S2 Ep. 33 - An Extremely Goofy Episode 55:20

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Sounds freaking sweet, Lois.

Hi, I'm Scary Marlow. Will you give money to help animals or whatever?

Every day, super fucked up shit happens to, like, cute, innocent animals. And they're crying out for help. I would help them on my own, but my tummy hurts so bad. So please call the number on your screen and send me a big, giant check for $5,000 right now.

for just $5,000. That's only $5,000 a day for one day. You'll receive four big tubs of vegan ice cream that my friends are not hiding in. They're not. And you will help an enterprising young woman like me do stuff that helps animals or something.

Give us a big novelty check in the next 30 seconds and you'll receive a welcome kit with a photo of my dead friends as proof that I like I killed them. I definitely I for sure killed them because I'm a fucking badass murder. One who's been given a second chance. Thanks to you.

Right now, there's an animal or something who needs you to give me $5,000. Your call says, I'm here to help. And if this turns out to be a scam, it would make me so upset. It would tear open a hole to goose realm. No, this is not a scam. Please call this 17-digit number right now. That number again is 169-420-69-69-420. Psych!

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast, not even a PDSM podcast. What does that mean? Like piss. There's two episodes coming. I know, I'm just doing a cool callback. Stop bringing back piss. This is a Dungeons and Dragons podcast. This is the story of a girl. This is a Dungeons and Dragons podcast about a bunch of teens who wanted to save the whole world. And though they didn't come from this old world, it's pretty fucking crazy when they fight. Do do do.

My name is Freddie Wong. It's pretty good. I thought I was pushing you off a cliff there, but then you fashioned a parachute in midair and safely landed. Out of misremembered 90s lyrics. My name is Freddie Wong. I play Taylor Swift. Not that one. The cool one. The cool one who doesn't have to deal with Ticketmaster. The only Ticketmaster. He's a master of the tickets to his fucking coat check because he's got to check his sword in when he goes to nice events. He checks the sword in. My...

This week's fact for Taylor. Since we're in the goofs realm, I figure we talk about a little bit of Taylor's goofs. Taylor's most infamous goof. The one that he got the most in trouble for.

was one time he was home alone and he remembered that scene from home alone remember where he has the cardboard cutouts taylor had a bunch of cardboard cutouts of anime babes so he's like i'm gonna set this up while my mom is away it wasn't like the house was getting cased by robbers or anything like that he was just like oh this would be a cool thing to do so he set up the lights he set up the cardboard he set up the ropes he started dancing around and then donna the neighbor across the street ratted him out called his mom back your son's having a

He's entertaining women. With a bunch of babes, with a bunch of ladies. You don't want that. She's a real prude across the street. She gives a bad name to Donnas everywhere. My mom, the best Donna, doesn't listen to this podcast. Your Donna loves it when kids have sex.

Nevermind. Freddie, go back to what you were saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The cops got called. Donna called the cops on a party happening after curfew because she knew the team got in trouble. I feel like your mom was so psyched that you were having a party with girls. She was like a little bit irritated, but mostly like, hell yeah, Taylor, well done. All right. And then when she came home and found Taylor in cuffs,

yeah fucking those firstly i'm so disappointed secondly that's rad second and thirdly now i'm disappointed again once i realize yeah and that's why taylor has a reputation with the local police because he was that kid who got a cost called on him for having a bunch of anime cardboard cut out i like the idea that they showed up saw that it wasn't really a party we're like well we're still gonna arrest you it had to do with how he answered the door oh okay naked with a katana no i'm

He had a sword, though, when he answered the door because you never know. Sure. You never know. Because in Home Alone. It's like a sword and then like a Hugh Hefner smoking jacket situation. Yeah, and then they tackle, be you friend or foe. They've tackled his ass so hard. Dang, makes you think. Makes you think. Makes you think. Quick fact check here. Absolutely, Story of a Girl, song referenced by Freddie moments ago, was actually released in the year 2000. Not a 90s song.

song at all by the American rock band Nine Days. Okay. Can we just take a quick vote here? Do we still want Beth on the podcast? Yeah, of course. Between her and you, I'm so sorry. Freddie, that's the wrong time to call that election. Are you trying to stage a coup right now, dude?

Fuck you, Matt. You don't even know what year a song's from. This is what happens if Matt just doesn't come in with his teen factors. Eventually, Freddie will just dismantle the podcast piece by piece. Piece by piece. I'll be honest. I did not even hear one word of Freddie's teen fact.

Because I spent the whole time trying to rethink of a fact because I didn't like mine and I still don't like it. But it's my turn now. So here I go. My name is Matthew Arnold. I'm Matthew Arnold. Hi, I play Lincoln Lee Wilson, the school at home. Yeah. Tell me more about Lincoln. What kind of kid is he? God damn. He's a school at home soccer kid. That's interesting. Little fact, even though Grant, well, now we know that Grant didn't actually work at a library, but Lincoln hates reading. And in order to try to get Lincoln to like reading, they would like let him watch like a movie based off of a book first to like, hopefully that he'll like

the movie. All that did is that Lincoln found his favorite movie of all time because even the Garfield books were too much reading and he loves the Garfield. The movie is his favorite movie of all time. Bill Murray, 2004 Garfield, the movie. They try to give him comic books. Like at least he could read comic books. Like there's not that many words in that. And Lincoln was like, nah, I'd rather play soccer. Like, Hey, there's a movie based on him talking about lasagna. When I could see Bill Murray act lasagna liking. So favorite movie of all time. Garfield. Huh? Interesting. Let me try that again. I burped while I was saying that.

That was wild, actually. It was such a unique sound. The door feel. Leave it in. Yeah. Hey, you looking for a fresh burp talker sound? I'm Will Campos. I'm doing the best I can. I'm playing Normal Oak this week. He's a perky, peppy, chipper, cheery school spirit mascot kid. Look, simple fun fact about Normal this week is that Normal's favorite actress is

is the one and only Holly Hunter. That's right. She was in Saving Grace, Normal's favorite TV show. Also a big broadcast news fan. You know, he was really shipping her and Albert Brooks. But if she went with William Hurt, what can you do? So is he, I'm just struggling to think of a kid who is into an older female actress. Is he just have a huge crush on Holly Hunter or does he appreciate her platonically as a star? I think he admires the craft that she brings. She's always riveting whenever she's in a role.

