Ep 191: Yannis Pappas & Sean Patton 01:24:46

I love this show. You guys were like 2, 2.30, 3. I feel like I'm showing up for a black comedy set in a black room. Show up whenever. Doing your time. Whatever. The show starts at 2, 3, 6, 7. We kind of like it to feel like a bar, so sometimes the guest comes like 20 minutes late or something. Hey, we're here. Keep that in. We might be drunk. We're back. We're gay. We're doing it.

We got whiskey here. We got Sean Patton. We got Giannis Pappas. We're cooking. The world's in a crazy place. Yeah. You guys have been here for 18 years. Yeah. New York City. New Yorkers, buddy. New Orleans and New York right now. New Orleans. Yeah. What is the requisite now year-wise to be like, now you're in fucking New York?

You guys are New Yorkers. We got it? Yes. I think like 10 years you're in. What do you think? Yeah, I think 10 years. You cut a ribbon. You've been mugged. Three times. Have you slept with a transsexual? Three times. Today. It comes in threes. So whatever you ask next, you're going to say yes. So does he. Norton married a trans person. He should get a key to the city. Yeah.

Officially the mayor. All right. By the way, this is the new batch of Bodega Cat. We're fucking sold out. Yeah.

We're sold out. Wow. And so this is the new batch. It's three years instead of two years. So I thought we could sample some of the new shit we're getting here. It's just fucking cyanide. Yeah. This is the biggest watch podcast of all time. We're all dead independent. This says sample proof 94. Yeah. That's a hundred. It's 94 proof.

Yeah. That's not that crazy. It's like a real. It's rye. It's 94% alcohol. Yeah. It's good shit. No, proof is. Proof. It's 47%. So you could like legit clean your asshole with this. Yeah. Yeah. You can put that in the bidet. Yeah. Yeah. You can clean out a wound. Bidet cat. Bidet cat. Bidet cat. An emotional wound. Swing.

Just a taste. We got three, two more. That's fucking nice. That's a good one. Yeah. That's pretty good. I like to pretend like I know what I'm talking about. Yeah. That's nice. You see when you swirl, you see the legs. Yeah. That's lovely. Yeah. Let it open up. Yeah. Mmm.

Oh, you know, I could, it's like a handful of almonds. What is that? Is that from Scotland or a warehouse in Brooklyn? Those are the two options. You thought we could pull off a Scotland? No, we're not doing Scotch. We're fucking, we're whiskey guys. I don't know. Originally Indian. There's certain parts of Scotland you go to where you're like, oh, you guys got this kind of shit too? Didn't you do an ad for that or something? An ad? Oh, no, that was Donnelly and McCaffrey, right?

Kevin McCaffrey and St. Germain. I don't know, but every time someone confuses me with Sean Donnelly. Oh.

It was the group. Motherfucker. I love that dude. But it happens. Somebody's going to do this pod and be on the episode where that dog dies. Don't say that. Don't fucking say that, dude. Wait, what? Like, there will be an episode. You got to have like an EMT on call here while you... We do. We do. In the back. That's a good point. If it tasted this, it would die. I was about to say...

This is, I mean, I'm not going to lie to you. You know this. The first time I had Bodega Cat, I was like, oh, whatever. And now the last time I had it, which was two nights ago at the cellar, or like maybe a week ago when there was a bottle you guys. Yes. This is matured. This is very nice. Very good. This is. Yeah, this is where you guys gotten this into.

Cellar, The Stand. We're working comedy clubs and then branching out. Nice. But we got, you know. Why doesn't every comedy club carry that? They will. They're doing it. They will. They should just. Yeah. Porosos. Have you had that? It's good. Never heard of it. Wait, Bert Kreischer. Do you know that guy? No. What?

Fully loaded. Have you heard of this thing? Nah. A cruise ship last October. Do you remember? Who's going to die first? Bird or the dog? Who do you think? Both are shirtless.

Sean, we should work on a drink. You know what? Called like Korean market dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Croc sweat. That's what I'm appealing. Wawa's wolf. Gas station gecko.

Bodega Cat's a good fucking name. Hey, thank you. That's a Giannis Papas and a Colin Quinn endorsement. Yeah, that is a good name. Has anybody been like, fuck this, dumb name? Oh, yeah. Really? Oh, yeah, my dad. Okay. Yeah, a couple people. Some people are like, I don't get it. They don't know. They don't live here. Yeah.

I feel like that's one of those New York things you don't even have to live here to know about, right? A bodega cat? You'd think everywhere's got a cat. The farms have a cat. A general store's got a cat. If you made a tequila, would it be bodega gato? Yeah. You know what I mean? We got some stops. We went to the Brooklyn Convention, and we got some people stopping like, my dad ran a bodega. I want to try this. And we're like, all right, we got the fucking New Yorkers. They didn't say it like that, though. They were like, my dad ran a bodega. My dad used to have a bodega.

Before he was deported. Hey, my fucking dad had a job like that. My dad used to have a bodega as well. Wait a second. Are you Shammy Murill's kid? There's a 0% chance you go to a bodega and see a Caucasian man. That's just not. It is. My friend's dad ran when he was Greek. Greek had a bodega? Yeah, Greeks. Some Greeks. He did say Caucasian.

It depends. Light-skinned Greek. Does Greek not count as Caucasian? Caucasian is solely white? I figured out what the Greek means. I thought Greek was white. This is the thing with the Greek. I figured it out. It's all based on socioeconomic status. So if you're a rich Greek, you're white. If you're a poor Greek, you're Puerto Rican. That's how it goes. Puerto Rican. It's in the name. Puerto Rican. Yeah.

I can't be the first guy to get there. Come on. There's no fucking way I'm the first guy to get to Puerto Rico. No, you might have been. No, there's no way. I've never heard it. We're from here. Never heard it. That's rich Puerto Ricans. You got J-Lo. Yeah, of course. That's about it. That's where he falls off. Yeah. Is there another one? Yeah.

Baseball? Baseball. Cypher. Cypher, but even though he can't speak Spanish? Cypher, yeah. True, true. Now, do we try the other one? By the way, Matt, don't trim this part for YouTube, please.

Let's keep it in, but let's not maybe promote this part. By the way, J-Lo's numbers are plummeting. You see that? No one's selling tickets. I feel better when I can't sell than I see J-Lo is out. Well, I mean, there's so many reasons to not leave the house now. True. Just distraction-wise. Especially when your house is $60 million. I mean, well, I'm talking about people buying tickets. Oh, I meant J-Lo, not going on tour. At what point do they go, I did it. At what point does J-Lo or Madonna go...

Why do you want to go out again? Never. She's in the midst of a divorce again. She probably wants to tour. When I was in Atlanta earlier this year, I went and saw Madonna. Really? You did? Still swinging big, dude. It's crazy. Dude. Really? She's still up there fucking in cages dangling over audiences. Something, the entire, all of her dancers were topless, but they were men and women. And there was something about the mix of the two where you were like, oh yeah, it's all tits. Yeah. Well,

This is great. This is all tits. Yeah. Then she just, that, topless beaches tomorrow. How'd she look? Because her face is a little banged up. I mean, she looks 65 years old. Yeah. She looks different. Very different. Holy shit. Yeah, she's not. I love doing Mars attacks. Yeah. Wow. Kind of has a dola zone. Oh, that's my dog. Oh, shit. That's my dog. Oh, I thought you were about to say, like, this is someone who went to the concert and

I'll say this confidently. I will still smash that. Oh, yeah. For the story. Wait, was anybody there? By the way, I love when people say for the story. I fucked Madonna. Gross. That's the whole story. Dude, was anyone there that night at the **** was on stage and was like, I fucked ****?

No. Just straight up. Wait, should we not? Maybe we shouldn't be repeating that. He said it to an audience full of people. I mean, I guess their phones are locked up, but he said it to an audience full of people. I think that's pretty known. Oh, really? That he did that? Yeah. Wow, good for him. Yeah, this is not an insult to him. No, it wasn't an insult. I just don't know if he, like, maybe he told it because the phones were locked up. Right. Could be the case. Good point. Could just bleep that all out. Did you know? Yeah.

So I had to follow her. She opened for Schumer at the Garden. She wanted to go on and do five. She did stand-up. She was trying to do stand-up for like 10 minutes. She did Fallon. I remember that. And so she's like, I want to go on. It sold out at the Garden. She died, and I got to follow her and do well. Did you trash her? A little. What did you say? I said something like, I fucked her backstage. I thought she'd be funny or something like that. And...

you know, like a virgin at stand-up. I made a couple zings. Yeah. And she was so bad that I was the hero. Yeah. So you're like, showbiz is crazy. I'm going on after Madonna at the Garden. Wait, what's the, okay, I'm trying to now make up fucking jokes with Madonna songs. Yeah. Like a prayer for this to end. That was borderline horrific. Pull up her Fallon set, because she did stand-up on television? She did on Fallon. Yeah.

Wait, oh, this is... So, anyways, I just always think that it's good to talk about what you know. That's what I do. I just talk about what I know, right? So, I'm going to start with the younger men. How about that? You guys think that's funny? Wait, who'd she marry? Yeah, you do, don't you? Okay. Oh, stone face. Anyway, so, it's true, I date younger guys. Um...

And I have my reasons, but I'm not going to go into them. But I did find myself, very strangely, the other day at breakfast with my son Rocco, thinking, I haven't had a date in a couple of weeks. And I looked at my son without thinking, and I said, do you have any friends you could introduce me to? Hey!

Someone at Netflix was like, let's give her a special. Yeah. Let's give her a three-hour deal. Yeah. See, I think I went on after and I was like, I'll be your friend or something like that, you know? Hey, folks, we might be drunk and brought to you by Sheep.

If you're tired of having your dick sucked to your balls, your balls sucked to your leg, your leg sucked to your dick, it's time to try Sheath Underwear. Sheath is incredible. They make underwear with two pouches, put your dick in one and your balls in the other. It's a game changer, baby, whether you're working in the office or hitting the track on a sunny day. Here's the thing.

