Happy Juneteenth! (From Some Whites) | Your Mom's House Ep. 764 01:18:36

Shouts out to any. All right, here we go. Oh, is it your holiday? Yeah. Juneteenth? Yeah. We got another one, baby. Mm-hmm. We're going to get another one soon, too. All right. Just wait. Ready in five, four, three, two. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome.

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Happy Juneteenth, you know what I'm saying? Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. I'm here with Kristinza. Yeah. And it's been a great morning. It's been amazing. Yesterday was my Smurf day, but more importantly, today is Juneteenth. Yeah, well, I would say more importantly...

It's your birthday, right? Well... 53 is a fucking huge accomplishment. It is a huge accomplishment. Yeah. And I feel every day of it. Yeah, do you? Yeah, you know, people are like, I don't feel my age. Like, I feel older. I think I'm a decade older. Yeah.

I do a lot of activation exercises in the gym now. Tell me. No, just like there's for part of your life, you just go and you just walk in and you pick up weights. Now you're like, we must wake up our joints and our muscles. You can't just pick something up. You could hurt yourself. So I spend a lot of time being like, let's wake things up. Let's get things going. Ah.

I don't do that. I should probably. Yeah, I think it's good. Mobility stuff. Mobility. The older you get, you're like, how about a whole mobility workout? It's good for you. It's actually good for you. I'm going to do that. Listen, so they say when you turn 50, you have to work out every day. Do they say that? Well, on TikTok. That's where my sources are for every news. You get a lot of information. It's all I care about. That's good. Well, I'm not sure. I mean, do you trust? What news source do you even? No, TikTok, you're right. That's pretty much it.

When there's something breaking news, I'm like, what's going on with TikTok? Can I tell you? That is actually the truth because it's the first place people will report stuff is the talk. I'm serious. UFO stuff, TikTok all the way. And that's your expertise now. Catastrophic disclosure coming October of 2024. You heard it here first. It's on the talk. Vatican already outlined its new UAP rules.

Schumer, the Schumer Act. Well, from TikTok to YMH to your ears, we will never let you down if you're getting your news sources. From here, there's so much to get into. I know. It's crazy, huh? I'm all like...

Do you feel your age? You've always looked a decade older than you were. Thank you for pointing that out. Do you feel older? Yeah, I guess. I mean... What age do you feel in your heart? Well, mentally, 17. Yeah, yeah, I see that. You know what I mean? Fully R-worded. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. There's this illusion. They're like, oh, people are like, wow, you're really...

put together. And I'm like, yeah, I'm just like farts, tits. Like, you know, those are most of my thoughts. Um, but physically, no, I don't feel quite my age. I definitely don't feel, I don't feel 21. I feel, I think I feel somewhere in the thirties. That's what I feel like. Yeah. I think I'm about 38. I feel like the age I had, I had our children is where I stopped.

Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. And I was talking to Chase a while ago and I was telling her like, you know, you have, you always have emotional problems, you know, you're like, oh my God, I just realized this or that. And she's like, oh, I thought you figured that out by the time you're in your forties. I'm like, not really. Like I'm just as, I'm just as retarded and,

As I was. You could do this thing in your 40s where you can dial things up like drinking. Yeah. You know what I mean? So you can keep burying further down the way you feel. That's what I'm doing right now. And by the way, that's not a bad... People try to shit on that. A great way to deal with your emotions is to suppress them. I think so. With...

Drugs and alcohol. Yeah. Lexpro. Well, because I've spent enough time dealing with them. I need a break. Oh my God, SSRIs. Yeah, that's what I'm doing. I'm sick of it. I tried it. I don't want to feel these things anymore. Or you can fucking talk it out. No, I'll cry, which I'm not, I don't got time for that shit. Oh yeah, crying works though. Yeah, I know, but I don't enjoy it. I feel weak. I don't like it. Okay. It's too vulnerable.

Also, I hate when people tell me that the kids grow up so fast. Yeah. No, they don't. No, not if you're spending time with them. You need to spend more time with your kids. Yeah. You're one of these weekend parents. Kids grow up so slow. Yeah. Every day is painful, dude. You're not feeling it. You're not in it. If you think that shit goes by fast. It's not fast, dude. It's not fast. It's not fast.

Anyway, so happy birthday to me and uh... Happy birthday! Give it up for Christina, don't forget to send her a message. Yeah, I mean, did you guys get me croissants or something? Happy... When it was his birthday, you guys, you know... Yeah, but I mean... What do I got? Did I get any tacos? Do I get fucking queso at least? Can you order me a Torchy's buffet? Yeah, Torchy's buffet, coming up. This is my life. Something for the big five tray. Yeah. Five tray. Yeah. Alright, well...

In honor of your birthday. Unreal. Let's open the show. You ready? I'm ready. Here we go. What's up, though? Well, I had another interview. They told me my felony's too bad because I burned down my ex-bitch's house. She know what it is. Fucking slut. Happy birthday. Don't bring anyone loving to this.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Chris Larson jamming out. I know. That's a new addition. I didn't realize that's happening. You know what I really like about that? The guy's a true patriot. You see his shirt? Fucking American flag. Saw that. Hell yeah. I saw that. Hell yeah. USA. That's what he usually says when I walk in. I say, good morning, Chris. He goes, USA. That's awesome.

So cool. Where is he? Is he working in another building? Yeah. Yeah, he's in the other building. Yeah, he's in the portables. It's the Chris Cam. Wow. Oh, I love this. So we can see him working. We can check on him. There's a lot of stuff going on. You can call him right now. There's a lot going on, man. Should we check in on him? You could. What's it like? Where is he? How far away? He's in the other building. I know. That's crazy. She know what it is. There's a...

There's a lot of work to do. A lot of work to do. I love how he shows remorse, this guy, for the crime. Fucking slut. He's like, my ex-bitch's house, she know what it is. Well, you know what? That's one of the real tough things about a felony charge is when you interview for jobs, a lot of times they're like, what's this all about? And then he had to say, aggravated arson. Wow. Probably attempted murder. Wow. Wow.

Anyway, now they're trying to hold me down. I can't even get a job. Yeah, you can't forgive a guy. Yeah. Especially somebody who shows a lot of remorse for the act. Yeah. You know? Also, I mean, I don't know. Look, man, I want you to get a job too. I don't know if, is this your interview attire? It might be time to like, you know, when you're interviewing for a job, you know,

Maybe a button down or something. I don't know. I know. Do they teach you this stuff in jail? I think they should teach you this stuff. Like, hey, when you go out there, you got to interview. For a job. Find a button down shirt or cover your shirt. Maybe don't wear your bulls hat. Not the bulls. Yeah. Anyway, that's a rough go. Felonies can really...

- And you can really screw up a dude's life, right? - They hold you back. Passports. - Is that right? You can't get a passport with a felony? - A lot of countries won't. Well, maybe you can get one, but a lot of countries just reject you. Have you ever been convicted of a felony and then they're like, "Oh, you wanna visit our country? No thanks." - Yeah, no thanks, Tom Hanks. We don't need you. - Yeah, it's a really, it's a tough thing to get around. - Well, a Canadia won't let you in, right? If you had even a DUI. - DUI, 10 years or something? - That's crazy.

That's so minor too. Well, because it's just a blanket policy. They don't want to, you know, they're just like, you're somebody who's reckless. Yeah. That's kind of the thing. So no. Yeah. It sucks. It sucks. They're so hard on us felons. It sucks for buying guns. Can't get guns. Why can't I get a gun?

