm sure it will. Probably. But and, you know, no. 30 years from now, people may say, you know, Herschel Walker was one of the great U.S. senators. Yeah, probably. So.

He's a great father. But you know what? Not everyone who pays for an abortion sends you a card. Hey! That's true. I like that. That's worth more than a Hershel Walker football, I think. I think you're right. Yeah, put that at the card store. Hey, I hope you're using that, aren't you? Really? Yeah. I did play Georgia. That's my advice to you. I played Georgia over the weekend. I was... Oh.

And after every abortion joke, I would say, it's okay, Herschel Walker wrote that one too. That really saved me. How many abortion jokes do you do? I ran it off three or four. Yeah, I ran it off three or four. And I'm keeping them. Ironically, you won't get rid of them. Yeah, but...

You know, I don't... Right now, because the majority of the Senate isn't up, I just... I have a prediction that Warnock will win that one. Because I think there are a lot of Republicans... It's close. It was close in the election. But I think there are a lot of Republicans who voted for him, and now that the majority in the Senate isn't at stake, are they going like, do I really want to, you know...

You know, it used to be that putting a gun to your wife's head was disqualifier. Yeah. You know. I just do it to get an erection. Thank you very much. Try the veal. But...

You know, no, you're right. And it's interesting. There's something about running the celebrities. Like we talk about name recognition and it's like, you know, Dr. Oz, Herschel Walker. Yeah. Trump. Trump likes celebrities. Carrie Lake. Yeah, sure. But she lost. I mean, there's something about. Very attractive. Yeah. You're into that? Oh, yeah. She's hot. You know, she put out when it was announced that she had lost, she put out, you know, Arizona's No B.S.,

And I just, yeah, that's why you lost. Oh. Well, yeah. I mean, look, there's something to be said about that. You know, you look at the Gore-Bush election. Like, I look at that as a time where Gore was like, it's yours. He basically gave it. He didn't want the weekend. Well, it was the Supreme Court. What do you do? What? It was the Supreme Court. I know, but it was, he very gracefully handed it over, right? I mean, that wouldn't happen now. That would never happen. No, because he...

the legitimacy of the court, something that's harder to do now after they didn't take up Merrick Garland and after they sat Tony Barrett nine days before an election. But at that time, there was a lot of respect for the legitimacy of the court, and that's what Gore was...

recognizing that that's it. That's the Supreme Court. Do you think this would be happening at this level if Democrats weren't constantly, you know, after the Trump election, you know, someone like Rachel Maddow, the Steele dossier, like the meddling, do you think that would... It would be going to this level if it weren't for that? Oh, yeah. I mean, because...

Yeah, I think that the Steele dossier is something obviously used and I guess in some respect rightfully used as a little bit of a weapon. But no, this is about having this guy who, you know, just a guy, a pathological liar, a guy who says, you know, I can shoot someone on Fifth Avenue,

and not lose a vote. And you go, okay, but you'd be prosecuted. Right. You know? That's true. I mean, but... Do you think you have enough pull to get Hunter Biden on this podcast? We'd like to drink with him. There'll be a lot of funny stuff after the investigation. We got a full bar. Yeah. We got a full bar. It'll be like that Bush sketch. We got a bag of crack, a bag of coke.

yeah they're gonna do it if they have the majority they're gonna do it you know what how do we get back i mean you are a politician that looked to unite and not divide people how do you how do we get back yes mentality how do we get back to like you know mark and i we're road comics we take pride in letting everyone in on the joke that is kind of what we try to do as entertainers and i think

Really good politicians have a similar ability, right? I mean, how do we get back to it? Or are we doomed with Twitter and all this, you know, tribalistic vision? You know, what makes me pessimistic is just the divide in terms of information and the disinformation that we people buy into. And if you're in that universe of information, that division is going to

that just division is going to be there. And I think the internet is coming in with a little bit of middle ground, you know, because it obviously the policy here, but section two 30 is something I would change. And that's the thing that says that these like Facebook is a platform and can't be responsible for stuff it puts out. But again,