Much like Israel and Palestine, rollerbladers and skateboarders. What's another group that does it? Russia and Ukraine.

Much like them, they need some separation. You know, you and your spouse, you and your kids, you've got to separate. You don't all sleep in the same bed, so why should your sack and your nuts and your cock and your balls and your shafts, why should they all be touching all the time?

But let me just say this about Madonna.

Let me say this about Madonna. How great is this brilliant icon performer can't do stand-up? I love that she can shake her ass and change the world, and we wouldn't have Taylor Swift and all these women without Madonna. And yet she can't do an act.

It makes me feel better about stand-up. I think we should all start branching out into other... Because it seems like everybody just wants to do stand-up. Let's branch out into liquor ownership. Yeah! It's not an easy business. I don't recommend it. Make a coffee or something. I was going to say, let's start a fucking rap group. Let's find...

Fucking, what's his name? What was his name? God damn it. New York comic. Hannibal's back. Tom McCaffrey. Tom McCaffrey. But it only works if you're that famous because no one wants to hear like a middle of the fucking road musician do stand up. Yeah. Although they'd probably be better. Didn't John Mayer do it as well? He did. He failed.

Oh, dude, that was bad. That era was fucking dog shit. Because he wasn't just doing clubs. He was popping into bar shows. Remember the night him and Kamel? Yes. Pull that up. Is it online? It went viral or something. The news story did. The thing was, he went on stage at Sweet.

and wouldn't get off stage and then eventually seth was like i gotta the next comic has to go on and john goes let me bring him on and then he says all right and seth says kamil nanjiani and then john goes uh and then does the thing that people did with kamil where it's like how do you pronounce that just say what it's fully fucking phonetic yeah kamil nanjiani and then you're only in video here i think you got to go to like the news but then yeah after the fact he like

Yeah, they went at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Kumail was at the peak, the height of his game. And Kumail held his own. He fucking flattened him. Yeah, yeah. He said, like, your set wasn't a wonderland, something like that. He labeled an accidental racist after that. Oh!

Accidental. Pretty good. Accidental. Better than a proven racist. Yeah. Perfect. There's no accidental racist. No one's leaving a cross on your lawn like, oops. I fucked up. I feel terrible. I meant to say bigger.

By the way, isn't it great as a Knick fan that nobody calls a New York Knick a New York Knicker? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that would be bad. It's just too long. It works too long. Or Knickerbocker. The first time you see it, yeah. Hey, are you a Knicker? That's just, it's better to say, yeah, you're a Knick. I wonder why they don't do that. Wait, why don't they do that?

Well, technically they're the Knickerbockers, but somebody made the choice like, let's go Knicks. Yes. Oh yeah. They didn't just. Yeah. They didn't go. Knicker please. I missed his, I missed his face where he was popping in, but he, we was there one night at the cellar. Remember when he was getting Katy Perry? Yeah. They were hanging out. Oh yeah. Man, he loves us. They really strung that season together. It was really knicker rigged.

I'm just saying. There's a reason. It's just at some point someone said, let's go with Nick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I fully agree with that decision as well. Oh, yeah. Those Lakers got whooped last week. But isn't Kamau yelling at this guy sort of like when you see those conservative pundits go to college campuses and beat up like a 19-year-old intellectually? You're like, come on. Interesting. Well, no, no, because he went at Kamau. That's true. He went at Kamau. He went 100% at Kamau. And also the idea of like doing the set.

And then running the light. And then obviously he was bombing. Yeah. There's no way it was going well. There's a lot of ego there. Oh, yeah. And then it's like, I'm famous, so I can fucking go toe to toe. But no, but he's worth this muscle and you haven't. Right. It's that simple. Yeah.

I know what it feels like, though, when you're bombing. You're like, let me just chill. One more. One more. I'll get it. Oh, yeah. We've all been there. Yeah. I mean, that's... Jesus Christ. Yeah. But also, he's like... It's like, what do you need this for? What do you want this for? Yeah. There's an emptiness that comes with success, no? That? Yeah. And I think as a musician, you're not really getting anything out audibly. You're not really saying what you want to say. You're just like, she's hot. I love her.

You're not actually going, hey, this guy's ugly or whatever. With comedy, you can actually say what you're thinking. Good point. And also, if you don't do the hits, they get mad. That too. If you try something new for your soul, they're like, shut up. Sometimes they like it. But he's another one where he's funny enough. So in between songs, he'll get a big pop because he's pretty funny. For a musician, he's funny. For a musician. So-

We've all seen it though. You see a musician live and they get their like little staple lines, their little one-liners and it kills. And then part of them is like, if I got a big laugh there. Yeah. You know what's actually funny as fuck is Killer Mike.

Oh, really? I saw it like Run the Jewels open for Rage Against the Machine like two years ago at the Garden. Fantastic show. And he was just saying shit between shows. But was it low bar funny? Like, oh, he's not supposed to be funny, so that's pretty good. It was like witty. It was just like in the moment. Like, okay, fuck yeah. It was funny. It's also like that guy's been around.

I'm not saying they can't be funny. I'm just saying it's a different muscle to do a 15-minute set. Oh, absolutely, yeah. It wasn't like comedy set funny, but it was like, oh, hell yeah. I heard a story that he bumped a tell one night, and a tell was like, yeah, fine, we'll go on, but then he was running a little bit, and a tell went on after, zinged him, and was like, did you think you earned it? Like one of those. We were like, Jesus. Oh, I'd hate to go on after that or before that. Because it doesn't matter how famous you are, I wouldn't want Dave Attell to...

To say that to me. Yeah. I mean, yeah. That's what's great about being a comic is you can win in that world nowhere else. We lose everywhere else, but in that moment. It's literally the one place we have. That's it. That's it. I mean, a guy like Louis C.K. can shine looking like that, but that guy at a speed dating is getting walked over. That's true. I mean, unfortunately, though, there's a lot of very pretty people who are considered good now.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Which, whatever, I don't give a fuck. You're one of them. Yeah. You're like Santa if he's off duty. Exactly. I've said it before. I'm like, if you're attracted to me, you're making a choice. I respect this choice. I encourage it, but fuck. No, you got nice eyes. You're a good-looking guy. Yeah, I'm not like... Like Captain Morgan type of way. I'm confident in... But I also know it's a blind sort of...

just reckless confidence. You know what I'm like? I'm just walking into a bee's hive right now and fuck it, I'm going to get stung. But let's do it, you know? Yeah. I already look like I've been stung quite too many times. But you on stage is very passionate and I think women respond to that. Yes. Yeah, I mean, it's... And unpredictable, which is nice. Like, what's he going to do? What's he going to say? I don't know, man. I feel like...

a lot of audiences have downgraded and don't want that anymore. They want to be flirted with. Yeah. There was a time when comedy was about challenging the audience. Now, the really, like some of the shit you watch, like they're just flirting with the audience now. Yeah. That's all they're doing. Yeah. Well, you make a good point. Now I'm going macro.

Go mackerel, man. The dating world is all fucked up right now. Men and women aren't connecting. So maybe there's some weird thing to like, hey, I'm talking to a hot guy. I'm a young blonde in the audience. I'm talking to a hot guy. We're all getting laughed. We're all flirting. It's sexual. Maybe that's kind of a missing thing that people are craving. Yeah, we're finally making eye contact. Yes. Ryan Hamilton's got that great joke where he'll just go out on stage and be like, you guys are the first people I've talked to today. Exactly. Exactly.

But it's real. Ryan said, I mean, wait, shit, I've said that too. I've said that before. It's true. You walk out and you're like, it's 7.30 p.m. I haven't spoken to another human being yet. That's why I think autistic people have an advantage. I think maybe autism may be humans evolving to autism.

you know, survive in the AI era. It could be, this could be Darwinism happening. You know how sort of like the Industrial Revolution was sort of propelled by Irish people? Yeah, working hard. Like that's why America got ahead because, you know, they were very well suited for the Industrial Revolution because they drink a lot, they repress their feelings. Yes. So that's a group of people you can force to build bridges and then they drink it down. My life is shit, but they can handle it. And now we're into the computers and that's why there's autisms on the rise because humans are adapting

Wow. To this new era. So Sam is a super person. Wow, that's very interesting. Yeah. People say, oh, it's a problem. There's so many artistic kids. It's like, yeah, they're going to win. Yes. They're going to be able to understand computers. Computers are going to understand them. And we're going to be sitting, me and Sean are going to be like, where's the passion? They're looking at you like Michael Myers. Defied passion. There are three definitions for compassion or passion. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like they look at it like it's a tailbone or appendix. Like, what do you mean passion? Yeah. But I would also rather just be then the novelty for those people. Watch this human possesses desire, passion. Like, I'd rather be like the thing they watch. That's true. And connect with. Because like that's some of the. I don't know. I mean, I don't. I'm trying to. I'm trying to phase out shit talking. I'm just like.

It makes me fucking feel sick these days. I don't know why. Why? I don't know. Really? It makes me feel great. You know why? Because I feel like there's so much. That's true. Shit talking is like booze. It's great in moderation. In moderation. You do too much, you feel shitty. But if you do the right amount, you're like, that's a nice buzz. Yeah, yeah. And sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes you're like, I need to fucking shit talk. And much like booze, it brings people together. Yeah. When you're awkward in a group and you're like, hey, you guys hate this guy? They're like, oh.

Fucking worse. We're all connected. You know what's bringing people together right now? The aid of the Jews. Huge. Hopefully not in this room. No, on X, on the world where the truth reigns. They're translating speeches in English. I mean, I never thought I'd live to see that. Yeah, sometimes I hit that translate button. I'm like, wish I didn't press that one. Yeah.

That was unfortunate. Dude, I never thought I'd live to see the day where we didn't all agree that Hitler was a bad guy. I know. Or 9-11 was that bad. How about Osama? There was a TikTok thing of Osama.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. Exactly. If you see those squiggly lines, don't hit translate. It's going to be a picture of Sam's face with a bullet hole in his forehead. I think we've done everything now, so kids are like, well, let's actually see the other perspective. Yeah. What haven't we done? We haven't liked Hitler yet. Yes. Let's see some of the good points. Being a contrarian isn't always good. Yeah. Yeah. In the 50s, you're like, I'll never cut my dick off. Yeah. And now here we are.

