Ep 461 - D.D.S. 01:03:41

I'll be honest, I did just drop a medical grade dye. How'd you like it? The dye was cast. I cast some dye. You know what it is, honestly? Whenever I drink, whenever I take cough medicine, I always have medical grade dye. I can see that. I don't know why. I don't know. I know the Halls. I ate a whole bag of Halls when I was a young man. I had a bunch of Halls yesterday. The yummy ones? A lot of them have a lot of vitamin C.

And then too much vitamin C turns on the diarrhea level. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. I've been taking a ton of vitamin C. A heavy dose of vitamin C will get the dye flowing. It gets a little vitamin D going. And also in the spirit of honesty, I want to keep everything totally transparent. My wife had diarrhea as well. It wasn't just me. My wife also suffered from diarrhea. My woman was here and was like, I think there's a bug going around. I was like, ew. That means you had diarrhea too.

Yeah, true. How do you know? Yeah. Everybody's diet has been cast upon us. It's crazy. We got there. We got to Rochester, and we both were like, oh, shit. She hit it first, and I was like, sucks for you. And 20 minutes later, I was like, oh, fuck. What were you guys munching? You think it's just a bug? We were trying to figure out what it was. The kids don't have it. It's just us. I don't know, man. We have a nasty. We're four days on. But if you had a kid's shit in an adult body, that's vicious diarrhea.

Oh, yeah. Kid dumps are fucking insane. Every kid dump, I look at every single one of them. They're fucked up. They're like pale and they're like... Fucking insane. If I see a regular turd, I'm like, yo, nice. You got a good turd. If they had a regular turd, that'd be alarming. True. You're like, oh my... What are you, a fucking man? When they start producing turds, it kind of does. You're like, it sucks. Yeah. Especially if they're wearing diapers too late. The old turd in a little log out in a diaper. Full log, dude. Ew, dude. Yeah. That shit's gross.

But yeah, dude, it was still recovering, man. I'm still, you know, I hate I'm disease sucks, dude. I'm still in recovery from diarrhea. Hate this disease. It's such a shit. It's tough for me to figure out when I'm taking out so many of my friends, dude. Yeah, it is. It's tough. I get diarrhea enough that it's never that alarming until it's like three straight diarrheas. It's like, oh, I'm working on something's gone wrong.

Friday till now. It's Friday to Wednesday. And it's been like, it'll start to kind of get better. And then this is whatever this is, is like, this is a terrible way to start. Fuck it. Whatever this is, is like, I'll think I have diarrhea and it's, I'll have diarrhea feeling no release. That's the truth. That's the fucking worst. I'll go, you know, you get doubled over and you're like, oh fuck. I'll just like go to the bathroom and then fart on the toilet and it goes away. And I'm like, this is not good. So.

I mean, you know, we'll see. I'm going to give it another... If it doesn't get cured... You're going to have to have a diarrhea at the Barcelona rest stop on the way home. True. I might have to go face down. You're going to have to honor Barcelona.

Yeah, we'll see. That was making me laugh very hard. Him spazzing out. John Basselone. And there's episode two of The Pacific. John Basselone just wiping out. It's crazy. All his boys are watching him like, whoa, dude. What the fuck? What are you doing? Especially, I mean, it was that or death, really. Those guys were coming to get you. I know, but it's just like... I know. The part where he's running through the jungle just shooting dudes in the head. Yeah. Who the fuck is this guy? Yeah.

Just one of your boys turns into John Wick. True. True. You're like, what the fuck? Yeah, dude. Especially under the threat of death, getting that uncomfortable, being like, dude, come on, man. That's enough. I don't want to spoil it for you, but Basilone, in the show, it's funny. In real life, obviously, it was a tragedy. Yeah. He goes home because he's a Medal of Honor winner. So they send you right home. If you kill enough people, they're like, dude, you're done.

They needed him. He was a hero. High score. You hit the high score. They're like, no one's going to touch this. No one without a bomb is going to come near what you just did. Yeah, true. So they sent him home to give like USO like speeches, try to sell war bonds at home. Yeah. And then he got a little restless. He's like, fuck this, dude. I got to get back out there with my fucking boys. Did he really? Yeah. So he goes back. I think it was Iwo Jima.

He goes back and he's like, fellas, watch this, dude. I'm nice. Tries to do what he did. He gets popped. What? It's not funny. It's funny in the show. In the show, yeah, of course. Just the character being like, everybody, you can carry this machine gun like this. Just run around and kill everybody. Oh. Yeah. It's like, dude, that was a miracle what happened the first time. He had the contra code in.

And then he came on and was just like, I got that. That's fucking nuts. And he was just like, yeah, I must just be really good at this. Yeah, he was. But true. You know, it's any given Sunday. Any given Sunday. Yeah, true. Yeah, that sucks. The Cardinals versus the Cowboys. The Japanese got him. Nobody saw that coming. Cardinals beat the Cowboys. Cardinals beat the Cowboys. Yeah. Love to see it happen. It was nice. Yeah.

I didn't know the Cardinals. Are the Cardinals good? No, they stink. That was just like a wild shoot. Yeah, it was bullshit. It's kind of tight, actually. I saw... Don't want to mention it. I saw the big L. That was... Man, that was tough stuff. I don't even want to talk about what happened to my sweet Our Lady of Victory. Pray for us. Yeah, that was tough, man. I was watching a little bit back and forth, and I was like, all right, cool. And I checked later because I didn't know what happened. And I was like, I wonder what happened with that. Overtime, last minute loss. No, it was just... Honestly, I did not think...

I got there. I was like, I don't care like I used to. Yeah. Like when I was younger, this, I was like, I don't even care that much. As soon as the game started, I was just going nuts. Then they lost. And I was, dude, it took me until kind of right now. You got over it. To be slightly, that sucked. Yeah.

It was probably the best day of my entire life. Yeah. Leading up to it. I was thinking about that exactly. I'm like, man, that sucks. I mean, I guess that's the whole allure of the whole thing, though. Because if you had gotten the victory...

I mean, that's unbelievable. I know. It is the point of being a Notre Dame fan, dude. And during the loss is kind of nice. You have to suffer. Just have a great day and be like, fuck. No, it sucked ass. It ruined everything. Yeah, I know. What did you guys do? I was literally on the field with Vince Vaughn and Brady Quinn on both sides of me watching Notre Dame. And it would have been party time if they won. It would have been party time. It was a dream. It would have been party time. Yeah, that fucking rules.

So what do you do? Before the game, the quarterback came over and was like, let's fucking go. I was like, dude, let's go. You're so cool. So what does everyone do when they lose? Everyone just walks home quietly? Everyone's just like, what the fuck just happened? Oh, no. Because they blew it. They blew it. Ah.

So you can't be like, party! No. I didn't want to party. I went home. I was so sad. Reflected on the game. I was so sad. That stinks. Before the game, the quarterback came over and was like, let's fucking go. And he was getting pumped. And he was like, he threw his smelling salt at me to be like, let's go. Did you smell it? I was like...

I dropped it. Like a loser. When I picked it up. Yeah. You smelled it? Yeah, it was nice. There's no alcohol in the stadium. I needed that smelling salt. True. Yeah, that's a good idea. That must suck, though, to be like so fucked up. And also, people were having like coke in their system and shit, and your team loses while you're just like. Oh, man. Fuck.

This stinks. Bro, it hurts so bad. I heard. I got word. As soon as I got done, I got off the stage and said, let me see what happened. What happened? And you went, ooh, he's going to be so sad. Yeah, damn it, dude. It was the best day. That's like such a nice day. Your dad's there. Everyone's hanging out. And they fucking blow it. And it was overtime, right? No, it was literally the last, basically the last play of the game. That's what it was. Notre Dame had 10 guys on the field.

