[Patreon Preview] Ep 47.5 Not Late
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We might be drunk, we might be drunk, as long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk. Raise a glass, let's talk shit, pep heaps, wrecks, and a bit, maybe drunk, we might be drunk, yeah. Hey folks, here we are, we're Patreoning from all over the globe. What are you in? Don't tell me, Phoenix? Yeah, yeah, Boston? Boston?

Texas, Houston. Oh, you're in Houston. I'm doing one night of skank fest and then I'm out. That's all I'm giving them. And then where are you headed next? Then it's Boston for Friday, Saturday, and then back to New York.

Laugh Boston? Oh, yeah. Nice. I'm in Phoenix. Stand up live. Nice. Should be good, man. Flew Southwest. I feel like a traitor. I always do Delta. You read about these airlines now. It's like, do you see the one with American Airlines where they're like, thousands of flights canceled. They're like, weather. I'm like, everywhere? It's not you? They're blaming weather. Oh, it's getting ugly out there. It's the apocalypse. Everything's falling apart.

Yeah. But that's a, what's that? A 10 minute flight. Oh, it's an hour. It was easy. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. Oh, I had a thing. Here's kind of give you a peeve. Please. So I call Southwest cause I never, it's scary when you're with one airline all the time and you try something new, you know, I feel like I got a hall pass and I don't even know what to do with it. You know, like she's like, you can fuck anyone. I can't even get my dick hard. So I, I call Southwest and,

I'm like, hey, I can't log in. They're like, it's site maintenance. And I was like, all right. You know what? I don't know what that means, but that means I can't check in. They're like, this is very rare. And I was like, you promise? I wake up and I can log in. I don't want to wake up with any stress. They go, we promise. I wake up.

I call again. They say, yeah, I can't log in again. They're like, well, we can't log you in. I'm like, what do you mean you can't check me into the site? So I get, I'm getting annoyed on the phone. I'm like, you know, this is, you don't want day of travel stress. Yes. And then at the end, she finally figures it out. It was on their end. And she goes, and you know, when we gave you a one and I was like, you gave me a one, I paid for a one. And she goes, yes.

Ah, that's great. You just act like you gave me a special perk. That's hilarious. I paid extra to board first is what I did. Yeah. Jesus Christ. She's acting like she gifted you the thing you paid for. She gifted me. She didn't gift me at all. I can't believe you got steak sauce. All right. A1. But yeah. Damn, that's funny. And I love the yes. Like, hey, you screwed me. Yes. Yes.

That's hilarious. You can't rebuttal that. It's like she was trying to be like, and for your trouble. I'm like, no, I paid for this. You didn't do anything for me except make me make two phone calls. Yeah, yeah. I get it. It's a terrible job, and I was definitely pretty pissed, but what are you going to do? Was that the app you were trying to log into? I tried the app. I tried the website. I made the phone call. Some of these things, now I won't do too much airline stuff because I know it's not as interesting to non-comedians, but some of them...

They don't tell you how much time you're going to be on hold. Yeah. And they don't offer the callback option. How do you not offer the callback? Love the callback. What is this, 1992? I know, right? And who picks the music? Oh. Hate the music. Give me something I've heard of, Fleetwood Mac or something. Give me umbop. Give me some umbop.

At least that's uplifting. Remember that shit? It's hard to yell at a lady when three cute blonde men are singing in your ear. That song was catchy. I'm not going to lie to you. They had two good songs. They had two? Yeah. Where's the love? You know that one? I don't know that one. I can't sing. I'm not doing you any favors by sounding that one out. I didn't get the album. I'm sorry. I didn't either. But that was another radio hit.

Oh, okay, okay. I don't remember the second one. Mbop was the keeper. You'd meet people that were really into them, though, and they were always weird. Yeah, it was always the Christian youth types. That was weirdos. Christian camp or converted gay camp, whatever that was. Jesus camp. Converted gay camp.

I had to go to a camp to make me gay. All right. Yeah, Umbop was good. It was weird because the little one was so cute. The middle one was like a good looking guy. And the third one was like a gargoyle.

The middle one was like such a good looking guy that he could have been a pretty attractive woman. Yeah, for sure. He was a pretty boy. You ever see a dude so attractive that you're like, yeah, I would, I would fucking, you know, I could, I can close my eyes and make believe a little bit here. I've got enough to go with. I mean, a lot of hot guys are almost hot, like Chalamet. He's like a whisker away from being a hot lady.

Yeah, a lot of hot guys just look like a hot French chick. Yeah, totally. Bieber, when Bieber was young, he was like a cute little girl. Yeah, true. And then he got too jacked. Yeah. I'm not trying to fantasize about a CrossFit chick. Just be, you know. Yeah, I hate when people get too jacked.