S2 Ep. 36 - When Terry Met Terry 59:08

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Dungeons and Dice is brought to you this week by Hulu's Anime Ham. It's your new animation destination to watch full seasons and new episodes of your favorite animated shows all in one spot. Hey, what are your favorite animated shows? Will, you looking for some Family Guy? You know it, Peter. You looking for some Futurama? Oh wait, this isn't about anime, it's just animation? Animation overall, it's all kinds of stuff.

Sounds freaking sweet, Lois.

Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. Five friends took an enormous leap of faith in order to escape the vacuum of space. They married as complete teenagers. This is Married at First Flight.

Last time, with less than 48 hours before getting blasted back into the void, our quintuple enjoyed a retreat to JPL with the intention of saving their lives and their relationship. Lincoln. Okay, we've got 48 hours, people. Let's get to work. I've been married before, so I know what it takes to communicate effectively and lovingly to my spouses, even though, like, I don't think we're really married.

Normal. Okay, we got 36 hours, people. Let's get to work. The last 12 hours have put a real strain on this marriage. My sister Hero could help us, but no one will break our vows to go on a date with her. I'm like, who cares? It's not like we're really married. Hermie. Okay, people, I've spent the last 24 hours calculating a way to save us. I love my hardworking husband. Normal, I need to talk to you. Yeah, I'm totally into Terry again. Once we get through this, I'm going to ask her to marry me for real. Whoa!

Mom, I can't believe I've been married for just a day and a half. It feels like a dream. What? Don't worry, Mom. You'll always be my best friend. Gotta go. My husbands are calling. Bye. Taylor. Hey, here. Here. Look how much Paki I can fit in my mouth. Dude, check this out.

Oh, God, you're disgusting. I feel like things are going really great with Hero. Plus, I got my mom to tweet our stunt video, and now Red Bull is hooking us up with spacesuits, so it looks like we're not going to die after all. Once again, Taylor coming out on top. Now the teens are back on Earth, but will this marriage get annulled by Terry Jr. and his gun? Everybody get down! It's still Death Do Us Part this week on Married at First Flight.

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast. This is a Dungeons and Dragons podcast. No, we can't do it again. We already did it. My brain just reacts to things now. It's just so in the moment. Now? Just now? My name is Freddie Wong. In this Dungeons and Dragons podcast, I play a teenager named Taylor Swift. Not the one you're thinking of. This one. I was thinking of this one. Which one am I thinking of now? I like the idea that very slowly I'm just...

regaining the mind share of Glenn Close and Taylor Swift. Like, both of them fought so hard their whole careers to get, like, my little troll. Taylor's like, I'm getting weaker. I'm getting weaker. Her hand is starting to fade out of existence. That's why she acknowledged the problem as her. She didn't do that before this podcast started. Yeah, yeah. Think about it, man. Taylor Swift is an anime-loving outdoors teen with a heart of gold and a pirate smile. What the fuck? What? What? Why? I can't. What is happening? Let me play my character, Will! Yeah.

This was a Jimmy Buffett song. What are you doing? This week's Taylor fact. Taylor has always wanted to have an anime style hot springs in his backyard. Like, you know how I'm out because he was like, ma'am.

I'll come over and we'll be able to have a hot springs and he would. Right. And the steam will, you know, be behind all the parts, hide all the parts. But then I can, you know, as far as like you get one koi fish in an aquarium, that's what you can get. But in the back of her mind, she's like, I should save up for this. I should save up for this. The amount of landscaping is $50,000 landscaping. I'm just relieved that this didn't end with him trying to make his own hot spring that turned into like a standing water, like dam.

swapping shit on site. Do you know what I mean? No, that's what it is, Will. You've taken this and changed the direction. So if you look on Taylor's YouTube channel, there's a multi-part unfinished series where it's like, I build my own Japanese anime style hot springs in my backyard. And it's one video. It's him breaking the ground. And then from that point on, he's like, he never finished that because his mom got mad at him. Clearly, if you go on Google Maps and you drive by his house, you're like, what happened there? That's when they took the picture of it. But it doesn't look like that anymore. Is this like a tepid duck pond? Tepid?

Please come over. Tempid Duck Pond feels like a scary album. I'm seeing a lot of algae. Tempid Duck Pond feels like the kind of thing you have to type into a computer to prove you're a human. It's like a real computer generated password kind of energy there. Hey, everybody. My name is Matthew Arnold. I play Lincoln. Howdy!

Howdy. I play Lincoln Lee Wilson, a schooled-at-home soccer kid who, upon entering the Forgotten Realms, married four other teenagers. And a little fact about Lincoln is that he wears contacts. His eyes are very itchy right now because he's talking about it.

What was the last time you changed those bad boys? At the Papa John's, he looked around. He's like, you think there's a CVS around? No, there's not. It's okay. I'll just deal with it. They're just in there. Soft contacts. You know, there's a minus two to anything requiring eyesight. Yeah, he does a lot of like licking his fingers and just kind of getting some spit up in there just to kind of keep them moist. Oh, God. Hey, you got to do what you got to do. He's got to find some solution. He should have to roll to see if he got that

eyeball-eating amoeba. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's got to get some lens solution pretty quick. He's got, like, calcium crusting it up like the frozen guy in Terminator 2. Every morning his eyeballs open and it just sounds like a zipper, you know? Oh! Like the Eon Flux opening? Oh!

Oh my god, I'm nauseous now. Hi everyone, I'm Will Campos. I play normally Lee Oak, Swallows, Garcia, Wilson, Swift, Marlo, The Unworthy. He's a blue jean baby. LA lady seems just for the band. Pretty eyed, pyro, smile, he'll marry a music man. I guess we're all just doing random stuff for our intros now, Freddie. It doesn't make any sense when you say it.

Ballerina! Normal is a perpy, peppy, chipper, cheery, school spirit mascot kid. That's what he is. And my teen fact about Normal is his first time that he tried drinking. Teen drinking. Teen drinking. It was pre-teen drinking. He was like 10 years old, and they were at their grandparents' house, and he was like, ooh, Grandpa Henry's got this big bottle of, like, grandpa booze. What is it? Like, I'm going to try it. And it was Henry's home-brewed hard kombucha. I know.

And the second he opened this thing, there was like shimmering, you know, like that heat air. And then like it just he took one sip and it just put him on the moon. He was thrown up for a day. You saw through the fabric of space time in reality. And his next 18 poops were perfect. Yeah. He never had to wipe again. He's never had to wipe again, dog.

That's why he doesn't shower. Like one day he's like, hey, I haven't had to wipe for two weeks. I don't think I have to shower either. And everybody's like, no, no, you still have to shower. Bro, nothing but net. Yeah, his gut health is just... Here's the sound of him taking shit. Like that.