What? They blew it, dude. They forgot a player for the last two plays. What the fuck? I don't know. Dropped an interception on the last drive. Had them... I mean, they had them. But that's life, dude. True. That is the allure of the game. Because then the victory would not have been so sweet. The victory will be sweet. One day...

I don't know where I'll be then, Matt. That's a big game, Ohio State. But I will be smiling. Oh, yeah. I don't know where I'll be. True. I might be up there by the time they win one. But I'll be smiling. The Buckeyes are tough. I fucking hate the Buckeyes, dude. I wanted that for you so bad, dude. I hate those cocksuckers. I saw them winning and I said, holy shit, dude. Last year sucked, but it wasn't as bad because it was like they were better. Yeah, yeah. This year Notre Dame was better. Yeah. And still managed to fucking blow it, dude.

Fuck it. That's all right. That's all right. They're going to be back. Exactly. We're going to win out. Dude. We got Duke this week. Let's go. Sink your teeth into the old fucking Blue Devils. Blue Devils are fucking good this year. Are they really? They might catch another L. Fuck, dude. Nah, they're going to take it out on the Duke Blue Devils. Yeah. Blue Devils think their shit's sweet this year. Really?

What are they ranked? They butt-fucked Clemson. Okay. They're... Clemson's... Blue Devils are tough, dude. Fuck, dude. I didn't know Duke had a good football team. They usually don't. Is it a new thing? They do this year, which is nice. Is there a lot of, like, those type of teams that are just getting, like, better and better? Like, is Duke getting better, or is it just, like, a fluke team? Yeah, I think it's a fluke team. Yeah. Every once in a while, these guys have fluke teams. Yeah. It's kind of tight, actually. Notre Dame's... This is... Notre Dame's apparently really good.

They should get, which one do you call it to coach? I think Notre Dame would go to the next level if they had Deion Sanders coach for them.

I love Colorado football. If you don't like Colorado football, you're racist. Okay? That's a class organization. But it's funny how everyone's trying to beat the fuck out of them. All these teams are trying to fucking destroy them. Yeah, that's because they're being dickheads. They're fucking assholes. They just got blown out, didn't they? They did, because they were on the field before the game stomping on the fucking other team's logo. Dude.

Like you're not going to get everybody in the country knew they were about to get rocked. Oregon beat them. Yeah, Oregon. Yeah, dude. I do like a nice narrative like that, though. I've been enjoying the drama of the Deion Sanders narrative. His son is very. His son's awesome. Flesh and bones playing QB. He's really good. It's going to be a movie in two years. The whole season is going to be a movie. Obviously, they're going to leave out the Oregon part. Nah, we did it. The white man was trying to hold us down. We did it.

Colorado State was the white man. Colorado State was the white man. Their coach was black, wasn't it? Yeah, but he was a white guy. He played for Iowa. He was like number 45. Was he really? Yeah, I saw a picture of him. I saw his college picture. I was like, dude, I'm cheering for Colorado State so hard. That was fun. The little bits of those games that I catch, I see the other coaches like, we'll fucking beat the shit out of this team.

Because they're getting all the shine. They're getting all the shine on the flash. They're getting all the... Which is... Look, obviously, it's cool. It is tight. And it's doing a lot of... If Deion coached Notre Dame, I'd be so excited. You'd have the shades. You'd get the Deion sports line. Obviously, I'd get the shades. He has his own sunglass line. Of course. He's a fucking business genius, dude. He's a business genius. He's got the shades on. Yeah, it's... I mean, dude, it's going to be fun. His son is his literal creative player. He's really... He literally created his player. Yeah.

He's going to do the old NCAA thing where you take him to the NFL. You can import him into Madden. He's going to do it, and he's going to go coach in the NFL. And that's where I think Neon's going to run into some trouble. You think so? Because you can't buy a better team in the NFL. Yeah, true.

You're going to run into some weird white guys. Oh, you can link up with Jay-Z, though. Autistic white guys. Bill Belichick's ass. Yeah, true. Guys that are retarded. Yeah, but what if Deion Sanders linked up with Jay-Z and they just bought the best team ever? That'd be awesome. It'd be pretty tight. Damn. It's going to make a picket line. It kind of sucks, though, because then if you're just like a black dude on any other team, it's like, damn, dude, now I'm working for the man. Yeah.

The black dudes are talking so much shit to that team. When I'm watching it, they're back and forth like fucking pussy ass, fuck you, Deion Sanders. Bitch ass Deion Sanders, daddy of whatever. I don't know what's being said. Like Deion Sanders, bitch ass, fucking daddy, old ass daddy. Yeah. That would be nice to fucking hit that quarterback and be like, go tell your fucking wow dad. Wow. Wow. Daddy out here. I whoop his old ass too, bitch.

All right, edit the f***ing part. That's so f***ing funny, dude. Actually, probably edit that whole thing because then it's going to sound like I said a different word. It was a homophobic, not racial slur. For the record. For the record, I was being homophobic, not racist.

But I wasn't. To be fair, that's what probably would be said on the field. It'd be so nice to hear. We're still working on cleaning up the talk on the field. You think this is bad? Go to the field. The field's bad. Those guys, I want to end cursing on the field. Forget about the concussions. There's some guys out there trying to get this. You get a flag for saying the N-word on the field. You get a flag for saying the N-word? Yeah, dudes, like black dudes, are getting flags for saying the N-word. I see on the TV, I see a lot of Fs. I see people saying Fs out there.

You know, I see that. I see, I watched in the mouth thing. Oh, this is one too many Fs. A lot of Fs. I didn't know they were dropping ends out there. I mean, I guess, you know, you're obviously the job charged up. You're in an adrenalized state and you just knock someone over. You know what I'm saying? It's like, how are you not going to scream that as a black dude? That's alone was definitely screaming it. They left that out of the Pacific. That guy was howling that word the whole time.

Also, the problem is if you're a black dude and you tackle your opponent and you just drop an N on the field out of excitement and you get flagged, your brain, another N's coming up. Yeah. An NW. What? You're going to flag me? It's just a never-ending cycle. Yeah. I'd be kicked out in two seconds because it's just like the shock of being flagged by an old white guy for saying the N word. You'd be like, oh, wait, hold on. Yeah. Hold on a second. Something's wrong. You'd just slap him in his face. Yeah.

Anyway, I do like... That's not how this is supposed to go. I'm supposed to punch you in the face in a 7-Eleven because you said it in line. Yeah. Yeah, the Colorado thing's funny. I watched the Colorado State-Colorado game in a Dave & Buster's in Miami. Did you really? Obviously, the Dave & Buster's was cheering very, very hard for Colorado. I think the Colorado Buffaloes is a psyop. Colorado Buffaloes... It's a psyop. You get old white dudes racing. Every Dave & Buster's in America...

That's their home base. Every Dave and Buster's goes wild for the Buffaloes. It is a fight. It is a psyop, dude. I swear, dude. Every white dude's like, I love him. You're like, dude, I know you don't. When that white safety cheap shot at that player. Every white dude in America went.

That was a dirty play. That was a clean hit five years ago, but that's crap. I don't like that. It is funny. I mean, that is like a perfect story for right now in sports. It's like everyone's watching it. Everyone's fucking... Yeah. I'll tell you what. There's some Oregon Duck fans this week.

It could be a Democrat psyop, dude. The election's coming and they're trying to build up racial tensions. I think they're going to fake... It could be George Soros. He might be behind the Colorado Buffaloes. They're going to fake Deion Sanders' son's death. A white linebacker is going to fucking tackle him and kill him and be like, we're going to secure the future for our children! And they're going to go, we can't have this anymore! Come on! We can't have this anymore! Bloody soil!

