Synced: Indian Summer 55:23

Hi, how was your week? How was my week? Do you want to give an update? Oh. Do you want to give details, but if you don't want, or you can. Well, I went on my first non-double date with LinkedIn guy.

Someone actually, I had drinks with someone who listens to our podcast. We've been kind of fans of each other's work for a while. And she was like, do you guys think that the guys listen, the guys that you talk about listen to the podcast? And I feel like we just operate as if they don't. Yeah. Like men don't have podcast apps. They don't have Instagram. I mean, they might, but we just have to live our lives. It's true. And we don't.

I don't feel like we say negative things. I don't think so. Yeah, even if they did. We're just telling our... Really. Our side. We're just sharing our experiences. And this is a whole conversation that happens on Armchair too. Like what's ethical about what you're sharing about other people. But ultimately, these are our lives. That's the point of these shows. So we're going to share. I love that. Yeah, we had a really good time. We went to all time. We had chocolate cake. Mmm.

And the sweet potatoes. And I told him about our egg freezing. Every time, you know, I talked a lot about you, actually. Well, because it's so fun that I get to talk about, you know. Because now he knows. He knows you. So it was really actually quite nice. Oh, that's interesting. That he had the context for a lot of my stories. But yeah, we had a really good time. He rescheduled twice. Well, the first time he rescheduled, I was like, okay, that can happen. And then the second time I texted you and I was like, am I dating you? Like,

Yeah. That is my move. Because I think when it happens to the other person, you internalize it. You go, oh, they must not really want to go on a date with me. They must not be that interested. But from your rescheduler perspective, is it that you actually are excited about the date and that's scary? Well, it depends on the date. For me personally, it's more...

that I hate dating. We talked about this last week, but I don't like dating. And so, yes, it's scary, but more... It's not that I'm rescheduling for no reason. Like something comes up that I want to do and I don't want to go on the date. So I do the thing I want to do. Right. But I can only do that so many times.

before I think like, I have to go. It's time for me to go on the date. It's different for each person and not to scare you. But yes, the truth is I don't really want to go on the date when I do that. But it's not because you're not interested by the person. I guess I'm like, I'm just, it was helpful for me to hear that from you. Not that like this happens to me all the time, but I think that I definitely internalize other people's or like I internalize everything. Yeah. And so even this, I was like,

I mean, it definitely didn't make me like feel as excited. But I also was like, there could be a million reasons that have nothing to do with me. And he has a lot going on. He's like moving. There's like a lot of moving happening. Well, and then I feel that it's a weird balance where you want someone who will

prioritize you, but you also want someone who has stuff going on, that has a life, right? And so if he rescheduled, and we know the first reason why he rescheduled, I don't know the second reason, but he has a life he cares about. I think that's great. Yeah. To me, it's just like there's no desperation, and I like that. So you would like someone who is a rescheduler? Yeah.

I mean, it's not going to, it's not going to bother you. Yeah. I wonder if the genders are reversed. It's different. I want to feel like, especially for a date with a guy, like that, like he's organizing it and like sort of the one driving the ship. And so I think if a woman, maybe guys don't take it as personally, but to me, it's like if he doesn't know where we're going or it's that part that I feel like

I look for in guys, especially like at the beginning that they're like on it in terms of getting the date set up. But maybe for guys, it's less of a big deal if we're the one canceling because they're the ones kind of driving. Maybe, but that's such an old school dynamic that the man has to plan the date. I'm trying to, I mean, the last couple guys, I felt like it was more, what should we do? It didn't feel, I don't know. I think like,

When you're dating, yeah. But to me, like the first few dates, I feel like it's the bare minimum. I'm going to put in a lot of time and effort into like looking good and like, but women and men, again, it's very traditional and old school, but we each have like our own way of showing up and showing that we care about the other person and like we care about the date. And I like when a guy plans it.

But what about when you're dating a woman? I've not been on as many. I haven't had as many experiences. But when I did, it's the person that's pursuing the other person. So there's one person that's like, I want to go on a date with you, right? And usually I think we fall back when it's men and women. Men are the ones kind of pursuing and the ones suggesting the date. And when it's women and women, I mean, in my experience, if she asked me on a date and then she ends up paying because she's the one who wanted to take me out and wanted us to go on a date.

But in this case, isn't this a little like you and LinkedIn guy? Is that the same for second date when everyone sort of agreed? Like you guys both want to go on a date with each other. Yeah. So is it the same? Well, I think this is like very not…

Like, it's rare that you go on a double date before going on the first date. So this felt like our first date. So yeah, I don't know. That's what I expect, but certainly not like... Yeah, it's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and then like, I don't know. I went on a date with this guy that it's like a long story, but I went to this party like two weeks ago. I knew one person at this party and I brought eight people. And then the person, the minute we got there, she's like, I just left. And so we got to this party where we didn't know anybody. Yeah.