It's gone. That's my fact. I yield the remainder of my time. Okay. Hi, my name is Beth May and I play Terry Marlowe, a hardworking soccer star whose mom is her best friend. And she's insane. Fun fact about Terry this week is that she likes soccer.

spicy food. So like when she goes to like a Thai restaurant and they're like, okay, do you want mild spicy? She'll ask for medium spicy. Whoa.

But sometimes it's a little too spicy. So she's like, I wish I had done mild, but I feel like I could have handled medium. Is her dream to be on hot ones someday? I think that'd be a little too spicy. But maybe if they made like an easier, like a medium ones, then things would be different. That's for kind of famous people. A lot of D&D podcasters on medium ones.

I'm Anthony Burch. I'm your dad. Hi, dad. We had a conversation on Last Teen Talk about parasocial relationships, and I realized I give away too much of myself for free. Yes, right, J.S.E. Throw it to the paywall. So behind the paywall, you can hear some fucking dad facts about my real life, but here, you're only getting fake facts about me. Okay, well, give us one. I've had sex. Whoa! Whoa!

So when we last left you, you had just landed after a jaunt in Goof Realm. I'm so glad we landed in JPL. I don't know how we would have gotten back from space if we hadn't gotten to JPL. You would hang out at JPL. You finally managed to get back to the doodlerized Earth. And when you landed on the ground, he said, get down and then started shooting at you. Taylor's already down because he's in a modified blade pose upon landing. The modified blade pose you will recall is the pose that Trinity does when she throws that motorcycle in

Oh, yeah. The long leg. The long one. So I would like everybody to roll initiative, please. Whoa. We are bullets entering Lincoln. What a way to say that. You had so many different ways you could have verbalized that thought. So

So answer the question. You're going to have to roll to see if they hit you. Yeah. 18 plus one, 19. As Lincoln is waiting to see whether or not these bullets enter him, he is like looking at his spouse. He's not wanting to make the same mistake Chris did. He's whispering, go on without me. You can marry again or stay married to each other. Whatever makes you happy. I don't care. Don't live your life because don't keep living.

in your life just keep living your life you don't need to say i'm dead i'm gonna be dead that's the words he says as the bullets fly chiseled down to you all right what am i rolling with the slow motion gun that terry uses initiative i don't know why i said that like that initiative my initiative is a three plus a three that's a six okay i also got a six i got a natural six no i got a three plus a three should we roll off to see who goes first yeah all right let's roll off fucking roll off here we go

Five plus three, eight. I got a 19 plus three. Shit. All right. Beth goes before me. Will? 19. 17 plus two. Can you and Freddie roll off? Because you both got 19. Oh, Will, you want the fucking bull? This is a new DM mechanic. You want the bull? You're getting the horns, dog. Nice try. 18 plus one, 19 again. Dude, I got a nine. Fucker. Goddamn, Beth, you and me, cool kids. All right, who moves on in the next bracket? Now it's Freddie versus Beth. When do the bullets go? One, two.

the bullet yes normal and link are going to roll dexterity to see if you can get hit or not you're

You're saying that... Oh, I got an 11. Dodge bullets. Just like the fucking movie versus, I'm going to get a natural 20. What? 24. So normal one of the bullets is going to hit you. You're going to take 2d8 of damage. That's not that bad for a bullet. Well, it hits you in the shoulder. Oh, it's like a cool bullet. It's like a cool, ah, this is just a part of the narrative moment. How long do you think it's going to be before Tom Cruise just gets shot in one of the movies? I don't know.

I've been saying that for years. I think the next Mission Impossible, he's just going to get shot in the chest. I think that he's going to do it as a stunt. Yeah, as a stunt. Just do it like a one-take surgery on him. Yeah, yeah. We set up all these cameras in slow-mo, and we're just going to shoot him. Tom's been practicing for the last six months with smaller and smaller calibers. I'm just going to fucking plug him. I rolled a D20 and got a natural 20. Does that give me anything? Yeah, you get 20 damage for messing up. What? Yeah, baby!

baby. Guess what? Pay attention, bitch. With your natural 20 link. What happens when you were shot at by Terry? Essentially like that scene in Spider-Man. And when he's in the hallway and the kid throws a punch and he gets a spidey sense and he just kind of like watches the fist go around. His name is Flash Thompson. The guy who showed him some fucking respect. Flash Thompson. That's what happens. He just kind of looks at the bullets and he just, he's like, Oh,

These don't seem so scary when they go this slowly. Yeah, he's scared. He looks to the right. He sees one of them. He's like, well, that one's not going to go anywhere. It looks to the left. He's like, oh, good. That one missed me. It's going right into... Oh, my God. Normal. Wait, how can you... Why? Why? Why do you have this ability? Because you got a natural 20. Pay attention, bitch. No, but I'm saying like... But like, you don't...

I'm right there with you. I just think like baby gets a treat when he rolls a natural 20. And I guess that's what Matt is deciding his little treat is going to be. And also time slows down when shit like goes real. Yeah, they've done studies. So yeah, they've done studies. So I'm just following those studies right now.

All right. Fuck. Taylor, it is your turn. If anybody wants to roll perception, feel free. I'm perceiving that I just got shot. Ow! Ah!

All right. You see Terry. I rolled a 10 perception as well. You see, he looks like he's wearing maybe a turtleneck. I got a 12. Yeah. Maybe a turtleneck. Okay. I got a natural 20 perception. No, you didn't. Yeah. You got two natural 20s in a row. 20 plus two. You can see it in Dungeons and Dragons Beyond. Jesus Christ. Okay. Well, then you. Dungeons and Dragons Beyond. Yeah. What the fuck? Why'd you say the whole thing? That's insane. Coca-Cola zero sugar, please. Okay.

I like to watch TV shows on the American Broadcasting Company. Can't we just get beyond Dungeons and Dragons? Oh, boy. Okay, so. It also makes sense that it would be world perception. Yeah, it makes sense I could perceive if I'm literally in slow motion right now. Yeah, you're in slow-mo. So you can see that around Terry's neck is what looks to be a metal cuff with something etched into it. Uh-oh. Runes that you cannot quite decipher from this distance, but they look like English language. Uh-oh. It's like a conch.

He's like a little doggy. Is it a collar that says he has to be a really good dad or whatever it is that we put on the dragon? You can see from this distance it does not say you have to be a really good dad. You can see it says something else. Okay, I can't see what it is. Do we have to decapitate another stepdad? All right, so it is now Taylor's turn. Taylor is going to cast Pass Without Trace. A veil of shadows and silence radiates from me masking myself and my companions from detection.

Each creature I choose within 30 feet of me, my boys and Terry, has a plus 10 bonus to Dex stealth checks and cannot be tracked except by magical means. The creature receiving this bonus leaves behind no tracks or other traces of its passage. So Taylor's going to throw one of his ninjutsu smoke bombs down and be like, ha, danger! And

It's a smoke bomb that Taylor ordered off AliExpress, so it's like we are definitely breathing in some kind of fumes. Some fucked up shit. He can't hit you, right? I mean, you know, we just got a plus 10 to Dex, so we roll bad, he can still hit you. Yeah, yeah, plus 10 bonus to Dex stealth checks. Oh, is it just stealth checks? It says plus 10 bonus to dexterity parenthetical stealth checks. Yeah, so that would be... Yeah, so that means stealthy stuff. That doesn't mean like an attack. That means like if we hide. Oh.

