Ep 100: The Bachelor Party Pt 1
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Bachelor party! Let's do it! We got some surprise guests coming today.

That's why Gillis was on there. Gillis fucked me. Yeah, I was so confused. Sit down. Let's talk it out. Come here. Are we on? Yeah, we're on, baby. Oh, jeez. Oh, my God. With the hats, the money, the dildo. So, yeah, yeah. Get on the mic. Get on and put this on. Holy hell. So, to give a little background, I want to do... I was mad I couldn't be at Norman's bachelor party at a wedding in LA. Sorry.

So I want to do a special podcast bachelor party. And Shane Gillis blows the fucking surprise today. I think we covered it up enough. Yeah. But I wake up to Gillis texting me and Norman. I had told Gillis it was a surprise. He forgot. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

And then he's texting me, dude, I'm so sorry. I was like, it's all right. So hopefully he still shows up. But should we start this off? Wow. I'm blown away. Get our first guest out here. Oh, my God. If you put my parents out of here, I'm going to shit myself. Mr. and Mrs. Norman. Ah, jeez. This is crazy. Oh, man. I can't believe it. Ah!

Oh, no! Hey, how are you? Surprise, D.K.! Yeah, you really did? Hey, what's shaking, Fetty? How in the hell are you? Yeah, where should he... Yeah, right there. There's a microphone.

Well, this is touching. You said 2.30, I thought. 2.30? Matt said come at 2.30. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, you wanted to build up more surprises? But you guys nailed it. You got the Bud Light, the chips, the dildo. This is everything we need. The fake money. The fake money is going to... That's paying for dinner later tonight. What's going on? How the hell are you? I'm all right. I just...

I'm alright. I was on the phone with Sonos yelling at them the whole ride up here because the system in the bar never works properly. You are a human Yelp. Just attacking any product, any business. I'll never leave a bad review, but if something I bought isn't working right, I will get in your ass about it, man. This is a combination of the best bachelor party guest, but also a disgruntled PI. You know what I mean? Totally. Look at this.

I kind of got after it a little bit last night. Are you hurting? No, I'm not hurting, but I just was on my way in and I was like, shit, I didn't eat anything yet today and I didn't drink any water. So I bought two waters in this because I was like, you know, I assume we're going to have a few pops here today. Sure. We'll get chips if you want them.

But they made... The problem with the Sonos speaker is it needs to be factory reset because there's something wrong with it. And the mounts we bought for it, which are the mounts they sell, which are permanent mounts...

obstruct the button for you to do the reset. Ah, damn. So I was on the phone with the customer service rep going, I don't understand. Why would you design it this way? And I had to be like, I know you didn't design it. I'm sorry. But this doesn't make any sense. You do seem like the type that screams at customer service and then feels really bad about it. I feel terrible about it right now. I was really just like...

At one point in the... I'm an asshole. At one point in the call, I went, she said something back to me that I had already said. Oh, boy. And I go, remember when I said? And then I did say, I go, miss, I'm sorry. You can understand the frustration. This wasn't a cheap thing to do, and it's not working. And it hasn't been working. And she's like, no, I get it.

Yeah, well, the airlines have this, too, where you want to yell at the lady at the desk, but it's not her fault. It's not her fault. No. But, man, do you want to yell at her. That's why I always say these businesses need to hire a guy that you can just yell at. Like, you fucking cum-guzzling piece of shit. And he's like, I know, I know. Just hire me.

You know those those rooms where you just destroy shit? There should be a dude with like pads on and you could just fucking wail on him. Exactly. Great idea. Yeah. Nice. A stuntman. That's like a side gig for a stuntman. Right. Right. Yeah. There should be. Remember that movie Hostel where the people paid all the money to kill people? Oh, yeah. I never saw it, but I remember it. Eli Roth. Eli Roth. The great Eli Roth. There should be a. The Bear Jew. Bear Jew. Bear Jew.

And just a regular Jew, too. That's right. But there should be a fake version of that. There should be a thing where you can go into a room, like you said, there's a guy with a bunch of pads...

And you can like hit him with bats and things and it won't hurt him. But it will give you the experience of mauling a man. Yes. You know, and it'll let you get some of that shit out of you. It's just revealing that we all have deep-seated anger. Our idea is just to beat up a human. Yeah. Well, who had that bit about should be illegal because it'll probably make you fuck less kids?

Should be legal, you mean. Illegal. Sorry, legal. What about the kids getting fucked in the thing? Well, those videos already exist. You just replay old ones. This is going to get us banned from YouTube. Just bleep s***.

When this comes out. It's a bit. It's not a real thing. No, no, I know, but I still think YouTube fucking stinks now. Really? I didn't know Eddie Ift was here. Oh, geez. Eddie Ift is going to be furious by that comparison. Or as Patrice called him, Eddie, ugh. My favorite Kevin Brennan thing ever, ever, ever was I was on this podcast and I go, I go, oh, we were talking about Prince Henry or whatever his name is, the Meghan Markle guy. Which one, man? Andrew. Andrew? Harry. Harry. Harry.

How they moved to Canada? I'm a fan. And I go, why would they move to Canada? And Corinne Fisher was on, and she goes, well, probably because they're pretty lax, like kind of anything goes up there. And Kevin Brennan goes, oh, they even let Eddie Ift in, right? And I started laughing, and I go, this is the part that's my favorite part. I go, you have a problem with Eddie Ift? And he goes, no. No.

And I was just like, the disgust from the first statement to the just like indifference of the second. I was like, there's something truly wrong with you. You just work this way. Wow. It was very funny. That is amazing. That's a good time. Eddie Ift is being Googled right now relentlessly. No one knows who that is. Oh, boy. We love you, Eddie. Should we get our second surprise guest? Oh, boy.

Oh, this is brutal. Because this one is a real bachelor party vibe. Hey, I don't know how this is going to go. This could be interesting. Oh, jeez. This could be weird. Man, how many people you got in that back room? Oh, there's... This is like fucking Maury, dude. Yeah. People are coming out. Bitch, you don't know me. Get a job. Let's see if this will... And we have...

Hopefully everyone comes through. You know, comics are flaky. Yeah, I can't believe you got this many schedules aligned. I mean, we'll see. This is impressive. Thank you. I feel very uncomfortable. Mark does not like love. We'll see if this works. This dildo is very intimidating. It's huge. Huge. Is that a real dick you think it's shaped out of? Probably, yeah. The veins are very realistic. The head is perfect. It looks like a maglite. Yeah, I think it's Antonio Brown's.

You see that thing in the pool? Yeah, he whipped it out. Quite a noodle. The meme that was going around is he always knew how to expose a D. That's pretty good. That's great. How about Herschel Walker? What'd he do? Well, he's fucking like his kids. He's running for office and his kids are like, he beat the shit out of us. He's a horrible dad. Then he's anti-abortion and there's a woman who came out saying, he sent me a get well card.

And $700 for an abortion. The abortion only costs $575. That's $125 profit right there. And is it Hallmark? That's the question. He did the right thing. I guess he did. He could have not said a dime. I mean, I'm not saying he did the best thing. Yeah. Sure. But he did sort of the right thing. But then he ran with a platform anti-abortion. It is hypocritical. Yeah, maybe he had a change of heart. Yeah.

Abortions can really get you out of a bind. That's why I'm a miscarriage fan. Have you ever done either? I've never partaken. I've paid for two abortions. Really? Yeah. One I perform myself. No. But yeah, I've paid for two. I just took charge. Yeah. Judged her. Yeah, two abortions. Are we here? Okay, here we go. Our second guest here is a special guest. He's saying wait. Oh, she's not here? A couple minutes? She? Oh, well.

Gotta have one lady at this thing. Oh, boy. I gotta tell you, I don't know who's showing up either. I'm kind of excited. I mean, this is part of the fun. I'm nervous it's the woman of the abortion I paid for. I gotta pretend this is my surprise party. All right. You're still surprised. The abortion woman's not coming. The miscarriage woman, on the other hand, is showing up unexpectedly. Have you ever gone to an abortion jam? Never. Me neither. I can't believe I've never had a pregnancy scare yet. Well, I always wore condoms. Ah.

I mean, look, I've had a couple slip-ups in my life, but, you know, for the most part, yeah. I'm an accident. It terrifies me. You're an accident? Yeah, I wasn't playing. I didn't know that. Yeah, me too. That's the adoption. Right. Oh, I love it. We start off a little strong. Uh-oh. With the classic. We'll give it to Norman first. No, no. What is this? Oh, okay. Bachelor Boy Goblet form. What is that right there? That's the money gun.

Oh, shit. That's fucking awesome. This is fucking... This is, by the way, don't thank me. Thank Matt Peters, our producer, for going all out. Because, as usual... I went to a... T-Pain was at one of my comedy shows once. Not even as a fan. He just came to see the show.

Because he likes comedy. Here's another guest. Jesus Christ. Hey. Oh, my God. Look who it is. It's on? Oh, you got a wireless. Sean Padden. What's up, guys? Hey, what's shaking? What's up, buddy? Hi, Joe. How are you? Can we get Sean around as well? Wait, around to what? Paper planes? It's our signature drink. Let's do it.

How you doing? Happy... Good. I missed the events. That's why we told you to come in, man. The bachelor party. Yeah. You're here. Hell of a time down there. I know. I heard about it. I'm actually jealous of the... You want to sit over here? Yeah. Get in frame. You all right? You sound sick. No, no, no. I just got COVID. It's fine. Oh, nice. It's just COVID.

What was your reasoning for not going to The Bachelor? You had some $400 gig you couldn't pass up. Pretty much. Pretty much. I had a, you know.

Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. You'll be on this soon. Bodega Cat Paper Plain. Oh, yeah. BodegaCatWhiskey.com, folks. For the people who don't know, Patton's officiating the wedding. Yeah. Fun fact. Holy shit. Yeah. Yeah, I got the... I've officiated a couple. Really? I mean, you know, none of them have stayed together. No!

That's why Mark hired you. Yeah. Yeah, right? In my defense, all the ones he did were in blackface. Yeah. So it's a wedding. Hey, I do with a couple requests. It was Trudeau. That's great, though, that you're doing the wedding. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it is what it is. It's fun. I've actually, I did, I think everyone. It is what it is.

What it is? What it is? Is that the enthusiasm you want to hear for your special day? Because sometimes... No, sometimes... Like, I've done four. And sometimes you do them and they're like, just say whatever you want. And you get out there and you say dumb shit. And it's like, it doesn't matter. This is their desire. Yeah. You know? But then sometimes they're like, oh, no, here's a fucking script. I was at Rachel Feinstein's wedding. Yeah. Tom Papa officiated. Yeah. Dude. He crushed it. I mean, I was like... To the point where I was like, if somebody ever asked me to do it again, I think I might pass. Yeah.

Because that would be in my head. This guy did so good. It was so good. Not only did he crush it, but then Colin Quinn went on after him and zinged him. And they start shitting on each other back and forth. And it's killing. That's amazing. It was epic. Yeah. Wait. Was Colin in the wedding? No. He just did a little speech. Yeah. That was weird, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Are we going to do speeches at yours? No. If you want to, you can. No, like family coming up and being like, I want to read Proverbs. I actually asked my family, and they were like, we're good, we're good. Really? Yeah. It's always the worst part of the wedding. Yeah, I'm probably better off. When the bride's dad is like, oh, I have something to share, and everyone's like, oh, here we go. Yeah. I just wanted to get one. I'm proud of you. Here's another special guest. This is Dirty Lola from Netflix's The Principle of Pleasures. Wow.

She's gonna teach us how to perform cunnilingus properly. Oh, great! We all need help. I get a lot of work. Good to know. I also brought you a present. Ah, jeez. We got you this.

All right. All right. It's a little small. No, but I'm modeling good bro gift giving because these are all tools you'll need for like happy, happy marriage. Happy wife, happy life. Can you open in front of us? Yes. Oh, thank you so much. I'll talk about each thing. All right.

First, we have lube. Oh, God. Good lube. Let me see. This is by Wicked. It's Aqualube, and it's a good all-purpose lube. Spit is great. Yeah. It's not viscous enough. You need lube. It cuts down on friction. Less friction, better sex. And some lube's hurt a woman's vagina. Yes, but this is perfect. Oh, okay. And Mark doesn't believe in foreplay. It's vulva vagina safe. Okay.