A lot of people discriminate when hiring if you're a felon. They're like, we don't want you. Why? Well, you know how you burn down your ex-bitch's house? Yeah. We don't know how you're going to react here when something doesn't go your way. But in his defense, we don't know what she did. That's a really good point. Because I think that's a crime of passion, perhaps. I'm waiting for you to get to this point. This is really good. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, when I was in law school for two weeks, we covered crimes of passion and you do get a more lenient- I feel like you covered so much in these two weeks. You've been referencing it for years. Let me tell you, it was an intense two weeks. You read in law school, you read like 500 pages a night in Latin. It's so awful. That's why I dropped out. I'm too stupid. I can't keep up. So crimes of passion, you get a decreased sentence. They'll lower the charge. So this could have been a crime of passion. Yeah.

but it's a felony. - It is a felony. Arson is a felony. - Yeah, but you know-- - If she were in the house, it would be a more elevated felony. - That's bad news. Yeah, yeah.

What would compel you to light your own house on fire? Yeah. With me in it. Like, what could I do? I'm saying his ex-bitch probably had a different place. So it's a little different. Right. Because I think he's burning down someone else's house. Someone, yeah. You do that before you burn down your own house. Right. You'd have to be real heated to burn up your own house. Yeah. Didn't Left Eye Lopez...

From TLC. Burned down Andre Risen's house. Again, that wasn't her house though. It was his house. That's fucking, when you think that you're like, Lisa Left Eye Lopez. That's a good memory. Yeah. Yeah. I remember like five things. That's one of them. Dirty birds, baby. Andre Risen out there flying around. Why did she burn down? I don't know. Cause I was like,

He's a no good two-timer. I don't know. I don't know what it was. Can we look it up? Why did Lisa Left Eye Lopez burn down this guy's joint? Ooh, $1.3 million. Yeah, but that was also 1.3 in 94. Right, I know. Yeah. Dang. Let's see here. She got mad, huh? So on June 9th, 1994, Lisa Left Eye Lopez, the Grammy Award winning group from the Grammy Award winning group TLC, set then Atlanta Falcons wide receiver Andre Rison's mansion ablaze.

I know they had been dating a while. A year before the incident, the Super Bowl champion was accused of assaulting Lopez in the parking lot. Didn't know that. He deserved it. The couple arrived at the grocery store and after leaving an Atlanta nightclub, Rison allegedly began striking Lopez. Okay, so that's a year prior.

Rison was charged with aggravated assault posted $16,500 bond. Okay, so he was charged. She was arrested for allegedly attacking a police officer on the same night. Fast forward to June 8th of 94. Rison and Lopez went out partying all night, although separately. Rison stayed out allegedly till 5 a.m. When he arrived back, he was confronted by a furious Lopez who was allegedly screaming at the pro baller in his driveway. I knew she'd been drinking some, he said.

What?

A fire in the morning?

$75,000 bonds checked into voluntary rehab shortly thereafter. At the time of her arrest, people said that Lisa's in fear of her, that's lawyer talk. Despite Lopez destroying the home, Rison forgave her, even holding her hand at her sentencing. The couple had still even planned to get married. Lopez was sentenced to a halfway house, five years probation, plus a $10,000 fine. However, she tragically died in a car accident. Yes.

I wonder if her sentence, she's charged with felony arson. I wonder if she was convicted of felony arson or whether they reduced it, you know? Well, if she's claiming- Because she got five years probation and- Yeah, so she's claiming self-defense in a way and he was violent towards her and-

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Age varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. See DKNG.co slash bball for eligibility and deposit restrictions, terms, and responsible gaming resources. Lopez was charged. She was charged with first degree arson. Sentenced to five years probation. So she got off with probation. Right, but I'm saying, is it a conviction of...

felony arson or is it a reduced charge? You know what I mean? Because if you're convicted of a felony, I feel like usually you don't just get probation and a fine. No, you don't. You got to serve some time. Maybe it's in her wiki, you know, her sentencing.

God, dude, they sound like they have a really good relationship. It was fiery, man. It was fiery in more ways than one. She set his sneakers on fire in the bathtub. I didn't even know you could set sneakers on fire. Yeah, well, she knew what he liked. How do they, what part lights? You know what I mean? Like the rubber? That's wild, dude. Okay, she's indicted. They continued dating on and off for seven years. No, I know. They were going to get married. Lopez was indicted on charges of first degree arson. Oh.

Move that. Move it, mommy. She was sentenced to five years. Yeah, I don't understand how they could go from first degree arson to five years probation and a fine. That's, I don't know. Who knows? Yeah. Who knows?

I don't know. Any whoo-ees. She had a good lawyer, that's for sure. Yeah, for sure. And a good relationship. Well, he also probably went in there and was like, I was out of pocket that night. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Speaking of. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? This is maybe the Normandy beach of you know what I'm saying? This is...

Danny Brown, who's a big time You Know What I'm Saying guy, had an album name, You Know What I'm Saying. He... You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? I can't. I'm going to puke because I laughed so hard at the... You know what I'm saying? He had on the ICP guys who were other level You Know What I'm Saying guys.

We had a super cut of them. You know what I'm saying? And you know what I mean? In like the whole episode, the ICP guys just did Danny Brown's podcast, Danny Brown podcast. And,

And so the three of them were, you know what I'm saying? End up so hard that we have a, you know what I'm saying? Supercut from Danny Brown and ICP. This might, you know what I'm saying? Break all the records. Okay, here we go. I can relate to that shit. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? We tried to always be relevant. You know what I'm saying? How in the fuck?

You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? It's your fault, motherfucker. Have more swag. You know what I mean? Because she was fucking. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You had a train wreck. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? It was always about half full, the arena. Really? You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? This is like the place to be. I love them so much.

Good job, guys. That was amazing. You know what I'm saying? Mad love to ICP and Danny Brown. They're amazing. The ICP guys are the coolest. They're great. They're so fun. They are really great. Yeah. Who knew? I never would imagine I'd love them as much as I do. And Danny, of course. And... You know what I'm saying? Speaking of being a knucklehead, you know how when we had a clip of a guy and he was talking about...

Women's prisons smell so bad. So we had somebody write in. Because if you don't know, there was a guy who we played a clip of and he said that he was a correctional officer and that the first day he walked in, he was like, what in the fuck is this smell? And he said, you'd only get used to it while you're there. And every day when you came in, it would hit you again. He was like, it was the worst butt ass, is what he said.

He said it was the absolute worst. So somebody wrote in. Okay. I am a former correctional officer that worked at three different facilities throughout my career before switching to dispatch. I worked at two different prisons in Kansas, one of which holds the BTK serial killer, Dennis Rader. Real goofball. Can confirm the female cell houses smell so much worse than the men's.

I'd rather work a cell house with the hardest gangbangers and shitheads than any female unit. One time we confiscated a homemade dildo from one of the ho-ass inmates that was made out of a whole bunch of Jolly Ranchers that had been melted down and worked like putty into a two-sided chode.

Keep them high and tight jeans. Hate from Oklahoma. So this guy is saying it is as bad as you can imagine. Well, it is because they're shoving Jolly Ranchers in their cooters. Yeah. And those melt. Yeah. And now you got sugar in your cooter and you're all kind of infected. Yeah. It's fascinating though that the women smell. Because you always think of, in general, women smelling better than men. That's kind of a general belief. Look, I hate to burst your bubble and all the men that are listening to this show. Yeah. I just feel like I have to tell you the truth. Tell us.

