Giggling about Paige’s black eye, Hannah’s mistake, and ozempic 56:48

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I mean, the day just got away from me. What is up, my granny panty gigglers? Oh, that was a cute one. I know these girlies are out here wearing granny panties. They just don't talk about it. It is funny that never once have I ever said hi to the gigglers. Like, when we started the podcast. It's very our personalities. You're like a shy little cat. Yeah, I'm like, I don't know if I want to be here right now. Okay.

But we are actually so excited to be here. We're in the studio for a second time. It's who we are now. And it was raining outside. Like that was a 0% chance we were going to make it. And I don't think people realize we record Mondays.

Dude! But I think it's good because it's like kind of dark. I like recording our podcast on Monday because I feel like it does set me up for the whole week. It sets the tone. Yeah, it sets my tone. I feel like I'm very vulnerable on Mondays. I don't know how the week's going to go. I'm scared. Yeah. Also, if nothing else happens this week, at least we did Giggly Squad. So I'm like, right. Right.

I was productive as shit this week. Wait, that's how I feel. Like if I have three days. It goes downhill for me. Yeah, I need a nap because it was such an intense Giggly Squad episode. My parents always make fun of me because after Giggly Squad, I do go home and I'm like, oh my God, I need to rest. And they're like, what did you do? I'm like, I recorded Giggly Squad. It's called physical and emotional energy. We get into a certain zone. It's crazy. Yeah. It is crazy. We just turn it on. I black out. I don't even know what I say on this. I know.

Well, speaking of blackouts, I've been getting a lot of messages about asking me if I punched you in the face and got a black eye and you were restraining order against me. And I'm like, I'm not...

Vanderpump rules. What are you talking about? It is what everyone's thinking and Sheena did fly from California to New York and Sucker punched you. Punched me in the face and then just left. It was so weird. What if Sheena started like a boxing YouTube of like punching? As she should. Sheena's vlog literally should have won an Oscar. Sheena vlogged my wedding.

I was like, hey, can you send me the footage? That wedding tape is really good. I'm going to play it for my family. It's just funny how she vlogs everything. Like she vlogged when we were in Vegas with them. Yeah. Well, she vlogged because that bitch has gotten such a bad edit on Vanderpump. She's like, if you want to see a little of like what life is really like with Shishu. I know she hates when I call her Shishu, but like Lala calls her Shushi.

I love Shishu and I don't care if she, I'll never say it to her face. Also, we promised we weren't going to talk about Vanderpump and we really thought of Vanderpump. Two seconds then. I will say though, I'm sick of it. I know. I texted you one question and you were like, not going to engage in this. And I go, honestly, respect that. It's like in Mean Girls when she's like, I can't stop talking about her, but I can tell that it's annoying everyone around me, but I can't stop. It's like word vomit. Yeah, I'm so sick of all of it.

all the TikToks, all the memes, all the blinds. Like, and now this friend is saying this and I'm like, I don't care. Yeah. I don't care. I can't. We're in a new place where TikTok can make things go really viral when like back in the day it wouldn't. So now like people who aren't Vanderpump fans are like jumping on the bandwagon. Yes. But I do love seeing straight men have opinions like,

des knows everything and he was in atlanta doing stand-up and someone he was like crowd what do you want to talk about and one of the girlies yelled vanderpump and he like went all in it yeah and he he had a hot take he was like i was not surprised someone cheated like if i had a nickel for the amount of people that cheated on vanderpump they pass each other around like a hot potato yeah no literally it was a six month affair that makes it like a little worse but like

Watching it is so fun. Everyone's cheated on the show. I don't want to talk about it, but I am going to say this one thing. I don't want to talk about it either. Not only was it like a six months affair, she lived in Ariana's house.

Wait, she was living in the house? Yeah, like Raquel was like living there. Oh, like she had a bedroom there? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. So he had a full sister-wife situation. Yeah, he was pitching a different show. I wish they were just having threesomes and like having crazy orgasms all the time. Like why'd you have to pick one or the other? But then there was like a post that Ariana's in Mexico with for like a wedding or something and it was giving Carrie Bradshaw. Oh, I love that for her. Like after he left her at the altar. I love that for her. Well...

How did you actually get your black eye? Okay. My black eye, honestly, I've grown to love it. Like, I'm very... Like, I feel like I'm an actress and I'm, like, playing this different character. And I'm like, you...

Like, what's the story about my blackout? You're a million dollar baby. Yeah, I'm literally... I'm either a boxer or, like, I fight for justice. Yes. You know? A justice warrior. Or you're just really spastic. You know how, like, I always do weird things in my apartment? Like, I rotated my rug that one time. Yeah. Sierra was like, please stop posting this on Instagram. Yeah. I was like, but this is who I am. Yeah. I was just trying to be normal and, like, vacuum. And I was reaching for something in the back of my closet. And...

You know, in like your bedroom closet, there's like those metal poles that like you hang your clothes up. Unsafe. Unsafe. I had taken all of those down in all of my closets because I had done like different organization. So they were just like leaning up against the wall. And so as I'm reaching in the back of the closet for like the vacuum attachment, I hit the poles and I, it was like a movie. So,

Saw them coming toward me. And I was like in such shock. The best part about it is I was on FaceTime with Craig. Okay. The phone is on the ground. He's on FaceTime. But he can see me. And I'm like reaching. And all of a sudden, like I get hit in the face. The man didn't skip a beat. Continued on whatever story he was telling. And then I was like, oh my God, I just got hit. He was like, what? I got hit. And he like...

keeps telling his story. Men are so not self-aware. Like, I'm telling you, you could shave your fucking head and they won't know. No, I literally got hit in the face with a six foot metal rod, like pole, hit me smack in the noggin. Like, if it was any closer, my eyes, I could have, it's the bad orbital bone eye. Your orbital bone is fixed. I kept thinking

You know when girls are like, I had to get a nose job because I have a deviated septum. And you're like, no, you didn't. You had a cold once. Like, I was like, what if I'm going to have to get surgery on my orbital bone? It would be hard to make it look like it was. Like it wasn't on purpose. Exactly. Well, I love that Craig was so passionate about his story. No. I hope it was worth it. I don't even know what the man was. No. Last time he faced, last time he was talking about his plants.