Can you use the lube for cunnilingus? Is it flavored? So, I got you flavored lube. Don't you love how Sean goes right to food? Why do you think I'm friends with you, you sandwich shop? So this is flavored lube. This company makes it with agave and things that are vulva, vagina safe. It doesn't have the sugars that can cause yeast infection, so it's great. And it tastes great.

Actually tastes good. Okay. You know, a lot of these taste gross. There's three different ones. There's watermelon, tropical passion, and strawberry kisses. Hey. So you get that. Love it. Pass it down. Can you put it on a sandwich? Do funny flavors. Read it and do funny flavors. No, fuck off. Pepper jack cheese. Do funny flavors.

Pestolabia. Mesquite. You're missing the all-important pastrami. Oh, wow. There we go. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. This is sex oil, but it's vulva-safe massage oil because a lot of massage oils aren't great for vaginas. Okay. This you can use. Not condom-safe. No oil is condom-safe, so...

Just let you know. But perfect for all the things. And you can move into that area. What does that mean, the no oils condoms? Condoms, latex condoms and polyisoprene, which are latex, faux latex, they'll break. They get micro tears. That's where you start getting breakages. You can use polyurethane. Most people aren't going to hunt those down. Yeah. Right. Sometimes you find them at Duane Reade. Sometimes you don't.

Right. So, yeah. A lot of people don't know that, and then they give, like, full-body oil massages, and they put things, and then they're like, how did we have a baby? Got it. Got it. This is for all the condoms you use during your marriage sex, your extracurricular marriage sex. Or not, or not. All right. Thank you. And then...

Because humans have not developed the capability to vibrate, and most women need clitoral stimulation. Oh, yes. I got a lovely vibrator from Dame. It's called the Kip. It's small. You can use it in a lot of different positions. It's pretty, and it doesn't look like a vibrator right away. So just in case you leave it out, nobody's going to be like, can I bring it on a plane? Yes. All right. It's rechargeable, so you don't have to worry about batteries.

So you can charge on the plane, too. You can. They have the USB port. And it's quiet, so you can use it on the plane. Yeah, that's the plan. That's how you join the Mile High Club. Oh.

And then, because all this lube and oil, you have clean up wipes. Ah, smart. So, like, if you're being lazy after sex, you don't want to get out of bed, these are great. Also, vulva safe. Perfect. And the last bit, and we'll talk about this during the class, is a blindfold. Oh. Because blindfolds actually heighten sensation and sensitivity. Okay.

So when you blindfold someone, you activate their other senses. So when you're going down on them, it helps. I remember that from being kidnapped. I was about to say, every pirate, everyone who had to walk the plank. Like, oh, this is amazing.

Because then you don't know it's coming. It's a thrill. I dare you to put the blindfold on before you go down on her. I don't know. See what the reaction is. See if you really know your fiance. Guess which one. Sorry. Blindfold and AirPods. Just put it in. AirPods.

Oh, sorry. I was listening to Rogan. Let me get back down there. To my episode. I feel like that would be a moment where your ears become the steering wheel. Yeah. Yes. Okay. Well, thank you so much. Of course. I'm going to use all this tonight. Break it open. She's out of town. You got to try it out. Yeah. Did you say she's out of town? Just some bachelor party humor. Yeah. Locker room. Pack this on yourself. So what is it? So do you teach cunnilingus?

Yeah. I mean, you know, I give tips. We're going to talk about anatomy because that's important. Hygiene. Nobody thinks about hygiene. No. I think. No? No. How many times have you washed your hands before you had sex?

Oh, you mean me? Yes! Yes! Yes! I mean, now I wash my hands before I wash my hands from the post-pandemic. Right. So, yes. People keeping that up because, like, hands, we touch everything. Yeah. And then you're, like, in the heat of the moment and then you go stick them inside somebody and you were just on the subway. Eee. Gross, right? Yeah. Can I say, I've always been a bigger fan of hands-free cunnilingus. Am I wrong? It's

Okay. Do you want to double? Do. But also, the other part of that is talking to your partner. Like, what are they like? Yeah. You can do sign language without... I really love a game of do you like this? So you do the thing, you give a lick, you give a tug, you give an insert, and you're like, do you like this? And they can say yes or no more, less when you're learning. I bring it up first date before the apps...

It's on your page. I go, lady, I don't got a lot of time. Just lay out what it is you want. No, hey, do it in the... I am a self-proclaimed picky slut. I'm like, hey, I like these things. I do that all the time on OkCupid. I'm like... You're on OkCupid? Are we going to fuck it? I didn't even know that was still going. Yeah. Please keep doing that and spread the word on that.

Because sometimes women don't... There's like this weird thing now where men are... It's not weird. It's just what it is. Like sometimes as a guy, you're afraid to initiate a discussion like that. Yeah. Because you want to be appropriate. You want to be respectful. Yeah. But like even with girls I've dated where they've been like, why didn't we have sex this morning? And I would be like... I didn't know. Because it seemed like you didn't want to. Right. And I'm not going to... In this climate, sit here and be like, hey, what's up with the... You know what I mean? You can like go back...

I've had lovely gentlemen slide into my account and just go like, hey, what are you looking for? And I'm like, oh, I'm looking for hanging out. Or also, I'm down to hook up if we vibe. I always do the, you want to go on a date to see if each other is crazy and somebody's an axmer. That's great. You don't know me either. Yeah, no, exactly. Not gonna lie, when you said slide in my account, I thought, I was like, is account a new word for vagina? No.

I got to make a deposit.

I mean, dude, if we're using... I gotta make a withdrawal from the account. Oh, never mind. I deposited. I gotta go to the sperm bank. It's my new Jewish book of dirty talk. And if somebody's like, no, I'm looking to date, like if that's not what you're up to. And I've had people go, oh, okay, I'm good. Some people want... I'm a divorcee and I've had dudes go like, I'm looking for the one. I'm like, not this one. That's great. But I love... I want to know what you want to do. I've had...

a gentleman, I say whatever, dudes, mans, gentlemen, say, hey, is it okay if I pick a bar near my house? Because if we vibe, it's like a block away. Are you comfortable? If not, I'll pick another place. And I was like, that's, you're really smart. I'm like, yeah, that's cool. We could do that. And then during the date, he's like, hey,

How you feel it. You want to go back to my place? I'm like, it's only a block away. You know, it's talking. It's not going to win. You're not going to win every time. I always pick. I'm not just saying this. I'm not justifying anything. Like, I always pick places near my apartment, but not for that reason, because it's home field advantage. You're like, I want to show this person a good time. And the more comfortable you feel and familiar. You know where it is. Yeah. Yeah. But I think if you want to slide into the like.

going back to your place so that they don't feel like this was a setup. Right, right. Just be like, hey, just full disclosure. I'm, sometimes I'm like, I'm lazy. I pick places near my house too. I'm like, I just don't want to come all the way deep into Manhattan. I live in Coney Island. I'm like, we're going to meet halfway. We're going to meet somewhere else in Brooklyn. Yeah. Yeah. That's, wow.

I've never met anybody that lives in Coney Island. No. Gilbert Gottfried was from there. He's from there? Yeah. Wow. Got the cyclones. That's old battle. And the good hot dogs. I feel like you have to be in the cunnilingus business to live in Coney Island. Right. I'm in cunnilingus. How's the economy here in Coney Island? It's good. A lot of roller coasters.

Coast operators and cunnilingus directors. That's where most of our income comes from. I thought the cyclone was just a giant metaphor for the female orgasm. There's ups, there's downs. There's wood involved. A guy goes back to your place. Do you have all this stuff in the bedside drawer? Well, my bed has drawers underneath it. So one drawer, a whole drawer in my sex drawer.

stuff drawer. And then I also, I'm kinky, so I have a vase on my headboard that's just things you can hit me with. It's a bouquet. A bouquet of pain. I call it. But I'm also, I'm a sex educator. I have a painting of a butt plug over my couch when you walk in my house. There's a nude painting of me over my bed. I'm not hiding who I am. I'm very open about who I am. I'm on TV and do different things. People are like, why do you tell people my...

It's creepy when people figure it out on their own. God bless you. And they're like,

Wait, I want to get back to this bouquet of pain. Yeah. What's in there? Do you mind? No. Crops, paddles. Wow. Mortenberg wheel. Wait, what wheel? It looks like it could be a dental instrument. It's got little spikes on it. You roll it over the skin. Oh, sure, sure, sure. Boy. Sure, sure, sure. There's just all kinds of things you can hit people with. Sometimes I hit people with it. That's pretty bad. Bouquet of Pain is also an amazing album title. Yeah.

The deftones. Right. K of pain. Sounds like something Pinhead would say in Hellraiser. Yes. I'm for it. I love if when guys, I go back and they already have stuff set up, I'm like,

I'm like, oh, I love an organized man. Like, I'm into it. I prefer the pain to be over a long period in the relationship. I like it to build up. I like the bouquet to be emotional. Get a little of both. I like all natural, no props. Like a Ray Rice. Yeah, there you go.

I remember when the Ray Rice incident happened on YouTube. You would look it up to watch it because I was curious. And there would be ads before. And I was like, there's people making money off this shit. Yeah. That's insane. Was Ray Rice the elevator one? Yeah. Yeah, okay. That hurt on a lot of levels. All right. I'll see you all in hell. Yeah. Any cunnilingus tips, though, while you're here? Because I think we could all learn something. Yeah, what do we do? Yes.

Hate to see a guy go down like that. So many things. I bought a chart. Whoa. Matt, can we zoom in on this when we have the chart? I have a chart. I also, so this is what the Clarisse looks like on the inside.

What? Yeah, so the clitoris isn't just a little nub on the outside. It's actually like the TARDIS, bigger on the inside. It's got lungs. Yeah, it's got legs and bulbs. So this is the bit that would be outside. Look. Oh, look. Learning aids. So that's the part you see. But this is all inside. So this is behind the pubic mound. So it's also a system of veins and nerves, just everything running. And it runs all around the like...

Yeah.

When you put your fingers inside, because you say hands-free, the G-spot is just the button to the inner clitoris. So you are doing an A-B combo when you have your tongue on the outside and your finger on the inside. It's like Mortal Kombat. Yes. You get special moves. Finish her. Yes, yes, exactly. That's the

That's what happens. Is that why? I saw a thing Nina Hartley did once because she's like the master of all sex. She's amazing. Yeah. She's great.

But I saw a thing when she was like, when she would like go down on a girl and I started to do it and it worked, which would take like the sides of the vagina and like kind of like put pressed, like, you know, like kind of press them in words. Oh yeah. And, and then the video, the girl went crazy. And then when I tried it, it worked. I was like, I,

I was like, I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing. You're applying pressure to that. Is it because of that thing behind what we see? Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, that's amazing. Because when women get aroused, it grows. It engorges. Same. It's fat and juicy and it's ready. So it's the more pressure you apply or when dudes are always like, why do girls like wands? And it's because it has a big head and you can apply pressure and you're pressing it against your body and it has a lot of surface area.

So you're getting like a whole, you're not just hitting this, you're getting. Got it. Fat and juicy, kind of like the sandwiches, the Joey Roses. Lower east side, guys. Give it a look. One down to Joey Rose. Get the sloppy rose beef.

Michael Michael Michael Che Is it called the beef cartons? Michael Michael Che legitimately on several occasions now has tried to convince me to do a sandwich called the titty sandwich that's duck breast chicken breast and turkey breast Why won't you? I'm just like Mike it's a sandwich shop that like sometimes families come in I can't have a thing called the titty sandwich Just put a big bar over it

It's just, it has no ring to it. It just doesn't, it's just not a good name for something. The first meal any of us have is a titty. That's true. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway, sorry. I thought that story would be better. Garcon, can I have another one of these things? I'm still thinking about the pressing of the lips. The pressing of the lips? Do you want a drink, by the way? Yes, please. We're terrible hosts. Get her a paper page. We also have, you know, everybody's labia is different sizes. Like the labia majora is the outside of the vulva, what you see. Then you have the inner labia. Oh, he's going to go jerk off.

Sorry. Some people's labia is, you know, smaller. Some is larger. But like, and some people just like balls. Some people like their labia sucked, played with. This is a conversation again, because like, not everybody likes their balls played with. Not everybody wants their labia played with. I want both played with. You do. I thought that was a vote for the no, because you were like, not me. Play with my balls and labia. I'm in all of it.

