What A Weekday: Veep Paralysis Demon feat. Langston Kerman 01:08:41

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I often think about that dude who got the tampon off the street, the Tiger Woods tampon. Oh, I forgot about this. It's from the documentary, but Tiger Woods was having...

An affair in a car, took out the tampon that he was having with the lady he was having sex with, and then a paparazzi then collected that tampon. That was of a different, even that, because like that wasn't that long ago, but like now you hear it and it's like, oh boy. But in the 90s, it's like, I got him. ♪

Well, hello. Hi. Hi. Hey, I'm Langston Kerman filling in for John Lovitz, I'm told is his name. I'm here with producer Kendra, writers Hallie and Lazarus. And let's get into it. What a weekday. Donald Trump and President Biden, two guys who I respect a lot, are all but locked in as the party's nominees. But one big question remains. Who will Trump pick as his running mate?

And look, how funny would it be if Donald Trump picks Mike Pence for one more run? He's just like, Mike, you powdered donut homophobe. You had such a good time the last go around. Come hang with me again. You know, what really scares me is that Trump plays by so few rules that he might elect ass and titties as his running mate.

I don't know if I'm strong enough to vote against ass and titties. I'm a big fan. While Trump hasn't necessarily locked in his shortlist, his campaign has requested documents from at least eight contenders. Eight contenders! Each one more, oddly shaped than the next. And I know we're not supposed to fat shame anymore, but that's the beauty of the current Republican Party. They're not all obese. Some of them are just built like a poorly folded fitted sheet. Yeah.

Just a tight little mess sitting at the bottom of a drawer. Four of those potential picks are Senators Florida's Marco Rubio, Ohio's J.D. Vance, Arkansas's Tom Cotton and South Carolina's Tim Scott. A real who's who of guys currently missing the urinal in the Capitol men's room.

Marco Rubio is the lead singer. J.D. Vance is the shy one. Tom Cotton is the bad boy. And Tim Scott is the one who got stuck halfway while trying to anamorph into a capybara. The other four are North Dakota Governor Doug Burgum, New York Congresswoman Elise Stefanik, Florida Congressman Byron Donalds, and former HUD Secretary Ben Carson. Byron Donalds.

Byron Donalds, we're all big fans, I assume. Hugh, from way back. I'm a stan. Yeah. You're familiar with his early work. Byron Donalds thinks he might become vice president and good for him. But Trump is probably going to nominate him for secretary of bringing my car around. It's got to feel pretty good, though, being the only woman in consideration, right? I bet Elise Stefanik is sitting at home saying, God, no.

I hope I don't have my period while I'm meeting with him because Trump is going to say he can smell it. That's my favorite joke. Trump has reportedly been talking a lot about Rubio, Vance and Burgum over the past few weeks. And sure, it's mostly in the context of who would be the most fun to hunt through the Florida swamps from a helicopter. But still exciting. Do you guys have a favorite joke?

Who of these nightmares is your favorite nightmare? Oh, I'm big on the... I'm in the Doug Burgum hive. Doug Burgum, okay. And why is that? You just think he's so nothing? Like, he is just like a drawing of a white man. He's just... He's a man who has only eyebrows. There's nothing else. I don't know anything he's ever said or done. And that makes you feel better because if you knew, you know it's not good. Probably not. Yeah. I didn't know that Ben Carson was, like, back. Yeah, Ben Carson's back. And do we think... So...

It's between him and Tim Scott. Who's most likely to die this time? Because remember, we did lose Herman Cain around this time. We did lose Herman Cain. And we do want to take a minute to recognize all of Herman Cain's contributions, pizza and the rest. Mm-hmm.

But yeah, I do worry a little bit about Ben Carson in this. Yeah, I was going to say Ben Carson. Just because Tim Scott, he just entered the pantheon of weirdos. I expect more to see him more. But I guess I'm treating this like it is a reality show. It's like we can't die. I've only just found out about him.

Herman Cain died of COVID, right? COVID, yeah. And then remember his Twitter account kept tweeting as if it was still him. Oh, Lord, I forgot about that. And he was tweeting about how COVID wasn't real. It was all like horrible pandemic lies. Oh, man, that's a funny way. And he got COVID after going to that Trump rally. Yes. Yeah, that's right. He died from going to support Donald Trump. I think it's going to be at least a phonic. I'm putting money on it now as the only woman. Because I feel like she has proven herself. She had the hearings where basically she like

got those college presidents to quit. And I think that was like a show of power that Trump would like. But I did kind of want it to be Christine Noem before she shot her dog. But I'm like, to me, if that hadn't got picked up by like us or like the news cycle, I think Trump would have been like, well, you know, the dog probably sucked. Like I think he's someone who's like, I wouldn't do it, but I'm sure that she had a reason. It probably was a bad dog. So if I'm hearing you correctly, you admit you're part of the problem. Oh, 100%. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I want to be clear. Yeah, it's a takeaway. It's interesting, too, that... Not interesting, but Nikki Haley's name isn't in there at all, which...

want a woman, I would go for the smartest one. But she started to criticize him towards the end. Like, she actually said negative things about him, but I think Trump is too, his ego is too delicate. Yeah. I think it's also, I think for like Tim Scott, where it's like, who are the people that love you that you're giving to Trump? Like, it's like, Tim Scott's certainly not the worst name on the list, but I'm like, how many people are like, I am moved by Tim Scott's endorsement? Well, I think Tim Scott is the worst name on the list, I think. And so is he your pick? Who do you think he'll pick? Uh,

Who do I think he will pick? Well, you both. Yeah. Which one should he and which one do you think he will? I think it would be hilarious if he picks Ben Carson. Only the hands are gifted, not the rest of them. I think what a funny pair just standing next to each other, one more confused than the next. Remember that debate in 2016 where they called Ben Carson's name and he doesn't come out? Oh, no. He's just...

He didn't know. He didn't know what to do. And that was relatable. I thought, like, I'd do that. I'd absolutely be like, oh, sorry. The idea that, like, Ben Carson would get left behind in the motorcade. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

He gets locked in the Air Force One overnight. Like nobody knew that he was in there. He just gets stuck in the bathroom and they leave him in there because what the fuck? We don't need him. Yeah. He's not an essential player in any of this. Yeah. I, I, I'm a big Bing Carson, uh, for vice president supporter. We're just going to clip that out. I'm a big, big Carson guy. Um,

That said, I assume he'll pick a more reasonable choice who I know less about, but also probably is more actually vile and less cartoonish. Yeah. I can't really picture him choosing a woman. No, and that's fair. I don't think he's able. The only thing is she proved her worth to him because she is also a vicious, horrible person. Yeah, I just don't think he could hide his contempt anymore.

For as long as it would take. And I think Doug Burgum is too Mitt Romney. I think Doug Burgum is almost too normal. I feel like he does need... But that's what he needs. That's what Mike Pence wants. Yeah, you're right. He needs just another white man to stand silently behind him. Although Mike Pence, I will say, was a pretty good choice.

