Ep 73: Aida Rodriguez w/Kombucha
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Hey, hey, folks. Here we are. We might be drunk. We're really doing it. Good to have you. We got a hot guest, special guest. How the hell are you? I'm good. All right. Good to see you. It's good to be called special. Yeah. And not in the other context. Exactly. Exactly. Well, no, we're excited. As I was saying, I rarely look at the cellar line. I was like, oh, you're in town. This is nice. Yeah. Yeah, you're by coast. Ida Rodriguez. We didn't say her name yet. Oh, sorry. My bad. But yeah, we're excited.

Are you bi-coastal? Pretty much. But you're mostly LA, though. When it comes to stand-up, I am. But I come here to do my stand-up. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I bombed last night, and it was at Derek's show. If you would have, it was so funny. Whose show? Derek Gaines has a show in Brooklyn. Oh, okay. And I did the show at the Brooklyn Comedy Club.

- Oh, that's a tough room. - Where is it? - It's on Bedford. - Yeah. - In Williamsburg. - Oh yeah, everyone bombs in Williamsburg. That's where you're supposed to bomb. That's where the cool kids, they don't do comedy, but they look at us, they're like, "We see what you're trying to do." - Yes. - Right, a judge. - Those are the worst people ever. But I had my, I was at the, I did the Cellar and then I did the Fat Black and I had two really good sets. - I was on the show you were on at the Cellar, they were hot. - I should have just gone back to the hotel.

I should have ended there. But then I was like, nah, I'm rigged for destruction. So I went over there and I just had a really bad set. And you know, when you have a bad set in a black room, it is intensified. Then Derek went on stage and killed me after I just bombed.

It was funny. That's the worst feeling when you... I remember I did New Year's in this awful old room called CB's Comedy Club. Oh, yeah. It was like the alt to the cellar back in the day. Right. I remember I went on. I was there with my girl for the time. It was like many years ago. And I bombed so hard. And I was like, well, no one's going to get him. It's New Year's. Literally like three words up, Yamanika starts crushing. And I was like...

It's just me. Man, I saw Yamanik the other night at a tough room, and she just talked about shit going on. Not even written stuff. Killed! And I went up and bombed.

with like my tight material. It happens to the best of us. And you know what it is? Know this to anybody. Yamanika is one of my really good friends and I adore her. But the comedy audiences now are mixed in with like pop culture people who don't know what stand up is. Sing it, sister. You know what I mean? So they're like, they go there and they think you're going to dance. Right.

they want to know you got a gimmick. You know what I mean? Are you going to have a prop or are you going to bring somebody on stage and roller skates? Like this is comedy now, right? I mean, I was just in Miami improv that they're like too hot. It's all tits. It's all cleavage. It's all sexy. And I'm the opposite of sexy. I'm like anxiety, huh? You know? And I, I,

bite my uh they are hot whenever you see a crowd that's too high you're like i'm gonna bomb yeah yeah it happens at irvine all the time oh really i'm going yeah and then they go um can you do the skit about the like you can do anybody's joke like you can do the skit and i'm like no i don't do skits bitch i know it's tough you've been on the you go hard in the road

I have been, you know, like I go in and out from the road because the road is, it's different now. It's really different in terms of like, I was at the punchline and two tables were asked to leave because they were told to be quiet and they didn't want to be quiet. And so it was funny because the first table was a table, it was a white guy and his white girlfriend and they were both...

they were like, you know, acting up. They want talking. They didn't want to pay for their drinks. It was all stuff. So they get kicked out. And then the Mexican said, hold my beer. And then they went, cause the people, there was somebody in the audience that was like white privilege. Right. And then the Mexicans were like, no,

Let me show you that we about this life too. Hold my cerveza. Exactly. They got... They ended up getting escorted. Which show is it? It was the...

- The Friday Night Late Show, of course. - The classic. - Yeah, absolutely. - That area too, you can kind of hear like motorcycle gangs going around at night. You're like, it's weird to be on stage. - Oh my God, how you know? It was that night. And I was like, the sons of anarchy are outside. Don't join them.

It was a whole thing in the parking lot. That's not good. Yeah, that's not a great area. I hate when you can hear the outside in the club because it just takes you out of it immediately. I'm up here because I'm insecure. You're doing that because you're insecure. It's too much. It's too much. Exactly. Yes. Like if I'm jerking off and I hear my girlfriend in the other room crying, I'm like, hold on. You're taking me out of it. We're helping. It's always about you. Yes.

That is a great club though. I mean, the other shows are great. No, they were. I mean, all the shows were great. And you get your people now. Yes. And the audience was the one that went off on them. I didn't have to say anything. Oh, I love that. That was the beauty of it all. This guy was like, if you don't want to be here, shut the F

Get out. He was like, don't worry, Ida. We got him. I was like, oh, man. It was that white on white crime was beautiful. Beautiful. We go hard at each other. We're scared to get called racist, but we'll go at each other. I feel like the road for a female comic is just hard. It's just harder. I think it's just...

- Yeah, in addition to having to be worried about rape and murder, you also gotta get worried about. I did a show in Corpus Christi, Texas, and they put me in like this motel that was next to a truck stop. - Oh boy. - No sleep, but-- - The Deliverance Inn, they called it. - Yeah, it was, so this dude that was, so they had a flyer of the show at the desk, the front desk.

And this guy ended up knocking on my door. He was banging my door down drunk. He was a baseball, farm league baseball player. The girl in the front desk got scared and told him what room I was in because he was harassing her. What? Yes. And he started banging my door down asking me to bet. Did you have the deadbolt up? Yeah, always. Always. I put a chair behind the door. I mean, I'm paranoid. That's not paranoid. That's like...

- You have to, it's crazy. - Yeah. - And so then they-- - You called the cops? - They called the cops and they got him. But it was just, he was just like, "I just wanted to talk to her." I didn't know him. - Whoa. - I was like, "What the fuck?" But that's how weird-- - Drunk? - Yeah, he was super drunk. - Man, tough times. See, if that happens to me, I'm like, "Come on in." You know, some softball lady. Well, she's probably not into me, but yeah. - No, that is fucking horrible. Does that happen a lot? - Mm-mm.

No, I wouldn't say it happens a lot, but those are things that men probably don't have to worry about. I walk home late. I got earbuds in. Yeah. You don't do the earbuds. Not in public. No. Can't even look down on your phone. Damn. I have a friend who is, she's actually a person, a public figure. She was in LA walking her dog and a guy, and she was bending over to pick up the dog.

the dog's poop and a guy just walked up to her and started humping her from the back. - What? - Damn. - She's little, she's small. So it's just out of control like right now. - Sorry, Ellie Wong. I had no idea. She's little, I assume. - Yeah, no, no, I know, I know. - That's crazy.

But yeah, that's why I always say like, Mark and I are on the road every week. But I always think like, I mean, you're a female comic who does the road hard. You know, you go hard with it. So I'm like, oh man, that's, I respect that always because I know it's a different thing. Yeah, even when we went to Bermuda, like my- I remember that. What? You guys dated? No. Oh, oh.

- No, we did a show at Bermuda. - Years ago. - I remember that. - But the relief was that he was there. So I didn't have to be by myself, right? - Right. - But like when you go out of the country, I went to Dubai.