And I felt like that. And it was like, he FaceTimed like it was an emergency FaceTime. Like he was like, hey. Anything he has to say, he deems as an emergency. And that's just men. So like as he's not listening to me because I just get smacked in the face. So your eyeballs just hanging out. Hanging from a string. And he's like, but I didn't finish my story. I'm like, sorry, I have to call 911 really quickly. Okay.

I just ended up hanging. I was like, I gotta go. For anyone who says that being a fashion influencer is not difficult, you can lose an eye out in these streets. If it was any closer to my actual eyeball, I would have been fucked. Because I have like... Wait, you would have been a pirate. Wait, you would have had like the cutest little like... Bedazzled eye patch. Bedazzled eye patch.

I just only wear shades all the time, like Anna Wintour. And then I was supposed to go out to dinner that night and I texted my girlfriend. I was like, I can't come to dinner. Like, I have a black eye. And she was like, literally, if I had a nickel. She was like, put some sunglasses on, you stupid bitch. Nobody cares. Also, like, good thing Craig was in Charleston because the...

the blind items would have been firing. Okay, that's kind of also partly why I did the story because the internet, internet. Yes. And I just was so nervous. I didn't want someone to like, be like, she's covering up for Craig and then like this hate campaign. A black eye is also like, it's scary. It's so scary. And then Craig was like, oh, what? Have you never had a black eye before? And then I had to think. How many black eyes has Craig had? I was like,

No. Are people just out here having black eyes? The scariest part about getting a nose job to me is that you get black eyes. Yeah. And it freaks me out. And it is tender. It is tender. Are you okay now? I'm okay now. Okay. Honestly, I've been having fun with it. It's like contour. Yeah. Who needs eyeshadow? Just punch yourself in the face. The best smoky eye I've ever done in my life on Saturday night. You went out to dinner. Why'd you go out to dinner?

Thank you so much for checking. I was like worried. And then I was like, do I ask her? I don't want to make her feel weird. No, I haven't. I haven't left the home in months. You know, I'm going through like my recluse era. Yeah. But I never see my girlfriends. And my one girlfriend had her boyfriend had opened it, opened a club. Okay. And I hadn't gone to it yet. And so I was like, oh, I really do have to go like do a dinner and then go to a club. You guys are saying when Paige says dinner, she doesn't mean like going to have some chicken parm. She means dinner.

Explain what you did. I did a dinner. We did a dinner. You sit around with all these hot people and some weird old men. And you can't hear anyone across the table, but it's fine because no one's really talking. And no one's really eating. You're just looking at yourselves. You're all just waiting for when you get up to go to the club. How long did you stay at the club? This dinner was actually more intimate, and it was my real friends. Sorry, you're a real friend too. That was good.

- I feel like I'm like your pharaoh friend that you like keep in a cage. That you're like, when you go and see me occasionally, you're like, you do this. - You know what, that's so funny because I don't think of you as my married friend.

No, I'm your feral friend. Yeah, like you're... But I'm annoying because I'll talk to my other real friends and I won't stop talking about you the whole time. I talk about you a lot. Okay, as long as you talk about me the whole time, I'm fine. Oh my God, I told everyone that you... I was like, she just travels so much for stand-up. I don't know how she does it. I really, I don't know how she does it. Because I was in Ohio. Yeah, we're in Ohio. Cleveland, Cincinnati. Long story short...

What happened in Ohio? Oh, I made one of my worst stand-up mistakes I've ever made on stage. What?

You know like I'm loving crowd work. The crowd work is about like you have to be loose. Whatever comes in your mind, you just gotta be quick. - And that's hard. I would argue that's harder than like-- - I was tired. Like I'd been traveling a lot. And you know when you're tired, sometimes it gets a little loosey goosey, right? So I'm talking to this guy and I'm making fun of him and he's like yeah I'm married and I see his wife. And this is in front of like 400 people.

And she's wearing like a baby doll dress. Yeah. And she has her hand positioned like on her stomach. And I go, oh my God, are you pregnant? And she wasn't. She goes, no. The whole place, the whole place gives like, cause they're rooting for me. Like they're like, come on, you can do this girl. But they were like,

And I, you know when like your heart goes into a butthole? Yeah, yeah. And like I, I'm immediately. You start immediately cold sweating. Immediately cold sweat. And you're like, oh, this was like earlier in the set. I have a whole hour with these people, right? And I'm not, I am never one to talk about a woman's weight. Like I've been, from a very young age, I was like, you never ask someone if they're pregnant unless if they're literally water breaks in your face, you do not mention. Even then. Even then, you're like, do you have to pee? Like, oh.

Like, oh, sorry, toilet's over here. And she's like a thin woman. Yeah. But she was wearing a baby doll dress at a stand up. You're like, I thought it was a baby. Baby was like, what?

I'm like, that is a pregnant woman. So the place is like, I'm like, you have to recover. So I basically, in comedy, you just kind of lean into like what you're feeling. And I just was like, you know when you accidentally say it to one person and you feel weird? Imagine 400 people and everyone starts laughing. And she wasn't that expressive. So like the crowd were fine. She wanted to kill herself. She just laughed and I kept trying to make her laugh and she wasn't like...

I couldn't tell if that was just like she had a calmer face. The whole rest of the set, like I have to focus on my jokes. You have to be present. Yeah. But you like are rethinking it in your head. Like how bad was that? How bad was that? I'm like, should I check Twitter right now? Like, am I getting canceled? So I get back and everyone's like, oh my God, great set. And I go, I told security, I was like, find the girl in the baby doll dress. Yep. Bring her back to the green room. So she comes back.

Imagine if she was like, I am pregnant. Dumb bitch. But I'm like, are you sure? Like, do you want to take a pregnancy test? She's like, this is my stand up show now. She goes, you try to make fun of me, sit down, dumb bitch. So she comes in and I am like, I am so sorry. Like, you look incredible. Your hand was in a position on your stomach because she was like leaning towards me. So you blamed her? I blamed her. She was, I fully was like, you deserved everything that you got. It's like, look, you look pregnant. Like, what do you want? It's not my fault. You're glowing. I know. I know.

Is it my fault that you have gorgeous skin and you're touching the small of your stomach? She literally looks like the Virgin Mary who somehow got a baby in her. And she laughs and she's like, you know, I would never wear this dress, but I had just came from a baby shower. And I was like, oh, maybe I'm psychic. And like my psychic abilities got fucked up. But I was like, I can never like I am so sorry. You can never financially recover. I'll never financially recover.