You know, things come around. Well, yeah, people are just protected and padded and lived in a, you know, in a bubble all these years. It's like, what's pain? Yeah. What's actual? That's why when you ever hear, when you see all these fucks talking about civil war, you're like, you know what would happen if a civil war broke up?

90% of you would chicken the fuck out. Of course. Just because you own a shitload of guns doesn't mean you would ever have the gall to actually use one. Well, that's why bomb shelter people, at least they're honest. Like, I'm going down to the ground. I got eight cans of beans. I'm going to be there for a while. Civil War would definitely look like a Revenge of the Nerds movie, wouldn't it? Nerds and blah. No way. No way. Because the nerds are winning the end of that movie.

Oh, good point. Well, they got the computers. Who are you going with if a civil war happens? Ooh, I like the... Sorry. I'm going with the losing side. I'll be a New Yorker. I know. You're a principal guy. He's got strong principles. So you're going to die. You'll be on the losing team. I disagree. I don't think... I grew up with these fucks. They're not going to conquer shit.

No, there's going to be 19 of them that set off to do shit. And then the rest are going to be like, wait, what am I doing right now? I'm going with the wiry, scrappy libertarians. Oh, good. They got to go west. Got to go west. Yeah. Dave Smith is my president. I am on board with that.

I want to see a presidential debate on the Legion of Skanks. We're getting close. I know, right? Robert Kennedy Jr. is on Tiger Belly. I mean, we're getting close, dude. Pretty soon. It's a presidential candidate in the same room as Bob.

Well, J.D. Vance was on Comptown. Was he? No, no. But the fact that Andrew Yang was on this. I know. It's getting weird, dude. It's getting weird. Like, I don't know. I love Bobby Lee. I love everyone. I don't want to live in a world where my president knows who Bobby Lee is. I know. He did Gillis' pod. Dude, he's on the wall in fucking Phoenix with his ass out on the wall in a comedy club. Bobby Kennedy? No, not Bobby Kennedy.

Oh, RFK. I'm talking about Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee, his headshot is him laying his ass out and he's sitting there talking to a presidential candidate. The world has gotten a little too blurred line. I completely agree. Especially with comedy has gotten so big. Yeah, and blacks and whites hanging out. The whole thing's got to go back. We need to get some borders back. Yes, dogs and cats, mass hysteria. Ghostbusters.

Bill Murray. Yeah, no, you're not wrong. Well, I think Robert Kennedy has a tough time getting on stuff, so he's like, oh, this pod has 5 million views. I'll do it. Exposure is exposure. Right, and then it comes out with painted nails and childhood drama. Dr. Drew said once, he's like, comedians are going to have to save us. I'm like, no, we're not. I don't want to save anybody. Jon Stewart fucked it up for all of us. Yeah, Jon Stewart.

Because Jon Stewart was so good at it. So smart. And then everyone's like, I'm going to do my version of The Daily Show. And you're like, don't. Right. The fuck are you doing? You know what most comedians are going to do? Play to their base. Yeah. That's all. Sure. They're going to play to their base and get fucking tickets sold. Yeah, yeah. No one's trying to save anyone. You got to like.

comedians like we're insecure people and that's the only reason we're able to do this Zelinsky was a comic yeah that's right okay so yeah we're one guy we're getting two of the fucking 500,000 it's getting to be a parody world it's getting very interesting it's really weird Vivex on Shay Shay you know no I'm joking it could happen it could totally happen

I just wanted to say that sentence. Yeah, I was on Fox once with Vivek, and I was going, what am I doing here? Oh, dude, why am I here? Oh, I remember I went on Red Eye back in the day. Tom Shalhoub now? I went on a Red Eye, and the other guest was Ambassador John Bolton. And I made a joke about him getting mustache rides from interns, and he was like, oh. I was like, this should not be happening. None of this should be happening. How great was Jon Stewart's comeback that was sort of like Rambo, comedy Rambo, where they went, Jon, we need you.

we're losing a fox. And he's like, it's not my world anymore. I take care of orphan goats in New Jersey. And they're like, John, we need you. And he came back and he's reading Huffington Post, getting strong.

Strong now. Like left-wing comedy Rambo. Remember when he came on with Tucker Carlson? This is 15 years ago now or whatever. Pull that clip up. When he was on with Tucker Carlson. And Tucker Carlson's like, I thought you were going to be funny. He's like, I'm not a dancing monkey. I remember being a young comic like, oh, shit. That's incredible. Yeah. Try this next one. Oh, when he talked about his bow tie? Oh, New Match? Yes. This is theater. You wear a bow tie every day? Yeah. And he goes, I'm on after puppets. Yeah. Yeah.

So which one is this? This is the 94 proof. Wait, I thought we already did it. I know. I feel like I already did it. Oh, okay. No, this is the one we did.

That show really aged him like the presidency, though. Totally. Jon Stewart. One of the favorite things when I watched his Apple show once, he said something very funny. He goes, hi, everyone. I am whatever's left of Jon Stewart. Oh, that's good. Really funny. That's great. Because he does look fucking weathered. He does. He's got all white hair. I did love what he... He still works with Chappelle.

Which is kind of wild. Opens for them? Yeah, they still perform. Everywhere. Wow, Tucker's so young. He's so young, dude. Pre-Zinn Tucker. What do you think of the Bill O'Reilly-Fibre story? I'm sorry? I don't. I'm here to confront you because we need help from the media and they're hurting us. I made a special effort to come on the show today because I have mentioned this show as being bad.

It's not so much that it's bad as it's hurting America. So I wanted to come here today and say, here's just what I wanted to tell you guys. Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop hurting America. I watch your show every day and it kills me. I can tell you love it. Oh, it's so painful to watch. You're a partisan. What do you call it? Hacks.

You have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably. I think you're a good comedian. I think your lectures are boring. You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you? It's someone who watches your show and cannot take it anymore. I just can't. You need to go to Jomina. Miserably. I was Tucker. You need to go.

I would have just said the opposite of love is not hate, it's apathy. Like, John, I know you're a fan. Oh, yeah. My mother loved Crossfire, by the way. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. My mom was diddling to Stuart back then. She was. Oh, yeah. Oh, all of our moms did. Cute Jewish guy. Remember when he was in Big Daddy? That's right. He was the brother. Adam Sandler. No, he was the best friend roommate. Oh.

right. And death to smoochie death to smoochie. There's an alternate reality where Craig Kilbourne still hosted the daily show. Oh, that was a real big fifth beetle mistake. Yeah.

But would it have become? Who knows? You know, like. Right. Kilbourne was great, but it was just a different show. I think he would have had like a lull during when the Democrats were popular in comedy. But Kilbourne would have been killing right now with the Republicans big in comedy. He was. Because he's just got that kind of arrogant kind of straight white male kind of snarky thing. And I think he would be crushing right now. That's a good point. Also, Crazy Tugger was on CNN. Yeah. Yeah.

What a world. Things were so quaint back then. Now he needs to go on every single cable news show and say the exact same thing. You're killing America. Yes, yes. Because it's every fucking show now. It really is. I'll put it on sometimes in the background. I'll throw it. I'll mix it around. But I'm like, God, every one of these is fucking poison. Totally. The live. Viewers, viewers, viewers, viewers. Yeah, that's all they want. People have forgotten about real life. They just, it's all like.

their digital presence has become the predominant thing yep by which they view themselves and now we're just living in a world where people either feel famous or they feel shameful you're either it's either fame or shame and that's where we're at and people are losing their fucking minds dude yeah they're going like if they're not if their social media presence isn't big they just feel shame which is why the autism is gonna win like you said they got blinders on they're not

worried about twerking their ass or getting a great time for psychopaths and autistic well there's people out there whose social media feeds are more interesting than their lives 100 and that's fucking insane to me like yeah when you see people on the street like you're walking around new york on a friday night and you just see like reams of people in the east village west village just like just this and they're just living the it's crazy it's like what are you doing right now that's not life that's not your real life right now it's nothing you don't own that car i

I almost got hit by a guy the other day. He was riding a bike while filming himself doing a vlog. He almost hit me, and I got out of the way. I was like, you fucking idiot. I'm like, I hope that wasn't his vlog, whatever. He's just snapping at him. But I was like, God, are you fucking that stupid? But the funny thing is, they almost hit you. You go, fuck you. And he's like, content. I'm good. I got some stuff. Conflict. And then someone recognizes you, and it's like, oh, almost got hit by Sam Talent. Or Sam Talent. Oh, yeah.

That would be the comment, though. Oh, my God. Sam Talent almost tackled me on the street. Sam Talent lost a lot of weight. I think Sean Donnelly made a great joke. Good one, Sam J. Appreciate it, Marc Maron. What the fuck? You call him Narc Maron? Oh, fuck. Oh, Marc Maron. You know what content I'm really conflicted about is the...

the pedophile videos. I don't even know what you're talking about. Kelly? Stuff I watch on the dark web. I'm not on the fence about pedo videos. I don't know about you guys. I'm not a fan. Because you knew it was going to gradually get to that, right? It used to be that they would just, so it's vigilante like pedophile hunters. They're all over the internet, these videos. They picked up the torch where your boy left off. Yeah, it used to be like they would find them and go like, you're a pedophile, let's call your wife. Now they just hit them.

Whoa, really? Yeah, now they're just beating them up. Oh. And it's gotten to the point where they just beat them up in like the middle of a target. Oh, shit. So they'll trick them. They'll catfish them to come to a target, and then they'll just beat them. Someone just got arrested. Look up the story, Salacuse. They were on a flight, and they saw someone looking at...

Pedo, like underage, and the guy got arrested on the flight. Virgin Air. Oh, yeah. Wow, is that right? If you were looking at a different kind of video, you could have pulled up Air Tran. I think that transitioned into... Oh, they show up and pull him off? Yeah. Wow. Nobody's on that flight. Damn. Well, I think they walked off already. Hello, sir.