Thanks, Joe. It's like the vagina talk. Yeah. Thanks, Joe. That was awesome. Do it again. Lamb chops. Oh, my God. That's. Okay. So what do we do with the clit? Sometimes I go too hard on it.

You tell it will never amount to anything. You're never going to make it. You're nothing like your brother. This is where Lube comes in and

And also file your nails. Like if you're putting your hands, you don't hang nails or just sharp nails or get some black nitrile gloves. They're not just for serial killers. They're really sexy. And they just keep it where if you're not going to go get a manicure, you can just put them on. It's like a scuba suit for a scuba diver. Oh, got it. Smooth entry. It cuts down on any nicks or things because you feel everything. So they feel even when you think your fingers are okay, they're like, oh, my God.

What was that? It can be really sharp. So using lube, because that's going to cut down on the friction. And the more you use it, it helps you pass over it in an easier way. Okay. And you can slowly apply pressure. Same thing with your tongue, right? You want to start out with lighter licks and then apply pressure. And you can do it with just sticking your tongue out really hard, but also using the flat of your tongue. Yeah. Yeah.

Like you're eating ice cream. Got it. Right. Less like you're trying to dig a hole and more like you're like eating ice cream, like broad strokes. And you can get more concentrated when you like tighten your tongue. Oh, got it. Just a speed. Yeah. Speed applies. I mean, it's going with the motion of the person you're with. So like, where are you in it? How are they? Like, if they're like more, then you can add more speed. You can add more pressure. Yeah.

Being able to switch direction. Yeah. Also, though, kind of pay attention because sometimes you're doing great and you go, I'm going to do this now. And we're like, but why? Oh, yeah. The other thing was... Right. You're like, you get an idea and we're like, nope, you were fine. Right. Okay. Because a lot of times as a guy, I think, hey, it's going well. I'll double down. Right. And that's the opposite. Right. Because it wasn't needed. Yes. It wasn't... You were doing great. You could...

I've had somebody give me like do the finger thing. They go like, yeah, while they're going. And I'm like, yeah, you're good. Or we talk about that beforehand. All right. These are like the sexy conversations. I mean, also as a couple, you can make up your own language. Like when she pulls her hair, what does that mean? If she pulls your ears, what does that mean? Oh, yeah. That's like a picture. Yes. Yeah. Hey, yeah.

Oh, hell yeah. There you go. There it is. Thank you. Thank you, buddy. Hey, keep them coming there, Big Jew. Big Jew is crushing it here. He's the King of Conilingus in Staten Island. A lot of people don't know that. This is really good. What's in this? This is the Bodega Cat Paper Plain. So it's the traditional specs of a paper plain, but made with our own We Might Be Drunk Bodega Cat rye. So it's Aperol, Amaro Nonino, lemon juice, and rye whiskey. I've never heard of a paper plain.

You need it. Hey, today we are all on a paper plane. Yes. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers, everybody. I'm going to perform cuddlingas on this thing. Dude, drink this like I eat pussy. Let me dip my nose in it real quick. Have some things so you can practice. Oh, bring it on. God, I'm so afraid. Are we practicing? Oh, my God.

Pass them. Take one. Pass them around. Oh, my God. Wow. That's a big puss. Yeah, that's a fucking... Look at that. Hell, yeah. That's engorged. This is what Melania's pussy looks like after Donald eats it. You're the birthday boy. All right. You go for it.

He doesn't like fruit. No, it's for you guys. Yeah, let me see. So what do we do? I want you to start like teasing, right? It's the beginning. Give it, but no, not, that's the, you're at the anus. Go to the top. I mean, that's where he starts. I always go anus first. No, but don't flip it around. If you were eating

pussy if you were in position what would you do you'd bring the pussy to your face don't bite it don't bite it yeah but yeah now lick but stick your tongue out more than your chin yes okay yeah yeah light licks yeah

Think about... This is actually pretty hot. Now, what if you were eating soft serve? Like, give it that, like, big... It's melting. I'll be honest. I pictured the scruff of either of your beers hitting my nuts, and it made me tingle a little bit. I gotta be honest. I feel like that'd be nice on a lady. Sure. What about this? I gotta hold...

patch for you. I'm not against it. I'm not against it. I'm going to eat your pussy after this. And don't be afraid to really get your face in there, right? This isn't even being filmed. This is a long con to get you to eat my fucking pussy finally. What?

I'm allergic to cantaloupe. It took 12 years. You don't have to just focus on the clit. You can also go for the vaginal. Dirty Lola's going to leave and we're going to be horny. We're going to fuck each other. Yeah, you got that right. You do have melons, I'm just saying. You know. I have fucked a melon. Have you? Oh, yeah. Did you finish inside it? Yes, and I put it back in the fridge. Oh, no. No, I'm joking.

You're like, for later. But you also can lick around the vaginal opening. Now, this is where doing a tight tongue formation, like a stiff tongue, and going inside. Yes. Because that shallow pellet penetration, we love that shit. Like, right at the opening, you hear that. Oh, really? That, have you not, right when you first put your dick inside somebody, there's always that, like, moment. Yes. I hope. Yeah. Yeah, well, I got a lot of you in yet. I hope you get it.

So, like, that kind of sensation is really lovely. So, if you are going hands-free. Is it weird if I'm the one that makes that sound, though? No, because it feels great. It feels great. Moaning into it because vibration. That is a way you can create sensation. Like a yodel. You could run bits on it. Not yodel. Like a deep, like, mmm. Okay. Oh.

This is for the ladies listening. Whoa. Sit on your speaker. Do the stern thing. What produce do women practice on for blowjobs? Usually either bananas or cucumbers. I'm allergic to bananas, so I usually bring cucumbers. But also, too, a banana seems too fragile, right? It has a harder skin outside. You don't take the skin off. What about the curve? How do you feel about a curvy dick? I mean... Aren't they all curved?

No. Sometimes they're straight. We got a real boomerang here. Sometimes they curve left. Sometimes they, like a hard curve. Sometimes, but the curves up. I know one, Ryan.

Mine looks right back at me. Hey, that's a magic dick right there. That's good. You're going to hit that spot. That looks right back at me. You can also get into those anterior fornices, a.k.a. the A-spot. It's the spot between your cervix. There's a gap as you're going to the cervix. I usually think they've been in a Republican still. Yeah. That's pretty cool. So many things. Okay. How long is long enough?

And be honest. I don't. Like this here. Is that enough? Oh, every penis has a purpose. Oh, that's a good foundation. Yeah. I'm not like some smaller penises are great for anal. I'm like, that's a penis made for anal. Because you're like, I'm not going to mind that. Let's do it. Hey, this is great. Or just also everybody shaped differently, positioning, moving, putting the hips up.

Can change where you're hitting, how deep. Not everybody wants deep because the back of your vagina is the cervix. That shit hurts. Some people like it, but nobody wants you to keep punching it all the time. Especially if you're not warmed up yet. So shallower, more mid-range can be great. It's different for everyone. Some people, there are size queens and they know what they like. But I've had a myriad of...

Okay. Like everybody has their gifts. They have the things they know how to do well. Sure. It's not the size of the boat. It's how you drive it. Right. If you understand how to use it. Yeah. Size becomes moot. Yes. I tell myself this every day. And when you ask how long for cuddling is, if you are in no shade, like sometimes people just don't last a very long time. And so that's just a way to elongate because the more you warm up,

towards orgasm. Sometimes you might get an orgasm during oral. It's great because you probably might get one to roll in after during penetration. But like the more you can have things happening before penetration, penetrations like

It's not even the whole sundae. It's like this is part. This is a part of the dessert. But like everything else is happening. The making out, the going down, the fingers, the toys, doing things, changing positions. All of that is like all of that is sex. It's all a part of sex. So it really comes down to like how much they need. Sometimes you'll get me like, okay, you're in. Like I don't want more. I want this. I want dick. I don't know if you've ever been pulled up. It's time to get in the game. Oh, yeah. I love the pull-up. Yeah.

So sometimes they'll let you know when it's... Do women, are they more likely to come not during sex? Would you say like normally is it fingers or cunnilingus? It's like definitely penetration alone is kind of a rare thing. For most women, not all. There's some women who come during...

penetration and that's really easy for them but it's just how we're put together we need clitoral stimulation and where the g-spot is or the access the access hatch to the interclitoris isn't always placed in a way that through penetration you're gonna get it so like that's why I love a vibe because like while you're penetrating if somebody can also be using a vibrator you're more likely to get an orgasm than sex and there's different kinds of orgasms like not all of them are like the big fireworks or

penetrative orgasms tend to be like these weird rolling that's where you get like the convulsing where you're like oh my god are you having an exorcist moment yes sometimes you come it's like an art house indie film yeah yeah I felt that yes it's okay two stars great yeah great good

All right. I think I got a real Peter Dinklage situation. Like it's smaller, but there's a lot of talent. And a big head? A huge head. They make dildos like that. Really? Oh, yeah. Also, there's like a... Yeah, you said it best. I feel like women have... There's such a... There's 15 different types of orgasm a woman can have, whereas a guy is basically just like... Right. Okay, it's done. Done here. Just...

My dick's more of a wee man. It's small, but it'll go anywhere. It'll do anything. It'll take a hit and keep going. Yeah. And Steve-O's seen it. Also, like, don't be afraid to do things out of people think there's an order. Like, oral doesn't have to be before. Okay. Out of order. Yeah. So finger the ass, then put the fingers in her mouth. Whatever, whatever.

For me, I like making out. I like penetration. I don't come that way. But then after, I like oral and then a toy. Usually, I'm like, get things out of the bag. I'm instructing. And I'm like, here's the dildo. Here's the thing I want. And then my partner's in the wedding. Do you like to sit on a face?

I will. Yeah, that's fine. And then I will say, if you want that, you have to be very encouraging because especially if it's a bigger girl, they're worried they're going to kill you. Some people don't care. And they're like, whatever. He smothers. Sure. But, you know, so it's like I think they make queening chairs for that.

It's like a chair with straps and it has a gap in the middle. And you would lay under. You'd slide in under. I like that. And then they sit on your face. Sounds like it would be really good for my neck because I have neck problems. That could be, yeah. But it creates a different positioning for giving oral. So if you don't want to be on your belly and you want to be on your back and they're not too comfortable sitting on face like that, they make cheaper ones that you can buy that you can...

Put together that way. Sometimes I'll bang the lady and then I don't want to bust yet, so I'll pull out and go down on her. Yeah. She doesn't like that. Well, it's because she wasn't ready. Yeah, she's like, well, no, that's weird. Or, and some people have weirdness about because your dick was there. These are where conversations, like, I have that, like, how do you feel about...

Kissing me after I've gone down. Right. I'm fine. I'm fine with everything. Put your face in my face. Those are things that you talk because then you don't want to have that like, no, why would you do that? Yeah. Okay. We don't talk. You can talk.

This is all good advice. We text. Text it. Text it. All right, we'll text. That's some great... That is some hot-ass sexting. Like, hey. Oh. I got a couple questions. So women do get horny. Yes. Interesting. Yes, yes, we do. I haven't seen it. Some of us, more than others, some of us need a lot more brain activation. So like Chinese ladies with the garbage bags full of cans, you think they're horned up? I...

Somebody. They must be, right? Why do you think they're in bars selling cigarettes for $8? Trying to get some. $8? What is this, 1998? You think you can get cigarettes for $8? That's the hustle, though. That's what they do. They sell $8? They usually come in and they'll have them for like $10 or whatever because it's like, buy them for me, it's cheaper. They get them from North Carolina. In a New York bodega, what do cigarettes go for? $20 now. $16 now.

Probably. In Manhattan? I quit about a year ago. They were around $16. Manhattan sometimes they try to get you if it's a good brand for $20. Also, Dunhill's or whatever. Also, sometimes... Gloria Swanson? She's a good brand. Also, they have porn.

Those Chinese ladies. Oh, really? I mean, back then they used to have DVD porn. Yeah, they used to pull the DVD stacks out. Oh, that's fun. You'd buy cigarettes. I always bought them from that lady that would come into Cabin. Cabin. Oh, yeah, man. She used to love bootlegs. We kept her in business for years. Oh, yeah. But now they're streaming. So now it's like... Yeah. I know. Simple fucking times. Those were the days. Do you watch porn with your soon-to-be? No.