Yeah, Nazi linebackers are going to kill him. Nazi linebackers versus Conrad. Are you a Ukrainian Nazi linebacker? He's going to tackle Deion Sanders' son. What's his name? Shador. Shador Sanders. Shador, yeah. He's going to tackle Shador. Shiloh too, right? The other son? I'm not sure. Shiloh? He's got Shiloh. What's Shiloh play? Great book. He has two sons? He's got two sons on the team? Yeah.

Dude, this is like... This is crazy. And they're good. They're good as fuck. Yeah, they're probably fucking nasty. Yeah, yeah. Neon Deons are dead. Also, I was trying to... I was kind of... Neon had one year where he played for the Braves and the Falcons. Oh, yeah, yeah. Dude, he batted .307. That's high, right? It's incredible. What? He batted above .300 for the Braves and was an all-pro. He's the biggest freak. That's crazy. That's unbelievable. That's literally like Jim Thorpe. Yeah. That's like...

That doesn't happen this century. I didn't know he was that good. Yeah, he's... Who else crossed over football and baseball? Was there anyone else? Bo Jackson. Bo Jackson. That's who I'm thinking of. It looks like he played baseball for, like, the whole time he was playing football. He played baseball until, like, 2001. Damn. Yeah, he's crazy. He definitely... I mean, I'd like to have a fantasy where he never played baseball growing up and was just playing football. I was like, give me that fucking bat. Give me that motherfucking bat. He just cracked the ball. Yeah.

Yeah, damn. I wish I was aware back then. I bet the white dudes in baseball were furious. Neon was out there with like chains dominating. They're like, yeah, he might be good on the football field, but this motherfucker can't hit a curveball. God damn it. God damn it. Those sunglasses are cool.

You know who's a big fan? Who? Phil Gillis. Of Neon Deon. Of Neon. Yeah, dude. Phil got, no, it's not a fake one. Like, I was arguing with him. Yeah. We had a couple beers, and I was trying to, I was like, Phil, shut up. I don't think he would fake the fan ship at all. He loves them. Yeah, dude. I mean, it is exciting. I get sucked into, I got sucked into Conor McGregor.

Big excitement hounds. I'm like, oh, this would be great. Yeah. But I watched him fall terribly. I went, oh, jeez. McGregor. Yeah. I saw McGregor fall. McGregor posts these pictures that are... His Instagram is insane right now. Well, that is... It's a nice retirement plan for someone that hard in the limelight. It's like, you can just become ridiculous on the internet. And now it's like, dude, you're good for another decade. He's still the man. Dude, I mean, undeniably. But... He's the source of so many good memes, too. Yeah.

What the fuck is that? I don't know. He posts insane photos. I think he's posting thirst traps.

Yeah, but all his followers are me. Maybe he's trying to change that. This one's so good. What the? He's a party boy, dude. He's partying. Oh, no. But he has like that weird, he has a little devilish sex smile. He does, dude. He does. Goddamn, bro. Oh, he's definitely doing naughty things, dude. He's a naughty man. No, he's doing very naughty stuff. But I think Neon Deon's clean, dude. I don't think he drinks, smokes.

Yeah, he's like Trump. None of that. Yeah. He is Trump. He's Trump, dude. He's Black Trump. All about winning. Dude, I don't see how Trump's going to win again, dude. Everyone's talking Trump's going to get it by a landslide. It's like...

It's going to be crazy if he comes back. Dude, Biden's retarded. True. Biden's dead. Why, dude? This is like a... It's like watching, like, you know when you see the old movies of Godzilla and they're like shittily built dinosaurs fighting each other? It's like, what is this? It really is the exact same. It's Godzilla versus Mechalodon. It really is. You're just going, dude, why? Godzilla's back. We needed Godzilla. He lost in the second movie. We need Godzilla back. That should be his fucking song for the campaign. Da-na-na. Da-na-na. Puff diddy. Puff diddy.

The Puff Diddy Godzilla Led Zeppelin song, dude. Puff Diddy Led Zeppelin. Yeah. Come with me.

I thought that was so cool. I know. Dude, everybody did. And then I saw the movie Sucked Ass. I was so pumped for that movie. Dude. I think that might have been the first blockbuster movie as a kid that I saw that I was like, this is a piece of shit. Me and my friend Phil laughed all day because I think the beginning of the movie, they had an old Japanese dude in bed and he would go,

Come closer. And his hands kept doing this for some reason. Come closer. Come closer. And the guy leaned in. He went, Godzilla. And just died. And we were like, bad. For months afterwards, we always went, come closer. Godzilla. Godzilla. We laughed for a year about that. Still funny as hell. That's obviously hilarious. If I hit him with one of those, he would laugh to this day. I don't know if the choice of Ferris Bueller for the guy is... Yeah. Yeah.

He's not really an action guy. Didn't he become the Hulk, too? No. Who became? Oh, that was fucking. Ruffalo. Ruffalo. I get those guys mixed up. That would have been awesome if it was Matthew Broderick. True. Ruffalo would have been actually nasty. I was like, damn, he does good with the Hulk, but that's a whole different guy. Ruffalo's perfect for the fucking Hulk, dude. Yeah. Hulk vs. Godzilla would be so sick. Godzilla would fucking. That got his autistic eyes up.

That fucking perked him right off. He goes, damn, I never even thought of Hulk Godzilla. True. Not many have. No one's thought of Hulk Godzilla yet. Not many have. Dude, Hulk Godzilla is revolutionary. That's game-changing right there. Who do you got? Who do I got? I think Godzilla...

Buries him, dude. No, but the Hulk can only get more mad. And he gets bigger the more mad he gets. No way, dude. He gets bigger the more mad? Why can't he beat Thanos then? He beat Thanos? Yeah, with all the other Avengers. Yeah. You know what they're going to have to do to get Hulk? They're going to have to sit him down and watch Colorado dance.

He's going to be fucking 200 feet tall. They're going to go, what are you mad about? He's going to be like, nothing. I love Colorado. I think it's great what they're doing. Yeah, that was something when I first saw that narrative and watched the whole thing. I'm like, oh, this is great, dude. It's just so funny. It's exactly what we needed. Yeah, they drew it.

This is what we needed. Colorado versus Nebraska. Thank you, God. Thank you for that gift. When is that? That already happened. Oh, it did? Right? I don't think they played the Huskers. Oh, no. They didn't play the Huskers yet. Yeah, they did. I think Colorado played Nebraska already. They may have. Yeah. There you go. Damn. Yeah. So what's Colorado sitting at? What, like two losses on the season? Three and one, four and one.

Three wins, one loss? Yeah. Or two? Because they lost to the Ducks. They lost to the Ducks. That was their only loss. Oh, so they beat Nebraska. They beat TCU. They beat Nebraska. They beat Colorado State. Yeah, they did win that. And then they lost to Oregon. So they're pretty good. They are good. Yeah, very good. Especially for a team that went...

Owen 12 or 1 and 11 last year. Dude. Yeah. Why is he trees coat? He's picking on Coach glory He's got his kids out in the field. He's taking these turning around a pretty really turn him around He literally got there and said in first team meeting. He was like I want everybody here to leave the team you guys suck Oh, I'm bringing in my own players. You guys suck. Damn. It was such a cool moment. He fucking fired the kick the kids off the team. I

He was like, you guys are pussies. Get out of here. I'm bringing my bag with me and it's Louie. That's what he said. You're like, all right. And everybody has to sit there and go, that's cool. That's crazy. That's so mean. Yeah, I mean, yeah. I know. And the argument, which is fair, is like coaches get fired. These kids just went 1-11. Get them out. Yeah, but then it becomes the NFL.

