[Patreon Preview] Ep 25.5: Lagavulin 16: Last Round 10:21

We might be drunk. We might be drunk. As long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk. Raise a glass, let's talk shit. Pep heaps, wrecks, and a bit. Maybe drunk. We might be drunk.

Sam, you look like Keith Richards over there. What the hell happened? Oh my God, I wish I had Keith Richards' life. This is, I think, food poisoning or something. I don't know. Oh no, shit. I just puked.

man. Oh man. Jesus. Did you, did you puke at home? At least I made it home. I was on a cross country flight, woke up in LA. Either I had a bad breakfast burrito or my body is getting ready for acting season. I don't know what happened, but yeah, you pulled a low hand here or, or what's her name? Uh, shit with Kate Moss, you know, uh,

Isn't she dead? No, it's Kate Spade. Kate Spade. Yes. Spade. Kate Spade. Kate Moss owns some Spade. Dude, I fucking... Yeah, I'm feeling it. That's a tough flight. But I'm all right. I'm hanging in there. Isn't it amazing? It is a tough flight. But isn't it amazing when you meet a bulimic person and you're like... Or anorexic. You do this every day? Are you nuts? When I puke, the world stops. I have to take a break.

Yeah, you say a disease. I say a fucking heart of a champion to keep at it like that. Yes, yes, so true. Just to keep at it. Like, I'm not a puker. I drink a ton, and I hold that shit in. I puke, like, once every five years. Maybe I got phantom threaded or some shit. I don't know what happened. But, no, it really... The bulimia thing is... I know it's a disease, but it is, like... It's one of those diseases that, like, you have to commit to

Three times a day? Yeah, exactly. It's kind of impressive. Most people can't even commit to a screenplay, and they're yakking three times. I mean, that's almost as much as a Muslim is praying. And either way, they're both on their hands and knees. Yes. I mean, I'm not going to lie to you. Sometimes I don't brush twice a day. Do you not? You end up getting drunk, and you're like, ah, I'm going to bed.

Yeah, that's where the floss people have us. I mean, I guess if you're bulimic, you got to floss. If you're puking, you better be flossing. You got to floss. They tear up their esophagus because of the acid. That much acid over and over tears up your esophagus. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah, that's fucking... But it's good for your voice, I think, if you puke. That's what Sinatra used to say, right? Really? I never heard that. I think if you puke, you get a nice little... You got like a silky smooth voice going.

Wow, well, it's not over till the fat lady pukes But if she needs to lose weight, that's what you tell her Hey, your singing's off, you gotta yak a little there, sister Well, Aretha was the best, though Ah, true, true, she was fat Not in her early days, though, young Aretha wasn't fat That's true, yeah, yeah Adele, though, Adele was large and had some real pipes But she's thin now

Well, where's her career now? You could say a bulimic person's career is in the toilet. Write that down. That's a tweet. That's a great line. Look at this guy. He's puking and still come up with zingers, folks. Take note. Fuck, what's her name? Adele. So many bulimic people.

Musicians probably Are there? I would think Who was the amazing one who passed away from the eating disorder Amy Winehouse Yeah incredible singer Yeah she was great, great documentary Real bummer So sad I know I was kind of into her I thought she was kind of hot in a weird way Yeah because she's tortured You could just sense it Yeah and she kind of had that gypsy look Couldn't tell what she was Is she Jewish, is she Indian Is she Albanian

That's a good point. The eyelashes. I bet you're into that nose. Do you love a big nose? Give me a honker. I want a beak. I want a toucan. It is bad, though, when your biggest song is also like you read the lyrics. You're like, oh, that's why she's dead. I know. It's all literally a cry for help put to music. And we didn't notice.

Yeah. Damn, dude. Yeah, I was puke. I remember I was a kid once. My family would visit my grandparents in Florida, and I was like three. It was just me and my mom. And I was so sick that she couldn't bring me back on a flight. I had an ear infection. I was vomiting. And she couldn't bring me home. So it got to the point where she's like, you're missing like three weeks of school. We got to get back. So we took a train back from Florida. Wow. And I was so sick that I just kept vomiting on people. Mmm.

