Ep. 22 - Rich Dads, Poor Dads 01:23:57

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See store for details. Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. Hi! Hi!

I'm Ron F. Stampler. People come up to me all the time and they say, Ron, I wish that we had a pin to stick maybe on a fanny pack or a denim jacket or a backpack or maybe just collect to show our appreciation for our favorite podcast. I'm like, what's a podcast? Am I right? Anyways, up until now, I have not been able to help these people at all.

But now, everything is changing. That's right. Here at Ron F. Stampler, Inc., we are selling premium lapel pins. That's pins that you can put anywhere. And they're premium. Call today by going online at www.ron.business. That's B-U-S-S.

It's ron.business. There's no .com with Ron, just business. It's www.ron.business. Dad's don't have to pay a library fine. Made the library break his own books fine. Aaron died with a biography of Kucinich by her side. Blackbirds brought Aaron back to life.

Laid the library's eyes down at her feet Got a treat Slapped me 'cause I thought her final words were about weed Roll the vat Roll the vat I thought I heard it say "Sameema said" Guess there's only one place left to go Find the purple robes and get our kid

They don't know Thanks to all these jewels we all are filthy, stinking rich Thanks to all these jewels we all are filthy, stinking rich Thanks to all these jewels we all are filthy, stinking rich

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, sometimes a BDSM podcast. More often than not, Dungeons and Dragons podcast where we play D&D. This is a podcast about four dads from our world flung into the Forgotten Realms in a quest to rescue their lost sons. My name is Freddie Wong. I play Glenn Close, the bard slash rock and roller of the group Rock and Roll Dad. I guess you could even say that's why I'm spec'd at.

And this week's dad fact... My specs. This week's dad fact about Glenn Close is this. Despite the popularity and ubiquity of virtual reality goggles, Glenn Close has never put on virtual reality goggles out of principle. Why? Because...

Welcome to the desert of the real.

Hello, everyone. I'm Henry Oak. I did it again. I'm Will Campos. I play Henry Oak. You're dedicated. Birkenstock, rockin', granola crunchin', nature hippie druid dad who doesn't wash his hands as often as he should. My dad fact this week, more of a dad observation, really, is that Henry considers himself the Donatello of the dads. Ha ha ha!

He also considers himself the... What was Donatello's thing? I don't remember. Leonardo leads. Donatello does machines. Raphael is cool but rude. Give me a break. And Michelangelo is a party dude. Yeah. So...

Henry fancies himself the thinking man's dad in the group. I don't know if he's right about that or not. Henry also thinks that he is the Charlotte of the group. If we're going to go sex in the city archetypes, like kind of the most innocent, like the most pure, but like also a little uptight, like, you know, so that's, I don't know. Sex in the city. I love that. Henry Oak knows Ninja Turtles and sex in the city.

Hey, man, he's up on Pop Culture. It's a good spread. Good coverage. Encompasses multitudes. That's it. That's my dad fact. Just so you all know, before the show, Matt didn't have a dad fact. And I was like, don't worry, Matt. I'll go before you and I'll like do a dad fact that'll give you an idea for your dad fact. So I don't know what Matt's got cooking, but maybe he'll let you know which Ninja Turtle Daryl is because I have some thoughts on that. My name is Matt Arnold. I play Daryl Wilson, a stay-at-home coach dad who is now a barbarian in the Forgotten Realms.

I mean, he's probably, I see, I would have thought he's the Raphael. What? You dumb fuck. You stupid idiot. You would have thought Daryl was the Raphael of the day. Wait, is Raphael the leader? Every motherfucker wants to be Raphael. Leonardo's the, oh, no, Leo. Leonardo. Okay, yeah, yeah, you're Leonardo. I didn't really watch Ninja Turtles.

That wasn't really my thing. I've literally never seen or know anything about Ninja Turtles. Oh, then yeah, Glenn's Raphael. Yeah, you're Mike. What? You're absolutely Mike. Glenn is absolutely the Michelangelo. He's the party dude. Raphael's the worst person in the group, and so is Glenn. And then Michelangelo's like the funny one. But Michelangelo's also like the party dude stoner archetype, too. That's fair. Ron is beyond Ninja Turtles. Ron is Casey Jones on meth. No, isn't Ron truly the one leading us to say,

That's true. Ron is Leonardo, but doesn't know it. My last minute dad fact is 50% of the furniture in the house is built by Daryl Wilson. Wow. Yeah, he built flex. That's hard. Yeah, he loves built houses. Wait, you just mean that he bought it on Ikea and built it? No, no, no. He does not. He is very upset if somebody has... In fact, he looks at disdain at all the pieces of furniture. Now, they are often the easiest pieces of furniture to make. Yeah.

And now the real dad fact is if he's being honest, 50% is like, if you include the spice rack, the cutting board and the cutting board and like the fact that he like did like the toilet roll, which is just like a Doyle, a doily, you know, like a doily where they call it. Dowel is the word you're looking for. I'm not Daryl.

And yeah, that's it. You just play them on the podcast. Hi, my name is Beth May and I play Ron Stampler, emotionally stunted stepfather and rogue.

I'm sorry. I was so thrown by the doily comment. What is a doily? That's a word, right? It's like a little lacy thing you put shit on. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Daryl knows how to do that, too. 50% of the doilies are sewn by him. Fun Beth May fact is that I once got so enraged by trying to assemble an Ikea nightstand that I actually, like,

wrecked it like destroyed it well like you hulked out on it yeah anyway um fun fact about ron god i'm glad i didn't believe well when he's like well you can piggyback off it because like i just have no context for i have no uh ninja turtle knowledge because i'm ron is rock steady and bebop

I don't get that either. I'm drowning. The fun fact about Ron is that in the fourth grade, he got sent to the principal's office for plagiarizing a book report on the adventures of Huckleberry Finn. What?

Oh. Yeah. Heavy duty. How did he plagiarize? He read the book report out loud and everybody's like, that's not what Ron... He gets up to the front of the class and he's like, the novel Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is a satirical novel because there is a large number of characters and a lot of events that extend through the extensive novel. And I think his teacher was like, no, Ron. Who did he plagiarize from?

Let's see. How old is Cliff? The back of the book. His buddy Cliff? His buddy Huckleberry? His buddy Cliff? His buddy Cliff's and his notes? I don't get it, Freddie. Oh, I get it. Wow. Freddie, say it a few more times. They might like it this time. Well, I took me a while to get it. No, they said they didn't get it, Anthony. And then once they get it, they like it. Save that good shit for the podcast, not the intro. That's true. I'm Anthony Burch, and I'm your dad. And I'm not upset. I'm just disappointed. Oh.

So my dad fact, I guess, is I think we mentioned this last episode and we record these at a different rate than we release them, obviously. But there's a fan cast about Dungeons and Daddies called Talking Sons. And I don't know if any of you listen to it. I have a cue that I haven't been in the car enough. So I've listened to both episodes so far.

And in the last episode, yeah, there's only two so far at the time of recording. And the most recent one was about the episode where Henry farts. And there is a story. Somebody says it is confirmed. It is factually true that somebody vomited listening to Will's description. I believe it was somebody's wife. They may have been pregnant. I'm not sure. But they made someone puke. Yeah.

Yeah. That blood's on your hands. No. Oh, my God. It means now, like, as a writer, I've made someone laugh. I've made someone cry. I've made, you know, people hopefully think a little bit. But most importantly, I've made someone barf with my words. So once you get, like, the sin juice, what's, like, the E? The sin juice? What? Once you make that happen from somebody, what's, like, the E god? Oh, is that what? Oh, Jesus. What's the E god of bodily? That's what cum is to you? Sin juice? Sin juice?

What another wild intro from the boys. What's the E God of bodily fluids? That's what you're trying to get. Oh my God. JTBL. The E is ejaculate. No way. The G is gore. Time to start the podcast.

So, to summarize what happened last episode. Yeah, baby. Daddy's got rich. Daddy's fucking loaded now, baby. Through a bizarre, a truly bizarre use of the deck of many things. We're sugar daddies now. You fought the library. You managed to defeat him, but not before tricking him into pulling from the deck of many things. And the two cards that he pulled were the ones that gave him advantage on persuasion rolls and also a castle somewhere in the world. Yeah.

And then the card that gave him immediately 50,000 gold points worth of gems that fell at his feet. Anthony, how much money is that in like money, money, like in U.S. dollars? I just checked right now. I just checked. Can you tell me? Because I would have to look it up. It's $145 per coin times 50,000. I want you can't take this back. This happened.

We have $7.2 million. Oh, my God. Are you fucking kidding me? We have $7,250,000. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

We're rich, motherfucker. Guys, holy shit. We could buy Payton a whole school. He could go to the best school because we could buy him the school. We're new rich, baby, says Glenn. I am going to suggest that we pool all this money together and invest it whatever this strange world's version is of a low-risk index fund. We are so rich.

That we could buy one television, a big screen, and then another television to put next to that television so that when there's commercials, we can watch the other television. And then if there's commercials in that television, we can buy a subscription to channels that don't have any commercials.

I've never seen anything like it, guys. I'm really excited about being so wealthy. Everyone slow down. It's been a crazy battle. We've had a lot of wild shit happen. Aaron O'Neal just died and came back to life. How are you doing, Aaron? Are you okay? Not fucking great. Well, now you got five ways of this fortune, though. We're giving you a fifth of this fortune. I don't get a fifth. I get fucking half. Oh.