We get there and then it's like the 40th birthday party of like this guy that I met like six years ago. So we went on a few dates and it was very organic in that way. It was like more friendly. Like it was more like, oh, we connected at one point. But LinkedIn guy, it's like a setting up situation. I think, yeah, you expect the guy to like drive the ship a bit. But then do you think, this is an interesting broader question, but if that's the expectation at first, do you think that...

lends itself to a dynamic where they're in control or like they, again, have power. All of these dynamics do. There's always power dynamics in relationships. But to me, this is like the courting phase. I think once you're a few dates in, or even again, if the first date goes really well and you guys really are pursuing this, yeah, often I'll be like, oh, I want to go to this place. Let's go to this place. But I think the first date should be like, not should, for me,

I want to feel like this person made a plan. It's not that complicated. Like, I'm not like, take me out on this crazy, you know. But yeah, I like to know that you can plan and like are thoughtful and care. It's just nice to have that. But yeah, for other people, it's totally not important. That's fine too. Yeah, interesting. Okay, well, we did a cliffhanger of sorts. Yes. Where we said this week, we're going to talk about some of our current favorite things.

that we are enjoying. A sort of summer gift guide mixed with just things we're enjoying right now. I feel like I got the assignment wrong, but it'll be great. I thought it was like gifts, good ideas for gifts. So it's less of my favorite things and more like gifts. This probably it'll be very similar. Yeah. I guess. Yeah. Okay. Do you want to start with one of your items? You should start. Okay. So I have these dessert plates that

They're from ABC Home. They are called the Wonderland Plates and they have different ones. They're very dainty and mine has like an Alice from Alice in Wonderland and she's eating cake on it. And I have them out on my table and they're so beautiful and they bring me a ton of joy. And I also think they're a great gift. They're expensive, but I just mean dessert plates in general are a great gift.

There's some at Fish is Eddie that are super cute. If you search, dessert plates are abundant, but it is something that people don't normally buy themselves. If you're buying a plate set, you're probably going to skip the dessert plate. And so I think it's a cute gift idea to provide. And also because the dessert plate doesn't have to match the set. I think it's like fun if it doesn't actually. So I think that's

Fun. And if you really want to go the extra mile, you could bring a cake. Oh, cute. So I recommend if you really want to Spurge, you can look at ABC Home. The plates are so beautiful. They're like, I think, China. Oh, wow. Which is why they're so expensive. But yeah, so that's one of mine. Cute.

Cute. Okay, one of mine is... This is my move. It's like a really good gift. I have one and I love it. It's called a neck deck, like the Shiatsu massage, neck massager. And it's like warm and it like really... Like I gave one to my sister for Christmas one year and she will like talk about it on a regular because she writes children's books and like does illustrations. Yeah. And she's like, every time if I have a long day of drawing, I'll like use it and it really takes out the knots. Like it's not just...

It's nice. It's self-care. It's like fun. But it really, I don't know what technology they've figured out, but it really does work where if you have tension somewhere and you can't get it out, it'll get it out. And it's like 50 bucks. You can get it on Amazon. If you stay at someone's house or something like that, like it's a good little, or like I had a friend who had a baby and often people give gifts for the baby, but like giving a gift to the mother, it's a good one. And I love mine. It's...

So great. Yeah. So nice. Speaking of gifts for the mother, this isn't on my list, but this is an idea. Okay. There's a spa in New York called Shibu Spa. It's in the Greenwich Hotel. And they have these Japanese robes that you wear...

into the massage. And it's a navy blue and it has these white little flowers. They're so beautiful and they're so comfortable and they're so chic and you can buy them. So I just bought... Spoiler, I don't think she listens. But I bought one for...

my friend who's pregnant, and we're throwing a shower for her. And so it's a gift for the mom as opposed to a gift for the baby. I mean, you can do both, but I think it's a nice little... Yeah, robes are just so nice. Yeah, you've given me a robe. Yes, Barbie robe. Barbie robe.

It's so soft. Again, it's those things that you don't necessarily buy for yourself, you know? Yes. Because you're like, oh, I don't need… And I wear your robe, the one we have in our… Our picture. Yeah, our picture. Yes, our cover art has robes. I love it. Okay, so next for me…

is... I might have said this before. It might have been on a gift guide. So I feel bad if I'm repeating, but oh well. So the other day, I went to Chateau Marmont with girlfriends for dinner. I talked about this on Armchair, but they have these candles there that are insane. They were sold out for six years. It was a whole thing. It is stupid, but they're back in stock. And so I bought one for all of us. And I...

I think that's such a good gift idea. If you've gone and experienced something with that friend, like if you've gone to a hotel with that friend or vacation or like a yummy dinner or something, and there's something from the place that you can buy, like the candle or a

Also, I've given the Bemelman's martini glasses to Amy because we all spent time in New York together and we went to Bemelman's. Things like that where they're like nice, especially if it's like a nice candle or a nice martini glass or something. I also had a friend...

Some friends from home, we went to a dinner in Denver. This was many years ago. And we were all shocked at how gorgeous the wine glasses were. You know, it was a point of conversation. So then I like looked to see what they were. And then for Christmas, I gave her two of those. So just like mixing the experience with the tangible item, I think is fun. Wow. That's a really interesting style. I feel like you could give a masterclass. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I love it. Yeah, that's such a good idea. My parents are going on a trip and it was my dad's birthday. And so me and my sister, we never know what to get to my dad because he's like... Dads are so hard. He's Bernie Sanders. Literally Bernie Sanders. Would you want to get him the gloves then? Even that he'd be like, I have gloves. Why did you buy these? This is bad for the environment. Like he would just be annoyed if we got him something that he doesn't need.

