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Greetings, crime fans. It's John Hamish Watson. I bring you the adventure of the Redheaded League. For those opposed to the F word, I've got some good news for you. It ain't here, baby. No F word for part one. But we do have his younger brother, the S word. So, yeah, well, you can't win them all.
Time is 14:50. Detectives present along with Mr John Clay and his legal representatives.
Right, Mr Clay, thank you for giving us some of your valuable time. More valuable than you can imagine, officer. I'm sure. I suggest we maybe watch what we say, John. No, no, yeah, I know, I know. Just pointing out what a total waste of time this is. But they're fully aware of that, I'm sure. Can you explain to me, Mr Clay, how much money you've stolen over the past three months? No comment, John.
Do you know Amanda Merriweather and her firm at all? No comment. You're a thief, aren't you, Mr Clay? Are you familiar with Sherlock Holmes and Dr John Watson, Mr Clay? No bloody comment. His name is Lee Jin-hyun, South Korean national, became a resident here in 2018. Unmarried, works locally and lives in a flat sharing Elton.
Did you find him, or was it another officer? A cop architect had called in. Any CCTV? Obscured. Got some people at his work saying he left. Apparently pissed. For our North American listeners, pissed means drunk, not angry. It also means to pee, which I think you guys use as well, actually. Right, well, Sherlock shouldn't be long, so... Yeah, what are you thinking? Murder. Murder.
Yeah, gotta be. No blood or signs of a struggle. Yeah, well, that's why it's probably best to wait for Sherlock. Yeah, currently in Blackheath, south-east London. First time we've been asked for assistance this early into a crime. And from the police as well. So, yeah, they found the body of a man in a car in the driver's seat.
Do you know what? Let's have another look. I'll talk you through it. Blunt instrument to the head, possibly. He died in the driving position with his hands on the steering wheel. He just started the engine. Maybe.
Maybe the engine triggered some kind of poisonous gas to go through his aircon vents into the car and kill him. Sorry, what? Ah, here he is. Ow! Bang my head. Mr Holmes? Afternoon, officer. Sorry, Watson, please continue. Something about poisonous gas. Oh, don't be smug. It's just...
Look, because all the doors are locked on the car, you know, so the murderer needed him to remain in the vehicle for the poisonous gas to take effect. So what was it? Blunt instrument or poisonous gas? Both. Gentlemen, I'll give you a couple more minutes and then the inspector will light the crime scene back. All right? Yeah, no problem. Just going to do a quick looky here. Just going to shine my light into his eyes. Huh.
That's weird. Got some uneven pupils. God, I can't remember what that's called. Anisocoria. Yes, that's it. Thanks. Not a problem, doctor. Do we need to have the conversation about tone of voice again? No, no, absolutely not. OK, so South Korean man, possibly drunk, can't smell the booze though, gets locked in his car, dies in position without so much as a broken fingernail.
Car looks untouched. CCTV saw him walk to his car but then it was occluded by this pillar. Oh, this is so boring. What? Sherlock? Hiya mate. See that? Corpse in a car. Yes. Real shame. He's a young, healthy man. Yes. Out for 41. Terrible innings, really.
Why are you smiling? I applied a sporting analogy there. Yes, very impressive. There's no murderer, Watson. The only man even remotely responsible for his death is not a cold-blooded killer, but is a bloody good batsman. We best shoot off. Hopefully Mrs Hudson has a case worth our time. No, we will not shoot off. Would you like to start with the uneven pupils and work your way to the logical conclusion? Or maybe you could start by looking at his wrists. Er...
Grass? Bit of a grass stain on them? Yes.
And the passenger seat. The food shop? Lunch. Sandwich, crisps, juice. There's no sandwich. Crumbs. There, there and there. And that shiny substance on his lip is not a balm. It's from butter. Oh. Our man was having a leisurely stroll on his lunch break over Blackheath Common. Then the blunt instrument struck, Dr Watson. A hammer? No. A cricket ball.
Well, it would have
Caused, er... Well, probably an epidural haematoma. Quite right. See? Told you. Boring, isn't it? Pass me his orange juice. Here. Thank you. Whoa, what are you doing? Thirsty. It's a long walk from the station. Sherlock, I thought that was a clue or something. For goodness sake. Oh!