It is the NFL now. Yeah, now it's the NFL because otherwise you do have to like the whole point is like getting a bunch of low down kids and being like, I hadn't seen some kids as bad as you making them do a thousand jumping jacks and then being like, I'm sorry, one of your moms died. Let's all play for her. Yeah. And then they all turn around. They are now. That could have worked. That's what I want. He's all business. He's strictly business. He was just like, get off. You guys get off the team.

Oh, those guys must be furious because they can't walk around in their cool sweatpants anymore on campus. No, they all did transfer. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. All right.

I was going to rock a ton of Buffalo gear. That was my plan. I was going to come in here decked in Buffalo gear. I mean, look, I saw Cameron. I am being a hater. That's what it is. It's, it is a magnetic, a force that, I mean, it's going to attract haters. You can't, you can't operate like that. And Neon says, you got me. And I think I'm the only vocal hater. I don't think anyone's come out and been like, dude, this is not cool. It's kind of annoying. Yeah.

Yeah, I figured that when I first saw it, I was like, oh, that's going to get people's goats. Yeah. Just the flashery of it all. That's what Oregon was like. I like flash. I'm a Notre Dame fan, dude.

Exactly. You got to be humble and lose. I think the Colorado State coach basically said that. He was like, yeah, it's all social media posts. It's all this. We're going to do it. No, that's what Oregon coach was like. They do it for clicks. We do it for... I forget what he said. Oh, dude, that shit... He did it on camera, so he was doing it for clicks, too. He can shut up. It's so nice, though, to be like, yeah, they're all flash. We're more like nose in the dirt, gridiron. Meanwhile, Oregon does exactly what Colorado does. Do they? Yeah, they're just as...

All they do is buy players. Yeah. With the new NIL, they're whatever. You can just literally just build. Yeah. That's pretty tight, though. The game was good. I remember watching college football and being like, yeah, you can tell it's way different than the NFL. It's like, this looks like I'm watching the NFL now. Yeah. There's still people making huge mistakes. Yeah. Like having 10 guys on the field. True. There's still the amateur. Yeah.

The amateur level is still there. True. Dude's just fucking up. True, man. Like you would have believed. True. Does Notre Dame play Buffalo? No. I don't think I could take it. They play Colorado. I literally might join the Nazi Ukraine party. You'd have to go to a bunker, dude. I'd have to be, yeah. You'd be Brad Pitt for Moneyball. Yeah. You'd be like, just driving. I cannot watch this. Dude.

It's going to... I mean, Notre Dame is basically going to... It's Caleb Williams plays for USC. He's a cool and flashy quarterback. Is he really? Won the Heisman last year. He's going to... He's a hunk. Wait, no, I'm thinking of... Who's the guy now? Brady? On Notre Dame? Yeah. Sam Harmon. He's a dreamboat. Okay, Sam Harmon. That's a good... That's what I thought you were talking about. That guy's a fucking dreamboat. No, USC has a quarterback there. Oh, okay. Yeah. He's going to get us. Yeah, true. Fuck. Dude, I had a...

I this actually made me laugh really hard I was on the plane so I can't be doing this talk about being racist watching football it is funny though yeah well it's not like uh whatever yeah I don't know it is a thing though you see it and it's like they're playing with potent forces dude I'm watching this I'm watching the narrative playing the sports I'm like oh they're setting up a fucking pressure of an organ yeah here comes organ

Well, it's fucked up because now you have a team now who's like, it's not like a political agenda. It's like it becomes it somehow. Not like a political agenda, but it's like. It is racial. It's a racial component to the game now where it's like, I was feeling bad for those black guys who aren't on the Buffaloes. So I'm like, damn, dude, that's fucking bullshit. Yeah, it's like what Muhammad Ali did to Joe Frazier. Yeah, true. Yeah, exactly. For real. Everyone was like, you're not black. It's like he's so much blacker than Muhammad Ali. He's the blackest dude of all time. Joe Frazier's black as hell.

But that's what happened. They started. That was Colorado. Muhammad Ali was Colorado. And every white dude was like, come on, Joe. Beat his fucking ass. Anyway, Lemaire, do you have any other terrible opinions? What else are you working on? Dude, I don't have any terrible opinions.

you got one there was one i was i was thinking about that senator who was getting groped and i was like yo yeah that's fun dude that's fun yeah she's a good lady it's a nice lady they were saying she's like really what like puritanical or like pushing like conservative christian values on people and she was getting her titties touched that's conservative and christian was it her husband

Doesn't matter. Long-term boyfriend? I don't, yeah. I've watched the clip many times, dude. The clip is crazy. Getting her tits rubbed at the theater? Yikes. I gotta say, it's pretty awesome. I didn't like the exit. What was the exit? They could have had a little more class on the exit. They were leaving like, fuck yeah. Oh, they did? I think so, yeah. Yeah, she, I forget her, I think her excuse was that she was high energy. Something crazy. She's like, yeah, I'm just high energy sometimes and too much for people. Yeah.

That's awesome. I'm high energy. I get my tits rubbed at shows. Vaping, getting tits rubbed. She was rubbing Bird, too. She was rubbing... She rubbed the country's Bird. That was her rubbing the nation's Bird, because I swear to God, you would have thought my Bird was getting... I was watching that going, ooh. What's her name? My mirror neurons kicked in. I went, ooh, it's just like she's rubbing my Bird. I'm sorry, Sean. What was it?

Yeah. Lauren Boebert. I think she just put herself on the map. Oh, what a fucking bait. Dude, I think she put herself on the map. She's got a little moon face. There's another senator who has like an OnlyFans too. Really? Yeah. Of her pub? She has like an active... I don't think she's from her pub, but she has like an active OnlyFans. And she's like in Congress or something, or Senate. These people are fucked. The fucking...

yeah guns and fucking yeah i pledge allegiance to the flag just a gun and a holster i got a uh this fucking this lady needs to go i was going through my instagram thing and there was a there was a lady who was doing first of all there's a world of instagrams of just dudes being like

Your wife doesn't want to hear about blah, blah, blah. And you should maybe take your time to do the thing that you like do the chores. All right, buddy. And like, dude, I get them all the time. My wife sends me and I go, that guy's a fucking dork. Stop sending me this shit. So then I was scrolling through my thing and I found a lady who was just out sweeping a front porch and she was like,

here's things you should do for your husband. When he comes home, smile. He doesn't want to hear about your problems the first time he comes in. Dude, I'm like, oh my God, I'm laughing. I'm like, yes, dude. So I'm like, yo, check this out. Because the comments are all people being like, fuck you, you fucking bitch. You're brainwashed. You're crying for help. And dude, it's dudes too. There's a lot of dudes who are like geeked on gender roles right now who are like, yeah, right. Why does he have to, why do you have to clean just because he's at work? That's not, my wife makes more money than I do. And it's like,

There's your problem, brother. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's what you're sorry about. That's why you're a little baby. Dude, and it's thousands of comments of being like, you're a fucking bitch. Fuck you. And dude, literally all she's saying is like, my house, I just try to love them as much as I can. Try not to get worried of all the bullshit. It was very funny. Which one was? There's a lady going around. There was a lady going around. Who was that lady? Her name's Pearl? Yeah, Pacey lady telling everybody to... Yeah. Yeah.

That was a good one. You would have liked that lady. What? Who? What did she do? Just some, like, manosphere lady. Oh, I think I know you're talking about hitting those rounds. It's like, women are sluts now. It's like, sick. Yeah, it was, I didn't know how many dudes were out there policing, like, feminist ideals on Instagram. I saw that and I was like, what the fuck? Good, good comments. Yeah, it was. It was, dude. It was, it's pretty wild. I'm like, yeah, right. I don't care at all. There was their version of the fucking buffalo.