What comes out of women's vagines. Yeah. Cause you have a uterus, right? And that thing changes its lining and ebbs and flows. Well, I'm sorry. You're right. I'm so disrespectful. Men can have periods too. Sorry. People that have periods, um, that so much shit comes out of your snatch from your uterus. It like the lining sheds, there's always mucus and, um,

and different smells and different things come out of you. So what? It's a constant flow of smells. I'm just telling you the truth. So women, we're smelly, but that's why we smell good because we're showering and covering it all up. You're always covering up the smells. You guys just have a dick that releases jizz and pee-pee, but we release a lot more fluids. Yeah, you do.

I'm serious. You heard it here first, guys. Women are grosser. We're super gross. And if you don't maintain that ecosystem, it will be stinky and gross. My mother always told me, she said, Christy, men do not like women with stinky pussy.

And it's one of the five things my mother taught me that I, to this day, I was like, yep, that's it. That's true. Men don't like women with stinky pussy. This is true. And I wash my snatch all the time because of that. The stinky pussy is a big turnoff. It's disgusting. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Well, finally, the, first of all, I'm glad we covered that. I wish you could spend a month with me in my underwear and see what comes out.

Like a full cycle. Right, see, she knows. Nayana's nodding because she's like, you guys have no idea what comes out of us. It's foul.

Yeah. You want to do that? I'm on through my undies. Plus you're hosed and you're letting loads get shot up in there. Oh, that's another thing when you got a load in you and then it drips out of you for like the next day or two sometimes. How do you think that smells? Right. She look at her nannies. She gets it. She gets it. It's true. Yeah.

Because load doesn't load when it sits smell like bananas. We covered this on where my mom's at because I've been to bachelor's places and it smells like banana peels, like, like dirty guys houses smell like bananas. And I think cum smells like bananas when it sits. I love bananas. Not anymore. What does jizz smell like when it's guys? Come on. You've been bachelor's.

I don't remember the banana smell. I don't know, but bringing my brain back to that smell is a bad time. Yeah, I know. It's always a sad fucking memory. It's not a good time. Let me tell you. When you were at your lowest. You're like, remember the saddest time of your life? And you're like, yeah. That's such a masculine. Like, I was in a dude's car a while ago that smelled of that banana smell. And I had a roommate in college who,

His room smelled like bananas. It was a security guy that we were working with. And also I had a roommate, a crazy guy that would just jizz in his sheets. I think that he lived with us for a while and his window broke. This is in San Francisco and he didn't replace the window and it would rain on his bed. And then he wouldn't even put sheets on it. Like he was really crazy looking back, but his room smelled like bananas too.

I think it's a smell of cum. I do. Even though it's the rain on the mattress kind of making it moldy. Sure, but what about the car I sat in that smelled like... You think he's just jizzing in his car? I do.

- Really? That much? - You think that guy was jizzing and jacking off in his car? - And then there's another, yes. - I've only done that a handful of times and it's not like the best. - Of course it's not the best. And then there was a comedian who shall remain nameless, who was like a bachelor forever. And every time I would like, "Hey, how you doing?" I would like catch a whiff of him. He was very oily, he didn't shower and he smelled of bananas. - Do I know this person? - Of course you know this person. I'll write it down. - No, you don't have to write it down. I already know who it is. - Who is it? - I just, I already know. - You won't know this guy.

Just, do you remember? Oh, I was thinking of someone else. Who are you thinking of? Who smells like bananas in your life? Just tell me. We can edit it out. Write it down. Fucking forget it. Well, now I'm going to think about who smells like jizz. No, we're just thinking of how many Bachelor comics we know. They smell like bananas. Yeah. Those saddest ones, yeah, it's come. Anyway, spend a month in my panties. Oh, Jesus. You know what's really exciting about this year? What?

Mom, Dad, you should shop Amazon for back to school and save some money. See, I'm currently obsessed with superheroes and need all the superhero stuff. Superhero launch box, superhero bag. But next year, it'll be something else. Maybe dinosaurs? I don't know. I'm not a fortune teller. But I can tell you not to spend a fortune and shop low prices for school on Amazon. Okay, good chat. Amazon, spend less, smile more.

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So we are ramping up to one of the most exciting, exciting and eventful elections in U.S. history. Probably the two most dynamic, impressive and incredible men that could possibly lead this nation for the next four years. Incumbent, the former president, remarkable men.

Just impressive individuals. And that reminds me of somebody who cared so much about the last election. Welcome to Revelation Unwrapped. This program is a continuation of my series on the Denver International Airport, and especially the murals and the art contained therein. Because they are evil, they are signs of Satanism, and on this program I will point out that many of them are phallic symbols. Josh. Josh.

You have to reach out to this guy. We've tried. Try again. He's surprisingly unresponsive. Yeah, I'll keep going. Try again. Try harder. I think about him. Let's get this guy. I think about him so much. Yeah, he's phenomenal. I love him. And I like that his hair is groomed. He looks good. He looks good. Yeah.

Yeah, he looks great. No, he takes care of himself. He's put together. Yeah. He doesn't smell like bananas. He doesn't smell like bananas. He's not homeless or living out of his car. This guy's like a real person. And he's put a lot of thought into this. And it takes, you know, it takes a certain level of cognitive function to...

to even put his program together. I know. To get each of these things up on the board behind him. As you approach the Denver airport by car, you are immediately struck by this gigantic statue of a blue fiberglass horse. Many of the shapes on the horse's tail and mane are phallic shapes. And of course, it is a masculine horse.

It's also got a raging cock. Next let's take a look at the layout of the Denver Airport. Many other videos on YouTube have shown that this is in the shape of a swastika. But there's one video that also points out that the outdoor baggage handling area is in the shape of a phallus. Let's take a closer look. Not only am I excited for this gentleman to make a return to the mainstream for the election, but the most amazing thing has happened.

Denver International Airport is under some major construction right now. And, you know, normally when an airport's like that, LAX, JFK, they go...

They put, you know, Terminal 1 is under construction. Sometimes they'll do cutesy things like, you know, sorry for the... Pardon our dust. Pardon our dust, but you're going to fly better in a few months, you know, and kind of like a little wink that try to make you okay with the fact that you're inconvenienced by the construction. Denver...

I don't know who is running this, but the fact that they, they're leaning into the fact that people are saying that there are satanic and phallic symbols at the airport. Like,

Oh, I love this. Construction or cover up? I love it. And it has like the, what is that? The eye that's watching the, you know. Yeah, what is that called? Illuminati. Illuminati eye on a construction hat. This is at the airport. Are we creating the world's greatest airport or preparing for the end of the world? That's amazing. And it has that famous horse that has the red eye and it's shooting like a laser beam down. I mean, this is...

I've never seen a city or a place embrace it that way, like with a real sense of humor, you know? This is my new favorite airport. Oh my God. What are we doing? Lizard people. Adding amazing new restaurants and bars, building an Illuminati headquarters, remodeling the lizard people's lair. Learn the truth at denfiles.com. I love this. Can we pull up that site? I want to see what, because they're probably leaning into it there also. Brilliant. It's really cool.

I like this. So here, I guess, what makes us unique? Here, they're just, I guess, being more straightforward, right? Yeah. But they're winking at you at the airport signs, which I think is brilliant of them. Yeah, it's so fun.