When it came to the like the debates, like he really showed up in those 2015 debates. He just then became an insane sort of weird person after that. Yeah. And that just seems like the natural life cycle of Republican. Like, you know, you seem semi-normal. It's like, oh, not for long. I think the key is you want someone who's not going to run from a lynching. That's fair. You want to run towards it. No, you want someone who's not yet who's not going to run from it.

You want someone to accept it. Yes. Which eliminates, I hope, Tim Scott. That's a good point. I don't know. I think historically, he don't seem like he would run from that at all.

Rubio, we're talking about Marco Rubio, might have to move to become Trump's vice president. He and Trump are both Florida residents, and the Constitution seems to prohibit two candidates from the same state sharing presidential ticket. Now, you can take the Rubio out of Florida, but you can't take the Florida out of Rubio unless Trump wants that. And then it's no problem. He'll take out whatever, Florida, his own kidney, whatever.

Whatever. Just say the word. It's gone. And personally, I like that the founding fathers were more concerned about this than they were about the president being a convicted felon. But that might be because in their day, convicted felons were immediately executed with a musket. So maybe you shouldn't take this document so literally, I think.

Yeah. Marco Rubio, it's not going to be him because he wants it too bad. He's been too desperate. He's like, I'll move. It's like, no, he doesn't want that. He wants it. Trump wants a simp, but not a simp that makes it obvious that they're a simp. Yeah, he's been a little bit of a thirsty little bitch for a long time. Little Marco. Like, it's a once you're little Marco, he does. He's indicated he's not interested. I don't respect that.

any of these people, but I certainly don't respect that none of them that he, like, gave mean nicknames have ever, like, made him apologize or something. Oh, no, no, yeah. Like, make him at least be like, my bad, bro. We were arguing. I took it too far. Yeah.

come kick it with me. They're like, do you want to make up a meaner one? Meatball Ron still stands out. Meatball Ron to Sanchez. He told Ted Cruz his dad was a murderer. And his wife was ugly. And Ted Cruz was like, well, that's funny. He got me. And he was right about both accounts.

Most of the frontrunners are former Trump critics. In 2016, J.D. Vance said he was a never-Trump guy and called Trump an idiot, noxious, and reprehensible. But don't worry, J.D. is singing a completely different tune nowadays. The tune is Wheels on the Bus. Trump likes the way people on the bus go bump, bump, bump. He's less excited about the wipers going swish, swish, swish. I wrote that one. Ha ha ha!

When Rubio was campaigning against Trump, we were just talking about him in the 2016 primary. He warned that there were many people on the right in the media and voters at large that are going to be having to explain and justify how they fell into this trap of supporting Donald Trump. Damn, Rubio called it. This is exactly the kind of foresight America could use in the White House.

I am curious to know if you think even when he picks his vice president, how long they're legitimately going to last in that position. Like, do they make it the four years or are they like...

Do they go crazy with, you know, within the first term? Well, first of all, Trump's second term will be 20 years. Yeah. So it's really if they can make it that long. I think that's the thing. It's like if the authoritarianism kicks in kind of immediately, then everyone makes it because you're just, that is the sort of environment that's then being set up. And when everyone, like everyone's signaling, like, that's what we want. Like, so it's like, whoever is signing up for this is also like, and just so you know, if you don't pick me, I will be your servant or whatever. Like I'm lining up to do whatever. Yeah.

But, yeah, I think the days of like a conscientious person being like, oh, we can't do this. I got to get out of here. Not from this gang. They've signed up. They've signed their souls away. For sure. But even like looking at like the Trump loyalists that stayed loyalists all the way through, he doesn't really hang out with them anymore.

Like, he really doesn't have anybody besides those boys that... But there's always new ones. That's the problem. It's like, you see, like, Rudy. Like, his life is falling apart. Like, he's getting sued and all this stuff. Trump is, like, thanks for doing that. Like, and there's always someone like that who will step up and, for some reason, convince themselves, like, Trump will... Like, I'll be the one that Mr. Trump will, like...

you know, promote. I don't know why. Well, I think it's the same thing with like the billionaire principle where it's like middle class people and lower middle class people still want that low tax rate for millionaires and billionaires because we have the sense and the conviction that we too can always become a millionaire. And we will. That's true. Of course we're a billionaire. I mean, us. Of course, us. Us four sitting here. That's a really good point. Yeah, no, it's the beautiful trick of capitalism. And I say beautiful completely ironically, but it is.

It is sort of like the trick is like everybody thinks that they have a shot at this thing. Yeah. So we all vote against our own interests with the hope that our shot is coming soon. It's just going to turn out well for me. Like that's just what people just continue to believe. Damn. And we're dumb. We're fucking idiots. Yeah.

Anyway, the other options are real cool. Burgum mostly kept quiet about Trump while running against him in the primary last year, but did say on Meet the Press that he wouldn't do business with Trump. At this point, if you would do business with Donald Trump, it's not a sign of loyalty. It is a sign of an undiagnosed head injury. Right.

Even hardcore Trump loyalist Elise Stefanik once called him a whack job in a message obtained by the New York Times. No, no, no, Elise recently explained. They took me completely out of context. I was saying how I'd like to whack his job because it's a good penis and a lot of awesome people have seen it. Do you guys think there's anybody who's seen Trump's penis that is a good person? His pediatrician. Okay. Okay.

You think that was a good pediatrician? I'm just making an assumption. I think that, keep in mind that they worked for the Trump family, which historically was also a very bad family before he became who he is. This is true. I think anyone good who saw Trump's penis was not good thereafter. Yeah, you're like, I am evil. It's like watching the tape from the ring. Yeah, it's the fucking Babadook. It's just got a little hat on it.

We can never call you the Babadook again after this. Yeah, it's ruined. Are you the Babadook around here? When I'm not on mic, I am the Babadook. Oh, man. Because she sits in the shadows. And we, yeah, we just see her. Oh, no. Well, congratulations. Thank you. On that sweet opportunity. We'll find some other creature for you to be.

At a recent fundraiser, one donor urged Trump, we were talking about this, to pick Nikki Haley as his vice president, saying she could help win over female voters. But Trump reportedly replied, she's a very disloyal person. I do accents. She's a very disloyal person. And I don't like her. And you have to like the person you're running with. And I don't like her. I don't like her. Yep.

Trump can't pick some lady he doesn't like. This isn't marriage. Can you do a Trump impression?

I absolutely refuse. Okay, that's fair. And I respect that. I think more straight men should lean into that. Yeah, just don't. Yeah, I'm not going to make it better. You know what I mean? We have enough of them. There are a bunch of people really doing them well, and I'm not going to match that. So I just gave up completely. Listen, between now and the end of the model, if it comes out, it comes out. Sure, yeah.

If it comes out, it's a stroke. And if you can step in it like Austin Bullard doing Elvis, that's also fine.

Trump said in an interview with Dr. Phil last week that he plans to announce his pick at the RNC convention in July. And thank God, Dr. Phil took a break from his busy schedule of interviewing teens who are addicted to butt chugging to get us the answers we've all been seeking. If I woke up from a four-year coma and you told me Dr. Phil interviewed both Netanyahu and Trump, I'd sue you for waking me up from that coma. Yeah.

