WWDTM: Sam Sanders & Zach Stafford 47:20

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm the voice on Bill Curtis' voicemail, Chioki Ianson, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater in the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Chioki, and thank you, everybody. Ah.

That's what really helps our show, day drinking. Later on on our show today, we are going to be speaking to two of the hosts of the hit podcast, Vibe Check, Zach Stafford and Sam Sanders. Now, Sam, of course, used to be a colleague of ours at NPR, and I am so excited to ask him what it is like to finally be able to swear into a microphone.

And then watch his reaction when he realizes that he can't again.

But first, we want you to watch your manners when you call in to play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Hi, you were on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, my name's Mary Elizabeth, and I'm calling from Annandale, Virginia. Great. What do you do there in Annandale? So I work for a legal services nonprofit, and DC is an executive assistant. Oh, that's cool. That's cool. That's good work. So you help people who need legal services but cannot normally afford them?

So that's what we do as an organization. I just read emails all day. That's okay. Strange. So do I. Well, welcome to the show, Mary Elizabeth. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, she's a comedian that you can see at the Comedy Cellar in New York City. It's Emmy Blotnick. Hi. Hi, Mary Elizabeth. Hello. And a comedian and host of the hit podcast Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. That would be Tom Papa. Hello. Hello.

And a comedian performing on September 14th at the McInnich Arts Center in Glen Ellyn, Illinois, and host of the podcast, Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone. That would be, of course, Paula Poundstone. Hi, Paula.

So Mary Elizabeth, welcome to our show. You're going to play Who's Chioki? This time, Chioki Ianson, filling in for Bill Curtis, is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize, the voice from our show that you might want on your voicemail message. You ready to go? Absolutely. All right, let's do it. Your first quote is a pretty good example of opt.

This is an exciting time for democracy. That was senior Democratic official George Clooney in a New York Times op-ed asking Joe Biden to do what? Step down from the Democratic nomination. Yes, to drop out of the presidential race. That's right.

So two weeks ago, Joe Biden did a debate that was organized to finally put to rest the question of whether he was too old to be president. And good news, it did.

So now President Biden is being urged to drop out of the race by all kinds of people. David Axelrod has weighed in, James Carville, and a bunch of other people who are also too old to be making important decisions. Okay, this argument over whether he can be the president or not, he is the president. He's being the president now. One night he hung his mouth open a lot. Yeah.

It happens. Which I wish he hadn't. I mean, I leave my garage door open sometimes all day and nobody tells me I have to quit. Yeah, I did. Did anybody else feel the need to lunge at the television and just push his job? You know, I've certainly enjoyed the Ocean's Eleven movies, but...

Now, we know. No, but Paul is I feel Paul is I know it's a worry because I went from girlfriend to girlfriend my whole life and I never broke up with a girlfriend unless I knew I had another girlfriend. That was a possibility. And everyone's saying we should Biden should just we should break up with him. Who's next? Like if you came in and said, we've got something solid, we could all get around it. But we're just like, let's kick him out and see what happens.

happens in the next four months? Well, that's actually one of the big questions is like if Biden were to drop out, who would then run as the Democratic candidate for president? Many people say, okay, it's obviously going to be Vice President Kamala Harris. Yes. But you know, that's not good. That's awkward. She never planned on becoming president by running when Biden is forced to drop out. She planned to become president by him dying in office.

She's been practicing. This is her sad face for four years. I'm self-employed, so when I try to get me to step down...

It's going to be obvious. Yes. All right. Mary Elizabeth, we have more news to discuss. Here is your next quote. It is a sign you might see an angry person holding up in Barcelona. Go home. That is a message seen all over that city as people there are telling who to go home.

- Tourists. - Tourists, yes, exactly. Barcelona, like a lot of major cities in Europe, is absolutely overrun with tourists this summer, making it practically unlivable for the residents. So the locals are shouting at tourists to go home, and this is true, actually squirting them with water pistols when they see them. Fortunately, fortunately not a single American, of course, speaks Spanish, so they're all like, "Oh honey, this is great, they're baptizing us."