So that URL just redirects to like their normal website. Oh, that's cool. But that's really funny that they're like, they're doing this. Well, you knew they had a good sense of humor when they put the horse with the eyes and the dick out front. I always liked that as like, let's have fun guys. Let's have some, Oh my gosh, this is swastika. There's the swastika. Whoopsie. Yeah. And there's the phallic symbol, the baggage. Yeah. The phallic baggage symbol.

Yeah, there's a lot going on over there. Truly satanic.

Truly satanic. Of course, as Christians, we need to understand that the phallic symbol is a powerful symbol. And many pagan religions worship the phallus because it's a symbol of life. But we know there is a more powerful symbol which negates the phallic symbol, and that is the cross. Yes, truth. So the cross over the phallic symbol. Yep, I hope they put a cross over their baggage claim. Their baggage claim.

Remember when he goes, the three stripes on Obama's flag is homosexual. Yeah. The three stripes. Yeah. I don't know how three is homosexual. It was homosexual and satanic. And satanic. And that is the flag of the Obama campaign. Yeah. People are asking me if Charo is getting into some new exercise. I don't know if you've seen this or not, but apparently...

Oh my God, that totally looks like her. Is that Charo doing hula hoops? Wow. Two at once. This is a great video. The slow-mo really does it. Very sexy. Around the neck even. I'll have to reach out to her and see if she was actually...

Doing that. If somebody doesn't deep fake replace that, I'll be very disappointed. She has Charles' figure, too. Exactly. It's wild. Her figure, cool haircut, everything. It's all there. Yeah.

All that stuff's very hard to do with a hula hoop. I don't know if you've tried. This is a lot of skill. A lot of time spent doing this. Core. A lot of core work. Yep. It's important. As you are aging, I think it's something that you could probably get into. Now that I'm in my mid to late 50s, you've got to do your core work. 58. Unbelievable. I know. It's wild, huh? Yeah. Goddamn, dude. Yeah. Look how happy she is with her hula hoops.

Okay, I gotta tell you, and I don't know if this is probably a really mean thought, but it's such a waste of time to learn how to balance a hula hoop. Why? To have it go down your arm like that. How's that a waste of time? How's anything a waste of time? What if she wants to master that? Is there like a contest? I feel like because there's no end game for that. It's not about the end game. It's about the journey, silly. Why are you playing the drums? Because I'm going to be in a band one day. I'm going to tour with Bauhaus.

What you don't think I have a goal? How dare you? I'm just, hey man, I thought you're trying to have fun. Listen, they're gonna need a new drummer and these guys are old. This guy's gonna drum for Bauhaus one day. What's one day? One day? I mean, I figure like in another year I could be up to it. I'm learning the entire Bauhaus catalog. Is that all you practice? Yeah. That's cool. That's all I want to drum. That and a few Joy Division songs I really like.

But that's the goal. And if you're watching this, you need to replace Kevin Haskins. I'm here. Wow. Well, I'm glad you found your lane. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm stoked. Have you ever... How dare you? What's the end game? What's the end game? You're a famous drummer, dude. Stupid.

I can't believe I didn't know. Yeah, what are you fucking... So fucking stupid. It's Juneteenth. You know, I have to... On all days. Yeah, shouldn't I get a break, though? Yeah. Yeah. That's a good point. It is your holiday. Come on, man. Yeah. I make mistakes sometimes. And by the way, what'd you get him for today? You're asking for your treats. Where are his treats? Dang, you're right. What should I buy a gentleman on Juneteenth? What am I supposed to buy? What's the gift? To buy me? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, shit. I don't know. I mean...

Could use like 20K. I don't know. Make it appropriate for the holiday. Yeah, what's the appropriate holiday? Yeah, that's true. What do you get? I guess a day off, yeah? I'll go home right after this. You guys could do this.

A day off of working so hard. I think for you, as a special treat, adult recess. What is this? You get to be the adult recess team leader. How about that? You're the team leader. I can't believe this. So my present for Juneteenth is I'm getting gas lit by my boss. No, you're not getting gas lit. We're doing adult recess. I feel the gas. And I was going to be the team leader, but I think you should be. I'm smelling gas. I just...

Why don't you want to be the team leader for adult recess? I don't even know what adult recess is, my nigga. I don't even know what you're talking about. What is adult recess? Adult recess is recess like we had when we were kids in school. But it's designed to be for adults. It's fun. It's a fun adult playtime. Yeah, but y'all talking about this like everybody just knows what adult recess is. Am I the only motherfucker that's never heard of adult recess? Let me just put the two words together and explain yourself. Hey, Chad.

Relax, Chad. Look, there's recess. Now just picture it with grown-ups. Oh, shit. Hold on. Okay? Open your heart and your arms. Yeah, man. To me. So...

It's just, you know, we go down, we play tag and we dodgeball. Dodgeball. Hide and go see. Yeah, we do the monkey bars and we get on swings and we just run around outside, man. But what you mean team captain or whatever? Because we're going to have to have somebody be kind of like our group leader. Don't you remember at recess the lady comes out, she blows the whistle. Okay, guys, it's time for recess. And then blow the whistle. It's time everybody go back to school.

To class maybe he maybe he wears the whistle and you get to go all right line up everybody Yeah, and then you get to pick you get to pick your team first cuz we're gonna split up in separate teams So your team captain. Oh shit, so we wait so we compete sure but Red Rover it's fun and any right serious. It's just for fun man Yeah, all right. Okay. Yeah, good team captain. Okay, happy Juneteenth. Oh

You know what I saw, dude? I was in, um, I was at the park when I had diarrhea with the kids a little while ago. Yeah. And there's like this dope ass thing at this park here in Austin. It's like a net and it's elevated and you can climb on it. It's really, really cool. And it was Saturday full of kids, uh,

And I saw two adults playing on the net with no kids. And I was watching them and I was like, all right, maybe they do have kids and I'm going to watch. There were no kids. They just decided to have fun. And see the problem with those two. I don't like that. Is they should have gone to adult recess. Yeah. And they were at a kid's place. They're taking up space because there's only 10 kids allowed at a time on the thing. And I was like, what are you doing that for? I got another present for Annie. What? Because it's Juneteenth. I'm going to book you a private session.

a private session yes with feeling like you're walking on ice even when you're indoors if your calves are giving you the cold shoulder it's not just the weather playing tricks on you the real chill culprit a blockage in your lower body messing with the flow of chi and how nice is that look loosen up everything your glutes your calves

Blood flow. I'll take adult recess. I'll do adult recess. Who doesn't want to get their glutes worked on? I do. Mine are so tight. It feels amazing. Don't you love having glute work done? I would love to do this. Is this local? I would do it. I don't think it is, but we can probably fly in. Look at that. But here's a hot tip. Our special moving cupping technique is like a defrost button for your icy calves.

by getting the lower body energy flowing freely again. See? Is this a porn club or something? No, it isn't. What are you talking about? It sounds like a porno lady. No, it doesn't. That's the pain? It's just a lady who's enjoying herself. That's basically, you're just dubbing Annie's voice there. It's going to be him pretty soon. He's like, yeah, love that. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's him? That's Annie doing. Yeah.

Hey, dig into my booty, baby. Hey, yo. Hey. Hey, yo. Nah, don't say that. Hey, yo. You forgot the hole, baby. Don't just do them cheeks. Get between the cheeks. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? So. Can I go pee real quick? Sure. I had to pee so bad. I'll be right back. I hydrated a lot today. And we are back. How was your pee? It was so good. How was your pee? It was pretty good. I didn't even push hard. It just fell right out. That's a good sign. I have an email for you. Ready? Mm-hmm.