Um, could I have your passport? This guy's already reclining. Uh oh. Oh, this is before the- It's all video recorded on PC Williams. Please listen to this. We have been given information by Surrey Police

That you are currently shown as wanted for in connection with a rape of a fucking hero. He wasn't just watching something. No, this is a different story. I love the way he said, for what? What could it be? Which one? Rape? Damn. Crikey.

There was another one, Sal. I'm not going to look this up without getting on a list. Watching pedo porn on a plane? No, a guy gets arrested for looking at underage pictures on a plane. Look up pedophilia. In fact, go to underagegirls.org. Just look up horny 12-year-olds. There should be under that. There you go.

I don't know. Really? Yeah. Looking up what? I don't want to type in that word. Arrest. Right. Arrest. Plane. Pedo. Underage. Giddyporn. Underage. Underage. There you go. Yeah. Flight attendant arrested for recording minors on airplane. Pedophile on plane for podcast banter only. It might be like a news story. It might not be a video. The news story is American Airlines flight attendant accused of recording minors in the bathroom.

I'm getting a lot of that. Whoa. Yeesh. Whoa. Yeesh. How do you pull that off? Yeah, that's rig a camera level. Yeah, how do you... That's like an SVU episode. That's fucking... Yeah, we got it. Here, Dartmouth. Oh, this is it? Uh-oh. Wow. That's your list. Yeah. It says, a Dartmouth man faces multiple charges. He was allegedly watching a child on a plane, sending text messages, allegedly attempting to set up sexual encounters with you-know-who,

on a plane heading to Logan International Airport to Boston. That's the new Sam Jackson movie, Pedos on a Plane. We got to get. Oh, man. Baby. Or Sam Jackson. Wait, is there a Sam? No. Oh, I'm thinking of. Who the fuck am I thinking of?

Never mind. Strike that from the record. Snakes on a Plane? That's what I was doing. No, not Snakes on a Plane. There's another Sam Jackson movie. Fuck. Black Snake Moan? No. Wait. With Christina Ricci tied to her the radiator? Yes. Oh, I jerked it to that. That's the one I'm fucking. I didn't have that right in the road. I know. I remember everything I've ever jerked off to. That's the one I'm fucking. The plane one was hot. Yes, this one. This was the one I was thinking of. Yeah.

Yeah, that was a weird, sexualized kind of a B-movie. Turned Sam Jackson into a fucking fuck machine. Good movie? Fuck. It's all right. It looks weird as hell. It's weird. I just saw Long Legs. Is that good? The scariest fuck? It's a little creepy, but I think it was great. That's what I heard. That's what I... Oh, man, my girl was pushing me to see it. Yeah, you're all right. Nick Cage is wacky and weird. He's really gone full tilt in this one. I mean, dude, I love his path. Yeah. Of just being like, win the Oscar. Yeah.

Then do the shitty, what is it? Not the Royal Tenenbaum. Dude, I'm fucked up. Come on. Do some miniature sips. It's 94 fucking percent. There's no way I buy you're fucked up off that little alcohol. This is my third one. I've been to JFL with you, and I remember when you ordered a wine bottle to take back to the room.

Wow. That was the thing I walked at. That was the classiest and trashiest shit I've ever heard. That's the shouts, baby. Come on. Wow. We were all at Mark's wedding. I don't get anything like that. Gerard Depardieu over here. I couldn't let up. Give me a bottle of wine. I picture you shirtless painting with a glass. Because we were there. That was the year we did the split. We were there the week before everyone got there. And then there the week everyone did get there. I think this was the year Mark and I were also there. Yeah.

Yeah. Because we got lit up one night. I remember that. RIP JFL. Yeah. They took it out back and just fucking old yellered it. No, Netflix took it out back. Yeah, is that what took its place? Netflix? I've heard some people say Moon Tower wants to take its place, but I don't think it's going to happen. Do you think something will eventually, because part of being a comedian is finding what the next thing is. Is it Netflix? Is it Apple TV? Is it Hulu? Is it? I think it's live, to be honest with you. Yeah. Live. I made that prediction a while ago. It's just.

it's live like that's why kill tony is just getting so massive because the screen we're going back to live going back to live but it has to be on youtube to be selling tickets but it's a it's a filmed live thing and people want to get in and they want to be there because think about it being on tv or a screen used to be the unique thing so hard you're like oh i'm watching someone on the screen now it's like the

Easiest way to see someone is on a screen. Mmm. The more unique thing is a lot of yeah It's the unique experience Wow, I think there's yeah, it's like live podcast live state. That's why live stand-up is huge huge live It's live it's live whoa, but it's also we're gonna go back to theaters like like plays and shit vaudeville Yeah, I'm with you on this I also just hope it's like a certain like it's all it's all types alive because I've had recently

I've had this fucking string of people being like, man, I love that. Why didn't you talk to us, though? Yeah. I'm like, because I don't care. Yeah. I don't... I'm a performer. Let's talk. What was... Like, I had one guy break down everything he would have said to me. I was like...

You have cats. That's your take? Yeah. You think I could have run with that? Also, our whole thing is that we're socially awkward. This is the only thing we can pull off is that you can't talk, we can. You'll enjoy it if you listen, and then we leave. Exactly. It's a beautiful thing for us. I guarantee what I have to say is fucking good. Yeah, we've tested it. You know what I mean? But also- I like to do an hour, and then I'm like, all right, you can fucking heckle me at the end. Once I get at least an hour- That's what I do. Don't say that.

that. I don't care. If it's the end of the show, I don't give a shit once I get my new jokes all out. No. Because then I'm like, maybe I'll find a new joke there too. I'm not a fan of that. I like writing. That's what I like watching. When I watch other comedians, I don't like watching a comic talk to the crowd for 40 minutes. I like hearing your ideas and shit. You just don't build an act without doing at least an hour of acting.

Sure, sure. I'm so conflicted about that because now it's getting into the culture where people go, that's what a live show is. I've experienced it where they just start shouting. Yeah, yeah. And I'm going like, all right, let's get a clip. But also I'm going like, it's kind of like you're going like, oh, I know this isn't good. Yeah. It's like, I know it's not good. But it is good, but it's not good, but it's good. Right. But it's not good. I know. And then I have women standing up. I mean, it's just like...

It's gotten free-for-all. They can't wait to yell something. But I also feel there's an audience mentality. I can't wait to get up and dance. But don't you think an audience is like an organism? There's like a hive mind that happens. So a lot of the time, the laugh just comes from a release of tension when you realize the comedian's not being a total piece of shit to the fucking person they're talking to. I feel like you see someone be like, oh, what do you do? And the entire audience feels that exact

moment of like holy shit this could be me at any moment right and then that person says I'm a dentist and the comedian says oh well how many good thing you didn't kill yourself or whatever fucking yeah dentist related thing and everyone's like ha that's so funny yeah but it's not

mean and it could be me at any but hey when it gets to me i hope they roast me right it's like roast you how i know nothing about you you gotta go physical appearance and then i'm just talking about how you look and then that's fucking boring it's like i know but they're included and there's that tension you cannot beat the tension of crowd where you can build up tension with a bit but it'll never match that crowd work tension yeah what about you guys want improv

I took a class. Zap Z Zoes. I mean, we're basically, this is the new improv. Yeah. But if we said, if we were doing an improv show, we would have a blast. First of all, we would have a fucking blast. And I think people would really love it. If like, I mean, we're doing an improv show where we're like acting and improv. Is there anything funner?

than doing improv? Anything. No. You want a list? Pickleball? No. No, I know what you mean, though. Riffing is fun. Riffing's amazing. I don't mind it. Riffing's different than crowd work. Yeah, yeah. I'm talking about in a scene, like Sean's driving.

Sam, come back. The bus. I hope he's not driving after this shit. Guys, I've had three. Call it Giannis and the Sean Donnellys. Giannis is doing all the characters. Yeah.

I've seen improv show. I went to one in Chicago. It blew my fucking mind how good it was. It was IO. Is that it? OI? Improv Olympia. IO. Incredible. And I've seen a million bad ones where you're like, I'd rather have a gun in my mouth. When it's good, it's incredible. Dude, years ago I did the ASCAP thing at UCB. I was like the guy who did the monologues. And the shit they were doing was fucking fantastic. But they were all like...

15-year veterans. Yeah. And all, you know, I love that shit. It's great. Yeah. But I mean, riffing though, I do love riffing and I like watching riffing, but again, different than crowd work. Yeah. Where someone just says something and you go, like Rory Scovel. Yeah. You watch him riff for fucking 40 minutes. You're like, that is not crowd, that's him just taking a moment and letting his mind roll. I love that. I love that shit. I love doing that, but that's different. I think there's people who are good at crowd work. It's just, I would rather, I would rather see a bit.

I would rather see it too. Ian Bagg, unbelievable. Jay. Big Jay. Jay's fucking awesome. Great. Yeah, I mean, like, yeah, there are people. Todd Berry. People are into it, and it's great, and it's fun. You guys are great. I mean, everyone is. You three I've seen do amazing crowd work. But if I paid to go see a show, and the person started asking me what I do for a living. Forget about it. Holy shit. This is the best one. Really? The 100 proof. Oh, let me try it.

I didn't like this one as much. Hold on. Wow, that's fucking good. Let me try the 100 proof. Yeah. Oh, now I'm fucked up. Yeah. Ha!

Thank you, bud. That one's got a kick. I feel like the other ones were smoother. It's 100 proof. Yeah. Oh, it's got a kick, Mark? That's fucking good. Wait, you don't like that? I think it's, the other one was smoother. I like the middle one, so I might be alone. That's my least favorite. Wait, we've talked about this, bar four, Giannis. Oh, talk about riffing. Some of the shit you did just throw away. That's true.

At those shows. That was a fun time. Dude, you one time broke down. I've told you this before. You broke down everything.