Buffalo. I don't care at all that my wife makes more than I do. I'm happy to straighten up. I'm happy to straighten up. I like when coaches wear 10 chains on the sideline. I like when the coaches think they're more important than their whole team. I think that's cool. I like when a coach definitely doesn't care about the university or team he's on and will leave in a fucking second.

Nothing makes me happier than straightening up for my wife after she has a long day at work. I think that's very cool, and I don't care. It's like, dude, why the paragraph on this thing? I'm watching this video and going, heh. Oh, hold on. One more on Dion. They tricked me on one. What? 60 Minutes got me with some clickbait. What did they get you with? They were like, 60 Minutes did a thing on Colorado. They were like, the best coach of all time, Dion Sanders. And they were like...

And then he interviewed him and they were like, Dion, who's the best coach in college football? And he's like, y'all got a mirror around here? And that was the clip they showed. And I was like, this fucking dickhead. And then I watched it and he did that joke. And then he was like, it's Nick Saban. Like, he was like, all right. That's funny. I'm an asshole. What? They tricked me. They did that on purpose.

Dude, they're fucking doing that shit on purpose. It's all like it's becoming clickbaity and kind of charged. But it's also, I mean, how can you not? That's a story generator. It's going to boost ratings like crazy. He's getting eyes on college football again. He's making college football exciting. He is. He's making it great again. I do like that. Yeah, true. I also do enjoy that he is basically playing NCAA in real life. He's Black Trump, dude. He's Black Trump. He's Black Trump. You might have Trump derangement disorder. I have Deion Sanders derangement disorder.

And I'm not afraid to admit it. Everyone else is afraid to admit it. I have to fight against so much to cheer for that team. If Dion Derangian is over. I have Dion, I have Neon Dion Derangian. Every single week so far, I've been like, come on, come on.

Other than week one, I was cheering for Colorado against TCU. I had no idea. What a Faustian bargain that was. I was like, come on, this would be awesome if Colorado wins. They won. Everyone was like, that's the best team of all time. Deion's the best coach. Also, poor Jackson State. He just left them. Who's Jackson State? Oh, he just bounced on Jackson State. He went to his first coaching job as a historically black college.

Again, he did the same thing there. He brought in all these fucking sick-ass players. They were awesome. And then as soon as he got the Colorado job, he brought all those players. He just left Jackson State. True. He took all the good players. He went to a very historically white college. He went to Boulder.

He's at Boulder right now? Yeah, he's in Boulder, Colorado, dude. I mean, that's, yeah. It's funny watching because I have watched like Cuts of the Fans and it is just all white chicks just like, yay. Yeah. Yes. We're cool. That was something that I think of my fans. I saw Cuts of the Fans and I was like, whoa, oh my God. Yeah. That was an avalanche. It is a Colorado avalanche, dude. They rushed the field. It looked like a fucking avalanche.

They rushed the field after they beat dogshit Colorado State. They were 30-point favorites. The refs bailed them out. Colorado State was playing their hearts out. They were, dude. I thought they were the better team at first when I was watching. They were the better team, Matthew. You're right. They looked good. Also, setting the tone with that fucking cheap shot that injured their best player. That's dirty. That's bullshit. True. I don't like it.

Oh, dude, I was sitting there on the plane. I was watching. I brought the whole family, obviously, to Rochester. Yeah.

i'm on the plane britney's reading on her kindle and i was just sitting next to her i'm looking over i'm going this is fucking bullshit she's reading i'm like i'm starting to look at it and i'm like i'm reading along i'm like yeah okay and i'm slowly start going and the sentences are kind of tight i guess this guy's got a good way of sense it was my book i didn't realize she's reading my book i was hate reading my own book being like what the fuck kind of bullshit is this thinking it was like a murder mystery i'm going sentence structures all right all right i'm like wait a second that's

Kind of familiar And I was like That's my fucking book This guy's good No wonder I love this shit Yeah I mean I got hit With the reverse of this My lady's been watching A lot of 90 Day Fiance again Oh I come in I'm like What the fuck are you watching This is dumb They watch it for 10 minutes Oh dude you're done Next time I'm like Alright put on episode 5 Yeah

We got to watch the reunion episode. Those shows are so addictive. They're so good. Dude, yeah, I've gotten sucked into a lot of them. As soon as I come in, I'm like, this is so dumb. And I'm like, wait a second. So his brother was a vampire in a past life? Yeah. Go put it on. I have to see it. Yeah, that was very amusing to me. I started hating on my own shit and being like, this is bullshit. And I started reading it going, that's a good sentence. I like the way this is flowing. And I go, wait a second. God damn it, it's my book. Yeah. Dude, I had to beef with the fucking...

I'm beefing with Airbnbs right now too, man. I got...

Dude, the last place I was at in Texas. I don't know why you do that. Go to Airbnbs? On the road. Hotels are... Hotels are nice, but when you have the... You got to check in. You got to look at your email. You got to do all that. I don't know. I brought the whole squad. I don't do any of it. Brittany does all of it. Oh, that's nice. So it's like we have a whole... Because if you do hotels with kids, it kind of sucks. That's got to blow ass. Yeah, you can't move. Or you got to rent like two rooms. It's just a pain in the ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you get the Airbnb. They have their own rooms. It's kind of nice. But I even... I thought I would prefer, even if I was just by myself or like me and one other person...

Airbnb versus like because you go outside there's a little fire pit you can like it's nice but dude Texas we went to an air the whole family went to an Airbnb pool's green so I had to call the guy being like bro you know your pool's green right like he's like whoa well they all bullshit around they're like well yeah but I mean like I don't know maybe like it's just kind of like the way it's looking I'm like no I'm looking at your neighbor's pool dude it's fucking yeah crystalline blue dude your pool's fucked up oh I guess I'll send a pool guy out never does and I'm like whatever so I was like you know I'm not gonna be a ratings brat let it go

We get to Rochester. They have a backyard, which they described as an oasis, by the way. Paradise or oasis, I forget. It's fucking, it was a gravel backyard, like a gravel circle with a big fire pit. Fucking nice. Pictures were beautiful. I can't wait to light fires out there. It's going to be awesome. We get there, fucking four foot high weeds. And I'm just like, you can't even sit in the chair. It's far from an oasis. So they're sticking up through everywhere. So I'm like, Brittany, give me the lady's number. I called her. I'm like, dude, your backyard is fucked.

As politely as I could. I was like, dude, like, this is kind of bullshit. I was hoping to light fires and shit. And dude, she starts going, well, yeah, like our gardener stops like taking care of that area after the summer. And I was like, no, these weeds. And I hit her with like, I used to landscape lady. I was like, these weeds have been growing here for like three months or this tall. This didn't just sprout up overnight.

She goes, oh, okay. Well, like, yeah, I just never had a person have a problem with that. I'm like, oh, so now I'm being ridiculous. Yeah. I guess I'm being ridiculous and picky. She was like, I'm not saying that. I'm like, well, you said no one else had a problem except for me, which I naturally implies that I'm the one being ridiculous.