Does Oprah need some level of accountability for what she's done? Yeah, between Phil and Iyanla, like, it's really troubling out there. Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, Iyanla. Like, there's a long list of that author who... James Fry? Yeah, who lied about everything. Oh, yeah. There is a long list of people Oprah vouched for. Tyler Perry. Ha!

We get to bring Oprah to the haze. She must answer for her crimes. If we're going to hang somebody... Okay, I'm not going that far.

But there was something where I think Oprah is like both her talent and it's like her downfall and her talent, which is like she's incredibly warm and thoughtful and like that's she could do it on camera and like women specifically love her. But then she does have an element of like if your mom met with someone at a party and it was like, I bet this doctor party seems really nice. Anyways, I have to take all these weird supplements. And you want to be like, no, no, you can't just like you have to like do other research, mom. Like you can't. Baby girl. You know what I mean? Like you got to look

but like, but she's like, no, I'll bring them to the masses. And it turns out maybe she had maybe got hang out with him. Like one more time. She would have known quick Googles could have got you a good doctor. Phil is not a doctor. Yeah. First of all, we could have stopped there. Yeah. I think all the time, the opening, my husband and I rewatched a fix my life with the Amla over the pandemic, simply because we could, uh,

And the opening to that show, she just said, she's like, I've been a therapist, a doctor, a lawyer, a parent, a mother, a scientist. Like she just goes and she lists all these careers. And it's like, I don't know how many of these you actually have. Because my favorite episode, you're banging your hand on a table and saying, like, I'm

refuse the dick in the name of friendship. Like, she's not doing serious work. Yeah. I think in another life, Oprah is on Facebook getting tricked into selling leggings in an MLM. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I mean, fucking Weight Watchers she did. She's gone down the list of evil sort of scams and then introduced us to people who are doing subsequently more evil scams. Not a union to be seen. No. But a lot of gorgeous pantsuits. Yeah.

While we're here. She looks great. She does look great. She looks great. Ozembic's working great. While we're here, I thought it would be helpful to pitch our own Trump vice presidents. Right. Like, for example, Dr. Phil, think about it. Doesn't Dr. Phil feel like a Donald Trump that has only lost half of his mind?

I honestly think that would be the move. I know he wouldn't be able to share the screen with him, but people still like Dr. Phil. They love him. And so there's something about that's better than a neutral, like a Doug Bergen where it's like, who cares? That doesn't invoke anything. Dr. Phil, there's some sort of authority there. He seems more reasonable. Like, oh, Trump's not flying out the handle, but Dr. Phil's got a mustache. Yeah.

Which gives you confidence. I do. Yeah. I feel reassured when a man has like a sturdy mustache. It's like, okay, he made a decision about his life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the decision's on his face. That old sugar broom? Yeah, I'll ride that thing. Well, yeah. That's what I feel about Doug Brigham's eyebrows. Okay, yeah. Yeah, I think if Trump is going to pick a celebrity vice president, he needs like some muscle.

Like, I think he's gone too long sort of like pretending to be a tough guy. But if he can get like a real tough guy, it's going to send him over the edge with a bunch of people. Like if he gets Steve Wilkos, that'd be now we're talking. Just a guy who will yell in your face and tell you not to beat women anymore. That's a great vice president. He's probably free. Yeah. He's not busy. No.

I'm going the optimistic route in that, like, hopefully this is the last we're seeing of Trump. And so whoever he picks as his VP might also be brought down and disappear. He obviously is trying to court a lot of black voters. This is a perfect opportunity for us to get rid of Charlemagne.

He picked Charlemagne. Maybe I never have to hear Charlemagne again after November. I'm not mad at this choice. He has become somehow our biggest political leader in the Black community. Yeah. It'd be great if that stopped happening. Yeah. He's got to pick a famous person, I think. But to your point, I do worry that he's...

he's not going to respect another person getting that much spotlight from him. Exactly. It has to be someone who is less appealing on screen than him. So it's like, who is that? Someone who is a star but not good at it. Rudy Giuliani. I like that. Unfortunately, he's going to go to super jail or wherever they're sending him. Florence. This is his ticket out. Yeah. He's selling coffee now.

Have you guys seen that coffee? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooh, delish. Yeah, he swears up and down it's the best coffee in the world and it's good for American values. He brews it on his head and it just drips down. A big mug of Rudy coffee. Can't wait.

Meanwhile, not to give everyone FOMO, but Trump held an outdoor rally in Las Vegas on Sunday in the middle of a sweltering heat wave. That has to be the least fun you can have in Vegas. And that's a city where you can lose your life savings to a Simpsons-themed slot machine. Do you guys go to Vegas? I know men. I've been once.

I went for the first time as an adult like two years ago. I've been back many times since. I love it. You love it. Yeah. My best friend sat down at a slot machine. It was our first time ever using a slot machine for both of us. Sat down, hit a button, put $5 in, got $1,300 out. Holy shit. I did not get to hear that. A little lady showed up behind us holding a bunch of tax forms and we had to walk around the rest of the night carrying her social security number around. I can't do that part. I'm back out. I can't be holding forms walking around. Yeah, winning sounds stressful. It was incredibly stressful.

I've lost very quickly there, but I've never won anything substantial. That does sound exciting. Yeah. And then we saw Beyonce. It was wonderful. Whoa, you really did it. Yeah. I went to Cirque du Soleil. That's also great. Yeah, I would go see that. I'd go see, well, Celine's not there anymore. Who's there? Oh.

Lady Gaga, she's still there. Shania Gaga's there right now. Adele was there. I'd go for that. Yeah, Adele. Yeah. Bruno Mars is there for the foreseeable future. Yeah. He's never going to be free. Deal with Mr. Applegate right there. Yeah, I mean, it's not like he didn't do it. He

He made himself a crippling debt that he's never going to get from under. The videos of Bruno Mars performing remind me of what the swings and the extras in Phantom of the Opera used to look like on Broadway. Like people who had been doing that role for like

15, 20 years. Were they just totally dissociated because they've done it so long their bodies are just doing it? It really looked like they were just going through the motions. I'll say this, Bruno Mars is my Beyonce. I think he's the top of the tops. I love Bruno Mars. He's great. A great performer. I'll go watch him phoning in any day of the week. And he's there right now. He's there. He's never gonna leave.

Georgia Congresswoman and wild-eyed woman screaming that the Bellagio fountains are Jewish witchcraft Marjorie Taylor Greene opened for Trump and compared him to Jesus. Can we see that clip? The Democrats and the fake news media want to constantly talk about, oh, President Trump is a convicted felon. Well, you want to know something? The man that I worship is also a convicted felon. Yeah. Yeah. And he was murdered on...

on a Roman cross. Damn. I like that he needed that little, she needed that little extra bit to remind her. Right, to be clear. Yeah. She's like, Charles Manson wasn't murdered on a Roman cross. I know we're not supposed to call women shrill anymore, but I think it,

for her specifically, right? And not... I think she's leaning into it. I think, like, she knows that she is what she is and so she has gone, like, it's the platinum hair, she's Jack now. I feel like there's something about the screaming Karen that she is like, I'm going to embody it in this way. Yeah. And she looks great doing it, but... Yeah, like, she... Oh, I don't think she's... Interesting opinion. Yeah, I didn't know. Well, compared to...

like well whatever she looks like a woman who got a divorce and has a little bit of money you know what I mean and she's really yeah she's really finding herself and and screaming that Trump is Jesus yeah she has a voice that you used to never have to hear unless you were behind a POS system I like that yeah and if you don't know what a POS system is I don't respect you or I'll work in the light speed now

And it's just like what Jesus and Donald Trump always say. Please don't look at my hands. I love this angle. They're saying Donald Trump kept falling asleep in court. They're saying he was twitching, obviously dreaming. Well, I know someone else who had a dream. I'm talking about Martin Luther King Jr. Two dreamers, the same. Two beautiful dreamers.