This is so fucked up. We're about to take a photo and there was like a hanger in the back. No. And my friend was like, no, don't put it in the back.

So dark. This part got dark. So then I brought her husband in and it was a great experience. But that was one moment in comedy. People were like, do you ever like... No, that. That was one of the hardest things that I did on stage. But it makes you a better comedian to be like, if I could recover from that and stay focused on stage. She's a giggler. So I said, I'm going to tell it on the podcast. I still feel indebted to her. I'll never make it up to her. Well, you have to now name your first child after her.

I'm like Adam Levine. Wait, oh my God. Before we get into the Oscars, what about those two just showing up on the red carpet of the Vanity Fair party and acting like he didn't have an affair? Did she have the baby?

I think so. No, I think she... Was she pregnant? Yeah, she was pregnant. And she looked amazing. Yes, she had it. She had it. We need to get away from pregnancy topics. We're going to get ourselves in trouble. No, it's too much. I'd love to know, though, if any gigglers have ever done that. Like, ask someone if they're pregnant and, like, what...

Yeah. Like if they have any awkward, awkward stories. Yes. There was just something about a baby doll dress. Just yeah. And we were like in a mall in Connecticut. Like this wasn't.

like baby doll it wasn't like the Hamptons where like a floral dress would have been like normal right um but anyway she was beautiful glowing obsessed with her and when you do get pregnant babe you hit me up and we can just pretend that that happened when you were pregnant oh my god I'm literally like getting hives just talking about it oh I also embarrassed myself with Meghan Trainor how she dm'd me

And what did she say? She said something like, hey, I think you're really funny. I think because I'm friends with Chris. She said, my love. Who she's friends with. Yeah. I like panic and I like write something out. And a day later, I like checked it and I realized I have spelled her name wrong. Hannah Lucy Burner. What is your deal with DM? The silent H.

throws me off it was Megan I get I like a crumple under the pressure like how did you spell it I spelled it without the H isn't it right up at the top absolutely I'm like that person on the email that's like hi Heather and I'm like it's Hannah okay nice to meet anyway so then I unsend it and I resend it okay and then she called me out and she goes did you unsend a message she goes lol you unsent when you spelled my name wrong and I was like we love an honest queen

We love an Oscar. You keep me humble. You keep me in my place. One of my favorite things is when Chris is doing TikTok about Meghan Trainor's baby and he says like Meghan Trainor's baby. Like he does.

As if they're not close. And he's like, Meghan Trainor's baby might have learned my name. Like, it's just funny in a way. So I think because Chris and I are friends. Friends is a strong word. We're like enemies. We hate each other. We just fight nonstop. You guys have a weird relationship. Okay. I'm just going to tell you one thing. So when we met Chris, had you didn't know him before? No. Okay. This is actually, it's triggering for me.

So we met Chris on the set of our Express shoot. I'm already in shambles, in tears. Oh, yeah. Because the makeup artist tore my whole life apart. Your orbital bone. Chris walks in. We hadn't met him yet. And when Chris walked in and he saw Hannah, it was like...

they had dated in a past life. Like, I don't know. It was weird. All three of us met at the same time, but your guy's relationship, I mean, it's like you kicked me out of the threesome. Actually, I feel so bad about that. Do you? Because you've never brought it up. You know,

No, but you guys, like, you know when you meet someone and you're just like, wait, I get you, you get me. We hit it off in like a- You guys hit it off. I was like, we were immediately mean to each other. Yes. And I think you were honestly dealing with stuff. I was- You were like in the corner really dealing with stuff. It was as if someone had just asked me if I was pregnant. Like, I was dealing-

Also, Paige is a real model. Like, I feel like during that shoot, Paige was like, she knew what to do. She was like, tell me. Where, like, I was like, I'm flailing. I don't know what's going on. I'm just trying to survive. You were giving suggestions to, like, the creative director. You were like, what if I spit this out of my mouth? And they were like, hmm, this is an express photo shoot. I go, would it be cute if I, like, sat on the toilet for this one? I'm like, no.

- I think it's so funny too, they put the, on Times Square, they put the edits and they had me do this funny take of me like taking the luggage out and the luggage went everywhere. Never saw it, never made it to air. But yours looked amazing. You had like a full transition. You were focused during that shoot and I was not. - I was focused, no, and you were not. - I was talking, I was like throwing popcorn at Chris the whole time. - One person said you looked like Cindy Crawford and we never heard from you again for the rest of the day. - I was out. - You were like, I'm done. - 'Cause you know who looks like Cindy Crawford? My cat Butter.

She has the same, I'll put it up. She has the same exact beauty mark as Cindy Crawford. Okay, you sound jealous. Now you sound jealous. We'll see. Now you're sounding jealous of her cheekbones. So Meg and I go, okay, don't tell Chris we're talking because he'll get very upset. Yeah. Because Chris, the reason I brought it up is because we are, I'm on full Meghan Trainor, Chris Olsen TikTok. Yeah.

Everyone's like, did she kidnap him? Is there a business deal going on? Why are they together? They do collaborate, obviously. But I just found out he just hard-launched. He's dating Meghan Trainor's brother. No way. Wait, but they're friends from...

I think they're kind of newish friends. Oh, they are. But they like hit it off in LA and they collaborate with music stuff. Got it. But like he posts a photo like making out with her brother and they're a family now. I love it. I think they're a big happy family. And Chris has not been in a relationship. Since his ex. Since his ex. The TikTok ex. Yes. And like I hate that I'm giving him so much air time because Chris, you know I hate you. But I just feel like the Googlers need to be updated. They do. And how crazy that Meghan Trainor's married to the guy from Spy Kids. Yeah.

That's the craziest thing. That's the craziest thing ever. I want him to have a resurgence. And also their son is just like the freaking cutest. So cute. When he calls himself an ally. He looks like a TV character. Yeah. Like. I want a resurgence of Spy Kids. I want a resurgence of Kim Possible. And I want a resurgence of Freaky Friday. Not going to lie. I watched all the Spy Kids very recently. Like within the last six months. How high were you? Some would say on a different planet. Oh.

