Giggling about pickles, snails, and men's biggest fears 01:10:09

Welcome, friends, to the Playful Scratch from the California Lottery. We've got a special guest today, the Scratcher's Scratch Master himself, Juan. Juan, you've mastered 713 playful ways to scratch. Impressive. How'd you do it? Well, I began with a coin, then tried a guitar pick. I even used a cactus once. I can scratch with anything. Even this mic right here.

See? See? Well, there you have it. Scratchers are fun no matter how you scratch. Scratchers from the California Lottery. A little play can make your day. Please play responsibly. Must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim. Sup, gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me.

What is up, my galactic gigglers? Yeah, we're in the future. Intergalactic you and me. You know how memes used to be like, oh, my FBI agent? I like them so much more now that it's like, oh, my alien. Like when I meet my alien, what's the first thing I'm going to show them? And I know that it's a chamoy pickle on TikTok.

Have you seen chamoy pickles? What's a chamoy pickle? Okay, this might be niche, but I'm on like ASMR TikTok and I keep getting all these people eating. They're called chamoy pickles and they're like these weird pickles that people are putting like Takis in. What's a Takis? Oh, like a chip. Yep. And then like putting this sauce on it and then like...

there's like some type of like sour candy too in it and they just look so fucking good and I want to order one so badly that's what I would do at a fancy restaurant if I was the chef

Just give Chamoy pickles? Think a Sour Patch kid. A Sour Patch would be like, the fusion of the mixes of these two flavors have never been done before. This is Michelin. You will have diarrhea. Michelin star. Des was telling me, on our new episode of Burner Phone. Yes. We did like pet peeves and he's obsessed with like, he hates the sound of typing. He hates the sound of chewing. He hates the sound of swallowing. He like can't deal with these sounds. Yes.

The sound of typing on a computer. Yeah, which I said, you know, that's like ASMR. Like people pay money on YouTube to hear teenagers just like chew ice and like. Yeah. And he's like, we could do it right now. He's like, that's my literal nightmare. But eating pickles, I think, is good for your soul. Yeah, I think so too. Yeah. But it's funny how it's either people's like thing that relaxes them or like it feels like sounds like nails on a chalkboard to some people. It's like cilantro. Yeah.

Yes. It's very dividing. Yes, divisive. Yeah, people are very divided. I do think that that's why you can't care what people think of you because you're cilantro. Some people think you're beautiful and some people will puke at the sight of you. Yeah, they think you taste like soap. And it's not your fault. No, it's not. It's people's perspective. It's how you were born. How are you doing? I'm good. How are you? I'm a little dizzy. So am I.

It's too hot. Like, I just... I'm so dehydrated. I haven't drank water since 1997. No, I haven't drank water in eight years. And, like, now you're in my head sometimes where, like, randomly during the day, I'll just be like, am I high? It's so fun to, like, be busy and working and stuff. But, like, I just feel like I get sick whenever I try too hard at something. No, I can't wake up too early or I literally have a stomachache. Okay.

Like, it's not me. My body's not built for this life. No, my body is like, we didn't sign up for this. I feel like summers, it's like farmers. Like, in the summer, you're supposed to, like, chill. No, my body told me to become a sugar baby, and my head was like, we can't do it. And so they internally fight every single day. So, like, when I wake up early, they're like, you wouldn't have to do this if you were a sugar baby. I love how you reference farmers. Like, we know what farmers do. I mean, when do farmers—I guess they chill in the winter. Yeah.

Why am I looking at Grace? Like she's the farmer's almanac? Like she knows... Did you say almanac? What is that? What is the farmer's almanac? It's like a bunch of like seasonal stuff. So it'll tell you like, oh, we're going to have like a lot of like snow this winter or something like that. That was written by a man. Thanks, Chris the farmer. That was for sure written. Farmer Chris. Chris, my DMs are full of girls asking if you're good looking. Chris, how would you describe your looks ASMR like? I have brown hair.

A pale face. A pale face. I don't think you're that pale. I was in Tampa like a couple weeks ago. What's your sign again? Taurus. Yeah, that's usually the response of that guest. I don't know anything about Taurus. I like that we're like giving more and more information to the gigglers about Chris, but a little each episode because if we give too much, it's like overload and I don't think you could handle that. Are you single? Yes. Okay. Why? Why?

A great follow-up, honestly. Because I'm flawed like all men. A self-aware king. What's your smallest flaw? Like your stupid little flaw. Or a flaw that you're like, I wish I could change that about myself, but it's not going anywhere. Or that made your parents really disappointed in you. Jesus Christ. Therapy with a giggly squad today. I was going to say I work too much in the beginning, but that's one of those. Yeah, you see that in job interview. I'm just like, I'm such a perfectionist with my work. Yeah.

If you were an animal, what animal would you be? Oh, God. Okay, Chris, please let women speak. Speaking of men, I have to talk about

experience I had this last weekend. Another? Is this going to end in a fight? No. Okay. But I mean, it could. You never know. You honestly never know. So, I'm friends with two people who are dating. Okay. As in, I met the guy first, but I pretty quickly met his girlfriend, who I love. I actually love them both equally in different ways. Like, she's fashion, she's cool, she's girly. Like, we talk, we have our own relationship. Okay. I'm not loving it. But,

I love that you get so jealous. It's like how you show affection to me. It's just like, she's amazing. She's beautiful. She can put an outfit together like no other. That would be like if I walked in and I was like, so my couple friend, she plays tennis. She's amazing. Okay, actually, she's not that fashion. She's more home decor girly. Okay. Does that make you feel better? Yeah, that makes me feel better. Okay, it's a different niche. Yeah, a different niche.

I have to preface everything with like, Hazara sets are not great. So, and then he's like sporty and fun. They're kind of different, but I like them both. Okay. They're supposed to come to my comedy show. And he sits in the front row. He's big, large man. So I see him immediately. And next to him, she's not there. And immediately I go, where? In empty seat? Yeah.

No, a different man. Okay. So I was like, where's your girl? Yeah. And he kind of like mumbles. And this is in front of like 400 people. Oh, you're asking on stage. On stage. Okay, wow. At my comedy show. And I was wondering like, where is she? Because they texted me that morning being like, can't wait to see you perform tonight. And I was like, can't wait. They got into a fight? So at the like green room, everyone came in and he comes up to me and he's like, we broke up.

between the time they text me in the morning. So he literally goes in, brought someone else, and immediately I go, and then I literally made him stand up at one point because he's tall. And at my shows, when a guy's tall, I make them stand up and everyone clap. So this guy's going through like the worst breakup of his life. I'm asking him where she is and then making him stand to get harassed by a bunch of women. And he just looks at me and he's like, yeah, like she really wanted to come, but like we broke up. And I'm like, I'm so sorry. And they've been together for a bit. And I felt upset. Who broke up with who? Did you get that info?

Well, good question. The next day, I'm going to dinner with Des, and he comes through with some of his friends, and he sits down. When I tell you, he did not even bring up the breakup for 25 minutes. Such a guy. And in my head, I was like, this is the most dude shit ever. Could you imagine? Because I was with the boys. I wasn't – I could have easily been like, what's the tea? But I wanted – I dealt with him like a cat. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, I didn't make eye contact. You let him come to you. I wanted him to come to me. Yep. Because I didn't want to act too excited because it's sad. Right, because then they get anxious. Yeah, like I didn't want to act like I wanted to talk about it. You tricked him into thinking it was his idea to tell you all the tea. But like 15 minutes in, I'm sitting here looking at the rest of the guys like, this is crazy. This is the most insane. Like, you all know that he's going through like the worst breakup of his life. Not one of you are going to ask a question. We're talking about Little League Baseball that was on ESPN. Okay.