So we knew where they were going in Italy. And so I, and my dad has a hearing impairment. So I Googled quiet restaurants where that would be nice for him. And then getting him like a gift certificate for a specific restaurant. That's nice. Like, but mine is more basic. Yours is taking something that you've experienced together and then getting them something to remember it is also really sweet. Nice little memory. But both, yeah. I mean, it's all about like thinking, you know, thoughtfulness. Thoughtfulness.

Yeah, getting a gift is like, will they like it? But when someone goes the extra mile, that makes such a difference. Okay, my next one is like red light therapy. Like anything red light therapy, I'm a big fan of because I got a panel from Kose, K-O-Z-E, which is the brand I like trust. Because again, sometimes you don't know what you're getting and like some of these red light devices can be kind of whatever. But I really love it. They have masks.

There's a whole range of products. There's even like red light light bulbs you can get if someone has trouble sleeping. It has a way of like canceling out blue light so that it helps your body in like circadian rhythms. Like red light is just great. It helped my sleep a lot too. Like I have a lot of insomnia and it really helps. So it ranges from really expensive, but the light bulbs are like 20 bucks. Yeah, that's cool. So yeah, there's many ways of gifting red light.

which is so good for your skin. I think Rick Rubin does something like this. Like at a certain time of night, everything turns red. Yep. It's interesting. I put on only my little neons. I think this was a Hooperman thing or like where it was like five hours before bed or something like that. You can't have direct...

Five hours? Yeah, something like a few hours before bed, you have to start dimming. Oh, jeez. I noticed it makes a difference. But again, I can't sleep. So for someone who doesn't have trouble, it's probably fine. I thought of you the other day because you said that you use two eye masks. And I need...

A good eye mask. I found, okay, I'm going to add this to my favorite things. I found the perfect eye mask. What is it? I have to remember the brand because I'm going to order it right now. Why? Because you're having trouble sleeping? I don't sleep well, but also what I realized, and I can't believe it took me this long to realize, the apartment building next to my bedroom window

has a light on all night. Oh. It's an outdoor light and it just stays on. So there's a light on next to my bedroom window all night. Right. So like, I can't believe it took me six years to realize it. That's how oblivious I am. But...

I think that's obviously having an impact. Wow, for sure. And it impacts all these chemicals that I don't remember. Even just going to the bathroom and turning on the light. I know, you're not supposed to do that. Exactly. So imagine all the time. Okay, so this is how it came through. It was...

advertised to me on Instagram, obviously. I saw the version on Instagram and it was expensive. So I found a cheaper one on Amazon. But basically it's called Door and Rose is the brand. And it's this like very thick eye mask. It's almost, it looks like you have those 80s rollerblader sunglasses on. It kind of goes over your forehead. And again, the way it was advertised was something like better than Botox, like whatever, right? It like protects your face basically from the creases or something's happening in your sleep. But then I found a cheaper version

on Amazon and I like it. It's Zensia. It's Z-E-N-S-S-I-A and it's 100% mulberry. Basically, they're like made of silk. Right. And Brooklyn has a silk one that is good. And Slip also has one. There's another brand called Lunia, which also is similar where they just came up with this larger eye mask situation and it's so nice. It's all like moisturized and I almost feel like it also like keeps in like moisture. That's a totally, I don't know if it does that. But

But it feels really fluffy and it never comes off. I'm so happy with it. Oh, wow. Okay. I'm gonna get this. It's $29. Yeah. The one on Doreen Rose. Oh, that's cheap. Yeah, it's not that bad. The one on Amazon is $20. But do whatever. Skin recovering sleep mask is what this one is called. Yeah. I get all of them in black. I know the eye masks are cute in all colors, but it makes a difference. The black. Get it in black. Oh.

Oh, that's smart. For blackout, you know? Yeah. Okay. Cool. I'm getting this. Yay! That's very exciting. Oh my God. Fun. I wasn't even on my list, but now it makes up for all the... Because all of my other ones are weird. Ooh. Because they're like gifts. Well, it's fine. My assumption is you're only giving gifts that you...

like or have or know. But the red light therapy, I have the Dennis Gross mask. I also gave that for White Elephant and it was a big hit. Oh, I remember. I really wanted it. It's a good one. It's great. Is it my turn or your turn? No, my turn. You did red light. Okay. So next for me, this is a small, small item. There's a design store down the street from us. It's called Pearson Ward.

incredible store, beautiful store. They had this Japanese soap. It's a round soap. The brand is spelled T-O-M-A-N-O-H-A-D-A. If you put that in and do round soap, you'll see it. And I have the musk smell and it is...

so good and it makes my whole bathroom smell so delicious and good. But they have, they had a rose one. Rose isn't really my scent. I relate. It's not for me. Someone gave me a rose. I have like, I have to finish it because this was really a nice soap that was given to me. But like every time I like

It's strong. I can't breathe it in. I feel like I'm eating a grandma. Yeah. It's a little grandma for me too. But people love rose. Yes. And it did smell nice for a rose smell. It smells very clean. All of these smell very clean. And they have a fig one I want to try too. And they have lavender. But it's very luxurious. And so I recommend on the Tominojada. The Tominojada Sphere Round Plain.

palm oil. It's so yummy. It's really good. Oh my God. And if you have a beautiful like little dish to put it in, that's what I did to just like sit by the sink. It's just sitting in this like beautiful dish. Oh, so it's a hand soap. It's like a bar. I'm using it as a hand soap. Yeah, it's a bar. It looks like this. Oh, wow. That's so pretty. Japanese are great. They got it.

