[Patreon Preview] Ep 43.5: Cracklin'
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Paul Hancock.

Rick, you talked about Pops as one of your favorites. I didn't. I love Pops. Canadian Pops are way better. Gotta have my Pops. I don't know. Most things from Canada are much, much worse. Listen, Paul, you've become the third worst Hancock after John and Herbie. Yeah, Americans! You know, you fucking... I love Herbie Hancock. Herbie Hancock fucks. That guy rules. Beasts! Pops suck. I love Pops! Pops are the most overrated cereal. They're fine.

Oh.

Oh. They're fucking fine. They're great. Some motherfuckers never tried Cracklin' Oat Bran. Get out of here. Oat Bran. Matt, have you tried Cracklin' Oat Bran? Biggin' a pop. She's like my grandfather over here. Cracklin' Oat Bran. Mueslix. You gonna pull that out next? Raisin Bran. Come on. Raisin Bran's a solid cereal. Let's get some cardboard in here. We'll chop it up. We'll put some milk on it. Once you try Cracklin' Oat Bran, I've never heard of that, to be honest. You're gonna give the biggest apology to me. And I'm sorry, Kellogg's has a shortage. Matt, look this up. Ha ha ha.

They have a shortage because everyone's buying up Cracklin' O'Brien because that shit is underrated. Oh, maybe it's more like Firestone where they had to get rid of it. It's off the shelf. It's like Deep Throat. The girl's too young. Get rid of it. The public shouldn't have it. Cracklin' O'Brien destroys pops. Eat my fucking ass. What are we? Shoeless with a harmonica and sitting on a porch drinking a jug with three X's on it? Cracklin' O'Brien. It just feels like something backwards.

- Backwoods delivery shit. - Look, you're making funny lines, Mark. Problem is, it's a damn fine cereal. - All right, all right, I'll believe it when I taste it. - And you'll taste it soon. - Bring it in, Matt. I want it in, I want it right here. I'm gonna go nuts on this cracklin' oak. - They didn't realize getting a fuckin' box of cracklin' oak brand was gonna be like national treasure here. - I know, right? - It's just fuckin' insane. - It's like getting some good meth or coke these days. It's hard to find. - I'll suck your dick, just give me some crack.

Some crackling Oprah. They didn't even skimp on the names. It was like cracks, smack, all this shit is just so drug laced. Daddy's secret cough medicine. I'll suck your dick a long time. That's my favorite cereal. What are you freebasing over there? Nothing, honey.

That's where we get our heroin. Yes. It's easy to get them crackling oats. I'll tell you that. You know what? It's fucking true. Why are crackling oats so hard to get? You went on Amazon, didn't you? We got to go to the store in-house. I bet they got it there. No, no. They didn't have it. Oh, really? Oh, you went to the store. All right. Well, let's try Amazon. Maybe they got it. Somebody's got it online. Send us in, crackling. I know you're listening.

cracklin oprah and fucking rock i've never heard of it i've never had i've never seen it so i'll try pops and you try cracklin look at that box that box from 81 and it still works motherfucker oh what does that say 59 oh my lord this is like a beanie baby let's see the reviews on cracklin oh this is good stuff have you tried that shit you know how good it is i've never heard of it

I can't wait to try it. I'm dying. Oh, four out of five star, 4.4 out of five, 71% gave it five stars. The sugar, BioBrew with the sugar amount. Okay, well, are we going for taste or are we going for what? No, there's a lot of sugar in that. All right, well, we're going for sugar. We're going for taste. It's not worth it. I'll pay $5 at a grocery store. Well, that makes sense. Okay, but these are five stars for taste. Yeah, true. Wait, wait, wait. What did that say? Tasty and healthy. And that one says, wish this cereal was in a bigger box. Okay. Yeah, dude. I love this cereal.

And in fact, I'm due for another five stars from Tokyo. Dude, this is a good ass cereal. Tokyo, this shit's global, motherfucker. I guess so. Cracklin' Oat Bran, love this cereal. It's hard to find one person who found this helpful. Oh, sorry. Five stars from...

Nice to have this source. Okay, so people are looking for it. I'm not saying it's bad. I've never had it. Once you try it, dude, the apologies are going to come rolling in. This shit is epic. Matt, I can't believe you've never tried it. This was like fucking heaven for me. Really? There's not a better cereal, I don't think.

Alright well Matt just gave it two stars I don't know what that means The fuck Matt god damn it That was tough Try someplace other than Amazon Yeah but two stars because it's overpriced Not because of the quality Right right Alright alright people seem to enjoy it So I'm not saying it's bad

It just seems rare. What is that, a square? Get a close-up on that. I've never seen this shape. This is all foreign to me. Yeah, well. Also, you got a cinnamon stick in the back. So is it cinnamony? No. Here we go with the health nutrition facts. I don't want to see that. Saturated fat. Got a lot of sugar. Monosaturated cholesterol. It's not healthy, man.

Are we really talking about cereal like it's healthy? Good point, good point. You're talking about Lucky Charms and fucking, come on. I mean, that's straight anthrax to the vein. How about Fruity Pebbles? You ever fuck with that? Love Fruity Pebbles, but it's a window with Fruity Pebbles. If it's too in the milk, it turns into fucking mush pudding horse shit. Oh, look at that. Some guy just saved the marshmallows.

He's got a jar of marshmallows. See, that's too far. You've got to have a little rain with the sun. You can't just go straight to the sun. You're not an addict. Not an addict. We've got to live in a society here. Jesus Christ.