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I mean, the day just got away from me. I'm wearing a headband today. Your first day of school vibes? Yeah. I thought it was going to look different, but then whatever. I don't have the confidence to not have a part in my hair because I need to cover like part of my face because I don't like fully love who I am. Do you not like your ears?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I wasn't going to say it, but yes. Someone said I have elf ears when I was little because my ears used to be big, but then I grew into them. But they do point out a little. But like how cool that your ancestors are responsible for Christmas. Christmas? Yeah. I don't get it. Elves? Oh, okay.
I'm so excited to be here and we have so much to say. Yeah. Hannah's wearing sunglasses because she was away for the weekend and the comedy festival presented her with an award. What was the award for? What's on the plaque? I don't know. I don't know.
No, it was Variety's Top Ten Comics to Watch, and people were like, we've been watching you. You don't stop posting. But it was the heaviest, like, glass award. No comic works out. We all were like— Did you get it right then and there, or were they like, we'll mail it to you? Actually, this was so on brand for me. There was a cocktail party. No one told me I was getting a physical and award, so obviously I was napping. And they called my manager and was like, where's Hannah? She has to receive her award. And she—
She's napping. Because I had lost my voice at that point. I was beyond myself. Yeah. So I quickly threw on some mascara, went down, received the award, and things have changed. And now you're wearing sunglasses during the con. And that's just a natural evolution. Yeah. How was your weekend? I mean, not even weekend. You were there for like six days. I have some updates. Okay. You can speak French. I can speak French. I cried during a panel. Oh.
During a comedy panel. I can't wait. Only you would make it a mental health moment. And I'm not a crier. Guys, we've been giggling for how long? I never cried once on this podcast.
No, we've never cried. We don't. We're not criers. Are people going on podcasts and crying? I think sometimes people do. But like some girlies, it's like, honestly, I should cry more. Yeah. So I get on this panel and everyone's hilarious. It's like the funniest people. I've seen three men cry in the past three days. I'm ready to vomit. Like in my presence. No, I hate crying. Yeah. So they're asking like how we started comedy and, you know, all this stuff. And I'm good. I'm laughing. Yeah. And then she's like, how did you find your comedy voice?
And the hardest part was I didn't see it coming. I just started saying, like, you know, when I was little, I was very creative and outgoing and silly. And then I had athletic prowess, obviously. What was that word? Athletic prowess, kind of like Kendall Jenner. Oh, my God. Have you ever even heard? Like, you had modeling prowess. I don't even know really what that means. Did I make Chris's prowess a word? Yes. Mansplaining, typical Chris. Spell it. Spell it. I would like to know if there's a silent L in there. Prowl-ist? Yeah. Yeah.
I said silent. I bet my life there's not an L in prowess. I would just like to know if there's any silent letters in it. What is the origin of the word prowess?
Okay, so spoiler. There are no L's. No L's. Okay. How do you spell it? P-R-O-W-E-S-S. See, you're outsmarting yourself. You went to Harvard. It was right there. You went to Harvard. Someone just asked if we wanted to collab with Harvard. With Harvard? Who just asked me if I wanted to collab with Harvard? Giggly Squad times Harvard. And I started laughing hysterically. I can't even remember. That's how dumb I am.
She's like, I'm going to send you an email. And you're like, I can't read. But thank you. I will just forward it. So they asked. I started talking about my athletic prowess. And I went to tennis and how I just suppress a lot of silly emotions and be like a serious tennis player for so long. And then I go. And then that dream died. And I don't know the moment. And I start like it wasn't just like like water in the eye. I was like, you can breathe. Everyone's like, oh, no.
And I'm like, no, no, it's okay. But sitting there and realizing that for the first time ever I was doing well. Like a full circle moment. It was that full circle moment. And I was like, and now I had a lot of performance anxiety with tennis. And now when I go on the stage, I feel this weird calmness. And I'm crying. And then I...
I look in the crowd and people are crying and then I look at my agent because I'm like did I is my career done did I ruin it I'm like this is so bad for comedy and he looks at me and he gives me a little thumbs up and then I start milking it then I'm like no then I'm like I'm an actress so then all the
All the comics were like, well, how are we going to fucking go after that? It was pretty embarrassing. Wait, you're literally Sandra Bullock. You're Miss Congeniality. I leaned into... Because it's all industry in there. So you're just like, you know, and I was like... And I also, I feel like I could act if there's any other agents here. If anyone needs a more dramatic role of a girl who had a hard childhood because she couldn't be a tennis player. Right. So then...
They asked a question like, do you ever talk at your parents and your sets? So it's coming back to me. And I'm like, who am I this next time? So then I go, my dad. And everyone starts laughing. And I was like, just kidding. My dad actually, he's my best friend, whatever. So I cried at a panel. And then I did have an awkward celebrity interaction. With who? JVN.
Jonathan Van Ness. Yes. From Queer Eye, who I love. Do you use his hair stuff? I want to get the new hair mask thing. Okay. I only use like one of his products, but they smell so fucking good. I trust him with my life. Oh my God. Yeah. I trust him. So I was on a TikTok panel with him. You know I love talking about TikTok. So I get there. It really is like having a crush when there's like a famous person in the room. Yeah. Because you're like, do I look at them? Do I talk to them? Do I say something? So finally someone was like, Hannah, I want to introduce you to Jonathan.
And I go, I— Wait, I like your voice like this. No, it's, like, really good. I can't shut up. No, it's so good. I'm supposed to be on voice rest. You sound like— A coal miner.
You sound like, I don't know. I don't know why this is coming to my head, but like someone in a 90s movie. Oh my God, yeah. Like a 90s high school movie. I just smoked weed. Yeah. And I'm like, guys, let's skip math. You're so stupid. Get in my car. We're driving home. We're going shopping. Yeah. Oh my God, I'm so interesting right now. I sound so much more interesting. Yeah.
So I look at him and I'm like, you just shine on the screen. Like you really bring so much joy to people. Like I'm such a, I really do love that man. I'm such a big fan. And he goes, I'm a big fan of you as well. And I go, wait, what? You are? And he looks at me and he goes, I'm sorry. I just said that.
