"Andy Richter: LIVE in Chicago”
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- We gotta make some kind of an announcement. - Yeah, so like they have no, they can't use cell phones. - Right, they can't use cell phones. - We're sorry that we're running late. - Yeah, but they should know that it's us making the announcement, so why don't somebody do it in an accent or something like that. - Okay, so please no flash photography. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay. So, Sean, you go. Well, you're from here. So, Sean, you go. Here we go. Sean, you go. So, in an accent? Yeah, an accent so they don't think it's you. Okay. So, any accent. Welcome to Chicago. Something like that. Yeah. And then what else are you going to tell them? And then no flash photography. Right. And what else? And put your fucking cell phones away. Yeah. I think I can hear an echo like you might already be on. Oh, our mics are on? Well, then, you know what we have to say. Uh-oh. Welcome to Smartland!

Oh man

You hear the music, you get all pumped up. Take a seat, take a seat. Oh, please, sit. Oh my goodness. Wait, can we see, I want to see the house lights. Can we see the house lights for one sec? We want to see everybody. What were you thinking? By the way, thank you for wanting to meet us because we wanted to meet you, so we did this tour. Why would you do this? Oh, wow.

As Will might say, you've made a horrible mistake. Yeah. That's not the line, but fine. Terrible, terrible. No, not the line either. Huge, huge. Huge mistake. Okay. Got it. For those of you who might not know or even care, I'm actually from here. Wow. So I have like a zillion stories of how this place shaped me. Okay. Do you have a profile? Oh, wow.

We literally just ate Portillo's, I'm not kidding. Yeah, we did. We did. It was a real mistake. I've chewed five Gas-X in the last two minutes. By the way, also a true story. Yeah. Because I had a coffee on top of it. It's just, it's a bad science experiment. Anyway, thank you for being here and coming out tonight. It means the world to us, and we're going to sit down now. Yeah.

Oh, I gotta get my... You guys! You guys! This is so cool. Now, let me... This is your guest tonight. Are you relaxed? Yes, but I will be burping portillas throughout the night. Do you want me to throw up some of my gas ex in your mouth? Yeah, no, gross, gross. And by the way, Sean thought it would be a good idea for all of us to have, like, these beef sandwiches and chocolate cake... Chocolate cake shake. Chocolate cake shake.

Before the show, you know, and Jason, who hasn't had anything but a salad for the last, you know, four and a half years, it's tough on your system. I might need a stitch later. Oh, no. Wow. Your stomach's like, what is this coming at me? Right.

Wait, so I want to share a couple stories from my childhood since I grew up here. I can't remember how much of my mom's eye I told you about. Yeah. Oh, I know. Bless it. This is going to be... Forgive me if you've heard this, but I don't think I've said this before on the podcast. So this sums up my mom in one quick story. She was the greatest mom ever. I love her so much. She's since passed away. Sure, death. Clap for death. And...

So, uh... And she had a really dark sense of humor. So, at two years old, she had cancer, so she had one of her eyes taken out. And she, you know, growing up, she had to keep resizing the eye. I'm not laughing at cancer or anything. I'm laughing because my family, we would laugh because otherwise you'd cry, so we made fun of it, and she would make fun of it, and whatever. But hang on a second. What happens if you do not stay current with resizing the eye? Great question.

Great question. Will it fall out with a sudden move? No, well, your face would grow as you grow, but the eye would stay tiny. Right, so it might fall out if you do not resize it. Right, so as she grew older and then she had the five kids and my dad left, you know all that story when I was five and then my mom raised all five of us. No, they remember all these hilarious stories. And he didn't really leave. He put it in drive and punched it.

I think it's what it was. It was a tire screech, right? So, I also have a masturbation story that I want to get to. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, so... By the way, tonight on a very special Smart List. What the hell?

Okay, so my mom then, so she raised five kids by herself. And then to kind of give back when I had some extra money and I became a tiny bit successful, I was like, Mom, I want to buy the house for you that we grew up in and the one next to it and on the other side, knock all three down and build you a house. And that's what I did, which was fantastic. She deserved it, right? And so tore our entire family apart. But anyway, so...

I love how much joy you get out of your own pain. If you don't laugh, you'll cry. So then, so then, so this sums up my mom. So I put her in a condo while the house was being built. And then I wanted to do like a big like reveal, right? And so the house is being built. It took like a year and a half. And I furnished the whole, like all new furniture, like silverware and like

art on the walls and sheets of like, the whole thing was just turnkey. And so she, I had that big move that bus moment, right? And so she, right, so she came in, so we're all there, the whole family's there behind the door, and she comes in the door and she immediately starts, she cries her eye out, and she is like, she's like, oh my god, this is incredible. There was only one dry eye in the house. And it wasn't real. So, um,

Okay, so anyway. So then she walks in. She walks in, she's crying her eyes out, and she walks in, and she goes, she's touching everything. She's like, oh my God, nobody's ever done anything like this for me in my entire life. I don't know that I would have picked out that couch. And that's my mom. Yeah! Oh! Yeah.

And... Oh my god. My sister... You better get on your knee if you're gonna propose to me. If that's not her eye... No, no, that's my sister. My sister brought that gift for you guys today. Is that it? If that's her eye, is it an eye? Oh my god. Please let it be the eye. Oh my god. It's right. It's right. You can't see this, but it's an eye. Yeah. Is that... That's my mom's eye. Is this really your mom's eye? Yes!

- That's my mom's eye! - Sorry, sorry. - I brought it back to Chicago! - Oh, wow! - So she's gonna keep an eye on us for the show. - Wow, isn't that nice? - I'm curious. There is no odor whatsoever. - It's a glass eye. - It's a very pretty eye. She looks like when she got fitted for this, she may have been a little stoned. Or just finished a long lap in a pool.