Should we discuss the Oscars? We should. Hold on, let me get my notes. I didn't watch them. I did watch a lot of them. I was with Des, we were watching tennis. And he was like...

I was like I just want to go to the Oscars because I like the pre talk I like the like awkward moments when they're interviewing I like to see the outfits I have a lot to say about it and the next thing you know he's fully watching the Oscars he's crying he's laughing like the actual ceremony he was yeah like we were crying he was like I knew they were going to win for the sound mixing and he's running for the Irish people he's like let's go and I'm literally laughing like at one point I turned and he was just crying at someone's speech and I'm like you didn't even want to watch this he said it was stupid it is stupid it is stupid but like

if you get into it, you'll start crying at some of the speeches. The only reason I've ever watched the Oscars is because of the red carpet before, because you like to see what people are wearing. You like to see what they're saying. Are they being funny? Who are they with? It's an exciting thing. For sure. It's awful now. There is not one host...

that one knows who they're talking to. Like some people, you can tell that the host had not seen the movie that whatever person is in. They're so bad. They have like a list of three questions that they ask and half of them aren't

Like they're famous people, but they're not hosts. Yeah. And they're not, they're almost sometimes more famous than the person they're interviewing, which I also think is awkward and weird. Yeah. And they have no idea what's going on. I was getting so mad. I was like, I don't care who she's most excited to see. Like, I don't care.

want to know like different shit i feel like you're manifesting something yeah like every i am because i feel like i would be good we would actually actually we would be good together and that's how joan rivers started it was her and her daughter which one of us are joan oh i'm joan because melissa never really cared about fashion did joan though

see that's the good thing like you don't know i could use a little more comedy in it and i even said to that's what it is out of like all the people they choose why can't they have one like comedic voice and des was like because fashion they take seriously but i'm like no they want the oh my god i want the back and forth i watched fashion police on e the red carpet they said the same thing for everyone they were like she looks beautiful she looks great everyone knows she doesn't i don't want people having the same opinion and that's just give me a hot take it was a

participation trophy for everyone. Even at the Oscars, they were like, and some movies that weren't nominated. It's like, okay, so now we even have to talk about the movies that weren't nominated. It's like, they did great though. It's like, I do have to say, I thought Jimmy Kimmel was great.

and it really didn't watch it i'm just here to talk about it jimmy krimmel he comes off like very chill it was you know sometimes you tell the host is so nervous yeah and they're like every single sentence like that time anne hathaway did it and she did like seven that's when everyone started hating anne hathaway so sad but now she's having a resurgence yeah but i want to talk i want to talk i do have to say so lady gaga shows up with such a cool dress but i do have to say

Do we have to do low rise dresses now? You could see the top of her pussy lip. What about Lady Gaga being like, I'm actually not leaving the home and I'm like, I don't want a life that's like in the public eye. She shows up to the Oscar Awards. She's been hanging out with Meghan Markle. With her ass out.

No, no, no photos. I'm so shy. And then there's a clip of a photographer falling. Did you see that? And she like turns and like runs over to pick him up and everyone's like, Lady Gaga's the only one that went to pick him up. And I'm like, first of all, this bitch knows there's like a hundred cameras on her. Second of all, if Lady Gaga's the one who saves you, a 5'2 Ozempic woman, like,

You're in trouble. The Ozempic is rampant. The Ozempic is rampant. But also, I don't want to speak too soon because some people might actually be like, working out and eating healthy. Because we might go on it. Right.

We're not going to speak too soon because we do have a call into our doctors. But if I'm on Ozempic, I'm telling people I'm on Ozempic. That's the only thing. I'd be so scared. I'd be like, guys, I'm on Ozempic. What do I do? Can I get off it? Is my ovary going to burst? Like what's going to happen? If any person would admit it to me, I have 7,000 questions. Every single housewife being like, what? No. Oh my God. I'm like, you lost 30 pounds in two weeks. Like, what are you talking about? We're not the crazy ones.

Just say, yeah, I got it from my doctor in Boca. Like, we know. I mean, and Mindy Kaling. She looks great. She looks great. Did you ever watch her Mindy project? I'd see, like, clips and stuff. Yeah. But I read her book, and it's really good. I know. I want to read her book, because I watched that whole series, and I loved it. She's so good. She's amazing. She's an icon. Also, she's...

She was behind the Netflix show, like my very, the kiss thing or all the lies I told before, all the men I kissed before, all the boys I kissed. That's seven shows you just combined in one. All the boys I kissed. She also wrote that HBO show, Sex Life of College Girls. Yes. And I'd like to say if she was a man, people would be calling her Ryan Murphy right now. Yeah. Like they'd be like, she's a fucking genius. But anyway, I'm not going to get into feminist right now. Well, here's the other thing with like Ozempic running rampant.

They called it the Ozempic Awards. It literally should have been. We were born in the 90s, but we were little kids in the 90s. So we really didn't grow up in... Heroin chic times. Yeah. But we didn't know that, you know? But I do feel like...

Every celebrity now is stick thin. It almost is like we went a little backwards. We did. Everything feels very, well, that will look good if you lose 10 pounds. It's almost like they went too hard with the BBLs. They went too hard. And also, the Kardashians not being invited to the Met Gala. Wait, is that like for sure, for sure? Everyone is saying it's for sure, for sure, but-

It's so much what I think people don't realize is it's so much more than them not getting invited to a party. It represents a cultural shift. A total cultural shift. Like Anna Wintour says is basically Regina George of the fashion world and says who's in and who's out and who's cool and who's not. And the fact that they are so curvy. You want the weakest link. Goodbye.

Yeah. And like Ozempic is running rampant. I feel like... No, it's not a body thing. I don't know. I kind of feel like it could be. I feel if she did that, maybe it's because Kim, the whole entire Met Gala was about the Marilyn Monroe dress and all that bullshit. Okay, there's also that. But also, is that not good press for the Met Gala? Maybe it's not. I feel like fashion people don't want that. But also...

If Anna Wintour was pissed that Kim was going to wear that, the Marilyn Monroe dress, she would have known before Kim got there. Like, I feel like everything's run by her anyway. For sure. But I do think it was like the after effect of all the insane press. But that was, there was like a little too much about Kim for too long where it got like overwhelming. But I still have not seen an excuse yet for why they would be uninvited. Yeah.