My name is Dr John Watson, once of the British Army Northumberland Fusilier Regiment, now a true crime podcaster based in central London. I don't have much experience in criminology, so this is mostly a record of how I met possibly the most brilliant and bizarre person I have ever and will ever know. Join me as I document the adventures of
of Sherlock Holmes. Posh round here, isn't it? Very Gales Bakery kind of crowd. She's walking her dog with Hunter Wellies on there. Hasn't rained for about two weeks. And look at the park benches they have here as well. They look more expensive than our couch. Why do you always do that? Do what? Obsess over the affluent. Well, I don't obsess over the affluent. Yes, you do. I don't... Well, I mean...
I do a bit, but everyone does. Well, you're not seeing all the real housewives of God knows where, you know, Grand Designs and the Kardashians at Made in Chelsea and all that. I'll tell you what, mate. There isn't a Made in Swindon. You know, wonder why. Right? There's no real housewives of a couple of minutes outside of Wotton Bassett, is there? Eh? Eh?
No. I only understood about 12% of that sentence. Thank God. I'm not obsessed with rich people. You know, I just... I don't know. I don't know. You just like to remark on how they live. Sure, whatever. I'm just some jealous left-of-centre millennial who whinges about house prices all the time. Not all of the time. Although it does feel very often, I must say. Aha, right, here we go. What is it? Mariana's email. With some cases that have come in.
to sort out your boredom. Right, first one: Lionel P. Abrahams. 88 years old, went missing just outside of Falkirk, was found on some farmland nearby, armed, wow, but dead. No ammo discharged from his rifle, no witnesses, time of death estimated at 7am, and he... Next.
You are joking. I recall the details. Wife wouldn't let him hunt. He snuck out, had a heart attack and died. Oh, had a heart attack and died. That's it, is it? You know he had a pacemaker? Then he shouldn't have walked near a sheep farm that had comprehensive electric fencing. Hmm. Well... Okay, yeah, look, I mean, that would have caused...
Some issues for the pacemaker, but he would only have got arrhythmia at worst. Arrhythmia, yes. Until the deafening bang of a bird scarer a few minutes later. 7am, you said it yourself. First legally permitted one of the day for most farms, especially in that area. Alright, fine. What about this one? Gold reserves from a French bank that... Nope. Gold never existed. It was squandered decades ago. They lied. Now they're covering for it. Next...
Lord Henry Blackwood has... Boring. Right. Well, then it's just a bloke who's providing a reward to find his cousin, a woman who thinks her husband is having an affair. Oh, two affairs, actually. Some guy complaining his employer has disappeared. Some woman charged... His what? His employer? Yeah, yeah.
He's lost his job, company is unreachable, he's an actor, the whole production has vanished. I mean, you know, it's a fickle industry, isn't it? It probably happens a lot. Not boring. You are kidding me. Hmm? I've given you murder, tragedies, missing gold, affairs, and you think a man losing his job is the interesting one. Read more. Well, he's, um...
Jobbing actor, he says. He's late 40s. Gets stage work from time to time, then finally landed a role in... Oh, wow. Hollywood blockbuster being shot here in the UK. His agent at the Red Headed League got him the part... Er, what? OK. Yeah, he's mental. Yeah, this guy, this is a waste of time. Go on. Er, look...
He's saying that Tom Cruise was in the movie and Emma Stone. Yes, and? That... This would never happen. Why not? Because... I mean, these are household names. This is just some bloke who thinks he had a leading role in a Tom Cruise movie. You actually want me to keep reading? Right, great. Anyway, after a couple of weeks of doing table reads every day, he goes in again on Thursday and...
And yeah, it was gone. Yeah, no sign of them, couldn't contact anyone and the owner of the studio building had never heard of the production. You're smiling. You're going to say the game is afoot, aren't you? Where are you going? To 221B Baker Street. Why? Because the game is afoot, Watson. Oh, I knew he'd say that. Nobody says that, Sherlock. It's not an expression. I say it. Yeah, yeah.
but my lord you speak before me not as my master but as my friend you do not know yourself milford oh but i do my lord i only wish you knew i wish you knew yourself as i know thee
- God help me. - I am fearful of your candidness. Truth is fear, is it not? For our deepest mistrusts, our darkest dreads, they are the truth. Our innards are truths, sir. Our guts, our hearts, they are the truth. Our skin, our words, our possessions, these are the lies. Nothing but a shining mirage on the desert of our very souls.