Is she anti? She gets off. She'll watch Modern Family and hit the hit the vibe. I mean, hey, Ed O'Neill. He's a daddy. He can do it. Would you fuck Ed O'Neill? Really? Who's your number one? I don't know. I like I'm digging older men. When that picture of Steve Carell with the beard came out, I was like, oh,

Steve Carell's a good looking guy. But with the beard, it was like, hey, daddy. I get it. I get it. My favorite porn is mature women. I love milfs. A hot chick. What's mature? What's your age? Honestly, I get mad when they're like 35. Right. Give me a fucking break. But if it's a chick, I love them. Nina is fantastic. 60 year old. Oh, wow. Nina Hartley still does it for me. That's so fucking amazing. You like the walker?

The walkers? Oh, okay. Well, a walker depends. Listen. Folks. Wow. Herschel. Where's the goddamn rim shot?

The older women is still like they're like doing legs over the head. Older men are like, I got this one for you. I date a lot of older men and I'm like, okay, what window are we into now? Silver Fox. Yes. Blue Chew is a game changer for these old guys. Are you taking it? No, I mean, I don't need it now. I'm still in my 30s. But I have friends who are younger than us who take it.

Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I have just to see how, and it works. It's like a 14-year-old thing. Dude, I did it once. I did a Cialis once. I remember. It was just, it was kind of crazy. Like, it felt unnatural, but I get it. Yeah, it's like. It's just like a. Cialis is nice, though, because it works when you need it. Like.

I guess that was true. Like you're just hard. You're praying it goes away after four hours. See, Alice is like, you can access it when you want to use. But I felt it was like once it was up, it was like, please go away now. When I did Blue Chew, it didn't have that effect on me. Like I had sex on it. I never done a Blue Chew. Hours after I did it. Yeah. Took it. I took it because I was really tired and this girl wanted to hang out.

But it didn't. We had sex once and I was like done. I was like, what? Just nothing. I fucking love you, DeRosa. Yeah, I just love that. Oh, you want to, she wants to get coffee? I should take some blue cheese. You don't know. You never know. Once she gets caffeinated, the panties come off. Whoa! We were in Vegas and she was like, let's hang out and party all day tomorrow. And I was like,

I was supposed to go home that day. You changed the flight for it? I was living in LA and I was driving, but I was just like, well, my hotel's up, so I don't know. You know, it was one of those things where you're kind of like thinking. She's like, come stay with me. Come on. I'm going to get a bunch of blow. We're going to party. And I was like, fuck it. That's what I took a picture of. So wait, did you hypothetically do the blow?

No, I did do it. I literally did it. Listen, I don't know. I probably shouldn't have. Now in hindsight, I'm like, I'm probably going to die. You did blue chew and coke? Yeah, Jesus Christ. Your poor heart. Did your dick rip? Do you have a rip in your cock?

No, we went to a weed awards ceremony. Your poor fucking heart. I know. Your heart is like Ned Beatty in Deliverance. I'm thinking back on how dumb it was. I've done some real dumb shit in my life. Your sexual escapades are either highly pornographic and amazing or shitty rom-com. I love it so much.

You know, like sometimes I was banging this chick on a private plane or I spent three weeks with this girl and then she left me. That's true. I spent three weeks paying for this girl. She flew in from Italy. I told her I loved her. I wrote a song and then she was gone. Wait, you do all of this with a sandwich shop? That's it. Good fucking sandwiches. No, but I'm a comic. I'm a comic too. I don't just, yeah. That's not the...

No, no, no. It used to be. We got grandfathered in when you could still make money doing stuff. Yeah. Podcasting's a motherfucker too, though. You can't believe the money you make podcasting. Yeah, it's interesting. It's nuts. It's wild. Look at the studio. They've moved these guys in too. Yeah, especially if you know Sal. Especially if your podcasting mate's already hyper famous. It helps. Doesn't hurt. There's a fly on this vagina right here. Look at that.

Hey, you know, some women are into that. It lands right on the clitoris. It starts doing that thing. What do you think they're doing? They're doing this with their hands? This is a moment.

Do you feel equipped? Yes. I actually, yeah. I feel better, actually, yeah. Can I say something? Yes. And I understand why it's slanted in this direction. Uh-oh. But I noticed every gift is for her. It's not. But there's, you know what I mean? No, he can also get a massage. Flavored lube is great on a dick. Okay. All right, fair enough. And I get to fuck the cantaloupe. But I noticed there wasn't anything like helmet jelly or something like that. No.

You can use that lube. You can use that lube. All right, fair enough. You don't want to mix... Here's the thing. Penises actually have skin. They don't really have mucus membranes. So less shit affects you. Then, like, the whole... Once you get past the outer vulva, like, it's all mucus membranes. Got it. Your pH gets thrown off if you...

do the wrong thing. If you drink something, go down, you know, it's wrong lube. So you want to be careful so that you can keep having the sex. But all of these things can work with a penis. I also think, but I also think too that, and I swear to God, I'm not saying this for points.

with the feminine gender. But I do think that when you live in a society that is so slanted and sexist for so long, there does need to be the focus on sexual pleasure needs to be swung the other way because it was not explored to the extent for women that it was for men. But also, you can use a vibrator on your ball. Right? Really? Listen, you could come. Mark, you could stick that in your ass. That big dildo right there? That's true. Anything goes, buddy. Yeah.

Mark, you could suck that dildo. Mark, suck it. Mark, suck that. All right.

But the vibrator. That was terrible. You can just use it, run it up and down the shaft of your cock and you can have an orgasm that way. With this? No, with the vibrator. Oh, okay. On your balls. That's a good point. Now they're catching on the vibes. Male vibrators? Yeah. Okay. But you can use that for the same thing. So everything in this bag is interchangeable.

This is a dirty Lola. You rule. Yeah. That was awesome. Thanks. Thank you so much for coming in. This is amazing. I saw it. I predicted it. Are you single at the moment? Um,

I'm polyamorous and I practice solo poly so I have a partner in California and I'm just dating here. Can we plug you in a social we could plug or something? Yeah, so I'm on Instagram and Twitter at Dirty Lola and my website is DirtyLola.co Check her out, folks. And I do these classes so I'm in New York. Are those breast implants? I'm sorry, I got... Yeah, squeeze them if you want.

All right, out of all of us, who would you fuck first? The hat, then the glasses. But you also have a nice beard. It's the zaddy. I am freshly single. Wait, what? You know this. No. You guys broke up? Oh, am I fucking saying this on a podcast? What? Yeah, it's all good. We're good. It's all good. It's a good thing. Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry. No, that's terrible. No, no, no. The good thing is he takes a giant gulp of a cocktail. There's no way to talk about it without everyone sort of like having the same reaction. But yeah, we like amicably ended things a while back. Well, we called you here to meet a little while back. May? May.

What? No. We still hang out. We're still very cool. We're close. But like- Sean is just a guy that always, in our defense, Sean's a guy that always acts like everything's perfect. Yeah. Nothing's wrong. Scorpio. He hides his feelings. Yeah. Okay. No, everything's good. We're still cool. We're still super cool. Well, here, buddy. Eight and a half years and now single, so I'm like learning-

The ropes again. Oh, my God. Well, this is perfect timing. I do a dating class if you need help with your dating profile. Hey, you know what, Sean? Fuck it. Hey, there you go. I'm good. That's the first time you've eaten fruit.

If it wasn't on top of shredded pork, yeah. Oh, you're great. Thank you. Big fan. Thank you so much. Thank you. Nice review, a nice text, a tweet. Happy wedding. I'm going to look up your website. Please do. Hell yeah. Thank you for the bag. Of course. Enjoy. All right. I'm going to send you a video of her jizzing.

Don't tease me. I got to pee real quick. One more. I'm sure it's very psyched. Yeah, there's a lot of that. I can't believe it's going to be a video of Emilio giving her seven minutes. Folks, listen. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Seven minutes is more than I give her. Hey, listen. Hey. Oh, that's insider. Can I? Yeah. Oh, wait. Is this all secret? What? Like who your lady is inside? No, no. No, people don't. Is it? I'm really asking this. I'm not being a smartass.

Is it tough that you both are doing comedy stuff? Like, does that make it tough? Well, it's good and bad. It's ups and downs. Because the good is, like, we can talk comedy. Right. I don't have to be like, oh, that's comedy. She doesn't know about that. So she gets all the comedy stuff. That's correct. So that's nice. Now... The bad is, at what point do you...

Step in. Don't step in. Help. Don't. I would. That's what I said. I think it's not just because you want anyone, especially she's been doing it. What? You've been doing it a while. She's only been doing it a little bit. Yeah, a little bit. A couple of years. She's going to be way more. It's going to benefit her immensely to do it on her own. I agree. I agree. But it looks bad. How about this? And I'm like, ah.

I don't know about that. Think about the people we know who've helped significant others that ultimately did not help them. Good point. Good point. You know what I mean? Very good point. I think keeping it separate is great. You know who's a great example of that is Sarah Silverman and- Kimmel? No, no, no. Rory Albanese. Rory. Oh, right. You know, like they have their own stuff.

And I say this respectfully about... They're both established, though. But I say this respectfully about Rory. Rory is much more established in the sort of writing side of things. Yeah. Sarah is a bona fide celebrity. Sure. They both have their own thing. But the point is, is like...

They did their own stuff and they got their own stuff. And you don't see them... They don't have a podcast together and all this shit. Right, right. I mean, Joe and Sarah. Huh? Joe and Sarah. Yeah. Liston Tolomache. I guess they've been doing it probably. Oh, oh. They've been running... I knew Sarah from New Orleans days. They're a great example of it. It's very, very separated. I think it's good.

And she's cool, dude. I think she gets that. She's a good egg. Yeah. I'm a lucky guy. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think she definitely understands. But yeah, every now and then, I think the struggle when you're new is so rough. You know, you don't know what's going to happen. Of course. Am I going to get anything? Am I going in the right direction? Blah, blah, blah. You know the whole fucking idea, the greatest generation, I think, was the one that coined the phrase, I just don't want my kids to have to struggle like I did. Mm.

but that ruined an entire generation that ruined the boomers because the struggle is what made them the greatest generation right yes yes so i look at it as like yeah it is fucking hard it's i'm gonna go tom hanks in fucking a league of their own it's supposed to be hard the hard is what makes it great but like that's the point it's like it was easy if you start fucking knocking out the hard yeah then they just pop to the

generation those like even fucking guys like JD Salinger were in the war like Ted Williams in the world Brooks is in the yeah Elvis Jonathan Winters yeah that's marine I know but this you imagine can you imagine the front lines being this I mean you that guy the left look at the maybe beard you but there were us for

in the room no no dude the pent-up fucking rage just between DeRosa and I is enough to form a fucking infantry yeah good point we would be on like a predator squad where they'd be like we sent Sean and Joe to the jungle if we're like yeah we're like we don't know what they're doing you'd be on customer service with the AR-15 rep these jam all the time what the

fuck man I feel like if we're still team six you're the sniper you're back you're demolitions you're running around I'm probably intel I'm the guy you know just opening their eyes on the wall oh yeah that is you and Joe you're the breacher you're the guy who just runs in there loud fucking aggressively yeah breacher lawson where'd he go god

Damn it. There's always cigars. Yeah. But I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. This is the beautiful, in my opinion, for whatever it's worth, the beautiful medium that you can have with your partner, which is you can say to her, you will always be supported. You will always have a safety net. I am here for you 1000% and through every emotional step of this insane journey, you're going through it.

And that can be completely separate from, but go out there and earn your own stuff. Yeah. 100%. Those are two different things. I agree. I agree. And that's a beautiful thing you can offer somebody. I think so. But sometimes a lady might see, like, you're not helping me as a dig. Or you don't respect me. There's also ways you can help that aren't like, let me call this club booker and give you a headline. Yeah, that was nice when you let her sell merch at your show. Yeah. But there's...

You can sit down and like have conversation and be like, hey, maybe, look, you know, advice is always helpful. Yeah. And also like, yeah, there are definitely ways where you could step in and be like, hey, this is an unfair situation. I'll balance that out. There's lots of ways to help, Mark, as you can see here.

