“Will Ferrell: LIVE in Washington DC”
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Are we in the cold open right now? Yeah, the show's happening right now. Okay, so the cold open is right now. We're about to do our first show. That's our first live show. What should we let people... Let's pray to the podcast god. Okay, pray to the podcast god. Do you want to bring it in? Is it him or her? It's all of them. So it's a they. It's everything. It's everything. It's everybody. It's everybody.

- We're all inclusive, okay, what's the prayer? - And the prayer is... - Please, Lord Pod... - Pod person. - Please shine your happy, funny, light, lovely light on our stupid, stupid idea to go live with this pod. - And... - And... - Welcome to Smart List. - Yeah!

Washington DC, thank you for having us. And please, above all things, manage your expectations.

This was really, uh, you know, kind of a half a joke, and then we got an invite, and we said, well, maybe we should. But we want to make sure you guys understand, it's just the three of us talking to a person for an hour. That's it. There's no... That's it. So, I hope you enjoyed it. I mean...

There's not gonna be any singing, there's no dancing, there's no... We don't even know how to do it. We sat down, we were backstage, and we were dicking around. Well, make sure you buy one of these. Yeah.

Or four of them. Or four. But we were dicking around, we were doing Sing for Real backstage, and Jason didn't want to do it because he claims he can't sing. I can't sing. I don't even sing in a show. You guys know about Sing for Real that we talked about, right? Have we talked about Sing for Real? No, I don't think so. So tell them what it is. So Sing for Real is, it started a long time ago, one of the big enemies of the podcast, Justin Theroux, JT from New York.

He did this bit where we would sing in the car and then he'd say, "No, sing for real," which means you can't do it as a bit. You can't, like, embellish. You can't go like, "Stomp me up!" And you can't, like, do it like that. You have to do it for real. Like, sing the best you possibly can. And it's so embarrassing. Yeah.

- It's so embarrassing. So Will, sing for real. - But you sing for real. You've done Broadway. - No, no, I like when Will does it. So Will, sing for real. - No, I'm saying you know how to sing for real. - Will, you need to sing for real now? - Yeah, you have to sing for real. Give me a song, any song. What is it? Don't Stop Believin', Don't Stop Believin'. - Oh yeah, what are the lyrics? Just don't stop believin'? - Don't stop believin'. - Right? - Hold on to that sweet-- - By the way, it stops here. We're not going around.

Hold on to that sweet feeling. But now, he can't do a bit. He can't make fun of the song. He has to really sing it like he's really doing it. Look at him fucking focusing. It's the worst. Okay, go. Ready? 3, 2, 1, go. Don't stop believing. Right? That was pretty good. That was pretty good. But now, wait. I want to talk about... Hold on to that feeling. Now you're doing a bit.

He's doing a bit. All right. All right, so wait. Listen. Have you... Now, have you ever done any musical theater? By the way, I'm pretty sure that just cost us about $150,000. I know, I know. Okay, so wait. Now, listen. We flew in. I've only been to D.C. once before. I loved it, but I was here very briefly. Sean, why don't you just relax and get casual and cross your legs a little bit? So, we...

Why did I bring my phone out here? What am I doing? You brought your phone? Listen, I'm a doctor. We were driving in from the airport yesterday and I said I wanted to know where a specific thing was, which was a landmark. Oh, no, you were driving along and there's some parkland or whatever and Sean seriously said, is that where the grassy knoll is? Or was it... Not a bit.

Could not be less smart. I really didn't know. Then you explained it. It was shocking how little both of you knew about anything. That was a real shock. Yeah. Well, what he didn't know, I bet you guys don't, this came from the Washington Monument. This started... The finger. You're claiming... This whole symbol started... And keep giving it to them, for sure. Yeah. No, this...

There's a great, there's a still. Because it was, it was a big... Jason Bateman on stage in D.C. immediately gives the crowd the... It's a big, it's a big, it was a big F you back to Europe that we made it, we did it, and look, we got a monument now, and that's where this all started. I don't know if that's true. It's not, Sean. Oh.

I forgot, we didn't really close that up. I had him kind of going out on the sidewalk, and then we went on to something else, and he literally just tried to get the real answer just now. By the way, it should be in your defense, this is coming from the guy who all your facts lately are from, Maple. Right, Maple, my 10-year-old daughter, spends a lot of time on YouTube because it cuts down on my parenting obligations.

Um, she, she, when, you know, when you, when you say to an actor, oh, break a leg. I've always thought it's, you wish the person, and my apologies to people over here. You, um...

You say break a leg because now only a good thing can happen, right? She says, no, Daddy. Break a leg means if you break your leg, you get put in a cast. And that's what you're trying to do when you audition. To get put into a cast. And that's where it comes from.

Apparently that's a true story. Too many facers going, no way. They're all turning to each other going, is that right? Here's the best part. And then I said, well, where did she get that? He goes, YouTube. Like as if it's like, oh, from the news. I see. Also, that's where all the facts come from. Also, sand is called sand because it's neither sea nor land.

Right? Look, they're all looking at their neighbor. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. Let's verify it. I think it's real. But here's the other thing that happened today that I've never done. A day of firsts was we were walking. Jason wanted to walk maybe another extra 25, 30 miles. And all of a sudden, Jay said, why don't we take one of those birds? And I said, Marty Bird? And then, right.

And then he slapped me really hard enough. But I'd never... And I was like, ah, you guys go, this is too fucking complicated. Like, how do you undo the thing? And I got to sign up in the app. Jason did it for me. We rode these birds all around town. It was the best time I ever had. Yeah, yeah. We took the bird from the Washington Monument to the Capitol and then here...

Yeah, man. Here to the arena or theater. Oh, now I get Marty Bird. You're always flipping the audience off, even in your character name. We're sneaky smart on that show. What? Can we speak to Marty Bird? Yeah. Sure. Wait, wait, let me get... It's like inside the actor's studio. Is Marty Bird here? Let me get... I'll get my dumb, concerned face on. Yeah.

- Yeah. - Don't you say that. - It looks a lot like my smiling face. - Oh, no. Jason this morning went before he got sort of mad at me when we were in the hotel room, and I said, "Do you know what your face is doing right now? 'Cause the look on his face was this." And he goes, "Am I smiling?"