Every MLB team's hat and the probability of it being stolen by which race in fucking Brooklyn. Yes. It was 30 straight jokes off the top of your head. You said the funniest thing about Bar Four. What? Because I would go up there and I'd do like 40 minutes and he would go like, did you write any of that down? And I was like, no. He's like, did you record it? No. And Sean goes, it's just like you're performing to your teddy bears. No.

Wasted. It was like gone. Yeah. That is so funny. How great was that that you had to be there? Yeah. It's great, but the fact that you're not recording, you're having these brilliant riffs, you can't turn it into a bit or anything. It is wasteful. Yeah, it is. That was the first Marika. Yeah, I would riff it. That was the first Marika there. Dude, the comics that came through.

crazy he was there all the time all the time and like just you look at them now and Nate and you're going like fuck that was a cool thing Ali Wong Ali Wong and Hannibal and Che and Soder and you you never came I never did it it was a bit of a haul really because it was Park Slope but it was this neighborhood bar and it was it was such an in the moment thing and once you left it was all gone and then we get hammered every night fights and uh

One Mexican guy threatened to blow the place up once. It was a real jail rules kind of show. I remember. Real fun. No, I regret never doing it. I think I was in that mindset of like always in Manhattan shows so I could do like as many as I couldn't. Well, you're from Manhattan, right? This is a New York thing that New Yorkers know. Guys from Manhattan, like the thought of going to Brooklyn when they grow up is like,

I'm not going to Brooklyn. Yeah. You're from Brooklyn. But for me, it was more like an even 20-block radius. I'm lazy. It's more, you know, but... For me, I wasn't in clubs, so I was like, maybe I'll get on. It was just any idea of getting on was alluring. I live in, I'm a Brooklyn guy, so I was like, ooh, fucking staying in Brooklyn, even though traveling from Bushwick to Park Slope...

is basically traveling. But still like... But you got to watch some people really stretch their legs and try shit. Sean would... Yeah. It's so creative. It was just like... Sean is one of my favorite... Oh, thank you. Like, well, this bit I love about...

I forgot exactly how it goes, but the gist of it is like, fuck weekend drinkers. Oh, no. Yes. I'm still working on that one. John is like a victim of his own creativity. Yes. That's what I said. It's like you watch him do one and you're like, oh, you're going to keep crafting that. Oh, yeah. And then you watch him again. You're like, it's a whole new fucking act. Oh, dude. And so you marvel at that and you go, wow. But you're like, yeah, you should fucking just hold it a little. Hold that shit. I'm trying. I'm working on it. That bit.

I'm working on it, bro. Still doing it. But it's so real. But I relate to that bit so much of like weekday drinking is so much fucking more fun. Yeah. So much more fun. It's like the professional drinking days. But then also you had that bit about on one of your albums where you get thrown out of the strip club for crying. Scuttlebutt. That's a fucking classic. Which is the name of the album. You can actually buy. There's a t-shirt company called Dirty Coast.

You know Dirty Coast. Oh, yeah. They did a Sean Patton scuttlebutt shirt. Wow. DirtyCoast.com, you can get the scuttlebutt shirt. Your bit about Medieval Drunk, that was amazing. And we'd go to Cabin every Thursday. That was your room. Yeah, that was another good one. And you would close it, and you would do, I don't know, six hours at the end of the night? Sometimes. And it was magical.

That was a magical thing. Thanks. I mean, that's what's missing from comedy now are those great bar shows, man. I know. Like clubs are great. Don't get me wrong. But the bar shows are where like a lot of experimentation. Why did they go away? That's the question. Because everybody got because the clubs opened the floodgates. Everybody's now obsessed with the idea of like getting paid for spots, getting club spots and

I don't know. It is better. Well, filling a room is a bitch, you know, running, it's running a bar show. You got to fill that room. You got to promote, you got to get comics and you got to tell comics. No, it's a lot of work. I mean, we moved, you know, we, we, it was our generation and then we moved on. Like we're all, but it's good for the new generation. They're getting paid. They should be getting paid. You know, like they have so many shows that the seller now and, and the,

New York comedy clubs and all those rooms, the stand. Should be getting paid. Like, these people should be getting paid. Should be getting paid, but also there should be those shows the week where it's like, it's not about the money. Yes. It's about going and, like, pushing the boundaries. Because sometimes in clubs, we can get away with that. Yeah. But there's a lot of times where it's like, but then sometimes I'm like, no, I need a bar show to go, like...

let this idea breathe a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we've all had that where you go to the club, you show up, it's a fucking Sunday night set. It's a 1035 spots. You're like, great, I got cool. And you show up and oh shit, fucking Sarah Silverman just dropped in or Louie or someone or, you know, fucking Chris Rock, someone's dropped in. And that means then the three comics after them are all going to do their A game. Yeah. Because they're now following a legend. And now all of a sudden you're like, well, shit, I'm going, I can't go up

with new stuff I know after four people just drew the swords that's how your show was sometimes your show had all those drop ins you know but we you know I don't know

I like that the crowds were hipper. What the fuck? Is that a Casio? Timex. Timex, right. But I like how hip the crowds were at Cabin. Like, they really... Like, they looked at work, you're like, fuck, maybe that was, like, unoriginal or something. Yeah. And then sometimes you'll go to a club and...

It's your bombing. What is this all fucking Norwegians? Yeah, you know there was something about yeah, I think it's I'm playing Norway by the way I'm playing there in September. You know it's hilarious. They're gonna stare at you the whole time and then when you get off stage standing ovation Yes, yes, they'll just stare and then you'd be like I guess I'm bombing and you just finish your set and then you get off like funniest thing I've ever seen yeah opposite of my girlfriend She just stares at me goes. What were you thinking?

They love cerebral. They clap a lot. It's great. What are you doing, Bergen? Oslo. Where am I doing? Oslo is fantastic. I think I'm doing Oslo. That's a great town. Did you go to Bergen, though?

I don't think so. Bergen's like what you think of when you think of Norway, where it's like mountains and smoke and troll and people just eating salmon on the streets. It's fucking amazing. It's also the most beautiful city I've ever been to. It rains like most of the year, but as far as the city, it's just beautiful. No homeless, no trash, no graffiti. It's crazy. And once again, fuck tons of salmon. Yeah. Love salmon. Norway got salmon. That's like...

Half their industry is salmon. It's like that meme. They eat whale and Bergen.

Oh, yeah. And reindeer. I ate pussy. Yeah. I ate ass. That was also my girlfriend at the time. That could be a good meme. You know the meme of the two hands, the Arnold Schwarzenegger, you know that one? And the black guy, Carl Weathers. Yeah. It's Norwegians, Jews, salmon. That's what brings you together. Everybody loves salmon. Yeah. You know the guy Josiah Johnson does all the NBA tweets? I don't think. He's fucking great, but he did it for Caitlyn Conway.

Clark and Angel Reese, they had a play in the All-Star game and he did the Schwarzenegger fucking... What was his connection? They... One's white and one's black. Oh, that's good. That's good. No, he's great. His NBA Twitter shit is fucking amazing. Last thing I'll say about the bar shows because I think there's more to it than just the clubs opening up. You think there's more? I think there's more. One, we didn't really have the internet back then when we started so we couldn't... That was a way to promote. Like, hey, look...

Giannis killed on Cabin. People start talking about it. And then they book you on more shit. Yeah.

And I think a couple of bar rooms got a little dictator-y. I think a few bar rooms were like, hey, you can't talk about that here. Whoa, this is a safe space, whatever. And then people were like, all right, fuck this. Did that really happen to you? What? They wouldn't let you make certain jokes? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, remember that backyard you did and that lady yelled at you? Oh, my God. Shit like that. That's what I'm talking about. But that was also during- That was more producers. That was more like COVID, like people losing their mind shit. Yeah, I remember-

But that was unheard of. For a joke I made, she grabbed the mic from me and I was like, oh my God. That's one time I wish they were fucking rolling the cams because that was a crazy moment. Yeah. There was a lot. That bubbled up a little bit. And there was a show I did. I'm not going to say who, but there was a list of rules on the wall. Who get them? This is on a roof during COVID. Oh, come on. Just say the name. Fuck them. No, it's not a meme. It was Corinne Fisher. Oh, okay. And she was like, one of the rules was no fat jokes. And she's like, well, I've.

I've put on some weight during COVID, so I want to talk about my body and how much weight I've gained. And they were like, eh. And she's like, but it's my body. I want to talk about me being fat. And then they were like, eh, it's too much. And she walked. And I remember respecting her like, good for you. I'm glad she walked. That's funny, dude. There you go. Tweet it. Here's your tour poster right there. I like how you made the Jews black.

I don't think you spelled Norwegian properly either. I didn't spell salmon or Jews right either. I think everything, just the last thing I'll say about it, because the audience is like, this is too inside. Very inside. But we're having fun with it. But I think everything has its thing and then it ends. Sure. So I think it was inevitable to end. And I loved how every room had a personality. Yes. It was like you went to Hannibal's room and you got booked. Oh, yeah, man. Or if you got, what was the one at UCB? Whiplash. Remember, we're like, I got on Whiplash.

Oh, yeah. And you're like, I made it. That defines. If someone had a good set on Whiplash, it was Monday at 11 p.m., their week was. Yeah. If you had a rough one, you'd fuck with your whole week. Dude, that show, too. You thought you made it. You were dining in these shows, you have a good set, and then nothing in your life changed. Nothing. Nothing. It was just the feeling of it, though. Except the next low-level bar show you walked into, there'd be two people who were like. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, and you might fuck a six. Yeah.

The guy who ran that show would not put me on for whatever, like for the longest time. He just wouldn't put me on there. Yeah. He did though, eventually though, right? Yeah, eventually. But by the time I got on, I was like, this show sucks. I think a lot of those shows got a little snooty too. That's what I'm saying. He's not experimental enough, man. Exactly. He's too jokey. Yeah. He's getting too many laughs. He's too alpha. Yeah. Yeah. It did get a little like that. And then my room was just like, hey, if you want to try comedy, he might put you up. Well, yours is more of an eye fight. Yeah.

