[Patreon Preview] Ep 24.5: Ochota: Last Round 10:44

We might be drunk. We might be drunk. As long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk. Raise a glass, let's talk shit. Pep heaps, wrecks, and a bit. Maybe drunk. We might be drunk.

Hey, Patreoners, drunks, elkies, booze bags, winos, whatever you want to call it, we're here. You guys are in on the ground floor, the real fans. Love it, baby. Where in the country are you, Mark? I'm in Spokane. I'm following in your footsteps here. I got the best view in Washington out this Gavin's Port hotel window. I'm loving it here.

Love it. Yeah, it's a good hotel, man. That's a pretty downtown, actually. Got a nice little coffee shop right by you. What, Madeline's? That's a great one. Atticus is also a good coffee shop. All right, I'll check that out. I did Madeline's today. I had the coffee. I'm reeling. I actually got a kick again, like the 80s. Oh, baby. Yeah, I'm in the...

I'm in the car with Gary Veeder here. We just got some Italian store in Arlington, Virginia. Insane Italian subs. Like, crazy good. Oh, nice. Now, did you guys drive? How did you get to Arlington? I've been here since Tuesday, so I took the train. Gary had a family thing, so we couldn't make it till Thursday. So, had old Veeder come a little late. But, man, it's great to have him here.

Yeah, he's a breath of fresh air, that little bald twink, you know, he's always got a zinger, he's about four foot one, you gotta love him Oh, he's just a constant fun, he's just like, in the car, he's always thinking comedy, he's in the car And we're driving, and by the way, he's playing Oscar Peterson, which I love, he's playing some nice jazz in the car We're driving, and he goes, we should see Woody Allen at the Carlisle Hotel, you wanna do that? And I was like, no, I don't really want to

What? That's a once in a lifetime. It's like his fourth or fifth best skill. That's true. I don't need to see Michael Jordan play hockey. What is it? It's movies, stand-up, dating relatives, and then clarinet. You got to put short stories in there somewhere.

Yeah, good point. But he's probably better at dating relatives. That's lasted longer than a short story career. That's true. That's true. Yeah. But then we start riffing on shit and he's like, we should do a sketch about a guy who didn't know Woody Allen did anything wrong. Like he didn't pick up on any of it.

Right, right. He's just like constantly on. I love it. In like a fun way, though. Some comics are on in an annoying way. Gary's on in like an upbeat way. Upbeat, and they're subtle. They're quick. They're cute. Yeah, he's not like jumping around and doing handstands like some comics. But yeah, he's the best. We're doing Soul Joles next week, and Ari's like, who should we bring? I'm like, get the V-der. Get the V-man. I love it.

Yeah, so he's got new stuff, too, that's cooking. He's cooking, baby. He killed last night, both shows. Yeah, I got to tell you, to get out to Spokane, I mean, you were just here. It was a nine-and-a-half-hour travel day, which is a real kick in the taint. But once you get here, it's blue skies and nice people and laid back. It's great. There's no direct flight to Spokane. And also, it's like, I remember I once had to take three flights to get there because...

I was taking two and the first one got delayed and they were like, the only way you'll get here in time is if you take three. And I was like, fuck it, let's do it. So, wow. Pain in the ass, but I made it that day. Yeah, I mean, it's literally the opposite end of the country. It's corner to corner from New York to Spokane. So I get it, but it is a cunt of a travel day. Eastern Washington, man. Yeah. Have you never been there?

No, I've been here a few times, but I usually leave from L.A. or I was in Denver or something. I routed a little better, but this was just straight shot all the way there, so it was a bitch. Straight out of New York, that's a bitch right there. Yeah, yeah, but I'm happy to be here. The club's great. I feel like me and you are really moving, babe. We're adding shows. We sold out another show. We're doing three on Saturday, a four o'clock show. Oh, wow. I love that, man.

A lot of drunks coming out. I didn't sell that well in Spokane, I'll tell you that. I did fine. I might have sold it out, I don't know. I might have sold out a couple. I think you sold out a few. I remember seeing some posts. Arlington's good. We got a lot of drunkos. We might be drunk fans in the crowd. A lot of just good people here in Arlington. High ceilings.

Yeah, it's a tough room. That's not my fave, but I like the people. I like the area. Yeah, the staff club is very cool. It's a good time. Yeah, yeah. So what the hell? Oh, so last night.

I'm at the club and the booze is flowing. I'm like, after that travel day, you want to reward yourself with a couple of highballs. And I had three drinks and I said, you know what? I'm going to bed. And everybody said, what are you crazy? Eight guys having a headlock. Somebody's got their thumb up my ass. And I'm like, I'm going to bed.