Was that good? No, it was absolutely terrible. Yes, I thought so. Just wanted to check. This is ridiculous. It's a job. There's plenty of jobs to choose from, Sherlock, and they don't involve me sitting through two hours of absolute shite. Ah, Sherlock and Co. Hey, hey, hey. J. Bez Wilson. Oh.
What a performance, mate. Really, wow. Took my breath away. Oh, stop. Stop it. No, it was, yeah, you know, top notch. The toppest of the notches. He told you to stop? Yeah, yeah, just... And what did you deduce from that performance, great detective? The chair was a tad uncomfortable and the fire exit sign was quite distracting.
But he enjoyed it, Jabez. He definitely said something about enjoying it. Terrific! Now listen, grab yourselves a drink and I'll get us a spot upstairs and you can hear my tale of woe. My saga. My soliloquy of despair. My... Yep, all right. MUSIC PLAYS
Yes, yeah, yeah, let me just do the read, alright? This bit is for professional podcast hosts only. Oh god, stepped on the mic. Yeah, that looks fine. Hi listeners, we have caved to popular demand. Yes, I bought Sherlock some biscuits. But I've also done the second thing you wanted.
It's the Sherlock and Co. Members Club. Yeah, only on Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash Sherlock and Co. You know, find the membership tier that suits you. Become one of the Stamfords. Sorry, stammer. Support the show. Join the Discord for just three English pounds per month. I will be in that Discord to chat with you. And eventually Sherlock will be.
Two, once I talk him into it. Just £3 a month. You will be helping keep the lights on here at 221B Baker Street. But my favourite tier is this one. Become a Baker Street irregular. Lights on in the flat, batteries in my mic. Maybe even a new mic. Who knows?
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Yeah, no more waiting a week for the next part. As soon as the first part of an adventure drops, as a Baker Street Irregular, for just £6 a month, you will have not the first part, but the entire adventure. Yeah, the whole thing. Gobble it up in one sitting, for all I care. So that's ad-free listening, that's bingeable adventures, that's Discord access, transcripts, merch discounts, monthly newsletter, bonus episodes of Sherlock and I just hanging out, answering questions. £6 a month.
Everyone keeps telling me I'm offering too much for that price tag, but whatever. They can bugger off. Final tier is the Diogenes Club. I don't know what that means. Sherlock suggested it. That's £25 a month for you generous wealthy lot who are, yeah, just lovely, really. You get all the above, free merch items, tickets to twice yearly Sherlock and Co meetups. You heard that right.
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Freshly made ravioli or hand-pulled ramen noodles? When you dine with Chase Sapphire Reserve, either will be amazing because it's the choice between a front row seat at the chef's table while getting a live demo of how to make ravioli or dining family style as you hear the story behind your ramen broth. This weekend, it's ravioli.
Next weekend, ramen. Find the detail that moves you with immersive dining experiences from Sapphire Reserve. Chase, make more of what's yours. Learn more at chase.com slash sapphirereserve. Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase Bank and a member of FDIC. Subject to credit approval. This is an ad by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables?
It's hard to make time for the things that keep you healthy, but being consistent with self-care is like working a muscle. And when life gets crazy, that muscle keeps you strong. Therapy is the ultimate self-care, and BetterHelp makes it easy to get started with affordable online sessions you can do from anywhere. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com to learn more. That's BetterHelp.com.
Hmm? It... yeah. It is... ginger. Okay.
I mean, yeah. I don't know what to tell you. He has red hair. Are you still sulking about the case? I'm not sulking about the case. Look, I've got a podcast here, mate. It's got loads of downloads because people want drama. They want mystery, excitement. You know, they...
They don't want some god-awful stage production and a deranged actor that thinks he's going to star alongside Tom Cruise and Emma Stone. How is he deranged? Because he is terrible, Sherlock. You told him he was good. I did not say it was good. You praised him. But I used creative language. You said it took your breath away. Yeah, because I sighed so many times I nearly collapsed my own bloody lung. You said it was the toppest of notches. Look...