And I had them change my flight. I was there for 24 hours. I did the show and then I went back to the airport and I wanted to leave. - Really? - Yeah, I didn't feel safe there. - Well, they got women's stuff over there. It's a different world with the ladies there. - Yeah, I remember there was like weird dudes in Bermuda too. That was a weird gig. That was like a shady gig actually. I just remember that now. Holy shit, I forgot we did that. That was like, Jesus. - It was just, especially when you go overseas, like we went to South Korea

April Macy and I were on this tour and this Korean man tried to lock April in his store so he could beat her.

- What? - And we had to physically, Julia Lillis and I had to physically-- - I almost said why as if there's any good reason. - He was mad at her 'cause he did. They hate white women because it's the epitome of privilege to them, right? Because in those places, women walk behind the men still. So April wanted to try on some dresses. Mind you, April is shorter than I am.

And if I wanted to try on a dress, he was like, "Yes." And then when she was like trying to try on a dress, he was like, "No, you too big." Like, and didn't want her. So she went in the dressing room to try on a dress and he was waiting for her. He took the hook from the thing and threw it at the door. And I was like, "I think it's time to go." - Yeah, oh my God. - And then when she came out, he tried to, he was trying to, we had to physically grab him from her. - Jeez, Kim Jong-Ugh.

It's about time these white women, you know, they get everything. It's good they get a little hardship. That's hilarious. I'm trying to bring some levity to this because this is all such dark shit. It's dark shit, yeah. But you've been like, I mean, you've been killing it lately. You know, you did the Netflix. Were you touring because of the Netflix thing? No, my HBO Max special. Oh. No, but you were with April from the Netflix. Oh, we did that. No, this was a military tour.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, and then we were going to call the cops, and thank God we didn't because we don't speak Korean. So he could have said anything. He could have said she was stealing. Oh, my God. It would have been in that Vince Vaughn movie, in jail forever. Oh, shit, yeah. That was his version of Midnight Express, right? Remember that? Yeah, yeah. Shit.

- Damn. - But yeah, but you know what? It's still, there's still nothing like the road when you call yourself a comedian. - You have to, it's a necessary evil. Mark and I were just talking before you got here. We love the road. Like I really, I'm not on the road this weekend and I'm bummed. I want, it's like the only weekend I'm not on the road coming up. And I mean, I was just in Rochester, New York with, Gary Veeder does a road with me a lot. And even the worst part of it, like,

For whatever reason, I saw Jim Norton at the Cellar on Wednesday, the night before we went. And he goes, you were flying to Rochester? It's the worst flight ever. It's like a shaky plane. For whatever reason, the next day, it felt like we were on a paper plane. The plane was shaking. We're landing. He doesn't say anything. They just take back off. What? Because the wind was so bad. He goes, and then 10 minutes later, he goes, I'm sorry about that, guys. We had to go a different angle. We're freaking out. Because there's a woman. By the way, Gary's supposed to be window. And we were going to switch. But this woman wouldn't switch with him.

But I'm also like, Gary's like, that's my seat. But he didn't want to argue with her. She took his seat and then wouldn't switch. But then now he's sitting next to this crazy woman who wants to play and does that. She goes...

She's just screaming and we're just like, oh fuck. And then of course, then we get to Rochester and we're like, you know, we try to make the road fun. Gary's a great hang on the road. I said, find a good restaurant. Let's go there. We start walking there. We're going through what is clearly like not a safe area. There's dealers on every corner and Gary's like, we can make it. And I was like, dude, we can't, we're going to get robbed.

And then as we're walking through, literally, we're waiting for an Uber because I didn't want to walk it. A guy gets in our face and starts fucking with us. And I was like, we're New Yorkers and we're still like, no. And Gary goes, you know, we almost died in a plane a second ago and I'm more scared just being alive here in Rochester. Oh, wow.

- We're in all these new cities and we don't know the areas. - Colorado Springs was kind of scary. - That happened to me there too. - What? It sounds so nice, Colorado Springs. - It's like Greenland and Iceland. You know what I mean? That's what Colorado Springs is to me. You think it's beautiful. I mean, it has beautiful scenery, but

- It's a different, like, oh, they were a kind group of people that came out to the shows, but walking about-- - Loonies, is that what you played? That club, Loonies, with two E's, I remember playing there. - Oh, wow. Sounds rough. - Yeah, it was. I remember I was there.

loonies uh in colorado springs first off i have a joke about how the it's like a joke obviously but i say with the most anti-semitic thing that ever happened to me was you know i was in a store and i said do you have any seltzer and the woman goes we don't sell seltzer here that was as bad as it got but that happened in colorado springs where they literally looked at me like jew right but uh

I remember being in the condo. I'm literally there for five minutes. A Jehovah's Witness bangs on my door. I'm like, this fucking sucks. You couldn't walk around at night. I was in a sketchy part of town, but that club, for whatever reason, all week, the bartender's like, you can have a beer, you pussy. And I was like, all right, I guess I'll have a beer. And then, of course, I'm pounding beer. End of the week, and he hands me a bill. Look, you egged me on. Ah.

Wow, that's the shadiest of the shady right there. I love how Ida's like, oh, this baseball player's banging on my door. Sam's like, this Jehovah's Witness. Well, they're almost as bad. Yeah, that's true. They're more persistent, maybe. They're almost as bad. I mean, I come from, well, it's not a cult because it's bigger in number, so they consider it a sect.

But my family was Seventh-day Adventists. Whoa, what does that mean? That means they practiced like Jews. They observed the Sabbath regularly.

So on Friday nights, the lights go out, all electricity is off until the sundown on Saturday. And as you worship and you go to church and they don't eat pork, like very similar to... Very similar. Interesting. And you don't drink because your family was... No, I don't drink because in spite of all of that, they chose alcoholism. And so I don't drink. I come

from drug addicts and alcoholics, so I just don't drink. I'm not a big drinker. It's weird to be okay with drugs, but you're like, no pork. That's a weird choice. But most religious people, well, I don't give a fuck. Many religious people are like that. That's why they need religion because they need to be controlled. They need that structure because I'm not religious. I don't do drugs. I don't drink.

You know, I don't live a wild life. Most of my religious friends are the biggest hoes. Totally, totally. I mean, look at the pedophile priests, you know, all that shit. You go hard one way, you got to come out the other end. Those pedophile priests are hoes. Yeah, they are. Absolutely. When we say hoes, we are being inclusive. That means men, women, and non-binary people.

Yeah. Well, my priest only liked the boys, but yeah, he wasn't very inclusive. Oh yeah. Your priest was a Peter? I went to a Catholic school and he got popped years later. I, I, I was unscathed. As long as you didn't get popped. No, no. He didn't, he didn't go for it, but he went for some of your friends. Oh yeah. And I was a little hurt. No, but, uh, yeah, he was, uh, he was out there. He got in trouble. Yeah. Wow. That reminds me of a story. My attorney is a child, was a child actor.

- Oh, I think I know who your attorney is. Was he from Goonies? - Yeah. - Wow. - But I was telling him that, I asked him, I said, "What about all these allegations about like the, you know, people getting molested and stuff?" He said, "The advantage of being the fat kid is that nobody wants to fuck you." - They stepped right over Chunk and went to Corey Feldman. That's what happened. - So he was like, "I don't know any of it." 'Cause he said, "Nobody wants to fuck me." - Wow. - Oh my God.