He goes, I'm sorry I said that. I just was feeling the moment. Because I think he expected me to be like, thanks. But instead I was like, wait, you know who I am? And I start laughing. I'm like, what if I tested you on things I've done? And he's like, I'm sorry. And then I'm so embarrassed because this man literally was like, I love you. Just kidding. I have no fucking clue who you are. Wait.
I'm going to start doing that. How embarrassing. That's so hilarious and amazing. And he was so nice the rest of the time, but I was like, he straight up was, just go with it, Jonathan. Just say yes. But now I feel like he will be a fan of you. He followed me. Because he'll always remember. Immediately, I was like, I have to tell the gigglers. This is so embarrassing. That's so good. Because we really were having a great moment. And then he was like, actually, no, I don't know who you are.
Oh my God. So how many shows did you do like all together? How many times did you prefer? The crowd work show with Marlon Wayans, which is really fun. I think we're friends. I think, um,
We did Giggly Squad Show, which was fucking insane. Giggly Squad was great. Everyone was saying they've never seen like a more fun crowd. Really? Yeah, because other shows are like sometimes just like Montreal people going to test out some comedy. Yeah. Where this was like the Gigglers showed the fuck up. No, the Gigglers were so great. I did see this one girl. I forget where she commented it on, either like Instagram or TikTok.
I forgot that the one guy we brought up on stage, you changed his name every time, like, we spoke to him. Yeah. His name was Patrick. So I was like, Patricia, Patrak, Patrick. It was just like, I forgot that moment. Like, whenever we do a Giggly Squad show and then I see, like, the girlies, like, commenting stuff about it after, it's like...
I don't know, you're with your real girlfriends and you like remember something from a night you got fucked up. It's like last night, wasn't that crazy? Remember when Paige spoke in a Scottish accent all night? Yes. And then we brought Des on stage, which was a surprise. He never goes on stage. Yeah. I feel like he didn't want to and you were like, you're coming on. He gave me a little opening and I was like, just come on stage. No, it was good. He took right over. He was so good at admin. Oh my God.
I literally left the room. I walked back in. I'm like, what are you possibly talking about? And she's like the admin of like how to get to the airport. What's the best time? Where should I go? Because... He's like the only adult. We're in the green room before. I'm asking Des what time I should leave the hotel to get to the airport at an appropriate time because I was like, where's my dad? He's home. Des is the next best thing. Des tells me the perfect time. And he loves it. Loves it. He was like, well...
You know, wait, let me actually see how far we are away. But at that time, like, you know, like he went through all the necessary things. But then after, so then we do the show. And then she blacked out. Wait, what was I just saying? You're talking about Des and your conversations with him and the airport. And if you want to be there and him being an adult. No, I got to stop getting high.
Oh, I remember. After the show, we go back to the hotel lobby and we're like drinking and everything and we're looking for Des. I look to the corner of the room and I just see Des having like the most intense conversation with some man and I look over and it was our accountant. Yeah.
Like only Des would find the more adult adult in the room and be like, this is where I'm sitting tonight. This is who I'm speaking to. And it was so wholesome. It's actually really cute. He said that he was like that kid when he was younger who always wanted to be friends with adults. Like, yeah. At like when they're playing soccer, all the kids would be like, you know, like throwing juice boxes at each other. And he'd be like with the coach, like so trying to make him laugh and stuff. And it's so cute. But I'm like, I can't see what these glasses are taking them off.
But I had a great time in Montreal. I'm very excited when we go to Toronto. Yeah, I mean, it's so beautiful there. We're like Canada. Girlies. We really are.
I love maple syrup. I'm so into it. I will say Des told me the right time to go to the airport, and I did not wake up from my alarm. So I actually left 15 minutes after Des suggested, and I did almost actually get fucked. If I didn't have global entry, I would have been fucked. Well, you –
literally came to the festival. First she knew, I don't think you even knew it was a festival. I had to voice note you and be like, by the way, this is like a big comedy festival. And you got there, immediately got glam, performed, and then we're out. And everyone was like, where's Paige? Yeah. And I'm like, she's busy. I left and my flight was at like 6 a.m. Yeah, I was gone. You're like jet setting. I was jet setting. Where I was just, you know, sucking dick and now my throat sounds like this. That was too much. That was too much. I didn't mean to say that.
Okay, I feel like I have a lot of random things that I've like, you know what I've been doing like recently? What? I've been writing things in the Giggly Squad note and I'm like, I can't wait to tell that to Hannah. A week will go by and I'll read it and I'll be like, what was that? You're like squirrel monkey? What was the point? Yeah, like what was the thing? There will be things in our notes that'll be there for months that like I don't want to delete because I don't know who thought it and if there's something behind it. I have something crazy that happened to me. Okay.
I got in a fight with an Uber driver, and it's so not me. So off-brand. So off-brand. I haven't fought with a man like this since reality TV. Give me everything. Give me the context. Okay, so I got my teeth cleaned. Shout out, 60 Park. Dentistry. Lexington. 60 Park Dental. Oh, my God.
Shout out to all the dentists. We love a dentist. My mom wanted everyone I've ever dated to become a dentist. That's a weird quirk. That's a weird fact. Your mom was like, we can create a successful man early on. She would say to any guy I brought home, do you know what you want to do? And they'd be like, no, I don't know. I'm 17. She goes, you should be a dentist. These dentists, they say a lot of dentists are depressed because their job is what people hate the most. See, I like going.
But I'm sick. Yeah. Well, you like squeezing pimples and all that stuff. And I'm in Midtown. And if you know Midtown, some of the avenues, like the walking streets are very wide. Yeah. So I called an Uber and the Uber was across the street and I had to wait. So.
To cross the street. To cross the street. So I'm waiting. Obviously, you're like, oh, my God, I'm waiting. And the car's right there. So I finally get across the street. I look at it. It said T10. So I see the car. It says T10. And it's this big white van. And it says automatic open. Automatic door. Like a minivan type door. And it says automatic door. So I press it and it starts opening up.