Well, I mean, let's be clear. Let's be clear. Okay. Fucking Glenn could have healed me. Didn't. And then without explaining what was going on, put the book on me. And then he killed me. We're a team here. We'll definitely figure out the best way to split this up. But just like...

What would you do with like 10,000 gold? With 10,000 gold, I would buy a bunch of land and set up a preserve for all of my kids so we wouldn't have to like fight somebody to have an entire land of our own. It would just be me and my trees and we'd hang out in peace. Erin O'Neill, I walk up, I put my hand out. She puts her hand out. I shake it. You got yourself a deal. Look at that. You got a whole preserve. You got a whole forest now. Don't mind if I do. Thank you. I mean, she at least gets one fifth. We can all agree on that. Well, no, no. I mean... You got out-dealed, motherfucker! You got out-dealed!

D.R. Wilson should be a car salesman, bitch! D.R. Wilson just sold you a jalopy! The last deal on the table before we shook hands was, I get half. Oh, I was talking to Henry, I'm just saying, like, of course at the bare minimum she can buy a forest preserve. I'm just, I gotta admit, this is very exciting. I'm very, I did not, we gotta find our kids and all this, but I did not expect that we'd come out of this wealthy. Rich, baby! It's just, the idea that the thing that would eventually destroy the dads and tear them asunder would be just a ton of money is insane to me.

Yeah, you thought this was people rescuing their kids. It's actually like a simple plan or any Coen Brothers movie. It's just a bunch of fucking assholes getting rich. I've heard a good way to split this. I had to deal with this with the estate of one of my ancestors. I think the best thing that we do is that, first off, we should have a fund for, like, the doodlers. Like, a good 10, 15% that we use as a group for, you know, travel expenses, all the stuff that we're going to need. Sponsorships, jerseys, big screens. Yes.

I like the jersey idea. Jerseys that fit. Fit us. Not our kids' jerseys, but our jerseys. Distributing deals with China. And cheerleaders. Okay, well, yeah. I mean, you know, pay them a fair wage. Remember when I said that the deck of many things could ruin this podcast?

What we could do is if we each get a fair share, there's two things, right? A fair share of the money, but also like, you know, these are nice pieces of jewelry. I could, you know, there's one or two in there. I think Carol would like quite a bit. I think we get a piece of paper out and we each write in order of priority, which of the jewels we would like. And then we compare those sheets. And then the first person who like, if I like that diamond ring, can I get this diamond ring? That's all I'm getting at. Do you guys mind?

This looks perfect. This looks like the first engagement ring. I put my hand on Aaron's shoulder and I say, listen, Aaron, there's a piece of wisdom from our world that I want to impart to you now that you have become fabulously, insanely wealthy like us. There's a difference between being poor and being broke.

Broke is temporary. Poor is eternal. That's from Rich Dad, Poor Dad, the greatest dad manual on financial planning ever written. Please tell me you gave Nick Rich Dad, Poor Dad. Oh, are you kidding? He didn't read it, right? He didn't read it. I know. Kids, right? Like they don't read it. We give them Rich Dad, Poor Dad. Hey, Henry, you give your kids, both of them, Rich Dad, Poor Dad, right? My children learned all the financial lessons they needed to learn from a little book called The Giving Tree, my friend. Oh my gosh.

Just take and what? Just take and take and take until the thing they're taking from dies? It's about generosity and sharing and being kind. I've never read The Giddens Tree. I'm kind of shooting. I'm shooting big game here, guys. That's certainly what it wants to be about, that book. It's about parasitic romantic relationships. It's about infusing. Well, Henry does not know that because Henry skimmed the book. It's not...

What a nice title. It's a tree that gives. Giving and trees. What could go wrong? Everyone, I'd like to remind us that this money is not worth anything if we can't get out of the forgotten realms with our sons. Agreed. So first things first. Aaron's like, it's worth stuff here. Aaron, what's the banking situation like in this world? Well, it depends. Is there central banking? Is there a gold standard? No. Where's the biggest bank? The biggest bank is probably Neverwinter. Neverwinter.

Oh, wait, we can't go to Neverwinter. Do they have other medium-sized branch banks? I mean, there's Waterdeep. There are other big cities that have banks and stuff. By the way, in my head, I'm just imagining there's just like a montage section where it's just like, we go to Neverwinter. We talk to the mayor. We're like, whatever, we'll pay our way out of these debts. And we're just like, they gave us the key to the city. We're like, yeah, this was easy. Okay.

Money solves all problems. Can't we just buy our kids back? One of us want to go to sleep and see if they'll take money. Oh, that's not a bad idea. I could go to sleep and find out. First of all, I do want to settle one thing, which is as the dads trying to get back to the other world, we should pool our resources for now. And if we manage to make it back to the other world, back to our homes with some money left over, we split it five ways. I agree. Four ways because there's four dads.

Four ways, but we should give some to Aaron now. What I was going to say is, I think Aaron is right that this has more or less been a partnership between two parties. The Aaron O'Neill and her tree party and the dad party. So I was just going to say, dad huddle. This is a sort of closed door financial discussion. Financial conversation. Private. All right. Guys, this is just like Shark Tank.

I'm very excited. I'm okay with giving Erin half the money. That's all I'm going to say. I think half is, it's a lot of money. She does not need half of it. And she didn't even invite us to the tree party. I will say this. We were the entrepreneurs, Ron, I know you know that word, that competed, risked our lives for this deck, which enabled us to get this money in the first place. She burned her books. I'm not saying she didn't do a lot of work. I'm just saying I'm trying to figure out why she deserves half.

I don't care. I think we need to renegotiate and start with 2080 and we'll settle on a 6040. This doesn't work because Anthony can hear me. How about 25%? Do you guys all think 25% is fair? Ron, you seem like you had something to say. Yeah, I have something to say. It's that now that we have money, we're not entrepreneurs anymore. I know a lot about entrepreneurship. What? Well, like when you're an entrepreneur, you don't have money.

Yeah, well, I mean, no, you're right. Yeah, like once you get a lot of money, you're now a business person. You know, the real way to do this, I've heard, is we could become VCs. Very cool. Yeah.

Run. Invest in other companies. Tell me more. Run. You're a business. You're a businessman. I am a businessman. I think, you know, it would be great. And I don't know everything, but, you know, I've watched quite a bit of Shark Tank. I think it'd be good if let's give Aaron a good amount, but like maybe make some of it like a loan, like an investment that we're making in like, you know, her forest or whatever it is that she's doing. So why don't you, maybe you should negotiate with Aaron. And I say, you know, I would prefer not to give her half.

I think there's a lot of stuff we could do with it. We're still trying to find our kids. And frankly, you know, I think at the end of the day, I think it was fair is fair. And I don't think she did half the work. Henry thinks the other dads are being pretty greedy right now. So Henry's okay with. I'm a sharp negotiator. I agree, Ron. I'm absolutely happy with Ron negotiating the split. I'm a big boy businessman. You sure are. Okay, Aaron.

Is this money really going to drive us apart? The other dads and I, we're just, the sharks and I were discussing and we're, we're not going to be easy negotiators. We're not going to just roll over. That's not smart business. And I'm all the way that I became a businessman is practicing smart business. Um, 50, 50. And I'll tow your car back to, uh, uh, Rookaporta. Um, yeah. Okay. Okay.

And then Ron turns back to the dads and like does the hand swipe, swipe thing. And be like, that's how it's done. No easy passes. No free meals here. I've never asked. What is your business? Um...

I lean over to Glenn. I'm like, I don't think Ron. As rich dad, poor dad says, love of money is the root of all evil. Lack of money is the root of all evil. I was just trying to be fair, but okay. No, it's a perfectly valid question, and I'm a businessman.

All right, Aaron. Well, you heard what our, what, you know, if you really think it's fair that you got 50% will, I died. I do feel pretty good about that. Yeah. This second time I've died, by the way, and it gets harder for me to come back every time. Okay. The roles get higher. As we say, I don't know your truth. That's what you said.

I just want everybody to be, you know, they say good negotiation is nobody's happy. And you know, Daryl's not very happy right now, but that's okay. How can you guys not be happy? Two minutes ago, we had no money. Now we have 25,000 gold. I'd say that's pretty darn great. Aaron goes, as far as I'm concerned, this,

This is great. We've come to the best possible parting of the ways. I'm leaving rich. You're leaving rich. You know exactly where to go to get your kids back. And for the love of God, be careful. Please really do be careful. Honestly, we've had some scrapes. I've never quite been sure if I like you or not. I kind of feel like I mostly don't. But like, I respect you. We just gave you $3 million. I just earned $3 million. I mean, I mean,

This is a partnership. Let's be fair. Now we can't afford to be careful. We can buy knee pads. You're right. We can buy a lot of stuff to help us. We can get buff. I mean, I'm Marty. No, I mean like added armor. Ron Flexes. Like armor. Even when somebody's buff, they can get stronger with big mech armor. Oh my God, that's right. Like CERN. Okay, let me ask you a question, Aaron. Maybe we can consider this. Maybe you can give us a little bit of consulting on what we should do with our money. Sure. No fee, though.

Out of character, Anthony, I'm very sorry for whatever you had planned this episode. Honestly, I was so cynical about this. I was like, they're going to argue about the money for about 40 minutes. I have very minimal notes. Touche. If you had our means and you wanted to go, so it's this Castle Ravenloft place, right? And these guys in Castle Ravenloft, how would you invest that money in a rescue our kids heavy portfolio? Um,

Henry, Henry, Henry. As a businessman, I...