Do we, you know, in Chicago in the summer, if someone, you were here as a tourist and somebody sprayed you with a water gun, you'd be grateful. That's true, you know. It is rather hot. It is so mercilessly hot. That is nice. Sometimes, like, wow, they do the nicest thing there. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I think this is why the campaign isn't really going to work, because when you try and kick out tourists, everybody who's there is looking at the other tourists and going, oh, look at these tourists. Yeah, I know. But I've got it. Like, they really know that, like, I could totally blend in. You know what you could do if you really didn't like tourists? This just occurred to me. Just put on a very practical suit and good walking shoes, hold up an umbrella, right? And then just lead people directly into the sea. LAUGHTER

I sometimes, when I go other places, I try to pretend that I am the tour guide. Do you really? Yeah, even though I don't know anything about anything. Like in Washington, D.C., you know, there's so many tourists there all the time. And there's always, you always see people. So I will, I'll just go up to a group of people and go, Washington, our nation's capital. Yeah.

I was in Venice, and that place, they come in with these giant cruise ships. It's terrifying. And they just dump 5,000 people there and go, go get lunch.

It's horrible. It's a horrible place. These giant, big, white, porcelain toilets with 5,000 people on them. Well, that's why in Barcelona, they're using water pistols, and in Venice, they're using torpedoes. But, I mean, all right. I mean, I get it. I get it that it's a problem, and they're trying to lower the impact of tourists on their city, but did Venice really have to put Rick Steve's head on a pike at the main entrance? Oh, my God.

Have we gone too dark? Am I reading the room correctly? Rick Steves' head on a pike? Well, you know. Mary Elizabeth, your last quote is a hypothetical situation that is posed by the Washington Post. Your boyfriend liked an Instagram model's bikini photos. Okay. Now, according to the social mores of today, that action now counts as what?

Cheating? Yes, cheating. Exactly right. Yes, cheating. Specifically, that sort of thing is now called micro-cheating, right? That's a thing now. Right. Micro-cheating. Liking a bikini model's pic or commenting on your ex's Instagram post. That is micro-cheating.

Now we are told effectively cheating on your current partner. Even if you didn't leave a comment that says also terrific sex yesterday in the motel next to your office. Well, I've been married for 24 years and I can say we have built up enough trust in our relationship that if my wife were to see that I put a little heart

on one of my ex's pages, my wife would kill me with an ax. That's great. And that kind of knowledge, that sense that you know her so deeply only comes after 24 years of marriage. 100%. We don't call it micro-cheating. No, no, no. We call it divorce. The second

about micro-cheating is you can have 10 incidents of micro-cheating and it is one cheat. That is the unit of exchange. So you get one free or is it... No, it just goes right. You carry it. You carry it. Like...

So if you could stop at nine and then go to another X, you're still safe. Yeah. I think so. A lot of really strong relationships actually have an abacus there in the kitchen. And the kids keep track. Yeah. Joki, how did Mary Elizabeth do in our quiz? With all three rights, Mary Elizabeth is a macro winner. There you are, Mary Elizabeth. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you.

Well done, and thank you so much for calling. Thanks so much. Bye-bye. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Paula, this week we learned about a hot new place for young people to grab a bite or, you know, just hang out. Where is it?

The school cafeteria. No, not quite. Something different than that? Other end of the age range. Oh. Nursing homes. Pretty much. Senior centers. Senior living centers. It's a good idea, actually. According to an article in Fast Company that was written by your grandparents, the coolest place to have lunch these days is in a senior living center. And by coolest, we mean literally. They've got the AC cranked up to freezing. They like it that way.

Senior living communities are adding cafes and restaurants open to the public to provide their residents the opportunity to mingle with the, quote, everyday person. It's a great idea, right? Because if you've been to a senior home before, you know it is the best place to walk in, meet a stranger who will tell you the saddest story you have ever heard. So wait, so they're inviting young people to just hang out in the White House? Nope.

It was lobbed in there. I know. I don't even believe it, Paula, but it was lobbed in there. Coming up, our panelists get on the historic registry. It's our Bluff the Listener game called 1-triple-8, Wait, Wait to Play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Chioki Ianson filling in for Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Tom Papa, and Amy Blotnick. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Chioki. Thank you, everybody. Thanks, everybody. Thank you.

I am excited, too, because it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game call. 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play all of our games on the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Stephanie from Longmont, Colorado. Hey, Longmont, I know that. What do you do there? I am a program manager at a medical device company. Oh. And I also manage a 15-year-old theater kid and three cats. Wow. Which is more moody?

Well, I do have a very moody cat, so they compete for moodiest. It's a tough call. Which do you find more often sitting in their room and listening to emo music? Both of them, actually.

But, you know. It'll happen. Well, welcome to the show, Stephanie. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Chioki, what is Stephanie's topic? George Washington slept here. What is the difference between an old rundown shack and a historical landmark? Apparently, a famous person taking a nap there.