And the guy isn't immediately like turning around and I'm just like, hi. And he goes, what the fuck are you doing? And I was like, oh my God, I'm sorry. Is this the wrong car? And he's like, get the fuck out of my car. So I start backing up because like a man's yelling at me. Yeah. And then he goes, shut the fucking door. So then I'm feeling sassy for a second and I go, it's automatic. Yeah.
And then he did not like that. And then I go, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Wait, how old was Abe? He was like in his, I'd say like 45, angry looking guy. And I was like, it is automatic. And he looked at me with these angry eyes. And I'm like, but I'll shut it. But like honestly, they'll tell you not to touch it because it's automatic. Like push the button. So then I go, fine. And I go up to it. And he's like, thanks, bitch. Something came over me. And I think it was my voice. You know, I had this like low voice. And I go, go fuck yourself.
I go, go fuck. And this is in Midtown, so no one cares. Yeah. No, literally. I take my finger. I go, go fuck yourself. And I had this high, like, I didn't know who said it. This adrenaline rush. I had no idea who said it. Yeah. I literally have not yelled at a man since reality TV. And I haven't been yelled at by a man since reality TV. So I'm feeling like PTSD. You haven't just thrown a fuck you to Des ever? No. Oh, my God. No, we don't. This is why you're married and I'm not.
I have like fighting boundaries. Also, I say sorry like all the time. I'm just like, I'm sorry. We need to explore that more. Like what are our fighting boundaries? Because I don't have any. Yeah, like I've never called him. A fucking asshole? I don't call him names. Wait, what? I just feel like once you cross that, then you're like can always call him an asshole. Next thing you know, you're like calling him an asshole. You've never been like shut the fuck up. I don't really do that. Have you ever done it to any boyfriend? No.
I don't like fight with my boyfriends. I just break up with them out of nowhere because it's all in my head. Like I'm like, I'm done. I've been fighting internally with you and I'm so over this. And then they're like, where'd this come from? And I'm like, I've been hating you for six months. Wow. I never have yelling fights. I think it's because my parents never had yelling fights. Wow. And also like Des is tired. Yeah. I'm like. Maybe I am the problem. You're having this moment.
I know. Everyone's doing it. I do think that once you say a certain thing, you can never take it back. Good. I meant that shit. No, but Paige, out of nowhere, out of nowhere came when I go, go fuck yourself. And he- Was it your Uber? What?
I'm just waiting. So he gets a look on his face like he's never had a woman speak to him like that before. He starts opening the door. Wait, wait, wait. Which door? So I'm on the side that he's on. So he starts opening his door. We're right face to face. He starts opening his door. And I step back for a second. I go, are you going to fucking hit me? What are you going to do getting out of the car? Are you going to fucking hit me? Yeah. And my adrenaline was so high.
And by the way, I'm the kind of person that like, I've never yelled at a random person. Right. Like some people, I've never, I just don't do this stuff. I don't know who I was, but my voice was like this. And he steps out of the car. I go, are you going to fucking hit me? How big is he? This is the thing. I told Des, I was like, he's not that big. And he goes, please don't fight a man. But he wasn't that big. I was actually like, you know, your whole life, you're like, I just want to punch a man.
This was my moment. I literally said today to Craig, I was like, sometimes I get the urge to kick you in the chest. And he was like, that's psychotic. But I've never gotten to just kick a guy. This man definitely hated women. And he was having his own issues. And I don't know what my issues were, but they were coming out at this point. So I go, are you going to fucking hit me? And then in my head, I swear to God, I go, if he hit me, I'd have to go to court. And that is too much admin. Yeah.
So just because I hate admin, I was like, I turn around and he goes, fuck you, you fucking bitch. And I turn, I go, fuck you. And I gave him the finger. I knew it was bad because I started doing that thing where I started waving. Like people in my past when they're yelling at me, I start waving, like smiling because I can tell I'm making them so mad. And then I tell Des about it and Des was like, okay.
Wow. One, I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself. Please don't try to have physical altercations with men. Oh, so then I leave and I look at my Uber and it doesn't say T10 anymore. It's a different Uber, which means he canceled on me while I was walking across the street because I was taking a while. So then when I got to the car, it was the right Uber. So he was your guy. He was the guy, but he canceled. And then when I opened, he was like, what the fuck are you doing?
So, like, he fucked up. I'm going to find him. And then Des was like, you should find – to just let people know there's this, like, aggressive guy yelling at people. You should contact Uber. That's so much admin. But, like, Paige – Put it for revenge. He opened his door. And then in my head, I'm like, what if Des was there? Someone would have got their ass beat. Yeah. Wow. You can stay and get your ass beat or you can stay and get your ass beat. So – but honestly, I have to say, when I was sitting in the car, the other Uber after, and I was like, hi. And he was like, hello. Hello.
I didn't feel good. I felt gross. Yeah. I felt gross. You feel like icky after you have like an altercation. Yeah, because you're like in the mud with someone who's like gross. I fought a girl not too long ago. I only fight men. I was like standing at a bar and some girl started chirping Giggly Squad and like saying shit about Giggly Squad. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Yeah, something bad about... Yeah, she was saying like, oh, what is it? Like gangly squad? Like making fun of giggly squad. And I felt like, not because of me and you, I was like, the gigglers will beat your ass. And I must defend their honor. Yeah.
She's a knight. A giggling knight. I just simply, and I was totally sober. Like I had just gotten to the bar. So like I was ordering my first drink. When I'm drunk, I'm like, whatever. When I'm sober, I'm like, you know how hard it is to live in this brain? And I, but it was loud, but I could hear her. But I kept pretending like I couldn't hear her. But she was trying to get you to hear her. Yes. And so I said, what? It's so loud. I can't hear you. Like, what are you saying? So she kept saying whatever it was. So like then I knew she was talking shit.
And the bartender like looked at me and was like, she's crazy. Like, don't even listen to her. Like she's blacked out drunk. And I was like, I like don't give a fuck.
