[Patreon Preview] Ep 26.5: White Claw: Last Round 10:51

We might be drunk, we might be drunk As long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk Raise a glass, let's talk shit Hep heeps, rex and a bit, maybe drunk We might be drunk

Patreon, the real drunks, the real boozebags You guys are in on the ground floor I say the same shit every week, but we appreciate you We love you, thanks for doing this, guys Dude, what is that backdrop you got going on? Oh, this is a huge painting that a guy He's like a fan and he sent us this Wow Apparently it's worth like 17 grand But he gave it to us for like 70 bucks And I was like, alright, I'll take it It's huge Wow, oh my god, look at it

Yeah, I feel like a real Manhattanite with this giant art in my house, even though it just looks like a miscarriage. But yeah, I have one of my mom. I have one of my mom's paintings in my room. I'll show you. Oh, please. I can't. I'm connected to the desk here, but I'll show you. I'll take a picture of it. That'd be great. It's just a mural of you.

I'm nude on a bearskin rug Yeah, exactly, in front of a fireplace I call this overbearing, that's what I call it You ever seen that Simpsons where Marge becomes a painter and Mr. Burns hires her And he's like, thanks for being generous with my genitalia She's like, I was being insulting That's a great episode, man Oh yeah I feel like the Marge episodes are not usually as good

I agree, but two come to mind When she was a cop, I loved that one Great app And then when she found that Chanel, remember she found that Chanel suit Incredible TJ Maxx or something And then she sewed it and kept changing it, that was fun The Country Club and of course Itchy Scratchy and Marge

So there's some bangers, but I feel like occasionally you see and you're like, eh, it's not going to be as good. Like Marge's Fear of Flying, not one of the best episodes. Agreed. Completely agreed. But if you've got a Homer rep, that's a home run. You're on board. I love Homer versus Lisa. Those are some of the best episodes. Because it's like, that's America. You've got kind of like...

You know, the snooty liberal And the dumb conservative That's kind of what they are And they need each other And that's America Yes, wow, that's heavy You don't make friends with Salit You don't make friends with Salit

He's at the barbecue, she's a vegetarian, it's great I'm fired up for this road weekend I'm in AC, but I'm just pumped to keep doing jokes This has been happening to me a lot People will say, hey, can we do an interview to promote the weekend? I'm like, yeah, sure Then one guy, he said, it's 2.15 I'm like, hey, are we doing this? He goes, oh yeah, I'll call you in a minute Whatever happened to I'm Sorry?

I know, right? Because we can't do that the other way. Yeah. Oh, we're difficult.

Yes, exactly. And a lot of these radio gigs, they literally have 15 minutes for you. So if you call 15 minutes late, you're out. You missed your slot. I had one today, and they were like, oh, we met tomorrow. And I'm like, cool. I had the call-in ready. It's insane. Yeah, like I got nothing to do tomorrow. It just happens to be open. What do you mean you met tomorrow? Tell me tomorrow. I expected better from the fourth-rated drive time Atlantic City. Yeah.

Radio show Yeah, that actually is a cool theater And I saw you said it's almost sold out So that's going to be a banger When I did it, it was eight people there And it was rough Is the hotel good? It's a little dated It's one of those hotels where the door hits the bed What? They call it the Sinatra Suite I'm like

I don't buy it, I mean this must have been Sinatra before he made it or after he's dead or something The stained drinks that he threw at his wives, you're like wow, all over the walls Yeah, it's not great, but it's AC, there's not really that much luxury Yeah, AC is pretty shitty, you ever go to Tony's Baltimore Grill, that's a classic I did go there on your rec and it was great It's old Italian women, that kitchen, you get drunk, we went there at my brother's bachelor party

Whoa, that's a good choice. It was one where it was like a lot of pressure. I'm like, we got to go to this place. And everyone's like, all right. But like a lot of friends are like, we really want to go to a strip club. I'm like, let's at least go to a fun place that isn't a strip club. It's AC. The strip clubs are going to be terrible. Yes, of course. The casinos are terrible. The people are hideous. Everybody's got a limp for some reason.

But if you just embrace it and slide into the hot tub of filth, it's okay But if you try to fight it, you'll never have fun Yeah, the boardwalk's okay There's some fun stuff during the day on the boardwalk But it's like a gross beach Everything's dingy and old Even the Ferris wheel, it's too rickety and slow And the kid is crying on it Everything is just a little sadder than it's supposed to be

There's like seagulls instead of pigeons. I miss the pigeons from New York. The seagulls have like even the AC attitude. They're broken down. They don't have enough feathers. They've fallen on hard times. Yeah, the pigeon's got a cigarette and a neck tattoo or the seagull. Everything there is just a little ragged, you know, but that's, I guess, part of the charm.

