Ep 82: Fahim Anwar
01:53:47 Share

Welcome guys. We might be drunk. First guest in the new studio. Hey! Fahim Anwar, everybody. Thank you. Beautiful, beautiful place. Thank you for having me. Thanks for coming in. Beer juice in the house. Hell yeah. Can you put the apron on for me? I like the apron. Thank you. It makes it more professional. There we go. All right. Look at that thing. You look like you're a surgeon in the 20s. Very Brooklyn. What was that Clive Owen show?

The Mick. The Mick. Did you watch that? No, it was The Nick. The Nick. The Nick. Was it good? The Mick is like an Irish slur. That's true. That's why that popped in during drinking. Yeah. Was that show good? I liked it, yeah. He's fucking awesome. He's great, Clive Owen. Sexy guy. That was my ex's number one, what do you call it? Comment, not comment card. Oh. Hall pass. Hall pass. He's like a man's man, though. You know what I mean? Like Chris Hemsworth is sort of the Metro dolphin, no hair. But like Clive Owen?

Yeah, that's like rugged. He's rugged, exactly. Yeah, he could have been like a Bond. He's suave, but still kind of a dude. He could be a Bond. He'd be a perfect Bond. Is he handsome without the context? Like without the movie stars? You still don't know it? I think he is, yeah. I mean, ladies like him. But he's cool. Cool adds to... He's like the British Clooney. Ooh.

But remember what the bar used to be? Remember Tom Selleck was the bar? Yes. That's how muscular you had to be. That was enough. Right, right. Like Magnum PI shirt off. There's no definition, but that was it. Well, is there no definition? Pull up Selleck. I feel like he had some definition. He was all right. He was beefy. He had a hairy chest. He had a healthy dad bod. But the hairy chest, I'm really mad that that went out because- Right? That's nothing. Reynolds-

He's ripped. What are you guys talking about? Compared to nowadays? Boy, what a dilf. Yeah. I mean, he is primo dilf. That doesn't cut it today. Yeah, the legs don't cut it. The up top, he's all right. Man, he is a hunk. I never really thought about him. He's a hot guy. Look at this guy. Glowing with the stache. That stache smells like puss. No doubt about it. Oh, my God. And good, like good. He's more ripped here. Yeah. Quality puss. Yeah. Yeah. He's the chest hair.

No. What are you kidding? Pull up Young Reynolds, though. He's got it, too. Wasn't the story with Burt Reynolds that he did Playgirl and he was like, all these chicks are going to love me. It's just like gay dudes who read that. He's got like a big gay dude following. I didn't know I was gay. I have a subscription. What women do you think are looking at this?

He was just cool and confident. It's all about the confidence. He's fucking around. He's fun. I feel like girls say they're not into chest hair when they're younger, and then they get old enough, and then they realize the truth. Yes. That they're into it? That they're into it. I know. I remember I dated a girl very young, and she was like, please shave your chest. And I'm so mad at myself. I did it. And I was like,

By the way, it lasts for like, what, three days? And it turns into like little paper cuts every time she lays on you. So never again. I was young. I was insecure. But now women are like, oh, you're manly. I'm like, only in this way. I can't fix shit. Right, right. It's a deep voice and hairy chest. Every other way, I'm a fucking coward. Ha ha.

Well, because it sets you apart. Like, not every guy has that. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I had a lady growing up, she told me to shave because I always had a little stubble as a kid even. And she was like, you got to shave, that's gross. And now women love stubble. So you're right, you grow into it. But they complain about sometimes when you kiss for a while and they get red in the face.

True. From the stubble. They hate it. So they shave. But then I look weird shaved all the way. Yeah, you look 13. Me too. I had a friend. He was like, maybe I'm gay. Maybe I'm gay. And he was like, I'm going to go out and meet a guy. I'm going to be a gay guy. And he went out and he kissed one guy. And he said right when he felt the stubble, he's like, I'm not gay. He's like, that's what was the eye opener. There's more than that separating me from going down that road. But, uh. Ah,

Try it. Really? The dick stopped me, but it's a double I can handle. Yeah, I'm just, there's more. I mean, I kissed a boy when I was a child, but you know. Whoa, I kissed a boy. And I liked it. Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not glossing over this. Well, it's in my, it's in my closer in my new hour. Oh. Don't give it away. Don't give it away, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I don't give it away, but what are we drinking, man? I see Bodega Cat, so I'm excited. So, Bodega Cat, today we're going to start with...

little sipper a bodega cat just neat just to enjoy it the way it is and then we're gonna make a little bodega cat drink for everybody who can get their hands on at home yeah so we'll start off with that it's not for sale yet nice little

This is me and Mark's whiskey. Oh, really? Yes. Whoa, you're like the Breaking Bad guys. Dos Hombres. That's when you've made it, when you pivot to alcohol. Yes. It makes me excited because I've never tried it, but you just see the pictures of them together and you're like, they're friends. Bro, it's weird. You make the most money doing the thing that isn't your main thing anymore. Isn't that right? Remember basketball? You're good at basketball. And then shoes is where they made all the money. Right. And now if you're an actor, The Rock makes all his money from tequila. Tequila.

Right. The Breaking Bad guy. He does it right from the movies, though. Sure, but it's like... He does the movies so he's big enough to sell his tequila. Right. That's so true. A lot of female pop stars make a fragrance. Yeah, or like Skims. It's all about the other shit. You know why? Because you're already a brand. So when you sell the shit, now you make money on that. There's only so much money you can make as a human. You have to make a product that...

People can buy it. We'll try this. Let's see what you think of this. I love this. I'm proud of this whiskey. Cheers. Cheers. I'm getting there. Also, booze will ruin your life unless you get in front of it and sell it. You know what I'm saying? We took the beast. We're doing both. All right. The podcast is not helping our health here. Well, we're going to die happy.

It's really good. Oh, that's good. That's smooth. But I'm just saying, if you have a problem with whores, instead of letting the whores ruin your life, buy a ranch. Be a pimp. Yeah. And flip it around. Flip it. Now you're using the whores. Yeah. So what was the process of this? How did you get your own? So long. I want to say 16 months it's been. What do you think, Mark? Yeah, it's been a while. Just from idea to conception, we had to design the bottle, we designed the label, we picked out the rye. Then it's illegal stuff, so it's a nightmare. Yeah.

That's pretty baller, man. But it's coming. It's coming, dude. I'm a fan. This is fucking good whiskey. Bodega. It's really nice, actually. It's really like a rye rot, you know? Like, very crisp, a little tart. Very nice. I got the slug line. You've arrived.

Alright, we'll throw a little quotation on the RYE. Come on! You've been in England too long with these fucking puns. Doing that shit. These fucking puns. They got me. It's like a pun packet. Like, alright, we need eight pages of puns. Yes.

Mark will say yes to fucking everything. And the problem is he says yes to everything. Because we do a pod together. They're like, well, Mark did it. I said no to Big Think. You'll do it too. Any fucking open mic podcast Mark does. And I'm like, look, I'll do a podcast when I can. But, you know, we're busy. I need to write jokes. Mark does some random open mic in like Raleigh's podcast.

I know he's like, Norman did it. Well, I said no to kissing that boy that asked me. Well, I felt guilty. I had to make it up for him. I haven't noticed that. Like, you're like the little Wayne of comedy. You just, you feature on every track. Right. Is that a conscious decision where you're like, I'm going to do everything? No, it's I can't say no. You asked me to do something. I'll do it. Sadly. Kiss that boy. Yeah, I'll do it. And that's what...

That's how I got Kevin Spacey's autograph. But no, I just can't say no. People ask me. I feel guilty. And then sometimes if I have nothing to do, I'm like, oh, I'll go do that, even though it will help me in no way and it's a waste of time and all that, but I'll do it. Don't you feel mad, though, if you don't have, like, that's writing time it's cutting into. I know. You're right. You're right. So I've gotten better. I've cut back. You should be writing R-Y-E-T-I-N.

There we go. Riding. Riding. Yeah. That's all the old alcoholics. Like, all the old... Sorry, all the old riders.

Used to just drink like fish. Oh, yeah. All the writers rooms. Yeah. Even SNL. It was all fueled by coke back in the day. I keep on hearing. Yeah, that's true. Now, do you think that's enough? They probably still party. Some of them. Yeah. I think it's a different culture. Like, you can't be that fucked up. It doesn't. There's too many talented, sober people where people's threshold for that are like, I'll just get somebody who's sober and can do the job.

Oh, you're right. And also back in the day, we didn't have a lot of therapy. Like now it's all like health and wellness and, you know, work on yourself and mental health. And now it's like all that shit. So you don't need booze as much. Back in the day in baseball, like the players were all drunks and eating sausages every day. Yeah. And then guys start doing steroids. You're like, well, I guess if I do the sausage and the beer every day, then I'm like two steps beyond, you know? Yeah, right, right. So.

Is that what Bert says? Yeah. He's got it. He's got it, man. What is the definition? Just like you can do whatever you want and you'll still. Mickey Mantle died very young. Did he? Yeah. He was like 61 or something. Pull it up. No. And then he also was doing the whole speech like don't be like me. That fucked me up as a kid because I grew up watching the Yankees like old documentaries with my grandpa. Oklahoma. Yeah. What was it? 64? All right. Oh, damn. Well, Norm was what? 62? 62?

Have you seen Norm's Lou Gehrig SNL sketch? Yeah. Oh, I love that one. So good. So good. That's got to suck to be the guy who, you know when you have an ailment and you go to the doctor and like, oh, this is called Johnson and whatever syndrome. You're like, oh, okay, at least someone else has had this. But when they're like, we're going to name this after you. That fucking sucks.

You have the name. Mark Norman disease. It's when you can't say no to any podcast. It's like the worst version of having a sandwich named after you. Yeah.

One of my favorite Curb episodes. Yes. When they're fighting. You ever see that one? Did you ever... Whitefish and mayo. Yeah. Which I like. I like whitefish. I like whitefish, but mayo? Come on. You don't like mayo? On fish? But that's the salad. That makes it the fish salad. Ah, good point. Good point. Are you a drinker on the road or are you kind of... A little bit. Like, this is fun. So when you guys are like, hey, we've got these drinks, I'm like, yeah. Fuck yeah. But...

Yeah, I'm not first to be like, yo, let's get some drinks. But if the occasion arises, I'm down for it. But I never... Yeah, I'm like a social drinker. That's better. You don't want to be an alone drinker. Yeah, I'm not there yet. It looks cool in the movies, but then when you try it, you're like, this is kind of rough. I mean, look, I know there's people watching this, having a drink right now. You're not alone. We're with you. But I do know...

Like, sometimes you're all by yourself. I have, like, one. I'm watching a game or something. I think we've earned it. At our age, we work hard. You go home. You have one highball. You watch TV. I have the full bar at home, which I do enjoy having. I do, too. I like that I just went the complete other way. I'm like, I don't drink at home. I've got a full bar. I've done it before where I'll have just, like, a sad, manly, like, Johnny Walker and a cigar just on my patio. Woo!

That's an L.A. brag right there. You know what's crazy? Just because the way of living in New York is so much, it's way more stripped down than L.A. Because I would have these jokes early on when I would come here.

and be like, I would shit on a studio apartment. And then Ari Shafir was like, oh, that's amazing out here. Like, no one's going to feel for you if you talk about your studio apartment. That's true. And I'm like, ah, I didn't know about that. Yeah. Yeah, he's got a patio. By the way, patio sounds like an Irish slur. Oh, patio. No, yeah, he does. He has that nice little patio. But it's, yeah, studios here are like solid. Yeah. You know? You're lucky to have them. But in L.A., yeah, L.A., look, we'll give it to you. You got the weather and you got the space. But...

You don't... Like, look, when you start out, there's some L.A. people out there. If something's tough about the city, like, it feels like everyone went there to make it. You're, like, one of the few guys where I'm, like... Since I've known you, it's been a while, even though I feel like we've never, like, sat down and had, like, a long conversation. Yeah, this is cool. But, like...

I'm like, oh, shit, he's like a pure comic. Oh, you're great. That's nice. Underrated. Well, that's super nice. I remember one time, you know Amy Hawthorne? Yeah. So I knew her from... Booker of the New York Comedy Club. I knew her from the Comedy Store because she would come around there early on. And I knew her for years. And then she went to New York. And when she was visiting after being out here for a long time, she's like, oh, yeah, I was talking... Somehow like New York versus LA comics came up. And then...

And then I think I came up and then she goes, oh yeah, Norman said he doesn't count. Like he's different. And that meant a lot to me just to kind of have that New York badge or to be like, oh, he's not exactly like an LA, LA comic. Do you think we're snobbier or do you think you guys are snobbier? I think we're snobbier. I think, well, because you guys are comedy pure, like you're jokes first. And I'm very much jokes first. Like I love...

I love that, you know, at its core, jokes are everything to me. Yeah. So you're like joke guys and I love that. You're a joke guy, but you will do amazing act out. So like I'll watch you do shit. I mean, there's even a joke in your new special hat trick, which is streaming on YouTube right now. Check it out.

and there's three rooms in the comedy store, kind of like the cellar. There's three rooms, and you did a special in each room. Yeah. Great concept. And yeah, it's never been done, right? Yeah, so there's the original room, the main room, and then the belly room upstairs. And yeah, no one's done that at the comedy store, but one guy's like, Ray Romano did this. And I'm like,

I know I'm the first at the comedy store. I don't have the concept of like doing three different mics somewhere. Right. But the guy's like, Raze did this. And I go, yeah, he did that. Also, I got a great idea about a show where everybody loves me. Yeah.