So I get my drinks and I turn to her and I put my hand on her arm and I go, it was so nice meeting you. I hope you feel better soon and you do get that help that you need because this is, it's so scary. Like, but it was so nice meeting you and she was like, what? You fucking bitch. And then I just like turned around and like walked away. So we have anger management problems here at Giggling Squad. But no,
It took everything in me not to just snatch her ponytail and be like, what did you just say about the gigglers? You're defending the gigglers. I was defending all of womankind. Because I called Des and he goes, he sounds like he hates women. And in that moment when he called me a fucking bitch, I was like, I need to stand up for all women. And if you're going to stay and get your ass beat, stay and get your ass beat. We were standing up for the economy. In this climate? For women in STEM. In this climate.
Also, I was like, you should try to kidnap me. Why are you yelling at me? Take me in your van. Am I not cute enough to be kidnapped? Right. Did you see that guy who became a border collie? How insane. What do you mean become a border collie? He spent $20,000 on this crazy costume that he gets into. See, I have a lot of follow-up questions. Is he flirting with other border collies?
Does he identify as a border collie? He doesn't identify as a border collie, but he... Is experimenting. He wants to... He like gets into the suit and like goes to dog parks. Wait, imagine the other dogs. They're like, what's wrong with that dog? The other dogs are going nuts.
The other dogs were like, something's not right. But he's also standing, like, in the picture, he's standing this, like, gorgeous blonde girl. And I'm like, there's no way. Wait, he's standing in his border collie outfit? No. No, he's all fours. He's border collie all fours. This blonde woman is standing next to him, gorgeous. I'm like, there's no way. Holding his leash.
That's his girlfriend holding his leash. Is that considered like a furry? You know, people like dress up in furry things or maybe it's like a specific border collie. No, because he's identifying as a full dog. So that would be illegal. What?
Wait, what if I identified as a cat? A very large cat with a very low, weird voice. So if the world burns, it's fine. It should. Well, it reminds me of Doja Cat. Did we talk about her last time? We talked about her at our live show. Yeah. And how she, the kittens, she basically was like, you guys are weird.
And losers. So there's a conspiracy theory that she's, like, acting a part because her new thing is called Scarlet, which is, like, her alter ego who's evil. So I think she might, like, in a couple months be like, sorry, that was Scarlet. I'm back. What happened? Which is, like, what every guy does when he blacks out. And, like, the next morning he is... There's medicine for that. And she should...
Let's see about it because how exhausting it would be to be so many multiple different people. But like you can do really fucked up stuff and be like, sorry, though. I mean, like it's like your alter ego is Pam. Imagine if you like forget to respond to email, be like, sorry, that was Pam. I was on it. Pam took over and deleted my email account. Pam is like fun though, like drunk. Yeah, Pam is a good time. She's chatty. She gets along with everyone.
Yeah. Doesn't start bar fights, that's for sure. No, actually at the bar this past weekend, I grabbed a girl's fake boobs because I was curious and they did look gorgeous. I asked her permission. That's a real bonding moment when someone gives you consent to touch their fake boobs. Well, I saw one of my guy friends doing it and I immediately turned and I said, did she say you could do that? Because it looked so awkward. And he said, yeah. And then I looked at her and I said, can I also do that? And she let me. Are you, how are you feeling about your fake boob saga? I think I'm going to do it.
I'm feeling more and more like I want to do it. So you want to get fake boobs before you have kids? Yeah, but Kylie Jenner just came out and said, like, no one should do that. Kylie Jenner is... She's definitely having a moment where she's starting to open up about stuff, but she's not fully. She's like, I did hurt my toe once, and then I fixed my toe, so I know I've been under surgery. Right. Like, her saying...
That she's never gotten plastic surgery. Like, she's only gotten fillers and Botox. Like, you could get, like, a nose job with filler. That's true. But I don't—I think they're full surgeries. Oh, true, true, true, true, true. Also, like, just, like, her body. Yeah, yeah, under the knife. Like, her and Stas, their whole bodies are different. I mean, different but the same as each other. Right. Which is why—imagine if me and you—
Disappeared for three months, came back, same body type. I took my ass fat, put it into your ass. If we could transfer fat, like if I could get my boob job with your ass fat, how bonding would that be? I'm... You're Selena Gomez? You're Selena and I...
I'll give you my liver, a.k.a. my ass fat. Your kidney. But I like my ass fat. Yeah, no, I want you to keep that. I have to keep it. You also told me I had huge tits this weekend. Because I was like, oh my God, is she... As they get older? With trials. I didn't... It's not the Immaculate Conception. I looked at Des and I was like... You thought I was pregnant. Yeah.
You know, it's like not polite. Okay. First of all, you asked a woman you didn't even know if she was pregnant in front of thousands of people at a comedy show. She was wearing a baby doll dress. She was wearing a baby doll dress. I think it's endearing if I tell my best friend, oh my God, you're glowing.
I've done that before. I've told people, like, your skin's glowing, are you pregnant? And then it's been awkward for, like, four seconds. And I'm like, not, like, body. No, but your boobs were massive. I didn't get boobs until I was 18, and they've been, like, steadily growing since. Yeah, they have. So that's, I should get that looked at. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend.
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I don't know if you guys have noticed from my Instagram stories, but I've basically switched all my loungewear over to Skims. I was obviously obsessed with their bras and underwear, but now I really can't get enough of their soft lounge collection. I have their soft lounge tank,
with their matching lounge fold over pant. I'm absolutely obsessed. Not only do I wear it inside, but I actually wear it to travel a lot too. I noticed in my drawer the other day that basically all my bras and underwears are skims, but also now all of my t-shirts and my loungewear is skims.
I've pretty much cleared out all my lounge sets after I moved. I just like got rid of everything. I was like, I don't need all of these random sweatpants and sweatshirts and really replaced everything with skims because I know it's always going to look good and I know it always feels amazing. And you know how much I love laying in bed. So if I have an outfit that I can lay in bed in and also run errands in, then I'm a true fan.
Shop the Skims Soft Lounge Collection at Skims.com, now available in sizes XXS to 4X. If you haven't yet, be sure to let them know we sent you. After you place your order, select Podcast in the survey and select Giggly Squad in the drop-down menu. I got made fun of this weekend because of my home screen. What is your home screen?
