Ep 64: Judy Gold & Mexican Mules
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We might be drunk, we might be drunk As long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk Raise a glass, let's talk shit, pep heaps, wrecks and a bit Maybe drunk, we might be drunk, yeah

Hey, folks, here we are. We might be drunk. We are back. You got your NPR outfit on. That's nice. I love the sweater. It's the winter, baby. You got to dress warm. It looks good. You give a cocktail and a pipe and a nice chair. That's a good look. And we are joined by our lovely guest, Judy Gold. Lovely? Yes. Woo!

New York legend. I love you guys. Hard working comics. My prediction is we break a peeve record with you in this episode. Oh, please. Because you have a lot... You're a classic New York Jew. You have a lot of peeves. I just... I fucking hate people. Like, everyone's an asshole. And then this pandemic... You know what it made me realize? You know how, like...

People are like, what was good about the pandemic? And I'm just like, oh, shut up. The one thing I realized, like not hanging out with my friends and then all of a sudden hanging out with them again, I'm like, I hate you. You know what I mean? Like, you're so boring. You repeat the same thing. You talk about yourself. Like, I can't.

I can't believe I spent so much time with you. Well, there was so much buildup for the hang, too. Right, right, right, right, right. When we hang and then the anticipation. Oh, yeah, can't wait to get together. And then you're like, ew. Yeah, you look bad, Brad. It's like when there's a new Spider-Man movie. You're like, another Spider-Man. Then you see it, you're like, eh. It's the same shit. Wait, Ben, my son, and his girlfriend said it was the best Spider-Man movie ever. I haven't seen it. I have heard it's good. But there were like four bad ones in between, weren't there? I've given up. There's too many. It's like when your friend keeps changing genders. I'm like, I'm out. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Too many. But so that's your peeve is like you saw friends and it's not even like you're seeing them under great circumstances. Right. Right. But it's also like I think people stop putting up with shit like you realize, wait, I don't have to do that. Right. I don't have to do that. I don't have to do this. I don't have to do that.

this is way more fun than that like you just like well everything's remote too no one goes to the office anymore we're like we don't have to do that right fuck it and it changed the whole world right and that's a good good example of what you're talking about yeah yeah nobody wants to go anywhere i know i got so fucking lazy didn't you guys get lazy we got real lazy like i would check my computer in the morning like and if i had anything to do i was like oh it's tough to put on a

Like, you don't have to worry about that shit. Mark says the same thing. He's in the cross-dressing. They're looking good, though. Thank you. I got a nice A, Miles. Thank you. Should we do a drink now? Absolutely. Oh, my God. Beer Jew. We love you, man. Thank you. All right. Today, we're going to have... As soon as you want to go for tequila, we're going to do kind of just like a classic Mexican mule. Oh, yeah. With a little bit of Blanco tequila. There we go. A little nice ginger beer and a little lime. Oh.

Oh, I like that. Is that okay? You said not sweet. I hate fucking sweet. Exactly. It's a little spicy. But ginger beer is good. Ginger beer is good. We have nice ginger beer. We have fir tree here today. Not a lot of sugar. Just like a little kick and that's it. A little lime. Yeah, I don't want

I want fucking fruit in my fucking, you know what I mean? Syrup, all that shit. I'm with you. Like, no. No, I want to see a kick. It's so girly and like fucking, I don't, yeah. What do you, what are your drinks? Like, you get potato vodka, tequila. I love potato vodka. What is potato vodka? Do you like potato vodka? I love potato vodka. It's much smoother. It's so much smoother. Is that kettle one? No. It's like Chopin or Belvedere. Any Polish vodka.

Yeah. And it's so smooth. There's this one called 1857. Have you heard of it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they make it in upstate New York on a potato farm. And they have like...

You know, they'll do like purple potatoes. They'll make it out of all. And it's so fucking good. We got to get that. Yeah. I was going to bring you a bottle. I totally fucking forgot. Like, I forgot my book. Fuck. Potato Vodka is the only booze Irish people won't drink. They're like potato. That is fucking good. Not bad.

Wow! This ain't a game, Judy. He's a mixologist. You know, Judy, when I heard you were coming on, I was like, all right, I'm not going to make any fruity or sweet drinks. We're going to go straight for a classic mule. It's really good. He's a pro. There you go. This is incredible. And Judy said you were cute, which is a lot for a lesbian. And you're adorable. Thank you. I try. Yeah. And he's, you know...

Mixologist. I mean, he makes literally the best drink. Cocktail architect. Do you work at a bar or anything? Yeah, I work at a few different bars. And I work for a mixology company called Liquid Lab. Wow, that's so cool. Yeah, you should see his sex tape. Hey. So what else is bothering you? How about how I went like that?

That was hot. You can see his sex tape and I'm like, yeah. Bring it on. What else is bothering you? Anything else? Uh-oh. Okay. Last night. Pull up the notebook. Why am I even putting this down? Because I'm going to drink the whole fucking thing. Okay. I have so many things that are pissing me off, but last night I did this gig, right? Yeah.

It was I was hosting an award show at a retreat, you know, for like employees. And first of all, the driver who was so nice. I wasn't even going to tell you this, but this is so fucking you. OK, we're driving there and he's like, oh, I got the radio. I got it. Sirius XM, whatever you want. I was like, I don't care because I'm like talking on the phone. Yeah. Yeah.

Where is it taking you? Where is it getting you? It was at the City Winery in Hudson Valley. Oh, wow. Hudson Valley? Yeah, it was all their employees from all over the country. Hudson Valley is beautiful. Beautiful. Stunning. Right, but you know on the thruway, the exits are like a half an hour apart, right? Oh, boy. So we're driving, and I didn't really give a shit about the radio, but then all of a sudden he changes the station-

And it's Tom Papa. And I go, I can't. I can't. He's my friend. I can't. And then he turns another station. It's raw dog. I go, no, no. It's Bobby Kelly. It's just people you know. I'm trying to fucking relax. So he reaches for the stereo. Right. And he as he's turning the dial.

He hits the brakes and I realized he missed the fucking exit. And the next exit is fine.

Three hours away. It was like half an hour. So we had to go to New Paltz and fucking turn around. And then Ben Zia comes on. And I'm just like, yeah, right. All right. So then I do this gig. It was actually really fun. Because you know when you don't have to do stand up and you can just riff? Yes. And you're just like. Well, let's not act like that's nothing. You know, a lot of people want to do their act because the riffing is terrifying. Well, the riffing. Right. Exactly. And for me. It's the opposite. I know you're the same way.

I don't know if you're that way. What? With the riffing? Yeah, I riffle. I get so bored with my act on the road, so I have to. But for me, I get excited. Really? Like if someone gets off stage and says, they suck.

Like for me, I'm like, yes. Like it's such a challenge. Like I fucking love that. Really? I don't like that. I love that. Cause if it, I feel like it's more pressure if someone gets off before you and is like, oh, they're fucking great. Good point. Good point. They get off to like smell my finger. Right. That was amazing. No, it's the worst. I mean,

I'm with you. And you are fun to watch for a bad crowd. Oh, I fucking love it. It's my favorite. The best. And it's so interesting because I still haven't gotten to the peeve, but whatever. You know how everyone's doing like crowd work albums and I'm doing crowd work? Like when I started in the 80s,

I would do... I emceed a lot when I first started because I wanted to be really comfortable on stage. And which were the rooms you emceed in? Oh, my God. Comedy U Grand. Comedy U? Yeah, it was called Comedy U. Paul Herzog ran that, right? Yes! Oh, my God. That's where Attell went on stage for the first time. I was standing in the back. I was emceeing! Wow. Yes! Yes, he had hair. He was an NYU student. He came in. He went on. I remember he had this fucking hilarious joke about...

Oh, everyone has anorexia now. It was right when everyone was saying they have anorexia. Yeah. Because the other day I was walking by Macy's. This is not the exact wording, but I was walking by Macy's.

I was walking by Macy's and in the window was a mannequin with her finger down her throat. It was fucking hilarious. And I go, and he got up and said, remember, I was like, you were so fucking funny. He's like, no, not him. I fucking love these guys. That's great. Yeah. So I used to emcee. The first year I did stand up, I started when I was 19. But the first year I did, I couldn't talk to the audience. I was too scared. And then everyone's like, just, you know.

And so emceeing... And that was when the emcee was respected. Oh, really? You know what I mean? It wasn't like, we're going to take the least seasoned comic and make them the emcee. The first thing the crowd sees is a newbie. Right. The backbone of the show. Also...

If you MC, you learn how to bring a crowd back, deal with any shit that goes on in the room. You can isolate your bits. That was the best part. I could be like, oh, I got to do a couple minutes because this one fucking bombed. And you could take your bits and they would stand alone, you know? Anywhere in the show. Right. And I remember when I started and I would hang out at Catch and like Belzer would be an MC. Richard Belzer? Yes. Whoa. How old are you? Yeah.

59. You look great. Thanks. But bells are, you know, all the MCs at catch, they would start at like eight o'clock and go to maybe 1130 and then they'd have a late night MC. Um,

And the show went on until like 2 in the morning. That sounds like a horrible gig. Oh, my God. People were there. There was a band. It was really a magical time. I'm telling you. And Belzer was an incredible emcee, I heard. Yes, but the emcee was the star of the show. It was like their show. And they fucking got rid of that. And, you know, I'm sorry, but it is the most important thing.

They set the tone. I agree. I like when the emcee... I think in other places they respect that more, but like... Yeah, but when you... Exactly. But when you see a host like Atelda, that thing, the Insomniac tour, and he hosts it. Right. I think there's something cool about being like...