Which is, like, it is a great topic. It is a great topic because it's just so interesting. It's child labor, but who am I? Are these kids being paid? What's going on? What's the NCAA? Bethany Frankel, can you start a union for the Little League? Figure it out. So I'm sitting there. Why is Puerto Rico so good? No one has the answers to any of these questions.

These future fuckboys on TV. Literally. I'm like, they're going to all cheat on their wives. So I'm looking at Des, and he's in it with the guys right now. I'm like, this is insane. Like, you guys know this man. You could tell from his eyes he's been crying all day. Right, right. And finally, he like casually was like, oh, like she keeps texting me.

And in my head, I just was like, this took 30 minutes. It's insane. But the second we broke the seal, then we had like a really good talk and everyone was like looking towards me like I knew the answers. But it was weird because I also like,

I don't have a team here. Like, I really do love them both. Yeah. Imagine, I told you I broke up with someone the night before. We go to dinner with a bunch of girls and I don't bring it up for 30 minutes. No, I would check everyone's pulse at the table.

Like, because that's like those TikToks where it's like first one who talks shit, like, pays the bill or something and, like, no one's speaking. Like, it's the opposite. But, like, I couldn't if I tried. We would have talked so much that at that lunch we actually would have had nothing else to talk about. We would have already deep dove so hard. We would have spoken every single possible outcome so much. I mean, it's like— What do you do when, like, couples break up and it's like—

Because I feel like we're now getting to the age, we're right at the cusp of the age where people are going to start getting divorced. Yeah. Like, we're, this is so cynical, but I can't wait to see him. No, no. Do you know what I mean? Well, it's already happening. Like, you have those friends who got married at, like, 25, 26, 27, and now they've been married for, like, four or five years. Mm-hmm. It's kind of weird.

Yeah. Same. Know that if I'm in the middle...

I'm saying the same exact thing to both of you. Because at the end of the day, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors in relationships. And like, unless they did fucked up shit to me, I'm not picking a side. When it comes to like exes and their fights, don't get involved. It's so, I'm so happy you brought this up because I just finished watching Johnny Depp vs Amber Heard on Netflix.

Did you watch it yet? So I was really good at watching it when it originally happened. Like, I was watching it on Twitter, YouTube. Yeah, you were, like, watching it on TV. Because this basically, like, rehashed the entire thing in detail. Yeah.

Yes, and it kind of shows like both of their sides and it shows, honestly, my biggest takeaway from it was how media influence influences everything. Like the media had already picked two side. They were on way before the trial was over and it was just. And the fans already know.

A fandom is so funny. Like I didn't realize, obviously Johnny Depp is huge, but like the people who were like, I've been waiting my whole life to meet Johnny Depp, like in Pennsylvania where the fuck they were. Which is so like Chicks in the Office was just talking about this, about Taylor Swift, like all the people that were like waiting outside to like see her and stuff. And it's like, what is going to happen? What do you think is going to happen?

Like she's going to see you and be like, I want to be your best friend. Like and like pull you from the crowd. So like that's how I feel about people waiting outside for Johnny Depp. Like do you think he's going to ask you to go smoke a cigar with him? Like. Yeah, I do think it's cool to see people like in person that have affected your life. But it's.

People are taking it next level, like 6 a.m., like, don't you have a job? Like, you're getting fired from a job. Call your children. Call your kids. Pick up your kids from school. There's life still going on. I got on a Taylor Swift real deep TikTok hole where there's a girl. Have you seen the girl who looks like her? Yeah.

I was on it for like an hour. No, it's insanity. So she looks like her, but she's like a mom. Yeah. And she's actually like older than Taylor, I think. But with a filter, it's like identical. And she's been going around with bodyguards and getting like huge crowds around her because she looks just like her. I would do it too. That's hilarious. But then the girls like, I don't look like her, but they're like, you're wearing red lipstick and you cut your hair just like her. And her voice...

Even kind of sounds like her. Her mannerisms look like her. Yeah. Oh, I mean, that's like an Elvis impersonator. Make your whole life living off of it. Why is Elvis impersonator such a thing? You know, like why? Why is that like such like everybody knows what that is. Why is that such a thing?

I feel like it's a niche for this podcast. Yeah. I want, like, people to dress up as us for Halloween. I feel like they have. They'll just, like, have a girl who's, like, kind of dirty with a tennis racket. And then someone who looks really cute. A girl with, like, short brown hair and, like, in a set. I'm like, that's... Nailed it. Yeah, literally nailed it. No, but the Johnny Depp and Amber thing...

My biggest takeaway was they're both nuts. Yeah. Like, this is just, like, a really—this is, like, your 19-year-old boyfriend who, like, you guys just happened to be really famous and you went to court. And you're both very good-looking. Yeah, like, it's hard. It was really hard. People are so diehard Johnny Depp side, and it was hard for me to be 100% on his side because—

I know all, like, all guys are a little bit fucking nuts. Well, especially when you have, like, an addiction problem. You do things that are out of character that you wouldn't be proud of. It also was giving very reality TV where, like, the media was definitely giving it, like, a lens that they wanted you to watch it in. So she would, like, do something with her mouth and they'd be like, she's so fucking fake. Yeah. Where, like, in a different context, people would be like, like, she's struggling right now. This is really difficult to do. Yeah. But you're so right how they kind of, they

In the beginning, they were like, don't let the media affect your decisions. And it was just, I can't believe it was even on TV. That was like watching a live breakup. Yeah. Like, it was just crazy. Do you think she actually shot in his bed? Yes. 100%. I think she did, and I think it's thug.

I think she 100% did, and I feel like I've been hanging out with you for too long because I was like, it's not that gross. People were like, that's disgusting. I was like, it's kind of hilarious though too. They were trying to talk about like if it could have been the dog. They were like, the dog's feces don't look like those kind of feces. The dog didn't have corn that day. He was like, it's a york. That's disgusting. That's so disgusting. But also like we've all been at that point with a guy where you're like, I would shit in his bed. For sure.

Where, like, I'm like, what is the worst thing I could do to them? Yeah. And that would be one of them. It's that or, like, keying their car. Also, we don't know what actually happened. So, like, this is all alleged, but, like...

facts. People love to hate women. No, they do. They for sure do. And I felt, I definitely felt bad for her. I felt bad for her. He seems so, he seems so annoying to fight with too. Like he seemed so petty. Cause you know when like you get into a fight with a guy and like, like one of his things was like, you'll never look in my eyes again. And then that's why he never looked at her during court. And I was like, that's so

fucking petty but it would that makes me feel like you still love me yeah you still can't look at me I'm like you're obsessed with me and he and like his lawyer kept being like he won't look at you and Amber was like he can't and she was like he won't and Amber was like can't

And I was like, this is the best reality television. I think you're so right, though, about how that relates to, like, friends with breakups. Like, you'll hear vile shit that happened between two people. And you're like, when it comes to love and war, whatever that quote is, I don't get involved. Yeah. You can't judge people with their breakup shit. Like, oh, I fucking hate that guy or that girl because she did this. And it's like, you guys were in it together. Yeah, you're in, like, a weird vortex. Like, you're a different person as a girlfriend than you are a friend.

100%. Like, I can never date you. No. No.

No. Or actually, I think I could. If anyone in this world could, it's me. Yeah, probably. Because I'd be asleep all the time. Nobody should date me, honestly. Let's be truthful. Andy Roddick, a hot tennis, foreign tennis player, had a quote about being famous and people coming for you. And he was like, being famous means people compare you to your best self every single day.

Interesting. Which is, yeah, like you have to always be your best self every single day. And I just think overall the case is she went to the public and decided to start some beef.

