[Patreon Preview] Ep 54.5: Belated Holiday Gifts
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Hey!

Hey folks, happy new year. It's the Patreon. We're back. Have you had sex in the new year? I have. All right. Me too. It was a good time. Pretty predictable who it was with for both of us. Yeah, that's true. It was with each other. My hand. But yeah, no man, it's good to see you. It's been a minute. I haven't been out that much lately. Yeah, well, you know, it's holidays. You go in. You go fireplace. You go eggnog. You go bearskin rug. Yeah. Yeah.

Presents, gifts. Made a couple Boulevardiers at home. Those are nice. What's in that? We've had it on this. It's like whiskey, Campari, and vermouth. Oh, that's good stuff. A little ice. Put a big ice. I got those big ice cubes at home. Ah, I love a big cube. Yeah. I was doing the noon drinking all day.

All holiday. Yeah. You know, I'm with the family. So it's just like, you know, you got it. There's nothing to do. And they live out in the burbs, the ladies' family. So you just got to start in the sauce. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of nice to just be like, those days where you're like, I have nothing to do. I'm going to get into a new show. I'm going to have a drink. I went on vacation, which I've never, I was literally trying to be like, this is what you do on vacation to my girlfriend. She's like, are you trying to explain vacation to me?

That thing you've never taken. Right. And you're trying to break down what you, I'm like, I assume this is what you do. You're just going off shit you've seen in movies. You're like Clark Griswold. I guess I'll go saw a tree down. Yeah, what'd you do? You were up in the Catskills? A lot of movies, a lot of restaurants, a lot of room service. Hey, nothing wrong with that.

It's weird. Like, my girlfriend is younger than I am. So she's like never seen. She's like, what's a feel good movie? We're just in the hotel. We're watching 22 Jump Street. It's like a fun movie, you know? And then she's like, what's a movie like this? And I was like, have you ever seen like Rush Hour? She's like, no. I'm like, shit. She's just, you ever date someone younger than you? And you're like, you've never seen. I'm doing it right now. Yeah. And my gal has never seen any. I'm like, honey, I shrunk the kids. She's like, what's that? Who got shrunk? What? I'm like, ah, you're crazy. But then I put it on and she's just tick tocking.

So it's useless. Yeah. But it sucks. We'll watch The Family Guy. The Family Guy. I'm old now. And we'll watch Family Guy. And it's just references all day long of these old movies. And she's not getting any of them. And I'm like, you see?

You're missing out on fun stuff because you won't pay attention. Now I'm turning into a third grade teacher. Now you do. There is a thing like we do. And then you turn to that dude. Why don't we the person who's like, you haven't seen this movie. You must watch this movie. Then you turn into that douchebag where you're like, you're the old guy. Yes. Where you're like, hey, you haven't seen Dog Day Afternoon? Sit down. Yeah. And they're like.

here's three hours of my life. And then they got to pretend to like it. It's tough. I hate when people show me stuff like, hey, you got to see this book. And you're like, oh, great. Or like the house tour. You go to the house. Hey, you got to have the tour. I hate when people show me shit. And so now I'm doing it to her and I feel bad. But...

It's in her best interest to see Rush Hour. But even that, you sound like her dad. I know. This is for your own good. I'm going to spank you. But you know what's interesting? Movies from the 40s and 50s aren't that tough. It's movies from the 70s that are tough. Because that's like the cinema of loneliness period. Totally. Taxi driver. Taxi driver. The conversation. Oh, my gosh. It's just a dude fixing a car part or something. And you're like, it's seven minutes this scene. Right.

You're going to sit here and watch Deliverance. It's a great movie. That's a tough one. That's tough. Man, respect to Ned Beatty for taking that role. Oh, my God. The anal rape in the woods. That was rough. How do you go to any party after that? Hey, Ned. You know?

I rewatched Robocop. Talk about dark. Yeah, I mean, that's like, I remember seeing that as a kid and being like, wait, how many times did he get shot? Yes, they shot his hand off and it was Kurtwood Smith of that 70s show. Love that guy. Great guy. The mom from that 70s show is amazing. She is hilarious. They're great actors. What's her name? She was on Seinfeld too. She's in like every sitcom as a bit part, killing it.

But yeah, Robocop, way over the top. And I realize it's a Dutch director. So those Dutchmen, they go crazy. They go hard. Anyone not in America, it's like they're dark as shit. Have you seen the Korean movies? Oh my God, Korean horror. It's too much. I hate that shit. There she is, Deborah Jo Rupp. Oh, she's awesome. She's great.

Yeah, she's in every sitcom ever. There's one called The Audition in Korea. I think it might be Japanese actually, but it is wild. I've heard of it. Like I couldn't get through it. There's a movie, I forgot. Where's it from? It's called Festin. Look it up. What country is it? Festin. Yeah, it's like a family reunion. Yeah.

And you find out basically some real dark shit has happened in the family. I think it's called, it's like translates to a celebration. Yeah, the celebration. Is it Scandinavian? Because they go nuts too. I don't, what is that? I don't want to sound super ignorant here. Danish. Oh, Danish. Yeah, see the Dutch. The Dutch, I mean, they go hard. They go hard. I mean, you ever heard of like Finnish or Icelandic rock? The heavy metal out there? It's wild. They make Marilyn Manson look like Rafi.

It's hard to do that after the allegations, but they manage. That's true. Yeah. You just got drunk for the most of the... Pretty drunk. Did a puzzle. A puzzle. Oh, yeah. That's when you know things are... There's a low bar. But did the Lego Seinfeld set. Yeah. Yeah. We got to do the gifts on here.

Oh, that'd be great. Yeah. We should open those. I brought yours back. Really? They're here? I brought them all the way to my house, then I brought them back six months later. Yeah. Oh, shit. We got to open it. Should we open them on the Patreon? Yeah, might as well. We got all the... We're unboxing. This is here? No, no. These are gifts from the fans. I can't hear you, man. Uh-oh. On the left? Uh-oh. Oh, here? Oh, there you go. Should I open these? Yeah. I'll start opening these. All right. Got to keep my eye on the phone. We got a big guest coming, folks. All right. Here we go.

Unboxing. Thanks to everybody at home for sending stuff in. RIP Betty White. Oh, dude. And fuck, I feel like a lot of people have done it. John Madden. John Madden. Dude, you know John Madden created the, like when people do the X and O's on the screen? Whoa. He started that shit. I did not know that. Isn't that crazy? That's wild. That guy was a legend, man. I love John Madden. Legend. Scared of flying. Yeah.

Yeah, that's weird. Yeah. He also retired from coaching at like 42 and is in the Hall of Fame, which is insane. Can you imagine being done? Like imagine being done from comedy at 42. That's insane. Because also it's like coaching is another thing where usually you don't break. I think I heard somewhere it's like Bill Parcells is the other, like one of the greatest coaches ever. He didn't start coaching until 42. Oh, wow. Wow.

It's like Rodney. He didn't start till 50 or get famous till 50. Oh, this is dope. Whoa. Holy shit. There it is. Merry Christmas. That's fucking awesome. Love you, buddy.