No, you're doing the opposite of smiling. We have covered this on the show. If anybody is north of 40 in this audience, are you not surprised? I'm surprised. When I watch, you know, as you do, you watch a playback of stuff when you're shooting something, I know what I'm trying to do as an actor, I'm trying to have a certain... But this is so heavy now.

That I look concerned when I'm just supposed to be listening.

And so to get, I think we talked about this on the podcast, when I want, I have to tell myself, when I want to just be level, I have to tell my face to be semi-surprised. It lifts it just a little bit, so now it's neutral. So semi-surprised is all. And then if I want to seem happy, I have to think ebullient.

Because in the morning I try to keep my distance from you because I'm like, is he pissed at me? You're just like, that's my good morning face. He's a little bit grumpy. I am a little bit grumpy. I'm moody. I'm moody.

- All right. - Oh, man. We've covered a lot. - We're not even supposed to be talking to you. We're supposed to be talking to ourselves, right? - I know. It's so crazy. It's a little nuts. It's a little surreal. - Did you just adjust the lace back then? - No. Just a snap. The snap. I'm wearing my sport piece tonight, and it snaps, but they come loose. I didn't realize it was gonna be so windy.

But the helmet, you slept and shaped it nicely. Yeah, it keeps it. Well, it holds it. Yeah. I'm not stupid, dude. Look at these nice new clothes we're wearing. We don't wear this on the podcast. We all kind of look the same. We're in pajamas in the podcast. Yeah. All right. Shall we? Shall we? Oh, you want to get going? Oh, I'm sorry. Are you... Do you have a hard out? Yeah. What are you doing? No, I fell back. How was that check-in? Did you guys enjoy the check-in? Showing your vaccination? Did it take too long, right? Yeah.

Where's your hat, Sean? Where's my hat? I know. This is it. No, I thought I'd not wear one. You usually wear them. That's a very valid question. Thank you. You know why? Because otherwise I look like a pedophile. Can I watch your kids? You know.

So I just tried to, it just takes too long. You all need a sitter? It takes too long to do something, so I got a lot of product in it. That's why I wear a hat. I'm like, I'm too exhausted and old. Now, did Scotty tell you not to wear a hat on the tour? Yes, he did. He did, right? I knew it. Yeah. He's like, you're not going to go out there looking like an asshole, are you? Yeah. And you thought the hat, you thought taking off the hat would do it? Right. All right. Right. Okay.

This is your guess, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Drink up. Oh, yeah. And by the way, just to remind people, we don't know who this is. Jason and John legitimately don't know who it is. We never do. We never do, but we've carried this on. Actually, the exception is Kamala Harris and Stacey Abrams we all knew about because there was a lot of apparatus to organize that. Yeah. Yeah.

- Yeah. - But other than that, I think we've always not known. - Not known. And that is totally legit. - But this took some doing because this person is backstage and they had to be in a certain area backstage. - They had to be brought here from out of town and they had to, so it was a big deal to keep it from these guys. And some other people on the tour know who it is, so we keep on having to say the special guest. - Now do you have questions on you? Do you have your intro memorized?

I don't have my intro memorized. My intro's gonna, I'm kinda winging it. - You can keep 'em out. - I've got my cards. - You can keep 'em out. - By the way, sorry. - I don't wanna hold 'em. - I don't think you understand the concept of winging it. You can't look at fuckin' notes. - Those are my questions. Those are my questions, not my intro. - Okay. - Here's something, and I've never admitted this to you because you do your little intros sometimes which are obviously written right before. - Yeah. - Right before. - What about you? - No, I spend time on mine. - Here's an admission. I've never written one.

You never what? That's clear. You never what? I've never written an intro. Oh. Really? No. Why? Because we're gonna get to them. Did you write one for this person? I did not. No, this person doesn't need an intro. Oh. Oh, really? This person legitimately is someone who has worn many, many hats. This person has been... This person was a cop. Was a cop? America's mayor? This person was a cop? His ad was coming out?

I would like that interview. Wouldn't that be fun? Turn up the heat in here a little bit, get some sweat going. Great. We got our first cut. We got our first thing we have to cut. Why is that bad? That would be a good interview. So this person has been a cop. This person has been a race car driver.

This person, I'm telling you, this person wore a lot of different hats. This person has been a figure skater. Elizabeth Banks. This person is America's best friend. This person has been a basketball player. This person has been and will always be, to me, the funniest guy that I know, Mr. Will Ferrell! Look at you guys. That's a Vax card.

- It was VaxGuard. That's smart. - You did it. I knew you were on the fence, but you did it. - That's smart. I'm so mad at you. - Okay. - I asked you, "Is there a dress code?" You said... You said... - It's formal. - Tuxedos and cool sunglasses. - I do. - You specifically said... - That was when it was gonna be in Toronto.

And I swear, I don't see anyone in a tuxedo. Wait, Will, did you fly in today? I flew in yesterday. You did. This is so nice of you to do this. I mean, truly. I'm happy to do it. You guys didn't have to pay me the fee that you're paying me. They don't know. Is that the same outfit you wore on the plane? This is...

Okay, you guys flew me first-class accommodations. I was not allowed to bring a change of clothes. That was the stipulation.

We don't need it. But, yeah, remember when people used to dress up on a flight? Yeah. At least my dad tells me. No one does it anymore. I'm trying to bring it back. My mom was a stewardess or a flight attendant for Pan Am. Their outfits were incredible back in the day, right, with the bowler hats, right? Is that what it's called? Yeah. And everyone had to wear a suit and tie in first class, I think, right? Yeah. And to be fair, just to catch that mistake you made... LAUGHTER

Pillbox? Just to underline it and highlight it. Oh, stewardess. Yes. At the time, she referred... What I was going to say was in your defense at the time, she referred to herself as a stewardess. Yeah. Well, that's what it was called back in the day. You used to call her waitress. You used to call her waitress. But why did they switch it? Guys, it's a long tour. I know. It's going to be a long tour. Let's not get too real tonight. You're wearing Pan Am colors. The Pan Am classic. Yeah.