Dude. Everybody's done some variation. Romano, by the way, the nicest dude in comedy. Yeah. He's like the only dude when we'd start out, when a famous guy would pop into the cellar, they'd always bump you. But he would be like, do you mind if I do? I'll go on after you. He was so nervous to inconvenience anyone. I'm like, oh, I've never seen a famous dude like that. Because he doesn't have to do that. So it kind of goes a little extra mile. Like, oh, man, this guy's so famous and he's still kind of...

Knows the comic rules. Yeah. What are we drinking? So I guess we'll call this one the Bodega Vaccine. Ooh, I like it. The Deli Omicron. And basically it's like a little spin on penicillin. Wait a minute. He can't have it. You're anti-vax. So you can't drink it. Yeah, I can't have it.

But just a little honey, ginger, lemon syrup with our famous bodega cat rye. It's a penicillin, basically. Essentially. It's really good. All right.

These are classics. Yeah, I love the little ginger candy in there. Fucking... Oh, that's good. You always got to have a little ginger candy. Especially if you're a big drinker. Ginger is always really nice because you don't want anything too sweet. So that little spice of ginger is fantastic. Especially with a rye. That's something light. When it's heavy and dark...

It's a little too much, but with the right size. Finally, a vaccine I didn't have to go to Staten Island to get. This is great. Also, the third Irish slur. Threw ginger in there. To run a roll. Vic, patio, ginger. So, you have a joke. I'm talking about like act-outs because you are hard jokes, but then you'll do act-outs. You can do a Cobra Kai act-out. The mass shooting joke. Yeah. You know, where you kind of just say like...

These kids just learn karate instead of shooting up a school. And we're supposed to believe that. And then he does the whole like Miyagi-Do. I can't do it, but it's like... Yeah. It was like your kid gets bullied in high school. He comes home. He sees his dad's AR-15 and he goes, that's the coward's way out. And he starts doing all this shit. Such a... It's like timely on so many levels. It's perfect. Well done. Thanks, man. But I mean, that's the way I view act outs though. I like...

Because there was this younger comic one time and he liked act outs and stuff and he would do them. But I always say you got to earn the act out. Yeah. So it's like joke first and then that shit is just seasoning on the already kind of like tight joke. It's a tag almost. It's a tag. Yes. The act outs are kind of tags. Right. But if you're like on stage...

pretending you're in a hang glider or something. I could tell when you're like, oh, you just wanted to act like you were in a hang glider. I saw guys like that early on. They were great at sound effects. And this guy, I'm like, he'd just be doing like a siren. I'm like, there's not even a fucking joke. You just want to show us you could do a siren. Yeah. It's like impressionist. Or the guy who can beatbox. They put beatboxing in. You're like, that's not a bit.

The guys who do the impressions and there's no, it's just the impression. Right. This is Jack Nicholson meeting Christopher Walken. And then you see a guy who can do impressions and there's a joke and you're like, oh, that was, like you said, the season. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I always say like,

earn the act out. Yeah, we've all seen the guy too. This is why I don't do act outs. I think I did that one time in 1988. I did a pratfall and it didn't get a laugh. You did a pratfall? I did one in like a classroom or something. And I was like, because I was a zinger guy. And then I tried to, you know, oh, I'll do this fall down thing. And no one laughed. And I was like, I'll never do an act out again. Because when you give and like hurt yourself and do a whole thing to silence. Right.

I've always felt that too. Just the delta between how much you give and if you're getting nothing, that makes it exponentially sadder. The worst. Whereas if you're just like throwing a word out there, it's like, I don't care. Did you do that at open mics? Because I mean, you do need some energy from a crowd to commit to shit like that. And you're saying like it almost feels like dishonest, like you don't realize you're not doing well. If you're doing something that hardcore for a crowd that gives you nothing.

True. Yeah, right. So was that hard as hell to do with mics? There's dials on it. So like even though I have an act out, if it's rip and roaring, I'll stay in the pocket and do be more physical. But if it's a bar show and it's kind of more chill. The worst. It'll be kind of a toned down version of the act out. Right. Yes. So you kind of give what you get.

Right. So I'm not going to be doing the running man for two people and like sweating because that just looks so sad. Yeah. And you can move. You're a good move. I was at a party once and I saw you in the distance dancing. What? What party was this? Where was this? I don't know. Maybe I was jerking off. But it was a wet dream. But you can dance. For a comic, I think I'm okay. Oh, no. You got moves, man. You got twinkle toes. I've seen the Instagram. Yeah, yeah. I was at the same party also jerking off. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah. Thanks. I appreciate it. It's nice to be one. It was great. But...

I mean, you can dance. So I think when you do act outs, like you actually commit, you know, this thing, if I do it, it would look silly and dumb, but you actually look good doing it. Sometimes a comic, if you never do it and then you do it. That's true too. Like I remember Nick DiPaolo on like an early album did like a sound effect and it killed so hard because they were like, this guy does sound effects? It's a style change. Ian Edwards is like that too. He's so chill and he's like a brilliant writer and he's so like,

measure and has great jokes but sometimes he'll do an act out and I love that shit because that's my jam and so it'll hit even harder because he doesn't do that a lot so who's one of your guys coming up where you're like this is what I want to be comic wise like when I was coming up

I mean, stand-up was never really on my radar when I was super young. But Delirious put it on the map for me. When I saw that, I was like... I could see that. Eddie Murphy. Yeah. Great jokes, great presentation. Act out. And it was everything. Because prior to that, my comedy knowledge was informed by The Simpsons. Yeah. Because I watched that when I was a kid. Same. But there's so many brilliant writers and comedians who...

Who were like a part of that show that like what a great blueprint, you know? Yeah. That and SNL and then Delirious came along. And I researched how people got on SNL. And it was improv or stand-up. And then I researched Second City and like Groundlings and You Have to Pay Money. And then my parents are from Afghanistan. It would be like clown college. They wouldn't be cool with me. Simpsons episode though. What? Clown college. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. It's a great ep. So stand-up just seemed...

more doable because you're out there on your own. You don't pay money. So that's why I chose the stand-up path. It's also the curse of stand-up because now every Tom, Dick, and Harry is like, I'll do that. That'll be my thing. Then they have a photo of them on Facebook with a microphone and they put stand-up in their bio and the rest is history.

Yeah. Yeah, but that's why also when you can kind of figure it out and it's working for you, it's kind of extra cool because anyone could just do it. True, true. Yeah, yeah. And I do like you kind of get what you put into it. You're not reliant on a team. Yes. You're not reliant on...

you know, someone saying you're graduated to the next level. You're not forking over money. It's a, it's like golf. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Golf, tennis, any sport where it's like all on you. Yeah. I mean, you're right. Like team sports. Sometimes you see like these great NBA players or something and they're just like, you're like, well, he never won one account. I'm like, yeah, what's a team sport though? Yeah. You know, you can make your team better, but if you don't have the people around you, it sucks to, you know, to, you know, live and die on other people.

I know, I hate it. Yeah. Hate it. It's a lot of work. Like, you ever done an improv troupe? No. Back in the day, yeah, yeah. I did one, and it's really, you gotta be there on time, hang out together, be together, write together, like, do stuff together. It's a lot. Didn't you do a sketch thing? You had a sketch special, too. Oh, Go Face? Yeah. Yeah, that was like our, because we would do both. We were all- Who was in that with you? It was Hasan Minhaj. Wow. And Aristotle, who's on SNL now. Wow, what happened? And Asif Ali. You got fucked. You got fucked.

I know. You're here with us. It's kind of confirming, though, because I think we were too early. We were putting out some nice YouTube sketch. We were doing it for two years. And just the industry didn't really get it. Yeah, they weren't really about it. They're clueless. And then Hasan gets Daily Show and Aristotle's at SNL now. And Asif is in that new Harry Styles and Florence Pugh movie. Wow. So everyone is doing pretty well. And it's nice to look at that poster and be like,

Oh man, everyone is on their rocket ship already. So we weren't crazy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, definitely. I mean, the industry gets it so fucking wrong. Well, you guys are prime examples of that. And I know like we don't get to spend enough time because we're on different coasts. But when I was in L.A. and watching your guys's trajectory, it was really inspiring because you're like, oh, there's a different way.

It's weird, right? I mean, we were nervous as hell doing it. I remember comics I really respected being like, you put out a free YouTube special, you're a fucking idiot. I remember hearing that. Oh, same. And even now, you know, you're like, oh, thank God I did that. People used to laugh. They'd be like, you can see this next comic on YouTube. And I was like, my uncle's on YouTube. Yeah. I remember that would get a laugh. Like, they thought they were zinging me, the host. It was fucking hilarious. I mean, even Bill Burr talked about when he put his thing on Netflix, his first special on Netflix, whatever that was.

He was like, "What is this? I'll give it a shot. Fuck it. Let's see what happens." And it obviously worked out, but even that was new and weird. What I've realized about stand-up is these ways to pop, they come and go. Yes. Like, whatever the platforms are, but if you are a stand-up and your ship is moving in the right direction,

The names change. Yes. Like it'll be Comedy Central for a couple years. Then it's Netflix for a couple years. There's HBO before that. Yeah, there was HBO before that. And then now it's YouTube. And it'll be something else. But so long as you are continuing to grow in your craft, that shit doesn't matter. Right.

Because the new thing will come along and they'll just look at who's where is everybody in the pantheon of comedy right now? Yes, okay. We'll just choose from that I've noticed all those things you name Netflix got they all kind of somehow end up on YouTube at the end of the day I noticed that with late night like the Tonight Show and everything right and that was such a tune in do a late night So now you get like maybe one tweet you guys love them though, right? You still do them, huh?

You just did a cold cordon. Yeah. They're fun to do. I don't know. They're fun. I like doing them. Does it just feel like old Hollywood? Old showbiz. Yeah.

You put a set together. It's exciting. It's a tightrope. You can't fuck up. Yeah, I don't know how many more I'm going to do, but I like, I mean, how many more can you actually do? I feel like all these shows are going off the air. I know. They're probably starting podcasts. Also, doesn't Kimmel tape his in Vegas? I'm like, doesn't that eliminate the purpose of doing a late night? You're like, I'm doing it to be in the building to feel like I'm in showbiz. They send you to Vegas? Yeah. I don't want to go to Vegas for any reason. Yeah, I'm doing Colbert. It shoots in Tampa. I don't know.

Yeah. What's your mindset when you do late nights now? I'm wondering, do you get notes or have you done it so many times they just let you do whatever? They're pretty – when I did Corden this time, they were pretty much like – I remember I had one joke. It's funny when they give you notes. My closer was a joke of taking a finger in the butt and they were like, you can't say butt. You have to just say in that spot. And I'm like, sure. Sure.

What? It's almost more fun at that point where you're like, let me fucking, let me allude to, you almost feel like you're Carson. You almost feel like you're doing a sex joke in the 80s. You're like, fuck it, let me give it a try. As long as it still hits. And I tried it on stage and it still killed the same. So I was like, yeah, maybe it's not about the butt thing. Butt just sounds funnier than in that spot in the butt. It's also weird when you've been doing it a certain way for so long and they go, can you do this?

And you have to unprogram your mind in like the last second. Totally. And it's weird because these shows are like comedy shows. They're all about being funny. But then they're like, could you be less funny right here? Do this less funny. And you're like, this is how it works. I know, but you got to do it this way. You're like, all right, so I'll be. You wouldn't do that with sports. You know how you shoot from here and it always goes in?

Shoot from the locker room and, you know, we'll see what happens. Yeah. No, it's annoying. So that's the thing is when I remember doing a Fallon one, the amount of notes they gave me, I was just like, I don't want to do that. I don't. This is. I'm fine. Yeah. Yeah. Chris D turned out a Fallon because they wouldn't let him do an accent.

And he's like, my wife and daughter are Puerto Rican. I got to do their accent. They're like, eh, it's kind of offensive. That's why he married a Puerto Rican, so he could do their voice. Yeah, for the joke. Exactly. He's like, I want to do this voice. I think he has a trans friend for that reason as well. Yeah, it is.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When you weigh it now, it makes less sense because if you're putting all these like handcuffs on you to do a late night set and it doesn't move the needle as much as it did back in the day, you're like, why don't I just put this clip on YouTube? I know. There's more rules and less traction. Yeah. It's interesting. Like they... Good t-shirt. Yeah. More rules, less traction. KY Jelly. More traction, I guess. And less rules. I messed that one up. But you know, it's...

It is weird when you get those notes and you're just like, but this doesn't... But then you'll get like a publicist who's like, no, it's important. It's a good look. And you're like, good look. You know what's a good look is selling out on the road. Totally. How do you guys feel about publicists? Did you hire like a traditional media? Because I think...

I think things are shifting where it's way more important to like have somebody who knows the digital space more than anything. Yeah. Because someone's like, hey, we're going to do a Vulture article. Like, who cares? But if you know Instagram algorithms or TikTok algorithms, that's way more valuable. You need a hacker more than a publicist. Totally. I need like a Russian bot spy or something. You need like a 12-year-old who just knows the trending hashtags and dances and shit. So true. I had a TikTok and I'm sucking all that stuff.

