[Patreon Preview] 57.5: Cuddle Time
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We might be drunk, we might be drunk As long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk Raise a glass, let's talk shit, have peeps, wrecks and a bit Maybe drunk, we might be drunk, yeah

Hey, hey, Patreon, the Boozlers. We're back. Good to have you with these Negronis went down too easy. Too easy. I know. I got to push through here. I'm like, I want to just cuddle up and spoon you. You want to? Sure. You're a weird Patreon, but I'm fucking down. I guess I'll be little spoon. Yeah. Taller. I mean, can we fit on this couch?

Yeah, we can do it. All right, let's try it. Let's give it a shot. Let's go. Is this like chicken now? We really go? All right, let's go. All right, come on. Oh, that's a tight couch. Look at that. And a tight asshole. All right, there we are. Man, this has gone off the rails in the first 30 seconds. That's a real endorsement for these.

Why not? Yeah, they're good. Very delicious. Very good. I could drink nine of them. And I got spots tonight. What was I thinking? Where are you at? I'm at the stand in the cellar. I'm just a cellar. What time? I think I got two there. I don't know. I think I'm there twice.

All right. All right. Well, should be fun. Do we have questions? Oh, shit. Did you mail it to me, Matt? Uh-oh. Sally's had one sip. One sip and you're on your ass, brother. One sip Sally. Lightweight. That's what we'll call lightweights now? One sip Sally? One sip Sally. I think that was the whole song. We all had a friend like that. Yep. We had a guy in college, Sloppy Steve. Every time he got, every time he was fucking wrecked. He couldn't not get wrecked.

There's one at every party. You know the guy you go to as a group and you come back with like less? Yes. And you're like, Steve didn't make it. Sloppy Steve slept at the construction site. We lost him. He got pissed drunk and just pissed on his computer. Whoa. I think it was a Mac. He pissed on his Mac because he was so drunk. Wow. And sent it to tech support to like get it fixed. And they sent it back in a plastic bag like fuck yourself. Damn. Yeah, that's hazardous waste.

Well, yeah, we're not miracle workers. You pissed on this thing. What do you want us to do? Also, we don't want to touch it. That too. Now, TikTok. I see this up here. Porkchop. Oh, is this a video? Oh, it's a joke. How do you circumcise your brother in West Virginia? Kick your sister in the jaw. Nice. That's pretty good. I love it. I love jokes like that. Let me tell you a little TikTok tale.

So I can't get my TikTok going. I suck. I got 15,000 followers. Every video is like 2,000, 3,000, maybe at 9,000 if I'm lucky. I cannot get TikTok. I'm working with these guys in Sacramento. They're younger. They're all about content. They're all about views, algorithm. They're like, here's what you got to do. You got to delete that one and start over. Really? Delete your whole TikTok? Delete the whole thing and just start from scratch. I was like, ah, it seems like a lot. They're like, it's not a lot. It seems like a lot, but it's not.

Because you can make $15,000 a day on TikTok. This is embarrassing. You're a pretty big comic. You sold out seven shows. You got $15,000. You're a loser. So do it. So I did. And we're already killing it. We're over like a million. We got a couple videos. They all have over a million views. What? That's crazy. That's TikTok. That's this fucking bullshit algorithm. Turns out, we looked into it.

My original TikTok had videos the wrong size. So they immediately were like, we're not going to help this guy. Clown. Clown. Loser. Idiot. Tard. Guy. Fuck him. So every other video I put up. I don't get it. Well. But I'm doing pretty well on there, but I still don't get it. You're doing great.