I'm introducing all these comics. This is my show. Right. And that's the way it used to be. And like, I, I think within a couple of years ago, I, I hosted something at the village underground. I don't know who it was. It was Jeremy or red or, or Liz. I don't know who someone was there. It's like, Oh my God. And I'm like, I used to MC all the time. You know, it, it, you feel what, and as a comic, you feel like, wow, this audience is ready to listen to,

But here's the problem. They go, you want to host tomorrow? You go, fuck no. But it wasn't like here. It wasn't easy to get from one club to another. To be able to get on stage all night long. That's a good point. And plus, for women...

They never put more than one woman on a show if they put a woman on a show. So I was like, I just want fucking stage time. I don't care. So the other hosts were like Joy Behar, right? And Joy and Susie Asman. I learned so much from watching them. Yeah.

Who were the male hosts back in the day who we might know? Cohen? Oh, Mark Cohen, definitely. For sure. Man, Mark Cohen's got one of the best jokes I've ever heard where he says, you know, a cop knocks on a guy's door. He says, we're looking for a rapist. The guy goes, all right, I'll see what I can do.

That's an incredible joke. That's the best kind of misdirect. Such a funny. Yeah, I love Mark Cohn. I'll see what I get to Mark Cohn. Who else? Oh, my God. Who else? You got to start naming people. I remember Ray. Ray used to come. Romano? Oh, my God. He would emcee? No, but he would come to the show at Comedy U Grand. And his wife, Anna, would be I was friends with Anna and she would be like he

He was delivering futons at the time, I think. And she was like, I mean, how long can he continue to do this? I want to have a family. Wow. And I was like... Hilarious. Yeah. Wow. You never know. Oh, my God. Michael Chiklis. You know Michael Chiklis? The Shield? He was the bartender at Comedy U Grand, right? What? Oh, my God. He was the nicest guy. So... And...

You know, the MC hangs out. We hung. Like, that was the other thing. We hung. You gotta hang. So Michael was the MC and he had this girlfriend and he really loved her. And her father convinced her to break up with him because, oh, he's just a bartender actor. Right? Yeah. And he was so depressed. And then he got this John Belushi part in a movie and he left and became...

you know, this, and I remember thinking, and one of the hotter, bold guys, I feel like women, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hard to be like a bald sex symbol, but like Bruce Willis pulled it off. He pulled it. Now anyone could, but back then. Yeah. Back then was rare. Well, bald white guy. There were black sex symbols. Well, I remember when he got this part and I was like, oh my God, see, fuck her, fuck her and her father. And,

And he then became, you know, this huge star. And if I see him on a set, it's like old time. You know what I mean? That's great. That's like the...

Yeah. So anyway. Also Idris Elba was the bouncer. I know. Yeah. Whoa. Yes. He was so fucking hot. You are so handsome. By the way, I love that there was like a huge thing now saying like they're like there's people really pissed that he's in the running for Bond because he's black. And I'm like, this is not woke shit. He would be the coolest Bond. Yeah. Everyone's fucking.

It's also, I saw one guy respond. I read some of the tweet replies sometimes because they make me laugh. And they're like, yeah, what's next? A white roots? And I'm like, slavery was real. There's a difference. Bond is, by the way, they did a black kid in Spider-Man and it's the best Spider-Man movie. Oh, the universe. That's like the only really good Spider-Man. For my, I was drunk when I tweeted that.

But I'll say, Idris Elba is the coolest fucking actor. Oh, my God. Luther is incredible. Luther's great. Whether or not you like Obama, coolest president. I mean, he fucking plays basketball. Like, sorry. I never thought I'd live long enough to see a fucking president just drain a three from the corner. I know. And knowing that...

Like none of it is right. Oh, absolutely. Don't you think they fuck? I think they probably fuck. Yeah. Did you guys not see the sex tape? All right. So back to our, wait. So what, oh wait, I wanted to make this point. This is so fucking good. I know. This is so good. I'm trying not to guzzle it down. We got more, don't worry. Guzzle it. I wanted to make the point about, why do you get a glass?

These are better for the drink. You're working. These are made for the mules. This is for the poppers back in the day. Does the glass make a fucking difference with the taste of it? All right. So technically, there is a little urban myth about it. I'll be real quick. But the urban myth about it is that the way the mule, the Moscow mule with vodka came about first was there's some three guys in a bar in San Francisco, right? This is just an urban myth. No way to verify it. But that's how most drinks stories are.

One of them just bought Smirnoff vodka to try to popularize it. This is like the early 20th century. Everybody's drinking whiskey and gin. He tried to popularize vodka. Didn't know what to do with it in America. Then the second guy next to him had just bought a Jamaican ginger beer company and was trying to use that as a mixer instead of ginger ale. And then the third guy, for whatever reason, has a surplus of copper.

I don't know if he just raided someone's homes or whatever, but he has surplus. Sounds like the beginning of a street joke. Yeah, it does. The fourth guy's a rabbi. So the bartender helped them kind of like put all the ingredients together and made the Moscow Mule. But technically, copper kind of seeps toxins out of...

liquor and your body as well. So it's supposed to be kind of like a detoxifying drink. I'm going to say after I drive after drinking for these. Yeah. What about stir versus shaken for martinis? Yeah. Well, let's say, uh,

I think all martinis should be stirred unless specified otherwise. Why? The only time you shake martinis is if somebody wants a really, really cold martini with the, what they call the pond on top. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The reason that James Bond, little joke, is that the reason that James Bond always wanted his martinis shaken, not stirred,

is because when you shake it, it dilutes it more. So you have a weak, technically a weaker drink. You have much more water in there. So he's a spy and he has shit to do. So he doesn't want to be too fucked up. So he gets it shaken. He could also order a Diet Coke if he wants to really not. That's true. But what about drinking alone?

I encourage it. Remember when Smirnoff was the official vodka for James Bond? We're all like, we're not buying it. James Bond is ordering Goose or Belvedere. That's absolutely ridiculous. That was completely insane. I'll do another one of these. Here's the other thing. The other thing is this is another thing that fucking pisses me off. When I say I want potato vodka and they're like, oh, Tito's. I'm like, Tito's is corn, you fucking

Fucking asshole. Tito's is pretty good, though, I think. And the hangover's not bad either. Do you like it? Tito's is fine. I think it's a good mid-tier vodka. Honestly, if you can find it, I do prefer potato vodka. Yeah, really? Belvedere, Chopin. It is a lot smoother. The starchiness of it makes it a lot smoother. And especially in a martini, it's fantastic. Yes, that's what I do. Bring it in. By the way, shaking a certain, one of my biggest pet peeves is when you shake a dirty martini.

You should never shake a dirty martini just because all that olive juice just starts bubbling up and you just get a whiff of olive juice in your face when you drink it. And that's it. This is how I order my martinis every time. I want a martini...

as dry as a 98 year old woman's vagina every time and if the fucking weight person doesn't laugh i'm like we're out of here because sometimes we're like okay and i'm like what um all right back can i tell go back to my story about crowd work all right so crowd work when i started like everyone's like don't do crowd work don't do crowd work and now i'm like what the fuck you know just have your material you have to have your material so you can put together a late night set whatever

Everyone's doing this crowd work shit. Yeah. And it's like, do you realize you have to be good at that? Like, you can't just go, hey, you know, it's. I think there's somewhere in the middle, though. I think a lot of these people just do a lot of crowd work. They're killing because crowd work does hit harder. Right. It's in the moment. It's in the room.

But if you can write a great joke, that'll live forever. This is just, it's great, it's nice, but you can't go on balance. I don't like following someone, a host, if they only do crowd work. Because then if I'm on first, I'm like, well, I'm doing the first joke of the show. Right, right, right, right. What I would host back in the day, I used to host at Caroline's a lot, which was great for me because, you know, oh, thank you. But, you know...

I try to just go into material, but if they weren't biting on the jokes, I would do crowd work, then go back. I would try to get them on jokes for the first comic after me. You have to prepare them to listen. Yes. You have to disarm them. You have to make them into a unit. Yes. Like, okay, we're done ordering drinks. I'm stronger. The show is...

You know, about to start. This is how we do it. And you don't shove it down the throat. You show them. You get them in the mode of listening to some material. Hey, how you doing? I hope the drive-in was great. Blah, blah, blah. Material, material. Bring up the... Okay, you ready? Blah. I agree. And it's like, yeah. I mean, like, I want to kill Ray Allen a lot. We're getting too inside here. Three people know that guy. No, but it's so fun.

Okay, can we talk about when we're at City Winery? Uh-oh. I thought you were going to scold him for the burp for a second. And he's fucking farting! Like, just farting! And I'm like, really? Who's farting? Mark! Oh, right, at the Greenwood City Winery. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're sitting there, and we're eating!

And he's like, oh, excuse me. Oh, did I do that? I interjected it left. No, you did it. All right. OK, so anyway, back to my gig last night. And I can't believe I'm even staying on track because. All right. So I do this whole hosting thing. And, you know, they're all like in their.

I guess they were all in their early 30s, maybe late 20s, early 30s. Young and hip. Right. One of these guys, like after the show, and I, you know, I killed, you know, of course. I mean, I know how to fucking host a goddamn award show and make fun of the. Anyway. Lesbians are funny. I like that she made you sit in there.

I've been trying to get a fart out right on time. I had nothing. We might know why Mark says shocking shit. He is just trying to cover up farts at all times. But it's also like, I've heard everything. I don't even fucking care. I know. I get off stage and then all these people are like, oh, can we take a selfie? And then Shlomo, Shlomo who runs City Winery. Yeah.