And it had 15,000 followers. And somebody hit me up like, this is crazy. You have this many on Instagram, this many on YouTube. How do you have such a low tick? I was like, I don't know. And he's like, I think you should tear it all down and let me do it. And I was like, go for it. And now it has like 300-something thousand in no time because of this kid. He just knows what to do. Yeah. And it's all the same videos. It's fascinating. He resized one. He changed the banner. Popped. Yeah, you need somebody who understands that space. Yeah. Yeah.

Have to find that person like because I was toiling over the special I go do I hire a cuz for my first one that I did on see so I had a traditional PR guy Were you able to we were able to we release on YouTube all right? I know RIP so so see so is like peacock before peacocks, which is so sad Yeah, it was peacock 1.0. So he cock is nowadays This is the first iteration of it

That's crazy they got you. Who else did they get? Stan Hope, Joey Diaz. Wow, these are like big names. Yeah, they had some real people. It was a thing for a minute. But, you know, like, look, even when I did it, I knew no one was going to see it, but I knew it was a Stepping Stone special.

I knew that I would at least get to put this out there. It would look beautiful. I would get to at least artistically put the thing out there. And then eventually when CISO went under, I think Comedy Dynamics, they licensed it to Comedy Central. So it's on their YouTube now. Oh, that's good. So at least I have two specials that are accessible on YouTube now. Nice. So it worked out in that way.

But nobody saw it when it came out. Wow. That must be heartbreaking. I remember DeStefano and I had a similar thing. We were talking because we had a special on Comedy Central back in the day. Norman did the same thing. We had the hour special on Comedy Central. And we're being like, wow, this is amazing. It looks amazing. The same shit. I'm proud of this special. And then you go on the road and you're like, looks pretty similar to last week. Yeah.

You know, so that's a bummer when that happens. When you catch the things a little too late. Yeah. I know what you mean. I remember I got on Guy Code like towards the end where it was great if you got there in the sweet spot, you know? Of course. That was a big show. I was in there like the last year or two. I got into Ace of Base, the band, like a week ago. Just doing the weird raps. I want to be with you.

That's crazy. So you, I didn't know you were on that. Yeah, CISO. Did it help at all? I'm a CISO alum. I got a hoodie out of it. You got a hoodie? You know, enough time has passed where it's not as sad when I wear the hoodie. Now it's kind of cool. Right. Like, oh, fuck, a CISO hoodie. Nice. Yes. It's like CBGB. Totally. I forgot about that. And I'm further enough in my career where it's a nice throwback.

Whereas after it happened, it still kind of stung a bit because CISO is like quittier, you know? I saw a guy wearing a Letterman letter jacket and I was like, that's pretty cool. It's like vintage now. An actual Letterman jacket. Yes. That's crazy. There you go. Damn. Is this the thing that you feel like, because I saw it's gotten a ton of views in a short amount of time. Do you feel like this is the thing that's been the biggest so far? The new special you mean? Yeah. Kind of, yeah. I think because the CISO thing that Comedy Central put out on their YouTube, it was already a few years removed. Yeah.

And it was kind of unceremonious. So like, it's cool. It's accessible, but it's almost me from years ago. It's not very immediate. This has been a great little lightning rod moment and introduction to me that some people may not know my standup.

because like I'm not super present on podcasts or I don't have a ton of stuff out there like do you hate doing podcasts no you know it's kind of inspiring just the the control you get to have yes fuck these industries back in the day you you had to yeah that's a good website sorry thanks you had to get on sitcoms and shit you know yeah yeah

You were hoping to be six on the call sheet on some TGIF sitcom to pull some ticket sales. But no one watches TV anymore. Right. And people are really savvy. Like, it's cool that comedy fans are super surgical with...

what they tune in on. They don't watch a show to be like, oh, that guy's good. I'll go catch him on the weekend. They love stand-up. Yeah, you should just watch what was on. Now you find your own shit. You meet up with people and they're like, are you watching this? You're like, I've never heard of that. They're like, it has 400 million views. You're like, I didn't, but then you can just find stuff. There's so many avenues. Yeah, I saw someone trolling Stavros on

on Twitter being like, if it was a good special, it wouldn't be on YouTube. And you just want to be like, you know nothing about comedy. You're way behind. And also like, how are you digging the guy? Like, that's the funny thing about YouTube is probably the best avenue right now. Even Netflix is probably even better because you can just click that fucking link. Anyone.

When I was thinking about what to do with this special, I just knew I'm at a point in my career where I can't afford to have people not find it. I needed to make it as frictionless as possible. I needed to be able to do a pod, hyperlink. Or tweet, hyperlink. IG stories, swipe up.

Cause Twitter bio. Yes. That's where I'm at right now. Like when you haven't broken yet and nobody knows who you are, it's way more valuable for people to be able to,

like access it. Also, you, we've talked about this, but like the Louie method is great if you're huge already, but also, you know, where people, you, people that don't know you pay what five or $10 for the special, but you're not really getting new fans when you do that shit. Yeah. Cause no one's, no one's taken a chance spending money on things. I mean, look, I'll rent a movie.

If it's a good movie. I feel like most people don't do that shit. No, no. It's got to be a hard word of mouth. Hard like you got to see this. Totally. I think comedy is moving. We've always been kind of adjacent to music and indie bands. But I think with the way the models are going with podcasting and specials on YouTube, it's becoming more and more like indie bands. Where I think it's cool if there's a comic that you like. You know, if you're someone out there and people aren't hip to it yet.

Like, oh, this guy's like, you know, it's like a modest mouse or something before they break. Yeah. It's cool to be in the know. Yes. Because it's that accessible now. I felt that. I see that in my crowds. I'll see someone wearing one of Mark's comedy shirts. I'm just like, God, this is so stupid. This is so stupid that people just buy shirts. It's funny to me. It's hilarious. It's weird. I love it, you know? Yeah, they're on my website. But that's going to sound offensive. Please. Bear with me here, Anwar. But I think...

being so honky-looking has hurt you. Because we all know you're hilarious. Comics will share, like Joe List will be like, have you seen this? And it's a video of you doing a sketch or something. And I'm like, this is hilarious. Your stand-up is good. Your sketches are good. You're a good-looking guy. A hell of a dancer. You're young. You've done all the stuff. You live in L.A. You've been on Rogan. You've been on this. You've been on that.

I think you should be bigger. Well, that's nice. Don't you? That's flattering. Well, it's not my place to say where I should be and all that. It's a hard question. But I think if you looked more ethnic, I bet you'd be bigger. You know, I will say. Let's delete this, Matt. No, no, no. I'm serious.

I don't know. Is that a long shot? This is a segment we do with all our guests. It's called Wish You Were More Ethnic. I get what you're saying. I've thought about it. I think I do fall in this weird, like, racial no man's land. Well, these cunts in the boardroom, sorry to cut you off, they're so full of shit. They're like, we need diversity. First of all, the whole room is a bunch of white guys. Secondly...

they're like hey you're not hispanic enough you know to some hispanic guy some mexican guy like we're looking for like you know a stereotype so like so you're a dick he's his he's he's mexican and you're like you're not mexican enough though yeah that's what i'm talking about you're kind of nailing it on the head thank you there's this thing because it's been my my experience you know just being in hollywood and stuff that uh

there are these diversity opportunities. Yeah. But it's if you're within this certain band of... Of course. You have to be using that as like your weapon. But if you're using that, you're kind of a lazy comic because by the way they mean... Agreed. By the way they mean using it, it's like a lot of those like

Ethnic stereotypes that you're leaning on a lot of times and you don't lean on those. Yeah I feel like men see it was a guy with it where you know, whatever but I mean he was a dude that was like that was his whole persona he Changed his name to sound more Hispanic. Ned Holness, right? He was there you go. I'm very American. You know, my parents are from Afghanistan I was born in Seattle. Your last name is Holness. Oh

It was homeless. Yes, yes. I'm cousins with them. But I'm very American. I grew up very – I have American comedy sensibilities. I always – I just – I like funny first and identity second. It's not a – And so if I go in and I want to pitch like a workplace comedy or something, they're like, well, we can get that from a white guy. We brought you in because we want to – was your mom like in a killing field or something in Afghanistan? That's what I'm talking about. By the way, a great setup for a comedy. The killing fields? Yeah.

Yeah. Hilarious. Well, it's a good title. Killing Fields. But it's like they want you to be diverse in the way they want you to be diverse. Exactly. So it's like this liberal racism kind of. Yes. Of course. And that's a lot of Hollywood. And that's, I think,

I think that's part of the rise of YouTube is that they were making what they made felt very insincere. Yeah. And that's why all these YouTube specials really started to pop up, I think. Yeah. I think they never, the industry never really gave America enough credit because I think they would have blueprints. They just want to make money. It's like the stock market. So they only know what's come before in these trends. So they go, okay, we know what this, we'll get a return on this.

But if you see a guy like me, I'm Afghan, kind of ethnically ambiguous. There's no data points as to like we'll get a return on investment. Right, right. Because you're looking at everything but funny. Like funny is secondary. You got that right. Yeah. But what's great about YouTube and just straight to the people is –

they don't really care about that shit. I agree. They kind of just want to be entertained. I agree. And word of mouth is everything. Like, if something's funny, people will share it. Like, don't you feel good sharing something good? Yes. Like, if I see a good movie, I'm like, dude, you got to watch this movie. It's great. Like, people want to share stuff. Yeah. Especially now with so much content. There's so many movies. There's 18 networks, you know. There's Hulu. There's Amazon. There's Apple. There's Netflix. There's whatever. So, you got to hone in because there's so much trash. I mean, how many times can you watch the British Bake Off?

You know, how many times have you watched Is It Cake? So when you find something good, you've got to share it. Don't drag the Is It Cake thing. Ah, shit. We've got a cake lover. Hold on. This isn't a real microphone. Let me slice this. The whole time? What a great reveal. A beer Jew. We just cut him in half. Dude, you know, it's so true. But it is, you know, it is tough.

I mean, you make a good thing. I think people will find it. And also when you're on YouTube, I feel like the audience, like they feel like part of – like it's like an underdog story. It's kind of cool. They're like, well, this didn't get made. It's funny that some people feel shame in that because I'm like, no, I think it's really cool that you self-release stuff. And I know some great comics have held on to material for too long because they don't – maybe there's a fear in –

Like you hit me and Mark up before and asked about like, should I put it on someone else's channel? Should I put it on mine? It seems like you're happy you put it on yours, right? Totally, yeah. Because you're going to have to have that shit at some point anyway. You may as well get the hits. Well, things like we talked about before where the labels change on whatever the hot platform is at the time. But what's cool about putting it on your own channel is like,

As long as I'm alive, I'm here to stay. So I get to build the channel and I can continue to put more stuff on my... So you're kind of reinvesting in yourself. Yes. Rather than making this cool thing and giving it to a conglomerate who had nothing to do with it. Exactly. Hoping to get a little more views, but it's not even promised. It's kind of... It's short money that like, I just want to get it out. I want a lot of money. I want people to see it, which I get. But you got to build something and how... Because I think eventually...

comedy and TV and all that will be your channel. Like Faheem's YouTube page will be like TBS in the future. And I'll watch your page. I'll watch your page. I'll watch that. But that's what TV is going to become. I don't think it's going to be these networks. Maybe those will always be there, but I think it's going to be very specific in the future.

We do it with podcasts. You got this podcast, that podcast. You just listen to the radio. Yeah. People just kind of subscribe to whatever they want. It's OnlyFans. It all comes into one. We're all OnlyFans basically. There you go. Perfect example.

Yes, I want that butthole. Not these other ones. I want this lady's asshole. Are you getting a lot of messages online about this special? It's got a lot of views in a short amount of time. It's really cool because you're too close to it. You know when you do a special, you've seen it a million times, you've been in editing. It doesn't hit you like an average audience member because you're just too close to it. So it's cool to...

see it from the response of other people. Yeah. Yeah, it's been great. And I think they appreciate... Because my goal with this was...

I didn't want the glitz and the glam. I just wanted a throwback to... I wanted to capture rather than recreate. Because when we do specials sometimes, it's sort of like you've built all these jokes. Yeah. And then it's a celebration of the material. But people know it's being filmed. Right. I wanted this just to be a fly on the wall experience at the store. It's a regular night of operation. Oh, really? No one knows. They don't know there's cameras and stuff. I didn't know that. Yeah. So there's no artifice. There's no...

there's no big to do. Yes. We've all seen those specials where you do one line and everybody's like, Oh,

Yeah. All right, come on. Yeah, I wanted it to feel kind of real and honest. And I think some people have responded to that and they can tell. They go, oh, this is cool. It's just raw. It's not like we're trying to pull something over you. It's just take the lens cap off. Totally. Yeah. Good on you, man. How do you, I mean, now he just recorded a special. Nice. Now you just put one out. What's your thing? Because you do the road. A little bit. Yeah, yeah. I'll pop out every now and then. What about new material? What's your move?

Like how I build how you got to build and then if they saw that so they see this they come out and see you You don't want to give them that again. No, of course not. Yeah, they're stressed you out Well, I don't have a ton of dates lined up I'm gonna I mean I might have I always call it yeast you have maybe 15 minutes of yeast to build the rest of your new hour Yeah, right. So I'll be building at the Comedy Store and just places around LA and

get it to a nice place and then probably go on tour with some stuff that's not from this. Okay. You got some yeast? How do you guys do it? I got an infection. No, I don't have much. I need more. I need... I have ideas. There's always ideas. But yeah, I mean, I burned a lot. You know, you also want to put out the best possible special you can put out. So it's tough. You know, how much do you save?

