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Anyways, so do a quick warm up, then we'll get right into the show. So I did a ton of research on you and not just you. I listened to a lot of your podcasts. A lot of them were very similar. And I don't really know much about being a firefighter. So I was also doing research on kind of like the life of a firefighter.
And I wanted to kind of try to be able to relate being a firefighter to being in a SEAL team or at the agency. And one similarity that I thought was pretty funny was, I mean, you guys eat, sleep, shit, fucking live together and eat together.
And so when you guys are at the firehouse, it sounds like there's always a common meeting area where all the jackassery happens. And we have that too in the SEAL teams. We call it the platoon hut. And there's, if I could be a fly, if anybody could be a fly on the fucking wall for the, and listen in on the conversations that happen in that room, you'd be a fucking instantaneous billionaire because you could write a book about it. It would go viral.
Might change some civilians' minds of their ideas of the people in this profession. Yeah, they might not think we're the stand-up human beings everybody thinks we are. That's right. But anyways, it sounds like you guys all meet in the kitchen or the dining area. And so is there any conversations that come up?
that you can think of that are fucking hilarious. Yeah, over the years, man, there's tons of conversations. We're sitting there and you're breaking bread with your brothers and sisters over the table. And it's kind of like what happens in the house stays in the house. And, you know, it's like we're a bunch of children. We're a bunch of grown children waiting for that bell to go off. And when it does, you've got to run out of there with a plate full of spaghetti in your face. And I think that's where the difference would lie with the SEAL team. It's like when you guys go on an op,
You're planning to go on that op. Yeah. You don't just jump out of your bed and fly to the op immediately without having any planning or any knowledge of where it's going to be. That's the difference with the fire service. We'll be sitting around talking about inappropriate shit at the table full of spaghetti and goddamn garlic bread. And before you know, you're on a fire scene trying to put your mask on, but you got to vomit before you do, before you go in. Because it's like literally you have a...
full stomach and you run out and you're throwing up all over the place. It happens. But yeah, to answer your question, sorry, I got long winded. To answer your question,
All of the inappropriate shit happens right there at the kitchen table, man. It's all the good stuff, all the bad stuff, all the ball breaking. That's where it goes down. No one thing comes to mind other than a funny emergency call that they went on years ago. And I talk about this extensively, and I'll probably talk about it during the episode of a conversation that took place. And it was about breaking a new guy in over experiencing his first death on the job.
And it was funny to all of the old guys, but not the new guy. - Well, let's hear it. Or I'll give you an example if you want to save that for the show. So we're sitting in Germany in the platoon hut. That's what we call it, the platoon hut. And there's always like a long table, you know, where all the enlisted scum like me hang out and fucking talk about who we kicked the shit out of, who we fucked, how much ass we got, how much ass we didn't get.
all that kind of shit. And, you know, all the fights happen, everything happens in the platoon HUD. And then, you know, the platoon chief and the O's and the leadership have their offices and they kind of, you know, leave the boys alone. But ever since I was a teenager, I've been like scared shitless of STDs. They scare the fuck out of me. Herpes, AIDS, syphilis. And anytime anything happened, even...
if there was no penetration, I would get fucking paranoid and think I'm going to die. Just a handjob. You can get it. Yeah. Yeah. Handjob. You think I'm going to die? Oh, my God, I got fucking herpes. And that probably means I have AIDS and blah, blah, blah. And so anyways, I'm in a platoon hut. We're in Germany and, you know, we have to get an HIV test once or twice a year, I think, you know, for obvious reasons. You can't sleep at night waiting on your results. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, fuck.
I always get fucking stressed out when this happens, you know, and so we go to I go to medical I'm getting my blood test and I'm fucking sweating bullets and they're like, you know, what's you okay? And I'm like, yeah, you know, I'm fine. Like a fucking dying beer. They're like, are you sexually active? And I'm like, who the fuck is it sexually? Of course, I'm fucking sexually active. What the fuck? I'm on deployment. It's fucking Germany. I'm a SEAL.
can we get the over with like how long is it going to take for the results to get it to get the board punched we'll talk about that another time but uh so they draw the blood you know and then you know that was what probably around 2003 2004 and uh you know the results didn't come back that quick so maybe a week so i've got like a week of running around i had like
100% convinced myself that I have the Hiv and I'm gonna fucking die. - You're playing in your funeral. - Yeah. So the fucking, our medic comes in 'cause he's, you know, everybody has their duty. Like mine was ordinance. The medic comes in and Chad Wilkinson who went on to dev group and unfortunately is not with us anymore.