This week, we found out about a new place that's probably going to get a plaque on the front door because of something that just happened. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you will win the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I'm ready. Okay, great. Your first story comes from Paula Poundstone.

While reaching for a half a watermelon on the bed of ice on the large display in the center of the produce section at the Leedy Green Grocery in Stockholm, Sweden, S. Bjorn Ekblad caught sight of a nose in the ice. He then recoiled in shock when Jane Fonda rose up from beneath the ice. Excuse me.

Ice cubes were tumbling off of Jane Fonda, says Eckblad. And then I hear peals of laughter coming from behind a cardboard nut display and Greta Thunberg steps out laughing like a hyena. Jane and I wanted to bring attention to alternatives to air conditioning, Thunberg explains. She's such a climate change warrior, she'll do anything. But maybe we hadn't thought it out quite enough. Fonda suffered frostbite on the skin surrounding her elbows and the shrinkage to her red woolen tam.

We're reducing our air conditioning use and customers tell me they really appreciated the effort, said Bengt Borensen. And our watermelon sales are the best they've ever been. Jane Fonda found under the ice in a produce section in Norway. Your next claim to fame comes from Emmy Blotnick.

When you're out and about, it can be hard to find a public bathroom. Take it from superstar musician Elton John, who was out shopping for shoes in the French city of Nice with his teenage sons when nature called. According to TMZ, after the shop owner told him there was no toilet available, Elton asked his bodyguard for an empty bottle. He stepped away from the other customers, and then he took out his Benny and turned on the jets. LAUGHTER

And what's crazier is the shop owner didn't recognize him. That might be the most shocking part of this story. A French man whose job is shoes not knowing Elton John? When he asked him what he does for a living, Elton John said, "I'm Elton John."

Again, this took place in Nice. If you want more details, just be aware that it will look like you Googled Elton John shoe store pee bottle nice. Elton John. Elton John not being nice in Nice. Your last story of a location legend comes from Tom Papa.

Big Lou's Pizzeria had been a mainstay of Bayonne, New Jersey since it opened in 1965. But it wasn't until Joe Pesci came in last week and ate 25 chicken parmesan sandwiches in one sitting that it became famous. Everyone was excited just to see him, said owner Big Lou Primo. He came in and ordered a chicken parm sandwich and a Diet Coke. But then the guy next to him says, be careful, that's a big sandwich for such a little guy.

Joe was really P.O.'d. His eyes got red, smoke poured out of his ears, and I swear, he stood at the counter and ate that sandwich in two bites. Then Joe turns to the guy and says, watch this, you big mouth, and he orders two more sandwiches. The irritated star of my cousin Vinny proceeded to order sandwich after sandwich. A crowd started to form, and not just because there was nothing else to do in Bayonne.

By the time he was done, Joe Pesci had eaten 25 chicken parms, ordered a cannoli for dessert, and kicked the guy right in his profiteroles. And Big Lou's Pizzeria was on the map. All right. That's all it takes.

Someday soon, there will be a place in the world with a plaque on it marking an important occasion. Will it be from Paula Poundstone, a grocery store in Norway that'll say Jane Fonda was found under ice in our produce section?

Will it be from Emmy Blotnick, a shoe store in Nice with a sign saying Elton John peed in a bottle inside here? Or from Tom Papa, a pizzeria in Bayonne with a sign saying Joe Pesci himself ate 25 chicken parm sandwiches on this date? Which of these is the real plaque that might be? I'm going Elton John. You can't mess with Elton John. Seminole.

Musician that he is. All right, your choice then is Emmy's story of Elton John relieving himself in a bottle in a shoe store in Nice. Well, to bring in the correct answer, we spoke to someone who in fact reported on the real story. The sneaker shop owner was upset and he asked him what he did for a living and Elton John said, I'm Elton John. I'm Elton John.

That was Danielle Cholosky, an editor and writer at Stereogum, reporting on Sir Elton's makeshift John. So you got it right. Emmy was in fact telling the truth. She has a point. You earn a prize. Congratulations. Awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you for playing. Thank you.

And now the game where we ask people about things they know nothing about. It's called Not My Job. If you're going to do a podcast with just you and two of your friends talking about stuff, you better be absolutely incredible at it, which is why Vibe Check was named one of the best podcasts by the New York Times. Think of it as the group chat you wish you were cool enough to be on. Two of Vibe Check's hosts, Zach Stafford and our old friend from NPR, Sam Sanders. Join us now, Zach and Sam. Welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you. Thank you.