I don't know. Well, last year they were all there. That was the first time they were all there. Is it Kanye related? I don't know. It could also be Kanye related. You saw Khloe's with Tristan? I mean, it's just... The most powerful designer drugs are the digital ones we use daily. And we get high off them when touch, tap...

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Euphoria. The actress Hunter. What's the Euphoria actress that had like no top on, just a feather? Did she not look, wait, when the white? Yeah. At the Vanity Fair? Yeah. Did she not look so fucking good? She looked like Sierra at my wedding. She looked so amazing. She looked like Sierra at your wedding. She had nothing on. Nothing on.

Body snatched. Amazing. I don't think that was a Zempik. That was just, she's 21. Um, Sierra called me the other day because she's going to a wedding and I was like, let me see the dress you're wearing. You can't be trusted anymore. She literally can't. There's no back. No back.

I mean, she looks great, amazing and stunning and she's going to wear it. Yeah. But no back on the whole dress. It's kind of like girls with huge boobs. Like you can do whatever you want, but you're going to look sexy. Yeah. And Sierra just can't help that she's a model. Okay. What did you think about Tem? Her name is Tems. She's...

a singer yeah she wore the big like white cloud thing yeah which i thought was iconic but then seeing her in the audience yeah blocking everyone behind her yeah equally iconic because like do you think she thought about it or you think she sat there and was like oh fuck i didn't think this through no somebody absolutely said hey but you are going to be sitting there and they all collectively looked at each other and said fuck it

How mad would you be if you were behind her? Or you could just like snort cocaine the whole time. Honestly, I don't know if I would be mad. I think I would be like, wow, this is such my luck that I would get like seated behind this person and not be able to see the whole show. Like you have to laugh if you're the person. They literally were showing people trying to like poke their heads out. And they're like, this man is fighting for his life.

fighting for his life in the audience I think it is rude though it's rude but it's hard because they want a fashion moment also then Lady Gaga goes on stage and does no makeup black shirt black jeans did you see that no and people were writing the funniest memes of like people hysterically crying being like Lady Gaga's makeup artist after putting in three hours of work on her why would she do that

Because I think it was a last minute performance that she was like, what do we do? And she's like, if we can't go all out, you know, it's even more iconic than going all out as Lady Gaga is giving nothing. Did Rihanna perform? Rihanna performed and she was amazing. Yeah. She's really like hitting the... This is her year. Yeah. But it's also like, it shows you guys, you can take a break from things and you're not going to lose it. If you don't, yeah, if you don't use it, you don't lose it. Right. That's the saying. Yeah. Yeah.

Is that about penises? I don't know. Where did that originate? If you don't use it, you lose it.

I could go first. This is some deep journalism that we're getting into right now. Are we high? Yeah, I'm just tired. But I did realize like sometimes, you know, in work where you feel like if I don't keep pushing, keep pushing, like I'm going to lose my career or momentum, whatever. But I realized like sometimes it's actually better. To take a break. Like we all, we probably would have been sick of Rihanna if she had just kept putting out albums for money. We are the people to suggest a break. Rest. Rest is.

Like if anyone's like, you're going too hard, take a break. I'm like, you're so right. But the problem with Rihanna's song, it's a song for Chadwick Boseman who passed away. And it's like this really sad song. And do you remember how I told you I went to this funeral? I didn't know the guy, but I was at the funeral. What?

No. Des had a friend who passed away. I know that this would not have slipped my mind. This story. Des had a friend who passed away and I went to the funeral. Okay. And I was like a mess. Like sobbing. Like I was like holding the kids in my arms. Like I was like. You never met this person. Never met the man in my life. And I like, I was so, like the speeches about him. You're like he was a good man.

He was a good man. A good man, Savannah. He was a good man, Savannah. Rihanna starts singing and I get, I'm like, oh no. And he's like, what? And I go, this is the song they played at that man's funeral. And he goes, first of all, how do you remember that second of all, you did not know him. And I was like, it's really upsetting for me. And he goes, it's my friend. And I go, I can't turn this off right now. I'm too worked up. Did you start crying? Yes. And he literally was looking. Are you pregnant?

No, Paige. I think because I'm getting off birth control. Oh, yeah. I had a full cry this week. Like a good one? Like a deep? I didn't let it fully go. Why? I have issues. But what happened is I'm in Cleveland at a comedy club and this old man comes up to me and he like owns the club or something. And he's like, are you from Brooklyn? I was like, yeah. And he's like, so am I. And I was like, that's crazy. Just talking to me. And then after I get off stage, I come back and he like corners me and he's like,

you're so special like saying all these things about like he's like you just have to dream big and you know don't force things things will come to you like give me all this like beautiful information I look at him and he like he looks like my grandpa yeah he passed away and he has like the eyes of my grandpa and my grandpa's from Brooklyn and I'm like how is this man in Cleveland Ohio and then I start like about to cry but I'm like hold it in because I'm like this is my grandpa through

talking to me through this old man. I've like fully convinced myself. I totally believe in stuff like that. And then I say goodbye to everyone and it was like a great show. Again, the hotel room shut the door. I just start bawling. Oh my God. But it was a weird bawling where it's like I just love my grandpa and miss him so much because he was my best friend but I was like, he had like the same skin color as my grandpa, like old. I was just going to say, what shade of gray is that? What shade of gray?

And then you start thinking about how he's going to die. The man you just met. Yeah, and I'm upset that he's like 90. He doesn't have a lot of time left. No, I can't. And John Travolta was crying because... Probably a lot of reasons. His co-star, Sandy, Olivia Newton-John died. Oh, yeah, she died. So he's sobbing. And then I tweeted, I love watching the Oscars because I love to watch men cry. Remember when John Travolta...

Was on the Oscars and he like announced that girl's name wrong. What did she, what did he say? Adele Dazeem. I think about it like, that was like 15 years ago. I think about it and,

odd amount of times for someone. He probably wakes up in the middle of the night. Do you ever have like things that you say in your head randomly that make no sense? Yes. Like, but it just like you say it like random words. Like Craig is from Delaware and I always find myself saying the word Rehoboth. Like it's just like a random place in Delaware, but I love the word. Yeah, I say Oconomowoc. That's in Wisconsin. Oconomowoc. Like so randomly throughout the day, sometimes I'll just say Adele Tassim. Yeah.