Hey guys, sending hate from Australia. Yep, I eat my boogers. I love reading these, they upset you. I am a booger eater and have been for as long as I can remember. I did it religiously as a kid, but I guess I kind of just kept going way past the age where it was just a gross kid thing.

It's gross, but there's nothing better than sneaking a quick boog when no one's looking, especially in a wide open space. It really turns me on. Having a few issues with nosebleeds, but that hasn't stopped me before and it won't stop me now. LOL. Yours, closeted booger eater. I guess I get the thrill of doing it in public. I get that. That could be fun, but I don't think I want to eat it because I used to eat my boogers when I was a little girl. Yeah.

And they're just salty. And you know, the thing I liked is that they were different textures. Like sometimes you get like a crunchy one. Sometimes it would be real scraggly, you know, like loose. And sometimes you get loose with crunchy at the end. I can't think about doing it now, but I kind of liked it when I was a kid. It really makes me sick.

That makes me sick. What if I develop the habit again now? You'll be alone. Is that a deal breaker? Yeah. You'd have to divorce me if I started eating my bugs? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. So gross. Gross. Anyways, do you want to hear my crazy hotel story, homie? Sure, homes. So fucking...

Like okay, well you already know it because I've fucking happened to us But like this is a cautionary tale for all you motherfuckers out there. You know I'm saying So Tom was staying in a hotel in Los Angeles. I went out to Just stop making noise. I went out to see you for a night and do some shows at the Netflix Festival, right? It's a while ago any hoodles I show up you're checked in but you're at a meeting and

So I show up, I'm kind of dazed. I'm tired. This is fucking nuts. I'm tired. And I'm just like, I walked to the office and I go like, Hey, my husband is in this hotel. He left a key for me. And she's like, she's on the phone. She's distracted a little bit, but she's like, Oh yeah, here you go. So, uh, the bellman takes me to the room cause it's kind of an intricate place. It's not easy to get around. Yeah.

And we unlock the door and the place is a disaster, which I don't think too much of, but you told me that you were going to have the room clean. So I was like,

this is kind of maybe they just didn't get around to it you know and also i saw that you had breakfast and you left behind the breakfast potatoes on the plate and i was like oh that's so that's so tom like you always leave the potatoes you don't really eat those yeah and i'm like okay well big you know big whoop i'm so tired i'll just get into this nasty room's bed and sleep so i open up

the fucking whatever there's like a sliding door fresh air in the place and I'm walking around and I'm like taking my clothes off I'm getting ready to get into bed and just take a nap and I was like you know what fuck it the room already smells like food maybe I should just order some room service and have them take the trays out

And I go to order food and I'm like, oh, that's so weird. Like Tom's shoes. I don't remember you buying these boots. These boots were really not your steez. And then I saw like a neon, yellow neon shirt. And I was like, that's so, wow. Maybe it's his new workout stuff, you know?

So I fucking go to order food and it's a totally different name. It's like John Cocktoast on or something. And I was like, and all of a sudden it all comes together and it hits me at once. And I was like, I'm in a different man's room. This is not my husband's room. And you know, when you comes together like in a movie and you're just like, huh?

And I'm so tired. And I was like panicked to get out of there. Yeah, sure. Because I'm like, dude, this guy could come back. And what if I'm here? Naked in his bed. And he's like, all right. So fucking great. It was so crazy. But then I was like, so I called down. I'm like, hey, guys, give me the wrong fucking name.

thing you know this could have been really bad really bad yeah and um anyway i got to our room and it was clean and it was normal but it got me thinking i'm like oh my god like you have to lock your door it's such a by the way it's such a huge fuck up on their part oh i know to do that to people to women in particular they did it it was the opposite to me one time where i checked into a hotel in dc and on the road and they're like all right here's your key

I walk up, you know, and take the elevator up, walk down the hall, scan the thing, open the door. And there's a woman sitting in a chair and she just looks up and I go, oh man, I just shut it. And I go down. I'm like, Hey, fuckhead. You just gave me the key to the wrong room. And they were like, oh my bad. Here you go. Here's the other one. I'm like,

You know, like you could really do that to the wrong person. For sure. Who knows what I could have walked in on. So crazy that they're like, anyway. Like, did they panic when you told them this? Yeah, they were embarrassed. And it was one of those things of like, they were gauging how much of a cunt I would be about it. And I was like, look, I'm not going to, I don't fucking care. Like.

I care, but I'm not going to, I'm not going to do, I'm not going to make a stink. But if that guy had walked in, that would have been a real big deal. That would be crazy. Right. Sure. But also just like, you should really lock your door when you're alone in a hotel room. Yeah. Even that room is like open. Anybody can come in. Anybody in the staff. Anyway, that was wild. That's never happened to me in 20 years. It's only happened to me that one time. That's why I remember so well.

that it was DC, but I think it's a huge fuck up. Crazy dude. Huge fuck up on their part. This was also, you know, we had brought up the fact that you're of Hungarian descent and Hungary over the last,

several years has made it really well known that they don't play that shit when it comes to, they outlawed gender studies. They've been like really like, we don't care. We don't play that shit. And then one of my countries of origin has gotten on board. I think it's very funny. Peru has declared that people who say that what their pronouns are

are nationally declared as mentally ill. Can you Google that? Like Peru... Is it also trans people? I think it might have thrown trans in there too. Yeah, I feel like Hungary would do that. They just made it mentally ill. You're mentally ill if you think this. Yeah. Peru classifies transgender identities as mental problems in new law. That's just gender identity it looks like. You know? Like, that's fucking...

After trans people deemed mentally fucking crazy. Oh my God, dude. So both of our countries of origin are both being like, nope. Nope. Nope.

Yeah, well look if anything they're consistent Hungary's always been pretty consistent on who they are. Yeah, this is kind of new. This feels like... Is Peru not normally like this? I don't know. I mean, I don't think of them as super progressive but LGBTQ advocates in Peru protested in the capital city of Lima last week after the Health Ministry issued a new law that deemed transgender people as having mental health problems.

The supreme decree signed by Peruvian President Dina Boularte and published May 10th updated the ministry's list of insurable mental health conditions

to include transsexualism, gender identity disorders, and cross-dressing. In 2019, the World Health Organization redefined its terms on gender identity related health, moving conditions of gender incongruence out of being defined as mental and behavioral disorders and into the conditions related to sexual health category. This reflects current knowledge

Trans-related and gender diverse identities are not conditions of mental ill health and that classifying them as such can cause enormous stigma. That's what the World Health Organization has said. But Peru says that the ministry ratifies its position that gender and sexual diversity are not diseases. In this framework, we express our respect for gender identities as well as our rejection of the stigmatization of sexual diversity in the country. So that's going to get people real fired up

Yeah, it sure is. I mean, I've always, I know, I don't think this is a very, I don't know if this is a popular way of thinking, but I've always felt like, hey, if you know what this society is like, you can choose to join them or not. Yeah. You know, like in Hungary, look, they've always been xenophobic. They've always been,

what's the word, Jew-phobic? Anti-Semitic. Oh, yeah. That's good. They like stuff the way they like it, and they're also a society that's existed for thousands of years this way. And it's like, dude, you don't have to live in Budapest. I think it's pretty cool, though, that both... Nobody wants you to live there. ...both of our countries of origin are... Shit heads. ...are both being like, hey, progress? Yeah. Nah. No thanks, Tom Hanks. Fuck off. But on the other hand... You got problems. You got problems. You're a mental patient. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, but then again, they used to think homosexuality was a mental problem. Satanic. Satanic. Yeah. But then again, like after we visited Rome, I really, it changed my opinion of human stuff. Human stuff? Yeah. Because like.