Okay. That is very much from a timeline equivalent of being like, I'm really, really into the show. Daniel Boone. What a show. The Rifleman. Hi, I'm Beth May and I play Scary Marlo, a goth punk seeker of darkness. She doesn't want to care anymore and she's not like other warlocks and who cares about that?

fun fact about scary this week is that her favorite beverage is decaf Earl gray tea. It's still a black tea, which is pretty metal, but it's decaf because the caffeine makes her jittery. Damn. Hey, before Anthony talks, there's a little halftime huddle. Cause let's be honest, we take so long with our team facts. It's about halftime here.

My head's in the game now. I feel like I dropped the ball on that Garfield fact. That's why I'm coming in 110%. No, Matt, you did good. You did good. 110% team. Let's do this. It's going to be a great episode. I don't think my Holly Hunter fact was that good. It's all right, dude. We got this. It's all right. We got a full game left. It's all good. We got a full game. We got a full game left. Let's go. Give it 110%. All right, let's give it to our main coach, Anthony Burch. Anthony Burch. The B-man. The B-man. Give us our speech. Hi, it's me, the B-man. Clear eyes. Full podcast. Can't lose. Nice. My fact is that I'm currently holding four index cards.

that I've written something onto and fold it up and they will become relevant soon. But I wanted to foreshadow them in my dad fact because I didn't feel like talking about myself this week.

So when we last left you, you were trying to open a portal to the goof realm by scamming somebody so hard that it tore the fabric of reality in Twain. And eventually, after trying to trick the mayor into believing a la Yojimbo that Willie is trying to kill her and also trying to trick Willie that Scary had killed all the kids and Normal's mom, the only way you eventually got in was by Scary revealing that actually she was faking her stomach hurting the entire time. It was all one big scam, Anthony.

Also, I'd like to throw in, if I may, that Holly Hunter stars in a version of Yojimbo in the future, and that's the one normal scene. And in that version, Yojimbo is actually trying to play the two sides against each other, whereas in the actual one, as I just realized, it's Andy's. No, they're two gangs that are fighting each other. He's not playing them against each other. Anyway, go ahead, Anthony. I would actually watch a Holly Hunter Yojimbo. Yeah, I would as well. I'm not like a really cerebral, just like, oh, that's weird that he said that about you. Yojimbo.

You're Jimbo. Have you heard what they're saying about you across the street? I didn't want to believe them. Could you do me a favor and make three coffins? That is such a fucking weird... My mistake. Four coffins. So, a portal to Goof Realm opens in front of you and you hear... What's it sound like? You hear canned laughter emanating from it and a never-ending spiral loop that enters your ears. Oh, there's a plane Garfield in there.

That's what my living room sounds like whenever we're watching the 2004 Garfield movies with my two dads. So you have an infuriated the mayor looking at you. One of her eyes gets so red and engorged that it bursts, and the goo from her eyes starts running down her cheek. Cheese it! And she goes, let's get out of here. Also, Willie did all this. This was all Willie. He sent us here to do this and scam you. Willie sends his regards. And then Taylor mag dumps the AR into the center mass. Okay. Oh!

Alright, give me a roll. You said it looks like a monster! Yeah, give me a roll.

I was going to say my finger's still in the trigger, but no, I was clearly pulling my human gun. You and your finger was busy pulling your own trigger, baby. What does that mean? Range attack, weapon, hit DC. That is a natural one. Holy shit. Oh, boy. The gun explodes in your hands. Oh, because you know what? Gun safety. Only thing. Yeah, there's still a barrel plug in the end of the barrel, and the gun explodes in your hands and does a D12 of damage to you, and the gun is no longer usable. Damn. And the mayor goes, I did that. That was me somehow.

You're welcome. Where did we get this gun again? Normal's mom gave it to us. That's what it was. It's just been never cleaned. Yeah. I think she was a safe person and kept the plug in and you didn't notice because you were ding dong. She did say it was Lark's gun and Lark's doesn't have a safety on the gun so I feel like if

Lark is the type of guy who... Illegal modifications. I feel like, yeah, maybe he's got some sort of silencer on it, and the silencer exploded because it's not... Yes, I'm with you. I'm with you on that. He had a cool custom milled silencer out of aluminum cans. Like some custom bullets. Yeah, yeah. He overpacked hot rounds. Anyway, whatever. We can go to this. He fucked up. Ow! Ow! You're

Ow, your uncle sucks! Ow, my stomach. The portal closes. I got you guys again. I'm good. It's all good. It opens up again. Okay. I dive into the portal. I dive in as well, dropping the gun from my mangled hands. Okay. This is why I don't use guns. Only blades for me now. Can I roll a persuasion check to see if I convince the mayor that this is all Willie's fault? Yeah, do it with disadvantage.

That's a natural one. Go ahead! First roll, and a 19 on the second roll. Yeah, shame about disadvantage. You see her shaking her head like, no, obviously not. Of course, everything you did was just amateur hour. You ambushed her, pretended that you had ice cream, jumped out, said, psych, and then a gun exploded in your hands. And then you flew through a portal. And he said, well, he planned this all. Even if he had planned it all, what was the plan?

The portal closes behind you as you tumble downward through a green tunnel of laughter hilarity. You hear laughter getting loud around you, and you begin to realize that in modern times, in the days that you're living today, generally you only seem to see certain things. You see violence in movies. You see sex on TV. No! No! And you wonder... What?

Where were those good old fashioned values? I wish you used to rely. You land hard in the animated world of Quahog, Rhode Island and Family Guy's theme tune begins to play around you and you feel certainty in your gut that Goof Realm is a place where only the most objectively funny things can survive. If you're not objectively the funniest thing in the world, then you were dissolved into the ether itself.

Jesus Christ. And you can already feel your body's like Marty McFly in the third act of Back to the Future. You can feel your body's beginning to fade away the second you hit the ground. Oh no. No. And a small child kicks open a door and toddles out to you and he has a head the size and shape of a football and he goes, oh hello new visitors. What brings you to Goof Realm? Oh my God. Fuck off. Link's looking around he's like, what is this? Ha!

What is this? This is Goofram. Goofram? It appears that we're in... We're in a horrible, horrible place. I'm so sad I let us here. Where's Hermie? Where is he? We gotta get him and get out of here. Link, Link, Link. Where's the anchor? We're in one of the most respected American animes ever made. This reminds me of the time I was watching... Alright, suddenly you feel like...

Suddenly you solidify as it happens. Give me the flashback. Well, it's that time I was watching Garfield 2004 with my dads and Bill Murray came in. He said, Hey, where's the eggs? And we didn't have any eggs. Bill Murray. How can you be in the kitchen when you're on the TV as Garfield? I took that role for the money.