But Chad, like, he fucking, he always had it out for me. He always, he was just always fucking with me. He beat my ass. We skipped the whole hazing thing. He just knocked the shit out of me. And so anyways, we're always going back and forth. Well, he go, he comes up to me, like, first thing in the morning. And the whole platoons are, like, 16 of us sitting around this fucking table. And he, like, nudges me, and he's like, hey. He's like, Sean, uh,
your HIV results came in and I'm like okay well what the are they you know and he sets my medical record down on the table and he has this piece of paper you know and uh so when you get your HIV test it says HIV results and then there's a long dotted line that goes to the other side of the page
and then it says you know positive it's like this long build up to the results so he's got this paper over over it and as all i see are hiv results and he runs the paper like he's covering the results so he runs the paper like real slow across the dotted line nobody in the platoon knows what's happening right now and uh
I fucking passed out. You fucking passed out. I went fucking tits up just like that. I'm like, I couldn't handle the anticipation or the suspense and he's running across this line and I'm like, fucking tits up, fall out of my chair.
wake up and i was only out for like a second i think i fucking fainted i guess and uh nobody else knew what the hell's going on and they're like dude what are you all right chad is laughing his fucking ass off and i'm like what the fuck are they what i'm like what do i fucking age jesus christ you know and uh and he's like no all the dudes you fucked are clean you're good yeah
so i'm not going to tell you the results that's fine no i'm just can't catch it twice come on yeah but yeah i'm negative but uh yeah so there's my uh platoon hud story you got anything it's gonna be quite a show yeah yeah um no i don't have uh an exciting aid story i do have a funny story though i don't have an exciting aid story
This one's just kind of quick and to the point. I started dating this girl and she was a fitness model. When I was a firefighter and I was on ladder five in Charleston, so it's on the west side and we'll talk about that. But in my firehouse, we had two companies. We had engine 10 and ladder five. And when I first got there, we had an old captain, this old dude, his name's Captain Gino.
He would kiss you on the mouth when you come in. He was just one of those dudes, and he would call you baby girl. He was like, hey, baby girl. And if you tried to fight it, he'd grab your head, and he's like big cock strong man. And he'd force a kiss onto you. You can't do that shit these days. And that's why I ended up being that guy at the firehouse, and I loved it. But Gino would grab your hand when you would sit down at the table. He'd hold your hand while you're trying to eat dinner, and he had these big fucking bear paws.
And if you tried to like pull away, just squeeze tighter. And then he'd start stroking your hand with his thumb. Like you were his, you were his girl. He's like the guy, like, no, you could hit him in the head with a fucking bat. And he's just going to look at you like you shouldn't have done that. You just submit to Gino. It's like, hold my pocket. You know what I mean? Like a prison thing. And, uh, I just remember one day I started dating this girl and, uh, we on ladder five, we caught a call for a vehicle accident with entrapment and engine 10. They didn't have a call. So we got up from dinner. Brooke had just walked in to see me.
And so we run out, ladder five, we go on the call. We get 77, which means canceled. Literally right when we got out of the firehouse. And I was nervous because Gino is quite the ladies' man. And I was like, oh, man, what is this poor girl getting into when I'm not there? And we turn around, we back our rig back in, and I get off the truck in a hurry. And I walk in, and this girl is standing there in this nice black dress. She was getting ready to go out for the night. I mean, she is nice. Yeah.
And when I walk in, Gino has the biggest handful of ass I've ever seen. Like, he was just squeezing. And he looks back at me. He goes, hey, Bubba, this thing got a fat ass on it. Holy shit. And she's standing there. She'd never met him. And she's just standing there with this deer in the headlights looking like, what do I fucking do? And I'm like, God almighty. But that's how it is. And so...
That's good shit. That was it though. That's just how it is. Did they hook up? No, no. The firehouse is loving like that. When firemen watch this, they'll get that. They're like, yeah, that stuff goes on and some other wild shit. We can't go into everything. We can't go into everything. What stays in the house, what's said in the house stays in the house. What happens in the house stays in the house. Anyways, that's the warm up. Let's get on with the fucking show, man. Let's do it. Let's get real.
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