Yeah, there you go. Lube, lube, lube, lube, lube. I think the kind of support that you can give her is so much more valuable than, oh, I'm going to bring you on the road with me to open or something. Right, right. I mean, my ex does musical comedy stuff, but that was the greatest part was we both understood the road. Very different. Was where it was like, hey, I'll see you. I won't see you for two weeks. It'll be good. Right.

It's nice when they get it. Nothing worse than a girlfriend's like, what? You're going out again? It's dinner time. You're like, that's when I go to work. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but we can't go to a movie. I had dinner at three. Yeah. Dinner is a sign of stability, I think, in a relationship. For sure. To a lot of people. It is. But you're also, you guys. Goddamn right it is. All of us, and I've been arguing this a lot lately with comics people.

We're all at a place in our careers where you don't have to go. You can be there for dinner at this point. You don't have to be out every night doing spots. We all don't have to be running around doing four sets on a Tuesday anymore. It's stupid. There's a new crew of people. There's a new class of people. They're coming in. It's their turn now. Let them have their turn. We're all going on the road. We're all doing our thing. We all have carte blanche to a certain extent. We all have places that we can drop in on if we want to.

We can regulate the amount of sets at this point. Yes. It gets to a point where it becomes this obsessive, compulsive fraternity code. Yeah. Don't you think it's hard to shut off? I agree with you. I think you're 100% right. But Mark and I have talked about this a lot is that Mark and I were so used to doing those five sets a night that I'm just starting to shut it off.

I found it incredibly easy to shut off. Who the fuck wants to be sitting there doing that? I did eight spots on Saturday. It just sounds miserable to me. No, but it worked. It was one of those situations where just the balance and the timing worked out beautifully. Sure, that's amazing. But it was one that was like, I know now, like, oh, this is a lightning in a bottle situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it doesn't normally do. But I also like... Was it a cellar jumping around room to room? It was...

Brooklyn Comedy Club, New York Comedy Club, Stan Seller. Just like, perfect, not having to run. But it was one of those situations where you're like, this is great, but this is also too much. Yeah. Like five spots is better, I think, but also at the same time. You're like, did I say this joke? I know. It's just nuts. It's sitting... Excuse me. I...

I was out with Paul Italia last night, who owns a stand, and we have the bar together. We went out, we were talking, and I said, I just was like, hey, man, you're not going to see me for a little while at the club. Right.

And he was like, why? And I go, because I go, because it's gotten to a point where it's just becoming about the cash grab. Like, I have my new hour. I'm going on the road and I'm doing it. I don't have a ton of new stuff I want to work on because I'm perfecting the hour on the road. I don't want to break the hour up into pieces in New York. Uh-huh.

And the stuff that I'm doing when I get on your stage or the seller's whatever is just stuff to fill 15 minutes. I don't get there's no when I need to work again, I'll be back. You know what I mean? That's kind of it. You don't feel like you lose it over like a week of taking off. No, I think I think the with the amount that we're all talking at all times and performing in our own ways at all times between the podcast and radio and

But that's different than Santa. It is. But I think this concept that you're going to somehow lose your mojo, you know what I mean? Because you take...

five or six days off from stand-up before you go on your next road gig is so insane. To me, that's as absurd as Austin Powers losing his mojo. You know what I mean? Like, it's crazy. It's like, guys, we know, you know what you're doing. But I guess here's the thing, too. I do like that.

though i do like for me i'm like oh i like my four or five spots a night though i do too if you like it that's fine yeah but i i just remember a time i remember a time when i was the guy desperately trying to get the four or five spots yeah yeah and i remember uh somebody saying to i won't say who it was because i don't want to blow up anybody's spot but i remember somebody saying to me going yeah you know why you can't get four spots a night

Because these fucking guys have made it part of their income. That is not what this is meant for. No, I agree with that. You're supposed to... This is not meant for guys that have been doing it for 20-odd years to take up all the spots every fucking week. It's not about income for me. For me, the road is the income. For me, the city spots are the...

Like, let me just make sure this shit isn't hacked. Let me be on a line with a lot of comments. But when you're working on stuff. Let me fine tune it. Sure. We're always working on stuff. That's the thing. Yeah. I agree with what Mark just said. We're always fucking trying to hone shit. We're always trying to be like, hey, does this work? It is hard. It gets harder to break up the hour as you've been doing it longer. Yes. But the bits get longer. You don't find when you get to the home stretch, like, I'm going to do my new hour for New York for the festival. Mm-hmm.

And then I'll probably shoot it or I will... So you're not going to be at Mark's wedding? No, I'll be... No, I'm doing it and then flying down the next day, actually. Okay.

Wait, are you coming in early to the city? My plan is to come Wednesday and stay a couple extra nights. Hey, make a meal out of it. Come Tuesday. I can't say why. I can't. That's when the show ends. But my point is... I'll try to come Tuesday. Come Tuesday, buddy. We'll see. I booked Wednesday, but maybe I'll change it up. I got to book it, actually. I got to book the flight. You got a hotel? Stavi Baby and I, we booked our flight. I think Ari's getting a big house. Be prepared to drop fucking three grand because they...

Airlines know what they're doing when they're like, oh, you're trying to go to New Orleans in November or any time of the year? Five grand. I just spent $2,200 on a round-trip flight to Lexington, Kentucky. Dude! Kentucky will just fucking rape you. My Skankfest flight for Vegas was like $800.

$800. And I was like, it's Vegas. It'll be like $16 each way. Who cares? And it was fucking like... You feel like the city is the deal with the airport, you know? I had to truncate the stay because the full stay was like $1,300. What? That airport has fucking slot machines. That airport's making money. Yeah, right? But...

I hear you. I hear you about it. It's not about the, I hear you. I think, I find that, this is my opinion. I find that in the home stretch of the hour. Real quick, I just got to point this out real quick. I was here doing a podcast, another podcast. They're like, come stop in. I'm like, yeah, I'll go in for a second. I got therapy. What time? It was supposed to be at three, but we pushed it to four. Oh, okay. Hey, folks, this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com.

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I don't know. Maybe we just all operate differently, but I just feel like...

You get to the point where you're like, this new hour is really strong and here's where it needs to be and that's it. And it's like, a part of my brain just starts to turn off where I go, oh, that could be a bit. We'll see. I don't know. I don't know what the next thing is going to be. Like, I'll jot down a note, but I don't feel like I have to run out this week and do four. Can I tell you I disagree with this a little bit? Sure. I totally hear what you're saying. But I think...

The city sets are 15 minutes, so it's kind of like, okay, this shit can stand in an hour on the road for the people that are paying to see me. But in the city, they're not paying to see me. They're just paying to see a comedy show. Paying to see comedy. So it's that, plus can it hold its own in 15 minutes following a guy at the cellar like Daniel Simonson who's going to annihilate because his shit is great, or Greer Barnes who's going to annihilate because he's a murderer. Yeah.

Can it hold its own following those dudes? That's what Ari says. Agreed. I argue the most about this with Ari. Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? We do. I do. I think my act works. No, your act does work. For my people, in an hour. Can it work? I think this is why a lot of comics lose their fastball is because they're talking like you're talking. No, I disagree. You lose your fastball because in the downtime when you're building...

I already did that when I was building the hour. I got to keep doing it? That's stupid. Well, what about new material? New material will come when I'm ready to put this hour down and start working on a new hour again. That's what I'm saying. It's turning off the switch of I have to keep writing constantly at all times because if I don't, I'm a shark not moving and I'll die. Yes. I don't agree with that.

I already did what you're saying in building the hour in doing the 15 minute sets. There becomes this obsessive thing where it's like, if I don't keep doing that though, if I don't keep running these 15 minute sets of the hour that's already crushing,

Then I'm somehow not a real comic. I'm somehow going to lose this. We didn't say that. No, no, no. No, no, no. I think that's how some guys are. I'm not saying me. I'm just saying in general, I think people start to feel like, because this is what you do as a comic. I think people operate differently. Sure.

Kyle Kinane, who is, I think, one of the best out there. I fucking love him. I think he's fucking brilliant. But he's a guy like you. He likes to just do his hour. He likes to get out there. But he's also so just naturally fucking hysterical. You all are. Right. But I mean, Kyle is a guy who, I'm not going to say it's confidence. I'm just going to say it's who he is. He doesn't need. This is what I'm saying. Russ Meneve said to me once. I think we're saying two different things. Russ Meneve said to me once.

He goes, he goes, I was like doing like the late show or something and he was kind of giving me like a hard time about doing the late show. And I go, whatever. And I went up on the late show and I came off stage and he goes, how'd it go? And I go, oh, I killed. And he goes, oh yeah, really? The jokes still work? And it's like, yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm saying you do what Sam, what you just said to build the hour. Once it's built...

Enjoy you take it out you get to now just do this show your approach is healthier as a human I'm just saying as a comic at it. I go two days without a set and I feel really yeah, like I that's why I say there's a subconscious thing working that says

If I don't keep doing it, I'm somehow letting myself down as a comic. But it's nice to have an outlet. I get nutty if I stay at home for a day and a half. I want to get out there. After I do a set, I'm like, I feel better. That's right. It's not just about working it out. I like it. I enjoy it. But you don't think that's an addictive in some way? I'm sure it is. Sure. But it's a healthy addiction. But you also don't... Well, is it? Well...

I don't think it's unhealthy. Like, I think, like, I actually like... It's better than drinking. Well, of course. But sometimes I'm like, oh, fuck, I really want to work on this bit more.

And I know the only way to do it is to go out and do a fucking... That's a different story. That's how it is for me. Yes, I do have those... You say run the hour. I do have those nights where it's like this fucking addictive. But sometimes I'll do that where I'm like, I'm going to do 15 minutes I already know works. But I love that shit sometimes. I think comedians... I do. I love it all the time. I think a lot of comedians...

are like obsessive AA attendees after a while where a guy goes, I got 35 years. I go to six meetings a day. It's like, bro, if you can't navigate it after 35 years without going to six meetings a day, you got another crutch in your life. Now you can say that that crutch is healthier than the previous crutch, which is booze. But for Christ's sakes, man, you get...

You got other shit you need to work on. But I feel like... That's my thing. But that's you. Like, for me, it's like, I personally just, like, actually love... Even when I hate it, I still love it. Yeah, I love it. Like, last night, I had a fucking... You were there. I had a fucking... Just a rollercoaster at the VU, but it was like... I walked out of there like, motherfuckers, but then was still like, ah, shit. There's three things I could do next time. Yes, yes. And, like, I truly love that shit, even when it beats me up. Like, I still, like...

It's the one place I feel kind of normal. That's how I feel. I need it, too. I need it. But I don't disrespect what you're saying. I'm saying you and Kinane are that same way. We're all washing each other. Fuck you. Fuck you. I've had this conversation with... I know you're not being offensive. I just prefer...

I like getting up. I get off the road and I'm like, fuck, I want to go to the comedy cellar. I want to do a set. I want to see how these jokes hold up because sometimes I go on the road and it's the people that are coming to see me and a joke does a little too well. And then I come back and I'm like, it's not that good. I need that. I need that humility. I need that...

I get that. I guess we're saying the same thing in reverse. I'm saying, like, to me, I don't take it on the road for the full hour until... The hour on the road doesn't count until it's already perfected in sections in the city. That's fair. So then I'm on the road, and then all of a sudden, it's like, boom. Are you touring, though, when you're building? Yeah.

Yeah, but they're fuck-off sets. I don't... You know... Not fuck-off sets, but... You could get something new out of that. I do. Okay, well, then it's worth doing. I do. I do. But my point is... Oh, Jesus. Here's a guy that will 1,000% disagree with you. We gotta change the subject. No, keep it going, guys. Okay.

Hey, how are you? You want to sit over here? Wait, Dave, you want to sit here and I'll sit there? No, no, that's the David Tell seat. Nothing says you're late than balloons on the floor. What did I miss, a countdown? Was there a countdown? In some ways. Hey, Dave. To you guys, honestly. Mazel tov. I love the location, Midtown, right in the...

Finger on the pulse. Yes. How are you? Good. Good to be here, man. We got you a nice coffee. Hey, well, thanks. Yeah. You know...