They figured it out. Everything's so sleek and beautiful. And I love things that make your whole bathroom. Like that's so nice. I would give these shower, what is that called? Bath bombs. No, bath bombs for your shower. Do a charade. I know. It's like little air fresheners. Almost like pastis. That's French. I know. I know. What is it? Miracle lavender. Like a steamer. Shower steamer.

Have you ever heard of that? No. How would you call this? It's a pasty. From here...

I can't really tell. It's like a little puck. It's like a diffuser kind of. It's like a little puck that's made out of aromatherapy scents and— Like essential oils. Essential oils. You put it on your shower drain. And so every time you take a shower, you smell— Oh, it releases. It releases it. And so your bathroom kind of just smells good. That sounds great. A good hack for your bathroom smelling nice during the shower is if you hang eucalyptus—

From your shower head. That's why you have that. I threw it out because it was old. You got to replace them. And it smells good. For how long? Good question. I don't know. But it just like makes it like, feels spa-like. Like smells like a spa. Yeah.

Okay, ding, ding, ding. Something crazy happened the other day. I was taking a shower. I had a different shower head than what came with the apartment because it was filtered water or whatever. And it crashed in the middle of my shower. Thank God it didn't crash on my head. I just started Six Feet Under. Rob, I watched eight episodes of Six Feet Under. Since Friday? Yes. Easter egg, we did an episode of Flightless Bird that

made me want to watch it. So I started it. And at the beginning of each episode, there's a death. And this showerhead crashing down is exactly how someone would have died on Six Feet Under. Can you die? It was heavy. It's big. I don't know what we're talking about. So it's like a heavy, I don't know how to explain it other than it's a showerhead. It's heavy because of the filtration in there. So it crashed in the tub. It like exploded. And then there was so much, it looked horrible.

horrifying. It looked like there was poop everywhere and I got so nervous. I was like, why? I was like, ew, is it all like moldy? But really, I think the filter itself is just like brown, sandy type material. Right. So that was all over the tub. Oh, no.

I had to clean it. It was a big disaster. It really threw me. Do you need filtered water? Is it good like… For your hair. It makes a difference? I mean, I don't know. So since then, so I cleaned up all the crap. And so now I don't have a shower head. It's just pouring like a waterfall.

And I kind of like it. That sounds great. Yeah. It's making my hair washing much quicker. Because it's not diffused. It's just like someone dumping a bunch of water on my head. That's so nice. It's pretty nice. I think I might keep it. It is spa-like. It is spa-like.

Anyhow. I'm glad you survived. Thank you. Me too. That's scary. I mean, any kind of shower accident is scary. Have you had any? I slip a lot, but I've never like hurt myself. Knock on wood. But the last two apartments I've lived in, there's no bathtub. It's only just been shower, which actually is way safer because you're not getting in and slipping in. But I'm like slippery. You probably need to put those things they put for babies at the bathtub. Yes, you're right. The grip for single women. Yes, exactly. Exactly.

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It's the best t-shirt and the most comfortable. It makes no sense. It has amazing fit and quality, which is very hard to get both. I love the fits everybody t-shirt and onyx, but I also like the soft, smoothing, seamless t-shirt and marble has been a standout for me. Like...

Yes, I have that one too. I love it. Needed in all the colors because I wear it so much. Yes. I also really love the boyfriend t-shirt. I have it in onyx. I love a boyfriend tee. Like I love it when it's a little oversized. It's so good. We just love everything they make. And I've said this before, I've worn skims on like two out of the three first dates

I've had in the last like couple months. Yes. It's such a good first. You're right because it just looks so great. And it like... It's flattering, but it's simple. Exactly. It looks like you didn't try hard at all. You just look that great. Yes. Because it's a t-shirt, right? It's a super classic look, but it just looks so good.

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It's a website. I think you literally Google personalized Oreos and it'll pop up. I should probably shout them out. And so it's just a really goofy gift. Is it Oreo.com? My assumption is they have. I hope they're making them. Yeah. Yeah. Oreo.com. Hilarious. So you go to Oreo.com and you can put a photo. You can write something.

And it takes a little bit. You have to do it a little bit in advance. You know, it's not a tomorrow's their birthday and I forgot kind of thing. But it's a really funny gift. My friend Simone had this really silly character that she would do with Snapchat filters. And so I made a bunch of Oreos with the characters telling her happy birthday. Oh. So you can just get really goofy with it. That's so cute. And it's kind of fun. I love Oreos. I love Oreos so much. And they're vegan, I think.