I can tell you that when you have money, it's not about spending money or even how you spend money or even how much money you have. It's just that you have money and then you don't need to worry about anything else. Because instead of a person who's like a stepdad or a regular dad or any, you're not any of those things. Now you're just a person with money, right?

And that means you've made it. Well, I don't think I'm going to feel like I've made it until I've made it back home with my children. So I just don't want this money to change me because I feel like it kind of already is. Didn't you just say you're not a stepdad anymore? You literally just said that it changed. What's your kid's name? Terry Jr. Okay. How much money is Terry worth? Well,

I don't think he's worth money at all. How much money would you give to get Terry Jr. back? Well, I wouldn't give any money because I've never spent money. I just don't know what things cost or whatever. I'd give anything, but like... Well, right now we have a lot of money which could buy us a lot of things that could maybe help us get our kids back. How much could one kid possibly cost? $10? $10?

So Aaron says, all right, well, so if the wizards that took your kids, if there are wizards, if they're as powerful as I think they are. Those are the wizards from the coast, right? Yeah. If the coastal wizards who took your kids, I mean, you have a lot, that's a lot of money. You could hire a bunch of mercenaries. You could basically build a small army with that money. You could build trebuchets. I mean,

I'm realizing these things are true as a DM as I'm saying them. You could build trebuchets. Would you say mercenaries would cost about 10 gold pieces? Are you serious? 10 gold pieces per person or a crossbowman would be 15 pieces if you look at Dungeons & Dragons? Oh.

Or maybe even an Elven Longbowman would be 20 gold pieces? Guys, this is exhausting. It's almost like money just complicates things. There's a saying we have in the Forgotten Realms, which is more money, more problems. Yeah, but no money, most problems. So with 25,000 pieces, we could hire 250 mercenaries.

Wait, what? We could hire 250 mercenaries. I think you just said it cost 10 gold pieces. Yeah. So 25,000 gold. Oh my God, we could hire 2,500 mercenaries. Well, you have- To march on Castle Ravenloft. You have 12.5,000. Okay, so sorry. Wait, no, it was 50,000. Oh, you're right, it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Oh my God. God damn it. Fucking decimating things. Fuck.

Fuck my ass. Oh, my gosh. No. So we could have 30 gold pieces per month. I wanted this podcast to go longer than this. It's 30 pieces per month, according to this, for me Googling it. Okay. We'll ignore for the second that there's no possible way Daryl would know the price. Aaron would know the price of these things. So Aaron is telling you all these things that you're currently Googling, but it's very fun for you to know this and me not. So go ahead and keep saying things. We maybe will kill two birds with one. Hey, Henry, is there like a less...

you would say problematic version of kill two birds with one stone. I'm just trying to be more sensitive to you. I would say maybe, you know, free two birds with one key.

Assuming that they're not birds that have been raised as pets and that they're birds that were in the wild and were caught recently enough to not become domesticated. Okay, so we could kill two... The phrase would be free two wild birds that have been recently caught but are not domesticated that are in a cage with one key and then you let them out and then you let them back into their natural habitat. Okay, so we could try to solve two things at once. If...

If maybe those cops are coming after us, you know, cops can be bribed. You ever gone down to Tijuana, you know, for some fun with your buddies? Have you ever gone down to Tijuana? No, you probably have. I've heard about it. I just figured I've heard the story. They bribe the cops. Right. You've been there. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm sorry. Can I call my wife? Sure. Yeah. I mean, we got nothing to do, but look at all this money. So while Ron calls his wife, we'll load up the money. Yeah, we're loading up the money.

Nice. 18. So I dial up Samantha. All right. Hey, Ron. Hi, babe. I mean, I know I don't really normally call you babe, but I am just a lot of change. I thought I was like, ooh, I'm like a character from a movie or something. Yeah. I just, a lot of things have just changed in me recently. I'm going to be straight with you. We've had really bad luck here sort of finding the kids and stuff like that, but we're still looking. We're looking really hard. And I actually bonded. We know where they are, Ron. Yeah.

Yeah, we know where they are. We're going to get them. Don't listen to all the conversation, man. He's talking over there. Samantha, we're going to get them. And you know what? I had a nice bonding moment with Terry before he vanished again. Oh, yeah? I mean, like... Wait, what? Who are you talking about? He vanished? I don't know. I just have a question, honey. Could you check my email inbox? The password for it is ron...

That's it. She goes, okay, yeah, I've got it up. Oh, wow, you have so many unread emails. I remember before I left, I got this email from this heiress, and she was asking for some money, and I just wanted to let you know that I've actually come into quite a bit of cash, and I just...

honey, I don't know what to do with it. Do you want me to respond to her? Well, I've just, I've never like, she sounds very like in a very bad situation. Yeah. Okay. In Nigeria too. Oh my God. Yeah. Okay. Let's just give her like, you know what? Cause like money wise, I just never really like, I mean,

I mean, I've got my 401k. Like, if this is something that really matters to you. Guys, I've been, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

So there is this scam that's called the Nigerian Prince or Princess scam where someone emails you from Nigeria. They're like, hey, I need help with money. If you give me some money, I can give you a bunch of money. And it's like kind of like a well-known scam. So I just want you to be really careful about anything like that. Like, it sounds really fishy, this email. So I would just I know we're we're focused on the kids 100 percent, but I wouldn't cash in your 401k. And I would be really careful about that situation.

Okay, actually, yes, Samantha, I know just who to call about this, and so I'll think about it, and then I'll call you back later when I can, because service isn't great here. Yeah, okay, of course. I want to bathe you in riches, and we've got a lot of riches here. I just want to bathe you. Not that you stink, I just like doing it. No, yeah. You can take that off speakerphone now, Ron. Oh, no! I'm going bad!

Don't be embarrassed because they all know that I love you and they all know that you're very, very hot. I like it when you call me hot. I'm more than that, but I also am that. Yeah, you're so much more than that. Anyway, so I will call. I've got this actually this good friend named Mr. Likely, and I'm going to call him and see where to invest my money. Okay.

All right. I'm going to find our son soon. I love you. Bye. Bye. Love you. I would like to make another phone call. You're definitely going to need to put this one on speaker, Ron. Roll above a four. Okay. 11. Yeah. Okay. I don't know how we have his number, though. He called us. Yeah. You have him in your contacts. I shared his contact on Airdrop with you. Thanks.

Hello, Mr. Likely? Don't trust anything you hear or see. You're calling scam likely. That's funny. What is it, Ron? Hey, just so you know, we're all on here. Just, uh, hi. Yeah, you're on speaker phone. You're on speaker. Yeah, Ron, she just let people know when they're on speaker. Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, I'm very polite of you. I never let people know when they're on speaker. You're such an amusing chick.

Daryl, how much money do we have exactly? So we have... Hi, Mr. Likely. We have about... Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. One moment, Mr. Scam Likely.

I come into the dad huddle with the phone. No, no, Ron. I reach over and press mute on Ron's phone. Should we be telling Scam Likely, who's like a big scam guy, like that we have all this money? Yes. Very smart, Henry. Maybe say like we have like a hundred gold pieces just to kind of see what he, like a lot that this seems like a lot without letting him know that we are rich. Why are we on the phone with Scam Likely, you guys? You know, I'm thinking about my family here. I want to know like what the best scam to pull is. Good. Tell them that we have a hundred gold.

Yeah, let's do it. For sure. Mr. Likely. Yes? I take it off mute. We have just 100 gold, and we're wondering how to scam. Matt's thumbs up in bed from across the room. We're wondering whether that's a good scam to have. You're asking me if it's a scam to have.

have a hundred gold? No, that's not really a scam. Also, roll deception. Okay. Because you're lying about how much money you have. Okay. A thirteen. Okay. Yeah, he believes you. Okay. You call me over a hundred gold? Okay. Well, luckily for you, you could enlist in my Scammers Academy where I teach you all the

of scamming. I take you from zero to hero. That actually might be great because apparently my wife Samantha and I are getting scammed by somebody and we want to scam them back because we've got a lot of money now. Ooh, the mushroom and counter scam. Yeah. The most ambitious of all scams.

Yeah. I mean, I figured if like I could make you believe that we only had 100 gold, like the sky's the limit. How much did you actually have? Hang up. Hang up. I hang up. Obviously.

okay so let's let's uh let's um i don't know what the next step is on this journey we need to get this money into a bank we can't just have loose money in here we put the gems just to clarify i think we put all the jewels like in the spare tire slot underneath the yeah we're hiding it from yes hidden like underneath the floor of the back of the minivan so i'm just laying around okay so okay dad's

Sometimes my life gets a little overwhelming and it seems like there's a zillion different things to do and I get stressed out trying to make decisions. So what I'm going to suggest is that we come up with a to-do list to figure out what our number one priority is right now. Number one priority is get the kids back. Oh, yeah. That's the number one priority. We all agree. I agree. And then we can have a conversation about how to do that, right? Number two seems like...

Figure out how to get back home. How to get back home. Thanks, Glenn. I got it right. Thanks, Glenn. Hey, way to go, buddy. How to get back home. Big day for you. I know. It's pretty cool, man. Number three, we can say like we have some, you know, I play some of these, you know, like I see the boys play these video games where they go all over the place in the different worlds and they have these things called side quests. So I feel like I'm going to put number three miscellaneous side quests. You know, you're setting up orphanages, giving money to pay it in, et cetera, et cetera. Right. Right.