This is such an honor. It is a thrill to have you. Our coolness quotient is raised just by you joining us here on stage. Let me, I think for people who have not been fortunate enough to hear it, we should describe VibeCheck, but you guys did it yourself. Yeah. Just in a recent podcast, and I have to change this for NPR standards. You might remember them, Sam. I sure do. You called it

Just the three of you pooping and chatting. - Pooping and chatting. - Pooping and chatting. - Pooping and chatting. - That's what we said last episode. - Yeah. - That's how this show started. I think everyone experiences during the pandemic where you were at home a lot more. So a lot of your social interaction moved to your phone.

And I was blessed enough to end up in some really fun group chats. But the group that I was in, I'm still in, was Zach and Saeed. It was just so great. And what I have to say, Sam is really the reason why the show came to life. Because I don't do things unless there's a check or a contract already. And Sam was like, oh, we had so much fun on my show in NPR. People loved it. And people did love it. And he was like, let's do a SoundCloud. And I was like, I'm not a rapper. I'm not doing a SoundCloud.

demo. And he did it and people just loved it and it kind of took off from there. I know this is a hard thing to describe about your own work, but, but,

Everybody knows that the stereotypical podcast is just two or three people, usually guys, just talking to each other and thinking that the rest of the world will find them as interesting as they find themselves. 99% of the time, they are wrong. You guys, as the results have shown, were right. So do you know what gives your show, Vibe Check, like that vibe?

that pass to be just as fascinating to everybody else as it is to the three of you. I have thoughts, but I want to hear yours first. You want me first? I want you first. Yeah, well, I think our show, we're really obsessed with failing in public, which is very masochistic, I think. But we realize as journalists that we were being trained to always be on and be perfect and say the right thing all the time and not talk about how we actually felt.

And I have a long journalistic background, Sam does, and so does Saeed. So we were like, let's do a show where everyone knows we did our research, we did our homework, we've reported, but talk about it how other people talk about it with each other. So that's what the show does, is we're having those conversations you're having, but with some more, you know, we've talked to like the White House maybe, or we've talked to some sources, and we're just talking about it in a really accessible way. Right. So you're catty, but informed. Exactly. Yes.

What I love about the show is that it's pretty much a really big bait and switch. So when we launched the show, by virtue of the three of us being the three of us, all of the initial wave of press was like, here's this new show from a black queer perspective. And you're like...

The three of us don't agree on anything. And, like, that's the beauty of it. But that's so like black queers. Let me tell you. Let me tell you. Oh, my God. Pride just ended. Oh, my God. All those... But, like...

I swear to you, and I love it because we get to argue it in a real way that feels like expansive with an A. Like I tell Saeed and Zach that our disagreements are expansive. You have guests on your podcast. Very impressive ones. Yeah. Can you tell me who your favorite one has been? For me, it'd probably be our friend Jenna Wertham. Jenna's a writer at the New York Times, the magazine specifically. And she's a writer at the New York Times.

And she one day was tweeting or talking about nude beaches. And I was fascinated by this because I had been to them, but I had never been nude on a nude beach. I was more voyeuristic, I guess. Wait a minute. So you've been to nude beaches? Yes, I'm gay, yes. Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't know that was part of the test. Sam Sanders, have you been to a nude beach? Whatever.

They didn't tell you that at the initiation? That was not at the initiation. That was not part of the onboarding process? No. Oh, and by the way, sir, you will have to go to nude beaches. Yeah. So wait a minute. But getting back to you, Zach, you've been to a nude beach, but you have not been nude. So you're just a guy who like wanders on in a business suit and just wanders around, hands in pockets looking around? This suit, yes. That suit you are wearing now. No, I was wearing, I wear a bathing suit when I went before. So I wanted to interview Jenna Wortham on her time finally also getting nude on a nude beach in Mexico. And so the day before we did the interview, my partner was like, isn't it

ridiculous that you're talking to someone about a nude beach and you've never been naked on one? So then he made me drive to San Diego, be naked, to do the show. And you were in New York at the time? I was in LA. laughter

And so I did it. And so I got to come out as, I guess, a temporary nudist on our show. And me and Jenna Wortham had the most amazing conversation about water. And it's a very Pisces conversation. But it was very much about the healing power of being naked and gender. They called it blue spaces. Blue spaces. It was so smooth. Wow. It was nice. I get paid to do that.