I didn't say that at all. And then she started hitting me with the next level. It's like the girlfriend stages of grief. Then she started going, well, I just wanted it to be perfect. She started doing like, you know, feel sorry. She did like, you're ridiculous. Feel sorry. I was having a girlfriend argument with this lady. Now, like, feel sorry for me because I tried so hard to make it perfect. And like, I just, I guess I just didn't do it. And I'm like, look, just get someone over here. I'm sure you have someone to come. Just have them come pull in tomorrow. No big deal. Like, I'm not going to, you know, slash the rating. Just...

come on this is bullshit this is not what it looked like i've been getting crushed with pictures and coming up and it's just like these guys just buy airbnbs and they this she's out in fucking like california yeah they think they can just like let them go to shit and be like what i was like dude come on like do your fucking job so then uh dude she was like i'm gonna send someone over but they're not a professional is that okay and i'm like dude we're pulling fucking weeds hey have you ever done anything in your life you're pulling weeds you can have crackheads and children do this dude

I used to get paid a penny per piece of crabgrass, dude. We would go out with my cousins and we'd pull weeds all the time. So she's like, I'm going to send someone. She's not a professional. I fucking hated pulling weeds. Pulling weeds fucking blows. Fucking thorny ones. Dude. I hated those ones. Dude, we were... I actually started... This is how fucked up it was. I got there. I'm like, I'll just pull them out. And I'm like, it's going to take like two hours. I was like, fuck this. That's why I called the lady. She sends over this like...

lady in her 40s who I couldn't I couldn't get a good read on her but it's a good move dude that makes you feel even worse no I didn't dude I was I was an old lady to come do the yard work I was neon dude I was with my shades just watching it's gone tough dude strictly business strictly business dude this is Colorado football dude it's strictly business so I'm sitting there Brittany was on my case being like well I mean I'm like dude fuck that where I'm lighting fires this fire pit this lady is little fucking brat from California he's gonna learn a lesson and

So she called her point person. It was like this 40 year old lady came over with a minor light for like fucking three and a half hours. We had a, Brittany had to call her off and make dude go home. You're good. She did a hell of a job. We'll give it to her.

But, dude, the lady was out of their mind. Into the, we at, like, the darkness of the night was out there. She seems more Colorado State. She's totally Colorado State. That seems Jane Orville. That seems hard-nosed. She's hard-nosed. I take my glasses and hat off when I talk to parents because I have respect. Dude, she had the firelight on, was out there, and, like, she went ham on this thing. She, like, started weeding the whole fucking place, and it was just, like, one little area. Yeah.

So we had to call her off and dude, I took a picture of before and after. And I was like, just so you know, this is what it looked like. This is what it was supposed to look like. Just so you have like a, cause she's trying to hit me with after, before the lady came, she goes, yeah. And I talked to, I'm going to send someone over, but I talked to some other people and they said that's actually common for the area. I'm like, it's common in Rochester, New York to stone a garden area with a fire pit and let weeds grow everywhere within it. I'm like, okay, cool.

Okay, lady. Yeah, that's a common practice. I came from Pennsylvania. Now I'm in New York and you guys have totally different custom around walled gardens and weeds. You just like to have them pop up everywhere. You build a garden so weeds can emerge and block chairs.

Dude, that one fucking sent me to the stratosphere. That should. It fucking killed me. You should be mad. I was, dude. I wouldn't shut up. I bothered everybody about it. Anyone I saw, I'd go, you're from Rochester, right? Let me ask you a question. You guys grow weeds in your fucking patios? No, what do you mean? I'm like, yeah, I knew that fucking lady. I knew that lady was full of shit. Full of shit lady. Dude. I knew it wasn't a custom. She tried to hit me with that. That's normal for the area. I said, what are normal weeds growing? They're fucking universal. Yeah.

Yeah, I just hit her with the before and after. I said, there you go. Good job. Thank you. I had to delete the first before because I started laughing while I was filming. It was so crazy. I was like, I was filming. I was like, fuck. I had to delete that and do another one. It's great. I'll show you the before and afters when we get done. If I see this before, I'm going to go through a wall. Dude, you're going to fucking freak if you see the before and after.

I mean, dude, all these guys are doing it. Everyone I know is like, I want to do Airbnbs. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. It's like, cool. We do Airbnb in that lake house we got. My family, I don't like it. What do you mean? I don't like being an owner. An Airbnb owner? Yeah, I hate it. I hate the idea. It's a fucking hassle. It's a weird thing to get a house and then be like, all right, I can make some money off this. I'll Airbnb it. And then you resent everyone that comes in and stays there. Oh, yeah. You're like, what are they doing in there? They're probably jizzing on all my shit.

Which they are. Everybody's jizzing on all your shit. Oh, yeah. Big time. That's what I told my fucking family. I was like, don't Airbnb this house. Yeah, don't let them jizz it up. We're going to bring all the kids in. They're going to be playing around just every... It's in the Poconos. It's literally just for bachelor parties to bring in disgusting whores. Yeah, this is true. There have been... How long has it been Airbnbed for? I don't know. Dude, look at that fucking shit.

Look how crazy that is. That's outrageous. It's insane. That's a good Rochester backyard, though. It's beautiful, dude. That's what I told her. No, that's a custom. Oh, true. That's what I told her. I'm like, you have such a nice... Dude, and I was like... You have a junkyard. I quoted her. I'm like, it's supposedly an oasis. That's the fucking Finnish prod. Lady... That lady went nuts. That minion went... Dude, we had to pull her off.

My wife was like, go out there and tell her she's done. I was like, I'm cooking. I'll do it in a second. She's like, go out now. She wants to go home to her family. And I'm like, how do you fucking know this? Dude, you got to stop bringing your family on the road. Dude, it is nice. That's nuts, dude. It's so nice, dude. It's fun. During the day, it's so fun. No, that's fucking crazy. Dude, it's wild. What I do is I do two weekends a month. That's your time, dude. You got to fucking go hang. No, it's nice because I do one weekend. It can't be nice. Why are you saying it's nice? It's nice. If we're having a wife and kids on the road. It's so nice, dude. That blows, dude.

That does blow. Look, I love Colorado, and that's nice. I agree.

Because you get to break up the trips. Sometimes I'll do three weekends. I get to take the whole fam to one weekend, and it alleviates a serious guilt. Then I can go enjoy the one by myself because I go, we just were together the whole time. Now I go out and have me time. That does make sense. It's like a nice, it's like a vaccine. It's like a vaccine. You get shot with it, and you go, oh, yeah. She's going to get tired of it.

That'll be nice. You can go ahead. You want to keep going on the road? Well, dude, we had to drive home from Rochester. That was the thing. Well, Maya does love it, dude. She fucking loves. Yeah, little kids obviously love. She loves my work. I'll bring her to early shows and she'll sit in the green room. Loves it, dude. Crushing nachos, watching fucking. Yeah, that shit rules. Who is she watching? Gabby's Dollhouse on TV. Just being like, this is the sick. Your work is the sickest shit ever. And I'm like, yeah, it rules. Yeah. Yeah.

That's fun. But dude, what's tough is you get home at like 12-1, get woken up at like fucking 6-20 in the morning with a kid in a packing plate is going up, up, up. And you just like try to ignore them. Like, shut up, go back to sleep. And then you like, you feel your wife moving and you just go totally dead. You go, I can play possum so well now because she'll, I'll feel her leg hit me and I just go, oh,

And you just go totally dead to the world. And then it's like a battle. It's a battle of the will. It's a battle of the will. Then you just go like, well, it's a game of chicken. You just go, it's like a game of. It's a triumph of the will. You play a game of neglect chicken. Yeah. You gotta go. I'm working. Get up. This is my job. Yeah, dude. No, I had a hard night. I need that.

But yeah, it's fun. It was honestly, it was a good time. But it is a lot, dude. We had to drive home from fucking Rochester, I was telling you. That's fucking hell, dude. We got stuck in the airport. Six hours with the kids. Four hours in the airport. We got stuck in the airport for four hours. Luckily, Rochester Airport does rule. They have like a free arcade there. Wow. Played Street Fighter and shit. That's nice. That was nasty as hell. I ate spicy beef jerky and played Street Fighter and just parked. Chloe in a stroller was just like, check it out. Yeah, that's awesome. Played Street Fighter.

beat my fucking ass and then whooped her ass there's no easy wins dude

I let her win the second game, Gardini. You let her win? Or did she win? I let her win the last. Did she win? She did not win. I let her, dude. Gardini, get involved here. I beat her ass so fucking bad. It sounds like Matt's horse feeding on Street Fighter. I beat her ass the first match. I did not see the first match. He was at Subway talking to his girlfriend, like, I'm so sorry. Meanwhile, I was beating my daughter's ass in Street Fighter, and then I felt bad. I said, I let her win the last match. But I did whoop her ass the first time, dude.