Or like a barroom brawl. I mean, there was times I would throw a heckler on, like someone would heckle and I go, and it's happened a few times and I go, all right, you do five minutes and then just watch the beat shit. Oh yeah. Somebody who started comedy, I'd throw them on and they'd go on like next to, after Norman or something. It was just kind of, it was just, I mean,

We've all been doing it roughly the same amount of years. We're hitting like 20. Yeah, 20. I'm 20. 18, 19. Yeah, I'm 20. So I just think when we all started, it was like, yeah, you were like an outcast sort of fucking side... You were a weirdo. You were a different type of person that wanted to do this. Yeah, completely. We're in basements. We were just like, yeah, I want to do this because it's the thing I care about. It's what I love. And I don't give a shit about anything else. And now...

It's not about that anymore. That's true. What's happened to comedy is what happened to music in the 90s, what happened to cinema in the 80s, where it just became now everybody wants in because it's this cool thing. Right. And you see it now where it's like being funny to a lot of people is the seventh, eighth most important thing on the list. Oh, totally.

Totally. To being a comedian. Well, Louie said it. Everything you just said is right. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, you're right. And so it's like now you're watching, like, dude, how many people do y'all meet on the, I meet this person a lot. They'll come up to you after a show. They're fucking friendly. They're nice. They start asking you about your friends. You start talking to them. They buy you some drinks. You're hanging out. And then you,

It's coming. You know it's coming. And then about an hour and a half into the hang, they're like, you know, I've kind of always wanted to do this. Oh, every time. And you're like, well, what do you do now? And they're like, oh, I'm a fucking chemical engineer. I'm like, well, I think you missed your window. Yeah. I mean, like, this should have hit you years ago. Sorry. I'm not saying you should start at any age, but, like, I think some people just listen to too many podcasts. Madonna. Watch too many clips.

I tell people, oh, I can do this. People tell me that. I listen to them and I speak and I go, did you hear everything I just said? And they go, yeah. I go, you're not a comedian. You weren't in your own head thinking about yourself. Tell me about your parents. And they're like, my parents were great. And I was like, this isn't for you, buddy. I did a Gotham comedy club for some reason. It was like, will you talk to a bunch of comics or whatever? And I was like, sure. And I had to sit on stage and it was like 30 people, business suits, housewives, whatever. And they're like,

I have two dogs and then I work a nine to five. So I don't know when I'd actually be able to get on stage, but I want to be a comedian. And how, how quick till I make money? And I'm like, you're out, you know? And then they're like, I have a cat at home. It needs medicine and I can't get out every night, but I want to be a comedian. How do I get an agent? I'm like, you're out. Like, what are we doing here? You got to give 10 years of your life. How do I get an agent is also the wrong question to ask out of the gate. But you know, uh, yeah, I,

You could always, Michael Che used to say to people, I think someone said to him, I want to do it. He's like, you can't. And he's like, and if they still do it, he's like, then you should have been a comic. Yeah. Oh, that's good. He would just say like, you don't want this. He would kind of talk them into it. And if they still want to do it, they were meant to do it. It's like saying, I'm thinking about being gay. No, no, just go blow a guy. You know?

You have to think about it. You like dicks? I don't know. You're not gay. You're not gay. There you go. Yeah, like hating your job and your life is not a big deal. When do I start getting paid to suck dicks? How do I get a dick-sucking agent?

You're hired. I'll hire you. It's funny, right? Because remember how much we wanted to get agents and now agents, if you get a podcast that blows, agents want you real bad. That's so true. The tables have turned. Oh my. Well, it's like women in high school. I couldn't get laid to save my life. And then after you start doing comedy and making some money, they're like, hey,

What's shaking? Their agents are like, I like podcasts. We should put it on our network. Yeah. And they're like trying to get in there. Yes. I remember when my agent was like, what are you doing? They don't pay. They don't pay. Get on The Tonight Show. And now it's completely flipped. Well, it's funny, too. Now you have certain podcast networks that are like, oh, they do pilots for podcasts. You're like, what the fuck does that mean? What? Yeah. The whole reason this works is because it's unchecked. Yeah.

Yeah. Do it. You know what I mean? But like, what do you mean a pilot? Let's give it a whirl and then we'll see if you can go on our network. Yeah. Yeah. It was that it was star burns. Yeah. But to your point, Louie said there was a comedy boom in the eighties. It fizzled hard. It crashed.

And then the comics were like Attell, Louis, all these... David Cross. David Cross. These cockroaches that stayed in it, even though the apocalypse of comedy had happened. And then they became great. So he's like, if you still did it, you were probably going to be big. And I think that might happen with us eventually. I have no fear of a comedy bust.

Because those of us who give a shit will still be doing it. Yeah. Just go back underground where it belongs. Yeah. It's going to hurt to lose some tickets, though. Yeah. But it'll be a nominal amount. Like, if you have to go from selling 300,000 tickets a year to 250,000.

but it means you're not dealing with, you're not having to fucking deal with so many other, you know, just so many just shitty fuckers. We're in the one area of entertainment that doesn't seem to be suffering right now, which is like, it's kind of insane. Well, podcasts, I think people got peak. I think it hit a peak where people were like, there's too many. Yeah. I think that happened. People started overexposing themselves doing three, four different podcasts. And I think the audience was like, I can't listen to you for

You hear that, Gomez? No, you're right. I was waiting for the first one. I was like, who's going to get it first? A few names popped into my head. I think Chris D's at nine this month. Yeah. Yeah, no, you're right. I think Chris is a podcaster. Yeah. He's a podcast personified. Yeah. I took a walk with him the other day. He's like, oh, this is going up on my channel. I was like, what the fuck? He's fucking jazzed. He's like, MeUndies. I'm taking MeUndies off to fuck you. Yeah.

There's one thing I do. Trampstamps.com. I think, yeah, I think that's one thing none of us see coming is like, no matter how good you are, people sometimes just get sick of you. Yeah.

Yeah, you're right. You're right. They just go, there's too much of you. Yes. Or you just got to keep evolving. I mean, I know it's hard to say when you're selling. Or do a big bang and disappear for a little bit. Like Bird does it great. Yes. Like boom, boom, boom. Yes. Quiet. So true. Boom, boom, boom. And then he comes back. Boom, boom, boom. I remember Gillis. I'm sorry. Gillis was doing everything. He's everywhere. And they asked him to do the Brady roast. I don't know if I'm supposed to say this. And he was like, I'm good. And they're like, you're turning down the Brady roast? And he's like, I'm everywhere. I'm on Hot Ones. I'm on Nest.

You know, I'm on this. I'm on the arenas. Like, I'm not doing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They just get sick of you. Yeah. And then there gets a point where they, like, want to tear you down because you're too big. Yes. And they enjoy that. So it's like, yeah, a lot of bands do that great where they kind of put out an album, kind of tour, kind of disappear for a little bit, then come back. And then so people are excited to see your new thing. It's like, oh, when they just go, oh, it's another thing. You're putting one out every year. They're going like, no matter how good it is, they're just like, I'm sick of his voice. It's a great point. I'm sick of him. But then.

you have to balance that with being irrelevant. So it's kind of dance where you got to find the median, but also feel like, and this is probably the reason I'll never be as big as like a Bert Kreischer, but I love Bert. I fucking love Bert.

But I would love it if the next thing Burt does is comes out, puts his shirt back on, and just starts going through it. Just evolves. That'd be funny. He puts his shirt on and nobody recognizes him. Yeah, people are like, who the fuck is that? But I'm just saying, like... Where's Burt? Yeah, like, I love the guy. I know it's his money manager. His money manager's like, your bank account says zero. I don't know what happened to it.

It's not working. But I feel like, yeah, he'd lose some fans, but then he'd gain some more. Yeah, Carlin did that. It would be a balance. It would just be like, what's next? Because, like, you know? Bert should do a fuck you face. Just light a cigarette. Bill Hicks it out. I love what he does, though, dude. I love Bert. I love Bert. Fully loaded is the best. I love what he does. I love how he exposes other people. He puts fucking great. Yeah, he's great. It's great. And as a guy, he's just awesome, dude. I have him.

nothing but positive experience. Sweet dude. Oh yeah, we were all on the fucking boat. Yeah, it's just, it was great. I got like kind of into it. I was like, I was like, you know, I need this. I blew out my Achilles on that fucking boat. Time. Yeah, it was just good to hang and just feel like it was awesome. It was great. And he's out there at 2 p.m. doing the Speedo contest. He's like 9 a.m. 9 a.m.

I'm hungover. And we're drinking until 5.30 in the morning. Yeah. The funniest thing I've still maybe seen in comedy, total. And, you know, I'm friends with the funniest guys.

was watching Miss Pat's family watch the Speedo content. Yes. I was dying. I was laughing so hard it hurt. It was all these white guys with little dicks going out there, and then he was giving money to the littlest dick. Yeah, micropenis. Yeah, so these guys and Miss Pat's family just watched this black family just go, oh, my God. Yeah.

It was just the funniest thing. Oh, yeah. It was white people shit. You know they went back to their community and were like, it's all true. Dicks are small. They can't dance. Because people were going up there and it looked like they were being burned by a car cigarette lighter. I also love how... It's so embarrassing to be white in front of black people. And we're all like, can we bring a guest? And she's like, I'm bringing my family. Yeah, she brought a hundred people. They give a fuck. She's like, I don't care. I'm bringing everyone. She made it like a North Carolina black cookout.

She's awesome. All right. Thanks, man. All right, cool. No, I got to love the guy. Dude, if Florida was a person, it would be Bert Krugman. It's just Florida. He's Tampa all the way. He's just Tampa.

Yeah. And then Sam again. Sam is smooth Manhattan. Yeah, you're a fucking handsome. This is a handsome pic, dude. You're fucking Upper East Side. Meet me at the fancy. Meet me at Chin Chin. We're having a nice thing. I know what that is. You can have a nice watch on and like a suit with a button down, but it's open. Yeah. And you're like, where is it? You call Mark. You want to come hang out? He's like, no, I'm doing another room in Brooklyn or whatever. My 20th set of the night. That's cool, man. I'll see you. I mean, this is some very like Philip K.