I think they are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know vegans that eat them. Which doesn't make sense. It's a little unnerving. It's unnerving. Like they shouldn't be, but that's okay. That's okay. We still love them. Yeah, Oreos are the best. Oreos and milk is not vegan. Well, you could dip it in all kinds of different milks. Oh, you're right. There's vegan milk?

Oh, oat milk. Yeah. Is oat milk vegan? Of course. Non-dairy, yeah. Almond milk, oat milk, pistachio milk. What's your, you go to oat. You're an oat lady. No, I was. Well, now you're whole. Yeah, I'm back to regular oat milk. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you feel a change? Well, because, you know, once you switch to these like healthier milks and you learn that they're a mess, it's like, oh, there's all these oils and this and oh, this is a carcinogen. It's like, oh, my God. So I just went back to regular whole milk. I love it. Great. Love it. Happy with it. Okay. Speaking of the Oreos, I do think personalized food is really fun. And

Bill Gates, after we had him on the first time, he sent us Diet Coke. It was personalized. And so Dax had a pack. It said Bill and Dax. Rob, you got one too, right? You had one that said Bill and Rob. And then mine said Bill and Monica. And I posted it not thinking at all that it looked like Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. And she texted me. And she was laughing. She's...

the coolest person on earth has such a good sense of humor. And she was put through like the fucking trauma of the century from the world. And she's just really awesome. But anyway, yes. I didn't even think twice about it. Bill and Monica. That's great. That's such a thoughtful gift. It was. I didn't even know you could do that. It makes sense. Brands are smart. They're smart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Next.

Now, next for me, this is not a gift. This is just what I'm super into right now is this nail polish I'm wearing. Oh, it's so nice. It's this really pretty...

orange. There's like a red undertone to it that makes it a little not bright, but it's not Halloween orange either. It feels matte or like opaque. It has a really cool gel-iness to it. And I've been taking a break from manicures at a salon in lieu of doing my own. I've been doing my own for the past few months. So I felt that I could splurge on the colors and the

nail polish itself. Why did you decide to move away? It was more just it takes time to go and I love it. It's fun to do, but it was just taking too long. It's funny. I haven't been going either. I used to get pedicures. It's like a fun self-care thing and I haven't done it. Well, we used to go a lot. And I guess since we don't go, I don't go. Yeah, it's a whole thing. And I'm like, I don't know if I need to. Yeah. So I've been doing my own and it's a Chanel nail polish. Maybe I think it's French. So you will probably know how to say it. It

It's two words, E-T-E and then I-N-D-I-E-N. I need to see that. What? E-T-E. Yeah, that's the first word. Oh, that's not really a word. Et? But it should be two E's. Summer is apparently what it means. Oh, thank you. E-T. Oh, E-T. Okay. Okay, so it is a word. Okay, so Indian summer is probably what it means. What's the second word? I-N-D-I-E-N. Yeah. E-T-I-N-G. Oh my God. Ding, ding, ding. Indian summer.

Indian. Oh my God. What does this mean? What does it mean? And it's number 163. It's beautiful. It's a beautiful color. I really like it. It's going to take me through the summer, I think. You're having an Indian summer. That's exciting. Exactly. Okay. Another, again, I like to use Etsy

To personalize anything. I got a Stanley Cup for my niece for her birthday this year. And there's so many shops that you can personalize and they'll personalize the Stanley Cup with whatever you want them to. Oh, that's cute. When I went to Greece on that trip last summer, I made personalized t-shirts and a captain hat because the guy was wearing his like captain hat.

class. Captain's license or whatever. And so I got him like a personalized captain hat with his name on it. Again, all Etsy and it's really affordable. And you can personalize anything on Etsy. Literally anything. But hats, t-shirts, mugs, Stanley cups. Cute. It's like a fun one. How many more do you have? We can wrap up. I have one more. Okay, great. So...

Next for me, this is from Gohar World, which is a website. And they have these lemon squeezers. You put like a slice of lemon in there and they have a bird and a fish and they're...

so cute. I asked for one for Christmas two years ago and I got it. And if you have a dinner party or something, it's just such a cute thing to have out and have people squeeze their whatever you have. Squeeze your lemon. Squeeze their lemon over the food. It's just to me when I'm at someone's house, it's always those two

tiny details that I am super attracted to. Who needs this little lemon squeezer? No one. But it makes everything feel more intentional and sweet and fun. But so wait, does everyone have their own lemon squeezer? Okay, no, it's just like you go around and you go like, who wants some lemon squeeze? That's sweet. Yeah, just like when if you like are passing the plate, it's just out. Wow, I like that.

I like that. Yeah, it's really cute. I've seen this on a couple other people's gift guides who I trust. So it's like a cool girl move to have it. The cool girl.