- He was great, that kid ruled. - He was great, yeah. - He's still great. - When I'm a parent, I wanna be fat kids all day. - Your lawyer is Chung from the Goonies. - Yeah. - That's great, and he's a good guy? - He's the best, I love him. He's my friend too. He was here, he came for my taping. He did not come for my taping, but he was at my premiere. That's my friend though. I've known him since I started doing standup. He is my favorite person in this industry because

he does not have a problem telling somebody to go fuck themselves. And I like people who are transparent. Like, I don't do the phony stuff. Like, he's like, he'll tell me, he's like, you know, you'll listen to everybody on your team and then be like, "Hey, you know, you should do this 'cause nobody knows who you are. You should do this." And then it'll get to him and he'll be like, "I say fuck these guys."

- Not you need that. - You really gonna do this for this amount of money? Like, uh-uh. And I love him for that. - I do, that's the breath of fresh air because in this business, it's all, how you doing sport? What's up kiddo? Or how about this one? They love you, but they're passing. How come they love me? What the fuck? It's all sugar coating. - Every meeting you walk into, first off, we're big fans. I'm like, well, you passed on my last seven ideas. - I know. - Exactly. - So you're kinda huge, people are like, we're huge fans. You own a network.

They love to tell you. It's a script, right? And I learned it more from when you actually work. Remember when you do a show, people are like, we are so happy to have you. We love you so much. We're so glad you're here. And then your friends will tell you, hey, they said that to me too. You can't love everybody.

I know. I remember Lou Ferranda at Caroline's, you know, the Booker at Caroline's. Back in the day, he literally, in front of us, there'd be like eight comics on New York's Funniest, the lineups, and he would go, you're a star. You're a star. You're going to be great. He'd turn literally two feet away. You'd overhear him go, you, you're the best. Right, right. He would do it. He goes outside. There's a pigeon. You. Yeah, right.

You're the real king. No, he was like literally everyone. Yeah. I mean, everyone does it. None of us are special. You're right. It's a script. It's all. Although HBO clearly believed in you. I mean, and Netflix. I mean, HBO, that was big for you, right? The HBO special. Was that the biggest one you think for you? Yeah, that's the biggest special. Yeah, because it was an hour because Netflix was a half hour. Though,

I wanted the next special I do, I want to do a half hour. Really? Yeah, because I think that the attention span of the average person now it because people not the only the connoisseurs are the ones that watch for quality that are like, oh, that's some good writing. This is a good comic. This is funny. The average person now they just consume all of their entertainment like

- Bites. - It's odd. And so I think Aziz was brilliant for doing that half hour, you get in and you get out.

I think you're right. I think you're right. Because Sebastian, as big as he is, somebody showed me his numbers and it's like a chart that just falls off a cliff after about 38 minutes or so. Wow. And these are his fans. Well, you know, David Tell told me that he's like, I want my next special to be a half hour. Like so many people are just like they want. It's a great way to get new fans, too. You leave them wanting more as opposed to as opposed to, as you said, even a huge comic like that. Right. The inevitable fall off.

And as comic, as road comics, we get to give them a half hour and still have some new shit, you know, tucked away that they haven't seen. Yeah. For me, that's important too. And you know, like I, I did a documentary, um, for my special, cause I wanted to include this documentary. I wanted people to see how.

people like me mind our jokes. Because, like, I met my father and I did this whole thing with my dad in the documentary, but I roasted his ass in the special. But I wanted people to see how the jokes come to be because...

They don't realize that we're just a bunch of insecure people. Like, if I was a pastor, you could hold me to this standard. Like, if I came to church and say, everybody fuck everybody in the room, then you could be like, hey, man, I went to this church and this Puerto Rican lady said everybody. But I'm a comedian. And I'm like, you guys don't understand. We're...

Don't hold me to the same standard. - We're flawed and we're telling you we're flawed. Anytime you see a comic who's self-righteous or anytime you feel that they're holier than thou, you're like, you're the one with the skeletons. You're the problem. But no, I agree with you completely. - And you know, it's funny 'cause some of the white girls who are the woke white girls,

You know, they write think pieces about me. Like, they shitted on me and Jezebel. Yeah, because of Louis C.K. What did they say? Well, because they asked me... I was at the cellar and the Hollywood reporter asked me about Louis C.K. And I said...

They said, do you think he's coming back? I said, absolutely. Right. I don't, his fan is not, his fans are not through, he's not a machine comic. He has a built-in fan base that comes from all over the place. But I was like, look, if you want guys not to pull out their dicks on girls, nobody better than Louis CK to tell them guys. Cause he should, he should be, then if I say, Hey guys, don't pull your dicks out on girls. They're going to be like, fuck.

you here's my dick right but if he says it he's the only one that can feed his flock you i'm not so my point was hopefully he'll come back and address it and say it's not cool to do this right you know what bugs me about this so too wait wait i'm sorry no no but what i'm saying is that so i said that and then i became a rape apologist and then they wrote all these people slayed jezebel and i'm like all

you bitches are fake yes you are performative you act like you don't have any black friends you don't give a fuck about women and it's only because of you because if you actually cared about women that you be on the front lines for action not words on you know and they came for me and I'm like they were demanding that I stop performing at the cellar because Louie was performing there I'm like how many people you think not gonna come to the cellar because Ida doesn't show up right y'all

- And now you're attacking a woman. Like how is it to come full circle? The irony is so ridiculous. - Was this interview in promotion for your special as well? - This was before the special came out. But I was really salty about it because

in the name of women empowerment, they came, they used their whiteness and weaponized it against me. And that was racist, right? Now, and I didn't say that. I didn't go out and say, "You racist white bitches." I just said, "All of y'all can eat a dick because at the end of the day, I really believe that this is all performative. It's all fake." And it was just- - It's in the name of cliques.

- Yeah, in the name of clicks and also to demonize me. That's like when people, that's why I said, I don't wanna talk about Joe Rogan or when people ask me, I just say, why don't you ask Conan? - Why don't you say, why don't you ask me about me if you're interviewing me? That's kind of my issue is that you have specials coming out, you're on the road, you have stuff. Like I think it takes away from you to make everything about a dude. I mean, or about any other comic. Why are we talking about another comic?

I always resent that when they're like, what would you... I heard Bill Burr have the best response to a guy asking about Louis when it first broke. A guy goes, what do you think about Louis? He goes, what do you think about Louis? And the guy was like, oh, he goes, yeah, that's how I feel. And I was like, that's the best way to just...

Fuck you. Here's what you sound like. Let me hold a mirror up to you. Exactly. I know you're too scared to talk. All right. We'll stop trying to ruin my fucking career so you can get a fucking click. Don't ask us. Go ask the people who have equal or more power. Those are the people. If you want to take...

Ask Conan. Ask Jimmy Fallon what he feels about Joe Rogan saying, I guarantee you, you won't. You want clicks. And then I don't want that kind of fame. That's not how I'm with you. It's short lived. That type of fame is short money. It's

It's you're going for something very short lived. Yeah. And I don't that doesn't mean that I am in favor of sexual assault or whatever. But at the end of the day, a lot of this stuff that comes from one person's word against the other and you get caught up in it and then you end up being the one that suffers the consequences for speaking about it. And you don't you're not even you don't even know what happened.

I didn't even have the information. I was like, well, if he comes back, he should tell people not to pull the dicks out. That's all I can say. - Yeah, I agree. - You know what I mean? Who better to tell the people than their hero? Why would they listen to me? And they said that I was trying to, I was being an apologist and I was being moderate and I needed to take the side of women. And I'm like,

It's so funny when you hear people say that. I think your side is actually very feminist, what you're saying. You're saying this is on him to do this. Why is this on me? Yeah, exactly. And the other thing is, is like, I've been sexually assaulted. So when I talk about it, I'm speaking from a place of experience, right? So, but I'm not gonna, I'm just sitting here listening to these people. And I was like, I hate it here. This new wave of where we are now.

it's like all is lost because we are operating from listening. Everybody has a voice and nobody has sense. And that shit is scary. You know what I mean? The need for content has outweighed the...