Okay, well, yeah. You can say you're hiding if you want to. There's a detritus around here. You're near the city that you met the Black Parade in, so there's detritus you can be hiding behind. Let me just ask you really quick then, in terms of where we landed, like, you know, are we in a park? Are we in, like, a city square? Are we in an intersection? You're in an intersection of the city square with some turned over cars. It's very I Am Legend. Okay, okay, okay. We're in I Am Legend. There's a mannequin over there.

Yeah, it turned its head a little bit and you're like, what? Remember when the I Am Legend, they're like, it's the war-torn future that's a crisis and gas is $5 a gallon. And it's like, oh man. And they have the Batman versus Superman poster in there too. They predicted the dystopia that we live in now. Those writers knew we were going to vote for Biden. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Everybody is now sneaky sneaking behind some stuff. So once it's Terry's turn, he's going to try to roll to discern you and you're going to roll oppose stealth. It is now your turn, Normal. Normal. You're welcome. Ow, thanks. Oh my God, hubby, what's wrong? I got shot. Oh my God. Ow. Ow.

Why are you saying how you haven't gotten shot? Because we're one soul. Sympathy pain. Sympathy pain. Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. So it's my turn, though. You got to help on your turn. Okay. I was just going to get like some gauze or something. But yeah, go ahead and do your magic, babe. Do your magic, babe. I am going to cast heal on myself. Do a little first level cure wounds. We're just going to top this one off. First level cure wounds is like at the gas station. I'm just doing a little bit of gas. Yeah.

gonna try and hit five dollars exactly yeah he'll 13 damage damn first level cure wounds is strong you feel healing vapors emanate from your hand into the wound on your shoulder and the bleeding stops the hole remains with bleeding stuff see that that's the power of love wow yeah so it's terry's turn he's going to try to roll for each of you individually if he can see you or not do we do it opposed what do we do yes you're gonna roll stealth so go ahead and roll stealth beth and

And you're going to add 10. 9 plus 10. All right, 19. Will, go ahead and roll. I got an 18. All right, Freddy, go ahead and roll. Natural 20 plus 4 plus 10, 34. We are entering the era where Taylor Swift is going to fucking rock ass. And now Matt. I got 18. Oh, wait. No, no, no. 28, dude. You got a 28, man. Stealth boys. Holy shit. Where am I? All of our voices echo around like, over here, over here.

So Terry's like, good one. Good idea, Taylor. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Everybody keep your heads down. And he is going to shoot randomly into the darkness. He got an 18. Sit normal again. With your other shoulder. No, it was a good role. He should not want to hit us. Yes. Subconsciously is trying to not hit you. So you hear the whiz of bullets go right.

right past your head, and that is going to be his turn. He's going to go, good job, guys, good job. I only got a couple bullets left. We just got to get through this. Taylor goes, small caliber rounds. It's Hermie's turn, and Hermie is going to sulk. Beth, it is your turn. Before I take my turn, I want to...

sort of clarify, I was doing some googling, but it wasn't as helpful as I thought it would be about the whole thing of insanity in D&D. Because the rules are like, you can't speak and do it. And obviously, we've taken a different route with this. But do I get like disadvantage on all my roles? And then another question I had was like, how does the insanity end? Is it long rest, which I thought or is it like I have to get like a higher restoration spell?

I'm going to say it's going to be long rest. Okay. And I'm going to say that you can still talk and you don't have disadvantage on everything. I'm just going to say that it's changed your personality temporarily such that if you were trying to do something that's scary would be good at, it's going to be harder for you because now you're Terry. Okay. Oh, but if you're trying to do something that Terry's good at, like make friends. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, hi. My name is Terry. I know you can't see me in the darkness, but I just wanted to say like, stop shooting at my husband's. Terry goes, what?

I think that love conquers all. And I think you should just put down the gun. Terry goes, what did you guys do to scary? Who's scary? It's complicated. She kind of talked to the doodler and this sort of new side of her is driving the bus now, so to speak. Yeah. Hey man, you're like a dad. So just like embrace whatever your kid's going through and just like, it's still your kid. I'm just trying to make sure you didn't brainwash or something. Doesn't sound like my scary. I mean, she's not my scary. She's, she's a scary. It doesn't.

Shit, and he just starts firing again, like into the air, like point break style. Stop firing guns to solve things. We're going to find your scary. We can help. We just need to put the gun down. All right, go ahead and roll persuasion with disadvantage because you don't sound normal to him. That's a seven. That's a four. Okay, so Terry's going to go, I don't believe you. Something's wrong. You guys did something to scary. I'm going to find out what it is. One bullet at a time. So he keeps the gun in his hand.

Link, it is your turn. I'm going to cast a third level spell. I'm going to say, hey, everybody, just violence is not the answer. Can we just all like just talk this out? Like Terry said, the way to solve things is with love or hope. So I cast Beacon of Hope.

which is this spell bestows hope and vitality. Choose any number of creatures, all of us for the duration. Each target has the advantage of wisdom saving throws and death saving throws and regains the maximum number of hit points possible from any healing. So I wish I'd done that before you did your healing. But we're just all really smart now.

We're wise now. Yeah, we're wise. You're wise. And also normal gets to heal up to... No, next time I roll, I'll do maximum. Oh, the next time. Anytime we do a spell for healing, we gain full healing. Oh, that's dope as hell. Oh, that's cool. You can just crank low-level shitty spells. And then I look around. Is there any, like, flower on the floor? There is...

one single yellow flower that is a sprinting distance away. I pick it up and I fucking just like run full speed and try to slam it into the barrel of the gun as violently as possible. All right, roll Dexter. He's going to shoot at you as you run at him.

It's a three plus seven. All right, he rolled a 17 to hit you, so he hits you square in the fucking chest. Oh my God. And you get knocked down. You're going to take 3d8 of damage. What a powerful metaphor for the mission. The flower's still in your hand as you hit the ground. Oh no.

But now there's like blood on one of the petals. I got 19 damage. I say, Hope, with that new wisdom I gave you, you forgive yourself for what you just did. Because I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I have to. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Why did you rush me? I was just wanting to give you a flower and your gun. It wouldn't.

done anything I would have shot the flower out and hit you in the face. Mister why are you shooting? He's making me he made me. Who made you? So it is now Taylor's turn. Use that extra wisdom I gave you buddy. Taylor. Is Terry making saving throws against whatever's fucking with him? No. No. The way that the collars work if you recall from season one is that they just work. You recall

He had some sort of magic power.

steel thing that shot rocks out of it that went over the air to hit people with them. Do I have a gun? What are you talking about? He does. He doesn't need to get close to you. He's not trying to get close to you. No, but he can't fucking move though. Now he's in a fucking prison of my own. Yeah. Completely unarmed except for the gun that he has. No, but he can't see us. There's darkness all over the place. He's stuck behind those prison bars with nothing but a gun. Ha ha ha ha.