What's happening? Is he also a robot? I don't know. I don't know. You know what I mean? It's the old-fashioned guy. Turns out family guy humor is harder to do than you might think. It's very hard. Guys, we've got to be funny. Think of, like, the funniest thing. Wait, why do we have to be funny? Because, like, I just know that we do. So, yeah, everybody except for you, Lincoln, is fading away. You're fading away? Be funny. Just scary. Say something, like, look at my face. Say something mean. I can't stop looking at the baby. I mean,

Well, not that you're the baby. Um, funny things about babies. Penis! Oh, if you're looking for Hermie and Mr. Likely, I can help you with that. And in fact, I can actually even help you survive here for a price. In desperation, seeing the football shape of his head, I just punt Stewie. Nice. Okay.

No, he said he could help us! What are you doing? You should roll the pull away from me like in Peanuts. Oh, yeah. Very good. Nobody's there to pull away Charlie. Nobody cares enough to stop. No, I lift Stewie like Lucy. Oh, that's fun. Okay, yeah. Give him a roll. Both of you make opposed dexterity rolls. 11 plus 1. 12. I got a 19. Okay, so you successfully managed to pull... Which is funny! Which is funny. Stewie away and you...

You blow it on your back. You blockhead! So both of you feel yourself solidifying a little bit more. I'm getting harder! Let's do it. A little bit more, even. What were you going to say, Beth? Do we have the internet? It's going to be so tough when women can't be funny, you know what I'm saying? Oh, no! Oh, no! It's going to be so hard, Beth. What are you doing? Yes, you have the internet on your phone still. It's going to be hard to do the podcast without me. Oh, no!

Scary, just anything funny. You're always funny. Just like normal. Like he's dumb looking. Yeah, one of your classic jokes. Yeah, and like me, I'm tall. Yeah, do one of your funny skits. Do one of your goofs. What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I don't know. What's the difference? Nobody cries when you chop up an onion. I mean, a baby. Ha ha ha.

So you begin to fade away even more. You're like half translucent now. Scary. How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles? Does it involve something sad happening to the baby? Yeah. Uh.

Wait, you fade out even more. Jokes aren't funny anymore. That's not what people do anymore. Like say something not funny and then be like, huh? Isn't that not funny? I have depression. And then everybody laughs. Like you just don't be funny. And then say you have a mental illness. Lincoln fades away a little bit. So he says, ah, it seems like you're going to need some help. I have help. If you're willing to take it. That's right. What do we do? I would never pay to be funny. I would never pay $8 for other people to think that I was funny.

I'm not asking you to pay in terms of currency. I'm asking you to pay in terms of a favor. Oh, what kind of favor? I need you to kill someone for me. Oh, okay. Wait, what happens if we're not funny? We just fade away? Yeah. Do we just go back home though? No, you fade away into nothingness.

Well, like you disappear and die. Like all comedians. No. Okay, yeah, help us. What do we do? To be funny. I just need a quick signature on this here blood pact. And he takes out a little piece of paper, cuts his hand over it, and smears his blood on it, and says, I just need everybody to go ahead and sign this real quick, and I'll get you a little favor. Or you can refuse. Do we know what the favor is before we sign the pact? It's killing someone. You're going to kill Scam Likely. I don't know.

I don't know who that is. Who's that? Who's that? You saw him in a memory of the past.

That he's the trickster friend of your dad's and Hermes' father. I gotta kill Hermes' dad? No way, I'll just try to be funny. No, it's fine. What does the contract say? The contract says you have to kill Scam Likely within two hours of meeting him. In exchange for what? In exchange for these personas, these abilities that Stewie will give you that will guarantee solidity in the goof realm. Okay, and if we don't meet him, then what happens? What's the timeline? Oh yeah, it's a timeline of 24 hours. Oh, okay. We should sign this, unless you have something really funny normal. I don't know, I don't know.

I don't want to die. I don't want to kill anybody, though. All right. We'll find a loophole to weasel our way out of this later. I mean, it's okay if you don't want to assign it normally. I pull out my phone. It'd be fun for one person to not assign it. I pull out my phone. Do I have internet? Yeah. I load up my Amazon account. I pull up the one movie I have in my library on Amazon Prime, and it's the Garfield movie. I just start playing it. I'm going to look up a random clip from the Garfield movie, and if it makes me laugh, then I'll say that your phone is solid. And if it doesn't, your phone begins to fade, too. I'm going to lose my phone. Can we stream it? I'll just pull to a random spot in the Garfield movie. Yeah, do it. Do it. Yeah, yeah. One second.

I'm purchasing the Garfield movie off of my Apple TV account. So give me one second. Is this tax deductible, you think? Technically, I could say this was. And this is the first one, not a tale of two kiddies. No, we're not. $15. Every time you buy a Garfield movie, it's tax deductible. This count as a loss. You can fucking amortize that loss over the next seven years, bro.

Anthony. Yep. It's an 80 minute movie. So could you roll for me? Between one and 80. D100. All right. Sure. If it's above 80, we'll just read it. If it's above 80, it's just not funny. Yeah. This is a credit. If it's above 80, you have to watch the sequel.

27. 27. I'm now going to 27 minutes. As good screenwriter knows, page 27 is a great page. Right in that transition from act one to act two. Yep. 27 minutes in here. Anthony, would you like to come over to my computer and watch this one-minute clip? Hey, Anthony, get that cynicism out of your brain, though, and just go in like you're just there to enjoy a movie. Just relax throughout the day. You're just taking a break from the day. All right, give it to me. Anthony will be on my life now.

"Alright, I need a ride. Madam, I'm a cat in trouble. I'm hitching a ride in your moo moo." *laughter* Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! What happened? It took literally no time at all. Garfield ran forward and said, "Sorry lady, I'm hitching a ride in your moo moo." And then he jumped up her moo moo and she went, "Wah!" *laughter*

It was fucking instant. I don't think that was four seconds. Fuck. Fuck. Your phone starts glowing. Just hang on as long as the phone's ready. I grab onto the phone. I grab onto the phone as well. This reminds me of the time I signed a deal with the devil. And it cuts to me, flashback, in front of my computer. And I'm installing a video game. Oh, like a Family Guy flashback.

It's going so well. And it's an EA game and it's a U line. I go, I accept. All right. You start. You get solid, too. All right. Maybe nobody needs these things. Nice try, baby. Are we all holding on the phone really quick? Does holding on the phone make us all? No, just you link because your soul is connected to Garfield. Shit. I'm like, my body's passing through the phone. Okay. Okay. Okay. I just panic and I sign the form because I don't want to die. Okay. Who else is going to sign the form? I will sign the. Wait a minute.