And there's no better way than to leave it out. We know you're here. We know you're here. Awesome. You know, I was invited, so turn it up a notch. I just walked in. It's not my show. I saw you last night. Did you know about this? Well, Sam and I have been talking behind your back, and I know that's your style. But...

You and I were talking, and I said, where are you going to go on the honeymoon? And you said, I have no idea. Yes. And I came up with a few ideas. Do you mind? Please, please. You're prepared. I don't know if you know this. I know you follow the news. Yeah. But Shanghai is open. Oh. Oh, there you go. No more lockdown. Okay. So that's... It doesn't seem to hit. That was just a get-to-know-it idea. Ready? All right, all right. Okay. Now, your lady is also a comic. Yes. Yes.

There's no better place than, yep, Jamestown, New York, the Comedy Museum. Thank you. You know, if your relationship is half as successful as the legendary Lucio Ball and Desi Arnaz. Yeah. We're thinking more Rich Boss and Bonnie. One of you is going to write a book. Yeah. One of you is going to get new teeth. I'm going to make a movie called Women Aren't Funny. Well, now I'd just like to promote my dates and leave. Oh!

I felt like I got my laugh. Where are you going to be, Dave? What's that? Where are you going to be coming up? That was just a joke. I'm going to D.C. And, you know, we all know it's fun down there. And it's a driving gig, which is always fun. I love a driving gig. You do. Now, should we bring David on this powwow?

we're having or is this too risky? He will 100% disagree with what I'm saying. First of all, it's great to see Joe. It's great to see you, buddy. You look great. He takes a lot of days off, which we just discussed. I was trying to be counterintuitive. If you're here who's watching the store, as we say. I was saying, and everybody disagrees with me, and I presume you will too, or assume you will too, but I was saying I don't understand after you hit a certain

in your comedy career, the... Because Mark was talking about, like, a tough thing in a relationship is if you're not there for dinner because you've got to go out and do spots. And I said, but you're at a stage where you can be there for dinner. Yeah.

Because you don't need to be out doing five sets on a Tuesday night anymore. You go on the road, like this obsessive thing that comics do in New York where it's like, I have to be out every night, all night, the entire time doing sets. I don't understand it after a while. But we enjoy it. Yeah, we all disagree with Joe for the record. I don't want to go to dinner. Ha!

I get... What are you chicken wings in the club? This is a wild idea. Uh-oh. Maybe cut back on a thing you want to do for the sake of the other person. My point is... I'm getting married. Yeah, yeah. But do you know what I mean? Like, this con... Like, the thing... Another thing comics do. Mark's going to duck out of his wedding and do a set in New Orleans. Yeah.

Another thing comics do, I have to work New Year's Eve. If you're not a comic, if you don't work New Year's Eve, I'm like... I disagree with that. No, take off on New Year's Eve and go hang out with your loved ones. And it's never a good show. It's a nightmare. I just don't... There have been some good... There have been some... I've done a couple New Year's Eve shows. I don't understand. I just... You're also more... I think maybe...

Go ahead, please. Don't kill me here, but you're more well-adjusted than most comics, even though you are a... DeRosa? Yeah, whoa, bro. Well, hold on. He gets it out in other ways. I'm not claiming to be more well-adjusted or anything. Like I said, I argued with Ari about this. Because it's like, out of one side of his mouth, it's like, the scene, and it's great, and you've got to do it, and you've got to do it. The other side is, it's not what it used to be, and it's different. I go, exactly. It's different. It's time to move on.

on. Yeah. You can drop in and do your sets. You can go on the road and do your sets. There's a new crew. They're more woke. They're more this. They're more that. We can all go and do these shows and piss and moan that, oh, the whole crowd was Instagram fans. Why? It's like, you don't need to do it. It's still a gig. But I'm saying, you have real friends who are outside of comedy. You own a business. You run a bar. But isn't the real answer here for Joe to marry your lady? I mean,

This seems, I hate to come in as a Ukrainian matchmaker, but Joe is ready to settle down. You still crave the bright lights. Yeah. You want to get out there. 12 people in Williamsburg. I'm there. A rooftop. What time? But Joe, all he craves is to look at patterns on fabrics. Sitting at home. Did you say something, honey? I was watching a TV.

Dave, what do you think? I was playing one of my 15 video game devices. Yeah, right. 47. Honestly, what do you think of that take or whatever? Of what you said? Yeah, yeah. I don't know. You get older and you're supposed to eventually disconnect and have a real life, but...

It's kind of difficult to do it. And I know, yeah, you made a choice a while ago before actually the pandemic. You're like, you know, what is this all about? And I respect it. But for a guy like him especially, he's like, you know, it's whatchamacallit. It's like a...

You know, that's his reason to being. And I understand it because, like, you know, you feel like you have to get out there to get better, and that's where it is. And in New York, that's kind of why we all live here is because we have that option. If we lived in a... I'm just going to throw it out again, this Jamestown, New York. Like, if you lived up there...

There probably wouldn't be as many places to go out. But I would say that he should compromise with her. But she's also a comic, so she must understand it. She gets it. So the other side of it, one thing we left out was that Sam and I were going back and forth with is I said, because Sam said, you want to know that the hour works no matter what. You want to be able to break it up into 15-minute chunks and go up after anybody wherever you're at and make a kill. And I said, but you already did that when you were building the hour. Right.

When you get out, like my new hour is almost done, and it's like, okay, so when you get out and you feel like this is pretty much ready, I feel like I don't have to go out and do as many sets in the city because I'm not building an hour anymore. When it's time to build again, I'll do more sets. It sounds like you don't enjoy stand-up. I love stand-up. I don't enjoy the organic...

Repetition of it. A.K.A. bombing. Yeah, yeah. Well, like I said, like when I was talking to Paul last night and I said, I'm going to step back for a little while from the club. And he said, why? I said, because my new hour is ready.

I don't really want to break it up into chunks anymore. And I said, if I'm coming into your club, I'm just coming in to fill 15 minutes. All right. And to me, that's when I would work on new shit. Couldn't you have a new idea that you want to play with? But don't you want to make $20? I don't want to. My point is, I want to breathe. I don't want to work on new shit right now. This is where I wish we could have Will Silvin step in and co-host this moment with you.

And every time I get up, ask me if I'm taking a dump or a pee. Yeah. I think it's just a matter of either whether you want to take a break from writing or not. Right. You know? Well, I think we should focus on the amazing fact that Dave is up before five. That's pretty good. I think that I didn't know this was going to be this kind of a life coaching podcast. But...

You know, you have a real business. So, you know, you have something... You have like a... I respect that more than a lot of things where it's like, you know, you said you were going to do something. You have the follow through. You did it. Right. And, you know...

I'm hoping it's a success. We all are. So, you know, the whole idea of like, is comedy it for everybody for all time? No, it definitely has to be more chapters. Thank you. That's very nice of you to say. I really appreciate it. Well, now's the time to promote your place. Joy Rose's 174. There you go. Great. So what drives me nuts is like, I'll talk to certain people and they'll go,

hey, so I heard you opened a bar. And they start talking like as if like I don't do stand-up anymore. I'm like, no, no, no. I still do stand-up. I just do both. I just have to... We're kind of like DePaul, dude. Compartmental. Yeah. Right.

But people will be like, but I don't understand. How could you do stand-up if you're not constantly doing stand-up? And I'm like, because I feel like you can do two things. Sure. Why is this any different than if you had a TV show or something? You know what I mean? I hear you. But TV people are the same way, where they go from gig to gig to gig. They never take a month off. I think Mark, Patton, and I are like...

You know, we looked at a tale on Colin Quinn when we started here and we're like, this is how you do it. I agree. I agree with Colin's approach. Spots before 8.15 only. And then going home. Yeah.

But Dave and Colin were always at the cell and we were just like, oh, we should always be going up. Absolutely. But it's what you get out of it. I feel like a lot of times I'll leave there shaking my head going like that. Well, that was, I didn't get anything new out of that. I didn't, you know, I didn't do anything particularly what I wanted to do. And it just became this kind of like you said, like just kind of filling the time, you know. But yeah.

I just know him and I know these guys here and that's like, you know, it's who they are and they have to do it. There's really no choice to it. They have to do it. There's no choice. Sure. So it's really tough to like, you know, that's what they would say about comedy. You know, you lose friends and all that kind of stuff because you just, you know, it's this world, you know, you give everything to that world. None of us are asking Superman not to fly. Yeah.

But Joe, I mean, you know. Nobody writes at the clip that you write at. And I mean that as a compliment. I think these guys are all very strong writers and they push it. That was not a knock at these guys. No, they're great writers. I'm saying like you write at a clip where I'm like, it's truly incredible. Right. Because you always had that, I don't know if you still do this, but you always used to have that little book. Yes. And your dick phone. Hey, save this story for when I'm dead. Yeah.

I don't really like talking about myself, but since this is more of a, like, I guess this is a faux basement, correct? This is, and I, that's what you guys set this up as? 16th floor, but yeah, it's supposed to be bar-y. I get it. So here, this is your hangout. This is your secret garden. This is where you guys get to say this. They got to get out of here and do a set in a few minutes. There's a 6 p.m. at the top. But you like hanging at a comedy club, right?

So there you go. So you're already in the lifestyle. I don't as much anymore because I feel like it's such a new crew of people that I don't really know. That's just... How do you think I feel? I'm like 100 years older than you. So it's like... But the point of it is that it's in you now and that's where you feel like you can hang and be... Sure. It's like if we were all...

veterans, we'd be at the VFW. You know what I'm saying? You would go there. And I've played there. And since we're just a bunch of cowards, I guess all we have is this comedy club. I feel like... I hear you. I hear you. I feel like... And this is the last thing I'll say. I'll shut up. I feel like comics get into the Jack Nicholson in a few good men mentality. Where it's like, I've done 17 tours and I eat breakfast every day 100 yards from 30 men that want to... And it's like...

There's another way to do this. I'm Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. I'm working to brain dead. That's my plan. That's all. I don't want to be Robert Duvall in Apocalypse Now going, we're going to surface the bombs. Come off.

I can't get out. I'm like Christopher Walken in a deer hunter. There's characters in a million war movies. As good as it gets. That's what I'm saying. We're living with OCD. And I feel more like Helen Hunt. Wet t-shirt. I've got a boy I need to care for. That boy's your inside. I let gay guys live in my spare room. Get in there. These queens are in my spare room.

But when I say well-adjusted, I mean you have a business, you have friends who aren't in comedy, you're normal more. It's not, it's not, but I, so first of all, I'm not claiming to be more adjusted, and second of all, I feel like normal in the comedy world is a bad term. Let's move on. Hold on, we gotta hear the sound of T9 texting. Oh, I'm sorry. He's T9-ing. I was just putting in my evals. How about that? There you go.

Is that on purpose, the flip phone, Dave? On purpose, yeah. Do you not have an iPhone? I have multiple phones and phone lines and things like that. They're called burners. And I don't want to brag or anything. I'm an accountant best buy. The mic in here. Can people hear me? Because I'm not getting the laughs I think I do. That's why we're laughing out there.

I have to ask you this. Why did you guys pick this location? That's what I want to know. The producer came to us and said he'll design it, and we said sure. It moved from last time. It did? Because you were very close to the fabric part of New York, where the fabric where you can buy buttons and yarns and whatnot. True. I thought this has a crafting element to it. Are you guys crafting while you're here? This is the new thread business, I think, podcasting. You think so? Yeah. Yeah.

They're shooting the sequel to Uncut Gems a block away from me right now. Now, Joe, you enjoy a podcast, correct? I think you're really good on them. I enjoy stand-up, too. No, that's not what I've heard. No one thinks that. You hate stand-up. Son of a bitch, you bastard. I love podcasting. Well, there you go. Actually, I don't really. It's just... Nah, what do you like? Do you think before podcasting, like, what did you do before podcasting? Would you gather with a group of friends maybe at a diner?

and talk to them about the events of the day or? Yeah, we would all sit around and go, we should be recording. Like if you had to choose between stand up and podcasting, which would you put? If you had to choose between stand up and podcasting, which would you choose? Good question. I'm pretending you have a crowd here.

I would choose stand-up still. You would? Wow. There's no money in it. I didn't think it would even go that way. I would choose... As far as... Take the money off the table. Okay. As far as...