Blue and white and a little bit of teal, right? Wasn't there teal? And a splash of gold. Splash of gold. Right for the wings. Did you have the travel, the shoulder bag?

The Pan Am shoulder bag? Oh sure I did. I had all the swag. And you know, we used to be able to ride with mom for free if there's empty seats. Right. And then I would help out mom serving dinners to people. I'd walk her, I'd walk her. No you didn't. Are you being serious? No you did. On my life, yeah. I'd walk down with their tray and get into it. Your parents had you working even on vacation. On an active flight. Huh? This is on an active flight. That's unbelievable.

I flew all around the world for free. And you were thrilled to do it. Thrilled to do it. Now, we had to be in suit and tie, including my sister. No. But you had to be dressed up, and you couldn't check a bag because we never knew if we could get on the plane or not because you can only get on the plane if there's empty seats. So you had to be carry-on bags. Oh, sorry, man. So let's get back to Will. Okay. It's February. Sure. Okay.

It's pretty much the start of the year, so I thought I'd read my New Year's resolutions. Good. We're going to double back to the Pan Am story because he's got something he really wants. No, he really did the audience a favor. Stop saying pun unintended. That's a good note. Because I love puns. Yeah. And whenever I use it, I mean it.

Okay. Because otherwise you just wouldn't say it. Why? You're not going to do it if you don't intend to make a pun. It's like saying, hey, murder unintended after murdering somebody. I'm just... He's trying to wiggle in a promotion for Murderville coming on that day. They applauded pretty quick. They're aware of it. They haven't seen it yet. It's very good. That's kind of you to say. I mean, keep talking about it. Really commit...

I really want to commit this year to referring to all money slash cash as cheese or cheddar. Fully commit to it. And $100 bills as blue cheese. Do you... So...

I'd like, yes, I'd like to, can I have a couple of those in blue cheese? Sure. Well, at the ATM you can request. Or like you call your accountant and you're like, how much, did I need that cheese? How much blue cheese? How much blue cheese we got? Because I got a big spread, yeah. I'd love for you to say, your agent calls and says, well, we've got an offer, and your only thing is, how much cheddar are they offering? Right.

Next person that says to me, age before beauty, I'm going to knock out. Okay. You just don't like it? Uh-huh. Oof. Okay. Say 2022 in the house as much as possible.

Eat more vegetables. Sure. Well, that one makes a lot of sense. That's a good one. Do you guys not look at him and just fall in love? I swear, I could just stare at the funniest man in the world. Absolutely. Please, no. Drink at least 50 liters of water a day. 50 liters? That seems like a lot.

Do something special for a random stranger every day. That's nice. That's nice. You got your pick. Buy their coffee for them. You know, help someone cross the street. And then ask a stranger to do something special for me. Let's do it. Just pick one. This comes back to...

Get in the face of flight attendants because I have rights too. That, I think, has a head full of steam already. Just follow that trend. Yeah, I got it. Never buy a pack of cigarettes again. There's plenty of half-smoked butts out there with at least two or three drags left on them, so you just gotta look on the ground. Don't shake your head at me. Wait, that might go double for cups of coffee. Right.

I got a lot, by the way. I'm glad this list is so long. I mean, you should have said... Well, you don't follow through on all of them. By the way, if this list is like even five more minutes long... It would have been nice if you started with buckle up. Tell my wife I love her at least once a month. And then treat myself to a nice piece of jewelry. Remind myself daily that I ain't afraid of no ghosts. That's good. Good for you. Can you forward these to me? I will. Thank you.

Really try to stop breeding exotic big cats. Mostly tigers and jaguars. Really try? Mostly. Put all my money, all of it, every last penny. All the cheddar. In Bitcoin. And do not look back. Take down my Christmas tree. And we will be right back. And now back to the show.

Avoid slipping into vocal fry so much. Right. Yeah. You guys know what that is? I just found out what that was about six months ago. You know, when you talk... Talk like this. Talk like that. Oh, my God.

It's like Valley Girl speak, right? That's going back a bit. Every sentence ends in a question mark. Ah, it's talking like, you know, like that's... Isn't that vocal fry? Oh, my God. Wait, give us one more example. I don't want to do it again. All I see are two cameras over there, and I can't do it again. Thank God for the internet, huh? Because that will haunt you for so long. By the way, Willie, again, this is starting to read like a manifesto, but go ahead. Chicago... Chicago PD...

Chicago Fire, Chicago Med. These are the three shows you're promising to watch this year? No, I'm just, I just love them. You love them. It's actually an ad. It's actually an advertisement. That's a paid ad? It's a paid ad that I snuck on the smart list. What the fuck? Thank you, guys. Speaking of Chicago, you look dangerously close to Harry Carey right now. Oh, did I? Yeah. I'm trying to egg him on just a little.

Chicago PD! What I love is it has all the thrill and excitement of the inner workings of a police department with all the backyard knowledge of Chicago. Wait, you know, I'm from Chicago and it sounds exactly like you. What's more exciting than solving a homicide at Wrigley Field?

I'm sorry, I got a lot more. Should I stop it? No, listen, I mean... Our guests don't show up prepared. Okay. You know, this is what a... Okay, I'm going to speed, I'll speed through. I don't really have questions. Sean has questions. Wait. Try to work on my intense hatred of manatees. Okay. Yellowjacket streaming now on Showtime. Oh, Jesus, man. Second half. Second half.

Hollywood has got you in there. You don't know how much blue cheese I just landed right there. Well, not yet. Not yet, but when this airs. Okay. All right. Finally, finally changed my name to DaBaby, unless it's already taken. Or finally changed my name to, uh, Yay, unless that's already taken. Oh, no. It's, you're good. They're both taken? Well, how do you spell it? Y-A-Y. No, that's taken. Is it Yay or Yee?

Well, I thought, like, Y-A-Y isn't taken if you want that. I just want Y-E. You can't have it. Taken? Taken. I don't know. I mean, if you're pronouncing it like the way you're doing it, I think that you're good. I mean, I should preface it by saying I'm not a lawyer. Wait, does Kanye want it pronounced "yay" or "yee"? Yee? You see, you're hearing both. Yay. I just thought of a fourth one, Chicago law. Oh, Chicago law. You could play a lawyer. Shit.