It's outweighed reason. We're talking more than we're thinking, and that's bad for anything, but that's what happened to journalism. There's journalists now, think about the range of journalists. There's journalists who are like, who's influencing Putin behind the scenes, but then there's journalists who are like,

uh, look how ugly this woman got from the 1980s. How many articles do you see like that? Like this woman ran Hollywood in 1980s. Here's what she looks like today. I'm like that. You're a journalist too. You get the same title. Yeah, no, it's crazy. And they just started doing this when it got popular.

It wasn't like they were out on the front lines back 10 years ago. This became a thing and people jumped on board. And now they act like heroes. And it's funny because you can see the monsters grow, right? You watch people that you never heard of before and then they say...

"Fuck Chinese bitches." And then people are like, "Ah!" And they're like, "Oh, they like fuck Chinese bitches." Eat Koreans out. And then it just grows and grows. And by the time it's over, they're a fucking monster. That happened to Donald Trump. At first, Donald Trump, people were... Donald Trump talked about running for president before. People just laughed at him. And then...

we got to idiocracy. - Right. - Right? And listen, the Trump people, I hate them all. So don't think that I'm riding for Biden. - I hate that we have to say that now. - Yeah. - I do feel like you do because I'll make Biden jokes and people will get upset. But like, I make Trump jokes, they get upset. I'm like, "Hey, guess what? It's the job of the comedian to make fun of the president." - Everybody. - Yes, everybody. - I hate that we even have to preface it with like, "Hey, I don't like the..." Guess what? We're comedians.

I know. But we got to put everybody in a bin now. Like, if Biden shits his pants, I'm going to make a joke about it. And they go, oh, you're anti-Biden? I'm like, I'm a pro-shit joke is what I am. Stop trying to put me and figure me out and then judge me accordingly. Is it funny or is it not funny? Yeah, I got trashed in Florida. I remember one of the reviews was, he made fun of our president. I was like...

It's a comedy show. But those are the people that were shouting to shoot Hillary Clinton. You know what I'm saying? So it's not about you making fun of the president. Well, people get mad if you shit on Hillary, too. Yeah, but you have to shit on Hillary. Show me a politician that's clean-

and I'll show you a cartoon show, 'cause that shit does not exist. They all get checks, they all got interests, and it's so funny that people have been, there's a ruse, like, and everybody has a mic, so you see these people dumb as hell,

she attacked our president she doesn't even understand you know what she wants all of the immigrants to come and take all of our jobs all they do is repeat all the talking points and it's a lack of education you know what i think it really got bad is when remember the guy threw the shoe at you at george bush and everyone and everyone thought it was funny that was the beginning of us being like the president but also like i don't get why you can't make

you can't make fun. I mean, it's like, I do feel a little resistance when I make a Biden joke in New York or I do make a Biden joke in, you know. Sure, yeah. Everybody's scared and I don't know, they might even agree with you. They're just like, I'm in New York. I can't be seen laughing at this. It'll get worse for the next election cycle too. If Biden runs again, I don't know how the hell he will, but if Biden runs again. It's gonna get worse. It's just, it continues to get worse because we spend more money on bombs than school. And so you have a whole bunch of people who like,

The FDR said the greatest threat to democracy was a threat, a lack of education. And so you can see it now. Like, and people, people don't realize how bad it is because they think,

Oh, you know, this is always happening. It has not always. No, this feels new. This is very new. It's crazy he said that before TikTok because it's gotten worse. We're getting dumber every year. I really feel like I'm getting dumber. So you remember Facebook was a lot of words, right? And then they went to Twitter and condensed the words. Now we went to pictures. And then from pictures, we've gone to videos. But the videos have gotten shorter. Shorter. Shorter.

We're going to go back to Vine. Vine is going to come back. Yeah. Six seconds? I watch a lot of this shit, and a lot of games and stuff kids are playing now are very simple. It's almost like there's kind of this movement to go back to...

interacting, duck-duck-goose type shit. And I'll watch these kids play these dumb games where they flip a bottle and it lands on the table and they're like, ah! It's almost like they're getting away. They have to get away from the screen. And we watch this shit like, that's so entertaining. I'm like, that's what we did in our basement when we were seven because we had fucking no Wi-Fi. Yeah, but now they're doing like eight things at once. So I think it went from that simple game and that was all you did. And then it went to like, oh, this is a really intense RPG I'm playing. And then it turned into like,

I'm going to watch a movie while playing the simple game while on the phone with a friend. Like you're doing a ton of things. That's true. I watched the Gerard Carmichael special. I had my phone going. I had an iPad and a computer gun. I'm like, I should just watch a comedy special. Now I got 38 things open and I was jerking off. You know what? Wow. I know. He looked good. He's hot. Yeah, he's a hot gay man. We might be drunk as excited to welcome our new sponsor,

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You want to see some scary stuff? Go to YouTube to the kids section. And they have these videos where they're like, all they do is just stack something, right? And then it's,

30 minutes of stacking, you know, balls and they have millions of views. So somebody sits there and watches the balls get stacked in order. Weird. I do that on a different website. No. But you look at it because my niece, she watches the kids stuff. And I was like, she's just been watching like

- There you go. - It's mad, oh, I didn't. - But why not go stack the balls, kid? Why are you gonna watch the ball stacking? - But they sit there and it's like, look at that, 7.5 million views. - Wow. - Hilarious. - That's more than all our specials put together. - I should close with this on my shows. I'm bombing here. - It's unbelievable, like, and it's, you know, and it's like other stuff too, like,

you know like slime and then what's the slime one what is that the slime one oh boy it's not real slime no but remember when people used to get slimed up was it Nickelodeon yeah yeah somebody playing with slime right that's it 3.3.1 million don't look at the one above it 74 million views you see that what is that what is he actually playing it's just playing with slime yeah

This is the video. Holy shit. 74 million views. Is it supposed to put you at ease? I don't know. Is it supposed to calm you? No, it's just supposed to keep you dumb so that they can raise taxes and...

- Right, right. - Replace teachers. - Yeah, wow. - Look at that. - Is it maybe that it's just such a lack of... - Interaction? - I mean, you don't really have to expect anything from it. - 74 minutes. You know how sad it is to watch this with Shanice? - Yeah. - And then move over to your page. I'm like, how do I get these kids over here?

When I was a kid, I remember my parents being like, get out of the house. They would push me out and then they would be like, you can't come back for whatever. And it was weird, but you made it work. Yeah. I feel like that now there's just so many options that it's... Why would you go outside? Well, it's making you lonelier. Kids are going to be much lonelier now because that forced interaction, that forced discomfort, it made us better listeners. Yes. But then...

You see now on the phone, it's like we've all done the phone stuff too much. You never feel good after it. No, no. I put this when you do you have the screen time thing where you see? I can't. I'm terrified to look. It's so painful. It's so the other day I was like.

No wonder you don't have anything in life. This is it right here. You're dedicating your life to the internet. The worldwide web. Do you really feel that way? Really? That's a lot of screen time. I could have written two movies in the last year with all the money, all the time that I spent.

on the internet, it's addictive. - It is. And they make it addictive. They know how to program it to where you keep watching. - It's no different than a video game. When you ever just play a video game too much then when you're done, you're like, that was nothing. I just did nothing. I rotted my brain. And look, sometimes I'll do it when I'm drunk or something at home. Like at 2:00 AM, what else am I gonna do? Am I gonna sleep yet? But when you actually, you ever play the video games during the day and you're just like, why?