Like badly. You're nice at those games. I don't believe it. I don't believe that she won. She did. I let her win. I did let her because I beat her so badly she got bummed and I went. Guard dogs. Dude, guard dog. Do I have to beat her ass in Street Fighter? Don't make me do that again. I was like, what was the guy's name from the Pacific Theater? Barcelona. I was Barcelona, dude. And I had Chun-Li, which is my nastiest Street Fighter character. And it was just it was crazy. Oh, New Mortal Kombat came out. Did it?

We might have to cop. We should download it and play. We have to. We can play Mortal Kombat. We'll see if my daughter beat me in Street Fighter. I think that's a good tell. I whooped her, dude. And then I went, okay. She got all bummed out. I'm going to play as Jax, by the way. The what? I just love... Never mind. Not racist at all. I love Jax.

Just because I don't like Colorado style doesn't mean I'm racist. You do love Jax. I love Jax. His bronze arms. What I try to do to Maya, I was like, you're the girl and I was Chun-Li. I tried to convince her that she was Chun-Li and I beat her ass with Chun-Li thinking she beat me. And she somehow figured out she wasn't Chun-Li. And was like, I lost. And I was like, well, that's what happens. Yeah, true. That's what happens when you step into the fucking ring. Because girls rule so bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Again, I let her beat me when Guardini finally came around. I said, where the fuck have you been, dude? I wanted to play with you. He was ball babying in the subway. You're lucky Fogle didn't come out. He was like, oh, another little baby. There's a little Fogle. For the record, I was at Dunkin' Donuts, not Subway. Oh, really? He was at Dunkin'. My bad. He was at Dunkin'. I ate Subway. Full transparency. I ate Subway two weeks ago.

Did you really? Subway rules, dude. I used to love their buffalo chicken sandwich. The Asagio cheese, whatever it's called. Yeah, Asagio cheese. Asagio cheese, dude. Asagio cheese on the bread. Oh, my God. I like the sweet onion teriyaki. Do you really? I'm a sweet onion teriyaki man. You're a madman. A lot of people think I am. A lot of people think I am a bit of a madman. Oh, my God.

but yeah, then we drove home after four hours in the airport. We drove home four hours of different jerking babes get stuck in the airport and it's just pure question mark over the head. When are we going to take off? I'm like, I don't fucking know. Spaz in airports every day. Oh my God. They're on the internet every day. Like I'm, don't get me off the flight. We saw me and Gardini. We witnessed a primo nerd spaz on the plane. Cause we got on the plane. Uh,

We got on the plane. So they make you get off? And we backed up a little bit. Like, oh, hold on, guys. There's something fucked up with blah, blah, blah. At first, they said it was the weather in Philadelphia. They're like, oh, fuck. Our steering wheel is fucked up. They didn't tell us what it was. We had a mechanical issue. And then there was this guy who had a Steam Deck, full mask. It was like LibRage. Full K95 mask. And then he took his noise-canceling headphones, popped one up from the Steam Deck, heard the announcement, and just went...

He started stewing and the guy's like, yeah, we actually do have to pull back up and de-play. And he went, fuck, and slapped his iPhone. It was crazy. Wow. Slapped his iPhone and was like, fuck. And then it kept being like, fuck.

And he did he was it was so fun. I was sitting really right next to him. We were relishing in his nerd rage I get laughing at his I get so pumped when they tell us to deboard like it's gonna be two hours Oh my god, I guess I have to drink. I wasn't gonna drink What else am I good? Okay good fucking wrecked. Yes delay. Oh

Yeah, he was not looking to get wrecked. He was looking to get home. You have to get wrecked. And mash his boner into the mattress or something. I don't know what he was up to. That's actually pretty enjoyable. I mean, I was trying to figure out, like, what the fuck. You gotta go to the breastfeeding area and jack off. You gotta milk yourself. You gotta pump. You gotta go to the breastfeeding pod and fucking jizz. Why not? You technically could. We're not allowed to pump? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. We're not allowed to pump? That's what I'm saying. We should be able to fab. They can pump. We can't pump. Yeah, dude, we can't go fab. I'm about to pump, too.

We should be able to fab. Just waiting in line with other women. It's just 20 dudes. Pardon me. Pardon me. Excuse me. I reserved this here. I reserved this pod. Dude, they get nasty. Women start to knock on it. If you're in that thing, like another mom comes by and they're like, occupied. And they're just like, fuck. There's only one of them in there. That must be wild. Some women don't give a fuck about breastfeeding in public. But if you're one of those ladies, it's like...

There's got to be a ton of women that are like, it's kind of weird to breastfeed in public. Well, sometimes it's for the kid more so because the baby is distracted because the baby starts looking around. If you can isolate them, they'll suck that titty. They haven't learned yet that you should suck that titty no matter what. They start going, what's that? What's this? It's like, bro, that's a titty. Dude, focus only on the titty. Suck that titty, bro. What are you doing? Are you crazy? What are you, a dumbass? You don't know anything, do you? You mean Duncan's on the phone crying?

Did you cry at the airport? Absolutely not. I was eating spicy beef. I could have cried Saturday night, dude. When those Buckeyes crossed that goal line, I could have cried, dude.

Where we at time-wise? 54. God damn, I knew it. We were writing on 20. We were in the fucking red zone, baby. Don't talk about the red zone. Come on, Irish! Also, Vince Vaughn is Vince Vaughn. Yeah. Just the absolute man. He's the bro. God damn it. The whole time he was like, come on, baby, it's the Irish. Get excited. Like, he's just Vince Vaughn. That's so fucking funny.

Damn, he loves Notre Dame football as well? Yeah. Obviously. Obviously, he's a fucking patriot. Fucking obviously, dude. Fuck. Yeah, Notre Dame football is pretty tight. Someone was asking me, they're like, does your family like it? I'm like, yeah, just because they're Irish. Yeah. I'm just like, yeah, that's my favorite team. They always try to get you.

You tell another school you're a fan of Notre Dame, they're always like, just out of curiosity, what's your connection? They love to just be like, what, you just like them? It's like, shut up. What's the... I don't know, people that don't have a brain. Yeah.

The haters. Yeah, why do they... The haters and the losers love to say, you're just... Why do you like Notre Dame? I can't imagine liking them. Why? I don't understand. Because you're not from there. You didn't go there. So what? Yeah, who gives a fuck? It's sports. You like the values. I love the values. I like the values of the team. And they're Irish. I love the values. Yeah. If I was Native American, my favorite team would be the Washington Redskins. The Washington Redskins. Yeah.

The generals. The commanders. There had to have been some Native Americans, dude. They're like, this is kind of nasty. Like, the Braves are nasty. Definitely. I think so. Florida State Seminoles, dude. They love it. Yeah, that was like a... The Seminoles didn't get their names in. The Seminoles were pumped, dude. They had the blessing. The Seminoles were like, this is sick. This rules. You named them literally after us. Yeah. Cleveland Guardians. True.

What do they name Washingtoners? The Washington Pilgrims? Commanders. They should have changed it to just the fucking Conquistadors. We're the Washington Conquistadors. I've been reading that Napoleon book. I finally got to the part where he gets a little nasty, dude. Does he? He got a little nasty down in Egypt.