I don't know. Do you think he like wakes up in the middle of the night, like his whole career, he's done so many amazing things and he's like, you stupid. How could you do that? For sure. I wonder what he did to apologize to her. Like if he sent her like a Derek Jeter gift basket. Derek Jeter.

Okay, wait. So who did you think was best dressed? I think people served. I think they looked the best they've ever looked. Nicole Kidman was my favorite because Nicole Kidman had this like tussled hair like mine. Like it looks like she didn't brush it and that's kind of my thing. And then I love the flowers on the dress. It's very like vintage and

And Michael B. Jordan also did that in his after party look. I don't understand what an after party is. If I did not get invited to the Oscars, I'm not going to an after party. Yeah, but this is like different. I'm fucking crying in a bathroom. This is like, OK, this would be like senior prom is happening. You're a freshman. You can't you're you aren't legally allowed to go to the senior prom. But a bunch of seniors are like, hey, come to our party. You're going to the party after party.

I mean, Kendall Jenner did look amazing. Okay, I actually didn't really love her dress at the Vanity Fair. I did think Cara Delevingne. She was amazing. I loved the red. I loved her Vanity Fair white outfit too. Okay, and then also, just to bring it back to Adam Levine for a quick second, look at this picture of them at Vanity Fair. So...

he has his hand over her stomach yeah and i don't it gives me the ick well i want to know what my guy that does the green line tests like would say because he does do a whole thing about couples and like the claw one of my ex-boyfriends took a photo with me like this and he was reaching over me and holding me and he was super controlling and he didn't care who i was he just wanted okay i'm now making this all about me well also i feel like right i don't know

what it is. She looks amazing though. She looks amazing this time of year but like I keep seeing couples walking down the street and they're not just like holding each other's hands like they're holding the person and it makes me

It's wildly uncomfortable. Well, when I'm at comedy clubs, you see couples all the time, and I can tell how long they've been together by how much all over each other they are. Couples who have been together more than a year are not touching. They're just enjoying their time. They're not even looking in the same direction. There's someone in between them. If they even breathe towards each other, they're like, shut the fuck up. I hate you. But couples, if he has his arm on her leg, I'm like, this is one to three months. Yeah. And I'm like, enjoy the fact that you still have...

I call it an imagination ship. That's my new thing. Like, do you know the last time you made out with Des? I mean, we will have sex, not even kissing. Yeah, I would say that's normal. No, but I feel like, you know in the beginning you might start with a kiss? Okay, but here's the thing. Every time I watch a movie, I watch people having these intense makeouts and then having sex. I'm like, but that...

I couldn't tell you the last time I like made out with Craig. But the thing is, I actually love makeouts. I do too. But like, it's not, it doesn't feel the same once you like, oh, all their bad habits. It's not the same once you hate them.

Um, so it is, it is different. No, the first three months are an imagination ship where you have filled in every single blank and this man, he could be anyone. He's speaking of my latest imagination ship. Yeah. I was in Cincinnati. Just jet setting.

I did a college gig. I talk about how I fucked Bucky because it's funny to tell. It was like a middle school. I'm like, I was like, Bucky was hot. Yeah. He had like an, like he's a badger, but like he's Bucky and you never know. There's like eight of them who actually are Bucky's, but they can't speak. So when you see a Bucky, you don't know if it's him or not. So you're kind of like, like you don't know. Got it. It's, it's very, and it's, he's so hard to get because he literally can't talk to you. So I'm doing this bit. And then at the end I do a little Q and A and their mascot shows up.

And this was the University of Cincinnati. When I tell you, this was the hottest mascot I've ever seen. Their mascot showed up in the mascot uniform. In the full uniform. So you never saw this man's face? No. But you're saying the uniform that was made. The mascot...

Okay, but it's a bear cat. It's a bear cat. Have you ever? This bear cat had muscles. Six five. Minimum six five. Swag. Gets on stage like flirting with me. Yeah. And I'm all nervous. I don't know what to do. And like he's not responding to me. So I was just like talking to myself. Definitely a fuck boy. But then I was like, it's giving Tom Sandoval. Like I cheated and danced with a bear cat.

No, I have to show you. You didn't see? No. Oh my God. I posted on my story. I think it's giving like you have a weird porn history. Like I'm a furry. Yeah. If you were, well, you are married to Des. If you are married, if you, if Des came to you right now, you're married, you've been together and he said, Hannah, I'm a furry.

I have to tell you something. I am a furry. What would you do? I'm into it. You would be into it. You would try it. Once you like fall in love with the guy, it's like, let's, honestly, you're also like bored. You're like, let's find new ways to turn each other on. Like sometimes I'm. Fuck yeah. Put a tail on me. Just fucking do it.

Like, I feel I'm so vanilla. Like, I wish I could be turned on by something weird. Yeah. Like, I hear people tell these stories like the only way I can come is by like tickling the hair on his toe. I mean, that sounds like an interesting life to live. Then there's other girls that are like, I need to be beat with a brick. I don't know if I need all of that. But yeah. Yeah.

I get it. I just think the human brain is so crazy that it's like, but what is it in your brain that like a tail... What happened to you as a child? Yeah, you're like, I want to touch that tail. There was a guy talking about how when you're young, like...

If you happen to get a weird erection during like, because you get random erections as a kid during like a weird thing that happens, like someone crying or like someone, like next thing you know, do you just have a fetish for the rest of your life? Like, I don't even know how they start. I mean, it's probably genetic. Yeah. It's mental, but. Oh my God. I never thought of that because guys will like, they can get hard at any moment. Like they don't, they have zero control. Like, has there ever been something really weird? And they're just like, this isn't, I shouldn't be. Yeah.

Like they feel naughty and dirty. There was a guy like on TLC who gets turned on by popping balloons. And he was like dating a balloon. I feel like all my ex-boyfriends would get turned on when I would cry. Because it seemed to be a pattern. Okay, tell me.

that this man he's huge and he has muscles you can't even wait i feel like i feel like if jack harlow was uh he's wearing a basketball like that is a hot yeah okay i get what you're saying now okay so take back what you said you're right don't um i'm sorry i'm a furry so anyway that was crazy we have a lot of front page news we do let me pull up my notes

I feel like Front Page News always has to start with us talking about Leonardo DiCaprio. And I have a point that I want to make because everyone's making fun of him for being with all these like 21-year-old, 22-year-old babies. Obviously, like he should only be with people of age. But part of me is like because he's living the lifestyle of a 21-year-old man. Like he wants to be out at the bars, out of the clubs, drinking. I don't get that. Well, that's my thing.