It's like the end of X-Men when they put Magneto in a thing. He has an M249 and a lot of ammunition.

Whatever. Fuck you guys. I'm casting Spike Growth. Spike Growth is cast. Good luck. All right, great. Will, it is your turn. Who's making you do this? Wait, doesn't he take damage or something? Only if he moves into it. So nothing happens on this turn. He just watches that happen and goes, well... Just sprayed Caltrops like an octopus on the ground when it feels threatened. Everyone run! I'm going to cast Hold Person. To ensure he will never get near the Caltrops. LAUGHTER

He needs to make a wisdom saving throw. He did not. Even with his bonus? He didn't get a bonus from that. I have a bonus. No, no, no. Beacon of Hope, I gave it to everybody. You gave it to everybody? Yeah. Oh, okay. Then, yeah, he succeeds. He gets advantage on wisdom saving. So Terry saves against it, unfortunately. No! Sorry. I just want everybody to be really wise. Well, that

That wasn't very wise of you. How ironic. Who's doing this? What's going on? It's us. Stop shooting. It's normal. And then all the other ones. Remember, like, we really hit it off. We had a great conversation about scary last time. You're our dad now, too, man. Wait, you guys know this guy? Yeah. This is your stepdad. This is Terry. This is my father-in-law. I don't have a stepdad. I have a real dad. Oh.

Well, let's talk about that once the guns are not firing. Let's put a pin on that one. The pin is safety. Okay, mister, is there like a key to your collar or anything? He says, no, there's not. There's just the collar itself. Just don't let me kill you. Whatever happens. I mean, obviously you weren't going to let me kill you. That's insane. Why did I say that? Oh God, what am I doing? What am I doing? I'm fucking this up. What do you mean you don't have a stepdad? Oh no, oh no. It's okay, dude. Like these are my husbands and I'm Terry. Oh Jesus, what happened?

It's a long story. It's going to be okay. If you don't want to hurt anybody, you don't have to. Nobody's ever going to make you do that unless you're like under a spell or something. But I just found out about spells and I can't do them, but I really admire them. I think they're great. They're great. So Terry's going to stand up. Point is going to go, you're too young to get married. And he's going to start firing into the cloud again.

And he is going to completely whiff and click, click, click. The gun is going to empty. And he goes, oh, thank God. And he throws the gun down. He goes, it's it. You're good. You can come out now. And you don't have any like secret ones on your ankle or anything like that that we need to know about. He goes, you got me. And he pulls down another one from his ankle. Oh, my God.

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Whoa. What's your name? Terry. No way. Yeah. Yeah. It's safe now, guys. It just he wrote that I had to shoot some of you when you came down. What? Who did what? Willie. Willie? Willie Stambler? He's here? No, he's not. What's it say on your collar, dude? If you want to approach him, you can. Yeah, I approach. So, yeah, the collar says blast those fools except scary when they show up.

And don't do anything to act against me, Willie Stampler, or help the kids. I noticed that he didn't blast me. I guess that means I'm not a fool. For sure. That's probably what happened. You're right. Yeah, hon. Yeah. Terry goes, I absolutely had the desire to shoot you very badly. You first, actually. I wanted to shoot you first. It was just luck that the bullets hit normal. And yes. Yeah, luck. That's what I'd call it. Yeah, that's right.

It's pretty cool that none of us got shot. Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I cast Cure Wounds on Link. And because I'm wise, it does the most. Well, that's good. My wounds are healed, but still really, really hurts. So how much do you heal for Matt? Eight plus six, which is... Fourteen. So yeah, we're out of combat now, and...

Well, that was easy. I'm going to grab the gun and keep it away from him, of course. Cool. Sure. Yeah, it's empty, but it's... And I'm also going to rack it a few times and tuck it into my waistband like a cool fucking anime teen. Great. All counting on to this. You're not responsible like me. Here he goes. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry he got to us. He got collars on us, and I'm sorry, and I can't help, but I can... He didn't say anything about not sticking around, and like...

obliquely trying to say things that might be helpful or whatever. You can't help us. I can't directly help you, but I can, I know stuff and I can say things. I'm going to take this off. I approach him like Chris Pratt approaching a velociraptor. Great. Okay.

Okay. I'm framing it with his masculine swagger. So I put my hand on it. I'm going to take this collar off, okay? You can't. It won't work. Why not? Why not? It's got a little latch right there. All right. Give it a try. I'm going to try to do that. All right. Roll strength. Strength. I got a three. Even if it wasn't magically sealed, you would not have the strength needed to do that.

to wrench this thing open. It's magic? It's like stuck on there with glue or something. All right, here, let me try it. Well, that's what you said about the pickle jar last week, hon, and, you know, I feel like I could have gotten it. I loosened it for you, though. What's she talking about? I don't know. Hey, don't worry, buddy, and I'm going to approach Terry like the boy in Black Stallion approaching the horse, and I go, let me just try a little something here, and I'm going to cast Dispel Magic. That's a spell called magic? Dispel Magic. I cast that. I guess he did.

I got to dispel magic. I got to dispel magic. I will never make a decent record. And it's choose one creature or object. I mean, you know how it works. But the DC. You get the idea. You get the idea. For each spell, fourth level or higher on the target, make an ability check using your spellcasting ability. The DC equals 10 plus the spell's level. And then the spell ends. Is it a spell that I can dispel? Yeah, you're going to have to roll for it, right? That's what it's saying. Yeah. You're going to have to beat a 20. Ooh.

Ooh, that's a big boy. Wait, the DC equals 10 plus the spell's level. Willie's cast it at level 10. So you are going to roll a dice and try to get higher than a 20 with your plus four. Okay. Get 16 or higher. This is exciting. I got a four plus four. Okay. So unfortunately, dis-a-spell fizzles out in your hand. Don't worry, buddy. I got one more slot where that came from. And I cast the spell again. All right. Give it another try. I do the clip. Five plus four.

Hey, don't worry, buddy. If we all just take a little nap. We can't take a nap. We're in a hostile territory. Terry, what's going on? Or Mr. Stampler, Mr. What's your last name? Marlo? Are you guys? Mr. Terry, what's happened? We just fell out of the sky. Like, you're probably wondering about these Red Bull outfits we've got on. We can fill you in on that, but we came here for the anchor, and now we find you shooting at us. What's going

He goes, well, you guys go first because your thing's really confusing. It's not. We're just married. I approach him like young Ethan Hawke approaching White Fang. Okay, so we were in space. That's kind of the first thing I remember, but I think we all kind of started in space. I'm actually a really big believer in astrology. I actually want to do a reading for you later, but maybe now is not the time. Anyways, we had to get out of there, and so...