So you give up hundreds of dollars a year as a stand-up. That's pretty brave. What about all the comparing peanut butter to honey? How are we going to live without that? That's not my problem. I don't listen to this shit. All right. I just talk on it. But no, as far as what the thing in and of itself is, nothing would ever beat stand-up because it's immediate. Yeah.

You know? But as far as convenience and money go, podcasting is far easier and, you know, right? Yeah, which is why so many comics went that route.

Because you can do it from home. It's good money. Isn't it fucking funny that it's still named after something that no longer exists? iPod. iPods. Oh, yeah. I never even put that together. Podcast, yeah. It was birthed at a time we had to download a thing onto a thing that wasn't your phone. Yeah. Remember the circle? Podcast. Oh, yeah. And the circle? Yeah, yeah. Where's the clitoris expert we were talking about? That's right. In practice, we got rubbing the circles. Yeah, and using one with a glove. That's like a condom.

Now, what about TikTok, Joe? Do you think you might put a toe into this world of TikTok? The frigid waters of TikTok. Would you...

Put a foot in on it. Do you have a TikTok account where you post your clips? I really don't know what it is. I thought it was a character. Dave is not. TikTok, get in here. I thought it was somebody's butler or something. Dave is not running his social media at all. We were in a car once, remember, and I asked him, like, Dave, how the hell did you post a picture of us while you're driving? He goes, oh, that's not.

that's not me. Yeah, no, I don't like it. I don't get how you guys do this consistently. I really do feel like, and this is a successful, like, everybody talks about your podcast, so I'm glad to be on it, but like, how, like, people, I know a lot of people who've been doing them for years now with not many followers, and they just enjoy, I guess, the experience of talking, but, like, I have trouble doing it. Like, for me, it's just not,

my thing. I look at it as, it's like, to me, it's like a radio gig. Yes, morning radio is kind of like what I know more than this. It's enjoyable, but it's certainly a commitment. But if you can make it make sense in your life and it's fruitful, I think it's a fun thing to do. That's what I miss about the morning radio is like, we're having a little bit of conversation and then, hey, we got to talk about the weather. Yeah.

Or, hey, there's a pileup on a highway. You've got to get on top of that. There's no immediacy to this. Every seven minutes, one of you should say the weather and time. Yeah, mattress and lanes. And a lovable character comes in and talks about some bake sale. You know what's fucking great? You know what I don't miss about morning radio? You ever have the time where the guy's like, the producer's like, hey, listen, they love it when you get in there and just take over. And you're like, oh, so I get to go in there and do their fucking job? Ah, yeah.

For 45 minutes. Do you ever know where they go? Do you ever know where they go? They go, hey, man, she loves it when you shit on her. Go in there and give her shit. Oh, that never works. And then you go in, you'll be like, ah, nice hat, stupid, or whatever. And then you leave, and you're like, she was really mean to me. She was really mean to me. She seemed to not like me at all. And you're like, what advice was that?

That never works. I got hired to host some Halloween show for AOL. It was like my big gig. I was like an open micro at the time, paid $5,000, the most money I'd ever seen in my life. And they said, be edgy. We saw you at the Comedy Cellar. We like your edgy spits.

Spin. I was like, all right, whatever. So I'm judging a costume contest, and I'm trying to be edgy. That's what they wanted. It's a big production, cameras, lights, big audience. And I go, all right, here comes Catwoman. Catwoman, hot lady with the whip and the whole leather. And then she leaves, and I go, give it up for the African queen. And the African queen is walking on, and Catwoman's walking off. And I go, watch that whip around the African.

The fucking cameras wilted. The lights went out. I got fired immediately. But they always say go edgy, and they never mean it. No, no, no. That's my point. Early pandemic, a dude from New Orleans reached out to me and was like, hey, we're doing this day-long marathon thing.

to raise money for healthcare workers in New Orleans. We got Norman and we got Theo, two other comics from Louisiana. Yep. It's going to be the three of you guys. Which Theo? Theo Vaughn. Oh, okay. I didn't know if you meant from the Cosby show. Yeah, that one, yes. It was like, I got three of you guys. You got to share the hosting duties. It's going to be great. And I log on to the Zoom thing. They're like, all right, so Mark and Theo dropped out. It's just you. And it was a full fucking day of just me being like, why?

I agreed. All day. All day. How was that? Terrible. Was it due to their money? There was no money. It was a fundraiser. Oh, wow. It was early pandemic. So I was like, I got to do this, right? Right. But yeah, that's... I want to tell... Can I tell real quick one of my favorite ever tell stories? Oh, you'll love this. This was years ago. This is like at my mom's rehab where they have balloons in the fall. Kick them around a little bit. Get moving out there. Go ahead.

This was years ago. Dave and I used to live in Hell's Kitchen. Yes. And we used to go out and have a few drinks together. I remember that apartment. That was Burr's apartment, right? It was Burr's apartment, yeah. We used to go out and have a few drinks together. And one night, you said, you go, Joe, let's go over to the Hustler Club on the West Side Highway and have a few drinks. And we went in. That's not cheap. It was not, actually. We went in right before close, right before last call. We got last call. Is he like Norm or they're like, Dave! We got two.

It was empty. There was nothing there. Oh, okay. We got two Bud Wodgers and two shots of whiskey. It was $58. Hey! Right? And what year? Probably 10 years ago. 94. A stripper came up to us and she goes... Dave goes, so where's the party after this? What's the after party? And she goes, oh my God, there's a great place we should go to. Horatio Sands hangs out there a lot. And Dave goes...

ratio. Like that. And she just walked away from it. She just walked away from it.

The New York strip scene is not what it used to be. It was more than 10 years ago, by the way. And, Joe... That's great. This is why we need you now more than ever. Your archive of half-drunk stories. Here, here. Half-drunk? I remember when you were on tour, this was... I don't like this kind of talk. All right? I had a good story. Just change it to another comic. Yeah. It was the Louis Black...

Oh, and Mitch Hedberg. Mitch Hedberg, you. And Bill Cosby. And y'all came to New Orleans. I remember during your set, this was like, I mean, it was at the Orpheum. During your set, you had a bottle of Jägermeister, and you would do shots every few bits, and you kept looking offstage and going, are you coming out or not? Yeah.

And then you just talk back to the audience, use some more bits, and you go, are you fucking coming out or not? And then finally, the person came out, and it was Doug Stanton. Yes. Oh! And Stanton comes out, and everybody's like, oh, cool, oh, Doug Stanton. And then y'all do a shot together, and someone goes, give Doug the mic. And you were like, yep. And you gave him the mic, and Doug's just like, hey, man, I'm just here as a fan. These are three of the best comics in the country right now. It's awesome. I'm with you guys. I'm looking forward to being here. And he had the mic back to you, and you go, could have been you, Joe. What the fuck?

He had a bag. He'd go, what the fuck was that? That's what you're going to do in a theater? Get the fuck off stage. It was so fucking funny. Then we woke up on the levee. And rigged the explosives.

Stan Hope is a dream guest on this podcast. Oh, Stan Hope's hilarious. We love him. Oh, he's been here? No, he died to get him. We've been trying to get him. Oh, man, that would be great. Oh, Stan Hope's awesome. Yeah, I love that guy. You know, he'll work any town, except New York is really the one that, like, it's really tough to get him into, you know? Really? But that one specialty shot here was great. I asked him so many times, I go, can you come to the cell? He doesn't like to go. Why not? You know, he's a guy who, you know, you talk about a guy who's able to take off

from stand-up. He was really, I guess you could say the pace car of it, where he was really good about, like, you know, I'm in where he lives in Arizona, you know, his little town, and he does other stuff. He's got all stuff going there. And then he'll go out on the road, like, really, like, road dog, like, bar shows in a van, you know, for, like, weeks. And then I'll come back and I'll write a book or something like that. I can't tell you how many times he's called me a little late and going, like,

how much would it cost me to get you to play my backyard? Now that's a weird ask. And I'm like, what? I just feel like watching some stand-up, I want to see it in my backyard. But yeah, Doug is a guy who definitely can balance the two. Salmon drying plant in Bergen, Norway. In Montreal? Salmon drying plant. That was the greatest shit ever. Doug, stand-up wasn't allowed at the

festival. Yes. Dude, you were there. Were you there? He was an outlier. He was an outlier. Tell your story. It's not a great story, but he got to a screaming match with the booker of the festival in the lobby of the hotel. It got pretty ugly. And he said, fuck it. I'm doing... I guess he called it the No Fest or... No, it's called Spite. Spite? Just for Spite. No, it's called Just for Spite. Just for Spite. I was in...

The next year when he did Just for Spite, the following year, right? You saw the birth of the idea. In a car wash. Okay. He held it. I was there when he did Just for Spite. I was there. I was doing a Nancy show with Patrice. Yeah. And Otto and George. God rest both their souls. And I was backstage and Doug was hanging out in the downstairs of that theater. And...

I couldn't see what they were saying. I just saw that him and Bruce Hill were talking to each other. It was getting more elevated. And then all of a sudden, Bruce Hill just goes, you know what? You don't get to wear this. And ripped the laminate off of his neck and goes, get out of here. And literally shuffled Doug to the door and shoved him outside. He de-laminated him. I actually remember two times. Give me your laminate. Wait. Your...

I remember that name. Just for laughs. Hot. Dude, put it on the table. I know. He's wearing the phone. You're out. He had the phone finger on. It was embarrassing. Put your poutine.

Put the snakes back in the peanut brittle. You're out. So he didn't put your mime if I do t-shirt on the floor. Get the fuck out of here. Shattering teeth. In 2010. He's going to win the town over to do his festival. Welcome, Manitoba. There's a new terrible town. He rented out the car wash across the street. And he said, I'm getting 10 kegs.

And I remember word spread all that day. And I remember you fucking guys, former manager. I'm not going to say his name, but his name's ****. And **** being like, are you thinking about going? I'm like, I'm definitely going. He's like, oh, you're just going to burn your career to the ground right now? And I was like, fuck you. And I went and everyone was there already. Including him eventually. And I was like, yeah, no one fucking cares. It just shows how enough people do it. Even Bruce Lee. I love.

Bruce Hill. Even Bruce didn't care. He was like, I'm going to let you hang out here until you say something so crazy that I need to shove you out the door. Doug is such a legend. Doug is such a legend. We've got to get him on here, man. I think a bucket list guest. We love Doug. He's a great guy. He's what I consider a real comic. He always was the guy I would call and go, do you think this is hack? What do you think of this?

And, you know, he would like, you know, we'd go back and forth with it. But, yeah, he definitely is. There's nobody like him. Best episode of Louis. It's his episode. Oh, that's a great one. I was going to say the best episode of The Green Room was you and Stan home together, Dave. Oh, that was a long time ago. That was a great one. You guys and Richard Belzer? Belzer. This isn't live, right? No. Okay. What is this, serious? If this is...

If this is something you don't want to hear. This is Regis and Kelly. Just cut this if this is crossing a line. When Hurricane, whatever the fuck, was hitting New York, I forget which one it was. Sandy. Sandy. We were at the Comedy Cell the night before it was going to hit, and Dave goes...

Dave goes, hey, did you hear about the hurricane tomorrow? And I go, no, what? And he goes, they're going to shoot a couple episodes of The Green Room down here to dry things out. That was a great one because performing to...

That was one where they lost power and you could hear the generator. I love that. That made me feel like this is real gritty stuff. I remember the generator. I love Preventa, by the way. I love Paul. Great Paul. Make a couple phone calls.

Listen, if anybody knows jokes, it's that guy. Yeah. Yeah, I remember those shows. Everything in the city was blackout. Ben's Pizzeria was charging 60 bucks for a pie. Wow. It was so fucked up. Gouging. They were gouging. Yeah, I remember. It was Uber calls it business. Yeah. I saw Stanhope at Caroline's. Yeah. It was great. And then you showed up.

And he goes, Dave, is that you? And you go, I heard a white voice come out of Caroline's. I had to see who it was. How dare you do that in front of your Lincoln tall bartender. Sorry, he freed the slaves. At the Mitch Hedberg Memorial. He died? That's been a long time now.

You had the wine of the night, though. I did? Go on. I know. I know you hate this, but let us just adore you. Somebody put some cellophane on that cantaloupe. I know, right? He goes, a lot of people ask me why I never told Mitch to stop doing drugs, but let's be honest. That would be like a stripper telling a hooker to wear less makeup. You know, Mitch...