Yeah. I was going for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Solving the case that Smith and Walensky is talking to a hot cougar. Half flirting, half hearing about her dead son. You've developed into just a fucking smooth kind of Humphrey Bogart. Yeah. You're actually like a Jew who's like good looking. No? The fucking...

I don't know how to take this. You don't got any of that inbred shit? You got the James Caan thing. Yeah, you look like your dad's Irish or something. No, that's not going to go crazy. Are you a full Jew? Fuck, they should make you king of the Jews just to get it going. The fuck is this? King of the Jews? Remember what they did to the last king of the Jews? Who, Woody Allen? Crucify him. Oh. Jesus? Jesus Christ? Woody Allen. I forgot about him. I don't claim him. Yeah, that's you. I got you.

Oh, look at Elliot Gould. That's a punk. Look at the jaw on that guy. He was a cool dude. Is that Elliot Gould? Yeah. Oh, is that from The Long Good Night? Long Goodbye. That's a good movie. Fuck yeah, that's a great movie. Great movie. I love that. Looks like me and Sam fucked. Everyone does.

I've been to that apartment. Really? In L.A. I've been to that apartment in L.A. I've been there, too. It's just like a shitty tower apartment. I mean, like, nice shit. It's a cool area. He wasn't supposed to be killing it in the movie. Yeah, he was also making 20 grand a year in 1972. Can you show that? That was a cash. It really does look like if Mark and Sam were melded into one person. Somebody AI that shit. That's crazy, dude. Elliot Gould.

You've met Elliot Gould, right? Never. No. We tried to get him on the pod, but he's in his 80s now. I don't think I want to do it. Maybe they're researching. Tell him there's salmon. I'll come do it for the salmon. He just shows up.

We're like, holy shit. You open the door, you're holding a bagel. He's like, hey. He comes up dressed like a private eye. I feel like I find you. Are you going to have a baby? I think so, yeah. Wow. You think when it comes out, it's not going to cry? It's going to go, ah. That's awesome, dude. Yeah, yeah. Very exciting. Do you want to share those, Mark? Well, yeah, the lady's pregnant. What?

How'd you know? Wait, really? Because I fucking got instincts, baby. Oh, you got instincts? Yeah. I can smell the crying in the estrogen on you. Whoa. How the fuck do I find this out on air? What? I didn't want to bother you with it. Wow. Fuck. Congrats, bud. Thanks. Fuck yeah, man. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Good times. Sorry I had to ruin the moment. What'd you say? Cut that.

But yes. That's fucking amazing. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, puzzle. Put a little more in there. Here we go. Put a little more in there. Welcome to the club. Yeah, I'm going to get tips from you. I'm going to need some advice. I know you don't want to. I'll call. Cheers. Cheers. Amazing news. Well, shit, I officially lost the bet. What do you mean? From the wedding? The divorce pool? Oh, the divorce pool was big. You thought they would be done? No.

It was a year and a half before a baby. All right. So who gets the money? The baby? The baby, yeah. All right, great. College fund. Yeah. See? See? Little part. No, that's great, man. Fuck yeah. Are y'all going to stay in New York then? Yeah, Brooklyn. Oh, that's right. Fort Greene. Thank God, man. It changes you for the better in every way. Come on. Every way. Really? Yeah, every way. Every way it does. It makes you...

It just, you feel more purpose. Oh, you mean being bad. I thought you were talking about living in Brooklyn. No. Yeah, I feel that too. Every way, man. 18 years now. The better, you think? The better. What about Amanda Knox? Huh? Nothing. Casey Anthony. Casey Anthony.

No, I mean, if you raise, you got to raise them. I mean, you can't have one and then go on the road. You can't drown them. What do you got now, two? I took two full months off. I haven't been on the, I took, I consciously took the whole summer off. You got two kids, right? Two daughters? Two daughters? Yeah, two daughters. Full summer off. I just, I said I'm taking the full summer off and my daughter's one. I wanted to see her like start talking. You know, I taught my daughter how to swim. It's just...

It does change your – I don't know. Everyone's different, but it changes everything. It used to all be about comedy for me, and now it's like – I do go like, wow, my dream is to just make these kids great and spend a lot of time with them and have the family that I didn't have. So it's like I'm trying to balance that. It's like transitional, but it's good. It's all good. It's all good. I mean there's – for me personally, there's like some –

dark moments where I'm like, who am I now? But it's all good. But what about the... No, it's great. You're never going to see it again. You shouldn't have ended on that. No, it's great. That's his own shit. Yeah, that's my own shit. That's my shit. That's my person. But isn't it scary that everybody's parents are flawed, everybody's parents put some trauma imprint on you, and you go, I'm not going to do that, but yet you'll do something else. Not like my parents. No way. Yeah. No, we won't be like that. I think knowing it is key.

And just being okay with that. Yeah. And being able to recognize it and accept it once you see it in real time. Like, oh, fuck. Here's what I've done. Right. Now I've just got to mitigate this. Now I've just got to help him cope with that. But like, I think that's just having that thought already puts you. Hmm.

A step ahead of most people. But we all, you know, we're all getting older, and you see some dad in you. You know, and you're like, oh, not even me. That was kind of like my dad. Oh, geez, I'm turning into my dad. What am I doing? I said the N-word, you know, whatever it is. And it's inevitable. It's in there. You ever, like, see pictures of yourself, and you're like, Jesus Christ, why am I making my dad's go-to face? Yes, exactly. For the past seven times I've been photographed. You're like, yeah, it's in you. Every time my dad walks through Times Square, he goes...

Wonder who pays the light bill here. And I go, oh, dumb dad joke. And I said it two days ago to my wife. And I was like, oh, jeez. I got to write some news. You got a restaurant. You're like, let me get the rubber band sandwich and make it snappy. What the fuck am I doing? That's not bad. You'll be looking at nannies. And you'll go, you'll see pronouns. You'll be like, she heard no, no, no, no, no, no. And then you'll go, they, them, trans. That's the one. And you're like, I'm turning into my parents.

to my parents. Right, right. Mark was raised by a trans woman. That's right. Transvestite. You didn't know. Oh, she was a vestige. It was a cross-dresser burlesque lady at night and then black guy at the day. That's midnight in the...

Garden of Good and Evil. I know. It was like a famous, in New Orleans, wasn't there like a famous trans scene or whatever? Oh yeah. Still is. One of the biggest ones, isn't it? Yeah, big gay area down in the quarter. That's what I love about that city is everybody's into some fucking, some scantily clad, some debauchery. Interesting. It's an interesting, weird city. There's a vibe. I watched a really weird movie from there. It was Tom Waits and fuck. Down by Law?

Yeah. Oh, Jim Jarmusch. That's a weird one. Yeah. But it makes the same mistake that every fucking movie or TV show filmed in New Orleans does where it's like, hey, now we're in the French Quarter. Now 15 minutes later, we're in a swamp getting attacked by big old gators. You have to drive an hour or 45 minutes at least. Didn't love it.

Yeah, I mean, it was what it was. But the interesting part of New Orleans, the city's great, but to me the interesting part is the fucking, all the suburbs that surround it. Yes. Twisted shit. Well, it's much like here. You go to Staten Island, you're like, well, it's a whole different place. It's part of New York City. People just hanging, everyone's wearing Sal Vulcano masks. A lot of great comedy out of Staten Island. Oh, yeah, dude. Jost. Eddie Pepitone, Jost, all the Jokers, Pete Davidson, I think...

Dice. Brooklyn. I'd say he's from Brooklyn. You think? Give that a go. Yeah, I will. I think he's from Sheepshead Bay, maybe. Wu-Tang. Wu-Tang. Very funny. Long Island's got a lot of good ones, too. Oh, Long Island's the best. Long Island's got a lot of good ones. Ah, shit. Says Brooklyn, New York. Did he grow up on Staten? No. All right. No. He started at Pips in Sheepshead Bay. And, yeah. All right. Yeah, you're right. Sheepshead Bay. Yeah, there it is. There it is. All right. Sheepshead Bay.

Where even is Sheepshead? I mean, Long Island. South Shore? Where's Long Island? No, no. Where's Long Island? Sheepshead Bay is Woody Allen and Larry Davis. Yeah, I think it's the other side of the Verrazano. When you pass the Verrazano, I think that gets to be Sheepshead Bay, the Howard Beach area. When you keep going, yeah, you keep going on the belt. Colin Quinn is Park Slope, and you're Park Slope. Me and Colin Quinn are Park Slope. I'm Park Slope. Yeah. Me and Colin Quinn grew up three blocks from each other. Whoa. He's my brother's age. That's crazy. My brother's a lot older than me. Damn.

Damn, BK. Do they know each other? Who? Colin. My brother and Colin, I don't know. I don't think they knew each other at all. Did the Irish and the Greeks hang out? Where I grew up, there were not many Greeks. Greeks were in Astoria. So my parents grew up in Flatbush as immigrants. And then moving to Park Slope then was like the big... It was like...

You know, when a kid, you like made it to make it Park Slope. It was a bunch of like boomer, like hippie, gentrified Park Slope. Before that, it was like all working class Irish, like Colin Quinn family. And they still have a St. Paddy's Day parade in Bay Ridge and in Park Slope. I remember one time, like years ago, you came to my apartment. I was living in Prospect Heights at the time. You came to my apartment. You're like, dude, this neighbor, this block.

It used to be where cops came to get blowjobs and shit. Really? So it's been interesting to watch the city. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we're kind of past that now. I mean, it's been happening for so long, but it is interesting when you even just like under the bridge, like Dumbo is like the biggest, most expensive. Right. And like, it was just a ghost town when I was a kid. Well, he would say about the West side highway, how scandalous that was. And now it's. Yeah. And Soho. Even alphabet city was. Oh, I remember. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Well,

Wait, Sam, where'd you grow up? Originally Chelsea, then Upper East. Okay, okay. Wow. Yeah, I would love to have seen New York in the early 90s. Well, everybody talks about the romance of all the old days and the hookers and the blowjobs and the porno theaters, but...