Yeah, I guess so. Should we do some emails? You better believe it, baby. What do you want to start this off? Wow, we got a ton here. This is quite a list. The drunks are typing. I'm loving it. Oh, yeah. All right, all right. I got a peeve and a bit from Ben Glaze. I feel like we've heard from Ben Glaze before. How about this guy, B. Robert? He sent us like seven in a row. Uh-oh, that's a red flag. B. Robert, he was good in 8 Mile.

Alright Be rapid, isn't it? Oh yeah, sorry Mom's spaghetti Answering a question with a question I ask, how's it going? And I get a response of, what's going on? Come on, fatty, give me a pretty good And move on I completely agree with that When you're trying to get something out of somebody And they turn it back on you You're like, I asked you for a reason I don't want to talk about me, I suck Yeah

Yeah, that's true. It's kind of like when people, it's like you talked about those people who have nothing to say, but they keep digging. Yes. It's like they're being like, you do all the work in the conversation. Exactly. Nothing worse than the guy, he goes, how are you? You go, I'm pretty good, man. Had a good week. Did some shows. Just got back from AC. And he's like, oh, cool. Well, what's going on? Pretty good. Just did some shows. Girlfriend. Fun time. Oh, so what's shaking? You're like, I'm out.

I did it all You can't just do it It's tough though too Because there are people Like I feel like we just talk When we see each other It's not Right But you don't have that rapport With everybody There are people that I see And I kind of I don't know what to say to them Yeah And that's true And

I'm a cunt because if they go too far the other way, that's annoying too. If they just talk the whole time and they don't ask about you, so you're like, there's got to be a good gooey middle ground we can all get behind. Yeah, comedians are not great about asking about other people. Yeah, so true. Not their strength. No, but...

In our defense, I didn't want you to ask me about me either. So I'm treating you how I want to be treated. But a lot of comedians, they do treat it like a radio show. They sit down, they're like, oh, I just got into town. And you're like, I'm a person. I'm not fucking 104.3, dude. Right, right. That's true. That's true. They're doing their act. Their one-man show. They're doing a moth.

All right. I'm shooting stuff, you know, at the cellar with Salacuse. And it's hilarious when you get a comedian one-on-one. They're a human. But the second two or three more comedians walk over, they're all just on and doing schtick. And you're like, all right, this isn't as interesting to me. That is so true. Yeah. We can't not do it. It's impossible. But one-on-one, we can do it. I think that's why podcasts work. Yeah. Yeah.

But, alright, this guy's got a bit When I get blackout drunk, I don't slur words I just forget things I don't slur, I just don't remember things So I won't call you a retard I'll just forget that I kissed one Huh, alright My opinion to me, that word People just don't like that word anymore So if you're gonna go there, I think it's gotta be way funnier In my opinion I won't call you

Yeah, but I guess the joke only really works if you say that, right? Because you can't say, I won't call you mentally handicapped. Just kiss one, right? So it's kind of, the joke is kind of, you know, leans on that. It's not really worth it for me to go there. I don't know about what you think. Yeah, I don't think the turn is enough. I don't know. It didn't grab me.

It just doesn't, it's not really, to me, it's not like saying anything. It's not like, it's not like funny enough. And that's all it's like. So you just, you're kissing a mentally handicapped. That joke is like, I kissed a mentally handicapped person. You're like, all right. Yeah. And the problem for me is that's not really a thing. No one's like, oh, I got so drunk last night. I kissed a retarded woman. You know, if that was a trope or like a, a, a cliche, then I would, I think it would work better. But to me, that's not.

Like if you're like, oh, I got drunk and fucked a prostitute or whatever, you're like, all right, that I've heard of. I had a bit I couldn't get to work where I said, you know, it's weird that we used to say, let's get retarded as kids. We'd say, let's get, that's how you say, let's get drunk. Because like I said, none of my friends have ever, no handicapped person is that mentally handicapped person never annoyed me as much as my friends. That was the angle.

But I couldn't get that to work because I think people just don't want to laugh at that And that's kind of Right So I think it's a hard sell is my opinion Yeah, yeah, but see that's funny, that's a great angle because you've heard that term Let's get retarded or whatever it is Well there was a song, the Black Eyed Peas did a version of their song, Let's Get It Started to that Yep And it's like, it's funny, people I think don't want to admit that they were complicit

Do you know what I mean? Like they were like, it's one, cause they were like, we all did that, but they kind of were like, we didn't do that. But it's like, but you did, but that's to admit you're complicit is like to have to look at yourself and they don't want to do that during the show. They want to just laugh. I think. I think so too. Yeah. And we did it. We all did it. We did it with retard. We did it with gay. Like, ah, that movie's gay.

Yeah, but I think like you sound corny if you say that shit now. I think it's important to like you. People are like, oh, so you've changed. And you're like, you can change. If you don't change at all, you're going to sound corny. Like certain jokes, jokes are going to age.