And if you decide to go out in the public and make claims about someone out of your private relationship, shit's going to hit the fan. Like, if you air—I think the same way, though, with a friend breakup as well as, like, a romantic breakup. If you break up and then you take shit that, like, they told you in confidence and you air it, like, that's, I think, fucked up. Yes. It's kind of like a—

Like an unspoken rule of like... If you're going to accuse this man of assault, then it's like shit's going down. Right. And she could be completely right, but like she had to know this wasn't going to end well. Yeah. And honestly, I was just like disappointed by her court looks, but that's a whole different... What do you think her aesthetic was that she was going for? Like Kate Spade? No, like Ann Taylor Lofton. Yes.

Right? I felt like it was a little Ann Taylor loft. And like a little bit of mango sprinkled in there. Yeah. I just felt like it wasn't

It could have been better. The fits weren't fitting. Like, she wasn't wearing, like, her hair blown out, flowy. Like, she wasn't trying to look sexy. She had it, like, pinned up in a weird way, and I wasn't into it. But it looked like— I also thought he looked crazy town USA. Like, he wore sunglasses the whole time. Well, didn't he get in trouble right after for, like, doing some drunk stuff? Look— We're all about Lily Rose Depp. We're not about— This is a Lily Rose Depp stamp. For sure. Poor Lily, though, having to, like, go through that.

I know. I feel like nobody ever, like, correlates them together as much as, like, they could have. I mean, her PR team's definitely, like... Working overtime. Don't ever speak about him. Think of, like, a drunken debacle. Yeah. Talk to four people and it all went differently. Right. And I also think, at the end of the day, they do try to villainize. Like, someone is the angel, someone is the devil. Yeah. And it's never like that. Right. Like, two things can be right at one time. She can be nuts and he can also be nuts. Abusive. Like... Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, alleged. Yeah, I'm split down the middle, but I think they're both crazy. But I enjoyed watching it. Speaking of crazy, I knew you were really busy this weekend, but I had to text you because I was having a mental breakdown about my nails. Yeah, I know. So I got a French manicure with like kind of a pink undertone. And I was like, she's Barbie, she's pink. And then I realized the pink was giving like raw chicken. Yeah, the pink is giving a little fleshy. Yeah. But it's not bad, let me say.

My hand's very sweaty right now. No, it's not. I think it looks good. I cut off a little bit of the tip. But, like, no, people were mad in my DMs. And they all go, Paige did not approve this. Paige did not approve this. So then I was like, Paige, is this okay? And you were like, I'm busy, bitch. I don't have time. I don't have time.

I said it's no poop gate. It's not poop gate. It wasn't poop gate nails. People were mad. Yeah. People need to chill out. Do you post your nails online or you don't want the ridicule anymore? I haven't in a while because I get the same color I feel like every single time. Yeah. You're back at ballet pink? I'm back to ballet pink and I'm back to being square because I couldn't. The gigglers have literal like, what's it called when you get hit by a car and then your neck hurts? Whiplash. Whiplash.

I was going to say PTSD. Arrested. I was also thinking arrested. I said it was no-nail summer. You said it was almond summer. We've changed our minds immediately. Don't listen to anything we say. Literally ever. Also, okay, wait. I meant to talk about this last episode. Have you seen on TikTok all the girlies eating yellow dragon fruit?

Oh, yeah. No. Awesome. Great. I'll tell you about it. So I saw this TikTok and this one girl was like, you have to go to Trader Joe's and get a yellow dragon fruit. Cleans you right out. Only eat half of it. And like you're going to have the best day of your life. So I mean, the next day. No. Like it was like in a couple hours. You're literally flushing your whole body.

So I get two yellow dragon fruit because I'm like, let's fucking go. Like I'm trying to be so skinny. I ate half a yellow dragon fruit. Nothing.

Then I like go about my day. So I'm scared to eat the other half because I had like places to go and I can't like be running into bodegas. So I'm like, whatever. Okay, I'll do it the next day. Next morning, I wake up, time my whole day around like eating this whole yellow dragon fruit. It doesn't really taste like anything. It almost, it like tastes like water. So I eat the whole dragon fruit. I'm like looking it up on TikTok again. They're like in like an hour and a half, like you're going to be running to the bathroom. It's going to clean you completely out. It's tummy tea for hippies.

Legit.

Nothing happened to me. I'm livid. I'm livid the entire day. Wait, you're saying TikTok has been lying to us? I'm like, but it was on TikTok. It's supposed to be true. To the point where I'm like, do I eat a second, do I go get a second dragon fruit? Which I didn't. But then I was thinking, is my stomach so, like, fucked up that it was like, it's going to take a lot more than this? I mean, I guess there's fiber in it, but if it's so watery, like, I can't, for, I don't, like...

We're eating Chipotle every day. Like a papaya is not going to make me shit myself. I feel like my body was like, good try, bitch. No, your body was like, thank you. We've been gluten intolerant for years. That hasn't stopped us. You can't really eat cheese. You eat it every day. You think a dragon fruit's going to fuck with us?

I have to say don't even try it because it's not it doesn't even work I also saw this girl because I really want to get good like eye masks because I feel like if I put an eye mask on it'll solve all my problems for the day yeah and this girl tried all these eye masks and she like aesthetically put it all over her face she was like this one by far is the best one it was like $19 on Amazon I was like done take all my money I get it it like

Yeah. And then it was like falling off. And I'm like, out of all you recommend. So like, I can't, you can't trust people. Your thread that you said snail mucin is the glue holding TikTok together. I lost it. What are your genuine feelings on TikTok shop? TikTok shop.

It's coming from my throat. It's a pyramid scheme. I'm convinced. I'm a little annoyed because I used to have a lot of funny videos and now because I bought like 70 things at the same time. Now everything is like selling me out. Everything is a girl being like this. Yeah. Charlie changed my skin from this and they show like a crocodile. Yeah.

to this and it's an infant baby and she's like, all you have to do is go like this and they put two spritz and they go, oh my god. And I go, I look down and it's $19.99 and I'm like, it's free. That's how I feel about the chamoy pickle. The chamoy pickle has a grasp on me. But the snail mucin like kept coming up so many times that I was like,

I thought it was a sign, but it's just the algorithm. I bought it. Yeah. I haven't gotten it yet. I texted Hailey, and Hailey's like, I've been using this. And I'm like, what does it do? And she was like, I don't really know what it does. I've been pumping snail mucin on my Amazon Live for months. Yeah. Nobody cared about it. Okay. It's just like an extra serum to like lock in moisture. It's not going to change your whole fucking life. But yeah, it's a great like added step. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm trying to—capitalism is winning. No, capitalism is— And I'm in a bad place where, like, because I've been taking some days off. Days off to me mean I'm going to go through the internet and hear what the girlies want me to be so I can change and be a better person. Yeah. So I'm just buying, like, so much stuff. Also, with the skincare, we've taken it too far. I know we're women in STEM, but, like, we should not know what hyaluronic acid is.

Like, I can spell hyaluronic acid. There's no reason in this world. I shouldn't be able to. Why are the girlies knowing literal chemistry? Like, fully Albert Einstein girlies out here. Why do we know that shit? I know what all of them do. Glycolic?

I would gun to my head someone said, do your taxes. I would die right there on the floor. If someone said, tell me exactly what is a hyaluronic acid, A+. I thought because it was an acid, I was like, this can't hydrate you. And then everyone's like, no, it's hydrating. And I was like, okay.

Okay. It's supposed to lock in your moisture. Like the moisture is supposed to stick to it and stay in your pores. But what if you're dehydrated? Yeah. And then you put it on. Does it just lock in nothing? No.

