[Patreon Preview] Ep 27.5: Corona Familiar: Last Round 10:04

We might be drunk, we might be drunk, as long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk. Raise a glass, let's talk shit, pep heaps, wrecks, and a bit, maybe drunk, we might be drunk, yeah. Hey, Patreon folks, you guys are the real deal. We're half in the bag, and we're reading emails that you guys sent in.

God love you. All right. Should we just get right to it? I don't know where to go from here. I'm slurring. Let's do it. All right.

What do you got, Sloppy Jalopy? Here's one from Kayla Gomez. Hey, Mark and Sam. My peeve is that they no longer give you your new license right away at the DMV, and now I have to carry my passport around for two weeks. No bar accepts the paper printout from DMV as proof of ID. Also nice to meet you in person, Sam. Have to say I'm shocked to look up and see you opening the door for me. I guess chivalry isn't dead, Kayla. Ooh!

I know you don't care, but here's the pic I took. Made my day. Oh, yeah. We took a pic together. Here we go. Can I see her? Yeah. Yes. Oh, yeah. All right. She's attractive. Very well done. Where was this? The DMV...

On 30th Street. Oh, the DMV. I thought this was a gig. No, no. She said the DMV. That's what she said. Oh, I thought she meant, you know, that's what they call DC, Maryland, Virginia. Oh, yeah. No, we're at the actual DMV. I was getting one of those new licenses. Oh, wow. This is a how you met story. She basically, yeah, no, no, no. That's fucking hilarious. That's crazy. She found you. This is a misconnection.

Remember those on Craigslist? Those were big. I always wanted to be a part of one of those. They never made that romantic comedy. They were probably pitching there like, this could go dark. I saw you masturbating on the 6 train. Your dick looked pretty big. And a woman like me needs at least 6 inches. Yes. Well, then I'm out. 5.9. Come on, Matt, up close. Matt's got to be huge. What are you, 6'6"?

Oh my god. Matt's got a monster cock. Damn. I can see it. Both Matt. Salacuse and Matt. No, I've seen cues. It's embarrassing. Is it? Oh my god. It's thin as a fucking pipe cleaner. Pipe cleaner. Great name for a porn. And the guy comes in as a plumber, then he's fixing everything else, if you know what I mean. All right. Yeah, well, hey, you got to hit up old DMV gal. Be like, hey, if you need a new ID photo...

I'll take a personal pick. All right. That's a great pickup line. She's like, that's not how they do it. I'm like, right. Ah, yeah. Right. That's true. Good point. Nothing worse than the lady who corrects your jokes with logic. You're like, I know that's the funny part. Thank you. All right. What do you got? Dylan West. Great name. Sounds like an old star from the 50s.

Dylan West, Mark and Sam, big fan. Can't wait to catch you both in the cellar soon. Anyways, here's a one-liner and some rye names and a premise. One-liner. Why is it called hard alcohol if it always makes me soft? That's cute. That's cute. I like it. All right, Dylan. A little erectile dysfunction joke. Yeah. Good point. Good point. Whiskey dick.

Not a bad rye name. Whiskey dick. All right. Rye names Gambit, Wise Guys, Wise Guy Rye, and McDougal. I guess because of the cellar.

But, yeah, McDougal, I don't know. I like Fat Cat. I'm happy with what we're doing. Yeah, McDougal's too Irish, and no one will get it. Yeah. McDougal's fun, though. Give me McDougal and the Rocks. That is kind of fun. That's not bad. All right, premise. Not sure if this is something, but let me know what you think, and maybe you guys can crack the code on it. I've watched almost every classic movie except Schindler's List. I know it's a great film, but I've never scrolled through Netflix and thought to myself...

Know what I'm in the mood for? Genocide. Hope that's fun. Keep up the great work, Dylan. Yeah, I get it. I like it, but my problem is genocide is a great movie premise. I'm sorry.

There's tons of movie premises about genocide, and they're all fun. I mean, that's why you watch the movies. I wouldn't say fun. Fun's the wrong word. I wouldn't say Schindler's List is fun. Great movie, though. It is a great movie. My point is it's good fodder for film. It's good footage. It's a good...