I just feel so unproductive. You can't even touch it during the day. Yeah, you can't. But if you have gym weights, you know, versus phone, it's just so much easier. Well, fuck it. Yeah. It's just, it's too, it's too right there. It's,

It's just boom. It's everything in here. Almost everything is a bad decision Yeah, isn't that crazy? Whatever social media app I order whatever food delivery service. Oh, yeah a dating app Yeah, everything is gonna lead to me just being sad everything they told us not to do when we were kids Don't get in cars with strangers, right? You know what? I mean don't eat food from it everything they told us not to do

We do, look how you date on the internet. - Yeah, it's all digital now. - Yeah, Facebook is you talking to people you don't know. Like it's just unbelievable. - Right, ooh, talking to strangers. - Oh, they don't talk to strangers. - Do you ever respond to DMs? - No, 'cause you know what? The DMs are too unpredictable. - I'm waiting. - I'll get it, so I used to, right? So then it'll go from, "Hey, Ida, I really like you. I think you're funny." To, "Oh, I don't really like women comedians, but I like you," right?

of that one. Then there's a guy who sent seven pictures of his dick, seven different angles. Damn. In case you weren't sold on the sixth picture. I know. Here's an aerial shot. It's like Fast and the Furious is all these sequels. I had to go. I tried my best not to because...

It's just, you never know what you're going to get. Somebody put on Facebook, do you still live on Magnolia Boulevard? Whoa. What? Yeah, it was crazy. That's creepy. It's creepy. It's bananas on the internet. It is. You ever have that thing where you check a text? I'm just going to look at a text. And then before you know it, it's 48 minutes have gone by because you check the text, then you open another thing and it's over. Yes.

It's sad like, you know, in that Adam Sandler movie, Click. Or like there was this movie called Sliver back in the day where I love watching like old movies from the 80s and the 90s. And then this movie that Sharon Stone was in. And it's like somebody that's watching everybody in the building and they have all these monitors and you see everything that's happening in the building.

And you look at that stuff and you'd be like, wow, this is crazy. That's where we are now. Like if you ever like go through the reels and then one part, it seems so desperate, right? Like somebody's like doing a makeup tutorial. Then somebody's twerking. Then somebody's giving you a motivational speech. Then there's a new dance and you just scroll and you're like, God, we are monkeys that can talk.

It's over. The dancing to me is the worst. I mean, at least the motivational speakers like trying to put something positive into the world. The dancing, I'm like, this is just for you. This is you hoping for people to be like, you're amazing. Yeah, what a weird mindset to think I'll dance and people will like it.

no one i would never assume people would want to watch me dance you know i'm not a good dancer it's a good assumption yeah yeah when a white person can dance oh my god they go viral because they're like it's you know like you had a big white lady who was could get down like and everybody was posting her videos yeah like they're impressed that she can dance and i'm like god this is it's we all is lost well do you think that's why podcasting is insanely popular is this why because

People are interacting. We're having deep conversation. No one does this anymore. Well, I think talk radio for a long time was only geared towards a certain group of people. And a lot of people want to hear your perspective. They love you. They want to hear what you have to say about other things. And now podcast gives talk radio to everybody. Yeah. Not just that specific group. I used to feel like talk radio was just for like,

older men that were maybe over 35 that wanted to hear about what's going on in the world. Like that's where the smart people used to listen to the radio, right? They would be like, I don't listen to music. I only listen to talk radio. My mom was like that. I wanted to kill myself as a kid. I'm like, put on music. It was NPR. All things considered. Yeah.

- Brutal. - But now I'm older, I'm like, I love fresh air. - I know, same. - I think it's like, fresh air is like my favorite. - Yeah, but at the time, oh. - Yeah, no, the New York Times podcast is a good one. Like they have a really good one. - The Daily? - The Daily one. - It's great. - It's in the top 10. - Damn. - You know, the top 10 podcasts in the world,

Four of them are about crimes. Yep. Those are big. Rogan is one. They call her daddy is two. Wow. She's huge. Well, I remember that New York Times had one I particularly like called The Argument. And it's different host now, but it used to be two...

three people with all different opinions and they were pleasant about it. Oh, you don't see that anymore. It's so rare to see people, because you turn on cable news, it's like, you idiot, and the let me finish, you know, it's all that, which is just shut up for adults. Let me finish. But they were friends with different opinions where you're like, you can have that still. You can still be friends and like, you know. Yeah, we have different, you know, you think you're funny. Yeah.

And you think you're funny. It's true. So what would this podcast... Oh, it's called We Might Be Drunk. Yeah. Yeah. So have you done it drunk? Many times. I mean, we have a full bar here. I mean, yeah, but we're doing two today, so we're like, let's pace ourselves. Okay. Because we're on the road a lot, so when we're together, sometimes we'll do two in a day, but... Oh, yeah. Yeah. We don't get, like...

hammered, that would be bad. That would be bad radio. It's happened. It's happened, but it's always towards the last 10 minutes you can tell we're slurring and kind of nodding off. Mark says the N-word and I, you know. Yeah, exactly. Hey, it worked for Rogan. But yeah. It did. It did in effect.

And nobody, every other stuff that happened and they were like, we're going to instead of taking his money, we're just going to give some money to people of color and get right. So it felt like, all right, you guys will get your chance to get on a podcast and say cracker, cracker, cracker, cracker, cracker. Yeah. Cut that up, will you? That'll be the trailer. No, we don't get really drunk. I mean, it would be terrible. I mean, it's the same when you're on stage. I mean, Mark and I have shows.

- I used to do more. It's very hard to crank out. - After. - Yeah, after I can do it. But to crank out new material and your drink, it's very hard. And sometimes the crowd's hammered and they want you to be on their level a little bit. - Yeah, yeah. - But it's like, and they'll send you drinks and you kind of wanna be like, "Hey man, I'll have like one, but the show is gonna get bad." - Yes. - Oh yeah. What I do is I have the bartender send me shots of water.

So they don't know. Nice. Because they, you know, like I was doing a show where the majority of the audience was, they were all white and Mexican and Corpus Christi. Yep. And they kept sending shots. So I just told the bartender that night, I said, listen. This is the worst gig of all time, Corpus Christi. Yeah. Just tell, put water in the shots and just say it's like a white tequila, the clear. Right. Because I couldn't possibly. But you look like a badass just popping those waters back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, damn.

Yeah. You're just looking at them like you really are idiots. I fucking hate you people. You ever hated an audience? Oh, it's tough. Yeah. Someone's toward the end of the show, their shit face. And you're just like, I got to wrap this up. Like you,

there's something so delicate about the balance it's like that jackie chan movie legend the drunken master when he hits the perfect drunk level he's great but then that one 20 minutes in you're like they're drunk and they're amazing but i know at like 47 minutes this is gonna turn you just know you don't want that you already know you feel it when yeah when it's already starting oh yeah to make that turn and you're like yeah i'm gonna get out of here yeah i had a crowd in uh

Fort Lauderdale last week. And every show is great, but one show is older, rich people, and they hated everything, but they'd go, that one was good. And that fucking drove me crazy. I wanted to snap. It's because they're calling you mediocre. It's worse than saying you suck, because then you're like, well, you're wrong, but mediocre. You're like, that could be true. Yes!