I know that's a normal name. And I said this on stage. That's a goy. That's just hilarious. He also is the pitcher in the Israeli baseball team in the Olympics. Whoa. Yes. And he, I said, Shlomo is the only good looking Shlomo in the entire fucking world. Anyway. That's great. So he's like, you want to get something to eat? There's no way that's a good baseball team. Oh no. They lost to Mexico, South Korea, and...

the United States. It's the only team where you're out for five to six days with allergies. I know. They're all American, too. They're all Jews who couldn't get on the United States team. You never hear about the Israeli baseball. There's a few Jewish baseball greats, obviously. Koufax, Sean Greenberg. Hank Greenberg. I think there'd be more of them. It's called the Diamond.

Oh, God. You are on fire. Slow-mo Lippins. Call the baseball diamond. Come on. I was proud of that. There he is. He's a hunk. He's so hot. I can't even tell you. Man, oh, man. Anyway. That's what they say when you give them a diamond. It's real. It's real.

I liked it. I'm bumming. Have you guys ever been to Israel? I wish. Oh my God, it's fucking great. Okay, so I finished the gig, you know, and I'm walking and Shalom was like, oh, you want something to eat? So we walk into some area where there's a fireplace and a bar or whatever. And one of these guys who's like works at one of the city wineries somewhere, he looked like late 20s, mid to late 20s. And he says to me, hey,

You were pretty funny. Uh-oh. That's a P. And I wanted to fucking... I was pretty funny. Pretty funny is not a compliment. Right. It's not a compliment to say, hey, B minus. Right. Right. Everyone else is like, oh my God.

Like, I totally fucking ripped apart the HR person and her staff came up to me and said, oh, my God, thank you so much. Thank you so much. Because apparently she's very HR. And so anytime I said something off color, I was like, oh, sorry. And then here's this fun asshole guy. Yep. Who's like.

They're pretty funny. It's like, fuck. You get up there. You fucking get up there for one fucking minute and see how you, you know, it's just like. Well, let's be fair. You just said about your kids. I kind of love them. I know. But I get it. I get it. I'm with you on the pretty funny. No, I love them. I really. I know. I mean, I could go get Gushy. I love them so much. But. Pretty funny is infuriating. Another infuriating one is when someone goes up to you and goes, I thought you were good. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. The worst. So did the crowd. Did you hear, motherfucker? Yeah. Killing. Fuck you. Or I had one person once say to me, you were a second favorite. Just tell me I was funny. Or what about when someone comes up to you and says, you were the funniest and the other comics are standing right fucking next to you. Oh.

None of it's good. Just say. Just don't say anything. I also, I would never do that at a fucking show. I would never go up to like Broadway actors after a show and be like, you were number one. Right, right, right, right, right. I would just say, guys, you were great. They rank us. They always rank us. It's brutal. That's why people like Last Comic Standing. They don't want, here's a bunch of funny comedians. Yes, he was the best. She was the one time I owned for Amy Schumer.

She was on stage killing. I had a solid set. It wasn't great. And then I was shitting in the bathroom at the Denver Comedy Works, and I heard a bunch of guys washing their hands going, she's so funny, man. She's killing. What did you think about the opener? And they were like, he sucked. And they're like three feet away from me. I'm shitting my pants. It's the most vulnerable moment of my life. And I go, I thought he was pretty good. And they were like, I don't know what you're drinking, man, but he sucked. And I was like, ah.

Oh my God. I never, like, are you ever in the green room after you go to the green room after the show and you have a second show and the audio's on while they're clearing out and you're like, no, I don't want to hear what the hell. No, not at all. Like, because you're just waiting for

I'm waiting for, you know, that cut. I just hear some guy going, the Jews will not replace us. I'm like, God, what the hell was that? I was drinking when I said that. People do say shit to comics that they don't say to any other performers. No one respects it. They don't do that at Broadway. It's like you said. Well, everyone thinks they're funny. I've never heard anyone say, like, I have a bad sense of humor. No one says that. If I meet someone who says that, I'm like, that's fucking honest right there. Yeah, yeah. I've never heard it. But also, we don't have an instrument. So, like. Right.

With an instrument, they go, I can't play that, so well done. Right, right, right. Or sing like that. We're just up there. Well, anyone who makes what they're doing, like, we all have looked at, like, newscasters or sportscasters or something and been like, well, that looks easy. But that's a skill. Oh, yeah. That's something that they had to learn. Right, especially calling a game. I mean, come on. Oh, yeah. That ain't easy. I mean, if you put a person just on a game calling it, you're like, that's a fucking hard thing to keep it entertaining, to keep it, like, you know, insightful, to comment on what's going on. Oh, I know. And not miss any...

You're hyper-focused like we are on stage. You know the minute you're on stage, especially if you do theater. There's another thing. Don't fucking put your goddamn phone on. When you're on stage and someone pulls out their phone, it's the only thing.

only thing you see from the stage is a fucking light like and these people are just fucking asshole that's why i love the seller they take the phone they take the phones it's huge because even if they're not taking a video they're still thinking at like a show in the middle of nowhere they're like i could text i could tweet right oh i'm just thinking it right and that that sucks too but when the phones are gone they just they just accept that and focus plus

What was that? I guess my little tequila mule is getting to me. Sorry, what? Oh, no, I want to ask you, Judy. Oh, hell yeah. Judy's going in. Here we go. You know, I always come in 100%. Who are the comics you remember coming up with in the 80s that we might remember? I remember Adam Sandler getting on stage. Really? Yeah, and I remember Lewis.

coming out. Lou Ferranda. Yeah. Yeah. And so he, first, when I started, he was the bartender at Catch Rising Star. Lou Ferranda. Yeah. And then. So Lou Ferranda, those of you who don't know, listening, he's the booker at the legendary Caroline's Comedy Club. Well now, and he started the whole, you know, New York Comedy Festival. Oh, that was him. I didn't know that. Him and Caroline. Very nice guy, Louis. Yeah. And so. What? She's hot, huh? Caroline? Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. I kind of bond with you. We're both like the labia. Why? Because she's like my age-ish? No, I mean, I think she was... I've been hearing Mark say this for years. I don't think this is... She is hot. There we go. There we go. Okay. I just burped, by the way. Anyway, but I held it in, unlike you. I see. So...

She does feel like your mother right now. I know. So, Lewis was the bartender. Yeah. And then, so, in the mid-80s, but, you know, there were no cell phones. And there was the comic strip. There was...

Catch a Rising Star. There were all these clubs. There was The Cellar. There was Green Street. There were all these clubs. And you had no cell phone. So if you got on the subway or you were in a cab and you were late for your spot, there was no way to contact the club. You could go to a pay phone or something. Right. That was it. So...

And they had Catch Rising Star had two backups. So you would sit at the bar. You got paid 50 bucks, which was what the comics got to do a set. To just hang out. To just hang out in case someone didn't show up. But there were always comics who didn't get spots or were doing spots at the strip that would come in to sit, you know. And so they had two people who were the backups. Got it. And you just sit there. You got 50 bucks. And it was me.

Wow. That's wild. Yeah. What year are you in about? Late 80s? Mid 80s. Mid to late 80s. Yeah. Was he nice? I love him. Yeah. He's just a class act. He was one of my heroes. And he's fucking hilarious. Yeah, he's brilliant. I mean, he's got great angles. I mean, his first album, Roll With The New, not his first, Born Suspect was the first album. Oh my God. Roll With The New was like the album that got me into comedy.

Is that right? Yeah. Well, I remember listening to it on a CD player and I probably got half the jokes. I was 11. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mom grabbed the CD player like, what's he listening to? And put the headphones on like an overprotective mother. Oh my God. She starts listening and I remember her face out of the gate was like horror. Just horror. Really? And then she kept listening for 30 seconds and she laughed and I was like,

that's fucking comedy, baby. The fact that he pushed her away in the setup and then pulled her right back. Oh, even then you knew. I love that. I love the power of a joke with that. Also, I mean, I saw Pryor's special in the fucking movie theater. Wow. Which one? Live in concert. Yeah, live from the sunset. Or Sunset Strip. Yeah. Wow. Incredible. I mean, first of all, you talk about comedy and, you know, all this woke shit where you can't,

saying, "Oh, really?" I tried to muffle it. I'm listening. Everyone can hold their fucking farts in but you. Wow, I thought it would be good comedy.

And I tried to soften it. She's literally winding up for a heavy point, Mark. She goes, the thing about woke comedy. I didn't think it was going to be that audible. Don't even worry, poopy. He gave me this in case it's a little too strong. What the fuck? Seriously. Everyone else can hold in their farts. Why can't you hold in your farts? You're censoring me.

Shut up. Why can't you hold in your farts? I think it's funny to let them out. It's a comedy show. It is pretty funny. I mean, it's not respectful. I could hold it in. Well, nothing's respectful. We're drinking. Is there anyone in the world you wouldn't fart in front of? If Obama were in the room, would you fart? No, I think he would like it. He deals with the Secret Service all day, and his wife doesn't seem that fun. When's the last time you've seen Michelle Obama crack a Jew joke?

All right. Anyway. So wait. The thing about woke up. I want to hear this. You know, like Richard Pryor gets on stage even after he blew himself up. Right? What's the first thing he talks about? Blowing himself up. Exactly. Like, no.

fear like George Carlin no fear the whole the whole Bobby Brown bit or Jim Brown but Bobby Brown holy shit the whole Jim Brown bit in Pryor's Sunset Special is like what you gonna do that right oh my god this is like amazing this is like a fucking one-man show but it's got punch lines I know I know that's what comedy was yeah Pryor's and now it's like

I don't know. I just... I agree. That's why I yell at them all the time. I mean... Well, the worst part is when comics get mad. You're like, you know what this is. What are you doing? I don't get why you're yelling at me. You're a comic. What's going on? Yeah, I made a crazy joke, but...