So my home screen was the kind of thing that if you saw it, you know I'm not doing well. Like no one doing well put an inspirational quote on there. Anywhere. Anywhere. Literally anywhere. I don't care. I don't care how good the inspirational quote is. And there have been times where it's been on my story and I've almost pressed send to post a story and I go –
See a therapist. Quotes that are like funny and like funny memes. We love it. An inspirational quote. No, and mine's like dark. This was from two years ago when things were really bad for me. First of all, it's from an astrology page. It says Leo. So obviously it was to me. Right. Leo, this growth may not be easy, but just keep trusting it. Just keep breathing through it. It is guiding you somewhere worth going.
Brene Brown. And the girl took it. She started dying laughing. She's like, can I take a picture of it? And I'm like, how is my mental illness your entertainment? And then I'm like, wait, that's my entire career. You've never changed it in the past two years or you go back to it? The thing is, I don't read it. I think like I put it there to get me through something. And then as I got through it, I kind of just kept it. And then butter is obviously my background. Do you want to know what mine is? Yes.
Didn't you have, oh, you had your dad's text for a while. That was when you were going through something really bad. I had my dad's text for a while, but. Now it's us. Now it's us. Wait, how. Isn't it gorgeous? No, actually. It's stunning. That's like the best, nicest thing you could ever do. Sometimes I tap it just in front of people to see. To piss them off. Just to see if they'll be like, oh my God. It is the best photo we've ever taken. It's the best. It's like so fucking cool. We look so cool. I don't know those girls. How do you think about people who have like themselves as their.
Like just a picture of themselves? Yeah. See, I want to be one of those people, but I feel like I tap my phone too much in front of people. Yeah. That's why I made it you and I. Because this... Background of it, let's be honest. Yeah, this is not conceited. If you weren't there, conceited. It's our friendship. Yeah. If it was just you walking, I'd be like... I'm a sweet, sweet girl. I'm a sweet friend. I'm a good friend. I love my friends. I'm a girl's girl. Wait. Wait.
Did you see the whole Ariana Grande, Ethan Slater's wife come out and say basically like her response to Ariana Grande was she's just not a girl's girl. I mean, that girl is good at PR. Yes. And I just keep seeing TikToks of like,
of this man performing SpongeBob and I... I made you go search Ethan Slater's SpongeBob. No, I can't. Look, he's a straight man singing. We're a crush. We've gone over this. Yeah, it's just, it's really... This is my thing, though. The wife and the husband were separated. So what's the problem?
Well, she's saying that she was, like, really blindsided by it. Were they really separated, though? Like, that's the thing. Okay. Or is he saying, like... It wasn't going well. Yeah, there's that blurry line. Like, did he separate with her because of Ariana Grande? So, people have started saying that she's done this. Some girl came out saying... Ariana Grande. Some girl on TikTok was, like, dating some actor. They say that she's, like, a serial cheater. She's a serial cheater. And then...
Because I like to do research for my gigglers. I put on the Ariana Grande documentary on Apple Plus. It's like her on tour. It's not really a documentary. And she starts singing, break up with your girlfriend because I'm bored. And I was like, they tell you. It's like...
It's wide open. It was Naya Rivera said, the one that passed away, that she stole Big Sean from him, from her. And then this girl said, I mean, some people have a thing and like she likes unavailable guys and then taking them. Right. I mean, the Pete Davidson, she definitely took him from Kazzy. Wow. It's one thing to like, no, that's not good either. Yeah.
It's one thing to go get a new boyfriend while you are still dating your boyfriend. But to go get a new boyfriend who has a girlfriend, that's bad. It's like those girls who love dating married guys. Some of them are like, oh, they just find me. I'm like, no, they don't. No, you're putting out a vibe. You're putting out a vibe or you manifested wrong. That's one thing.
as I get older to really realize, like, the people you attract has nothing to do with them and really does have everything to do with you. My brain just exploded. And it's a really hard pill to swallow. Wow. Because you're... I feel the same way even with friends. Because, like, I'll be friends with some psycho girls. Same. Like, some crazy bitches. And I'm like, why do they find me? And it's like, no, I put it out. Like, I want the chaos. You want it. But I don't want it to be me. I just want to...
Watch your chaos. You enable it. Yeah. I've actually, we're the same in that way. I'm like, you're so right. Don't ever be like, oh, it just like keeps happening to me. It's like you're putting out energy. You're doing patterns in your life. But yes, it's definitely like she likes a guy with a girlfriend or a wife. Which I don't get because... Do you think she's going to recover from this? I think she'll recover from it because...
Well, she's not going to stay with him, one, because that's what happens with a work crush. Once, like, work is over and then you go back to, like, the real world and there's other guys who are, don't look like that. So I don't think they're, like, in it for the long haul. But, like, now he's ruined his marriage. He just had a baby. They just had a baby. Like, the kid is only one years old. Like, I don't, I don't fuck with that. But it is crazy. Imagine one day just being like, I'm leaving you for Ariana Grande. I would die.
She probably laughed when he told her. She was probably like, did you have a fun dream? No, I would literally die. He can do splits, though. Immediate ick. Immediate ick. I don't want my boyfriend to be able to touch his fucking toes. I want nothing flexible about him. Chris, can you touch your toes? Maybe. Wait, I would actually love to see how can you bend?
If their roles were reversed, this is sexual harassment. Good. That's hot. Wait, let me video this, Chris. No, that's, and that's how it should be. It's more than me. But yeah, she's in a crazy press situation. She's in a crazy press situation. And then did you see Real Housewives of Miami, Lisa's ex-husband, well, not even, Lisa's husband getting engaged to his mistress on her birthday.
I haven't been following this at all. I don't know who Lisa is. I don't know any of it. Okay, so actually Craig said the same thing to me this morning. He was like, can you explain this? Basically, a Miami housewife was married. Her husband got caught on a hot mic moment basically like admitting to cheating on her. Were they good at the time? Like did anyone know they were bad? No. And for all she knew, like they were good too. They had their problems, but like she didn't think he was going to just like up and leave. Yeah.
So he basically leaves, kicks her out of the house, is with the mistress. And then the mistress just starts like trolling the wife on Instagram. Like the mistress is awful. Like she says like comments mean things. And it's like you. Is she on the show? No, she probably like wants to be on the show. Yeah, she wants to be on the show.