And Sam, I think our audience will know your background, at least part of it, because you were, of course, with NPR for many years. I was. Greatest 13 years. You know how they say, like somebody who's been in prison, what's the first thing you're going to eat when you get outside? So the first time you got in front of a microphone... Oh, I cursed. I cursed like a sailor. I cursed like a sailor. I'd probably say...

the most on the microphone. - Yes, you curse a lot actually. - Yeah, I did listen. I did not know that side of you. - It is free flowing. - My mother listens, so I think of that every day I go into the studio. - I think my Aunt Betty stopped listening. It's funny, she started. So my Aunt Betty was a big staple in my last show.

And she's a booster. And I remember the first few weeks the show was out, she'd say, "I'm listening, I'm listening." And then as weeks went on, she'd just be like, "How you doing?" - Well, Sam and Zach, it is great talking to you, and we have invited you here to play a game we're calling... - Vibe Check meet Libe Check. - Wow. - Wow, you guys are vibrarians.

I'm keeping that. We just made that up. I'm keeping that. Just so we could ask you what you knew about librarians. We're going to ask you three questions about the things librarians have to deal with every day. Get two out of three right, and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners. Jokey, who are Sam and Zach playing for? Grant Weans of Chicago, Illinois. Chicago, Illinois. All right. What's up, Grant? As I'm sure. All right.

Ready to do this? Yes. All right. As you probably could easily imagine, a common complaint among librarians is people damaging books while they are checked out. One librarian had a book returned to the library with bite marks, water damage, and covered in crayon. What was the name of the book? A, keeping your collectibles in mint condition. B, destroy this book. Or C, what to expect from

The toddler years. I know what I want it to be. What do you want it to be? I want it to be C2. Yeah. Let's go with C. Let's go with C. That's the correct answer. Yeah. Teamwork, dreamwork. I love it. I'm brain. Teamwork, dreamwork.

A completely destroyed library book is pretty much what you'd expect in the toddler years. So there you are. All right, next question. Damaged books aren't the only way to upset a librarian, as in which of these very real cases? A, a patron who made the joke, do we decimal? Well, I sure don't.

Every day for six months, B, a man walked into the library and requested a book about taxidermy while holding a quote, recently dead skunk. Oh, that happened. That happened. Or C, a woman who pushed in a double stroller with two crying children asked the librarian, can you keep an eye on them and immediately left to go to a yoga class? Oh my gosh. It's between B and C.

but I want to believe B because as soon as you said, oh man, I was like, he did it. Yeah. Yeah. The inflection was very, pretty much as soon as anything terrible happens, just look for the nearest man. There you go. Are we right? Are you going to go with B? Yes, that's exactly what happened. Man, am I right? God bless feminism. Last question.

Even celebrities have run-ins with librarians, like which of these famous people? A Kid Rock who angrily returned a book to a Michigan library, complaining when he swiped his finger across the page, nothing happened. LAUGHTER

P, B, I should say, B, pilot Sully Sullenberger, who had to call his local library when the book he had borrowed sunk into the Hudson River with his plane after his famous crash landing. He would do that. Or C, Tom Cruise, who asked the Beverly Hills Library for a book exactly eight inches thick because he needed to reach a particular shelf. LAUGHTER

There are so many. Tell me what A is again. A was Kid Rock who returned a book because nothing happened. He swiped his fingers. Here's my thing. I want to believe B, but what do you feel? Let's do different ones. You do B. I do A. Can we do that? You're going to say A. So Zach says A and Sam says B and the award goes to Sam. His logic was impeccable.

Sully Sullenberger did, after his famous emergency landing on the Hudson where he saved all those people, he did have to go to the librarian and say, I'm sorry, the book I borrowed is now at the bottom of the Hudson. And they said, Captain Sullenberger, it's okay. He's just the best. He really is. A good man. Jokey, how did Sam Sanders and Zach Steffer do in our quiz? I mean, we're just going on vibes. Yeah, pretty much. That's their style. Why not? They got them all right, man.

It's a vibe of success. The vibes are on. Zach Stafford and Sam Sanders are two of the hosts of the podcast Vibe Check, which is available wherever you get your podcasts. Give it a listen. Join the group chat. Zach Stafford, Sam Sanders, what a pleasure to have you with us. Thank you. Thank you so much. This was so fun. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you, Tom.

In just a minute, Chioki will blow your mind with his crazy animal effects in our listener limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Chioki Ianson, filling in for Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Amy Blodnick, and Tom Papa. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Chioki. Thanks so much.