Well, not my mom. No. She broke. Anyway. That's so nice. Isn't that nice? That's so good. Let's make sure we remember where that is. All right. I'm surprised it's not a ball. Well, it's an eye. I know, but aren't our eyes, like, round? Like, what did that... It's just like a cap. What would it stick to, I wonder? Well, so you have, like... I don't know.

- But you know, there's a little-- - It'd be like muscle and stuff. It's not like a-- - Maybe it was like a ping pong, and then they put that on top of the ping pong ball. - No, no, no. There was a little tiny, I'm not even kidding, a little tiny plunger suction cup, and then she'd go and pull it out to clean it. - So she would take it out and clean it? - Yes, yes. - Hang on a second. - And then wait. - Of course! - And then when she would go out bowling on Thursdays, I said this on the podcast, we would have friends come over and knock on the door, and there was a chain, and we'd open the door with the eye, and we'd go, "Who's there?"

Like that, and shut the door. Okay. I want to meet your... Didn't you say you wish you'd met his mom? I second that. I wish I would have met your mom. I did. I said in the car today, we were driving in from the airport, or maybe it was on the car, on the plane, and I said, I really wish that I'd met your mom. She would have loved you guys. We would have loved her, because we love you more than anybody. She was the best. She was the best. Yeah. All right. So... Isn't Sean Hayes the greatest? Come on. Come on.

Let's get up. Come on. Everybody up. Everybody up. Okay. Get up. The best. What did I say today? You make me... What did I say? I said something remarkably nice, and I... On the plane, you did. It was really sweet. Well, we'll remember later. It was so sweet, you forgot it. So, for my guest tonight, guys, this is exciting. Right. I forgot. Yeah, yeah. I wanted to get someone who has some Chicago roots, and...

who is a friend to us three, right? - Really? Wait, we know this person. - You know this person. This fellow went to University of Illinois and Columbia College.

You might know it as soon as I say it. He was in the original cast of the Real Live Brady Bunch back in the 90s, which is one of the funniest things I ever saw. He has since appeared in parts alongside Will Ferrell in Elf, Talladega Nights, and even appeared in one of my all-time favorite TV shows that had his name in the title. Who? Now, he may not have had his own talk show with his own name in the title yet, but he's the biggest reason Conan O'Brien did. It's Andy Richter! Andy Richter! No! No! No, Andy! Andy!

Hi everybody! Andy Richter! How are you?

I was just, I was talking about it, right? All we do is talk about you. That's true. So I was like, oh, I got to keep it in. I got to keep it in. And today, Andy tweeted out, and I read it to Sean when we landed here. Andy tweeted out, he said, does anybody know a watch that's appropriate for fisting because I'm trying to make summer plans? And I thought, well, that's a great tweet.

Yeah, I mean, I'm traveling. It makes me think of traveling. I'm thinking this summer, what can I do with myself? Sure. Single now. So sure. Sure. You know. Solomon Giorgio, who's a really funny stand-up, said...

"Which hand are you gonna be using?" And I said, "Probably the left, 'cause I wanna keep the right free for the TV remote." - Sure, sure. - You know? - Wow. - Always multitasking. - No, I know. You might wanna hang out around Belmont after this, but anyway. How nice of you to come out here and join us, Andy. - I was thrilled to be asked. - Very cool of you. - Yeah, yeah. - This is so exciting. - Sean Astin, and I was really, I was actually kind of lucky, 'cause I was like,

I've listened to this podcast. I'm sorry. No, it's okay. It's okay. You can do double speed, you know. I'm unemployed, so I have a lot of time on my hands. But no, I really was like, after you asked me, I was about to text like, hey guys, I'm going to, and I was like, oh no, idiot. It's supposed to be a fucking surprise. All right. But did Smarty Pants tell you it's a surprise? Yes. Did he help you? Yes, he did. Okay, good. He did.

Not in the initial text. No, and then I forgot. I was like, oh, gosh! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? And then you said, you sent the funniest text back. I wish I had my phone. I said, hey, if you want to chat about anything, like, beforehand, and you're like, oh, I can't wait to read some of my poetry. I said, yeah. You said, you know, you want to know a little bit about what we'll talk about. And I said, well, first, I'm only talking about my poetry. This crowd loves it. Yep. Yep.

And secondly, I need at least 10 minutes to promote my new 24-year-old girlfriend Leilani's vegan jewelry. Oh, good. Do we have a website on that? A web address? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. We're bringing a screen in. Maybe you can sell the jewelry in the lobby when Sean comes here to do that play. All right. You're coming here to do a play? I couldn't hear you. What's the name of it? Yeah.

- Yeah, I'm playing, anyway, so no, but-- - Speaking of jewelry, have you seen Sean's new jewelry line? - Oh wow. - Yeah, it's nice, right? - Andy. - Yeah, wait, wait, wait. - Wow, that is weird. So Andy, you're from here. When's the last time you were here? Do you ever jerk off in front of this? - Answer him.

I mean, it's a natural. We were all thinking it. That's so gross. Wait, when is the last time you were here? In Chicago, Thanksgiving. My daughter and I came out for Thanksgiving. Wait, but you didn't grow up... I mean, you weren't born here, but you kind of... Everybody's out in the western suburbs now. My sisters and my brothers are here with their families. But where did you grow up? I grew up in Yorkville.

Oh, okay. Yorkville? Yeah! It's kind of out by Aurora, you know? Is it alright? Is it alright? It's okay.

Yeah, it's all right. I mean, it's getting better, you know. It's, uh, that town... They have a Portillo's? No, I don't think they do have a Portillo's, but they have a water park now, which they didn't used to have. Oh, man, I bet it's nice right now. And that town... You get a deal on it, though. The two, you know, like, probably most famous people out of Yorkville are me and Dennis Hastert. So, uh... Wow. Yeah. It's a mixed bag. Yikes. Yeah.