By the way, now this is like a trademark thing. Attorney Mike Davis. Sounds like Terry Seattle. He does sound like Terry Seattle. Remember to talk louder on my cell phone when I'm in public, especially on an airplane. Eat more roadkill. More? If we all ate roadkill, at least one meal a week, we'd reduce our carbon footprint by 25%. You almost couldn't get that one out. You liked that one.

Land voiceover contract for Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. What the fuck? Uh-oh. And don't be sorry about it. Don't be sorry. Yes. Don't be sorry about it. Good luck. Will, can you roll down your sock a little bit more? Sorry. Just get it all the way down. Calvin Klein. Jason and I got in an argument for real just before the show because I did have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Also a paid ad. And...

Jason said, in that way, he goes, "Oh, how--" - It's so funny. - He said, "How long you do--" Thank you, Will. - They're really funny. - Thank you, man. - I actually stop and watch them every time I see them on TV. - Thank you. It's so nice to get a compliment from a friend. - Whoa. - I mean, the hours we talk about Ozark-- - The last great commercial I saw was the Dodge thing that you did way back when. Remember that? It was for Dodge, wasn't it? - Right, yeah. - Right? Have you done a commercial since then? - I did one for GM.

Oh. GMC. Not GMC. Not GMC trucks. No, no, not GMC. So you did GM. He does GM cars. That's the C part, right? GMC is a division of GM. What's GM? That's the big overall company. General merchandise. Do you talk about light trucks? No, we're talking about professional grade vehicles. Oh, no.

And we've only been doing it for 23 years. Look, here's the point. Whoa. Is that like a world record in voiceovers? I don't know. It might be, but I try not to... Someone Google it. I try not to talk about it in front of people.

in front of a theater, a packed theater of people? No, no. Because it's gross, but... But you love it. I love it. But you're a good match for it because you are kind of a professional grade kind of guy, right? Oh, thanks, man. It fits him. Thank you. Well, the voice alone is like a truck. It sounds like a truck. It's burned out. Who sings that song, Believer? Don't Stop Believin'? No, Believer. Imagine dragging these nuts across your face.

Is that on the list? That's on my list. Say that more. The last one is whatever. Which is not really a resolution. It's just a reminder to take chances. And be more spontaneous. Even though it's on my list. Well, it makes me think... This is my last one. He's not finished. He's not done. Okay, I didn't know. I didn't know.

Remove all and repeat all of my music from Spotify. All my albums. There we go. All my albums. All of them. All of them. You think? Cupcake Party. Gone. All the way back. Revolution Yesterday. Not on there. Grandma's Unicorn. Jesus Clown. That's a B-side. Even the B-sides. Get it off. And Will, why?

Here we go. Here we go. Why do you want to cut? Because. Because it's a bad platform. Yeah, it's a bad... Yeah, yeah. Because you have a lot of glitches. Yeah, a lot of glitches. And your music is pure. Is that it? We're getting there. We're halfway done. That was it. That was it. Yeah. Will Ferrell's New Year resolution.

But Will, so sitting here thinking and being... That's our time. Oh, wait. Hang on. He's getting a call. He's taking a call. Are you FaceTiming me?

- Wow. - Will, I gotta say, sitting here on the stage, I was gonna say, and doing that, and I was thinking, and with all these people here, do you miss, and I know we've asked you this before, but how much do you miss performing every week like you did for a long time? - Will, you guys, are you yawning right now, Sean? - Am I what? - You were kind of yawning, weren't you? - I've been yawning for 20 minutes.

Sean, Jason forced Sean to walk a lot earlier today. You guys were on the birds all over the city, I heard. Yeah, we did the birds, but it started as a walk, and then this is actually... You're exhausted. I'm not. You make me laugh harder than anybody I know. But Angel didn't sleep last night, right? I didn't sleep. I got up at like 3 or 4 in the morning, because these guys are like out, like they can do the switch from west coast to east coast time. No problem. I need like two weeks, and I don't have it. Right.

But it should be, you are a little bit tired. But I'm okay. Why is everybody on my back about being tired? Because you were yawning when Will was talking. I was not yawning. I went like this with my thing. Oh, okay. Good God. Do you know? Look at the foot. The foot's gone. Maybe it's a different problem. Do you know what a yawn is? I'm pretty sure I can identify a yawn when I see one. Okay.

You know, I was doing, I did a small scene in a movie with Kevin Hart, and I was doing my, thank you, thank you, thank you. And we're doing my single, right? So single, so the camera's on me, and the person that you're talking to is behind the camera. Right here. So, okay, right. Oh, good. So Kevin Hart's face is right here, and I'm talking to him. We're in the middle of the scene. The Hollywood. He falls asleep.

He fell asleep while I'm... While he's off camera. Camera's rolling. Who, K-Heart? Kevin Hart fell asleep while I'm doing my single. Wow. I'm talking literally his eyes closed. And I thought, well, maybe... Finally, somebody has the guts. And then... While you're performing to do what... Has K-Heart been a guest? No. That'd be a good one. It would be a good guest. Yeah. You guys could break that down. I'd like to talk to him about that. Yeah.

Let's call him. Is that phone still on? I want to go back to this thing. Do you have a problem like I do with the changing? Because you travel a lot, too. That's the thing I don't understand about you guys who do movie after movie after movie after movie. How do you adjust and then have the energy after 14 hours to just get up and go? Be funny. Ambien, coke. Yep. Okay. Those are the two. That's what's in the old dop kit. Yeah.

The old Dob Kit. That's what he taught me. He told me years ago. I got two Dob Kits. One's brimming full of coke.

You've been open about that. It spills out everywhere. You're really open about your cocaine use, right? You have been for a long time. I've never hidden that from anyone. Not a soul. The kids. You know what? Backstage, this is a true story also, that we were trying to figure out, Jason, what is a dop kit? What does it mean? We looked it up. Do you know why it's called a dop kit? Does anybody here know? A what? Why they call it a dop... You know what a dop kit is? Do you know what I'm saying? It's got to be...

Some people refer to it as a toiletry bag or a shaving kit. Dopp kit. Anybody? Germany, yeah. And what about it? This is all the point. We're trying to root out the Germans. He's right there. Dopp kit. That's the same word. Dopp kit. His son is pounding him right now. Do you see anything?