Have you ever heard of a video that's called the Dramatic Chipmunk? We've all seen Dramatic Chipmunk. I'm over it. I'll sign it.

Okay. So is everybody going to sign it? You don't have to sign it. I'm going to just keep the phone on. Yeah. And I'm going to keep it quiet. I'm going to put it in my pocket. I guess I'll just stay who I am. We'll just see what happens. And worst case scenario, I don't know. I guess I'll just drag you out. And I'm naturally the funniest guy I know. Not all of us have emotional support cats, Link. I don't have a cat. Oh, I guess you think Garfield is a dog then? No, it's just a movie. Bazinga. Was that funny? When I said that? When I said that? When I said that?

You get a little bit more solid. I said that Garfield was a dog. When you said Bazinga, you faded out. Was it that? Your opacity went up by 10% each. What is that?

All right, so just the two of you then. Oh, fuck, but this is the fun thing. There's a fun thing our DM brought for us. I want to do it. Fine, I'll do it. You're probably fading away. You have to keep making funny jokes. You don't have a Garfield. You're right. No, no, no, you're right. Everybody knows Freddy's incapable of that. You're absolutely right. The Family Guy joke ratio was like through the roof, right? It's like three per page or something absurd like that.

Okay, so I'm going to take my index cards that I foreshadowed and my dad's. Should I sign? Or should I say me? I'm assuming that something's going to happen to you guys. Should I just say who I am? All three of us are going to have to find some way out of this blood pack to kill Hermes' dad. There's no way we're doing that, right? True. That's pretty funny. But how long can my phone play Garfield? 80 minutes. What am I, Geek Squad? Is that funny? Family Guy's going to need 5.2 jokes a minute.

That's insane. Point to the Atlantic. Number one, by the way, in what they counted, 30 Rock does 7.44 jokes a minute. Okay, but how many of those jokes are funny? All of them, Matt. All of them, Matt. Okay. How do you think Family Guy became one of those? Your phone shatters as you say that, Matt. How dare you? No, your phone's fine. Okay, so I'm going to go around with these three. It sounds like Lincoln wants to remain himself, and we'll use the guardian power of Garfield in the movie. I'm going to use the other three index cards, and I'm going to walk around, and each of you are going to take one randomly, and do not open them until I tell you to, please. Okay.

I'm gonna open it, that would be so funny. Fucking open it right now, dude. As you cut your hand and sign the blood onto the paper, the three of you who took the contract, you feel yourselves changing from the inside out. You're still yourself, you still have all of your memories, but you have also access to this other persona, this other being, this other version of yourself.

that you can tap into whenever you need to be hilarious and actually you can't really turn it off until you're out of the goof realm. So go ahead and first of all, we'll go- I'm so worried I won't know who this person is. We'll go in inverse order. Freddie, which one did you get? Go ahead and open your card. I'm opening my card and I take on the appearance of a groovy shagadelic cat man. It's me, Austin Powers, baby. You got my card. I'm so pissed. I'll fight you for fucking Austin Powers.

Does he look different? Yes. You see him turn before your eyes into a man. I look shagadelic, baby. You look very shagadelic. My teeth are bad. I'm wearing a pinstripe suit. Do I have the convertible? Do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

No, but you are singing that and dancing to that, and you have the cravat thing or whatever the fuck his poofy shirt is. I guess I am, but this is adulthood. I don't want to go back, baby. No, I've been so long since I've seen these movies. No, you're nailing it. Yeah. All right, so Will, what did you get? Wow, I wonder what I'm going to turn into. I hope it's something as funny as Austin Powers. And behave. Borat with Pickle Rick on his shoulder. Wait, what? Oh, my God. Who is it? Borat with Pickle Rick on his shoulder. Borat with Pickle Rick on his shoulder.

Well, that's the worst one you could've gotten. Well, you gotta do two, baby!

A horrible pain comes over Normal as he starts scratching himself like the wolfman. He like peels his own skin off. He like rips off his own flesh and there's like that Borat like Speedo thing underneath. Oh no. And he grows and grows his horrible mustache and then just when you think it couldn't get worse, a pickle sprouts out of his head and he's like, hey, what happened to me and my wife? And he's like, that's right. It's Borat Pickle Rick, I guess. That's what, it's so random. No.

Come on, Will. Come on. Give me an actual pickle Rick. Come on. I've never seen the episode. That was pickle Rick. You've never seen the episode? It's just a Rick and he's a pickle, right? That was pickle Rick. All right. All right, Beth, what did you get? Oh, God, I'm so scared. Yours is not as bad. I'm so glad I didn't sign this. Thank God. No, it's not. Charlie, this is a cursed world we live in. I'm not religious, but I do feel like it was the hand of God that made me come up with this Garfield fact that got me out of doing this. So I might fucking go back to the faith. Scary is like...

Well, you know, nothing could be worse than being myself, right? I turn into Napoleon Dynamite. Fucking blows. Did Napoleon Dynamite ever say fuck? Oh, shit. No, he's Mormon. He never says fuck. Oh, yeah, he's Mormon. Okay. Wait, no, he's not Mormon. He says friggin'. Okay. Hey, Borat, looks like this Napoleon Dynamite didn't really watch the movie. Not very nice. It's working already.

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Who are you? I need to watch the trailer. Okay. Just because I haven't seen it. Everybody, let me calibrate my character. Give me one second while I look up all the... I refuse to calibrate this fucking horse shit, Anthony. It's really funny that you almost got the one you would be perfect for and instead got that one. I think we all wanted Austin Powers. I think you're shagadelic, baby.

Yeah. And they change. They look like them now. They look like them now. So you're surrounded by adults. So Link's looking at another because he's tall. Link's looking at another like tall just kid in front of him. Cool. I noticed you're pretty tall. Yeah, I'm pretty tall. You're taller. Freaking sweet. Here, let's go back to back. Who's taller? Okay. I'm backing up. John Heater is six foot one. Yeah. Six three. It's not a big deal. You're still pretty tall though. Hey, baby. What?

Oh, Stewie. Yeah, Stewie, baby. I thought you were... Okay. I thought you thought he was Austin Powers for a second. No, baby, hey. Hey, baby. Okay, so look, you turned my friends into, I guess, funny people or whatever, but now we're Scam Likely. Ah, Scam Likely is in the dungeon of the Drunken Clam, where my father and many of the other characters around Quahog like to go for a little bit of libations. What's Quahog? It's a city in Rhode Island.