It's a mixed bag. You say you were here at Thanksgiving. This will always be the iconic place for any sort of winter holiday because of the John Hughes films, for me. Nothing says winter cozy holiday than Chicago and the suburbs of it. I fantasize about that. Because it's like 79 on Christmas in LA. It's like you want to blow your brains out. Yeah, I know. It's 79 years old. No, seriously, it's depressing. To sweat on Christmas? No.

No. - The unbelievable coastal elites, right?

I mean, you know, I'm Canadian, and you guys are from Chicago, and then these guys with their... Anyway, it's a bunch of BS. No, you're right. You're absolutely right. It does suck. When you grew up, you know, growing up, you're one of the funniest people who I feel like really hasn't gotten that huge opportunity to kind of have your own thing. I'm very handsy, so every job I get, I usually...

No, but I know you mean though shunnies the you're the quickest you're maybe one of the quickest people ever of all time That's like in because of improv right improv Olympics right through what how you started that through through? Chicago well I started out at University of Illinois and kind of go along I

And I started there and I went there for two years and then I decided to go to film school so I transferred to Chicago to Columbia College and I got the fun thing of after being out of the house for two years, got to move back home. Oh man. Yeah, yeah. What was the first big problem? Was it bringing a girl home? That wasn't that big of a problem.

- Dude. - It should be. - Dude. - No. - Did they find your bong?

No, no, it's just my family. And they're here, they'll attest. They're really annoying. One asshole after another. And, you know, I mean, I'm pretty cool. Sure, sure. The contrast is very stark. Did you go through ImprovOlympic with anybody that you remain friends with? Yeah, actually, Kate Flannery, who played Meredith on The Office. Yep.

She was in my first improv class and I used to, and I've told her this since, but she used to, before each class she'd be furiously writing in a journal and I always read over her shoulder to see whatever she was writing. It was always guy trouble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have any characters that you created there that you remember that you loved or was there any kind of improv game that you loved that we could play right now? Oh, oh shit. That would be fun. Oh, God.

I love that. I love that shit. I think it's so fun. You're a space dentist. Go. Because you wrote a lot there, right? Yeah, but there's kind of like this macho... I was in ImprovOlympic, which is Del Close...

you know, school of improv. Yeah, yeah. And it's very-- there we go. What event did you excel in? Huh? What event did you excel in? Being fucking funny. Yeah. Yeah.

No, well, it was all long form. Like, the idea was we would do this thing called a herald, which is a long form improv. You get a suggestion and then you, you know, you fuck around for half an hour. You try, you do different scenes. JB, like they do at ASCAP. Yeah, yeah. It's like, kind of like ASCAP. Or you ask the audience for a subject or a word. Well, but wait, wait. By the way, for Tracy, who's actually here backstage, but she's not coming out. She's not coming out. Definitely not.

-Tracy! -Tracy! Tracy! -Tracy! Tracy! Tracy! -Tracy! -Tracy! -Wait, wait, wait. -She's coming. Wait. She's coming. -Wait! -Whoo! -You get out of here! -Wait! -Oh. -The real live Tracy. -How great was that? -So... -She doesn't seem as dumb as Shawn makes her sound, right? -I know.

I was going to say, explain what ASCAT is, because it's such a great thing. Never mind. All right, so... Well, no, ASCAT is... They know what it is. Andy, you tell us. You all know what long-form improv is. I mean, it's fucking Chicago, for Christ's sake. And you were here at that time. What an unbelievable time. I mean, Chicago is basically the kind of... The home of improv in America. And it's where... Yeah, it is. And...

All the people that, certainly all the people that I look up to who are great comedic sketch performers and improvisers are all people who came out of, I was also jealous. Somebody asked me once why I never did a sketch and I said I was too dumb to think about I should go to Chicago and do that. Yeah, yeah. And we're all these incredible people. Forget the names are insane. Oh, yeah. I mean, well, like Matt Walsh

I mean, I always like to say twice Emmy nominated Matt Walsh. He likes it even more when you use it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tina Fey, Steve Carell, everybody, like so many people. Yeah, Amy Sedaris was here, Paul Dinello, Steve Carell. We will be right back. And now, back to the show. Tell me about like writing and did you enjoy that and how did you then parlay that into the Conan show? No, I was, I'm terrible at writing. I mean, I'm good at,

And one of the reasons that I liked improv was because it was acting and writing all at once, and I didn't get a chance to think about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because when I sit down to write, I end up just like... Right. It's the hardest thing in the world. When I was a little kid, my mother put a desk in the basement facing a bar.

cement wall for absolute sensory deprivation to do my like third and fourth grade homework, which was so easy to do. And I would be like, oh my God, this will take 20 minutes. Why are you down here for an hour? Come on, just try it. And I'd be like one question and go like, oh my God. It's like kryptonite homework. In front of a brick wall. That sounds so healthy. It was like because I just was so distracted and then I just...

My kids have ADD too. The only advice I have to them is, well, you just have to do the work.

Like there's no secrets. This whole life, living my whole life with not being able to get shit done, it's like, oh yeah, right. - Wait, do you have ADD? - You just do it. - You have ADD? - I do, yeah, yeah. - It seems like everybody's got ADD, so like is it a thing and how do you know? - Yeah, I agree. - How about it's just like a lot of shit's boring and I don't want to pay attention. - No, no, it's a real thing because there's a difference

- What's the ADHD? - That's hyperactivity. - That's me. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I can't talk about it. - Get a load of me disease. - But how do you-- - Get a load of me disease. - How do you check for it? How do you diagnose it? Like, is there a test? - Yeah, there's educational psychologists that can diagnose it and they-- - And there's medication to treat it? - Speed, baby!

Would they give you speed? Well, I mean, that's what Ritalin is. I actually was on ADD. You know what Adderall is, too? Yeah, Adderall. It's all just speed. I was on ADD meds for a while, years ago, and then just because it raises your blood pressure and stuff, I started taking them. But I would get a generic of, and I don't remember, it was Adderall or one of them, but I would get the generic and the bottle just said, amphetamine.