And it's like, obviously you're not attracted to this man. He looks like a thumb. Like, you're just like with him for money because you want to be, you saw this woman's life and then you wanted it. Don't get too much attention or Ariana Grande is going to steal him from you. No, literally. Literally.
And, like, also, he's just going to trade you in in another five years when your filler falls. Oh, for sure. Like, chill out. The same way you got him is how you can lose him. I truly believe that. And that's another, like, manifesting thing because you'll get in your head. You'll know the guilt of what happened. And then you'll make it happen to you almost. Yeah. We're, like, really into energy right now. I'm very into energy always. Yeah.
Can you believe the guy from Euphoria died? No. Isn't that so sad? No, and it was like grief related because his dad had passed away. Yeah, that's like, oh. And he was so talented and it's fucked up. It's so fucked up. It like shakes the whole like entertainment industry when that kind of thing happens. I wonder if that show will like even come back.
Yeah, because Zendaya was saying she didn't want to come back, right? Yeah, I don't think so. There were rumors that it wasn't. And now that, like, everyone's on strike. I've never watched it for you. It would give you too much anxiety. You also, like, wouldn't get it, I feel like. I'm Gen Z. I'm a literal Gen Z. How dare you? Yeah, but you've never, like, gone to a rave. True. So...
You'd be like, no. Wait, how crazy? You've never gone to a rave? No. That's like... You're literally missing nothing. You're missing zero things. No, I know. I know. Speaking of...
You didn't tell me you were going to see Beyonce. What happened? Oh, yeah. Did I not even tell you I was going? Not even like a... I got invited by this tequila brand, 21 Seeds, which is actually really, really good. And I don't even really fuck with tequila like that. And they invited me to Beyonce. And I never go to those... I never go to anything I get invited to. Yeah. Unless I can bring a plus one so that I know I'll have a friend. And they said...
You can't bring a plastic... Don't bring Hannah. Hey, and don't bring your friend Hannah. I have gone places, I feel like, where they've been like, hey, bring Hannah. I love that, though. Me too. I'll take any attention, even if it's negative. No, there are so... I'll offline about that, what I was just going to say. Um...
So anyway, they're like, you can't bring a friend, but we're inviting Sierra, so you'll be fine. So we went and we had a great time, but we were so exhausted and so tired. But Beyonce was amazing. How was it compared to Taylor Swift? Drama, drama, drama, drama. That's so drama. Okay, well, I'm going to say one thing.
Beyonce's on Beyonce time and like as she should be be on Beyonce time but she didn't come out till like 930 was there an opener before her no she doesn't have an opener it's just her when was it supposed to start I don't know
And I know that. She's like, these bitches have no idea when it's supposed to start. I'll go on whenever. No, but like Taylor started and it was still bright out. Like I want to say she, like her opener came out at like 7ish. She started at like 8. She didn't come out till like 930. So by 1030. It's pitch black. I'm like, all right, I'm getting a little bit tired. And like, she's amazing. She's great. Yeah.
And I know there's like literally like another almost two hours left. And you know me at a concert. No. I'm going to leave early so that I'm first in line for the car. Yes. And I go full dad mode. And I was literally getting jacked up. Yes. About the escape. I texted Craig. I go, I need to know where the Ubers are out of MetLife.
this man sends me a map it's literally like you're robbing a bank yeah I'm like you need to be right there Sierra somehow gets the set list sent to her from someone who's like working the concert okay CC so we're we have our map and our set list we pick what song we're leaving early at we're following the map we get to the Uber we're back in the city in like 30 minutes it was that's amazing beautiful
And performance-wise, compared to Taylor? Performance-wise, I mean, there's nothing like Beyonce. But I'm going to say I was so thoroughly impressed by Taylor Swift. I think Taylor talks more. Oh, like she talks to the audience? Yeah, talk to the audience a little bit more than Beyonce. But Beyonce does a lot more, like, dance choreographing. Yes. Like, I...
watched Beyonce more intently than I watched Taylor. It's a different, it's a whole different experience. It's a whole different energy. It's a whole different crowd. I have a new bit
for us that I've been doing. So in like the entertainment industry, if you submit something to someone or like you show someone something, they give you notes, right? Yeah. So when someone says no notes, that means it was good. So like lately when someone does something I like, I go no notes. I love it. And then we joke that if someone says no notes, it means they didn't watch it. Yeah.
So, like, you know if, like, Grace sends us, like, an image or something, it would be, like, no notes. But, like, doing that, like, I'll see a hot guy and I'll be like, no notes. I feel like that would be me in a book club. Paige, what did you think of the book? No notes. They did a stunning job. I'm so proud of them. So proud of them putting that pen to paper. My biggest fear is being asked to be in a book club. I know.
Because I can't do it. I'll cry. No, it's just PTSD. It's like me with tennis. I get so stressed out. Even if someone like turns their phone for me to like read a meme, I'm going to read it slowly to the point where Craig will be like, are you fucking kidding? And I'm like, I have to go line by line.
What did I recently make you do where I made you read something out loud? I feel like I always put you in the worst situations. Well, when I do our ads. Yes. You do really well at ads, though. You do do really well. Right, but that's because I-
Like I watch you fight yourself like fighting for your life to get some words out. It's so funny. No, I feel like that's my favorite part. Like when I talk to you and Grace when I'm doing the ads, I'm like, sorry, I'm just like not in the right headspace right now. Everyone give it up for Paige and her amazing ads. So speaking of cocaine sharks. Yeah. No notes.
Live your life. No, no. You're doing amazing, sweetie. Look, if a shark isn't on cocaine, what is he doing? Right. Like, what do you want? Like, meditating sharks? Like, if someone's going to be on cocaine... I'm surprised there's not more fish on cocaine. No, seriously. I'm surprised there's not more, like, drugs...
That accidentally are in the ocean, someone fucks up, and that there's not more fish just getting high. Yeah. And I feel like we... I think all fishes are kind of high. They're kind of like, sup? Yeah. They're just like... A cocaine shark, though. Just swimming around. You're not punching that thing in the nose. Can Craig ask Craig, can you handle a cocaine shark? Do you think you could kill a cocaine shark? I'm dying.