Yeah, I wish I had more new stuff to go off, but at the same time, like, you know, pressure's good. It is. It is good to be like, fuck, I need stuff. I am nervous.

Some of those seller spots where you're following some new young comic who's just murdering and you're like, here goes nothing. But I'll tell you like how often I watch like a legend like Colin Quinn just go up there and I'm like, man, he really his ideas, even when it's not hitting, they're so rich and they're so like he's Quinn is someone I've like totally copied and like

Like he would do the fat black pussycat side room run his hour. And I was like, I didn't see anyone else doing that. So I remember asking Liz at the cellar. I'm like, can I start doing hours in there? So that's how I would build my hours by literally just copying Quinn's method. Cause I'm like, he's one of the best ever. Let's do what Quinn does. Yeah. And still got great ideas. I opened for him. I don't know. This is probably four months ago now, but I was in awe. I was watching his set and I was like,

This is brilliant. This is all like special worthy shit. And he hasn't even put any of it out yet. And it was all new. And he's on another level. But I usually build because most of the spots around L.A. are 15 minutes. So which is tough. Right. I mean, it's like what just I mean, it's just tough to write a new act. And because you feel guilty, I think, when it's a short set, just doing all new shit. Well, yeah. Like I wouldn't do an entire set of 15 new. So I'll slide in maybe a few jokes, maybe.

That's the move. Yeah, you slide in a few. It depends what type of show you're doing. If it's like a younger comics bar show or something and you're doing it for free, that's kind of free reign to do whatever you want. Yeah. But yeah, I kind of traditionally build in little 15 minute increments around L.A. and then take it on the road. Do you guys build on the road?

I do mostly on the road. What I like to do a lot is I'll do a long set and give them a good show, and at the end I'll be like, hey, can I do new shit? That's awesome. Oh, really? That way I'm kind of like, I've proven, I'm like, I've given you a good show, and I kind of sell it as, hey...

I'd like to come back here with a new hour. So I'm kind of being like, I'm doing this so I don't turn into a lazy fucking comic. So usually they're incredibly supportive. Sometimes when a joke bombs, it's funny. I mean, it's like when you set it up like that. I know some comics will just sneak it in to see if it fits. But I like to really, I mean, I do it sometimes. But also I do like on the road when you're first in the fetal stages. I like doing that.

That's a good move because they're a little more giving maybe or forgiving. Yeah. Well, and you've already given them a great show. Yeah. So this is just DVD extras. Yeah.

Right. So they're stoked. They get a window into the process like, oh, cool, he's trying out some jokes. And a bad joke is it will get a laugh sometimes because they'll be like, oh, that one wasn't there. It is a funny moment to have with the audience. Of course. And you go, I know that was bad. And they go, it was. It was fucking bad. That's a great moment. What I've been doing in L.A., I've started this show just to work on new material called...

Fahim works on stuff and his friends drop by. So I MC it and I'll do five minutes of new stuff in between, but I have my friends who are doing it. Where is it in one night? I'll do it like in the belly room. So it's like 80 seats, super low, low key. And I don't have the burden of bringing the heat. Like, cause they're going to get some great comedy as I bring them up. And it's an opportunity for fans of mine to kind of,

see me working on new stuff who uh yeah who like what kind of comics are popping in i'm trying to think like jesus trejo did it one time uh kirk fox oh good jokes good one-liners yeah ian ian edwards who uh like when you started at the store in la who were your favorite guy who were guys that you were watching there that you were like oh this guy is pushing me to write this dude's fucking awesome or like and maybe an older guy who you're like

that maybe helped out a little bit? - And you've seen, oh sorry. - Oh no, not at all. - You've seen the store and all these different-- - Totally, these different iterations and timelines. Like we just got past the juggernaut years, which I call it. - Right, right. - Where every star came back and the lineups were fucking insane. It was the Avengers every night. And now it's this post-pandemic. It's still cool and a lot of the shows are sold out. - Yeah, this is like the first half of Endgame. People getting back together.

Bobby was always great. Bobby Lee. Yeah. He's always really... We got to get him on this. We got to. He's amazing. He's a great on pods. All about paying it forward and he's just wise. He knows the comedy game and would take... I think he was one of the first guys to take me on the road with him. Oh, nice. Yeah.

Yeah, giving advice and stuff. Neil Brennan is a guy too. Love Neil. Brilliant joke writer. Just so fucking sharp. Yeah, some of his jokes, I love his bit in his half hour special where he's talking about- A lot of good jokes on that one. You can't even compliment a woman anymore. You know the me too joke? He's like, yeah, that was your problem. Giving women compliments. Yeah.

I love his bit about, he's like, women, their bodies are so amazing. If you were an architect, you know, it's like big tits, big ass, small waist, tiny feet. If you were an architect, you'd be like, it's not safe. That is such a great line. Yeah, he's, you know what he's good at too is like, he'll do men versus women bits in ways I'm like,

Oh, I've never heard that angle, which is... A lot of times people will think... When you think something's going to be hacky in the setup and then you're wowed in the punchline, it's almost even cooler. Not that I think his jokes are going to be hacky, but a setup where you're like, oh, I've heard a lot of men versus women bits. But when it's done well, you're like, oh...

Yeah, yeah. He's good. Kind of like a whiskey. You think you've had them all, and then one day Bodega Cat shows up. Here, here. And blows your mind. Mm-mm, not hacky. Oh, yeah. That was smooth, man. Almost as smooth as whiskey. So Neil, Bobby. Yeah, Sebastian. Burr would come by. Bill Burr. Wow. Yeah, Burr's amazing. He's one of my favorites. Sebastian's a guy. I just saw him at the garden. We talked about it. But I was never like a Sebastian guy. You know, I like a tell. I like a little gritty. Uh-oh.

I like a guy who talks about his dick or a funny lady. But Sebastian was always like, oh, that's one of those bigger comics. And it never grabbed me. And I saw him live and I was like, this is a great show. Yeah. This is amazing. I have a theory when it comes to maybe performance style of New York. Performance. Performance style of New York versus L.A. I always thought about the actual –

like theater space when you do stand up in New York. It's the real estate is very limiting here. So it's like a small stage. There's not a lot of room to play. It's like a goldfish. Yeah. So in LA there's the stages are bigger. You have more room. We die very young here is what Mark made. Ha ha ha.

So you may be more apt to explore the space in LA because you're not people on people. Whereas in New York, you're kind of on a milk crate. Yeah. Mike's here. So you don't even think because you're in a cage a little bit. I like it. I like it. Wow. Yeah. I mean, that's, we, uh, it's, I've never heard it like that. That's well said. I mean, it's, uh, it's something about New York too is, uh,

We do too many sets here sometimes, I think. Like, Mark and I, I think, almost were like... L.A. is more spread out. In New York, sometimes you can do, like, four or five sets a night. And sometimes I don't think it's benefiting me. Sometimes I think I'm just, like... Because it makes you... I've always said you have to walk that line between, like, hating your new material so you're doing new shit. But you can't hate it so much that you're just like, all right, let me plow through this shit again. You don't want to feel like...

that about the jokes at the same time sure the audience knows when you've fallen out of love with a bit they know even if it's a great bit if you're not in it anymore your heart's not into it they can sniff it they just know you don't care about this joke anymore it's crazy like a joke will just stop working

Isn't that weird? When you're like, this joke works. And then it's just, you listen to old recordings, you're like, what's different? I know. But they just know your soul's not selling it anymore. Right. You can even have that with newer material where like, wow, that new joke just fucking murdered. And then you do it a week later and it bombs. It's like, you didn't have that same spark. Yeah. When you think of a new joke, it's like exciting and, you know, fun. Yeah.

That goes away. I didn't know you were a Seattle guy. I didn't know. Okay. So are you, are you, are you a hoops fan? Are you pissed about this? A little bit, man. Yeah. I mean, it sucks. We have no team and we've had no team for this long. Yeah. Um,

Yeah, I wonder when we'll get another one. But yeah, I grew up in that era. Gary Payton, Sean Kemp, Griffey. It was a really nice moment when I was growing up. Ken Griffey Jr. Sweetest swing I've ever seen. Beautiful. I remember those old SportsCenter ads when they're just doing the same. It must be a homer because the pitcher just said, dough. Those old SportsCenter ads. Those were great. Remember when he turned his hat backwards for the home run derby and everyone was like,

He's a thug. That was the big... Whoa. In the 90s, we were like, oh my God, he's turning his hat backwards. I thought it was like the coolest thing I've ever seen. I was like, don't you guys... That's like old baseball heads too. We were like, don't you realize this is like good for the game? I know, right? What I like about baseball is that they have a very lax chain policy. Yeah.

Two-axe. That's true. That looks like it's 40 pounds. Are you sure you want to run the bases with a thing on? Flavor Flav's got a full clock. I also love that it's the last sport where you have a belt. Oh, yeah. Technology has come. You don't need a belt. But they go, no, we're not going to lose the belt. Good point. You're right. I guess boxers get a belt.

He was one of the coolest players ever. Yeah. He literally was the Michael Jordan of baseball at the time. Oh, for sure. And he got injured. I remember he got injured. I don't know if we have the footage of it because baseball is so fucking lame about sharing footage, which is probably why the league has shrunk in popularity. Suffering. But, you know, he broke his arm jumping up to catch a ball into the wall. I remember that. Yeah. I mean, look at that shit.

Oh, he's going full speed. And he gets the catch, but he breaks his fucking arm. Wow, what a story. What's sad is when I look at old clips from my childhood, and they're all in 360p. And I'm like, oh, fuck. I'm old as shit. I'm old. Like, there's no high def. I know. Oh, dude. If I want to watch a Sean Kemp highlight reel, it's going to be grainy. Oh, I got one for you. The last time the Knicks won a championship was in black and white. Oh, fuck. Yeah, my dad used to take me. Oh, fuck.

Oh, he hit that hard. That's badass, though. Wait a minute. I can't even see the ball. Yeah, he broke his wrist in that one. Oh, poor guy, because he knows his career is done. Remember Randy Johnson? That guy would throw like 102. Yeah, man, we had a lot of great players that era. I won't go too sports hard here. You see that clip where he threw a fastball into like a goose? Yes! He just blew it up. That was great. Crazy. PETA hated that shit. Ha ha ha ha.

uh i talk about getting old i remember having eight million vhs tapes selling them on like ebay or something then i had eight million dvds and selling them so i've gone now it's all digital but i've gone like multiple platforms of i got amazon i got amazon downloads who wants to buy them i got blu-ray you name it oh there's the pigeon that used to be like a power move on cribs remember

Oh, come on. The timing. How cool would that be if that bird was trying to kill himself and he was like, this is how I'll do it. I will wait to the big World Series game. What a way to go out. Oh, that's poetic. You know what's crazy? Players get hit by balls that fast and they just do this.

Yeah, that's true. That's all they do. What if a guy blew up and just feathers went everywhere? Feathers went everywhere. Oh, shit. That was a fast ball. Holy shit. A-Rod turned into a piñata? That was crazy. That was a great... Sorry, sorry. Oh, no. It's just crazy. The fucking... These guys just get hit. And they're just like... I got hit once in high school in my elbow. I didn't feel this whole nerve for like two weeks. Oh, damn. I was like, that fucking sucks. Yeah. And I was like... I didn't handle it well at all. I was just like, ah...

ah fuck oh my coach like dude shake it off i'm like ah fuck you yeah never again you get hit a home run the what you think you get hit home run no no no no are you kidding me i went to the batting cages recently there's at arcade and sherman oaks and i went there and it's like it's pretty fucking fun oh bad it's great love a batting cage did uh the pit he threw the pitch out uh oh yeah he threw a good pitch did he do his show yet at uh not yet is it fenway yeah how cool is that comic i'll

Although Fluffy did Dodger Stadium. Bird took over the commentating booth and was killing it. That was fucking amazing. I saw the clip of that. It was so great. Do you ever see the clip of Seinfeld praising Norman during a Mets game? Yeah, yeah. I mean, every comic. I haven't seen that. No, come on.

You must have a social media manager. It was cool seeing Seinfeld with Jordan. Remember that in the Jordan doc? Oh, my God. I wouldn't do this when he's talking about the plays. At the height of Seinfeld, too? I know, the two heights. That's like two Jordans. Yes! Oh, yeah.

The best. I love that 90s shit was like everybody in the country was in on all that. Now it's Splintered. You're right. It's good for comics like us, but it's like, yeah, it is weird that the country is not all watching this. Like water cooler conversations. They don't even have water coolers anymore, right? Everyone brings their bottle. It's hilarious. Yeah. Everyone's watching something different. So there's no real common thread other than maybe the finals or. But like the Amber Heard trial was like, we're all back on something. It's kind of fun. I mean, it sucks for them.

But it's fun. Too bad it's something shitty. Back in the day, it was The Sopranos. You're like, did you see The Sopranos? Now it's like, did you see these two real people's lives fall apart? Yes, exactly. Can you imagine if the OJ trial was on Twitter? Oh, yeah.