Subject matter That's the word Yeah I think Tragedies make us feel And they put a lot of our lives in perspective You're like fuck people went through this shit And I'm bitching about the DMV Right

Right. I mean, how many slave movies are there? It's good to watch horrible shit. That would be a great movie for just like fucking whiny white people. The DMV. An Oscar bait picture. Right. Right. Well, that's relatable. We all go every race. I'm sorry. We don't accept screenshots for your social security card. Are you fucking kidding me?

With Academy Award nominee. No. Yeah, yeah. Anthony Hopkins in. He falls to his knees. You see the pigeons fly away. No. It's expired.

All right, Ralph Fiennes. What a scary Nazi. I think that's why I never liked him. I know he's a great actor, but I think this movie, it's tough when you're playing Nazi. It's tough. He's great, though. I love him in Bruges. He's so great in that. His brother's a hunk. I'd say his brother, they're both attractive, obviously. Look, that's a good-looking guy. Ralph is great in, what's that movie that Robert Redford directed? Quiz Show.

Oh yeah, great movie. Yeah, incredible. Incredible movie. John Turturro, who plays mostly Jews, by the way. He's an Italian. They're taking our jobs. You don't see me gunning for Stanley Tucci's role, do you, you piece of shit? You got that right. Perfect casting. He's such a classic, clean-cut 50s guy. But pull up the brother if you can. Shakespeare in Love. Joseph Fiennes. He's way better looking. He's got a little more... That was a Harvey Weinstein pick.

Oh, really? Best picture. Beat L.A. Confidential, by the way. Ugh, what a fucking con job. Wait, don't give me that photo. Come on, Sally. No, I think L.A. Confidential was the year before, actually. Oh, God. Well, now we gotta learn. Oh, yeah. He looks more fun to me. He's cuter. He's like the Casey Affleck to the Ben.

Yeah. Although Casey's got some fucking dirt on him. He's got some demons. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Now we got to know who, what year LA confidential was and what year say, boy, we're really tickling the digits on Sally. Sally. But no, I think LA confidential was not the same year. Was that lost to fucking Shakespeare in love? I thought it did. I mean, it was the English patient. Look, what else was nominated the year? Uh,

Shakespeare in Love won it all, Matt. Remember when the Oscars mattered? I don't even know who's up for it this year. Oscars were everything. L.A. Confidential's the... 97. L.A. Confidential's a fucking masterpiece. Oh, yeah. So good. So layered. Movie just rules. Rules. Just rewatched it. Couldn't turn it off. Edge of my seat. The whole thing.

It would be 98 if it came out in 97 Would it? Yeah, it's the following year Yeah, but you got Russell Crowe up for Oscar For actor Let's see Oh, God As good as it gets That was a great movie Titanic, that's a loaded year Titanic, as good as it gets The Full Monty, Good Will Hunting, and L.A. Confidential Holy shit Oh, yeah, you're right Look at that

No, so what year was Shakespeare in Love then? Maybe it was 96. No, it was after. I was older for sure. Hey, 98? So look at 99, what it won. Look at 99 Oscars. All right, this is good radio here. What do we got? A lot of Googling. It beat Saving Private Ryan. Oh, well, they gave Spielberg too much, I think, with Schindler. And then Red Line. You know what?

War votes take from other war movies. Damn, I take Life is Beautiful over fucking Shakespeare in Love. Shakespeare in Love is good, but yeah, Life is Beautiful is amazing. But this might be a little Jew bias with the Holocaust there. You know what? He did what any Jew would do. He kept his sense of humor, even in the Holocaust. And that's what Roberto Benigni is all about. That is true. Ah, but the one, the royalty still won.

Yeah, you're right. Three World War II movies. Damn. Interesting. Good point. Good point, Sally. Life is Beautiful is a good movie. Great movie. Remember he climbed all over the seats when he won? That was a big deal. That was a lot. He was such a little twerp. That was like kind of just fucking act like you've been there before. What the fuck are you doing? Exactly, exactly. But he was a kooky, eccentric foreigner. He was a comedy actor, I think. I think so. He was like a Mr. Beanie type guy.

Mr. Bean for a Holocaust to remember.

Best actor. And he's like, they got to get him in the 9-11 movie. Mr. Bean on Flight 93. Please just tell us what flight it is. He's like, he can't speak. That's what he does. He can't speak. That's good. All right. The plane's going down. He hides in the upper compartment. What do you call that? The overhead bin. That's the name of the movie. Overhead bin. All right. What do you got? Alan McConnell, Mark and Sam, Patreon member here. I wanted to share a bit.