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Today we're talking about interruptions, one of the most frustrating aspects of talking to another human. What do you say to make them stop and is there a right way to interrupt? My name is Jefferson Fisher and I'm on a mission to make your next conversation the one that changes everything. If you enjoy learning tools to improve your communication, I'm going to ask you to follow this channel and please leave a review. If you have any questions or topic suggestions, just throw them in the comments.
Okay, so you're in conversation. You're saying something. You're on a roll. Maybe it's at a meeting. Maybe it's a one-on-one face-to-face with someone and you're saying something and someone cuts you off. They begin talking when it's not their turn. They interrupted you. What do you do? Here's some things I want you to try. Number one, let them. That's right. You heard me right.
You're going to let them, and I'll explain the reasoning for that later. Let them interrupt you the first time. Number two, if they interrupt you a second time, we're going to break that down. We're going to use their first name, and then we're going to use a power phrase. This is, I can't hear you when you interrupt me. Hey, Jefferson, Greg, Sean, whatever it is, Ashley, I can't hear you when you interrupt me.
And number three, if you have to go a little bit stronger, they interrupt you and they just keep steamrolling into the conversation. We're going to talk about asserting a boundary to get them to stop interrupting. Or if that's a conversation, you need to end all together. And there's something I want to be very clear about right out of the gate. And that is not all interruptions are made the same. They're not all equal. Some people and their personality or maybe a disorder, they can't help but interrupt.
That's just the way their brain is wired. They need to say what immediately comes to their brain or else they're going to lose it or something else happens. And they don't mean it intentionally. They don't do it on purpose. They don't mean to put you down and put themselves above. So understand that there are people that interrupt without even thinking about it and they do not do it intentionally. It does not make them a bad person.
Okay, now's the time I want to dive deeper into step number one, and that is let them interrupt first. Now, it might surprise you and say, Jefferson, what are you talking about? That this is all about interruptions and how to stop them, and you're telling me to let them interrupt? Yes, I am, and I'm going to tell you why. Too often, when you're speaking and somebody cuts in, we have the tendency to get really defensive. We have the tendency to say things like, excuse me, I was still talking. Ever heard that?
You ever said that? "Excuse me, I'm not finished. Excuse me, I'm not done." What is your immediate reaction when you hear that? What does it sound like to you when somebody says something like that? Everybody goes, "Whoa, whoa, oh, okay, sorry." Doesn't mean to offend you. You cut out way strong ahead. And it makes you look like you're insecure. It makes you look like you're controlling. It's not a good look. So often when you let somebody interrupt the first time, you are doing two things. One, you're giving them the grace
To say, you weren't going to listen to me anyway. Because all in your head is thinking about what you just wanted to interrupt with. So I'm just going to let you get it out because you weren't going to listen to me anyway. So it's a strategy move. Second of all, it's priming you for step number two. In other words, when they interrupt you again, because I guarantee you they will.
You've now earned that right. Often when you come out too strong. You haven't earned that right yet. Because people are going. You really just think everything you say is going to be gold. And I can't have a thought too. Wow okay sorry about that. But when you've let them interrupt. The second time. You've now earned that ability to say. Now this is the time where I listen to you. Now it's my turn to speak. And you listen to me. So often when you just let them.
It gives you the high ground and gives them a position of, well, I already got to say what I wanted to say. I can't interrupt again. They don't really want to do that without exposing bad behavior. Also, a very important point to what we just said a minute ago, by allowing them to interrupt first, people who don't mean to do it intentionally are those that can't help it. You are giving them the grace to say what they need to say right away instead of bottling it up.
Because if you come out right in front of it and say, wait, wait, wait, wait, I'm not done. Wait, I'm not done. You're just putting a cap on a shaken Coke bottle. You're just waiting for them to explode and they're not going to listen to your point. After they've said what they need to say and they've interrupted you and you've listened, once they're done, don't address what they've said.