We got married and I made the biggest and best decision of my life. We went to JPL, which I think stands for just...

Penis losers. Because they weren't very helpful. A whisper of scary coming in through Terry's mania. She's in there somewhere. They weren't very helpful, especially this guy who thought he was the best dad. But actually, I have the best dad. He's just not here around, you know. So he was the best, though. And we came back into space and then came here. Yeah.

And then you started shooting us, but you said you didn't want to. And I don't know why. I just, I believe you. He turns to the rest of you and he goes, what happened? What happened to her? Pretty much just went nuts, man. She tried to talk to the doodler, I think. So I don't know. I think she's kind of regressed to like an earlier state or something like that. She said she used to like soccer and stuff. And she was like, Terry, you like soccer, right? I love it.

softball it's my favorite thing i play left striker and my mom comes out to every game someday my dad's gonna come to a game and he's gonna see how great i am so yeah so that's what happened it's like she's like that now terry kind of looks aside and goes like i did actually want to see this version of you just not like well you got it buddy yeah just not like okay sorry be careful what you wish for somebody's gonna say something okay you go that's us that's how we're here yeah what's happening here man me and the other dads

tried to team up and take down willie he got the drop on us he put collars on all of us so we all basically have these things on our necks that say we can't hurt him and we can't help you and he what are you good for i mean don't kick him always down he's going through a lot right now dude everybody has value thank you like thank you scary terry even hermy hey hermy how's it going you're here too not great i was gonna die in space like a legend hey

Remember those moments up there? Just you and me, man? Yeah. We're just drifting. You're worth something. Right? We're just sands drifting through space and yet you're here. Like, just embrace it. Roll persuasion. 17. Hermie goes, normal, I need to talk to you. I think I'm in love with Link. Okay. Okay. I support you and I talked to my sister about this and I want you to know that I'm here for you in whatever way you need me to be here for you. I'm here for you because I care about you. And, uh... A third. Huh? Yeah.

Huh? Third. Thruple. Try it. Try it. What? Does that make sense? Are you down? Oh, with Link? Yeah. Yeah.

Let me think about it. Well, you're married to him. Because if you're not, that's not going to work for me. Oh, oh, oh, all right. So Terry. Yes. Oh, I met the other Terry. Wow. He brought us here to get the last anchor. He dropped me off here. I don't know where he went. So he had Grant with him. Grant. I don't know where they went.

We got to get to the anchor before Willie does. It's in that building. And he points at a building in the center of the town that has lights coming out of the windows. You see yellow and red lights alternating. You can see the color of what's in the interior. ASU colors, fuzzles. Yeah, exactly that. And he goes, we got to move as quick as we can because, and then you hear, beep.

Bing, bing, bing. And you hear the trump of the boots of the Black Parade in the distance getting closer and closer, having been called by the sound of the gunshots. And he goes, we got to go. Okay. But our dads are there with Willie? Is that what you're saying? I guess. I think he's trying to go. How did you get away from him? Oh, he sent you out to find us. Yeah, to stop you. So where is Grant, though? He's with Willie, I guess. Okay. Do you know where Willie is? No. We know where they're going to be. Right. Which is there. I'm going to roll, look at the thing I'm looking at. Okay.

Oh, okay. Was that perception? Yes. He said after saying the most Matt sentence he's ever said. I got a 12. Okay. So with a 12, you can tell that the interior of the building is about four stories tall. It is just a normal kind of squat office building. There are people milling about inside of non-humanoid size. Bigger or smaller than humanoid size? Bigger. Okay. And there's a not unfamiliar smell that you can't quite place coming from that. Oh,

I'll say this, fellow stunt teens. We are equipped with Red Bull fucking go fast suits. We could parachute down to that building from behind. We're on the ground, though. Yeah, we're on the ground. Where are we going to get like a plane or anything? Well, we could climb stairs and base jump. Oh.

Just throw it out there. There are definitely tall buildings near you that are taller than the building you're in. How well guarded does this building look? So on the exterior, you don't see any guards at all, but you can see a lot of people on the inside. Maybe let's approach cautiously and just kind of see what the deal is. Can we just all like just pretend to be like, you know, goth or whatever? Like we did last time? Yeah, this is not just... Is it the Black Parade? No, he said it's non-human. They're bigger than goths. Whoever's in there, they're way bigger than most goths. Oh, man.

Or even Visigoths. And they were big. I learned about that in history class. We need to get off the street. Yeah, let's get off the street. Let's get to a high place like Batman would and look down and see more. We pick a building that is very tall and we climb the stairs of that building. Okay, cool. You climb the WeWork building and you get to the top of the 12th floor. That's it? 12 floors is a lot. Yeah. Okay. I'm kind of regretting keeping the Red Bull suit on and the helmet on.

But it looks so fucking cool. And this Billy's too fucking tall. Yeah, I was just going to ask, Taylor, can you help me pack up my parachute? I've been dragging it with me the entire time. Oh my God. I think there's a bunch of holes in it now. God damn it. In the time that it took you to get upstairs, the Black Parade has started exploring the area that you were just in, trying to find the source of the gunshots. I'm going to set a timer for them, basically, and every turn you don't do something, they're going to get closer and closer to finding you. Okay.

So we're looking down at the roof of this building. What do we see? So you see on the roof, how's the HVAC look? HVAC looks like it's working pristine or teen sized vents on this roof. There is a teen sized vent. Also seen size vent though. I mean, it's a width issue, not a length issue. It's not the first time I've said that. Uh,

And you see two calzone soldiers walking around on the roof holding very sharp pizza cutters that glint in the light from below them in the building. I hate these guys. That's fun. So we know...

we don't know what the anchor is but we know the anchors in that building yeah okay so we just gotta get in there all right guys i think we're dealing with calzone boys we're dealing with papa john's it seems like it's gonna be really dangerous right yeah but we gotta get in there we gotta get the no i know i know just like just real real quick i don't know can we like not be married anymore what do you mean well it's just like it was just a marriage of necessity and like it's already like a lot and like i don't think i can really handle the morality of like well yeah you got me here but like not as like you know married

What's the big deal, man? I don't know. It's just like a lie. I don't know if I can handle like all my spouses dying. Well, what's the difference? If we get divorced, then you still care about us anymore? I mean, I do, but all right, fine. We can stay married, I guess. I'm not going to be the one to leave this marriage first. So that's fine. Whatever you guys, whatever you, no, I'm fine. Yeah. I definitely think it'd be healthy to seek counseling, maybe. But I mean, we can come to that bridge when we get there and when we find a counselor, because here, you know, there's just not a lot of counselors. Anthony's rolling a dice clock.