Praise means a lot to him, I can tell, okay? So I use creative language to reassure him of my enjoyment and his talent. So you lied. Yeah, it's not going to hurt anyone, though, right? Creative language? Yeah, like, I don't know. Right, remember when I was on the tube the other day and I said to that woman her kid was an independent spirit? Yes. Well, he wasn't. He was a little shit. Exactly, but you don't say that. You cushion it in language that...
Isn't hurtful. Ah, here he is. Laurence Olivier. Who, me? Behave yourself. Oh, right. Goodness, long night. It's a terribly big role. Profoundly complex character. A twisty and convoluted narrative that's just hanging together by performance. Lots of pressure, let me tell you. Lots of pressure.
Now, originally the character didn't have much to do with the Duchess... Can we stop talking about this now and move on to the case? Ah, right, yes, of course. Well, where do I begin? At the point where it is relevant. Well, I've wanted to be an actor since I was three years old, you see. Is there a sooner point than that? Oh, um, so when I graduated from RADA... Even sooner? He's, um... Sherlock's just eager to get the case solved, so... Yeah, right, well, okay...
I suppose it began with... Oh yes, that was it. I had a meeting with Ezekiah Hopkins, my lodger Vince who's been staying with me. As I've got a few spare rooms, a single bed, I put it on Airbnb every now and again. Anyway, anyway. He said he knew of a big Hollywood producer that was in London...
He'd flown out from Los Angeles and Vince suggested to him to come and see my play. And he came to see it and he was blown away, much like yourself. And he wanted to meet because he'd just started a new agency. Ezekiah Hopkins is a redhead like me. And he had this idea that he wanted more redhead representation on screen.
Really? Oh, yes. Name a redhead. A redheaded actor that gets lots of work. You can't name them. Nicole Kidman. Oh, she dies it. Frequently. There's no truth there. Oh, er, what's her name? Jessica Chastain. And Thingy's daughter. Oh, God, what's her name? Ron Howard's daughter. Why on earth are you looking at me? I don't know or care to... Mail them.
Red-headed male actors. We are a minority. We're a minority at a time when minorities are being celebrated, Dr Watson. And yet, we're ignored. We're forgotten. We don't get work purely based on the colour of our hair. And I think Ezekiah wanted to change that. And I don't blame him. Why don't you just die? Doctor, you should never wish a man dead. No, Sherlock, that's not funny. I didn't mean that. I meant dye your hair. I meant...
I meant because... Because why? Well, I don't know. You said it yourself. You know, it seems to be inhibiting your career. But I'm a minority. I deserve representation. Right. Yes, I get that. Can we get back to the case? You seem unconvinced. It's just that I feel that a minority, personally...
is or was at some point a persecuted bunch. You know, not just, you know, a smaller group in society. But we are persecuted. Well, to what extent? We really should establish that... We're erased from mainstream culture.
I mean, you just told me to dye my hair, for example. Yeah, but that was... You can't name mainstream red-headed actors. We're teased and we're mocked continually. In primary school, so is everyone. You know, I had a kid in my class that would cry when he farted. Does he need mainstream representation? Look, you're not understanding our position in society. I would really like to get a grasp of... The red-headed man is the most persecuted... Oh, come on.
Bald men. Short men. You know, where's their talent agency? They should get one. Oh, come on. They should protect their own. You can't just throw your toys out with a pram. We are a forgotten minority that... Get on with the bloody case. Right. Yes, well, um... After Vince, my lodger, has set us up, I was at my meeting with Ezekiah Hopkins. He enjoyed my performance and wanted to sign me up to manage me to be my agent, so...
I signed to the Red Headed League. The Red Headed League is the agency? That's correct. A group of red-headed performers, artists, professionals in the industry that wanted the correct kind of representation.
Anyway, one day, out of the blue, Ezekiah calls me. And he says he'd like me to meet with Duncan Ross, as he'd received a casting call. Here, let me show you. And a casting call, that's like a description of a role for an actor? Yes, exactly. The age range, the sex, appearance they're looking for. Here you go. Casting call. Male, 40 to 50, around 6 foot. Commanding frame, strong vocal projection, soft.