In just a minute, Chioki sings Rhyme Around the Rosie in our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, though, some more questions for you from the week's news. Paula, the San Diego Zoo welcomed two new giant pandas from China this week. That's the first pair of giant pandas to arrive in the U.S. in 20 years. They will not be on view to the public, though, for several weeks because they first have to do what?

Fill out forms. That's what you'd expect. Yeah. No. I will give you a hint. A lot of people do this when they move to the U.S. from a foreign country. They have to unpack. Yeah, well, obviously. Do this when they move to the U.S. from a foreign country. They have to learn the language? Yes, that's exactly right. Oh, they have to learn English? The pandas have to learn English. Are they in like a total immersion class?

I guess if you go to a zoo where the zookeepers are talking to you all day in English, that is a kind of total immersion. But yeah, they are in a quarantine period of several weeks and they're acclimating to the U.S. and that includes learning English so the zookeepers can talk to them because they like dogs, they listen, they know certain words and can respond. So the pandas are learning English. It is so adorable when they use their giant paws to work Duolingo. Yeah.

Yeah. And when, you know, there is nothing cuter than seeing a panda conjugate. I'm only going to say, I mean, as you know, they're very endangered, and if they just would conjugate more, we wouldn't have that problem. In addition, as you probably know, giant pandas eat only bamboo. Of course I know. Like, I never had a panda at my house. Oh, is that what happened to them? Like, I never had a progressive panda dinner party. Come on!

We go to the first panda's house and we have bamboo. And then you go to the second panda's house and there's bamboo. Yeah. That's all they eat is bamboo. Of course I knew. You know, you talk to me sometimes, Peter, like I'm an idiot. Well...

Since you know that pandas only eat bamboo, you'll know that one of the things they have to do is they have to get used to American bamboo, specifically the only kind we serve in America, Flamin' Hot Bamboo. Oh, it's totally different here, the bamboo, than, you know, the bamboo of yore. Yeah. Yeah.

Tom, an Ohio lawyer was this week reinstated to the bar after he was suspended simply for doing what in a Pringles can? I mean, I know the answer. I'm just trying to think of a way to say it on NPR. Yeah. Yeah. You got it in one.

So yes, after getting suspended for pooping in a Pringles can, his lawyer was reinstated after only six months. Still, Rudy Giuliani has fallen so far. LAUGHTER

To eating Pringles. I'm not a Pringles fan. I love Pringles. Oh, my gosh. No, they're terrible. It's too much packaging. And they're just not good. There's nothing... You know, I'm a Ruffles person. But there's nothing remotely potato-ish about what's in a Pringles can. Especially now. Oh.

Anyway, you're all thinking, you're all thinking, okay, what? You poop in a Pringles can once, right? And you don't get to be a lawyer anymore? Yeah. Well, this guy did it ten times. Whoa. In one year. Wow. So that was a one-time micro. Yeah. Well, in his defense, the turds did all fit into a perfect stack. That's true. On top of each other. Yeah.

And if you do it once, you're like, I can't believe I can't do that again. The aim. Bet you can't poop just one.

Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us here most weeks at the beautiful Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, or come see us on the road. We'll be in Minneapolis on August 29th and 30th, and the Wait, Wait stand-up tour, it's back!

On sale now with shows in Fort Lauderdale, Tampa, Orlando, and Atlanta from September 5th through the 8th. For tickets and information, just go over to NPRPresents.org. And you can follow us on Instagram at WaitWaitNPR. Come on, we dare you. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Jordan. Hey, Jordan, how are you? Great, thanks. How are you? I'm well, thank you. Where are you calling from? I currently live in New York City. New York City? Heard of it.

So what do you do there? I started a graduate program. Oh, how great. And something useful and profitable, I hope. Oh, absolutely. Playwriting. Oh, yeah. Terrific.

Well, you are headed for untold wealth. Well, welcome to the show, Jordan. Now, you are going to play our listener limerick challenge. That means that Chioki Ianson, filling in for Bill Curtis, is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to go?

Yes. All right. Let's begin. Here's your first limerick. When downtowns are deserted and struggle, entertainers can help ease those troubles. They are flashy and loud, but they draw a big crowd. Get performers who sing, dance, and... Juggle. Juggle, yes, according to the Wall Street Journal. Thank you.