Temperatures at the rally topped 100 degrees. I think at one point even we're going to see a video where Trump says 110. And six people were taken to the hospital, all really cool guys, with dozens more needing medical attention on site. So if you have any coworkers who claim it was really hot over the weekend, check them for racism. You know how to check for that. Mm-hmm.

Before we switch clips, I just noticed in this, the woman standing behind Marjorie Taylor Greene is wearing a Clearwater, Florida shirt. That's the headquarters of Scientology, in case anyone is unfamiliar. Just an interesting detail. If I'm not mistaken, I think the guy standing next to her is wearing a big baller brand shirt, which is the...

LeVar Ball brand of clothing that now no longer exists. Isn't that middle be the Bitcoin? Oh, is that Bitcoin? This does feel like it was like a central casting. Like we were given outfits like, okay, you be Bitcoin. You're a Scientologist.

I feel like I mentioned the Scientology Trump. Like, there probably is a lot of overlap. I would assume. Scientology and Trump? Oh, yeah. Just wanting a powerful leader to tell you what to do. And it's like, I feel comfortable in that dynamic. Someone who's not going to try to tax them ever. I guess I wonder if they wouldn't vote for Trump because it requires them to worship so far outside of their usual, like...

team of folks you know what i mean like tom cruise seems so apolitical yes in it that's a good point they are all apolitical yeah john travolta is never gonna like tell us who he's voting for and why not we're desperate to know please john if you're listening tell us who you're voting for and tell us who did that hair because we're big fans of both because yeah

But Trump made sure to keep the focus on the real victim as it relates to the heat himself. Let's roll that clip. It's 110, but it doesn't feel it to me, right? Everybody was so worried yesterday about you and they never mentioned me. I'm up here sweating like a dog. Secret Service said we have to make sure everyone's safe. I said, what about me? Oh, we never thought of that. They don't think about me. I'm working my ass off.

I like that he whispered that. Oh, yeah, he dropped it. He dropped down. Yes, it's naughty. It's so funny. He's like, I'm a bad boy, but I'm not unreasonable. I'll whisper the curse words. I mean, I laughed involuntarily when he was talking. I was having a great time. I was like, oh, no, we gotta say it again. He said it so many times. The dude...

He's the funniest president that's ever been. I know. Everybody kept trying to convince us that Barack Obama was funny. And, like, Barack Obama is funny in the way that, like, you didn't expect your teacher to be funny. But, like, this motherfucker's really funny. Like, this guy walks around bar, you're like, oh, Jesus. But then you hear him talk, it's like, okay, I get it. Yeah, he's having a fun time. He's riffing. He's saying the stuff we're not supposed to say. It's just funny. And it's wrong and shame on him. All the things.

And it really makes you think, boy, is he funny. And I do think that that's maybe the issue that the Democratic Party is going to continue to face is that until we start to embrace a funny motherfucker as like a real option, despite like morally reprehensible positions and things.

takes, we're really not going to be able to compete with whatever this is. Yeah. We've talked about this before, but it's really true. It's like Trump has it. And I think there is a reticence on our side to like acknowledge, like you can tell when someone has or doesn't. It doesn't have to be this. So you don't have to be Trump. It's just sort of like there's somebody who can get up and people are, and I think people wouldn't say like, oh, Obama's funny. It's like, yeah, he has it. Like people like to hear him talk. Like he's funny in conversation. Yeah.

And we got a lot of people who are great, great what they do, very good at it in a hearing, you know, on a committee. They don't have it. They don't have this. And we have to be cultivating our relationship with people who do who'd like to be on our side. Like who was that? I think he was running for governor and got caught with the male sex workers in his in Florida. Oh, yeah. Wasn't it Andrew something? Yes. Oh, yes. Yeah.

If we would have gotten in his ear and been like, bro, go up there and riff. Just go up there right now and be like, man, wild nights, huh, y'all? Really embrace like, hey, I was acting crazy. I was on some drugs. I had some fun with some fellas. But I'm here to tell you about how I can make your country better. He could be rocking right now.

I think that's the way to go. Because if they're going low, we at least have to be funny if we're going high. If we're going high, it can't be boring. It's so boring. Yeah. And that's why Hunter Biden should be our next nominee. Come on. Fallon against Fallon. I really like this. They're both running from prison. Great. Crackhead versus Adderall.

all things. I usually only get that on Vanderpump Rules. This is bump fights all over again. And we don't do that anymore. It'd be awesome. Yeah, no, I think we really got to find a funny candidate or we're fucked. Well, a little later, though, Trump expressed deep concern for the well-being of his supporters. Let's look at that. Do you feel the breeze? Because I don't want anybody going on me. We need every voter. I don't care about you. I just want your vote. I don't care about you.

People are just laughing behind him. They love it. It's so funny. He's like, I don't care if you die. Vote for me first. And they're loving every second of it. God forbid a dead Democrat votes. That's all we'll hear about for the next year. Trump also referred to the January 6th insurrectionists as warriors. But those J6 warriors, they were warriors, but they were really more than anything else. They're victims of what happened. All they were doing is protesting a rigged election. That's what they were doing.

And then the police say, go in, go in, go in. What a setup that was. What a horrible, horrible thing. And you know, that blows two ways. That blows two ways. Believe me.

I just really like the phrase that blows two ways. That's just good classic comedy right there. It's a very satisfying turn of phrase. Yeah, it does. And then you're like, what? I like J6 Warriors. It sounds like a sect of Jehovah's Witnesses that I've never heard of. It's like the Jehovah's Witnesses that are practicing karate in the back of the church.

Eventually, Trump's speech devolved into whatever this is. And it must be because of MIT, my relationship to MIT. Very smart. OK, we can we can pause there. Is anybody aware of his relationship to MIT? Is that one that you guys are? Dismayed to hear. Professor, I want to say.

I want to say. Oh, yeah. Honorary degree. Yeah. He's he's working really hard on those robots. I think he's going to make one that that's extra sexy, much sexier than all of the other robots. Yeah. I didn't realize that he had such deep connections to any institution. Yeah. Much less MIT. Where did he go to college?