No, it'll lock in whatever moisture you have. That's when then you put like your moisturizers on after that. Yeah. And then it'll stick to that and like stay in your skin. But also here's the other thing. All of this, the whole skincare brand I think is the number one biggest cult. Yeah. And we're all in it. We're all in it because now that we're in our 30s, it's very easy for someone to just be like, hey, like this made my skin feel better. Yeah. Yeah.

So what do we do? Because we can't live like this. We can't buy a different serum every three seconds. Did you just get water in your eye? Yeah, how did I even do that? I did my makeup today and you ever like look at yourself in the mirror and you're like, I don't know who that is, but not me. That's how I feel today. You had a bad face day? I had a weird, I'm having a weird face day. I think it's your hair. Okay, didn't think I would know that.

No, your hair. Well, because I didn't. I air dried last night. Yeah, it was the air dry. And so like that's throwing me off. Because your hair actually, it's like mine right now.

That was the meanest thing you've ever said. No, like it's like very natural in the... Yeah, like my part just... Your part... That's how we dry. Is falling. Yeah. Your part's not parting. Please don't look at me today. No, you look great. It's just different. Yeah. Looking great. Awesome. Love that. But yeah, I do feel like one thing I do recommend...

Because everyone was telling me every single foundation, like Dior, YSL, like all these fancy ones. I've been using It Cosmetics CCC cream. Okay. And it's fucking unbelievable. And I just thought I'm just using something random and it's fine. But I asked a really good makeup artist and she's like, no, that's like a secret no one knows about. So now capitalism wins again. It literally has like hyaluronic acid. It has CCC cream. I don't know what it means, but it means like...

I don't have to put as much stuff on because it's good for your skin and it covers it up and has, like, really good coverage. I feel like you're in Scientology. No.

Actually, every influencer sounds like they're in a cult. No, they do. When they're pitching. And you know they've, like, never tried it before. But these bitches, I have to say, stop fucking lying. Wait, there's one thing I'm actually not going to lie about. She can't find it. You go, no, that was a lie. Because we both had our period last week, and I got mine for the first time since, like, April. Congrats. Thank you. I tried those Thinx underwear.

Obsessed. Really? Obsessed. Like, I want them to sponsor me. I'll do an entire post in my underwear because I'm such... What kind did you get? Like a normal... I got the thong kind. You are... She has a thong period underwear. I can't wear regular underwear. I actually find it more uncomfortable. So you like feeling like something's, like, in your butthole. Yeah, I'm a Scorpio.

Honestly, that made so much sense. I was like, valid. I've just been saying that to things that like I don't have an answer to. Valid point. I'm just like, yeah, well, the moon's...

It's a new moon, so what do you want me to do? We have a podcast listener, Linda. Shout out, Linda, who is like a friend, a family friend. And she sent me special bike shorts that have this whole cushion underneath your vagina so your vaginal bone doesn't hurt as bad. And have you tried them? I'm going to. Wow. So I'll keep you guys – but I probably can use that as period panties too. Literally. I was like so –

I just like couldn't believe it. Granted, my period wasn't like it was like very normal this week. It wasn't like, oh, my God, I'm like really sorry about this, Chris. But like I'm not like flowing super heavy. Yeah. So it was like chill. And I did. I wore them on like. Don't apologize to Chris for your natural bodily function. Right. So I bled for seven days and I'm still alive. So shout out to me. Winning.

But I'm obsessed with them. Because you know like the last few days where you're just like, if I put a tampon in, I'll die. Yes. Like I... You're over it. I'm over it. I also feel like you start... It's like enough. Yeah. It's like me manifesting to my body like, okay, we got it. Putting cotton up your puss like isn't ideal. No. But also everyone has to remember at home if you can't afford things...

Any underwear can be period panties if you believe in it enough. Yeah. I have like a bunch of black Amazon that like- And they are period underwear. They know what their job is. I go, girly, time to get in line. It's Europe. I have a new ick for men when they have to pee more than you. And they squeeze their dick? I don't know what you're talking about. What do you mean squeeze their dick?

Make your boyfriend – put your boyfriend in a situation where he really has to pee and there's no bathroom and see how often, like, he – they can, like, pinch their dicks for it to, like, not feel like they have to pee. What part of the dick? I didn't inquire that far. I've literally never done this in my life. Okay. I've seen it happen. Like, they're holding it like a hose. Yeah, like –

Some guys, I feel like, touch their junk more than others. I know, which I don't love.

I don't like, I don't hate it or love it. Like, I don't think about it. If they're always scratching their junk, I'm like, do you have herpes? Yeah. And herpes is fine. People have herpes. But like, it's giving like, do you have a rash? Is everything okay? Do you have fleas? Yeah. Are you itchy? It's like a dog. You don't want to see a dog lick its balls all the time. Right. Let's play. But I have heard that sometimes like the, to keep it from not hurting, like, oh, I have to pee. They can like squeeze it a little.

They're doing weird things. They do weird things. I was more just referencing like if you're like spending a day with a guy. Yeah. And when he's constantly like, hey, I have to pee. I really gotta pee. It's giving like. It's giving toddler. It's giving toddler. It's also giving like if something happened to us right now and you had to pee, then I would have to defend us. Yeah. I would have to deal with it. And I feel like girls have a shorter urethra. Mm hmm.

Because this is a science podcast. So, like, what are you doing? Do we? I feel like you did just, like, make that up. Wait, I think I made that up. Boys have a shorter urethra. Chris is Googling. Okay. So maybe guys do have to pee more than girls. Unless you're preggers.

I just think like pee. I don't know, but it's just like when I have to pee, I'm not telling everyone about it. Like, oh my God, I'm like going to literally pee my pants. Some people make peeing their whole personality at a party. Like when they have to pee, they have to tell everyone. Because I come from a world of depression. So like I've held it for hours because I'm like, I'm not getting off the couch. That's crazy. People don't talk about that enough. Female urethra is shorter, yes.

Well, we're so tiny, we're so dainty. We're so little. I have the tiniest little wreath. What's the product in the newsletter this week? I have a very off-brand product that I don't think I've ever spoken about or told anyone that I have, but not to influence anyone, is life-changing. Capitalism once again.

And it's almost like something I feel like you would put in the newsletter, but people are going to be a little bit shocked that it's in my newsletter. I almost like don't even want to say it on the pod because I want people to sign up for the newsletter. Well, to sign up, go to giggly-squad.com and a pop-up will magically appear. We don't know how it happens. And my product this week, unassuming for me. Can I guess? Yeah. Can you give me like a lane? Pooping. Squatty potty. Yes. Do you use one? Okay. So Haley, Haley sends me a box of,

for my birthday and it's like wooden and it looks like a step stool. Yeah. And Des was like, what the fuck is this? I was like, I think it's a squatty potty, like a fancy squatty potty. Yeah. And he was like, I don't think so. Supposed to be super healthy for you. I've used one. My like a previous boyfriend used one and I like used it one time at his house and I was like,

That felt great. Like it comes out smoother? Yeah, it's supposed to be like better for you. My Nana is so mad right now listening. She's like, Paige used to be the sweetest, nicest girl. And then Hannah corrupts it and now she's talking about what happens in the bathroom. Johnny, I can't handle this. Turn it off. No, but I feel like it makes sense.

it makes it easier and like it's better for your body. But I have IBS. I never have trouble of it coming out. It goes right out. It will come out before I sit down. Okay. Well, I think this like puts your stomach in a better position. Well, they say humans naturally used to poop back in the day like in more of a squat position because we didn't have toilets. Right. So anyway, so that's in my... You brought up poop multiple times. I know. It's just disgusting. And you don't even poop, which is crazy. You've never pooped once in your life. I never have.