Some cities are now hiring buskers, jugglers, and mimes to, quote, make empty office districts feel safer and less depressing, unquote. Because there's nothing that makes me feel safer than a guy lighting three machetes on fire and saying, want to see something cool? LAUGHTER

It's so weird that they say the economy's doing well when you have these big major cities with nobody working and now people just juggling there. Yeah. Well, they're being paid to juggle, so their jobs are back, I guess. Oh, that's how economics works. I love circus acts, but they should stay at the circus. Like downtown Baltimore used to be sketchy, but now they have all these clowns who stare at you. All right, Jordan, here is your next limerick.

That purplish wet cloud in the sky is a hippo that went zooming by. It weighs more than a ton, so when it starts to run, a big hippo will take off and... Fly? Fly! Yes, Jordan, a new study.

From the UK's Royal Veterinary School says hippos can fly briefly. While running at high speed, hippos are able to lift their bodies off the ground and fly for 0.3 seconds. And before you say, well, that's not very long, ask yourself when's the last time you picked up a Chevy Blazer and held it in the air for 0.3 seconds. See? I don't know a lot about a lot of things. Let's just leave it at that. But I think that's jumping.

Well, that's one way of looking at it, if you have no sense of romance and wonder. Okay, Jordan, here is your last limerick. The re-entry of metal's no good, because it makes much more waste than it should. When spacecrafts return, they should have a clean burn, so our satellites made out of...

Wood. Yes, wood. After years of experiments, a Japanese engineer has, he says, perfected the first wooden satellite, which he hopes to launch later this year. It's part of Kyoto University's What Other Crap Can We Put in Space initiative. Here's the thing.

And we've reported on this before. We're excited to see it come to fruition. When normal metal satellites reenter Earth's orbit, they burn up. A lot of toxic stuff enters the atmosphere. The hope is when the wooden satellite bursts into flames, all it will release is a cozy cabin core vibe. Nice. It's also true that satellites made of wood are far safer against alien attacks than this engineer's first idea, satellites made of straw.

Yeah, he's got to take that next step. He really does. You think he's you all the way? Yeah. Yeah. Brick satellites. That's not going to work good in an earthquake, though. I don't think they have. I'm not a scientist. No! Cut it out! Cut it out! But I did want to make a point that I don't think they have earthquakes in space. They do. Okay, they're not earthquakes because they're not on Earth, obviously, but spacequakes? What, are you kidding me? Yeah.

It's an excellent strain of sativa space quakes. Oh, I thought it was a cereal. Choki, how did Jordan do in our quiz? When Jordan wins that Tony for being a playwright, we'll say we knew them from winning the Listener Limerick Challenge. There you go. Congratulations, Jordan. Thank you. All right, we'll look for you off-off-Broadway. Yeah, bye, Jordan. Perfect, bye. Bye-bye. And I'm falling for you now Hey

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Now in our final game of Lightning Fill in the Blank, each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Choki, can you give us the scores as they stand? Tom and Paula have two. Emmy has four. Okay. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Yeah, pop open that can of Pringles. How about that?

Wow. All right. But that means that Tom and Paula are tied. I'm going to arbitrarily choose you, Tom, to go first. Okay, Peter. The clock will start when I begin your first question and fill in the blank. During his opening speech at the NATO summit, President Biden promised new air defense for blank. Ukraine. Yes. On Monday, the Kansas Supreme Court reaffirmed this state's constitutional right to blank. To abortion. Right. This week, millions of people in Texas were left without power after Hurricane Blank hit that state. Boyle.

Barrel. Barrel, right. This week, a man in Hong Kong was detained by customs after he tried to hide 100 blanks in his blanks. Bullets. No, 100 snakes in his pants. On Wednesday, comedian and former talk show host Blank announced she was retiring from show business. Ellen DeGeneres. Right. On Thursday, an emergency was declared in Colorado after a blank outbreak at an egg factory. Plague.

No, bird flu. This week, a first-time flyer in China caused a commotion when she got up from her seat to use the bathroom and blanked.

And opened the exit door. Yes, she opened the emergency exit door. Very good. She mistook the urgent emergency exit for the bathroom, opened the door, and launched the inflatable slide. Fortunately for everybody involved, the plane was still sitting there in the tarmac, so no one was injured. The slide did have to be replaced because, of course, she then went ahead and peed on it. LAUGHTER

That wasn't my best performance. Well, let's find out. Chokey, how did Tom Papa do in our quiz? Tom got five right for ten more points. That's a total of 12. Tom now has the lead. All right, Paula, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Sunday, a leftist alliance won the most votes during snap elections in blank.