Facebook has their algorithm knows you better than you know yourself. They say it knows you're gay before you do. Yeah. And basically. That's how I found out. It basically feeds you, gives you back what will keep you on Facebook. Oh, they'll recommend me like a sweater. I'm like, I should get that. And I'm like, wait a second. Yeah, they got you. It's crazy, right? They do it with hookers. Well, they're probably right. Yeah. You should probably get that sweater. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it.

let me get back on real quick they know you better than you know you but what i'm saying is they also like to keep people on and get them agitated so they stay on right they know everybody so well they go this guy we feed him some this disinformation he'll get really excited about it and stay on long and we sell advertising that's bad news and so they know what they're doing they know exactly what they're giving you yeah the way you're talking i'm like you

You are a voice that could really do good. And part of me thinks like, man, it's a bummer that you're not. Is there any hope you would get back in? I keep my options open, but it is pretty toxic. You sound like my ex right now. This is when he says, huh?

You should, I mean, you should think about it. I don't know your ex, but I'm sure that's accurate. Yeah. But you don't want to go dip your toe back in the... I don't know. I don't know. It depends. I mean, I'm still a Minnesotan at heart, and I go back and forth, but I have grandchildren here, so I'm here a lot. And I have grandchildren in L.A., so I'm a little...

You know, I'm a little bit being grandpa and I'm doing podcasts and, uh, and, uh,

And I'm on the road. Jesus Christ, that's why I'm here. I'm doing the Alphanau. Not just to hang out with us and get drunk with us? Yeah, yeah. But that too. But yeah, I'm on tour. Here we go. What do we got here? The only former U.S. Senator currently on tour tour. Here we are. I'm going to Portland. And then Sacramento. I'm doing a little West Coast swing. I just did that Revolution Hall. It's great. Isn't that great? It's great. It's an old school house. It's great. It's great.

I love Portland audiences. Don't make a school shooting joke. Monterey. They didn't care for it. Then I'm doing San Luis Obispo, then Los Angeles, California. Ah, the old way. One of the things you guys sent subjects to think about is bits you're working on. Oh, please. No, I was just thinking in Portland, of course, they have this huge homeless problem. You got that right. And so last time I was there, or maybe it was two times ago or something-

That a lot of the homeless people were wearing Nike. Is Nike there or is it? Yeah, it's a new team. Yeah, they're wearing Nike stuff. And what happened was that Nike had decided to give the homeless people Nike clothes. And now they were stopping to do it because a lot of people think that they were all just

Nike employees. Oh, wow. That the homeless. This guy blew all his money on Jordans. I'm not giving him money. I'm just kind of working on that for Revolution Hall. It's like an Albert Brooks video. Yeah. I mean, but yeah, it was an okay, bad idea to give all the homeless. Now, do they give the kids at the sweatshops free Nikes? They don't. They're not. They probably don't. They probably don't. So if those kids stopped working, ironically, they'd get free shit.

Because they'd be homeless. You see a homeless guy in A6, you're like, all right, this guy, I'll give him some money. Yeah, he's a real hobo. Huh? There we go. It's a callback. It's a runner. We got to call this episode a runner. Yeah. It's a cunt to the callback.

So anyway, I've been doing this tour. And you asked me about when I got here, am I still working out at the Cellar? Yeah. And I haven't been lately. I've been working out at a club that's two blocks from my house on the West Side Comedy Club. Oh, yeah. We're neighbors, man. We were neighbors. Yeah. But I love the Cellar. And that's what happened. When I left Santa, I started giving speeches. And I realized, like...

This is like 80% funny. And also, I love stand-up. And I had never really done it by myself. I had done it with Tom all these years. Right. And so I started working out at the cellar. Killed right away. Hey! And very comfortable doing it. And...