Alright, go back to your original point right where you left off. Don't follow the rabbit trail. Go back exactly to where you left off. And if they interrupt again, now's where it gets fun. Now we go to step number two. And the first thing you're going to do is use their name. Names are really important. Names catch people's attention. It reminds them of almost being called out when they were kids or in class or by a parent. They pay attention to it. Use somebody's name. They click.
So we're going to respond to that second interruption by using their name. And let's assume it's me. You're going to say, Jefferson, I can't hear you when you interrupt me. Jefferson, I can't hear you when you interrupt me. Now, how you say it makes a big difference. If you say it really tight, like, Jefferson, I can't hear you when you interrupt me, okay? That's not going to go nearly as well. Instead, we're going to take a big breath and say it slowly. Hey, Jefferson, I can't hear you when you interrupt me.
I can't hear you when you interrupt me. You see how more confident that sounds? More in control that sounds? Rarely will they interrupt you again because you're saying, I can't hear you. Are you interrupting me? You want me to listen to that? I can't hear it when you're interrupting me in this way. I need you to let me finish. So that's a great way to step out in front of it. Another way
If they continue to talk and interrupt you again, as you use this phrase, I've used this pretty often, and that is, I want to listen to you, but you need to let me finish. I want to listen to you, but you need to let me finish. The trigger here is I'm telling them I want to listen to you. I want to hear what you have to say.
You need to let me finish first. It's an acknowledgement of I'm going to go, then I am more than happy to hear what you have to say. And number three, if they continue to interrupt despite what you're saying and you're saying it with kindness and you're giving them all the room, it's time that you assert a boundary. I do this often in the legal space. As you can imagine, attorneys have a lot to say and some attorneys feel like
What they have to say is more important than what others have to say. And so often they will interrupt in a call, in a hearing, in trial. It happens all the time. And so...
Often I will use the method of number two. For example, last week, I'm not going to use this person's name, but I said, I can't hear you when you interrupt me. And that's the last time this individual interrupted. But I've also had it before where I needed to be a lot more assertive in it. For example, I've said things like, I need to make sure, am I on a one-way street or a two-way street?
That's telling them right now, am I just listening to you talk? Are we going to have a conversation? Another thing you can use is, I need to understand, are we having a conversation or am I attending a lecture?
You got to be careful about how you say certain things. But these are ways that you need to be a little bit more assertive sometimes and stand up straight and say, hey, I'm not being listened to here. So one way I would encourage you, a very general way to assert a boundary is, if you continue to interrupt me, I need to end the conversation. Simple as that. If you continue to interrupt me, I need to end the conversation. I need to hang up the phone. I need to end the phone call. Don't be afraid to do that. But if it continues to...
be a problem
Don't let yourself be walked over. Don't be laid down on it. You assert a boundary and stick to it. Now, I also promise what to say when you're the one who needs to interrupt. We're going to talk about people who dominate conversations in another episode. But real quick, I want to give you some fast tools to use. When you're the one who needs to interrupt someone, it's going to go best, and the method that I recommend, is you tell them that you're interrupting. That sounds like, I know I'm interrupting.
or I need to interrupt you. When you use the word interrupt, it's you acknowledging out loud that you know it's what you're doing. And there's an expectation that you're going to interrupt, be very quick, and then let them continue talking. And the main reason I find it's permissible in these type of situations is you are clarifying an objective fact.
Not something subjective like their perspective. You are clarifying something objective, maybe a date, a time, something that you have absolute evidence of. You just need to tweak what they said because what they said was false and you need to correct that real quick. It also helps to use their name. Hey, Jefferson, I need to interrupt you. This happened on X date.
All right. And then you let them continue on talking. That's the best way to actually step in in front of it and use their name if you can. If they continue talking, use their name slowly. Jefferson. Jefferson.
Say it enough and they will eventually stop the louder that you get. But when you use the phrase, I know I'm interrupting or I need to interrupt you, people don't take it nearly as personally because you're acknowledging that's what you're doing. We are now going to take a question from a follower. This comes from my email newsletter for anybody who signed up for my newsletter, which you can find in the show notes. You can email me questions and I can address them here in the podcast and it's just an email. So it's a lot fun to just interact with people.