Paris. And France, yes. This week, NASA said it has no plans to use a SpaceX rocket to rescue astronauts stuck on the blank. Well, they're on the space station, but they went up on the Starliner. That's right. On Tuesday, health officials in Colorado confirmed a human case of blank. Bird flu. No, the plague. Wow! I knew it. I knew there was plague in Colorado. Wow. Everyone laughed at me. Yeah. Yeah.

This week, a Chicago Cubs player was put on the injury list because he broke his hand blanking. High-fiving. No, punching the wall of the dugout in anger. On Thursday, BMW announced they were recalling almost half a million vehicles with faulty blanks. W's. No. Oh, that would be funny. Oh, is that your new BM-am? No, airbags, known for her rolls. Oh.

Known for her roles among many others in The Shining and Nashville, Blank passed away this week at the age of 75. Shelley Duvall. Right. This week, diners in Australia were upset after a couple walked in and put their Blank on the table.

and put their blank on the table. - Yes. - Some people dining in Australia, well, they put their koala on the table, which is gross. - You're so close, they put their dog on the table. - Oh. - They did, yes. Not only did they walk into the restaurant and put their dog on the table amidst all the food, but it was one of those communal table restaurants. - Oh, well that's different. - So not only did the other customers have an animal sitting there right next to their meals, but they had to make conversation with it. - Wow, yeah. It would have been worse if it was a Benihana.

LAUGHTER

- Jokey, how did Paula do on our quiz? - I don't think we should even find out. - Paula got three right versus six more points. - Okay. - That's a total of eight. - Yeah. - Tom is still in the lead. - Well, that doesn't seem right. - All right then, how many does Emmy need to win? - Emmy needs four to tie and five to win. - All right, Emmy. - If you need any help, if you need any help.

On Monday, Donald Trump tried to distance himself from the Heritage Foundation's Project Blank. 2025. Right. This week, the involuntary manslaughter trial of actor Blank began in New Mexico. Alec Baldwin. Right. For the first time since the start of the pandemic, U.S. Blank prices fell. Milk. No? Well, yes. I'll give it to you. Consumer prices. This week, a cyclist in the Tour de France was fined after he blanked during the race.

Did drugs. Stopped for a second to give his wife a kiss. After just three weeks in theaters, Inside Out 2 has become Blank's highest grossing movie ever. Pixar's. Right. On Thursday, Apple warned users in 100 countries about new spyware attacks targeting the Blank. iPhone. Right. This week, a tourist being attacked on the streets of San Francisco by someone described as a crazy pirate guy with a blowtorch was saved by Blank.

A DJ? No, by two nudists. According to onlookers, the nude Samaritans knocked the assailant over, causing him to flee the scene. They were hailed as heroes, but when the story was covered by the local news, one of the nudists declined to comment, and this is true because he, quote, values his privacy. Still, one thing you have to say for these two men, they were ballsy. LAUGHTER

- Jokey, did Emmy Blotnick do well enough to win? - Oh my goodness, Emmy got five right for 10 more points. So with a total of 14 points, Emmy is the winner. - Good job. - Congratulations. - Wow. - Yay. - That's huge. - It is big. - That was huge. - It's the biggest thing that's happened today.

In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists to predict after his big op-ed about Biden in the New York Times, what will actor George Clooney weigh in on next? But first, let me tell you that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Okotika, Rights Are Limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew.

the Studio Baker Theatre, BJ, Leaderman, Composer, and Theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks this week to Monica Hickey and Shantira Jackson. Our Employee of the Month is Peter Gwynn. Emma Choi is our Vibe Curator. Technical Direction is from Lorna White. Technical thanks this week to Gary Yecht. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our Production Manager, that's Robert Newhouse. Our Senior Producer is Ian Chilock. And the Executive Producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what will actor and bon vivant George Clooney weigh in on next? Emmy Blotnick. Uh,

I hope he screws the wheels back on aircraft at Boeing. Tom Papa. He's going to weigh in on all the things Simone Biles is doing wrong on the beam. And Paula Poundstone. Well, if he wants to make himself actually useful, he could push Trump out.

And if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell. Thank you, Chayuki I. Anson, for doing such a great job filling in for Bill. Thanks also to Tom Papa, Emmy Blotnick, Paula Poundstone. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at our home at the Studio Bakers Theater in downtown Chicago. Thanks to all of you out there in the wider world for listening. I'm Peter Sago, and I'll see you next week. This is NPR.

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