Well, in video games, though, you do the side quest before you beat the game. Okay, but... I don't know if you heard about this before. I can't remember if I actually told you about this before, but that pyramid that dropped, there's like a mean, bad thing in it, and people keep trying to go in to kill it, and nobody can, and apparently there's a bunch of treasure in there. So that's a thing. Well, that sounds interesting. Okay, that can be one of the side quests. That may be one of them. But if there's more treasure, that just seems exhausting. Yeah, we have a lot of treasure already. Yep, seems like almost anything you could do in this game...

is now obviated by your incredible riches. It just seems weird that we're having this discussion sitting in this field with a dead body as in like we could just go not very far. I want to loot the library. Okay, so the library just disappeared while we were talking. I slowly despawned it to save memory in the level.

as you touch its body, it bursts into flames. It and the backpack full of books that were sort of like he'd receded into his body so that he'd wear the Odyssey like a hermit crab shell. So you basically get...

The next 15 seconds after I finish this sentence to tell me the name of one book that you can save from the fire that is consuming the library's backpack full of books. The Wizards of Rogueport. Okay. The Wizards of Ravenloft. I like that. It's something about different dimensions, different worlds. Here we go. Countdown starts now. How to jump through between the interdimensions of the book by an autobiography of the Wizards of Ravenloft. Nice. Nice.

Okay. I bet you guys thought I was going to say Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Ron hasn't read it. So you reach into the fire and you grab that book, that extremely specific book, and now you have that. How long is that book? It's not very long. It's like pamphlet sized. Okay. I hop in the front of the car and say, hey, guys.

why don't we go ahead and go hang out and talk about all this over where Peyton is and then we can figure out what our next steps are. Okay. You don't want to. All right, let's just go. Let's go. Henry's tired of talking. Aaron goes like, cool. So I guess this is probably where I leave you for now. Aaron, this is where you leave us. She goes, you know what?

I liked that. That was good. That was fun. Thanks, Aaron. I feel like the number of times we've forgotten Aaron, maybe she did deserve 50% and being, uh, being there when it mattered, you know, uh,

Uh, but yeah, I guess I'll see you around. If you need to, if you ever need to get a contract, maybe just like whisper to a tree and it'll get back to me. Baby or does that work? No, it works. Okay. Well, thanks. Yeah. These are chatty bitches. They gossip a lot. So it'll get back to me if you need it. But yeah, I mean, I guess good luck finding your kids and really do honestly be careful with whoever has them. Cause they, if, if they have the kind of magic I think they do, it could get really bad really quickly. That's the problem with trees. All bark, no bite.

I like that. Oh, jeez. Oh, God. Oh, God. That's the note I'm leaving on, huh? Bye. And with that, Aaron O'Neill vanishes into the wind. Yeah, pretty much. Guys, I don't think Aaron likes me. No, she definitely doesn't, Glenn. That's all right. Aaron calls some trees over. They lift up the broken Odyssey, which remember the rear axle snapped, and they basically just carry you to Rocaporta, which is essentially no, I'll roll on the fucking encounter table.

Okay, yeah. No bandits attack trying to get your ill-gotten gains. Hey, Henry. Yes? This is like a really green way of traveling, right? It is. I'm actually really liking it. It's a low footprint, other than the huge footprints in the ground that all the trees are making. You know what's the best part about somebody else driving? You can check your phone while you're driving. And I go ahead and I finally look at what that text was from...

Oh, wow. Okay. So the text that you received after you had gotten the butt dial from Carol, where you heard that she was considering divorcing you, and then it realized that, oh shit, her phone was on and that you heard all of that. So you hadn't checked it all this time. You check it now. And it says, I'm so sorry. That was an accident. I didn't mean for you to hear those things. I'm sorry. I've been the way that I've been. I've a lot of stuff has been going on. I've been trying to think about things. We should talk when you get back. I love you.

Were there any emojis? No. There's the eggplant and then there's an X over the eggplant. Daryl responds with eggplant and winky face. Daryl responds with... Sorry, I just got this.

Daryl responds with a lot's going on here too. And I know a lot's been going on between us. We will talk when I get back and I'll let you know what's going on with Grant. Love you very much.

We all get a long rest. We get a long rest. Let's just say that you show up in Rokopurthu when it's about midnight and you just sleep the rest of the night off. Wait, is Payton asleep then? Yeah. I go running in. I go running in. I go, Payton! Payton! Wake up, little buddy! So you run into Walter, the immoral's house. Do we just beat down the door? Yeah.

This guy has a door. Anthony ellipsed us into we were sleeping in the house, so I figured that I was... No, you were in the car, in the van, I assumed. Oh, yeah, sure. I knock on the door. Okay, so... Guys, I'm really excited to see Peyton. So you hear the plop, plop, plop of Bullywog's webbed feet coming to the door, and then Walter the Immortal opens up and goes, what's going on? Oh, hey, man. Hey, we just need a place to sleep, and we're going to do some work here before we go out and do some stuff. Hey, where's our little guy? He's in his room. He's sleeping like I was.

I'm sorry for waking you up. Oh, it's okay, I guess. I mean, I don't... We can see him in the morning. We'll pay you for your difficulties. I mean, I don't have any other beds. It's just this one and the one... We'll pay you for your troubles, sir. If you want to sleep on the floor, I could get some sheets or something.

I love this voice so much. This voice is so good. I could listen to this voice for hours. Yeah, I don't want to just get a good... You come in, everybody come in. Yeah, we're coming. Let's just take a sleep and then we'll wake up and see what's up. Bun's already asleep in the van. Okay. I sleep on the floor outside Peter's room. Oh my gosh. Somewhere Grant is like, Jesus Christ. I don't know why, but I feel real weird right now.

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Morning comes dawn breaks and you feel door hit you in the back is paid and he goes. Oh, oh, geez What's in the way the oh, hey, what's up champ? I'm punching the shoulder like a little something. How's it going? Oh, oh, sorry, buddy. It was fine. All right What are you doing? Well, we're all we came and we fought a bunch of guys and you find your kid I did I mean we got it. Yeah, like everybody else We're kind of laying down here to figure out we came into a lot of money. Let me what you do. We uh, we killed the library. Oh

Oh. Yeah, we came into a lot of money because Henry here pulled it. Henry, wake up, man. What are we doing again? Where was Henry? I just... Henry.

Matt, do you just want to do the podcast by yourself? I don't know what is going on. Did you all fall? I guess we all came in and fell asleep next to the door with Matt. No, no, I want to be clear. Matt's the only one in this. I'm not here. No, I think that Ron went in and slept kind of next to Walter. It's a big room. So you slept on the bed next to Walter? No.

So he set up like a bunch of comforters on the ground and then after he fell asleep, he crawled into bed with him. Ron, Ron, Ron, stealth roll, stealth roll. I got a 13 plus eight. Yeah. So as Daryl and Panda are talking, Walter wakes up with, what the fuck? No, I, what I think was like, I tried to wake him up in the night. Like Walter, what do you think happens after we die? Without thinking about it. Cause he was married. Like his muscle memory. He's like, honey, we'll talk about it. And then he wakes up and he sees, he's like, what the fuck?

Walter, what do you think? Oh, I was going to tell you about Henry's cool move, but I guess he's not here. So you can tell you when he can tell you when he comes in and we were just going to plan our next steps. I figured it'd be nice to do it here rather than just like in a big old field. Well, I'm glad you came back. I made some stuff for you. Let me show you. You're a blacksmith, so I figured it might be useful. Well, I mean, I'm a blacksmith apprentice, not full fledged blacksmith yet, but I'm trying. I feel like I make it pretty

good progress and then if you look over Walter he's like shaking his head he's like no no he's not Peyton makes you guys porridge with Walter and they bring it out to the van and they knock on the window and he wakes up after an unsuccessful night of trying to pass the retainer in bear form laughing

Oh my God, I forgot about that. Walter, we made you some breakfast if you want to eat when you come inside. All right. Sure, that sounds great. I could eat. While Walter is passing you porridge and spoons and stuff like that, Peyton leads you to the little forge, little blacksmithery that's connected to Walter's house. And he goes, okay, so what I did was I made... Is this Peyton? Oh, sorry, sure. Okay, so what I did was... Peyton, you're picking up some of Walter's speech patterns. So,

So Peyton's like, what I did was...

I made versions of like the weapons that you guys used, but I made them better. I made them rowdier. I made them crazier. So if you want to, Peyton offers you weapons that are identical to the ones that you're currently using, except instead of plus whatever for their attack, they're minus one. But if they hit, they already do double damage. And if you crit with them, they do quadruple damage. Will these spiked and unchucks do double damage to my nuts? Oh, you bet they will. Yeah.

I nod solemnly and grab them. So they're basically, they look a lot like your weapons, but they're more like metal. Like they've got spiky shit all over them and stuff. And they look very amateur. How did you get all this broken glass on the end of these nunchucks? I did practice, man. It took a while. Well, there's this a skill like a blacksmith. I was several times told to not do that. And he still managed to do it. So I don't know. They make him happy. I'm calling these.

Payden Chucks in my thing here. I grab the axe. I go, hey, did you name these weapons? What is this bad boy named? Well, I figured you could name them. Is this Payden or I was asking Payden.