I recommend on that. My last one is Flamingo Estate candles. Usually, like, I'll just have one at my house. It's one of those, like, if you're going to someone's house or, again, like a last-minute gift. It's just a really luxurious but affordable candle. They smell so good. All of their stuff smells so good. Okay, so my last one, of course, I don't know how to tell you how to get it. So this is a bummer. But at Nikki Kehoe Design Store in Los Angeles, incredible. And full disclosure, my designer, Nikki Kehoe,

The store is so good. They just opened one in New York. So if you're in New York, also please check out Nikki Kehoe or if you're here. But a couple of months ago, they had these cards. They're very thick cardstock and they have these gorgeous French cartoon drawings on them. And you're supposed to spray your perfume on

on it and then like give it to your lover. Oh. Which is such a, I just love it so much. I plan on using it as cards, stationery. And I think there's a couple that I want to frame. They're beautiful. They're so cute. That's enough, like framing a card.

I think is a really fun move. I had this little card with this tiny drawing of a pancake on it from the store next to All Time called Grandpa. And I framed it and hung it in my kitchen. And it's so cute. Art can be

be anything you want it to be. And framing a photo of you guys. I love getting those because framing is such a hassle. I'll just won't do it. So when someone gives me like a frame already done, it's so nice. It's all ready to go. I had a friend do that of like a trip we went to. She like framed this really beautiful photo of us. You really have to know the person's style if you're going to do that. Or if they don't care. Exactly. But if they do and then you get them a frame they don't want. I've been in this position where I

I love it. But I'm like, oh, fuck. Like this doesn't go. But then if I replace the frame, they'll see it. And then that's uncomfortable. So it can get sticky. That's tough. Oh, wow. Anyhow. All right. Well, I guess for now, that's going to conclude our summer gift guide, our summer favorite things. But maybe we'll revisit this down the line because I think it's fun. I like hearing what other people are into.

and getting inspiration and ideas. Okay, so let's do some questions. Wait, and so real quick, so are you going to see LinkedIn guy again, do you think? I think so. Love it. I hope the double date leads to a long and happy marriage. It would be great. You would officiate the wedding. Oh my God. I'll get started on my speech right now. I'm just going to read Taylor Swift's commencement speech. Oh my God, I would love nothing more.

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Hi, Monica and Liz. Absolutely love your podcast and have from Race to 35 up until now. Really feels like I'm just hanging with the gals. I'm writing in because I've made a big mistake. I'm getting married in a couple months, but I've been on holiday overseas and ended up making out with a guy...

after a lot of shots, like a lot. I have a lot of blank memories. I have never been someone to do this. I can't sleep or eat. The guilt is a lot. I love my husband to be incredibly deeply. We've been together for many years already. We've been through an incredible amount together and I love our life.

I've booked in for some therapy to reconcile the fact that I'm even someone who could do this. I'm so afraid to hurt him and lose everything. I'm in a total ethical dilemma. Do I keep this from him and continue our happy lives and work on forgiving myself and being the best partner I can be, knowing I never want to do this again? Or do I confess knowing it will completely break him and our trust?

especially tough in the lead up to our wedding. Keeping it in would be a shift in my own values and the open and honest relationship we've always had. But telling him may mean losing it all over something completely stupid. Help. This is so...

People might be mad at me for saying this, but I'm sorry. Like, I'm sorry you're in this position. Of course, me too. And it really sucks when you do something you can't take back. And I think we've all been in positions where we've done something we can't take back. So...

What are your initial thoughts? I think my immediate thoughts, I don't know. I was dating someone long distance in my 20s and we weren't engaged or anything. But still, there was a night similar to that where I didn't even sleep with the person. But I was like, I think it was my birthday. Like, I was very drunk. And I kept putting my hand on his mouth, but then would like put my mouth off. Like, but that was the extent of what happened. But I felt...

terrible for months. And like, I never told him. But looking back, I wish I had because I ended up just feeling guilty out of the blue all the time about something that I don't... Well, this is a little...

Because he was so toxic. Well, if I would have told him, he would... I think the relationship actually would have taken a different turn if I had told him for the best. Where like maybe it wouldn't have been the sort of right relationship. But in this case, it feels like it is the right relationship. And she wants to build this and keep going. And I relate to just the guilt and that feeling is...

is just going to follow you around and you're going to feel guilty all the time. You don't want to start the relationship in this dynamic where you feel like you've wronged someone, right? Or that you have to make up or compensate for being this terrible person, which I get. I don't know if that's what she's doing, but that's what would happen to me. It would be so in the back of my mind so often that then it would motivate certain things that I would do. And so at the risk of not knowing what's going to unfold, I think it's worth maybe talking about.

And maybe there's also a conversation with yourself about, you know, about drinking, you know? Yeah. That could be also something to think about and then bring to your partner. We can't give you a right answer here. There is no right answer. So it's just what you can live with ultimately at the end of the day. But I do think if you are telling the person so that you are relieved of guilt, knowing it's going to cause so much pain,

I don't know. Like, it's tricky for me because that's still about you. It's still like, I feel too guilty. So I'm going to have to say, not you, Liz, but so I'm going to have to say something so that I don't feel guilty. Here's what I'll say. If I was in this position and I was him, I would not want to know. Oh, wow. I 100% would never want to hear this.