Yeah. How is he? Wow. He's the guy who would have crushed it on Twitter because his jokes are so, so like amazingly concise. But I don't know if he would enjoy the podcast because he was definitely another guy. Very, very introvert, very selfless, you know, reflect even regardless with substance. He was always like it was always hard to get like a combo going with him and like

You know, the one thing that I did love about Mitch was that for a long time in comedy, people carried around a notebook before the iPad and everything like that. Sure. But, like, he actually wrote stuff in it, and it was good stuff instead of other people like, yeah, I got my comedy notebook I want to see. You know, I got my emojis on the, you know, stickers. Yeah. But, like, I remember him opening one time, and it was like, whoa, look at this. It's like Da Vinci Code stuff. It's like, you know, like...

perpetual motion machine design, you know, like little, like definitely things. So it was like, he really always wrote, he was definitely a writer comic. Like he would write and then he would perform it out there. And he would like, you know, sometimes he would go on stage when he was, I guess, bored or just felt like, you know,

Hey, I just want to see, you know, I'm going to read some stuff. And that became like a style to some people. I mean, he's the most guy. He's the guy that, like, I think you can all agree. You can hear the Hedberg in a lot of people. Oh, yeah. He's like, oh, yeah, that sounds like Hedberg. That's a Hedberg-like joke. Nowadays, no folks would just say, ask if they're queefing. Yeah, yeah. He was a big influence, I think, right on Demetri Martin.

And Dimitri is one of those guys. Great joke writer. He would show up with like a ledger at shows. And I remember saying to him one time, I go, Dimitri, what is all this? And he like opened it and showed me. And he was like, and he had these symbols next to these jokes. Symbols? He was like, this symbol means it worked perfectly. This symbol means it needs a little bit of work. This symbol means it doesn't work at all. This symbol means it doesn't work at all.

And I was like, wow, that's really like a committed... Yikes. Like a squid game, correct? Triangle versus square. You mean the squid game. Is that still irrelevant? So back to this AOL gig. Yes. Do you have a contact? Yes.

When you did that gig with Hedberg and Louis Blackman, was that one of the most fun times you've had, do you think? I think that that was a stressful tour all the way through because Mitch was really deep in his... And this is like already... I've said it before, but he's very deep and we were all really worried about him. He had the leg thing. You know, he was... But I think...

he was added on the last guy of the tour. So, you know, like Lewis is, he's a like a, he's a road monster. I mean, like this guy, like has been on the road consistently for decades now, you know, like almost like before you guys were born, he was out there, you know, like he's never stopped. And Hedberg was also like, you know, he's a power headliner. And, you know, I was a headliner. So it was the whole thing of like,

who closed you know like we wanted met we wanted Hedberg to close in Minneapolis that was his hometown you know but like for some reason that didn't happen or there was like a lot of those little things that I think got to Mitch but the but the whole point of it was is just that like he wasn't at the top of his game but he still was great and uh I'm glad that you know

I got a chance to do that with those guys. But I think now, like the way people tour now, like, you know, to use like the A-list comics of where they bring a bunch of guys out. You've been on these bigger arena tours and stuff like that. I'm sure that's a way more fun experience now where they just kind of like, I felt like

even back then it was like one of these things where like, you know, Comedy Central had a hand in it or somebody had a hand in it and they were trying to like, you know, like it has to be you do this much time. Right. Whereas now it's more free form and you get to like do it like that. So I think that the comics now have more control over the bigger venue shows than we did back then. It was like, okay, I'm doing my time, you know, blah, blah, blah. You know, and I think, you know, I don't know. I think that Hedberg would have

in today's world of like theater. You know, I think he was a, he was definitely feel comfortable in the theater, in a theater situation. Whereas I feel more comfortable in a club. How about you guys? What do you, what do you guys think? Well, you know, what's fun is like we did, we both did Fully Loaded and it's so fun. Burt Kreischer has these giant arena gigs, these ballparks or whatnot, race car, NASCAR track we did. And it's so nice as a guy like me because I can

to party and I don't have to sell it. He sells it. So you get to show up and there's 8,000 people. And what are you doing though? Like 15, 10? 15, 20. He's a great guy, Bert. Yeah, Bert is. All the way through. I was really excited to be on his tour. I did three dates with him and I got to my bucket list places. Dayton, Ohio. Rochester, New York. Jamestown? Rochester. What's that? Jamestown, no? No, no Jamestown. Oh, that's fucked. That's sacred ground. That's sacred ground. Yeah.

He books those because he doesn't want to hurt our markets. Oh, really? I thought it was for him almost like, you know, these are small outdoor venues and I'm just kind of getting it going. But I was like, he's class all the way. He's a fun guy. He's up for anything. I said to him, do you mind if I do this? He's like, he doesn't care at all. And the fact that he brought like a,

I would say that it was a really good sampling. You know, I'm talking about like a buffet of comedy, like different styles, different people. And, you know, his fans, they were really giving. They really were up for it. They love comedy. You know, he's just like, you know, rock and roll comic. Yes. He's got a great heart and he's good to everybody. So I'm not saying that just because like, you know, it's like I really, it's great that Bert's out there. He's like the Bruce Springsteen of comedy. He's good for you guys. He's good for everybody. Jimmy Buffett.

He's also a guy that wants you to do what you do. There's no filter or anything like that out there. No, he's never put any rules, no crowd work, no this or that. We have a lot of love for Bert Kreischer here, man. Yeah, Bert's absolutely great, too. Yeah, Bert is definitely... I would say that he's definitely a guy to look up to in terms of what you guys want to end up doing, whereas he...

First of all, he's an excellent guy. He's a great storyteller. He's a great storyteller. I think that's a skill that I don't have. Joe, what do you think? Well, after that story, Dave...

I constantly prove it over and over. No, I love Burt, man, for the same reason. It's just he's... He did it himself. There are guys that are just like balls of energy. That's kind of what he is. He gets off the crowd. He meets the crowd. It's a party. Yes, he does. He's phoning them in. I've only ever done the one, the weekend we did with him, Ari O'Neill.

Wise Guys. Wise Guys, Red Azizi, us, with the storytelling show, but Burt. There's only four shows, but like every fucking night...

where the shirt comes off, which that's a thing I've heard people disagree with. You kind of have to see it live because you see people actually cream their fucking pants. Let me shut this down. Oh, shit. No way. Finally. Oh, yeah. Shit. Blue lives matter. You say it.

Man, we're not going to watch this. What's the problem, officer? Come on, dude. I think this... That's the West of Honor. That's the guest of honor. That's it. I'm already ready. All the things that they said... Man, hold on. Let me move across the room. It's a surprise and everything.

Yeah, he's ready. Yes! Wait a minute. I asked for a black woman. What the hell? Oh, no. I mean, oh, yes. Oh, man. Here we go. Wow. How much did you pay for this shit? Jesus Christ. This guy's gorgeous. Yeah, yeah. This is the worst thing a cop has ever done. This is how I think I look. Get your rubles ready, guys. I'm about to take your shirt off. Oh, yeah. There it is. Look at that fucking shirt. Wow.

Joe, he's like you, but he made better choices. Look at this guy. There's no sandwich shop here. Sometimes, yeah. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Any focus on building the shoulders. Hey, less Jack, more dance dance. This reminds me of a time, one time we did time. Time. Wow. All right. That's the way. Here we go. That's the way. Where are you from? Middle Earth. Switzerland.

Folks. All right. There we go. Wow. I missed his therapy. Oh, I canceled already. Meanwhile. I'll pay the late fee. Meanwhile, Norman and her ladies, Norman's lady and her friends are at the go-kart course. Come on, girls. This is too hot. This is too much.

I've been turned. You're getting it shaking. What's happening, buddy? Wait, it's a beer Jew. You guys should fight. Oh, you're getting it, buddy. You're getting it. Pass the champagne. Oh, there you go. Oh, here we go. Rub it. Rub it all over you. The audition has started. Oh, I love this coffee table. Wow. Thank you for this coffee table. Oh, man. Yeah. Wow.

Holy shizer. Wow. Now we're talking. This is his version of doing his spot at Standard Mule. Where he's like, you're killing it, buddy. But whatever, man. We got five today. Yeah, this is his day job. He's like, it wasn't great, but whatever, dude. It's a gig. He's working on new material.

Yeah. All right, I've never thought defund the police before, but now I get it. Yeah, looking good. This is awesome. All right. I knew I signed that NDA for a reason. You're not going to get this on, Rogan. Oh, yeah. It's a one-man party in here. Yeah.

Here we are, just a couple of kids, book editors, enjoying a successful... Oh, we can't play the song. Oh, it doesn't work. I tried it. It doesn't work. Try it. It's supposed to shoot money. Try putting it in your mouth. Oh, yeah, let's put some money in there. Yeah, there you go, sir. Oh, shit. Is that funny money? Yeah. Here's a five, really. Here's a five. Make a man out of him.

Wow.

You need a T-Pain to teach you that? Build back better, guys. That's how you make a raise. Holy student loan forgiveness. Look at these guys. Get it? Woo!

All right. Very real. Yeah, they're pretty good. He's the guy getting married. Do you have any advice for him? Yeah, please. You're the one who gets married. Yes. Should we give him all the secrets of the game? I think you should. You're going to start working with us. Uh-oh. That's the way, you know? Are you guys hiring? You're equally as ripped. No, this guy's huge. What are you, 6'4"?

Yeah. Aha. I know my heights. How many days a week do you work out? Give me a, give me a, five, five. Oh, that's too many. See, don't tell him. He'll tell you to do it less. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Thanks. I just got a text from a fellow comedian. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Who do you think has better shoulders, DeRosa or this guy right here? This guy hurts. I don't know how you guys did it, but you took all the fun out of male stripping. This guy's an artist. You took him right down to podcasting. There we go. Were you in the movie Bros? It didn't do very well. No way. We really?

Did I see you there? Yeah! We really did? I was at the screening in Provincetown. Where do you think they should go on their honeymoon? Because, you know, there's a couple of great ideas, but... I say Rascals. New Jersey? I think it's closed. What's a good honeymoon destination? He's from Switzerland. As a professional homewrecker, have you... Hawaii. Really good.

Okay, okay. No, he doesn't got that kind of money. I mean, like maybe Staten Island. Oh, here we go. Hey, Gil. Get another mic. Hell yes. Hell yes. Wait, no. Tag out because I do have to jump. Yeah, I got to go too. Hey, come on in, buddy. Good to see you, buddy. This is great. I got you. I got you. Is that the other stripper? Oh, look who it is. Wow. It's fucking Burt Crutcher, everybody. The second stripper looks like shit. I got to go too. Thanks, buddy. Get him a cup.

Hey, I wish you guys all the... Oh, what happened? Sit down, man. He's got to go to therapy. I thought you canceled. What's your name, sir? I'm Rooney. Rooney? Rooney, thanks. Would you like a drink? Because they have some real drinks over here. You want a drink?

I don't drink, but... Oh, smart. Can you give him a B12 shot or something? Hey, Jay. What's up, dude? What's up, buddy? Now the party has started. I got this. I'll use this one. Do you want a cocktail as well? Sure. Can we get Shane a paper plane here? Thank you, sir. That was great. This is a mess. Getting ugly.

This is ugly. And I'm not feeling great. Really? Why is that? We'll wire money to your account. What was with the nasty comment when I walked in? Who made a nasty comment? I don't get it. That was all love, dude. Uh-oh. Easy, you two. I don't get it. Oh, give it to... Dude, it's nice of you to be in time to finally show up. Thank you again for coming by. It's nice of you to be in time to finally show up.

I'm trying, dude. You've got a lot. How about a hand for the guy who just did his thing, huh? Gillian Keefe. Gillian Keefe. Thank you so much, Rooney. Appreciate you, bro. Yes. Rooney. Rooney, do you want to? Thank you, Rooney. Rooney, do you want to? Rooney. Rooney.

Rudy! Rudy! Rudy! Thanks, Rudy. Get a test. I don't know. Rudy, do you want to plug your dates or none of that? He's going to be hilarious. I'll be at a duplex, cross town in about an hour and a half, and then I'm heading home. This guy is stunning. Yeah, very handsome guy. Switzerland. Rudy. Rudy.