I'm a comic. But it's also like you take intent, context, and nuance out of the equation. Of course, yeah. And that's the end. It's like, listen, I'd now get on stage and say, I just want you to know that none of the comics here, when they were writing their jokes tonight, were thinking about your fucking childhood trauma. Okay? Well said. Sorry. It's not about you. But they're like, it's insensitive to these groups. I don't care. Like, it's not. Listen to the fucking jokes.

It's not a fucking joke. It's not. I know. We're trying to make you laugh. You have a joke I love about your son wanting to get a tattoo. He hates that joke. Her son wants to get a tattoo in the joke, and it's their zip code. She goes, you're a Jew. You're not getting numbers on your arm. Tattoo it on your arm. That's a great joke. That's brilliant. Right. He hates it. He's like, mommy, that was like five years. Yeah, whenever. He's 18. He's not mad about the offensiveness. He's mad about the accuracy. But it's like someone came up to me. I did that joke.

And someone like a Jew who and he's like, you know, that joke makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm like, why? It's a true story. It really happened. Yeah. And every night I get on stage and talk about the Holocaust. So like, what the fuck is your. There's nothing offensive about the joke. The joke is he's saying, here's why you shouldn't do that. Right, right, right. So if you're the voice of reason in the joke, you. Yeah. And you can't.

everything people take shit they make it their own right and it's all about whatever i think the joke is exactly what it is and it's like no it's the comedian who is telling the joke has a purpose behind that joke and an intention behind that joke it's not about fucking you and now i feel like now when you write material um i see this with a lot of comics they'll

They do the, I want to make this funny. I want to talk about this. I want to make this funny. And now we have that extra thing where we go, oh, this one's going to think that. Exactly. And that person's going to think that. And now you're changing art. Right. And it's like, no, that's not what I mean. Right. When you try to do a late night set now, the way they neuter it is like, it's like parody of itself. Oh, forget about it. Where you're like, do you guys realize that you were stripping any point of view from the act now? Yeah. So now I have to like...

There's nothing funny about a person tiptoeing around a premise. You're taking the guts out of comedy. Yes. We don't want to do your fucking show unless you're going to let us do the joke as written. Right. And otherwise, enjoy having neutered vanilla horse shit on your late night show, which guess what? Is neutered vanilla horse shit. That's all they are. So you can't come in with your interesting avant-garde shit because...

It'll stand out. Don't turn me into you. Well, that's what they have to do. It's their show. Yeah, but I'm doing this in a fucking club for actual people. You're doing this for puppy dogs in a studio. Right, right, right. There's no sponsors from IAC. No, network executives without a fucking sense of humor. This is when we should cut to our sponsor. There's no sponsors from IAC. This segment was brought to you by... Puppy Chow. Yeah, no, I'm with you. It's crazy. And then they all sit around and go, and they praise Pryor and Lenny Bruce and George Carlin and all this shit, and you're like...

You would have hated them. You would have never let them on. Pryor's got like, I mean, Carlin's got like a bunch of N words in his act. And they're all funny. But did you know when George Floyd was murdered, the number seven download on Spotify the following week was George Carlin's, or no, it was Pryor's bit. It was, I'm sorry, it was Pryor's bit about cops versus Ns. Because it's still relevant. Right, because it was still relevant. Oh, wow. Well, you know what's interesting is, you know, Bill Hicks is such a great example. Oh my God. I used to watch him.

Really? You would see him in the... Well, I was going to say Hicks on Letterman. They wouldn't air a pretty... Oh, my God. Did you see that? That's all in my book. All this shit. And it's pretty not edgy. I mean, it's edgy. It's got opinion and bite, but it's not for like... You're like, this... You won't let this go on TV? So that's pretty painful. So you work with Bill Hicks. But this is nothing new. Well, I just... He would be at the catch or whatever. He was fucking brilliant. But it's also like...

Was he friendly to you? Oh, I loved him. Sorry. No, it's nice. It's nice to hear. I've talked to some people who like he's not their cup of tea. For me, I think Bill Hicks is one of the great. I think he died at like 33. I know. He had that much great content out there. He started at 14, I think. Bill Hicks is brilliant. You know, there wasn't.

You know, the community, there weren't as many comics, right? Sure. And we all had each other's backs. There's too many comics. And I was telling you in the cab the other day, you know, it's sort of clicky now. Big click. Very divided. It wasn't like that. Yeah. You know. I agree. It's a bummer. Especially, you know, when there were times when people weren't getting, you know,

at the comedy store in the 70s and people, you know, bonded together to get paid. You know, people, we were a unit and a community. Bad stuff forces us to come together. Right, but now it's like, comic used to be enough. Like, we couldn't be more different. Jewish, lesbian, northeast, southern, goy, farter, you know. I fart all the

time. I just, I don't do it. Well, I defend, I just go, I used to watch you on tough crowd when I lived in new Orleans. I'm like, she's funny. That's all I needed. She's a comic. You are one of the few female comics in that world. So that to me, you're not just, you know, you're in a world that's, there aren't a lot of women out late at night doing that stuff that you're doing. Is that, was that weird coming up in the eighties, nineties, early two thousands? Well,

Well, yeah, there weren't a lot of us. There was a comedy. You grand on Thursday nights had this show. Oh, and they used to advertise it. All female comedians. It was like, OK, really? Period. Yeah. There was always some horrific name. But it was all these women that it was the one night we all got to work together. You know what I mean? Because we never got to work together. And so, yeah.

I don't know. I mean, I do remember some female comics. I mean, I was so... You were in it. I was so focused. I just wanted to be a good comic. That was it. And plus, I didn't want to fuck any of the guy comics. I was just one of the guys. Sure. And so I think...

Well, we're so identity focused now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I watched Ellen. I watched Paula Poundstone. I watched Rita Rudner. I watched Carol Burnett. I watched I Love Lucy. And I was never like, these are funny women. I was like, these are funny comics or whatever. And now we're just beaten down. It kind of has the opposite effect.

that it's supposed to be this progressive kind of, we're open, we're inclusive, but now I'm like, woman, black, gay. Now I just pick and I count everything on the lineup. That's not good. I also just wish you could just mix it all together because we're like a step away from being like, here's the best of comics who don't know how they identify all the stars list. We're just like... But they do that for... Here's the problem. That...

If you go to a comedy show and it's just three guys, it's an MC, a feature act and a headliner.

It's just a comedy show. If it's three women, it's an event. If it's three black people, it's an event. That's a good point. If it's three Hispanic or Latinx people, it's an event. And that's what the fucking problem is. Stop doing that. I agree. It's funny. You're either funny or you're not fucking funny. Enough with themes. The theme should be, is this good? Right. That's the theme. But then they go, there's a lot of men and there's too many men. You're like, I know, but how much do men get into comedy?

I know it's weird to get mad at the men. It's like saying, hey, NBA is 99% black. What the hell, LeBron? He's like, I just want to play basketball. Why are you mad at me? Get mad at the... Okay, you're complaining that there's... That you're not... I'm not complaining that there's too many men. I'm complaining that we just want to be comedians. So why are we the bad guys? Right, but that's your... You're feeling that now, right? You feel that now. Imagine starting...

Like, I used to call these clubs and they would be like, you know, I'd be like, hi, I'm Judy Gold. It's just an evening at the Improv and Caroline's Comedy Hour, blah, blah, blah. And they'd be like, oh, we had a woman here three months ago and she didn't do that well. I mean, that's insane. Well, that's crazy. Yeah, we didn't do that. She didn't do that well. We're not having any...

Well, that was the pressure. I mean, do you feel the pressure when you're like trying to work on a new hour? I never. Yeah. And then if you don't do other, like we're done with women for a while. I mean, that's completely crazy. And that was what, what it was like. And it was, and it was like, um, it's also, yeah, I just, and I always was like, I'm not, it's not about me being a woman. It's just going to be about me being funny. Right. Um, and then you become a representative plus what you didn't ask for. Right. Right.

Right. But then I came out on stage when Henry was born. I mean, everyone knew I was a lessee, but, but then I have a kid and it's like, every comic talks about their family. Like I'm going to talk about my fucking family. So I sort of came out as a gay parent, you know? And I was just like, I can't do my act.

I can't be true to who I am without being true to who I am. And did you feel like that was like a thing, like you couldn't just say my family, I mean, you kind of have to explain it? I can't, you know, can you? Of course, yeah. No, of course not. I could fucking live with myself. Of course not. No, no, I'm saying like, but do you feel like you're like, okay, well now this is...

I think, I'm sure in the 90s, it was a harder thing to just jump into. Maybe not in the clubs, but on TV, maybe, was a different thing. Oh, my God. It totally had a major effect. Look at Ellen. Ellen got kicked off TV, basically. Yeah, exactly. And this was pretty... Because clubs were much more, I think, crowds when they see you and they know you. But when you have five minutes to kill and you're introducing yourself, like, and people are a little, you know, provincial. I mean, that's... Right. And you have to, like, say...

oh, I'm, you know, you can't, the joke doesn't work unless you know I'm a big les, you know? We know. And so it was, you had to say it. Like sometimes now I'll do a joke and I'll have to say, oh, I forgot to tell you I was a les. You know, like, you know.

But it was never like that. You know, my friend Bob Smith, God rest his soul, he was the first out gay comic on the Tonight Show. Oh, really? Yeah. I remember Bob Smith. Funny guy. And he was my best friend. He died of ALS. But he was... He looked like Jimmy Stewart. You know, like he was just this all-American kind of guy. And he does his material. And how he came out was...

He would say, I, the joke was I made my carefully worded announcement at Thanksgiving. I said to my mother, can you please pass the gravy to a homosexual? She passed it to my father. And it was like, here's this, you know, like handsome, tall, white guy.