Red hair. Not light red, strawberry blonde or ginger. Not dark red or auburn. Real, bright, blazing, fiery red.
I mean, yeah. Well, that's me. That's you. Was there an audition? Oh, just a self-tape that Vince helped me with. Right, Vince, your lodger. Is he an actor? Oh, no, no, no. He works from home doing something or other. But he's ever so helpful around the house. And in instances like this as well, of course. So, then what happened? Mr Wilson, is that your jumper? Um, yes. Mind if I take a closer look? It's rather lovely. Okay. Um...
Ha! He's into his fashion, aren't you Sherlock? You finished? Yes. Continue. Well, I sent off the self-tape. It was an extract from the movie. OK. Do you mind if we see it? Well, I've got the script right here. Ah, OK. Wow. Solar Thunder. Solar Thunder. Yes, absolutely. Captivating script.
Okay, so I play Captain Tyson, you play Susanna, and Mr. Holmes, if you play the ship's mechanic... Oh, Jabez, I'll just... This won't be necessary. It's an escape vessel, and it's heading right for the Black Hole. We need to hack into its internal comms and alter its course, Sergeant Carter! Yes, Captain Tyson. Oh, sorry, that was supposed to be urgent. Um...
Yes, Captain Tyson. Bring us closer to the black hole. But Captain, that's suicide. We need to be close enough to hack the signal. Roger that, Captain. No, stop, wait, you can't do this, we'll all die, you must reverse course. Oh, come on, mate. What? Put some... I mean, this is bloody...
This is life and death stuff. This really is not necessary. I've got control of the vessel. I can't bring it any closer. Sergeant Carter. Captain. Prepare the space cruiser for launch. But... There's no time, goddammit, Sergeant. There's no time. And that's, yeah. That's when I leave that ship and then get on the spaceship with Tom Cruise. It doesn't make any sense. Exactly. How could they remotely access the internal communications of an unknown vessel? No, the...
Him, this whole thing. You... People don't go from starring in dreadful plays in empty theatres to starring alongside Tom Cruise and Emma Stone in space. Let alone slightly chubby blokes in their late 40s with no outstanding acting credits. Well, unlike you, Watson, I intend to spend less time on confusion and more time on action.
What are you doing? I am Sherlock Holmes. I know how to track people down, to get answers, watch and try your best to learn. Hello, Creative Artist Agency. Yes, hello there. I'd like to speak to Mr Thomas Cruise. Hello.
Yeah, that's not going to happen. Why not? Sherlock, it doesn't matter what Tom Cruise thinks because it's clearly a completely made-up movie. Yes, that's what I was hoping to discern from its leading talent. Why? Who makes up a movie just to cast some nobody? Quite right.
A nobody that had to attend table readings and rehearsals every day. A nobody that was wined and dined by a talent agent, signed to an agency, lauded and hired by a producer. On his lodger's recommendation. I don't get it. I don't understand. What are you doing? Hiding. From? From Jabez Wilson.
What are you talking about? I've been following him home. Oh, sorry. We've been following him home. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Where are we going? We're following him. Great, great. And when exactly were you going to tell me? Where's he headed? It looks like his home. You are joking me. Quite the location. He lives behind the Strand. I thought...
I just assumed nobody could actually afford to live here. Is he a billionaire? He doesn't feel like a billionaire. Then again, I don't really know what a billionaire feels like. Get in touch if you're a billionaire. We'd love to know. I don't know, really. We'd love to know what a billionaire feels like. Jabez Wilson clearly has a lot of family wealth and quite the flagship asset in that house.
This could well be central to our case. Ah, it's always the same with actors. You watch a film and you go, oh, he's good. Then you Google him and it turns out you went to Harrow and he's the third son of Lord Baron Smythingham and his arty model second wife. You're doing it again. Sorry. So this is his residence. And that of his lodger Vince. Excellent. Right, where are we going now? To Bacchanist. Oh, OK. OK.
Why? Because this needs solving. Right, and the tobacconist will help with that, will he? He certainly will. The Red Headed League. It's a three-pipe problem, Watson. Mmm, of course it is. Oh, Barry, please, I need more time. The rent is late. Again. Oh, please, Barry, I've got a family of six and one on the way. One on the way!