No, it was a guy who was a Leathersmith in Germany and he came up with a toilet bag and it became the Dopp case. Was his last name Dopp? Doppelt. Okay. Does that sound right to you, sir? Yeah? Well, of course it does. To the German? I wanted to ask you this before. Who is your favorite historically SNL performer? Oh, historically. Like, sir, you can go like before you, like when you were a kid that you watched and you were like, I love what that person does. Other than Gilda. Other than Gilda...

And Jim Belushi. Or John. Or John. No. Eddie Murphy, pretty tough to beat. Yeah. I feel like it all kind of happened in various increments. Right. For me, it was Dan Aykroyd the first time I started because I just thought, oh, that guy. Who's this other guy? What? Dan Aykroyd. No, I thought you said somebody else. Have you seen... I swear...

I thought you said a second person. No, no, no. Under your breath. Not yet. I was about to. I was about to. But you have a beef with Sean. Yeah. A little bit. No, you guys have been fighting for years. Tell them about your fight. Don't make me pull up the emails. I mean, they're scathing. Salacious. I emailed Will today and I said... Sean hosted once. Yeah. And we just got off on the road.

He just came in all sassy. I think we talked about this on the podcast maybe before, so forgive me, but one of the hardest times I ever laughed in my entire life was when we hosted and you came out and you didn't tell us in a sketch with me, you, and Jimmy Fallon that you came out with a little tiny phone. Yeah. Jeffries. Jeffries. God, that was so funny. And what was the other thing you did? Oh, and you came out on a scooter, which you didn't do in rehearsal. Dude.

Did we not have the... No. It was a little jazzy. Yeah, the electric... Oh my God, it was so funny. There was no reason for that. Dan Aykroyd

- Yes. - Eddie Murphy and Phil Hartman, maybe. - Yeah, Phil Hartman. The great Phil Hartman. - Bill Murray, let's not forget about Bill Murray. - Not to disparage any other cast members, but those guys-- - Let's do that too. - Yeah. - Okay, these are the ones I hate. These are my bottom three. - Okay, bottom three. - You guys. - You go first. - I know, I know.

I don't have them. I love them all. You know what's so funny about it? Because, you know, it's kind of like when you have a teacher in school and you see them out at the grocery store and you're like, oh, my God, it's so bizarre. It's like I didn't see you as a real person. I didn't see you as doing anything else than teaching, like, in that room. And so for me, I always see, like, you've done so many movies and they've been so successful. And everything you do, every appearance you do, you're always so unbelievably funny. I always, like, picture, like, what does he do, like, on a day? Like, what do you?

doing now other than doing this? Like, what do you do when you're not movie to movie? It's terribly boring. Yeah. What does a boring day look like in your life? Take one of my children to school. Just the one. The other one is learning at home. They don't deserve to learn. They don't deserve me. We draw straws at the beginning of the school year. We have what's called the private school tuition bucket. We only got enough

Money for one kid. By the way, he has stallions, by the way. Our kids go to school somewhere near one another and everyone's in love with his kids. Like, these are models. I believe one of my boys maybe sort of knows your daughter. Hey, man. Through friends. So you see where I'm going with this. Yeah. My daughter's bedroom walls are filled with the young feral. No, I'm kidding. But yeah, no, they, nice, nice gene pool there. Um.

Thank you. So, boring day. What? Not so much my way. I have a feeling it is similar to my boring day, probably close to your boring day too, and yours as well. Try to exercise in some way. Right? A little drop off, a little exercise, work in some lunch. What's your lunch look like? Quiet. Yeah, quiet. What's your...

And you know about his unhealthy relationship with food. Go ahead. No, but I'll bet he, I think you are a healthy eater. I don't know what I'm basing that on. I mean, sort of, yeah. I think you're basing it on the nice fit of the suit. Well, I used to see, but I also used to see Will out jogging. We used to be in a similar jogging loop. So you like, you enjoy a healthy body. So you're putting good fuel in that body. A lot of laughter during healthy body though.

By the way, can I thank him for all of us that he's so willing and generous to show his body in almost everything he does. I mean, the crumb cake hairdo on the chest is just, it gets me going. That's two and a half hours of makeup. It's so good. I'm like a Ken doll. Shaved down like a channel swimmer. Yeah, exactly. That's just a chest and belly plate you put on?

I remember sitting at a screening preview of some movie where I was shirtless, literally behind an audience member who went, oh boy. Here we go again. That and the other, I remember sneaking into a movie to see it on opening weekend when there used to be opening weekends and listening to one kid go, he's got a lazy eye. Laughter

Look at him, he's got a lazy eye. I'm sitting right behind you. I sat right behind... He's got a lazy eye. Do I? Do I have a lazy eye? I sat right behind Ron Howard in this wonderful film that he directed at a screening for like 12 people. It was the first time at a screening. And right when it was done, he turned around and I go, and he goes, "Oh, hey, Sean." I go, "Hey, is the picture locked? I have a lot of thoughts."

Did he go, oh, he was not having me at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it was his baby. I was sitting next to somebody in a movie theater, packed movie theater for a very, very good movie. All sold out. It was one empty seat in the house. And I'm sitting in the back row, sitting next to somebody. And we haven't looked at each other. They don't know who I am. And a trailer comes on for a comedy that I... The trailer was not that great. Not one laugh through the whole trailer. Trailer...

and then there's the silence as it goes black, and then another trailer's about to end. But during that silence, this guy thought it'd be funny. He goes, no thanks. And then it echoed. And I was sitting there, I'm thinking, well, that was pretty good, but wouldn't it be better if I just tapped him right now? Yeah. Because I think my face was like the last face on the trailer, like he's going to know, he's going to recognize.

And I did. You did it. I tapped him on the shoulder. No, at first I squared up to him so I knew as soon as he turned to be looking right at me, I tapped him, he looked right at me, and I go, not for you. LAUGHTER

But then we were buddies, and we were laughing the whole way through the next show. Nobody delivers that shittiness better than you. I swear to God, it's the fucking best. But he killed it. He got a huge laugh with the, no thanks. But have you ever had those people? Have you had at a premiere of something, people come up, this happened to me,

of someone who worked on the film, dad grabs me by the shoulder. He's like, I don't care what they say. I loved it. Yeah. I was going to say...