As a 31 year old, let those girls have him. I'm not trying to keep up with that man. No. Don't make the girls in their 30s. We'd break up in the first second. Don't. I do not want to be with a man like that. No. Don't force a Leonardo DiCaprio to date women in their 30s because they won't.

Want to stay home And watch Shark Tank Like we're not Going to clubs Every fucking night I know Yeah Not that he was A child child actor But kind of Like he was What Like 15 Maybe even younger And when you get famous You stay at the age That you got famous Yeah like I just feel like he

Never really had to mature Because at 16 Then people just started Treating Probably treating him like An adult Oh my god Can we get you a Coca-Cola Oh my god Do you want to stay here I mean it's not his fault Yeah it's not his fault But I'm saying Don't like be like He needs to be with a therapist

39 year old. I'm sorry. George Clooney's wife would rather punch yourself in the jaw than spend 24 hours with that. I would give myself another black eye if I had to go to a club every weekend. Like I literally went out this weekend and I said to my mom, like, oh, I'm good now for like three months. I don't have to.

Literally. Like, I feel no desire to go out next weekend. And what you said about Leonardo reminds me of a TikTok I just saw of Justin Bieber. There were all these clips of him as a 15-year-old where, like, interviewers are asking him questions about sex. Women are, like, touching him. Like, full-grown women. And, like, that kid had to deal with so much stuff. And, like, he was probably taken advantage of in so many different ways. So, like, I just... Let's be aware of the torture that comes with being a child...

Yeah. But I do think Leonardo could... He could up it to 25. For sure. He doesn't have to date 19 year olds. For sure. But also like that's... Yeah. If he wants to date older women, he'd also have to start like...

doing adult things in his lifestyle and i really don't think that guys start doing adult things until like they start dating an adult girl like woman but it's like what comes first the chicken or the egg and my thing is you just have to wait for them to get tired don't get tired yeah does got tired you have to literally trick them i feel like i do do that to craig i'm like take this edible let's just see how it feels

he's like i can't move i'm like yes this is so cute when he's like sleepy yeah or when they're asleep yeah when they're not speaking also can we stop complaining about men going to play golf that is incredible wait they're gone for 42 hours sorry for touching you that was really

So you can't be in a studio. I all my like TikTok algorithm is like golfing husbands. And I'm like, my dream is to be left alone all day in my home by myself. I'm like, what? The first time Des went to play golf, he was. It's giving you love him more than he loves you. I know. And also, like, is he that funny? Yeah. Like you need him there. Des called me. He went to play golf and he called me like an hour. And he's like, hey, just checking in on you. And I was on the toilet.

shitting my brains out because I'd been holding it in it was like early on for like 72 hours and I was like I'm having like an out of body euphoric experience right now because you're gone and I could finally like get back to normal and I'm loving it and I could like talk to my mom talk shit yeah plan for when you come back strategy personality

Change my hairdo, change my outfit. Yeah. So yeah, let your mans play golf or you play golf with the girls. I feel like I like set golfing up for, I'm like, you should invite them to go golf. And then you should go golf. I am the last person to be like, don't go out with the boys. Yeah, like, oh shoot, am I home alone? Honestly, it's a red flag if he doesn't have boys to go out with.

Like if you're his only friend, that is so much worse than a dude who's always with his boys. My mom thinks it's so weird that I love being alone so much. But I think she's weird. The woman's never been alone ever. Not one time in her life. Like she's never had her own bedroom.

Is that crazy to think of? But you know what? That's just because she's never experienced it. If she experienced it, she'd be like... It freaks her out. She'd have her own house right now. I'm going to have my own house. When you marry early, I feel like then you grow with the person. That's what life is. But when you're used to living alone by your 30s, you're like, it's going to take a special person. Yeah. I'm like, this is how I am. This is how I like it done. Yeah. You know what you like. Yeah. No new tricks. And I'm like, don't...

let anyone try and change you but like change them. Yeah.

Like I know that I organize things better than my significant other. So why would he not change? Change. I know I do it better. That was really powerful. Thank you. Giggling in bed brought to you by Mattress Firm. Sometimes sleeping next to your boyfriend or girlfriend is the most amazing experience ever. It's so lovely to watch them be so peaceful, except when they're snoring so loud. And I think to myself, how are you even sleeping because you're ruining my day?

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Also, Tyga and Avril Lavigne. Did you see that? How crazy. Have you seen that girl on TikTok that has been doing all these like family trees and diagrams to like explain to people? It is genius. She's so good. The Avril Lavigne Tyga one. Insane. Insane. Because Avril used to be with Brody Jenner. And Avril Lavigne used to be dead. Everyone says that that is someone that's created and pretending to be Avril Lavigne.

Wait, people say that because she disappeared for so long and then just like came out of nowhere and looked the same. Well, I'm on conspiracy talk. You're wholesome. You're Meghan Trainor. You're Chris Olsen talk. I'm deep conspiracy theories. Like to the point that even I get some and I'm like, okay, that's even crazy. But I'm deep in conspiracies and Avril Lavigne is a clone. I feel like we need a dope conspiracy segment. I love conspiracy theories. But I also don't want to spread...

harmful conspiracy theories on our podcast i believe all of it becomes a cult and i am also like the person that's like that's true because this is the thing about conspiracy theories if someone says something crazy i was thinking about this and then you come out and say that's not true

you sound defensive right like you sound like the crazy one okay like that documentary that's on netflix right now about the plane that went missing yeah i have to watch it i feel like it's like that show like that plane's gonna land in 30 years and people are gonna get off and be like wait what like i feel like it is in a different dimension i don't believe in your bird theory that birds are fake yeah okay well it's each their own what do you think about snow you think that's real wrong it's not

Well, the snow that I broke my fucking hand on was pretty real. Have you seen people lighting it on fire, though? Lighting snow on fire? Yeah. What do they think it is if it's not snow? Plastic.