This guy is terrible. Yep. And why are we helping this man? Yeah, well, I've been wondering the same thing, but Snoop Dogg over here seems to think something is amiss. Who is Snoop Dogg? He's a bloke who smokes a lot. Right. Speaking of dogs, can you get Archie off my lap? He's cuddling you. Yes, well, he's too fat and it's hurting my legs. OK, can everyone just stop calling Archie fat, please?
Please. This doesn't make any sense. I know. I mean, I'm doing one cup of the dry food and then the wet food as recommend you're talking about the red-headed league. Yep. Sorry. So an American talent agency that looks after red-headed actors signs this guy because... He's talented, apparently. Oh, look. He's been in EastEnders. Ian! Then just stop. Call the police. Now!
That's it. That was it. One line in EastEnders and then a leading role alongside Tom Cruise. Oh, and Hollyoaks. Oi, oi. Where have you been? I've been with Michelle. Oh, cool. So I was thinking Bobby and Dino are down the pub. I love her, Danny. I love her. HE MUMBLES
And a Hollyoaks episode from 2008. Great. We mustn't forget the significance of the lodger. The lodger? So, he rents out a room to some guy called Vince. He sets him up with the Redheaded League. Right.
Then Duncan Ross, a producer, hires him for a Tom Cruise movie based on his appearance. The perfect red hair, yeah. He then goes in every day, 8 until 5, to do table reads with the other actors. Notably, not the stars. And now we arrive to the most curious part, Mrs Hudson. Wait, it gets weirder? For Sherlock it does, yeah. It vanished. What vanished? Solar thunder.
Yeah, I don't understand. The actual movie. All the actors, the talent agency, the red-headed league, the IMDB page. Everything disappeared after just two weeks. That's crazy. Excellent, isn't it? But, listen, Sherlock, the whole thing is crazy. That's the problem. You know, he's just... I don't know, he's just been catfished. Someone is messing around with him. Catfished? Tricked. Usually online. I mean...
People just making up who they are to... I dunno, prank this guy. There'll be a motive. There always is. Except when there isn't. One final thing. The house. Oh yeah.
OK, well, look, I'll give you that one. That is... that is weird. What about the house? He lives in Saxe-Coburg Square. Why do I know that name? Because it's behind the Strand. Wait, what? Yeah, big townhouse. It's about the only thing there that isn't a bank or solicitors. OK, let's crack on. No, look, look, look, wait, wait, wait, wait. Mariana, tell Sherlock about some of the other cases that are coming in. Uh, uh, yes. Yes, yes, yes. So, um, uh, oh, there's a potential murder...
This is the case. Oh, please. What is the problem, Watson? You've said it yourself countless times. It doesn't add up. Yeah, I know, I know, but, Sherlock, I'm concerned, OK? You always are, Watson. No, I... It's just the podcast has had a really strong start. Has it now? We've had some amazing cases and it's important that the content, you know, remain...
Mm-hmm. And, look, I just think a bloke, who isn't all there, by the way, losing a job isn't the kind of material that brings in big listening figures. Why? Because it's boring. And not your kind of boring, it's actually boring. Far from it. Ezekiah Hopkins, the mysterious talent agent, Duncan Ross, the fraudulent movie producer, and Vince, the infallible lodger...
This is most appealing. Mate, I told you, the most fascinating thing about this case is his bloody postcode. Jesus, I mean, who are we helping out next? A street cleaner with a big Ben Penthouse? Hmm, yes, you may, Dr Watson, have a point. Ow! Oh, God. What are you doing? I'm handing you your coat. Yeah, well then pass it to me, don't throw it. Pick up the microphone, please. Pfft, pfft, pfft.
What a shame. It still seems to be working. Your listeners will continue to suffer, it would seem. Where are we going? You'll find out. Well, for the sake of the podcast, could you say... We're going to Pinewood Studios to the set of Solar Thunder. And I promise, it won't be boring.
And Red Headed League parts two and three are available now at patreon.com forward slash Sherlock and Co. Go, go, go. That's patreon.com forward slash Sherlock and Co. Go, go, go.