And one time, yeah, like one time I was shooting something down in San Diego on a Marine base and they're like, "I have to go through your bag." And it's like, "Amphetamines." Yeah, yeah. Those are for pressing and snorting. So then how did you and Conan meet and how did that happen?

Well, there's like some classified ads out in L.A. where... Lonely people. No, I...

Well, you mentioned the Real Life Brady Bunch. That's what... For Tracy, if you're listening, or anybody who doesn't know, Real Life Brady Bunch was kind of like a stage... An annoyance theater production here of Brady Bunch episodes. Yeah, annoyance theater. It was so fucking funny. And by the way, Sean, sorry, I just love seeing you go like, just so nonchalantly. And by the way, Tracy...

and you're just looking off on swings. Are you listening? Yeah. Wake up! What characters do you play in real life Brady Bunch? I played Mike Brady. I mean, but that was like... That's the dad, right? Yeah, that's the dad. Because, I mean, me and Robert Reed. It's been a while. Fucking dead ringer. No way. So it's Mike, Greg, Peter, Bobby, right? Yeah, thank you. Right, right. There you go. That's really good. This is what they have to deal with with me. I'm not quick or bright. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Wait, so I have ADD. What did you say? I played Mike Brady, but I was like the third or fourth Mike Brady. It was when it went from Chicago to New York. The guy that was playing Mike Brady also worked at the Annoyance Theater. He was like a salaried person there, so he couldn't go to New York. So I asked...

Joey Soloway, can I go along, you know, buy me a cheap wig? All right, you know. So was it like that tight, curly wig? Oh, it was awful. It was seriously like a $17 wig that was like a bathing cap with hair on it, you know. So.

I feel like I got a bit of a Carol Brady going right now. I need to cut this shit so bad. You need a little bit longer. Well, Jane Lynch played Carol Brady in the show, and she had just like the shittiest little Carol Brady flip that had like just an elastic strap that she like hid under her bangs. She just would strap on, you know. Who played Alice and how was she? Uh.

Mary Weiss, and she was great. She sort of originated the role here. She's kind of like a more musical theater person. I would have played Tiger. That would have been nice. Tiger, the dog. Well, it was such a big thing that we all pitched in. It was like, when I heard they were going to do it, I thought it was...

the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard. And then when I saw the first night of it, I don't know that I've ever laughed harder. Sean, you saw it? Yeah, a long, long time ago. Because everybody in it was really talented. Oh, my God. You met Conan there? No, I did not. See, you got to bring him back on track, guys. Right, right, right. You got to keep your eye on the prize. I, uh...

We went to New York, and then the Brady Bunch moved to L.A., and I went to L.A. with the Brady Bunch. And in the meantime, Betty Cahill, a Chicagoan, who is a friend of mine that I went to Columbia College with, she was on SNL for a season. And that summer, she was in L.A. Do you point a lot? Do you point constantly? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's my Bernie Sanders imitation. I'm kidding. And then we...

No, we... She comes out to L.A. She comes out to L.A. I hang out with her. She's friends with Robert Smigel. I meet Robert Smigel. Robert is going to be the head writer on Conan's show and says, do you want to meet Conan O'Brien? Did you know who Conan was at the time? No.

Was Conan already on the air? I knew that he was the guy... One question at a time, man! No, no, no, no. He had just done like a screen test kind of thing. And it was just announced, this guy who was a comedy writer on The Simpsons is going to be replacing David Letterman. I just heard about it like anybody else. And then like two days after it happened, I went to Jeff Garlin was taping a pilot in

in LA where he played like a New York cop, like a lovable guy, which, you know, Garland as a cop is, of course, he's absolutely a cop, sure. Totally the world's chattiest cop. Yes, exactly. But I actually went to that with Kate Flannery and we sat in front of Bob Odenkirk, who was there with Carol Leifer. Yeah, Naperville! Totally, totally eavesdropped.

on them talking about Conan, because Bob is very good friends with Conan. And Bob actually, Bob and his brother Bill, actually in the beginning of Late Night came out and wrote on the show for a couple of months. Wait, wait, and Bob and Conan were roommates at one point. Yes, here in Chicago. They were working on SNL, and during the writer's strike, they came here and they did a live show. This is Bob Smigel. Bob Odenkirk. Oh, Bob Odenkirk. And Bob Smigel was in that show too. Robert Smigel, Bob Odenkirk.

Conan, Jeff Garland was here at that time, too. Unbelievable. I mean, like, just heavy hitters. So then how did you get from meeting Conan there to becoming such a close friend with him and then becoming the co-host of the Conan O'Brien show? Right.

Look at you. They're like cheering on for your rudimentary skills. They've got bad ADHD. We try to sit them in the front. Yeah, yeah. Look at him go, asking questions like a big boy. What was the moment that you and Conan met? We arranged lunch in Los Angeles at Junior's Delicatessen. Oh, sure. Junior's. And no longer there.

I ordered food, Conan ordered a can of Coke. And I was like, because for me it was someone was paying for lunch, so. Sure, sure. Bring it on. And we just hit it off really well immediately. We could be as stupid as we wanted with each other. Was it just to be friends or was there-- No, it was to get a job as a writer on the show. As a writer. You think it was a date?

Well, I don't know, I mean, they're both handsome fellas, you know? We were spooning in a booth. But, but, but, but, so because you, the notion of you being on the couch with Conan during that show all the time was never really part of the plan, question mark? You know what, that rising intonation I could tell. Okay, good. You're not talking to Siri. Yeah, no. Yeah, yeah.

He does, by the way, he does do so much of dictating his texts while he's driving. So, and you know people who do this, but you'll be in a room, we'll be all in the, we've been on the road now for like a week or whatever, and Jason will be in the corner and he'll be going...