All-American-y kind of guy. Pull him up, Matt. Pull up a picture of him. Oh, he was the fucking funniest. Bob Smith was it? Comedian, yeah. Bob Smith, comedian. I remember him. He did a lot of TV. Oh, yeah. Really? There he is. Oh, he is handsome. Yep. Oh, yeah. He was. Great head of hair. Hunk. Just a hunk. And he wrote five books. There he is. Wow. With the ALS horrible. He wrote a book. His last book called Treehab.

He literally wrote... He had an iPad and he couldn't use his fingers. He would drop one letter at a fucking time. Oh, wow. His books are so good. He was... Wow. Damn. He was an amazing joke. Look at him. Look how cute. If I was gay, I'd blow him. What a...

Such an asshole. I thought that was a compliment. Like, do you think a comic would get annoyed about that now? Probably, yeah. Of course. Comics suck. I mean, that's fascinating. Like, that's the thing with, you know, it's so hard for me because I'm so used to this kind of talk. You know what I mean? That's why we had you on. No, but it's like, and I'm like, okay, shut the fuck up. And now it's like...

Well, here's the problem. You know, you get clout for calling out. So like, I don't even know if they actually are a jumping off point. It's a jump. We got him that he said that thing about blowing. What do you think about? Yeah. I mean, so your book is about you're a little annoyed with this, like the woke mindset. It's about the fact that we're just trying to make you laugh.

Like, and so if you were, if you murdered someone, right. And you go on trial for homicide, your sentence is determined by your intent, what you were thinking, what your motive is. Right. And yet you don't give the same consideration to a comedian writing a joke. Right. That was involuntary joke slaughter. Right. Exactly. I'm with you. There's something very interesting about, and look, if,

In your heart, this woke mindset, if that's really who you are and I'm happy to talk to you and I completely get it. But a lot of it does feel performative and like a pat on the back. Right. Where you're like, look at me. It's virtue signaling. Like if it's not real, you can tell. Right. You know? It's your action. Also, you know, I...

I'm an activist. I fight for people's rights. Like, I'm not just someone who goes on stage and tells jokes. Like, I will speak out for the things that are right. You know, it's just, I don't know. Well, there's real problems. And I think attacking a comic is easy. You know, it's right there. You know who said it. You can tweet about it immediately. You can call them a racist. But like...

They won't actually, there's women's clits getting cut off. They won't help them. Right. That actually takes some calorie burning. Well, yeah, I have been attacked for jokes before and I'm kind of like, but what have you done? Right, right, right. Because you're kind of like, yeah, it always blows my mind. And they're not perfect either. They're flawed as well, but they just aren't, you know, they're not comedians. Right. And it's also like, we're just comedians.

Until we say something that pisses you off. Then we're dangerous. Right, we're problematic. It's like you go to, I write about this too in the book. Like I had a friend who went to, I forgot what concert. And she was so excited. And it was an all new album. And she was like, oh, fuck. You know, like I wanted to hear the greatest hits. Of course. And she left there still loving the band. Right. But fuck. Fuck.

But for us, we do our work in front of an audience. You know what I mean? Good point. We don't know where the line is until we cross the line. Of course. And, you know, the audience tells us it's this one art form. It's like you're not an artist who creates. Oh. Who creates. That's Judy's book. Go buy it. Yes, I can say that.

Like, you know, you're not drawing a fucking landscape, right? And you're half or a third of the way done and then you invite friends over. So what do you think of the sun? What do you think of the tree? What do you think? Should I move this over there? No, it's the only art form where we, the audience informs us. Okay, that's not going to work there. We need to take that syllable out. Okay. There's no painter who's like, what do you think about this stroke right here? Right, right, right. Exactly. Right. And it's so...

You know, you want to be a part of this process and then you get fucking pissed off at us? No. And George Carlin said, it's the comedian's job to cross that line and make you glad that they did. I love that quote. Yeah, so true. And do you want to ruin art? Like, I know it bothered you, but it made thousands or hundreds of other people very happy, laughed, and

They had a hard day. So we just got to focus on you, that you were a little perturbed by this. But we don't. We do. We cater to them. But we don't. Look at the Oscars. They're gone, basically. You don't. You don't. I don't. But the business does. But this is all. The business is stupid. Late night is ruined. My point is, sure, they're ruined, but they've been ruined for years. I mean, they've fallen off long before. Because of this. But we also...

I don't know. I think sometimes you have a clip go viral. We've all had like a joke go viral. And then sometimes you're just finding new people. And some of those new people are like, I love this. I can't believe I didn't know this comic before. And other people are like, shame on this person. Well, that's the cost of...

going viral but it's that it's also that they have a platform now those people never had a platform before it's like we have social media but do they really have a platform they they have a comment it's not a real platform right but but they can spread like wildfire yeah you can that's why you can take a fucking part of a bit yeah not the whole thing and then fucking post it and be like they said this here it is and it's like no that's not the whole thing and it's all the same

politics. It's like Citizens United. This comic said Jews are the worst. No, I was quoting the guy saying Jews are the worst. That's exactly it. You didn't take the whole bit. And then this is what bugs me the most. They go, you're allowed to make your joke. I'm allowed to shit on you and say you're not funny. That's free speech. I'm like, please shit on me. I don't think I'm that funny. But when you go, this guy's a piece of shit, bigot, homophobe, racist, and now you're ruining my career. You're ruining my name. You're slandering me. That

what I'm talking about. It's not the actual, hey, you're not funny. I'll take that all day. But it's the, you're a bad person. I'm sorry I wrote that about you. I do like you. No, but it's also the, you know, bringing up shit from like 15, 20 years ago. Right? And the person has evolved. Like, I write about Kevin Hart in the book. It's like... Oh, yeah, the gay jokes. Right. And it's like, they weren't funny and they, you know, it's...

I didn't even think they were funny. I didn't even know where the humor was, but I know Kevin. Right. And I know he apologized and I know that he has evolved. And as a gay, you know, it's like, that's what you want. You want people, you're like, you're- You hope for that. Right. You're like, we want you to evolve. We're out here to change your mind. And then when they change your mind, you're going to bring up shit. It's like being in a bad fucking relationship.

relationship. You know? Oh, totally. Yeah, you're bringing this up. I mean, it's like Nick Cannon. He said anti-Semitic shit and he's still not funny. I mean, Nick, when are you going to figure it out, dude? Right, right, right, right. That's true. No, but you're right about Kevin, I think. It's like people have... You're not for growth if you're not letting people grow. That's what I'm saying. The clout thing. They'd rather you be a bigot and get the clicks than you actually evolve and there be less homophobia. Like, there's this whole...

Schadenfreude about... Yes! Oh, we're going to watch this person. We're going to use that word about Jews, right? But it's like, we're just going to... But some people say Schadenfreude. But it's like...

People love watching people crash and burn. They love it. They love it. Yeah. So fucking gross. Where's I thought you were so worried about hurting people's feeling being insensitive. And it's about money. Oh, our sponsors won't like that. Who fucking cares? They're all cowards. Yeah. It's so upsetting. I'm so glad that our sponsors aren't pussies. I know. I'm so glad that they we've never had a pulled sponsor, have we? No, not yet. Not yet. You know, you know, my podcast is kill me now. And the

I've been on it. I had a great time on it. That name is offensive to me. I know. Suicide victims. I know. So I had a, the logo was a noose with a mic hanging off the noose, right? Yeah. That's great. And they were like, you got to get rid of the noose. What? Yeah. See, we cater. That's what I'm talking about. We cater. See, they changed it to that. But where's the old logo? Oh my God. Scrubbed from the net. I will say that people that commit suicide are culturally appropriating lynching. And I find that to be offensive. Right.

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A habit. Ooh. That's my Don Draper voice. I like it. Doesn't everyone want geology? All right. Yeah, but it's... And look, we all bitch and moan about cancel culture, cancel culture. I don't give a shit. I still do the same jokes, but it's the fact that we live with it. That's what scares me. People go, Chappelle, come on. He talks about... All right, whatever. It's the fact that we're sitting there going...

You know, maybe delete that from the pod. Take that out. I don't want to deal with it. That's the problem. That's the thing that we don't want. We're like, it's not worth it. It's not worth it. I also resent that Chappelle is the example that people bring up. You're bringing up an arena act who gets $24 million a special. Right. So it's like, this is the example you use as a guy who says provocative shit. He can say whatever the fuck he wants. Right. And he's okay. Right. There's...

a difference for the open mic-er now, for the comedians coming up now who has to fail to find their voice. Right. Yeah, there it is. Failure is how you succeed in comedy. Failure is how you succeed in anything. But...

If you fail in basketball, it's by missing a jump shot, an air ball. Well, you gotta air ball at an open mic to find your fucking voice. It happens. You gotta shoot an air ball. Yeah. It's comedy. It's so hard to even try out new material because you're like, oh, fuck. Yeah. You know. I'll get yelled at. I'll get blogged about. Right, right, right, right. I'll get a complaint. All right, guys, hear me out. Prince Andrew wasn't that bad. Let me just... Just kidding.

What a fucking asshole. What a clown. I heard the thing about the teddy bear, too. How he made his help. Look this up, Matt. He made his help organize his teddy bears. I'm like, oh, this dude's definitely a pedophile. Are you fucking kidding me? I'm not making this up. Look it up. Even Jared Fogle saw that. He's like, what a bitch. Oh, my God, Jared.

Look at this. Look. Prince Andrew's former maid had to be trained and had to arrange his teddy bear collection. This is Michael Jackson crazy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. At least Michael Jackson could sing and dance. What the fuck does this guy do? Oh, my God. I got to fucking read that. Oh, my God. People who are like, Mike, they're lying. Those guys are lying about Michael Jackson. Who the fuck?

I didn't even know that shit up. Oh, you didn't see the doc. Oh, I can't watch it. I can't watch it. It's rough. It's really rough. It's hard for me. I still love Michael Jackson's music, but God damn. Here's the thing, though. I can listen to the Jackson five and I'm fine. But when I hear music from that period of time when he was like fingering and whatever he was doing.