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After you purchase, they may ask where you heard about them. Please support Giggly Squad and tell them that we sent you. Honeys, you deserve this. Free the pain and discomfort. Keep the support with Honey Love. I heard a story that reminded me of you in the news. I'm a little nervous. A woman's dying. And she asked to have sex with her ex-boyfriend as her last wish. I literally sent it to Craig and I said, what would you do?

Because that is literally you. Like, I could tell he probably pissed her off, like, two days before. She was like, how about this? He probably, like, didn't do the dishwasher. Craig said, Craig said, I would obviously let you do that. And then I would never talk to you again. Like, I would leave. Because you're dead. So if you don't win. Like, well, I died. I'm not talking to you. I'm in heaven.

What would you do like roles were reversed? Your husband... I would be like, sorry, your ex does not want to fuck a dying man. And if she does, have you guys been texting this whole time? Like, what's going on? I would just have a lot of questions. Like, ex as in like...

Here's the thing. There are a lot of factors. How long were they together for? How far back is that ex? Is it two years ago? Is it 15 years ago? There's so many different factors. It also kind of makes me excited that romance isn't dead.

I didn't mean to say dead again. It kind of makes me excited to die. No, but the fact that she's like, my only wish is to have fiery hot sex with an ex. It's kind of exciting. Could you imagine you're the ex and you get this call and you're just like, here's the thing, I'm dying. And you're just like, what? No, imagine if he had to do the call like, hey, Sam, this is Steve. Um...

So Rebecca's dying. She wants your dick right before she dies. Also, what kind of death is this? Because I feel like if I was dying, the last thing I want is to get dicked out. Right. Like I want to be alone with a TV. I mean, that's just me on a Sunday. Like the fact that she was still in the mood to get fucked. Right. It shows that like romance isn't dead. But like you can't be mean to a dying person.

Oh, like he can't say no. Yeah, like what's... Yeah. Also, like the pressure might be too immense. Like what if he couldn't get it up? Too immense. I love that. I feel like if I was a guy and I had to do that. No, that is one thing where I will give guys like credit. If I had to perform during sex, like I would also get nervous. But I feel like...

Some of them are so dramatic. Like, they get a boner, like, with a light breeze. Yeah. I think they have to get really deep in their head. I can say, like, one word, and Craig will be like, I'm hard. You know? But I fully understand performance anxiety. Like, I think you can get into your head. That's why sometimes if you make a guy wait a really long time, when you finally let him do it, he, like, can't do it. Can I tell you something? One time, one of my guy friends...

I called my boyfriend at the time and my boyfriend was like, I really got to talk to him, like stepped out of the room, like something like crazy had happened. OK. And I'm like waiting and waiting for the tea, like waiting for him to come back. And he comes back and he's like, I just got off the phone with Bobby and he couldn't get it up. Like he couldn't get it up to like have sex with like Jessica or whatever. And I was like, OK. And like, what was like the terrible thing that happened? He was like.

What are you talking about? That's the terrible thing. And I was like, okay, that's like not like that's stupid. He was like, you're you have no empathy. Like you're like starts yelling at me. And I was like, I'm going to say something to you really quick. Nine times out of 10. We don't want to do it.

So someone laying there and saying, sorry, I can't get it up is my lucky day. If a guy couldn't get it up around me, I'd be like, I'm obsessed with him. He's so unattractive to me. I want to be a better person for him. I need to try harder. I need to be funnier. I need to be smarter. I need to be sexier. That's it. I'm going to the gym tomorrow morning. It's obviously me. I was like, we are, as women, we're not taking it like we're mad at you. We've already

We internalized it 30 minutes prior. We've put it all on ourselves. We've made it about us. We've fully made it about us. The self-hate has fully been like pulsating from my brain. And he was like, he's so embarrassed. And I literally remember texting him being like, it's honestly not that big of a deal. I don't know one girl that would ever be like. Honestly, he probably does too many drugs. Probably. Like stop doing so many drugs. Right. But I'm like, that sounds like a great idea.

If it's like late night on a Friday night and he's like, oh, I can't get it up. I'm like, that's amazing. I wanted to go to sleep anyway. Because the worst thing is when they can't get it up and they're trying to force their like mushy little worm inside you and you're just like, this is horrible. No. It feels like someone just taking a tampon. I'm already disassociated. You know, I'm already going through my checklist for tomorrow. I'm like, I should wake up earlier.

Like I'm not there. You know, like I was talking about this with someone like I forget, like a couple of weeks ago. And we were saying like, what's the worst thing that you hear in bed or like what's like the word like what would make you cringe? Mine was very simple. And it's the word what? Have you ever said something like during sex and they didn't hear you?

And then like they say what and you're like, you're like, am I going to say it again? Or like now is it weird? How long is the sentence that he wants you to repeat? Also, did you say like a whole bit? Because sometimes like your heads are like different ways. So it is hard to hear. The fact he said what is not okay. At least pretend, you know, just go with it. Just go with it. Because whatever I said, I'm telling you, wasn't important. Not important. And if I needed. If anything I didn't

even want to say it in the first place so let's just skip over it if you didn't hear it I will repeat it if you're not listening to what I'm saying yeah so that was mine I just don't like spit I don't like spitting yeah I don't know what it is it somehow becomes a different thing than like what he's been like kissing me with like once it leaves his mouth I don't know what that vehicle of slime is have you ever gotten spit on?

Like, where you're just like, I didn't ask for it. Well, I told you that one Australian guy would do that weird, like, let the spit, like, slowly drop before he, like, went down on me. It was so weird, so strange. Spin your hand like a normal person. No, I was like, what are you overcompensating for? Yeah. And then he would, like, the slurp. I'd love to know, like, in their head, they're like, she's going to think this is...

This is my potty trick. This is about to get fucking lit. No one's ever done this to me before. Wait till I drop the slurp slurp on her. I'm just like, wow, you're really hydrated. I couldn't even make that much spit in my mouth if I wanted to right now. Honestly, I'm a little thirsty. It would just make me think how thirsty I am. I'm like, I wish I had that much spit in my mouth. Also, anything that takes more than five seconds, I'm like,

Okay, that took too long. Let's not do that. Anywho. What an escape, Giggly Squad. I was actually thinking about it. I'm listening to a podcast right now, and I don't listen to a lot of podcasts, and it made me realize how I hope in this hour that the Gigglers can forget all of their problems and be like, these girls are so mentally ill. I'm listening to Scamanda. What is that? Oh my gosh, so it's

I have to warn you, it's very slow. Okay. But, like, it's so juicy that, like, you kind of love that they take... The foreplay is long. And, like, you're busy. What is the genre? What is it about? It's about a scam. Okay. Of this woman. And they early on kind of tell you. It's this girl who basically steals someone's husband and is raising a family. And...

she fakes having cancer. Okay. And gets people to donate like hundreds of thousands of dollars. On what, like a GoFundMe? All types of foundations and stuff. And then she kind of gets like low-key famous in her church because she's like fighting terminal cancer. But everyone's like, she kind of looks good. She's like cute. Kind of glowing. She's glowing.

Like, she shaved her head, but otherwise they're like, she has been gaining weight. Yeah. And she is... Has this blog that she, like, loves writing about and people are following. And she, like, just...

gets like too big for her britches and starts giving like insane details and someone's finally like that makes no like you're giving yourself chemo like that makes no sense yeah and someone's starting to now investigate it that's when did this happen like kind of recently like a couple years ago so you know that's what's happening but like and they have actual audio of like her at church talking and it's the slow like build-up that like everyone just thinks she's like

The light of their life. Like, this incredible woman. You have to be so sick in the head. No, I know. But not only – I do think sometimes the people that people think are, like, the greatest are the sickest people. Yeah. For sure. Because it's, like, – she literally was going to church giving full speeches about, like, if she has hope, other people can have hope. And, like, she became, like, a celebrity. Right. Like, I always think, like, you ever get asked, like, oh, who do you look up to? And you're just like –

That's how I feel because I feel like everyone that people look up to, I'm like, that's a scam. She's scamming us. Or like you know that they hate themselves. Yeah, like no one is that...