"Hey honey, are you there?" I'm just gonna... Dot, dot, dot. Dot, dot, dot. - "Call me back when you get a second," comma, and blah, blah, blah. - I love you so much. - Can't wait to see you. - Italics. - XOXO, smiley face emoji, heart emoji, kiss emoji. - For real. - Well, who doesn't? - Who doesn't?

But wait. I got hired as a writer. Right, right. And there was like an implicit promise that you're going to perform at some point too. And then just as the show evolved and he started doing test shows in studios around... He realized he wasn't enough. No, no. Robert Spiegel. I mean, no, that's still a few years off. Yeah. But he...

Robert Smigel just went, go sit with him and keep him company. Which was like, we'd worked together long enough to know like, oh yeah, that's something that needs to be done. Smigel, by the way, was the guy who did the little mouth thingy cut into the face, right? Yeah, Saturday TV Funhouse. Are you talking about Triumph the Insult Dog? Yeah. But he also was the guy with the mouth behind... Yeah.

Oh, on Conan when they put the other mouths. We called those clutch cargos. Was that his hand? Oh, no, I'm thinking of the in-laws. Oh, my God. With Peter Falk. That's senior Wences. I'm so old, you guys. I'm so old.

This is all starting to go. So, wait, I've always thought, you know, because obviously we love Conan. He was on the tour with us already. He's amazing. But I always thought when I watched it, you know, every single kind of wisecrack you kind of cut in with, and it was always fucking so funny. You just waited, and then you went, bam, like right in there. And I was like, he could have his own talk show. Is there any kind of aspiration to do that? Because it seems like you could so seamlessly... Did you ever try to kill Conan? LAUGHTER

I never did try to kill him. And honestly, it was, it was, I was happy to have that position. I would not want, like, there was so much of just the time that I've spent being his TV wife.

There was so much stuff that he had to deal with that he kind of likes dealing with and that I'm just like, "Leave me alone." He has to have so many meanings and he has to know so many pukey executive types and remember their name. I don't know anybody's name. - You just want to do bits. - I just want to show up, I want to make television, I want to make funny stuff, and I don't want to have a bunch of boring meetings. Baby wants fun.

- And I'll bet you both these guys would agree that any time we were on that couch, the idea that you were right here the whole time was very comforting. - Oh, very, very comforting. - Yeah, it was great. - I loved it. - Thank you. - I was smelling your hair. - Yeah. - I mean, at that.

- It's hard not to. - Is that the comfort glue? - It's mostly the glue. - Andy, again, not unlike Chicago, you were at Conan at a time when you guys started doing that show, you really kind of once again broke the mold. Dave had done it with Letterman in the '80s, and then you guys redid it. You had amazing writers, most of whom were sketch performers, or a lot of them, from Chicago.

-Who came... -It was a real Chicago-Boston kind of split. It was unbelievable. And you guys did so many unbelievable sketches. You guys remember in the early '90s and late '90s, whatever, there were so many amazing moments. Being there at that time, was it excite-- Every day, were you like, "Fuck yeah, I'm so psyched to go in there and do these bits and work on this show"? -No. -Great. -Good night. Good night. -No, I mean, you know...

It's like... What do you mean no? You weren't? No, not every day. I mean, you know, what am I? Pollyanna? Am I, you know, skipping to work in my shorts with a big lolly? Well, you need to learn to appreciate it. How heavy was the lift, though? I mean, like, you'd get in there, you guys would shoot, what, about 5 o'clock, right? Oh, no, in the beginning, it was brutal. We were on 47 weeks a year, five days a week.

How long was the day for you? You'd get in at what time and leave at what time? 10 a.m. and usually leave around midnight. Really? In the beginning. Every day? Yeah. What the fuck would you do for 14 hours? It's a one-hour show. Write bits. Write bits. Produce bits. What's the staff for? Well, when I got hired, I was a writer. You know, I was on the show, too, and in the beginning... But, I mean, look at how tired he is thinking about it. I know.

I mean... But I mean, if... Hey, portal to portal. No, no, no. Who fed you your soup? For a one-hour show, though, you would think it would be a shorter day, but every time... Wait, wait, wait. Can I just tell you something? This is really on brand for this, and I just want to talk about what happened backstage today. Oh, my God. Hang on. Can I just tell you? This right before we came out? Yeah. So I just want to say, so everywhere we go, we've been on tour for a week, and Andy, you're going to appreciate this because you've known Jason for a long time. By the way, I drank out of that. Yeah. I don't care. I don't care.

And he's been super sneezy, super... And his mom's eye came in that, too. Go ahead. Sorry, sorry. So everywhere we go, we have the special water and almonds and popcorn. I didn't ask for any of it. So Jason starts going... It dawns on him, and I'm like, everywhere we go, we're the popcorn and the almonds and the lemon water. And they're like, where is this coming from? And we find out... Well, look, I... Hey...

But I said, it dawned on me that like all my favorite things, 'cause we're all staying in the same hotel room. We thought it'd be fun and funny. It's a fucking drag. Are you really? Are you really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're all staying in the same. It's nice, it's fun, it's great. But all my shit is in there. There's Lemon Perfect, a great beverage. I highly recommend it.

It is a great bed. Almonds. Daddy likes almonds. There's a certain kind of candle that I do like a nice smelling candle. Oh, God. By the way, by the way, and there's skinny... Oh, my God. It's skinny pop popcorn. And every time I walk in, I go, skinny pop. Go ahead. So, but I realized that

whomever was tasked with getting this stuff in the hotel room, in the dressing room, must think, "I'm a fucking monster." Yeah.

-But, but, but... -And rightfully so. But the point is... I'm trying to find... But I'm trying to... 'Cause I never asked for it. I'm trying to track down. It must be one of my friends from back home that told whoever is arranging things here, "Oh, by the... I just want to make sure they don't say, 'Don't make the mistake of not having X, Y, and Z.'" I hopefully... It was like, "Oh, by the way, just if you've got something... You know, Jason happens to like such and such, and I think the guys like it too." -It wasn't like that. -It wasn't like that.