You're validating every thought I've already had. And as if you need their validation. I know. Why do you come? I know. And why didn't you look me up before you came? They never do. But have you ever walked into a music venue and said, I don't know who's playing tonight. Exactly. It's so weird. Why do you do that with us? I know. You get Andrew Dice Clay or you can get Nanette.

Comedy is a big umbrella. I want to see Andrew Dyson in this. That's the show I want to see. Hickory dickory, I had a tough year this year. I did a show, one of the Rochester shows. I was doing really well, but there was one guy in the front row, and all I could think was, this guy fucking hasn't smiled once. It'll drive you crazy, right? And the rest of the table was laughing. I'm like, why is he so unhappy? I'm killing. I know.

It's so funny how we focus on all the, we don't focus on all the positivity. We focus on the negative. Like we're just like that one person. That's how insecure we are. We're like, why don't you like me? Yeah. You know, my father left me when I was six.

And that's your dad. You see it. It feels like that's your dad. But statistically, if you break it down, you're like, this is a 300-seater. There's one person here who doesn't like me. If 299 out of 300 people like me, generally, I'm doing pretty damn good. Pretty damn great. Too good, you would say. But you want to crack the nut. You're like, why?

What is wrong with you? Yes. Why aren't you laughing? But we don't remember. This guy could have gotten divorced yesterday. Yeah. Or this guy could have, you know, can't get it up or whatever. He's thinking about that. But we make it, it must be me. Yeah. Or he could hate you, though. Or he could hate you. That's true, too. I hate me. Same.

- We're twins. - Any venues you're planning coming up that you're looking forward to? - Yeah, so that's the question right there. I heard the first part. I'm in San Antonio at the end of the month. I like LOL, I have a good time. - Yeah, also San Antonio is an underrated city. Great Mexican food. - I agree, I have a good time in San Antonio. I'm going to Kansas City,

I'm going to Detroit and I'm going to Peoria. Home of Richard Pryor. Yeah. And Sam Kinison. Yeah. Richard Pryor statue. And the KKK. Are you playing, is the jukebox you're playing? No, we're playing, it's a two person show. Me and D. Ray Davis are doing it. Oh, nice. He's big. It's like, he's doing the Civic Center. The Civic Center.

He's been selling out a lot. Yeah, he's killing it. I just saw him. I watched the Kanye doc and he's in it quite a bit. Oh, how'd you like the doc? I loved it. Yeah. I love anything with an origin. How did you get from here to here? I love how determined he was and it's great. And then seeing him kind of get weird and they kept it all in. It's really, have you seen it? No, I'm going to watch it. It's great. I was told that when I watch it, I'm going to really learn how bad my mother was from watching it. Oh,

He had the best mother ever. That's what I heard. Are you not close with your mom? No, I am close with my mom, but my mom is not renting a U-Haul truck to take me across country to do stand-up. I fell in love with his mom. There's a scene where he's still a young guy and they're rapping his lyrics from a school talent show he did when he was like six. And his mom, she knows every lyric. I'm like, my mom couldn't name one joke that I've written.

Over the years. Your mom doesn't watch it. They've come to see you though. Yeah, but they couldn't do a joke. Does your mom know? Yeah, my mom could definitely. Oh, you or your mom. My mom's a very good mom. She definitely knows. No, I can, you always, you always talk about her. Yeah. No, my mom, my mom, she, she talks about the old jokes. Like she doesn't realize that it's a rap. Like that's not my thriller. Yeah.

Don't you hate that when people yell out like old bits and you're like, I don't remember how to do that. I don't remember how to do it anymore. I moved on. I burned that. I'm trying to write a new hour. Yeah, exactly. They don't want to let you go. And it's an interesting place where the audience feels like they have so much power now.

I know. I know. Well, they're more sophisticated. The audiences are more because of podcasts. I think there's no comedy in a way where older crowds didn't really. Because back in the day, you want to hear like inside comedy. It was like, you know, one of the it's like on a disc. Yeah. You have to buy an HMV or something. Yeah, that was huge. You know? Or for us. I think L.A. is probably one of the worst places to do stand up comedy.

when you're doing like the Hollywood crowds. Like if you go do the outskirts where the people are that go to work, I hate getting off stage and somebody says, just a regular person will say, "I loved your set. I got a tag for you."

why why do you know what a tag is i know don't come to the shows no they're the worst they don't do that at hamilton either like hey aaron burr should have died i'm just in the play leave me alone what so you're doing like the outskirt club not like you're talking about like laugh factory and the improv it's like the people i mean that the laugh i think the improv more than the laugh factory has an audience that really thinks because of

the Wednesday shows, I don't know what it is, Comedy Juice, those people were there every week. And they love comedy in a way

where they think they know the terminology and they're just, some of them don't, they're not laughing. That's funny. And I'm like, when you get scared, do you ever say that's scary? No, you just get scared. I hate those people, right? But they think they know comedy. They just, they really do. So I like going, Long Beach has, the Long Beach Laugh Factory always has like a working class audience

They come there to laugh. They don't come there to, you know, write a bit for me. Right, right. But, you know, I like those like off places too. I do too. In LA. I mean, the outskirt cities, people are always like, why are you in that city? I'm like, because they fucking laugh. Yeah, and they like jokes. Because,

To be only doing like certain markets, then you're only connecting to that type of person. And our job is to connect. Our job is to be entertainers. So why are you limiting yourself to who you can entertain? It's an insane thought process to me. And a little elitist. It's very elitist. But also it's like...

- Yeah. - Also some of those smaller cities have the best clubs. - Yeah. - Oh yeah. - Madison, Wisconsin is not a huge city. That's a great club. I was just in Rochester. That's a great club. - Yeah. - Rochester, New York. - Well, I'll tell you, comedy was sad when people who didn't believe in vaccinations and masks couldn't come to the shows 'cause they're the ones that laugh. - I know, they're the best laughers for sure. - Am I right? They're the ones that laugh. - They're nodding their head like, "Was that funny or problematic?" - No. - I can't tell. No, they just, you're right, they just fucking laugh.

Fuck science! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Those are the people. That's why I said I need balance. Like, I can't just have a bunch of people who love that. It's just, it's so, it's an elitist. It's a lot of people who've gone to college, have opportunities, have learned a lot of things, and then they come back and judge the people who haven't had the opportunity to have that level of education and expect you to catch up. And that's the hard thing. Like, you want me to be right where you are when you just went and spent half quarterly,

of a million dollars on an education. And I was working at a financial firm as an assistant. Like, how do you, how do you expect me? And you know, I got, people got mad at me because I said, I can never tell my grandmother about pronouns. She was illiterate. She didn't know what a pronoun was. Like, you know what I mean? Like I could never tell in Spanish, you tell your grandmother, I'm,

I'm not Aida anymore. I'm Nosotros. You know? She would be like, call the doctor. This bitch is schizophrenic. Like, we gotta get it. It's the truth. But it's the, we could never, like, and for me to, I'm not gonna throw my grandmother away because she has issues. Like, that's the time she grew.

- Exactly. - We do have more in common and it's like, we talked about the phone before, that you see, we gravitate toward negative comments, but then when you're in person, sometimes we do it with that one guy, but when you really look at the grand, just everything around us, it's like, no, we're more connected than we're not. Like we do have more in common and entertainment, like laughing together is, it's the best. It's really awesome.