The Romans have existed for so long that they really see human time in the framework of a much broader spectrum. So like they're not so quick to jump on board with stuff. And I kind of like that. It's like, yeah, just fucking chill, dude. Let's wait and see how this shakes out before we go changing the language and stuff. Different countries handle things differently. Like I think we need a little bit more of what's going on like

The way Japan, I love Japan as a culture. My trip there really did make me go like, man, this is an incredible, I mean, it is really, it's their own thing too. Like what you're saying, they've existed for thousands and thousands of years. It's a homogenous society. They're not really like, oh, you want to bring your stuff here? They don't want it. It's just, this is Japan. This is how we do things.

But this is a clip from, it's old, it's like 10 years old. But this man broke down crying during a press conference because he was caught using public money to fund his vacations. And when he was caught, he resigned from his position. And he did this on national television. Right? There he is.

This is like you're caught red-handed. I love it. That's awesome. I love it. That's public shaming. And he volunteers for it too, you know. So he resigned from his position. And what he was saying there was I ran for office.

I want to go back to that stone!

You have to do like a real display of your shame, too. I like this. Yeah, I like it. Americans love a good apology. Yeah. We've always believed in this. We should do more of these. Act of contrition. It's different here. We'll write anything. You can do anything as long as you apologize like this. We are the country, though, of the written statement. Yeah, we need to go to this. So when something bad happens, somebody goes, here's my statement. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's always super polished. Yep. And it kind of is like...

Yeah, I'm somewhat culpable, but here's the reasons why. But this, breaking down crying, I think that's the way to do it. Very effective. Yeah. Because I would trust him now because I'm like, oh, he's really putting himself out there. I kind of like it. Not like that guy, the first guy we saw who was like, that bitch had it coming. Like, I don't believe that he's reformed. Yeah. The one that burned down the girlfriend's house. No, no, that didn't work for him. But this guy, I would give him a second chance because he's willing to humble himself in front of the public. Yeah.

Yeah, he's really crying too. I don't think those are crocodile tears. America does stuff like this. You dumb motherfuckers! Pull your heads out of your fucking asses! Eat shit and die! Who the fuck cares if you have a fucking Porsche? Go suck a dick! You piece of fucking shit! Learn how to be a decent fucking human being, you worthless pieces of fucking shit! That sounds like a double standard, you fucking bullshit. You can eat shit. Come on. Hit me. Come on, pussy! No, you're a fucking tough guy with a Porsche, right? Hit me, pussy-ass bitch!

Oh, he spit on the guy's porch. Spit on the car. Now, I don't know exactly how this, the bald man in the video, I guess he almost hit this guy's car while he was trying to pull into a spot to fill up his car.

And so that was the catalyst for all of this. The guy who you don't see, I guess, is driving a Porsche. This guy then, and he's also Asian. So the bald guy starts, you know, being like, you fucking, he turns like you're driving into like, took him here. The fact that they almost crashed. But then he keeps, he actually throws in some Asian slurs here, which is pretty cool. That's all I can do, bitch.

Come on. You are trying to get your little fucking ass kicked, aren't you? Try me. Try me. Try me. Oh, okay. Learn to fucking drive, you fucking moron. Try me. He could have done better there. Yeah. Come on. Oh, goodbye. Goodbye. I rip your head in front of you and I'm back in. Goodbye. Goodbye.

That's when you're, I mean, he's so mad. You know, he's so angry that you can't really get out what you're, and he's also trying to restrain himself because he really wants to let loose. You know what I mean? Like he wants to go full fucking ham on him, but he's like, he knows he's being recorded. So he's, but he's, he's also in a full rage. So he goes, goodbye. Goodbye.

- Yeah, I would have gone to just the slurs. - I just think these are- - I wouldn't have made fun of the accent. I don't think this is a good choice for him. - Those are terrible. - The sandals are horrendous. - The sandals are just horrendous. - And I'm a little disappointed because this is in front of Bucky's, which I'm a huge Bucky's fan. - And Bucky's is fucking awesome. - It's the best, yeah.

That's too bad. But that's what the guy should have been like. Cool sandals, man. Oh, I mean, there's a million things you could say about this fucking schlubby. He doesn't have a Porsche? So I guess a police officer and the store manager came out, but he fled once he saw authorities approaching. He did? Pussy. Yeah. Ooh, not so strong now, huh? Damn.

This is the kind of shit my stepdad would do in parking lots. Yeah. All day, dude. Yell at people. He would make racial shit, too. It was really funny. Did he go? Yeah. He would. Yeah, he would. No, he was. What?

Yeah. My stepdad had always, he's dead now. So bless his heart. I rip your head in front of you and I'm back in. Goodbye. Would he do shit like that? Yeah, he would. He would drop the N word a lot. Yeah. He's an Indian guy from India. Yeah. Yeah. He was very racist. Super funny. And he would. He talked like that because he was so fat.

Yeah, he would start fights like this in public with people. Over close confrontations. Same thing. Literally, this is my childhood. You know what's interesting, though? I think, for the most part, most of us don't experience a hot-headed Indian guy. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, when you think back about culturally your...

you know, run-ins with people of the same background. I would say most, like most, I've had several, you know, what is it, like interactions with people of Indian descent, people from India. I've never had one be the way you describe it. - Right, so culturally they're more pacifistic, right? Like they're, it's not culturally, but I don't know, to each other, this is different.

Remember we've seen those things where he's like, fuck you. So it's usually they don't fuck with white people. Right. But your stepdad made an exception. My stepdad did. But you know what he also liked was cowboy movies and John Wayne. And he really liked being an aggressive American tough guy. That really appealed to him. It took it beyond tough guy because you said he would stab people's tires in parking lots. Yes. We were going to get...

pistachio ice cream at Rite Aid. Pistachio is my favorite flavor. And we were going to get ice cream right by the house and he goes, hold on. And he pulled over and he stabbed a guy's tires in the parking lot, got back in the car and we got pistachio ice cream. What had that guy done? He fucked him over in business. Oh, he recognized the guy's car. Yep. Fucked him over in business. It was always business. Somebody fucked him over or just like something banal. Like somebody was talking too loud in the movie. Mm-hmm.

Why don't you shut the fuck up? And then the guy would be like, fuck you, dude. Take it on the, fucking go in the parking lot. Yo, fucking go in the parking lot. And then he would fight with a guy in the parking lot. He would fight the guy? Or get close to it. Or he'd start threatening and yelling. You fucking fuck ass. You know, yelling. And then my mom would be like, yeah, yeah. How big was he? Was he a big guy? He was a big, fat Indian. But like how big?