And the best part was, Jason was like, how come there's nothing for... You and Sean don't have anything. And I was able to... You know when you get on the high road? And it's open. And you're able to be just super chill on the high road and you go... Because we don't need anything. But wait, Andy. Andy, I want to get back. I know, I know, I know, I know. I know, I know. So wait, Andy. Sorry, I stood up. Do you remember the time that...

There was some kerfuffle about you in line at the Apple store. Oh, fuck. Do you all know about-- Yeah, they clearly already know it. -Oh, my God. -We talked about it. That was so hilarious when that happened. I think I saw you the day after and you were like, "I was not caught in the line!"

But wait a minute, I want to get back-- I want to get back to-- - You've already told the story, so they know. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to get back to just a little bit about Chicago, because Chicago-- - Oh, hey, Sean. - Hey, what's going on? And I want to get back to Chicago. Everybody knows there's so many great music and great bands and everything like that are from here. Did you have anything like that growing up where you-- just anybody you loved or maybe somebody now or whatever? Because I love-- I was in a band called Sounds From the Stairs. - Hold for applause. - Thanks a lot.

For five years. What was Sounds From the Stairs? It was all keyboard and synth. But what was the significance of the name? None of Your Business. Sounds From the Stairs. It sounds like they started practicing in the basement of Mom's home. That's exactly what it was. It was. That's exactly what it was. What kind of songs? Oh, just synth pop. Okay, well, an example. Like we would do covers of The Cure and stuff like that. Oh my God, that sounds so cringy. Sean doing synth pop. Did you have a smoky eye? No.

We'll be right back. And now, back to the show. So I would be the, you know, like when you play keyboards in a band, you can't really like, you know, jam like you can a guitar because you can't jump because you miss the keys. That's why they invented the keytar. Right, the keytar, right. But I only played synths, so I'd be like, I'd be jamming out and then whenever it was my turn to play, I'd go. It was awful. It was awful. That's like the bassist. That really says goth, too. Yeah, absolutely. But what about you?

Did you ever do that? Yeah, did I? Was I in a band? No, I was not in the band. You got nominated for best host. Oh, anybody that I love? Well, like at the time when I was young here, like,

Smashing Pumpkins were still around. That was the big band that everybody talked about. And then there was always lots of-- - Wilco. - Blues, and Wilco, yeah, yeah. - Wilco is great. - Wilco is amazing. - Well, it's so funny because we keep, these guys turn me on to Wilco when I was reading about Jeff Tweedle and how incredible he is. - No! - I mean Tweedy. - No. - Tweedle, I can't miss it. - No. - Tweedy, hang on, let me just finish. Jeff Tweedle about how-- - You're fired. - Hang on.

- Wait, wait, I just wanna make sure we got that right. - I was reading about Jeff Tweedy. - That is a perfect example of something that goes through the Sean Hayes filter. - I was reading about Jeff Tweedy and how amazing he is and he's not only like a songwriter and a musician and a record producer and a Grammy winner, he's also here in Jeff Tweedy! - No! No!

I know you and I've never met you. Come sit in the middle. Alright, sit in the middle.

Oh, my gosh. This guy's freaking out right now. Have you never met him? I have met him. I met you on a tour bus, but I was not in a real good place to talk because I'm a little...

I was a little starstruck like I am now. Oh, no. Good lord. It's so cool that you're here. Thank you. Wait, aren't you in the middle of recording an album or something? We are. We're recording. Yeah, Wilco's recording in a studio. Yeah. On Instagram, I saw a photo of, I don't know if it's your basement or some room in the house. You have like

hundreds of instruments in this room and where is that in your house and did you have that growing up and your kids loved that or what oh no no i didn't we didn't have any instruments in my house really yeah were you facing a wall at the with the desk yeah i had a desk in the basement so that's like a chicago thing yeah yeah definitely you just put the kids in the basement against the wall lack of visual stimuli okay i have to say

I was asked to come out here last night. Yes. And I was like, oh, that's exciting. I went to sleep, and I dreamt that you were my best friend. Yeah. A lot of people have had that dream. I have that dream every night. So in my dream, I get so excited about getting to do this that I go and tell you. Sure. And you start crying. Yeah.

Because I ruined the surprise of me being here for you. Because I forgot that you were on the show too because I was excited about meeting you. No!

But you were really upset with me. That's what's very upsetting to hear even now as the dream. Yeah, I was just like, I got asked to do this amazing thing. I'm going to be on this podcast with... And then what happens? Sean Hayes calls you Jeff Tweedle. Yeah. How many times has that happened? I didn't hear that, but now I know. I rehearsed my little bit with Randy all...

All day. All day. And I got your name wrong. That's all right. No, now, I read a recent interview of yours where, I love this, because I love talking about this. I'm a musician as well. I studied piano for 20 years, but classical, not what you do. It's stunning, by the way. Yeah. And so I love what you said about creating music. Something about, like, your mind disappears, but you're also present at the same time, and that's when you become creative. Like, explain that, because I think that's fascinating, because I only got the disappearing part. Right.

Well, that's... But that's helpful, isn't it? I mean, that's like... That's one of the... We all look for things to do that are, you know, a way to kind of transport ourself outside of the burden of being in our bodies or be... Jason takes gummies for that. Yeah. But so you kind of have one foot in and one foot out? Oh, I just think that, you know, you just try and put yourself in the path of...

doing something creative and what I feel like I get out of it more than anything is these moments that just kind of go away without me having to like consciously try and kill time or be...

you know, thinking about something that I don't have control over or, you know, just like, just, but, just, uh, I think a lot of, like, games, crossword puzzles, like, those, time sucks. A lot of things do that. But I think that there's something nice about having activities that you kind of come back from that experience with something that wasn't there before, like a, like a writing or a song. I love that. Can I ask? First of all, calm down. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

So, but, I mean... I got it, I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I

Is it the same way when you're strumming and you're kind of trying to come up with a new song and you find a good rhythm and then just naturally because you have great taste, oh, this chord would sound good after that and by the end of a few minutes you've got yourself a song? Is it that easy? - You say what to that? - Question mark.