Just love doing it, as you guys said. It's a gas. I mean, it's amazing. You're tough to follow because you have smart, intellectual, thoughtful stuff. And then I'm like, hey, pedophiles, huh? And so they're like, well, we... Well, don't follow me. All right. That's what you say to pedophiles, too. What I can do at the cellar, what's funny at the cellar is everyone...

Three quarters of the time I can open with, you know, well, you know, Cecile just killed, but no wonder she stole all my material. And it always gets a big laugh because it's so fucking dirty. Right, right, yeah. Or, you know, someone uses the N-word constantly. Yes, sorry about that.

All right, no harm. Usually it's a black comedian. Ah, usually. I used to write for Michael Richards. I like that. All right. Very good. Good to have you back. Yeah.

And you bring Dina Hashem on the road sometimes. You brought her on a few gigs, right? I brought her for a couple things. Very funny, right? We love Dina. Yeah, Dina is great. And I brought her out. I did like an Eastern Long Island where it was Riverhead. Yep. And then also Minneapolis. And yeah, she's hilarious. Yeah, great joke writer. Yeah. When is this episode coming out, Matt? It's coming out.

So Dina Hashem is actually recording an album or special in Chicago this weekend. Check that out. Highly recommend going. It might be sold out by now, but two shows at the Lincoln Lodge. Dina Hashem. Hilarious comic. I'm producing it. Hello. James Webb is directing it. He directed my Netflix special. Should we just do all our jokes now? Let's burn them all, dude. Yeah.

She has a great joke. Any peeves? Yeah, any pet peeves? Anything that bothers you lately? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, two things. One, people who walk down the street on their phone. And I can't believe you probably haven't heard this one before. This is people walk on the phone and don't look where they're going. Sure, sure. And I'm thinking of working on a piece where it's two Gen Z people walking

both on their phones walking down the street and it's just it's very physical peace it's just boom and they bump into each other and their phone goes into the gutter and goes down the thing and it's just the Gen Z person going what?

Because I just feel like when people are walking down the street and not looking, I just want to go like... I know, I know. And I don't. Because I wouldn't. All right. We've all done it. Yeah. I get mad. I've done it. We've all done the phone thing. I've done the phone thing. One time I did it, and I was looking at my phone, and someone else was looking at their phone, and we collided, and we were both mad at the other person. Nah.

Right. That's my bit. Oh, there you go. It's not a great bit. Now you see why I don't want to follow him. And then... So that's... But the other one is... And I bet you this is also your pet peeve and you didn't realize it is. It's these fuckers on these electric bikes. Oh, yeah. Who are going the wrong way in the bike lane. Yeah. And...

And going 40 miles an hour. Yep. And they decide as I get a green and the bike lane is this way, which I'm looking for because I don't want to, you know, because I'm on to this.

Some guy's coming from this way. Yep. And he knows he's going to make it. He knows he's not going to hit me, but it's like that close. Sure. But he knows it. And I go like, ah, like that. And he's just going like, I knew I had it.

The arrogance. And, yeah. You want to film the back of your elbow for a second, don't you? Right. It's too fast. It's just too fast. They're going way too fast, too. Yeah. And they're in a bike lane on not a bike. An e-bike. It's a bike lane is for a pedal bike. Yeah. The pandemic really made that catch on, New York. Oh, yeah. The people weren't taking the chances. A tell joke is the best joke. What's his joke? That could be for any a tell joke, by the way. Yeah, that's true. It's that the guys that deliver food and those are the guys on this bike. They're the third responders.

That's great. Mattel gets quoted on this podcast once a week. Easily. Yeah, yeah. Totally. He's our favorite. Him and Hitler. But could you combine those two and go with the phone guy, the bike guy, and then the bike guy on his phone? Because I've seen that a lot, too. Jesus. I wish I had seen that, so that could be my peppy.

Oh, okay. I'm just saying for the bit. For the bit. If you're working on the bit. Who are your favorites to watch when you're down at the club now? Do you watch comedy down there or no? Well, I haven't been there in a while, but Dina, I discovered her. Dina's great. And you know what? It's bad on me because I can't remember some names of great comics. Yeah, yeah. It's tough. It's been a while. It's been a while. Yeah, plus the age. Yeah.