Tall? It's hard. So he had a big Buddha belly the way... How tall? Maybe he's a little bit shorter than you. Okay. And he had a huge belly. He loved to eat because he grew up poor, so he never ate. And then when he came to America, he loved round table pizza and he loved pecan maple logs. Get them at Gelson's. What is it called? The alligator? The crocodile, whatever. And he just ate a lot. And he was really nice to me, but then a switch would...

flip and he would do this kind of stuff in public and fight with people and stuff yeah kind of scary though right to see never to me oddly enough because so when you saw it though were you scared yeah fucking asshole um no I actually thought it was funny and this is probably how

fucked up I was. Yeah, that is. It is. I didn't know because he was my stepdad. And this is also the guy that we would watch Jay Leno and laugh. But the normal reaction is to think that's alarming. No, I didn't because. Right. That's on you. You should definitely have thought that that was troubling. Well,

- Now I do, 'cause now I watch this and I'm like, this is not normal. They shouldn't be screaming at each other. But growing up, because that's what we, we laughed at it. My mom liked it. And then they would brag about it at the dinner table. And my mom would be like, "And then Dean got this motherfucker, gotsies in his face and said, 'Fuck you, dude.'" Yeah, I know. - It's real crazy. - It was really crazy. - Really fucking crazy. - I tell you, my mom put an ad in the Hungarian newspaper against my stepmother and all that. I mean, they were crazy, dude. They did all kinds of stuff.

I thought that was weird, the ad. But yelling at strangers, I kind of felt like L.A. was... I don't know. You yelled at people in public. Really? I don't know. Big cities, you just talk some shit, right? You know what's funny? It's like my dad was so far from that. Like, if he would have seen an inkling of that, he'd be like, let's go. And we just would have left. Smart. But then you have a long, long talk with him about, you know, war. And then he's like...

carve this guy's eyeballs out of his head. And you're like, oh, Jesus Christ. You know? Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, yeah. Boomers are sociopaths. Like we all got raised by major sociopaths in some capacity. Like either they went to Vietnam where they were like minor, like immigrant, crazy capitalist. My dad didn't like the shit you guys are talking about. He would have been like. Nah. Such disapproval. Yeah. But he'd blow up a Vietnamese guy.

Well, yeah. Pulled his torso out of a hole. That's different, of course. Well, yeah, that is different though. That's in the context of societal acceptance. Yeah, I know. He would have been like,

Yeah, my stepdad would brag about getting people good. And then my mom would love it. I got this motherfucker. I got him. Yeah, a few times he almost got put in jail, but he would always get out of it. Jesus Christ. Like, we had to file bankruptcy a couple times to get out of court stuff because he wouldn't pay taxes or he'd break the law. My dad would have reported both of your dads. Oh, yeah.

A thousand percent. As you should have. My dad should be reported probably right now. I'm sure he's doing the same shit. That's right. Yours is still alive. He's still out there. I remember my dad got the sheriff when we were at the movies because this guy was like feet up on the chair in front of him.

talking, like talking loud, pulling out his phone. And we're like, where are you going? He's like, I'm going to go get the sheriff. And then he brought the sheriff in. Okay. And the sheriff. How'd that go? The sheriff came in and threw that guy out of the theater. And my dad was like. And did that guy put up a fight? I think he was starting loud. But here's the thing about Florida sheriffs is they're kind of like Texas sheriffs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like they're just like, get the fuck out. Like they don't do anything.

big city stuff. These are small town sheriffs. Like they, they run the place. So, so you know, they weren't like, sir, if you don't mind, they were just like, get your fucking feet down and get out of here. Like they just threw them out. So I didn't learn this lesson of what you're talking about to go get an authority to do the thing for you. Yeah. I was on a flight. I don't even think I told you this story. It was so embarrassing about, we were feature acts or just new, new headliners. So I was still flying back in coach. Right. Yeah. And, um,

I put my seat back. I was, we took off and I reclined my seat as I have the right to. Right. And this fucking bitch behind me was like, Oh no, you're not. And I go, excuse me. She goes, you are not reclining your seat. I go, yes, I am. I have a right to recline my seat. I pay for the seat. She's like, Oh hell no. And I turned my, I was like, fuck you bit. Like I started to get into it with her and I was like talking shit and you know, the whole fucking flight, she and I were getting into it. Yeah.

And I was so fucking mad at her, dude. And like, I told my shrink about it. My shrink was like, well, you know, maybe next time you could call the flight attendant over and have the flight attendant explain to the woman, you have a right to do that. Yeah. And I was like, oh, that's kind of like what your dad would do. Like, go get the sheriff. Oh yeah. Cause it's the pilot. Come on back here. Yeah. Yeah.

but i didn't know that i thought it was my job to straighten a out but that's not good and i still do this from time to time which you guys have heard me tell stories of public confrontations with people like yeah my brain like i'm on this car thing last year yeah yeah i'm on this this i'm on like sociopath default with this kind of stuff i'm trying to learn to be a normal citizen

I need to think top dog. Bro, me too. Right? I'm not going to lie, you just blew my mind. In that situation, I'm like, well, of course you said fuck off. Like, what the fuck are you supposed to do? Just fucking, like, oh, I guess I'm just going to leave. And I'm like, no, of course, fuck you. It's like, yeah, you call the flight attendant. Whose job it is to enforce the law. I did that to an old guy one time. What? I'll never forget. It was also back in, like, you know, doing fucking 40 weeks in the clubs. Yeah. And I hit.

I went boom like that. And I just heard a guy go, ah, and he goes, my knee, my knee like that. And I just stayed back. Not my problem. Yeah. And he's like, I'm on it. I just was like, it's fucking, fuck it. Fuck your knee. Yeah. I love top dog. I miss him so much. And I, I miss his, uh, love of authority. Loved conforming. Love conformity. This guy can't do that. Yeah.

We also saw, because movies were a big part, we always went to the movies. Yes. I'm saying like as a family, he loved going to the movies. He saw people sneak in the exit. So when you exit, people would sneak in. No. Fucking sheriff right away. He would call 911? No, because there's sheriffs hanging out. Oh. Yeah, there's sheriffs hanging out at the mall and at the movie. He was like, see these fucking knuckleheads over here?

And they would always be like, they just know that it's a fucking Marine vet, you know? And they'd be like, you got it, sir. You got it. No problem, Lieutenant. And they'd fucking go take care of it right away. And they'd be like, last time they were going to do that shit. And I'm like, yep. He's right. There you go, man. But that's what you need. And I tell you that we... I'm going to throw up. We need... I had a Cinnabon two days ago. I'm still full from it. But...

We need the older generation to push back on the younger generation. Well, we have gotten to this thing, I think now societally, where people are just like, I do whatever the fuck I want. There's this brazen, like, no one tells me what to do shit. And you're like, yeah, that's a good quality for certain aspects of like, maybe like, you can't tell me no to achieve what I want to achieve. But when you go like,

Shit doesn't apply to me. Oh, yeah. That's different. People are crazy. I was in the airport waiting to get on a flight. And this woman, I don't know if she was recording like Instagram videos to her friends. Yeah. Full, full 15 minute monologues.

"Oh my God, girl, no way. That was so awesome." - It's insane. - And then I was like, and I was making eye contact with somebody my age, like, "Is this even really happening? I know everything about this bitch's sex life, her friends, her friend's boyfriend beat the fuck out of her two nights ago." - She needs to be- - What are you doing? - She has no guidance. - Yeah, this is not for the public. And by the way,

I was at a McDonald's in our neighborhood. Top Dog is probably rolling in his grave at the awful service at McDonald's. Oh, yeah. Well, he would call there. Yeah. He would call the 1-800 number. You know, McDonald's location. And he would give them the location and like what they did wrong. Yeah.

And then they would apologize and send coupons. You know what? I'm going to call on the one in our neighborhood because they're so rude. Oh, you'll hear an applause in the background. That's Top Dog from heaven. Yeah. Oh, is it time already?