Now we got a fucking Van Leeuwen ice cream shop on the west side and you don't get stabbed. So what's better? That's better. I'm not saying I want to get stabbed. But Midnight Cowboy looks good on film. That's the thing. Everything about what happened in New York is better.

Of course. I've seen it, though. It was traumatic. It was horrible. It sucked. Really? It was horrific, dude. Dead cars with steam in them. It was just like you got jumped all the time. It was just bad. It was nothing good about it. Why do people live here, then?

I don't know. Why not just move? I don't know why my parents did that. Yeah. I don't fucking know. That's interesting. Yeah. I don't know why they did that. Yeah, look who's talking. I grew up in a shitty part of New Orleans. Before we moved to the... I grew up... New Orleans East is originally where I grew up, and that shit was... That was rough, too. Fucking terrible. But then you look... I remember as a kid, or when we finally moved, it was like, why were we there for so long? Yeah. As an adult, you're like, sometimes...

You make a choice. You just got to ride that fucking choice out. And I think our parents were just, well, my parents at least. I think my mom lived under Nazi occupation. My dad fought in the Korean War. And I just think they were like, this isn't that bad. Where under Nazi occupation did your mom live? Crete, the island of Crete in Greece. Jesus Christ. Big battle there. Big important historical battle. Wow. Wow.

Yeah. Look at that. I mean, just the graffiti, the newspaper, this one lone businessman who's like, fuck my life. It was like that. The Italian kids were bad, too. It was just...

It was bad. Italians really chilled out. Because when I was a kid, Italians were scary. Swarthy, chest hair at 12, leather jackets. Then new ethnicities came in. The Albanians came in. The Russians came in. The Albanians are the scariest, right? Yeah, the Russians and the newer immigrants. They all started as crime. Even the Jews in Brooklyn started as crime. Now the Italians, everyone does a little crime. Except for Greeks because we're not fucking animals, you know? Yeah.

Just some open businesses. You ever reach out? I mean, did you watch season two of The Wire? Oh, yeah. And the Greeks are just fucking whacking everybody. You're like, eh. You ever reach out to Dimitri Martin? Yeah, I'm friends with him. Oh, really? He's a great guy. Yeah, I met him through Stamos, and he's a really nice guy. Oh, the Greeks really stick together, huh? The Greeks do. The Greeks do stick together. So do the- Your boys with Stamos. Huh? Yeah. Your boys with John Stamos. Yeah, yeah. He's a good guy. How'd that happen?

He reached out to me. He started watching my comedy. He just loved it. And then he reached out to me. I made some jokes about him. My nickname on History Hyenas was Special Needs Stamos. So I think maybe you heard that. And he was just like, I watched your comedy. I love it. And then from there, we just struck up a friendship. Well, maybe after this, Madonna will reach out and we'll have her on. Yeah. And I went to one of those Hollywood parties. It's so interesting. Really? Do tell. It's just...

It's like this Greek guy who does this party every year. I won't get into specifics, but like every, all the big, he was a big,

He was big in Hollywood. One of the most powerful people. And he's retired now. But like, it was interesting to see, you know, everyone has this view that like, they're drinking baby blood. It's just a bunch of rich people talking about what their next project is. Yeah, yeah. They got a call for their agent. Right. You know, Michael Chiklis was there. Maria Menounos. Wow. Neovar Dallas and Stamos and Dimitri was there. Whoa. All the Greeks kind of, yeah. Toga party. Yeah, they kind of, Toga party. Yeah. And,

And, you know, it's just in a nice house and they're just rich and they're disconnected and they live in L.A. Wow. You invented anal. We did a lot. We invented a lot of things. Math. Philosophy. Democracy. Salad. Yeah, a lot of good things happened down there. Yeah. Kind of started comedy, too. What? Yeah.

Yeah, we did. Plato? No. Sophocles. Aristophanes. We're like the Al Bundy of countries. Like, we were big back in the day. And now we sell shoes. Greeks haven't done much in a long time. Yeah. You got Stephanopoulos. No, in the diaspora, we've done quite well. Stavros. Yeah. We got Stav. Stav is doing great. Doing great. Yeah.

Yeah, we'll support each other. It's also when you get a lot done up front, you're like, hey, let's take a few centuries off. That's true. No, because the Greeks did a lot and then they were fucking conquered. Let's take a millennia. Wait, who conquered? The Greeks have just been conquered since antiquity.

The Romans. And then for a long period of time. And then after that, it was the Ottomans. And then after that, for four years, the Germans. And then we got our independence from the Turks. You guys and the Turks not doing too hot right now. They ate Crips and blood. But it works, dude.

It like, they hate each other, but there's no more bloodshed. That's what I wish for like the Middle East. It's sort of like the UN needs to go in there and just go, you guys are going to hate each other. It's like, you know, you know how you like sometimes dogs don't get along. Sure. Those people just don't get along. There's nothing that's going to fix it. Right. So you got to get the whole country in there, the whole world in there and just go, this is a UN like they do in Cyprus. So Cyprus and actually it was just the anniversary of that, right? Where...

They're celebrating Cyprus. But Cyprus is north and south Cyprus. So the Greeks are on one side. The Turks are on the other. There's a line, a UN line to keep the peace. And everyone just fucking eats falafels and tzatzikis. Wow. And they just hate each other. They hate each other, but it is all the same food. That's true. There's a lot of crossover with the Ottomans and stuff. A lot of similarities. Good food, that makes you not want to fight. After a hummus, pita, falafel, you're like, I'm not going out there. Get a whole fucking wall of salmon. Yeah.

Just like enough though. Just send them some bodega cat.

Huh? Yeah. Yeah. Why can't a- By the way, this 100 proof is- The Irish fight? The Irish guy- I know. Norman's not in on that. You really don't like the 100 proof? I like it. I just thought the middle one was better. The 94? But we might as well go 100 if we're going to go. Really? Because, yeah, it's just got a good round number. It's 100, baby. We're to the moon. Yeah. Like Gleason. Like fucking- We're going to have to make a Manhattan with it to make sure that holds up. That's true. Well. All right. We'll see how that goes.

We'll plug some dates, guys. They're coming up. For me, Syracuse, August 2nd, and Albany, August 3rd. Upstate. And then St. Louis and Dania Beach in Florida. Hey, there we go. In September. And then Soul Joel's. Soul Joel's.

Pottstown. Tacoma, Washington, then I'll be at Skank Fest, and more dates are coming in for the rest of the year. Hell yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Milwaukee, all that. Just go to my website. Levity Live. Yeah. What do you got, Patty? But this next week, Syracuse and Albany. There you go. Fuck. Go orange. August 18th. No, August 16th through the 18th, I'm at the Mothership. Ooh. Yeah. Who are you bringing? Who are you bringing? Howard Hall. Remember Howard? I love Howard Hall. Yeah, he lives down in Austin. He's a beast. Oh, yeah. He's great. But yeah, Mothership and then-

August 31st, Crystal Ballroom in Somerville. It's in New Orleans, Louisiana, August 25th. Oh, that's, yeah, that Tipitita's doing with David Cross. Going back on the road with David. Check out the site, you know, meishanpatton.com. Got a lot of dates. But, yeah, Mothership, I'm excited. The Crystal Ballroom, really excited. All these. But also, September 2nd, the FX show comes out. Whoa! Whoa!

Give that a go. It's called English Teacher. Wow, that's awesome. Whoa, finally. It's coming out on September 2nd. We shot it earlier this year. Is it about school? Yeah, it's great. I've seen half the episodes. It's legit, capital G, great. It's fucking awesome. Exciting. I want to watch that. Hell yeah. Patton can act.

Yes, he can. Wow. Been acting like a comedian for 20 years. All right. See you. I'm turning my dad. God damn it. Oh, man. You don't know how many times I'd wrestle with that idea.

All right. Hey, I'm in the Hamptons doing a one-nighter at the Canoe Place Inn. I think it's almost sold out. Red Bank, New Jersey. Poughkeepsie. Torrington, Connecticut. Never heard of it. Englewood, New Jersey. I'm going all over. I've been to every city, so I got to do these fucking shit towns. You're doing Red Bank twice.

Oh, fuck me. Guadalajara. I'm going back down to Mexico City. I fell in love with it, so I said, book me some gigs. Colorado Springs, Fort Collins, St. Louis, Atlanta, Vancouver, Portland, I mean, Orlando, Fort Lauderdale, Portland, London, Ontario, Toronto, Newport. Hold on. God.

Monterey, Oakland, Winnipeg. What do you got, Sam B.? When does this come out? Oh, shit, so forget about my dates. August 4th. Oh, shit. It's all right. Oh, go up. Yeah, I got Prior Lake, Minneapolis with Chrissy D. and Nemesh. Then we got Baltimore, August 15th through 17th. We're at Magoobies. We got Stress Factory, August 22nd through 24th. My new shit sucks, so I got to write some new shit, guys. Come out and see them, guys. It's the funniest.

Niagara Falls, Ontario. And then we got, I'm all over Europe. We got a little Euro tour, London, Belfast, Dublin, Paris, Amsterdam to an answer. And we added an Amsterdam. Thanks for doing that. Copenhagen, Oslo and Stockholm. Follow us all on punch up dot live slash Sam or L slash Mark Norman. So you got, are you guys on punch up? I'm getting on it right now. Is it really helpful? Oh,

It's helping. We're all on it. BodegaCatWhiskey.com. We're sold out right now. We're about to get more. Watch my new special, please, on Prime Video. Appreciate the feedback. And love you guys for listening. Follow both these guys on social media. They're fucking great comics. Please, thanks, man. And you want your pod. Giannis Pappas Hour. Check it out. There you go. Yeah. All right. Thanks, gang. We'll see you. Get some Bodega Cat. And yeah, praise Allah. Say.

This woman doesn't remember me true.