I want to say he went where Tiffany went, which is U—did he do the business school at UPenn or Penn State? I can never—I always confuse those two. I bet it was a much harder school than he actually could manage. Well, yeah, once you see, like, Ron DeSantis went to Yale and Harvard, you're like, oh, okay, so these guys are just going anywhere nice. Yeah, you can just show up at most of these places. Just a big old stack of cash in your hand. What did I learn? I'm Ronnie D. What's up? I'm Ronnie D.

university of pennsylvania yeah okay oh wow great school it's a great school they should be ashamed i would say you should hold them responsible for this i say what would happen if the boat sank from its weight and you're in the boat and you have this tremendously powerful battery and the battery is now underwater

And there's a shark that's approximately 10 yards over there. By the way, a lot of shark attacks lately. Do you notice that? A lot of sharks. Do I stay on top of the boat and get electrocuted? Or do I jump over by the shark and not get electrocuted? Because I will tell you, he didn't know the answer. He said, you know, nobody's ever asked me that question. Wow. Nobody's ever asked him that question before. MIT. Got caught flat-footed, apparently. What's really cool about that clip is that we actually...

cut out a lot more about him talking about sharks. It actually makes less sense. Yeah. There is something really fun when he's rambling at just looking at the people who they've placed behind him and how little they're able to hold on to whatever he's saying. Like, they're really struggling to

to stay locked in and they want to be there. And also it's so hot. It's very hot. Everyone there is just like getting horribly sunburned. And he keeps being like, have you noticed there are more sharks attack lately? And they're like, bro, no, I haven't. I'm in a landlocked state. I live in Las Vegas. I haven't seen fresh water in quite some time. Yeah, no, he's a silly guy. But he's right. It is a hard one. Should he get electrocuted or eaten by a shark? Either one would be cool. What do you guys think?

No, I would get electrocuted versus getting eaten by a shark. Those are the options. Yeah, that sounds faster. Yeah, I think I'd go electrocuted. Sharks don't like the taste of human beings. Oh, okay. And so when they bite us, they often leave you still alive. And so that seems miserable to die just bleeding out in the ocean. But if you survive, you get to go on Oprah. If you survive, you get to go on Oprah. And you're going to look so thin by the time she's done with you. And then you get a poorly made movie about you. Yep, several, you know.

You sitting on a surfboard with no legs. Yeah. I'm going to go. I'm going electrocution. Yeah. Is that across the board? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I was going to say it'd be like a little bit satisfying to be a meal for a shark and know that you were good for something. But if they don't even eat you, then what's the point? I don't know. They just take a bite and leave him. Maybe sharks like electrocuted human meat more than they like cooked. We can throw that in the ocean. So you'd have them both ways. Yeah.

See what happens. I'll do that. Okay, great. Little people jerky. Anyway, that's probably enough Trump coverage for me. I need a break. I'm sick. I'm terribly sick. But for you sick bastards, Crooked has plenty more coming your way. Honestly, maybe too much, but don't take my word for it. Watch this. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

We are officially less than three weeks away from the publication of our book, Democracy or Else, How to Save America in 10 Easy Steps. June 25th, Dan, we're so close. It's here. It is here. Big news to our book event in Boston. Guess who's going to be moderated by Dan Pfeiffer. I would say I was only a little offended as you went through. That was on all the emails for everyone you wanted did not.

uh was not available and then you finally asked the guy who was already staying in the same hotel as you i honestly like i didn't even think about it and then part of it was like we've we just asked you to do so much i'm like why are we asking dan to do this fucking book event it would be like his one night off

I'm happy to do it. You guys did many of my book events. We appreciate that. If you're in New York or Boston, we have jam-packed week of events. On June 25th, Alyssa will be moderating a book launch discussion with me, Lovett, and Tommy at Symphony Space in New York City. On June 26th, we're kicking off the Pod Save America live tour at the Brooklyn Paramount Theater with very special guest host Stacey Abrams. That's exciting.

on June 27th at 6 p.m. in Boston. This is the Dan event. We're going to be pre-gaming the Trump-Biden debate with a book chat at First Parish Church. So that's exciting. Dan's going to have plenty of survivor questions for Lovett that he'll probably not be able to answer. If he's back by then, who knows?

And then on June 28th, Pod Save America will be live at the Wilbur Boston for a post-debate show with guest host Mehdi Hassan, followed by a late-night Love It or Leave It with guests Kathleen Turner and Jay Jordan, also at the Wilbur. Wow. That's going to be a busy week. It's a busy week. You can get tickets to all of these events at cricket.com slash events right now. And if you're not in New York or Boston, you can still pre-order your copy of Democracy or Else wherever you get your books online.

Please go preorder our book. We got to get up. We got to get on top of that New York Times bestseller list, Dan. And now we just got to get on it, really. And now it's crunch time, you know, and I think we're already maybe we'll beat Kristi Noem. Maybe we'll beat the dog killer. But like there's always going to be some kind of right wing kook that we're trying to beat out on the New York Times bestseller list on all the bestsellers. So please go order Democracy for Else. And guess what? If you order it, the proceeds are going to Vote Save America.

So you're going to be helping actually save democracy. And then you get a fun book to read with, you know, great jokes, great advice, and real smart advice from really smart people like Dan. Look, people, buy the book. Buy it early. You're going to like the book. You're going to like helping Vote Save America. You're going to feel good about beating Kristi Noem and what other

right-wing MAGA nut is trying to rig the bestseller list because that's what the right does, right? They buy books in bulk to get their authors on the bestseller list so that the publishers will then

give more book contracts to right-wing nuts to spread mag extremism across the country. Time for you to rig the book list for democracy. But we're not going to rig it with the Kochs buying a bunch of books en masse. We're going to do it grassroots style. Yes. Grassroots rigging is what we're doing. That's what I like to hear.

This week, New York Magazine did a deep dive into Mark Robinson. That's right. Jackie Robinson's grandson. The Republican candidate for governor in North Carolina. This is what he looks like. Look at him. Oh.

all handsome and stuff. Well, he has the Trump suit already. It's like someone said, hey, by the way, wear Trump's suit. That does look like a Halloween costume. Yeah. It's a very T.D. Jakes dressing up as Trump, I think, would be the angle I'd go with. We're talking about Mark Robinson or as every Black person calls him, here go this fool. Yeah.

He's a furniture upholsterer by day, by trade. And Robinson rose to fame after delivering a pro-gun rant at a Greensboro City Council meeting, which went viral on conservative Facebook and led to a Fox & Friends appearance. How pro-gun do you have to be to go viral at a Greensboro, like, council meeting? Like, I think they're all pretty pro-gun people.

around there like he really was pro-gun he's like no we should we should fuck him yeah i mean the good context around this is that it was specifically it him being pro-gun post the uh school shooting in florida and he was really really upset because they were obviously talking once again about banning assault rifles and he was like i why would they punish me

And so, yeah, he took himself to the whatever town council meeting. Well, he sounds like a cool guy. Yeah, I know. He's great to be engaged in your community. So it's great to be active. He's involved. He's around town. He's shaking hands. And of course, the question is, how bad of a furniture upholsterer do you have to be to need guns that much?

The NRA made Robinson a spokesman and subsequently featured his rant in a commercial. Now, I'm not calling him a sellout, but a lot of my friends are. I guess I should be glad when the NRA is to blame for something that isn't a school shooting, but man, this sucks.