You're a young whippersnapper, though, if you're a politician, though, now. I mean, look what's out there. There's some really young bad ones. There's some young bad ones. There's some young good ones. But you seem younger than you are. I mean, what are you, 71? Yeah. Wow, 71? Yeah. You look great. 67? Yeah, something like that. Good for you. I'm a comedian.

I know, but we're ugly. That doesn't mean anything. That's actually kind of meansy. We just ran it off like that and died in our 30s. You could use that to establish the exact opposite. Right, yeah. Greg Geraldo looked great, too. He did, yeah. We have a wall of death behind you. Some of our favorites that passed away. You're next, baby. Oh, fuck. No, he's a long way away from me. No, you look great. I wish you were my dad.

I met your dad at the wedding. He's a great guy. Does he watch? No. He is a peeping Tom, though. Yes. He does watch. There you go. Huh? Hey! Al Franken, everybody. Come on. Plug some... Any other things you want to plug? You got your podcast. Got my podcast, the Al Franken podcast. We very often have...

There I am. Look at that. Hello. I'd vote for that guy. Yeah. There's Norm Ornstein. That's a very typical... That's a good get. Norm is...

one of the great political uh scholars in the country so i do a lot of public policy a lot of politics go to the next one it's uh david axelrod oh yeah um uh and cecile richards i listen to his podcast sometimes hacks on tap that's a good one oh really too many ads though there's an ad every three minutes on that podcast well on every uh podcast you get like on my youtube stuff

People just complain. There's nothing I can do about it. But they really stretch him out on that. Really? Mike Murphy and those guys, they'll talk about a mattress for 15 minutes. And I'm like, just get back to the show. Yeah. And that's like what the 30-second thing is made for. Exactly. So we got a... Fast forward. This comes out the 4th. So yeah, I'll be in Tacoma, Spokane, on New Year's, Oklahoma City, and then the theater tour we start up. We got New Orleans, Austin, Tulsa...

Dallas, St. Louis, Vegas. Go to samorell.com for more. Yeah. Added in Vancouver. We added in Portland, Seattle. All the dates are up there. We're adding dates. So please check it out. samorell.com slash shows. I'm coming everywhere except we haven't had Cali on this or Denver, but we'll be there soon. Oh, yeah. I'm at the Wilbur coming up.

Oh, the Wilbur is great. Great room. One of the great rooms in America. Very steep balcony. Yes. Love Boston. It feels like a club somehow. Yeah. Buffalo Cubs, Zanies, all kinds of stuff. Zanies? Do you ever play the Mike and Stool? No. No.

Oh. It's my name for a comedy club. I thought that was two guys you knew. Hey, you guys said huh. Hey, all right. We're back. All right, we've come full circle. MarkDominicComic.com. Make sure. Oh, Mark, do you have more to plug here? No, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, plug them. I'm actually in Hawaii at the Blue Note in Honolulu. Hit that more.

Oh, sorry. I guess I got to get more dates. BodegaCatWhiskey.com. Make sure to order our whiskey. It's great. People are snatching it up. We are legal in Texas at Specs. You can get us any, over 200 liquor stores carrying Bodega Cat in Texas. Holy shit. Get on it, folks. Bodega Cat Rye. You guys are snatching it up. We appreciate you guys. Yeah, keep drinking. You've been a great guest, man. Thank you. Thank you, Al. It's an honor.

We've been fans for years. It's been fun as hell. Oh, good. I hope so. Go see Al on tour. Listen to his podcast. And, you know, Salamanca, you got anything? Nothing I can plug. Well, as always, thank you. Exciting. He's shooting something. Well, you know, thank you, as always, to Gotham Studios. Matt Peters, we love you. And we'll see you next week. Hear, hear. I'm out to lunch here at noon.

This woman doesn't...