Is that where we are right now? That's where we are. Welcome to Comahog. Okay. Get him up, Link. Jeez. Hey, Austin Powers, I know why I'm not talking. It's because I got a really hard impression to do, but it seems like you're over there not fucking saying shit, even though you got the easiest impression out of all of us to do. So what's wrong? What's wrong, you big baby? You can't see your classic phrase, yeah, baby, shaggedelli? You just fucking sitting over there like a little piece of shit? Yeah, you're no good, brother.

Hey, baby, why are you coming up against me so hard? Stop. Don't let this comedy tear us apart.

Norval, don't be mean to Taylor. Taylor. Why not? Everyone's mean on this podcast. We all fight all the time. I'm breaking the fourth wall with my favorite character, Pringle Ray. Norval, you don't be mean. Taylor, be funnier.

It's scary. It's scary. Look, it's okay you're not taller than me, but you're doing good too. No, I know. I know I'm doing good. We got to go to this dungeon. Okay? Look, I don't like to be the leader, but it seems like you three, you got stuff now. What kind of dungeon is it? I hope it's not a sex dungeon. Oh, yeah. It's...

Okay, it's not though right cuz we're like I'm I'm not a sex judge. Okay good unless you wanted to know not absolutely my sexy parties I've been training like hard for the sex dungeon. What are you training my skills? Okay, cool. We got skills. We got whatever's going on Okay, so like all the groovy a spine all of Britain, baby Great

Okay, so we got this. Okay, and your name's Stewie? I'm Stewie, yes. Stewie Goodiffin. I put the sex in MI6. MI6? MI6. Are you going to lead us there? Do you have a map? Yeah, I'm just going to point you down the street. It's right there down the street. He points at a tavern that has a neon sign of a clam drinking a beer, and it just says the drunken clam. And outside is a man with an absurdly sized head and a chin that looks like it could break granite.

Okay. All right, team. Well, that's normal. Are you going to stay dressed like that? Do you want like, this is the way we dress in Kazakhstan. Yes. Kazakhstan. Kazakhstan. Yeah, that's right. That's how he dresses. I'm a pickle and I turned myself into that and I'm the best science fiction show of the last four.

400 years, 5,000 years, Rick and Morty. Great. I just realized I got to voice the problematic guy. That's super fun. That's super fun. The guy who's got anxiety on the podcast, he's never worried about people getting mad at him about anything. He's never stressed out. It'll be great. Normal. Does it suck that like half of your like thing is like racist too? Oh God.

Normal. Hey, look. Listen. Look at me. We're on the team, okay? Four eyes stare at you. The only thing that matters is saving the world. Hey, give me normal. I'm still in here. Yeah, okay, good. And by the way, two of you guys are like squiggles. You know what I'm saying? Do not be worried. Say whatever you need to say to be funny. There is nothing wrong with that.

The only thing that matters is saving our family. Do not worry about... Just let it free, baby. Just let it free. Nobody's going to hear this.

Your parents are going to hear this. We can't get in trouble down here. The only thing that matters is being funny. Okay? You're right. I get it. I feel guilty. It's like, is it survivor's guilt that I got Garfield and all of you are stuck having to be funny? That's okay. I won't judge you if you save our lives. So just be funny. Okay? Okay, you tall, dumb American man. That's pretty good. I laughed.

Okay. So let's, okay. All right. So, so let's just, I guess let's just go. Let's just go to this bar. So you approach the bar. There's just a guy standing outside going, Oh, who might you be, baby? Do you sell fake IDs? Yeah. What kind of ones do you want?

Well, why does that say we're like older than we are? Yeah. Well, okay. Y'all look pretty old. Doesn't look like you need fake IDs unless you're trying to look like babies to get into my baby party. All right. Hey, what? What's a baby party? It's where we dress up as a baby and you change my diaper and then I come. Wait, what? What's the last thing you said?

You're a grown man. You don't know what coming is? Oh, do I look like a grown man? Yeah. This is just like time back in Kazakhstan where all four of us were back in our normal bodies in Gufram doing the adventure. And then time freezes and we flashback to all of us being in our normal bodies in this spot in Gufram when I say, guys, I don't have much time. I'm going to flashback.

We got to get in and we got to figure out what's going on. So let's just go into code. Maybe if we keep doing flashbacks, we can just get further and further to the end of the adventure without having to lose our minds or our bodies. It's just like that time we were in Quahog in the drunken clam already as the four of us. And then we flashback in the flashback to the drunken clam. All right. And then the waiter, Peter goes, man, that's only going to work once. All right. Yeah.

Okay. You win this one. Oh, we made our way in. Two flashbacks. We're in. You're two flashbacks deep and you're inside the clog bar. So next thing we got to do is we got to- I can't go back there. We got to solve it in this flashback, guys. Oh, I'm really nervous about the first day of school.

What? I haven't gone to school yet. What? We're in a flashback. We're so far back. You brought us backwards, Will. You can't have it both ways. You can't go backwards and then forwards. No, Taylor's 16 years old. We went forward? No, no, no. Taylor's like 19. I forgot how fucking old you are. So Scary's like 12 and she's like...

What's up, everybody? Oh, no. Oh, my gosh. Are you guys going to be my best friends? Wow, we sure are 12-year-old scary. But first, we got to get through this adventure, okay? So, like, just come along with us and everything's going to be great. Sure thing. I'll do anything you say.

Hey, guys. Yeah, I'm pretty excited. I know our dads don't let us hang out very much, but it's pretty cool that we came to this town in Rhode Island just to talk at this bar. And then the bartender comes and is like, hey, who let these minors in here? And then the camera pans over and there's a bunch of guys who are wearing pocket pickaxes and lights on their hats.

We just want a drink. I'm not a minor. I live for major fun. All right. And we go back out to the main non-flashback part of the game. And you're once again outside the bar. Normal. You can't go backwards to get us forwards. That was so weird. I forgot. Blame us.

guy for trying. I was playing and it did not work. He's got Mario in a backpack. Okay, we're just gonna walk in. Hey, thanks, guy. We'll do the baby party later, maybe. So you approach the door to the bar and there is a metal rod horizontally in front of the door at head height. And when you try to open the door, it's locked. It stops against the other side. Freaking...

Shoot, it's locked. This one's just for Esther. I'm just gonna give you a series of quips that you can just throw at any point. Excuse me. Quiet, please, everyone. Oh, behave.