It's not good. His conservative fans handed him a win when he ran for lieutenant governor in 2020. However, with more attention comes more scrutiny, and journalists soon discovered that based on his past social media posts, Mark Robinson really does not like anybody. Not a person. I bet you guys can guess which group he's most vocal about.

Anybody? The queers. You got it. About the LGBTQ community. He wrote, your homosexuality is a filthy abomination that satisfies your degenerate, unnatural lust. This from a man who definitely fucks couches. How do you think the upholstery stays on the furniture? You got to make them sticky.

I didn't sit right with you, Kendra. You didn't care for that part. As the daughter of someone who... Of a couch? No, who became a furniture repairman during a midlife crisis. Oh, now we're getting into it now, Kendra. And also was a civil servant post that. This hits real close to home. You're worried your dad might have made some couches sticky? Do you think your dad would run? Oh, he was the first black mayor of my town. Whoa.

Is your dad Mark Robinson? No. No. Not yet. Not yet anyways. Whoa. Was that like exciting or was that embarrassing that your dad became there? I wasn't there because I was in college, so it didn't really affect me. And then like when he was on town stuff before that, I also wasn't there because I was in boarding school. So it just all passed me by. That's a question for my brother. Yeah. I would be so deeply embarrassed if my parents ever...

became any version of public figures. Yeah, because everything you're saying, you're like, don't say it like that. They didn't ask you that. What are you doing with your hands, dum-dum? Get out of here. Just coffee spilled down their shirt.

Robinson also once accused an agnostic Jew of creating the movie Black Panther to take money from Black people. And if I were a Facebook friend with Mark Robinson and immediately disagreed with anything he said, it would still be one of the hardest unfollows to go through with. Shitposting in its truest form. It's almost beautiful, like a golden hour of sunlight delicately shining on a human turd.

He does seem like a cartoonishly awful guy, which again, funny. I was like, he's got it. That's the problem. It's like, that's, you saw that video and you're like, I disagree with everything, but

I understand on some level. Yeah. I didn't keep Facebook for longer than I should have because there are just a couple of unhinged people that I needed to keep an eye on. Yeah. We all have that one person. Yeah. Yeah. You just want to see how far they're going to take this and when it ends. There's a very hardcore Disney adult I went to college with who just went further and further into it. I was like, I want to delete Facebook, but I got to see what comes next. Yeah. I got to know. I remember I followed this person on

from my childhood and they were pregnant and they're like, oh, you know, there's a way to find out, you know, at home versus I was like, well, you just ask your doctor eventually, they'll be able to tell you. And apparently you like pee in a jar, like put something else in it, like comment or something. And she put a photo of the jar of pee. I'm like, you know what?

I don't need to know what this lady's up to. That's fine. I'm not coming to your house to knock the jar of pee out of your hand, but to see the photo seemed unnecessary. Wait, why are we putting comment in the pee? I'm sorry. There's some chemical, like household chemical you put in. It's like if it turns purple, it's a boy. If it's for pinks, it's a girl. It's like that. And also it's like we have the technology. The doctor will eventually ask if you want to know. We don't have to be peeing in jars anymore. We didn't find out pretty early in pregnancy. Yeah, right? Well, you guys didn't do that. What you're saying, you guys didn't pee in the jars or anything? No, we didn't pee in any jars. Or he just doesn't know. He hasn't found the jar yet. Right.

I know where most jars are in my house.

I go so far as to say I know where all the jars are and how much pee is in all of them. And that's a family. I'm on a tight ship over at the Kerman household. I'm missing some of the jars. I noticed some of my jars have gone missing, ladies. Let me check your pee-pee. He also mocked late civil rights legend John Lewis for being beaten by state troopers, which I'm sure John Lewis will push back on real soon.

He's dead. Yeah. Oh, also, he's obsessed with trains. And he wrote in his own memoir that he used to lay on the track in front of oncoming trains, which he connects to his desire to take chances as a politician. All right, homophobic Anna Karenina.

Was that right? Yeah, you nailed it. Make sure you keep was that right in there so they know I'm dumb. No,

No, but also that doesn't seem good, right? I don't think he should be governor where he's like, yeah, I just do that. I'm like, well, don't do that. What do you mean? The things that people admit without anyone asking about it. I will say the spin of being like, this is proof that I'm willing to take big risks for your freedoms is a pretty smart take on a really dumb thing. It's like, oh man, they're selling it at this point.

Oh, this guy plays Russian roulette every night? President. Goddamn. I like his bravery. Of course, Donald Trump has endorsed Robinson for governor, telling him, you're better than Martin Luther King. At cheating on your wife, he continued.

Mark Robinson has publicly attacked the civil rights movement, saying in 2018 in a 2018 interview that so many freedoms were lost to the so-called civil rights movement. Here's the problem. We have to stop. And I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this. We have to stop letting certain states dominate.

pick their own representatives. I think at this point, North Carolina, from now on, y'all are getting an election chaperone until you stop voting for people who eat possum and lay on train tracks. You know what I mean? Like, why are we letting North Carolina, why is Arkansas getting to pick their own people? And I know this is probably hateful in some kind of way, and it'll push back against you, but not me. And I just don't think they should get a choice anymore.

until they can prove they can make a better one. I mean, there,

I mean, there is something where it's like if you just look at the outcomes of red states versus blue states. At a certain point, it's like, well, yeah, it is the election. But then you get like jerry-rigging and everything where it's like a lot of them are picking their own people. It's just like, OK, we have to find someone that, you know, the NRA or like Fox News, other people outside of the state support. So I think you're absolutely right. But yeah, it's not good. No, the law is never going to happen. But but I'm a real I'm going to get real vocal about it. Please do. Somebody has to.

My question to Mark Robinson, let's say we roll back the gains of the civil rights movement, which Jim Crow laws do you want to bring back? We should go through a few of them and we can pick, right? Like, for example, all right, Jim Crow, racially segregated schools.

That's an option that he would like to, I guess, turn back, which I can see protecting us from school shooters. That's dope. I'm not mad at that. There's also separate bathrooms for black and white people. And I like that one because white people are the ones who invented taking a shit in the top of the toilet. Upper decking. Yeah, we're familiar with the upper deckers.

And I wasn't familiar. That's white trickery and we deserve our own space. Wait, what is the difference? I'm so sorry. Break this down for me. Thank you for asking. Okay. There is a mischief performed by certain... That's a great way to put it. Yeah. By certain people...

You know who I'm talking about. Who poop in the top of the toilet. The tank? The tank. The tank of the toilet. And then when you flush, it continues to flush shit over and over and over again, and it is referred to affectionately as... I'm sorry, who, what? So I remember my brother's...

He lived in a house in college and one of my brothers is not white. And so he didn't do this. And I do think that is there's some truth to what you're saying. Two of his white roommates, they were in a fight. And so one of them took a shit in the upper deck of the toilet. The thing is, it was all collectively everyone's toilet. The toilet is not an individual, the person. So then it basically like just runs shitty water through the whole toilet system until you go and you have to like take the water and clean it. You're nasty.