Oh, I keep forgetting the voice. They're so close. Okay, so Payton goes, I didn't name them. I figured you could because, like, the person who, like, wields the sword gets to name it, I always feel like. You know what, Payton? This multi-tool that's really rusty and has a couple nails sticking out of it is super pretty, and I'm going to name it the thanks, Payton. I like this gift.

Great. Yeah. I mean, that's... How much? How much what? How much did I make? I made four of them and I gave them to you. How much you're asking for? Oh, I can know. This is a gift. This is a gift. You got me out of bully wogs and now into the hand of a bully wog. I don't think you understand. We are very wealthy now. Cool. Great. Very wealthy. I mean...

It's not about money, baby. I lived that blood money life. I fought in the unfortunate foster children tournaments and the people who fought for money, they were the ones who went down the quickest. What do you mean it's not about money? Those are the ones that stayed in the longest. Listen, everything I've ever learned in my life is that it's about money.

I'd be like, okay, whatever. It's your truth, man. Whatever gets you there. I want to ask if Peyton has any business card weapons. Peyton says, oh yeah, absolutely. That's your signature weapon. So I just, I made these babies. And he gives you a couple of metal business cards that have sharpened edges. They have like Ron Stampler chiseled into them by hand. Well, could you put Peyton on them? Cause like, you know, they're your business cards. I'm just wielding them. Uh, okay. You sure? It's, it's not going to help your brand. Yeah.

No, I mean, I'll help your... I just want your name on the cards, kiddo. Cool, awesome. So he takes a chisel and he chisels his name into all of them. That's right. My name is Ron F. Stampler Payden, the fourth Esquire. I take a sharpie and I write my name on the blade. I say, hey, Payden, this is why I named it. And I turn around and it's Payden, but spelled Pay-den. And there's like big lightning bolts coming out.

Fuck you. Hell yeah. Fuck you. Shit yeah. Fuck yeah. Thank you, Peyton. Walter's like, again with the language, please. I've tried so hard to make him stop coasting and he loves to coast. Hey, Walter. Yeah, we'll tell him. You deal with weapons, so certainly you know where the best sellswords are in this realm, yeah? Where would we go if we wanted to hire an army of mercenaries? Well, the cheapest ones...

are in Meadowshade. We don't need the cheapest ones. The most loyal ones are in Neverwinter. Oh, is loyalty a problem with mercenaries here? It can be after a period of time. Basically, they can just decide if you pay them well enough, they'll just fuck off. Oh, now I'm doing it. We look to the side and there's a swear jar and it's overflowing. Okay, so there is a place called Diofrat.

Dire Frats? Yeah, that was sent in by Eileen Klaus. Thank you for that name. You wanted it to be a character, but sorry, it's a good name for a shift. Dire Frats is a really good name for a place. It's like the college town. It's a bunch of fucking... A bunch of chads. Oh, it's probably where fucking Yeet Bigly was born. Dire Frats. Dire Frats. There's another one. Paul Cavassier submitted this. There's a small village called Don Cheadle. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

That has a lot of really good soldiers for it. Named after the Don who owned the place. Yeah, yeah. Mr. Cheadle founded that town. And he belonged to a crime family, hence the Don. And so he has some of the most brutal mercenaries that you can hire. Do you think any of them, you've all seen Indiana Jones, right? The last thing I want is like, because we're like the four of us are pretty, we're all for Indiana Jones at this point. We're doing pretty good dads. So I feel like what I don't want is for us to be right there. And then they turn around because they're scared.

So, like, we're going to... Where are we going again, Henry? We're going to Castle Ravenloft to save our children. Yes. So, again, I'm very excited. Yeah. I'm very excited about saving... So I want to make sure that the mercenaries... So do you think there are mercenaries that would turn away from going to Ravenloft? Oh, man. Yeah. Unless you went for the pretty expensive ones. No, that's good. Don't go cheap. You don't want to go cheap on Ravenloft. You're going to Ravenloft? Oh, man.

Oh, man. That's in Barovia. Barovia sucks. Oh, that sucks. Why does Barovia suck? Well, Barovia sucks because there was this guy, Strahd, this vampire, and he sort of took it over, and a lot of bad stuff happened, and then somebody killed Strahd, I assume whoever the heck has your kids, so that entire place is still kind of cloaked in permanent darkness and cold and shadow. It sucks. It's bad. And Peyton's saying, oh, right, right, right. So, yeah, there was something I wanted to give you, Daryl, something that was going to help with that. Oh, crap, I can't fight it. Shit.

you know it's always the last place you look for it yeah i'll find it later i'll find it later sorry do you remember what it was no it's a surprise i don't want to ruin it a surprise yeah don't yeah oh i'm excited well now now i'll be surprised you'll still be surprised when you give it to me yeah i hope so let's find out we still have that charm that we won right that like yes disguises things yes it keeps you basically invisible from like divination magic that's trying to find where you are okay so we definitely have hung that as like

Fuzzy dice on the minivan. Yeah, the amulet or whatever. I will throw one thing out just as a cautionary note, my fellow dads, which is, you know, I remember this one time I wanted to get a really fancy gift for Mercedes O. Garcia. Like I wanted to get her a fancy new watch and...

I went to what I thought was a reputable watch dealer, flashing my cash around. Next thing I know, I got sold a bootleg watch and I got ripped off and I was out all my money. As they say, a fool and his money often soon separated. I can't remember exactly how that phrase goes. So I just, I do worry a little bit about the four of us with a big bundle of cash marching up to like a group of heavily armed people that are professional warriors and like, you know, getting robbed or something like that.

Do they have bonded mercenaries in this world? Is there like a Craigslist sort of? Yeah. Not a Craigslist. That would be the exact opposite of what I want. Yeah, we don't want the Craigslist situation, you know. That's if you want to get cummed on. We want to hire Craigslist roommates. Wait, what? Wait, what? What's happened to you when you bought something? I mean, that's just what Craigslist is good for. It's just getting nutted on. Craigslist has... When's the last time you used Craigslist? I mean, that's if I want to get cummed on. Yeah!

This, I'm so sorry, everyone listening to this show. So Walter D. Morrill says the higher up in cost you get for the mercenaries, the more their reputation matters to them. So the less likely it is that they'll turn on you. I mean, Henry, I think the move here is going to be like deposit in a bank and any reputable institution will have some sort of, you know, escrow service or something. We just work it that way. We should use the financial institutions that they have in place here. Listen,

I don't think that we need an escort service if we're as good as scamming as the people who might scam us. We're in a city with a reputable bank, and I feel like, guys, we need to deposit this so that we have it in. So you have like a check to give mercenaries. Well, you're not going to like this because Peyton told me the story of what happened when you left there. But the most reputable bank in the realms is definitely Endeavor with her. Hmm.

Question about Neverwinter. How bribable are they? Peyton told me that you told him that there was a cult there, and cult people are generally not that bribable. Here's my thought. The most reputable mercenaries are in Neverwinter. The most reputable bank is in Neverwinter. To your point...

The last thing I want to do is march up to Ravenloft with an army that's going to turn tail and run or stab us in the back. That seems like an undue risk. Now, I know we upset some people in Neverwinter vis-a-vis the pyramid, which, again, was not really our fault. We kind of bit off more than we could chew. But here's my thought. Why don't we go to Neverwinter? We'll deposit our money.

We'll hire an army of mercenaries. We'll test their mettle against the pyramid. And if they're good enough to roll through the pyramid, we know they're good enough to fight whatever's coming at them at Ravenloft. That's good. And we get the treasure in the pyramid for some extra money and to pay them more. Yeah, and we can re-up on the treasure. It's an investment that pays off over the long run like an index fund. Now, here's the question.

Now, here's the question, though, Henry, because there are some states where the moment you cross state lines, they pick you up and throw us in jail and we have to forfeit all of our riches, man. Oh,

look, I, you know, I try to stay out of politics, but you know, I don't feel like I'm saying anything too controversial when I say that wealthy people have an easier time with law enforcement than non-wealthy people. So I understand your point, Glenn, but I think if we come into this town as men of means, I think we'll be able to make it work. And plus just,

on a karmic level, I do feel like we need to balance out some of the sins that, you know, we're committed either actively or passively by us. And we should, again, if you want to talk about like, you know, if we want to leave like a blind trust for P-A-E-D-E-N, you know, I think that's great. I also think we should maybe see if there's something we can do to help the people of Neverwinter. Peyton, he was talking about us giving you some money and I flip him that diamond I took. He grabs the diamond out of there and he goes, whoa!

Did you just propose to him? It's not on a ring. It's just a diamond. It's just a diamond. Are you sure? This is a lot. Don't spend that all at once. You're 12, so... Walter's like, you wouldn't give that to me. Yeah, Walter, you're going to take care of it, right? Yeah, I feel like I should probably have that. Give some of it to the town. Make sure Peyton has taken care of it. It's like $2,000 gold. Yeah, I know. It should work for everything and for everybody. That could be taken out of my share if that's what happens. Great. Just tell him to be back on his feet. No time. Yeah, for sure. I think...