Oh, what did they say? What did they say? They're already saying it? Yeah. It's not even in the theaters yet. I've had friends, like specifically like friends that you grow up with, and then you go back to your hometown, like go back to Toronto. I had a few friends go like, got that last one, huh? Not very good. As if like, hey, we're inside, and I can say to you that what you do for a living sucked. Right.

And you're like, yeah, I guess. I mean, we haven't agreed on it, but I guess now we have, so thanks. I had this friend come back after a show I did, the Promises, Promises on Broadway. Everybody up. Everyone up. Promises, Promises. Promises, Promises. Take a bow, Sean. Amazing. Sean, take a bow. Do one, do one. Matt, what have you thought?

Can you do one song from it? Just a little bit. No, and this person came up. I didn't know this person very well, and they said, one sees such a performance and one can only say, Sean Hayes. Yeah, that's sort of bittersweet. Yeah, I love those. It hurts. No, it's not so bad. It's fine. We'll be right back. And now, back to the show. Now, Will. Hey, speaking of acting. What? Uh-oh. What do you say we all do a cold reading of a scene from the O.C.?

Sean, you'll play Luke. I play who, Luke? Sean, you're playing Luke. Jason, you will be Seth. Okay. You're gonna be Seth. And they're all highlighted. Each of our lines are highlighted.

You're going to play the part. You're playing Marissa. None of this is prepared. I'm Marissa. You're Marissa. Who are you? I'm Ryan. Okay, wait a minute. Yes. Wait a minute. I have to say. By the way, yes, what Jason just said. You are fucking crazy. Like, this is... I just thought of this today. Am I...

But can we just say thank you? Nobody ever comes on prepared. This is incredible. He's got index cards he hasn't even gotten to yet. I'm just trying to make you guys laugh. Hey, I'm playing Marissa. Okay, so you don't have to thank him, but we're gonna. Everyone, this obviously is a cold read. Everyone familiar with the show OC? The great OC. What was the song, the OC, anybody?

California, here we come, and the band... California...

Sing for real, Will. Sing for real. I would, but I can't remember... That one. Alright, let's get to it. We're gonna sing it after. You got a fucking dinner date? It's unbelievable how much of a rush you're in. We are interior, diner, day. In a casual little restaurant by the water, Seth, Ryan, and Marissa eat a meal. That's your setup. Here comes the dialogue. Say, guys, I've been thinking about a plan. You know, um...

Right now this could very well be the first stop on our pancake tour of America. Hey, like on the road. Like a woman. You're Marissa. You're Marissa. I got this you guys. That's offensive. Yeah. Right? Is it offensive because you think you sound plenty like a girl? First of all, first of all, I'm not auditioning for you.

Hey, like on the road. There you go. That's good. That's my favorite book. Mine too. So here's the deal. Yep. My mom had this boyfriend. He hired me to work construction last summer. But then they broke up. He moved away to Austin. In Texas? Said if I was ever out there to look him up. So... Well, I mean, well, that's dot, dot, dot. Really kind of far off.

We were thinking like, comma, Long Beach or something so we could all hang out. I'll need to get a couple of days work so I can get a little bit of travel money. Well, I mean, we can get you money. Ryan looks away, uncomfortable. Marissa and Seth seem to get the point. Well, I mean, you know, I guess in a way you're kind of lucky. You get to move to a whole new place, start over, be whoever you want to be. That's really not so bad.

Luke and a couple other guys walk in, banging the door on purpose and being rude and noisy in general. Hey, putz, what's it take to get a menu around here? That's great. That's great. Yeah, that's great. Uh, okay, I'll handle it. And it does say Marissa stands up. Oh, thank you. That's all right. That's all right. I'll handle it.

and ruin your popularity, you know what? Why don't you guys just sneak out back? Marissa gets up and heads for Luke's table. And ruin your popularity. What's going on with you two? Oh, sorry, Marissa kisses Luke on the cheek and then takes a seat with him. And then takes a seat with him. And then takes a seat with him. And then takes a seat with him. There we go. Thank you. I mean, you want the job or not. Okay, ready? Luke says, How is the manicure? Laughter

Oh, it was great. While Marissa distracts, Ryan and Seth quickly leave their booth and head for a hallway toward a back exit. Marissa notices Seth and Ryan walking through and keeps talking, distracting Luke and the guys. So, what did you guys do today? Seth and Ryan try to hurry up, but Luke notices them. Hi, hey guys. How are you guys doing? You look, you like the food here too? Pretty awesome. Here it comes. Say it, Sean.

Shut up, queer. Writing still holds up. It still holds up. Okay. Seth says, well, at least I don't shave my chest. Nice. Luke gets up. Thank God. What'd you say? Luke, come on. I was just saying you look nice in a sweater vest. It was a compliment. Luke gets up in Seth's face. All right, bring it.

We got it on its feet real quick, by the way. We're just workshopping this. You want me to break you, Cohen? Hey! How did I miss this episode? This show seems great. Just six pages left, guys. We're almost there. You guys have been so patient. Thank you. So then Luke says, no way, look who's back. Here he comes. Oh, wait. Cue Luke. Oh, I got it. God damn it. No way. Look who's back. You know, you're a little far from eight mile. Luke, don't.

What are you? What are you, like spokesperson for Geeks of America or something? Nice! That's a sick burn. They all laugh. They all laugh. Oh, Ryan laughs. Here it comes, big finish. You know what I like about rich kids? Ryan punches Luke in the face, hard enough to throw him back under the table. Nothing. Seth says, "That was awesome!" Your ass is... You're dead.

That's it. Scene. Thank you so much. I'm sorry. I mean, after a rough beginning, after a rough beginning, Arnett killed it. Thank you. Will Ferrell, I have a dumb fan question. I mean, it's a really dumb question. Here we go from these two idiots. What is your favorite movie that you worked on? What's a favorite role? What is something that you love to do that really sticks out to you? He can't tell his favorite.