Question mark. That can happen, but that's not normally how it happens. Why? Is it normally like there's a certain structure, a certain chord has to follow another sharp thing? Is that like a recipe? Oh, you do... Well, you listen. You listen to... It's so logical. I love it. I love you so much. And I'm pulling for you.

How? Yeah. How does music? Yeah. How make music? How does music? It like math equation? Yeah. Sounds arranged. No. Not compute. Sorry. Not compute. I'm not know things. Processing. See, I've got a battery pack in every corner. Oh, my God. Help me, Jeff. I can help you. I can help you. You're like, you're...

You improvise conversation all the time because you have a vocabulary. You learn a vocabulary and you learn certain phrases and things that you like and you express yourself and you tend to repeat some of those things because you know they're effective and how they...

you're able to communicate when you use those. It's no different with music. There are certain building blocks of the vocabulary that you get from your record collection and from things that you like and things you care about and other songs that you've written. And eventually, it does become sort of conversant in a way that you can construct

a sentence or a story out of whole cloth just by sitting down and saying, I wonder what would happen next. But the most fun part about doing it is the discovery for yourself. You don't really know where it's going to go, and that's the, I don't know, that's the

My favorite part of it. Isn't that a rad answer? Aren't you glad I asked that dumb question? No, it's a good question too. And Andy... Yeah, you guys are making fun of him. He's the only one that cares. We're just doing it for the fun of it, just for the sport. But Andy, you get that, right? I mean, that's what improv comedy is about too. That's a similar language in that way. Yes, definitely. And you do, especially when you're doing improv...

Like you learn little tricks or little rules that they're not like the things, you know, discoveries pop in. Like I remember when I was doing improv on a regular, you know, like whatever, eight shows a week or something, there were times where we'd be on stage and there would be things coming out of my mouth that I didn't know. Like it just felt like autopilot and like, holy shit, I'm good at this, you know? And, uh, and so, but it doesn't happen now. Uh,

But you learn tricks to kind of just keep the ball in the air until you have that real moment of inspiration, like the really new thing. Yeah. Jeff, can I switch gears? Is your son Spencer still...

playing drums? He is, yeah. And so my other son, Sammy, is singing with me. No way. Yeah, not in Wilco, but we make records, my solo records, mostly with my kids. It's incredible. We came, do you remember years ago, we came to see you at Madison Square Garden, and I was with Fred Armisen and Amy, and we went in there, and then...

These guys go on and Wilco go on and then Jeff welcomes his son. And Spencer was like 12 at the time, maybe? I think it was his 13th birthday. It was. It was his 13th birthday. That's right. That's what he just said. And he got him. Yeah. That's what he just said. Yeah.

He just said it just now. Yeah, he said it. Holy shit. Yeah, I don't know how you do it, Will. But he goes on, he's 13, and he plays with you guys at Madison Square Garden. That's so cool. Was he cool with it or was he nervous? He was pretty nervous, but he was cooler than I would have been, for sure. Yeah, you don't know fear at 13. And cooler than I was, actually, on stage, looking at him like I'm forgetting the lyrics, you know, because I'm so worried about him. You know, but yeah.

Yeah, do you commonly get anxious in front of a large audience?

No, I'm here all the time. I like-- But I mean, I know-- That is true. I mean, Andy as well, like, I'm sure you guys have had, like, we also have had probably moments where you have a performance, whether it's live or on camera, that you're totally relaxed for, and you might think it's not that great, and it probably isn't, but I do my best work when I got a healthy level of anxiousness or nerves. Do you like to find that place?

I mean, not really. You'd rather just be totally... Yeah, I... For this, you know, bullshitting, being funny while bullshitting, it's much better to just be free and loosey-goosey and not... You know, because it shuts me down. Being nervous shuts me down. It doesn't give you that little bit more energy that you might have for... I just don't work that way. What makes you nervous? What would make you nervous?

A glass eye. Real answer. No. A glass eye. I hope not. No, like, well, like if I had to, like, sing. Yeah. You know, or do something like that. All right, let's hear it. Here we go. Just do the national anthem. Huh? Just do the national anthem. Oh, shit. No, I'm not going to. But I still get nervous when I do improv now. Right.

Really? Yeah, because for years too, even after I was a grown-up and I was doing grown-up improv, I mostly would just do monologue stuff because a lot of the long-form improv will have a guest monologist, especially the UCB ASCAT version. Has somebody come and tell monologues and then the people improvise based off of that. So I would do that a lot and I'm very used to just sitting and being myself

you know, in a venue kind of thing. But to actually have to do improv

is now scary because it's a different, you know, it's like I don't do it all the time. And it's, I always say, people will ask me like, "Do you want to come do our improv show?" And I'm always saying like, "I don't want to leave the house to get nervous." - Yeah. - You know? - What about you, Jeff? What makes you nervous? - Oh, I think it's good to not be too relaxed. I think it means you care, you know, like when you're a little bit nervous. - My dog, yeah. - You know?

But I feel confident and nervous most of the time. Would you feel confident and or nervous to sing us a song right now? Wait, what? We can't pay for that. I didn't bring a guitar. And yeah, you didn't pay for that. Wait, you didn't? Yeah.

I haven't signed the release yet. Oh! Oh, no. Oh, my goodness. Is that your son? That's Sammy. That is Sammy. Hey, yeah! This is so wild. Repping the local head shop that just went under. Oh, no. Do they need someone to buy a large order of things? I brought my wallet. A large order of things.

You know, I was going to say... I can sit closer to you while you sing. This is blowing my mind. I was going to say the thing that I've learned to get used to on stage over the years is...