All right. That's fine. Sidebar. It feels like this whole marriage thing is kind of one of the tiny pieces of duct tape that's kind of keeping scary together right now. So let's just like maybe after we get the anchor, we can cut ties. We can split things up. I don't know what the alimony situation is going to wind up being. But I forgot to sign the prenup. I'm losing all my stuff.

Okay, well, I hear you, man. Just know that I'm a little worried that her identity was, like, started by being married with four other people that she barely knew. But that's okay. I hear you. We'll figure it out. She can go on that journey of self-discovery back to herself or whatever she's going after. No, it's fine. It's fine. No, I can learn to not care too much about my spouses either. No, I don't. Oh, all right. It's fine. There's a lot going on. Guys, guys on the prize. How are we getting into this building? Okay, let's, um, yeah, how do we do this? Two approaches. Let's do this.

and fast or stealthy and quiet? That one. That's a good one. The second one's good. We can go from above or below. We're already above. All right. Well, take it away. What do we do? You hear Alarm beneath you. You hear Doors Alarm within you.

You hear doors being kicked inside and you hear miserable voices going, scary. We're scary. We need scary. You abandon us. You hear stomps as people begin to run up the stairs. Oh, shit. These guys are scary. They're going to freaking kill her. She's like the least depressed person ever right now. Are we like next door to the... So you're in a 12 story building next to a four story building. And they haven't seen us. They basically saw... Footprints. I scream over the edge. I go, whoa. Hey, look.

Scary's over there at the Hot Topic. Roll deception with disadvantage. With disadvantage? Hot Topic's so cringe. What, is she getting a Rick and Morty shirt? She's tearing all the Hot Topic stuff down because it's cringe.

Good save, man. Nice. Got a nine. With a nine, you do not convince them. You hear these steps continue to move up hard towards you. So Taylor goes to the group and goes like, any of you have any base jumping experience? No, absolutely not. It won't matter. Here's what we do. I have basic jumping experience and I jump up and down. Good enough. Good enough. Here's what we do. Have you ever thought about being a goalie? Everyone shut up. We got a dude. We got a man.

move okay you dangle your run no wait where hold on watch watch do what i do slow and steady is fast man just calm down just okay okay so taylor having seen this on a youtube video is gonna dangle the parachute over the edge over from him so you're basically you're standing on the edge and the parachute's in front of you over the edge okay and taylor goes this is what i saw a youtube video on this once all you have to do

is jump forward and do a front flip. Okay. And the parachute will base jump us and take us down gently. And the goal is we steer it onto the roof of that building. And hopefully, and I turn to Terry, who doesn't have a Red Bull suit and helmet and cool jumpsuit, and you.

They're going to see all of us in our very bright Red Bull gear going on to the other building. And hopefully it'll cause a crazy conundrum for everyone in that building because all the Black Brains are going to try and get in there. Right. They'll see us going on to that building. They'll follow us. They'll try and bring in that building. It'll be chaos in that chaos. Terry, that's your cue to escape. Start blasting. Find some ammo, my man. All right. We ready? Wait. Okay. One.

fine ammo. My man's doing a lot of work for on top of a building. I don't think that's not your problem. Our problem is getting on the roof of that building, but two. So like, dude, the minimum altitude for base shipping is 200 feet. At least we're on 12 story building. Like we're going to just hit the ground and die. Like, what are you talking? You're just going to jump off this building. Nah, not with this method of deploying Matt. You were just sitting there looking at Google like a fucking rube, but I know that this is the fastest way that you can get a canopy open off the edge of a building. Well,

Well, it seems... Link wouldn't know. Link's just like, I don't trust you. Absolutely not. You cannot jump off 12 stories base jump with a normal parachute. You'll die. Isn't it like that Terry, too, won't have a parachute so he can't come with us? And this group of people, they might attack him before he could get over to the other building. That's right. You're concerned about what would...

That's really nice. Wow. That feels, can I, uh, uh, nevermind. No, I was going to ask for a hug. That doesn't make any sense. Oh, sure. She hugs him. So he immediately blushes really big and he goes, this is, this is really nice. This has never happened. You've never been hugged?

Not by my stepdaughter. He still hasn't. He just doesn't know. I mean, he does know, but I know it's weird, but it's just like what I can get, I guess. Those are just like us. Meanwhile, Taylor pulled up a number of low base jumping front flip parachute videos where people are doing it off 12 story buildings. Go fuck yourself. Hermie goes, I do have an idea. What is it? In order to prevent Terry from being hurt,

I, using my incredible acting skills, and he turns around and he looks like scary. What? Could convince them that I am their leader and order them to follow you into that building. Oh, my God. It's so crazy. It just might work. Yeah. Yeah. Do we need to jump off anything for that to work, Taylor? Taylor already has the parachute dangling over and he's like, what do you mean?

They're all coming up for us. What if it fails? Look, all I'm saying is if I remember, like one time when I was browsing on the internet, when I was on the UKC forums, they were talking about that like modern canopies and D can jump at 105 feet to 80 feet. But it's like it's a specialized equipment and you need to be very, very well trained to be able to do this. So like I'm just saying you'll have to roll for it.

I'm just saying. And then also, that's really just about getting to the ground. I don't think you're going to get to the top of that four-story building. Not that I know anything about what's going on. I'm just thinking. I'm just thinking out loud with the power of Google. Well, Taylor, that says... I'm going to look very quickly to see if there are any. You know like those old-timey buildings have water towers on top of them that are full of water? Are there water towers either on this building or the other one? There's a water tower on this building. Look...

Like, Hermione's got a good idea. He pretends to be scary. It doesn't work like Thermopylae, this shit. Like, just like... So here's what I'm thinking. We can fight them. Hermione, if you think you can convincingly play scary and we can trick them, that'll work. If it doesn't work, I'll cast control water on that water tower and bust it open and wash them down the stairs again. Like, and then we jump off. Like the itsy bitsy spider. Like itsy bitsy spider. And then, wait. But wait, they climb up again. That's what... By this time, we do Taylor's plane and jump off the building.

off the building. Oh, God. Okay. Okay, so it sounds like what we want to do is we want to let Hermie attempt to convince them and if not, then normal will wash them down and then when they come up again, we'll just do a cool front flip off the building and do beast jumps like I want to. Well, I mean, maybe if Hermie fails...

I could give it a shot because you said that I look like scary. That's true, too. That's true. Like, Terry really... Like, Hermie, you look like... Good job. You're looking a lot like scary right now, but Terry really looks like scary. So, like, you just gotta... Give me, like, your meanness. Be mean. Give me something, like, something really mean. Yeah, like, say something about how bad I smell. Yeah, and gravel your voice up, like...

But acting. I feel like I'm tired. Don't say it to me, though, because it will hurt my feelings. You can say it to me. Nothing hurts my feelings anymore. Just... Okay, babe. I was thinking that... Don't think. You could...