That's why when crazy fandom happens, I don't get that. Because I love a lot of celebrities and I feel like I go to a lot of certain concerts. Yeah, I love them, but I have never understood true, true fandom of people. And I think it's because I think everyone at some point is a shitty person. I feel like that's why we connect with the Gigglers so much because the Gigglers are

are not fans. Like, when you walk into, like, a Giggler today. Like, I think Gigglers, like, chirp me. Like, I was at a bar. I was at a bar recently, and some girl just held up her phone, like, in black letters and just said, I'm a Giggler. But we never interacted. I was just like, that's sick. I'll literally be, like, on the street, and someone just goes, sup, Hannah? Like, they know me. They're actually sick of me. They're like, I don't want to stop and talk. We have our own shit to do.

The gigglers, like, literally some girl will be walking by and they're listening to Giggler Squad and just look at me and give me a head nod and show me they're listening. But that's, like, makes more sense. That's what we want. Like, they understand that we are gigglers, Googlers are us. Yeah. And there's no, like... And some days we're shitty. Yeah. You know, don't look up to us. Yeah. You know, I've actually come to a... It's taken me a long time, but I have realized more about myself that, like... Because I always consider myself a very, like, laid-back, like, chill...

Sometimes anxious, but like overall pretty calm. The past three podcasts you've talked about each fight you've gotten into each week, but you realize I'm that kind of person like who I'm a very chill, calm person. Yeah. And it takes me so much to lose my shit. Yeah. Like so much. No, it really does. But once I lose it, like... You're there. I'm Looney Tunes. Yeah. But because it's only like...

happened like three times in my life I don't like to identify by it yeah and I never accepted that it was I'm like but that's not me but I like recently accepted like if you push me to that point which will rarely happen like I will um explode yeah like I will yeah but that's like being a human I will defend my family yeah yeah and I've recently accepted that about myself because I was lying I was like I literally never get upset I never get angry I'm so chill but you really don't

But is it healthier to be, like, a little upset all days? Like, you don't—like, one of my biggest takeaways from, like, recent podcasts that we've done is that, like, you've never called Des a name. No. So, like, you are a good person. You know? Like, I feel like Craig could alphabetically list everything I've ever called him. That's what it is. I don't think it's good or bad person, but it's, like, I think I'm kind. Yeah. And if I do explode—

People deserved it. I feel like though, even when you think you're being mean, you're like, that was so mean. I'm like, not really. Do you think when I'm mean, I'm not that mean? But I'm kind of like funny bitch. Like I can be sarcastic. I've never heard you say anything legitimately mean to anyone. Oh my God. Do you know I've never said anything mean to you before? Like I've never been mean to you. No. No. You've never really been mean to me.

No, like we've never yelled at each other. I love how all we do is be mean to each other, but like you've never been mean. Like you've never actually been mean. Like we've never in all of reality. We've like chirped each other, but that's our love language, which Craig actually just pointed that out. Like the other day he said something mean to me and I started laughing and he was like, you're sick in the head. But I like I realized that's your love language. So I sent this thing to Des about bids. Have you seen that on TikTok? Mm-mm.

I sent him... Like BID? BID. So bidding is like the key to a successful relationship. Like you know a relationship is done when someone puts in a bid and the other person doesn't respond. So a bid is a bid for attention. Okay. It literally could mean like we're just sitting here and I go, wow, that Giggly Squad sign looks really pretty. Yeah. And if I don't... In that moment... Yes. You can decide to go, yeah, it is. Yes. Or you can literally be like...

Like you'll every now and then see like a guy be like and the girl ignores her. The girl's like that's like little things. Yeah. So Des I sent it to him and he actually like agreed with it. Yeah. But now he thinks it's funny that when I do something he'll go you had enough bids today. Because you're a golden retriever. So I'll literally

I'll literally look at him and I'll go in for a kiss and he'll kiss me. And then I'll smile and go in for a hug and he'll be like, whoa, whoa, that was the bid for the day. That was enough bidding. So then he's playing hard to get with bids with me. So now it's a beyond a mind game. But that's how you keep your relationship lively. Just showing them stupid things and seeing if they pay attention. Yeah.

Yeah. So but bids for attention is for real. Like, you know, when you hate someone like even a friend and like they try to get your attention, you're like, I don't have it in me. I also saw this thing that if you started if you like start dating a guy and he wants to change his style or he starts continuously asking you like, what should I should I do this shirt or this shirt? And it's like little small things. He's obsessed with you.

Yeah. So look out any girl like any of the gigglers who are getting just gotten into a new relationship or anything. Look out for like them randomly buying new things or like asking you every once in a while if you like this or that stuff.

Deep down, they're obsessed with you. It's actually so true because, like, I'm not a fashion girl. Like, I don't even know about men's fashion. Like, they want to look better for you. But Des will be like, do you like this shoe or this shoe? And I'm like, I don't fucking know. But then part of me, I do get opinions. I'm like, I actually want my man's in that. Yeah. Because I just want to feel, like, control over him at all times. So that's another thing. I love how I'm doing full front page news right now, but it's been real quiet with the Lizzo stuff.

PR team is popping off. Silenced. Are you silent or silenced? She got Kris Kardashian on the case. I mean, because, yeah, we've heard nothing. And then Beyonce, you know how she didn't say Lizzo's name in a song, then said, like, I love you, Lizzo, in a song? Oh, I didn't hear that part. She said, I love you, Lizzo. So, like, Beyonce's come around. This is, like, serious lawyer shit that's happening right now. Yeah. Imagine if we had that power to get everyone to just, like, boop.

I would love it. But that would mean we would be getting sued. Which I'd also kind of love. For tax evasion. She's like, but I can spell hyaluronic acid. Okay, so sometimes like our giggly squad, like our business stuff will go to my mom, obviously. And she texted me the other day and she was like, I think you and Hannah are getting sued. And I literally perked up and I was like, oh my God, for what? And she goes, oh, just kidding. No, you're not. You thought we like made it.

It's like, oh my God, what are we getting sued for? No, do not actually manifest that. No, I'm not manifesting it. Also, Scooter Braun's getting fired by everyone? Yeah, what's going on? There's something going on. Demi Lovato? Demi Lovato dropped him. Justin Bieber dropped him. I mean, for Justin to drop him? And it's been like 15 years that he's been with Justin. Some type of story is definitely coming out. It's going to come out. Yeah, and I can't wait to hear what it is. Taylor Swift. Mm-hmm.

Must be enjoying this karma so much. Also, did you see the thing where it was Taylor Swift, Margot Robbie, and one other girl? Who was it? That, like, is literally holding America on their back. Oh, yeah. Who is the other person? Yeah. Yeah. Um...

They generated like billions of dollars for the U.S. Women in STEM. I mean. Because women are the ones. Women in the arts, really. Women are the ones who are purchasing. Women are the ones making decisions. Yeah. Women are the ones sharing what they love. Like men will literally go to dinner after a breakup and talk about nothing. Like I don't know if I follow one male influencer. I just I follow a lot of gay influencers. Yeah.