Early on and for a long time, I think you have an evolutionary ability to pick out danger that comes from being on the savanna or something. Yeah. So I've had to teach myself how to ignore the guy yawning. Everybody can be having a great time, and I will find you. I will find the person looking at their phone. I see.

That un-laughing motherfucker, I stare at him every time. Yeah, so it's like... I can see it through the mask, too. I spent 20 years going, what the fuck is wrong with that guy? I know, I know. And I finally just went, oh, this person is delightful. Yeah, I did a one-man show on Broadway called An Act of God, an opening...

And you guys didn't see it. Fuck off. I did. I did. She saw it. Don't tell her what she did or didn't do. So you and me, that's it. And it's a 90-minute monologue. It was impossible to memorize. I did it, blah, blah, blah. And opening night, it was so great. Everybody was laughing. I just focused on one person. Not into it. Wow. He didn't like it. He didn't like it. Okay.

But you know what though? I mean it's very, not to open up a larger discussion because you're going to play, but it is very natural. I think that we do that as humans. We can have 95% of our life going really, really well and 5% doesn't work. There's always going to be 5%. And we focus on that. And it's taken me, I'm going to be 52 improbably. I agree. I don't believe you. I mean, good God, look at that thing. Why, Andy? Go on. Wow.

But it's taken me this long, it's only been within the last couple years that I realized that, like, yeah, I'm so stupid for focusing on that shit. Why wouldn't I focus on all the stuff that's... Twitter is based on it. Yeah. I think Twitter is based on that reality. All right. All right. So... An American aquarium drinker Assassin down the avenue

Let's undress just like cross-eyed strangers.

This is not a joke, so please stop smiling What was I thinking when I said it didn't hurt? Wish I knew how to play drums. I wanna glide through those brown eyes, dreaming Take you from the inside, baby hold on tight You were so right when you said I've been drinking What was I thinking when we said goodnight?

That is so cool. Wow. That is so cool. Wow. Thank you, guys. Amazing. I think...

What I think is so incredible is how many... This is what I think about all the time with you guys, successful musicians like you. You have so many songs in your head that at any moment you just call upon them and you know them. You must have hundreds of songs in your head. I do, actually, yeah. I do. And I'll bet you... Well, you tell me. Do you remember the lyrics as you get to that point in the song? Because the...

I'm so sorry. I'm doing it. This is me doing it right now, Will. This is-- I just-- Will. No. Like, here's-- You know, Jason, imagine Jason's brain is-- it's like an abacus inside. And it's just moving pieces. Well, what--

But like for an actor, like when you're about to go out and do a play, you can't remember all your lines right then, but when you get to the fridge, it's that line, hey, who stole my Coke? You know, like it comes to you because of the blocking. Unless you're thinking, you say fridge, you actually are thinking about the model home and the rest of the development. Right, but I'm just saying there are certain things that will jar the next line based on where you are in the music. Sure, you can't remember all of the lines at once. Again, another smart question. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no, um... Yeah, there's a story. I think Phil Oakes was... I think he had to do some sort of testimony in court one time, and they were grilling him about his anti-American lyrics or something like that, and he couldn't remember them, and so they had to go get him a guitar. Oh, wow. See? It might be total bullshit. I've heard that, though, I think. I did, um... I went on tour with Kenny Rogers. I was a Christmas elf. Yes. Wow. And, um...

And I loved Kenny. I grew up listening to his songs, but he would forget the lyrics sometimes on stage, and he would just point the microphone at the audience. And they would just say, you got to know when to... Right. Know when to... Right, exactly. Keep going. Yeah, exactly. But anyway, yeah.

And you played, did you play an elf in this Christmas show? Yes, I was a Christmas elf, yeah. That's hard to do when you've got a guitar going around your neck. Jeff, you don't know the gambler. Do you by any chance? No. Okay. I don't think we can afford that either. Yeah, you're right. Anyway, Jeffrey, I can't tell you how excited we are and Jason and Will are and they are that you're here. And Andy. I've known Andy. I've met Andy many more times than all.

you guys. Wait, do you guys know each other? Yeah. Well, yeah, just from over the years. Yeah, from him being on the show a million times. Conan was our first ever performance in Uncle Tupelo. Our first ever television performance. Yeah, I mean, Uncle Tupelo, man. And your stage director said, there's three million people watching, don't fuck it up.

That's a recipe for success. I want to tell you, last year we would have killed for that number. I was wondering how accurate that was. Oh, boy. Yeah, yeah. No, they just, the numbers keep going down. But Jeff Tweedy, thank you for being here. I don't want to take a lot of your time. Andy Richter, thank you for being here. Let's say thank you to Andy Richter and Jeff Tweedy! This is amazing. Thank you.

- Thank you so much. - Thank you so much. - Come see us play. Come to the YHF shows. - Thank you. - Woo! - Sean, Sean, are you kidding? He played a song while we were on, like, next to him? - I know. - That was surreal. - And my face was just staring at him like an idiot. That's close. - You guys got two guests! - Yeah.

Anyway. I'm still a little rocked by the whole experience, to be honest. Yeah, Andy Richter, he's one of my favorite people, one of the kindest, nicest, I love him. So, and Andy, we didn't even get, Andy, the three of us used to play cards a lot back in the day with Andy. A lot, a lot. Yeah, a lot. Like it's a problem. Like it's a problem. And...

Andy was always the funniest guy at the table. Always. And he would... I remember one time we had a bunch of snacks at my old place in Venice, and he came down the stairs, and somebody had brought some fudge. And Andy comes down the stairs, and he's got fudge all over his mouth. And he comes down and he goes, I looked for the fudge, but somebody must have eaten it. And it was...

The funny is the stupidest bit. I love stupid bits. Well, the only thing, the only thing that I wish Jeff could have stayed to play, maybe, if we had more time, is a sweeter song. You know, maybe like a lullaby. Smart. Smart.

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