I just kept vomiting on strangers Oh my god I could never handle I puked in my mom's hand once I never forgot it I can't imagine a stranger I don't even remember it My mom told me to me My mom I think was just like I'm so sorry And she's like everyone was very nice Which I guess lucky us

Yeah, and also, what can you do? Like, what are they going to pick you up and throw you against the wall? Like, God damn it, kid. Jesus. It gives you a swirly. You know, you can't really do much to a kid. They're dangling me off the train. Piece of shit. Yeah, yeah. Pulling a Suge Knight. How do you like it?

Yeah, that's tough. God, puking on other people. That's my nightmare. Damn, there's something about travel. This job, I think you just have to accept sometimes you're just not going to feel good. It's part of the gig. Total, no doubt about it. I mean, some of these road trips, you've got to go three hours with an opener. I get a little sick in that car sometimes. It's tough. Do you drive, or does the person opening usually drive you?

Usually the opener will drive to like Seoul, Jules or Philly or something like that or DC. And sometimes I just that start and stop. The sun is coming in. The windows are up. I don't know if I'm driving. I can make it work. I'll get the windows down. I get the AC going. I know what my body needs. But sometimes if it's an opener, I'm really just and you look at your phone. That doesn't help.

Yeah, you know what? It's like I'm in a cab coming back from the airport. You look at your phone because you don't feel well, so you want to be distracted. Then you get sicker because you were looking at your phone. Exactly, exactly. Totally. You get that woozy nausea. Nothing worse. The mask ain't helping either. The fact that you have to wear a mask in the cab is the point where you're just like, all right, dude, I'm fucking, I'm smelling my own fucking puke breath in my mask. Yeah.

Yes, exactly, and breathing that hot air, your own hot air back I'll tell you, you were onto something with that bit of yours I was at JFK last week I took a fucking yellow cab from JFK to my house, it was cheaper than the Uber By so much, man, I'm telling you, the fucking Ubers have turned on us They turned it and they beat the cabs out And then they jacked up the prices because they're the only game in town And now I'm back to cabs

Well, you know what it was is the cabs were the mom and pop store. Uber is Walmart, man. Ah, yes, you're right. Uber was independent at one point. It was like, whoa, an Uber. You know, this is weird and new. What's this crazy idea? But you're right. They got too big for the britches. Yeah, Lyft is the same shit. Lyft's whole thing was like they were just waiting for Uber to fuck up. Yeah, I see.

They had no game plan, but they're like, I think that Uber CEO is going to say something fucking horrible about the Saudis or something. He's done something bad. And then they just sit back and let it be. People are like, we're not Uber. That's our whole ad campaign. That was Lyft. Right. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Uber, I think, raped a guy or a lady or something happened. And then Lyft was like, hey, hey, we're here. Lyft is like the Billy Baldwin.

You know, I'll be here if you need me. When Alec calls somebody a cocksucker or a fat pig. Alec's still there. He's still the king. But but Billy's got Billy got some fucking tail just off not being Alec. Yes. Yes. And maybe a handsomer Baldwin. I don't know. We need a lady. Oh, I don't know about that. I think he's the sexiest. I think he's the sexiest Baldwin. But what kind of lady's opinion?

I don't know. Stephen Baldwin had a minute. He had a minute. Biodome, the other one. Usual Suspects. Oh, good point, good point. Yeah, the Baldwins, it's tough when one is that big and the rest are all like fine. Right, right. I know, I know. He paved the way, but I don't know. They all grew up beating the shit out of each other on Long Island playing driveway hockey.

So it's funny when Alec Baldwin gets in trouble for calling a photographer a cocksucker. He's like, what are you kidding? I have four brothers. That's all we do. We suck each other's cocks. They're just like, what? Yeah. Kim Basinger. Imagine being inside that. Come on. Oh, my God. She's so hot, man. I was watching L.A. Confidential just like two days ago. I just rewatched it, too. It's like one of the best movies ever, man.

Amazing. Amazing storyline. It's so layered. And the characters are so good. And just the cops, LA, and the, what is it, the 50s? Yeah. So good. Spacey was, can we uncancel Spacey? Amazing talent. Can we get Spacey back? That guy is talented as an actor. He's funny. He does impressions. That guy's a beast.