Maybe shower more. I know this is a hard thing to hear, but I'm saying it because I care about you. You're running out of time. The footsteps are getting closer and closer. Hermie goes, guys, you don't have time to do this. Scary. Give me something that I can use to Terry, whatever the fuck that I can convince them that I'm you something that only you would have. Maybe that tape measure that you got from these guys the last time you were here. Can I have that? Do we still have that? Yes, you do.

Um, sure. So I look in my pockets because I don't remember having it. Oh, it's clipped to your belt. It's clipped to my belt. Here you go. Cool. Hermie takes it and goes, ah, and now for the performance to begin.

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No, but stock talk like scary. They can't tell her mouth's not moving from 12 stories up. I'll just say it like really quietly. Watermelon, watermelon. It'll look like I'm saying whatever you're saying. Okay, I say watermelon, watermelon. And I point. And I go, everybody, go do the thing.

And I'm going to have them roll to see if they can figure out that that's Terry or not, or if it's scary. So with a 14, they are not convinced that that is the person. They stop for a second. It looks like scary. It does look like scary for a second. And then they stop and they realize there's just something, there's some energy that's missing. There's some sort of je ne sais quoi, some sort of misery that isn't quite there. They're like, what?

It's an imposter. Go, go, go. And they start running up the stairs. Now they're in the stairway right behind you. Turn around, you bad people. You have one thing you can do now before they rush onto the roof. These guards are beyond any of you. And then normal is going to cast control water.

and I'm going to part water. So I'm going to part the water inside the, um, the large tower with enough force such that it rips it open. And then I'm going to use redirect flow to send the water down the stairs towards great. I'm gonna have them roll dexterity saving through. They got a 16. So I'm going to say that half of them get washed away as they, as they go down the stairs. Um,

The other half use the handrails. Yeah, they'll have to just grab onto the handrails and they're going to keep coming at you. There's six of them. Now they're on you. So they jump in and they grab Terry and they go, what'd you do with scary? What'd you do with our Lord? And one of them sees Hermie as scary. And Hermie's going to go, hey boys. And I'm going to have them roll to see if they understand what's

And they stop for a second and they don't quite know what to make of Hermie. But they know that the rest of you probably can't be trusted if you've got an imposter scary. So they're going to attack you. That's like you. All right. What are you going to do? Taylor does a front flip over the building with his parachute. All right. It's gonna be a couple of roles. So first, give me a dexterity role to successfully front flip acrobatics. Even though I practice front flips in my yard all day. Yeah, but now I'm going to make you fall for this.

18 plus one, 19. Perfect. Well, almost perfect. It could have been exactly 5% better. You kind of like cocked your body a little bit so it wasn't totally straight. A little bit of a shoulder roll. A little bit of a shoulder roll. But you front flip off of the building. The

the canopy engages as your momentum goes down but now you have to see if you can control where your fall is so give me another acrobatics roll and they don't let him have this just let him fall the dice will decide it's not up to me it's not up to me the red bull strato parachutes are like 200 feet wide for space what did you become fucking what is

What is going on over here? Fucking Neil deGrasse Tyson over here trying to fucking get in my way. Every time I do something semi-reasonable, everybody's jumping off with space parachutes from 12 stories up. Seven plus one, eight. Okay, so that one, you fuck up. You managed to...

away from the building, like towards the building you're trying to go towards with the Papa John's people in it. And then massive canopy blows me back into the building. Yeah, you pancake against the fucking building and you're going to take 2d6 of damage as you slam into the building and then your canopy... Continue slamming into it back and forth, Isaac.

Yeah, I guess so. You're just going to slam all the way back down and land in what looks to be a crowd of angry black raiders. Can I use my turn to seeing stupid idea Taylor is doing to try to reach out and grab the chute? So I'm like holding him, you know, like cliffhanger style. Like I'm holding the top of the chute. Give me a slight hand roll. That's okay, man. You can let me fall. It feels like a great strength or something, right? I was imagining it was more of a speed. Like, can I get to it before Taylor jumps off? Is that scene in the Matrix when it's like he looks down, he sees the rope going like...

He's beginning to believe. I'll do 14. It was 14. 14. Okay, so with a 14, you managed to just barely grab onto the canopy right before it goes all the way down. So you know what this, he grabs the top chute, like the pilot chute. Yes. Which is as it's falling down like in Matrix and then which then causes me to then slam into the building again. Yeah, that's what fucked you up was the fact that Link grabbed it. Yeah, just like the helicopter, you hit the window. Now you're going to have to roll strength to see if you can hold all of Taylor's weight plus the parachute as it goes talk.

Got an 11. Okay. Sorry, man. I tried. The parachute just slips out from your grasp and Taylor just begins to, I feel like fall because you would hit it and that would fuck up the parachutes. This is why I didn't want to remain. Or does link go and get dragged down with the parachute? That's even worse. That's great.

I like that. Okay, sure. So yeah, both of you get dragged down and you're now falling. You're in your parachute too. Wait, no guys, this is going to work. This is going to work. So Link is now falling. Sure, I'll go with that. So Normal is going to dive and grab Link's parachute. Okay. He's 6'4", so there's a lot of him that's got to go over the edge. Yeah, a lot of them. So go ahead and give me a sleight of hand to grab that parachute. I think you're grabbing my ankles. No, it's your parachute. Alright.

You're going over. Your parachute's behind you because you were so busy no-butting Taylor that you didn't put your parachute over the edge. I took that parachute off the moment I landed. Like, every reasonable, insane. No, no, I'm sorry. I did not climb up 12 stories with a two-foot parachute. All right, fine. Normal. I will go over the edge, but you grab my ankles. That's why Taylor was out of breath is that he loved his parachute. Normal throws his parachute. Okay.

I take the backpack off and throw it at you to crap and I'm going to hold the other end of it. Shit, yeah. Okay. Give me a dexterity throw to see if you can throw it correctly at him. And Link, being the weird homeschool kid he was, used to practice putting on a backpack with his feet. So he's like...

I'll show all the kids at school I'm so cool by doing this. Both of you give me dexterity rolls. Will for throwing, Matt for catching. I got a nine for this one. Seven. Okay, so you just throw your parachute right at the fucking roof. Still in its bag, the parachute just sails over the roof right past you and you're just down one parachute. And he doesn't even go for it. He's just like, I didn't want it. No, I didn't want it. Really? Now you want a parachute? Oh. Oh no. Okay. Scary, it's up to you.

Just let us fall. We deserve it. So Terry looks in her pocket and finds a poem. And she's going to take one more chance at trying to convince these people that she's really her. Okay. I feel like the poem will be advantage to cancel out the disadvantage you get from being friendly, Scary. Okay. In the depths of teenage woe and strife, I spill my angst hating stepdad's life.