Shagadelic, baby. What else does he say? Do I make you horny? Do I make you horny, baby? Do I? Wait, are you doing this so you don't have to think of these on the spot? No. Are you pre-gaming? Wait, if you get to do that, then we get to do that. Actually, my name is Austin Powers. Danger's my middle name. Tots. Do not use any of those.

Actually, my name is Austin Powers. Danger's my middle name. Tot. Okay. All right, okay, we're back. So, again, the door will not open because the door hits this horizontal metal rod that's at that height. I bet I could use that rod as a weapon. I'd like to see you try, baby. Okay.

I'm gonna do it. What, you're gonna try to pull the rod off? Yeah. Okay, go ahead and give me a strength check. Nobody's stronger than Napoleon Dynamite, famously. That's a seven. No, it is too, well, it feels not only attached to the bar, but it feels like magically immovable. Gosh, this is like when my Uncle Rico was really attached to his new girlfriend.

I've never seen this movie in a year. That's great. I want to check. Can I do like an Arcana check? Yeah. I got plus five Arcana, so I figured I'd do a little Dungeons & Dragons. Sure, sure. It sounds like it's an immovable rod, guys. It's me Pickle Rick talking. I'm smart and I know everything and people who suck really like me. Yeah, so some from Dungeons & Dragons. Some people are cool. Some people are okay. Some people are probably fine like me too, but you know, like most of my fan base, like we got a reputation for a reason. Sounds like probably

to cast some kind of spell or...

I'm going to cast some kind of spell, like burp, you know, real loud. Hold on, I'll bullshit some science thing that I did off screen, and it's like funny because I'm sarcastic about it, and I pull a big laser gun that's a melting, immovable Rod Ray out of my butt. Do I make you horny, baby? Do I? Tot. I already had this in there that I got from a parallel universe or something. It's so fucking clever. Give me an intelligence roll. Wait, do you want to see my arcana roll? Yeah, give me your arcana roll first. I got an 18. Okay, so with an 18...

A single word enters your brain. Punchline. So, Will, you try to pull a beam of destroying immovable rods out of your ass. Go ahead and give me an intelligence roll. You're going to ask Rick, the smartest man in the universe? The smartest, most dangerous man in the universe? Yes, but he's also with Borat. Borat could take control and prevent him from doing what he wanted to do. This is like an exorcism movie. Borat could take control. Yeah. So, Borat prevents Pickle Rick from doing what Pickle Rick wanted to do. I have glue there.

movable rod into my asshole for pleasure. Shagadelic, baby. Normal. Hey, science isn't going to solve this one. It said punchline. So I think you got like a classic joke. Like you got to have like a joke with a punchline in it. You said you punch Link? I punch Link in the face. No. Ow. No. Wait, wait. Keep going. Keep going. Ow. Ow. Why am I doing? Ow. Just keep going. Keep going. Don't worry. It'll be funny. Don't worry. It'll be funny eventually. Ow.

Oh, you punched. You punched like a... No, you're doing it wrong. Okay, well, it didn't hurt that bad. You didn't punch me that hard. Ah, jeez. This guy's not funny at all. Okay, well, it's a punchline, not a punch. It wasn't a good punchline. We went to like a party and did like lines. Like, um, knock knock.

Who's there? Oh, I think this just needs a cool, groovy joke to open up. Why don't you just say something about how you also have an immovable rod in your pants, Austin Powers? It's fucking so simple, I'm already doing two improvisation bits on my own, and I'm still coming up with Austin Powers jokes. Jaggedelic, baby. Quagmire's like, I would take another look at your environment. Maybe there's another way of getting in, if you know what I mean. Quagmire always knows how to get in. Hey, Quagmire, what's the dirtiest joke you know? Uh...

Sort of more of a riddle. Wait, whisper it to me so only I hear it so that then I can say it to the door. I don't want the door to think you said it. Well, that's not how the door works. Oh, I didn't know that. Well, thanks for telling me. Okay, so guys, that's not how the door works. Don't worry, I'll go a great one. There's three feminists walking down. All right, I'm going to look around before the city gets this all canceled. I got a 19 on my perception check to scan the environment. So you can see that there is a slight magical tinge to the horizontal rod that is blocking the way into the tavern.

And it feels like whatever you do, it's going to involve you interacting with that rod in some way. And it's punchline. So it's like the line across...

Maybe we... Frickin' hell. What are you guys trying to do right now? We just want to get in the door, dude! You're trying to... We just want to get in the door. How are we going to get into the bar? Just by walking through the door? Okay, you said a word there that was pretty interesting. Look, I'm on a good show, not on this shit, so just tell me what I need to do. And yeah, I'm from glorious movie to make benefit Kazakhstan. Yeah, you said it. You caught it, Link. Walk? Operative word. Walk. Through. Walk the line. No, walk us. I walk into the bar. And what happens? Oh, wait, wait! Are we all...

The door opens. A guy walks into a bar. A kid and an old British man. Actually, my name is Austin Powers. Danger's my middle name. No, we already got in. Oh, okay. Yeah, the door opens into the bar. Door's wide open, baby. Okay. Tots. Well done. And he vanishes. Oh. Inside. Do you guys see that?

I walk out of the bar. Like, I kind of step out as he comes back. No, he's gone. Okay, I step back in. Weird, okay. I thought maybe I was going to the bar and made him disappear. You gotta play the music to the... Okay. And all of you are already sitting at a table together. Peter is sitting on the bar next to you drinking a big bottle of beer. Peter Griffin, the main character of Family Guy. Can I get a Shirley Temple? What?

No. So what are you guys looking for? A dungeon. We're looking for a cat named Scam Likely, baby. Have you seen him shagging around here at any point? Will is burying his head in his hands. Oh, yeah. I saw him trying to get through that hidden door under the drum set over by the light switch. Oh, okay. Thanks. The problem is I can't see where it is because the light went out and you see in the area that's just completely dark.

Well, how many people does it take to change that light bulb? Ah, that seems like a good idea. Maybe you should find out. There's a ladder over there if you want and a couple of fresh light bulbs. Oh, friggin' tall. This one's a little bit more nonlinear, so if you can come up with a funny light bulb joke, maybe it'll open. Okay, how many links does it take to screw in a light bulb? I don't know, baby. How many? Just me, because I'm home alone all by myself all the time because both my dads work and I fix all the light bulbs.

Little too sad. Reveal too much of yourself. Jesus Christ, kid. So you climb up the ladder and you try to screw in the light bulb, but it like unscrews because what you said was just slightly too sad. Say it again, but slightly less sad. Szechuan sauce! It goes in! Instantly, bing! The light turns on. You gotta be more random with your punchlines, kid. That's how humor works now. The trapdoor opens into darkness and there's a ladder heading downwards.