Yeah, no notes. Yeah, no notes. I also wrote eating in the shower. I think my friend told me they eat in the shower. That's disgusting. Right? That's a bio. That's one of the grossest things I've ever heard. I was wondering if other people are eating or drinking. If you're eating, if you're doing anything that involves eating or drinking in the bathroom...
You're disgusting. I'm trying to think of an instance where it's not gross. I was trying to think too of like, because I eat everywhere, I do have to say the bathroom is my safe space. The bathroom is where like, I just want my phone and my bowels. The only instance I could think of is if someone else is in your home and you're... Locked in the bathroom. And
And they're eating something and you're like, let me bite that as you're like getting in the shower or something. I do think like I've been in a rush maybe where I'm like trying to stuff my face with something and I'm running around. That's different. And I pass through the bathroom. But if you're like...
Doing bathroom things and also enjoying a tuna sandwich? No. Vile. I dated that Australian guy back in the day. Oh, the coffee shop guy? Yeah. You met him. Yeah, I did. He would do shower beers. That's different. But that was crazy. He couldn't shower without a shower beer. Every day? I mean, it was multiple times. Okay, well, that's alcohol. This is a problem. Okay.
But it was, like, fun because he had an accent. I have notes on that. He had an accent. I have a couple notes. I have you notes. And also, like, I'm in the shower trying to be hot, and you're, like, chugging your beer. There are certain things that you buy every single summer. Sandals, sunscreen, snacks.
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ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Kristen. And I'm Jen from the I Mom So Hard podcast. Now listen, we don't want to brag, but yes, we are moms. We're average moms. Below average sometimes. But we're not just moms. Yeah, we don't want you to think that we're just moms. And we're not just supermodels either. We're not just...
Pieces of meat, you guys. That's right. We're not even close. Yeah. But we are comedians and we're also best friends. We're also best-selling authors. And television writers. We created a viral web series. With over 300 million views. Okay, that's bragging. What's up? Who's bragging? And we were in our swimsuits. Again, not supermodels. We're also podcasters. Are we podcasting right now? Not right now, but we have been doing it.
for three years. We were bringing laughs every Tuesday to women and moms everywhere. And one dude who's a sophomore in college. His name's Greg. Whatever he messaged us, it made me feel cool. So nice. Amazing. Please listen to the I Am Mom So Hard podcast on Acast. Woo! Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.
Oh, I do have something I wanted to tell everyone because I kind of trashed this season of Love Island. You did. Fully. I trashed it hard. You tore it apart. Yeah, tore it apart. You came for its throat. I did. Literally...
That night when I went home and put on the next episode, I sat on my couch and I said, I retract everything I ever said. It turned into the best season because they had so much drama. So it was all like leading up to it. All leading up to it. Like the last couple of weeks really are amazing. And there's still not like one girl that I'm super obsessed with.
But it was actually really good. Okay. I like that a lot. I continually am watching Hijack, which is like very off brand for me. But it's with Idris Elba and it's so good. I think you and Craig would like it. It's basically mind games of being stuck on a plane. It's on Netflix again? It's on Apple Plus. I don't know why I said again. Did you see Cardi B through a microphone or something? Yeah, I love it.
You loved it. I loved it. Apparently she hit the person square in the face. Smack dab it. She was a lefty, I think. She was... Put her on an Olympic team. Why is she not pitching for the Yankees? I mean, it was... That was such precision and she had a split second to think about it. That was like...
That instinct. But also, it shows, like, this is a human. You threw a drink on them. She doesn't care that she's performing for hundreds, thousands of people. What is it that, like, people are just now, like, throwing shit at performers? Like, this is, like, the third person in, like, the past month. Bebe Rexha. Oh, my God. Kazzy Ballerini. Yeah. And Cardi B. No one threw anything on me because I'm not cute enough. No, honestly, I feel like, does that mean we're not? I know. I'm like, mm. I don't know.
But this is why like... Gigglers just start throwing lasagna at shows. Actually, some gigglers have been trying to bring lasagna in and they're like, security couldn't let us get the lasagna through. What if we gave them a note and we're like, hey, if there's lasagna, let them in. 85 lasagnas. And where's the problem? And my mom will be like, you can't eat that. Someone gave it to you. You don't know. What if they're poisoning you?
you? My mom is really concerned that one of the gigglers is trying to poison me. I mean, if that's how I die, that's how I die. No, if that's how I go. From a giggler's lasagna, thank you. No, I love that. Thank you for the time. I love it. Imagine if, like, Chris Rock, after he got slapped by Will Smith, threw the mic at his face.
Honestly, it would have been amazing. It's WWE Oscars. Also, like, mics are heavy. Oh, my God, yeah. That person's nose is broken. And then she was, like, yelling, like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But, like, what did you think was going to happen? It reminds me of, like, a troll. How a troll will say something mean to someone, and then you're like, what the fuck? And they'll be like, oh, my God, I love you. Oh, my God, I didn't think you were going to answer. No, I love you so much. You're my favorite. Yeah. I'm like, you could get attention in other ways. No, I feel like...
There were other ways to go about it. Imagine if someone threw a drink at you and you just opened your mouth and you were like, thank you. I would because I am a thirsty girl. We're both thirsty. I'll take shots. If there's a drink anywhere, I, like, not even alcoholic, like, if someone's cracking opening a drink anywhere, I immediately get thirsty. I do think you're better, though, with, like,
peer pressure. Like, when I was in college, if anyone was like, Hannah, take a shot, and I was like, no, and they were like, Hannah, I'll be like, yes. I will say, I actually am very good with peer pressure. Do you have any advice? Because I'm so bad. Like, even I'll be with the gigglers, and they're like, Hannah, take a shot, and I'm like, yes. Like, I recently was offered, um...
I was out somewhere and someone was like, oh, do you want to like take some mushrooms? And I didn't want to. And so I said, no, I like I get so weird. I don't get weird. I mean, I do do that with drugs. I have to. I legally have to because I'm like, oh, this whole party will get shut down if I was on mushrooms. And I also feel like I'm like getting older because I feel like I'm getting offered less and less drugs.