I know. But that pronoun stuff bugs me because they're like, hey, that's insensitive. And I'm like, well, so is calling me a racist or a bigot. Like, that's insensitive. And you could ruin my career also. Yeah. So it's weird that they're like all about sensitivity and empathy. But I'm like, you're the meanest person I know. You're ruining my life. You know, it's funny because...

I did Bill Maher's podcast. Oh, wow. How was that? It was cool. You know, Bill is Bill. Big pothead. Bill is 66 years old. So he has a very different perspective than a lot of us. And that doesn't excuse... You know, he's also rich. And I can't relate to him on a lot of things, but I can still have a conversation with him because...

I mean, I like to think that I'm able to have a conversation with a person that doesn't want me dead. You know what I mean? I'm like, I don't. And I think Bill, he's cool with me. But we were talking about like the differences between

of where you are in your life. I have no idea what it's like to be Will Smith, Chris Rock. I don't have that kind of money. But it's like we were talking about how ageism is the one acceptable ism. - So true. - Right? Nobody defends older people.

Like, "Shut your old ass up," is what they do on Instagram. Or for me, like, I'll block you if you call me auntie, 'cause I'm not fucking related to you. And that's a microaggression. That's you trying to tell people I'm older than you and trying to call me old on the sly. - And a boomer or some shit. - But then you look at their pages and those are the advocates. Those are the ones-- - Exactly! - Words hurt. - That's what I'm saying. - You know what I'm saying? - Exactly.

But you can call me old. Right. Right? But I can't call you soft? Yeah, your thing's okay, but when I do it, I'm a dick. But you're not a dick, you know? So we do it all the time. We go, hey, Lena Dunham's fat as shit. Hey, that's fat shaming. Well, Chris Christie's fat as shit. You got that right. It's like, well, if you care so much about fat, you gotta go all the way with it. You can't just pick and choose. Absolutely.

Not that I'm a fan of either of them, but they're equally as funny. - You know what, I respect the people that can say that. Like, who was it? They were shaming somebody the other day on the internet.

And I was like, uh-uh, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta stand up for that guy. Like you can't, you can't, you can't have it both ways. If you saying that this is not okay, then it's not okay for the person you don't like either. Right. If you don't want to fat shame, you don't want to, you know, want to be homophobe, you don't want to be transphobic. You can't just, it can't just be the people you like. Right. And that, that,

you see that a lot online yes for sure that's why it's fun to agree with someone who you normally wouldn't agree with when you see someone on the internet and you're like I have not a lot in common with this person but we're on the same just finding one because then you're like oh wow we are when you focus on the things we have in common you just feel better about life you know what I mean yeah but nuance we're devoid of nuance oh yeah especially on the internet

- Yeah, you can't be. So even like now your team, and I said I don't know what I was gonna talk about it, but I'm gonna talk about this. You're the team Will or team Chris. And I saw people use that terminology. I'm team Chris. And I'm like, what are y'all gonna do? What'd you say? - I used it for Chris. - No, but what I'm saying, what are y'all gonna do when they make up though? Like the people who are like killing each other on the internet, like what are you gonna do? You can still say,

What he said was insensitive to her, whether he knew she had alopecia or not. We know that it was insensitive. And at the same time say it wasn't cool for him to slap him on. Right. I agree. But you can't do that anymore. Yes. That's what I'm saying. It's got to be a bit. That's two sentences. That's tough. Yes. Two sentences versus two words. Two words is bam, quick. Right. Yeah. But no, I agree with that. And it gets to the point where it's like.

You don't want to say anything anymore if you're intelligent. It's the dummies who's, ah! You know, fuck babies in China. Like, those are the people that you, but if you're smart, you're like, there's no winning in this situation. Yeah, I'm staying out. It's fanaticism. It's me versus you. It's pretty much the same as me going, fuck the Celtics, which I do. You know, but I mean, it's like, go Knicks, fuck the Celtics. Like, that's the, it's the same mindset, but now with everything. But that's what's great about sports is we've,

We have those tribalism qualities in us, but sports puts it on like a surface level. It's all fun. Every now and then a guy will get beat up for being a Jets fan at the whatever game. But it's like you watch a game. It's three hours. You go home. You know, it's not this is like this whole shit now is like so it's like tribal all in. This is my whole personality is my whole life. The sports thing you're in. You're out. Yeah.

Yeah, I think having a black president in this country really messed people's heads up. Really? I think, yeah, you guys are, the thing about comedians is that we're like the blue collar workers of the entertainment business until we make it. So we have this camaraderie because we all join each other and struggle. No matter where you come from, comedy will humble you.

Yeah. Right. Because they'll be like, I know you got money, you got a trust fund. All right. Here's where you sign up for the open mic. Yeah. But when you when you are not part of something like that is very different. But when I know people who were white that were like,

they could not accept the fact that they never thought it was gonna happen in their lifetime. And they were like, the thought of a black man being above them just messed their heads up. And there was just, and it was people of color who felt that way too, that were like, wait a minute, what? We never, everybody,

Everybody kept saying they'll never. - Why do you think they felt that way? - 'Cause nobody believed that that would ever happen. - Chris Rock had a bit, "You ain't never gonna see a black president." - Yeah. - "Not in my lifetime." And that was like, what, 1998 he said that? - Yeah, people didn't believe it would ever happen. And then when it happens,

that's when people started assembling their crews. - Right. - You know, where everybody was like-- - Well, that's where it started with Trump. It was the birther stuff, right? That's where Trump really started his campaign. So that's an interesting point. - Yeah, because they wanted, they needed a reason to invalidate him because he would, and a lot of people felt like that.

people were like, he's not supposed to be above me. You know, like how is that possible? Like that was the, you know, it was just, and that's when it really started getting crazy. That's funny. I hear him speak and I'm like, he's way above me. I know. That's not my reaction at all. Yeah, but you know, it's the, it's, it's,

And the fact that he could play basketball too. I'm like, oh, this is a no. Like, he's like really cool. It's not fair. But it's not us though. It's the people like, the people that you're talking about are the people who are mad that they couldn't finish high school. And he went to Harvard. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And it just, it just messed people's head up. And that's when it really started.

Donald Trump just put the icing on the cake. Oh, yeah. Well, I take comfort in the fact that Obama's half white. Well, it definitely, it was like a total swing where, like, you know, we talk about how everything in this country is like, it swings one way, it swings the other. I mean, you can't swing any further from Obama to Trump. Right. You know,

So, you know, then you look at entertainment. Mark and I were talking about like sex comedies, how like there's a where they can be like, you know, filthy and then they swing to being like, you know, culturally a little more buttoned up. Right. Everything swings and like, you know, and then you swing and now we're back to we're Biden. We're like, well, that's not I don't know what to make of this.

this hasn't swung all the way back yet. So what worries me is like, maybe it's going to swing really hard in the next election. It was the country was desperate though. That's why Joe Biden got it. You're right. Yeah. Everybody. And it was, and it wasn't because I think the average American was exhausted. Oh,

- Oh yeah. - Because it was all, all we talked about was Trump and not Americans. And it was all day long. And that's why people didn't show up and vote for him that would normally vote for the Republican party because they were like, this is, people who have dignity,

you know, like average people, you know, your families that are, they have good sense. They were like, we can't do this again. This is, this is a clown fest at this point. I think January 6th was like really the icing on the cake, but, uh, yeah, I shouldn't have done that, but you look good in the paint. Thank you. But, uh, I didn't think it was real when somebody sent me, I know I saw somebody scaling the building and I was like, this is not, they look so, I knew it was real. Cause I get all my news from Kevin Sorbo. Uh,

Hercules. But no, it was crazy. Wasn't he there? No.