Oh, it's a little bit dark in there. Everybody hang on tight. I pull out my phone that was playing Garfield and I just like hold it around like the doctor's sonic screwdriver because it's just emitting humor. Just like scanning.

That's great. Garfield looks at you through the screen and goes like, oh yeah, there's comedy down here. All right, guys, follow me. Good joke about the session. I don't really get it. It's not really, but like, it was clearly it's funny. So see, there was a movie called Mulan in the nineties. And there was a sauce they did for a promotion for McDonald's. And I think it was referenced on the show that I'm from. Oh, okay. That does sound funny. I'm sorry. I'm like,

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So you head down the ladder into what looks like an office with just a tired looking man sitting at a desk, resting his face on his fist, just sighing heavily to himself. He looks like he's got a big stack of headshots of actors and stuff next to him. And he's just going through and he sees you guys coming down and I'm going to hand Matt something. Oh no. Anthony. Anthony.

I escaped your game. Okay. It's not, it's not about just you, bro. It's just like the second song movie. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I'm thinking about the second song movie. I love the second song movie. I never saw the movie. Oh, that's pretty. You got really keeps you on your toes. Oh, he really does. Oh, behave. So this guy goes like, well,

Welcome to Sunstalk, a talent agency. What's... Sorry, welcome to what? Welcome to my talent agency. He said, this is Sunstalk, a talent agency. Welcome, welcome. Sunstalk? Yeah, it's just the word I'm looking at on this King of Death Monster instruction manual. Oh, Sunstalker. Yes, Sunstalker, it doesn't matter. Okay. Welcome to my talent agency. Are you a family... Is this a Family Guy character? No.

This is an OC original. Oh, you know what? It should be a Family Guy character. Yeah. Well, hello. Welcome to Cleveland's Talent Agency. Anthony, how many of the Family Guy characters can you do? I'm so pleased to have you coming into my talent agency. Now, would you please do me the favor of telling me what you call this act that you're about to perform for me? Now you can open the thing, Matt. Oh, no. I don't know where this is going. Well, I don't know. I guess I was going to do the aristocrats.

Oh, I would love to see that. Okay. So, well, so the aristocrats, aristocrats were, you just want me to do it for you? Yes, please. Show me your act. Okay. Yes, we'd all love to see it, baby. It's for all of you. It's not just for him. No, we do want to see this boy do this act. Oh, good. You're all doing it. Okay. So there's like. It's a group act. Oh, okay. I'll be the cat. Yeah, I'll be the other cat. Okay.

And then it's like Oliver Twist kind of, right? That's Oliver and company you're thinking of. Oh, shoot. Okay. Do you guys know what the Aristocrats is? It's like everybody wants to be a cat. That's Aristocrats, yes. Can you tell us, maybe you can help us. What do you want from this performance that we've come to? I want you to perform this act I've heard so much about, the Aristocrats. But I haven't heard specifics about it, just people saying you got to see this act called the Aristocrats. And I just want you to go ahead and do that for me. Okay, guys, team huddle. There's a locked door behind me that'll open once you do that. Okay.

Team Huddle. Team Huddle. You're all adults now. Or not you, Scary, but what's the aristocrats? Let me explain the aristocrats to you. Okay. It's a notorious joke among comedians where they tell the zaniest, most offensive story they can, and it's got like a bunch of edgy humor in it, and then people get killed, and their heads get chopped off, and at the end they say, and that's called the aristocrats. And that's supposed to be funny because it's like an anti-climax. Like it's

It's trying to be funny. Anti-climax? I could never do that. That's pretty good. You finally got one. Good for you. Okay, so we just say stuff, and then at the end, you just say it's like the aristocrats. All right, allow me. Everybody follow my lead. Hello, it is me, Borat, with Pickle Rick on my shoulder, and I give you the aristocrats. It starts when me, Borat, shits his pants on stage, and Borat bends over and shits his pants on stage.

And then he rips off Pickle Rick off his shoulder and dips it into the shit. Yeah. And then he dips Pickle Rick into the shit. Now it's lubed up with his own shit and he shoves Pickle Rick down his throat. Pickle Rick's voice is all muffled because it's coming from Borat's stomach. Borat's starting to gag because uh-oh, uh-oh, he ate a pickle covered in his own shit and he's starting to ralph.

and then Borat vomits all over the air, and the vomit hits a ceiling fan, and the ceiling fan sprays shit-covered vomit all over the room, and help me out here, guys. So what was that called? You look up at the ceiling, and the shit has created a mural, and it's Bart Simpson skateboarding, and he says, Bush did 9-11, man. And under Bart Simpson, there's a peeing Calvin, and the Calvin's piss says, the aristocrats. Oh, shit.

I was making a fart noise in my mouth to like add the... That's good. I've done that once. I won't do that again. And then I nudged Lincoln. I said, do not go in there.

Where? Say do not go in there and wave your noise lightly. Sir, sir, I've just been informed don't go in there. So the door began to open and then you said don't go in there and the door closed. I go, I try to stick my foot into the door. All right, both of you give me dexterity rolls. Oh, Austin Powers can throw throwing knives, right? I've seen, remember, he has like a throwing star scene, right?

I think so, yeah. Sure. No, but doesn't he do a thing where he throws... No, Austin Powers throws a shoe. Yes. We're throwing the shoe. Well, the bad guy throws a shoe. He has a shoe thrown at him. And he says, who throws a shoe? Yeah, but he picked up some tricks. Who throws a shoe, baby? He picked up some tricks. Either way, two of you are lunging for the door to try to get it. And Austin Powers throws a shoe. This is for nobody, but Will right now is like, and this is for The Bachelor.

there was one woman who her only personality trait was she talked about how much she loved tea and she hadn't had a first date yet like a one-on-one date and then another woman gets a one-on-one date and she finds out that the bachelor took her to a tea shop in Brainiac she's like I just wanted to get tea this is Will right now like

That was so mad that Brady has Austin Powers. It's insane. I got a four on my dexterity roll, so I'm really hoping... Austin Powers throws a shoe. Okay, go ahead and give me a range attack with disadvantage because I don't think there's evidence of Austin Powers doing that. My dexterity roll is a 16. Okay. 12 plus four. 12 plus four, 16. You both got... Even with disadvantage, you got a 16. And then I go, I throw a shoe, baby. It's me. It's me.

A single tear falls out of Pickle Rick's eyes. He says, it should have been me.