That would have been the craziest shit ever. Oh my god. Black Twitter would have gone nuts. I like the Broncos back though. Have you seen that? Ford is like, enough time has passed. Let's bring it back. That was a great old Mulaney joke. He's like, isn't it crazy? This guy did something so bad they took a type of car away. Imagine if I did something fucked up and I'm like, no more Camry. Wow. Great angle. I'll tell you, that 30 for 30 on OJ

Probably the best one ever. I mean fucking like a work of art that guy Ezra Edelman who's like, oh, he's great Yeah, I'm an old filmmaker. I haven't seen that one. Oh, dude. It's like five or six parts probably but it's it's worth it all you're right Okay. Yeah, I remember it now it actually covered race relations in Los Angeles Like you thought it was just gonna be about the OJ trial But it kind of did a deep dive and where we were in history. Oh, it was all the American dream His pressure about being a black guy in like the late 60s 70s wife

I mean, so much. I mean, then like there's guys like, should he have felt that pressure to have to be outspoken? I mean, because I don't think you have to. But I mean, then the guys like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Bill Russell were doing so much. I mean, it's it's it asks a lot of fucked up questions. It's amazing. Yeah. I mean, they did a miniseries about on FX, too, with Cuba Gooding Jr. Jr. Thank you. Or Cuba. Yeah.

I don't know. Cuba. I think it's Cuba. I would always say Cuba, but maybe I'm wrong. Yeah, I would say Cuba too, but it's probably Cuba. Yeah, you don't say scuba diving. Just saying. Just saying. All right. What were you talking about? I don't know. All right. OJ, huh? OJ. No, I never saw those miniseries. Those miniseries always kind of bug me a little bit.

They do the Patty Hearst one. I'm like, I just want to watch the doc. I want to read the book. The doc feels like less creative liberties when you see Travolta in a wig. You're like, I don't know how much of this is true. Tanya Harding. Tanya was good, but you can't beat a doc. Travolta's like, let's write in a masseuse scene. You're like, what are you talking about? What was the other one? Schwimmer came to the store one time. Really? Was he sad?

Just had the sad raw size. Rachel. Was he cool? Well, he was... Pretty good. You were on a break. The thing with the store is it's low key. It's not like the factory where it's super well lit and you're kind of there to be seen. Like sometimes Bieber will go to the factory, but the store is dark. It's, you know...

uh, not super well lit. I saw Bieber at the factory. He was only half laughing at my set. It was pretty fucked up. Timely dude. Timely. We were all thinking it. Um, so he just came, he was in the back and then he slipped out and got into a, I was in like a suburban and bounced. I was there once and they were like, Tarantino was here last night. I was like, ah, he's in my thing. Did you see what he's in there? Yeah. It was just so cool. Like, uh,

I think it's after the main room set. So I'm coming through and he happened to be in the crowd and he was like, I want to talk to the cool guy. So he caught my set. What? You're the cool guy? I'm the cool guy. And I got to talk to Tarantino and he hung out the whole night. Tarantino's like, I need a guy in my new movie. It's too bad you're not ethnic at all. It's just...

It's too bad you're in this ethnic no man's land. Otherwise, I could have cast you in it. Do you know Hassan? Do you have his number? Damn, that's wild. What did he say to you? Just, it was surreal, man. Like Tarantino? Are you a huge Tarantino guy too? Of course, yeah. I love his movies. Love him. So he was like, I want to talk to the cool guy. And he's like, oh yeah, that was great. And we were talking. I think he was saying he was watching the Comedy Store documentary. And he used to come to the Comedy Store all the time. Like in his 20s.

He did a Margaret show back in the day, right? Oh, did he? I think so. But he was talking about how he saw Kinison and stuff doing the late night spot and then also like Dice. Yeah. Yeah. And he just said, I was watching the Comedy Store documentary and I missed the place and I wanted to come back. He was in Tel Aviv. Yeah. Yeah. So his wife is in Israel. He said he had to go to like a bomb shelter during the bombings. That's crazy. Yeah, dude. That, uh,

That's crazy. He's obsessed with like that late 70s or late 60s, early 70s film period, which is like the best, obviously. But like, man, I loved his last movie, The Hollywood. Me too. Me too. Yeah. I loved it. But how cool is that? Sometimes we're so microscopic in what we do. We just like, okay, what's my bit, blah, blah. And you forget that these other art forms exist.

Yes. What you do on a different level because you're too close to it. Right. Like you doing Joker is fucking like awesome. It's insane. It's so cool. Yeah, but it's just a testament to you working on your craft and then somebody else recognizing what you're doing. Right. And Todd Phillips being just like a cool guy.

Sure. He's like a cool dude who likes comedy the way we probably like movies, you know? Totally. But there is this mutual adoration for different art forms where like Portugal the Man would come to the Comedy Store all the time. Oh, wow. So we got to like talk to them and they would come by and –

you're not, you're just like working on your set, but you don't know who's in the crowd. And you're like, Oh, what you do is so much better than what I do. Yeah. Yeah. So it's so cool. And there's that crossover. I love that. It was a Kevin Hart special once. And at one point he does a joke and he looks down at the crowd and Shaq's in the front, like,

And I was like, that's amazing. Shaq's in the front row. But that happens. I saw a Sebastian special. Seinfeld and his wife are in the front row. So you're like, I love when the big names come out and support. I'd be like, hey, can we not sit Jerry in eyesight for my special, please? That would be my request. Totally. Can I not see one of the legends of comedy? Could you not put Harvey Weinstein right up front? Oh, you saw that one show where that comic yelled at him for being out? Oh, I did see that. That was crazy. Wait, which special? It wasn't a special. It was like a clip.

Some comics on stage. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, it's fucking, I mean, it was pretty badass that she said that. It was great. I was here in New York, right? Yeah. I got to tell a Fitzsimmons. Fitzsimmons did a show at the Comedy Store. He said he was dying on stage, bombing. The crowd was very sensitive or something. And he does one joke where he goes, so AIDS is bad, but you got to admit.

It's the best way, like, fucking to get AIDS. It's about, like, you know, I can't remember the joke, but he's like, out of all the diseases that'll kill you, at least you get to fuck and then die or something. And he said the whole crowd turned on him, and there was one guy in the back going, ah!

And it was Tarantino. I was going to say, it was Rock Hudson. It was Magic Johnson. But yeah, that's nice to hear that Tarantino's like, he likes dark shit. Tarantino is such an artist. I bet he appreciates seeing shit go south. Come on, man. As comics, we like watching great comics, Bob.

Like, it's almost more... Not like I'm taking pleasure in it, but more like, how are they going to handle it? Like, I've seen a tell deal with bad crowds, and you're like, well, this is, like, special. It's almost more interesting to see crowds not get David Tell's genius to me. Where I'm like, oh, you're missing... I see how great Dave is. Comics see how great Dave is. But once in a while, you'll catch a crowd that, like, just doesn't click with him. And the way he turns, it's like fucking...

And it's like when Yoda just takes out the lightsaber and stuff. You're like, holy shit. Right, exactly. I'm such a comedy nerd. I was on YouTube one time and Seinfeld was at the Comedy Store in London. I was like, let me check that out.

It's not a great crowd. And he's used to doing theaters and adoration and all that, and he turns them around just with his... He kicks it up a notch. I thought you were going to say he turns on them. He's like, what the fuck is with you assholes? What's the deal with teeth? You got bad ones. Boo.

Yeah. But he turned it around just like he kicked it up a notch. It was like, oh yeah, this guy's a club comic from back in the day. He's a pro. So it was fun to watch. One of my favorite moments ever is on the Rodney Dangerfield DVD box set where it's like all those amazing old specials where it's like, you know, he's introducing all these amazing young comics. I love those. But there's one where it's him old as shit in Vegas and he doesn't look

great and he's kind of bombing and they just kind of you could see you're like fuck is this dude lost his fastball and then he just starts hammering hammering one liner after one liner and it gets to a point where after a string of them he's killing the crowd gives him a huge applause break and he just goes i know a lot of fucking jokes it's like he just got his swagger right back it was like oh amazing you need to like kick you into gear sometimes because you go on autopilot you're the celebrity you're a big name whatever so

He didn't seem like he went on autopilot, though. Rodney is like, oh, we should do a Patreon. We just watch like old Rodney movies. Still killer jokes. They had Evening at the Improv on Hulu. Yeah. So they had this back catalog of all the Evening at the Improvs. And they have legends on there. But they were like three years into stand-up. Wow.

So, like I would watch Martin Lawrence or Adam Sandler and they're – you know, I go at the improv. I'm there all the time to see that stage and these legends on there and to see them three years in. It's kind of nice because they look three years in. And their jokes are three years in. And it's almost a nice reminder that like, oh, everyone's on this journey. And not every stand-up is fully formed until they get to whatever – whenever that is. And it's different for everybody. So, to see Martin Lawrence –

Do good, you know, but like a three-year comic, it was almost a nice recalibration and inspiring. It's huge. Oh, okay. It's just a process for everybody, no matter who you are. And we're lucky enough to have those videos to watch. Like they just had to live that.

They couldn't really look back. They look back on Henny Youngman or some shit, you know? We can see all the process. We have all the- The Carson sets, you know? Yeah. I guess you had to watch. It's hard to just study them, probably. Maybe the library or something had them. I don't know. Maybe. You have to go to the Paley Center and just put on some weird headphones and just-

there's a homeless guy jerking off next to you like this is I don't want to study these YouTube psychos though somebody made like Bill Burr then to now and it's like a trajectory of like 1994 to whatever and he's got a full head of hair he's got freckles he's cute and now at the end he's like these fucking twos or whatever it is that's a good point it's fun to watch they did one with CK Burr there's a

There's a few of them. Because even when they were famous, if you look at their early stuff, it's different than the way they are now. Yes. And it's just evolving. No matter where you are in your career, you're not the same person.

five or six years ago as you are now and that's a good thing i mean yeah growing you're not if you are the same that's a fucking problem you probably not seeing those people on tape or dvd or whatever but i used to watch those like larry uh miller sets holy shit he was funny he was funny great delivery great writing like those classic like jokes like the the woman like you know you're breaking up with her she's like you'll never meet anyone like me again he goes yeah i should hope not

I'm breaking up with you. I mean, his drinking bit, it's like eight minutes. It was amazing. And we've all had that moment. Who were your guys? Dangerfield, Attell, Brock, like, you know...

I mean, so many comics coming out. Who else? Who are your dudes? I mean, Norm and Seinfeld. Norm was huge. Seinfeld, Carlin. I love Greg Giraldo. Giraldo, Attell. Quinn, Louis. I like Stephen. I love Stephen Wright. I remember the first time hearing Stephen Wright being like, this is blowing my mind. I mean, Burr blew my mind. I mean, Hedberg. Yeah. I like different shit, too. Patrice. I remember seeing Lily Tomlin's.

Search for Signs of Intelligent Life. And I was like, this is like genius. I was like, this is crazy. Yeah, yeah. Carlin. Ellen's first album is incredible. Yeah. Incredible.

Just club, great observational, clean, but you don't notice it's clean. Really good. Yeah, that's the best. When there's a clean comic and you don't even really know. Because there is this kind of brand with clean where you go, I'm not going to like it. It's going to be too squeaky, not edgy. But there's a way to be edgy with clean. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. I remember watching a comic once. I forgot who it was, but the guy booking the show was like, you probably won't like her. She's...

She's like really clean. I was like laughing. I was like, what are you talking? Like, why can't I just only like people that sound like me? It's like the opposite. You want to see someone different from you. Yeah. I don't want to watch me. I'm always amazed at how many different ways there are to be funny. I know. Because you have your style and your voice and your instrument or whatever. But then you see somebody do something completely different.

and you like love it be like oh I can never do that and I love that shit oh my god well I'm watching you do these big act outs I'm like I would not have the balls I remember doing like tiny little mics or tiny rooms and I was watching this comic Nick Vadorod who I think he's a Chicago guy so funny Nick is incredibly funny and I remember watching him and just being in like awe

because he would do the crazy there'd be six people in the room and he'd be selling it as if it was like a thousand he'd be like sweating and I'd be dying laughing because he was the balls he had I know he'd do these weird bits I know and I mean the comics talk about like oh that bit was brave I could give a fuck like what brave to me is like willing to look like a buffoon like that's brave right

He has that bit about, he's like, you go to the restaurant and they're like, the catch of the day is a ahi tuna was in whatever. And he's like, come on, put some life into it. If I was a waiter, I'd be like, the catch of the day. There I was on the Atlantic in a tugboat alone. And I was fighting with this thing all day and night. And I shot in the face and then I pulled it in the boat. Then we fist fought.

Comes with rice. And I'm butchering it. It was like way more elaborate. And then the pause. Yeah. I mean, he is incredibly funny. Nick Vatterod. Incredible. He did, I think, a Fallon or Seth Meyers, one of those. Remember the set list joke? It was ballsy. He brings up the set list and it rolls down the stage. It's so long. It was like, it was wacky and original. He is just hilarious. Yeah, yeah. I love that shit. Sometimes you forget as stand-up comedians that...

It kind of is a sandbox and you can make, it's a white canvas. You can do whatever you want. Like obviously you can tell jokes and that's like people expect that. But sometimes it's fun if I have an outside the box idea and it can kind of turn the idea of like what standup is on its head a little bit. We might be drunk as excited to welcome our new sponsor.

Diet Smoke. Most of us have had a, I don't think this edible is working moment. Then 10 minutes later, you're on the couch and you can't remember the word cat. I've been there. Edibles can hit you when you least expect it, and their dosage can be very uncertain. That's why when we need the perfect medium high, we hit our friends at Diet Smoke for the delicious Delta 8 THC gummies.