Gay male influencers? Right. Like, I don't, are there straight male influencers that are doing, like, their skincare routines? Chris, who do you follow? Yeah, do you follow any, like, do you follow any guys that you're like, I follow him solely because I like how he dresses and I like to, I want to see what he wears? No. No. So how do you pick your outfit in the morning? Honestly, if you said yes, I actually would have gotten an ick. Wait, how do you pick your outfit in the morning?

I just, I don't know. I look in the mirror. I try shit on until I find something I like. Yeah. Do you have a skincare routine? No, not at all. So what do you do in the morning? Take a shower. If a guy on Instagram was like, oh, this is my skincare routine and he had great skin, would you ever be influenced, you think, to be like, oh, shoot, maybe I'll buy that on Amazon? Possibly. Guys buy those big dick pills. Yeah.

I like the bodega. It's like my larger dick. And they have those testosterone commercials. Wait, this is so weird that you just said that because I just learned this weekend that the gas station is selling like performance pills. Like I didn't know that was a thing. And every guy is like, what are you talking about? Yeah, that's a thing. Like they sell it at. It's right there. The only reason I'm surprised is because it's like right there. But I think when you see performance, you assume it's like lifting weights.

I don't know if I've ever even, like, clocked it. Guys, these are the things. To market to men, it comes from fear. They're scared of losing their hair. Yep. Their dick not performing. Yep. And...

That's pretty much it. So that's what the male industry. Where girls, we're afraid of like so many more things. No, I mean being kidnapped. Plus we're afraid of men. Yeah, just like walking outside in general. And we're like, I'm literally doing an Amazon Live Thursday of like an apartment tour. Half of the things are like things I lock my door with. Oh my God.

I have three devices to sell just on staying in my own home. How relaxing it is to be a man, to just be scared of losing your hair, and that's it. And that's it. When we're scared of everything plus the man that's losing his hair. No, I'm scared of losing my life on a daily basis. So, Scooter Braun, first of all, if your name is Scooter...

I don't trust you. Because here's the thing. What's your nickname? And if it's Scoot, get out of my face. Also, if Scooter isn't a nickname for another name, that's a huge problem. Because that is real name. Chris is on it. His son's just like, here's Mike. Also, we treat Chris like we're an animal cruelty lab where he is a rat. He's just locked up and we go, how does this feel? Scott. Scott Samuel Braun.

Oh, fuck off. Just be Scott. Yeah, that's... What are you running from? What are you hiding from? Scootering away from it. No, that I... And he probably has a stupid story like, you know, when I was little... I couldn't say Scott. Like I said, scoot. You know, my dad, right before he got cancer... Right before he got cancer, he said, scooter. Scooter.

Right before my dad lost his hair, he said, Scooter, I love you. We were so thankful for you because I do have erectile dysfunction, so we didn't even think we were going to be able to have you. The callbacks are calling back today. No. So something's going to happen with Scooter Braun. It's giving— Names aren't a verb. No. That's the first thing. Scooter is a noun, but scooting is a verb. It's a noun verb. It's a verb. Wait, what is a verb again? A verb is an action.

So scoot to scoot. But scooter, a scooter actually is an adverb. You don't know what an adverb is? Grace, you just came from school. What is scooter? Is it a verb, an adverb, or a noun? Like with an E or...

A person, place, or thing. It's a scooter. Okay. Or is it a person's scooter? You know what? If you have to wonder. It's not for me. If you have to wonder. If you have to guess. Also, speaking of us trying to figure out words, we're going to tease. We do have a very fun, big...

Exciting project. That we're working on that... We don't know if we're allowed to tell you. And we don't know how we got here because it's a lot of admin. It's probably the most admin we've ever done. And we went to four years of college. For sure. And this is probably the biggest... But does part of you feel like, oh, this is what I went to college for this moment? No. I've been sitting there and thought how... Maybe I shouldn't have cheated so much in college. Yeah.

How did I get here? I literally lied on my resume and now I have the job and I will cry. So Paige and I are working on something, which is fun, but upsetting for us because we have to work. No, but literally something was due and we were like, wait, we forgot to do it. Finally, my college bestie, no, sorry, my middle school bestie, Jeremy Allen White, who has one too many names.

Is like flirting with Alexa Demi on Instagram. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I think I've told the gigglers this. No, you've never said that. I went to middle school with Jeremy Allen White. He was in my drama class. We were friends. And then I went to Beacon and he started dating and he got married to the girl at Beacon. And I know her. So I'm basically best friends with Jeremy Allen White. So you basically went to their wedding. You officiated it. If I saw him in the street, I'd be like, dude. And he'd be like, I don't know who you are.

He'd walk right by me and be like, I don't like this fandom. We had two full years in middle school. And like, I feel like that's like. How tall is he? Put him in your pocket. Well, in middle school, put him in your pocket. Yeah. But like, he's a Brooklyn guy. No, I'm scared to say that I'm obsessed with him because I don't want something crazy to come out about him. I know. But I love him. I think him and Alexa Demi would be such a cool couple. But I would be like, I would be so hurt if I was his wife. Yeah. And Jeremy, I love you.

And he's in, like, his prime, and now they're getting divorced. I don't love that. But he's on Instagram outwardly. Like, do at least a Tom Brady and, like, go to a hotel and try to pretend like you were leaving from different doors. It's giving, like, when Chris Pratt and Anna Faris got divorced. Yeah. I didn't love that. I don't know why that divorce, like, really turned me off because I wasn't, like, a massive fan of either. Just don't publicly flirt.

It's giving, like, he's trying to make her jealous. Maybe she cheated on him, people have said. Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, she's gorgeous. Like, she was, like, the cool, gorgeous one, but then he blew the fuck up. But I do think... See, I don't trust when the guy gets... Whenever the guy gets super famous...

I feel like it's more like they get divorced, but when the girl gets super famous, like there's no stories of like her leaving. No guys leave her. Yeah. And I don't like that. Lady Gaga. Jeff Bezos. He sold books and now he runs the world. Divorced. You know? She was with him when he sold books. Books.

You know, it's like I don't know. It's giving like getting every guy. Could you imagine how many icks she had throughout their marriage? No, like when a guy's becoming a doctor and right or like a lawyer and you're putting them through law school. Guys being in school as an ick like him be like, I have to study tonight. Gross. Gross. Like, oh, you have to study. Figure it out.

You have to study. Just know it. Like him like sitting down trying to like put things into his like fucking balding brain. Like figure it out. Know it or don't. Know it or don't. Know it or don't. Chris is so traumatized. I'm getting an ache of thinking about guys learning stuff. Like learning how to do stuff. Someone showing them how to do stuff and them learning it is... Why is that so...

It makes me... It's just a toddler. I'm actually, like, thinking of a man reading and seeing... Having reading comprehension is an ick. Seeing a word and then it being processed into your brain. It's like you're literally reading a word one by one into your brain. No. Sounding it out. Them sounding out a word. No. That's just you. I don't think... Okay. So, anyway...

Don't respect when you are in a public relationship, then you like outwardly commenting like fire emojis on other girls' pages. I think it's like...

Yeah. It hurt me. It's very try hard. And I'm fine with him doing it. I just feel like hurt for her. Just like send a DM. Send a DM. Send a DM like me and Charlie. Be normal. Yeah. I agree. I also have something crazy to say and I don't know if... I don't want to like ruin my source, but I'm not going to ruin my source. Okay. But I found out that I know someone who had sex with Armie Hammer. Stop. Recently. Stop. And what...