I think we got to go to Neverwinter. Oh, I didn't want to say, Walter, do you think you could whip up a new rear axle for the Honda Odyssey? Oh, whoa, whoa. What is this thing? Oh, have we not shown you the Odyssey of Honda? Wait, he saw this early on. Yeah. That's stupid. No, no, no, no, no. We pop open the hood and he sees for the first time in the Forgotten Realms, a functioning, indestructible,

internal combustion engine and all the requisite parts. Hey, Walter. What the fuck is that? You're looking at the guts of the beast. That's what you're looking at. Oh, my God. Walter, you're a man who works with metal. I would say take some sketches here. I think there's something in here that you might eventually make a lot of dough from. Oh, man. Everything's coming up, Walter.

So he takes some sketches and he looks at the cracked rear axle. So he goes, I think I know what to do. I think I know what to do here. And he just sort of fixes it like over the course of, you know, 12 hours. Yeah, it's like a bar. It's a well. I think we should probably head to Neverwinter because let's be honest, if someone's going to try to take our money based off of what we've done, I think we'll be okay. We'll be able to handle it. Okay. Well, Walter, the immoral Payton, we must leave you once again and go find our sons. And, you know, hopefully everything works out okay.

Peyton isn't around. Walter's just like, yeah, I'll let him know. Oh, geez, where'd Peyton run off to? I was really hoping we'd get to say goodbye to him. He said it would be really hard to say goodbye to you a second time, so I think he might just be in his... The door to his womb is kind of locked, so I think he's just in there. Well, if I were him and I came across people as endowed with riches, I would sneak into their car and just try to follow them and just be as rich as they are. Not saying that he did that. I'm just saying...

I would want to be rich. But I am rich. Well, just let me know we said bye. I understand. The boy needs a space. Just let me know we said bye. I'll see you guys back around, I guess. Okay, well, goodbye, Peyton! For the park that you're going to build, I assume you got a plot or something already picked out for when you get in the town, Beck Osfeet. It's Glenn with two N's. The Glenn Close Park for... Two N's. Yeah, I'll definitely do that for sure. Perfect. Okay, cool. Yeah. I fucking hate that guy.

And he puts another dollar, and he puts a diamond in his swear jar.

You drive past beautiful grows of trees that are colors that you can't even describe with your words. And fucking I hate doing imagery. Anthony, that's what people who listen to D&D podcasts are so horny for. Yeah. Like they will. A Tolkien-esque vacation to another world. Come on, Anthony. Fucking give it to me, man. All right. I want a fucking picture of my brain. You drive past rivers that smell like chocolate. You drive past. Chocolate rivers. Hold on. We got to pull over. Oh, no. This is why.

This is why you don't do imagery. This is why you don't give fucking sensory details. We all pee in the river and then we jump back in the van and we keep going. Okay, so now the river smells like pee. Congratulations. As you pull up to the outskirts of Neverwinter, Ron, you hear a... Yeah? Yeah.

Oh, never mind. Wait, what? What's a brawn? I said, yeah. And then I said, never mind. Okay. Oh, okay, Ron. Sounds good. Ron, right? Ron. So in the trunk behind you, underneath the pile of clothes, you see a little face poke out. It's exactly what you said. The thing that you said, that's what I did. I pretend to be on my phone, but I haven't like rolled or anything.

Yeah, that's why I said, because it's a smart plan. Because I am super rich, and you can be too. And this is a multi-level mark. I'm trying to scam, Peyton. I don't care about money. I just like hanging out with you guys. Could you make sure they're not going to like drive me back though? Oh, of course not. I mean like, Peyton, you're a rich boy now, and rich people can do anything. I'm not rich.

Do we roll to see if we eventually hear this conversation? Yeah, why don't you roll perception? I rolled a 16. Oof. A 9. I rolled a 3. I'm in the front window world now. I'm here in the landscape. So only Henry, you hear something back. Hey, Ron, what's going on back there? Who are you talking to? Uh...

I'm just practicing my rich voice. You're practicing. Oh, okay. Peyton gives you a surreptitious thumbs up like, nice. Fuck. Ron's practicing his rich voice, guys. That checks out. I say, I'm rich in family and friends. And I give Peyton a wink. Hey, Ron, this one's for you. And I put on money, money, money. Yeah.

Yes. That's what that song's called. So how are you handling the approach to Neverwinter? Paint the picture of when we approach Neverwinter. Because I actually forget, is there like a gated city? Yes. So there's a gate that used to have the sign of the doodler on it. You can see from a distance that they just ripped it up. They didn't even rip it down. Somebody just like fucking slashed at it with a sword or some shit. Neverwinter's the one with a pyramid. That's what happened. It feels like the right way to do this is to send an ambassador and then negotiate this out. Do you know what I mean? Like in the fifth element, yeah. Like in the fifth element. You guys saw the fifth element, right?

Are you talking? This is Glenn kind of looking in the distance like that was a good movie. So, OK, first of all, I have seen the fifth element and that movie's bullshit. There's way more elements than five elements and they're all specific types of building blocks of the natural world. And so I just thought that what's the fifth one? Because they don't say it's not there's only five elements. It's just signaling out the fifth element.

It's Boron, you morons. That's a little geology humor. That's not really geology humor. It's just more like science humor, but that's a classic joke. Wait, is that what the movie's about, Boron? No, I think it's about like, I just remember Chris Tucker's in it. Anyway, so we're- I so badly want Peyton to sit up and be like, it's love. The fifth element is love. Okay, so I do think we should approach with caution. It feels like maybe a disguise or two is in order.

Point of order, how long has it been since we were in Neverwinter? It's been like a month, basically. It's been a month. There's no photos. There's no security cameras or anything like that, right? So on the road up to Neverwinter, you can see a bunch of wanted posters, you know, nailed into trees that are sort of poor doodles of all of you. The one that is weirdly the most like accurate is Ron, just because of his weird visage. It's just easier to sort of remember. Mm-hmm.

But yeah, you can definitely see that. They're fans. They have posters up. Wanted dead or alive, 300 gold coin reward. And we can keep this beast running and, you know, maybe scream out to them saying we want to talk to the authorities and kind of, you know, parlay a deal. Yeah, call in like the chief of police or something and try and make a deal here. Yeah, they don't have anything faster than a car. So like. So we just kind of lay on the horn. That's what you're saying. Yeah, lay on the horn.

Call the neighbors out. See what's up. I just feel like maybe that'll result in a big old army of people coming after us and attacking us. I'm rich now and can't afford fancy costumes. I am going to disguise myself as...

I'm just a little... As Payton? Yeah, I'm gonna... And then Ron turns to the backseat and then is like trying to engage eye contact with Payton while... Yeah, I'm gonna pretend to be Payton. I can actually do a really, really good Payton impression because I am an actor. If we could send in Ron as Payton and then have him find the chief of police and then do that, that would probably be a little more low-key way of doing it than just blaring the horn. Well, you guys pretend to be...

dead and then they'll bring you in and then you'll be right at the center of the action.

I mean, look, we're a team here. So if you three want to do that, I just want to know, is deception the key? Like, I'm just a little worried about us being like in the middle and being seen. Whereas like the goal that we want is very simple, which at some point they're going to know that it's us and we're going to have to deal with giving them some money and then hiring people here. It's a very simple question. Do we want to call them out here to talk to us or do we want to risk going in there talking to them? And we're going to go in there talking to them. Do we want to disguise ourselves or send somebody? Glenn has a spell called Disguise Self.

Oh, I could disguise myself and like stroll in and be a sort of third party emissary. I think we should do what I believe the teens call a vibe check.

And so I would suggest that it sounds like Glenn has a way of disguising himself and could maybe do like a vibe check on the town and maybe contact the chief of police and be like, hey, I'm an emissary. I represent the dads. They have a bunch of money. And then once we get a little initial recon info from Glenn, we can figure out a next step in terms of how best to handle the Neverwinter situation.

Okay. I'll admit I'm a little concerned that Glenn's going to get captured or something. Well, here's what I'll do. One of you guys give me your phone, and if something goes bad, I'll send a text message saying, like, shit got rowdy. Where's your phone? I love that rowdy. Well, mine ran out of batteries. You can have mine. Just don't look at the text messages or the photos. Okay.

And Henry has a pair of those Apple AirPods. So I give them to Glenn so that we can be on speakerphone with him and he can tell us what's going on. Perfect. Great. Preventing this from being a podcast where one guy talks to one guy. Legends and dragons. All right. By the way, I just I rolled a 10. So the phone stays on. OK, cool. All right. I'm down for it. Let's I think, you know, maybe give you one of our gems so you can show, you know, that we did indeed come into some wealth and do your best to kind of get safe passage to go talk to them. All right.

Okay. Yeah, I know. Matt's worried. That's like we could just talk about. Let's do it. All right. So what do you do? So I'm going to cast disguise self. Disguise self lets me make myself, including clothing, armor, et cetera, et cetera, look like someone else. I've gotten a lot of costumes. I can piece together bits and stuff of cloth and what have you. And I would like to look like a standard average traveler entering the town. Okay. Now, that was a question in terms of, I mean, like,

a man of means, right? Like a guy with a little bit of wealth. What's the foot traffic like going into Neverwinter? As you approach on foot, the drawbridge lowers and you see a couple of small caravans of like some haggard looking families leaving, seemingly having packed up all their shit and trying to go somewhere else. You see like one or two

mercenary looking dudes walking into the town kitted out in far more armor than a person should have on a normal day. Maybe be able to what you know there to try to try their luck against the thing inside the pyramid. Oh, it's like become like a depot for adventurers to try and hit the pyramid, huh? Yeah, it could be interesting. All right. I'm going to grab drinks for all of us so we can have some drinks and listen to glance. I go in the back and I open the trunk.