I went to bed. I slept for like 10 hours and I've never felt better about myself today because today is when you really reap the benefits the next day. For sure. That's hilarious that your story is that you had three tall drinks and you're like, and I called it quits. Like that's like a hard night for a lot of people. I had three doubles and I ate a quesadilla and I went home and I've never been more proud of myself. I hit the gym already. I walked around the town. I'm loving it.

I wish I could hit the gym, my neck is fucked I've been on muscle relaxers my whole time here And I'll tell you man, it's hurting, I'm getting a little better though It's better than it was, but damn This shit is no joke man You got that gun, that massage gun Yeah, but it doesn't even work when it's this bad You know, I got the gun with me for sure, yeah, I got that bad boy right here

Hell yeah. Got that gun. I also had the Knicks game cooking in the green room. I was throwing up guest sets. I was like, I ain't missing this fourth quarter.

That's hilarious. I had the show start 15 late, and I was throwing up guest sets, and I was like, don't. I'm like, you might be stretching. We'll see how the Knicks rally in this fourth quarter. That's amazing. That's the most New York comedy thing I've ever heard. Like, put the cook on. Put the waiter on. Get the valet in here. Like, I got Randall on the blower here. Come on. Let's go, baby. And they won. So big game tonight. I'll be doing the same thing tonight. Vitor might be doing an hour and a half on this early show.

Vigor goes into his old stuff. He's like, OJ, huh? Oh, man. He's running out of material. So, yeah, let's do some emails. The public is clamoring for these. They're clamoring. They want their shit read. Oh, here's one. We got Spokane shows. First one from Dominic Watson. Oh, beautiful. I saw. Oh, here's a picture with you last night.

Mark and Sam, I saw both of you in Spokane this month. Both shows were awesome. You guys are two of the best out there right now. I just want to say thank you for coming to Spokane and being so goddamn funny. Got to pee for you guys. When the chooch selling shirts doesn't have XXLs, come on, help us fatties out.

That's a zing at me, and he's right. I always forget the double X's. I got to get on with it. You got to have those. But you know this guy, he's not even a fatty, though. I'm looking at a picture of him. He tagged it. He's just a big guy. He's not even fat. So, yeah, I mean, got to have the double XL's. I've had people mad I don't have the triple XL's. Wow. Yeah, it's a big nation out there. And out west, the white men are bigger. Like, you go to, like, Montana and Idaho, it's big, big corn-fed honkies. Yeah.

Paul Bunyan looking motherfuckers. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, for sure. All right. I got one pet peeve from Steven Paul Longley. Hey, fellas. New fan of the show. Just started listening, trying to get all caught up. I wanted to talk about a peeve of mine that always gets me. When you're on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, et cetera, and you're trying to look for someone to help you with something, come to an event or anything that's an open invitation, and a person will comment some variation of, oh, I would, but...

It drives me crazy because this wasn't meant for you directly. You had no need to tell me that you couldn't come. I only need you to tell me if you can make it. Something little, but it's nails on a metaphorical chalkboard. Thanks again, Steve Longman.

The only person who needs to tell me they can't come is my girlfriend. All right. Other than that, we're good. No, I'm with you. It's like it's like this goes back to the early Facebook event days, you know, completely. And and to tack on to that, Steve, I don't get these weirdos who go.

Hey, I'm free tonight. What's everybody up to? Like, what are you, insane? You're just leaving that open invite to hang out with some chooch you always hated and have to avoid? Now he's going to write in, and then you're stuck with him. It's either the most easygoing guy of all time or just the biggest loser ever.

If you're going, you're going to the public like that's fucking risky. That's completely risky. And then what are you going to do? You have no excuse. Like if they go, hey, I'm free. And you go, actually, I'm washing my dog tonight. You're like, what do you put the post up? What are you talking about? Do you just do that? In that case, you say, oh, shit, I already made plans with someone else. Is that you're out? Oh, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. Yeah.

But damn, yeah, that's I don't like going to the you don't go to the fucking streets. That's that's really a step away from walking out with a megaphone. Who's partying? You're that close. Right. Exactly. Exactly. It's like the guy in New York who's like counting bills on the street. Like, what are you doing? You psycho. You're going to get jumped. That is a fucking risky ass move, man. Yeah. Yeah.

all right we got a show rack oh man some of these emails are long dog all right let's we'll go to crew through it listen to the podcast to get me through the work day i work at a restaurant making bread every few minutes i laugh too loud and get dirty looks from the customers love it never done standing before but i think about doing it all the time i just need a man up and go to an open mic i really like the behind the scenes stuff you guys riff on the different angles of the jokes and how you make them work mechanically geek out on that stuff

I have a rec for a show that is all time. I think you guys would enjoy it. It's called Zytochi, the Blind Swordsman. It's set in the 1830s about a blind man who's employed as a masseuse because that was the gig if you were blind in Japan in the 1830s, rather. He's a good, honest guy who smokes and drinks and gambles.