Why would they have plastic? Why would they do that? Because the aliens sent it down. They told us it was snow, but it's not. Or is it the government trying to like ruin the planet with too much plastic? I don't know. I haven't gotten deep into that conspiracy. I've just seen people like lighting snow on fire and it not melting. I just see cat videos. So we are living such different lives. But it's good because then we get to share it. Don't you love...

Like I love when Craig is on his TikTok and I see what his algorithm is and I'm like, ooh, I'm so much funnier. Like what your algorithm is says something about you. Fully. Fully. And so like when I'm on his, I'm like, oh my God, you're so moody and sensitive. Like I,

knows my moods like some weeks i am on like manifestation talk or like do you feel depressed yeah or do you have adhd and then some weeks it's just goofy silly and then cat videos yeah but also des was not into tiktok because he was like i don't really i don't really like what they show me and i go because you have to scroll yeah you have to give it so now he's like fully into it because yeah you have to show them what you engage in and i will say you are one of the only people that i actually read my tiktok

messages because you make my algorithm better that was the second nicest thing you ever said to me i forget what was the first thing i don't know really pretty at your wedding you didn't say that you said that to sierra um mixing people up again sorry i told sierra she looked really pretty you know it's funny because i send you i look at anything you send me on instagram but i don't i don't watch your tiktok videos as often as i should

it honestly you don't have to because i send the ones that i send to you yeah you've already sent okay good um finally can we talk about cold sprouts just for a second

you ever gotten the ick from just looking at a person wasn't he the one that people liked of the two like he was supposed to be the hot one at this point i never thought he was i was like dylan they were a little young for us anyway they were a little young for us i mean i obviously like they were in big daddy and sweet life of zach and cody but when you saw him smoking a cigarette on this pot did you think it was a a bit i thought it was a

literal bet this guy rico taquito on tiktok great name so hilarious he goes we've spent hundreds of million dollars into anti-smoking campaigns this is the greatest thing ever to show that smoking isn't cool watching cole sprouse act like a disheveled artist and he said artist one more time i was gonna be like are you fucking the disney channel execs are just like

He lived in a hotel He has probably Been through a lot But like Yes it did sound like He had like a Kind of hard childhood If I was Alex I would be like Whoa no smoking in my studio First of all My hair's gonna smell Second of all I feel like she was uncomfy I guess cause she's Interviewing these really famous people Who were you to say no smoking But I would like text my Producer or something And be like

tell them this. You can't go one hour getting interviewed that you have to light up. This kid never does podcast interviews. You can't have one podcast interview without killing your lungs. He was trying to, it was giving like he wanted to be like Johnny Depp in the 90s. Back to like this heroin chic thing. And I'm like, it's just, be fucking for real. Also, if I'm going to go on a podcast that all these like young people listen to, even if I have a like heroin addiction, you're not doing heroin on the pod. You're trying to hide that, like I don't want to

get anyone to want to smoke cigarettes even if i was addicted to cigarettes yeah don't promote cigarettes no it's also like i also felt like he that's the first time he ever smoked a cigarette like i was like okay he was holding it like a banana yeah i was like it's giving acting like i don't it's giving me trying to smoke weed you trying to smoke weed it's my favorite thing ever i'm

Any other notes on the Oscars? I think that everyone, like, I think the dresses were so much better than what this awards season has been. Like, I feel like people really showed up. And they were, like, doing vintage. I mean, it is funny because people are like, I'm using, like,

sustainable clothing like it's vintage Oscar de la Renta and you're like I'm wearing an eggplant how sustainable are you I'm like what does that mean like I'm wearing I really don't know what it means it's cause they didn't like I guess get something else made and they wore like an old dress but it's like you're at the Oscars nothing sustainable about going to Oscars Vanessa Hutchins was my fave clean I bet she looked like Audrey Hepburn I loved that dress so there were all Vanessa Hutchins was doing some Oscars reporting yeah

and there was another girl during the reporting ashley graham and they sent um the elvis guy to ask ashley graham and everyone was like what wait vanessa hutchins also that in general i thought was a weird she's doing red carpet she's a star yeah yeah like i didn't i didn't get it either but also like even ashley graham i didn't get it she has a podcast

I love Vanessa Hutchins and I love Ashley Graham. I love them for what they do. Maybe they liked Vanessa Hutchins because...

she knows everyone so it would make it like chiller to easier to talk it was giving the vibe this year that no celebrities wanted to go and be interviewed on the red carpet at all like i was getting the vibe that they were trying to like lure people in like e-news did you see florence p on e-news she was there for two seconds and they pulled her off e-news should just pack it in like pack it in because no one goes to that red carpet and then grant just

completely did not want to be did you watch it that was but she was also asking him questions and he was like well i was in that movie for three seconds like he was pissed at the questions and i kind of got it the thing is she held her own which was great but also i feel like in the beginning of the conversation you have to see he's not giving yeah you can't keep pushing the generic questions with him you have to be like so what are we doing after like be like chill with it like like do you eat before like i want to know do you ask him things that he doesn't want to know like what

what's something that you can't wait to do tomorrow? Clearly he doesn't want to be there. Who are you really hoping you don't run into? I want funny things. Or be like, why do you hate interviews so much? Say something like that. Make it... And with E! They were... Because it used to be Ryan Seacrest, Julianna Rancic, the whole time they're on the red carpet. Now they keep cutting to this fake round table where they talk about the fashion, but it's like...

You give everyone the same compliment. You say the same thing for every single person. It's not even fun to watch. Insult one of them. Make us laugh. But also, you can make us laugh without insulting. I do love when people go, it's giving. And you're like, what is it giving? Just tell me. Give me an adjective. Dope Dr. Humanities. I have to watch the one about the plane that disappeared. You gotta. Because I'm a little scared to watch it, but I want you to watch it. I'll watch it for you. Then I have to watch the Jared Subway one. What?

What is that on? Is he alive? I think it's like Discovery. That's how you know it's going to be good. Wait, is he alive? I think he's in jail for like child problems. Right, right, right. But I didn't know if he died or something. Okay, yeah. Oh, wait, he might have died. No way. Patrick, do you know if he's dead or not? Yeah. This is journalism. Is this guy dead? Is he pregnant? Or is he just... Anyway, you guys, thank you so much for coming to Giggly Squad. I mean, we came. Come.

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