But, yeah, no, it's been a crazy few years. But I heard a comic, Mike Rowland, have a great joke the other night about how people would, Trump's followers would literally die for Trump. And then, like, think about Biden's followers. If he asked you for a ride to the airport, you'd be like, ugh. Thought that was such a great turn. That's funny. It's the truth. It's a cult. Yeah.

Like, you see those people. What's his name? What's the guy that was on The Daily Show that would go out and interview the Trump people? Klepper? Yeah. The funniest videos ever. Like with Obamacare, they were like, he was like, how do you feel about Obamacare? And the man was like, I hate it. I think it's un-American and it should go. And they were like, what about the Affordable Care Act? And he was like, yeah, that's what we need. It's the same thing. Whoa.

And he did a great video. They didn't even know. They just hated Obama. Right, exactly. You know what I'm saying? But it was the same thing. But it's just multiply that by a great majority of the people.

And it sounds bad, but it's true. It's like they don't have good textbooks. Teachers don't get paid as much. They got 45 kids in a classroom. That's where we are now, right? But we got all the bombs that we need. All you need is one to end the world, right? Yeah, yeah. Or what we know. But that's and these are the people now who are weighing in on politics. Yeah. Obama made people who white people who never cared about.

I'm voting. They're like, we're not letting that happen again. And they showed up. They were like, we're going to get up. Maybe in the end, it's good for the country, right? Because it's like, well, more people are going to vote. More people voted than ever. Maybe it's all this terrible stuff is actually long-term good for America, right? But should everyone be voting? You know, more people voting sounds good, but that's also more psychos voting.

So it's tough. It's tough to say. I think we just need better politicians. Our politicians aren't great. Yeah. I think this will be like our dark ages. I think so too. They're going to look back and they're going to be like, there was a time... Until we wrap up the podcast, I think everything's going downhill and we're all going to die. No, I think it'll get better, but I think they'll look

back at us like because I think technology we haven't we haven't reached a balance with technology where we're thinking for ourselves and we're going to have to at some point find balance because it's

we've gotten advanced technologically, but as human beings, we've gone backwards. Agreed. And technology is going so fast. We can't keep up. We're trying to keep up and we're really embarrassing ourselves. Oh, the thing about the politicians we're going to have in 20 years is going to be videos like this douchebag is not one of you. He was doing TikTok food challenges on his... I know, right? Yes!

Like think about the footage. There's too much. There's footage of like, there's a blackface photo of Trudeau. Yeah. Like 20 years ago when there weren't that many photos. Think about the ammo there's going to be on politicians in 20 years. This lady's running. I have your butthole on OnlyFans. 10 years ago. And you've got my vote. Yeah. It's a good butthole. Yeah. Yeah. Some great buttholes out there. You got to do what you got to do, folks. I didn't even think about that. The TikTokers. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

It's all over. It's all out there, yeah, because everybody's got a page or a profile. It's over. It's over. And then we need to forget. We always forget or act like that everybody... We forget everybody's flawed. We've all done dumb shit, said dumb shit. So to hold somebody to one dumb thing they said, oh, you said retard in 1999. We can't have you around. You're like, I don't know. Is that the end of the world? Is he going to judge my whole character based on that?

- Yeah, they even called me a retard in 1999. - Yeah, of course. - Are you gonna go get those people? - Yeah, exactly. - You know who's evil. You know who hates people. You know who's hateful. And that's why I say that there are some people that make mistakes and

- How many times have they changed the word, right? It went from retarded to developmentally delayed. - Oh, wow. - That's the term now. - To open mic-er is the next one. No, but it's interesting. I saw this local news story. This woman, her son got murdered and then she forgave the murderer. She was like, "There's nothing more powerful." And by the way, I guarantee you this woman's not on Twitter.

That's not a person who's on Twitter. This is someone who went deep inside themselves to really be like, oh my God, this is horrible. But letting go of that. And we're fighting over words? I know, I know. People can...

It's been said to death, but people can bounce back, I think. I think forgiveness is a good thing. It's for you. It's for you because you're the one walking around harboring. And the thing about us when people come for us is they don't give a shit. They just trying to get retweeted. They want to get likes. They are making money.

Like a lot of people who are, I'm here for the cause. They got shirts. They're selling merch. It's become, you know, like they are entertainers online. A lot of them are performative and they're making money off of it. They have on their bio for booking inquiries emailed this person. Right. Then you go see them and they suck. You're like, oh, yeah, because I only knew about them because they suck.

They tweeted about some shit. And why do you want to hear that person talk for an hour? Right. What do you have to say? Good point. But that's the world we live in now. I know. I know. I hate it. Ronnie Chang had that great joke. He's like, hopefully Twitter will look back at it like cigarettes. You know, like, you used Twitter while you were pregnant? Holy shit. That's such a great bit. It sums it all up. He's got a new Netflix special. Look out for him. Oh, does he? I mean, by the time this is out in a couple weeks, so it should be out by then. Yeah, he's great. Oh, he has a new one?

Yeah, yeah. He's funny. We should probably wrap up, right? Oh, geez. All right. Dude, great to have you here. So happy. Oh, that's so much fun. That was great. Plug some road dates. You got, as you said, you have San Antonio coming up. San Antonio. I'll be at the San Jose Improv, the DC Comedy Loft.

So I have the Ontario Improv Punchline San Francisco, July 27th. Love that room. Me too. Because the people who are woke do not come to the show. But you can go to funnyida.com. And then on May 6th, I have an animated movie coming out. Whoa. So I'm excited about that. What?

I've never done anything on a larger scale than a comedy set. That's great. Well, they'll take that away from you when you control it. No, I'm just kidding. Oh, no, you know, every week I just tell on myself. Every week I tell people, oh, I said this in 07. I let people know in advance now because I'm tired of people coming for me. I should also say when I was 16, I fucked a 16-year-old girl. So I just want to make that common knowledge. Both 16. Girlfriend. It's over for you, dude. I know. I'm fucked.

All right. I'm all over the place as well. My website's a little wacky. Who knows where the hell I'll be by April 24th. Keep going. Oh,

Oh, shit. You're doing the Paramount. I love that place. Oh, you went back up. There we go. Keep going. Keep going. Hey, the Addison Improv, Denver, Colorado, Colusa, California, all kinds of good stuff. That's Dallas, basically. Bricktown in Oklahoma City and San Jose. Stand up live in Huntsville. That could be tough.

Minneapolis, Minnesota, Chicago. You know it. MarkNormanComedy.com. Cleveland, Irvine. Where are you going to be at, Fetty? Brea Improv. L.A. I'm doing...

What else? There you go. Nashville, Albany, Toronto added a show there. What else we got? Providence. Special taping in Chicago. Come on out. Tampa, Cleveland. You get the gist. Houston, all that shit. West Palm rescheduled because of my COVID from Orlando. Sorry about that. Yeah, Buffalo, San Jose, all over. Love you guys. We might be drunk pod.com for merch. All that. They got the koozies. Got the glasses. Yeah.

Patreon.com slash we might be drunk pod. We love you. And check out HBO and Netflix. HBO Max. Fighting Words. Yes. And then episode three on Day Ready on Netflix. There it is, folks. Awesome. You heard it here first. Thank you so much for coming in. No, thanks for having me. This was great. I'm out to lunch here at noon.