You know how I'm pretty sure that y'all got bag bugs? Bag bugs? The edges is getting brown like a pizza, son. The edges is getting brown. Better pour that shit out of the oven. She about done. Oh my God. Okay, let me get out of here before I take this shit home.

Oh, fuck. Did you see the bag? He called them bag bugs. That's stupid. I'm glad it wasn't. I thought he was doing that. You know, when they're like, here's where I live. He was like, I got to get out of here. No, I'm pretty sure that y'all got bag bugs. Bag bugs. Bag bugs. That's how you get them. You carry them home in your fucking bag from the hotel. Oh, this is a new hairstyle. Daily hairline. Oh, fuck. Shave.

This chick is shaving her hairline back. Why? Why are you doing that? She's a pretty girl. Why is she doing that? I don't know. It's just, that's her jam, babe. That's what she likes. Looks fucky. Have you ever seen this at a gas station? An apple and orange? Do not grab one of them. So what's happening is those two right now, see that right there? We're being scoped out by a drug dealer nearby. And if you grab one of them, whether it be the orange or the...

Apple, they'll come over and give you the drug that you've just asked for. And if you didn't ask for a drug, you're in a world of hurt. So just heads up. If you're at a gas station, you see an orange or an apple. I mean, inside's fine, but not on the top.

Don't do it on the top. Don't do it on the top. Once again, TikTok fucking informing the people. You're right. What did I fucking tell you? Bakersfield, shout out. Breaking news. That's some Bakersfield shit right there. He needs to fade in the sideburns. There's a lot in that facial hair that I'm not appreciating. It's way too orange. That's an abrupt ending, man. It looks like you took one and you went.

and it just stuck to your face. So he's supposed to fade it towards the ear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks a little crazy. Welcome to Korea. I saw this. This is awesome. Body shaming is very open and public. This is awesome. So this is a structure installed by the local health authority. The sign says, your belly fat can change. So you pass through these gaps to measure your belly fat. So we have skinny, slim, standard, chubby, fat.

Fat and this literally says you're in trouble for me. I failed standard And I passed chubby. He's chubby. I'm chubby this guy. Yeah, this guy looks like That's a skinny American yeah for sure Korea's like get your fucking shit together you fat ass how about a local health? you

You are a mess. Dude, I would fail. I would be so chubby. I don't know. Again, that's another, that's something we should adopt too. This is great. This is great. Public shaming, absolutely. Do you know what the fucking widths would have to be here? The whole thing. So the you are in trouble is skinny here. And then it would just progress from there. That's right. You are in trouble is like children here. Yeah, that's standard here. Who has the best girlfriend ever? I do.

who just bought you all this stuff? she did. and all this stuff? my girl bought all of it and i'm about to eat this and then we're gonna chow on that after so happy easter. yeah but we're not eating it all just know that because we gotta save some. for what? budget cuts you know save save save. he looks good.

He looks really happy. So I'm going to stuff this stuff down because Boo deserved it. Even though we get in our arguments sometimes, I still love you, okay? I love you too. I love you too, babe. Yeah, you better. I just spent some money on you. It's $15 worth of Chinese food. Relax. He looks like a hostage. It looks totally terrified. Oh, yeah. Even the smile is like a... You're the best.

Fucking poor baby reindeer. Oh my God. Yeah. That's terrible. And she, she's acting like she bought him fucking filet mignon. That's styrofoam, babe. This is the kind of guy he likes a fucking mean bitch. He likes it. He needs her right now. Yeah, no, but he likes it. I think he likes a ball buster. Yeah. Makes his dick hard. Makes his dick hard. Yep. He's like, you're the best.

Hey, you guys know when you guys catch a cool little buzz and then you got the munchies for you, you better eat some food. I'm about to eat some food right now. I caught a cool little buzz, you know. You better call it a night. That's what's up, girl. That's a tight update, man. She's the best. You better be obsessed with me. Right now. You know, just catch a buzzer. Yeah, she's my fucking favorite. She's rad. You better be obsessed with me. Obsessed with me. I'm about to say burro. Catch a little buzzer.

I'm gonna show you guys what I use to work out when I don't feel like working out. It's this slippery, long slide board. It's basically... Look how dangerous that is. It feels like she's about to eat shit. That's what I'm working for. It's basically a toy for adults and you can do... Nope. ...so much on it. Toy for adults. Hey! Adult recess. That's what y'all do in your adult recess? Yeah, man. You can stretch. Whoa! Do some abs. Okay.

My favorite is ice skating. But don't fall. Oh, okay. This is so dangerous. It feels like it. This doesn't have a catastrophic ending. It should. It's so fun. Yeah. I'm obsessed. And every time I get off of it, I'm out of breath because I'm just having fun on it. Yeah. Oof. I love it. You do have to use it on hardwood because it does not work on carpet, but I'm obsessed. We got it.

it doesn't seem like you're having fun that's hard to say it seems like she's cheating death with every move she's like i almost fell now i almost fell now yeah that dude nah just do pilates okay if you see a woman back a car into a parking space go the other way that's a dude that's a dude so true she backs her car into a parking space i don't care what she look like getting out that's a dude

He's right. I never back into a parking space. Never. I can't do it. I won't do it. Dude right there. Dude. Rest in peace. Always. Kevin Samuels. Always speaking truth. This guy. Yeah. Doesn't know anything but truth. We need it. Oh, okay.

These stairs were steep. Not plus-size friendly. The stairs at the arena. And I'm afraid of heights. Stay home.

Any more than a size 24, 26, and you would not be comfy. The stairs were also an issue. The stairs are an issue because you're a whale. And also, you know that in these, you do arenas, you know that they have an allotment for like handicap seating. So just can't she qualify? I think that's what she's saying that you can maybe reach out if you're a,

If you're bigger than that, yeah, suggest booking accessible seating with cushioning full. So maybe you ahead of time reach out and you just say, I'm fucking huge and I need a bigger seat. I'm so fat that I'm disabled. I'm handicap fat. Yeah. And I need to. That's a nice way to wrap up the episode. I'm handicap fat. If you're super fat and you need a bigger chair, make sure you reach out ahead of time to venues.

Yeah, that was fun, Tam. Happy Juneteenth. And my birthday, but no one cares. Happy birthday, Christina. Oh, thanks, Annie. Thanks. Don't work, no wreck. Don't work, no wreck. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. The Feudura Highway.

And thanks for listening to our... Yeah. I love you, you know what I'm saying? I love you, you know what I'm saying, too. And we'll see you guys very soon. Enjoy your week. Thanks for listening and thanks for watching. Bye, Mommy. Good day. I have no problem swallowing. I'd stop for a minute and I'd put you on your inner thigh there. You just turn over and play with your cheeks. I would rub your cheeks. Maybe even massage you a little. Just...

Play with you and just caress you and make you feel just the only man in my life. Well, it's normal size. It's not that. The one thing that I'm going to tell you is that the first time is going to be quick. It's been a long time. Hey, you come. You come. Let me see. Let me see how much you come. Let me see all that. I'm going to swallow. Let's see how big I need it right now. Hey, give it to me now. Give it to me now. Give it to me now. You did. Give it to me. Give it to me.

Come on, Mark. Don't be stingy. Don't be stingy. Come on. Come on. Don't be stingy. Come on, Mark. Come on. Show me that you like me. Show me that you like me. Come on. Give it to me, Mark. Give it to me, Mark. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I can feel it. Mm.

Oh, that's going to be good. You bet I'm coming up in May.