Okay.

This stuff is top notch. It's just what I need. It's like having a light beer. I heard your dad does the same thing. He gets on his knees. He thinks of you. He cries. It's all because of this stuff right here. That's how I got in this mess. Oh, geez. It's legal in most states and non-prescription. Just check Diet Smoke's website to see if they ship to your state. Also, their gummies are low in sugar, fat-free, and delish.

So when CBD isn't enough and traditional THC is too much, enjoy the smooth buzz of Diet Smoke. That's dietsmoke.com. Use promotional code DRUNK for 20% off your order. That's dietsmoke.com. Promo code DRUNK, 20% off. As a special offer, Diet Smoke's coupon code can be used on every order.

So give it a shot. Come back. Say like, yeah, I'm doing this again. 20% off again. Diet smokes, Delta 8. THC gummies are not for use or sale to people under the age of 21. Please use responsibly. Diet smoke isn't light.

It's just right. We Might Be Drunk is sponsored by BetterHelp Online Therapy. Relationships take work. A lot of us will drop anything to go help someone we care about. We'll go out of our way to treat other people well. But how often do we give ourselves the same treatment? For me, working out or buying some new sneakers is an investment in myself. This month, BetterHelp Online Therapy wants to remind you to take care of your most important relationship, the one you have with yourself.

We're in therapy. We go to the same guy. It's necessary. Clean out the garbage. Your head has all these horrible thoughts splicing your childhood, traumatic experiences. You're a wreck. You're a mess. You need therapy. Get out the garbage. Whether it's hitting the gym, making time for a haircut, or even trying therapy, you're your greatest asset. So invest time and effort into yourself like you do for other people. Tell them how.

BetterHelp is online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. Maybe you got a weird boil on your face or something. You don't want them to see that. You're

You're all set. Yep. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy, and you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. Give it a try and see why over 2 million people have used BetterHelp online therapy. We Might Be Drunk is sponsored by BetterHelp, and listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash drunk. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash drunk.com.

You gotta do this. It's therapy. Very important. Take care of yourself. It's gonna change your life. Hear, hear. It doesn't feel like it's a fun existence to always have to be concerned with, like, coming off as cool.

Right. That seems like exhausting to me. Yeah. Even like fashion. I always think about people who are on the bleeding edge of fashion. That just seems exhausting. Yeah. Skipping meals, worrying about fittings. But not only that, just sort of like what is the cool clothes? Like it's so much mental energy to be cool. I know. Do you see Julia Fox with Kanye and all that? I'm like, does this look fun?

No, no. This doesn't look fun to me. And the clothes don't look good either. You know what's funny? She has that track, you know, that one that came out where he's attacking Pete or whatever. And he goes like something about Pete Davidson. She goes, who? And in my mind, I'm like, more people know Pete Davidson than you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm clueless. But yeah, no, I'm with you. Then why are you writing the song? I know.

It's all stupid. It's so funny that Kanye West has a diss track about a comic we know. I know. It's wild. It's funny we know a guy fucking Kim Kardashian. Yeah. And Scarlett Johansson, by the way. That's true. We were talking about it. We were talking about it. Colin Jost, great guy. Great guy. One of the nicest dudes. Great dude. Great hair. Yeah. Great hair. We were talking about it. It was like me, Sal, and Santino. We were at this Italian place. Oh, yeah. And DeRosa was there, too. Yeah.

We're talking about the Pete and Kim. There's food. DeRosa's there. DeRosa's there. Be real. We're talking about the Pete and Kim thing and we were just joking like how funny is it that like a comic broke Kanye? Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like he was cool with anything else, but like a stand-up comedian? Yeah. That's so funny. You don't hear about that with like Yakov. Comedy's like cool right now. It's weird. Yeah, you don't hear about like Yakov Smirnoff fucking Waka Fokla's ex-girlfriend. You don't hear about that. Yeah, that's a headline.

Dude, Yaka, in Soviet Russia, I guess you get your dick wet. This is crazy. Yeah. I just think of comics with, like, Louis Anderson, you know, or Drew Carey or something. Did you know Louis Anderson at all? I only knew, like, of him. I never got to, like, you know, speak with him personally. And that's my one regret because we're losing comedians, you know. Like, every so often we'll lose a great one. Like Norm. Norm would come by the store. Wow.

I know Adam Eget really well and I wouldn't want to bother Norm but I think moving on and

you know from this point forward i i when i have those opportunities i want to take them and say hello or be like i'm a big fan because you may not have that opportunity again and you take these people for granted but life is short and i wish that i would have you know told norm that i'm a big fan and i yeah i appreciate what he does and did you speak to him at all or no just maybe like a hello and just like a pleasantry in the hallway but not enough to be like

Yeah. Like I'm a store. You know, like I bet so many annoying comics bug Norm and then you're someone who I bet he would have enjoyed talking to and you're like, I can't. Yeah. You know, that's why he would enjoy talking. It's just kind of this catch 22. Yeah. I'm too much one way where I should have just been like, hey, Norm, I'm a big fan. And, you know, I like what you do the same way. Yeah. I met Larry David, who's like.

One of my heroes. And I didn't even... I saw him from across the room. Mark, you gotta meet Norm! And I was like, what's... I mean, sorry, Larry David. What's up, Larry David? He goes, hey, how are ya? And I didn't want to walk over because I knew he would hate that. Like, just me going...

All the way across the room and I just couldn't do it to him. And of course I want to meet him. Of course I want to hug him. I want to get a photo with him, but I couldn't do it. Wouldn't you be happy if you had that photo right now? Of course, of course. I remember I noticed that Gary Shandling followed me on Twitter. What? And I was like, I should DM him and just say how much I love Larry Sanders. And I just never did it. I was just too cowardly.

Yeah, but don't you kind of wish I did? I wish I just had some acknowledgement that him following me wasn't an accident. Like he accidentally hit, you know? He's like, who? Who are you? No, I mean, Larry Sanders was my shit, dude. And I think his old stand-up is killer. I love Gary Shandling. I love the doc. The doc was great. Judd is killing these docs, man. I know. The Carlin one. Promoting the doc, the Carlin doc in his new book. I mean, I thought the Carlin doc was incredible, too. We've talked about it, but

the Shanley one fuck yeah glad he's taking the reins of just making these killer ducks but that tonight show story really like fucked with me which one was that

where he did the tonight show and he just collapsed because like he only thought to the tonight show really like he did he did the thing that he wanted to do and like that happened to me but what's last unleashed i can't i can't make it past here you collapsed in byron allen's arms you go i've reached the summit so you collapsed recently thanks byron anyway we'll be back we'll be back i heard you kissed the boy

Just like no special. There's my little tease. I was also a boy. I was seven as well. Yeah. I heard you wanted to go to Mars recently. So, you know, I fucked with him. I went on. This is an amazing Norman story, by the way. I went on and it's so cheesy. Look, I,

I don't want to shit on the guy because he's doing the Lord's work, whatever. And he's helped a lot of comics. Yeah. He's brilliant, man. He's a good guy. I've heard he's a great dude, but yeah. Great guy. He's given comics so many opportunities and he sees the showbiz matrix and he's rich for a reason. Oh, yeah. He's a smart guy. Smart guy. But I went on and I was like, just as a comic, instinctively, this is weird. This is so inauthentic and our whole thing is being authentic. Yeah.

So he was like, so you got to, I hear you have a dog. And I was like, no, I don't have a dog. And you could see his whole world is collapsing. He's like, this is the format. We've done it for 40 years. What the fuck are you doing? And that was all in his eyes. I was like, no, I don't have a dog. I hate dogs. I'm actually allergic. It's like Temple of Doom. He just rips your fucking heart out.

Did he think you had a joke about dogs? Yeah, I wrote it down. I wrote a dog joke down. And then, dude, the best part of this, Mark's even told this part. They do a group picture with everyone and Mark is doing this. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. In the group picture. I'm like, Mark, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah. So I just couldn't do it. It's the opposite of comedy. Yeah. It just felt wrong. That British thing we did is kind of in the same vein. That's the same thing? It felt kind of Comics Unleashed. Yes. Yes. Mark did it. Yeah.

Well, because you did it, when they were hitting me up to do it, I was like on the fence. But then I saw you were doing it and List was doing it. Never agree to something because Mark agreed to do it. That's a good point. That's what we've learned. But no, I'm like, oh, this seems legit. Yeah, it was legit. It just wasn't what I thought. It was a little different than the way they pitched it to us. Yeah, for sure. So that's why it was kind of a little...

Like we were doing homework in London. I thought I was going to be able to explore and hang out there, but you had this giant packet and you were doing a lot of your old material. Yeah. So it was kind of, kind of high pressure. I thought it was going to be a few like at midnight jokes. We had a meeting where he's like, are you doing a lot of writing? And I was like, uh, well, I'm getting to it. He's like,

You have to write. Like, they kind of were stern with me. Like, you're bombing out there. You have to do more work. And I was like, okay, okay. What, after the first taping? Yeah, yeah. He kind of yelled at me a little bit. See? Because, like, I saw the link. This sounds like a horrible European vacation. Well, it's in a British accent, so it's not as abrasive. You go, oh, okay. They're good at that. Yeah. But it was tough. And I'm telling my lady, like, I can't go to Big Ben. I have to write a pun about a book and a meat.

You know, coming together. So that was hard. Yeah, she was employees. Hopefully it'll cut together well. Because those British panel formats, they shoot... Until you know you're doomed when you're like, we'll fix this in the editing. Kind of. Hopefully, but the editing could be horrible. Like I had a couple riffs that I was like, yeah, I was proud of that. I finally got to be myself, but I'm sure they'll cut that out.

Yeah, it's a weird, like that's very popular in London, that British panel show where comics are all at like a table and there's little categories and you say these jokes. And it was US versus London. No, it wasn't. The thing is. Oh, for Mark it was. Subconsciously it was because the British kids were a killer. How many? Oh, because that's their jam. That's what I'm saying. That's like their Tonight Show or it's culturally panel shows. They grew up with that and that's like a big thing in London. How many British people were on yours? Oh,

Just two, but they were both ringers. Assassins. Assassins. Yeah. They would go first, like, here's the question, here's the category, and they would be ready, and they would have five...

killer ones and you'd have two okay ones and then you do four bad ones and those would bomb but theirs would hit. I mean, it was ugly. They were getting applause. Nothing worse than when you open with what you think is your winner and then you're like, well, here come the fucking duds. Yeah, exactly. But the tape night was three hours and they cut it down to 22 minutes so there'll be some gold. That's true. That's true. Yeah. They shoot super fat. Damn. Yeah. By the way, these fucking drinks are phenomenal. Yeah. Too good. No, no, no. We got to save some of this for tomorrow. You want one of?

Yeah, give him one. He needs one. Save some for Segura, though, too. Oh, yeah. We want everyone to try the Bodega Cat until we get the full case. Yeah. Are we just going to drink Bodega Cat every episode of this for a while? I think we do. I think this just becomes the Bodega Cat pod. We've almost killed a bottle in one episode. Yeah, why not? What's wrong with it?

No. You like it. You're a professional bar guy and you like it. All right. I think it's going to dazzle some people. I think we got a winner here. I want to have my own malt liquor. I'm going to go the other direction. You guys can do the high shelf stuff. I'm going to be a man of the people. Once again, not ethnic enough.

If you were more ethnic, that would really fly off the shelf. Yeah. I just have like a hookah coal that I'm selling. Is it tempting to lean in to the Afghan? No, because like I don't even think that way. I love it. My brain isn't even... It's not even integrity. I just like...

You're just a real comic. I guess, but whatever strikes me as funny just doesn't happen to lean that way. Sure. No, you're an observational comedian. I'm an observational guy. I remember you have great jokes about Uber. You'll do jokes about shit that's the everyday experience, and that's kind of how Mark and I write. I think the issue is sometimes when we're all observational, it's like, fuck, has this been done to death? Oh, yeah. That's the issue of rebuilding your shit. You want to make sure you have a good angle. Yeah, but I think you do it for long enough, you realize...

Because I think when I first started comedy and a joke works, it seems so fleeting. Like, will I be able to do it again? But over time, you just kind of accept this truth that,

I'm wired different. Yeah. Or I see the world different. I'll let you know when I get there. I'm at the point right now where I'm like, I'm fucked. No, but from the outside looking in, you do see the world different. I feel a little fucked right now. I'll let you know. Everyone has that imposter syndrome and everyone will always have a shade of it. But I think there's this thing that happens when you do comedy for long enough where you just realize...

Oh, I perceive the world a little differently than... So even if you're talking about a well-tread topic, your angle is going to be different than anybody else's angle. Yeah. Because you're Sam. I gotta get to work. Sure. I really gotta get to work. But this fucking... But where are we going? That's the other thing. We worry about comedy and I should take my own advice, but we're not going anywhere. You just put out a special. Both of you guys doing specials. It's like...

five years will go by there'll be another one and another one you know we're in this for the long game yeah and it's like I really am having fun I was texting Mark the other day you know he's texting me after my special and he's like you know just being supportive you know your friends are supportive and I said hey you know uh

I'm grateful. I really am. You have good friends, a good family. I like where my career is at. I'm trying to just enjoy my life right now. This guy just did the Beacon. He just did a Letterman thing. The Letterman thing is fucking amazing. This guy's rolling. You guys as well. I mean, shit. And it's cool. Life is all right right now. This is fun. This is work. This is amazing. I'm drinking with people I enjoy, and this is a fucking job? Yeah.