So roll perception with advantage. 15-0 plus what perception? Oh, shit. Okay, so you see, as you open the trunk of the Odyssey, you see a rustle of clothes and something move beneath all those clothes. Like there's something in the trunk. Guys, there's something in this trunk. A thief! An animal? It's pretty small. It could be a small thief. Okay, well, maybe see what it is. All right. I lean. I go very slowly.

Hey, whoever's in there, if something's in there, watch out. I don't want to hurt you. Daryl blindly stabs the whatever's in there is just frozen completely. Oh, I guess there's nothing. I wink at Henry. Henry gives Daryl a thumbs up. Oh, no. Oh, no.

What do you think I'm going to do? The same thing that happened last time. I thought that too, but I believe you, I want to do that, but he doesn't know his Peyton's. I'm not going to hotbox. What could be an animal or a thief? So I lift up the blanket. So you see Peyton like frozen there, like,

Payton. Guys, it's Payton. You can't see me. Payton? What on earth are you doing here, young man? No, we see you. It's an illusion. It's an illusion. I pick him up. Everybody see him? God damn it. It's Ron. That's right. It's me. It's Ron. I'm Ron Stampler. And I'm Payton. I'm emotionally detached stepdad. Wait, Ron, did you know he was in there? No. No.

I didn't do anything. I'm wrong. I'm painting. I'm on my own all the time. Look, we'll talk about this later. I'm very disappointed in you. You're so strong, Darryl. I'm disappointed in you too, Ron. You knew. I want your more best painting impression. I'm going to go hide my pants. I'm wrong. I'm going to be a fortunate foster child. Glenn here is about to risk his life. I'm fortunate to have found you, Darryl. Ron, I do say that.

All right. Well, Peyton, come up here. Don't hide in the back. We'll talk about this later. But Glenn's about to... Ron, please stop being Peyton. I think the jig's up, Ron. Okay. We did give him a run for his money. I feel like you were better than me than I was you.

Glenn, sorry. I know you must be very stressed out right now. You're about to go in the lion's den. I can't hear because I'm playing the Limp Bizkit remix of the Mission Impossible theme in my earphones. Oh my gosh. And I'm like rocking out to it. I'm like, you know, hey, I take off one ear. You know, Fred Durst gets a lot of shit, but this is a fucking great song. Da-na-na-na-na. Da-na-na-na-na.

now oh oh we going are we good okay all right go i've disguised self okay i'm gonna approach the gate i'm gonna grab one of the posters of the of the dads on it just to have on me as i'm walking through the gate so you walk through the gate and one of the blue coats at the entrance to the city holds out a hand to stop me and goes uh what is your business here oh i'm inquiring about uh oh i gotta do i can do a cool voice now too i'm inquiring about the nature

of this bounty. The weird dads? Yeah. Indubitably. I mean, they basically killed a bunch of people here, so if you want to, like, find them and bring them in, that'll, that'll, we'll give you... I'd like to have a word with your guard inspector about the nature of this bounty. Boreanaz? Yeah, yeah. I mean, Boreanaz is up in the Bluecoat Precinct. Ah, indeed.

Indeed. Oh, he's that way. Oh, yeah, you can go talk to him. Oh, thank you. You seem fine. Thank you. You seem cool enough. Hey, Glenn, this is Henry. You're doing great. Just keep it up. You're doing a really good job. Guys, you heard that, right? Roll deception. Just so you know what the mechanics are for this. To discern that you are disguised, a creature can use its action to inspect your appearance and must succeed on an intelligence investigation. Okay, then never mind, because he had no reason to believe you were lying. So he's not going to investigate you. I bet Boreanaz will.

before he has to find out. As you re-enter the town proper, you see most prominently by far the massive pyramid that you sort of spawned into existence by throwing the beans last time you were here. You see a bunch of construction scaffolding and stuff like they were trying to maybe destroy the pyramid, but if

It feels like it's not working because there's no cracks in the pyramid or anything like that. You see some people being carried out of the pyramid on stretchers. I flag down a nearby local looking person. Okay. You see an old woman. Madam, I have a question. What want ye, newcomer? This pyramid. I've heard tell of it.

And the tail is across the land. Yes. To what degree is this a nuisance to this town? How do you feel about it? Like, I'm trying to get like what they call a vibe check, if you will. My vibe is that it's a pain right in the taint. We had a flourishing. Pain in the taint is a much better turn of phrase. Pain in the taint has a little rhyme to it. There's quite Emily Dickinson in it.

Yeah, that's all a coincidence. That's my name. Emily! Yeah, we had this nice community going. We all believed in this one thing and bringing it back and changing the world and everything. Everything was great. And then this pyramid came out of nowhere just randomly, just like a roll of destiny's dice, and it appeared on our doorstep and killed like, you know, a couple hundred people. And now we've got adventurers coming. A couple hundred people? Yeah. It's very large. Daryl makes us have the cross.

Henry turns pale. He had not considered how many people were in the tower that got crushed. Some people tried to make lives themselves, but with this big thing in the center of the town, it was this constant reminder of the people they lost. So we lost a lot of our population. What has the local government done about it?

Local government's kind of been in a shambles, really. Like, Boreanaz are sort of sheriff slash, you know, he was leading us in attempting to bring back the doodler. And it kind of ruined him because for a while they thought that the thing inside might have been the doodler, but then it started killing a lot of people. And we thought, that's not what the doodler does. The doodler doesn't suck people's juices out through their noses. That's odd.

And so he's kind of just been planning some other way of maybe bringing him back. I don't know. He kind of just broke him. He's just a shattered remains of what used to be a man, if I can be so bold. Hmm. Very well. Thank you, Emily. No, no problem at all. Oh.

This is weighing heavy on my conscious fellow dads. The chaos, the pyramid rot, you know, we kind of hightailed it out of there and I never really stopped her. And obviously, you know, we saw the effect it had on CERN, but I didn't really comprehend how it had devastated an entire town. You know, I know they were trying to summon a big bad monster, it sounds like. Some big bad voodoo daddy. A big bad voodoo daddy, as it were. But the... I'm sorry. It's just flashback to middle school. Yeah.

just awkward dances where it's like, this is the thing we're all dancing to? Okay. I feel like since it was the forces of chaos unleashed by us that resulted in the devastation of this town and it was us coming into this world that's caused all these problems and then it was again the forces of randomness that brought this money to us. I kind of feel like we should give the money to Neverwinter so they can rebuild. Daryl's like, I...

I understand where you're coming from, Henry, but one, I think that's about you trying to fix your own guilt. Let's not forget that when we came here, they were literally having pits where they kill people. And two, it's like, look, I have no problem donating some money, but we got a lot of stuff going on, including going to another town that probably needs money because we've heard that Ravenloft's a terrible place. I don't think that we can just throw out our entire plan to save our kids plus take down an evil town called Ravenloft because we feel guilty about something that, yes, we were a cause of, but...

frankly was also pure chaos and fog of war and all that. It feels a little wild to get rid of all of our money. But hey, you know, your split is your split. If you want to give it to them, you can. What do you guys want to do? Hold on. I think we got power. I'm heading back. You don't want to go Boreanaz? I don't think it's going to do us any good. It sounds like the whole town is set up against us. I can't disguise all of us. It feels like I need to be able to negotiate this. We could send in Peyton. Could you just go talk to the mercenaries? Why do we need to talk to Boreanaz? That's actually not a thing. Why don't you just go find the mercenaries and be like, hey, come meet us outside of town. Let's go hire the mercenaries.

Oh, here's a plan. Henry, wouldn't it make you feel better if we got rid of the big demon in the pyramid? That's true. That would be one way to help them. And there's a lot of treasure in there. Yeah, which they could use to rebuild their town. Yes, and we would still get the mercenaries to go destroy Ravenloft and do a lot of good there and find our kids. It feels like we could all win. Okay, I could get on board with that, I think, as long as I don't think about it.

out it too hard. All right. Yeah, I would say then, yeah, we should maybe steer clear of Boreanaz and go contact whoever is the head of, you know, see if there's a mercenary guild we can hire and maybe we can meet with them outside the town. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm going to go and look for the mercenary guild, like wherever the merc... Is there a mercenary part of town or something like that? Yeah, so there's a mercenary company called Bad Dogs that I...

That are basically in the corner of town. They're one of the few places remaining in Neverwinter that feels as well put together as it was before. Everything else is in chaos. The bad dogs are a bastion of consistency amongst all this chaos. It's a very clean building, brutalist architecture. Two guards standing outside looking very confident, great posture. The height of professionalism. They have brutalism in the dead. They do. It's different though. There's a lot of dead bodies on walls and...

Okay, so yeah, I'm going to go in and talk to whoever's manning the place. When you enter the Bad Dogs Mercenary Guild, there is a guy sitting at the front desk saying, ah, hello, do you have an appointment or... Oh, yeah, I was looking to, um... I was looking to hire some man of mercenary. Okay, uh...

Your entire operation, in fact. Our entire operation? I'd like to speak to your leader. Ask him how many mercenaries they have. How many mercenaries do you have here at this operation? At this particular branch, there are a hundred of us, but one of the great things about the Bad Dogs mercenary companies that we have, branches all over clandestinely. Like, this is the one place you can come and hire us, but we can assemble ultimately depending on when you want us to show up. This is like the flagship Whole Foods in Pasadena. Exactly.