We love his movies, right? We love Will's movies. But what was the one that you just had the most incredible experience, you were proud of the result, all of that kind of stuff? Blades of Glory. Blades of Glory starring Will... Do you guys know how you really pronounce his last name? The witch? Arntz?

Arnett. Arnett. It's actually, he's right. He knows. In Canada, he's Arnett. Arnett. It's true. He moved down here and he started elongating it. Wait a second. Is that true? Yeah. Hang on. He knows that because my parents. Because your parents. My parents, my mom, he knows. My mom and dad are, I was like, no, it's Arnett. Willie. Willie. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Willie Arnett. I didn't know that. Guys, this. Arnett.

- Changes everything. Can I borrow your shades? Can I borrow your shades? Can I borrow your shades? - Yeah, sure, sure, sure. - Can I borrow your shades? - This changes everything. - So wait, wait, if your mom and dad introduced themselves to somebody, they would say, "I am Mr. or Mrs. Arnett." - Arnett. - No, no, no, now they say Arnett 'cause they wanna get the bump from being my parents. - Yes. - Oh, got it. That makes sense. - Right, of course. - I'm just being, no, but they do. - They want the juice. - No, but they do say, my dad says, "Yeah, Jim Arnett."

Yeah, we've talked about him. So he's been living a professional lie this whole time. It's true. It's true. So my question. Yeah. Favorite? Yeah. Which one makes you laugh the most? And it doesn't have to be about you. It could be somebody else in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The one... Which one? I heard Elf. I heard Kicking and Screaming. I heard Old School. I heard... Zoolander was pretty ridiculous. The...

The one that makes me laugh the most is... I can't do the best. I was trying to think of something really obscure. What's your... I would say, in terms of overall, if I had to pick one, it's Anchorman. Yeah. Just because... No. We love Anchorman. What was your show called again? What was the what?

What was your show? My TV show? No, your Broadway show. Promises, Promises. There was a thundering standing ovation for Promises, Promises. That's true. Not so much for Anchorman. Not so much for Anchorman.

But that was like we were playing with the house's money. It was like, why are they letting us make this? Will, when you went and pitched that movie to, what's his name, husband and wife team or the producers? Yes. Walter Parks? Yeah, right, right, right. And Will, apparently, this is legendary stuff, Will walked in, he was wearing a huge, they were trying to get the money to make Anchorman, and you and McKay went in. Well, we had to go in for a lot. We knew it was not...

looking good. Yeah. We had, people just did, were not getting the idea. And so we're like, let's just go and mess around in a picture. And you had a huge foam cowboy hat. Yes. Yes.

And in the middle, Will's across from Walter Parks, he's making the decision to make it, and there are people who are talking, and Will stared him down, and then just interrupted and said, "I think I'm falling in love with you." Will also came, we had an engagement party years ago, and Will showed up wearing a hat that said, "I'm number one." To my, remember that?

And you also used to... You had a hat, a Patriots hat, 19 and 0. -19 and 0. -Yeah. -Yeah. -That you wore to... -To Boston, to Amy's parents. -To Boston, to Amy's parents' house... -Yeah. -...after they had just lost the Super Bowl... -That's right. -...to go 18 and 1.

18-1. You know, they make those hats in case they win. They make the hats so the team can put them on. And if they don't win, they destroy them or they send them to some other part of the world where they can use the hats. People say that about our merchandise, but yeah. Yes, yeah. So it said Patriots Perfect Season 19-0. And a buddy of mine got me one and I wore it up to Boston Thanksgiving dinner.

And I think Amy's dad was like, Will, not funny. Get that hat off. Dude, that is not fucking funny. Look at this guy. Fucking choker, huh? From Canada. Hilarious dude, actually. Bill Poehler. Hilarious dude. I love that you found a 19-0 Patriots hat. I know. That's crazy. I think I still have it somewhere, too. You know? I lost the I'm number one hat.

I don't know what happened to it. It was a great one. So on SNL, you can pick a character, write a character, and it only has to last three, four, five pages. So if it doesn't work, you never have to do it again. If it does work, you can repeat that character next week or...

With a film, you have to go make this full commitment into oftentimes a brand new character. Is that more scary for you that like, well, I can't change it now. I got to do 120 pages of this character over the course of a few months. Is it, how do you like the stakes of those two things? - We're laughing at something. - You're blowing up. - You're burning, you are burning to look at that. - This is your next interview.

We've gone over. Emoji thumbs up. Can't beat that. You can't beat that. Is it nerve wracking? Uh oh, he's gone. I, you know, ignorance is bliss. I don't... You don't think about it. Yeah. For better or for worse...

Charge ahead. Same stakes of doing one that lasts for one sketch versus a whole movie. You're either picking up the debris later or somehow you land on your feet and you're like, oh, that worked. Let me ask you this. Have you ever done a film where you come in on the first day and you're doing one of these incredible characters that you do and you pull it off, you take huge swings, you always pull it off. Am I wrong? I'm right. Yeah.

Have you ever had a director that doesn't have a great sense of humor that might go, huh, can I talk to you for a second? And on the very first day, they don't get it and they want you to make a big change. Has that ever happened? Luckily, that has not happened. Yeah, I've fared pretty well in that department. But I have had those moments and we might have talked about it when we did the podcast. I don't remember yesterday. A year ago.

When did we do that? Almost two years ago. So many gummies between then and now. Oh, I'm sure. I got six in me right now. But that was the experience of... Well, the two dop kits. Yeah, yeah. Dop kits. Uh-oh. Get more dop kits. Note to self, freshen up cocaine dop kit. Running low.

But that was kind of the experience on Elf in the sense that I had just finished doing Saturday Night Live where a lot of that stuff pushed the envelope. Here I was doing this PG family Christmas movie running around New York City in my yellow tights. Sitting in my little...

Not even a, not even a, um, my half-banger trailer in front of the little electric heater. You're right. And just looking in the mirror, going... So it was you that had the self-doubt. It wasn't Fabbro. Yeah, this could be it. Huh? I was just like, this could be it.