Sometimes you have to remind yourself of that because you'll hop on Instagram when you wake up and I have, I know you have to remind yourself. This is like a big moment for me where I realized you can't do all the cool things. No one can do all the cool things. Like,

You might look at some stuff and you go, oh, that looks cool, that looks cool. But it's not a multiverse where you get to do every fucking thing in the world. You're doing cool shit that people envy. You're doing cool shit that people envy. Like, I'm doing cool shit. You can't do it all. Yeah. And also, you... I don't want to do it all. Yeah, you don't want to do it all. I'm already exhausted. Yeah. Right. I came here hungover. I'm not like, you know... And think we have the internet at our fingertips. I hate the internet because it's so mean and so toxic and whatever. But...

I mean, just think how much more you can do now. Like my parents are like, you're doing this? You flew here? Are you tired? I'm like, no, I'm doing the road. Like you flew to Indianapolis and then you're going back on Sunday? I mean, you're taking a break, right? I'm like, I got a spot at the cellar. Like, you have a spot tonight? Oh my God. Like, I like

this though i like it i want to live i want to pack as much in i look at life is fleeting i'm like we're gonna die but you do have to reset sometimes of course of course i do the same thing where i like i land and i go to the cellar and i'm like i needed it to take a night like somebody gets that because you also need to live like you're talking about top gun i'm like i haven't got dude i haven't seen been to i used to go to the movie theater like once a week that's true i haven't been to this is the last movie i saw in the theater 1918

No, it was 1917. 1917. Did you see the sequel? I saw the sequel. It was one year later. You haven't been to the theater since 1918? Holy shit. That's a great movie to see in the theater, by the way. It's pretty good. Yeah. I mean, fucking incredible. But that's the last time I saw a movie in the theater, and that was like three years ago. We're busy. We're lucky that we do stand-up and our scenery is changing all the time. I had this writing job for about a year, year and a half. What were you writing on?

It's not United States of Al, that Chuck Lorre show. Two girls, one cup. It's okay. You know, it's interesting when you write for. Is he cool, Chuck Lorre? He, you know, what's interesting is we operate in the world of standup and we're all like hip and savvy and think we're on the cutting edge of comedy and shit. And it's easy to be like, oh, Chuck Lorre shows or whatever. It's not my cup. It's not like a cool thing, let's say. But when he would come into the room for rewrites,

There is a brilliance. No. To what he does. Two and a half men is one of the biggest shows of all time. Two and a half men. Big bang. Big bang theory. Mike and Molly. I didn't realize he did all those. Wow. He prints money. The guy is who he is for a reason. Yeah. And it was very cool to...

To see that in person. Because it's easy to be like that's over here. That's a different thing than what I'm doing. But when he would come in. He sees the sitcom. He's a nice guy. Nice enough. Like people. Yeah he's a nice guy. But he is just so busy. And so rich. That he doesn't have the time. To like.

Kid loves you. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? Because his time is very, very valuable. Yeah. So I understood it. Do you like the writer's room experience? I mean, you're such a comic. I feel like you would hate it. Yeah, exactly. So it came during the pandemic. So it was cool to have that when the world shut down and we couldn't really go on stage. Because I never tried to get staffed when I was a comic just because I love stand-up and acting and I love the shit changing all the time.

But this came, it was easy. The EPs were fans of me and they just offered it to me. And I was like, yeah, cool. There's nothing, you know, the world shut down. And I got to learn a bunch of stuff. But after doing it that long, I kind of realized I can't, it felt like Boeing because I used to work at Boeing as an aerospace engineer. Yeah, yeah. So it felt like joke Boeing. Whoa, joeing. Joeing. Wow. Because you're at a conference table for 10 hours every day. You have an office. There's a break room. Oh.

So it kind of... It's not you. Nightmare. I mean, you talk about acting and stuff. I mean, you were in that Tina Fey movie, right? Yeah, yeah. Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot. How did that happen? That was just auditioning. Yeah. I've never gotten anything off an audition in my life. Really? Have you? Not one. Any acting thing I've gotten, they've been like, yeah, I like you. Just come here. Dude, but honestly, that is where it's at. Anything that I've booked just off of an audition...

As I look back on it, I'm like, whoa, that's fucking insane. Yeah, the odds are so small to have no champions. Hook up some nepotism, dude. Shit. Yeah, I have nothing. Was Tina Fey cool? Yeah, she was super nice. Martin Freeman was really cool, too. He's a great actor. Great actor, super nice. We had T. Alfred Molina, so nice. Oh, he's good.

That dude always delivered. Dude. I'm not a huge superhero movie guy, but Spider-Man 2, he's phenomenal. Yeah, he's great. Margot Robbie was in it too. Whoa. The thing is, I think she was getting ready for Birds of Prey or maybe it was- That's a good movie. No.

No, it was earlier than that. Birds of Prey is a solid superhero. This was the first Suicide Squad. She was getting ready for that. Okay. So she had Suicide Squad, the first one. So she was trying to get fit and the personal, she was like kind of ducking the personal trainer. So me and the personal trainer became really good friends. Dude, if she's ducking a personal trainer, what shot do we have? I know, right? Yeah.

You think I'm going to fucking show up? She's naturally gifted. She's like beautiful. Yeah, she doesn't need the personal trainer. So hot in Wolf of Wall Street. I know. Jesus Christ. God damn. But me and the trainer became good friends and we were just like hanging around New Mexico for like a month. So you were there for a while. Yeah. Well, that's the thing with Hollywood is sometimes you'll shoot a movie and they want you there for a month even though you only have three shoot days total. I hate that. That's another thing as a comic book. Are you going crazy there? Kind of. I'm going bonkers. I'm not getting up. Why did you stand up in New Mexico? You don't.

She don't get up. I think Maren started there. Yeah.

What, yeah, any memories from working with Tina Fey? Like any moments? She was nice enough. You know, it was around that time period when the blue dress, yellow dress thing was happening. Remember on the internet? Oh, that was a while ago. That was a while ago, yeah. And there was a cast dinner. So I met Lorne because I think it was through Broadway videos. So I met Lorne Michaels. Did you ever want to do SNL? Yeah, that's why I got into stand-up. I mean, he's prime. You're built for it. You're built for it. My best friend is on it, Aristotle. So he was part of...

Yeah. Now I sound like your uncle. No, I know. But it's one of those things where... Come to New York, man. When you're younger, you have these idealized versions of what it is, but then you get older and you go... Would you move to New York ever? For us in LA, you would. If I had a job, but I don't have this rope. Like, it's fun. I like visiting. This has been fantastic. Yeah. But I don't know if it, like...

Speaks to my soul. Like I got to live out here regardless. Sure. I get that. LA speaks to your soul. LA doesn't speak to my soul, but it's, uh, I'm a West Coast guy. I like space. I like my car. I like my music. No, I hear that. Here it's, you put your folks are in Seattle. Yeah. So it's easy to fly up and see them. I get that. Here. Your car is like your AirPods. Yeah.

Right? People put the headphones in as their slight barrier to everybody else. Yes, yes. Because there's no physical barrier, so you need to put the headphones in. Oh, that's good. This is the physical barrier. You're on the subway. Kind of. Back the fuck off. Yeah, there's a lot of that. Yeah, there's nothing. I love having people around that I don't have to talk to, but I like that they're there. I feel the same way. That was a part of the Carlin doc I really related to where he was like he needed his friends around, but he didn't want to speak to them. I was like, oh my God, that's what I do. I'm like, come over. And then my friends are there and I'm like,

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like having the TV on. Yeah. Working on notes. Yeah, right. It's like when you leave the radio on for the dog. Oh, my God. I need noise, too. On the road, I'll leave the TV on. I just want noise. Same. Where'd you grow up? Where did you grow up? I'm from the city. You're from New York? Yeah. And you? He's normal. What about you? I'm from New Orleans. Ah.

This is crazy. So I've known your stuff for so long and I feel like I know you fairly well. Same here, dude. But like we've never actually sat down and talked. I know. Like we talk when I see you. A little bit in the hallway at the store. In the hallway I see you. And I'm always so happy when you come by the store because I never get to see you guys. Back at you. I mean it's always good to see you, you know. But yeah, but it's like.

It's funny. When do you have your first conversation? A podcast. That's a big part of why we do this. We get to hang out. And how often do you get to really talk with... Because we're all socially awkward and on the run. Yeah.

And doing sets. Even at a comedy club. On the run. Well, even at a comedy club, you're not really able to talk. You're like, oh, I'm on in two minutes. Sorry, I gotta go. We were talking about movies, too. You must see movies on the road. I feel guilty wasting those weekends. I know, I know. I feel like I have to be productive during the day on the road. Like, I'll go get a bite or something, but I want to have something new to say at those shows. Totally. And if I'm going to the movies, I just... But then I'm like, when do you go to the movies? I love going to the movies. We have less time. I mean...

Podcasting is really, it takes hours and hours and then you got to write, you got to tweet, you got to post clips, you got to do stand up. Sometimes I envy old Hollywood where you could be Humphrey Bogart and you do a film and people- He didn't die at like 58 though. That's true. He died young and then Sinatra was like nursing him when he was dying and then he totally banged Lauren Bacall. They were boys. But there was a cool thing where people only knew you through your art.

I know. I miss it so much. I would love for that. I know, but nowadays accessibility is the new mystique. I don't know. I don't know if that's true. No, the only person who could do mystique is, who's the cobbler? The actor? Sandler? No. Isn't he the cobbler? He's in that like Phantom Thread. Daniel Day-Lewis. Yes. Ah.

He's like the last guy who they will allow to do that. It took a toll. He retired young. He'll be back. Yeah, but no one's asking Daniel Day-Lewis to live tweet the movie. Ha, ha, ha.

Can you imagine that person? That's true. Daniel, can you tweet this? Can you do an IG live? He just answers as Daniel Plainview. Shut the fuck up. Jesus. I will drink your milkshake from Five Guys. Dude, you know...

I don't know. I'm with you. I love old Hollywood shit. And I love... Mark and I talk about movies on this podcast nonstop. We're obsessed with old timey... Like old Nicholson shit. And how cool that time period was. And that era of Robert Evans and Nicholson. Did you see that the kid stays in the picture? I read the book. I heard the doc's amazing. It's amazing. I gotta watch it. He's... Robert Evans was just fucking...

hilarious that's one of the best docs one of the cool i gotta i'll watch the doc he's a legend yeah just him on the phone and he's giving an interview about him on a phone call and he still says the slurs he's like tell that fucking polack i won't work for that amount of money i got the best kikes in hollywood over here like jesus christ you're saying this in a in an interview i love one of the stories about him arguing with uh the agent

of Faye Dunaway trying... They were like friends, but they hated each other. But it was that old Hollywood, like, I like you, but go fuck yourself off. Yes, yes. And she was trying to get Faye Dunaway's money up for Chinatown. He was like, go fuck yourself. We got all... We got Jane Fonda interested. You can go fucking eat shit. And then like the next day, he's like, this is the lowest... This is the only money we'll do. It was like, wait. She's like, if I take that money to Faye Dunaway, she'll fire me and she'll be right. He's like, fuck you. That's the offer. And then the next day, she's like...

All right, you're gonna be nuts, but Faye Dunaway took it and he goes I never made Jane Fonda an offer I was wrong, you know, so it's like all this bullshit and all these exactly I loved it He's the kind of guy who wears a crazy suit and he's eating He's eating dinner at lunch with the or eating lunch with the fucking napkin in his shirt, you know, he's all in He's got a phone on one arm on his shoulder. Look at him. He's by the he's by the pool You gotta see this doc. Oh, dude. He was uh, he's a legend. Oh

The movies he made were fucking... I mean, Godfather. Rosemary's Baby was a risk, and he went for it. But those days are over. Now it's... I got TikTok every day. For a lot of reasons. Yeah, I mean, you're right, though. Hollywood had Mystique, but now celebrities are completely...

Out of touch? Out of touch. It's like the Imagine video and all that shit. It's not cool. It used to be cool. Yeah, Jim Carrey nailed it when he said, like, we used to be the cool club and we're not. It's like, yeah, dude. I mean, you watch the Oscars now and you're like, give us a fuck. Madonna's doing this shit in her bathtub. You're like, oh.

Well, I think the pandemic revealed that a lot of actors need writers. Yes. Hilarious. Wow, yeah. We worship actors in this country, and it's like, man, we should be worshiping writers a little more. Like, writers are cooler to me, right? Honestly, you know, I always, once you become a writer on a show, you kind of see this difference between the actors and the writers. They're two different worlds. They make the same thing, but they're, it's,

it's different lunch tables, right? Oh yeah. And whenever it comes to a popular show, a lot of times people would try to ask the actor and be like, so what happens in season three? Do you have any spoilers for us? Yeah. And I always, and the actors were like, oh, I can't really say. If you DM'd

any of the writers and said what goes on in season three they would tell you everything because they're just so excited anybody even knows who they are right but this is where you're both you're both that's what i'm saying i was visiting i was visiting with the writing you know it was cool i learned a lot um

But I think what's cool about doing those things is you learn what you want out of life and what your speed is. And I like that I was able to lay down some writing track. Sure. But I think I just – I love how – okay, we're doing a gig here in London. And then we're doing a show –

I don't know, in Jersey or something. Just your scenery is changing all the time. Yes, yes, exactly. I just knew I couldn't be in a room for you blink and it's 10 years later. Exactly, exactly. And you get your nice lunch and the pay is good and, you know, you have your coffee there, but I'd rather be living.