I know. I have never heard of this. This is like every time it comes up, like, white people don't wash their legs. Do you? Remember the first time, like, well, I guess I haven't been doing that. You know, like, I can't. We are disgusting. I'm sorry. Is this a class thing? Like, wait, what? Is it a class thing? No, that was like a college thing. I think it's a college fraternity. A funny prank where everyone's blackout drunk. It's a very Johnny Knoxville. Yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like jumping off the garage or something. Okay. Yeah. I've never done it. I don't know.

Congratulations. Yeah, thank you. Oh my God. I love how devastated you are by this revelation. Even just knowing that it did happen somewhere, I do think of it pretty, I would say fondly, but frequently. Here's all I ask. Google it.

Yeah. Make sure you Google it and press image as soon as you get the idea. You see the toilet. There's also the Jim Crow law that restaurants can refuse to serve black patrons, which that's sort of where I think I draw the line. I simply don't want to live in a country where I can't eat at a white owned sushi restaurant. I got to have some white tie, you know.

Interracial marriage being illegal. And I don't know how Mark Robinson is going to ever find his second white wife like Jimmy Thomas if he bans interracial marriage. They're all doing it. They all get a second white wife. Why would you turn that down? And then separate seating in movie theaters with Black people relegated to the balcony. And who doesn't want a Black version of those two old men from The Muppets? Right?

Just Curtis and Black Waldorf. Jim Henson got real lazy with Black Waldorf. He's like, I don't know, he's Waldorf, but Black. Separate telephone booths. And listen, if you're still using a telephone booth, I've got news for you. It's all yours. There's no racial divide there. Just one person.

Oh, and in North Carolina specifically, different textbooks for white and black students. And here's my problem with these bring Jim Crow back guys. It's that they keep imagining this really classy version of Jim Crow. It's almost like a refined... Like Mad Men. Yeah, it's like a refined James Crow where he...

He's like politely poisoning the water supply and wearing a monocle made out of a miracle whip lid. It's not classy. It was hateful and like very aggressively managed. It's sort of like how like on TikTok there's all like trad wife content where it's like white women like fantasizing about being like a 50s housewife. And it's like, well, sure, except for the insane level of domestic abuse and sexual assault that is all possible.

brushed under history. And it's like, oh, that's that, that never existed. Like you're, you're, you're dreaming of a past that it can, can't happen because what it did happen, it was way worse than you're willing to acknowledge. That lady didn't have dinner ready by five o'clock because she wasn't afraid. Yes. You know what I mean? Like she got it done because she thought she would get hit if she didn't. I always remember this is, I say this all the time because it really like shook me, but I remember in college, this, uh,

somebody was like, oh, their grandma had like 12 kids and they were like, grandma, why do you have so many kids? And their grandmother goes, because I was afraid of God. And that's the thing, that's why people are like that. Do you think I had it because I was having fun? I thought I had

I had to what are you talking about so this is sort of like no no you had to do this this is not something you're opting into I was terrified of contraception and I was scared that my husband would leave me with nothing so yeah I kept pushing out his giant weird babies yeah it's the same thing where it's like whatever he's imagining when he's laying on those train tracks ooh ooh you know just like imagining it ooh these colored only train tracks laughing

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or your skincare routine or therapy day. I have to tell you, I am a creature of routine. And I walk pundit. I get the same quad espresso every morning from Starbucks. Oh, and I also do go to therapy, although I did cancel therapy last night to do Anderson Cooper. Oh.

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Obviously, you should not do what I did. You should all be in therapy and stick to it. And by the way, I also did Chris Hayes. So it's like therapy or Anderson Cooper plus Chris Hayes is a no-brainer. It's a no-brainer. As is you getting therapy, betterhelp.com slash L-O-V-E-T-T, betterhelp.com slash love it. What a weekday is brought to you by Bombas. How is your sock drawer looking?

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Now, if you know me and you don't, I am a big conspiracy theorist, which is why I wanted to break down some of my favorite conspiracy theories of the week. Welcome to a segment we've affectionately called the Malcolm X Files. Oh, shit. Here we go again. The truth is out here.

First off, Alex Jones. You guys have had him on this show a bunch. He's always on these crooked shows. Alex Jones is looking to liquefy his assets to pay his legal debt to Sandy Hook families after a judge found him guilty of defaming them for years. Alex Jones looks like he hasn't had liquid in several years. So this would be good for him, I think. Do you guys, do you have any...

hope that there's gonna be like real repercussions for Alex Jones? - No. - No. - It seems like this is gonna be that weird-- Like, I once listened to "If I Did It" by O.J. Simpson. I don't know if anybody else has had the pleasure. - Not yet. - No. But the audiobook begins with an hour preface from Ron Goldman's sister because they took the rights of the book

After the civil trial when they won the civil trial because he declared bankruptcy and there was no money to be had. And so like it's an hour of her crying not only over her dead brother but over the fact that people now like berate them on the street accusing them of trying to capitalize off of their dead brother.

siblings like Nate. And so, like, that's the level of, like, money I feel like these Sandy Hook families are gonna get is just, like, cartoonish. Yeah, there's no way. Yeah. It'd be cool if every episode of InfoWars just started with a different Sandy Hook parent calling him a piece of shit for 20 minutes and then it goes into the episode. Yeah.

Closer to not justice, but like there's something to that versus like his arguments, basically that he needs to stay on the air so that he could get them more money. It's like, yeah, but what you're going to say more stuff on the air. Like what every episode is a new opportunity for you to do something horrible. Yeah. You haven't learned your lesson. This isn't Scrooge being like, Hey boy, what day is it at the end of the fucking movie? You know what I mean? Yeah. He, he,

He also is going to have to sell all his shares in muscle milk, unfortunately, to cover his room at the Howard Johnson's where he's been sleeping. On Friday's episode of InfoWars, Jones tried to argue that staying on air to sell products would allow him to pay for his debt, which he blamed on the FBI, the CIA, and of course, which one? Which party? The queers? Oh, the Democratic Party. Oh, yeah, same thing. Yeah.

That's why InfoWars is proud to present QAnon VC. A judge will decide Friday if Free Speech Systems, the company that owns InfoWars, will be liquidated. However, even if it is, Jones still falls far short of the over $1.4 billion in

He owes Sandy Hook families, which has me wondering how he plans to make up for the deficit. If you ask me, he should set up an OnlyFans, right? Which he'll promise to shut down for $1.4 billion. Alex, we're begging you, stop showing us your body. It's horrible. We hate it.

According to the Washington Post, Christian influencers have inundated social media with videos accusing the Divine Nine, nine Black sororities and fraternities, of being demonic, anti-Christian organizations. Are any of you members of the Divine Nine? Yes.

Kendra? Kendra? No, I actually purposefully chose Oberlin College because... Because you're a nerd? No, because sororities and fraternities are banned from campus. Wow. And I did not want that after three years at a boarding school.

Wow. Did you have frats out here? No, I went to Vassar and same thing. No pre-glyph. I went to Notre Dame and the whole thing is a fraternity, so we didn't need individualization. Yeah, my mom and my cousin are pledged. I don't know if they're pledged to this. I know my cousin's an AKA, but I don't know what my mom was, but I know she pledged after Smith.