Yeah. I don't mind Hitler's paintings, but once he started to invade places, I kind of was like. No! No, I mean, look, the Jackson 5. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Blame it on the boogie. I mean, I love all those songs. But, you know, and then what about all these dead people and you're finding out shit about them now? I know. What are we doing? That this one was a Nazi and that one was a racist. And it's like, oh, fuck. I like that person. Well, what do we do? I mean, I love as a child, I loved Roald Dahl books. He was a rabid anti-Semite. It's very complicated, right? I mean.

The fact that this guy could imagine this vivid world where a child could live in a peach, but not that Jews were equal. Right. That's a bummer. But we're nuanced. We're complex. Martin Luther King cheated on his wife all day long, but he still did a lot of great things. People are complex.

People love to bring that up about Martin Luther King. And it's always a scumbag friend who's like, you know, he cheated. I'm like, yeah, but he did more than you. Right, right. That's true. But Gandhi as well. But Gandhi as well. You know what one of the worst is? Bill Cosby. It's like. Yeah, we talked about this last episode. Sure. I mean, I remember like we all knew. Did you know Cosby? Well, when I was working on Rosie, I remember he was a guest.

And I remember dozing off. Hey, no, I remember that they they told whoever was going to get him.

him from the hotel they told them to stay in the lobby wow that's great what a fucking scumbag oh wow damn first of all you're Bill Cosby and you need to fucking put women to sleep that's what I don't get like what the fuck and what you might even put us to sleep by doing two and a half hours of stand up every show yeah you have to fucking and also you're yelling at these young black kids about oh pull your pants up don't curse you're a

fucking raping people. You're like a sexual predator. I have a theory. People go, if you're one extreme way, it's gonna, everything comes out in the wash. Everything evens out. So if you're super hyper or whatever about this, you're gonna be the actual. It's projection, baby. It's like those senators who hate gay, God hates fags. Right, right, right. And then they all come out. Every time. It's like they're in a fucking bathroom putting their dick through a hole.

Same shit. That's why these activists sometimes I'm like, what's going on? Not activists, but like super tweeter guys where you're like, what's your motivation? What are you overcompensating about? That's the word I'm looking for. God damn it. Judy, I want to ask you about Joan Rivers because I know you were friends. Because we love Joan Rivers. We're big fans and I know you were friends with her. First of all, the hardest, like the work ethic...

I can't even. I remember Colin. There was this guy. What the fuck was his name? He worked at Catch. He was a Chinese immigrant. He never slept. He sent money back to his family. What was his name? Comic or no? No, no. He worked at Catch as like. Oh, wow. Oh, God. I got to text Colin. And. Andrew Yang. It was.

What was his fucking name? Anyway, he was the greatest. But he worked so hard. He worked like three jobs and was bringing up his kids and sending money to his family. And Colin used to say, I just want someone with the work ethic of black. Oh, right, right, right. And that was her. And she...

Like what you see in the documentary, she never stopped. Right. And then, and she, and my friend Gary worked for her and you know, she cataloged all her jokes. She also had this Rolodex and when her husband died and her daughter wasn't even talking to her like that whole horrible, she's like Johnny fucking Carson. Yeah. Every,

other guy that co-hosted that show went on and got their own shows and he didn't give a shit. When she went and got her show on Fox, it was like

Fuck you. I'm, you know, you are a woman in the eighties to get a fuck you from Johnny Carson. Right. And if you look at, if you look at the old videos of her on that show, I mean, he's like, he's hysterical. This fucking Midwestern white, you know, this brash Jewish woman, brilliant, you know, and he's just thinks she's the most hysterical thing. Now, meanwhile,

All these other guys like David Brenner and all these other people went and did their own shows with his blessing. And then she does. She takes care of herself. And fuck you. I got to be honest. I never got David Brenner of all the. I never did either. It's like I love so many of those comics from that period. And I've tried to watch a lot of his sets. And I just I know that he was a good comic. I know that he was a respected comic. But I watched those sets. And like Joan makes me laugh. Yes. Oh, my God. Like.

like from your gut. I remember one time at Catch I was emceeing and David Brenner walked in and he had this white fur coat on. I think that's why I didn't get him. There's something missing. What comic can walk in in a white fur coat? He had this fur coat and he didn't want to be introduced. So the other comic would come off. The stage would be bare. Everyone would be like, oh, what's going on? Where's the emcee? And he would just walk on stage. Hmm.

And, you know, the people would be, you know, and at the end of his act, I remember he would- Ghosts are in 101 Dalmatians. Right. If you're going to wear that outfit. He would, at the end of his act, he would say, do a question and answer thing. This was at the, you know, at the end. And at the end, you know, at the end of Catch Rising Star, like late 80s, early 90s. And he would do this, anyone have any questions for me? And I remember-

One night, some guy raised his hand and said, yeah, who are you? Wow. The ultimate zing. Yeah. And it was so, I mean, he was a legend and he did have that joke about the, he was famous for that joke about the sitting on the subway. I don't know his stuff. Oh, so he was sitting on a newspaper on the subway. And someone said, oh, are you reading that? And he, and he got up.

Turned the page and sat down again. So that was one of his famous jokes. But yeah, he was like a big comic of that era. But Joan, I mean, when you think about how she had to deal with the woman shit she had to do. And if you look at her five decades in the business, you knew exactly where women stood in society by what she was talking about. And she talked about shit that women didn't talk about, like getting divorced.

and you know plastic surgery it was all this breakthrough shit and at her memorial I mean I never cried and laughed so hard at the same really yeah well do you remember some of the oh god Howard Stern went up

Love Howard Stern, another person I love. Big fan. I talk a lot about him in my book. He went up and said, you know, it's in a synagogue. There's the Torahs in the ark behind him. And he says, Joan Rivers had a huge vagina. Yeah.

And we all start laughing and he tells this joke. And I knew it because he did this joke about how dry her vagina was and that if she was Whitney Houston, she wouldn't have drowned because her vagina would have sucked up the water. I don't remember. But it was fucking brilliant. At a funeral, what more can you want? That's how you know you had funny friends. Someone says that shit at your funeral. Right. Yeah. And then he talked from the heart and was...

She came on my show. She did everything. She was so supportive of other comics. And she's when he was nothing, he's like, I was nothing. And she would come on that show. She was really like, I think about her every single day. And as you look, I was born in 1962. I knew who Joan Rivers was since I'm a little girl. My parents loved her. I saw this woman who was like sitting on the fucking couch and

being brash and outspoken. I was like, oh my god, I can do that. And my parents loved her, you know, so it was like...

I don't know. And she was brilliant. Brilliant. She was part of the American lexicon. Like you just, she just came up like she's in like in Disney movies. They'll do a Joan Rivers joke. Even in Aladdin is a Joan Rivers joke. She was just part of the world. Even Chris Rock said when she died that she was the Mount Rushmore of comedy. Oh yeah. She's great. And, and never apologized. The only time she apologized for a joke was when, um, Willie Nelson, she had some joke about,

him having a joint. I forgot what it was, some pot joke. And his daughter was in either high school or, or middle school and was like, the kids are teasing me and wrote her a letter. And that was the only joke she ever took out of her. I'm sorry though. You know, if you're, if you're Willie Nelson's daughter and you don't know he's smoking weed, that might be on you. Yeah, that's neglect. But you know, the whole, she used to give, uh,

what's her name? Elizabeth Taylor. So much shit for being beautiful and then fat. And then... Imagine that today. And she called one of their mutual friends. What was his name? Fuck. I can't remember because I'm drunk. But... A little bit drunk. We might be drunk. She called one of their mutual friends and said, is she upset? And he's like, no, she doesn't give a shit.

You know? And everyone was like, oh, you're horrible doing fat jokes. It was like, you see Elizabeth Taylor. She's gained a lot of weight. Like, it's like, it's her thinking. Of course. And you're not better than her for not saying it because you thought it. That's what I don't get about the whole thing. But Joan Rivers, somebody put up a clip of her on Twitter. This is, you know, right before she died. And she was in Vegas just crying.

you know, commanding the stage, going back and forth. And she was making these crazy Mexican jokes. And the person tweeting was like, this is horrific. Fuck her. She's a piece of shit. She's a racist. And she's killing, killing in some theater in Vegas. And I remember like, oh shit, Joan Rivers is in trouble. And I watched the video and I was laughing in my hotel room. It's like, if you went to a Don Rickles show, right? And didn't get picked on, you were like, oh fuck, he didn't say anything about me. You know?

Isn't that beautiful? There's a clip of him online and he's shitting on everybody. He's got to be in his mid-80s when this happened. He's shitting on everyone. And when they land on him, they're all like, yay. They're excited. Right, because what he did was he leveled the room. You're no better than me. You're this. You're that. You're that. And Reagan fucking loved him. Reagan loved him. He was...

Really? And you could tell he had this caustic vulnerability. Like, you know, you knew he was a fucking great guy. Right. You know, and that, and everyone loved him. He was loved. I missed that connection in the country because you're saying like Reagan loved him and like Rickles is murdering for Reagan. I feel like we don't have that with either president anymore.

Like I don't fucking Trump. Well, Trump can't take a joke. It's funny that Trump got roasted on comedy central. That was bad because yeah, it's like, there's a great clip of Artie Lang talking about roasting Donald Trump and Trump is it's on Howard Stern and Trump is going, this guy had the best out of the night. He's great. And then,

And then Artie retells one of the jokes and Trump goes, he's disgusting. He didn't get a terrible fit. He was awful. And it's like, man, if only this was intentional, Trump would be one of the funniest human beings. Yeah, yeah. But you know, when Trump was like calling for an investigation of SNL, like that's when you end your First Amendment rights. As you know, let him host. Right. And also, you know, when you think about that Trump...