I love it out, moving. I like not knowing what's happening. I've learned to love the road. I really have. Like, it's a sickness. But when you go... It's funny, people are like, every week, I'm like, that's kind of the only way I can do it. It's almost, like, painful to take two weeks off and then just go on the road. Like, if I'm out there every week, I'm like, man, it's part of my week. Yeah. And also, I think we did it hard. Like, in my 20s, I went hard. I mean, I drank every night. I tried to get laid all the time and all this shit. And, like, now I'm on the road and...

You ever stay in New York or L.A. on a Saturday and everybody's fucked up? As drunk as I ever get. Yeah, she's falling off the sidewalk. I'm disciplined on the road. In New York City, I'm like, my friends are hitting me up. They're like, meet me at this bar. I'm like, all right. I'm fucking wasted. Exactly. It's built for alcoholism, though. That's the thing about New York, you know? It is, yeah. Just hit the subway, 4 a.m. Really?

The pizza. Even London. When we were in London, everyone's just in suits. The culture, the pub culture. I was just talking about it. Everyone's off of work and they're drinking pints. That's just what you do. But then at 9 o'clock, the city's dead. They try to get food after 10. Dude. It was crazy. Dude, I was trying to eat dinner and everything closes after 9. I know. I know. I'd have to get a room service, which was $8 million. These are so good. You want one there? Did he get one? He's going to get one right now.

Peter, you good? Yeah. People are... Oh, yeah. We've gone long. Sorry. Oh, people are kind of whatever about the show. You know, like, my stand-up is very different than what the sitcom is. You kind of learn to be a team player as well. Just, I'll add whatever I can to the team project. You're just a... You're like a role player. Right. So, like, this show is different than what I do stand-up-wise, you know? Sure, sure. Exactly. You ever think of a really killer joke and you're like, I ain't giving it to this shit. Yeah.

No, because they're like two different things. I don't think there's something so fire that I would do that I'm like, oh, this would be great for the show. And that's the thing about writing for TV shows. It's a little more manufactured because you have these list of characters and you know what sets you have to use. Like The Living Room, The Garage. Was this show on? It was on for like two seasons. But when you write for sitcoms. What actors were on it? Yeah.

Hank from Breaking Bad was on it. Okay. Deacon. Oh, I love Hank. Oh, he's great. Fair.

Farrah, Mackenzie. Man, that fucking character on Breaking Bad. Amazing. One of the most heartbreaking because you watch that show and out of the gate you're like this cheesy guy and then by the end you're like, ah, he's the only decent one. You know, so I'm in one episode of this. Like it was cool. They let me be in one of the episodes and I had some scenes with Hank, you know? Yeah. Dean Norris. Dean Norris. Nice guy. Great guy. And so we're around this dinner table and I told him, I go, Gattaca is one of my favorite movies in the world.

And he's like, oh, thanks, man. Yeah. And I like that because I think that's a deep cut. He probably doesn't get Gattaca that much. Yes. But Gattaca speaks to my soul. Yeah. I just love that movie. Interesting. There's something about changing. If anyone meets for him, say, I loved your CISO special. Ha ha.

Exactly. I'll start crying. I'll start crying. Like, oh, fuck. You put up with the paywall? That's so true. You knew how to download CISO? But it's good you did it. You got to see what the world is like of writing and you realize it's not for you. It's all bricks. You're just building something. It's all bricks. And even if you do something and you realize, okay, maybe I don't want to do that in the future, at least you know now.

But don't you see? I mean, you worked on TV. We just did this show in London. TV now, after doing YouTube specials and our own shit and clips and whatever, podcasts like this, you realize how much of a waste of time half that shit is with network. Well, the waiting around, right? There's an inauthenticity to it. Yeah. I'm not saying everything should be this loose. Obviously, I appreciate a great movie. We talk about how much we love the worst person in the world. What a great movie. Sure, but I bet that felt independent.

I agree. That's what I'm saying. Like this, this London show, there's a warm up guy. Woo. Give me a big laugh. Now give me a small laugh. Give me a blah, blah, blah. And you're like, what are we doing? The lights, the crew, we got to take off. Okay. Union rules. We all got to go to lunch now. And you're like, we could have knocked this out in an hour. You know, we're here for 10 hours. You're right. It feels like old TV feels like buckshot.

And this shit feels like a sniper. There you go. Right? Because you get to be funny. Right. But...

Within reason. Yeah. I mean, look at Conan. Conan had a fun late night show. We all loved it. We all loved Conan. And now he just said, fuck that. I'll do a podcast. They'll get the same interview. They'll get the same me. Maybe a little better me. More authentic me. And it's zero cameras. Zero production. Zero makeup. Zero craft service. There's something I loved about doing Letterman, though, where I'm like, I'm doing this for an audience.

like there's something that makes you turn your shit on when there's an audience in the room. I like, you know, well, there's no audience for the Conan's podcast. That's what I mean. Like Conan's so quick and funny and he's such a master at not just being an interviewer, but like knowing his role in the interview. Like, is the guy a dud? Is the person a dud?

He'll be funny. Is the person Norm Macdonald or Bill Burr? He'll sit back and be the straight man. You're right. Like, there's something to that. That's an art. Agreed. And I really do... Doing the Letterman thing, I was kind of like, wow, this is what it would have been like to be a comic in, like, the 80s. Yeah. And I kind of wish that's what I was. Because I love doing an interview and just...

having to be like riff jokes and be funny and like, I love this, but I love that you're like, you're in and out. Like it's quick. It's like for sure. Totally. It is. No, I love an audience. I agree. But I think a lot of it is, is unnecessary with, with TV. Well, the amount of shit people want now is kind of interesting. Like, I mean,

It's fine. I guess, you know, those shows were every night and podcasts we do once a week, but like, yeah, you know, I mean, that's a full-time job. Yeah. Oh yeah, for sure.

And just like the COVID stuff and the makeup. The COVID shit's exhausting. It's brutal. And it's hypocritical because it's like you're not going to require masks on planes, but then you force us to take a test to get back in the country. There's no consistency with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So just be a little fucking consistent. It'd be nice. I don't want to do any – I did Toronto. I don't want to do any more foreign gigs. Yeah, same. Because the idea of just testing positive and being stuck there for 10 fucking days. Oh.

Makes me crazy. I'm like, I'll stick to doing domestic gigs for a while. It's hard enough to do gigs domestically. Right. And then when you throw in these COVID, like, hey, I got to get a PCR test. Soder's stuck in Winnipeg. You know, we're stuck in Winnipeg for 10 days. Really? Yeah, Dan Soder. And then, you know, Vito and I, Gary Vito, when we do Toronto, second we land, we have to go find a COVID test because we were there for one night. I'm like, yeah, that's not how I want to do this. This sucks. Yeah.

They should provide you with a COVID test if you're doing the gig. You know, COVID kind of pulled the veneer off of these institutions. Oh, yeah. Because when Fallon was doing Tonight Show at his place, then you didn't have the fancy sets. You didn't have the suits. You didn't have the gloss. You go, oh, you're no better than a YouTuber at this point. It really leveled the playing field. You got that right. Yeah. So that was... And I think late night post-COVID feels...

More artificial. Way more. It feels faker. It's so fun to do and I still enjoy doing it. Sure. But you're 100% right. Because we saw the strings. Yes. We saw it without gloss. Right. So now it's more of a relic of...

We show you without makeup. Yeah, a little bit. Like when you see Trevor Noah in his living room. We know what you really look like. Yeah. Yeah, Noah in the living room. He had like a 5 o'clock shadow. He's wearing sweatpants and a hoodie. You're like, oh. Yeah, during COVID, everyone had the same tools. Right. Good point. Good point. I mean, we all saw the Imagine video or the black and white whatever video where they're like, I've learned a lot. I've been educated. You're like, oh, God.

Jesus. Yeah, a lot of people will be like, you didn't know black people existed before this year? Exactly. This is the first year? Jesus Christ. I always like when Black Panther or Crazy Rich Asians does good and then Hollywood's like, oh, people, races want to see themselves? Like this is a fucking revelation that people, that black people want to see Black Panther or Asians want to see, it's not even Asians, it's just,

People want to see a good movie regardless of the presentation. Yeah, representation's good? Wow, I didn't know. Yeah, I know. I mean, it's also, you know, I think about it as fucking Chadwick Boseman just being sick as fuck doing those movies. Poor, poor bastard. Yeah. Such a cool dude he seemed like. Yeah, I know. Why did I say that like Yoda? Such a cool man he seemed like. Well, that's the penicillin kicking in. No, but he was, you know, to be that sick is like... Hey, Norm.

That's pretty amazing. To be sick and to still plow through. And we're talking about those schedules, the way they just drag everything out. Like that dude was there probably long ass days. Oh yeah. And we live in this victim culture too and to not even use it then. I mean he could have gotten out of everything. I can't go to your party. Cancer.

Sorry. Can't do it. And he still did it. Can't go to the red carpet cancer. Although, you know what would be a cool move is to just be like, I can't make it. And they're like, why not? You're like, I just can't. And then you die a few years later and they're shit talking you for years. Then they're like, oh, no. Yes. I've been trashing that guy for years. Make them feel like shit. I'm doing that now with monkey pox. Turn everything down. It's coming. Oh, you butt fuck me. That means I have it. God damn it. All right.

Happy pride. Happy pride. All right. Well, hey. Good pride. Really seems to care. Fahim, thanks. Plug everything you're doing. You got a website? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talk to me. So the special is the big thing. So it's called Hat Trick. It's on my YouTube, Fahim Anwar, or youtube.com slash Fahim Anwar. I'll

I'll chop it up for clips on IG, you know. Every clip I've seen is killer. I haven't seen the full special yet. I'm excited to watch it. Thanks. Fahim's a great comic. We highly recommend it. It means a lot coming from you guys, you know, because I really respect you. And especially when you were sort of pioneers of this new way of doing things. It was very cool. There were others before us. I know. Like Schultz and like Joe and you guys. But you guys are definitely at the forefront of this new thing that's happening in stand-up.

So as someone who kind of felt overlooked by traditional Hollywood and the industry, I had a vested interest in you guys doing what you're doing. And it's almost like someone breaking a four-minute mile. You go, oh, cool. Like, it's possible. It can be done. So, yeah, I've always been a fan from afar. And it's cool to be out here and be on this and kind of be in the same world. We like you. Yeah. But don't put it back.

on us. Tell them what you're going to be. Mark being sincere comes out so painfully. I'm like you guys. It's hard to get the comments or whatever. What's the website? My website is fahimanoir.com. If you just type in Comedy Store Hat Trick, the special will come up. Take a look at it. Follow me on IG.

and I'll be building the new hour around LA, but I'll, I'll try to get a tour together maybe in the fall. All right. Beautiful. All right. Well, check him out. We support, we're fans. We like, uh, big fan, uh, all kinds of dates coming up. I don't know when this comes out. Keep going. Uh, uh, yeah, a bunch of doing the fully loaded tour with Bert. Then, uh,

Oh, boy. You got to go show all dates. We got a big announcement with more. We got doing the Wilbur, doing the Neptune in Seattle. Hey, come open if you want. Oh, man. I don't know if that's weird to have you open. No, not at all, man. I love going home. We'd love to have you. And Portland, I'm doing Vancouver, Toronto, some other shit, Houston Improv, San Antonio, why?

LOL. Comedy on Broadway in Lexington. Comedy on Broadway is underrated. Good club. You got to play there. It's excellent. Where is it? It's in Lexington, Kentucky. It's awesome. It's epic. It's like the room is magical. It's great. It's old school. Someone should film a special there. Comedy Connection. All these rooms are great. Providence. Yeah, I got, what do I have coming up? Cleveland. Maybe this next week. Houston. West Palm Beach. Buffalo. San Jose. Pittsburgh. Or Homestead, apparently. Oof.

Dania Beach. No, it is good. I've been there. I'm the reason comics can't do morning radio there anymore. Thank you. No. For real? I call it the scene on the morning show. You're like Carlin, dude. You can't do these. Lots of other gigs coming. LA, Irvine, Louisville, Lexington. Fuck, dude. I'm everywhere. It's coming up. Fort Wayne. I don't know. It'll be up soon.

doing a lot of fun stuff coming up. I think it's monster energy tour. So they're, uh, they have the dates. I forgot that my own fucking dates, but, uh, same. We've been drinking. We've been drinking. We might be drunk. Yeah, we might be drunk. I am. It's not a might. I, I am. We might be drunk. We might be drunk pod.com. If you want our cool merch, bodega catch on the way, beard, you, we love you. Thank you. Everybody. We were grateful for the new studio. This is awesome. Uh,

You know, we'll see you on the road. And the Patreon, too, if you want to get on that. Give out the website. WeMightBeDrunkPod.com. Yeah, send us recs, peeves, questions. And, yeah, get on the Patreon and get a glass, for Christ's sake. We're having a good time. Definitely check out Fahim's special. He's a great comic. Killer. We'll see you guys out there. Comedy. Spender, a big boss. Arch-barfing, he's feeling dangerous.

♪ I'm out to lunch here at noon ♪