Whoa. Yeah. I, uh, I took a tour of Oberlin and I was like, I, I gotta get out of here. Oh, they got me. They showed me an ice rink that wasn't filled with ice and they said, we'll fill it for the winter. And that was a blatant lie. That's how they got me. Yeah. No, just a Kendra trap. I was walking around and there were like eight people, uh,

anywhere and I was like, ah, this seems like a nightmare. If I don't find one pretty girl on campus, I'm just in hell for four years. But no, I didn't pledge either. I have no affiliation. So let's talk shit. Influencers have even claimed to have overheard several students speaking black words. It's your

And I swear to God, that timing will work out perfectly in the, in post. Oh yeah. Yeah.

However, based on the Post article, most of the pagan elements described seem like your usual corny Greek life specifics, like making a lifelong vow to your sorority or kneeling in front of a candlelit altar during rush. That's all. That's classic. To me, when they were talking about it, I was like, isn't that just what a... I guess I didn't pledge, but it's like, we had to like...

you know, do all this stuff. I'm like, "I think that's just like being 18 and they're trying to like scare you." Yeah. Well, that's a-- And also the thing about pledging a Black sorority or a Black fraternity is you actually are specifically not allowed to talk about what the pledging process is like. It's very different from Bama Rush where everything is out in the open. They don't want you talking about this shit. Yeah, it's a complete secret. And in fact,

the few times that it does get out, it turns into like weird controversies. Oh, yeah. Okay. Like it's, it's, it's super taboo to know what's actually happening behind closed doors. Interesting. Yeah. One of the things from the article that really shocked me was one girl, uh,

was accounting part of her pledging. And she said they like were pouring ice water over her head while also holding a taser to her nose, which was some shit I really thought was only going down in white sororities and fraternities. I mean, no Trump speech where he goes, yeah, I once, uh, I, I,

in college was chilling in our like hall and one of my friends came back and he was pledging at a white fraternity and he came back it's dead of winter in Michigan he came back completely shirtless covered in egg and baby powder and he was like hey what's up man I was like alright

And like, yeah, that's, that's the devil for sure. But like, not, that's not devil worship. It's just of the devil. Yeah. No, I think that's a good way to put it. Yeah. It's not of, of, it's not good Christian behavior, but they're having fun. Yeah.

It's good, clean, demonic behavior. Yeah, that's good. That's good, fair trade devil. You know what I mean? Absolutely. Grass-fed devil behavior. Yeah, Midwestern devil behavior. Arm-to-table devil.

One influencer said God sent her a series of dreams in which she was attacked by demons and spirits, after which she decided to go public with her concerns about the Divine Nine. And that's why I'm going public about the dream I had where I got in a fight with Terry Crews and none of my punches worked. The devil is making my punches soft against that buff sellout. Right.

NBC broke the story that operatives from a GOP-funded firm in Colorado helped get Cornel West on the presidential ballot in North Carolina in hopes of siphoning votes away from Biden. And what they didn't know is that Cornel West will not win in the Black community because we don't vote for dudes whose suit you can smell through the photo. He's a stinky-looking old man, huh?

I think we can all agree on that. I get it. He's a positive figure. Stinks. Doesn't comb his hair. Looks funny. Not voting for him. Voting for Cornel West, a brilliant political chess move with only one flaw. It's not 2008. Now, if the song Low by Flo Rida was still on the radio, he'd have a shot.

And finally, WNBA star Kaitlyn Clark was shockingly, shockingly-- are we all shocked by this? --gasped, left off of the roster for the women's Olympic basketball team.

How do we feel? Is anybody deeply passionate about the WNBA here? I hate all basketball, but I don't think it's shocking that a person in their rookie season would not make an Olympic team. Yeah. That feels correct. I think in general, we're not a big sports gang over here. Get the fuck out of here. I wrote the cool

was... Excuse me, I wrote the Cubs essay for the 2021 baseball perspective. That's the nerdiest thing you could have said to try to defend what I... I wrote an essay about sports. Years ago...

All right, let's take turns pushing her down. I was also the anchor in Crooked, Fuel Day, Tug of War, so good luck. Now that's not you that you started this. Yeah, I'm sorry I did this. This is the first time hearing that there is basketball in the Olympics. Yeah, I don't think I'd even know. You had no idea that there was basketball in the Olympics? That's how I knew about the Olympics. It's the only one that we...

that we can send our professional league players. It's the only sport. Yeah. So it is better. The dream team. You're not familiar with the dream team? Jordan, Kobe. I've heard those names. Well, Kobe wasn't on the dream team. Was he, was his not considered a dream team? No, Kobe was on the, what is it? The redeem team. Got it. Okay. The dream team was the Michael Jordan, Larry Bird,

Magic Johnson. Kobe was a mere boy at the time of the Dream Team. I think that was the last time I knew about basketball was that era. I think in the last 25 years, I have not kept up. Wow. Unfortunate. And it's hurting Caitlin Clark. And I told y'all, I believe in conspiracy. So I'm just going to say, if she ain't invited, I think they got some rigors in Paris. That's all I'm going to say. I think Will Miles wrote that joke and I'm proud of him. But

said clark about the snub i know it's the most competitive team in the world and i know it could have gone either way me being on the team or not being on the team i'm excited for them going to be rooting them on to win gold i think i speak for everyone when i say she lying like cameron said you mad you ain't making a team also cameron said uh diddy mace cameron says a lot of things

Well, I think we did it. You guys got any final Cameron thoughts? One of the last people to speak to OJ. Really? Cameron now hosts a sports show that I love a lot. Him and Mace have a sports show and OJ was a regular guest on the sports show. How was he?

OJ? Yeah. Fun guy. He's got it. You know what? I'm adding that to my list. I also listen to Suge Knight's Jail podcast. Whoa, I didn't know that exists. Yeah, he does a podcast from jail. I'm adding the Mace and Cameron one to my list. Yeah, it's fucking great. All right. Did OJ read his own audio book?

He didn't, unfortunately. And thank you for asking that. Unfortunately, because they got the rights to it, they changed the name of the book from If I Did It to I Did It. And they obviously didn't want him reading the material. Fair enough, yeah. And so they got a Black dude, an older Black gentleman to do O.J. voice. And it is the funniest...

Choice they could have made despite because it is an hour of the sister crying. And then there's an hour of the ghost author being like, I regret participating in this because I fully believe him to have been a murderer.

And this was a massive mistake. Were they just like, I just really needed that paycheck? No, he's truly like, I thought this had some merit and now I feel ashamed and I wish that he were in jail right now. And then this pretend dude comes on and goes, hey, I'm O.J. I feel like they should have gotten an Australian, just someone completely wrong. All right. It's me, O.J.

Told you I do voices. Well, that's it, everybody. I'm Langston Kerman and see you sluts on the internet. Shoot. Shoot. Shoot.

Thank you.

So sign up today at crooked.com slash friends. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer and Chris Lord is our producer. Hallie Keeper is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will Miles, and Mahana Del Shiki are our writers.

Evan Sutton is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. And Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by SureSure. Thanks to our designer, Bernard Arcerna, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, Zuri Ervin, David Toles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroat for filming and editing video each week so you can.

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