Because then you can't unhear it. You'll never unhear that for the rest of your life. And this person seems that they are very adamant about correcting behavior as far as never doing this in the future, going to therapy, figuring their own shit out, understanding why. And maybe there's curbing behaviors moving forward. I think she can do that.

and not ruin his life. I mean, really. I would not want to know. I want that person to figure their shit out on their own. And let's move on with our like… Wow. I mean, I have friends that are in a really serious relationship and that happened. And…

their relationship has been a mess. Like they've worked on it really hard, but it then set up this whole dynamic where like she kind of got over it, but then she was then being flirty with other, like. Because she felt like she like was owed that. And I think there was resentment. It's really hard to overcome. It is. And I mean, I've seen both examples. I've seen a couple that wasn't able to overcome it and I've seen a couple that did. So,

So it's so specific to the person and the people. And maybe part of it is knowing your partner. And do you think he would like ultimately want to know? I mean, there are things that I've found out in my life that I...

wish I'd never known. Like if I had never known that, I just would have been a happier person. Yeah, I think it's one thing if it's a pattern and it's something that you think about all the time and that you're acting on or that you feel like you need to like repress. This feels a little bit different from that. So maybe you're right. I mean, there's a part of me that's like if this was me and I couldn't remember three quarters of it anyways, I'd be like, oh, I just don't really

It didn't happen. I'm not sure it happened. And then again, I'd get help in terms of drinking and just reflecting on, you know, because again, not that those things always go hand in hand, but in my friend's case, he needed to work on his drug use and become really sober and commit to that because you're making different decisions. And so if this was my friend, I would support

her either way. Yeah. And yeah, I think if you know that your partner is extremely sensitive to cheating and would definitely, I don't know if it's ever come up, I feel like sometimes eventually does, you get a sense with your partner. If this is like a non-starter, then I think it's also a different story. Like if you know this is like... Yeah. That's all we can really say, I think. Yeah. That's my personal take is I wouldn't want to know. That's all I can sort of offer to the table. And

Go to therapy. Talk it out. Yeah. Okay. Here's another anonymous. I get sad after sexting. Hi, Monica and Liz. I have a man friend who lives in a different state. We both like each other but can't commit to dating long distance, much to my dismay. We are in pretty regular contact and from time to time we end up sexting. It gets really heated. We send videos back and forth. He brings out a super sexual side of me and he makes me feel so wanted. The only issue is I get sad when the sexting ends. I get sad when the sexting ends.

I think part of it is that there's no after sex cuddling and I'm hit with the reality of our situation being miles and miles away. Sometimes I think I shouldn't cross into the sexing territory with him to protect myself, but also it's so fun. No one has ever made me feel as sexy as he does. Any advice, welcome. And also I would just love to hear about your general sexing thoughts experiences. Huh.

Oh, man. It's choosing the moment over the reality. Like, you know, this is a pattern of addiction, right? Not that I'm not calling this person an addict, but this is what happens where it's like, oh my gosh, but this is so fun. I love this so much. I've never felt so good. I've never. So I'm picking this even though, yes, what comes with it is a sense of like, but I don't actually have anything real here.

Which hurts. So this is hard to say. I think it's a band-aid and I think you have to stop. With this person. Okay, so I had a sexting event. Oh my God. I think I may have told you about this. It was this guy that like I met at a coffee shop and we had this like five-hour conversation. It was great. And then he was like, let's go get dinner. And then called me that morning was like, by the way, I'm engaged. Oh my God. But it was like, we're breaking up and like we're already living separately. But I want to let you know that like I'm still kind of like

on doing this thing. And I was like so bummed. But then I was like, okay, I guess let's still get dinner. And then it just devolved into like us being in touch, but it taking like way longer. I thought, okay, this will be a few weeks or something. But yeah, I took a few months and then it was Christmas and then I was home and he was home and then we were texting and then it just turned into sexting. And it was like,

so fun because we've talked about this like Christmas crutches but in this case it was like Christmas sex day like I was like having fun yeah hot yeah but then I would immediately feel kind of not immediately feel bad but I eventually felt yeah like

Oh, I feel like... Yeah, I know what you mean. Used, but used isn't the right word because you're consenting. You're consenting and you're engaging and you enjoy it. But it's just like, oh, that wasn't real intimacy. That's like what ends up happening, I think. And if you're in a certain mindset

upset or is a certain person that can just be totally fun. Yeah. Right. And like totally fine. But I think often if you wish there was something more. And then it's just the reality that like, oh, this it can't be. That's the difference. It can be so fun. I've done it in relationships and like you don't get sad. But you also probably don't get the same high.

It's all part and parcel. The reason it feels so good is you're getting a hit of something you can't really have, but you feel like you have it in the moment, which is why then it's like a 10. And then...

you're like, oh yeah, and then you're at a two. Yeah, it's great if you don't want more, but maybe with this friend, there's a part of you that does. But then I also want to say, who cares? Like, sometimes it's hard, especially as a woman living in a patriarchal society of like, what is true and what have I like kind of internalized? Sometimes I don't even want more with a guy, for example, but just because he doesn't, I'll feel like,

Right? And I'm like, wait, I don't even. But you can go immediately to shame or rejection or feeling like there's something embarrassing or lesser because you're engaging sexually when like there's nothing wrong with that. And that's totally normal and beautiful. So sometimes I think there's some patriarchal programming in there too. Again, I don't know this person and their situation, but there might be also part of you that like feels, this is kind of self-imposed shame as opposed to from the actual person.

act, how you're interpreting it as opposed to how it's landing. But I think sexing is great if you do it on signal. I worry about sending things. When people do that, I think it's very brave because people are nuts out there. But I think it's really positive if you feel good. There's nothing wrong with anything unless you're feeling pain from it. And it sounds like you are. I think it's understanding the reason it feels so good is part of this. And it might be worth taking a step back.