With no fancy words or rhyme scheme tight, here's a raw poem, my heart's darkest light. That dude, my stepdad, he's such a pain. Makes me want to scream or go insane. He walks around like he's prepared for me, but deep down he's just so scared of me. Ooh, okay, so give me a roll.

persuasion i feel like she should get advantage for writing a poem on the podcast i was just well i didn't i wasn't paying attention to you guys for i don't even know what the rest of is happening so i like the last like few minutes i was like i'll be nice i'll give you advantage for it sure fuck it fuck look not everybody appreciates poetry but i know

It's a six. Oh, no. It's going to be another... It's another six. Oh, my God! Yeah. I was, like, literally joking, and then it was literally another six. So the lead Black Parade guy that's on the roof with you goes, She stole one of Scary's poems! Wait a second. Wait a second. Hear me out. Because I know they follow the most depressed person in the room, right? Yes. Okay. How does Terry feel about hearing this poem, and does that make Terry so depressed that they'll listen to Terry? That's really good. Yeah.

That's really, really good. OK, so Terry's going to try to hide his emotions because he doesn't realize how the Black Parade works. I'm going to see if he does it successfully or not. He does not.

So tears begin to well up in his eyes as he hears you say all the things that he suspected you really felt about him. And the member of the Black Parade turns and looks at him and goes, whoa, whoa, something's wait a second, wait a second. And he like gets up close to his eyes and like dips a pinky into his tears and then like licks it. And he goes, oh, that's good. He rubs it on his teeth. He goes, that's good sadness.

don't you hate it? Don't you hate that your stepdaughter hates you? And Terry goes, I do hate it. And he goes, oh, you tried so hard, didn't you? And he's like, I did try really hard to make her like me. He goes, what happened? He goes, it didn't work. He's also got a cool goth collar on right now. He does have a dog collar. Yes, dude! Nice dog collar. Is it a sex thing? And Terry's like, it's not. Sure, yeah, why not? And so the black braid goes, hold up, hold up, hold up. This guy, Gerard, says, I think we might have a new leader, everybody. What's your name?

Terry. All hail Terry, the saddest dad in the land. And they all go hip, hip. And so for this moment, the guys atop the building have decided that Terry is their new leader because Terry is the most depressed. Good idea, Will. Meanwhile, at the bottom, Taylor swinging his sword around. Get away, away. Gerard looks over the edge and says, like, we got a new sad dad in town. And so the group parts for you.

And Terry and Terry are still on top of the building along with Hermie dressed as scary holding the tape measure. So Terry looks at you and you see something change in his eyes. You see realization dawn on him. You see him figure something out. It makes you realize that this whole entire time he's been like a little bit distracted. There's something that's been gnawing at him and he couldn't quite figure out. And you see that he just got it. And he goes...

Uh, hey, I'm just gonna... Can you just pretend that you're my stepdaughter for a second? That's silly, but I guess. I actually took an acting class, too. I wasn't in a class with Hermie, but I can pretend pretty well. That's great. Okay, I'm your stepda... I mean, I'm your stepdaughter. I'm fucking it up already. No, no, no, it's fine. You're doing fine. You're doing fine. I just...

I wanted to say I'm sorry that I couldn't make it work, I guess. And I know you're going through a lot of stuff. And then I really wanted to be a good stepdad for you. And I think I think I would have if I just maybe gotten enough time. And I'm sorry that we don't have enough time. And I'm sorry for everything. I mean, I tried. I tried really hard. I think I should be proud of myself for that. And I am. And I'm proud of you for managing to survive this long and with this situation. And

I know you'll go back to scary at some point and hopefully you'll remember this and you'll probably think that it's stupid. But yeah, I just wanted to say that before. Wow.

It's been a really long time since anybody said that they were proud of me. Who wasn't my mom because she's my best friend. Your mom's great. I love your mom. Oh, that's another thing. Please tell your mom that I love her very, very dearly. I hid some money under me. She knows where I hid the money. I told her about it. It's not something I'm keeping from her. Oh, you know my mom. That's why. Your mom and I are good, good friends. And I love you.

And in that moment, two things happen. One... Link hits the ground. Link is... Yeah, they all hit the ground and they... The Black Parade reaches up to catch you and you crush a couple of them painfully and you take a D10 of damage from your very uncomfortable landing on the Black Parade. And the second thing that happens is that all of you remember what Terry told you when you first met him. He said that he had seen his death and that his death would involve the Black Parade being around and...

And Scary being around holding a tape measure. And as he looked around the roof, that's exactly what he saw. The Black Parade and Scary holding a tape measure. And he remembered that something was going to hit him in the back of the head. Bang. At that moment, a bullet goes through the back of Terry Jr.'s head and he falls over dead. Having said everything he could possibly think of to somebody who's not really a stepdaughter.

And from across the way on another building on the other end of the street, a glint of a sniper scope. All snipers have glints. With a collar around his neck, starts to scream in pain. No.

We gotta pick ourselves up and say, not today, no, not today. For tomorrow makes the day can't change. We gotta pick ourselves up today, no, not today. Just sorrow, come back tomorrow.

Thank you.

Travis Reeves provides additional editing and Robin Rapp is our transcriber. This podcast comes at you directly supported by a Patreon. People like Jasmine Hall, Robert Hanson, Kalia, Pacifist Crush, Kavash Chowdhury, Jacob M.H., Canyon Bridges, Faith 1350, Jay Wilson, Tristan Herrick, Victoria Hayes, Sam Huff, Spike,

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our live show recordings, our extra after show. We're deep in the labs right now talking about what additional cool, sweet content we can hook you up with. The only way to find out, of course, is supporting this podcast directly on Patreon at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads where you can get bonus content and ad-free episodes and join our Discord community.

Speaking of live shows, two things are happening on that front this summer, July 7th through 9th. We're doing our first ever live show at Rooster Teeth Expo. You can get tickets at rtxaustin.com. Hint, it's in Austin. We're going to be doing our show on Sunday. We're hanging around all weekend. So come on down, check it out. And that's not all. Later on this summer, which is, by the way, looking at like last half of August is where we're targeting. We're gearing up for some West Coast tour dates. There's going to be more information to come out. But, you know, like keep that in mind.

You want to know how you're going to keep on top of all that stuff? You're going to be the first to know by following us on various social media platforms. This has got new territory for us. We have no idea if these shows are going to sell out immediately, like a Taylor Swift situation. It's probably not going to be a Taylor Swift situation, but you never know. You do know it's not going to be a Taylor Swift situation. But you're better safe than sorry. Follow us on Twitter at DungeonsandDads. Our website is DungeonsandDads.com. Our merch is stored at DungeonsandDads.com. And our subreddit is DungeonsandDaddies. Our next episode is coming out tomorrow.

I can't be right. Hold on. Is that really? Oh my goodness. Yes, it is July 4th, America's birthday, baby. We'll see you then. I just clicked a spell slot for the first time. Are you fucking kidding me? It's pretty cool that you can track this. In Dungeons and Dragons Beyond.com? Dungeonsanddragonsbeyond.com.