This one comes from Brian in Australia. As you can imagine, I've never been to Australia, but if I do, I know who to call. Brian says, hey, mate. That's cool. I'm a mate. We don't say that here, so that feels cool. Thanks, Brian. Brian says, hey, mate. Love your stuff. I have an issue with a serial interrupter. This is somebody I work with, and it doesn't matter what I do, they always interrupt. Do you have any tips?
Yes, Brian, I do. Serial interrupters are very difficult and frustrating because it just might be some of their personality. And that's how this person grew up in their life. Maybe that's how their family communicates. People communicate differently in different cultures. So in some cultures, interruptions are no problem. It's just part of the conversation. Some families, it's very much welcomed.
Nobody has any issues with it. In other cultures and other countries, it is a big no-no. It's a sign of disrespect. So I said a big no-no. You can tell I have a four-year-old and a six-year-old. But what I would encourage you to do is, one, go through all the steps that we just talked about today, and that is let him interrupt the first time. And if you need to, say, hey, so-and-so, let's say his name's Greg. That feels like an Australian name, I guess. Hey, Greg.
I can't hear you, will you interrupt me? Or if you need to lay that boundary, if you continue to interrupt me, I need to end the conversation. But let's assume that that's not going to be all that helpful. The better method is to simply just change the mode of communication. If you find that you continually have to tell this person you're interrupting me, and they know they're interrupting, and they just really can't help it, or they're not...
respecting the two-way street of the conversation, then it's time to change the mode of communication. In other words, what you're going to say is, I find that I communicate better with you, or we communicate better over text, or over email, or over some kind of instant messaging somehow. Is that okay if we pick up this conversation at another time? And then just change the game.
Only communicate with them by email. I've had to do that in the legal world, but almost the reverse. So I had it to where an attorney...
Anytime he sent an email, it always was short, it was rude, it was snippy. But when I spoke on the phone with him, he was great. He was happy. There was no problem. And the next time I talked to him on the phone, I said, hey, so-and-so, I said, I don't find that we, we don't communicate on email very well, do we? And he laughed and said, no, I guess we don't. I said, well, how about we just communicate by the phone?
from now on. He said, yeah, I can agree to that. So anytime now, instead of just an email, I pick up the phone and we call and it goes a whole lot better. You might have the reverse. To where instead of a face-to-face conversation, you might need to communicate with this person better
by email or by text or some other mode of communication. And they can ask why and you can tell them, I find that you interrupt me pretty frequently and it slows down the conversation. Or when you interrupt me that way, I feel like you're being dismissive of my ideas. And they might come out and say, hey, that's not intentional. Yes, I understand that. Or yes, that's a habit of mine. Maybe you need to be open and tell them. And they say, well, just tell me when I interrupt you. And I really, really don't mean to. I just get excited about ideas. And maybe you can have a discussion about it.
And maybe, just maybe, you might improve the way they handle interruptions in their life. All right, putting a bow on it. The next time somebody interrupts you, the first thing you're going to do is what? You're going to let them. Allow them to interrupt you. Number two, if they continue to interrupt you, the second time you're going to use their name and use the phrase, I can't hear you when you interrupt me.
I can't hear you when you interrupt me. You're going to say it as if, I can't change this. This is just a product, an instruction of how I operate. I can't hear you when you interrupt me. You're not going to say, excuse me, I'm not finished. Excuse me, I wasn't done. It's just a simple, calm, controlled, I can't hear you when you interrupt me. And number three, if it needs to get more serious, assert a boundary to say, if you continue to interrupt me, I need to end this conversation or we need to pick this conversation up.
up another time. Thank you for listening to the Jefferson Fisher podcast. If you enjoyed this episode and enjoy learning ways to improve your communication, I'm going to ask you to again follow this channel and please leave a review. You can find this episode anywhere where you get your podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, Apple, any of them. And of course, if you have any questions or suggestions, just throw them in the comments. Thank you for listening. And as always, try that and follow me.