Did he really? He got a little nasty down the holy land. What did he do down there? He started fucking executing people. Why? He's a nasty boy, dude. He was like, you guys didn't build the pyramids. Aliens did. Yeah. Shot a fucking cannonball at it. The stones were sound. Yeah. No, he had a pact with the boys. He captured them. He beat them. And in the Middle East at the time, it was like a tradition. You would just be like, all right, we'll never fight again. Let us go. We're done. That's a deal. Okay.

And then they came back and fought again. He was like, all right, well, now I'm going to execute all of you. Oh, in the middle. He was following Middle Eastern customs. Yeah. He captured the flag and was like. Captured the flag. All right, everybody go home. We're not even going to take your arms. Damn. What if some guy was just throwing a rocket at his wife and missed and hit Napoleon? That could have been the whole thing. Could have fired him up. And then Napoleon, he cucked one of his officers, dude. What? It was a rough one. Down in Egypt? Yeah. Down in Club Egypt? He was down in Club Egypt. Yeah.

It was ladies night, dude. He found out Josephine was back home having a little tryst. He said, I can't get cucked. Yeah, that's the only way you can stop a cuck is to cuck one of your best friends. And then he cucked an officer. He said, you gotta go back to France and tell them we're doing good. Oh, he passed the bug along. And then he sent the guy back to France. The guy got turned around by the British. They sent him back.

He comes back. He finds his babe in the palace. Oh, no. His wife. He's like, what are you doing? You're doing the pleasure palace. Oh, what the fuck? That's so shitty. That's funny. A British guy was like, turn around. Go back. Your wife is fucking Napoleon. Yeah, that's crazy. I did. Europe fought forever. They just battled each other nonstop. Yeah.

They got to take up arms against each other again. I need to see Britain just battle France. They kind of are, but yeah. Not England and France, but Russia and Ukraine. True. True. Yeah, true. I need to see the OG. You want to see the originals. Britain, Germany, France. Germany got so activated, dude. What were they doing? They got triggered. They got fucking triggered as hell. What the fuck were they doing? I have no idea.

What a bunch of fucking dickheads. They spazzed. I mean, dude, they were pretty fucking dumb. Everyone was pretty dumb back then. The guy just fucking came up with a pretty cool story. He was like, check out these old ancient myths. You're these guys. Yeah. They're like, obviously, yes. I knew I was a Viking. Yeah. Well, that was everyone's world view back then was ethnocentric.

until the 1940s it was i'm german i live in germany german people are the best then you would shoot other guys and be like yep knew it or you'd lose and be like that was the best we just got ripped off somebody must have fucked us there's no way we lost that was the organizing principle is the refs dude true that was the organizing principle of like pretty much life they're like we're x x is the best and everyone fought each other and we're like

I don't know if we're above that. This is bullshit. We're slowly getting out of it. Meaning maybe never, maybe we'll die and we'll all blow up in a big bomb, but... Yeah. We could all blow up in a big bomb. We're not that far away from World War II. Yeah. Yeah, for real. There's a big... I read a lot about that, how the technology grows so much, but inside, sadly, we don't. Yeah. It's hard. What do you do about that, Gardini? It's also an interesting thing about, like, you got to use technology to cry at Duncan. It's also...

I swear you're at Subway, dude. I wish you were at Subway. You would have summoned him. He was eating a sandwich and pulling his pants out being like, nice, dude. I fucking lost. I've lost inches, dude. Not your penis. I'm talking about your waistline. Really? Yeah.

Who, Obama? No, but there's someone who has a subway view. I'm joking. I can't remember. Obama's not a pedophile. For the record, he's not a pedophile. No, he's just a homosexual. Maybe. Allegedly. He might be. He might not be. I don't know. I don't care if he is. I don't know why the big hubble blue about it being like, no, he's not gay. That's just a matter of what's wrong with being gay. What's wrong with that? You think him and Michelle have evolved to that point where they had maybe opened it up for a little bit of...

Same sex play. They are that liberal. Yeah, there's nothing wrong. Exactly. Time to be poly. Yeah, dude. The only time I take off my mask is when I'm about to kiss a man, dude. My wife says I did. My wife gives me the okay to kiss a man. I go, thanks, babe. I would love to tongue kiss you guys. Dude, that's the only reason I take my mask off. Would you kiss me on the arm? For sure. If my wife said it was okay. Obviously. Obviously, if my wife gave me the pass, if the first lady gave me the pass, dude, I'd be like...

Thank you, Dion. I was telling Gardini the bar. We went to a bar after the last show and the bartender had a mask on. I was telling him he was wearing it because I was blowing two fatty clouds in my weed pen. He had to put on the K95. Dude, I've been seeing people are breaking those back out and trying to start the party back up. And it's like, dudes, I could use one, dude. I've been sick for a month. I've got COVID twice in the last month. I have diarrhea COVID, I think. You have diarrhea COVID.

Tony, that was one of the early things. That's a symptom, dude. You get it. Every single thing was a symptom of COVID at the beginning. I'm so happy I got diarrhea COVID this time. I wanted it, dude. I got the respiratory shit last time. I was like, why the fuck? Diarrhea COVID is nice. Yeah, it would have been awesome. Taking fucking fat diarrheas is nice. Imagine two weeks out of work. Unless your butt gets raw. My butt's raw, brother. That sucks. It's all right.

We had a bidet at the place that was oh so sweet for the diarrhea. That is sweet for a sweet re. Fucking God. I got to watch. What type of re are we talking? Are we talking like when you. It's like sick dog. It's everywhere. Sick dog diarrhea. You wipe your ass. You're like, how the fuck is it on the side of my ass? Yeah, dude, it's bad. It's pretty bad. I got to see Brittany try a bidet for the first time. Not going to lie. It's spirit of total disclosure. I got hard. I was watching her do the bidet and I got, I was like, I got to excuse myself. I'm getting erect.

Like someone about the situation. Yeah, I mean, it's pretty cool. Dude, total disclosure. I guess that is cool. A lot of full disclosure on this episode. I got to be honest, dude. I got to be honest. I guess that is hot, watching a lady on a bidet. I didn't know I liked it until I saw it. I mean, if I had to guess. Yeah, as soon as you said it, I understand. I like that. I would like to watch that. It's awesome. First time, too. That's points. Oh, man.

It is nice. I'm such a sick ticket, dude. No, you're not. I was standing over watching going, it's not so bad. Do you like it? It's pretty nice. I was like, fuck, dude, I'm hard. Oh, my God. That's nice. I was waiting for the water to hit. This is exactly what I don't want in my Airbnb. This is exactly what I don't want. Some dude getting hard watching his wife's ass get cleaned from diarrhea. Yeah.

You know? And then you resent the people that rent your house. You're going to get hard on them. But you can set up any rules you want in your Airbnb. You can say no sex in my house. You could say no sex. It's going to make the sex so much hotter. They had a limit for one person for the bathtub in my Airbnb. One person for the bathtub. I mean, what happened? Huh? What happened to start that rule? I have no idea. No one person in the bathtub and you must be 16 years old to enter the basement that was plastered on the door.

It's like, what the fuck is this? What's going on in the boom boom room? It's the boom boom. You must be 16 to enter the basement. That's fucking nuts. It's crazy, dude. The Airbnbs are getting out of control. I have a whole fantasy of just doing Airbnbs. I'm going to get some rules going. Dude, I'm telling you. That is nice. You can put up with, dude. I'll let you write it. No shoes as soon as you walk in. Write the commandments. Yeah, everyone's shoes got to come off. No shirts. No shirts. Yeah, true. True. Good point. No shirts. No shirts. Topless. Topless.

Oh my goodness gracious. Well, let's slide on over. We did it.