Couldn't go to the White House Correspondent Center. Couldn't do it. Well, that was the death of it, right? And also... Michelle Wolf had the last White House... Right. I always wanted to do that gig. I was always like, let me do it. Oh, my God. But I really wanted to do it in a way where I feel like it would be like we bring people together. Right, right, right. Because humor is disarming. You bring people... I always wanted to do the White House Correspondent Center. I texted my agent. I was like, there's one gig I want. It's that. Right. Because I think that's a great way to bring the country together. And...

And yeah, I'm bummed that he kind of did away with that. Yeah, like Boosler did that. You think about all the people that did that. Paula Poundstone, Stephen Colbert. Norm Macdonald. Yeah. Colbert was pretty hilarious. Colbert was great. It shows you the power, the weaponization of comedy. That it is a, yes, it brings people together, but it's also a weapon. And if you're fucking not self-aware and have no sense of humor, you know, you're going to be...

oh i can't deal with that i can't right for me this is the other thing sitting at the cellar

Sitting with all you guys, you know, like and getting mocked to me is like it's love. It's an honor. Like, yeah. What? You know, even to Paulo when he would say shit. And I'm like, oh, my God, that's so fun. Like you and Nick couldn't be further from each other. I know. And that's kind of the beauty of comedy is that you could be so different and still be connected. We're bound by this weird obsession we have. Right.

You getting mocked by another comedian, it's like a badge of honor. Yeah, of course. You know what I mean? You expect it. But having trolls call you a kike and all this shit. We don't know you. Right. It's not funny. And it's not, you know, it's sorry if I'll sit in the back table and get mocked by you guys or Colin or whatever, I'll laugh. Yeah, we know each other. Because you know me. Exactly. Well, ribbing and ball busting, I think weirdly-

As funny as those Comedy Central roasts were, they almost, they did play into a little bit of that because you never knew the person you were roasting. Yeah. See, but they used to know the person. Like Dean Martin roasts, they were all friends. Comedy Central, you're like a hired gun. And then you're just shitting on some strange celebrity family. And the meanest shit, like I've hosted, I posted a couple of roasts at the Friars Club.

And they were so funny. Big Pussy from The Sopranos and Gloria Allred. I was the host for that one. And it was just so funny because everyone knew each other. But now it's like, I'm going to write jokes for you and you're just going to be mean to this person. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. You know what I mean? His kid was killed in a car crash. Give me something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly, exactly. I remember I was showing a tell bits that were just super dark and he was just from a roast and he was like, keep it surface. Come on. Whoa. He's like, we shit on people's looks and stuff. You guys are going to get through like their family tree. Right, right, right. Mom died of cancer. Go. Yeah, it's true. But I think those roast battles got really popular for a hot minute and they were brutal and vicious and we did a couple. Yeah.

But I think the only reason they were so popular is because it wasn't censored.

It was dark, and I think even though it was weird to roast people like that, the audience was like, this is kind of crazy. We're seeing this. Because comedy had gotten kind of neutered for a while. Yeah, I don't think Tough Crab will get on the air now. Exactly, exactly. I mean, that was such a... I love that show. Right, and it was just us. We'd get... We'd know what we were going to talk about. We'd do our due diligence and really... I mean, Geraldo was the king of... I mean...

We loved we loved we loved her all. He was the nicest. I mean, I fucking loved that guy so much. Brilliant. And there was respect, you know, even if you who are your favorite people to be on the show with? Well, I love Greg, but I knew I was just going to be like, whatever you say, whatever you say. What about Patrice? Patrice? I, you know, did you get along? And some people, you know, say he was a little much. Yeah.

Yeah, I like Patrice. I would be on the show with him and we'd fight. Another guy you couldn't be more different than, but that is kind of like...

Comedy is like the great equalizer in that way. Right. I agree. You know, we all live in the same fucking world. We all have different, like we are who we are because of what we've lived through and what we've seen. You know, you can't deny someone their own truth. And my thoughts aren't that different from yours, but I might just say it and you don't and I'm the bad guy.

guy and also hanging out and being forced to make it work with these people like that's kind of something beautiful that i wish the country would follow you know like we're falling apart of the seams in this country and then you you see in your world you're like well it's because of i think i don't think social media is doing us any favors because we just hate each other more it's more spreading of misinformation on both sides and when you're forced to kind of be in a room with people you're forced to work it out that's how shit works

Right. And there was this thing called the truth. And everyone knew that was the truth. Like that was a fact.

And now people, you know, we have such a weird relationship with the truth now. I know. Plus I read this article that said, this is my truth. Right. And it's like, but it's not factual, you fucking asshole. We started putting my in front of the truth we were doomed. Right. But I read this article where they said that people are now, people used to sit on their front porches and like neighbors would talk. Now everyone has a back porch and no one fucking talks. Ooh.

Well, it's weird because we're so connected with social media. It's so easy. You can talk to a guy in Kuwait, but we don't talk to each other. Right. But it's also so easy if your uncle, your fucking uncle, the conspiracy theorist, everyone's like, oh, shut the fuck up, John. Go to the basement. Then he can go to the basement and find, you know, other people are like, yes, you are absolutely right.

Yeah, that's true. Also, the conspiracy theories used to be like, you're one weird friend. Right, right, right. Now it's like most of the people I know have weird conspiracy theories. And smart people. Yeah. Smart people. Where are you getting this shit from? I know. You can't have any. You can have one or two. But once you have a conspiracy theory about everything. And you win.

It might be you. It's not like you can't read. It's the fucking Cornell conspiracy theorist right here. I think we solved all the problems. Were there any other legends that you knew, the comedy legends that you really look up to that you had a relationship with? Joan's pretty great. That's pretty big. That's huge. Was she very supportive of you? Oh, yeah. She came to my one-person shows. She...

I have a video with, I remember she came, she was working in Provincetown and I, um, uh, that was the last time I saw her. And she, uh, was doing two shows at the town hall. I, I, I remember I, and I, and I emailed her, texted her, whatever. And I was like, oh, we're, you know, can't wait to see you. And she's like, oh my God, I hope I can. Uh,

It's a six-hour drive. Listen, you might have to go on for me. Like, she was so nice. Yeah. And so I sat... I was at the show. I was like, pee... Like, she made you pee in your pants. Like, she was so fucking funny. And then afterwards, Elisa and I, my lover, went backstage...

And she's like, hang out with me between shows. We had some wine and she said, let's do a Vine video. And I had no idea what a fucking Vine. I was like, what's a Vine video? It's, oh, this new thing. Did she post it? Yeah.

Yeah. Can we find it? Imagine being that old and still with it. And she knew exactly she was never. That's the whole thing of this. Like, you know, for a woman, it's it's very interesting that guy comics as they get older, they still can work. But women, oh, we don't want to hear what you have to say. But she was never more relevant when she died at 82.

It's interesting. I mean, that adapting. Do Joan Rivers vine video with Judy Gold? Yeah, yeah. Look that up, Matt. Am I slurring? Nah, no racial slurs. Judy Gold, Joan Rivers, preach. Here we go. Oh, yeah. Hit on that. Let's see it. Whoa, this is insane. I love this. It's one of my favorites.

The internet's amazing. Well, we just shit on it for 20 minutes. But it's amazing, too. Yeah, it is. It's up and down. No one's funnier than us. No one! Fuck you! Because those are six seconds, right? And you guys got a laugh in six seconds. That's great. She was so cool. She was the fucking coolest. And then there's so many comics. I forgot who I was talking to the other day.

Who just stopped doing stand-up. They couldn't take it anymore. Yeah, it's harsh. You'll never stop. Oh, I don't think so. It's in your blood. Oh, my God. Can you believe I still get on that fucking subway?

I love it. And go downtown with my fucking notebook. I love that we're both Upper West Siders. I know. Because we'll split cabs and we'll do subways. That fucking asshole. The minute you got out of the cab, it's like... I was trying to pay for it on Curb, the app. And they just canceled my transaction. And the minute he got out, it was like, oh, it didn't go through. And I'm like, oh, fuck you. Yeah, that's the worst. I was pissed. Good for you, too, though. The whole Curb. That's a TV show. That's a podcast. You guys going back up there. Yeah. Everyone...

They used to call me the leopard because I would always do spots. And everyone's like, why are you doing a spot? It's like, I don't know. It's my life. I thought it was a cougar joke. Hey, now. It's funny. Two nights ago, it was snowing.

I had a spot. I'm out with my girl. We're at dinner. We go back home. We're like getting ready to watch TV. We're cuddling. And I'm like, ah, I got a spot. She hated it. I hated it. But I was like, I said I would do it. I'm going to go do it. I got a city bike. I'm in the snow. It sucks. I did the gig. It was in the back of a restaurant. It was incredible. And I was so happy I did it. The crowd was hot. They got me and I went back home and she was like, how was that? I was like, it was

amazing i hate you i don't need you you know but but yeah that's comedy i mean look there's been a million bad nights but every now and then it's magic yeah i know i came off the road sunday and i did two and neither were great and that's a bummer that happened that's you got then i did monday and they were both killer that's what here's my only my advice to you you gotta

I used to do that, but now if I come off the road, I take one day. That's huge. One full day. Well, I usually do, but if my girlfriend's out of town, I have to just... I'm like, I need to get all my spots in. It's a mental illness. Because if she's there, I want to spend time with her and I'll cancel shit. But if she's not there, I'm like, I'm doing...