You go, it's crazy. I actually haven't been offered drugs in like kind of a minute. Like this girl offered me like chocolate mushrooms and I was like, wow, I haven't been offered drugs in a really long time and it kind of hurt my feelings. I never know people are on drugs until like weeks later. They're like, were you there? And I'm like, yeah. And you're like, we were on Molly. Yes, you don't. And I,
I feel like I'm the complete opposite because if I see anyone, I can clock immediately what drugs they're on. See, is it like pupils and stuff? I was with a man who was on heroin. I had no idea. I was like, he's so chill. And he would like doze off and I'd be like, he works really hard. I can tell if someone's eaten like half an Adderall. You know, I'm like, why don't you chill out? Can you give us some advice on how you could tell like the eyes or something?
Or it's just energy. It's just really energy. Like, it's different. I mean, different strokes for different folks. But people are, like, talking. But here's the thing. I can't even talk your heart out. There are so many times where people could say that you're on drugs when you're really not. Everyone thinks I'm on drugs. Yeah. They think I'm high because I'm tired, giggle, and eat all the time. And everyone's like, she's a pothead. Yeah. And then people probably think I'm drunk when I'm excited. Yeah. Yeah.
And people probably think I'm a molly when I'm just... When you're drunk, though, you... I'm quiet. Yeah. I'm just like... You have like one hour where you're drunk and then you're like, this was kind of going about. I know that from the moment you get drunk to the moment the night is done, I only have like a solid 45 with you. Do you know what I mean?
Like, I have to start my timer. Like, okay, she had her first drink. Because I'm not a functioning blackout. No, you're not. You're like, okay, we're done with this now. I'm like scared of getting real drunk.
Yes, you put yourself to bed before anything really could happen. But you know, when I drink, because I like to entertain people, but when I drink, you know, your brain comes down a little. So I'll be in a conversation drunk and I'll go, I don't have to speak anymore. I'm fucking done with this shit. I don't need to fucking perform. And the next thing you know, I'm just standing and then I get bored and then I get sleepy. I don't like drinking because my anxiety the next day is so bad because like,
I'm just like, oh, my God, I said way too much. When in reality, I know that I didn't probably talk at all. Also, no one remembered what you said. Right. Because I do, like, immediately go black cat. Yeah. But, like, I can't deal with the next day being like, but did I say too much? True. Like, I also realized that multiple times I've had where I was worried that I had a weird interaction with someone and they also were worried that they had a weird interaction with me. And, like, let's just be honest. It was a weird interaction. It was no one's fault. Got it. Yeah.
But did you both speak about it? I think I'll see someone, I'll be like, oh my God, like, sorry, I like brought that up or something. And they were like, no, sorry, I like was weird about that. I think about that when, well, I used to like go to the gym. Like I used to be weird.
Like I used to be really nervous to go to the gym because I'd be like, oh my God, everyone's staring at me. They know I don't know what I'm doing. They're all making fun of me in their head. And then I realized everyone else at the gym is also thinking that same thing about themselves. Like they're too insecure with their own self to even be thinking about what you're doing. You know what I'm still insecure about? And it doesn't have to do with body or anything. It's just when I'm on the road, sometimes hotels have pools. I can't get myself to go to the pool alone.
Well, I would never. Because like, hey, everyone at the pool is always best friends. Everyone's best friends. They have family. They're funny. Everyone's loving life together. Yeah. And I feel like when you go alone. No, that's weird. You're so weird. Don't go. Like, I'm just like watching kids at the pool. What do you want to go for anyway? To get tan. And then like, I do like the water. Oh, to lay outside. But like, swimming alone in a pool with like other people you don't know, that's weird. Like me in a corner just like flapping. So I won't go to the pool even though I love pools. Good, don't.
No, you can go and like lay out and then you can like get in and dip, but don't swim around. I don't know if I swim around. Marco, Marco. Actually, be hilarious. Did you see that TikTok of the girls, like that random kid at the hotel pool who's like, do you have a boyfriend?
How old are you? Are you 37? My dad cheats on my mom. There was a TikTok where this woman told her husband that like she made friends in the ocean and they had to go to dinner with them tonight. They're like all on vacation. And the husband's like, are you fucking kidding me? Like, I'm not going to dinner with this random couple. She like does this prank to him all day long and he's progressively getting more and more mad. And then they get to dinner and he's like, OK, fine. Like, where are your stupid fucking friends that you like met on vacation? She's like, I made the whole thing up.
And it was just like, she deserves an Oscar. It was amazing. And that's like how I am. I do have to say, Des will sit in that hotel hot tub. And by the end, everyone's laughing. Everyone's best friends. He knows where everyone is. They have inside jokes. No. I'm in the corner. We're not like meeting back at the same place, same time tomorrow. Des has a number. No, no, no. I don't even want to fully know your name. I want to say like, oh, is it Casey or is it Katie? I don't, I can't remember. Okay.
The hot tub at a hotel is like where COVID started also. Like I don't trust it. I've never got, I don't get in them. I mean, cause I am peeing in it, which means other people are too. Yeah. You know what? One time when I was in Italy, we went to this thing where it was like thermal baths, like from the ocean. It was like ocean water and like these thermal baths or whatever. And I thought about you the whole time. Cause I was like, Hannah would have peed in every single one of these hot pools. She would have loved it.
That's why we need to go to a spa retreat together so that I can just know that like you're peeing in it. They're like, hey, can you not bring Hannah because she pees in all of them. Des will be in a hot tub at a hotel and he'll be like, are you peeing? And I'll be like, no. And he's like, you're lying. And I'm like, no. Well, he's Scorpio, so he's psychic. Yeah. But as I said before, he doesn't know he's psychic.
And you like can't bring it up to him that he's psychic. Yeah, because then he'll like be too aware of his psychic powers. He'll overthink it. Anyway, thank you guys so much for being with us. We are coming to New York City and Toronto. Get tickets. Also, we have a very exciting thing we're going to announce next week. What is that? You don't know yet. I'll explain after. I mean, we've been working on it, but like we're going to launch it next week. Oh, OK. Got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we love you guys so much. Thanks for giggling. Bye. Bye.