Yeah, you know what, Will, that's a good point. And instead, it's a tight second to It's a Wonderful Life is the best Christmas movie ever. Yeah. Right? But that's a great point. So it's a big swing. You're doing this character of El, and you have, that's the thing, is you have no fucking idea if it's going to work or if people are going to laugh. But did you feel pressure from being on, this being your first movie, and did you feel like all eyes are on you, let's see if this guy's got it? Well, a little bit, and like I said, it was,

It was an old, like old school was in the can but it hadn't come out yet. Oh really? So it was just like... For my sister Tracy, in the can means. Just for people who don't know what in the can means. In the can means shot but not yet released. And I don't want to say that because I don't want to make you mad because I know about your hair trigger temper. But Tracy almost got more applause than Anchorman.

Don't think I didn't clock that. Don't fucking don't do it. I am going on such a bender tonight. I'm going to run around those monuments with a spear gun fueled on cocaine screaming Trace's name. When you used to be addicted to day-old seafood, remember? Don't get me going. Day-old lobster. Yeah. I get it.

But yeah, so old school was in the... Yeah, so that was just such a huge... And James Caan, Jimmy Caan, who was fantastic, and we were so lucky to get him, another moment at a premiere, a comment, he was like, great job, I gotta tell you. Because he didn't think so during... He said, I thought every day you were way over the top. You know?

- And you could-- - Yeah. - Yeah. You could see it on his face in the movie, but it works for the character. - And so I think he literally was like, "What is this guy doing?" - He probably fired his agent six times during that shoot. - But yeah, so that was like prime example of it's all about process. Don't try to judge it too much. Just keep plowing ahead because you could look at it later and be like, "Oh, that was working the whole time." - Well, your commitment is just-- we're so lucky. - Yeah. - Let's thank Will Ferrell, everybody.

Thanks you guys. I want to give you some feedback. Right this way, William. Do I leave? Yeah. Okay. Which way do I go? Just right over the side there. This way? Thanks everyone. The bell! The bell! The bell! He's already on the phone. He's already on the phone. Look at the string on the back. She's giving the cigarette butt.

And he left his cigarette butt. You guys got Will Ferrell. Yeah. Nice job. I just thought for our first show, I wanted to have somebody who's a friend of the show, and he was the first person that we actually interviewed. It wasn't our first broadcast, but the first guy that we interviewed...

And I just wanted to have it to be like a friendly, you know what I mean? Make it be like a home game. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I mean, I meant what I said. Like, I'm such a, like everybody is such a massive fan. He's never not funny on a talk show appearance, on a movie, on a TV show, on anything. He's so prepared. By the way, and he came. Oh, this is hilarious. She's holding us. Oh, my God. Let's have that. Holding us. She's got a bunch of buys for us. This is incredibly helpful right now.

Because this is... We need to start thinking up how we're gonna get out of here. And, um... Let's see here. Let's, uh... Well, I'll tell you what. So you guys take a look, and I'll take a look, and then... I was gonna talk about some more nice things about Will. No, no, no, I know, but you can upload this and then back... There we go. Huh. This is really cheating, though.

It's called the Endless Goodbyes. I feel like if we use one of these, too, we could get sued. Oh, good point. Good point. So anyway, so he shows up... I was going to say, he's never not funny in everything he does. And the commitment, the fact that he brought us these scripts, like he worked on scripts to do for us tonight and then all of the other bits that he came out with. Like, that worked. Like, you have to write that and think about that. So nice of him. He's always prepared and the nicest guy in the world. Super... He, um...

Super, super funny. You know, when we did Blades of Glory, the first thing we... No, no, no. No, no, no. And it was like the first big movie that I did coming out of Arrested Development. And Will... Thank you. And Will... Oh, wait, really quick. Who went to the premiere of that? Of Arrested? No, of Blades of Glory. I didn't. You did. Were you there? I was there for you. Oh, you were...

Jason got mad for real again today about the fact that Sean and I have vacationed together a few times. But we love you. Really? Yeah, you're invited. You're invited.

We were invited. But what I was going to say is, you know, of course Will is hilarious, and he's, like you said, super well prepared, always does a funny bit, always does something that you wouldn't think of. Special. Yeah, really special, interesting. But on top of it, he's the senior. He's the guy, you know, he's already making these incredibly funny, great movies. And I'd known him for a few years, but getting on the set where that's his milieu, if you will, like that's where...

And he was so gracious to everybody in the cast and me by being, you know, he was just always very generous. Well, that's the sign of a big superstar. Like, you can't be an asshole. Yeah. I mean, you know, if you have to treat everybody equal, just work hard and be nice. I have that up in my office. Just work hard and be nice. And one day, one day you're going to do it. And we can't wait. We really can't. This has been... I love you too. I love you.

Oh, you're the one who saw it. Thank you. That was a funny script. Really funny. We love Sean, too. Oh, you've been checking these out? I'm not going to look at those. That's a great question. We're not going to take any more questions from the audience other than have you watched the rest of Development yet? Sure.

What character does he play? He plays, remember I call it Job? No, no, no, I call it Gob. Gob. But... I call it Gob. But it is what? It's Job, yeah. And? Wait, no, you are... Give me the first letter of your opinion. No, no, no, no. Just the first letter. What is this, Wordle? M? Wordle. Can we talk about Wordle? Oh, let's do it.

And one of the other things is, our big joke is like, "Oh great, yeah, send us your screen grabs of Wordle. And also tell us what you think about the Beatles documentary." But, I can't wait. And how is your work situation like Succession? It's not. But here, so we did Wordle for the first time yesterday on the plane.

And so of course we were making fun of it, we hadn't done it, and of course it's great. And then today, today Jay goes, "Alright, I can't wait for the next one." And we're like, "No, it's only once a day." It's only once a day? How does that work? And then everybody gets the same word? Is that right? So how are you not like seeing that on Twitter at the top of the day? I don't, how is this catching on? Because people have other stuff to do. By the way, all these buys are, thank you for the effort, they're all useless.

They're not... They're all... They're not like... Oh, I guess some of them do work. No, that one's good. That one's pretty good. You know what? That one is good. You know what? One of my favorites... Here we go. Now, that's Sean right there. He's about to do his bye. We always have to pull him back from the break. Go ahead. And it's going to be the worst. You know what one of my favorite characters that Will played? That Will Ferrell played? It was in Talladega Nights. What was his name called? Ricky. Bye-bye! Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Washington, D.C. Thank you.

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