I'm doing Spock. I'm the same way. Because I'm like, what else am I going to do? And I don't work on Sunday. I'm done. I mean, I could, but I still do that late night, you know? Do you have any recommendations? We could just wreck your book. Yeah, get the book. What are my recommendations? Well, you got to have a life. You really do have to have a life. Yes. You know...

there's so many, your fucking career is not going to fucking change your diaper. Oh yeah. So it, you gotta have a balance because otherwise your entire self esteem is in this shit that you have no control over. Yeah. It's like, and you can't take anything personally. You could just look like a fucking relative of someone who they fucking hate it. You have no idea. You know what I mean? Good point. Yeah. Um,

And when you do that, you don't have another life. Your life becomes just reading comments and reading messages. And that's not healthy. It's nothing. This piece of shit looks like my Uncle Shlomo. I hate this guy. The good looking one. Yeah, it's just really, you got to balance your life out. And you'd have nothing to talk about when you don't have a life. Yeah.

You got to be in the world. You talk about evolution in terms of becoming a better person, but also it's interesting to say evolution to have a more interesting act as well. Oh, my God. I think we were talking about it. Andy Kaufman used to go become a cab driver for a few months. Is that right? Yes. Wow.

He would take John to be, you gotta be in the world. No, I didn't know him. Boosler was very close with him. But it's like, you know how comics are really funny and then all of a sudden they're like, it's not funny anymore. But you know, they get really famous and you're like, it's because they don't live in the real world anymore. Of course, of course. On a private jet. You know, you gotta be

a part of the people. Like, I always say... You ever in a private jet and they bring you caviar and they don't bring you a seltzer, too? I know. You're like, oh, my God. You're sitting next to Prince William and Prince Andrew. Right. Damn it, the prince. And also...

I always say dress like the local newscaster. Like if you want to know what, how to, what to wear at a club or how to, because you don't want to act like, oh, I'm, I'm better than you. You can always look at the local newscaster, wherever the fuck they're wearing. That's what the people are going to. That's where I show up. New York one. Yeah.

New York One is something like, it's funny, that's such a specific New York. I love that channel. I love that, though. I have Spectrum because of that fucking channel. Oh, really? I love that channel. It's comforting. And they treated women like shit. Really? Yeah, once they hit 50. Not Roma Tori. Yeah, they, she, yes.

She complains. Yes. She's a legend. Come on. Yeah, Romatori. They fucking treated her like shit. She's a legend. I didn't know that. Remember the guy who used to rate the movies with apples? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's great. Oh, my God. He used to come to comedy club. He would drive me nuts. Really? He'd be like, I give this movie two and a half apples. Right. Because of the big apple? Yeah. And he'd be like, you know, I work on New York One. And I'm like, okay. Oh, God. But, you know, you can never give up. You know, there's so many ups and downs. There's...

It always changes. Yeah. You know what I mean? Remember the alt scene? Yep. It just, I don't know. Up and down. What do you have? All or images? You have to go news. Like, Romatori...

Yeah, dress down our producer, will you? Give him a taste of Judy Gold. Peters? Yeah, Judy's like the police chief in every 80s movie. You piece of shit. You suck. Give me your badge and gun. All right. Okay, fine. It doesn't have it, but whatever. What, um...

Are there any other legends that you... You know, I always say to you, like, watch this one. Like, Margaret Smith was so fucking funny. She's very deadpan, one-liners. I don't know her. I love Ronnie Shakes. Great. Philosophical. He was deep. Yeah, he was great. I used to watch him at cash. He had a heart attack running in Cleveland. Running in Ohio with his fucking wife.

Like, that's my worst fear. You know, like, Saget died on the road. Yeah. And was found by housekeeping. Like, I don't know. Oh, my God. Oh, I recognize her. She was very funny. Oh, she was the fucking funniest. Is she still doing the road? No. No, she's retired? Yep. Lois Bromfield, fucking hilarious. Really? Yeah. By the way, Boozlers would be a great name for our fans. Oh, yeah, the Boozlers.

It's got a comedy and a booze connection. Yeah, Margaret was fucking hilarious. I remember her shit on Comedy Central being always thinking, like, man, it's very smart. Oh, my God. She had this one joke. Her and Ellen. Yep. She had this joke the other day, and she was so... She spoke very slowly. The other day, I went to the store, and I bought the shirt, and then when I got home, I realized...

I didn't like the shirt. I just liked the song that was playing while I bought it. And it was just like stuff like that that was just... And very deadpan, fucking hilarious. All right. Yeah, she was solid. And there were, you know, Letterman had his... He wasn't a personality comic. He didn't like...

He liked Wendy Liebman. Perfect. Jokes. He liked the joke on her. Oh, yeah. Liebman's good. Good stuff.

quotable oh my god I'm wasted you're wasted hell yeah I mean I'm a little like when I thank you I'm a little like woo you know Ben has a game at 5 o'clock so I'm gonna watch that oh hell yeah you're gonna be heckling you're gonna be screaming oh my god you should hear me I'm like yes three fuck I love this yeah it's exciting and everyone where can everyone get your book

Well, you can go to JudyGold.com. I think there's links. But yeah, you can get it anywhere. Yes, I can say that. But if you love comedy, it's very historical. It talks about how we got to this place and how we've got to fucking cut the shit. I agree. Yeah. Where is the game? Can we go? It's in Quincy, Mass. Oh, you got to go there. No, I'm watching it on stream. They don't even allow people at the fucking games now.

Oh, shit with the COVID. I thought it was like in New York. This shit is like, you know what's funny? My friend about this COVID shit, he's like, you know what the worst part of this is? Is that you can't go 20 minutes without talking about it. And I was like, you know what? I gotta say, I appreciate people when you're talking. If they go 20 plus minutes and don't bring it up, I'm like, that's a person I want to be around. Right. That guy's interesting. Yeah. Because I don't want to think about this shit anymore. I know. And I'm so sick of it. I leave the house and I'm like, fuck, I forgot my mask. I'm like, fuck.

Oh, same. Yeah. I think it's kind of winding down. I hope so. But who knows? Yeah, I think it is too. I hope so. All right. Well, you got any dates to plug? You going to be on the road? Any road dates? Oh, fuck. Pulling out her notebook there. In the meantime, I got all over the road, but Sacramento, San Diego, Orlando, West Palm, Columbus, Salt Lake, Cleveland, New York City. You guys fucking...

Unbelievable. Oh, we're moving. We're all over this shit. We're finally selling tickets, so we're capitalizing. Samuel.com slash shows if you want tickets. I'm all over the place, so you're missing some of them there. Oh, here. More coming, too. Oh, God. Fuck. Oh, yeah. Buffalo all the way. Every time I get a fucking text, I think someone died. I know, right? Well, everyone's like, Louie Anderson, Bob Saget, it never ends. Let's see. What do I has, baby?

I'm in Columbus, La Jolla, Tampa, Cincinnati, Louisville, Chania Improv, Cillian Mindy. I have a lot of stuff in March. I have to shoot some... Kids? Yeah. Let's see. What do I have? Oh, I'm at Fat Black Pussycat. Whoa! Doing an... I'm trying to do new material because I'm doing a one-person show. It's about time. See, I don't have... Like, I don't do that anymore.

I used to do that. Stuff's so helpful. Oh, I love the La Jolla Comedy Store. Do you still stay in the condos? No, I can't do it. The condo's not bad, I will say, but I got a hotel. The green condo and the blue condo? Yeah. Oh, my God. It's on the beach. I never slept better.

What? I had a bad experience. I flew in. It was like a long travel day. And then I got in. I plugged something in and the fuse blew. And I was like, get me the fuck out of here. Well, I was going there in the 90s and it was like so comfortable. I love those. Yeah, that's a nice getaway.

Oh my God, Sidesplitter. All these clubs I used to work at, but they don't. I'm too old now. No, they'd love to have you. No, please. Are you fucking kidding me? We love you, Judy. You should be working everywhere. I love you guys. I love doing stand-up. All right. Oh yeah, I gave mine out to lunch. I'm on Netflix. Check it out. And yeah, check out Sam's stuff. Don't even do mine. It's so depressing. All right. Yeah. Do JudyGold.com and see how depressing it is. Ah!

I can't wait to see it. I'm doing a lot of TV, so that's good. Oh, you know, it's crazy. I just watched a documentary about that actress, that director who was killed. I,

Did you see me in it? I saw you. It was like four in the morning. I was like, there's Judy. Raz Room. I don't know. I have a lot of shit, but whatever. Follow Judy on all social media. I think it's on Instagram. It's J-E-W-D-Y. Yes, G-O-L-D. Judy Gold on Instagram, on Twitter, following everything. Oh, I got to change those photos. I got new photos. Well, anyway, Judy, it's been so great having you. Oh, my God. I love you guys.

even though fucking Mark Norman farts in my fucking face. Well, if it makes you feel any better, I hid the other six. Really? Yeah, I muffled them. We lit candles for you right here. But it's also like they don't smell. Yeah, well, we got the candles here. Mark's designed for comedic effect. None of this is made to hurt us. No, no. You know what's amazing is that

So our kid, when we're in the car, the kids, we can definitely tell by the smell who farted. Oh, really? Yeah. That's a good mom. Yeah. So Henry will be like, that was you. I'm like, no. Like Henry's farts are the worst. I mean, yeah, we all fart.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm very mature. Next time you're here, we'll do potato vodka. Yes. Oh, my God. Yes. And I'll bring you some. Absolutely. That 1857 is so fucking good. Let's do it. Bring it on. Martinis? What do you think? Woo! With some blue cheese olives. Blue cheese. Yeah, my boy!

We'll do classic steakhouse blue cheese olive martinis. No problem. Oh, my God. It's a date. Thanks for listening, guys. Remember, Patreon at patreon.com slash we might be drunk pod. We might be drunk pod at gmail.com if you want to email us stuff. We love you. Thank you. New merch out there. Say hello. See you on the road. Thank you.

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