And seeing how you feel. Or afterwards, like, you could do your own self-care. Instead of cuddling with someone, like, you could...

Like I think sex with Emily in her book, she talks about every morning she'll like masturbate, meditate, manifest that it's like a part of a self-care thing where she kind of uses the post, I guess, masturbation glow. So you could put on some really nice music. You could take a warm bath. You could use your neck tech, shatu, massager. There's things that you could do for yourself afterwards to like

take care of yourself. I don't know if it replaces the sad, but you don't need someone else to do those things necessarily. For

For sure. But everyone is so different because I had a one night stand with this person and he was super hot and I was excited and it was like fun enough. It was fun. But that's why it was only fun enough for me because then he leaves and then I'm just like, all right, here I am. That does not feel good to me. I did talk to my therapist about it, of course. And she was like, yeah, that's so normal for so many people. Like that you personally, Monica, don't get it.

anything from that. Right. And a lot of people do, which is amazing. Great. I wish, but I don't. And so you have to know you. Right. Anyway. Okay. Oh my gosh. Okay. Oh, wow. This is amazing. Oh, I love this. Engagement ring question update. Oh,

From Elizabeth. Hi, Monica and Liz. First of all, I want to say that y'all answering my question about how I hated my engagement ring was one of the highlights of my 2023. I was on the stair climber at the gym when I heard and had to contain myself. But on a real note, you two made me feel so validated and brave enough to say something. Here's the update. After five years together, I ended the relationship in December.

I had been lying to myself and the people who care about me for over a year, lying in bed awake at night, not able to sleep. We were not the great couple that I was projecting out into the world. I won't go into it, but he didn't consider me. And when I saw that silver heart ring, I knew in the depths of my soul that this wasn't meant to be.

So I ended my life as I knew it. I have since turned 30, moved to a new city and into my very first apartment by myself. It's hard to put into words what this experience has been like. On one hand, it's been devastating. On another hand, I'm finally learning what it means to respect myself and have self-worth.

So this message goes out to all of the women out there who know in their guts that it isn't meant to be. It won't get better. You're not asking for too much and you deserve to feel considered, loved, and be seen. I'm still very much in the thick of starting my whole life over, but I can finally sleep again, which gives me hope that it truly was for the best and that good things are coming. If you have any advice for starting your whole life over at 30, I'm all ears. Oh.

But either way, I hope that my story gives those women in unhappy relationships courage. We don't have to settle. Oh.

God. I am like crying. I know. Oh my God. That's the most amazing thing I've ever heard. That's incredible. Elizabeth, congrats to you for taking your life into your hands. Wow. Oh my God. Wow. You are such a badass. Yeah. Good for you. That's such a common thing. I

I have a friend who's been in a relationship for like a really long time. Very, very close couple. They've lived together. And then a couple weeks ago, she was like, for five years, I haven't been able to sleep. I'm not in love with him. And I've been like, you have never told me. It's very similar where you just kind of feel like it's your fault. Yes. You're lying to yourself as much as you're lying to everyone else. Yes. And you internalize everything.

what's not working in the relationship as if you can fix it and it's up to you and you just have to settle or accept things that are not acceptable. And I think it's so brave and so cool when women do it and talk about it. Cheryl Strayed does Dear Sugar. And like, I remember one of her columns, someone had written in and said, you know, I don't know if I should end this relationship. And Cheryl Strayed was just like,

do the thing that you already know is true. When someone does come with that question of, should I be staying? There's no shoulds. Yes, exactly. And if you think that you should, that's already an indicator that you're imposing other people's ideas of what life should look like. Exactly. Or how you should feel. There's no way you should feel. There's just the way that you do feel. Right, exactly. Oh my God. Wow. This is incredible. And also I will say,

You're 30. 30 is so young. And dodged a bullet. Your life is starting regardless of this person. 30 is when life starts. It's true. It was perfect timing, I think, to start again. And I'm so excited for you. You are incredible.

I hope you feel it and know it. How wonderful. I have chills. And to your point, I think like in your 30s is when you really know yourself and get comfortable with yourself and advocate for yourself. And I think it's the perfect time to choose where you want to live, choose who you want to be with. And now, you know, you're starting this new chapter with so much more information, so much more knowledge about what's

what you are willing to accept. It's going to inform whatever happens next. You're empowered in a new way. Yeah. So cool. Who would have thunk it? I'm going to be happy all week just thinking about her. Well, I think we'll end on that high. Wow. Incredible. Thank you guys so much for continuing to write in. We love your questions. Please, please, please keep submitting. We have a lot of great ones. We're so lucky. And enjoy our products.

Go out, purchase these products if you want. Give these products. Let us know how it lands. Yeah. And we'll see you next week. Bye. Bye.