What? I was out the other night and I was walking into a restaurant and I thought that the, I walked in and I saw this like good looking guy to my left. So I like quickly glanced and then in my head I was like, that's Armie Hammer. And so then I looked again, it wasn't, but a full cold sweat came over me as if like I was going to get eaten right in the middle of the restaurant. He's just out here in these streets. No, it's kind of nuts. I think he probably like

kind of laughs at the whole situation because it's so insane that it's like funny. Like, does he want to murder them? I don't know if he wants to murder them, but he's definitely, they've, at some point people have said no and he's kept going. Oh, got it. Like in sexually and like physically abusive. Got it. Not to everyone, but they all have these crazy wild, like brainwash, brainwashing stories. Does he call them certain names?

What do you mean? Like kitten? Like what do you mean? Yeah, like stuff like that. Like little nickname-y names. I can't remember from the documentary. But it was basically like he started out with all of them the same way. Just like love bombing, love bombing, love bombing. And they were all like, yeah, this guy gets it. I'm amazing. And then it turned into controlling like, no, where are you right now this second? Do you know what's so funny? I've never been in a relationship where a guy...

I've had a guy who's controlling, like, calls me all the time, but never, like, where I'm at.

Yeah. You've never had a guy like show up where you were and you'd be like, how the fuck did you find me? Never. Yeah. Or I've never had a guy be like, tell me where you are. And I think it's because A, I don't party. So he knows where I am. Right. And B, because like I can't be managed. Right. Like I think the second a guy shows like a slightly amount of that, I'm not into it. Where some people. It's also a very terrifying feeling being somewhere and realizing that someone went through certain steps to find out where you were.

were and then showed up and then like was is in front of you and you're just like that's when the relationship is over no it's we're like I'll call my dad yeah that's it I'm leaving I'm calling my dad I want to be somewhere and I don't want him there and he's there I'm calling army hammer to murder you literally I'm calling the police I'm calling the police yeah but sometimes I think controlling relationships feel like he's so obsessed with me and I like that yeah same but I've never I've never had that

I've literally just had a guy who wouldn't stop calling me. And I was like, he's obsessed with me. But he actually just wanted to know that he still... How to read. Because I was like, can you help me with my homework? And it was so time consuming. You're like, this is a noun. It's also so much admin to chase a girl down. I cannot be controlling because I literally cannot keep up with admin. Being controlling. Like, Des, I remember when we first... I'm too sleepy.

To check your location. When we first started dating, Des was like, I'm going to, I have a crazy day. Like, I'm going to play golf and volleyball. I'll keep you posted. And I was like, amazing. And he was calling me, like, telling me where he is. And I was like, I don't want to know this information. I have enough on my plate right now. I don't need to know the score of your volleyball match. Yeah. Like, Craig could share his location and I'm not looking.

I get in trouble because this is like, I told you where I was going to be. How did you not know? And I'm like... I don't even fully read their text messages. I'm going to be totally honest. Like...

If you send me four text messages in a row, I'm not reading them. I'm reading the last one. Grow up. Isn't it funny that we do text in the language that I know that you will comprehend it best? We either do voice notes or a very simple five to eight word text. Yeah. I feel like I come off really bitchy in text because I'm just like, okay, yes, no, or I don't respond. I don't. You actually like always respond. I'm nice to you in text messages. Well, I care about you. I'm in your top eight.

Yeah. Of your phone? Yes. Am I in yours? I don't know how to do the top eight. It's too much admin. No, pinning conversations is such a game changer. I have to do that? Yeah, you do. Have you seen on Netflix, they're like advertising it hardcore, at home with the Furies? No. You know Tommy Fury? Wait. Wait.

And Molly Mae? Yeah, so they're in it, but it's not about them. It's about his brother who's retired and was one of the greatest boxers of all time. And he's this like crazy character who has a family. This is why like I fucking switched my, I got my own Netflix and now I'm not even getting like offered that when I feel like I'm their child. I'm Bambi's aunt. Wait, this isn't.

No, that's insane. I almost didn't bring it up because I assumed you already watched it. No, I'm literally watching it tonight. It is so good. They're like a crazy... I haven't watched it because I can't watch reality TV. Aren't they supposed to... It's supposed that they're in the Irish mafia? Yeah, to an extent. Does Des know the family? Yeah, he knows all about them, but he's not associated with it. Just a preface. Just putting it out there. So...

I haven't watched it, but the promo's fucking insane. She's basically like, he has depression, he has ADHD, he has bipolar. And once we figured that out, I was like, okay, I understand what's going on. And he's like, I want to buy a private jet. This is his wife saying this? Yeah, and they have these really funny accents. I'm not going to try. But she's like, why do you need a private jet? And he's like, I need a private jet. And she's like, do you really need to buy an island to get a private jet? And it's hysterical. And then they have like...

way too many kids and then Molly Mae and Tommy are like involved in the family wait I can't wait to watch that's who needs a reality show yeah like they need their own it's giving like Kardashians but like foreign and crazier and like he actually was this like crazy athlete because the wife just makes fun of him how old is he? he's older Zaddy for sure Zaddy like 40s 50s late 40s but it's interesting because it's like him trying to have a real life after being this thing and then she's like

He's like, oh, I have to go to – I have a fight. This guy wants to fight me. And she's like, I thought you were tired. And he's like, I am. And then she's like, when's your flight to Iceland? And he's like, tomorrow. Did you watch the Johnny Manziel one? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I actually really, really liked it. I loved it. Johnny Manziel was like during our college time. I remember people talking about him. I don't remember.

It's actually one of the saddest stories of sports. Like he was a freak athlete. He was a freak athlete. He was going to be like the greatest of all time. He did no admin. No admin. But it's also crazy because like it's been like a while and I always thought he was going to come back. And it's like hit that point where it's like he's done. He's not coming back. It's really sad too. It's kind of like.

He self-sabotaged his whole life. But the things that he would get away with, I was just like, wait, this is amazing. But you know what? He was before his time. So basically, for people who don't know, Johnny Manziel made his whole college relevant again. And when a college is relevant in football, that means— They went into a totally different league because of him. They went to a totally different league. They got a totally new stadium. They get tons of donor money. They then get better academically. He basically changed the whole school. He changed the whole town.

And they're making millions of dollars from him. And back in the day, college athletes made zero dollars. Yeah.

But nowadays, there's a rule that based on your likeness, you can make money. So what he did, he could have done now. But it was legal. Could have been, yeah. So he was basically like on the side signing stuff because he wanted to make some money. He lied and said that his family was like oil money. Like he just made it up and people just like believed it. He just, honestly, he had an addiction problem. Yeah. And it was never dealt with properly. He went to Miami one time and it was like game over.

You know? It'll get you. But also at the end of the day, like, he did incredible things. He didn't work out in professional football. You, like, feel bad for him. He wasn't happy anymore. And now he's figuring his life out. But he lived a crazy life. Also, like, as someone who was, you know, an athlete. Yep. Is playing professional sports for 15 years always the happiest time? Right. Maybe this wasn't what he was meant to do. Mm-hmm. I also watched the other one of Untold about, um...

The cheating with steroids. I didn't see that one. Yeah. They use a lot of sports documents. This is a sports podcast. This is a sports... We are so exhausted. I'm so upset. Like, I have a bone to pick with the NCAA, you know? Them and the FDA can fucking kick rocks as far as I'm concerned. So, anyway, we love sports. And thank you so much for gigging with us. We have Toronto coming up. We just released more tickets for Toronto. Toronto. Toronto.

Sorry. And then Chicago. Oh, yeah. I forgot we're going back to Chicago. Yeah. And then where's the third place we're going? New York City. New York fucking City. November 9th. And then everyone's loving the no notes hat, which we didn't even say this pod. We've been doing it over text, though. No notes. Yeah. Everything I post, people are saying no notes. It's so funny. No, I love saying it. And I love saying it to things that I didn't read, like in text messages. And I just say that back. Just no notes. Yep. Obsessed.

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