We don't like to say exactly how many of us there are, but I'm sure that whatever your needs are, we can meet those needs. I represent a significant source of wealth, and I'd like to hire many mercenaries. Okay. Let me go get my boss, Captain Cabbage Patch. And a seven-foot-tall beanpole of a man comes out with a pencil-thin mustache, and he says, Benedict Cabbage Patch, nice to meet you. Oh, my God. Oh!

That name was from Anton Nguyen. Thank you for that name. I hate that name and I hate Antoine. Well, his name's Anton. Oh, Anton.

Okay, go on. Keep doing your Benedict Cumberbatch. No, my name is Benedict Cumberbatch. Benedict. Yes, sir. Yes. I'm now realizing I show sort of the same voice as you. We've added a fifth goofy accent to the episode. To my repertoire. Benedict, Benedict, Benedict. Yes, I'd like to hire you for a significant amount of money.

And you and your man. Don't say we're going to ask, say how many people we want. We want a lot of people. Okay. Mention the money again. What kind of funds are we dealing with? Because we have a sliding scale depending on the severity of the need that you have. Well, tell me what a lot of this buys. And I pull out the one piece of jewelry that you've given me to sort of show off. His mustache falls off. Oh,

And he says, holy mother of, that is at least 2,000 gold coins worth of jewelry. Good eye, my man. That's quite a bit where this came from. I mean, that on its own could be 20 men. We should get an estimate on how much it would cost to assault Castle Ravenloft. Also, Cliff, right, he's doing a quick trick where he just said a lie and he's going to make that normal. He meant 200 men if it's $10 per person. Oh, sorry, I did the math wrong. 20 men. Yeah.

Glenn, push back. So you know how much they cost. I know how much these men cost. 200. I just had to try and play hardball. I'd like to take two estimates from you. Yes. How many men do you think it would take to assault this pyramid in the town that's causing so much of a ruckus? Now, the pyramid, we have taken a very clear stance on we are not going to invade the pyramid of our own volition. People have requested us. Nobody's been able to afford our rates. We feel that a

good, clean 50 men could probably clear out the interior of that pyramid. I hold true to that. And if I'm wrong, there is no money-back guarantee, but I will be very embarrassed. That's the Cabbage Patch guarantee.

You can hire my army of cabbage patch kids. Well, but one of the jewels I showed him was... So a quarter of a jewel. Yeah. Okay. And then what about if we were to mount an assault on Castle Ravenloft? Castle Ravenloft. Castle Ravenloft. He grows a new mustache and that mustache... Castle Ravenloft. You wish to siege Castle Ravenloft in Barovia? Well, that would surely require at least...

His mustache moves across his face, like, like migrates up his cheek or on his forehead. The mustache gets off and starts writing equations on the wall. That's a difficult thing to predict because when you get into Barovia, that's a land of very dark magics, the likes of which most people do not return from, but

As the leader of the bad dogs, I have said no job is too terrifying and no rate is too terrifying. But if we're talking about Castle Ravenloft with the late Strahd Von Zarovich, that is a 30-story castle with parapets and a bridge. The thing about Castle Ravenloft, as a military man myself, there is only one point of egress. It is an

island amongst mountains with only a small land bridge connecting it to the surrounding environs. So that's a very difficult place to assault. It's very easy to defend. If I had my druthers, and oh would I have my druthers, we would have people coming in from the sky. We would have people ascending from the back using picks to climb the mountain. We would have a main force along the thoroughfare trying to bash down the door. It would be oh, it would be glorious. How much, baby? And that requires around 500 people. How do we get this money into your hands then?

We operate essentially on a 75-25 policy where you pay 75 of the funds up front to an escrow, which then releases to us. It's a literal crow. Yeah, it's a crow named S. And.

It's in the fucking window. You give it to that escrow and he takes it to a bank and they hold it and then the remaining 25 you pay after the fact win, lose, or draw. The escrow is to guarantee that if we bug out and don't do the job, which we would never do because we have 100% completion rate even if not 100% success rate, that you could get your money back from the crow. So do we want to do Pyramid or do we want to just go straight for Ravenloft? I think we gotta do both. I mean, we have 7 million dollars. Yes.

2.2, but yeah, okay. All right, I think we got a deal. Ron, are you signing off? Ron, you're the businessman. What do you think? Okay. All right, look, you got three yeses over here, Glenn. I want to put the money down to assault the pyramid. Perfectly. First, I'm just going to need your name. I need you to fill out this form. And so, yeah, he hands you the form. And the first thing it says is name. I'll put Stevie Nicks.

Okay, so he looks at that and he looks at your face and he goes, you don't seem like much of a Stevie. Stevie's a, what do you mean? Stevie's a cool name. I mean, Stevie's a cool name. Okay, that definitely. Okay, so he's going to roll in and what does he have to do? An intelligence check? A creature can use action to inspect your appearance

An intelligence against my spell save DC. You should have said a fancier name, Glenn. So what's your spell save DC? That's 14. So he goes like, there's something. Wait a second. Wait a moment. Wait a moment. And then everybody back in the van, you hear static on the comm. And then it suddenly cuts out. Glenn!

These stupid AirPods, they short out every time. They're so unreliable. Can I do like a slinky, like get away type of role or something? Like a... Walk into the other room with me. Okay, hold on. What is happening? Clearly he's got caught, but we're not supposed to know what's happening because, yeah, we wouldn't know. So I can narrate for the audience. Anthony has literally snuck into Freddie's bedroom and now they are talking about what happened between Glenn and the mercenaries. So...

They come back and they're like, no. Freddy will email me the results of his role. Okay, so we'll keep that away from everybody else. Okay. All right, so the static cut out in the van. The static cut out. And after, you know. What happened to Glenn? Glenn, are you there? Peyton's like, I can go out and get him. Do you need to get him? No, no, no. Stay where you are. Stay where you are. Everyone stay calm. Okay, so after what feels like way too long of like waiting and keeping you in suspense, you hear fists like beating on the door. Of the van?

Yeah. Guys. Glenn. Glenn. What happened, dude? The AirPods cut out. Like, we lost contact. Oh, yeah, man. You got to charge these.

So good news and bad news. Okay. They know who we are. That's the bad news. Yeah, I expected that would happen. But the good news is since they're dirty mercenaries, all they care about is money. So we just got to pay a little bit extra and they'll keep their mouth shut. Which we got plenty. I rolled high. I rolled high. You rolled high. Okay. Okay. Okay. Anyway, yeah, they just want that down payment. They got the escrow here to take it and we're ready to assault. So where are we keeping these things? How much are they going to take for it?

They just want three jewels. Three jewels? Dang, Glenn, good job, man. Wow, Henry's genuinely impressed that this went well. So I'm going to walk to the back and knock on the back to open the trunk. All right, I guess open the trunk for her. Which you can do automatically. There's a button to your left if you're in the driver's seat that will automatically open. I know how the Odyssey works. I roll down the side window by accident first, and I go, oh, shit, and I open up the back. No, you probably opened the side door accidentally because those buttons are next to each other.

So do we all need to go or just what's the deal? No, no, no, guys, I got this. I'll be the sort of representative of the group. So I'm going to get the jewels and walk away. Okay, well, all right, let us know how it goes, I guess. Do we wait here? What do we do? And then moments later... Guys! You guys, you got carried! Guys, they're after us! They figured it out! They figured out we gotta go!

We just saw you. What happened? What do you mean you just saw me? Glenn just knocked on the door. As you say that, I just saw you. Your phone rings. No! Is it my phone? Yeah, Ron, your phone rings. Ron's phone. Ron speaking. Thank you, sucker!

It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright You might, cause that's just life All you do is try and it'll be alright

If you're not French, I'm definitely pronouncing that wrong.

Matthew Nolan, Jeffrey Harris, and Murray M Moss. Just one of the many people putting the team on their back and helping support this podcast through our Patreon, which is at patreon.com slash dungeons and dads. Now our Patreon folks already know this, but as you heard at the top of the episode, our merch store is now finally open. Yay. We have a selection of five fine enamel pins for sale now at dungeons and daddies.com. Or if you prefer Ron dot business, uh, we got rocks, rock pin, a hot dice, flaming D 20 pin, uh,

thing of Ron hiding in his pants why are you still listening to me describe things they're pictures it's it's so much easier to just look at the pictures you can see those pictures at dungeonsanddaddies.com and click on the merch button at the top of the page so if you want to support the podcast but aren't ready to commit to a monthly thing like the patreon have a look at our merch store and see if there's anything there that tickles your fancy we are at dungeons and dads on twitter bit.ly slash dungeon dads for that private facebook group r slash dungeons and daddies for that subreddit

Next episode is coming at you December 10th. Happy Thanksgiving to all the Americans listening and to all the Americans listening. If you have a frozen turkey, it's like Tuesday. You need to be defrosting that like yesterday. You got to get on that. Come on, man. In any case, thanks for listening. We'll see you December 10th.

Maybe we should also kick some to start like an orphanage for all the kids. Glenn, right here, man. I go for a big hug. Yeah, we could call it the Glenn Close Academy for needy children. You know, that's fine. It was your idea. And there could be a big statue out front of me, like wailing on the guitar. And the kids will be like, oh, what's that instrument? And then all the kids, they have to sign a contract which says that I get a portion of any royalties they eventually receive. Aaron and Anthony both say, so what do you want to do?

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