Hey, that's my shoe. Oh, yeah, we both, yeah, we threw Napoleon Dynamite shoes. Hell yeah. Great. As the door slides back to its jam, you manage to throw a shoe and keep it open. Lincoln, you manage to slide in with a slide tackle and kick it and make sure that it stays open long enough for the rest of you to get through. Just as you begin to leave, Cleveland just goes, I don't get it. And then you head into the darkness. Use your cool light. Oh, yeah, of course. I'm holding my Garfield flashlight and just... Kind of gone with like, turn me on, baby, or something like that.

The minute you say, turn me on, baby, a single light turns on in the center of this darkness. And there's just a mic stand with a microphone in it. And then beyond it, you see three more lights show up. Within the pool of light, you see two things. One...

Hermie the Unworthy. And two, you see Lois Griffin going, oh, you're my sweet boy, Hermie. Oh, your father's game likely loves you. That's who I am. And she squeezes him really, really tight. Oh, so we have to kill the one woman on Family Guy.

Well, there's also Meg has been there the entire time, but you didn't notice her. Oh, I forgot about Meg. Oh, classic. Meg was in every single scene and you just didn't know that she was there. The moment she said that, she scammed like, I put a timer on my phone for two hours. Okay, great. So I didn't know exactly how long. You can see that Lois is holding the Teenie the Teen costume and she goes...

I'm so proud of you. That was a true scam, likely style scam. I knew I had a good reason for abandoning you on Earth, my sweet boy. And Hermie goes, yes, I am very proud of myself. I'm glad that you're proud of me. I'm going to do a perception check on Hermie to see if he's happy or if he seems like he's in distress. You know, like what his vibe is. I'm doing a Hermie vibe check. I got a 12. Although I feel like normal should have advantage on Hermie vibe checks. I agree.

I feel like being a teenage boy. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. A teenage boy being into somebody means you should have a disadvantage on understanding that person. Well, I got a 12 both times. Okay. So you can tell that he has got what he wanted. He looks like he got what he wanted. Okay. But does he look like he got what he needed?

Hey, Hermie. Oh, so you followed me here, did you? Yeah, what do you think we were doing? You took Normals. That's normal, by the way. I don't know if it's a pickle. We don't look real embarrassing like this. Oh, sorry. Uh, not us. Normals not here. He's, uh, he's off. He's, he's just, you know, he's burning down Chaparral High School because you suck. I can see through your, your disguises. I know who you are. No, you can't. Just so you know, though, like before he turned into that, like he was looking really good. Like.

I don't know why I said that. I'm just trying to help you out. You don't like Hermie, though, right? No, I don't like Hermie. Hermie, you suck, dude. I always thought you kind of sucked, but why did you screw over normal people? That was always the plan. You were my sidekick, baby, and then you betrayed me. Yeah, well, it's time for a sidekick to become the main character. I was tired of being a Robin. It's time to be a Batman. Well, you did a bit of Robin on your own now. That's not bad. That's not bad.

Well, I tell you this. I know you want to fight. I know that you want to get rowdy. I've seen how you work before. But I think down here, we do things a little differently. Here, and he steps up to the microphone, and he kicks it over to you, and it slides across the ground. He goes, here, you're going to stand and deliver. Another light turns on. Hermie points at the person in that seat, and he goes, what we're going to do here is we're going to do a little tight five.

And whichever one of us is funnier is going to win the fight. And it's going to be determined by this person. And he points at the chair and inside the chair is a person I'm going to find on Craigslist who has never heard of Dungeons and Daddies. We are going to invite them into this room. Are you fucking kidding me? For tight fives from all of us. As Austin Powers or as? As your characters. Or if you want to be Austin Powers, you can. But some stranger we're going to hire off of Craigslist. I'll try to vet him. We'll be the one who judges. Or her. Or them. They're going to judge how funny we are.

And that's going to be next episode. Oh my God. What did we do to you? You know that no one knows us better than ourselves. You should tell myself it'll be a lie. So we sleep at night and no one knows me better than myself.

We gotta pick ourselves up and say, not today, no, not today. For tomorrow makes the day can't change. We gotta pick ourselves up today, no, not today. Just start back tomorrow.

Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Lincoln Lee Wilson. Anthony Burch is our DM. Will Campos is Normal Oak. Beth May is Scary Marlowe and myself, Freddie Wong is Taylor Swift. Our theme song is On My Way by Maxton Waller. Brian Fernandez is our content producer. Ashley Nicolette is our community manager. Courtney Terry is our community coordinator. Esther Ellis is our lead editor. Travis Reeves provides additional editing and Robin Rapp is our transcriber. This podcast is directly supported by a Patreon. Some of the people on that Patreon, you might be wondering, have names like Emma Getliff, Nikki D, Boyan Citrus,

Support this podcast directly on Patreon at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads and get some bonus content.

We're kind of in a whodunit mood lately, and we just recorded a three-part murder mystery miniseries with special guests called And Dad There Were None, a dadditha Christy whodadit, which will be coming out when we are done editing it, so very soon here, probably next month or so, if I had to guess. We've done this a few times for our Patreon supporters in the past, these little standalone miniseries. Some of these tie into the main story, some of them don't, some of them definitely don't. We did a Call of Cthulhu horror-themed miniseries that's a prequel to the daddy storyline called At the Mountains of Dadness, which features maybe the single greatest dice roll

We've ever done. I won't say anything else, but it was a big moment. We did a Star Wars themed miniseries called All That Jizz that has nothing to do with daddies or Star Wars for that matter. And we've also done a Regency era miniseries called Sons and Sons of Billy that might be related? Unclear. All of these standalone series are great listens if you're caught up and you're looking for more content and they're free on our Patreon for supporters at all levels.

You can also get these as digital download on our merch store at store.dungeonsanddads.com. That's way easier and cheaper to just support us on Patreon. Plus, you'll be getting all kinds of extra stuff, too. You get access to the official Discord, tons of bonus content, a whole after show that works. Fill your ear holes. Skip the ads. That's another thing. You can get ad-free episodes, too. And you won't have to feel bad about it because you're supporting us directly on Patreon. How do you do this? I hear you asking. That's easy. Just go to patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads.

Our Twitter is Dungeons and Dads. Our website is DungeonsandDaddies.com. Our merch is at store.dungeonsanddaddies.com. Our subreddit is Dungeons and Daddies. And the next episode is coming out May 23rd. We'll see you then.

Can we know what the fourth one is? Jared Leto Joker. Oh, I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I didn't sign. I'm so fucking happy.